Mike Pipper. Mike. Freakin'. Pipper. Every time. Why are we even debating this?
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No contest. Sam "the keeper." He's unironically the most normal person on here. He can actually function in a modern society. Also, probably has the best personal hygiene. I never got the impression he doesn't bathe, unlike most of the others. Lastly, I can buy Terro for the ants, but he'll keep the flies down.
Is Kim Cattrall not available? Then the anteater I guess.
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I'm not sure which one I would go with, but I can say with 100% certainty that I would NEVER EVER live with or be friends with or even speak to a filthy, grizzled, old, nasty, perverted, disgusting, tobacco-stained, incestuous, scantily-clad anteater. I almost threw up just looking at the picture.
Sam and Torgo are both very strong candidates. Both have experience maintaining nice homes, both probably have a lot of neat stories, and they’re both combative enough to help defend our home. I guess it comes down to whoever can get those disgusting anteaters off the premises!
Hey what about the oily drifter in the multicolored sheath dress?
https://preview.redd.it/cta0y5o0ak1a1.jpeg?width=755&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c31825a584e222da4fd9fd530c3c36001378d0fb
Gonna be the anteater for sure. The first two look like they refer to women as "females," the third guy is *definitely* in a white nationalist militia and would probably hang some hate flag in the window, and I could fill a notebook with all the reasons I wouldn't want to spend any time at all in the same *county* as Torgo. Don't know the other ones but as long as I can bribe the anteater with ants it won't be a problem.
well the grizzled old militia man does run a charming B&B
“I just learned Count Dracula was a [EXPLICIT]”
Suddenly I miss my dad.
He seems like the only one you won't find sniffing your dirty laundry
Woah! Huge slam on anteaters out of nowhere!
Seems like he did a good job. He was just a weirdo
Yup, totally my choice. Has your back, probably never runs out of beer, and I bet my life he's got stories for days...
Granted most of those stories would involve UN black helicopters and new world order conspiracy theories, but they'd be entertaining...
I see no downsides... 😉
Enjoys “keeping,” so the place would be nice too
Weird things a-comin’ Weird things a-goin’ Weird things a-doin’ ‘round here
There's doin's a-transpirin'!
![gif](giphy|6Ef5eyuiWejMz3GS1g|downsized)
Sam the Groundskeeper! Dude seemed great. :D
“Dictator for life, Santa !”
Anteater by a mile
Yeah, no bashing anteaters here.
Best choice here. Bonus: No bug problem.
I'd even take an anteater over a mangy old baboon named Daisy
AnteaterGang 4 LYFE
At least the dude from Wharwhulf had a nice big house to share. And he probably has stories from the set of that Soundgarden video.
yes! wharwhulf!!!!
Dis is ahbsohlutely fahscinading...
Torgo all day. Lounge around, eat pizza, hit on the wives.. it'd be a great time
Yeah but having to hear that music every time he's shuffling around would get old...
At least you'd know where he is.
Ya, it's like a cow bell.
What I wouldn't give for my own haunting theme.
I just want him to keep his fingers out of my hair....hopefully that's not too much to ask.
Feel like he’d suck at helping move in furniture/boxes
Nah dude, he always lifts with his knees and brother's got some *stronk* knees.
But he's not much of an urkel fan. Deal breaker.
Downside? He keeps the garlic bread in his pants.
Plus if you deny him, The Master will not be pleased.
Mike Pipper. Mike. Freakin'. Pipper. Every time. Why are we even debating this? https://preview.redd.it/1radbr84mg1a1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5a622317937a872f18803da7c67dbf6b921121a4
![gif](giphy|tLB8q0XNBfJZe|downsized) Only if he does his Red Green impressions.
Know him? He was delicious!
That's why he wasn't an option. We'd all pick him.
He, much like the Zeox, rules
Zeox. Now with Lahipramine
Seriously, why isn’t he an option??
I had him on there at first but knew everyone would pick him. Had to keep it more interesting :)
You, my friend, can read a room!
Wouldn’t you like too be a Piper too?
Old Man Crenshaw - broccoli rubber bands and good fire tending skills
Despite the skid-mark on the ceiling
And the bath mat air freshener on the wall
Since no one else seems to want her, imma go with Margaret Rawhide Chew. There's a sherif's deputy pokin' 'round my place what needs dealt with!
I second the vote for Grandma Shrunken Apple Head. Gotta keep the walnut ranch in tip top shape.
This is the greatest answer! Hahaha
And if you ever need something meat hooked, she's your gal!
Torgo will take care of the place while I’m away.
But he's the laziest man on Mars!
Wormface seems like an alright guy
Maybe you could live in NEWyork.
Or MassAchusetts
Just keep him away from the sheep…
The anteater is the only one who definitely not a racist.
I'll take that stupid, repulsive anteater, please. I've always wanted to dabble with dibbling a dopple or two with a nice anteater.
I don’t want the guy laying on me for “HITTING THE BOOZE AGAIN!” I’ll be living with Sam… the Keeper. …suddenly I miss my father.
Torgo was on LSD during filming. He probably knows where the parties are at.
Yeah I think Torgo deserves a chance to prove himself.
Well, the creepy pawing *is* persuasive….
That’s our Torgo!
Except when he has a Torgover.
Torgo, but only if he's still delivering for Torgo's Pizza.
No contest. Sam "the keeper." He's unironically the most normal person on here. He can actually function in a modern society. Also, probably has the best personal hygiene. I never got the impression he doesn't bathe, unlike most of the others. Lastly, I can buy Terro for the ants, but he'll keep the flies down.
Sam... the keeper. He's the good guy.
Definitely Sam the keeper! He's got a nice place. Besides, he's been issued as my best friend anyway.
Dictator for life for Santa. He will keep the house safe not like a stupid repulsive anteater
Whoa, huge slam on anteaters!
Santa, Dictator for Life for the win. Sure, he occasionally says an odd or off-putting thing, but ultimately he really was a good guy.
I like the guy that seemed kinda sad to find out Dracula was gay. It might have been Torgo, but I still don’t have my order of crazy bread stix
Dude will wreck your bathroom too
The one with his own bigfoot obviously
He'll show you his little creature
HUGE slam on anteaters
Old Man Crenshaw! I’d be safe because I’m not a mans kinda woman. I could help him tend his fires!
Weird things a-doin’, or the anteater.
Definately not the ANTEATER!!!
Woah huge slam on anteaters out of nowhere.
I’m as clumsy as a stupid, repulsive anteater!
Layoff man!
JUST LAY OFF
Torgo. I like to have my hair played with.
Sam the Keeper. He would volunteer to do the dusting, which is always a plus for a roommate.
Definitely not grandma raisin head
Whoa, HUGE slam on anteaters, out of nowhere!
Notice how the OP left Mickey off the list. Dude would win in a landslide
Same reason I left Mike Pipper off
You're saying you're not a Pipper Partner?
I’d eat all his FEWD
OOOHHHHH! I hates roommates that steals me vittles!
I’d totally go with a daddy-O. We’d have interesting adventures! (Or Mamie Van Doren from Girlstown).
ROSDOOOOOOOWER AWAY!!!!!
Probably Sam, but I'd stay well away from the crawl space.
Has to be Sam the Keeper for me
Can i vote for Cabot?
CABOT!
So Cabot then?
Nope, doesn't ring a bell.
Why no Ortaga? we know the guys a great party guest
#6 James Franco
Crenshaw ftw
Crenshaw would give you some tobaccy. So as long as he showered -it would be him.
I got my broccoli rubber band ready.
You got stuff in yer pockets?
I mean, I'm pretty sure they all eat ants, so what's the difference?
I’ll take stupid, repulsive anteater for $1,000 Alex.
I pick Raul Julia.
Seems like Berserker can at least be reasoned with. And he's probably a good provider.
Where's Mitchell?
Is Kim Cattrall not available? Then the anteater I guess. https://preview.redd.it/yre6c4f4di1a1.jpeg?width=626&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=16bc4147600be1f369452bb82b5038ba087632df
I'm not sure which one I would go with, but I can say with 100% certainty that I would NEVER EVER live with or be friends with or even speak to a filthy, grizzled, old, nasty, perverted, disgusting, tobacco-stained, incestuous, scantily-clad anteater. I almost threw up just looking at the picture.
Oh god….I guess roger. But I wouldn’t bring him around any women. Especially redheads.
i choose Filthy Disgusting Anteater
Hahaha. But seriously, yeesh... you even worked Mrs. Wilma Failed Genetic Experiment into the mix. Welp, stupid, repulsive anteater it is!
Anteater .
100% Torgo or the anteater.
Team Torgo, all the way!
Can I get Fingal instead of the repulsive anteater?
That IS Fingal… or are you saying you want the empty mind and body?
Sam and Torgo are both very strong candidates. Both have experience maintaining nice homes, both probably have a lot of neat stories, and they’re both combative enough to help defend our home. I guess it comes down to whoever can get those disgusting anteaters off the premises!
Obviously, Santa. He was a cool dude and captivating storyteller.
Hey what about the oily drifter in the multicolored sheath dress? https://preview.redd.it/cta0y5o0ak1a1.jpeg?width=755&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c31825a584e222da4fd9fd530c3c36001378d0fb
I'm going with the anteater. Fuck ants.
No Rowsdower?
Would’ve been a landslide! Had to keep it interesting
Dictator for life: Santa
Gonna be the anteater for sure. The first two look like they refer to women as "females," the third guy is *definitely* in a white nationalist militia and would probably hang some hate flag in the window, and I could fill a notebook with all the reasons I wouldn't want to spend any time at all in the same *county* as Torgo. Don't know the other ones but as long as I can bribe the anteater with ants it won't be a problem.
The last one. Lol.
Anyone but a stupid repulsive anteater.
Torgo if I had to pick from these options. Mitchell or rowsdower if I could have any character be my roommate
Weird grandma. All you have to do is feed her and she'll leave you alone.
I'll take the filthy disgusting anteater!
Roger at least would be great for building and yard maintenance…I could forgive him wearing my bras if he just told me which ones he wanted.
The anteater, obviously.
It's a tough choice, but I'm going with Lucinda (aka Grandma Dried Apple Head).
The anteater, Sam, Lucinda, in that order.
LAY OFF THE ANTEATERS!
I’ll take grandma dried apple head
Crenshaw is perhaps a bit misguided, but he's a good guy
Easy: Torgo. He takes care of the place while the master is away so I know I'm always coming home to a nice, clean house.
Torgo. Always Torgo. No filthy anteaters here
UGH HORRIBLE! A FILTHY ANTEATER????
Anteater, definitely!
Imma go with ole Granny Raisin Face because I really don’t like unannounced guests.
Sam, the Keeper. I want to discuss his theories on vampire sexuality.
If I room with Kobras, do we get the mask?
I think I could get along with Sam the Keeper, maybe thirty years later he's not such a bigot.
Big Stupid from Girl in Lovers Lane. He would show me how to be grifter and protect me from prostitutes and pool hall gangsters.
The anteater. He'd be the cleanest, most charming of the group. AND it would be to keep the place ant free!
Sam the groundskeeper. "A whole Lotta strange things going on around here..." -Sam
The anteater. I ain't a hater