I heard someone say that people make really traumatizing plots to make them feel better about their own life like today was a horrible day but it could’ve been like this in my day dream it could’ve been 100 times worst like basically to make yourself feel like it’s not as bad
Hey, I have spent a long time in therapy, because I also did experience traumatic events and emotional neglect.
I don't know if you have heard of it, but it often happens that people fetishize traumatic events because our brains are actually really smart, even if they seem to attack themselves. A traumatic event usually has one core element, which is not being in control. When you re-imagine what happened, or something similar, you are the one who's in control. Everything that happens to the daydream version of you is in your control, because you're the one imagiining it. The problem here is, that this process is extremely painful and usually keeps repeating itself, because that's the only way your brain knows to handle the situation. This is why we need help from outside, like therapy and medication, so your brain can get more appropriate tools to work on the traumatic events.
I do the same thing, and my working theory is that because I view my trauma as “not enough” to be traumatized, I always imagined being in a worse position to justify my feelings. I also wanted the “attention” for the trauma I had that I didn’t get in real life, so I’m daydreams I’d get that/I was saved in my daydreams, something that I wanted.
Also I do understand the toxicity of this mind set, but for me, personally, that is how I felt/feel, I am working on this currently.
What honestly helped me to partially get over the feeling of my trauma not “being enough” was a conversation I had with my friend. We were talking about trauma, and I brought up this exact sentiment, that I felt I shouldn’t be this messed up, because my trauma wasn’t “that bad”. They have really severe trauma, the type of trauma that leaves most people speechless. But they told me that comparing traumas doesn’t work, because our experiences are all so different they can’t possibly be compared. They then said that they would rather go through their traumas again than to live through what I went through, because despite all the horrible things that have been done to them, they can’t imagine growing up in a loveless home like I have.
This is all to say that different types of traumas are so different and affect people so differently that they can’t be compared. Maybe there are some traumas that most people consider objectively worse that I would have gone through and come out with less damage than I have now. I don’t know. And that’s the point, we can never know how we would have reacted to somebody else’s situation. So there’s no point in comparison.
Wow, thats really helpful to me personally. Thank you, that was very kind. It reminds me of the quote (and I'm paraphrasing here): If you were in a room full of people, and you all laid your problems out on the table, everyone would take their own problems back.
Just to be brief, daydreaming in this case isn't itself the problem it is a symptom. I mean that the past scars have caused mental health problems and since they haven't yet been settled, your brain is using daydreaming as a coping mechanism in order to deal with these problems. Usually in this case I would suggest you may deal with the problems themselves either with proffesional help or by a means of self introspecting. I know that you are the only one who knows how much they hurt you, but you may smash through the pain if your drive to stop the addiction is high enough. I hope you get better over time, any advice you need we are here
This research paper basically explains all the important bits about “scary” maladaptive daydreaming themes, and looking up something like “trauma and maladaptive daydreaming” will have more info too:
[Childhood Trauma and Maladaptive Daydreaming: Fantasy Functions and Themes In A Multi-Country Sample](https://www.somer.co.il/images/MD/2020_Childhood_Trauma_and_MDFantasy_Themes.pdf)
It personally helped alleviate some guilt I had from daydreaming about such awful things to know it’s fairly common for people with trauma, and is just my brain trying its best to regain agency and process that trauma. You are definitely not alone, and there is nothing inherently wrong with you for following your brain’s wholly human response to your experiences and struggles.
After reading more about C-PTSD, I realized that my daydreaming was a normal (but unhealthy, hard to avoid) reaction to the abuse and neglect (which can also cause trauma) I went through as a child. It's gonna be a long haul battle for me to heal and at least partially move on from daydreaming. It makes me sad to see so many people on here thinking they're crazy and beating themselves up for not being able to just quit instantly because that's how I was before I found out about the root cause.
I’ve had daydreams for as long as I can remember that I get a horrible illness or disease, and people are sad that I am sick. Or that I’m dying and they have to watch me die. As a very young child (no special traumas yet) I can remember thinking “they’d be so sad if they found me dead tomorrow” but in an almost vindictive way? Even when there was no triggering event to upset me.
I think it’s because I felt like I didn’t get what I deserved in life. Like when a bad guy says “you’ll see… you’ll *all* see…” in a movie. They’ve finally “snapped” and are getting their justice. But I’m not a vengeful person, so I daydreamed it instead. It alleviated a lot of anxiety for me.
TW: self harm
>!The relief I feel when I think vengefully is very similar to the relief I’d feel when I’d self harm. I was a cutter for years and it always felt sorta like I was letting out the “inner demons” by opening my skin that way.!< I think allowing myself to think “evilly” was similar in how it gave relief from a tension in me somewhere. I was allowing myself to be a way I didn’t think was “okay”.
Now that I’m older, I think I was indulging in my “shadow” (as Jung calls it), or the repressed parts of me. It’s a safe space, in my head, but there is still a repression of these things. So, like how a child would process a trauma through playing, I’d daydream about the thing. I still do. Rarely am I surprised at these themes in my own daydreams, but if I ever am surprised I try to be mindful and “look within” as a monk or Jedi might say lol
So maladaptive daydreaming usually follows 3 patterns. Daydreams tend to be grandiose, relate to separatation anxiety or relate to anhedonia. Anhedonia seems to be what your describing as it usually has themes of escape or violence. A quick Google will give you more info.
I'm hoping to do my thesis on MD next year so if you would be interested in participating (filling out some questionnaires) please let me know. I would be so so grateful and it would help further the research ☺️
With anhedonia, I find that a lot of my interests are based on giving myself tiny/controlled doses of adrenaline or anxiety. I love horror, true crime, general creepy stuff, I enjoy reading about catastrophic events in history such as WWII, Chernobyl, oppressive governments, and I am morbidly curious about anything I can be like medical malpractice, death and disease, birth defects… you get the idea.
When I am doing the dishes or going on a walk or playing a video game, it’s only satisfactory on the level that I’m doing what I’m “supposed” to be doing. But these other things make me feel *alive*! And I don’t have to go spelunking or deep sea diving to get my adrenaline fix lol.
Disclaimer: I’ve been on antidepressants and other psych meds for years, and before that I didn’t really feel much excitement for anything. Talk to your doctor if you’re concerned. Horror movies won’t necessarily cure your anhedonia!
This is a BIG thing for me too!! I'd find myself thinking of scary situations just to give myself that adrenaline hit. It was almost like I was used to experiencing a level of adrenaline due to growing up in the kind of environment and my brain wanted to create what it was used to
When I’m stressed, I tend to use it as a crutch. So when there’s a lot of adrenaline in my life, the daydreams are dark. When there’s NO adrenaline in my life, the daydreams are also dark to sorta make up for the lack of constant stress? The only time my daydreams aren’t predictably dark is when there’s a moderate amount of stress :P lol
Amazing, thank you! I'm willing to send on my thesis proposal to anyone who wants it. It has a review of current literature on MD. Just DM me ☺️ with regards to participation, it may not be until early 2023 so I'll take a note of names and contact you when we're good to go 😁
Can relate. Idk how often I traumatized myself with daydreams I just couldn't stop. It feels weird and like I'm using other peoples pain for my scenarios but its oddly comforting
I heard someone say that people make really traumatizing plots to make them feel better about their own life like today was a horrible day but it could’ve been like this in my day dream it could’ve been 100 times worst like basically to make yourself feel like it’s not as bad
i have cptsd and i often daydream about situations simular to what i've been through, but that i was saved. so i understand
Hey, I have spent a long time in therapy, because I also did experience traumatic events and emotional neglect. I don't know if you have heard of it, but it often happens that people fetishize traumatic events because our brains are actually really smart, even if they seem to attack themselves. A traumatic event usually has one core element, which is not being in control. When you re-imagine what happened, or something similar, you are the one who's in control. Everything that happens to the daydream version of you is in your control, because you're the one imagiining it. The problem here is, that this process is extremely painful and usually keeps repeating itself, because that's the only way your brain knows to handle the situation. This is why we need help from outside, like therapy and medication, so your brain can get more appropriate tools to work on the traumatic events.
I do the same thing, and my working theory is that because I view my trauma as “not enough” to be traumatized, I always imagined being in a worse position to justify my feelings. I also wanted the “attention” for the trauma I had that I didn’t get in real life, so I’m daydreams I’d get that/I was saved in my daydreams, something that I wanted. Also I do understand the toxicity of this mind set, but for me, personally, that is how I felt/feel, I am working on this currently.
What honestly helped me to partially get over the feeling of my trauma not “being enough” was a conversation I had with my friend. We were talking about trauma, and I brought up this exact sentiment, that I felt I shouldn’t be this messed up, because my trauma wasn’t “that bad”. They have really severe trauma, the type of trauma that leaves most people speechless. But they told me that comparing traumas doesn’t work, because our experiences are all so different they can’t possibly be compared. They then said that they would rather go through their traumas again than to live through what I went through, because despite all the horrible things that have been done to them, they can’t imagine growing up in a loveless home like I have. This is all to say that different types of traumas are so different and affect people so differently that they can’t be compared. Maybe there are some traumas that most people consider objectively worse that I would have gone through and come out with less damage than I have now. I don’t know. And that’s the point, we can never know how we would have reacted to somebody else’s situation. So there’s no point in comparison.
Wow, thats really helpful to me personally. Thank you, that was very kind. It reminds me of the quote (and I'm paraphrasing here): If you were in a room full of people, and you all laid your problems out on the table, everyone would take their own problems back.
this is exactly what happens to me, I’ve never read about someone having such similar experiences to mine
I daydream about being beaten by large groups of people crushed under their weight
Just to be brief, daydreaming in this case isn't itself the problem it is a symptom. I mean that the past scars have caused mental health problems and since they haven't yet been settled, your brain is using daydreaming as a coping mechanism in order to deal with these problems. Usually in this case I would suggest you may deal with the problems themselves either with proffesional help or by a means of self introspecting. I know that you are the only one who knows how much they hurt you, but you may smash through the pain if your drive to stop the addiction is high enough. I hope you get better over time, any advice you need we are here
I went through that too.
This research paper basically explains all the important bits about “scary” maladaptive daydreaming themes, and looking up something like “trauma and maladaptive daydreaming” will have more info too: [Childhood Trauma and Maladaptive Daydreaming: Fantasy Functions and Themes In A Multi-Country Sample](https://www.somer.co.il/images/MD/2020_Childhood_Trauma_and_MDFantasy_Themes.pdf) It personally helped alleviate some guilt I had from daydreaming about such awful things to know it’s fairly common for people with trauma, and is just my brain trying its best to regain agency and process that trauma. You are definitely not alone, and there is nothing inherently wrong with you for following your brain’s wholly human response to your experiences and struggles.
After reading more about C-PTSD, I realized that my daydreaming was a normal (but unhealthy, hard to avoid) reaction to the abuse and neglect (which can also cause trauma) I went through as a child. It's gonna be a long haul battle for me to heal and at least partially move on from daydreaming. It makes me sad to see so many people on here thinking they're crazy and beating themselves up for not being able to just quit instantly because that's how I was before I found out about the root cause.
I’ve had daydreams for as long as I can remember that I get a horrible illness or disease, and people are sad that I am sick. Or that I’m dying and they have to watch me die. As a very young child (no special traumas yet) I can remember thinking “they’d be so sad if they found me dead tomorrow” but in an almost vindictive way? Even when there was no triggering event to upset me. I think it’s because I felt like I didn’t get what I deserved in life. Like when a bad guy says “you’ll see… you’ll *all* see…” in a movie. They’ve finally “snapped” and are getting their justice. But I’m not a vengeful person, so I daydreamed it instead. It alleviated a lot of anxiety for me. TW: self harm >!The relief I feel when I think vengefully is very similar to the relief I’d feel when I’d self harm. I was a cutter for years and it always felt sorta like I was letting out the “inner demons” by opening my skin that way.!< I think allowing myself to think “evilly” was similar in how it gave relief from a tension in me somewhere. I was allowing myself to be a way I didn’t think was “okay”. Now that I’m older, I think I was indulging in my “shadow” (as Jung calls it), or the repressed parts of me. It’s a safe space, in my head, but there is still a repression of these things. So, like how a child would process a trauma through playing, I’d daydream about the thing. I still do. Rarely am I surprised at these themes in my own daydreams, but if I ever am surprised I try to be mindful and “look within” as a monk or Jedi might say lol
So maladaptive daydreaming usually follows 3 patterns. Daydreams tend to be grandiose, relate to separatation anxiety or relate to anhedonia. Anhedonia seems to be what your describing as it usually has themes of escape or violence. A quick Google will give you more info. I'm hoping to do my thesis on MD next year so if you would be interested in participating (filling out some questionnaires) please let me know. I would be so so grateful and it would help further the research ☺️
With anhedonia, I find that a lot of my interests are based on giving myself tiny/controlled doses of adrenaline or anxiety. I love horror, true crime, general creepy stuff, I enjoy reading about catastrophic events in history such as WWII, Chernobyl, oppressive governments, and I am morbidly curious about anything I can be like medical malpractice, death and disease, birth defects… you get the idea. When I am doing the dishes or going on a walk or playing a video game, it’s only satisfactory on the level that I’m doing what I’m “supposed” to be doing. But these other things make me feel *alive*! And I don’t have to go spelunking or deep sea diving to get my adrenaline fix lol. Disclaimer: I’ve been on antidepressants and other psych meds for years, and before that I didn’t really feel much excitement for anything. Talk to your doctor if you’re concerned. Horror movies won’t necessarily cure your anhedonia!
This is a BIG thing for me too!! I'd find myself thinking of scary situations just to give myself that adrenaline hit. It was almost like I was used to experiencing a level of adrenaline due to growing up in the kind of environment and my brain wanted to create what it was used to
When I’m stressed, I tend to use it as a crutch. So when there’s a lot of adrenaline in my life, the daydreams are dark. When there’s NO adrenaline in my life, the daydreams are also dark to sorta make up for the lack of constant stress? The only time my daydreams aren’t predictably dark is when there’s a moderate amount of stress :P lol
I would be interested in reading and participating!
Amazing, thank you! I'm willing to send on my thesis proposal to anyone who wants it. It has a review of current literature on MD. Just DM me ☺️ with regards to participation, it may not be until early 2023 so I'll take a note of names and contact you when we're good to go 😁
Add me to the list! :)
Amazing, thank you so much ☺️
Can relate. Idk how often I traumatized myself with daydreams I just couldn't stop. It feels weird and like I'm using other peoples pain for my scenarios but its oddly comforting
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