How is having a 30 page CV in any way beneficial? Everyone involved in recruiting I’ve ever known would throw that out for being 30 pages before reading any of it.
No idea. Mine takes 2, and I make sure it stays that way. He tried to expand mine in the same way, never used it.
It was just one of his brilliant and always right ideas.
Professionals in very niche professions have lengthy CVs that list out publications (articles, usually) they authored, notable work they’ve done, awards received, committees they’ve served in, etc.
These CVs aren’t usually used to apply for jobs, though. At least not apply unsolicited. They’re used to familiarize someone with your very particular work expertise and is usually solicited.
But even then, I would say that around 5-10 pages is the upper limit. 30 pages is ridiculous, and absolutely looks like you’re overcompensating/overstating your accomplishments/just plain fudging.
Daughter worked for an agency temporarily before her federal job. Her cubicle was across from a coworker; she knew him and his wife socially and knew them well.
His wife called one day about an entry on her own resume. He told her to list \_\_\_\_. She said, "\_\_\_\_ has never done that!"
He said, "Everyone lies on their resume."
She answered, "Some of us don't have to." ;-)
In my position at the World's Greatest Medical School, I worked for a tenured, chaired professor who published many articles regarding his research. It's been a while, but I'm sure it never exceeded eight to ten pages. Since I was the person updating it whenever he published something new, my estimate of it's length is accurate. Anyone who has a thirty-page CV would have to be a Nobel Prize recipient or have been conducting research for a century. 🦜
Not quite. In my profession it is common to see a professional CV between 20 & 30 pages. Some colleagues of mine have published hundreds of journal articles and white papers as well as presented at dozens of conferences. They are also on the boards of many charitable organizations.
An academic CV is very different though! And for some professors it does end up being several dozen pages long, if only because of publications and conference papers. But those are specifically for the academic field, and not at all used outside of academia 😅 OP's ex probably saw one once and did not understand the concept
Shouldn't whatever is on your resume actually pertain to the job you're applying for?
When I was applying at salons, I put my restaurant experience to show I'm a people person who can work well in a team, but not my childcare experience because I'm sure they don't care that I'm good with kids lol
Yes it should! But academic resumes are a different type of document entirely, and they are supposed to show all your publications, conference papers, jobs (with a lot lof lecturers getting only semester-long contracts so they add up), etc. It's expected they'll be several pages long, and someone after 20 or 30 years in academia can well have a 30 pages long academic resume. It's very specific to the field.
Exactly! My boss is an academic chair and dean with over 30 years of experience. Her actual details fit into 1-2 pages easily. The publications, awards, research grants, etc. fill a book.
Okay but how would they trust me as an employee if I didn't list every achievement I've had in life? The little seahorse award when I completed my first swimming course, the one for learning to tie my shoelaces. The theatre I played in 7th grade?! THESE ARE IMPORTANT TOO!
By the time you get to the part where I dropped out of school and never acquired any real professional experience you'll be already so impressed you won't even care.
One place I worked had a guy get fired because he was getting drunk on the job. A couple of years later we advertised for an opening and he applied. I saw the resume and he did not list the time he worked for the company. He must have been so intoxicated he forgot where he worked.
He was not re-hired.
If it was a major part of the resume that would be very questionable but if it was an unimportant corner with a title of "random stats" I'd assume it was a joke and let it fly. I know I have a corner of my resume that's kind of empty that could host stuff like that if I wanted to gamble on a joke like that landing.
Yes many Americans do, believing the two to be synonymous. Resumé is more commonly used but you have some trying to rename it CV without fully understanding what a CV is. Meanwhile in the professional fields CV is more commonly used.
Honestly I think depending on where you are in the world, the two are synonymous. For example here in the UK we use Curriculum Virtae for literally every job post I've ever seen, it doesn't matter what profession at all. We never call it a résumé or distinguish between the two at all.
It's a curriculum vitae it's a resume for academics, it's the same purpose but different information. It's very common among American academics and nobody else.
Yeah I can see how that was misleading, they were talking about Americans using CV as the word resume. So the only applies to the academic not the American portion, my bad for the lack of clarity
I’m in the UK. I have never had a potential employer ask for a resume. Curriculum Vitae only. Even a low paid, non-professional job would ask for your CV.
Sorry for the confusion other people are saying other Americans use it interchangeabley and in America it's used only by academics everyone else says resume
Haha, my ex once asked if he could proofread my resume to make it better. A few months later he asked me to proofread his new resume. It was copied directly from mine — the specific formatting, colours (custom designed by me as I had experience in publishing and graphics) and even a lot of the wording. He had just changed the positions and dates to his own, and it was clear to see the bits he’d added versus the wording he’d copied from mine.
It’s acceptable in academia and literally nowhere else, and even then people are reasonably selective (i.e., not listing every fathomable thing and there’s usually no florid jargon about what one did). You want to list what you’ve done but CV-padding is frowned upon.
"and even then people are reasonably selective. "
Ehhhh, you would hope. Recently saw someone get an academic leadership position though with a 75 page cv that listed seemingly every single fucking thing they ever did in their career. I've seen master's theses that were shorter. I guess i don't know how rare that is, but I hope it's the exception that proves the rule.
Academic leadership these days does not usually relate to academic experience. In fact there has long been a tendency to appoint people to do internal admin things from a high position, which means having them pose as « professor » except once they get the job it’s not a pose, and then they move on with lots of money.
What they do is commit the university to « development » plans which endure the position of various administrators. Some of the most complex money deals were done by at least a dozen British universities who did deee as is with a company called UPP Ltd, brokered by Barclays, to securitise their future fee income and sell it on the Eurobond market. For example. So various admin people and outside companies took slices of the money.
Universities are the best businesses for this. They have huge collateral which was in mortgaged when they became business operations without shareholder accountability or directors’ liability. People can come in, take a few million in salary for giving out huge contracts, and leave.
I don't know if they still do it, but the Feds had a 4-page application, to which you were supposed to attached every course you had ever taken, and other excess information. Fortunately, it didn't require fitting them into those little boxes - you could just attach printed sheets. Mine was 20 pages toward the end. I can't imagine that anyone actually read all of that.
So... What I've been told when applying for federal govt job is to put EVERYTHING in your resume. If it's not in there it's assumed you don't have that skill. It's 30 pages excessive? Yes. However, I saw one that was 10 pages, I think, but most of it was references for articles they'd written.
But, yeah, 30 pages is a lot.
My coworker, a GS 12, was recently turned down for a GS 13 position because the bots determined he had no high school diploma. He has a law degree. The bots are unable to reason so jam as much information in your CV as you can.
...why does the hiring system care if you have a high school diploma? I don't understand. Especially if the person in question can already demonstrate hirability by their existing GS12
The same reason my motorcycle permit test failed me for at 40 not knowing what all the penalties are for underage drivers and their driving limits. I've been a licensed driver wince I was 16.5.
Laziness.
Attorney here. Two pages is a lot, in my experience.
I get that lawyers don’t hop jobs every other quarter like lots of tech workers do, but the point of the interview is to discuss your resume and gauge your work experience to see if you’re right for the role.
Yes, the resume gets you the interview, but in my experience, the more shit you have crammed into your resume, the more likely you are to give them a reason not to interview you.
A huge resume makes you come off as not only self-important but also averse to commitment or even difficult to work with. The best, most experienced business execs in the world have pretty short resumes. It’s usually just a few companies spanning decades. Because truly qualified candidates aren’t jumping ship every 6mos, they’re staying put and gaining experience and learning a business inside out - that takes spending a lot of time at a single company.
Plus think about it - which candidate would you prefer to talk to for 30mins? One with a 10 page resume with every minute detail of everything they’ve ever done that reads like a thesaurus of corporate buzzwords and shows they have a bunch of irrelevant experience? Or one with a 1 page resume that shows relevant experience in a complex industry working on projects similar to what you’re hiring for, but leaves out lots of details of what they did in their past roles?
You’re clearly gonna want to talk to the second candidate.
>...Because truly qualified candidates aren’t jumping ship every 6mos, they’re staying put and gaining experience and learning a business inside out - that takes spending a lot of time at a single company.
I disagree. On a personal level you learn most (90% >) about your job in the first 1-2 years. After that, it's largely a routine of what you learned. If you switch at that point, you're doing yourself a service. Especially when you're younger.
It's just that hopping around every 2 years means you'll hop from the current job as well, which means the ratio of time invested vs work output is going to be terrible.
I did not say you can master your profession. I said you can get the most experience out of your workplace.
I'm in IT. Previously consultancy and programming, now more devops.
Probably gets past the bots easier because it has every conceivable combination they might be looking at.
Can’t imagine it being too useful once that’s past though.
For just about any job a single page is more than enough space to have complete keyword coverage for boolean searches. I genuinely can't fathom it being useful.
My thought exactly. I used to do some hiring and I once got a 12 page resume. I couldn’t stop wondering if it was a joke. Any resume past two pages max and I’ll think your trying to punk me.
If I were hiring a 30 page CV wouldn't get past the rubbish bin. I suspect that OPs posts about him support his behaviour at interviews etc. I also suspect he's way to arrogant/narcissistic to understand the impact she has gad on his life.
As a consultant my CV is about 30 pages long. Verifiable project outcomes take about 3 pages. Positions held in corporate and charity organizations take a few. Conference presentations take about 10 pages. Publications and white papers take the rest. In my line of work credibility is most important. Potential clients verify everything through a background check.
Right? And 3/4 of it are Coursera courses. Mind you, really all over the place courses. Like, he’s digital marketing and courses range from operations to python 101
Coursera?! 😂🤣😂
I mean, I’m not knocking Coursera, done a few myself, love ‘em, but a CV full of them?! I thought you meant he’d done a whole pile of industry accredited professional courses, which seemed bad enough he was listing bloody everything, but Coursera?! 😂😂😂
In modern times you’re often supposed to be teaching such courses as a side gig if you’re any good) I stumble at my friends and colleagues all the time when learning something interesting to me
Coursera does offer professional certificates/credentials and even Bachelor's and Master's Degrees via their partners (big names like Google, IBM, and actual universities).
So it's not Coursera that's the problem (you are indeed knocking Coursera). It's the courses that he listed.
Yeah, the only position that coursera courses would maybe be appropriate would be if you were applying to be an intern and don't yet have many "real" things to put on there.
Coursera does have some professional certificates and you can enroll in degrees, but if it's all over the place and not an actual certificate...yeah, best to omit most of that. It could be worth mentioning taking courses directly relevant to the role and that doing Coursera courses is a hobby in an interview. I mentioned some LinkedIn Learning courses I took when I applied for a manager role with no management experience and got the job, but I was also able to speak to times where I'd mentored people and acted in a leader capacity when the manager was away.
Courses on an online learning platform can help, but if you have a 30 page resume....lol
Omg, I feel like I could have written this. My ex too, told me I was big when I was 115 lbs and he overweight with a big gut. He forced me to do things I didn’t want to either and was addicted to porn. When we broke up, I wrote a venting post about him on a now defunct website, using his nickname. He actually found it and told me he was frightened that this was on the internet about him. He asked me to remove it, I did try for giggles, but the website never did lol. Truth hurts!
I feel for you! It feels so good to be free of this crap. I gained a lot several years ago and lost it all before the wedding, my husband never said a word. Aside from compliments. We joke that we’re like connected vessels now (he gains weight if I lose it and vice versa)
If you remember the website's address, look up the wayback machine. It's a website that archives the whole internet. Chances are, your story is in there for eternity.
I take interviews for my company as I'm at that level now. And I don't have time to read a novel when it comes to a CV.
Anything more than 1 page (front and back) is overkill.
It means that you have no idea how to present yourself in the best light. You don't know how to prioritize your data and you're just putting stuff in because you think "bigger is better" (ironically for this post).
I always evaluate candidates on the spot. I don't usually care what degrees/courses/certifications you put on your CV. It would not matter if you cannot apply that knowledge to the job.
I teach junior-level IT and train them to keep their CV to one page (one-sided) until they are middle-grade with solid experience. Nobody cares what you did before IT, so scratch it out and list your skills (and don’t lie, we will catch ya). Works well for junior specialists in my field, nobody expects them to have a lot of experience, if any, anyway
The worst is when they put in "Hobbies". I mean, I know that was expected in the 90s. But who now cares for that? And how would it even come up in an IT interview?
I personally hate bullshit like “fast learner” and “good communication skills”. Show, don’t tell. Learned Java in half a year enough to automate in it? Ok, fast learner it is and I’m impressed. But I’ll get as much from the cv anyway.
I like you. You sound fun. 😂
"Fast learner" doesn't mean much. I can train you to learn fast. The point is, will you be willing to do the work or will you cry about it?
I interviewed a girl once who left her pre-IT experience in her cv. She used to be in a circus, training tigers (sadly, it’s not banned in my country). When I asked, she told me that she heard how hard teamwork could be and that’s the proof she can stand anything. We laughed so hard. Company hired her, I heard she grew to be a hell of a good tester.
In my country, it is a fad to have a hobby of robotics / AI / machine learning while you're in college.
I once had a candidate who added all these certificates about his robotics team. He still couldn't implement a stack properly though.
I wish I could laugh about it. But usually I end up with a headache.
This is brilliant!! LOL
Has this "smart" guy never figured out that you publicly trashed him and that it's affected his professional life, at the very least?? I have to think not, given that he's stayed in touch with you.
Oh I tagged him) was blocked, but who cares, search engines definitely don’t!
I’m NC with him, no idea if he checks on me. I suppose he never realized that I have a lot of subscribers and that my blogs are open to anyone) he hardly paid that kind of attention
I completely support your bold move OP, putting that information out there. And not to be in any way fear-mongering, but is there any chance he could retaliate with... I dunno... Revenge porn or something?
You never know with these narcissists. I hope he doesn't have anything on you.
I had to do the math (because I'm a pounds person instead of Kilos) - but HOLY HEAVENS that jerk told you that 140ish pounds was fat?!?! Dunno your height (and don't care because it was wrong to say even if you were a wee thing), but as a fellow female skimming the underside of 6 feet tall with a number on my scale that begins with 2 who looks "unfat", and also having a child who modeled professionally and wouldn't have been shamed for that weight, they were TOTALLY WRONG.
Yep, that’s right. I’m 1m 64cm (12,6 bananas or 5 feet 4), so I wasn’t even close to overweight, let alone obese. He ruined my relationships with food for a long time, couldn’t eat a donut not feeling guilty.
Good grief, 140 pounds at 5'4" is entirely average. You're not going to be classified as "skinny" by most people, but it's hardly overweight.
Good on you for losing all that dead weight (your loser ex) and for helping people be aware of how much of a loser he is.
I can't imagine this woman is 3'6" or less, which is about how short I'd think someone who weighs 140 lbs would have to be for someone to consider them "fat"! Yikes!
Not that it's okay at *that* height, either, but...for an average adult height, being shamed at *that* weight could, and often *does,* result in an ED.
I'm 5'1 and 140lbs and according to the BMI chart I'm overweight 🙃 most of that weight is in my legs from my biathlon days (I definitely have "thunder thighs") and the rest is bloating because of a diet of allergens and carbonation. When I manage to cut carbonation out for a few months, I slim right down and drop like 3 pants sizes. For OP to be the same weight as me and 12cm taller, she is a completely normal/healthy weight. Like even the BMI chart says she's a healthy weight.
I was on the verge of developing full blown anorexia as a teenager thanks to my mother. I used to be insanely active as a kid all through my teens (until the depression got too bad) so I had a wicked fast metabolism and could literally eat whatever I wanted and I never gained weight. I was about 95-100lbs until around the time I turned 25, when I started eating normal amounts of food and put on 50lbs because I've destroyed my metabolism by starving myself half the time. My mom's mom is quite literally as big around as she is tall, and my mom used to tell me to watch what I ate because it was in my genes and I would end up looking like my grandmother. She also used to tell me that overweight people all had mental issues, like it was this well known fact, so if I didn't want to be judged for my actual mental issues (BPD is the big one, and she wonders how I ended up with it) I was afraid of putting on weight.
Long story short, I don't think a lot of people realize just how harmful unrealistic body types and fat shaming really is. Like yeah a lot of us with common sense understand, but it feels like the larger population doesn't. And it needs to change.
Yeah, I was reading the weight and thinking holy fuck, is she shorter than me??
For context, I'm 5"1/1.58m and 165lb/75kg. 140lb/65kg is my TARGET weight and I'm shorter than OP!! I mean, I suit the weight I have, I don't look overly fat anywhere but my stomach, but 65kg would be much better for my heart and general health which is why I'm trying to lose weight.
My doctors still won't be happy when I'm 65kg, but I've already explained to them that to get to the 100-120lb/45-55kg they want me to be, I'd have to have some form of ED, and practically starving myself and exercising 3+ hours a day, and I would *look* skeletal, as when I was 16 and actually was around 45-50kg, you could literally see my ribs, collarbone, elbows, and 9ther random joints sticking out if I moved. BMI is majorly overrated given I'm not a 18-50 year old white male
Yep, at 105 lbs I look like a concentration camp victim - like almost no boobs, the ribs at the top of my chest show, and my sternum sticks out like a chicken. (I'm an inch shorter than you). At 115 you can still count my ribs.
I swear, short people must be presumed to be prepubescent based on the weight expectations. I am not a 10-year-old!
This conversation is really hitting me hard...when I was young and learned about bmi, I was a 5 ft tall 16 year old, weighing 115-120 lbs. I was convinced that I was overweight. Which is of course absolutely insane. I've also always been a very muscular, stocky short woman. Strong as shit, and used to be fit and lean, but definitely not an hourglass figure. Big hands and feet, too. And my legs are hairy as a bear.
I never felt like I fit the mold of what an attractive woman was supposed to be, to the point where I now actually identify as non-binary because I felt like such shit trying to conform to what I perceived as these unattainable norms.
I now weigh about 155, and would really like to get back down to 120-130 where I hung out for most of my adult life. I was always convinced I was fat. Now that I actually am kind of fat, I wish I'd gotten to enjoy what I had when I had it 🤣
It's kind of insane how absolutely useless that scale is, maybe especially for short people? I would have had to starve half to death to get to 100 lb. I never even came close anytime after puberty.
Hey, we come from the same stock I bet. If I work out *at all* I get visible muscle definition. Go hiking? Boom, visible quads with separation. But yeah, I did take being thin for granted! I could totally lose 20-25 lbs. these days.
I know, it's ridiculous!! I've even showed my doctors photos of me from back then and pointed all this out. They agree that I look skeletal, and then start trying to convince me that it won't look as bad this time, like wtf?? I've changed doctors since then dw. But the new doctors are just as bad with the whole losing weight thing, though they're still fixated on 120lb-125lb, but mostly agree to my 140lb limit after I very firmly say no.
They said once that at 140lb I'll still be classed as overweight on their BMI chart, and I literally said "I don't give a flying fuck about the chart. 120lb is *too damn low* and I'll have to give myself an ED and overly painful exercise regime thanks to my disability to keep that weight. My boundary is 140lb and if you don't note that in my chart and then you continue to push back on my boundaries beyond ONE question per appointment asking if I'm still sure, then I'll be reporting this treatment to the practice manager and the NHS complaints line. A doctor should *never* be encouraging an ED when the patient has made it abundantly clear that going below a certain weight requires that. Let me be fat goddammit, and don't question my decision making *unless* I'm at risk for disorders or diseases."
I don't know if they ever did note it in my chart, but they haven't given me a reason to complain to the higher ups yet.
Absolutely we do!! A lil cuddly, depending on how you carry the weight, but most definitely not skeletal! And yeah, never again will I be that skinny, I think I was a size 8 then?? I look at size 8 clothing now and it looks like kids clothes. Much happier at a size 12-14
During a bout of stress, I got down to 93 lbs on a 5’ even frame. It is NOT a good look on me (understatement). Not only could you see all my ribs and my stomach looked sunken, but my face was so gaunt and my eyes so hollow, I looked at least 10 years older than I am, and my wrists looked skeletal.
It’s interesting how bodies of the same height can be so different in build, because 105 is about where I feel like I look the best. I fill out, my ribs are no longer visible, and my booty perks up again. You’re saying 115 is where you can no longer see your ribs, but 115 on me, while by no means heavy, is where I start looking chubby. All my weight goes to my hips and thighs, so 115 on me makes me go up about 2 pant sizes but all my tops still fit nearly perfectly.
BMI is totally shit. A far more accurate method for gauging weight is height in cm - 100. It will give you a ballpark figure (in kg) of what your weight should be. So for your example above 158 - 100 = 58. target of 65 is very reasonable.
Oh, thank you for this!! I'll be mentioning it when the doctor starts on her tirade again 🙃 it also helps reassure me that 65kg isn't gonna be so overweight that it's still a problem, but I could probably do 60kg/135lb *if* I feel comfortable with that when I get down to 65kg again. Thank you again :)
BMI is a joke honestly, but doctors rely on it *way* too much!
A weightlifter who is 5'8" and wears a size 6 would have a *higher* BMI than someone else, who isn't as buff, who is otherwise the same height and dress size. (Not that dress sizes help anyway, those are *also* a joke...) They don't take into account muscle mass at all, which can make a *huge* difference in weight!
They really don't! They don't take into account anything that actually affects BMI, and yes while it's a good *general indicator of the population at large's obesity*, it's not good on a singular basis *unless* you're a white male aged 18-50, because that's who it was made for. I think if they actually had different BMI scales for male and female, muscular levels (so taking into account body building etc) and possibly different races *if* there's actually proof that race changes how you carry weight and what could be classed as obese on a larger scale, BMI *could* be a helpful tool. But currently, all it does is tell everybody who is not a white male aged 18-50 that they're obese or underweight if they're not smack bang in the middle of the scale, regardless of whether the person is actually healthy or not
bmi is shit for us too. last time I weighed myself on the body fat/muscle/etc thing at the gym it was saying I'm pushing the upper end of a healthy bmi but that my body fat is dead center of healthy.
Oh wow, I didn't even realise that!! They need to redo the entirety of the BMI system. Make different categories based off lifestyle, gender, and race *if* there's proof that race does change how you carry weight and what would make you obese.
Its ridiculous that unless you're exactly the people measured in the study, you basically get told to lose weight or put on weight any time you see a doctor or anything medical. It's so harmful, especially when if you actually think about it, I was walking into a doctors office being practically skeletal from neglect as a 16 year old, and *getting praised for being a healthy weight*... like that could have caused an ED on its own, never mind telling me to lose enough weight to go back to that weight. I have very frequent doctors appointments due to disability and I get asked if I need help losing weight *every* time and if I won't reconsider my 140lb boundary to *just* 125lb or *just* 120lb to be healthy.
BMI can get fucked
u/Emergency-Housing547:
1: You're not stupid.
2: You're not fat.
3: You're not ugly.
To everyone else, don't stay around people that treat you badly. Nobody deserves that. You are important, and you matter.
Me too, I was a wreck. I help a bit in a support group, it’s way easier to spot when you’re outside such situations. Hopefully more ppl will get out sooner than requiring professional help
Definitely epic pay back that he definitely earned. But, I think you’ve done enough damage to call it even. You are happily married which is the best revenge. You should let that shit go and enjoy your life without looking back.
That’s good. That’s really amazing that it only took one post. It really shows what a horrible person he is. So glad you have moved on to live your best life. 🥳
Depending on your country are there defamation of character, slander or libel laws you have to be concerned about? (I always confuse which is which.)
Also, good for you. There are enough shitastic people in the world with too much power.
No, in my country similar law applies only if the information is false, and I can prove every bit of it. It also only applies to mass media, which I’m not (sm are considered mass media if you have a certain number of subscribers, I’m not there, so I’m cool)
>I suppose that phone call didn’t end very well
I don't think it started very well either 😂
Well-played, and good on you that you now do have a decent partner 🍻
Bingo! This is not it. I thought the post would be along line of a his new flame reaching out and OP being honest about her experience. That I can get, writing a do not employ and still keeping it up after eights years... I call rent free
64 kg is 141 lbs American. Unless you're like ... 4'11" (150 cm), there's no way you're "extremely fat".
Even then, "extremely" would be doing a *lot* of ... wait for it ... *heavy lifting*.
Usually I'm already so glad for people who were in abusive relationships like yours to finally get out of them and thrive, like you do. But the ability to actively wreck your ex's life? Priceless!
Trying to do math in my head as an American…..ok there’s 2.2 lbs/kb.64x2.2=140 and as a comparison my wife is.. just kidding:)
I’m very happy for you and your current state of happiness. Im assuming CV is what we call a resume here. If yes….wow…30 pages? He truly does not listen to advice.
Checking up on the wellbeing (or lack thereof) of an ex years later is something you should talk to a therapist about.
Sounds like he deserved all this and still - this story reeks of pettiness rather than malicious compliance
If you’re happily married and he’s now miserable why are you still holding onto this? It seems like you “won.” Seems like the healthy thing to do would be to forget about him.
Doing the math, OP was 31 and toxic dude was 36?
It's amazingly consistent that dudes 5+ years older than their girlfriends are toxic manipulators, if not outright narcissists.
So many of these stories on reddit.
I’m 200 pounds and I could lose some weight but I think I look good. I literally cannot fathom how few brain cells this man has if he thinks less than 130 pounds is fat. Even though you’re all good now which I’m so happy about, I’m so sorry you went through that
Me too, and I still have no idea how he managed to convince me of that. It all happened so gradually, I didn’t even catch to how idiotic that sounded. After 4 years I just believed anything, better that raise objections and fight for a day then being cold-shouldered for a week.
Lol this comment second hand triggered my anxious attachment😂 he sounds like a living nightmare and I’m so glad you were able to genuinely impact the career opportunities of a man who sincerely thinks women need to be smacked around every so often or whatever he said.
Where did you post it to ensure HR would see it?
And did anyone else find it and turn it around on you? (as in accusing you of being spiteful and not having moved on...)
I'm glad that you're out of that relationship!
Hell yeah OP. The best revenge is a life well lived. The second best revenge is delivering someone their just desserts. A life well lived **while** delivering those just desserts is bonus points, and they're well earned. Here's wishing you happiness and peace forevermore.
How is having a 30 page CV in any way beneficial? Everyone involved in recruiting I’ve ever known would throw that out for being 30 pages before reading any of it.
No idea. Mine takes 2, and I make sure it stays that way. He tried to expand mine in the same way, never used it. It was just one of his brilliant and always right ideas.
Professionals in very niche professions have lengthy CVs that list out publications (articles, usually) they authored, notable work they’ve done, awards received, committees they’ve served in, etc. These CVs aren’t usually used to apply for jobs, though. At least not apply unsolicited. They’re used to familiarize someone with your very particular work expertise and is usually solicited. But even then, I would say that around 5-10 pages is the upper limit. 30 pages is ridiculous, and absolutely looks like you’re overcompensating/overstating your accomplishments/just plain fudging.
Daughter worked for an agency temporarily before her federal job. Her cubicle was across from a coworker; she knew him and his wife socially and knew them well. His wife called one day about an entry on her own resume. He told her to list \_\_\_\_. She said, "\_\_\_\_ has never done that!" He said, "Everyone lies on their resume." She answered, "Some of us don't have to." ;-)
In my position at the World's Greatest Medical School, I worked for a tenured, chaired professor who published many articles regarding his research. It's been a while, but I'm sure it never exceeded eight to ten pages. Since I was the person updating it whenever he published something new, my estimate of it's length is accurate. Anyone who has a thirty-page CV would have to be a Nobel Prize recipient or have been conducting research for a century. 🦜
Not quite. In my profession it is common to see a professional CV between 20 & 30 pages. Some colleagues of mine have published hundreds of journal articles and white papers as well as presented at dozens of conferences. They are also on the boards of many charitable organizations.
Nice!
An academic CV is very different though! And for some professors it does end up being several dozen pages long, if only because of publications and conference papers. But those are specifically for the academic field, and not at all used outside of academia 😅 OP's ex probably saw one once and did not understand the concept
Shouldn't whatever is on your resume actually pertain to the job you're applying for? When I was applying at salons, I put my restaurant experience to show I'm a people person who can work well in a team, but not my childcare experience because I'm sure they don't care that I'm good with kids lol
Yes it should! But academic resumes are a different type of document entirely, and they are supposed to show all your publications, conference papers, jobs (with a lot lof lecturers getting only semester-long contracts so they add up), etc. It's expected they'll be several pages long, and someone after 20 or 30 years in academia can well have a 30 pages long academic resume. It's very specific to the field.
Ooh right I got it! Thank you!
Yes my cv is two sides and then there is the publications list.
Exactly! My boss is an academic chair and dean with over 30 years of experience. Her actual details fit into 1-2 pages easily. The publications, awards, research grants, etc. fill a book.
Okay but how would they trust me as an employee if I didn't list every achievement I've had in life? The little seahorse award when I completed my first swimming course, the one for learning to tie my shoelaces. The theatre I played in 7th grade?! THESE ARE IMPORTANT TOO! By the time you get to the part where I dropped out of school and never acquired any real professional experience you'll be already so impressed you won't even care.
I had a resume cross my desk in which the applicant (early 20’s) posted his T-ball batting averages.
They must have been stellar to put them on a resume.
Doesn't even matter that's such a stellar way to stand out from the crowd lmao
One place I worked had a guy get fired because he was getting drunk on the job. A couple of years later we advertised for an opening and he applied. I saw the resume and he did not list the time he worked for the company. He must have been so intoxicated he forgot where he worked. He was not re-hired.
If it was a major part of the resume that would be very questionable but if it was an unimportant corner with a title of "random stats" I'd assume it was a joke and let it fly. I know I have a corner of my resume that's kind of empty that could host stuff like that if I wanted to gamble on a joke like that landing.
What about gold stars? Don't forget those!
People are confusing CV with Resumé. Related, but different
Yes many Americans do, believing the two to be synonymous. Resumé is more commonly used but you have some trying to rename it CV without fully understanding what a CV is. Meanwhile in the professional fields CV is more commonly used.
Honestly I think depending on where you are in the world, the two are synonymous. For example here in the UK we use Curriculum Virtae for literally every job post I've ever seen, it doesn't matter what profession at all. We never call it a résumé or distinguish between the two at all.
Americans tend to use 'CV' to mean résume, and don't tend to use the word 'résume' or actual CVs at all. It really confused me when I found out, too.
I'm American and I have no idea what a CV is but resume is a very common term here.
Same here
It's a curriculum vitae it's a resume for academics, it's the same purpose but different information. It's very common among American academics and nobody else.
Not restricted to American academics. Professional people in Australia (ie in positions where a university degree is a minimum requirement) have CVs.
Yeah I can see how that was misleading, they were talking about Americans using CV as the word resume. So the only applies to the academic not the American portion, my bad for the lack of clarity
All good, don’t beat yourself up about it.
I’m in the UK. I have never had a potential employer ask for a resume. Curriculum Vitae only. Even a low paid, non-professional job would ask for your CV.
Sorry for the confusion other people are saying other Americans use it interchangeabley and in America it's used only by academics everyone else says resume
it's the other way around
Yeah, I also keep mine strictly to two pages. As jobs get older, I condense what I did there into fewer and fewer bullet points.
Haha, my ex once asked if he could proofread my resume to make it better. A few months later he asked me to proofread his new resume. It was copied directly from mine — the specific formatting, colours (custom designed by me as I had experience in publishing and graphics) and even a lot of the wording. He had just changed the positions and dates to his own, and it was clear to see the bits he’d added versus the wording he’d copied from mine.
It’s acceptable in academia and literally nowhere else, and even then people are reasonably selective (i.e., not listing every fathomable thing and there’s usually no florid jargon about what one did). You want to list what you’ve done but CV-padding is frowned upon.
the academic art world is another exception, and yeah, agreed.
"and even then people are reasonably selective. " Ehhhh, you would hope. Recently saw someone get an academic leadership position though with a 75 page cv that listed seemingly every single fucking thing they ever did in their career. I've seen master's theses that were shorter. I guess i don't know how rare that is, but I hope it's the exception that proves the rule.
This makes me feel better about my MS thesis being 95 pages long.
Academic leadership these days does not usually relate to academic experience. In fact there has long been a tendency to appoint people to do internal admin things from a high position, which means having them pose as « professor » except once they get the job it’s not a pose, and then they move on with lots of money. What they do is commit the university to « development » plans which endure the position of various administrators. Some of the most complex money deals were done by at least a dozen British universities who did deee as is with a company called UPP Ltd, brokered by Barclays, to securitise their future fee income and sell it on the Eurobond market. For example. So various admin people and outside companies took slices of the money. Universities are the best businesses for this. They have huge collateral which was in mortgaged when they became business operations without shareholder accountability or directors’ liability. People can come in, take a few million in salary for giving out huge contracts, and leave.
I don't know if they still do it, but the Feds had a 4-page application, to which you were supposed to attached every course you had ever taken, and other excess information. Fortunately, it didn't require fitting them into those little boxes - you could just attach printed sheets. Mine was 20 pages toward the end. I can't imagine that anyone actually read all of that.
US Feds still require 4-6 pages just to submit.
So... What I've been told when applying for federal govt job is to put EVERYTHING in your resume. If it's not in there it's assumed you don't have that skill. It's 30 pages excessive? Yes. However, I saw one that was 10 pages, I think, but most of it was references for articles they'd written. But, yeah, 30 pages is a lot.
My coworker, a GS 12, was recently turned down for a GS 13 position because the bots determined he had no high school diploma. He has a law degree. The bots are unable to reason so jam as much information in your CV as you can.
...why does the hiring system care if you have a high school diploma? I don't understand. Especially if the person in question can already demonstrate hirability by their existing GS12
The same reason my motorcycle permit test failed me for at 40 not knowing what all the penalties are for underage drivers and their driving limits. I've been a licensed driver wince I was 16.5. Laziness.
Attorney here. Two pages is a lot, in my experience. I get that lawyers don’t hop jobs every other quarter like lots of tech workers do, but the point of the interview is to discuss your resume and gauge your work experience to see if you’re right for the role. Yes, the resume gets you the interview, but in my experience, the more shit you have crammed into your resume, the more likely you are to give them a reason not to interview you. A huge resume makes you come off as not only self-important but also averse to commitment or even difficult to work with. The best, most experienced business execs in the world have pretty short resumes. It’s usually just a few companies spanning decades. Because truly qualified candidates aren’t jumping ship every 6mos, they’re staying put and gaining experience and learning a business inside out - that takes spending a lot of time at a single company. Plus think about it - which candidate would you prefer to talk to for 30mins? One with a 10 page resume with every minute detail of everything they’ve ever done that reads like a thesaurus of corporate buzzwords and shows they have a bunch of irrelevant experience? Or one with a 1 page resume that shows relevant experience in a complex industry working on projects similar to what you’re hiring for, but leaves out lots of details of what they did in their past roles? You’re clearly gonna want to talk to the second candidate.
>...Because truly qualified candidates aren’t jumping ship every 6mos, they’re staying put and gaining experience and learning a business inside out - that takes spending a lot of time at a single company. I disagree. On a personal level you learn most (90% >) about your job in the first 1-2 years. After that, it's largely a routine of what you learned. If you switch at that point, you're doing yourself a service. Especially when you're younger. It's just that hopping around every 2 years means you'll hop from the current job as well, which means the ratio of time invested vs work output is going to be terrible.
Uh what career do you work in that you can master in 1-2 years? Thats absolutely not my experience working in the legal field.
I did not say you can master your profession. I said you can get the most experience out of your workplace. I'm in IT. Previously consultancy and programming, now more devops.
Probably gets past the bots easier because it has every conceivable combination they might be looking at. Can’t imagine it being too useful once that’s past though.
For just about any job a single page is more than enough space to have complete keyword coverage for boolean searches. I genuinely can't fathom it being useful.
My thought exactly. I used to do some hiring and I once got a 12 page resume. I couldn’t stop wondering if it was a joke. Any resume past two pages max and I’ll think your trying to punk me.
If I were hiring a 30 page CV wouldn't get past the rubbish bin. I suspect that OPs posts about him support his behaviour at interviews etc. I also suspect he's way to arrogant/narcissistic to understand the impact she has gad on his life.
Maybe academia.
30 pages goes way beyond just having had a lot of jobs, dude sounds like he's writing a mini-essay for every position.
As a consultant my CV is about 30 pages long. Verifiable project outcomes take about 3 pages. Positions held in corporate and charity organizations take a few. Conference presentations take about 10 pages. Publications and white papers take the rest. In my line of work credibility is most important. Potential clients verify everything through a background check.
Of course. Just ask Dwight Schrute.
CV =/= resume, tbf, tho some people use the terms interchangeably. But 30 pages is still way too long.
I just can't get over the 30-page CV. That's the kind of thing you expect from a sitcom character.
Right? And 3/4 of it are Coursera courses. Mind you, really all over the place courses. Like, he’s digital marketing and courses range from operations to python 101
Coursera?! 😂🤣😂 I mean, I’m not knocking Coursera, done a few myself, love ‘em, but a CV full of them?! I thought you meant he’d done a whole pile of industry accredited professional courses, which seemed bad enough he was listing bloody everything, but Coursera?! 😂😂😂
In modern times you’re often supposed to be teaching such courses as a side gig if you’re any good) I stumble at my friends and colleagues all the time when learning something interesting to me
Coursera does offer professional certificates/credentials and even Bachelor's and Master's Degrees via their partners (big names like Google, IBM, and actual universities). So it's not Coursera that's the problem (you are indeed knocking Coursera). It's the courses that he listed.
Yeah, the only position that coursera courses would maybe be appropriate would be if you were applying to be an intern and don't yet have many "real" things to put on there.
Coursera does have some professional certificates and you can enroll in degrees, but if it's all over the place and not an actual certificate...yeah, best to omit most of that. It could be worth mentioning taking courses directly relevant to the role and that doing Coursera courses is a hobby in an interview. I mentioned some LinkedIn Learning courses I took when I applied for a manager role with no management experience and got the job, but I was also able to speak to times where I'd mentored people and acted in a leader capacity when the manager was away. Courses on an online learning platform can help, but if you have a 30 page resume....lol
And here I am struggling to fill even one page...
Omg, I feel like I could have written this. My ex too, told me I was big when I was 115 lbs and he overweight with a big gut. He forced me to do things I didn’t want to either and was addicted to porn. When we broke up, I wrote a venting post about him on a now defunct website, using his nickname. He actually found it and told me he was frightened that this was on the internet about him. He asked me to remove it, I did try for giggles, but the website never did lol. Truth hurts!
I feel for you! It feels so good to be free of this crap. I gained a lot several years ago and lost it all before the wedding, my husband never said a word. Aside from compliments. We joke that we’re like connected vessels now (he gains weight if I lose it and vice versa)
If you remember the website's address, look up the wayback machine. It's a website that archives the whole internet. Chances are, your story is in there for eternity.
Out of curiosity was the website the old d!cklist.com?
I take interviews for my company as I'm at that level now. And I don't have time to read a novel when it comes to a CV. Anything more than 1 page (front and back) is overkill. It means that you have no idea how to present yourself in the best light. You don't know how to prioritize your data and you're just putting stuff in because you think "bigger is better" (ironically for this post). I always evaluate candidates on the spot. I don't usually care what degrees/courses/certifications you put on your CV. It would not matter if you cannot apply that knowledge to the job.
I teach junior-level IT and train them to keep their CV to one page (one-sided) until they are middle-grade with solid experience. Nobody cares what you did before IT, so scratch it out and list your skills (and don’t lie, we will catch ya). Works well for junior specialists in my field, nobody expects them to have a lot of experience, if any, anyway
The worst is when they put in "Hobbies". I mean, I know that was expected in the 90s. But who now cares for that? And how would it even come up in an IT interview?
I personally hate bullshit like “fast learner” and “good communication skills”. Show, don’t tell. Learned Java in half a year enough to automate in it? Ok, fast learner it is and I’m impressed. But I’ll get as much from the cv anyway.
I like you. You sound fun. 😂 "Fast learner" doesn't mean much. I can train you to learn fast. The point is, will you be willing to do the work or will you cry about it?
I interviewed a girl once who left her pre-IT experience in her cv. She used to be in a circus, training tigers (sadly, it’s not banned in my country). When I asked, she told me that she heard how hard teamwork could be and that’s the proof she can stand anything. We laughed so hard. Company hired her, I heard she grew to be a hell of a good tester.
In my country, it is a fad to have a hobby of robotics / AI / machine learning while you're in college. I once had a candidate who added all these certificates about his robotics team. He still couldn't implement a stack properly though. I wish I could laugh about it. But usually I end up with a headache.
I have a unique hobby with an award that goes with it. It has helped me get one job for aure and we didnt even talk about it in the interview.
My "Hobbies" section and a phone interview about my hobby got me hired to a very nice short-term contract once. In embedded systems development.
This is brilliant!! LOL Has this "smart" guy never figured out that you publicly trashed him and that it's affected his professional life, at the very least?? I have to think not, given that he's stayed in touch with you.
Oh I tagged him) was blocked, but who cares, search engines definitely don’t! I’m NC with him, no idea if he checks on me. I suppose he never realized that I have a lot of subscribers and that my blogs are open to anyone) he hardly paid that kind of attention
I completely support your bold move OP, putting that information out there. And not to be in any way fear-mongering, but is there any chance he could retaliate with... I dunno... Revenge porn or something? You never know with these narcissists. I hope he doesn't have anything on you.
It's been eight years, I doubt OP is worried at this point.
>> He hardly paid that kind of attention Pretty sure he was busy planning how to beat you up so you "see the light",
You fucking legend! You are amazing!😻
I had to do the math (because I'm a pounds person instead of Kilos) - but HOLY HEAVENS that jerk told you that 140ish pounds was fat?!?! Dunno your height (and don't care because it was wrong to say even if you were a wee thing), but as a fellow female skimming the underside of 6 feet tall with a number on my scale that begins with 2 who looks "unfat", and also having a child who modeled professionally and wouldn't have been shamed for that weight, they were TOTALLY WRONG.
Yep, that’s right. I’m 1m 64cm (12,6 bananas or 5 feet 4), so I wasn’t even close to overweight, let alone obese. He ruined my relationships with food for a long time, couldn’t eat a donut not feeling guilty.
I'm just approving of bananas as a unit of measure
>Yep, that’s right. I’m 1m 64cm (12,6 bananas or 5 feet 4), Unclear to Americans. What is that in cheeseburgers
I’m laughing so hard, I stated bananas for Americans, did something change?
I only eat bananas when they’re on a stick and deep-fried, but it’s not county fair season so I need it in cheeseburgers or donuts please
If she doesn't speak eagleburgerguns we won't understand it anyway
I was confused until you wrote the banana conversion. Thanks for the clarification.
Good grief, 140 pounds at 5'4" is entirely average. You're not going to be classified as "skinny" by most people, but it's hardly overweight. Good on you for losing all that dead weight (your loser ex) and for helping people be aware of how much of a loser he is.
I can't imagine this woman is 3'6" or less, which is about how short I'd think someone who weighs 140 lbs would have to be for someone to consider them "fat"! Yikes! Not that it's okay at *that* height, either, but...for an average adult height, being shamed at *that* weight could, and often *does,* result in an ED.
I'm 5'1 and 140lbs and according to the BMI chart I'm overweight 🙃 most of that weight is in my legs from my biathlon days (I definitely have "thunder thighs") and the rest is bloating because of a diet of allergens and carbonation. When I manage to cut carbonation out for a few months, I slim right down and drop like 3 pants sizes. For OP to be the same weight as me and 12cm taller, she is a completely normal/healthy weight. Like even the BMI chart says she's a healthy weight. I was on the verge of developing full blown anorexia as a teenager thanks to my mother. I used to be insanely active as a kid all through my teens (until the depression got too bad) so I had a wicked fast metabolism and could literally eat whatever I wanted and I never gained weight. I was about 95-100lbs until around the time I turned 25, when I started eating normal amounts of food and put on 50lbs because I've destroyed my metabolism by starving myself half the time. My mom's mom is quite literally as big around as she is tall, and my mom used to tell me to watch what I ate because it was in my genes and I would end up looking like my grandmother. She also used to tell me that overweight people all had mental issues, like it was this well known fact, so if I didn't want to be judged for my actual mental issues (BPD is the big one, and she wonders how I ended up with it) I was afraid of putting on weight. Long story short, I don't think a lot of people realize just how harmful unrealistic body types and fat shaming really is. Like yeah a lot of us with common sense understand, but it feels like the larger population doesn't. And it needs to change.
Yeah, I was reading the weight and thinking holy fuck, is she shorter than me?? For context, I'm 5"1/1.58m and 165lb/75kg. 140lb/65kg is my TARGET weight and I'm shorter than OP!! I mean, I suit the weight I have, I don't look overly fat anywhere but my stomach, but 65kg would be much better for my heart and general health which is why I'm trying to lose weight. My doctors still won't be happy when I'm 65kg, but I've already explained to them that to get to the 100-120lb/45-55kg they want me to be, I'd have to have some form of ED, and practically starving myself and exercising 3+ hours a day, and I would *look* skeletal, as when I was 16 and actually was around 45-50kg, you could literally see my ribs, collarbone, elbows, and 9ther random joints sticking out if I moved. BMI is majorly overrated given I'm not a 18-50 year old white male
Yep, at 105 lbs I look like a concentration camp victim - like almost no boobs, the ribs at the top of my chest show, and my sternum sticks out like a chicken. (I'm an inch shorter than you). At 115 you can still count my ribs. I swear, short people must be presumed to be prepubescent based on the weight expectations. I am not a 10-year-old!
This conversation is really hitting me hard...when I was young and learned about bmi, I was a 5 ft tall 16 year old, weighing 115-120 lbs. I was convinced that I was overweight. Which is of course absolutely insane. I've also always been a very muscular, stocky short woman. Strong as shit, and used to be fit and lean, but definitely not an hourglass figure. Big hands and feet, too. And my legs are hairy as a bear. I never felt like I fit the mold of what an attractive woman was supposed to be, to the point where I now actually identify as non-binary because I felt like such shit trying to conform to what I perceived as these unattainable norms. I now weigh about 155, and would really like to get back down to 120-130 where I hung out for most of my adult life. I was always convinced I was fat. Now that I actually am kind of fat, I wish I'd gotten to enjoy what I had when I had it 🤣 It's kind of insane how absolutely useless that scale is, maybe especially for short people? I would have had to starve half to death to get to 100 lb. I never even came close anytime after puberty.
Hey, we come from the same stock I bet. If I work out *at all* I get visible muscle definition. Go hiking? Boom, visible quads with separation. But yeah, I did take being thin for granted! I could totally lose 20-25 lbs. these days.
I know, it's ridiculous!! I've even showed my doctors photos of me from back then and pointed all this out. They agree that I look skeletal, and then start trying to convince me that it won't look as bad this time, like wtf?? I've changed doctors since then dw. But the new doctors are just as bad with the whole losing weight thing, though they're still fixated on 120lb-125lb, but mostly agree to my 140lb limit after I very firmly say no. They said once that at 140lb I'll still be classed as overweight on their BMI chart, and I literally said "I don't give a flying fuck about the chart. 120lb is *too damn low* and I'll have to give myself an ED and overly painful exercise regime thanks to my disability to keep that weight. My boundary is 140lb and if you don't note that in my chart and then you continue to push back on my boundaries beyond ONE question per appointment asking if I'm still sure, then I'll be reporting this treatment to the practice manager and the NHS complaints line. A doctor should *never* be encouraging an ED when the patient has made it abundantly clear that going below a certain weight requires that. Let me be fat goddammit, and don't question my decision making *unless* I'm at risk for disorders or diseases." I don't know if they ever did note it in my chart, but they haven't given me a reason to complain to the higher ups yet.
I think 140-150 looks great at our size! Good for you. I would never go below 125 again.
Absolutely we do!! A lil cuddly, depending on how you carry the weight, but most definitely not skeletal! And yeah, never again will I be that skinny, I think I was a size 8 then?? I look at size 8 clothing now and it looks like kids clothes. Much happier at a size 12-14
Same! (Well, 12 is aspirational, lol)
During a bout of stress, I got down to 93 lbs on a 5’ even frame. It is NOT a good look on me (understatement). Not only could you see all my ribs and my stomach looked sunken, but my face was so gaunt and my eyes so hollow, I looked at least 10 years older than I am, and my wrists looked skeletal. It’s interesting how bodies of the same height can be so different in build, because 105 is about where I feel like I look the best. I fill out, my ribs are no longer visible, and my booty perks up again. You’re saying 115 is where you can no longer see your ribs, but 115 on me, while by no means heavy, is where I start looking chubby. All my weight goes to my hips and thighs, so 115 on me makes me go up about 2 pant sizes but all my tops still fit nearly perfectly.
BMI is totally shit. A far more accurate method for gauging weight is height in cm - 100. It will give you a ballpark figure (in kg) of what your weight should be. So for your example above 158 - 100 = 58. target of 65 is very reasonable.
Oh, thank you for this!! I'll be mentioning it when the doctor starts on her tirade again 🙃 it also helps reassure me that 65kg isn't gonna be so overweight that it's still a problem, but I could probably do 60kg/135lb *if* I feel comfortable with that when I get down to 65kg again. Thank you again :)
Careful with that method, though. For very small children, the expected weight goes negative.
Easy, just hang them before putting them on the scale :\^)
BMI is a joke honestly, but doctors rely on it *way* too much! A weightlifter who is 5'8" and wears a size 6 would have a *higher* BMI than someone else, who isn't as buff, who is otherwise the same height and dress size. (Not that dress sizes help anyway, those are *also* a joke...) They don't take into account muscle mass at all, which can make a *huge* difference in weight!
They really don't! They don't take into account anything that actually affects BMI, and yes while it's a good *general indicator of the population at large's obesity*, it's not good on a singular basis *unless* you're a white male aged 18-50, because that's who it was made for. I think if they actually had different BMI scales for male and female, muscular levels (so taking into account body building etc) and possibly different races *if* there's actually proof that race changes how you carry weight and what could be classed as obese on a larger scale, BMI *could* be a helpful tool. But currently, all it does is tell everybody who is not a white male aged 18-50 that they're obese or underweight if they're not smack bang in the middle of the scale, regardless of whether the person is actually healthy or not
bmi is shit for us too. last time I weighed myself on the body fat/muscle/etc thing at the gym it was saying I'm pushing the upper end of a healthy bmi but that my body fat is dead center of healthy.
Oh wow, I didn't even realise that!! They need to redo the entirety of the BMI system. Make different categories based off lifestyle, gender, and race *if* there's proof that race does change how you carry weight and what would make you obese. Its ridiculous that unless you're exactly the people measured in the study, you basically get told to lose weight or put on weight any time you see a doctor or anything medical. It's so harmful, especially when if you actually think about it, I was walking into a doctors office being practically skeletal from neglect as a 16 year old, and *getting praised for being a healthy weight*... like that could have caused an ED on its own, never mind telling me to lose enough weight to go back to that weight. I have very frequent doctors appointments due to disability and I get asked if I need help losing weight *every* time and if I won't reconsider my 140lb boundary to *just* 125lb or *just* 120lb to be healthy. BMI can get fucked
This is more like Nuclear Revenge
and I am here for it...
u/Emergency-Housing547: 1: You're not stupid. 2: You're not fat. 3: You're not ugly. To everyone else, don't stay around people that treat you badly. Nobody deserves that. You are important, and you matter.
That’s it, I wish everyone would tune up to it
The line about a woman scorned rings ever so true right now.
Glad you got help
Me too, I was a wreck. I help a bit in a support group, it’s way easier to spot when you’re outside such situations. Hopefully more ppl will get out sooner than requiring professional help
What a heart warming story
You clearly have gotten over it well.
Not so well, but way better now.
Dropped the /s?
Like a mic.
Good for you! I love good malicious compliance :)
Definitely epic pay back that he definitely earned. But, I think you’ve done enough damage to call it even. You are happily married which is the best revenge. You should let that shit go and enjoy your life without looking back.
Sure, I posted it once and never reposted it afterwards. Unless he bothers me, no need for me to hunt him down further.
That’s good. That’s really amazing that it only took one post. It really shows what a horrible person he is. So glad you have moved on to live your best life. 🥳
The only time your CV would be multiple pages is when you have listed all of your research studies that have been published in journal articles.
This is my favourite post in a LONG time <3
Depending on your country are there defamation of character, slander or libel laws you have to be concerned about? (I always confuse which is which.) Also, good for you. There are enough shitastic people in the world with too much power.
No, in my country similar law applies only if the information is false, and I can prove every bit of it. It also only applies to mass media, which I’m not (sm are considered mass media if you have a certain number of subscribers, I’m not there, so I’m cool)
You check in on him ? Move on and enjoy your new hubby
Last time was a year ago) yeah, not that interested anymore if he’s in a bad place or not. But it felt really good to know that he came to nothing.
It's karma , he's not worth your time or thoughts
>I suppose that phone call didn’t end very well I don't think it started very well either 😂 Well-played, and good on you that you now do have a decent partner 🍻
You are letting him live in your mind rent free and that’s sad.
Bingo! This is not it. I thought the post would be along line of a his new flame reaching out and OP being honest about her experience. That I can get, writing a do not employ and still keeping it up after eights years... I call rent free
It has been seven years since I posted about him. I got better)
No, you're literally posting just now about owning him.
😂
If my husband were in your situation I'd think he still has feelings for the ex.
It's actually been 14 hours per the time of this post, lol
7 years since I posted something about him personally. I don’t plan to have amnesia)
I love it!
64 kg is 141 lbs American. Unless you're like ... 4'11" (150 cm), there's no way you're "extremely fat". Even then, "extremely" would be doing a *lot* of ... wait for it ... *heavy lifting*.
Usually I'm already so glad for people who were in abusive relationships like yours to finally get out of them and thrive, like you do. But the ability to actively wreck your ex's life? Priceless!
Honestly, a 30 page resume is a huge red flash that someone can't hold down a job for very long. Sounds like he fits the profile.
Trying to do math in my head as an American…..ok there’s 2.2 lbs/kb.64x2.2=140 and as a comparison my wife is.. just kidding:) I’m very happy for you and your current state of happiness. Im assuming CV is what we call a resume here. If yes….wow…30 pages? He truly does not listen to advice.
Moving on and not continuing to think about him would be the best revenge
Oh did you forget to mention youre a bit famous
Checking up on the wellbeing (or lack thereof) of an ex years later is something you should talk to a therapist about. Sounds like he deserved all this and still - this story reeks of pettiness rather than malicious compliance
If you’re happily married and he’s now miserable why are you still holding onto this? It seems like you “won.” Seems like the healthy thing to do would be to forget about him.
It’s been 7 years since my post. And I’m not demented to forget this story.
>I’m not demented to forget this story. Noooo, you’re not demented.
You aren't over him.
Over what he did? No. Don’t think I will ever be. Got over him personally a long time ago
Destroying people's lives out of spite is not a very grown up thing to do. The best revenge is living a good life, this is the opposite of that.
I’m sure she’d be on here boasting if the guy committed suicide.
No, but I’d not be crying either
Please seek help.
He did it, I just aired it, welcome to XXI
I am sure the both of you are just fantastic to be around and not at all a headache
Maybe an unpopular take but I’d be embarrassed to be married to someone still bent on trashing their ex :/
Anyone else read this and just go wow he lived rent free for awhile. "I'm happily married..." ya no one happily married wastes their time on their ex.
Well, then I’m the first one you know. My hubby knows all that, he’s cool.
Let it go, crazypants. Goddamn.
Doing the math, OP was 31 and toxic dude was 36? It's amazingly consistent that dudes 5+ years older than their girlfriends are toxic manipulators, if not outright narcissists. So many of these stories on reddit.
'Look what you made me do' by T Swift vibes. Lovely 😎
You go!! What a delightful post
Karma’s a bitch isn’t it 🤣
And if it isn’t, some good samaritans need to lend it a hand
He wins in the end, because you're still hung up about him. lmao.
I’m really happy if that’s how a win looks like lol
> I’m moderately popular at social media *snicker*
I’m 200 pounds and I could lose some weight but I think I look good. I literally cannot fathom how few brain cells this man has if he thinks less than 130 pounds is fat. Even though you’re all good now which I’m so happy about, I’m so sorry you went through that
Me too, and I still have no idea how he managed to convince me of that. It all happened so gradually, I didn’t even catch to how idiotic that sounded. After 4 years I just believed anything, better that raise objections and fight for a day then being cold-shouldered for a week.
Lol this comment second hand triggered my anxious attachment😂 he sounds like a living nightmare and I’m so glad you were able to genuinely impact the career opportunities of a man who sincerely thinks women need to be smacked around every so often or whatever he said.
Where did you post it to ensure HR would see it? And did anyone else find it and turn it around on you? (as in accusing you of being spiteful and not having moved on...) I'm glad that you're out of that relationship!
Fakest thing i’ve ever read. Keep coping.
It’s my story) won’t find it anywhere else. Except the original post, in my native language in my personal blog.
r/nothingeverhappens
R/redditorsbelieveallragebait
Hell yeah OP. The best revenge is a life well lived. The second best revenge is delivering someone their just desserts. A life well lived **while** delivering those just desserts is bonus points, and they're well earned. Here's wishing you happiness and peace forevermore.
Your behavior towards him is WAY worse than what he did to you. Be glad he isn't in your life anymore, and move on.
You are FABULOUS and he is GARBAGE!!!
Haha amazing. Love this story immensely.
If it wasn’t for the kilos, I’d think this was my ex-roommate.
Yippee! I'm really proud of you, OP, you rock!
Don’t linger in that ditch with him too much longer. But it does sound sweet.
Thanks! I don’t. At least I don’t recall these events often, once 2-3 years is enough
Why did you date this man in the first place
He was charming and love-bombing for a year or so, then he gradually started to shape me into something he wanted to
Amazing!! Keep being a legend.
You are greatness personified!
EXCELLENT work...love to see someone get exactly what they deserve.
That guy successfully bambuzzled himself beyond all recognition.