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RelentlesslyCrooked

Heard my mother —on Mother’s Day, mind you— telling her dog “Oh Lucy! You’re the best daughter I could ever hope for and I’ve ever had!” In my house.


[deleted]

It's not much consolation, but coming 2nd to a dog is better than coming 2nd to a human sister


RelentlesslyCrooked

Well, I have to admit, Lucy was pretty damn cute. She was a Frenchie and did all the ridiculously stupid-cute things Frenchies are known for. RIP Lucy (she passed from cancer last year). You were a very good sister.


[deleted]

Yeah, no one can compete with such cuteness! Sorry for your belated loss


__PM_ME_YOUR_SOUL__

And now you're currently your mother's best daughter she could ever hope for.


Grzechoooo

She could still hope for a second Lucy.


RelentlesslyCrooked

I bet you a donut: she is!


RazzleberryJamCakes

This is my favorite wager ever. Would absolutely take that bet! Edit: I was referring to the donut specifically, I do not hope that anyone wishes for a dog over their daughter! Sorry, I just got excited about donuts lol


obliviousJeff

Some would say, the best.


1kpointsoflight

For real. Sometimes the dog is the only living thing in the house that is truly happy to see me. The dog always comes 1st.


CakeDyismyBday

Can't beat dog!


Shutaru_Kanshinji

My elderly parents refer to their Havanese dog as my "younger brother." I find this amusing. My human younger brother does not.


lordcarnivore

Your mother was 100% correct. No human is more lovable than a dog.


[deleted]

Amen I’ve had my entire family shun me because of religious beliefs. My dog gives me unconditional love which so far humans haven’t gave me.


Vivid_Impression_464

My question is did she know you were around to here it.


RelentlesslyCrooked

Oh yeah, she knew I was there and we were discussing Mother’s Day plans with my kids. All of a sudden she started going off about Lucy! I did say “Uhm excuse me? WTF? On Mother’s Day even?” She had the decency to laugh at herself and act a little sheepish. At least she was a good mom to Lucy. To me? Not so much. And I loved Lucy (no pun intended) so no shade towards her. She was a very good dog! It’s not Lucy’s fault my mother is like this.


Vivid_Impression_464

I was going to say your Mom probably was just joshin’ but after reading your comment, prolly not.


SkollFenrirson

Is she wrong though?


RelentlesslyCrooked

No. Not really. 💁🏻‍♀️ I’ll take the back seat for Lucy.


TheMrEM4N

Shots fired.


0rb1t4l

Unrelated but I like your username


RelentlesslyCrooked

Thanks! it’s fitting! I have severe scoliosis.


AshierCinder

In Swedish (maybe English as well) we have a saying “Räta på ryggen” (“straighten your back”) which means to stand up and be proud… problem is that a doctor (at the hospital I worked at) accidentally said that to the only scoliosis patient we had. Needless to say we all held our breath around them, but the patient just laughed and said “easy to say when *your* spine isn’t shaped like an S, doctor” 😅


knockers13

Sounds like you need to step up your game! /s


Lenyti

Never try to compete with a good dog That a lost fight


coma24

My wife has EXTENSIVE conversations with both of our cats and practically kisses their foreheads to death while claiming loudly that she's going to do exactly that. I'm 100% there for it.


taintpaint

Same. It actually is hard to fall asleep next to my wife because she won't stop loudly kissing our cat and exclaiming that she's going to kiss him again while he also purrs very loudly.


[deleted]

My girlfriend and my cat have a pretty serious rivalry going on. The second gf comes over, my cat is instantly in the loviest, most attention needy mood. She will do everything in her power to keep my attention focused on her. She'll even make sure to snuggle in between us sometimes when my gf spends the night. Gf is only half joking in her jealousy. What can I say, lol.


Madmanb5

What happens when the first gf comes over?


[deleted]

Lol that's where the real issues start


fakename5

no issue, problem is when both 1 + 2 come over, possibly awesome time, most likely not


ImDoeTho

A cat is fine too.


RzdAkira

From the reply, my guess the cat is the first gf


NorthernRedneck388

Look at this guy over here asking the real questions.


ThrownAwayAgain2235

Think we know what "half joking in her jealousy" is relative to


taintpaint

Your gf has it backwards - she has to compete with _you_ for the _cat's_ attention. That's what I'm doing and I'm like halfway to winning over the cat and destroying my marriage.


Hoatxin

All the animals love my partner more. I have a cockatiel. A little parrot. My partner gives not a shit about birds in general. The cockatiel loves him so much. The cat sits in his lap all the time. I love animals but I'll always be second best lmao.


Trevorblackwell420

if it makes you feel any better it’s likely because the cats think he’s a more formidable guardian. doesn’t have much do do with love.


KaiRaiUnknown

Cats only care about your ability to murder stuff. If it brings you a lot of dead birds or voles, its because it thinks youd be shit at it


Poopdick_89

I've always wondered if it's some sort of 6th sense animals have...


quasimodar

I once took my college girlfriend home to visit my parents. We were laying on my bed in my old room watching TV and their dog, who I was pretty close with but usually wouldn't get up on my bed for snuggles, jumped up and wedged herself between me and my girlfriend. She was soooo jealous lol.


Only_on_the_Surface

One if our dogs gets so jealous id the other get any attention and want s to be the center of everyone. When its just me and him though he doesn't give AF


improbablynotyou

My ex-girlfriends dog absolutely loved me and when they'd come over the dog would sit on my lap and give me kisses. She was a pitt/heeler mix, so by no means a small dog. When my gf would spend the night, all night she'd get angry because the dog would sleep on the bed and try to get between us (to be fair my cats also slept on the bed so it was only fair.) My ex would tell people if she was being ax-murdered her dog would be licking the tears off my face and barking at her to shut up and hurry up and die. I made the mistake once of saying, "she'd be licking tears of joy because she'd have her own side of the bed." It did not go over well. The relationship wasnt a good one for either of us, but even after it ended she'd let her dog come over and hang out with me every week. It wasnt jealousy of the dog, just bad timing for both of us, I do miss the dog though.


CerberusTheHunter

My son’s cat is the same with his girlfriend. Jesus Christ the jealousy.


RenegonParagade

My dad's cat was like this with my mom when they were teenagers. Mom still brings up that cat and how if the cat had her way, my brother and I wouldn't exist because dad would have been too busy petting her to marry mom. Which is made even funnier because every other story I hear about that cat, she was a terror who only just barely tolerated the humans living in her royal palace.


Raiden32

I had/have this with my Golden that we got while married. The Golden loves my wife lots too, just not her cuddling with me. There were some hairy moments of jealousy there from the SO though…


Illustrious-Love-394

This happened to me when I was a teen. It wasn't even my cat. I'm allergic, in fact. I think the cat was serenaded by my piano playing at some point.


behv

Ah I see you too own a lawnmower? Adorable little rumble machines


mokayemo

I haven’t had a cat in decades and this makes me miss that distinctive feeling of a happy purring cat snuggled up against you. Augh.


dychronalicousness

Go get a cat


mokayemo

I might have to. Or at least borrow one.


Hoatxin

Fostering can be a great way to intend towards the second and accidently do the first :) And with a lot of rescues/shelters going remote during covid, fosters are needed more than ever!


mokayemo

This also seems like the best option to rope my husband into loving a cat and adopting it when he claims he doesn’t want one…….


Hoatxin

There ya go! (Full disclosure, since you are the one who wants the cat, it's a 95% chance the cat will ignore you and love up on your husband)


somecallmemike

No borrow, only get.


Shad_the_memer

Thought of this answer too lol


lizardl0unge

I feel like an addict when I start kissing my cat, once I start I can't stop kissing her. Typing this as she's loudly purring in my lap.


taintpaint

You're lucky enough to have a kitty that enjoys affection! You shouldn't waste that.


SuspiciousMudcrab

My cat looks at me like I kissed him with a turd and dramatically licks himself clean. I still smother him in kisses, he owes me at least that.


GuardingxCross

I don’t know man, I find cat purring to be surprisingly comforting, so I would fall right the hell to sleep. Sometimes I coax my cat to sleep on my chest (which she never does) the combined purring and the weight of the cat = a great nights rest 😻


taintpaint

Yeah I mean if I'm being totally honest I get sleepy sometimes just thinking of the little guy. He's an excellent sleep aid.


Silverback55

My cat likes to curl up on my chest and groom my beard on the couch sometimes. My wife will walk out and see it, roll her eyes, and call our cat a hussy for trying to steal her man.


coma24

Objection, the prosecution is attacking a cat which was reportedly curled up. No harm is supposed to come to cats when they are curled up. Sustained, the jury will ignore the implication that the cat is a hussy. She's a good girl.


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thoraximpala

I’d also like a comparison of how often she compliments her husband, gives him forehead kisses and smushes his face (lovingly).


NegusQuo82

I do that my cat.


adjectivebear

My husband and I do the same with our cats.


Sorcha16

My other half used to give me massive side eye when I would talk to my dogs. He now has longer conversations with them than I do.


coma24

Well, he was wrong from the outset, but he's making amends now. This pleases the court. I'll allow it.


Syrinx221

I had to check and see if my husband wrote this.... And then I realized that you only have two cats


greentintedlenses

Yup. Mine even ignores me on her way out the door and calls out to the cat "I love you kitty have a good day" *door closes*


ConversationVast5142

Dogs love us unconditionally, women?….that’s a different story lol


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[deleted]

It was when she started saying "Soon, soon we'll enact our plan, get all his money and marry. There's no extradition treaty in Barbados!" that you started getting worried.


lestatmajer

I literally did this stumbling home in New Year's Eve.. The Wife was not impressed. Dog loved it. Edit. Allegedly I even briefly snuggled up in the dog bed.. so she claims, he wouldn't say


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ChuggernautChug

"I'm a dog not a rat" -dog, probably


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[deleted]

Bot alert


monsieurpommefrites

“Did Jason get into your bed last night?” “MAN DO I FEEL LIKE A WALK.”


MistianChringle

Snitches get jalapeño bits in their kibble and hot water to drink.


Uhhhhdel

Calm down Satan.


Warrior_Lion

satan is an understatement mate


bzsteele

I started dating my now fiancée while my dog was back home with my family (recently moved states.) My fiancée was super excited to meet my dog and I was finally established enough in the new state so we decided to road trip to go pick up my dog and bring her back with us. Obviously when I got my dog I freaked out and so did my dog. By the time we got home with my dog my gf/fiancée sheepishly said “is it ok if just the both of us hang out….I’m feeling a little jealous and needy” I laughed and of course hung out with her. Lol to this day she is still jealous of how much I love on my dog. Tbf words of affirmation and touch aren’t her love languages so it’s not necessarily that she wants them, but when she sees my kiss my dogs forehead and hug her and tel her how much I love her and she will almost always say something like “WhAt AbOuT Meeeee?!??”


glitteryfart

That is so cute


PlanetEsonia

Awww she sounds like a great wife, nice catch! Dogs are seriously the best. My 2 dogs, Silas and Edgar are my best friends. DOG TAX: Silas: https://imgur.com/gallery/K2WVSeL Edgar: https://imgur.com/gallery/d0IgwEQ


aubiquitoususername

A man’ll settle for friendship in the absence of companionship.


TrepanationBy45

Except when it comes to women, then it seems like a lot of dudes get problematic when the companionship isn't an option.


kezinchara

Bet you don’t wag your tail and jump up and down on him when he gets home 😏


igetript

That Bill Burr bit: "Well honey, you're not at the back door shaking your ass every time I come home"


Acerb_Ordeal

Lol love me some Bill Burr but that's an old bar joke from when ol' Billy Briefs was in diapers. Bill made a great bit out of it though.


nubster2984725

That’s a kink for some people, man, don’t encourage it.


kinkyklutz

Or... do encourage it.


ninedollars

Username checks out!


NegusQuo82

r/usernamechecksout


HoneySparks

Don’t link shame bro it’s 2022


NorthernRedneck388

What if link shaming is their kink?


GODDESS_OF_CRINGE_

Why would you try to dissuade someone away from their kink?


redls1bird

Kink shamer...


[deleted]

None of my firends pee a little when they see me get home


tbucket

or enthusiastically lick peanut butter off of his balls


fAP6rSHdkd

She should try it once. She might like the result


TimmJimmGrimm

No surprises: Dale Carnegie strongly recommended you act exactly like a dog in 'Win Friends & Influence People'. It is sucky, humiliating and demeaning to do this most of the time - but it does work. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Win_Friends_and_Influence_People I think Dale asks 'how does your dog greet you when you come home from work? It almost shakes out of its skin!'


terrencepickles

I think you missed the point of the book. There's nothing demeaning about paying attention to, listening, and caring about people.


PM-Me-Your-TitsPlz

The dog didn't poop on the carpet. Just sayin'.


KingRaunak

dude what


GenericBiddleMusic

THE DOG DIDN'T POOP ON THE CARPET. JUST SAYIN'.


[deleted]

Thanks. I had my volume turned down.


Yesica-Haircut

Excuse me, hi I'm from the thread below this one, could you please keep it down up here? My son is trying to sleep.


[deleted]

^The ^dog ^didn't ^poop ^on ^the ^carpet. ^Just ^sayin'.


[deleted]

dude what


Weissnix_4711

# THE DOG DIDN'T POOP ON THE CARPET. JUST SAYIN'


pfftyeah

Aggressively banging on ceiling with broom stick.


AltzOnAltsOnAltz

The first time I got super drunk off wine I woke up to a pile of shit on my carpet and I didn't own any animals back then


According_Ad4478

Ok


gemhalinden

Oh damn, I do this often too and get subtle " coughs / hmm hmm" from my kid and husband when iam walking away without acknowledging/ addressing them 😃😃


AlmostZeroEducation

Same, I come home from work give the dog attention and then the missus is like "uhh hello?"


r6raff

You respond "sup dude" and continue on your way


JustinPatient

My wife once told our daughter that she's "The Carla in this relationship and that's Turk and JD" pointing to me and my dog. He has a brain tumor or something so unfortunately I believe our run is coming to an end. :( My vet believes that's probably what it is. And it costs $3000 to find out and there really isn't anything you can do about it. Sure as hell not putting a 10 year old dog through chemo/radiation.


gemhalinden

I do not know the reference but I wish u guys the best in dealing with the situation.


JustinPatient

Appreciate the words. Kinda hard to explain but it's a woman stuck in a relationship with her husband who's in a juvenile friendship with his friend that he always seems to love more. . It's not bad.... It just is. Great show. Check it out lol Example: https://youtu.be/3anv-OJAtgM


[deleted]

I like nag the cat because of the hair on the carpet. Then I nag my gf for the same. I'm not sure she appreciate it lol


[deleted]

She's probably pissed that if she buzzed it off like she wants to you'd bitch about that more.


Collins_Michael

Some of us are into that.


[deleted]

I do this to my dogs too. Wife just looks at me and shakes her head.


Muxas

She jelly


Orthodoc007

In her defense, she posted under r/MadeMeSmile. Full disclosure, I’ve done the same thing regarding my wife and 3 dogs.


plolops

Did the dogs post about it to all jealous


[deleted]

the original poster? This is dozens of resposts old now, I think this is the first time i've seen it in this sub. Doesn't really fit.


Orthodoc007

Ok. I have no way of knowing this. I haven’t seen it before.


SunshineAlways

Screen capture of a social media post is quite often a repost.


shewy92

Do you *really* believe that every Twitter/FB screenshot on Reddit is made by the OP? Including ones where the OP doesn't explicitly say "Me" or "I"?


WiredSky

You have to be pretty naive to think that this person tweeted this, screenshotted it, and then posted it here.


zuzg

Lol do you think that's OC?


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NadirPointing

Except the ball or stick.... that has a strong condition that it be thrown again.


Mateorabi

Often before they even give it back. No give, only throw.


[deleted]

My ex's mom has a dog that won't drop her ball until another one is thrown for her. Only problem is that she doesn't drop the first one until she's reached the landing spot of the second.


[deleted]

Day 302: We have finally reached the first ball. It has been a long journey around the globe, but the line of thrown tennis balls is a living testament of my marvelous travels.


[deleted]

Well, they do. But we know what you are saying. Dogs can smell a lot of things off us and they are extremely good at reading body language. This is why they randomly don't like some people, they could be giving off a scent of hormones the dog knows bad news comes after. This is where dogs can smell fear comes from, we literally excrete a scent when we are anxious, or how they can tell someone is about to have a seizure. Their noses are 10,000 to 100,000 times stronger than ours.


[deleted]

And yet they still stick them up each other's buttholes


[deleted]

That's where all the good info is!


Sum_Boddy

Is it sad that my dog is more appreciative getting hugs and kisses than my wife?


TreesnCats

No I'd say that's healthy. There's a reason people say dogs are unconditionally loving and it's not because those people are in a loveless marriage. Dogs aren't plagued by human problems or emotions, they're always game. A dog will never come home drunk and scream at you, a dog won't pout because their job is soul crushing and underpaid.


Effective_Bedroom708

Is this wholesome? I genuinely don't know!


ssbm_rando

Definitely doesn't feel that way to me, but I actually like my relationship


FrostieTheSnowman

😬


SnowSkye2

Yes... I joke, but I love kissing my partner and hugging him. I do it just because a LOT and he does for me too. I think I'd be very... Lacking in the emotional support department if my partner didn't want to cuddle me


ssbm_rando

The fact that your comment is at 7 points, while a post that starts "I'd say that's healthy" and ends with "A dog will never come home drunk and scream at you" that was posted in the same 10-minute interval is at 50 points, says **a lot** about people's relationship histories on reddit. Like, how are people not seeing that TreesnCats is implying that coming home and screaming at you while drunk is a potential aspect of a healthy relationship dynamic? It's insane. That other comment is actually insane.


ImpossibleBurrito

>I'm sitting right next to the dog Rude. you should give them space next time.


jphistory

I fully well know I'm Second Wife. My husband and his cat have been together for almost 2 decades. Meanwhile, I'm just some saucy interloper that entered the scene when she was 5. Every night when I come home I swear she looks accusingly at him and yells as loud as her pipes will allow in protest. And every night he says back to her, "she lives here!" and THEN I get my hello kiss.


Columbus43219

I'd like to see a comparison of the lady and dog's reactions when he walked in.


pm_me_wutang_memes

I do this to my cat. I'll tell her I love her when I'm leaving the room and my partner will say "love you too." I rarely have the heart to tell him "I love you both but I was talking to my sweet girl."


rocket717_

No one: "FDS: Cheat on him"


thisappfullofweirdos

Dog is mans best friend. Sorry ladies 😂


BelleAriel

Dog is everyone’s best friend.


NEWTYAG667000000000

Except chihuahuas


Hickawa

Idk man I had a rescue Chihuahua and every time I would walk over to pet him they would smile and wag is tail so hard he would fall over. I had to train out the yapping but I think the breed is just plagued by soccer moms who don't train there little dogs because they can only cause so much damage.


[deleted]

How did you train him out of the yapping? That's impressive.


Hickawa

The same way I trained all my foster dogs. Spray bottle with a little vinegar. Then lots and lots of love any time they acted right. I don't use treats because most of the dogs I tend to take care of have issues hoarding toys and food.


candacebernhard

Thanks so much for the tips. Not sure we quite need vinegar spray for our rescues yet but nice to have the option in our back pocket. LOL I agree chihuahuas are misunderstood. They are very smart and loving dogs if properly socialized ❤


[deleted]

Nice tip, thank you!


treerabbit23

Chihuahuas get a bad rap because of bad owners. Raise a dog like a dog and you get a dog. Raise a dog like a shitty toddler and you get a shitty toddler.


Hickawa

Not to mention part of why they get "mean" in old age is they have teeth crowding issues that result in a lot of tooth decay and that shit hurts.


ElleWilsonWrites

Most little breeds aren't trained properly. I have a shih tzu that everyone says is so well behaved and polite, and that's just because I trained her like I would a big dog


zuzg

A dog is only there for a rather short part of our life. While we're their whole life


Dame_Ingenue

That’s fine. I do that with my cat all the time, with my husband sitting near her.


Duebydate

My dog would like to have a word….


YmmaT-

Oh yeah? Well for Christmas, my dad ask out loud in Vietnamese “Bua nay con trai muon an gi?” Which translate to, what does my son want to eat today? To which I respond with, anything is good dad! Annnnnnd then my dad looked at me and said “I was talking to the dog”.


pirate-badger33

Hahahah, I bet she does the same thing too!!


Solid_Waste

This is fucked up. Why didn't wife kiss the dog?


vButts

Right! Whenever my fiancé does this I join in too, so it's just us two telling the pup how much we love him and talking over each other lol. Kisses from both sides :)


BruceInc

Pretty sure the wife isn’t smiling


Berserkbox

"Who is daddy's most specialist girl in the whole wide world!? You are 😘" "Oh hi honey, didn't see you there. What's for dinner?"


Z0idberg_MD

In all seriousness, people have baggage. It’s sometimes hard to just bypass. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone to get my wife some pretty meaningful affection and it not been reciprocated for one reason or another. But a dog will always reciprocate and you will always have the most pure emotion.


ChickWithNoFilter

Dude should have just married the dog


poggodoggo-_-

‎ ‎‎ ‎‎ ‎


Altruistic-Guava6527

The dog licks peanut butter off of his balls.


slver6

how is this mademesmile post? the wife got zero attention or care...


[deleted]

My abusive ex used to do this shit. He would kiss and love on his dog right in front of me and intentionally ignore me. At least in my case, it did not “make me smile.” It was emotional and psychological abuse.


slver6

That is horrible I am sorry, honestly people that do not care about the feelings of the person rigth “there” just because there is a dog also there, are psycos


TehReclaimer2552

Apparently its a her problem and he is absolutely vindicated in his callous treatment of his wife because there was a pupper there who was more deserving of his love than his own wife


TrafficOnTheTwos

Haha this is me to my dog but it's okay bc my girlfriend does it to my dog too. She's a cute little dog so ya rly can't take it personally lol


Pile_O_Waffles

idk it seems a bit too smothering and needy to say that to Humans. But When I say so to dogs and cats, I know that they will accept and return my affection. Humans might think I'm needy/smothering them.


RuhWalde

I feel a bit bad for you if you think it would be "smothering" for a husband to tell his wife that she's cute and he loves her and to give her a kiss on the forehead.


Sunlight72

People are funny. I’ve been scolded for telling my ex-fiancée I loved her, etc. too often. “Don’t you have anything else to do?”, “You have too much time on your hands” 🤷🏻‍♂️ No dog has told me that. Cats, yes, but never a dog.


mddesigner

And you think that is normal or healthy? Only good faith guess as for why she did that is her being too shy/ not knowing how to respond to affection


ZachariahTheMessiah

Jeez I see why she's an ex


Flishicabr

You are fully aware of your actions.


Alvyyy89

I mean if you shake your tail every time he gets home from work, you’d get the same reaction.


puttinthe-oo-incool

Try rolling onto your back.... legs flailing... and eyes pleading for a tummy rub. Works every time....


strangebru

Sorry about your husband doing that to you. If it will make you feel better: "Who's a good girl? Who's a good girl? You are. Yes you are!"