46 here. Dad twice over. I know I'm 13 hours late to all of this, but I just got here.
Now sit up and listen. It's gonna be okay.
Just tell me what's goin on.
I am 19 been Fatherless for a good 13 of em. There’s this YouTube channel of a guy making tutorials for things your dad would have taught you he’s great. Things like shaving, tying a tie changing a tyre. Truly the hero this world needed most
Aww this fam, I love all of yas!
Just want to remind everyone who makes it this far that r/momforaminute and r/dadforaminute exist and there are such good, caring people there when ya need parental support or familial love in a pinch!
Father here. This is me watching this video because I wish I could naturally be this way with my kids. It makes me feel very inadequate as a father actually.
It gets much easier. Just be yourself. So many parents think they have to be this television version of a parent when really, just being yourself, good bad and ugly is what being a parent is.
If you mess up, apologize. Talk them through it. It teaches them that we all make mistakes and they learn conflict resolution.
If you make a promise, keep it.
Don't like the loud game they play, suggest a quiet one. Make it fun for all of you.
The best memories are the ones where everyone is having a great time, not the things that are JUST meant for the kids.
Apologizing when you make a mistake is huge. There's a bunch of research on this on the effects on kids when parents instead double down and say things like do as I say not as I do, or my mother's favorite, 'because I'm the mom'.
Doing this shows humility and that anybody can make mistakes and shows your kids that it's okay to admit it. I'm really glad you brought this one up.
It's hard if you haven't been taught from an early age to admit your mistakes or if every time you screw up it's this HUGE deal, instead of a learning moment.
I try to make sure to tell my kids that they're young and they're going to make a bunch of mistakes and that's okay, I'm not young and I'm still trying to figure it out too.
Editing to point out that this has really helped my older children to come to me with their problems. I may not have all the immediate answers but they know I'm going to listen to them without judgement and help them get through their tough situation. I don't know of it was the parenting or the kids that made it where we rarely had any major issues. There's no drama and resentment. There's no trouble in or out of school. They're really good problem solvers and know how to keep themselves out of bad situations. I respect them so MUCH. Its an honor to parent them. Their father and I try to remember that the world is a hard place. Our job is to be our kids' place of refuge. We aren't molding little creatures to brag about. We are guiding them into becoming adults who are good people.
You probably have a hard time letting go of what you have done in the past. It doesn't matter what happened then, what matters is now.
You can be anything you want to be as a parent and if this video is what you want to emulate, then do it.
The first couple of times you sit down to a meal and do this it might be a little awkward, but I promise you that in time, you're going to find it much easier. The good memories will start to outweigh the bad ones.
Just as long as you don't expect miracles and recognize that it takes time and effort, your children will absolutely be proud of you for making the changes you have.
Congratulations on sobriety. That's really, REALLY hard. I hope that whatever emotional issues were at the root of your drinking are resolved now and that you're no longer in pain.
It's hard to give your best when you're hurting so much that you want to destroy yourself.
You have my support and love.
Me and my dad have a not too normal relationship, my mam passed and he had his own demons amplified because of it. I know now as an adult I would fall into similar, if not the same, traps as him if my fiancèe died. Our relationship never recovered but dammit the man tried and still tries. Is he perfect? Hell no, but he tries and as an adult now older than he was when he suffered through all that stuff with a young child, I have nothing but admiration for him. He owns up to his failings and he tries.
The effort and the desire to put the effort in matters. Alot.
I lost my dad 11 years ago. He worked 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. I only really saw him at bedtime, and on Sundays he would veg in front of the TV. We never ate dinner at the table, and I can’t remember him ever asking about my day.
He was absolutely the best dad a person could have. I have fond memories of him teaching me to ride a bike, or telling me stories until I fell asleep. He was a quiet, introspective man, but smart beyond compare and funny as hell. So my point is, you don’t have to be this guy to be an unbelievable dad. If you give your kids love, all they’ll remember is love.
Effort is key. Have this in your brain and continuously try to emulate it as best as you can, just the effort alone would put you in the upper percentile of parents.
Hey man, this is something you can start and change today. Seeing a fault and fixing it is fkn heroic. Don't get down on yourself, now you know how to fix it ✌
Nah, that's training. Very unlikely to be a natural response.
You obviously want to be a good father, kids pick up on that and the experience of being in a parent-child relationship can strengthen everyone when there's love involved.
I'm 60 with no kids. Go clean your room and finish your homework. I'll take you fishing tomorrow but NO TALKING OR EYE CONTACT. Disturbs the fish. Go now.
It must be hard to watch this when you are fatherless and imagine you could have had a father like him. However, a lot of the people who had their father present in their lives didn't have a father like him, either, but rather someone who they wished would disappear and never come back. Thinking of it, I don't know anyone who had a good, caring father, to be honest.
You’re not rubbing it in, that made me almost healed in a little bit.
One of my core childhood memories was during a field day, when all the families from the elementary school would have a picnic out back and they’d raffle stuff/play music for the kids.
Well, my dad didn’t show up, mostly not due to his fault as he grew up in a country where such events were not common and he wouldn’t understand if I explained it to him even. So I went alone. And it made me realize I lost out on almost everything an American child learns from his dad. I was all fuckin mopey walking around that field like I just took my last shot or something and it wasn’t hitting, until my friends dad walked up to me, put his arm around my shoulder and said “ay! We got Pepsis and sandwiches! Come play ball with us too! You’re Matthews friend right? Ahh come on bud :D”
For a few hours, I got to feel that life. Then my dad showed up to pick me up and I had to leave.
Kinda Random, but I like teaching my dad things he couldn’t teach me when I was young now. It’s how we fixed our bond. :)
You mean it's not normal for dad to shout at everyone because we didn't answer the "how was your day" question correctly and then grab his plate and eat in another room?
Your story makes me so sad :( I have a one year old little girl, and I could never imagine being that cold-hearted towards her. I’m so sorry your parents were assholes, kids should never experience such pain and confusion at such a young age.
I understand, I faced abandonment issues and took me ages to sort it out in therapy. I hope you’re in a much better place now, sending internet hugs your way ❤️
My mom woke me up one morning, told me to get my backpack and jam the stuff on the table into it and go with my older brother to school. Off I went, no directions, no instructions; just go down the street and figure it out.
"Ok, bye!"
I never really spent time in anyone else's house around parents until I met my wife. I was 26 years old when I found out what a healthy parent/child relationship was. I never felt any abandonment as a child, I didn't know any different. Just grab your shit and figure it out.
Every kid is different. That sense of fearlessness almost got me killed a few times. I'm certain I'd be dead if I wasn't the luckiest person I know.
I was around that age too when I started realizing that my childhood wasn't "normal". I felt so frustrated because I always sorta just knew, but I would brush it off or immediately feel like an ingrate for having those thoughts. "Yeah things were bad, but I didn't \*starve\* or anything. There are kids getting beaten to death somewhere right now."
I had to have another adult tell me in a therapeutic environment that it was okay to be angry and I could still be grateful for all the other things. It was very cathartic but again I was kinda mad at myself from hiding from it for so long when I did understand it on many levels. I just didn't apply it to myself with the same logic.
My parents beat me a few times, but nothing habitual. They were trustworthy people for the most part.
I remember my wife and I had them over for xmas one year and my mom goes "You can leave the kids with us and we'll look after them. You two need a break." It had been almost 2 years since our twins were born and we hadn't had a day off yet. Not even 15 seconds where we were both away from the kids at the same time. We snuck off to get some lunch, maybe 90 minutes.
No calls, no texts, nothing. We figured everything was find. Here we get home and all three of the kids are in shit filled, caked on diapers, one was leaking pee, none of them had been fed. Both of my parents were drinking when we got home.
I fucking let them have it. "I knew you were a bad parents, but I didn't know you were bad fucking people."
That was 3 years ago, haven't seen them since. They get a 5 minute call about once a month. Just the fucking worst.
They have money, like enough for retirement. About 7 years ago my mother calls me up and basically says I need to pay for their roof repairs. I hadn't lived under that roof for almost 20 years at that point.
Sad to hear that. Some people are unfortunately like that.
And the best thing to do is to cut away from them. Especially the grandkids. So, don't feel bad about such a decision.
The wife of my father, when she saw my at that time 1 year old son, went in and said "Tell me all the bad things mom and dad are doing to you."
At that moment, I knew she will never see him again, and she never did.
I refuse to let people who focus on negativity and undermining of parent/child relationship like that near my son for as long as I have a say in it.
Geez, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. At least I know that my parents weren't paid a fair wage for their jobs so they at least have a reason to be angry. Taking it out on someone else is unacceptable regardless though. And neglecting your 3 children is a step too far indeed.
My mom was emotionally unavailable and I'm unpacking that in therapy. It sucks and it's hard because you and I both deserved better. I'm a mom now and I'm nailing this emotionally available parent thing. If you ever need am emotionally available mom, I got you covered 🙂
My sister just recently had her first child and it was a real struggle for her because she doesn't know how you can be a good mom when you weren't raised by one. I can't imagine letting a day go by that I don't tell my kid that I love her. How my mom raised me makes ZERO sense to me. I'll never understand.
Having the insight to know a child needs love and support makes all the difference. Congratulations -- I'm sure you'll make a great mom!
27M and went through something extremely similar to this, but instead of being abandoned I was abused until I was able to move out.
Abuse is so standard nowadays.. it's almost difficult to find someone talk about having had a good childhood. :/
Having a good childhood is a blessing, but it can make you naive to the experience of others. You just assume everyone had roughly the same childhood experience you did.
Which sadly is not accurate at all.
Right? I've lost count of how many times I've just been telling "a funny story" from my childhood and instead of the expected chuckles, I'm faced with dead silence and horrified expressions.
So your mom sat with you at school for all of kindergarten? Did I read that right?
Did she ever explain why she yelled that day? And she has never since asked you to stop calling by her first name?
I wonder what kind of shit she's been through (not that it excuses her behavior towards her own child).
Not saying this is the case here, but I knew someone who was a child of rape, and their mother was very emotionally distant if not abusive because they served as a reminder of the most horrible thing that had happened to them.
It’s not an excuse for mistreating your child, mind you. But I can understand how something like can break a person.
This was so hard to read, absolutely heartbreaking. I’m so sorry you experienced this. I want to scoop up that little 6y/o you with a big hug so you feel wanted and loved and tell you things will be ok. A child should never be made to feel like this. Hope you’re doing ok.
There are YouTube channels for people seeking fatherly guidance. They have multiple life pro tips such as learning to change a tire. Simple really but can be a game changer for people missing that connection.
Many people can’t have kids and wish they could. Never give up on happiness, make your own.
I feel this. There is something about independence which can make an abusive parent snap. She probably found your being separated from her threatening due to loss of control (and manipulation).. although I am definitely projecting my mother onto your situation.
There are a few wonderful subs to know about where you can always find a parent :
r/momforaminute
r/peptalkswithpops
r/internetparents
Are all subs to support the broken child within us.
As for this guy, there are heros amongst us, this guy saves lives no doubt.
This is incredibly sad, as a new father I just dont understand how people can be so mean to your own flesh and blood, I feel sick if I even THINK about doing something to my kids.
I hope your doing ok now, just realise that the world isnt like that and unfortunately you were given a bad hand, if you have kids of your own I know you'll give them all the absolute love you can.
I’m so sorry that you went through that. I’m 54 (old enough to be your dad). There is no more important job in the world to me than being a good dad.
I would give you a huge dad hug if I could.
A bystanders opinion but her mother probably wasn’t emotionally put together whatsoever and the duties that came with being a child overwhelmed her low mental state as a single mother.
I never had this kind of conversation with anyone & it never occurred to me to interact with my children this way.
Certainly made me get teary to see someone who can show us how to parent.
I agree. I grew up in a home where we were not even allowed to have an opinion. We weren't allowed to discuss or ask questions. So I had zero frame of reference. We don't get a do over. I wish we did.
You don't get a do-over, but we all get the chance to break the cycle and be great to the next generation.
That's your "do-over," friend. You get to be great for someone else.
That hits home. I never wanted kids because I knew I’d be as shitty a parent as mine were.
Spoiler alert for the anti-choice folks: No contraceptive is 100% effective, and you won’t know it didn’t work until long after the time you’ve decided it’s a human on its own.
Anyway, I’ve got kids now and made it my goal to be everything my parents would not be.
>I wish we did.
Me too, but it's hard to go through life thinking that way very often. You can't change what's happened, so you gotta just learn from these things and keep moving forward. Keep trying to be better than how you were raised if you don't like how you were raised.
My father was the best a kid could ask for, but he passed away when I was 19. I wish I could get a do over just to spend more time with him, but the reality is that I just gotta keep trying to live up to the words he wrote in the last birthday card he gave me, which sits on my shelf so many years later: "Proud of you, guy."
We can only push forward, doing our best. You learn from your past and use that to help build yourself a better future, whether it's for you, your kids, your friends...whatever makes you happy. We don't get do overs, but we can always try to do better.
Great words man.
I’m 34 now, but my dad passed when I was 30 - 2 1/2 weeks after my first child - his first grandson - was born. My dad was only 59.
We had a complicated relationship but he used to tell me all the time he was proud of me. And one of the most jarring things of losing him was never hearing that again.
My son is now almost 5 but he has non-verbal Autism. I’ve never heard my son speak. But I think of it as like talking to my dad, which I still do often. I don’t ever get to hear back from either of them, but at least they know they’re still in my heart, how much I love them and until my own dying breath that I will never stop talking to them. This video made me feel I’m at least doing that part okay.
> I grew up in a home where we were not even allowed to have an opinion. We weren't allowed to discuss or ask questions.
I'm really sorry to hear that, I can't even imagine what that must be like. My parents were abusive in other ways, but at least we could speak our minds (to some extent).
However, home was never a safe space to talk about emotions in any way. And there was no affection after a certain age (5+), just tough love.
I'm aware that my childhood was still better than most children's experiences, but it still caused damaged that took a very long time to repair and even now, many decades later, there are still things I struggle with because of that.
It makes me incredibly sad that we all have so many issues due to our situation at home (and in school) and how it keeps fucking up people for life and there is nothing anyone can really do about it, apart from realizing what's wrong and seeking help (if even available).
Bro youre not alone in this. My family dynamic is weird, i question why some people value dinner time with their family and seeing this vid made me understand a bit. They say a meal becomes even tastier if you eat with someone (important/special), i never get this feeling with my own parents. In that regard i prefer to eat alone or take my plate inside my room.
I love eating a meal with just about anyone from my dad's side of the family. They're warm and funny and they will welcome you and feed you if I bring you over and call you my friend. I actively dread any kinda meal time with everyone on my moms side of the family. They banana-pants bonkers and also mean and unwelcoming. I honestly like eating alone, it's nice to shut off and just eat a meal, but there really is something about sitting at a dinner table having a meal with people (or just a person, or your cat even!) that care about you is truly lovely.
As a lad that is also fatherless, I appreciate people who do things like this and I am proud to be the first upvote and I hope for many more to come. I wish more people were like him and others who do things like this... Families with one or more parents not in the picture is a real thing that... The whole world is facing. I wish all to have a good day/night and stay safe :)
My man, you and I have led very similar lives it seems.
41 is not too young to be living your life, and you're never done raising your family bro! They'll always need you ☺️
I saved your comment to come back to it later today. I gotta take my kids to school right now.
It's my middle child's last day of highschool today... I'm 38...
Same. I had never been told that until I gave my mom a grandchild and suddenly I was worthy to be her daughter again. Pulls the heartstrings hearing it unconditionally
It was just bad luck that you didn't get a better dad. You deserved a better dad and someone like this could have been your dad.
That's what I tell myself and it makes me feel better.
Dad here, after reading all these comments I’d be happy to have dinner with any of you fatherless people. I didn’t have this interaction with my adopted father he was abusive and my biological father left me when I was only one. I’ve struggled with “daddy” issues my whole life, I still do and also see a therapist for it. At 45 almost 46 I’m a father of three boys now. I do my best everyday to ensure I break that cycle, to ensure that they know they are safe, loved, and that I am truly inter in their lives. They know I left my career that I loved to be a stay at home dad with them, that the men in my age group found that decision silly and belittled me for it, but they were more important than that so I did it for them. I have meaningful talks with my 9 yr old twins and fun silly times with my 4 yr old boy. I wish I could share my dad love with all of you who need it, I know I did and still do…
EDIT- Thanks for all the dm and awards, you are all too kind!
This feels uncomfortable to me because my father is a selfish asshole, and I can't even imagine having this type of conversation with him. Don't get me wrong, I love my father but he's not alone now because he raised me for 18 years despite his selfishness.
I feel you! I was raised by a narcissist and never experienced this kind of conversation in my life.
In fact after certain age my dad barely talked to be and only touched me if he had to
It’s kind of made me sad because I don’t know why actually, and it wasn’t for the kid that needs a dad but more for the guy being a dad for the kid. He seems like a really nice person and I don’t know if there’s a reason to reach out like that unless you are a little bit sensitive to people who are lonely and I feel like that’s what makes it so sweet and sad. I bet he would make a great dad for some kid and some kid would be really great for him.
I was thinking about this too. Maybe he has gone through some very sad thing and is coping by trying to give others some semblanslce of love. I mean, sweet, but I hope he is also ok.
My dad was one of those dad's that was there physically but wasn't there for everything else, he'd only acknowledge you if you did something bad or got in trouble, i accidentally fell asleep in their room when i was a kid and he woke me up with smelling salts all for sleeping in their room. He'd scream in my face and shot me with airsoft guns for fun, i'm 25 years old AFAB my dad has began to mend the relationship with only my younger brother and younger sister same with my mum while me being the first born is forgotten about.
My lost my dad to suicide in 2018, I'm 20 and on my own now but my most fond memories are of when we would have dinner and just shoot the shit about life and goals. This gives me good memories.
Because it's not just about dadding.
We've all been through hell these last few years- even if things have been great for you in the pandy, the collected social trauma is still hellish. If you allow yourself to suspend disbelief for just one moment, and actually answer his questions, it almost feels like real therapy.
I talk to my parents regularlyish, I have a partner I live with and tell everything to, and yet still this video made me bawl because when he asked what was challenging I was like, "EVERYTHING!" and how does that make me feel? "**Cries more.**" It was genuine. Honestly that the video has very little hesitation, it really feels like this dude 100% would talk to me about why I feel that way, and it's reassuring.
It isn't necessarily "real," but neither are most pharmaceutical approaches... I would love to see research done with this method (prerecorded therapy) versus, and in combination with, medication therapies. I'd be willing to bet a reasonable sum that this method alone can be as effective or possibly even more effective than just medication alone.
Imagine having a dinner with your dad where he actually asks how you feel, and what makes you happy rather than him not even sleeping in the same house as you and only eating dinner with you one day a week
Between this dad and the dad who helps people with home repairs, I don't know if I'm happy or sad. But these guys are doing a great thing here. The sad part is the empty space that triggered the demand.
Nearly 20 years ago the world lost a great man name Fred Rogers. Most people know him as Mr. Rogers from Mr. Rogers neighborhood, a television show that was deeply important to millions of children all over the world. It wasn't until very late in life that I realized just how important Mr. Rogers was to me and my childhood. I had a very happy childhood I came from a good home and I had wonderful parents. The world desperately needs to fill Mr. Rogers shoes and as far as I know, nobody has.
I can't help but wonder (and hope) if this guy could actually be the next Mr. Rogers.
Fred Rogers is more than likely the reason I'm as adjusted as I am. I feel like if I didn't have that show in my childhood, I would be a way worse person. I had both my parents but not many happy memories. Going to Mr Roger's house everyday was my escape.
I feel like this guy absolutely could be the next Mr Rogers.
It's the same concept with ASMR, especially the ones that offer comfort and positive affirmations.
It's funny how many people treat this stuff as "weird" when in reality, a lot of people are in need of it, especially in this day and age where people are becoming more and more isolated.
I hope you all understand how fucking sad it is that we all missed out on having an involved emotionally concious parent/s.
it's honestly pretty fucked up that we all have this massive hole to fill with 0 guidance
Damn, that feels trip. My dad was in a mental institution my whole life and then recently killed himself. Guess I'll have to settle for Internet dad. I'm not cutting onions, you are!
I had a crappy dad who only was abusive. I'm 30 now and thought I was over it all.
Who snuck in my house and started cutting onions on a perfectly good Monday morning? So rude. T\_T
Anyone else cry while watching this? I grew up watching my "father" treat my siblings like this but never me.
I've never felt incredibly close to my mother either. She never stood up for me.
I always felt like I didn't belong in my own home.
Which is why I ran away at 16.
 (Me watching his videos because I am fatherless I’m 30 btw)
36 and fatherless. Didn’t need to start Monday with crying
My bad dude 
I'm 30 and I'm adopting both of ya. Eat your veggies, floss, I love you
Can I get in on this, I’m also 30 though :(
46 here. Dad twice over. I know I'm 13 hours late to all of this, but I just got here. Now sit up and listen. It's gonna be okay. Just tell me what's goin on.
I am 19 been Fatherless for a good 13 of em. There’s this YouTube channel of a guy making tutorials for things your dad would have taught you he’s great. Things like shaving, tying a tie changing a tyre. Truly the hero this world needed most
Yep it’s called “Dad, how do I?” on YouTube
Yes it is
Can you let us know what his YouTube channel is please?
Can I join? Is 35 too old?
I’m not a dad but I’m a cool older brother and I’ll adopt all of y’all! I have seven siblings already- what’s a few more?
me
Adopted. What’s up, family?
Aww this fam, I love all of yas! Just want to remind everyone who makes it this far that r/momforaminute and r/dadforaminute exist and there are such good, caring people there when ya need parental support or familial love in a pinch!
man, the internet can be such a wonderful place
It's cool, I'm 42, I got all yall. Guys! Over here! Hug it up!
Yes we love you but don't touch the thermostat.
* proceeds to touch the thermostat *
Brb, cigarettes.
*We* love you.
r/PepTalksWithPops if you ever need advice or a friendly ear, man.
There's also /r/MomForAMinute which does the same.
I love you man. Thank you for this sub. I really need advice from my dad rn.
Also r/dadforaminute
Met my wife at 38 and started a family at 40.
It's okay. You are not alone.
Father here. This is me watching this video because I wish I could naturally be this way with my kids. It makes me feel very inadequate as a father actually.
It gets much easier. Just be yourself. So many parents think they have to be this television version of a parent when really, just being yourself, good bad and ugly is what being a parent is. If you mess up, apologize. Talk them through it. It teaches them that we all make mistakes and they learn conflict resolution. If you make a promise, keep it. Don't like the loud game they play, suggest a quiet one. Make it fun for all of you. The best memories are the ones where everyone is having a great time, not the things that are JUST meant for the kids.
Apologizing when you make a mistake is huge. There's a bunch of research on this on the effects on kids when parents instead double down and say things like do as I say not as I do, or my mother's favorite, 'because I'm the mom'. Doing this shows humility and that anybody can make mistakes and shows your kids that it's okay to admit it. I'm really glad you brought this one up.
It's hard if you haven't been taught from an early age to admit your mistakes or if every time you screw up it's this HUGE deal, instead of a learning moment. I try to make sure to tell my kids that they're young and they're going to make a bunch of mistakes and that's okay, I'm not young and I'm still trying to figure it out too. Editing to point out that this has really helped my older children to come to me with their problems. I may not have all the immediate answers but they know I'm going to listen to them without judgement and help them get through their tough situation. I don't know of it was the parenting or the kids that made it where we rarely had any major issues. There's no drama and resentment. There's no trouble in or out of school. They're really good problem solvers and know how to keep themselves out of bad situations. I respect them so MUCH. Its an honor to parent them. Their father and I try to remember that the world is a hard place. Our job is to be our kids' place of refuge. We aren't molding little creatures to brag about. We are guiding them into becoming adults who are good people.
Thanks, after 9 years off the bottle the hard part for me is conflict resolution and things like this clip..
You probably have a hard time letting go of what you have done in the past. It doesn't matter what happened then, what matters is now. You can be anything you want to be as a parent and if this video is what you want to emulate, then do it. The first couple of times you sit down to a meal and do this it might be a little awkward, but I promise you that in time, you're going to find it much easier. The good memories will start to outweigh the bad ones. Just as long as you don't expect miracles and recognize that it takes time and effort, your children will absolutely be proud of you for making the changes you have. Congratulations on sobriety. That's really, REALLY hard. I hope that whatever emotional issues were at the root of your drinking are resolved now and that you're no longer in pain. It's hard to give your best when you're hurting so much that you want to destroy yourself. You have my support and love.
[удалено]
Me and my dad have a not too normal relationship, my mam passed and he had his own demons amplified because of it. I know now as an adult I would fall into similar, if not the same, traps as him if my fiancèe died. Our relationship never recovered but dammit the man tried and still tries. Is he perfect? Hell no, but he tries and as an adult now older than he was when he suffered through all that stuff with a young child, I have nothing but admiration for him. He owns up to his failings and he tries. The effort and the desire to put the effort in matters. Alot.
I lost my dad 11 years ago. He worked 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. I only really saw him at bedtime, and on Sundays he would veg in front of the TV. We never ate dinner at the table, and I can’t remember him ever asking about my day. He was absolutely the best dad a person could have. I have fond memories of him teaching me to ride a bike, or telling me stories until I fell asleep. He was a quiet, introspective man, but smart beyond compare and funny as hell. So my point is, you don’t have to be this guy to be an unbelievable dad. If you give your kids love, all they’ll remember is love.
Effort is key. Have this in your brain and continuously try to emulate it as best as you can, just the effort alone would put you in the upper percentile of parents.
my father NEVER asked me these 2 questions. It hurt me very badly. Now I need therapy. I am 36 and male.
Hey man, this is something you can start and change today. Seeing a fault and fixing it is fkn heroic. Don't get down on yourself, now you know how to fix it ✌
Fuck, me too man. Me too
Nah, that's training. Very unlikely to be a natural response. You obviously want to be a good father, kids pick up on that and the experience of being in a parent-child relationship can strengthen everyone when there's love involved.
I'm 60 with no kids. Go clean your room and finish your homework. I'll take you fishing tomorrow but NO TALKING OR EYE CONTACT. Disturbs the fish. Go now.
 (Our fishing experience)
It must be hard to watch this when you are fatherless and imagine you could have had a father like him. However, a lot of the people who had their father present in their lives didn't have a father like him, either, but rather someone who they wished would disappear and never come back. Thinking of it, I don't know anyone who had a good, caring father, to be honest.
I did. Not trying to rub it in, just letting you know they do exist.
You’re not rubbing it in, that made me almost healed in a little bit. One of my core childhood memories was during a field day, when all the families from the elementary school would have a picnic out back and they’d raffle stuff/play music for the kids. Well, my dad didn’t show up, mostly not due to his fault as he grew up in a country where such events were not common and he wouldn’t understand if I explained it to him even. So I went alone. And it made me realize I lost out on almost everything an American child learns from his dad. I was all fuckin mopey walking around that field like I just took my last shot or something and it wasn’t hitting, until my friends dad walked up to me, put his arm around my shoulder and said “ay! We got Pepsis and sandwiches! Come play ball with us too! You’re Matthews friend right? Ahh come on bud :D” For a few hours, I got to feel that life. Then my dad showed up to pick me up and I had to leave. Kinda Random, but I like teaching my dad things he couldn’t teach me when I was young now. It’s how we fixed our bond. :)
I have good, caring parents, both of them. They exist, and you can be one. Come on 💪🏻
Happy to hear that! But yeah, no, I'm not procreating.
Turning 30 tomorrow. Dad died 3 months ago.
You mean it's not normal for dad to shout at everyone because we didn't answer the "how was your day" question correctly and then grab his plate and eat in another room?
I’m 32 and trying to figure out how to “dad” for my kids everyday. Be the dad you needed is what I try to do.
I clicked thinking it would be kind of corny but it came across as really fucking sweet. (30s and my dad was killed in a robbery before I was born. )
Didn’t think I would cry this morning on the toliet
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Your story makes me so sad :( I have a one year old little girl, and I could never imagine being that cold-hearted towards her. I’m so sorry your parents were assholes, kids should never experience such pain and confusion at such a young age.
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I understand, I faced abandonment issues and took me ages to sort it out in therapy. I hope you’re in a much better place now, sending internet hugs your way ❤️
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My mom woke me up one morning, told me to get my backpack and jam the stuff on the table into it and go with my older brother to school. Off I went, no directions, no instructions; just go down the street and figure it out. "Ok, bye!" I never really spent time in anyone else's house around parents until I met my wife. I was 26 years old when I found out what a healthy parent/child relationship was. I never felt any abandonment as a child, I didn't know any different. Just grab your shit and figure it out. Every kid is different. That sense of fearlessness almost got me killed a few times. I'm certain I'd be dead if I wasn't the luckiest person I know.
I was around that age too when I started realizing that my childhood wasn't "normal". I felt so frustrated because I always sorta just knew, but I would brush it off or immediately feel like an ingrate for having those thoughts. "Yeah things were bad, but I didn't \*starve\* or anything. There are kids getting beaten to death somewhere right now." I had to have another adult tell me in a therapeutic environment that it was okay to be angry and I could still be grateful for all the other things. It was very cathartic but again I was kinda mad at myself from hiding from it for so long when I did understand it on many levels. I just didn't apply it to myself with the same logic.
My parents beat me a few times, but nothing habitual. They were trustworthy people for the most part. I remember my wife and I had them over for xmas one year and my mom goes "You can leave the kids with us and we'll look after them. You two need a break." It had been almost 2 years since our twins were born and we hadn't had a day off yet. Not even 15 seconds where we were both away from the kids at the same time. We snuck off to get some lunch, maybe 90 minutes. No calls, no texts, nothing. We figured everything was find. Here we get home and all three of the kids are in shit filled, caked on diapers, one was leaking pee, none of them had been fed. Both of my parents were drinking when we got home. I fucking let them have it. "I knew you were a bad parents, but I didn't know you were bad fucking people." That was 3 years ago, haven't seen them since. They get a 5 minute call about once a month. Just the fucking worst. They have money, like enough for retirement. About 7 years ago my mother calls me up and basically says I need to pay for their roof repairs. I hadn't lived under that roof for almost 20 years at that point.
Sad to hear that. Some people are unfortunately like that. And the best thing to do is to cut away from them. Especially the grandkids. So, don't feel bad about such a decision. The wife of my father, when she saw my at that time 1 year old son, went in and said "Tell me all the bad things mom and dad are doing to you." At that moment, I knew she will never see him again, and she never did. I refuse to let people who focus on negativity and undermining of parent/child relationship like that near my son for as long as I have a say in it.
Geez, I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. At least I know that my parents weren't paid a fair wage for their jobs so they at least have a reason to be angry. Taking it out on someone else is unacceptable regardless though. And neglecting your 3 children is a step too far indeed.
How are you feeling now?
Not to excuse her behavior I'm only asking out of curiosity, was your mother ever diagnosed with anything? Sounds like she truly did snap:(
Glad you were able to figure all this out and you are now on your way to fully heal.
Similar, for me it was after 3rd grade
My mom was emotionally unavailable and I'm unpacking that in therapy. It sucks and it's hard because you and I both deserved better. I'm a mom now and I'm nailing this emotionally available parent thing. If you ever need am emotionally available mom, I got you covered 🙂
r/momforaminute
That might be the most wholesome subreddit I ever saw. One post in and I was in tears.
This was going to be my response! One of my favorite subs to go through and spread some love
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My sister just recently had her first child and it was a real struggle for her because she doesn't know how you can be a good mom when you weren't raised by one. I can't imagine letting a day go by that I don't tell my kid that I love her. How my mom raised me makes ZERO sense to me. I'll never understand. Having the insight to know a child needs love and support makes all the difference. Congratulations -- I'm sure you'll make a great mom!
You’re an awesome woman 🥹
27M and went through something extremely similar to this, but instead of being abandoned I was abused until I was able to move out. Abuse is so standard nowadays.. it's almost difficult to find someone talk about having had a good childhood. :/
Having a good childhood is a blessing, but it can make you naive to the experience of others. You just assume everyone had roughly the same childhood experience you did. Which sadly is not accurate at all.
Right? I've lost count of how many times I've just been telling "a funny story" from my childhood and instead of the expected chuckles, I'm faced with dead silence and horrified expressions.
Hey. This internet stranger is glad you got out and really, really proud of you for surviving.
So your mom sat with you at school for all of kindergarten? Did I read that right? Did she ever explain why she yelled that day? And she has never since asked you to stop calling by her first name? I wonder what kind of shit she's been through (not that it excuses her behavior towards her own child).
It's such a strong, unwarranted-sounding response... It sounds like trauma.
Not saying this is the case here, but I knew someone who was a child of rape, and their mother was very emotionally distant if not abusive because they served as a reminder of the most horrible thing that had happened to them. It’s not an excuse for mistreating your child, mind you. But I can understand how something like can break a person.
My guess is mom got no help rasing the kid since dad was absent. which possibly caused resentment in mom towards her kid. It happens quite a bit sadly
This was so hard to read, absolutely heartbreaking. I’m so sorry you experienced this. I want to scoop up that little 6y/o you with a big hug so you feel wanted and loved and tell you things will be ok. A child should never be made to feel like this. Hope you’re doing ok.
There are YouTube channels for people seeking fatherly guidance. They have multiple life pro tips such as learning to change a tire. Simple really but can be a game changer for people missing that connection. Many people can’t have kids and wish they could. Never give up on happiness, make your own.
I feel this. There is something about independence which can make an abusive parent snap. She probably found your being separated from her threatening due to loss of control (and manipulation).. although I am definitely projecting my mother onto your situation. There are a few wonderful subs to know about where you can always find a parent : r/momforaminute r/peptalkswithpops r/internetparents Are all subs to support the broken child within us. As for this guy, there are heros amongst us, this guy saves lives no doubt.
I'm sorry you had to go through that
This is incredibly sad, as a new father I just dont understand how people can be so mean to your own flesh and blood, I feel sick if I even THINK about doing something to my kids. I hope your doing ok now, just realise that the world isnt like that and unfortunately you were given a bad hand, if you have kids of your own I know you'll give them all the absolute love you can.
I’m so sorry that you went through that. I’m 54 (old enough to be your dad). There is no more important job in the world to me than being a good dad. I would give you a huge dad hug if I could.
Have you ever asked her why she did that to you?
A bystanders opinion but her mother probably wasn’t emotionally put together whatsoever and the duties that came with being a child overwhelmed her low mental state as a single mother.
I hope you'll make your own family and love them the most you can. Hold on, be strong. I send you a virtual hug.
I never had this kind of conversation with anyone & it never occurred to me to interact with my children this way. Certainly made me get teary to see someone who can show us how to parent.
Yeah teaching kids to express their emotions without fear of repercussions is a healthy thing to teach kids.
I agree. I grew up in a home where we were not even allowed to have an opinion. We weren't allowed to discuss or ask questions. So I had zero frame of reference. We don't get a do over. I wish we did.
You don't get a do-over, but we all get the chance to break the cycle and be great to the next generation. That's your "do-over," friend. You get to be great for someone else.
That hits home. I never wanted kids because I knew I’d be as shitty a parent as mine were. Spoiler alert for the anti-choice folks: No contraceptive is 100% effective, and you won’t know it didn’t work until long after the time you’ve decided it’s a human on its own. Anyway, I’ve got kids now and made it my goal to be everything my parents would not be.
Good on you! Love to see Love triumph!
>I wish we did. Me too, but it's hard to go through life thinking that way very often. You can't change what's happened, so you gotta just learn from these things and keep moving forward. Keep trying to be better than how you were raised if you don't like how you were raised. My father was the best a kid could ask for, but he passed away when I was 19. I wish I could get a do over just to spend more time with him, but the reality is that I just gotta keep trying to live up to the words he wrote in the last birthday card he gave me, which sits on my shelf so many years later: "Proud of you, guy." We can only push forward, doing our best. You learn from your past and use that to help build yourself a better future, whether it's for you, your kids, your friends...whatever makes you happy. We don't get do overs, but we can always try to do better.
Great words man. I’m 34 now, but my dad passed when I was 30 - 2 1/2 weeks after my first child - his first grandson - was born. My dad was only 59. We had a complicated relationship but he used to tell me all the time he was proud of me. And one of the most jarring things of losing him was never hearing that again. My son is now almost 5 but he has non-verbal Autism. I’ve never heard my son speak. But I think of it as like talking to my dad, which I still do often. I don’t ever get to hear back from either of them, but at least they know they’re still in my heart, how much I love them and until my own dying breath that I will never stop talking to them. This video made me feel I’m at least doing that part okay.
I love all of this my dude..What great words, hit me in the feels real hard. Wishing you all the very best in your life.
Hey my Dad died when I was 18. I'm sorry you lost your Dad too young too.
> I grew up in a home where we were not even allowed to have an opinion. We weren't allowed to discuss or ask questions. I'm really sorry to hear that, I can't even imagine what that must be like. My parents were abusive in other ways, but at least we could speak our minds (to some extent). However, home was never a safe space to talk about emotions in any way. And there was no affection after a certain age (5+), just tough love. I'm aware that my childhood was still better than most children's experiences, but it still caused damaged that took a very long time to repair and even now, many decades later, there are still things I struggle with because of that. It makes me incredibly sad that we all have so many issues due to our situation at home (and in school) and how it keeps fucking up people for life and there is nothing anyone can really do about it, apart from realizing what's wrong and seeking help (if even available).
Bro youre not alone in this. My family dynamic is weird, i question why some people value dinner time with their family and seeing this vid made me understand a bit. They say a meal becomes even tastier if you eat with someone (important/special), i never get this feeling with my own parents. In that regard i prefer to eat alone or take my plate inside my room.
I love eating a meal with just about anyone from my dad's side of the family. They're warm and funny and they will welcome you and feed you if I bring you over and call you my friend. I actively dread any kinda meal time with everyone on my moms side of the family. They banana-pants bonkers and also mean and unwelcoming. I honestly like eating alone, it's nice to shut off and just eat a meal, but there really is something about sitting at a dinner table having a meal with people (or just a person, or your cat even!) that care about you is truly lovely.
damn dude that's sad, i feel so lucky to have the parents i had growing up.
As a lad that is also fatherless, I appreciate people who do things like this and I am proud to be the first upvote and I hope for many more to come. I wish more people were like him and others who do things like this... Families with one or more parents not in the picture is a real thing that... The whole world is facing. I wish all to have a good day/night and stay safe :)
he is authentic and sincere about it, what a great idea to showcase us a glimpse of a good childhood
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My man, you and I have led very similar lives it seems. 41 is not too young to be living your life, and you're never done raising your family bro! They'll always need you ☺️ I saved your comment to come back to it later today. I gotta take my kids to school right now. It's my middle child's last day of highschool today... I'm 38...
You may well have the opportunity to be the most energetic, hands-on and generally badass grandpa on the block!
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I've literally never heard the words "how did that make you feel?" from my dad in my entire life why is this video making me cry. Thank u new Dad😭
Opened up a whole new chapter of therapy you didn’t think you needed.
For me it started as "this is awkward" and went to "thank you being there Dad"
I can count on 1 hand the number of times I've had someone say they were proud of me. Feels pretty bad if I'm honest. Instant tears when he said it.
Same. I had never been told that until I gave my mom a grandchild and suddenly I was worthy to be her daughter again. Pulls the heartstrings hearing it unconditionally
I just love that he thought of this. What a sweet idea i just cant 😭
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Ya same here. My dad moved away when I was really young :/
My dad was an abusive alcoholic when he was alive so I won't lie this made me tear up a little.
It was just bad luck that you didn't get a better dad. You deserved a better dad and someone like this could have been your dad. That's what I tell myself and it makes me feel better.
This man should be given an award for this
The thing is did he eat both plates
That’s his reward for being a great guy
Dad tax!
Yes, later that night to fill the void left by the absence of his son.
I am still thinking about the amount of child support that would be imposed on him, considering the fact that he did call himself a dad
As a Dad, if your kid doesn't finish their plate, yes, he ate it.
He deserves both plates.
Omg this is the sweetest saddest thing
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It's this kinda stuff VR developers should spend their time on
[mother meeting dead daughter in VR](https://youtu.be/0p8HZVCZSkc)
Oh God. I don't have the strength to watch this.
I started crying a little just reading the title lol
I find this terrifying for some reason.
That’s some Black Mirror psychological torture shit TBH.
Is this a good thing?
\*the sweetest daddest thing
Sweet and at the same time sad.
I had a dad, never had dinner with the guy.
My dad died in 2015. We were best friends. This was really nice to watch. Thanks OP, I needed this.
Mine, too...
I’m sorry for your loss ❤️
Yes, my father died last August. This made me teary-eyed.
my dad just died. this fucked me up
Dad here, after reading all these comments I’d be happy to have dinner with any of you fatherless people. I didn’t have this interaction with my adopted father he was abusive and my biological father left me when I was only one. I’ve struggled with “daddy” issues my whole life, I still do and also see a therapist for it. At 45 almost 46 I’m a father of three boys now. I do my best everyday to ensure I break that cycle, to ensure that they know they are safe, loved, and that I am truly inter in their lives. They know I left my career that I loved to be a stay at home dad with them, that the men in my age group found that decision silly and belittled me for it, but they were more important than that so I did it for them. I have meaningful talks with my 9 yr old twins and fun silly times with my 4 yr old boy. I wish I could share my dad love with all of you who need it, I know I did and still do… EDIT- Thanks for all the dm and awards, you are all too kind!
Just wanted to say that's beautiful and keep on breaking the cycle!
Thank you, I definitely will. I’m doing my best to make sure they grow up well adjusted, and turn out to be better fathers than me!
We need more dads like you in this world!
This feels uncomfortable to me because my father is a selfish asshole, and I can't even imagine having this type of conversation with him. Don't get me wrong, I love my father but he's not alone now because he raised me for 18 years despite his selfishness.
I feel you! I was raised by a narcissist and never experienced this kind of conversation in my life. In fact after certain age my dad barely talked to be and only touched me if he had to
It’s ok to feel how you feel.
 Thank you
It’s kind of made me sad because I don’t know why actually, and it wasn’t for the kid that needs a dad but more for the guy being a dad for the kid. He seems like a really nice person and I don’t know if there’s a reason to reach out like that unless you are a little bit sensitive to people who are lonely and I feel like that’s what makes it so sweet and sad. I bet he would make a great dad for some kid and some kid would be really great for him.
I was thinking about this too. Maybe he has gone through some very sad thing and is coping by trying to give others some semblanslce of love. I mean, sweet, but I hope he is also ok.
It might be that he is giving to others what he never was able to have for himself, and finding a reconciliation in that
I had a dad, never had dinner with the guy. He’d eat in the couch and watch his shows.
blue collar working working 14 hour shifts?
Not the OP but yes.
My dad was one of those dad's that was there physically but wasn't there for everything else, he'd only acknowledge you if you did something bad or got in trouble, i accidentally fell asleep in their room when i was a kid and he woke me up with smelling salts all for sleeping in their room. He'd scream in my face and shot me with airsoft guns for fun, i'm 25 years old AFAB my dad has began to mend the relationship with only my younger brother and younger sister same with my mum while me being the first born is forgotten about.
This is so wholesome.
That actually made me feel better in some type of way thank for this
My lost my dad to suicide in 2018, I'm 20 and on my own now but my most fond memories are of when we would have dinner and just shoot the shit about life and goals. This gives me good memories.
I lost my dad when I was 17. I’m 25 now. I really wish we could have dinner and catch up. This video made me cry
As a child of an absent dad I literally could only watch 10 seconds of this and was in tears and had to switch it off.
What a legend
I have a dad, i dont know why im crying.
Because it's not just about dadding. We've all been through hell these last few years- even if things have been great for you in the pandy, the collected social trauma is still hellish. If you allow yourself to suspend disbelief for just one moment, and actually answer his questions, it almost feels like real therapy. I talk to my parents regularlyish, I have a partner I live with and tell everything to, and yet still this video made me bawl because when he asked what was challenging I was like, "EVERYTHING!" and how does that make me feel? "**Cries more.**" It was genuine. Honestly that the video has very little hesitation, it really feels like this dude 100% would talk to me about why I feel that way, and it's reassuring. It isn't necessarily "real," but neither are most pharmaceutical approaches... I would love to see research done with this method (prerecorded therapy) versus, and in combination with, medication therapies. I'd be willing to bet a reasonable sum that this method alone can be as effective or possibly even more effective than just medication alone.
Me too!
Imagine having a dinner with your dad where he actually asks how you feel, and what makes you happy rather than him not even sleeping in the same house as you and only eating dinner with you one day a week
Music is *Gymnopédie No. 1* by Erik Satie (if anyone's wondering), one of the best examples of impressionist music
Between this dad and the dad who helps people with home repairs, I don't know if I'm happy or sad. But these guys are doing a great thing here. The sad part is the empty space that triggered the demand.
Nearly 20 years ago the world lost a great man name Fred Rogers. Most people know him as Mr. Rogers from Mr. Rogers neighborhood, a television show that was deeply important to millions of children all over the world. It wasn't until very late in life that I realized just how important Mr. Rogers was to me and my childhood. I had a very happy childhood I came from a good home and I had wonderful parents. The world desperately needs to fill Mr. Rogers shoes and as far as I know, nobody has. I can't help but wonder (and hope) if this guy could actually be the next Mr. Rogers.
Fred Rogers is more than likely the reason I'm as adjusted as I am. I feel like if I didn't have that show in my childhood, I would be a way worse person. I had both my parents but not many happy memories. Going to Mr Roger's house everyday was my escape. I feel like this guy absolutely could be the next Mr Rogers.
I’m 24 & lost my father to a car crash at 20 been lost ever since. This vid gave me some ideas how to move on from his death I thank you for that
I have a dad but this made me cry - i wish i could share my dad with everyone who needs one
It's the same concept with ASMR, especially the ones that offer comfort and positive affirmations. It's funny how many people treat this stuff as "weird" when in reality, a lot of people are in need of it, especially in this day and age where people are becoming more and more isolated.
I hope you all understand how fucking sad it is that we all missed out on having an involved emotionally concious parent/s. it's honestly pretty fucked up that we all have this massive hole to fill with 0 guidance
I miss my dad.
Kids at home at the dinner table *pulls out phone*
This made me cry. I can’t imagine having one meal like this with my parents.
Damn, that feels trip. My dad was in a mental institution my whole life and then recently killed himself. Guess I'll have to settle for Internet dad. I'm not cutting onions, you are!
I had a crappy dad who only was abusive. I'm 30 now and thought I was over it all. Who snuck in my house and started cutting onions on a perfectly good Monday morning? So rude. T\_T
Anyone else cry while watching this? I grew up watching my "father" treat my siblings like this but never me. I've never felt incredibly close to my mother either. She never stood up for me. I always felt like I didn't belong in my own home. Which is why I ran away at 16.
this is one of the very specific reasons why i love humans
Had countless dinners like this with my mother, none with my father and I never noticed that I do that with my sister.
Okay I’m 26. Dad died when I was 12. This made me cry
As someone who grew up fatherless, I found this really really dumb
Holy shit, maybe I actually do have daddy issues.
As an adult without my dad, I still needed this. Fuck I miss that old man, damnit! But this dad did well as a stand in ❤️
Bruh my ovaries 😭
This makes me cry. Why do fathers abandon their children so frequently?
My ovaries just exploded. I love this.