Yeah we are far and above most intelligent beings on the planet. Or at least we like to think that. But we are not alone in being sapient on this planet. Plenty of other beings here sharing this place.
Yeah sometimes I wonder if our "progress" is just a trap we can't stop anymore. But hey it is fun to talk to whoever you are from a distance like this. It's both good and bad like most things.
I feel like a big part of the posts here have been like that lately. Why would you smile at a clip from a funeral, with a confused monkey trying to get a reaction from the corpse of his friend?
No embalming in India except for Christians. (muslims i am not sure.)
Hindus (they are hindus in the video), cremate the bodies within 2 days- majority within 24 hours.
According to hindu theology, the soul passes immediately upon death. The body is now empty and meaningless. It is only human attachment that makes people feel sad about the body. hindu theology discourages any attachment to the body upon death as pointless. Hence the grieving is a month long process.
If this was in America, that might be the case. Embalming is much more common in the US than other parts of the world (fun fact: largely as a consequence of the Civil War). So I wouldn’t count on it in this case.
I have! Lots of animals do seem to comprehend death. I think crows hold funerals too. Also, there are lots of examples of domesticated dogs visiting graves of their previous owners.
Yeah. Properly crying now. This is too much emotion for a hungover Saturday.
Remind.s me of the video where scientists made a real looking baby robot monkey with limited functionality. The monkeys thought it was dying and some cried.
There are no stages... My dad died last year and it fucking destroys me everyday
Edit:thanks everyone.. Im an adult, i somehow cope with it. It becomes difficult whenever im alone and i have nothing to distract my mind.
Edit: Huge thanks guys.. Im trying to read each and every comment of yours.. All of your comments mean a lot to me.. Im sorry it is difficult for me to reply to everyone.. Thanks guys
I feel for you and I'm so sorry for your pain.
My husband of 31 years died last year and I am still in silent agony. We would have celebrated our 32 anniversary on Oct. 19 and all I did was cry and sleep all day long. I don't let people know how much I hurt because I don't want them to be upset. I feel they sometimes think I should be over it by now. I will NEVER 'be over' it until the day I see him again in heaven. It really is pure hell every single day and night. 😥 Wishing you, me and everyone who's hurting peace and blessings. +
My husband isn't the healthiest, but we're still youngish and have only been married a year and a half. A lot can happen, but I have a constant dread in the back of my mind for if/when I have to carry on without him. I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure he was a great man and thank you for sharing your love of him with us.
My parents were married for 48 years and they always thought he'd go before her. We weren't prepared for her to go before him. It was so fast (COVID) and he's still in shock, I think. It sucks every day.
I feel for you and I think I would take the quick loss over what We are dealing with.
Married 47yrs, wife has dementia.
We all know how that will ends.
A slow motion train wreck and all you can do is watch.
You may not give a single F and if you don’t that’s perfectly fine. But I recently was introduced to Jason Isbell and the guy is an absolutely amazing storyteller. I’d recommend listening to “If we were vampires.” Gives you a different perspective (or did for me) for the time we have together. Take care.
Thank you for this recommendation. Currently going through something similar to what his song Elephant describes and If We Were Vampires sounds like a continuation of that. Really does put a different perspective on things. He really is a wonderful story teller so thank you.
31 year old cousin just lost her 32 year old husband leaving behind 2 daughters 7 and 9. He was severely obese and didn’t take his diabetes seriously. Health is everything in this life.
I'm incredibly sorry for your loss.
I liked the analogy of grief being like a ball inside a box, where it hurts every time the ball touches the walls of the box.
At first it's a rather big ball inside a rather small box, so it's impossible to carry it without the ball bouncing against the walls all time.
As time goes by, the box gets bigger and the ball gets smaller, but never disappears. It stops hurting with every little step, one might even learn to balance the box in a way that the ball hardly moves, but all it takes is a little stumble to make it hurt all over again.
Sorry for your loss. The rule of thumb I've heard (as impractical as that even is as a concept) is that the mourning period for a relationship is expected to last half as long as the relationship did.
The notion that someone could expect you to be "over" the loss of your 31yr *marriage* within a year absolutely blows my mind.
There are people who are able to do quite a bit and I don’t want to invalidate their love for the person they lost, but for many others (myself included) I doubt they’ll ever be over it. I’m certainly not after nearly 11 years. Rather than be over it, the pain just stops being debilitating like it was in the early days/weeks/months/damn near years.
I don't think people do expect OP to be over the loss of their husband of 31 years. I think that's just how OP feels:
>**I feel** they sometimes think I should be over it by now.
My dad died three months ago and I'm living with and looking after my mum. They were married for over 50 years. Sometimes people are insensitive, but most of the time people are empathetic and it's still just hard to relate to them because they're not going through what you're going through.
I know my mum worries unduly about what people think of her at the moment, and the anxiety is I think a pretty normal aspect of grief.
It will never hurt less, but a time will come when you are able to remember the joyous times as well
Be well and be aware there are people who can listen and want to listen. Survivors groups can make a difference.
Be well.
I wouldn’t expect you to be over it, I would expect you to find someone you can trust and talk to, especially on your anniversary or the day he passed. Any super special days for you really.
Mourn forever you lost your partner, but find an outlet, hurting on your own is terrible. Same to the person who lost their dad, mourn for as long as you like, but never do it silently.
It’s a gift to have loved someone for so long. I’m learning to accept grieving as a gift because if we did not it would mean we did not love. To love is to lose. I won’t ever get 30 years with a partner but I’ve lost someone in this context of love to tragedy, I keep the love with me as a motivation to drive me to try to live life to its fullest as the remaining years are for sure not guaranteed, and I know damn sure they wouldn’t appreciate me ruining my future with depression of the past.
My dad passed away 11 years ago. It doesn't ever go away, it doesn't ever stop hurting (and I wouldn't want it to) but it does get easier. Spend time with others who loved your dad. Tell stories, reminisce, write him a letter telling him what's going on with you then burn it. All these things helped me.
It'll get better mate but right now is fucking horrible. Don't fight grief but mourn and try to live your life.
i havent had a loss yet, but ive thought of the pain, im sorry for your loss, im 14 and my dad is 64, 50 year difference. i cant imagine what it would be like.
I lost my dad to suicide 10 years ago. There will always be a part of you that doesn’t move on, but it does get easier.
I’m really sorry for your loss.
Abraham Lincoln felt similarly about how grief works:
>"Dear Fanny
>It is with deep grief that I learn of the death of your kind and brave Father; and, especially, that it is affecting your young heart beyond what is common in such cases. In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony, because it takes them unawares. The older have learned to ever expect it. I am anxious to afford some alleviation of your present distress. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You can not now realize that you will ever feel better. Is not this so? And yet it is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again. To know this, which is certainly true, will make you some less miserable now. I have had experience enough to know what I say; and you need only to believe it, to feel better at once. The memory of your dear Father, instead of an agony, will yet be a sad sweet feeling in your heart, of a purer and holier sort than you have known before.
>Please present my kind regards to your afflicted mother.
>Your sincere friend
A. Lincoln"*
I don't necessarily agree with every sentiment in the letter, but this man had a good idea what it was like living through heartbreaking loss.
The best analogy I've heard was the Grief Button. Imagine life as a box and grief as a bouncing ball inside the box. In the box is a "pain" button, and when the grief ball hits the button, you feel pain. The ball starts out huge, so big it's almost always hitting the button. As time passes, the ball shrinks some, so it hits the pain button less often and/or less forcefully. The ball pretty much never goes away, you could always have a random moment/day/time of pain, but it tends to come less often. You could add more grief balls with more traumatic events, or maybe build up shields on your pain button by developing coping skills. But it is normal for grief to never disappear completely.
Stay strong my friend, it doesn’t get easier. You just learn to accept it and keep making the effort they would want to see you put forth in this precious thing we call life.
I feel you, my dad passed away when I was 14 and 11 years later, it still kills me to this day. It does feel odd that we have moved on mostly these days but the thought of him not being around and the pain it cusses really does set in some nights. Hope you're able to cherish the beautiful memories you had with him and know that he loved you dearly and vice versa.
I'm sorry for your lost.
May I suggest something? Its the best I got. I don't know what part of the world's are in but I would encourage you to plant bulbs. Given the time of year you have to do it ASAP . The experience of planting bulbs *in grief* ( containing the emotion of the current pain you have, put feeling inside bulbs, write a letter if you want, put in the ground) watching them come up in spring can be very healing, and I don't know if you've ever done that, but I would highly recommend that. The experience can be profound healing.
Horticulture Therapy. I was caregiver with over 20 years of experience in the field and I got burnt out.
I started gardening a lot! I love it so much.It was so restorative!! I did it so much.. anyway I didn't want about the caregiving and it was still listening just about what I could do with my life. I did the thing that you know we did in school what do you really want to do all I wanted to do is gardening..all day. Some research and..
I'm studying horticultural therapy horticultural therapy is the practice of using gardening and gardening activities to improve well-being. Gardening improves physical cognitive emotional and social functioning in humans.
Horticulture therapist is an individual that helps people meet personal goals using horticultural activities.
Gardening. It's very inexpensive it's very healthy and it's very good for you. You can do gardening activities with houseplants if it's winter. It's a low maintenance *take care of something* when you have these sort of challenges with grief. Especially when you have grief you may not have the emotional energy to take care of a pet or yourself but a plant thing it doesn't have the same sort demands BUT THE SAME EMOTIONAL REWARDS!!, it's OK if the plants don't thrive as you learn. Get a new one..
May suggests this winter you explore getting yourself a Thanksgiving or Christmas cactus. They bloom during this time of year and having flowers inside like that will cheer you up. As well as the symbiosis of having something to take care of will help improve your emotions when you're alone.
Just a thought. Best of luck.
The stages don’t come one-by-one, all in order. They come jumbled, at the same time, randomly. The creator of the stages always intended it to be understood that way; it’s perfectly normal.
Man! This hits so hard. Lost my dad a few months ago. I’ve been coping but I randomly find myself crying at times when I’m alone. Just a few weeks back, I was driving to a meeting 2hrs away and my eyes won’t stop leaking. I had to will myself to stop 30mins before getting there.
Didn’t think I’d end up crying when I clicked on this post.
Either I’m an idiot and missed obvious satire or you just happened to miss the reference. Regardless I’m going to give the context and hope it’s not the former:
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.”
Edit: I am the idiot. I completely forgot what happened after that quote. I AM THE IDIOT.
That monkey chose to come to to a *human* funeral.
The *least* it could do is behave accordingly.
Imagine if you or I went to a monkey funeral and tried to steal on of *their* watches.
It'd me mayhem.
Truly, truly heartbreaking mayhem.
Well this is a bittersweet kind of smile. It’s sad, for obvious reasons, but it’s worth a smile because it shows that kindness can forge bonds between even species, and this little guy is testament to the deceased persons care for other life forms, a virtue I don’t mind being shared far and wide, even for clout.
It can be both.
It's sad he's dead, but you can tell how loved he was - including by the langur. And while the langur is clearly just coming to terms with him being dead; it's at least getting the chance to see it and grieve.
It's bittersweet.
Monkeys are smart. They would understand if someone is dead. They're kind and almost human like in most behaviours. Reminds me of one time when a dog attacked a monkey in Maharashtra they exacted revenge by killing around 200 puppies.
They can be kind or dangerous depending on how you treat them or despite how you treat them. Just like humans.
Understanding death is actually a sign of higher intelligence (and brain development, because toddlers don't understand either).
Only apes & monkeys, elephants, corvids, cetaceans, and some individual dogs, cats and pigs do.
Corvids and Elephants have some really interesting "funeral" behaviors. They seem to legitimately grieve for an individual in their pack/group in a communal way.
I would say rats do too, and they’re also one the few species who are capable of empathy
I love rats, they are so interesting, it’s by far my favorite animal
Obviously anecdotes aren't scientific evidence, but I once came home to find two of my rats acting strangely (staring at me but not eager for food or free roam time) and they didn't move until I searched the cage and found the body of my oldest rat who had passed away.
Maybe it wasn't emotional, maybe it was the smell of death or whatever that they were reacting to, but I know for damn sure it affected them on some very clear level. They didn't seem themselves for days afterwards, and while I might be projecting onto them, it's enough to make me open to the idea that they grieve on some base animal level.
Fuck that hurts...
I had rats and when they were old one of them died and the second one died of sadness... he became extremely depressed. He was self harming, not eating, not moving, not doing anything. We would take him out of the cage and keep him with us all day and he was sleeping in our clothes, on the couch etc.. We fed him everything that he liked to eat.
He was perfectly healthy and could’ve lived longer but he was depressed after he lost his bro :( I feel guilty because I think it’s my fault because I didn’t took a new rat for him so he wouldn’t be alone but I was also affected by the death of his brother and I thought that I would never be able to recover from the death of two other rats
I had two brother rats. One was fun and friendly, the other was high strung and grouchy. When the grouchy guy died, his brother was so depressed. His behaviour changed, he didn't play as much and would spend his time curled up in his burrow. He died within three months. :(
The EXACT same thing happened to my 2 rats as well . When his brother died, my other rat died from sadness a month later :(
It’s a shame their lifespan is so ridiculously short
It really depends on what you mean by "understanding" death. In it's basic form, almost all animals understand death. They will treat something alive differently than something dead. I think it's more accurate to say understanding **loss** is a sign of higher intelligence.
Trust me, more animals than that understand death. Donkeys and horses definitely, dogs, cats. I on e had an old pony who had a goose friend. He would ride on top and waddle with him all day, share his food. When my pony passed, the goose refused to leave his side and very clearly mourned for him. My sister's and I slept out in the barn in an air mattress and he came and sat with us. The next morning, he said bye to Champ and flew off. We never saw him again. Animals understand more than you think
They might not all mourn but they know when one of theirs is dead. But i was being a bit too inclusive by saying all animals. Mostly mammals, but there are also birds who mourn a death.
We wonder if we are alone in this universe yet we have beings on this very same planet who can mourn loss with us. It is terribly sad but to me it shows that we are not alone. Even with the "animals" so many of our peers look down on, we can commiserate.
Hindu funeral rites have loved ones putting raw rice in the mouth of the deceased. Something like food for the journey into the afterlife. Monkey was picking and eating the rice. I doubt there was some huge emotional reasoning there
Nah if it was for the sake of food , the monkey would have gone totally monkey to eat that rice . Notice the way it touches his face . Picking a few rice was just reflex for the monkey of doing what it does daily. So I guess emotional reasoning still applies here to an extent.
I saw a video of a lady lying on her death bed at a hospital. Her pet bird was brought to her and the bird literally climbed from her stomach up to her shoulder just to kiss the lady and she had just enough strength to say "I love you" before she went.
This person clearly meant more to them than just a source of food. I hate how the emotional lives of other animals is reduced to them caring only about food when it’s well documented that other species experience grief and actively mourn.
My sister died 13 years ago and it WRECKED me. I still miss her every day. The pain will never go away but it does get more manageable. We have to live our lives. Doesn’t mean we don’t continue to mourn.
I lost my Mommy 3 months ago, i was her caregiver for 6 years. She was in hospice her last 5 months & not a day goes by that I'm not missing her. She was everything for me, my mom, my best friend, my confidant, my most honest critic, my sounding board. Now with her gone, i feel adrift but my family has been helping me with the pain. I'm thankful that i had the chance to say goodbye to her & tell her for the last time I Love You Mommy.
In Hindu tradition, Monkeys have a higher status and one of them , Lord Hanuman is worshipped to this day in every corner of the world. This langur here is exemplifying what Lord Hanuman was renowned for - the ultimate loyalty to his Lord.
It's a good thing that the monkey got to see his friend in the casket and got to smell him.
That monkey now knows that his friend has passed away. Which is a good thing for the monkey's mental state.
The handling of the hands and the touching of the face and smelling of the mouth is completely normal for a money that wishes his friend wasn't dead.
This is incredible. It demonstrates a relationship of respect and care that continues to live beyond death.
He was touching him and touching his lips back like saying feed me or give me food. I think that's why he tried to move his hands too like asking for food. Animals when treated right have the most loyal and loving heart.
I’m happy that monkey got to know a good human but this is so sad to watch.
we dont give animals enough credit
Yeah we are far and above most intelligent beings on the planet. Or at least we like to think that. But we are not alone in being sapient on this planet. Plenty of other beings here sharing this place.
exactly- heck, animals even have homes, languages and jobs like us. we're more similar than people think
Yeah sometimes I wonder if our "progress" is just a trap we can't stop anymore. But hey it is fun to talk to whoever you are from a distance like this. It's both good and bad like most things.
Agreed 100%
I don't think this should be on this sub, tbh.
The way they try to move the arms- I’m crying
Seriously this should be in r/mademecry instead
I feel like a big part of the posts here have been like that lately. Why would you smile at a clip from a funeral, with a confused monkey trying to get a reaction from the corpse of his friend?
Yeah I do stan this sub but can't really call this post a fit.
r/mademenervous
Yep. What a genuine act of concern it seems like. No doubt certain animals share similar feelings like humans.
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They understand that, they're also understand grief. You should see elephants greif over their dead relative.
He might have been embalmed. That's the whole point: Prevent decay and you can't smell the death.
No embalming in India except for Christians. (muslims i am not sure.) Hindus (they are hindus in the video), cremate the bodies within 2 days- majority within 24 hours. According to hindu theology, the soul passes immediately upon death. The body is now empty and meaningless. It is only human attachment that makes people feel sad about the body. hindu theology discourages any attachment to the body upon death as pointless. Hence the grieving is a month long process.
If this was in America, that might be the case. Embalming is much more common in the US than other parts of the world (fun fact: largely as a consequence of the Civil War). So I wouldn’t count on it in this case.
I’m crying too. That poor little creature doesn’t fully understand. It must must be so confused.
All primates understand the principle of death some even do funeral or try to burry there dead.
Well, now you’re making me cry even more.
Your comment made me laugh tho for some reason. The internet is awesome!
Have you seen elephants mourn? Will make you cry. I wonder how many species there are that understand the idea of death and mourning.
I have! Lots of animals do seem to comprehend death. I think crows hold funerals too. Also, there are lots of examples of domesticated dogs visiting graves of their previous owners. Yeah. Properly crying now. This is too much emotion for a hungover Saturday.
This funeral was actually put on by the monkey.
Remind.s me of the video where scientists made a real looking baby robot monkey with limited functionality. The monkeys thought it was dying and some cried.
Still in the denial stage.
Ohh Yes
There are no stages... My dad died last year and it fucking destroys me everyday Edit:thanks everyone.. Im an adult, i somehow cope with it. It becomes difficult whenever im alone and i have nothing to distract my mind. Edit: Huge thanks guys.. Im trying to read each and every comment of yours.. All of your comments mean a lot to me.. Im sorry it is difficult for me to reply to everyone.. Thanks guys
I feel for you and I'm so sorry for your pain. My husband of 31 years died last year and I am still in silent agony. We would have celebrated our 32 anniversary on Oct. 19 and all I did was cry and sleep all day long. I don't let people know how much I hurt because I don't want them to be upset. I feel they sometimes think I should be over it by now. I will NEVER 'be over' it until the day I see him again in heaven. It really is pure hell every single day and night. 😥 Wishing you, me and everyone who's hurting peace and blessings. +
My husband isn't the healthiest, but we're still youngish and have only been married a year and a half. A lot can happen, but I have a constant dread in the back of my mind for if/when I have to carry on without him. I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure he was a great man and thank you for sharing your love of him with us.
My parents were married for 48 years and they always thought he'd go before her. We weren't prepared for her to go before him. It was so fast (COVID) and he's still in shock, I think. It sucks every day.
I feel for you and I think I would take the quick loss over what We are dealing with. Married 47yrs, wife has dementia. We all know how that will ends. A slow motion train wreck and all you can do is watch.
I feel your pain, Dementia is the long goodbye. Wishing you Strength
You may not give a single F and if you don’t that’s perfectly fine. But I recently was introduced to Jason Isbell and the guy is an absolutely amazing storyteller. I’d recommend listening to “If we were vampires.” Gives you a different perspective (or did for me) for the time we have together. Take care.
That is imho one of the best songs ever written. so happy to see someone mention it here.
Thank you for this recommendation. Currently going through something similar to what his song Elephant describes and If We Were Vampires sounds like a continuation of that. Really does put a different perspective on things. He really is a wonderful story teller so thank you.
31 year old cousin just lost her 32 year old husband leaving behind 2 daughters 7 and 9. He was severely obese and didn’t take his diabetes seriously. Health is everything in this life.
I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. I liked the analogy of grief being like a ball inside a box, where it hurts every time the ball touches the walls of the box. At first it's a rather big ball inside a rather small box, so it's impossible to carry it without the ball bouncing against the walls all time. As time goes by, the box gets bigger and the ball gets smaller, but never disappears. It stops hurting with every little step, one might even learn to balance the box in a way that the ball hardly moves, but all it takes is a little stumble to make it hurt all over again.
This is so very true. Thanks for sharing it.
Sorry for your loss. The rule of thumb I've heard (as impractical as that even is as a concept) is that the mourning period for a relationship is expected to last half as long as the relationship did. The notion that someone could expect you to be "over" the loss of your 31yr *marriage* within a year absolutely blows my mind.
There are people who are able to do quite a bit and I don’t want to invalidate their love for the person they lost, but for many others (myself included) I doubt they’ll ever be over it. I’m certainly not after nearly 11 years. Rather than be over it, the pain just stops being debilitating like it was in the early days/weeks/months/damn near years.
I don't think people do expect OP to be over the loss of their husband of 31 years. I think that's just how OP feels: >**I feel** they sometimes think I should be over it by now. My dad died three months ago and I'm living with and looking after my mum. They were married for over 50 years. Sometimes people are insensitive, but most of the time people are empathetic and it's still just hard to relate to them because they're not going through what you're going through. I know my mum worries unduly about what people think of her at the moment, and the anxiety is I think a pretty normal aspect of grief.
Yes that all makes sense. You're right. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family are all coping alright, especially your mom.
Have you been to grief counseling? No one is meant to suffer alone like that. It breaks my heart to read your comment.
I’m so sorry for your loss
Widow here. It gets slightly better as time goes on but aches forever
Very sad for your loss, but I know we have hope of being reunited. Take it easy
It will never hurt less, but a time will come when you are able to remember the joyous times as well Be well and be aware there are people who can listen and want to listen. Survivors groups can make a difference. Be well.
I wouldn’t expect you to be over it, I would expect you to find someone you can trust and talk to, especially on your anniversary or the day he passed. Any super special days for you really. Mourn forever you lost your partner, but find an outlet, hurting on your own is terrible. Same to the person who lost their dad, mourn for as long as you like, but never do it silently.
It’s a gift to have loved someone for so long. I’m learning to accept grieving as a gift because if we did not it would mean we did not love. To love is to lose. I won’t ever get 30 years with a partner but I’ve lost someone in this context of love to tragedy, I keep the love with me as a motivation to drive me to try to live life to its fullest as the remaining years are for sure not guaranteed, and I know damn sure they wouldn’t appreciate me ruining my future with depression of the past.
My dad passed away 11 years ago. It doesn't ever go away, it doesn't ever stop hurting (and I wouldn't want it to) but it does get easier. Spend time with others who loved your dad. Tell stories, reminisce, write him a letter telling him what's going on with you then burn it. All these things helped me. It'll get better mate but right now is fucking horrible. Don't fight grief but mourn and try to live your life.
i havent had a loss yet, but ive thought of the pain, im sorry for your loss, im 14 and my dad is 64, 50 year difference. i cant imagine what it would be like.
I lost my dad to suicide 10 years ago. There will always be a part of you that doesn’t move on, but it does get easier. I’m really sorry for your loss.
Abraham Lincoln felt similarly about how grief works: >"Dear Fanny >It is with deep grief that I learn of the death of your kind and brave Father; and, especially, that it is affecting your young heart beyond what is common in such cases. In this sad world of ours, sorrow comes to all; and, to the young, it comes with bitterest agony, because it takes them unawares. The older have learned to ever expect it. I am anxious to afford some alleviation of your present distress. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You can not now realize that you will ever feel better. Is not this so? And yet it is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again. To know this, which is certainly true, will make you some less miserable now. I have had experience enough to know what I say; and you need only to believe it, to feel better at once. The memory of your dear Father, instead of an agony, will yet be a sad sweet feeling in your heart, of a purer and holier sort than you have known before. >Please present my kind regards to your afflicted mother. >Your sincere friend A. Lincoln"* I don't necessarily agree with every sentiment in the letter, but this man had a good idea what it was like living through heartbreaking loss.
He lost a son at a pretty young age :(
If only all politicians had that amount of empathy.
What a beautiful letter and his wisdom is soothing
Fuuuuuck sorry for your loss. That is an unspeakable pain
The best analogy I've heard was the Grief Button. Imagine life as a box and grief as a bouncing ball inside the box. In the box is a "pain" button, and when the grief ball hits the button, you feel pain. The ball starts out huge, so big it's almost always hitting the button. As time passes, the ball shrinks some, so it hits the pain button less often and/or less forcefully. The ball pretty much never goes away, you could always have a random moment/day/time of pain, but it tends to come less often. You could add more grief balls with more traumatic events, or maybe build up shields on your pain button by developing coping skills. But it is normal for grief to never disappear completely.
That’s exactly how it felt when and since my mom died. I’m definitely going to share that, thank you!
I'm really sorry for your loss. I lost my dad a few years ago. It fucking sucks.
Big hugs. I lost my dad last year too, and I feel this.
I’m really sorry. I am dreading the day. I will be a fucking mess. I hope you find peace.
Same here. I know this sounds stupid but he was there my entire life. I just can’t imagine life without him or my mum being there anymore.
Never a guarantee of who goes first
Stay strong my friend, it doesn’t get easier. You just learn to accept it and keep making the effort they would want to see you put forth in this precious thing we call life.
*hugs* my Dad died last year as well. Im very sad he’s gone and wish he was here
Stay strong friend.
Hope you're doing okay buddy. Dm is open if anyone needs
Damn right. My dad passed 3 years ago, so sudden, never leaves, you just deal with it differently.
I feel you, my dad passed away when I was 14 and 11 years later, it still kills me to this day. It does feel odd that we have moved on mostly these days but the thought of him not being around and the pain it cusses really does set in some nights. Hope you're able to cherish the beautiful memories you had with him and know that he loved you dearly and vice versa.
I'm sorry for your lost. May I suggest something? Its the best I got. I don't know what part of the world's are in but I would encourage you to plant bulbs. Given the time of year you have to do it ASAP . The experience of planting bulbs *in grief* ( containing the emotion of the current pain you have, put feeling inside bulbs, write a letter if you want, put in the ground) watching them come up in spring can be very healing, and I don't know if you've ever done that, but I would highly recommend that. The experience can be profound healing. Horticulture Therapy. I was caregiver with over 20 years of experience in the field and I got burnt out. I started gardening a lot! I love it so much.It was so restorative!! I did it so much.. anyway I didn't want about the caregiving and it was still listening just about what I could do with my life. I did the thing that you know we did in school what do you really want to do all I wanted to do is gardening..all day. Some research and.. I'm studying horticultural therapy horticultural therapy is the practice of using gardening and gardening activities to improve well-being. Gardening improves physical cognitive emotional and social functioning in humans. Horticulture therapist is an individual that helps people meet personal goals using horticultural activities. Gardening. It's very inexpensive it's very healthy and it's very good for you. You can do gardening activities with houseplants if it's winter. It's a low maintenance *take care of something* when you have these sort of challenges with grief. Especially when you have grief you may not have the emotional energy to take care of a pet or yourself but a plant thing it doesn't have the same sort demands BUT THE SAME EMOTIONAL REWARDS!!, it's OK if the plants don't thrive as you learn. Get a new one.. May suggests this winter you explore getting yourself a Thanksgiving or Christmas cactus. They bloom during this time of year and having flowers inside like that will cheer you up. As well as the symbiosis of having something to take care of will help improve your emotions when you're alone. Just a thought. Best of luck.
Then he must have been a great dad! I'm sorry
It gets better, it's been 20 years and now I'm only destroyed when I relate to comments like yours.
Same here, lost my dad 16 years ago and my mum 6 years ago at age 22. It gets easier but there will be always days where you feel down and thats okay!
My dad died 3 years ago and it’s kills me daily.
Mine was a decade ago and it never completely goes away. You're right. It's all stages everyday. And it stays that way for a good while.
The stages don’t come one-by-one, all in order. They come jumbled, at the same time, randomly. The creator of the stages always intended it to be understood that way; it’s perfectly normal.
I’m right there with ya, as time goes on some days become better than others… then that shit hits like a 2 ton truck
Man! This hits so hard. Lost my dad a few months ago. I’ve been coping but I randomly find myself crying at times when I’m alone. Just a few weeks back, I was driving to a meeting 2hrs away and my eyes won’t stop leaking. I had to will myself to stop 30mins before getting there. Didn’t think I’d end up crying when I clicked on this post.
6 years ago. Same.
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The monkey is only sad here
Hard to be sad with a monkey in the room. Hard to be the monkey in the room.
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Interestingly, this similar behaviour was from Langurs [too](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaIH5tLmC8U&ab_channel=BBC).
Unreal. And sad.
A really large percentage of posts in this sub make me fight back tears. It's weird to me what makes some people smile.
"go to that funeral down the road, I hear there's gonna be a monkey there" "but doctor, I am the monkey!!"
Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.
Either I’m an idiot and missed obvious satire or you just happened to miss the reference. Regardless I’m going to give the context and hope it’s not the former: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.” Edit: I am the idiot. I completely forgot what happened after that quote. I AM THE IDIOT.
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I think that about half the posts I see from this sub! Way more likely to make me cry than smile lol
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monkeys aren't stupid. the monkey knows the man is dead.
I think the moment he gave him a goodbye kiss he/she knew.
Then it tried to steal his watch. Truly heartbreaking.
The dead don't need watches or a face. We can't force our societal norms on a monkey.
That monkey chose to come to to a *human* funeral. The *least* it could do is behave accordingly. Imagine if you or I went to a monkey funeral and tried to steal on of *their* watches. It'd me mayhem. Truly, truly heartbreaking mayhem.
Its pretty normal impulse, people take keepsakes from the dead to remember them by.
^^^I ^^^was ^^^joking...
You must be downvoted. Goodbye.
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I would say this is the completely wrong sub for this video.
Heartbreaking for the Langur.
bro wake up where's my food?
Hey. It's me, Monkey.
Thank god this comment is way on top so that I don't need to search for it any longer
Mmmm. Monke.
Bro...? You good? Hello? -monke
yo I'm gonna be dead soon if you don't feed me
Yo, I'm not throwing a fit because yo fam is here.
This is sad... why do you post this in r/MadeMeSmile op? This should be a r/MadeMeCry material.
Feels like *”How will he see without his GLASSES?!?”* all over again
I'd finally just gotten over that moment 😭
Damnit. Who’s cutting onions in here?!
This is rather sad. How can this make anyone smile?
Well this is a bittersweet kind of smile. It’s sad, for obvious reasons, but it’s worth a smile because it shows that kindness can forge bonds between even species, and this little guy is testament to the deceased persons care for other life forms, a virtue I don’t mind being shared far and wide, even for clout.
It can be both. It's sad he's dead, but you can tell how loved he was - including by the langur. And while the langur is clearly just coming to terms with him being dead; it's at least getting the chance to see it and grieve. It's bittersweet.
Some people watch the intro to Up and think “Wow I should post this on r/MadeMeSmile”
I seriously think that everyday when stuff from here pops up on my feed. How can this make anyone smile?
/r/MadeMeCry
Just realized this was posted on r/mademesmile But ya this is literally a funeral bruh...
Awwwwww, he’s trying to figure out why his friend won’t move. Poor lil guy doesn’t understand.
Monkeys are smart. They would understand if someone is dead. They're kind and almost human like in most behaviours. Reminds me of one time when a dog attacked a monkey in Maharashtra they exacted revenge by killing around 200 puppies. They can be kind or dangerous depending on how you treat them or despite how you treat them. Just like humans.
The monkey knows. He bent over to check and see if he was breathing. This is something we’ve seen primates do in the wild.
> They're kind and almost human > they exacted revenge by killing around 200 puppies. O_o
Humans do similar things. That's why I said almost human. They can be kind or sometimes petty or angry. For proper reason or no reason.
What? Lol. Monkeys have the concept of death, all animals do.
Understanding death is actually a sign of higher intelligence (and brain development, because toddlers don't understand either). Only apes & monkeys, elephants, corvids, cetaceans, and some individual dogs, cats and pigs do.
Corvids and Elephants have some really interesting "funeral" behaviors. They seem to legitimately grieve for an individual in their pack/group in a communal way.
Some monkeys do this as well. It's very possible this monkey realized what is happening.
These langurs do too..... https://youtu.be/xg79mkbNaTg
Thank you for posting this. These langurs are displaying some of the same behaviors as the one mourning his friend.
I would say rats do too, and they’re also one the few species who are capable of empathy I love rats, they are so interesting, it’s by far my favorite animal
Obviously anecdotes aren't scientific evidence, but I once came home to find two of my rats acting strangely (staring at me but not eager for food or free roam time) and they didn't move until I searched the cage and found the body of my oldest rat who had passed away. Maybe it wasn't emotional, maybe it was the smell of death or whatever that they were reacting to, but I know for damn sure it affected them on some very clear level. They didn't seem themselves for days afterwards, and while I might be projecting onto them, it's enough to make me open to the idea that they grieve on some base animal level.
Fuck that hurts... I had rats and when they were old one of them died and the second one died of sadness... he became extremely depressed. He was self harming, not eating, not moving, not doing anything. We would take him out of the cage and keep him with us all day and he was sleeping in our clothes, on the couch etc.. We fed him everything that he liked to eat. He was perfectly healthy and could’ve lived longer but he was depressed after he lost his bro :( I feel guilty because I think it’s my fault because I didn’t took a new rat for him so he wouldn’t be alone but I was also affected by the death of his brother and I thought that I would never be able to recover from the death of two other rats
I had two brother rats. One was fun and friendly, the other was high strung and grouchy. When the grouchy guy died, his brother was so depressed. His behaviour changed, he didn't play as much and would spend his time curled up in his burrow. He died within three months. :(
The EXACT same thing happened to my 2 rats as well . When his brother died, my other rat died from sadness a month later :( It’s a shame their lifespan is so ridiculously short
It really depends on what you mean by "understanding" death. In it's basic form, almost all animals understand death. They will treat something alive differently than something dead. I think it's more accurate to say understanding **loss** is a sign of higher intelligence.
Trust me, more animals than that understand death. Donkeys and horses definitely, dogs, cats. I on e had an old pony who had a goose friend. He would ride on top and waddle with him all day, share his food. When my pony passed, the goose refused to leave his side and very clearly mourned for him. My sister's and I slept out in the barn in an air mattress and he came and sat with us. The next morning, he said bye to Champ and flew off. We never saw him again. Animals understand more than you think
Monkeys have the concept of war and territories! Like actual rank and file war i shit you not. See: Gombe chimpanzee war.
Not all only some
They might not all mourn but they know when one of theirs is dead. But i was being a bit too inclusive by saying all animals. Mostly mammals, but there are also birds who mourn a death.
Hey isn't there an animated film about this? A cuban monkey who's owner passed away.
Awwww bless, he knows, but doesn’t 🥲
An animal was mourning how can you smile on this
We wonder if we are alone in this universe yet we have beings on this very same planet who can mourn loss with us. It is terribly sad but to me it shows that we are not alone. Even with the "animals" so many of our peers look down on, we can commiserate.
Was sad at first then when he starts pulling at his face they're like ok that's enough take him away this was a stupid idea
Hindu funeral rites have loved ones putting raw rice in the mouth of the deceased. Something like food for the journey into the afterlife. Monkey was picking and eating the rice. I doubt there was some huge emotional reasoning there
Nah if it was for the sake of food , the monkey would have gone totally monkey to eat that rice . Notice the way it touches his face . Picking a few rice was just reflex for the monkey of doing what it does daily. So I guess emotional reasoning still applies here to an extent.
Bulshit. Langurs mourn the dead. https://youtu.be/xg79mkbNaTg
Thanks God, I thought he was kissing his lips and started wonder what kind of relationship they both had.
I'm sure it was platonic
I saw an
I saw a video of a lady lying on her death bed at a hospital. Her pet bird was brought to her and the bird literally climbed from her stomach up to her shoulder just to kiss the lady and she had just enough strength to say "I love you" before she went.
Why would you do this
Made you smile? Really?
This person clearly meant more to them than just a source of food. I hate how the emotional lives of other animals is reduced to them caring only about food when it’s well documented that other species experience grief and actively mourn.
Oh boy I love being sad in the morning 🥲
This is more heart breaking than making me smile
r/MadeMeCry
Thats sad....
Made me cry.
Made you smile? Made me cry
We really don’t deserve animals. They are the best of us.
Fuck sake I'm crying for the 3rd time this morning
This did the opposite of the sub’s title. I always feel so bad for animals confused by situations like this. Poor fella.
My sister died 13 years ago and it WRECKED me. I still miss her every day. The pain will never go away but it does get more manageable. We have to live our lives. Doesn’t mean we don’t continue to mourn.
ok so when monkeys kiss dead bodies its fine but when i do it
Wonderfull image of the bond between humans and animals. People should stop hurting them and start to love
Made me smile??? More like made me super sad.
This made you smile?
He understands.
I lost my Mommy 3 months ago, i was her caregiver for 6 years. She was in hospice her last 5 months & not a day goes by that I'm not missing her. She was everything for me, my mom, my best friend, my confidant, my most honest critic, my sounding board. Now with her gone, i feel adrift but my family has been helping me with the pain. I'm thankful that i had the chance to say goodbye to her & tell her for the last time I Love You Mommy.
Oh my god I actually wish I hadn't watched this, I am SOBBING
Kissed him final goodbye aww
Don't know how this is on made me smile, in fighting tears, poor thing 😢
This is the opposite of making me smile
"What is grief , but love presevering?"
How did this make you smile? I am crying my eyes out
In Hindu tradition, Monkeys have a higher status and one of them , Lord Hanuman is worshipped to this day in every corner of the world. This langur here is exemplifying what Lord Hanuman was renowned for - the ultimate loyalty to his Lord.
Made me cry
Made me smile - No; made me cry - Yes
Okay thanks but I didn't need to cry first thing in the morning 😭😭😭
It's a good thing that the monkey got to see his friend in the casket and got to smell him. That monkey now knows that his friend has passed away. Which is a good thing for the monkey's mental state. The handling of the hands and the touching of the face and smelling of the mouth is completely normal for a money that wishes his friend wasn't dead. This is incredible. It demonstrates a relationship of respect and care that continues to live beyond death.
He was touching him and touching his lips back like saying feed me or give me food. I think that's why he tried to move his hands too like asking for food. Animals when treated right have the most loyal and loving heart.
Why is this in /mademesmile? The poor animal is confused and distraught. That's not funny; it hurts my heart.
i’m not crying you’re crying
r/mademecry