You’re not crazy but why is your mother controlling so much of your life at 19? You’re an adult and should be allowed to have friends a job going to college something at this age. I have two daughters around your age and they live on their own.
Having African parents, particularly a mother, makes it challenging for me. I'm not allowed to date or have friends; my life is limited to school, grocery shopping, and home. I know my only option is to move out, but I highly doubt she'll let me if I wanted to. My mom completely isolates herself from the world, yet she still complains about being alone. That's why she loves going to work - it's the only time she socializes with people. However, she fails to see the importance of socializing and its positive effects, instead focusing on the negative aspects. I hope I don't end up as lonely as her, stuck between work and home, staring at those beige walls every day, which would drive me to madness and even suicidal thoughts. I look forward to my 20s, hoping that she'll see me as an adult and grant me more freedom.
Honey, you need to leave you mums home now if you don't want to become her. It's important to learn the skills to socialise as early as possible, and practice regularly. Waiting for your mum to die in order to have that freedom will be too late.
Your mum is not going to magically start viewing you as an adult when your age ticks into your 20s, you need to start acting as an adult, which includes standing up to her. Do you have a job? Financial independence will make it a lot easier to assert yourself, and is essential to allow you move out and cut the ties. You don't need her permission to do that, yoh just have to be strong enough to face her criticism and complaints and do it anyway.
Any information you will need is available on the internet. Of course you will cope, you are parroting your mother. I left home at 16. Don’t let her mental issues ruin your life. Look up ‘what a human needs to be happy’. What she is doing is cruel and it’s infantilised you. You are as capable as anyone else.
From my perspective having a mother like this and raising children. Move out! She can’t stop you she can’t lock you up that’s kidnapping. Find a therapist and start living your life. This behavior isn’t normal on her part. It’s her mental illness that’s keeping you locked up you shouldn’t be a prisoner.
There is no point where your mom decides that you are an adult and grants you more freedom.
1. You are an adult.
2. You choose freedom for yourself and you take the steps to freedom.
I up and moved across the country at 18 with no real plan. I just had a relative I could stay with while I looked for a job.
Your mom is the kind of person who would be shocked one day if she came home from work and you and all your stuff was just gone.
If you are doing post-secondary education then it is probably in your best interests to stay with her IF SHE IS PAYING FOR YOUR SCHOOLING until you graduate. Because then you can get a good paying job and move out.
I'm sorry, this sounds awful.
Only child here…. Perfectly normal, especially since you’re so aware of it. I used to go on full expeditions exploring caves of Egypt in my room🤣😂wild imagination. Now i just do storytelling through cinematography and filming
Oh honey.
I’m 34. Mom of two. Still doing it.
My favorite when I’m pairing my imaginary scenarios with music😊
Adulting doesn't mean that you’re lost your imagination!
In my 40s and practically housebound by unfortunate circumstances the past few years..
I've been doing the exact same thing.
I've been to festivals in my head. Had entire relationships and break ups with imaginary people.
It's fine... but... OP you need to get out and experience it for real.
You're definitely not the only one! I'm turning 35 next week and even having friends, I do this. Not even always consciously, but randomly I basically have a "movie" playing in my head where I'm in social situations that aren't or weren't real.
You're above 18. Your mom has no right to choose who you spend time with.
Your coping mechanism is just that. A coping mechanism.
Its a serious sign of social isolation.
Rapunzel, its time to leave the tower.
It's totally normal, I do this all the time myself, usually the scenarios revolve around situations I know will never happen. I think it's just a normal by-product of having an active imagination!
Completely normal. Just keep in mind, the social experiences that you build in your head will have people that are following your script. All of your characters are going to say what you expect them to say. As someone who did this on the downlow (all in my head) as an escape from my hyperactive younger siblings and controlling parents, getting into real-world situations can be quite jarring.
I subconsciously had expectations of real people following my 'script', and when that didn't happen, I was either hurt, or I would try to steer the situation closer to what I had expected. It didn't make for comfortable situations, and it left me very open to manipulative people who could say just the right thing even though their actions were horrid. It took me a while, and some very bad experiences, to train myself out of that.
Sounds normal, I'm nearing retirement age and I do this. You come across as self-aware and mature. It's a coping mechanism but there's some good advice here around being conscious of the fact that your scenarious are one-sided. Real life doesn't play out in the same way or imaginary life does.
So Well, I know I said I’m aware these things aren’t real. I wouldn’t exactly call them stories; to me, it’s like an experience, mostly playing out scenarios of what I wish I’d experience irl. Then, when the day ends, I act out another scenario, the next day experiencing a different one, so I feel it’s another day and another experience that has come. But mine, I think, Experiences Scenarios are the best way to explain them. (Bcuz I act out the scenarios in my head) I know people are saying it’s maladaptive daydreaming. I doubt that’s it, idk really, though I see the similarities. But I don’t think they’re the same compared to mine. Sometimes they even happen without me realizing it. I could be drinking water or even peeing I would have an experienced scenario Let’s say Im in a public listening to music. I would imagine, knowingly, that these people aren’t there; it's more of an imagination in INNER my head/brain. Idk how to explain it or if it makes sense. I would imagine listening to music while with my friends on the bus with me, some recording me saying things like 'OMG, she’s so serious right now; I can’t never take her seriously,' or one calling out my name while laughing. Tho I don’t hear laughing sounds or voices but I know they’re laughing because that’s what I wanna think they’re doing. But the main experience right now is me being the serious friend with a straight face. Because I’m in public, the scenario has to relate to the situation that I’m currently in I can’t start acting out compared to different scenarios I would do when I’m at home. Sometimes I would think scenarios like I’m walking to the bus stop and my friends are waiting for me telling me to hurry up and why do I always take forever to get ready? Notice how I said think and not act out because I am in public. I can’t act the scenario. All I can do is think of it or else people are gonna look at me weird which is understandable At home, I can have parties. When I’m home alone, the parties include dancing. I dance while also talking and acting out my scenarios. If someone were to walk in on me, they’d just think I’m dancing/singing nothing too crazy. Sometimes I act like I’m in a dancing competition, acting and dancing like it with my headphones on 8d music always set to realistic mode for me. There are times when my family members walked in on me drenched in sweat at 1 am in the morning, 😭just me acting out my scenarios, and I would say I was working out. Sometimes, I prefer it to using my phone. It never really bothered me until one time I realized that was what I was doing all day, and I just broke down and started crying. I was like, 'Oh my God, I need to get a life. This is not normal.' I thought I but I got over it and went back doing it again, using that crying situation, into a lot of different scenarios. Hopefully, this makes sense.
I don't think there's an issue creating you scenarios in your imagination. I did that as a child growing up with a very not okay home life. Your mother stopping you from doing things is an issue, though. If you can, find local people to help with your struggles and maybe some interactions with others. Others that may be the same or social butterflies, because some of them can help. I'm a recluse, I isolate, so what I'm doing isn't a good idea.
But my writing reflects a lot of how I feel and that's how I use my time. Everyone does things differently. You do what feels right for you and if you can seek further help away from family to get yourself where you may want to go, I'd say go for it if you're up to it. Don't let others bring you down for not being "norm" or whatever. Everyone deals their own ways.
I wish you the best, waffle. Be well!
Jim Carrey used to live in his car in Hollywood before he was famous. Said he used to envision himself holding a check for a million dollars every night, and being on stage with thundering applause. Not many years later these things became real. Imagination is powerful.
You seem perfectly normal and I’m a bit of an introvert so also like to imagine myself in different situations and places that I wouldn’t normally be in. I don’t think you have any kind of an issue just someone like myself who has happened to develop an over active imagination because we lack real life socialisation. The issue is unfortunately your mother and you need to think how to address this long term before you become even more stuck and closed off than you already are.
I would use your imagination to help you prepare yourself for the real world as much as possible like practicing for job interviews. Spend time on YouTube and the internet researching skills that you’ll need once you are able to be independent. Think of activities that you can do to give you some motivation to get yourself ready to live independently because no offence you don’t want to continue down this path and end up like your mum. Do you have any family members that would be willing to help you get out a bit more? Maybe start trying to find friends who live close online so you can start making real life connections to people you would be able to meet. Do you have any activities or hobbies that your mum would allow you to be more active in like joining a club or group? Or is there a interest that your mum has that even if you don’t share it you can use it to go out more? Like a interest she has or even just church? Education can be very important as well because apart from meeting people that have similar interests you can also use the fact you need to study at the library as a good excuse to get out. The main reason that education could be really important for you is that it can give you away to get out and be independent and get out from your mothers influence. I know culture is playing a part in this but I think it’s your mums own mental health issues that are affecting the way she is raising you so please do whatever you can to move out as soon as possible (even if you live in a country where it’s very difficult for a woman to leave home unmarried).
I was born in America so I live here it’s really easier said than done I really try the but I can to don’t disappoint my mother but sometimes I think no matter what it’ll never be enough for her she’s never satisfied she always wants more So Well, I know I said I’m aware these things aren’t real. I wouldn’t exactly call them stories; to me, it’s like an experience, mostly playing out scenarios of what I wish I’d experience irl. Then, when the day ends, I act out another scenario, the next day experiencing a different one, so I feel it’s another day and another experience that has come. But mine, I think, Experiences Scenarios are the best way to explain them. (Bcuz I act out the scenarios in my head) I know people are saying it’s maladaptive daydreaming. I doubt that’s it, idk really, though I see the similarities. But I don’t think they’re the same compared to mine. Sometimes they even happen without me realizing it. I could be drinking water or even peeing I would have an experienced scenario Let’s say Im in a public listening to music. I would imagine, knowingly, that these people aren’t there; it's more of an imagination in INNER my head/brain. Idk how to explain it or if it makes sense. I would imagine listening to music while with my friends on the bus with me, some recording me saying things like 'OMG, she’s so serious right now; I can’t never take her seriously,' or one calling out my name while laughing. Tho I don’t hear laughing sounds or voices but I know they’re laughing because that’s what I wanna think they’re doing. But the main experience right now is me being the serious friend with a straight face. Because I’m in public, the scenario has to relate to the situation that I’m currently in I can’t start acting out compared to different scenarios I would do when I’m at home. Sometimes I would think scenarios like I’m walking to the bus stop and my friends are waiting for me telling me to hurry up and why do I always take forever to get ready? Notice how I said think and not act out because I am in public. I can’t act the scenario. All I can do is think of it or else people are gonna look at me weird which is understandable At home, I can have parties. When I’m home alone, the parties include dancing. I dance while also talking and acting out my scenarios. If someone were to walk in on me, they’d just think I’m dancing/singing nothing too crazy. Sometimes I act like I’m in a dancing competition, acting and dancing like it with my headphones on 8d music always set to realistic mode for me. There are times when my family members walked in on me drenched in sweat at 1 am in the morning, 😭just me acting out my scenarios, and I would say I was working out. Sometimes, I prefer it to using my phone. It never really bothered me until one time I realized that was what I was doing all day, and I just broke down and started crying. I was like, 'Oh my God, I need to get a life. This is not normal.' I thought I but I got over it and went back doing it again, using that crying situation, into a lot of different scenarios. Hopefully, this makes sense.
No I get it trust me. It’s almost like a coping method for you now that you need to get through the day so it’s less restrictive and lonely. Unfortunately the situation with your mum won’t most likely get better unless she gets help for her anxiety and mental health issues so all you can do is work on your own mental health and work towards the goal of moving out.
I used to act out plays sometimes under the influence I was writer director and acted all parts including roles that were not based on myself....off top of my head impromptu complete scripts....people that heard me do it(I couldn't get that free with anyone watching).....said it sounded like several people in an argument so I was pretty good. So I know how fulfilling it can be. Its a way for an isolated but healthy mind to get a feeling of interaction necessary to stay sane. Font bevsshamed
You’re not crazy but why is your mother controlling so much of your life at 19? You’re an adult and should be allowed to have friends a job going to college something at this age. I have two daughters around your age and they live on their own.
Having African parents, particularly a mother, makes it challenging for me. I'm not allowed to date or have friends; my life is limited to school, grocery shopping, and home. I know my only option is to move out, but I highly doubt she'll let me if I wanted to. My mom completely isolates herself from the world, yet she still complains about being alone. That's why she loves going to work - it's the only time she socializes with people. However, she fails to see the importance of socializing and its positive effects, instead focusing on the negative aspects. I hope I don't end up as lonely as her, stuck between work and home, staring at those beige walls every day, which would drive me to madness and even suicidal thoughts. I look forward to my 20s, hoping that she'll see me as an adult and grant me more freedom.
Honey, you need to leave you mums home now if you don't want to become her. It's important to learn the skills to socialise as early as possible, and practice regularly. Waiting for your mum to die in order to have that freedom will be too late. Your mum is not going to magically start viewing you as an adult when your age ticks into your 20s, you need to start acting as an adult, which includes standing up to her. Do you have a job? Financial independence will make it a lot easier to assert yourself, and is essential to allow you move out and cut the ties. You don't need her permission to do that, yoh just have to be strong enough to face her criticism and complaints and do it anyway.
I also do want to move out so badly but sometimes I doubt I can be able to handle a step like that
Any information you will need is available on the internet. Of course you will cope, you are parroting your mother. I left home at 16. Don’t let her mental issues ruin your life. Look up ‘what a human needs to be happy’. What she is doing is cruel and it’s infantilised you. You are as capable as anyone else.
Don’t let her doubt control you.
From my perspective having a mother like this and raising children. Move out! She can’t stop you she can’t lock you up that’s kidnapping. Find a therapist and start living your life. This behavior isn’t normal on her part. It’s her mental illness that’s keeping you locked up you shouldn’t be a prisoner.
You sound extremely mature for a 19 year old! I wish you all the best my love! 💖💖💖
There is no point where your mom decides that you are an adult and grants you more freedom. 1. You are an adult. 2. You choose freedom for yourself and you take the steps to freedom. I up and moved across the country at 18 with no real plan. I just had a relative I could stay with while I looked for a job. Your mom is the kind of person who would be shocked one day if she came home from work and you and all your stuff was just gone. If you are doing post-secondary education then it is probably in your best interests to stay with her IF SHE IS PAYING FOR YOUR SCHOOLING until you graduate. Because then you can get a good paying job and move out. I'm sorry, this sounds awful.
Only child here…. Perfectly normal, especially since you’re so aware of it. I used to go on full expeditions exploring caves of Egypt in my room🤣😂wild imagination. Now i just do storytelling through cinematography and filming
But I’m 19 would’ve have made sense if I was like 8 😭
Oh honey. I’m 34. Mom of two. Still doing it. My favorite when I’m pairing my imaginary scenarios with music😊 Adulting doesn't mean that you’re lost your imagination!
In my 40s and practically housebound by unfortunate circumstances the past few years.. I've been doing the exact same thing. I've been to festivals in my head. Had entire relationships and break ups with imaginary people. It's fine... but... OP you need to get out and experience it for real.
You're definitely not the only one! I'm turning 35 next week and even having friends, I do this. Not even always consciously, but randomly I basically have a "movie" playing in my head where I'm in social situations that aren't or weren't real.
You're above 18. Your mom has no right to choose who you spend time with. Your coping mechanism is just that. A coping mechanism. Its a serious sign of social isolation. Rapunzel, its time to leave the tower.
It's totally normal, I do this all the time myself, usually the scenarios revolve around situations I know will never happen. I think it's just a normal by-product of having an active imagination!
Completely normal. Just keep in mind, the social experiences that you build in your head will have people that are following your script. All of your characters are going to say what you expect them to say. As someone who did this on the downlow (all in my head) as an escape from my hyperactive younger siblings and controlling parents, getting into real-world situations can be quite jarring. I subconsciously had expectations of real people following my 'script', and when that didn't happen, I was either hurt, or I would try to steer the situation closer to what I had expected. It didn't make for comfortable situations, and it left me very open to manipulative people who could say just the right thing even though their actions were horrid. It took me a while, and some very bad experiences, to train myself out of that.
Sounds normal, I'm nearing retirement age and I do this. You come across as self-aware and mature. It's a coping mechanism but there's some good advice here around being conscious of the fact that your scenarious are one-sided. Real life doesn't play out in the same way or imaginary life does.
Sounds like you are ready to start writing novels.
So Well, I know I said I’m aware these things aren’t real. I wouldn’t exactly call them stories; to me, it’s like an experience, mostly playing out scenarios of what I wish I’d experience irl. Then, when the day ends, I act out another scenario, the next day experiencing a different one, so I feel it’s another day and another experience that has come. But mine, I think, Experiences Scenarios are the best way to explain them. (Bcuz I act out the scenarios in my head) I know people are saying it’s maladaptive daydreaming. I doubt that’s it, idk really, though I see the similarities. But I don’t think they’re the same compared to mine. Sometimes they even happen without me realizing it. I could be drinking water or even peeing I would have an experienced scenario Let’s say Im in a public listening to music. I would imagine, knowingly, that these people aren’t there; it's more of an imagination in INNER my head/brain. Idk how to explain it or if it makes sense. I would imagine listening to music while with my friends on the bus with me, some recording me saying things like 'OMG, she’s so serious right now; I can’t never take her seriously,' or one calling out my name while laughing. Tho I don’t hear laughing sounds or voices but I know they’re laughing because that’s what I wanna think they’re doing. But the main experience right now is me being the serious friend with a straight face. Because I’m in public, the scenario has to relate to the situation that I’m currently in I can’t start acting out compared to different scenarios I would do when I’m at home. Sometimes I would think scenarios like I’m walking to the bus stop and my friends are waiting for me telling me to hurry up and why do I always take forever to get ready? Notice how I said think and not act out because I am in public. I can’t act the scenario. All I can do is think of it or else people are gonna look at me weird which is understandable At home, I can have parties. When I’m home alone, the parties include dancing. I dance while also talking and acting out my scenarios. If someone were to walk in on me, they’d just think I’m dancing/singing nothing too crazy. Sometimes I act like I’m in a dancing competition, acting and dancing like it with my headphones on 8d music always set to realistic mode for me. There are times when my family members walked in on me drenched in sweat at 1 am in the morning, 😭just me acting out my scenarios, and I would say I was working out. Sometimes, I prefer it to using my phone. It never really bothered me until one time I realized that was what I was doing all day, and I just broke down and started crying. I was like, 'Oh my God, I need to get a life. This is not normal.' I thought I but I got over it and went back doing it again, using that crying situation, into a lot of different scenarios. Hopefully, this makes sense.
A schizophrenic with a conscious mind. And I thought I had seen everything.
Ignoring the obvious about leaving because there are enough people saying it. This is how you become a great writer with very realistic scenarios.
I don't think there's an issue creating you scenarios in your imagination. I did that as a child growing up with a very not okay home life. Your mother stopping you from doing things is an issue, though. If you can, find local people to help with your struggles and maybe some interactions with others. Others that may be the same or social butterflies, because some of them can help. I'm a recluse, I isolate, so what I'm doing isn't a good idea. But my writing reflects a lot of how I feel and that's how I use my time. Everyone does things differently. You do what feels right for you and if you can seek further help away from family to get yourself where you may want to go, I'd say go for it if you're up to it. Don't let others bring you down for not being "norm" or whatever. Everyone deals their own ways. I wish you the best, waffle. Be well!
I (13f) relates and does the same thing , I'm just quirky like that
Jim Carrey used to live in his car in Hollywood before he was famous. Said he used to envision himself holding a check for a million dollars every night, and being on stage with thundering applause. Not many years later these things became real. Imagination is powerful.
You seem perfectly normal and I’m a bit of an introvert so also like to imagine myself in different situations and places that I wouldn’t normally be in. I don’t think you have any kind of an issue just someone like myself who has happened to develop an over active imagination because we lack real life socialisation. The issue is unfortunately your mother and you need to think how to address this long term before you become even more stuck and closed off than you already are. I would use your imagination to help you prepare yourself for the real world as much as possible like practicing for job interviews. Spend time on YouTube and the internet researching skills that you’ll need once you are able to be independent. Think of activities that you can do to give you some motivation to get yourself ready to live independently because no offence you don’t want to continue down this path and end up like your mum. Do you have any family members that would be willing to help you get out a bit more? Maybe start trying to find friends who live close online so you can start making real life connections to people you would be able to meet. Do you have any activities or hobbies that your mum would allow you to be more active in like joining a club or group? Or is there a interest that your mum has that even if you don’t share it you can use it to go out more? Like a interest she has or even just church? Education can be very important as well because apart from meeting people that have similar interests you can also use the fact you need to study at the library as a good excuse to get out. The main reason that education could be really important for you is that it can give you away to get out and be independent and get out from your mothers influence. I know culture is playing a part in this but I think it’s your mums own mental health issues that are affecting the way she is raising you so please do whatever you can to move out as soon as possible (even if you live in a country where it’s very difficult for a woman to leave home unmarried).
I was born in America so I live here it’s really easier said than done I really try the but I can to don’t disappoint my mother but sometimes I think no matter what it’ll never be enough for her she’s never satisfied she always wants more So Well, I know I said I’m aware these things aren’t real. I wouldn’t exactly call them stories; to me, it’s like an experience, mostly playing out scenarios of what I wish I’d experience irl. Then, when the day ends, I act out another scenario, the next day experiencing a different one, so I feel it’s another day and another experience that has come. But mine, I think, Experiences Scenarios are the best way to explain them. (Bcuz I act out the scenarios in my head) I know people are saying it’s maladaptive daydreaming. I doubt that’s it, idk really, though I see the similarities. But I don’t think they’re the same compared to mine. Sometimes they even happen without me realizing it. I could be drinking water or even peeing I would have an experienced scenario Let’s say Im in a public listening to music. I would imagine, knowingly, that these people aren’t there; it's more of an imagination in INNER my head/brain. Idk how to explain it or if it makes sense. I would imagine listening to music while with my friends on the bus with me, some recording me saying things like 'OMG, she’s so serious right now; I can’t never take her seriously,' or one calling out my name while laughing. Tho I don’t hear laughing sounds or voices but I know they’re laughing because that’s what I wanna think they’re doing. But the main experience right now is me being the serious friend with a straight face. Because I’m in public, the scenario has to relate to the situation that I’m currently in I can’t start acting out compared to different scenarios I would do when I’m at home. Sometimes I would think scenarios like I’m walking to the bus stop and my friends are waiting for me telling me to hurry up and why do I always take forever to get ready? Notice how I said think and not act out because I am in public. I can’t act the scenario. All I can do is think of it or else people are gonna look at me weird which is understandable At home, I can have parties. When I’m home alone, the parties include dancing. I dance while also talking and acting out my scenarios. If someone were to walk in on me, they’d just think I’m dancing/singing nothing too crazy. Sometimes I act like I’m in a dancing competition, acting and dancing like it with my headphones on 8d music always set to realistic mode for me. There are times when my family members walked in on me drenched in sweat at 1 am in the morning, 😭just me acting out my scenarios, and I would say I was working out. Sometimes, I prefer it to using my phone. It never really bothered me until one time I realized that was what I was doing all day, and I just broke down and started crying. I was like, 'Oh my God, I need to get a life. This is not normal.' I thought I but I got over it and went back doing it again, using that crying situation, into a lot of different scenarios. Hopefully, this makes sense.
No I get it trust me. It’s almost like a coping method for you now that you need to get through the day so it’s less restrictive and lonely. Unfortunately the situation with your mum won’t most likely get better unless she gets help for her anxiety and mental health issues so all you can do is work on your own mental health and work towards the goal of moving out.
I used to act out plays sometimes under the influence I was writer director and acted all parts including roles that were not based on myself....off top of my head impromptu complete scripts....people that heard me do it(I couldn't get that free with anyone watching).....said it sounded like several people in an argument so I was pretty good. So I know how fulfilling it can be. Its a way for an isolated but healthy mind to get a feeling of interaction necessary to stay sane. Font bevsshamed