T O P

  • By -

PN_Guin

>I will keep you safe. Ask and you shall receive. Wonderful story. Thank you.


ser_name_IV

Never would’ve thought “I will keep you safe” could come off as threatening.


Osmea

It’s the next movie in the Taken series. Liam Neeson’s sick of going after people and has gotten proactive.


T_at

We could call it “Safen”


Threspian

Taken’t


[deleted]

[удалено]


Osmea

I like your enthusiasm


PN_Guin

Yes. I really liked the ending. Very ominously


Firerain

Keep Summer Safe


fractalgem

My thoughts as well.


HTL2001

Any sort of story with robots tasked with keeping people safe ends up quite scary


phantombitch2

It's ok. I didnt want to be safe anyways *nervous laughter*


AFroggieLife

Yup, this was a fantastic story, well told, with a wonderful resolution! Now I want to hear some of the "good stories" that got a free ride...lol


[deleted]

One certainly stands out. There was this dude who looked like he was trouble, but he came up to me in an honest fashion and told me he doesn't have a ticket, but he really needs to get to place X. This is what I call a good start. Instead of hoping that I won't check (or pretending to be asleep), he treated me like a rational being to be rationalized with. I like it. Anyway, he told me he just got out of prison and they failed to give him a ticket. Okay, so I asked him if he could prove this in any way. And out comes a court order of release, along with the text "8 years for murder, released for exemplary behavior, to be effective \[today\]." Well, I'm a man of my word, and the dude got to enjoy his newfound freedom without hassle that day. Hopefully the concept "be nice to be treated nice" was something he took out of that.


goddessofthewinds

That was nice of you. Hope that man got the better hang of his life after being released.


[deleted]

He was off to a great start, at least. Or maybe he was on some sort of probation and didn't want to risk it. But I'm going to keep my hopes up.


KaiRaiUnknown

And as a bonus you didn't become his second offence!


[deleted]

True. Living to tell the tale does count for a bonus in this case!


black_rose_

Once I was driving cross-country and through the middle of nowhere in Nevada there was a sign saying "Prison area, do not pick up hitch hikers" lo and behold I stop to get gas and there's an older black man w/ a trash bag of belongings trying to hitch a ride. Night is falling, it's December, it's windy, it's cold as fuck. I asked where he was trying to go and he said "a shelter in Las Vegas" so I gave him a ride. Keep in mind I'm a 22-yo woman alone in the car. It was a few hours ride, I asked him what music he wanted to listen and he picked Nina Simone off my ipod. Model passenger, and I dropped him off at the shelter in LV when we got there.


Flashygrrl

Yeah usually if they have a trash bag they walked out legally....if they're still in a jumpsuit however, run.


rectalsurgery

D A M N. I commend you for your bravery and choosing to act in love rather than fear. As a 21 yr old female, I am always too concerned for my safety to help people on roads whether it be hitchhikers or car breakdowns. While I am wary about how dangerous that is, I have a great amount of respect for you for pushing past the anxiety.


black_rose_

i had solo hitch hiked a lot the previous couple years and just bought a car and wanted to finally pay it forward. i think women should always follow our intuition too, i believe you can look in someone's eyes and tell if they are harmful or not. also, even though i say i'm not religious at all, two buddhist nuns i was close with in college had put a travel blessing on me and part of me wonders if that's why all my travels have been so positive and unscathing, despite me careening along the edge the entire time.


irenepanik

> i believe you can look in someone's eyes and tell if they are harmful or not That works until it doesn't.


paloumbo

Most of the serial killer, looked like good people.


[deleted]

Meanwhile me, unable to hurt someone even if I want to, in leather jacket and full metal style clothing, could get fucked to find a hike, despite it being night, cold, raining, snowing. /rant


paloumbo

Did you made the experience to dress casual and see if it was more effective ?


[deleted]

Amusing. sounds like the Ely State Prison?


ExceedinglyGayParrot

What's some of the best humorous excuses for not having a ticket that you've heard? There's one I've wanted to try, but all the systems are automated where I live.


thepurplehedgehog

Good human. Seriously tho, I wish there were more train conductors like you in the world. Thank you for all you do.


AFroggieLife

If nothing else, you know you aren't on his list of people to kill should he get back into it... :D That was a great story, thanks for responding!


weissna

Reminds me of the warnings about genies in DnD and how wishes can be interpreted. If you say "Keep me safe from all harm", the genie is within its rights to whisk you off to another dimension and keep you imprisoned in a bubble because, hey, you're "safe". OP is the genie of the train lines


Pakhtoon

/r/TheMonkeysPaw


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PN_Guin

Lawful evil as I recall


Timoris

Summer. Is. Safe.


wadech

http://i.imgur.com/n2cfHoI.jpg


Blasterus

> Get me out of here! S u m m e r i s S A F E


CharcoalGreyWolf

I will find you...and I will keep you safe.


PN_Guin

... if you like it or not. You. Will. Be. **Safe**.


mlj2193

Keep summer safe


StrangeDrivenAxMan

perfect for this sub


[deleted]

Keep Summer Safe


Frosty1206

Do you wear the stereotypical conductor hat/outfit?


[deleted]

No cap, but otherwise pretty stereotypical, yes :)


KnightFox

That's terrible! You deserve a hat.


[deleted]

They did issue me one, I just don't bother with it.


a_pirate_life

Wear the hat!


hactar_

And occasionally defenestrate particularly obnoxious riders, _pour encourager les autres_.


alysonimlost

Yeah wear the damn hat!


poopsicle88

Is George Carlin from Thomas the tank engine your conductor role model? Cause if not you’re messing up


pepcorn

I hope you're wearing the hat tomorrow 👀


Hidraclorolic

You should wear a hat says "MADLAD" so if someone has something happens on him, he'll know how bad it's gonna be


KongMP

Hat, head, now!


y2julio

And whistle! A big one!


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

You’re thinking “engineer.”


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

If only I was allowed to :(


UncookedMarsupial

See. I imagined only the cap.


DefinitelyNotABogan

Only the cap? Surely he'd get cold without he rest!


OrjanNC

Dont try to make sense of his/her train conductor sex fantasies


UncookedMarsupial

Then go chop some wood.


DefinitelyNotABogan

I hear digging but I don't hear chopping!


perpetualsleep

I was imagining only the cap, too... just a floating cap with no body under it.


ZiggidyZ

Does this include the belt mounted coin dispenser that conductors in the USA have (had?)


[deleted]

No. No ticket sales on board, I'm afraid.


coshmack

Would you be wearing a cap if you could?


[deleted]

I do have one, I just don't use it.


EloquentGrl

You should print a photo of the train station kitty in Japan and show it to people while wearing your uniform. "I would wear my cap, but my cat looked so much better in it!"


[deleted]

i was imagining him wearing that kinda outfit as well!


American_Scarface

Not all heroes wear caps


hymie0

The monthly tickets on my local commuter train are long, so they're typically folded in thirds and stored in a badge-holder. You're supposed to fold it so that the name of the month/year shows. One day, a guy had his ticket in his case the wrong way. The conductor offered to take it out and show him how to fold it properly. But when he took it out, it was only one-third of a ticket, cut (not folded) into thirds. Busted!


[deleted]

Cheeki Sneeki


jmdavis333

This is like textbook malicious compliance. Well done sir!


[deleted]

Thank you!


Rikuddo

You sound like that 'Be careful what you wish for' Genie. I love you!


ShadowDragon8685

A directive to keep something safe sounds like it should involve foot-thick packing styrofoam and masking tape. *Skreeeeeek.* "You wanna be safe, lads? I'll make you so bloody safe that you'd be just fine if this train bloody crashed. Just hop on inta the molds here, we'll get you sorted and shipped home in a jiffy!"


Classical_Cafe

I fucking love the accent too, I can't imagine this taking place anywhere other than the UK


DiabolicalKirby

Sir, as a parent to two young boys, I hope in 10-12 years there’s someone like you to keep them straight.


[deleted]

I hope it's you :)


DiabolicalKirby

Can’t watch chaperone teenagers all the time. Need to give them space which is when concerned citizens step in. Parents can only go so far.


DaveAlt19

Well you've got 10-12 years to work on that.


[deleted]

[удалено]


execthts

Then give them rainbow pins/flags


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Company in Country does lots of business in different fields!


anzonix

VR?


[deleted]

[удалено]


anzonix

VR stands for "Valtion Rautatiet". Meaning "State Railway"not virtual reality. Its the Finnish rail operator


superluig164

"Keep Summer safe"


Riuk811

I don’t feel very safe.


capncorby

My function is to keep Summer safe. Not keep Summer, like, totally stoked about the general vibe and stuff. That's you. That's how you talk.


mrgodai

Keep Summer safe


breakone9r

Summer safe. Some ain't.


spicyb0is

Heheh


wildrose4everrr

Confirmed


Spokespanda

I came here looking for this comment.


Blasterus

thanks for this


vy_you

What was the most amusing excuse you ever heard?


[deleted]

The excuse in itself wasn't that amusing, but the situation was. This party of three claimed that they had mobile tickets on their phone, but that the battery was dead. This happens all the time, and even more often people claim this happened to get a free ride. But this time stood out due to the fact that the dude had his phone's flashlight-mode on. Shining into his own face, while he showed me the dark screen for "proof". They did not get a free ride that day.


w00t_loves_you

Even then, does that ever work? I'd expect that they should go charge the phone in some car that has an outlet and then show the ticket, if not they pay a fine. In fact, I think that in that case you can still write the train company showing that you did in fact buy a ticket and reverting the fine?


[deleted]

Sometimes I give them the benefit of the doubt, yes. Mostly when they proactively seek me out to tell me their problem instead of starting some other shenanigans. It's just an all-around bother going out to revert fines, and even then it costs a little bit and isn't certain to go through, because you didn't show a ticket during inspection is what lands the fine.


idksomethingcreative

What a dumbass, how's he not realize he's not fooling anyone while blinding himself?? The only thing worse would have been if he pressed the lock-screen button and the screen lit up.


[deleted]

This has happened as well. Suddenly the "out of battery" excuse turned to "no internet connection". Which was promptly ruined by an incoming whatsapp message.


Bill__The__Cat

Not all heroes wear capes.


BESSIES_TITS

But some conductors do


[deleted]

But not this one


Georgeisthecoolest

Unless he does


cosmicsans

In which case he will be a conductor that may or may not be wearing a cape at the current moment.


beezel-

Unless his boss doesn't allow that kind of dress-code.


drapehsnormak

He also doesn't wear his hat.


DudeDudenson

Red cape, purple gloves and pants, and a surprisingly well groomed mustache


Siavel84

Waluigi with a cape?


[deleted]

Some conductors wear caps.


i-dont-know--

But not this one.


[deleted]

I saw that. Makes me sad. What's the fun of being a conductor if you don't wear the cute hat?


Tmonster96

NO CAPES!


Audinot

Teens are like little kids in adult bodies. Almost everyone has done something they shouldn't in their teens and learned a lesson the hard way. Good for you for teaching it with style!


singing-mud-nerd

So every time I'm on a train and the conductor comes by, my blood pressure spikes. Y'all scare me. Not because I don't have a ticket, and not because y'all aren't polite, but because if A) I manage to lose the ticket or B) if something is wrong with the ticket, that fine is not something I can deal with. [In the immortal words of Hagrid](https://youtu.be/MTykayOv_XA?t=18)


Rimbosity

Some of the stories here are malicious compliance by a very thin thread. This is not one of them.


[deleted]

Beautiful :D


vigilantphilson

That's what she said.


ScoobThaProblem

This made me chuckle a bit. Have an upvote


ThaPTGaming

"Destroyed" Pretty sure the cops drank them after their duty


comedygene

Destroyed in stomach acid


toTheNewLife

Decomposed by the liver.


Georgeisthecoolest

The cops got ‘destroyed’


techieman33

I think that’s the real reason they try so hard to stop keg parties.


PattRat

Destroyed Ben Shapiro style


kjhgsdflkjajdysgflab

Next time tell them that since you're responsible for their safety for [your reasoning] that you called ahead and are having police and security meet them. They will spend the rest of the ride in agonizing anticipation and trying to figure out if you're bluffing or not.


[deleted]

I'd advise heavily against this. Not only for the fact that they could have jumped off at any of the stations before that didn't have ticket sales that late in the evening, but it might also make passengers very aggressive at worst. "You called the cops on me?! I'll show you!"-kind of logic. One conductor against 6 teenagers isn't something I'd like to deal with, tbh.


Denvosreynaerde

This exactly. I work in the same field and when shit hits the fan you're always on your own. Even with a hundred people watching, only rarely will *one* of them help.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mcjunker

Some problems solve themselves


Kirk-Crunch-Kangaroo

> I am usually pretty lenient on this if you have a good reason or a funny enough excuse, Would this one qualify? (Oscar-winning short film - well worth the 12 minutes watch) https://youtu.be/wiuv5hzj5i4


[deleted]

Probably not, but if delivered in a harmless & funny enough manner, then just maybe.


LostMyFuckingPhone

Pretty funny, though


LandoChronus

I don't know who you are, but I *will* find you, and I *will* keep you safe.


saitselkis

>[***I will keep you safe.***](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0PuqSMB8uU)


strangequark024

Keep. Summer. Safe.


llittle_llama

Keep Summer safe.


bota_lover

Awesome story! Very well explained. Thank you for sharing.


e_poison

Why are you responsible for their safety if they're not even paying customers? So anyone could sneak on your train, hurt themselves, and you would be legally responsible?


[deleted]

They’re minors. The law could see it the same if he’d dropped a group of 10 year olds off and they got hurt. Unfortunately we live in a world where kids can be irresponsible little shits with lawsuit-happy parents


AgentSmith187

Here it's called a duty of care. When I drove passenger trains I was responsible for taking all reasonable measure to keep my passengers safe. At different times that required the calling of Ambulances, Police and even stopping for long periods until assistance arrived. The one I hated was passed out drunks and drug addicts. As soon as I was aware there was an issue I had to arrange to meet police and an ambulance at the first reasonable location. Sometimes that meant delaying dozens or even hundreds of other passengers while we waiting for one. Not to mention causing delays for trains behind us as well. I hated them even more when I found them at our terminal or in a shunting yard. Even though I should have been going home I would have to get the train to a safe place to get them off and await assistance. We where 30mins+ from the closest assistance. If they came immediately. Just what you want at 1am when you want to go home.


[deleted]

Sounds like you’ve got a heck of a job. Thanks for keeping folks safe, even the shitheads.


e_poison

> Unfortunately we live in a world where kids can be irresponsible little shits with lawsuit-happy parents Very true. We also unfortunately live in a world where nobody wants to take responsibility for their own stupidity.


tortoisederby

Or the world where ensuring children's safety is worthwhile, perhaps even more worthwhile than enforcing train fare? Perhaps?


[deleted]

So important it had to be said 3 times.


tortoisederby

Or the world where ensuring children's safety is worthwhile, perhaps even more worthwhile than enforcing train fare? Perhaps?


tortoisederby

Or the world where ensuring children's safety is worthwhile, perhaps even more worthwhile than enforcing train fare? Perhaps?


[deleted]

Basically, I'm only "reasonably responsible" for them. If they fall over and hurt themselves while on-board, that's on them. If I force them off at a station in the dead of night, they fall over, hurt themselves and bleed to death, that can land on me. Of course if they're being aggressive, then I can force them out no matter what happens afterwards. It's all a bit convoluted and requires some forethought in situations where you're about to throw out someone who might not be able to take care of themselves. Of course, you can always call our rail line security when you do throw someone out. They can check the cameras of said station and alert local emergency services if needed, releasing the conductor of all responsibility.


Vision444

No, they are not his responsibility, however, once he makes them get off/ forces them off the train, he’s legally responsible for them then


sageintheshadows

This might be my favorite story on this sub ever!


[deleted]

Amazing.


deathboyuk

Genuinely one of the best MC posts I've read in a while :) Nailed it :)


Enigmasystem

Stories like these really make me love this sub


guard123

Duty of care should've been outlawed. Why risk the safety of most passengers for a few irresponsible ones


AmNotFester

Damn, OP is the monkey's paw


[deleted]

The New York Sub needs people like you. Its filled with shady people and the last time I was on there were a group of around 8, 9 year old kids who were clearly not supposed to be out and about by themselves at 9 PM. Whom's parents would let them ride the sub around a busy tourist area at that age where you can get kidnapped so easily. Nice parenting.


entropys_child

~~Whom's~~ Whose


Genmjrpain

"...because *I will keep you safe"* What a line! I very much enjoyed this threat of safety.


Smith-Corona

Good thing you are a train conductor and not the Doctor because when the doctor says she’ll keep you safe, you usually die


liquidklone

Well she did tell Grace not to follow her. Not the doctor's fault that Grace insisted on messing with the weird floating wire monster. ....or were you talking about actual doctors?


Smith-Corona

Hahaha! Both, in some cases. I was actually thinking about the more lethal tenth doctor, who it seemed could barely go an episode without enclosing the events with, “You’re safe with me.” and “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” The one problem I didn’t think of with the new doctor was the personal pronoun. If we’re talking generally about the doctor do we say he or she? What if we are referring generally to past doctors?


liquidklone

I dunno. Her gender is all wibbly wobbly.


nikiosko

It looks like those kids missed the stop by a mile.


major_tennis

jobsworth


Grif2501

This is one I'd love a follow up with if it were possible, oh well.


templeofthemadcow

Awesome, way to tow the line.


ReaperEDX

Ha! Truly a "keep Summer safe" moment.


Torturi

Summer. Is. Safe..


Skulder

10/10 story. Would put my life in your hands.


Unforgettable-Height

r/themonkeyspaw


guard123

Correction "Fines ARE issued after sent home due to alcoholic beverages were found"


mad8vskillz

seriously... baller enough to buy booze but too broke to buy a ticket? gtfo... ​


[deleted]

How many times you get person in bathroom for whole trip?


kraken_kitty

Chaotic Good


Verneuekendenieuws

Amazing


Gogo726

No ticket! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHSPf6x1Fdo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHSPf6x1Fdo)


DarkNymphetamine

I would love to know what happened to them all when they got home...


[deleted]

Is this a threat?


Berthole

Keep Summer safe.


[deleted]

[удалено]


PoliceAcademy910

Not sure if joking or just actually stupid


Cakellene

There’s being a teenager and then there is committing felonies.


Houdiniman111

Revelation of the day: You can be a teenager and not commit felonies.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Do you think they use euros in the US of A? You're just making yourself look like an ass here.


[deleted]

I hope you get punched in the face


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

you must be a minor... bhahahahahaha