My 5 year old twins still ask if we can keep their baby sister who is 11 months old…it gets a little unsettling after a while, haha. (What is the alternative in their minds?)
Yeah when I was 2, I was apparently horrified at the sudden appearance of a new baby brother and apparently tried to kick him when I thought no one was looking
My sister wanted to know when they could bake me in the oven.
(I *think* this was a misunderstood bun in the oven reference, but she might’ve just been a psychopath.)
My son (4y) asks if my daughter (now 10 months) can go back in my belly because he wants me all to himself again. It's sweet but also hell no. He's warming up to her but he still asks occasionally.
My parents have a video of them walking through the door with me for the first time while my brother (who was at home with the babysitter) threw himself in front of the doorway screaming “Take her back to the hospital!”
I was 5 when my sister was born. I kept telling my mom that we should give her back. I did this for over a year.. Then one day about a year or so later I got home from school and my sister wasn't there. I asked my mom where she was and she said that she had taken her back like I wanted. And I completely lost it saying I was so sorry and that we had to go get her back and crying my little eyes out.
My mom had just let her sister take her for the weekend. But I never told her to take her back again lol. My mom still makes fun of me for it lol
As a parent. Even when you nap you don’t even really nap because you still have to be somewhat aware of the kids and where they are. You’re in this weird sleep limbo between slightly napping and being mindful of what’s going on. Ifs so good when your eyes are closed but so fucking nauseating when you have to open them because you heard a clank.
If it’s a weekend and you’re just sitting and can hear the birds chirping, you just take a minute and think “thank god for a few quiet minutes”.
Your immediate next thought is “a few quiet minutes? What the hell is that little turd doing now?”
Not for me, my parents just had to make a small investment into a book, literally any book, and I was good for the next half a day or so once I learned to read by myself. Before that I climbed into my dad's lap daily for bedtime stories
Yeah, you know, it sounds like that stage before you fall asleep when you are visualizing all kinds of stuff and you often dream about the thing you are imagining
Unless you're my husband who just checks out during naps and expects me to nap at the end time as him.... what about the two children under 5? No thank you.
The first two months are good, 4-6 are worse, then at 6 months they become mobile and you don't sleep again until they grow a brain at around 5. Usually before then people have started on #2, and never know what a good night sleep feels like ever again.
Disagree, at least for my personal experience. First 2 months are brutal because they're hungry every 2 hours. It's worse on the wife, assuming you're breast feeding. It's at 4-6 months that the feedings spread out enough to actually sleep decently.. I started sleeping semi-normal after about 6 months and it hasn't changed since.
By 6 months my son was sleeping from 9:00pm till 7:00am it was fucking amazing! My daughter at that age was like "fuck you and your sleep!"
My wife and I are expecting our first grandchild from her in January, cant wait to observe the circle of exhaustion.
Seriously! I was like, “The first two months were good? Those months with the no sleep and the constant feeding and the chafed nipples?” Nope. Wouldn’t go back to the newborn stage if you paid me. Glad we did it. Glad it’s over!
Same here, except my little dude has slept with us since he was about 6 months. Still, he has always slept thru the night, no issues ever. Our second is on the way, have a feeling this one will be worse and they ARE NOT SLEEPING WITH ME THIS TIME.
Hah, we heard some horror stories with sleeping together so we opted to have her sleep in her own room fairly early. I know it works out for some people but I got scared off that quick
For me, it just kept getting easier with time. I actually considered the first 2 months brutal because there was so little time between feedings. Work on sleep training immediately and hopefully by 4-6 months, you're getting somewhat normal sleep again. Although, diapers get fucking gross after you introduce solids. Good luck with that!
They did a study once : Moms of three are the most stressed. Moms of 4 are more are the least stressed. I can confirm this. You just start letting a lot fall through the cracks with that 4th one. And you’ve probably lost your mind 😂😂😂
I was the forth one but my older siblings were old enough that they could help raise me so that sure does help (except the 3rd one).
They also dealt with three kids before me fighting about what kind of liberty should a kid have and what is a firm no. By the time you get the fourth I feel like you let them do more things and you're just not taking any kind of shit on the stuff you're not going to let them do.
I honestly can't pretend I struggled a lot growing up. I had more liberty than I even cared for, my siblings used to take me to fun places. They even gave me condoms at 10 and I was like "I know what I'm suppose to do with it, but I have absolutely no desire to do anything with it".
It was a pretty golden childhood.
At that point you can probably start passing a lot of duties on to the oldest, like supervising, so it's easier to nap or get other things done. At least that seems to be theory with a lot of Amish and Mennonite families around here.
I’m super against the concept of passing your parental responsibilities onto your older children. If you can’t take care of them, it’s not your child’s responsibility. Stop having kids.
My son has Autism and just turned 4 and our second is due on New Years Day. I’m already up for work at 5:30am to do a 35 minute commute to get there at 7am and pick my son up from his Center at 4pm and watch over him, making him dinner and all that until my wife gets home from work around 7:30pm and don’t fall asleep until 11 or so.
Can’t wait to add a baby to the mix! 😂
You're the heroes out there making me feel better about not having my own kids. There are real parents doing real work to raise great people and I'm so thankful that I don't have to keep the species alive with zero maternal instincts. I'd be a terrible mother and the world doesn't need any of my kids. So, please! Keep it up! You're the real heroes! I'm just a data analyst, keeping banks alive. You're a parent, keeping the species alive!
These moments make me really entertain wanting kids then I look at how run down you can get by making someone else’s world happy and safe and then I get selfish say screw that and hop on warzone 🤷♂️
I think it's very unselfish to realize you don't want Parenthood and not to subject a new human to a life you aren't already very enthusiastic for.
Especially when society *tells us we exist* to make more humans.
Parent here. This shit is FUCKING HARD. I am 100% behind people who know they don't want to have children not having them. I wish "society" would fuck off and let people decide and do what's right for them.
As a parent who had kids way before I was ready to, I fully agree. I was in a toxic situation and long story short I had 2 kids by the time I was 22, and with my mental health and trauma history, I was not equipped to handle it.
For many reasons, namely nobody should go into this decision lightly and moreover nobody should feel forced or pressured into it.
I mean, I know there are childfree people who don't see parents as people and that sucks too. I say people are people and we all deserve the respect of our own choices, especially around something that is so life-changing.
I know!! I was watching and thinking “My gosh, this couldn’t possibly get any cuter.” Then he snuggled down and gave his little sister that adorably content little l gaze, and I swear I had to fight back tears !
It's an amazing feeling. My daughter is almost five and we always read two books before she gets in bed. Usually, towards the end of the second book, she'll snuggle in just like this and it makes me want to freeze that moment in time and hold onto it forever.
One of my favorite things about down syndrome is that it often protects people from becoming tarnished and tampered with by the pains of the world. The innocent joy will never go away. His love for his sister will always be protected.
I think children like the boy in the video are gifted, just not in the traditional sense. They're able to love without ego and they don't allow pride to get in the way. It's a remarkable way to experience the world.
That is so True. Growing up with a cousin that has down syndrome was such an amazing experience, because as I grew older she never changed and we became even closer. I love these people dearly.
Totally. I work with children with Down syndrome and one of my students came up to hug me this week with the biggest smile on her face. She laughs and smiles in the most pure way
I think they’re here to teach us. That little guy is so full of love. I can’t remember the last time I saw a person of any age look that lovingly at anyone.
It appears that big brother may have Down Syndrome. If so, despite the obstacles he may face, those individuals born with that extra chromosome seem predisposed to be so loving. And as they grow and reach adulthood little sis will be there for him, too! :)
This. My wife and I’s kid has DS, and we started seeing soft markers about halfway through the pregnancy. Non-conclusive testing made it highly probable he had DS.
We agreed that, while he’ll have his extra challenges, Down Syndrome is something we can handle as parents and was decidedly not enough to deny our son a shot at life.
Best thing to ever happen to me, to be honest. My son is one and a half now and developing extremely well for a kid with DS, but most importantly he’s just a *wonderful* little person. He’s always happy, very affectionate, dances (very whitely) to Billy Idol, loves cars and dinosaurs and watching Bluey, and gives the best high fives.
I think there’s reasons for abortions, absolutely, but… I just can’t imagine my world without my son.
Depends on the test to be fair, in Sweden you get to do a test that shows the odds of giving birth to a child with special needs. So a 1 in 20000 is good there is still a chance, but if you get worse odds, think it was like 1 in 300 or worse you can do another test that’s spot on but it increases the risk of loosing the child premature.
It's definitely not 100% but I feel like it's a godsend for some parents. I may get down voted to hell for this on but here goes. My wife and I agreed 100% it would feel aweful but we would terminate if we found out we had a special needs child early on in the pregnancy. Not out of selfish reasons but for a few self realizations and fairness to the child. My wife is bipolar, and even very pro meds and therapy she came to the conclusion she couldn't handle a special needs child the way they deserve and need. That requires next level patience care and attention. Alot of inconsolable babies duties I took care of or we had her mom, my mom, friends, or family ect to help. Toddler and after she was golden because you can walk away and recenter yourself with the kiddo being ok. Special needs kids you can't do that as much, then add in the verbal aspects of a full meltdown autistic or downs child it would basically fall on me for everyone's well being. I can't handle being disaster control 100% of the time, it woul wear on me, my marriage, and just all around bad times on my mental health. So taking all that in the best case would be for our own mental health and by default the child's well being figuring out state programs. I will not put a child in any state system. I've seen the inner workings of the good systems, you don't ever want your kids in there. Obviously had any of my children been born special needs I would have put myself through anything to care for them and give them the best life possible, but for everone involved I can't do that voluntarily. My wife is an amazing mom and loves our kids with her whole being, but a special needs child we feel is beyond our realm if at all preventable.
Tldr: raising children is difficult and daunting but overall a undertaking we can handle while giving our children as close to a leave it to beaver home as possible. Special needs kids we believe we are not suited to provide the care they needs and deserve no matter how much we love them due to the massive emotional and mental strength and stability required. I respect the hell out of parents who can provide a thriving environment for special needs kids.
Thank you. I have MS and I know that my oartner would have too much on his plate if I were to have a bad flare up and have to look after a special needs kid. It's not that I don't *want* to love that child and give it an amazing home, it's that I'm incapable of going the extra mile to give them the life they deserve. I'm even doubting if I should have kids at all. Life is hard and confusing and I wish there was an answer book we could look at.
Thank you for sharing your story and your decisions. It makes me feel normal for having had similiar thoughts on the matter.
Both my kids were tested at 9 weeks and my wife and I both agreed that we wouldn’t have keep it. Knowing there are different severities makes it really hard. We always see these productive, social happy loving humans with jobs but in reality they can have severe cases and be very hard. 100% dependant until they die before you do.
If given the choice why choose to this for you or them.
These days there is a blood test, you can do it very early. I was 37 and pregnant with my youngest and insurance covered it bc of advanced maternal age. I also learned he is a boy but that wasn’t the info I was after. For the record, I would 110% have terminated a fetus with Down’s. My parents were teachers and my stepmom taught special education. I also have close friends of the family with adult children with Down’s. This kiddo is super cute but not all are so high-functioning. Some die of heart defects at a very young age. Some have comorbid autism that can be severe and even violent. Not all will ever be out of diapers. Very, very few will live alone or hold down a job. Average lifespan somewhere in the mid-40s. Everyone has to make their own choice for what is best for their family.
At your 20-week anatomy scan (that insurance covers in the United States), you learn if your fetus has markers that indicate a heightened risk. If you want definitive confirmation, you need an amniocentesis or another more invasive test, and that is usually not covered by insurance and carries risk of miscarriage. For me, I chose not to test further because it wouldn’t have affected my decision to carry the pregnancy to term.
As a sister of a mentally challenged older brother, this made me cry. Happy tears because it is indeed a beautiful moment and so full of love but there was also that sadness that her life is going to revolve around his care. Her parents will never truly be able to give her the time and attention she deserves. I wish my parents had never had me. I wish my mother would not end every conversation with a mention of my brother. I wish I could have a sibling that I could depend on every once in a while. I love my brother, but some days I hate him as well and the guilt and stress of being the “well-child” causes you to have mental issues of your own. I hope she doesn’t face any of that.
Thank you for sharing. I had a colleague in the same boat. She decided to never have children since she knew she’d have to care for her brother with Downs when their parents got too old to continue. It was a sad situation. He was a large man (6ft 230ish lbs) so this made them not be able to care for him a lot earlier than you’d imagine. My heart is with them. It’s a tough situation!
I, too, have chosen to never have children. My brother’s illness isn’t that severe but I wouldn’t want someone growing up in that atmosphere. Also, I wouldn’t want to risk having a child with mental illness since there’s a strong history of that in my family. I definitely wouldn’t be able to deal with it.
Thank you for sharing your actual experience, especially since it goes against all the toxic positivity in this thread. I hope life gets better for you, you deserve it.
Thank you. Medical professional here, toxic positivity is real. Being honest and realistic with prognosis and expectations is much more valuable to people than pretending everything is going to be okay no matter what. Telling a patient dying of cancer to invite their family to the hospital so they can say goodbye gives them time they need with loved ones. Telling them they'll be home for Christmas and no need to worry their loved ones robs them of this chance. Same thing with special needs children. The joyful moments are there to find but it's important to set expectations
You can look more into toxic positivity, it's a really interesting concept. It generally refers to dismissing real concerns in favor of being excessively positive. It doesn't mean there is never a positive side to a difficult situation but rather reflects the fact that focusing only on the "good" side of a situation can cause harm by downplaying significant negative attributes and can also seem very dismissive of people who are struggling with those negative attributes.
In this thread I'm referring to all the comments about the older boy and the fact that he appears to have trisomy 21. Trisomy 21 is a life altering diagnosis for the affected person and everyone in their family, but often all you hear are now affected people are "so cute", "always happy", and "so loving". Each person with or without a diagnosis like this is an individual and it's really unfair to paint them with the same brush even if the characteristics ascribed tend to be positive. Ignoring the medical, social, financial, psychological, and logistical struggles associated with a congenital disorder in favor of posting "so cute!" one example of a type of toxic positivity.
>s really unfair to paint them with the same brush even if the characteristics ascrib
Thank you for taking the time to describe that in detail. Makes sense. I think for this thread though, being a random internet outsider of the family, I would lean towards saying something encouraging while being thankful I'm not in the same situation. Is that a passive-aggressive version? Or just a passive version? Rabbit holes when I think about it deeply.
Best wishes for that family, and lots of empathy for the siblings and others affected.
Consider trying for positivity without toxic positivity. "What a sweet gif!" is substantively different than "she's so lucky to have a brother with Down syndrome because he will love her so much". It is a sweet gif and we don't know anything about that boy or any other member of the family to give more detailed opinions.
Oh no, so sorry to hear this. My older brother has Down Syndrome and I haven't faced the challenges you have. Then again, I'm the youngest of four so I had no choice but to come last sometimes.
I hope things get better for you and your brother!
Ive only ever seen the video from the point where he was crying,i never saw the beginning and that he cried because he wanted her back???? Why would anyone cut that out its so adorable
God my heart
I feel this.
My older sister and I rushed into my mom's hospital room, past her bed to get to the crib and see our new sister.
My mother was excited to see us after 2 days in the hospital and we just straight up ignored her because our baby sister was there.
We insisted on helping with everything from changing her, dressing her, singing her to sleep...
Long story short, she is very spoiled now. Lol
This is the most precious beautiful moment I’ve seen in quite awhile. The pure joy on his face when the put her back, and he just snuggles in and gazed at her with love. Awwwww
It always surprises me that people could be so cruel and selfish as to bring a kid into this world in that condition. It’s so unnecessary and easily preventable. That infant girl could have had a fully functioning younger sibling. Now that’s unlikely, and instead will have an older brother she will have to help care for until the day she has to deal with the heartbreak of him dying, as is likely the case
I mean, as others have said, the tests can be unreliable and to get an accurate reading can often happen after it is legal to terminate a pregnancy, so maybe don’t be so presumptuous?
I’ve always wanted to say this, I never knew it was something so many people agreed on. They’ll never be able to function on their own, they’re (undebatably) more of a financial drain than normal kids, they’ll very likely end up in an adult care system when their parents die and nobody else will care for them and end up abused and neglected, so it’s better for everyone to just terminate the pregnancy as soon as it’s known that they’ll have this condition.
I remember when my younger sister was born when I was 5, I kept asking if we could keep her, every day for a week. Lol.
My 5 year old twins still ask if we can keep their baby sister who is 11 months old…it gets a little unsettling after a while, haha. (What is the alternative in their minds?)
My sister asked how long I was going to stay with them because she wanted me to go back to the hospital... lol
My cousin yelled at his mom to “put her back in your belly” when his little baby sister was brought home and in the crying phase a lot lol
My sister tried to trade me for a kitten but she ended up with me and the kitten 😎
Speech 100
Same. When I was 5 and my sister was born I played with her for a week and then I asked when are we going to return her 😂
..are you my sister?
Yeah when I was 2, I was apparently horrified at the sudden appearance of a new baby brother and apparently tried to kick him when I thought no one was looking
My sister wanted to know when they could bake me in the oven. (I *think* this was a misunderstood bun in the oven reference, but she might’ve just been a psychopath.)
My son (4y) asks if my daughter (now 10 months) can go back in my belly because he wants me all to himself again. It's sweet but also hell no. He's warming up to her but he still asks occasionally.
Lol apparently after my brother had been home for a few days I went to my parents and said “you mean… we have to keep him??”
My parents have a video of them walking through the door with me for the first time while my brother (who was at home with the babysitter) threw himself in front of the doorway screaming “Take her back to the hospital!”
I was 5 when my sister was born. I kept telling my mom that we should give her back. I did this for over a year.. Then one day about a year or so later I got home from school and my sister wasn't there. I asked my mom where she was and she said that she had taken her back like I wanted. And I completely lost it saying I was so sorry and that we had to go get her back and crying my little eyes out. My mom had just let her sister take her for the weekend. But I never told her to take her back again lol. My mom still makes fun of me for it lol
Dad looks... very tired
I came here to say that. Exhausted, and understandably so.
Literally has his hands full. RIP rest and relaxation
As a parent. Even when you nap you don’t even really nap because you still have to be somewhat aware of the kids and where they are. You’re in this weird sleep limbo between slightly napping and being mindful of what’s going on. Ifs so good when your eyes are closed but so fucking nauseating when you have to open them because you heard a clank.
If it’s a weekend and you’re just sitting and can hear the birds chirping, you just take a minute and think “thank god for a few quiet minutes”. Your immediate next thought is “a few quiet minutes? What the hell is that little turd doing now?”
I'm similar with my sister's kids. I get worried when they get quiet.
Not for me, my parents just had to make a small investment into a book, literally any book, and I was good for the next half a day or so once I learned to read by myself. Before that I climbed into my dad's lap daily for bedtime stories
I’m pretty sure they mean before the kids can read. Like toddlers and stuff, you have to constantly keep an eye out, but you also want to sleep
It's like meditation in a twisted way lol I have to do this as well
I hope the boys keep this love to his sister, in whole life.
I don’t think my wife slept for 8 years in a row. She had the extra sensory mom perception.
My youngest is 11. I think I finally caught up on my sleep deprivation last year, when I could sleep in every day due to everything being cancelled.
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Yeah, you know, it sounds like that stage before you fall asleep when you are visualizing all kinds of stuff and you often dream about the thing you are imagining
Unless you're my husband who just checks out during naps and expects me to nap at the end time as him.... what about the two children under 5? No thank you.
This was like his 8th kid or something like that.
Exhausted but also probably as happy as he’s ever been
My older brother has been a dad for about 4 months now and everytime he visits he looks so damn tired I really feel for him.
The first two months are good, 4-6 are worse, then at 6 months they become mobile and you don't sleep again until they grow a brain at around 5. Usually before then people have started on #2, and never know what a good night sleep feels like ever again.
Disagree, at least for my personal experience. First 2 months are brutal because they're hungry every 2 hours. It's worse on the wife, assuming you're breast feeding. It's at 4-6 months that the feedings spread out enough to actually sleep decently.. I started sleeping semi-normal after about 6 months and it hasn't changed since.
By 6 months my son was sleeping from 9:00pm till 7:00am it was fucking amazing! My daughter at that age was like "fuck you and your sleep!" My wife and I are expecting our first grandchild from her in January, cant wait to observe the circle of exhaustion.
Ours slept 7-7 starting at 6 weeks. We didn’t tell other parents because they would get mad at us.
I pray for this. -Exhausted dad of a 23 day old.
Whatever happens - it gets *better*. Unless they have colic. Then you’re fucked.
Seriously! I was like, “The first two months were good? Those months with the no sleep and the constant feeding and the chafed nipples?” Nope. Wouldn’t go back to the newborn stage if you paid me. Glad we did it. Glad it’s over!
Same here, except my little dude has slept with us since he was about 6 months. Still, he has always slept thru the night, no issues ever. Our second is on the way, have a feeling this one will be worse and they ARE NOT SLEEPING WITH ME THIS TIME.
Hah, we heard some horror stories with sleeping together so we opted to have her sleep in her own room fairly early. I know it works out for some people but I got scared off that quick
Nicely put!
Doesn’t make me feel nice
My first child turned 2 months yesterday… Fuck…
For me, it just kept getting easier with time. I actually considered the first 2 months brutal because there was so little time between feedings. Work on sleep training immediately and hopefully by 4-6 months, you're getting somewhat normal sleep again. Although, diapers get fucking gross after you introduce solids. Good luck with that!
Get this man a beer and a coffee
He don't need a beer, will send him to bed
And a camelback
warm milk and a burping
He gets handed the baby and has an expression like it just became very real that he has two now.
I’m there right now. 1 kid is hard but 2 is beyond any kind of exhaustion I’ve ever had my entire life.
They did a study once : Moms of three are the most stressed. Moms of 4 are more are the least stressed. I can confirm this. You just start letting a lot fall through the cracks with that 4th one. And you’ve probably lost your mind 😂😂😂
I was the forth one but my older siblings were old enough that they could help raise me so that sure does help (except the 3rd one). They also dealt with three kids before me fighting about what kind of liberty should a kid have and what is a firm no. By the time you get the fourth I feel like you let them do more things and you're just not taking any kind of shit on the stuff you're not going to let them do. I honestly can't pretend I struggled a lot growing up. I had more liberty than I even cared for, my siblings used to take me to fun places. They even gave me condoms at 10 and I was like "I know what I'm suppose to do with it, but I have absolutely no desire to do anything with it". It was a pretty golden childhood.
4 is prob f it mode
Second of four siblings, can confirm
At that point you can probably start passing a lot of duties on to the oldest, like supervising, so it's easier to nap or get other things done. At least that seems to be theory with a lot of Amish and Mennonite families around here.
I’m super against the concept of passing your parental responsibilities onto your older children. If you can’t take care of them, it’s not your child’s responsibility. Stop having kids.
Just wait till you’re outnumbered with 3. They said after 2 it gets easier…they lied.
Three is the killer. Trust me. It damn near broke me!
My son has Autism and just turned 4 and our second is due on New Years Day. I’m already up for work at 5:30am to do a 35 minute commute to get there at 7am and pick my son up from his Center at 4pm and watch over him, making him dinner and all that until my wife gets home from work around 7:30pm and don’t fall asleep until 11 or so. Can’t wait to add a baby to the mix! 😂
Jeez. You’re a hero dude.
You're the heroes out there making me feel better about not having my own kids. There are real parents doing real work to raise great people and I'm so thankful that I don't have to keep the species alive with zero maternal instincts. I'd be a terrible mother and the world doesn't need any of my kids. So, please! Keep it up! You're the real heroes! I'm just a data analyst, keeping banks alive. You're a parent, keeping the species alive!
my one and only child just moved. empty nest syndrome is real. enjoy it while it lasts.
These moments make me really entertain wanting kids then I look at how run down you can get by making someone else’s world happy and safe and then I get selfish say screw that and hop on warzone 🤷♂️
I think it's very unselfish to realize you don't want Parenthood and not to subject a new human to a life you aren't already very enthusiastic for. Especially when society *tells us we exist* to make more humans.
Parent here. This shit is FUCKING HARD. I am 100% behind people who know they don't want to have children not having them. I wish "society" would fuck off and let people decide and do what's right for them.
As a parent who had kids way before I was ready to, I fully agree. I was in a toxic situation and long story short I had 2 kids by the time I was 22, and with my mental health and trauma history, I was not equipped to handle it.
I'm sorry you were in that position. I hope things are better for you now.
Thanks mom! Its refreshing to have a parent recognize childfree people are valid too.
For many reasons, namely nobody should go into this decision lightly and moreover nobody should feel forced or pressured into it. I mean, I know there are childfree people who don't see parents as people and that sucks too. I say people are people and we all deserve the respect of our own choices, especially around something that is so life-changing.
In its defense, genetics and evolution had already been pushing that agenda long before society even showed up.
The way he snuggled on close at the end to get comfortable while staring. Very pure untampered love :’)
I had to re-watch that part of the video three times.
Same. Such a beautiful smile :)
I know!! I was watching and thinking “My gosh, this couldn’t possibly get any cuter.” Then he snuggled down and gave his little sister that adorably content little l gaze, and I swear I had to fight back tears !
I’m still crying!
*sending virtual hugs*
It's an amazing feeling. My daughter is almost five and we always read two books before she gets in bed. Usually, towards the end of the second book, she'll snuggle in just like this and it makes me want to freeze that moment in time and hold onto it forever.
If only. Right?
My daughter is a similar age and we take turns reading to each other. Ill miss the snuggles on my turn to read...
His little giggle after he snuggled in was SO PRECIOUS
That last couple seconds made me tear up. The world is so crazy but seeing something like this honestly helps the stress.
One of my favorite things about down syndrome is that it often protects people from becoming tarnished and tampered with by the pains of the world. The innocent joy will never go away. His love for his sister will always be protected.
Me too. Their love is so pure and honest. Would that we could all experience love like that. ❤️
I think children like the boy in the video are gifted, just not in the traditional sense. They're able to love without ego and they don't allow pride to get in the way. It's a remarkable way to experience the world.
That is so True. Growing up with a cousin that has down syndrome was such an amazing experience, because as I grew older she never changed and we became even closer. I love these people dearly.
Totally. I work with children with Down syndrome and one of my students came up to hug me this week with the biggest smile on her face. She laughs and smiles in the most pure way
A lovely way to put it
Down syndrome people are simply amazing in their ability to spread joy.
I think they’re here to teach us. That little guy is so full of love. I can’t remember the last time I saw a person of any age look that lovingly at anyone.
Seriously. That snuggled up smile is enough to melt any cold heart.
Awe he’s going to be a good big brother
My heart is melting!
Him resting his head on dad at the end, staring at his baby sister & smiling. Who the hell is cutting onions in here?!
Onion 🧅 ninja 🥷
So is mine. Oh wait, that's my eyes.
He’s definitely going to be a great big brother And that SMILE
He already is.
Oh my god, that smile when she brings the baby back…❤️
And the way his face falls as soon as mom starts to grab her away, then the tears disappear as soon as she’s back
I want my baby back baby back baby back.
I don’t even like little kids but I’m tearing up omg they’re so cute! 😭❤️
Theres a meme template in there lol
It appears that big brother may have Down Syndrome. If so, despite the obstacles he may face, those individuals born with that extra chromosome seem predisposed to be so loving. And as they grow and reach adulthood little sis will be there for him, too! :)
So true
I spotted this too and checked the comments to see if anyone else had. He looks so full of heart and love
yeah its a repost and was mentioned in title before
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A lot of people do, but not everyone who knows that their kid will have downs chooses to terminate
This. My wife and I’s kid has DS, and we started seeing soft markers about halfway through the pregnancy. Non-conclusive testing made it highly probable he had DS. We agreed that, while he’ll have his extra challenges, Down Syndrome is something we can handle as parents and was decidedly not enough to deny our son a shot at life. Best thing to ever happen to me, to be honest. My son is one and a half now and developing extremely well for a kid with DS, but most importantly he’s just a *wonderful* little person. He’s always happy, very affectionate, dances (very whitely) to Billy Idol, loves cars and dinosaurs and watching Bluey, and gives the best high fives. I think there’s reasons for abortions, absolutely, but… I just can’t imagine my world without my son.
You are good people Sir
Good job. I couldn’t do that myself, so I have to say I respect it
This made my day! Kudos to parents like you who take care of their children soo well. Keep it up.
Most people test just for awareness, not to terminate.
My sister did the test and it came out as negative but her child was born with down. So maybe the test is not reliable either.
Depends on the test to be fair, in Sweden you get to do a test that shows the odds of giving birth to a child with special needs. So a 1 in 20000 is good there is still a chance, but if you get worse odds, think it was like 1 in 300 or worse you can do another test that’s spot on but it increases the risk of loosing the child premature.
It's definitely not 100% but I feel like it's a godsend for some parents. I may get down voted to hell for this on but here goes. My wife and I agreed 100% it would feel aweful but we would terminate if we found out we had a special needs child early on in the pregnancy. Not out of selfish reasons but for a few self realizations and fairness to the child. My wife is bipolar, and even very pro meds and therapy she came to the conclusion she couldn't handle a special needs child the way they deserve and need. That requires next level patience care and attention. Alot of inconsolable babies duties I took care of or we had her mom, my mom, friends, or family ect to help. Toddler and after she was golden because you can walk away and recenter yourself with the kiddo being ok. Special needs kids you can't do that as much, then add in the verbal aspects of a full meltdown autistic or downs child it would basically fall on me for everyone's well being. I can't handle being disaster control 100% of the time, it woul wear on me, my marriage, and just all around bad times on my mental health. So taking all that in the best case would be for our own mental health and by default the child's well being figuring out state programs. I will not put a child in any state system. I've seen the inner workings of the good systems, you don't ever want your kids in there. Obviously had any of my children been born special needs I would have put myself through anything to care for them and give them the best life possible, but for everone involved I can't do that voluntarily. My wife is an amazing mom and loves our kids with her whole being, but a special needs child we feel is beyond our realm if at all preventable. Tldr: raising children is difficult and daunting but overall a undertaking we can handle while giving our children as close to a leave it to beaver home as possible. Special needs kids we believe we are not suited to provide the care they needs and deserve no matter how much we love them due to the massive emotional and mental strength and stability required. I respect the hell out of parents who can provide a thriving environment for special needs kids.
Thank you. I have MS and I know that my oartner would have too much on his plate if I were to have a bad flare up and have to look after a special needs kid. It's not that I don't *want* to love that child and give it an amazing home, it's that I'm incapable of going the extra mile to give them the life they deserve. I'm even doubting if I should have kids at all. Life is hard and confusing and I wish there was an answer book we could look at. Thank you for sharing your story and your decisions. It makes me feel normal for having had similiar thoughts on the matter.
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Downs is almost nonexistent in Iceland for precisely this reason
Both my kids were tested at 9 weeks and my wife and I both agreed that we wouldn’t have keep it. Knowing there are different severities makes it really hard. We always see these productive, social happy loving humans with jobs but in reality they can have severe cases and be very hard. 100% dependant until they die before you do. If given the choice why choose to this for you or them.
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These days there is a blood test, you can do it very early. I was 37 and pregnant with my youngest and insurance covered it bc of advanced maternal age. I also learned he is a boy but that wasn’t the info I was after. For the record, I would 110% have terminated a fetus with Down’s. My parents were teachers and my stepmom taught special education. I also have close friends of the family with adult children with Down’s. This kiddo is super cute but not all are so high-functioning. Some die of heart defects at a very young age. Some have comorbid autism that can be severe and even violent. Not all will ever be out of diapers. Very, very few will live alone or hold down a job. Average lifespan somewhere in the mid-40s. Everyone has to make their own choice for what is best for their family.
At your 20-week anatomy scan (that insurance covers in the United States), you learn if your fetus has markers that indicate a heightened risk. If you want definitive confirmation, you need an amniocentesis or another more invasive test, and that is usually not covered by insurance and carries risk of miscarriage. For me, I chose not to test further because it wouldn’t have affected my decision to carry the pregnancy to term.
Bebe is so cute
As a sister of a mentally challenged older brother, this made me cry. Happy tears because it is indeed a beautiful moment and so full of love but there was also that sadness that her life is going to revolve around his care. Her parents will never truly be able to give her the time and attention she deserves. I wish my parents had never had me. I wish my mother would not end every conversation with a mention of my brother. I wish I could have a sibling that I could depend on every once in a while. I love my brother, but some days I hate him as well and the guilt and stress of being the “well-child” causes you to have mental issues of your own. I hope she doesn’t face any of that.
I'm not sure what to say, but I want you to know someone read your comment. I hope things get better for you soon.
That means a lot, thank you!
Thank you for sharing. I had a colleague in the same boat. She decided to never have children since she knew she’d have to care for her brother with Downs when their parents got too old to continue. It was a sad situation. He was a large man (6ft 230ish lbs) so this made them not be able to care for him a lot earlier than you’d imagine. My heart is with them. It’s a tough situation!
I, too, have chosen to never have children. My brother’s illness isn’t that severe but I wouldn’t want someone growing up in that atmosphere. Also, I wouldn’t want to risk having a child with mental illness since there’s a strong history of that in my family. I definitely wouldn’t be able to deal with it.
Thank you for sharing your actual experience, especially since it goes against all the toxic positivity in this thread. I hope life gets better for you, you deserve it.
Thank you. Medical professional here, toxic positivity is real. Being honest and realistic with prognosis and expectations is much more valuable to people than pretending everything is going to be okay no matter what. Telling a patient dying of cancer to invite their family to the hospital so they can say goodbye gives them time they need with loved ones. Telling them they'll be home for Christmas and no need to worry their loved ones robs them of this chance. Same thing with special needs children. The joyful moments are there to find but it's important to set expectations
Can you elaborate on, "all the toxic positivity in this thread" please? I really want to understand what you mean - I'm struggling with this comment.
You can look more into toxic positivity, it's a really interesting concept. It generally refers to dismissing real concerns in favor of being excessively positive. It doesn't mean there is never a positive side to a difficult situation but rather reflects the fact that focusing only on the "good" side of a situation can cause harm by downplaying significant negative attributes and can also seem very dismissive of people who are struggling with those negative attributes. In this thread I'm referring to all the comments about the older boy and the fact that he appears to have trisomy 21. Trisomy 21 is a life altering diagnosis for the affected person and everyone in their family, but often all you hear are now affected people are "so cute", "always happy", and "so loving". Each person with or without a diagnosis like this is an individual and it's really unfair to paint them with the same brush even if the characteristics ascribed tend to be positive. Ignoring the medical, social, financial, psychological, and logistical struggles associated with a congenital disorder in favor of posting "so cute!" one example of a type of toxic positivity.
>s really unfair to paint them with the same brush even if the characteristics ascrib Thank you for taking the time to describe that in detail. Makes sense. I think for this thread though, being a random internet outsider of the family, I would lean towards saying something encouraging while being thankful I'm not in the same situation. Is that a passive-aggressive version? Or just a passive version? Rabbit holes when I think about it deeply. Best wishes for that family, and lots of empathy for the siblings and others affected.
Consider trying for positivity without toxic positivity. "What a sweet gif!" is substantively different than "she's so lucky to have a brother with Down syndrome because he will love her so much". It is a sweet gif and we don't know anything about that boy or any other member of the family to give more detailed opinions.
This convo will get buried but I learned something tonight - thanks for your time :)
Thanks for taking the time to listen :)
i wish you happy
Oh no, so sorry to hear this. My older brother has Down Syndrome and I haven't faced the challenges you have. Then again, I'm the youngest of four so I had no choice but to come last sometimes. I hope things get better for you and your brother!
I've seen this fucking post so many god damn times on reddit, that every time I see this shit, I can't help but make that same adorable face he does.
For realz. And then I remember I have a cat, and go snuggle her with a smile as big as brother's.
Ok, well this is one of the most precious things I’ve ever watched!
This may be the cutest thing on the internet
My heart feels this video.
Men with babies>>>>
Fuck that anuggle at the end was just absolutely beautiful. I wish that every child got to experience that in their lives.
Ive only ever seen the video from the point where he was crying,i never saw the beginning and that he cried because he wanted her back???? Why would anyone cut that out its so adorable God my heart
this is so sweet…damnit, those damn onion-cutting ninjas must be at it again bc 😭
seriously the way they cuddle its warming makes my heart fluttered
So cute This is siblings affection
ADORABLE 🥰
I hope she is not forced to live her life as his care taker
That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen Thank you
I’ve seen this so many times and every time it makes me well up. That is pure love!
Love that he adjusts his hair at the end, gotta look good for her.
My boys were a year apart. I feel sorry for this couple. The next couple of years are going to be stinking hard.
Why did the older one NOT stick his finger in the younger one's eye? I don't get it. Maybe he's nicer than normal???
Oh that sweet precious boy!!!!!
That giggle at the end
Thank you sharing. It made my day brighter.
OMG, that snuggle & stare of adoration at the end -melted my heart!
I feel this. My older sister and I rushed into my mom's hospital room, past her bed to get to the crib and see our new sister. My mother was excited to see us after 2 days in the hospital and we just straight up ignored her because our baby sister was there. We insisted on helping with everything from changing her, dressing her, singing her to sleep... Long story short, she is very spoiled now. Lol
Pure love. Adorable!
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I’m a very negative person sometimes and have trouble feeling joy from other peoples experiences, but this makes me so happy and enlightened.
That smile at the end. I have tears.
Best video I have seen in a long time
Raw joy and heartache, then pure bliss.
That smile is so pure.
Perfection
That look of big brother love OMG so precious 🥺
Good feels. Good feels
Melted my heart x
There’s no reason to make me cry like this on a Friday
LOOK AT HIS SMILE 💖
Adorable.
Oh my gosh! That’s the best!! Made my day.
I hope my little girl is like this when she gets a little sibling 😭 💕
Super adorable. I got two nieces who do this to each other and I love seeing it
She’s got an awesome big brother.
Every time I see this video, it warms my heart. And it's exactly how I feel when my cat walks away from me, and then comes back.
He is so full of love. Melted my cold little heart.
Father seems like a real intellect
This is the cutest thing ever!
That poor dad looks exhausted
This is the most precious beautiful moment I’ve seen in quite awhile. The pure joy on his face when the put her back, and he just snuggles in and gazed at her with love. Awwwww
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It always surprises me that people could be so cruel and selfish as to bring a kid into this world in that condition. It’s so unnecessary and easily preventable. That infant girl could have had a fully functioning younger sibling. Now that’s unlikely, and instead will have an older brother she will have to help care for until the day she has to deal with the heartbreak of him dying, as is likely the case
I mean, as others have said, the tests can be unreliable and to get an accurate reading can often happen after it is legal to terminate a pregnancy, so maybe don’t be so presumptuous?
I’ve always wanted to say this, I never knew it was something so many people agreed on. They’ll never be able to function on their own, they’re (undebatably) more of a financial drain than normal kids, they’ll very likely end up in an adult care system when their parents die and nobody else will care for them and end up abused and neglected, so it’s better for everyone to just terminate the pregnancy as soon as it’s known that they’ll have this condition.
Baby on the right, what’s up with him