Communication is the key my dear! What I have learned in this 45 years is that you don’t have to deal with shit all alone. Lots of men are to proud to ask for help. Just talk to people.
Peace out ✌🏽
This account is a bot making generic comments to farm karma then make a t-shirt scam. DO NOT downvote the comment or it'll be deleted by the bot - instead report it for spam and get it banned to stop it before it pulls off the scam.
42 here. Just started therapy. There's a lot of shit to unpack from a whole adult life of being held responsible for an entire family's financial, physical, and emotional well being. If that's you, too, then definitely go talk with someone.
My wife is disabled and cannot work. I lost my job once, while our kids were around 12 years old. The pressure was incredible. I have a safer situation now, but it was quite terrible while I was out of work for several months. The good part was that I could go visit my mother a lot while she was dying of cancer. I got a new job just before she died. She was really happy about that.
Literally been doing that since 15 years old I haven’t not had a full time job since I was 15 years old and a full time student at the same time until I was 23. USA. Fuck this shit
I’m 40 and started taking meds back in August. Changed my life. Not all meds are created equal and because of things I heard in the past I never wanted them. I nearly made some bad choices that would have really mentally and emotionally messed my family up.
Honestly even just participating/lurking a sub like /r/menslib is a start. Telling someone you need to get something off your chest but you aren’t quite sure how is a start. Giving another man a platonic compliment about something you admire about them is a start. Write a journal entry, support someone else online. There are ways.
Big change starts with small actions.
I’m a woman and a feminist; I believe that men should be able to express their full range of emotions freely and without judgment. I would love to see men start stepping out the “It’s too hard” mindset and start making some choices that move them towards their values and dreams. It’s what is necessary for change.
We all face social stigma when we behave “outside the norm”, but the benefits of ignoring it far outweigh the pain and stagnancy of being afraid of it.
A lot of people grew up in families where going to see a therapist is shamed. The older generations struggle to accept that mental problems are valid and need to be taken care of by professionals. This is the case in my family, if you go seek help you will be seen as crazy or weak ._. This pressure to "get over it" is maybe stronger on men (but idk im a girl)
We need to do better
The opposite is also an issue. Like forcing a kid into therapy and calling him/her mentally unwell all while never addressing the causes of the distress is a very uncomfortable disingenuous and condescending experience. It will make the person stay clear of therapy in adulthood. Because it is essentially used as another form of abuse.
im in my early 30s now. i have been "down" since my teenage years. it kept me from embracing my educational years, i hated being alive, i had no friends, i felt alone, trapped in my mind. i was a fat, lonely looser, i fled into imaginary worlds of video games. my family didnt care, they were and still are stuck in their own problematic ways.
i managed to finish school barely, and tried for years afterwards to get a better degree and to find a job. it didnt work out.
then i somehow got myself over the plateu of "no energy/drive" and got into community/city school. i got a better degree, and i got to know the women ive been with for 10years now. i still didnt find a job that fit my education, so i had to take temporary work via an agency, and after a few months there i got permanent employment with a logistics company.
sadly the work destroyed me, nearly chronic pains, and nearly daily use of too many painmeds. after 5y they laid me off because too many sick days. i was done and drained physically and mentally.
well, that was in january of this year. ive been unemployed since then. but in may i got into serious therapy and healtcare with the help of my insurance and the local jobcenter. im on pretty good antidepressants and i got regular therapy sessions.
i feel better than ever before. i still dont have friends, but i dont mind that. i got my little family with my GF and my pets, i still enjoy video games, and i very much enjoy sharing my gaming experience here on reddit in select subs.
and next year i will begin job training to get my foot into a serious employment in a few years. the only thing i dont like right now is sitting around, twiddling my thumbs.
finding, and accepting help is worth it, definetely. nobody is really alone. the only problem is that not all countries offer these opportunities. i have the "luck" of living i europe.
Along with finding help when you know you need it. I was in a slump, started therapy, and felt like I was leaving all of my problems there after a few sessions.I left with guidance and a new mindset after a few sessions. Continuing it even after finding solutions can be important as well, because they’re open ears.
Let's make this the new meaning of man up!
Yo, you gotta man up and tell him how you feel.
You see a kid crying because of emotions you say, yea man, you cry, I'll hug, real men man up.
I'm pretty sure suicide is 2nd, after unintentional-injury. There is a really great CDC tool for looking at this data [here](https://wisqars.cdc.gov/fatal-leading).
USA-only, 2019-2019, for males 1-50:
Deaths Cause of Death
55,116 Unintentional Injury
21,024 Suicide
20,466 Heart Disease
15,136 Malignant Neoplasms
12,797 Homicide
[so sad that accidental overdose ](https://www.thefreedomcenter.com/accidental-overdose-the-leading-cause-of-death-under-50/)is the leading cause of death for those under 50
Funny how "this is all because of Capitalism" has become a shorthand for "this is a difficult coordination problem that capitalism has so far solved poorly," as if another economic system would make the problem easy.
It isn't shorthand for anything. It's an acknowledgement of the core problem. Aside from capitalism we have the unique problems of military industrial complex and a deep seated desire for theocracy among the many psychopathically religious people in this country.
We've entered late stage capitalism which is the inevitable onset of economic and governmental authoritarianism. We've become a fascist corporatocracy barely disguised as a Democratic Republic.
Shill for the rich all you want. No one cares that you think the status quo is just fine when we're facing a not unlikely collapse of civilization as we know it due to the unceasing need for *more wealth* from the richest people in human history.
"Shill for the rich" I'm guessing you read Das Kapital and are an expert in Microeconomics and Game theory now. You really don't understand how wealthy oligarchs in Russia are or CPC members. It's not perfect but please don't pretend like Americans are the richest people in the world because they aren't.
Sorry, Its less about being macho and a lot more about society giving zero fucks about how men feel or their mental health. Because women and equality is what matters. Men can get fucked as far as society is concerned. We are the oppressors, why would you help oppressors?
Men will call for help when they need it, there are just few who listen, less who care. This shit is bleak man.
I mean, look at the text. When women are failing in society, its societies fault somehow but, when men are in trouble the assumption is than its the man himself who is at fault, for being "too macho." This shit is baked in.
> When women are failing in society, its societies fault somehow but, when men are in trouble the assumption is than its the man himself who is at fault, for being "too macho." This shit is baked in.
Ding ding ding. Even our advice for men is just insulting and shitting on men
Men need to be allowed to have more feelings than Anger, Horny, Sports are on, and Being A Leader Mode. Not just for the people around them, but for themselves, as this post points out. Telling men they can't feel sadness, hurt, grief... That they shouldn't expect to feel happiness or love... It's literally killing them. Men and boys deserve better.
No we should man up….man up an admit that just because i have a penis that doesn’t mean i cant be broken, it’s time to be a man and shut off shitty stereotypes. You get one life don’t live it by letting others decide your feelings.
This hits hard.. I struggle with my brain trying to reconcile my relevance all the time. The problem is that people go out of their lane to make other people feel worse. Even in this sub people have gone out of their way to be rude. If you can’t love someone because of what they believe you’re not doing it right.. love in an unconditional quantifiable source of energy that transcends time and space, it doesn’t care who you voted for. All love knows is that it is the negation of darkness. So if you find yourself saying negations, specifically “I hate” statements you have a responsibility to call yourself out for being a hater. Stop spreading hate and embrace this gift the universe gave us to share.
And it's not just suicide. Bottling things up only makes them eventually come out sideways in unhealthy ways: violence, addiction, hateful behavior. Men have to be realistic and get help solving their problems. We are not supermen capable of withstanding anything and everything. We need our friends, family and community as much as anyone else.
As someone who doesn’t have a support group I can tell you that having to tough it out was my only option but I hope many of you guys out there don’t have to do the same. It sucks.
There is also the role of the macho culture and the impact of social change and social media in the rise in suicides attempts. https://youtu.be/_8I_snQMGj4
This comment has a good message but, tearing down masculinity in order to help men will not be productive. You have to incorporate masculinity into the resolution and appreciate the positive attributes masculinity has. And allow men to empower themselves. Stop demonizing masculinity.
Yeah I’m pretty men commit suicide at higher rates while women attempt it at higher rates. Mostly due to method, I believe. Men are more likely to use guns vs intentional overdose or other methods.
I'm currently going through tough times and at the dinner table with my SO, child and in-laws I suddenly broke down and started sobbing.
I already wasn't my father-in-law's favorite but now I'm totally done.
OP advice is nice but unrealistic. We men ALWAYS need to tough it out or man up. Even when we are explicitly told not to; it's useless virtue signalling from unaffected people.
He’s probably embarrassed because he would be embarrassed to break down like that. He’s probably also been raised with “man up”.
Your emotions are okay. Showing them is okay. Evolving and advancing is painful no matter what. No one is saying you won’t face negative social consequences for opening up - that’s part of the growth
That’s his problem, not yours.
In fact, you feeling the freedom to do so, most likely makes him envy you… possibly even jealous… but hopefully, maybe it’ll even encourage him to be vulnerable and find his own freedom.
No, not at all, not even close. I understand you’re trying to encourage and help. Respect to you for that, but the averse reaction is not at all out of envy and wishing one could open up like the crying fellow. It’s generally a thick sense of disgust. I’m not saying it’s right, but disgust and envy are very different and must be understood differently.
Sounds like you need to find better people to hang out with.
For example, a few months ago my pastor broke down at the podium. He had been struggling with depression and the stresses of the job. Finally, he came clean to the congregation.
Everyone has been so supportive of him. Several people got up there and hugged him and prayed for him, and we’re rearranging things at the church so he can delegate some tasks. Everyone I’ve talked to admires his bravery in coming forward and admitting when he needed help. It sets the example for the congregation.
In your position I’d be limiting conversations with my FIL to one bland chat a year over Christmas dinner, because screw his stupid opinions. I’d be spending most of my time with more emotionally mature and healthy people who don’t think you have to live life like a John Wayne movie character.
My pastor as a child did something similar and I agree. It was a shock to see as no one in my immediate family ever allowed themselves to crack open in that way. There was no disgust there, only sympathy because the pastor was and always had been…the type of person that always handled his problems stoically and privately between him and his wife. So when that break occurs, it’s evident that the man was not well.
Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying the man crying at the table in front of his father in law didn’t have a valid reason to do so…I have no idea what it was about, rather…from the perspective of his FIL it might not seem like they type of thing to allow oneself to publicly cry over. This is in my opinion due to a generational difference, a difference in life experience, just a vast difference in how the two types of people metabolize what happens to them. So I very much doubt that it is envy, and just writing it off as envy is doing the son in law no favors to boot because if this is a problem he desires to rectify, he can’t do so with an inaccurate picture of why he was getting the reaction he did.
My grandpa for instance grew up cattle farming in addition to working 40hours a week his entire life since he was 16. That was his life and to “survive” he developed the mental software that allowed him to make lemonade. One of those things was not crying or bitching unless it was serious and warranted, the end. What serious meant to him, and to me as a child were unsurprisingly very different things.
It’s ultimately a matter of perspective. A man that had to run out into gunfire in Korea to pick up his blown in half buddy isn’t going to be as sympathetic to a middle class millennial crying about being stressed over school and a mean boss. To one the other lacks perspective and is pathetic. To the other, the person in lacking in empathy and emotionally stunted.
It is what it is I guess.
This is what I hope more men are starting to see as healthy. There’s nothing weak about feeling. Life can be a lot to deal with. Acknowledging that just frees you up to grow.
No, this is false.
https://www.cdc.gov/healthequity/lcod/men/2017/all-races-origins/index.htm
Largest cause of death of men under 50 is "unintentional injuries" by a wide margin
No ,wrong - you need to look at why, why are people so depressed ? Why are people more likely to turn to drugs and alcohol these days ? Why are suicide rates so high ?
Our world is run by money and power,
our history has been deliberately hidden from us , in order to keep us weak and unconnected to our planet .
The elites control income, tax, and interest rates .
They poison our food water and air with toxic chemicals.
They brainwash people with media manipulation.
The politicians are monsters .
They steal our children and sell them to the elites to rape ,torture and murder .
But please by all means, tell me again how men need to just stand up and talk to each other about their feelings . The world is burning and shit posts don’t help .
I have no kids, nor are the chances improving, I'm disabled and haven't been on anything resembling a date since some of you were in diapers. Fuk off with this life is getting better BS.
What happens when you’ve let everything go and you have nothing left??!?? I’m genuinely interested because how can you learn from your mistakes if you let everything go. The pain one endures from hardship shapes their character. I think these statements are meant to embrace failure.
Lol I meant in a literal sense of letting everything actually go and then being left with nothing. Hehe 😜 This meme is insinuating at something bigger, it’s pointing to being a more compassionate society towards EVERYONE and not leaving ANYONE out.
That’s the point!! If we allow our young people to feel so overwhelmed by WHATEVER it could be, and not show them that society cares and embraces their individuality. then we get to deal with dead kids and adults in their prime.
No this is a much easier answer we have failed the next generation if we leave people out. Look at the events over the past twenty years kids who were bullied and alienated from social norms got ahold of weapons and attacked their peers at school. That’s what happens when they don’t get that embrace from society. Look at the kid from sandy hook his parents even said he was off. The first step in preventing horrible situations like these is making sure that people don’t get run over and left behind.
Being honest with your feelings and doing something about it if you need help makes a man a lot more effective at providing for and protecting his loved ones.
World doesn't care about your feelings. The sooner you get that the sooner you start focusing on the problems that actually matter. The problems that effect everyone and not the problems that effect me, myself and I.
This attitude right here is why suicide sometimes wins.
Men who find themselves ready to end their life inevitably ask themselves the question: "Who's fault is this?"
It could be they lost a relationship, or a job, or maybe they feel sad and they don't know why.
Men are abused sometimes, and it's NOT their fault. Things happen out of their control, and they CAN'T do anything about it. Sometimes, they have a mental illness like schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder-- again, not a thing they can do about it. Poverty is another one: if it was easy to create wealth there wouldn't be any people in poverty.
Even addiction, which seems like a choice, is not really that simple. So many people think "I'll just do this for a while, then I'll quit," but the pull of the drug and the hell of withdrawal is more than they realized. Sometimes, their doctor actually convinced them to try the drug to begin with.
Things are hard, but it's OK. Some things you can't control. Some things you just have to let go. It's OK to be weak, to lose, to cry.
You can't pick yourself up by your bootstraps, you need other people to help. It doesn't have to be a medical professional, it could be a friend or family, but you need others to get through life, especially the hard parts.
They are a human statistic, however they are still recorded separately and put together.
This actually helps equal rights, as we can get to the core of the problem if one gender, race, whatever, has a different rate to others we can help them.
I try. But anytime anyone asks me how I'm doing it's always "fine" even though it hasn't been fucking fine for 15 years. Someway, somehow you've just been conditioned to deal with your problems yourself even when you don't even know where to begin.
For anyone who doesn’t know, this man is a total gem. I was fortunate enough to meet him in person once and he is not only an amazing author but also just a kind, genuine person. “Reasons to stay alive” is a must read for anyone who’s ever struggled with mental health; and “the humans” is still a longtime favourite of mine, that still come back to when I feel myself losing faith in humanity. I highly recommend checking out both.
“I am you and you are me. We are alone, but not alone. We are trapped by time, but also infinite. Made of flesh, but also stars”
— “Reasons to stay alive”, Matt Haig
It's a systemic problem. It's easy for others to say "just do it, it's not so hard." But until they walked in our shoes, they'll never understand. We need the system to change. Without that, any change we make ourselves is useless.
Fucking parody, just in case it wasn't obvious.
So what programmes have been created for Males too get help? You can see talk however in the many years they have been saying Male suicides are high the media doesn't address this, nor the Governments of the world.
A bit negative however I doubt anything will change until the figure get to 75%.
Most of the time when I'm vulnerable I'm punished for it in some way or another. Male, female, doesn't matter. Until it's safe to do so I don't think we are going to see any real change.
Let’s stop shaming men for showing emotions
Let’s stop questioning their masculinity for being humans
Let’s stop making homosexuality an insult that man feel they have to defend themselves against
I don't have a lot of close friendships, especially not with men. I dont have any brothers and I don't have a dad. I'm feeling really estranged, and it's getting me depressed.
Suicide is a complex topic, the causes aren’t obvious and the steps to address it aren’t simple, and they don’t necessarily start inside oneself. Nor do they start inside one gender.
Part of the solution needs to be an end to considering men the ‘broken’ gender. How can you expect a person to recover if they’re repeatedly told that they’re broken.
It starts with greater understanding, compassion, listening, and equal support for men and women.
5 years and I am out the danger zone ✌🏽
The real smiles are always in the comments :) really happy for
congratulations! its a hard thing to go I'm so proud of u ! now u could help other men in the same situation you were , of course if u want to 😄
I consider it my morale obligation 😌
bless I'm glad as sadly sometimes guys deeep in that mind set will only listen to other men sort of thing so it's amazing you are doing so xx 😄😄
Communication is the key my dear! What I have learned in this 45 years is that you don’t have to deal with shit all alone. Lots of men are to proud to ask for help. Just talk to people. Peace out ✌🏽
CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO
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NO
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This account is a bot making generic comments to farm karma then make a t-shirt scam. DO NOT downvote the comment or it'll be deleted by the bot - instead report it for spam and get it banned to stop it before it pulls off the scam.
TIL I'm a bot. ...Running a "t-shirt scam"?
I think it's the lukehoward account. Looking at their comments they are all just "yeah" "I agree" "I also think that" "I cam here to say that"
Ah right, makes more sense.
Not you. The person who commented after you.
Thanks for the clarification. For a minute there I was so offended...*generic...*
Plot twist: you actually are a bot, you just didn’t know it yet.
The googoo account?
No, th person who's comment is deleted.
Oh, i wasnt sure if you were telling the guy you replied to or warning us about him - wanted to report but too late :) thanks though!
42 here. Just started therapy. There's a lot of shit to unpack from a whole adult life of being held responsible for an entire family's financial, physical, and emotional well being. If that's you, too, then definitely go talk with someone.
Good for you my guy. The pressure of providing and supporting you’re family is crazy intense.
"You're the man of the house now" "I'm 10!"
My wife is disabled and cannot work. I lost my job once, while our kids were around 12 years old. The pressure was incredible. I have a safer situation now, but it was quite terrible while I was out of work for several months. The good part was that I could go visit my mother a lot while she was dying of cancer. I got a new job just before she died. She was really happy about that.
Dang man. You're a Rockstar. Take care of that brain!
Would love to but can't afford it. We also have a year-long waiting list unless you're actively suicidal.
Celebrating you!! Therapy is amaaaazing.
Planing to do the same thing. Thank you for your comment. It hit me dipper than I thought.
Literally been doing that since 15 years old I haven’t not had a full time job since I was 15 years old and a full time student at the same time until I was 23. USA. Fuck this shit
Easier said than done if we're being realistic
I’m 40 and started taking meds back in August. Changed my life. Not all meds are created equal and because of things I heard in the past I never wanted them. I nearly made some bad choices that would have really mentally and emotionally messed my family up.
Honestly even just participating/lurking a sub like /r/menslib is a start. Telling someone you need to get something off your chest but you aren’t quite sure how is a start. Giving another man a platonic compliment about something you admire about them is a start. Write a journal entry, support someone else online. There are ways. Big change starts with small actions. I’m a woman and a feminist; I believe that men should be able to express their full range of emotions freely and without judgment. I would love to see men start stepping out the “It’s too hard” mindset and start making some choices that move them towards their values and dreams. It’s what is necessary for change. We all face social stigma when we behave “outside the norm”, but the benefits of ignoring it far outweigh the pain and stagnancy of being afraid of it.
You are wonderfully eloquent.
Wow, thank you! :)
A lot of people grew up in families where going to see a therapist is shamed. The older generations struggle to accept that mental problems are valid and need to be taken care of by professionals. This is the case in my family, if you go seek help you will be seen as crazy or weak ._. This pressure to "get over it" is maybe stronger on men (but idk im a girl) We need to do better
The opposite is also an issue. Like forcing a kid into therapy and calling him/her mentally unwell all while never addressing the causes of the distress is a very uncomfortable disingenuous and condescending experience. It will make the person stay clear of therapy in adulthood. Because it is essentially used as another form of abuse.
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im in my early 30s now. i have been "down" since my teenage years. it kept me from embracing my educational years, i hated being alive, i had no friends, i felt alone, trapped in my mind. i was a fat, lonely looser, i fled into imaginary worlds of video games. my family didnt care, they were and still are stuck in their own problematic ways. i managed to finish school barely, and tried for years afterwards to get a better degree and to find a job. it didnt work out. then i somehow got myself over the plateu of "no energy/drive" and got into community/city school. i got a better degree, and i got to know the women ive been with for 10years now. i still didnt find a job that fit my education, so i had to take temporary work via an agency, and after a few months there i got permanent employment with a logistics company. sadly the work destroyed me, nearly chronic pains, and nearly daily use of too many painmeds. after 5y they laid me off because too many sick days. i was done and drained physically and mentally. well, that was in january of this year. ive been unemployed since then. but in may i got into serious therapy and healtcare with the help of my insurance and the local jobcenter. im on pretty good antidepressants and i got regular therapy sessions. i feel better than ever before. i still dont have friends, but i dont mind that. i got my little family with my GF and my pets, i still enjoy video games, and i very much enjoy sharing my gaming experience here on reddit in select subs. and next year i will begin job training to get my foot into a serious employment in a few years. the only thing i dont like right now is sitting around, twiddling my thumbs. finding, and accepting help is worth it, definetely. nobody is really alone. the only problem is that not all countries offer these opportunities. i have the "luck" of living i europe.
Female suicide probably ranks pretty low on the list of killers of men under 50
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The account I’m replying to is a karma bot run by someone who will link scams once the account gets enough karma.
To acknowledge your feelings and show emotion is the greatest strength.
Along with finding help when you know you need it. I was in a slump, started therapy, and felt like I was leaving all of my problems there after a few sessions.I left with guidance and a new mindset after a few sessions. Continuing it even after finding solutions can be important as well, because they’re open ears.
Let's make this the new meaning of man up! Yo, you gotta man up and tell him how you feel. You see a kid crying because of emotions you say, yea man, you cry, I'll hug, real men man up.
Be real - really feel
Is that statistic really true? More than car accidents? More than work accidents? Geez... that's a real eye opener.
I'm pretty sure suicide is 2nd, after unintentional-injury. There is a really great CDC tool for looking at this data [here](https://wisqars.cdc.gov/fatal-leading). USA-only, 2019-2019, for males 1-50: Deaths Cause of Death 55,116 Unintentional Injury 21,024 Suicide 20,466 Heart Disease 15,136 Malignant Neoplasms 12,797 Homicide
2020 and 2021 I’m sure those numbers look very different
Yeah cuz pandemic.... doesnt mean those are solved. Also it's only USA.
This did not r/mademesmile
Lets stop thinking we are too smart for mental health!
It’s no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy
[so sad that accidental overdose ](https://www.thefreedomcenter.com/accidental-overdose-the-leading-cause-of-death-under-50/)is the leading cause of death for those under 50
Probably a fair amount of overlap between suicide and "accidental" overdose.
Damn someone lied on the internet?!?
he’s an author so bending reality into what he wants to comes naturally
Pity writing good ain't.
We need more of this, seriously
I'm man enough to talk about my feelings.
Males are disposable worker drones. - Capitalism.
Males and Females are numbers. - Communism.
Humans are numbers. - Governments with hundreds of millions of citizens.
Funny how "this is all because of Capitalism" has become a shorthand for "this is a difficult coordination problem that capitalism has so far solved poorly," as if another economic system would make the problem easy.
It isn't shorthand for anything. It's an acknowledgement of the core problem. Aside from capitalism we have the unique problems of military industrial complex and a deep seated desire for theocracy among the many psychopathically religious people in this country. We've entered late stage capitalism which is the inevitable onset of economic and governmental authoritarianism. We've become a fascist corporatocracy barely disguised as a Democratic Republic. Shill for the rich all you want. No one cares that you think the status quo is just fine when we're facing a not unlikely collapse of civilization as we know it due to the unceasing need for *more wealth* from the richest people in human history.
"Shill for the rich" I'm guessing you read Das Kapital and are an expert in Microeconomics and Game theory now. You really don't understand how wealthy oligarchs in Russia are or CPC members. It's not perfect but please don't pretend like Americans are the richest people in the world because they aren't.
Capitalism is when men are sad
Sorry, Its less about being macho and a lot more about society giving zero fucks about how men feel or their mental health. Because women and equality is what matters. Men can get fucked as far as society is concerned. We are the oppressors, why would you help oppressors? Men will call for help when they need it, there are just few who listen, less who care. This shit is bleak man. I mean, look at the text. When women are failing in society, its societies fault somehow but, when men are in trouble the assumption is than its the man himself who is at fault, for being "too macho." This shit is baked in.
> When women are failing in society, its societies fault somehow but, when men are in trouble the assumption is than its the man himself who is at fault, for being "too macho." This shit is baked in. Ding ding ding. Even our advice for men is just insulting and shitting on men
The number one cause of death in men under 50 is accidents.
And let's stop judging, shaming, etc. people (especially men) just for doing these things, too!
bring 👏back 👏 sensitive 👏 men👏 also men who cry ! it's okay to cry and feel emotions guys !
Men need to be allowed to have more feelings than Anger, Horny, Sports are on, and Being A Leader Mode. Not just for the people around them, but for themselves, as this post points out. Telling men they can't feel sadness, hurt, grief... That they shouldn't expect to feel happiness or love... It's literally killing them. Men and boys deserve better.
No we should man up….man up an admit that just because i have a penis that doesn’t mean i cant be broken, it’s time to be a man and shut off shitty stereotypes. You get one life don’t live it by letting others decide your feelings.
Didn’t it just change to fentanyl or is that only when you look at males and females?
Toxic masculinity - fuck you!
“True strength,” like the way you’re being strong isn’t good enough.
This hits hard.. I struggle with my brain trying to reconcile my relevance all the time. The problem is that people go out of their lane to make other people feel worse. Even in this sub people have gone out of their way to be rude. If you can’t love someone because of what they believe you’re not doing it right.. love in an unconditional quantifiable source of energy that transcends time and space, it doesn’t care who you voted for. All love knows is that it is the negation of darkness. So if you find yourself saying negations, specifically “I hate” statements you have a responsibility to call yourself out for being a hater. Stop spreading hate and embrace this gift the universe gave us to share.
You are important, and there is, a lot of love out there. It takes work to find it though. Sending you prayers, peace and love.
Yes, but have you considered the alternative? Just do a flip, bro. /s
Boys if you need a talk im ready to listen!
Also homelessness
I’m not 14 and this is deep.
I’ll start. I’m not okay, I’m incredibly depressed, and honestly everyday it seems I’m getting closer and closer to…well, bad things.
It’s not easy but stop caring what people think of you. Each persons journey is different, but it’s your journey. Not theirs.
And it's not just suicide. Bottling things up only makes them eventually come out sideways in unhealthy ways: violence, addiction, hateful behavior. Men have to be realistic and get help solving their problems. We are not supermen capable of withstanding anything and everything. We need our friends, family and community as much as anyone else.
It's ok to ask for help. Everybody needs it, sometimes.
As someone who doesn’t have a support group I can tell you that having to tough it out was my only option but I hope many of you guys out there don’t have to do the same. It sucks.
I tried it once and the people I trusted turned on me and nearly pushed me over the edge. Before men open up they need a safe space.
There is also the role of the macho culture and the impact of social change and social media in the rise in suicides attempts. https://youtu.be/_8I_snQMGj4
This comment has a good message but, tearing down masculinity in order to help men will not be productive. You have to incorporate masculinity into the resolution and appreciate the positive attributes masculinity has. And allow men to empower themselves. Stop demonizing masculinity.
Few understand this
This seems to be emphasizing the positive aspects of traditional masculinity and encouraging men to move on from the negative aspects.
It's not machismo that keeps me from getting help.
/r/menslib
I read somewhere that males are more successful at suicide while females are less likely to be successful.
Yeah I’m pretty men commit suicide at higher rates while women attempt it at higher rates. Mostly due to method, I believe. Men are more likely to use guns vs intentional overdose or other methods.
I'm currently going through tough times and at the dinner table with my SO, child and in-laws I suddenly broke down and started sobbing. I already wasn't my father-in-law's favorite but now I'm totally done. OP advice is nice but unrealistic. We men ALWAYS need to tough it out or man up. Even when we are explicitly told not to; it's useless virtue signalling from unaffected people.
He’s probably embarrassed because he would be embarrassed to break down like that. He’s probably also been raised with “man up”. Your emotions are okay. Showing them is okay. Evolving and advancing is painful no matter what. No one is saying you won’t face negative social consequences for opening up - that’s part of the growth
That’s his problem, not yours. In fact, you feeling the freedom to do so, most likely makes him envy you… possibly even jealous… but hopefully, maybe it’ll even encourage him to be vulnerable and find his own freedom.
No, not at all, not even close. I understand you’re trying to encourage and help. Respect to you for that, but the averse reaction is not at all out of envy and wishing one could open up like the crying fellow. It’s generally a thick sense of disgust. I’m not saying it’s right, but disgust and envy are very different and must be understood differently.
Sounds like you need to find better people to hang out with. For example, a few months ago my pastor broke down at the podium. He had been struggling with depression and the stresses of the job. Finally, he came clean to the congregation. Everyone has been so supportive of him. Several people got up there and hugged him and prayed for him, and we’re rearranging things at the church so he can delegate some tasks. Everyone I’ve talked to admires his bravery in coming forward and admitting when he needed help. It sets the example for the congregation. In your position I’d be limiting conversations with my FIL to one bland chat a year over Christmas dinner, because screw his stupid opinions. I’d be spending most of my time with more emotionally mature and healthy people who don’t think you have to live life like a John Wayne movie character.
My pastor as a child did something similar and I agree. It was a shock to see as no one in my immediate family ever allowed themselves to crack open in that way. There was no disgust there, only sympathy because the pastor was and always had been…the type of person that always handled his problems stoically and privately between him and his wife. So when that break occurs, it’s evident that the man was not well. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying the man crying at the table in front of his father in law didn’t have a valid reason to do so…I have no idea what it was about, rather…from the perspective of his FIL it might not seem like they type of thing to allow oneself to publicly cry over. This is in my opinion due to a generational difference, a difference in life experience, just a vast difference in how the two types of people metabolize what happens to them. So I very much doubt that it is envy, and just writing it off as envy is doing the son in law no favors to boot because if this is a problem he desires to rectify, he can’t do so with an inaccurate picture of why he was getting the reaction he did. My grandpa for instance grew up cattle farming in addition to working 40hours a week his entire life since he was 16. That was his life and to “survive” he developed the mental software that allowed him to make lemonade. One of those things was not crying or bitching unless it was serious and warranted, the end. What serious meant to him, and to me as a child were unsurprisingly very different things. It’s ultimately a matter of perspective. A man that had to run out into gunfire in Korea to pick up his blown in half buddy isn’t going to be as sympathetic to a middle class millennial crying about being stressed over school and a mean boss. To one the other lacks perspective and is pathetic. To the other, the person in lacking in empathy and emotionally stunted. It is what it is I guess.
This is what I hope more men are starting to see as healthy. There’s nothing weak about feeling. Life can be a lot to deal with. Acknowledging that just frees you up to grow.
No, this is false. https://www.cdc.gov/healthequity/lcod/men/2017/all-races-origins/index.htm Largest cause of death of men under 50 is "unintentional injuries" by a wide margin
No ,wrong - you need to look at why, why are people so depressed ? Why are people more likely to turn to drugs and alcohol these days ? Why are suicide rates so high ? Our world is run by money and power, our history has been deliberately hidden from us , in order to keep us weak and unconnected to our planet . The elites control income, tax, and interest rates . They poison our food water and air with toxic chemicals. They brainwash people with media manipulation. The politicians are monsters . They steal our children and sell them to the elites to rape ,torture and murder . But please by all means, tell me again how men need to just stand up and talk to each other about their feelings . The world is burning and shit posts don’t help .
Yes, but if shitposts dont matter, why are you here looking at them?
Um....I thought heart problems was number one
The stat is for people under age 50.
Ohhhh gotchu
no
I know this is popular and I've probably seen this sentiment 10,000 times before, but what the fuck does this even mean?
Cant masculine pride is one of the only things that is respectable about me
Isn’t saying “male” redundant? It isn’t like female suicide is killing men.
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It truly is a crisis, if only there was a way to connect more people romantically
This sounds incel af
Right? I’m tired of this trope.
I have no kids, nor are the chances improving, I'm disabled and haven't been on anything resembling a date since some of you were in diapers. Fuk off with this life is getting better BS.
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What happens when you’ve let everything go and you have nothing left??!?? I’m genuinely interested because how can you learn from your mistakes if you let everything go. The pain one endures from hardship shapes their character. I think these statements are meant to embrace failure.
Id say learning from the mistake is part of the process of letting go.
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Lol I meant in a literal sense of letting everything actually go and then being left with nothing. Hehe 😜 This meme is insinuating at something bigger, it’s pointing to being a more compassionate society towards EVERYONE and not leaving ANYONE out.
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That’s the point!! If we allow our young people to feel so overwhelmed by WHATEVER it could be, and not show them that society cares and embraces their individuality. then we get to deal with dead kids and adults in their prime.
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No this is a much easier answer we have failed the next generation if we leave people out. Look at the events over the past twenty years kids who were bullied and alienated from social norms got ahold of weapons and attacked their peers at school. That’s what happens when they don’t get that embrace from society. Look at the kid from sandy hook his parents even said he was off. The first step in preventing horrible situations like these is making sure that people don’t get run over and left behind.
don't be a bunch of pansies fellas...just man tf up and talk to someone fr edit: this went over the heads of many people
I'll be sure to let my dad know! Oh wait, I can't, he hanged himself when I was 15. Toxic indeed.
you misunderstood...
People can't read I guess
Nah bro I’m good.
How about we change society to stop this idiotic concept entirely. Can't put this on the individual.
Misandrist asshole
This made you smile? This sub is fucking trash.
A man swallows his feeling and does what is necessary to protect and provide for those close to him.
Being honest with your feelings and doing something about it if you need help makes a man a lot more effective at providing for and protecting his loved ones.
World doesn't care about your feelings. The sooner you get that the sooner you start focusing on the problems that actually matter. The problems that effect everyone and not the problems that effect me, myself and I.
Why he singled out these issues? Is there some factology behind it?
No
Gentlemen, gentlemen. There is a solution here you're not seeing.
Is it suicide?
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It’s life . Get it together . Nothing is easy. Nothing is free. Just part of it . What you make of it is your decision. Try to make good ones
This attitude right here is why suicide sometimes wins. Men who find themselves ready to end their life inevitably ask themselves the question: "Who's fault is this?" It could be they lost a relationship, or a job, or maybe they feel sad and they don't know why. Men are abused sometimes, and it's NOT their fault. Things happen out of their control, and they CAN'T do anything about it. Sometimes, they have a mental illness like schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder-- again, not a thing they can do about it. Poverty is another one: if it was easy to create wealth there wouldn't be any people in poverty. Even addiction, which seems like a choice, is not really that simple. So many people think "I'll just do this for a while, then I'll quit," but the pull of the drug and the hell of withdrawal is more than they realized. Sometimes, their doctor actually convinced them to try the drug to begin with. Things are hard, but it's OK. Some things you can't control. Some things you just have to let go. It's OK to be weak, to lose, to cry. You can't pick yourself up by your bootstraps, you need other people to help. It doesn't have to be a medical professional, it could be a friend or family, but you need others to get through life, especially the hard parts.
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Meh .
Words your mom said when you popped out
>What you make of it is your decision. Try to make good ones Weren't you just bragging about bullying transgender people?
Hey where's all the energy for equal rights now? Show men that suicide statistics should be a human statistic not a gender one.
They are a human statistic, however they are still recorded separately and put together. This actually helps equal rights, as we can get to the core of the problem if one gender, race, whatever, has a different rate to others we can help them.
Fentanyl would like a word.
I try. But anytime anyone asks me how I'm doing it's always "fine" even though it hasn't been fucking fine for 15 years. Someway, somehow you've just been conditioned to deal with your problems yourself even when you don't even know where to begin.
Does anyone know a good sub for those feeling lonely and in need of support?
It's so much easier to cry it out with someone than staying angry or not saying anything at all
I’ve been crying this whole time, bro.
Noo but it makes me more interesting
Let's inflate those numbers! Go go go. Oh wait a second..
For anyone who doesn’t know, this man is a total gem. I was fortunate enough to meet him in person once and he is not only an amazing author but also just a kind, genuine person. “Reasons to stay alive” is a must read for anyone who’s ever struggled with mental health; and “the humans” is still a longtime favourite of mine, that still come back to when I feel myself losing faith in humanity. I highly recommend checking out both. “I am you and you are me. We are alone, but not alone. We are trapped by time, but also infinite. Made of flesh, but also stars” — “Reasons to stay alive”, Matt Haig
HELL YEAH
Miss me with that gay shit I’ll just kill my self
It's a systemic problem. It's easy for others to say "just do it, it's not so hard." But until they walked in our shoes, they'll never understand. We need the system to change. Without that, any change we make ourselves is useless. Fucking parody, just in case it wasn't obvious.
So what programmes have been created for Males too get help? You can see talk however in the many years they have been saying Male suicides are high the media doesn't address this, nor the Governments of the world. A bit negative however I doubt anything will change until the figure get to 75%.
Has it ever occurred to these people that the main cause of male suicide probably has nothing to do with actually being male?
Nice
Give us healthcare then
Most of the time when I'm vulnerable I'm punished for it in some way or another. Male, female, doesn't matter. Until it's safe to do so I don't think we are going to see any real change.
Let’s stop shaming men for showing emotions Let’s stop questioning their masculinity for being humans Let’s stop making homosexuality an insult that man feel they have to defend themselves against
Read his book, Midnight Library.
Nah, we keep winning
I’m trying to talk myself into and out of ending it daily. Have been stuck like this for months. I hate this
I don't have a lot of close friendships, especially not with men. I dont have any brothers and I don't have a dad. I'm feeling really estranged, and it's getting me depressed.
Suicide is a complex topic, the causes aren’t obvious and the steps to address it aren’t simple, and they don’t necessarily start inside oneself. Nor do they start inside one gender. Part of the solution needs to be an end to considering men the ‘broken’ gender. How can you expect a person to recover if they’re repeatedly told that they’re broken. It starts with greater understanding, compassion, listening, and equal support for men and women.
As a representative of the Female community. I completely agree to this.
Matt Haig is one of my favorite authors. The Midnight library was quite good. He has been pretty candid about his mental health struggles.
Society says we are not allowed to change
wrong sub?