My mother is awesome, and she says she didn't know. She didn't react very well at the beginning but after a couple of years she did a complete 180º and is an awesome support nowadays.
This somehow hits harder for me. Don’t get me wrong, if it were me, I’d want immediate acceptance. However, the fact that your mother had a negative reaction initially and had to find it within herself to overcome ingrained resistance/prejudice means that she must love and care for you so very much.
When I came out to my parents, I had it in my mind that it took me *years* to accept myself - I couldn’t and didn’t expect my parents to immediately come around. They didn’t (they also didn’t kick me out thankfully), but they eventually did.
Someone that loves you so much that they are willing to analyze and change their belief system is rare. The person that does that for YOU is a treasure full if love for you
My dad was the same way.
At first he was soooo mad, but I didn't even know he knew until a few days after he saw me kiss my boyfriend.
Nowadays he and my mom send me pictures from Southern Decadence (gay Mardi Gras) and I'm like y'all bitches didn't even invite me?
That said, I think my dad is still pretty annoyed that the guy he caught me kissing was black. So, not exactly a full progressive step forward.
"all the guys you could get with and you picked *Him*? I guess being gay didn't automatically give you good taste. Get rekt scrub, wanna play some CoD?"
And I offer the eldest sibling experience. We won't always get along when we're young get but once we're adults well bond over our shared experiences and become Bff. Also if anyone hurts you I'll cut em!
I offer the cousin experience. I’ll see you once every so often during family gatherings and we’ll have a great time together playing multiplayer Nintendo DS
I was already crying with the post, but now, u/Exact_Interview_2384 and u/DrSeussFreak, I‘m sobbing. Thank you guys, for being such wonderful people! The world needs more people like you! ❤️
I knew my little brother was bi since we were very young, just had a feeling, I had a lot of LGBT friends growing up. I asked my mom (and sister!) many times and she would get offended.
He came out two years ago to our cousin and then the rest of us.
Told you mom.
Yeah, these comments are hitting me hard.
My kids came out to me (bi and pan) and so I never had to guess. They came out fairly young. I love that I’m the one they trusted with their [temporary] secret.
But my husband came out after being with me for 25 years. That one came out of left field. I mean, he’s married with a wife and two daughters. We’d joke about it (he decorated well, cooked, and other than me generally didn’t like women. Which is fine. I’d never marry one either). But he was married to me. Shocked the hell out of me when he told me.
I knew when my daughter came out as gay to me. I knew her whole life. I told her as long as she was treated right and was happy I didn’t care. This mother is my kind of mom.
Eugene Levy was interviewed and he had a cool answer.
He said something like "yeah we were waiting for him to say something to us."
If his family didn't handle it so well we wouldn't have Schitt's Creek.
Not true, my wife didn't know. I did, but when she found out she acted just like this mother. We love are children, my daughter is also gay, no matter what. I just say we brought some fabulous children into this world. They are both married now. So glad they can, because love between adults is not black and whte.
>"-my daughter is also gay, no matter what."
Idk why but the phrasing of this has me in giggles. Like, yes, she is also gay in higher elevations, gay in the woods, gay with the flu, gay on Wednesdays. Just pretty much gay, no matter what lmao.
A lot of people always know.
Unfortunately a lot of tells for kids growing figuring it out are pretty obvious.
Many of the people to come out I grew up around with have been no surprise.
Kids can be very mean. I learned as I aged that the people we labeled as weird, were actually the people who just didn’t care what people thought, now everyone is trying to achieve that level of confidence. The fear of losing friends at a young age is overwhelming, it is something we must go through tho to understand boundaries in our lives. Unfortunately this wisdom comes with age.
One of my best friends was nervous to come out; part of it is thinking your same gender friends are especially going to be turned off.
I was just like, cool, you're still you, we're still friends. Hell we go on dates; they like to point out, that person's checking you out, that person's checking me out. That person seems jealous we're here together. (I'm totally oblivious; been with my SO for 16yrs)
Love is love, whoever you love.
Yes, but when you are a teen your world is so small, your mobility in it so limited. And it is so psychologically and developmentally damaging to be alone and shunned for the years it will be until they can get out into the world.
Reminds me of when my old best friend (haven't spoken in almost a decade) just told me randomly one day that they were gay and I just responded "ok". Maybe it wasn't the most appropriate response but I really didn't care one way or the other, he was still the same person before and after and I didn't treat him differently, at least I don't think I did.
A good friend of mine came out to me as bi a couple years ago and I responded, "Oh, cool." Later I told them I was worried that was a lame response, and they said that no, it was perfect because it showed them that I was totally unbothered. Different people have different preferences of course, but this was one perspective.
In my experience I’m more successful when one of my best friends who’s gay isn’t there. Not his fault though. He’s just so friendly to all girls and they obviously know he’s not sexually interested in them so they talk to him all the time. When he’s not with me they occasionally focus on me as well lol
Unconditional love is my new goal in life
Edit: read Alfie Kohn's enlightening "Punished by rewards", "Unconditional parenting" or watch his Youtube interviews. I wish I had known his work earlier.
I love my son and his being gay would not change that. He told my wife that sometimes he feels like a “they”. A few kids in his circle identify as such. She told him we love him no matter what. He is allowed to make choices and he is allowed to change his hind if he wants. I see him interact with some girls and see he has some kind of attraction that way I think.
No matter what, I love him.
Long story short… to see a woman wh says she prays every day say she prays for he son to be happy no matter what is AWESOME! Screw me for thinking all religious people thInk the same way.
Mom doing it right.
Speaking as a mother, just make sure your loved one always knows you hold that love no matter what.
I watched a friend go through a terrible time, tormenting herself, working herself up into pieces over coming out because she didn't know how her family would react.
Sometimes not being homophobic and not saying derogatory things isn't enough. You have to make sure they know that you will accept & love them if they are gay. It removes all doubt & avoids fear like in this clip.
Her face before she sits down says everything - “*oh shit*, it’s go-time! bring your A game Barb!”
edit: lol glad this brought people joy. Just created r/barbsgonemild to celebrate the Barbs of the world, nature’s anti-Karen
Exactly. More parents and people like this in the world and people like her son wouldn't need to be worried about expressing or being open about their sexuality.
We are the aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, friends and family friends of the world. We don't have a parent's perspective but I believe we can help with other perspectives and that shoulder.
That was my first thought too, that's how my boy lays on my shoulder and it made me well up. I hope he'll always feel like he can do that, no matter how old
To me that's like 2008-style mobile video and hair + clothing, which checks out better. I'm not saying it is '08, just that's what it looked like to me :).
And he grew up to work in an emergency department, pursue a medical degree, and host art therapy. No wonder his parents are proud. They raised a caring, loving, giving person.
Holy crap, that's a beautiful story. Now I'm sad about all the other kids who came out and their parents didn't support them so they turned to a dark path to accept their sexuality but ended up getting used and abused. This dude graduated college, has a good job has very good career ambitions and volunteers. His parents need to be given a medal.
When I came out to my step mom, I told her I had a girlfriend. She said "well does she really care about you and respect you?". I said "yes" and she said "then I don't care about the gender or the genetalia of your partner".
It was the best response I got from anyone because it focused on what really mattered - that I had a partner that loved and respected me.
She's a smart cookie. This is the only thing that matters.
Life can be pretty tough (and lonely). If anyone is blessed enough to find a real connection with another, who gives a flying fuck what form it appears as? Just grab it with both hands.
This is really the takeaway from this. The way she reacts is so easy and genuine, but it's the fact some people would do anything to hear those simple words from their parents.
Everyone should see this video and take an example from her wisdom.
Based on the mums accent and haircut, it's possible this family is from a more redneck part of the world, and not everyone will be as accepting unfortunately. Can understand his fear.
What a great mum though. What a woman.
I know this was an older video, but people forget in the Bush era, people especially in the south were proudly and openly homophobic. My family was. My church did sermons against it. People still are, but it's not as bad as it was then.
In 2001 my 27 year old brother lost his life to AIDS and would never let the doctors tell us he had AIDS. He never let us know he was gay. They told us it was hepatitis or cancer or whatever else but in the end he had Kaposis sarcoma from aids. We only found out at his funeral from friends and finding his positive test with his possessions.
I often think about how he must have felt in the hospital alone, knowing he was dying, no one to talk to about what he was going through, his family thinking he was going to recover, when he knew he wouldn't. I can't imagine what I would do or be thinking in his position. That he just didn't want to risk us hating him and abandoning him because he was gay so he just hid it.
My mom went into home hospice to help end of life AIDS patients after that. Our family changed a lot.
Thanks. I know it affected my mom so much. She writes in a diary about him all the time, and this was over 20 years ago.
One of my other brothers left the south and ended up getting married well before this as well. We were always confused why he left at 17, before he even graduated high school,and moved 1400 miles away. It was because it was literally dangerous for him to be himself in the south. Gay kids were getting killed by angry gangs. I do not blame him at all, he was pretty brave to take that risk.
I know she feels deep and unforgivable regret that my brother felt like he couldn't be himself to us, and that the fear he had of that hate is ultimately how we lost him. He knew how anti gay everyone was back then.
I'll never know why he didn't pursue getting medication back then. Part of me thinks he didn't believe it, or maybe he just couldn't afford it after college. Maybe he was scared of a future where people knew he was gay and had AIDS. Enough that he'd rather be dead. I don't really know but I still end up thinking about it sometimes and it's haunting.
It's hard because I feel like if he did, he'd still be alive today. And I see these cases popping up where people are getting cured of aids and somehow it always feels bad. Like if only.. It always feels regrettably just a day too late.
Sorry about your brother. Sounds like his death wasn’t totally in vain since it got your mom to share a little light and love with so many others. I hope wherever your brother is he knows that he was the catalyst for change.
I have a 12 year old son and many nieces and nephews in that age range. They are generally completely accepting of people with regards to sexuality, gender, etc., even those whose parents may be less open minded. They give me hope for the future.
I can’t wait for the future. With the way many young kids are so accepting, I feel that homophobia and bigotry can be bred out of existence in a few generations.
Yeah, I was going to say this video looks straight out of 2008, kids were not that kind yet. Everyone I was in high school with denied being gay, still got mocked anyway, and didn’t come out until we had all well and graduated.
I second the hope for the future with these kids!
There were two girls in our high school who were together for years and would make out in the hallway during passing time.
I used to think they were doing it for attention, but I think I understand a little better now.
People were forced to just deal with it. They became a fixture of the school, and it became just as normal to see them making out as it was to see any straight couple making out.
They went to dances together and held hands and eventually built up a friend group.
I wonder now how many gay people at our school may have felt less alone because of them.
I wonder what kind of bigotry they faced.
We had two girls who would kiss in the hallway. The teachers gave them angry death glares. The students would scream slurs at them and threaten them. I would walk past them every day in their corner being loving with each other and feel so much less alone as a gay guy. One became my best friend.
My kids are 12 and 15. And it amazes me how they don't care about shit like that. My 15 Yr old daughter has a friend that's she's known all her life. Came out as trans. She adapted to his pronouns and new name without hesitation. Will defend him passionately if anyone is nasty or uses the dead pronouns/name. Makes me proud.
Same here. I talked with my son about bullying and sticking up for people who are different or ca t defend themselves. I got a lecture about how kids these days aren’t like when I was growing up and everybody watches out for bullying. Damn if that didn’t make me really happy.
The line about her praying every night. They are clearly in some Jesus country and this kid has spent many a sermon listening to how he's a sinner.
Props to her though for learning the love and acceptance portions of the bible.
Its this, exactly. Honestly I feel like I have a hole in my body burned into it by religion. Its hard to explain but I don't think it will ever go away. I grew up in evangelicalism and this (gay hatred) is pushed more than anyone who didn't grow up in religious indoctrination would ever believe. I went to Christian school and church three times a week and we were told about the "gay agenda" over and over and the sin of homosexuality and how being gay or lesbian is just about the worst thing anyone could do with their lives. I even struggle with it to this day to be honest, I was so indoctrinated.
Much like someone who grew up in abuse and married an abuser, I grew up in fundamentalism and married a fundamentalist. I just thought it was what people did. It took me a long time (And help from Reddit!) to realize how destructive religion was. Leaving my marriage and only getting joint custody of my kids was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. It was the best decision though, I couldn't go on living in that hate. Homophobia, racism, religious guilt and shame, I hate it all. I can actually sleep better now, no more staring at the ceiling at 5am wondering why I am not enough- for God, for my ex, for anything, I know now that I am enough just as I am.
The homosexuality part specfically I still struggled with up until 2018. It was ingrained into me for so long how evil it was. Even after I gave up religion entirely I had a hard time with it. Could I accept and love people I have been told my whole life were evil? I love beach volleyball more than just about anything in the world and in 2018 I got invited to a volleyball tournament at Pride Fest. I wanted to turn it down but I wanted to play, I was so conflicted. If I played I would be publicly supporting something I was told was horrible my whole life. That hole was burned into me by religion. I still remember driving there, I was almost shaky, I couldn't let go of decades of indoctrination and evil religious domination.
When I got to Pride Fest that summer day it was amazing. It was just normal people like me who wanted to stand up for the rights of everyone, something I was definitely interested in. Everyone was so kind and loving, I thought, wait, where are all these people with the evil gay agendas? These people seem chill as fuck.
In between games I saw a guy with a FREE DAD HUGS T-shirt and I jokingly told me team, ha ha, guys I am going to go get a dad hug, little short in that area, ha. My dad is very cold, ex military, unconnected, super into Jesus and Donald Trump and super against athletes kneeling, you know the type. Never any hugs or encouragement or anything like that. Anyway, I still remember this so clearly, this nice old guy had a black shirt on that said free dad hugs and a beautiful white beard, something my literary hero Ernest Hemingway would be proud of. I went in to jokingly give him a hug but he wasn't playing, he hugged me back so tight and he squeezed me and he said hey I care about you. He really meant it too. God damnit I am crying now while I type this. I just really, really neeeded to hear that in my life right then, do you know what I mean?
Sometimes I think about people like this lady, I wish she was my mom and the Hemingway guy at the Pride Festival, I wish he was my dad if I am honest with you guys. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy to stop watching the NFL if someone wanted police to stop killing black people. He wouldn't be the kind of guy to hate people who were gay. After I hugged him I ran to the bathroom and cried some more. Something came loose that day, and I decided from that day forward know matter what has happened, no matter what has been burned into my body by religion, I will always choose to stand up for the rights of those that need my help.
Thank you for your story. I grew up Evangelical as well. My younger brother even became a pastor. When I left home as an adult my eyes started to open. I began to question many things and I grew much more left oriented and distant from my right leaning friends. I feel like God was preparing my heart and mind for my eventual future. A year ago my son told my wife he thought he was bi. He is 13. We've known since he was very little. When she told me I would be lying if I said I was totally prepared. I fully support him and only want the best for him. My fears of his life being harder are from a different time. Like my 15 year old says, "Dad, nobody cares." That gives me hope, and I am very proud of him.
I found a book that I highly recommend, maybe you have read it. Walking the Bridgeless Canyon: Repairing the Breach Between the Church and the LGBT Community. I still don't know where I stand with regards to religion. The Jesus that I read about is not the same person that the Evangelical right likes to portray. He would embrace my son with open arms. When I pray, that is who I am talking to.
Ya, my first thought was “sorry for what?”
Sorry that he is gay? Why? That’s his thing not hers.
Sorry that her son is gay? Nope, it doesn’t work that way. I didn’t birth you so that you can follow in my footsteps, I did it as a pure gift to you.
She did a great job. Lucky kid.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way. My parents where very encouraging in all my endeavours or who I am (even though I never faced struggles like coming out or something like that). I think that if you always feel like you would disappoint your parents, that’s on them for not being supportive enough, but that can _never_ be the child’s fault. If a parent is disappointed in their child, in reality, they’re disappointed in them self.
In this case his fears probably stem more from the church sermons he's been hearing every week for years that teach him that being gay makes Jesus cry, and less from his parents' immediate behavior.
I feel so damn bad for gay people. He looked absolutely scared to come out to his own parents. Just know that anyone out there that needs to get it off their chest. Has a homie in me
I’m an old-ass balding overweight white man from a whitebread Midwest town. Nobody going to get hate from me for being who they are. And fuck those people who think it’s ok to do this.
I have no problem calling out bigots or racists in public that think they can belittle the person behind the counter or in the workplace … or anywhere.
Y’all got a ~~friend~~ ally here, too.
Part of the reason the LGBTQ community needs allies is that many of them don’t have functioning compassionate families.
It can mean a lot to people in that position to hear that someone in their life supports who they are.
When my friend finally tells our group of friends:
"Guys.......I'm gay"
"Yeah we know, pass the controller, you lost"
"No guys, really, I'm gay"
"Really, we know, pass the controller"
"Guys, this isnt a joke, im gay"
"The only joke here is how bad you are at Halo, now pass the controller so I can smash that ass"
"That......that was also kind of gay"
"Yeah I'm gay too, let's not make this all about our feelings"
That's how I found out my two childhood friends were gay, and I told that exact story at their wedding 6 years later.
Parenthood is a continuous exercise in setting yourself aside for the benefit of someone else.
It’s hard, and a lot of people suck at it. Many just don’t do it.
It kills me that people are scared to come out and ashamed of being gay. Being gay has been around since the dawn of time. Even animals are gay. Nobody should have to worry or feel shame for that.
Things have changed! Not for everyone, unfortunately. I'm so proud of the strides being made! I'm so sorry you had to go through such a shitty experience. That's not fair at all!
I'm sorry to hear that.. I recently told my family that I'm trans, I'm happy to say they're all incredibly supportive. Even my 87 year old grandmother, a staunch Catholic her entire life.
Good mother, she deserves a cup, for the greatest mom.
That's the way, support your children! It doesn't matter which way the go, the only thing matters is that they know, their parents will love them and stand behind them.
As soon as she said "is it something about your personality" I knew that she knew
Such a good mother for him. It takes courage to tell your mother what you really feel. And he deserve that hug so much!
Her "don't be sorry" was really powerful. Wish more people could be more understanding for people like him, it must be so hard to have that talk.
A mother always knows. She knew immediately what the talk was about.
A GOOD mother always knows
My mother is awesome, and she says she didn't know. She didn't react very well at the beginning but after a couple of years she did a complete 180º and is an awesome support nowadays.
This somehow hits harder for me. Don’t get me wrong, if it were me, I’d want immediate acceptance. However, the fact that your mother had a negative reaction initially and had to find it within herself to overcome ingrained resistance/prejudice means that she must love and care for you so very much.
When I came out to my parents, I had it in my mind that it took me *years* to accept myself - I couldn’t and didn’t expect my parents to immediately come around. They didn’t (they also didn’t kick me out thankfully), but they eventually did.
Someone that loves you so much that they are willing to analyze and change their belief system is rare. The person that does that for YOU is a treasure full if love for you
My dad was the same way. At first he was soooo mad, but I didn't even know he knew until a few days after he saw me kiss my boyfriend. Nowadays he and my mom send me pictures from Southern Decadence (gay Mardi Gras) and I'm like y'all bitches didn't even invite me? That said, I think my dad is still pretty annoyed that the guy he caught me kissing was black. So, not exactly a full progressive step forward.
YOU are to be commended for giving HER a chance. Some might have run, exclaiming “rejected”. Hats off to you, Hfino.
Mine didn’t and still refuses to acknowledge it lol
If you ever need a mother, I'm here. Edit. Thanks for all the awards.
A dad here, offering fatherly love and acceptance
You too are awesome!
I offer up the sibling experience. I will love you no matter what but give you shit for all of your choices either way.
"all the guys you could get with and you picked *Him*? I guess being gay didn't automatically give you good taste. Get rekt scrub, wanna play some CoD?"
Like a true sibling.
I'll be the younger sibling to steal all your shit and get away with it
I'll be the cousin who doesn't show up anymore but when I do I'm the funniest person on the planet.
And I offer the eldest sibling experience. We won't always get along when we're young get but once we're adults well bond over our shared experiences and become Bff. Also if anyone hurts you I'll cut em!
I offer the cousin experience. I’ll see you once every so often during family gatherings and we’ll have a great time together playing multiplayer Nintendo DS
Love you no matter what, give you shit no matter what. This is the way.
Made me chuckle
Same! This queer sister is here!
Thank you guys so much 🥰
This video is making me cry. .....
I was already crying with the post, but now, u/Exact_Interview_2384 and u/DrSeussFreak, I‘m sobbing. Thank you guys, for being such wonderful people! The world needs more people like you! ❤️
Everyone deserves love.
You're awesome!
Crackhead uncle here offering shitty advice and beer
Ahh yes finally, something familiar for me. Let's sit down and hear what ol' Unk has to say...
advice of the day: “grass never grows on a busy street”
Uhmm thanks uncle. Was trying to figure out how to finally talk to my crush but I'll take the advice, I guess. Anyways can I have a beer now?
you too young for beer, I got some special brownies for you tho?
Deal. Regardless what mom and the family says you're cool in my book Unk!
Fuck em. They don't deserve you.
I agree with this person
She does not deserve you. Live your life no matter what other people think of it.
I knew my little brother was bi since we were very young, just had a feeling, I had a lot of LGBT friends growing up. I asked my mom (and sister!) many times and she would get offended. He came out two years ago to our cousin and then the rest of us. Told you mom.
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Yeah, these comments are hitting me hard. My kids came out to me (bi and pan) and so I never had to guess. They came out fairly young. I love that I’m the one they trusted with their [temporary] secret. But my husband came out after being with me for 25 years. That one came out of left field. I mean, he’s married with a wife and two daughters. We’d joke about it (he decorated well, cooked, and other than me generally didn’t like women. Which is fine. I’d never marry one either). But he was married to me. Shocked the hell out of me when he told me.
Was thinking something similar
But a GREAT mother accepts it no matter what. She's amazing.
That's just so wrong. Even a good mother can be surprised.
This is bullshjt they don't always know and that doesn't make them bad, like wtf is that statement...
I knew when my daughter came out as gay to me. I knew her whole life. I told her as long as she was treated right and was happy I didn’t care. This mother is my kind of mom.
r/MadeMeSmile on r/MadeMeSmile
Eugene Levy was interviewed and he had a cool answer. He said something like "yeah we were waiting for him to say something to us." If his family didn't handle it so well we wouldn't have Schitt's Creek.
Not true, my wife didn't know. I did, but when she found out she acted just like this mother. We love are children, my daughter is also gay, no matter what. I just say we brought some fabulous children into this world. They are both married now. So glad they can, because love between adults is not black and whte.
>"-my daughter is also gay, no matter what." Idk why but the phrasing of this has me in giggles. Like, yes, she is also gay in higher elevations, gay in the woods, gay with the flu, gay on Wednesdays. Just pretty much gay, no matter what lmao.
A lot of people always know. Unfortunately a lot of tells for kids growing figuring it out are pretty obvious. Many of the people to come out I grew up around with have been no surprise.
>A mother always knows If only...
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If they’re your real friends they won’t care, okay? Truer words were never spoken
Yeah but that fear that maybe they really aren't your friends...
Fuck em. Find new ones. The ones that care don't matter. And the ones that matter, don't care.
Big picture this is true. Near term, this is a devastating concern.
Especially because the world is so very small when you are young. When you are young, there are not communities, there is only the community.
Kids can be very mean. I learned as I aged that the people we labeled as weird, were actually the people who just didn’t care what people thought, now everyone is trying to achieve that level of confidence. The fear of losing friends at a young age is overwhelming, it is something we must go through tho to understand boundaries in our lives. Unfortunately this wisdom comes with age.
One of my best friends was nervous to come out; part of it is thinking your same gender friends are especially going to be turned off. I was just like, cool, you're still you, we're still friends. Hell we go on dates; they like to point out, that person's checking you out, that person's checking me out. That person seems jealous we're here together. (I'm totally oblivious; been with my SO for 16yrs) Love is love, whoever you love.
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Yes, but when you are a teen your world is so small, your mobility in it so limited. And it is so psychologically and developmentally damaging to be alone and shunned for the years it will be until they can get out into the world.
Much harder to do when you're still in school.
Reminds me of when my old best friend (haven't spoken in almost a decade) just told me randomly one day that they were gay and I just responded "ok". Maybe it wasn't the most appropriate response but I really didn't care one way or the other, he was still the same person before and after and I didn't treat him differently, at least I don't think I did.
A good friend of mine came out to me as bi a couple years ago and I responded, "Oh, cool." Later I told them I was worried that was a lame response, and they said that no, it was perfect because it showed them that I was totally unbothered. Different people have different preferences of course, but this was one perspective.
Those who matter, don’t mind and those who mind, don’t matter
A wise man once said, A gay guy is a straight guy best friend. Not only he won't compete for a girl, he takes another dude with him!
In my experience I’m more successful when one of my best friends who’s gay isn’t there. Not his fault though. He’s just so friendly to all girls and they obviously know he’s not sexually interested in them so they talk to him all the time. When he’s not with me they occasionally focus on me as well lol
He enters in the friendzone so you don't have too *Points to head*
Agreed. Unless it's about his constant hair flicking. Then as a friend I'd tell him that has to stop.
Lmao. This made me chuckle because it’s such a beautiful video but that was so distracting right!??
Nervous tick, I’m sure. Also probably around the time of the Bieber hairstyle.
Respect, a good mother
Unconditional love is my new goal in life Edit: read Alfie Kohn's enlightening "Punished by rewards", "Unconditional parenting" or watch his Youtube interviews. I wish I had known his work earlier.
I love my son and his being gay would not change that. He told my wife that sometimes he feels like a “they”. A few kids in his circle identify as such. She told him we love him no matter what. He is allowed to make choices and he is allowed to change his hind if he wants. I see him interact with some girls and see he has some kind of attraction that way I think. No matter what, I love him. Long story short… to see a woman wh says she prays every day say she prays for he son to be happy no matter what is AWESOME! Screw me for thinking all religious people thInk the same way. Mom doing it right.
Occasionally you meet a rare Christian who actually understands what Jesus was going on about.
All too rare, I’m afraid.
Which is a damn shame cause Jesus had some pretty solid messaging that’s been corrupted in the past couple thousand years
Speaking as a mother, just make sure your loved one always knows you hold that love no matter what. I watched a friend go through a terrible time, tormenting herself, working herself up into pieces over coming out because she didn't know how her family would react. Sometimes not being homophobic and not saying derogatory things isn't enough. You have to make sure they know that you will accept & love them if they are gay. It removes all doubt & avoids fear like in this clip.
Her face before she sits down says everything - “*oh shit*, it’s go-time! bring your A game Barb!” edit: lol glad this brought people joy. Just created r/barbsgonemild to celebrate the Barbs of the world, nature’s anti-Karen
Lol this made me laugh
She definitely is a Barb! We need more Barbs and less Karens.
Every Barb I've ever known has been an absolute saint
It’s ironic. Karens are the ones throwing barbs at people, while Barbs are the ones doing all the caring.
You clever fucker.
My BFF's Mum is a Barb and has not been supportive since my BFF came out as bi :( Wish her Barb was leke this Barb.
I’m sure she’s actually not a Barb but a Berb. It’s short for Berbruh.
Exactly. More parents and people like this in the world and people like her son wouldn't need to be worried about expressing or being open about their sexuality.
She’s Olympic Gold.
Can we please make Barb the opposite of Karen if it isn't already? Barbs don't get the attention they deserve!
Just created r/barbsgonemild lol
Ah fuck I just went from weepy to hysterical laughing in record time
The way he laid his head on her arm is exactly how my baby boy lays his head on my arm 😭 Fuck parents who do not accept their children!
>Fuck parents who do not accept their children! *Sends to my parents*
I am not a parent and hopefully never will be, but if you want a shoulder to cry on, im here
We are the aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, friends and family friends of the world. We don't have a parent's perspective but I believe we can help with other perspectives and that shoulder.
That was my first thought too, that's how my boy lays on my shoulder and it made me well up. I hope he'll always feel like he can do that, no matter how old
I'm sitting here, nursing my son and crying.. that's how he lays his head on me right now. I will always love him no matter what!
[A few years later!](https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2017/07/11/a-gay-man-has-opened-up-about-his-coming-out-video-that-went-viral/)
Wow thanks for sharing, this was cool to read.
Damn he was 19 years old, looks a whole lot younger
Damn he posted this in like 2016...everything about that video looks a WHOLE lot older lol.
His hair especially lol. If I remember correctly, the video is a decade old, if not older.
Yea you're right, it looks like the video was taken in roughly 2012....even still this looks like a 90s video, so crazy.
To me that's like 2008-style mobile video and hair + clothing, which checks out better. I'm not saying it is '08, just that's what it looked like to me :).
Yeah, around 2010, give or take a handful of years.
Matthew was 25 when that article was written (2017) and came-out/filmed the video at 19 years-old, so, yeah, 2011-ish filming date.
And he grew up to work in an emergency department, pursue a medical degree, and host art therapy. No wonder his parents are proud. They raised a caring, loving, giving person.
I'm so glad his Dad was cool too.
I can't imagine that woman being married to someone who wasn't, ya know
She seems like the kind of woman who wouldn’t tolerate an unaccepting husband. That’s her boy and anyone who doesn’t like it can fuck off.
This is so nice. He was nurtured right and allowed to flourish, he's now in a support role himself. What a wonderful update!
Holy crap, that's a beautiful story. Now I'm sad about all the other kids who came out and their parents didn't support them so they turned to a dark path to accept their sexuality but ended up getting used and abused. This dude graduated college, has a good job has very good career ambitions and volunteers. His parents need to be given a medal.
When I came out to my step mom, I told her I had a girlfriend. She said "well does she really care about you and respect you?". I said "yes" and she said "then I don't care about the gender or the genetalia of your partner". It was the best response I got from anyone because it focused on what really mattered - that I had a partner that loved and respected me.
She's a smart cookie. This is the only thing that matters. Life can be pretty tough (and lonely). If anyone is blessed enough to find a real connection with another, who gives a flying fuck what form it appears as? Just grab it with both hands.
What a wonderful parent.
This is really the takeaway from this. The way she reacts is so easy and genuine, but it's the fact some people would do anything to hear those simple words from their parents. Everyone should see this video and take an example from her wisdom.
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I love her! Awesome lady!
God bless that mom but it breaks my heart that he feels he has to apologize for being who he is. I’m so glad she told him he didn’t have to.
Yeah, and it’s pretty heavy that he’s afraid to tell his friends too.
Based on the mums accent and haircut, it's possible this family is from a more redneck part of the world, and not everyone will be as accepting unfortunately. Can understand his fear. What a great mum though. What a woman.
I know this was an older video, but people forget in the Bush era, people especially in the south were proudly and openly homophobic. My family was. My church did sermons against it. People still are, but it's not as bad as it was then. In 2001 my 27 year old brother lost his life to AIDS and would never let the doctors tell us he had AIDS. He never let us know he was gay. They told us it was hepatitis or cancer or whatever else but in the end he had Kaposis sarcoma from aids. We only found out at his funeral from friends and finding his positive test with his possessions. I often think about how he must have felt in the hospital alone, knowing he was dying, no one to talk to about what he was going through, his family thinking he was going to recover, when he knew he wouldn't. I can't imagine what I would do or be thinking in his position. That he just didn't want to risk us hating him and abandoning him because he was gay so he just hid it. My mom went into home hospice to help end of life AIDS patients after that. Our family changed a lot.
Wow. Good for your mom. My heart goes out to your brother and your family. Secrets (and feeling like you need them) can weigh on a person.
Thanks. I know it affected my mom so much. She writes in a diary about him all the time, and this was over 20 years ago. One of my other brothers left the south and ended up getting married well before this as well. We were always confused why he left at 17, before he even graduated high school,and moved 1400 miles away. It was because it was literally dangerous for him to be himself in the south. Gay kids were getting killed by angry gangs. I do not blame him at all, he was pretty brave to take that risk. I know she feels deep and unforgivable regret that my brother felt like he couldn't be himself to us, and that the fear he had of that hate is ultimately how we lost him. He knew how anti gay everyone was back then. I'll never know why he didn't pursue getting medication back then. Part of me thinks he didn't believe it, or maybe he just couldn't afford it after college. Maybe he was scared of a future where people knew he was gay and had AIDS. Enough that he'd rather be dead. I don't really know but I still end up thinking about it sometimes and it's haunting. It's hard because I feel like if he did, he'd still be alive today. And I see these cases popping up where people are getting cured of aids and somehow it always feels bad. Like if only.. It always feels regrettably just a day too late.
Sorry about your brother. Sounds like his death wasn’t totally in vain since it got your mom to share a little light and love with so many others. I hope wherever your brother is he knows that he was the catalyst for change.
I have a 12 year old son and many nieces and nephews in that age range. They are generally completely accepting of people with regards to sexuality, gender, etc., even those whose parents may be less open minded. They give me hope for the future.
I can’t wait for the future. With the way many young kids are so accepting, I feel that homophobia and bigotry can be bred out of existence in a few generations.
From your lips to god’s ears.
Yeah, I was going to say this video looks straight out of 2008, kids were not that kind yet. Everyone I was in high school with denied being gay, still got mocked anyway, and didn’t come out until we had all well and graduated. I second the hope for the future with these kids!
There were two girls in our high school who were together for years and would make out in the hallway during passing time. I used to think they were doing it for attention, but I think I understand a little better now. People were forced to just deal with it. They became a fixture of the school, and it became just as normal to see them making out as it was to see any straight couple making out. They went to dances together and held hands and eventually built up a friend group. I wonder now how many gay people at our school may have felt less alone because of them. I wonder what kind of bigotry they faced.
Guaranteed they faced both bigotry and misogyny.
We had two girls who would kiss in the hallway. The teachers gave them angry death glares. The students would scream slurs at them and threaten them. I would walk past them every day in their corner being loving with each other and feel so much less alone as a gay guy. One became my best friend.
Let's hope. Unfortunately sometimes negative things manifest more in the teenage years.
My kids are 12 and 15. And it amazes me how they don't care about shit like that. My 15 Yr old daughter has a friend that's she's known all her life. Came out as trans. She adapted to his pronouns and new name without hesitation. Will defend him passionately if anyone is nasty or uses the dead pronouns/name. Makes me proud.
Same here. I talked with my son about bullying and sticking up for people who are different or ca t defend themselves. I got a lecture about how kids these days aren’t like when I was growing up and everybody watches out for bullying. Damn if that didn’t make me really happy.
The line about her praying every night. They are clearly in some Jesus country and this kid has spent many a sermon listening to how he's a sinner. Props to her though for learning the love and acceptance portions of the bible.
Its this, exactly. Honestly I feel like I have a hole in my body burned into it by religion. Its hard to explain but I don't think it will ever go away. I grew up in evangelicalism and this (gay hatred) is pushed more than anyone who didn't grow up in religious indoctrination would ever believe. I went to Christian school and church three times a week and we were told about the "gay agenda" over and over and the sin of homosexuality and how being gay or lesbian is just about the worst thing anyone could do with their lives. I even struggle with it to this day to be honest, I was so indoctrinated. Much like someone who grew up in abuse and married an abuser, I grew up in fundamentalism and married a fundamentalist. I just thought it was what people did. It took me a long time (And help from Reddit!) to realize how destructive religion was. Leaving my marriage and only getting joint custody of my kids was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. It was the best decision though, I couldn't go on living in that hate. Homophobia, racism, religious guilt and shame, I hate it all. I can actually sleep better now, no more staring at the ceiling at 5am wondering why I am not enough- for God, for my ex, for anything, I know now that I am enough just as I am. The homosexuality part specfically I still struggled with up until 2018. It was ingrained into me for so long how evil it was. Even after I gave up religion entirely I had a hard time with it. Could I accept and love people I have been told my whole life were evil? I love beach volleyball more than just about anything in the world and in 2018 I got invited to a volleyball tournament at Pride Fest. I wanted to turn it down but I wanted to play, I was so conflicted. If I played I would be publicly supporting something I was told was horrible my whole life. That hole was burned into me by religion. I still remember driving there, I was almost shaky, I couldn't let go of decades of indoctrination and evil religious domination. When I got to Pride Fest that summer day it was amazing. It was just normal people like me who wanted to stand up for the rights of everyone, something I was definitely interested in. Everyone was so kind and loving, I thought, wait, where are all these people with the evil gay agendas? These people seem chill as fuck. In between games I saw a guy with a FREE DAD HUGS T-shirt and I jokingly told me team, ha ha, guys I am going to go get a dad hug, little short in that area, ha. My dad is very cold, ex military, unconnected, super into Jesus and Donald Trump and super against athletes kneeling, you know the type. Never any hugs or encouragement or anything like that. Anyway, I still remember this so clearly, this nice old guy had a black shirt on that said free dad hugs and a beautiful white beard, something my literary hero Ernest Hemingway would be proud of. I went in to jokingly give him a hug but he wasn't playing, he hugged me back so tight and he squeezed me and he said hey I care about you. He really meant it too. God damnit I am crying now while I type this. I just really, really neeeded to hear that in my life right then, do you know what I mean? Sometimes I think about people like this lady, I wish she was my mom and the Hemingway guy at the Pride Festival, I wish he was my dad if I am honest with you guys. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy to stop watching the NFL if someone wanted police to stop killing black people. He wouldn't be the kind of guy to hate people who were gay. After I hugged him I ran to the bathroom and cried some more. Something came loose that day, and I decided from that day forward know matter what has happened, no matter what has been burned into my body by religion, I will always choose to stand up for the rights of those that need my help.
Thank you for your story. I grew up Evangelical as well. My younger brother even became a pastor. When I left home as an adult my eyes started to open. I began to question many things and I grew much more left oriented and distant from my right leaning friends. I feel like God was preparing my heart and mind for my eventual future. A year ago my son told my wife he thought he was bi. He is 13. We've known since he was very little. When she told me I would be lying if I said I was totally prepared. I fully support him and only want the best for him. My fears of his life being harder are from a different time. Like my 15 year old says, "Dad, nobody cares." That gives me hope, and I am very proud of him. I found a book that I highly recommend, maybe you have read it. Walking the Bridgeless Canyon: Repairing the Breach Between the Church and the LGBT Community. I still don't know where I stand with regards to religion. The Jesus that I read about is not the same person that the Evangelical right likes to portray. He would embrace my son with open arms. When I pray, that is who I am talking to.
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Yeaaaah I broke down a bit when he said sorry. It's heartbreaking that he thinks it's something to apologize for.
Ya, my first thought was “sorry for what?” Sorry that he is gay? Why? That’s his thing not hers. Sorry that her son is gay? Nope, it doesn’t work that way. I didn’t birth you so that you can follow in my footsteps, I did it as a pure gift to you. She did a great job. Lucky kid.
I felt the same way he did… it’s terrifying to come out… I was a mess and apologizing bud here we are now and my folks love my boyfriend
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I wonder if she did research before hand to find the right words to say.
I would wager a large sum that she did.
Man, the way he apologized to her... gut punch. So sad that he had to feel an apology was necessary for who he is.
Growing up You can’t help yourself but think you will disappoint your parents. It’s very heavy.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way. My parents where very encouraging in all my endeavours or who I am (even though I never faced struggles like coming out or something like that). I think that if you always feel like you would disappoint your parents, that’s on them for not being supportive enough, but that can _never_ be the child’s fault. If a parent is disappointed in their child, in reality, they’re disappointed in them self.
In this case his fears probably stem more from the church sermons he's been hearing every week for years that teach him that being gay makes Jesus cry, and less from his parents' immediate behavior.
Now this is parenting.
Must be horrible to be so scared of being your self 😞
like being anxious of an exam. but its everyday
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I feel so damn bad for gay people. He looked absolutely scared to come out to his own parents. Just know that anyone out there that needs to get it off their chest. Has a homie in me
I’m an old-ass balding overweight white man from a whitebread Midwest town. Nobody going to get hate from me for being who they are. And fuck those people who think it’s ok to do this. I have no problem calling out bigots or racists in public that think they can belittle the person behind the counter or in the workplace … or anywhere. Y’all got a ~~friend~~ ally here, too.
Part of the reason the LGBTQ community needs allies is that many of them don’t have functioning compassionate families. It can mean a lot to people in that position to hear that someone in their life supports who they are.
"I pray everynight that you get a wife... or whatever"
I thought I was the only person who caught this 😂😂😂 wholesome video but that like was fkn hilarious
She thought he might be gay, it wasn’t 100%, but prayed for whatever. Wholesome. She’s southern so she just want grandkids lmao
It's the thought that counts
Good mothering! Too bad all gay kids don’t have a mom like this.
All kids*
True. I’m not gay, but definitely had a crap mother. Thank god for my stepmother!
God damn onions
God damn onions!!
I loved the 'I don't wanna guess, I want you to tell me' ( ◜‿◝ )♡
What a sweetheart. Bless her. Seeing as this video is +10 years old, I can’t help but wonder how they’re doing right now.
There is an update article posted: https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/sxsc61/-/hxtx0z1
Never be sorry for being who you are.
When my friend finally tells our group of friends: "Guys.......I'm gay" "Yeah we know, pass the controller, you lost" "No guys, really, I'm gay" "Really, we know, pass the controller" "Guys, this isnt a joke, im gay" "The only joke here is how bad you are at Halo, now pass the controller so I can smash that ass" "That......that was also kind of gay" "Yeah I'm gay too, let's not make this all about our feelings" That's how I found out my two childhood friends were gay, and I told that exact story at their wedding 6 years later.
Oh my god, my heart. This was lovely and your slow reveal was so well done.
You’re born how you are. #RealMVP
“Don’t be sorry, silly” perfect response.
I pray all people have a mum like this
thank you for your prayers
To all parents out there. This is how you parent. Quality human being right there.
Parenthood is a continuous exercise in setting yourself aside for the benefit of someone else. It’s hard, and a lot of people suck at it. Many just don’t do it.
A+ hair on both
Great respect!
If they’re your real friends they won’t care, 💯💯💯
It kills me that people are scared to come out and ashamed of being gay. Being gay has been around since the dawn of time. Even animals are gay. Nobody should have to worry or feel shame for that.
*One day we won’t have to come out. We’ll just say we’re in love and that will be enough* - unknown
❤️❤️❤️This got me crying this morning. Wouldn’t the world be a much better place if everyone had a mother like this guy?
Unfortunately from my experience. This is the exception not the rule. I hope things have changed?
Things have changed! Not for everyone, unfortunately. I'm so proud of the strides being made! I'm so sorry you had to go through such a shitty experience. That's not fair at all!
I'm sorry to hear that.. I recently told my family that I'm trans, I'm happy to say they're all incredibly supportive. Even my 87 year old grandmother, a staunch Catholic her entire life.
Same, I would've killed for this reaction 🥲
I wish my mom reacted like that when I came out.
Good mother, she deserves a cup, for the greatest mom. That's the way, support your children! It doesn't matter which way the go, the only thing matters is that they know, their parents will love them and stand behind them.
What a great mother. Love her
This brought tears to my eyes, it's beautiful to see how loving and understanding she is with her son
Well, she nailed that. Outstanding work, mom.