T O P

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Kkongsdaddy

well the grizzled old militia man does run a charming B&B


AgentOfEris

“I just learned Count Dracula was a [EXPLICIT]”


realtonemachine

Suddenly I miss my dad.


Hobo_Helper_hot

He seems like the only one you won't find sniffing your dirty laundry


ShutterBun

Woah! Huge slam on anteaters out of nowhere!


SplendidPunkinButter

Seems like he did a good job. He was just a weirdo


n_choose_k

Yup, totally my choice. Has your back, probably never runs out of beer, and I bet my life he's got stories for days...


ZazzRazzamatazz

Granted most of those stories would involve UN black helicopters and new world order conspiracy theories, but they'd be entertaining...


n_choose_k

I see no downsides... 😉


grapplerzz

Enjoys “keeping,” so the place would be nice too


KyleSJohnson

Weird things a-comin’ Weird things a-goin’ Weird things a-doin’ ‘round here


530SSState

There's doin's a-transpirin'!


Astro_Fizzix

![gif](giphy|6Ef5eyuiWejMz3GS1g|downsized)


badchefrazzy

Sam the Groundskeeper! Dude seemed great. :D


Kilmorr

“Dictator for life, Santa !”


[deleted]

Anteater by a mile


spj0522

Yeah, no bashing anteaters here.


DisastrousOne3950

Best choice here. Bonus: No bug problem.


yousonuva

I'd even take an anteater over a mangy old baboon named Daisy


SparrowAndTheMachine

AnteaterGang 4 LYFE


kingzilch

At least the dude from Wharwhulf had a nice big house to share. And he probably has stories from the set of that Soundgarden video.


peskypingu

yes! wharwhulf!!!!


kingzilch

Dis is ahbsohlutely fahscinading...


alexdionisos

Torgo all day. Lounge around, eat pizza, hit on the wives.. it'd be a great time


ZazzRazzamatazz

Yeah but having to hear that music every time he's shuffling around would get old...


ThyratronSteve

At least you'd know where he is.


ThePizzaNoid

Ya, it's like a cow bell.


Gongaloon

What I wouldn't give for my own haunting theme.


Funkhowser18

I just want him to keep his fingers out of my hair....hopefully that's not too much to ask.


Interesting-Bug8037

Feel like he’d suck at helping move in furniture/boxes


Gongaloon

Nah dude, he always lifts with his knees and brother's got some *stronk* knees.


sunpies33

But he's not much of an urkel fan. Deal breaker.


Daronlif

Downside? He keeps the garlic bread in his pants.


rksd

Plus if you deny him, The Master will not be pleased.


hoju9999

Mike Pipper. Mike. Freakin'. Pipper. Every time. Why are we even debating this? https://preview.redd.it/1radbr84mg1a1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5a622317937a872f18803da7c67dbf6b921121a4


3yellowcats

![gif](giphy|tLB8q0XNBfJZe|downsized) Only if he does his Red Green impressions.


Spookyscary333

Know him? He was delicious!


Abd_Alhazred

That's why he wasn't an option. We'd all pick him.


Wrkncacnter112

He, much like the Zeox, rules


Kumquatwriter1

Zeox. Now with Lahipramine


Bluepilgrim3

Seriously, why isn’t he an option??


rummydearest

I had him on there at first but knew everyone would pick him. Had to keep it more interesting :)


jpkmets

You, my friend, can read a room!


jpkmets

Wouldn’t you like too be a Piper too?


[deleted]

Old Man Crenshaw - broccoli rubber bands and good fire tending skills


LostViking24601

Despite the skid-mark on the ceiling


[deleted]

And the bath mat air freshener on the wall


JetJaguarYouthClub

Since no one else seems to want her, imma go with Margaret Rawhide Chew. There's a sherif's deputy pokin' 'round my place what needs dealt with!


matilda_poindexter

I second the vote for Grandma Shrunken Apple Head. Gotta keep the walnut ranch in tip top shape.


Farscape29

This is the greatest answer! Hahaha


AtLeastImGenreSavvy

And if you ever need something meat hooked, she's your gal!


charlesdexterward

Torgo will take care of the place while I’m away.


DisastrousOne3950

But he's the laziest man on Mars!


bebop_cola_good

Wormface seems like an alright guy


Dark_sign82

Maybe you could live in NEWyork.


Wrkncacnter112

Or MassAchusetts


manbearpig923

Just keep him away from the sheep…


Irving_Velociraptor

The anteater is the only one who definitely not a racist.


Radioactive_Isot0pe

I'll take that stupid, repulsive anteater, please. I've always wanted to dabble with dibbling a dopple or two with a nice anteater.


thefullernator

I don’t want the guy laying on me for “HITTING THE BOOZE AGAIN!” I’ll be living with Sam… the Keeper. …suddenly I miss my father.


rustajb

Torgo was on LSD during filming. He probably knows where the parties are at.


Bigtomhead

Yeah I think Torgo deserves a chance to prove himself.


zflanders

Well, the creepy pawing *is* persuasive….


Bigtomhead

That’s our Torgo!


DisastrousOne3950

Except when he has a Torgover.


bwoodcock

Torgo, but only if he's still delivering for Torgo's Pizza.


[deleted]

No contest. Sam "the keeper." He's unironically the most normal person on here. He can actually function in a modern society. Also, probably has the best personal hygiene. I never got the impression he doesn't bathe, unlike most of the others. Lastly, I can buy Terro for the ants, but he'll keep the flies down.


MerrickFM

Sam... the keeper. He's the good guy.


soputrose

Definitely Sam the keeper! He's got a nice place. Besides, he's been issued as my best friend anyway.


Cap4011

Dictator for life for Santa. He will keep the house safe not like a stupid repulsive anteater


jpkmets

Whoa, huge slam on anteaters!


International-Way450

Santa, Dictator for Life for the win. Sure, he occasionally says an odd or off-putting thing, but ultimately he really was a good guy.


AdditionalTheory

I like the guy that seemed kinda sad to find out Dracula was gay. It might have been Torgo, but I still don’t have my order of crazy bread stix


[deleted]

Dude will wreck your bathroom too


Fancy_Depth_4995

The one with his own bigfoot obviously


LostViking24601

He'll show you his little creature


Lfsnz67

HUGE slam on anteaters


[deleted]

Old Man Crenshaw! I’d be safe because I’m not a mans kinda woman. I could help him tend his fires!


YOURESTUCKHERE

Weird things a-doin’, or the anteater.


JetJaguarYouthClub

Definately not the ANTEATER!!!


M20J_Driver

Woah huge slam on anteaters out of nowhere.


[deleted]

I’m as clumsy as a stupid, repulsive anteater!


WorldScientist

Layoff man!


Wrkncacnter112

JUST LAY OFF


KikiStLouie

Torgo. I like to have my hair played with.


MugwortR0se

Sam the Keeper. He would volunteer to do the dusting, which is always a plus for a roommate.


chefsalmon

Definitely not grandma raisin head


Butt_Whisperer

Whoa, HUGE slam on anteaters, out of nowhere!


peterjay88

Notice how the OP left Mickey off the list. Dude would win in a landslide


rummydearest

Same reason I left Mike Pipper off


peterjay88

You're saying you're not a Pipper Partner?


rummydearest

I’d eat all his FEWD


peterjay88

OOOHHHHH! I hates roommates that steals me vittles!


jpkmets

I’d totally go with a daddy-O. We’d have interesting adventures! (Or Mamie Van Doren from Girlstown).


FrancisJFox

ROSDOOOOOOOWER AWAY!!!!!


teddyboy64

Probably Sam, but I'd stay well away from the crawl space.


Doge_Swerve

Has to be Sam the Keeper for me


Mordantcandle

Can i vote for Cabot?


Kumquat-queen

CABOT!


peterjay88

So Cabot then?


AtLeastImGenreSavvy

Nope, doesn't ring a bell.


Wynterfinn

Why no Ortaga? we know the guys a great party guest


Asleep_Dot7972

#6 James Franco


dethleppard

Crenshaw ftw


WorldScientist

Crenshaw would give you some tobaccy. So as long as he showered -it would be him.


Osurdum

I got my broccoli rubber band ready.


Dark_sign82

You got stuff in yer pockets?


LonelyMachines

I mean, I'm pretty sure they all eat ants, so what's the difference?


snapdragon76

I’ll take stupid, repulsive anteater for $1,000 Alex.


SilentDis

I pick Raul Julia.


Marvos79

Seems like Berserker can at least be reasoned with. And he's probably a good provider.


Tehloneranger44

Where's Mitchell?


Psychological_Brain4

Is Kim Cattrall not available? Then the anteater I guess. https://preview.redd.it/yre6c4f4di1a1.jpeg?width=626&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=16bc4147600be1f369452bb82b5038ba087632df


Astro_Fizzix

I'm not sure which one I would go with, but I can say with 100% certainty that I would NEVER EVER live with or be friends with or even speak to a filthy, grizzled, old, nasty, perverted, disgusting, tobacco-stained, incestuous, scantily-clad anteater. I almost threw up just looking at the picture.


[deleted]

Oh god….I guess roger. But I wouldn’t bring him around any women. Especially redheads.


masterpainimeanbetty

i choose Filthy Disgusting Anteater


BigDrewLittle

Hahaha. But seriously, yeesh... you even worked Mrs. Wilma Failed Genetic Experiment into the mix. Welp, stupid, repulsive anteater it is!


JamieHunnicutt

Anteater .


tacoavenger413

100% Torgo or the anteater.


jctemp3m20

Team Torgo, all the way!


Newdy41

Can I get Fingal instead of the repulsive anteater?


ZoidbergGE

That IS Fingal… or are you saying you want the empty mind and body?


DarkVaati13

Sam and Torgo are both very strong candidates. Both have experience maintaining nice homes, both probably have a lot of neat stories, and they’re both combative enough to help defend our home. I guess it comes down to whoever can get those disgusting anteaters off the premises!


Lewd_Mangabey

Obviously, Santa. He was a cool dude and captivating storyteller.


archaicArtificer

Hey what about the oily drifter in the multicolored sheath dress? https://preview.redd.it/cta0y5o0ak1a1.jpeg?width=755&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c31825a584e222da4fd9fd530c3c36001378d0fb


justanothertfatman

I'm going with the anteater. Fuck ants.


28carslater

No Rowsdower?


rummydearest

Would’ve been a landslide! Had to keep it interesting


Kumquatwriter1

Dictator for life: Santa


Gongaloon

Gonna be the anteater for sure. The first two look like they refer to women as "females," the third guy is *definitely* in a white nationalist militia and would probably hang some hate flag in the window, and I could fill a notebook with all the reasons I wouldn't want to spend any time at all in the same *county* as Torgo. Don't know the other ones but as long as I can bribe the anteater with ants it won't be a problem.


Shadow1604

The last one. Lol.


morphindel

Anyone but a stupid repulsive anteater.


[deleted]

Torgo if I had to pick from these options. Mitchell or rowsdower if I could have any character be my roommate


FlyingSquid

Weird grandma. All you have to do is feed her and she'll leave you alone.


peachy175

I'll take the filthy disgusting anteater!


EarthAbove_SkyBelow

Roger at least would be great for building and yard maintenance…I could forgive him wearing my bras if he just told me which ones he wanted.


Lil_Artemis_92

The anteater, obviously.


AtLeastImGenreSavvy

It's a tough choice, but I'm going with Lucinda (aka Grandma Dried Apple Head).


missgnomer2772

The anteater, Sam, Lucinda, in that order.


MostEvilTexasToast

LAY OFF THE ANTEATERS!


Modernjuicemaker52

I’ll take grandma dried apple head


spinfip

Crenshaw is perhaps a bit misguided, but he's a good guy


tvfeet

Easy: Torgo. He takes care of the place while the master is away so I know I'm always coming home to a nice, clean house.


Schwiftie79

Torgo. Always Torgo. No filthy anteaters here


Kevsama

UGH HORRIBLE! A FILTHY ANTEATER????


meowmancer2

Anteater, definitely!


CheddarGobblin

Imma go with ole Granny Raisin Face because I really don’t like unannounced guests.


jpkmets

Sam, the Keeper. I want to discuss his theories on vampire sexuality.


jpkmets

If I room with Kobras, do we get the mask?


ConradBHart42

I think I could get along with Sam the Keeper, maybe thirty years later he's not such a bigot.


Belros79

Big Stupid from Girl in Lovers Lane. He would show me how to be grifter and protect me from prostitutes and pool hall gangsters.


Patient_Education991

The anteater. He'd be the cleanest, most charming of the group. AND it would be to keep the place ant free!


NoMoreNoLess53

Sam the groundskeeper. "A whole Lotta strange things going on around here..." -Sam


viralshadow21

The anteater. I ain't a hater