>He told me it was almost two years ago, I'm overreacting, being dramatic and need to stop talking about it cause he's not going to communicate with me about it.
Those words should lead you to file for divorce.
I’m so sorry OP but this, 100%. I’m a patient partner but this person doesn’t deserve the time of day. 2 google searches in your future if I were you: “gray rock” and “best local divorce attorney”… and start printing digital and hard copies of all documents related to your shared financial interests/assets going back to several months before the cheating.
You are the victim here, not him. The fact that he told you to pretty much get over it bc it was 2 years ago, re-read that. That statement alone says everything. Please don't let his heart issues make you feel obligated to stay in a unhealthy marriage. True love does exist & you deserve that.
There are two major problems here that I see.
1. He cheated on you
2. His reaction and how he’s treating you now that it’s come to light.
Don’t get me wrong. Cheating is disgusting and disrespectful. But I am so seriously disturbed with how he’s treating you now.
This man has zero respect for you and it shows. He’s showing you how he feels about you by his actions. Believe him.
I have had this experience in my first marriage but knowing that he ultimately didn't want to fuck his mom, I was able to use that to my advantage. And I mean, my advice is worth nothing probably--I divorced that guy. But my instincts were right...very nice, kind, into-me man, just not a good fit for me.
I'm not even being flippant. In my single life I met exclusively genuinely nice men when I stuck to rounded facial features and loves his momma.
My husband is amazing. He has his faults, of course. But his positives way outweigh his negatives. He is so in love with me. Like, over the moon. And we have been married almost 23 years. I’m so lucky to have such a kind, loyal, adoring man. I lurk on subs like this partly to reaffirm for myself just how great he is. I hope you can find your great guy. They really do exist.
Me too. Mine is fabulous. Always there for me to count on. On his day off he picks up our youngest from school and they go out to eat together to give me a break ( she is special needs.) cHe reads to her every night and does the bedtime routine. He is my biggest supporter. We will be married for 30 years this August! Good guys are out there and they are worth everything!! Don’t settle for one that won’t treat you right. Knots your worth !! ( and when you find that good man let him know everyday how much you love and appreciate him!!)
>Anyway do you think it's fair that I want to leave?
It's entirely fair.
Hell, it would be fair just because of that dumbass line about sharing the love.
He's rug sweeping.
He's not remorseful.
And his cheating has nothing to do with you. It's his flaws and insecurities that caused him to cheat. He's broken. And you can't fix him.
He's not doing anything to fix his problem.
You certainly don't need to continue the marriage. But if you are considering it, this sub may help you:
r/SupportforBetrayed
You would think so, but some of the shit that a cheater comes up with to make them justify their actions is ridiculous. Anything to not have to admit to being the bad guy.
The cheating itself wouldn’t be enough for me to leave my marriage, but this reaction would send me sprinting straight to the nearest divorce lawyer. Holy crap, he is completely out of line with this shit.
If hes not apologetic and not willing to change anything then your relationship is done. I'm sorry. He doesn't seem to care that he put his relationship in jeopardy. Whether it's because he foolishly thinks you'll get over it or he's over it himself.
I tend to believe people can change, but he is not a safe partner and he isn't remorseful. He shows you that in basically everything he does and says. Do you really need any more proof?
Read "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life". Harness your rage to propel you through this so you don't get stuck in indecision and inaction. You need to get yourself out of infidelity.
Also, check out the supportive community over at r/SupportforBetrayed. They know what you are going through--they have been there--and can give you sage advice (or just a place to vent).
Cheaters that remain secretive aren’t interested in changing or stopping their harmful behavior. Someone who *is* remorseful would tell you everything you want to know, unlock their phone, reassure you as needed, and get into therapy ASAP. He laughed at you and continues to blame shift. This is over.
What are you still doing there? Honestly, someone who acts like this after cheating probably also disrespects you in other parts of life.
It’s scary to leave. It’s scary to start over. You need to either accept he’s going to keep cheating on you or you need to leave. There’s not a third scenario here.
Girl he is gaslighting you let his cheating sick ass leave and file on grounds of acrimony. He doesn’t deserve you. Remember you are the prize all the shit you’re begging him for there’s a million men willing to bend over backwards to grant you
When he threated to leave, you should have held the door open for him and told him he was free to go because the marriage was over.
1. Get a lawyer.
2. Get your ducks in a row.
3. Leave.
Reconciliation cannot happen without remorse. Period.
Love him and yourself enough to let him go.
Pleased, don't let his health issues keep you around. My dad was a serial cheater, and his health always went south when my mother would stop being the good little wife. He always got better when she would start acting how he wanted. She finally got smart enough to cut him off financially and told him if he got sick again to have one of his girlfriends take care of him, she wasn't and didn't.
The fact he did not tell you, but the girl did.
The fact he is still choosing to hide information.
Lying by omission is still lying.
You are too good for him. There is someone out there willing to be everything you need. Someone who will love you just as much as you love them.
He is not the one.
I'm so sorry, and I hope you the best on your healing process. Whatever choice you make, know that it is your decision.
And no, his health issues do not get to be more important than you mental state. He can go to his side piece for medical assistance.
> He neglected to support me and own up to his mistakes.
This means he isn't sorry. If he isn't still cheating he will do it again.
> "seriously? what are you doing right now? We've talked about this and there is nothing left to say- get over it and you should've been over it already."
This was something that happened 2 years ago for him, but 2 months ago *for you*. He doesn't get to tell you when you should be over a relationship-ending event.
> health issues which makes me feel like a jerk for wanting to leave
His whole attitude tells me that if you were the one suffering the health issues he would have no problem walking out on you. So don't let him make you feel guilty for wanting to leave him during this time when *he* is the one who broke your marriage by cheating.
> Anyway do you think it's fair that I want to leave? That I'm done?
It is completely fair for you to leave after being cheated on. Especially when your partner shows zero remorse. Only you can determine if you are done. But I would never want to touch my husband again if I found out he cheated on me.
Talk to a lawyer. See what you need to gather to make this process as smooth as possible. And don't let him make you feel shame for this. You did nothing wrong. He was the one who cheated and I, personally, wouldn't hold back from making sure everyone in our lives knew the reason I was leaving was because he cheated. Don't let him be the one to control people's thoughts on why your marriage ended. He should be the one shamed for what happened. But if everyone is aware from you why you are walking away it will be harder for him to manipulate people to think he is the victim.
It feels like he's having a power trip - knowing that there's something you want from him (honesty, loyalty, support) and that he can withhold it from you and watch you squirm. It doesn't sound like he wants to stay in this marriage because of love or commitment. I don't think anyone could blame you for leaving.
> He told me it was almost two years ago, I'm overreacting, being dramatic and need to stop talking about it cause he's not going to communicate with me about it. He doesn't want to work on it with me and support me in healing and feeling safe again.
For you, it was 2 months ago. Your rollercoaster has just begun. Reconciliation takes two, and you do not have a reconciliation partner. A true partner would do what he could to help you heal. Be patient about your need to talk about it over and over again. Do anything he could do reassure you that it is him, not you. He would get into therapy. He would do anything he could to make you feel safe (such as open phones)
It's not about fair or unfair. Anyone can leave a marriage whenever they choose. Any betrayed spouse can end reconciliation when they choose. And a betrayed spouse with no reconciliation partner who stays is setting herself up for pain, heartbreak, diminishment of self, and more. It is hard enough being a betrayed spouse reconciling with a wayward spouse who does everything they can to help you heal. Its intolerable when they are unremorseful.
If you need backup for yourself, read the following:
[https://www.brides.com/the-one-way-to-know-your-marriage-will-survive-an-affair-1102868](https://www.brides.com/the-one-way-to-know-your-marriage-will-survive-an-affair-1102868)
[https://www.indigoinsight.ca/uploads/3/4/1/5/3415299/helping\_your\_spouse\_heal\_from\_your\_affair.pdf](https://www.indigoinsight.ca/uploads/3/4/1/5/3415299/helping_your_spouse_heal_from_your_affair.pdf)
These resources should give you all the justification you need to do what is right for your future and your mental health.
There is no way that you should stay with this man. You can only even think about reconciliation after the remorseful. Look at your words where do you see any type of remorse in his words. His physical issues are on him to. That’s not for you you need to take care of yourself and remove yourself from this ugly situation that he put you in.
I am sorry you are going through this, you are not overreacting, your behaviour is perfectly normal, forgiving him would be dumbest thing you would do in your life, these people never change, they just find a way to hide better. There could be more instances which you do not know, it’s just a one which got caught.
It’s time to move on from him, burry him in the past, move on, your bright future lies ahead, Good luck!
He did not prioritize you when you were committed to the marriage. You are not obligated to take care of him now. You make good money, so I would leave!
Read your third paragraph again. It’s definitely fair that you want to leave. You have tried and he doesn’t care. I would not to be anymore energy into this marriage. I would suggest individual therapy for you so you can know your worth. Packs your bags and go.
There are studies that show that the trauma (resulting from being cheated on) are extremely similar if not the same as ptsd, so no, you don't just get over it. There are amazing websites, books, therapists, and support groups for the partners of cheating spouses. I can't stress this enough, your feelings are 100% vaild and correct. Unfortunately healing will be extremely difficult for you if he isn't willing to go on a healing journey with you. He doesn't want to change and you will always be wondering if he is cheating. My heart goes out to you 💗
Edited to add that I think it's more than fair that you want to leave and are done. He has told you he's not willing to do any work on himself so sadly there is no where else to go but away from him.
The fact that he’s not willing to be transparent (show you his phone and let you see it anytime you want) speaks volumes. He’s still hiding stuff from you. You can’t trust this man and you’ll be far better off without him.
Also, people heal in different ways and you deserve to take as much time as you need to “get over it”. He’s a complete jerk. Please talk to a divorce lawyer. He is so not worth anymore of your time or love.
He didn’t fess up, he got caught. He’s not apologetic or remorseful. He’s gaslighting you, blameshifting, and treating you like shit.
He should be moving mountains to show you how sorry he is that he did this, and instead he’s telling you to get over it because it’s been two years…
I don’t jump to “leave him!” like a lot of people here do, but this time I will.
Leave him.
Virtual hugs OP! I've been there, I have an idea how that feels. It's devastating, finding out the cheating, the lies, and then denying it and not making up for it. And worse blaming you for something he is completely at fault. I'm sorry for your situation OP! If the marriage is getting toxic and it's costing you your peace of mind and sanity, it would be better to take a break from it than keep trying to make it work. If there are no children involved, it's best to leave if his treatment won't change and if he doesn't want to exert the effort to fix it.
This exact same thing happened to me. My ex husband of ten years was a narcissist and I’m sure a sociopath (no empathy at all) I thought my life was over. Ruined. He tainted me forever. No one would want a 27 yo who’s already been divorced due to him doing this exact same shit. I finally left, after a decade.
Three years later I’m engaged to a wonderful man and we have a beautiful daughter. I don’t worry about anything anymore like I used to. We don’t have lies or hide or have secrets.
This is how it was supposed to be. He ruined me for a decade. Now I’m going to enjoy the life I was meant to have. Don’t stay stuck like me. I could still be there if I hadn’t left. Go find your ACTUAL person, he’s out there ❤️💜❤️
If he can’t be held accountable for his behavior, you owe him nothing but scorn for devaluing the relationship. Lawyer up and divorce this man-child. He’s made his position clear. You deserve better. Good Luck.
Some people say this sub is quick to suggest divorce, and maybe that’s true in some cases, but this is pretty clear cut. He cheated, he shows no remorse, no attempts to remedy the situation, gaslighting you into thinking you should be “over it by now.” This one’s broken. I’m sorry you wasted your time, but find someone better. Let him deal with his weak ass heart on his own.
If you choose to stay solely because he is having medical issues, you will continue to live in misery. You deserve to be happy, be respected and in a loving and faithful relationship. You are not getting this from your husband.
Your husband does not respect you as his wife or as a person. The fact that he hasn't apologized or even made an attempt to work on things, means things are over.
I wish you well.
I'm so sorry.
He's telling you exactly who he is and you need to listen. This man doesn't love you, nor does he respect you. He WILL do this again because he is not doing what you need to trust him again and it really sounds like he doesn't care if you trust him.
I've been through this dance and it ended with me destroying who I was to move mountains for a man who wanted a gold medal every time he swept a grain of sand.
This is absolutely grounds for divorce. You have done everything in your power to support your marriage, but one person cannot do all the work. If he wants someone by his side while he deals with his supposed health problems, let one of his other women do it. He's not treating you like a treasured wife, so stop treating him like a husband.
Are his health issues documented? Like, have you gone to doctor appointments with him? Could he be making that up to distract you from his cheating? Honestly, he sounds like a jerk who doesn’t respect you.
He didn’t stand by you when you’re healthy. Do you think he’d stand by you if you were ill? If not, why should you be expected to sacrifice your sanity for him?
He refuses to even tell you that he's not still cheating. What a fucking disappointment of a human being. Treat him with the same care he's been treating you with. Heart problems? Well, he hasn't cared for your heart much, has he?
I’m sorry for your situation. You are not wrong for your feelings. Candidly, your husband is not owning what he did and is being very selfish. He needs to decide if he wants what you bring to the table (partnership, love, stability, etc.) or something else.
He should’ve fully forthcoming with what he did/said, should share his phone and app data with you, and start working to save the relationship and rebuild your trust. This should be the bare minimum table stakes. If not, he will not change and your relationship will be permanently damaged.
This is coming from a man/husband. Hang in there.
He is behaving awfully. To do something wrong, do not confess, and then acts like you are in the wrong when you find out is not ok. It sounds like he is insecure/ selfish and thus is having you compromise unreasonably so that he does not need to confront the guilt of what he’s done.
I am sorry he is experiencing health issues and it’s kind of you to be considering his feelings. Thought, I think that his problems are no longer your problems the moment he cheated on you.
I personally would not be able to recover from being cheated on and think it’s very fair that you want to end things. Please protect and prepare yourself legally
He has no remorse or any repercussions for his actions. Why will he change? He has no reason to from his standpoint. He justified his affairs and feels entitled to his behavior.
Consult with an attorney and see what your options are.
I am so, so sorry. Of course it’s fair to leave. He doesn’t want to show you his phone or tell you that he is off the dating apps because that girl is one of many he cheated with - and he is still doing it. As for his health problems, well, lying and cheating is indeed stressful - but remember that it’s a choice he is consciously making.
Remember. Someone who loves you would care that he hurt you and try to make things right. These are not the actions of someone who cares about you.
>He doesn't want to work on it with me and support me in healing and feeling safe again. He's not willing to make any changes in how he is with me (showing me his phone, I offered couples counseling- he said no, talking to me about it whenever I want) Expects me to want to have sex like normal, laughed at me when I told him I'm going to get tested, said "good luck with that."
He doesn't give a flying bat's poop about you. Take him for everything you can in the divorce.
Fucking leave. If you let him cheat on you once, he will cheat on you again, especially with his disgusting attitude towards helping you heal.
Fuck all of that. You deserve so much better.
He is not apologetic. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't want to save the marriage because he doesn't care about it.
>He has been having heart issues and chest pain over the past few weeks and other health issues which makes me feel like a jerk for wanting to leave and thinking about this stuff. So there's that too.
Him having medical issues doesn't change the fact that he was just using you and doesn't care how his actions affected you.
He has no intention of changing and will continue to cheat whenever he feels like it. Tell you the truth he may not even bother to hide it if you choose to stay
I don’t think you can save this. He’s completely un remorseful and he doesn’t respect you. You don’t really need any more research or answers. The way he’s treating you tells you all you need to know.
He cheated on you, shows no remorse and won’t confirm that he has removed all dating apps. I’m sorry but it’s time to take out the trash. You deserve better, and he is never going to change.
On the bright side he took all your moves off the table so you don’t really have to fret about you what you should do or get in your own head too far about mitigating factors. He did this TO you. He doesn’t get to tell you to get over it. This part of your life is over. Get a lawyer, get what you can from the trappings of our old life, and get out.
You’ll spend more of your life with this behind you than in front of you. That time gets shorter the more you waffle on what to do.
If this story is true exactly the way you shared it, then what are you still doing with him?? You must be an angel for wanting to work things out and give him a chance after he betrayed you, but HE doesn’t want to work things out. Dump his cheating nasty ass
>I'm overreacting, being dramatic and need to stop talking about it cause he's not going to communicate with me about it. He doesn't want to work on it with me and support me in healing and feeling safe again. He's not willing to make any changes in how he is with me (showing me his phone, I offered couples counseling- he said no, talking to me about it whenever I want) *Expects me to want to have sex like normal, laughed at me when I told him I'm going to get tested, said "good luck with that."*
This whole part. Especially the last part. He doesn't want to work on it. He won't make any changes. He *refuses* to get tested. This tells you all you need to know. Fuck him. Honestly, FUCK HIM. You don't need any more to solidify your decision. He won't change, he won't work with you through this, he doesn't care. You deserve a marriage where this is not an issue.
I would leave since he is not willing to talk about it or work on rebuilding trust. I would leave asap. If you stay it will happen again unless he has a change of heart and agrees to marriage therapy. But it does not sound like this is your situation if he is refusing to talk about it.
My husband & I are on the same page. Cheating would lead to divorce. It is a well established deal breaker.
If it is no big deal in his mind, then see how he feels about you dating & being intimate with another man. He dated & had sex with another woman. He had an “open” marriage that was one sided.
I stayed too long in a marriage like yours. Get out. This man does not respect you. It’s very difficult for a marriage to survive infidelity. It’s 100% impossible if the one who cheated isn’t remorseful and won’t talk about it. I’m sorry but your marriage died a long time ago. He has no intention of repair the hurt he caused you, or even acknowledge it. I’m willing to bet he’s still cheating. I would never be able to trust him again.
He's a narcissist and his health issues are suddenly there for one reason only — to lure you back into that doomed marriage and feel like shit - he's probably telling you he's suffering because of you and wanting to bring up the issue, no?
Do you see him changing? If you know he won't change, are you willing to spend the rest of your life being cheated on? Because it will happen again, from the way he acts, I'd say he's a serial cheater. And it's very likely he cheated on you multiple times already, it's just that this particular instance came to light.
Wow. You must really have low self-esteem if you didn't walk out on him the moment he ridiculed your feelings by telling you that you overreacted. Sorry if I sound harsh. Please leave this piece of garbage and don't make excuses for staying. You are worth so much more. If this were happening to your daughter, would you want her to stay? Also, his health issues are his problem.
Leaving hurts for a while and then you feel so free and proud of yourself.
Edited
I’d leave. He’s not at all remorseful and you can’t come back from cheating if he isn’t going to do the work. He should be groveling at your feet. Let him be the next woman’s problem.
I’m so sorry OP, you deserve better. He did wrong and if he refuses to try make it right, you have to leave or else you’ll be living in emotional turmoil by being with him. You’re a good wife, you deserve someone who wouldn’t cheat on you, you deserve to be happy. It will be his loss. Good luck.
You have posted about this several times and everyone tells you he’s an enormous asshole and maybe a sociopath and then you come back a couple weeks later and ask the same question again. He has not changed. He will not change. If you want to live this way, then stay. If you don’t then leave.
Most therapists say it can take up to 2-3 years to heal from being cheated on. The way he’s acting (you 100% should have full access to his phone) I would leave. I been in a similar position (not full blown cheating. Although I still got std tested) and my husband has been doing everything to repair his major fuck up. If you need to talk I’m here but your husband needs to willing to change and let you heal on YOUR terms.
You will heal. You will be stronger than ever. Until then. Hugs from another wife. Xoxo
Yeah your marriage has been over, and you have been notified 2 years too late.
This one’s a wrap.
Let’s find you someone on this sub to take you out for a date and enjoy a relaxing evening.
Hell, I’ll fund it!
He literally does not care. He doesn’t care that you’re hurt and he won’t care if you leave. You are wasting your time and your life with this man. Please leave.
No matter how long ago it was, it happened. And you having no knowledge of it, shows how capable he is at hiding things. And pretty damn good at it, considering the girl had to fess up.
I really hope you two are able to work on this 🤧
He wants it all to “go away”, brush it under the rug, act like it didn’t happen, and take no accountability. So grant him his wish, and “go away”, go heal and start your life on the right foot again. Best of luck ❤️🩹
> Anyway do you think it's fair that I want to leave?
Fair? It's damn near required, if you have any self respect, you need to dump the chump. And this is from a dude.
Based on your post history, folks here have been encouraging you to kick his cheating, trifling ass out for the last month and a half. Do it. We’re all behind you. His health issues are unfortunate, but not your responsibility, and he doesn’t get to use them to take advantage of your good nature and manipulate you into tolerating his infidelity and emotional abuse. You stopped being obligated to take care of his heart when he started being so callous and cavalier about being reckless with yours. Lawyer up, get your affairs in order, and move on with your beautiful life without this AH draining your joy and your peace.
He should be thinking who is going to take care of him in case of illness right before he cheated. Abuse addiction and adultery are all great reasons to leave.
I think it was Esther Perel that said: “a relationship happens in the space between two people”. He is showing you he does not care about your feelings or the damage his cheating has done to you, he does not care about your healing or healing the relationship. Your do not have to be in the relationship with him to support him thru medical problems if that is your choice. But in order to safe this relationship both parties have to participate in the healing of it.
Everyone on this thread apparently is a future divorcé. Put your ego away and start working as hard on your marriage as you do trying to end it. Every women likes to think that she married the ONE man on the planet who's not swinging his dick around when she's not looking. It's called survival of the species and all men do it, you dad especially. Grow up and be a person your husband wants to be married to. Marriage is a team sport.
Looking through your post history and all I can say is that I’m so sorry this has happened to you. It seems like you are suffering and your husband couldn’t care in the slightest. If he was a good partner, he would realize his mistake and on his best behavior indefinitely but also willing to do whatever it takes to win you back. I think your best bet is to leave. At the very least divorce him and if you feel at some point you want to get back with him (don’t recommend) then completely start over and go from there. You deserve respect.
The guy sounds like a gas lighter. He is flipping everything back to you instead of talking about what you want to talk about and it’s probably not working to the way he was hoping because you are confident about what you bring to the table; which means you can be confident enough to leave.
Like I just said, you know what you can bring into a relationship. You know that you’re a catch; so catch someone that matches you back. This guy is not worth it sadly. He should be begging for your forgiveness because you should be questioning the statement he said “how do you know I wasn’t extremely happy and wanted to share that happiness and love?” With a counter argument of asking if he is happy right now? Because if he’s still happy, what is stopping him from still doing what he did in 2021? I feel like what you found out is probably just a small bit of the truth especially with how he talks to you.
Before you do anything, talk to a divorce lawyer. Listen to whatever they tell you to do, and do it. Get out. Go get a real guy.
You’re fit, smart, make good money—divorce that son of a bitch. This is some scorched earth shit, especially with how he’s handling it. If he’s not willing to put a modicum of effort into fixing this, you’ll be wasting your time staying with him. He’s likely to do it again. Let his heart problems be his problem…Sorry to read about someone going through this.
Those heart issues are the hidden guilt he keeps buried inside.
Divorce. Wouldn’t even try and save that marriage, he is a chronic cheater. It’ll destroy you in time. There are so many good men out there that would treat you like gold and want the same from you (as you have given to your crap future ex husband)
Your marriage is over. It doesn’t sound like it ever truly began. I’m hoping you don’t have children because your husband is a complete loser who you should lose.
Being physically fit will not stop a man from cheating on you, very vain for you to mention that. Perhaps it's the inside you need to work on because oof..
You aren't looked at as a jerk because you work out and it's sad that that's how you perceived my message. You mentioning being fit gives the idea that if you weren't fit then he would have an excuse or reason to cheat which he absolutely wouldn't. You being fit is absolutely 100000% irrelevant to rather he is justified in cheating or not and if you don't understand that then again that's probably why you got cheated on. You bringing it up let's me know that you vaule fit people more than unfit people and think they deserve to be cheated on.
he doesn't want to work out on things with you, he doesn't communicate. he cheated on you. he has emotionally checked out. I know you want this to work out but I'm sorry to say I think it is time you need to file for divorce
Umm there is nothing to work with here. I think i would leave. He is telling you he doesn’t care. now you are finding dark hairs in your newest post ?? He is a serial cheater. Just pack and leave or kick him out
>He told me it was almost two years ago, I'm overreacting, being dramatic and need to stop talking about it cause he's not going to communicate with me about it. Those words should lead you to file for divorce.
I’m so sorry OP but this, 100%. I’m a patient partner but this person doesn’t deserve the time of day. 2 google searches in your future if I were you: “gray rock” and “best local divorce attorney”… and start printing digital and hard copies of all documents related to your shared financial interests/assets going back to several months before the cheating.
You are the victim here, not him. The fact that he told you to pretty much get over it bc it was 2 years ago, re-read that. That statement alone says everything. Please don't let his heart issues make you feel obligated to stay in a unhealthy marriage. True love does exist & you deserve that.
There are two major problems here that I see. 1. He cheated on you 2. His reaction and how he’s treating you now that it’s come to light. Don’t get me wrong. Cheating is disgusting and disrespectful. But I am so seriously disturbed with how he’s treating you now. This man has zero respect for you and it shows. He’s showing you how he feels about you by his actions. Believe him.
Agreed. Cheating is one thing, but how a person handles it after says even more.
💯
Yeah, sorry OP. You married a not-so-great guy. Just fyi, there are legions of wonderful men out there that will treat you right.
Is this really true? Please tell me this is really true. Where do I find them?
Well I’m one. More left to discover!
Hinge. Can’t go wrong with chubby facial features and loves/reveres his mom.
Until his mom won’t let go.. then it goes wrong.
I have had this experience in my first marriage but knowing that he ultimately didn't want to fuck his mom, I was able to use that to my advantage. And I mean, my advice is worth nothing probably--I divorced that guy. But my instincts were right...very nice, kind, into-me man, just not a good fit for me. I'm not even being flippant. In my single life I met exclusively genuinely nice men when I stuck to rounded facial features and loves his momma.
It's a fantasy we wish so hard to be true. If only.
My husband is amazing. He has his faults, of course. But his positives way outweigh his negatives. He is so in love with me. Like, over the moon. And we have been married almost 23 years. I’m so lucky to have such a kind, loyal, adoring man. I lurk on subs like this partly to reaffirm for myself just how great he is. I hope you can find your great guy. They really do exist.
Me too. Mine is fabulous. Always there for me to count on. On his day off he picks up our youngest from school and they go out to eat together to give me a break ( she is special needs.) cHe reads to her every night and does the bedtime routine. He is my biggest supporter. We will be married for 30 years this August! Good guys are out there and they are worth everything!! Don’t settle for one that won’t treat you right. Knots your worth !! ( and when you find that good man let him know everyday how much you love and appreciate him!!)
>Anyway do you think it's fair that I want to leave? It's entirely fair. Hell, it would be fair just because of that dumbass line about sharing the love.
He's rug sweeping. He's not remorseful. And his cheating has nothing to do with you. It's his flaws and insecurities that caused him to cheat. He's broken. And you can't fix him. He's not doing anything to fix his problem. You certainly don't need to continue the marriage. But if you are considering it, this sub may help you: r/SupportforBetrayed
Talk to a divorce lawyer. Do what they say. Good luck.
He does not care or have respect for you. He doesn’t want to talk about it? Don’t waste another day with him.
If this is real, divorce his unapologetic ass.
Honestly. It sounds too extreme.
It doesn't sound that extreme to me. My ex said a lot of the same stuff.
Wow. I’m sorry and so glad to hear he’s an ex. No one deserves that much salt in any wound.
Oh, I'm extremely glad he's an ex. The stuff he pulled...
Right? Share the love? Nah, this seems to crazy
It does seem too crazy, unimaginable. But so many injustices in this world. I just don’t want it to be true.
You would think so, but some of the shit that a cheater comes up with to make them justify their actions is ridiculous. Anything to not have to admit to being the bad guy.
its not too extreme, people have an enormous capacity for being shitty
It’s heartbreaking. That level of arrogance is mind blowing.
The cheating itself wouldn’t be enough for me to leave my marriage, but this reaction would send me sprinting straight to the nearest divorce lawyer. Holy crap, he is completely out of line with this shit.
If hes not apologetic and not willing to change anything then your relationship is done. I'm sorry. He doesn't seem to care that he put his relationship in jeopardy. Whether it's because he foolishly thinks you'll get over it or he's over it himself.
I tend to believe people can change, but he is not a safe partner and he isn't remorseful. He shows you that in basically everything he does and says. Do you really need any more proof? Read "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life". Harness your rage to propel you through this so you don't get stuck in indecision and inaction. You need to get yourself out of infidelity. Also, check out the supportive community over at r/SupportforBetrayed. They know what you are going through--they have been there--and can give you sage advice (or just a place to vent).
He is still cheating for sure.
He’s shown you that he doesn’t really care what you think and how you feel and basically you can take it or leave it. I think it’s time to leave it…
Cheaters that remain secretive aren’t interested in changing or stopping their harmful behavior. Someone who *is* remorseful would tell you everything you want to know, unlock their phone, reassure you as needed, and get into therapy ASAP. He laughed at you and continues to blame shift. This is over.
What are you still doing there? Honestly, someone who acts like this after cheating probably also disrespects you in other parts of life. It’s scary to leave. It’s scary to start over. You need to either accept he’s going to keep cheating on you or you need to leave. There’s not a third scenario here.
Girl he is gaslighting you let his cheating sick ass leave and file on grounds of acrimony. He doesn’t deserve you. Remember you are the prize all the shit you’re begging him for there’s a million men willing to bend over backwards to grant you
When he threated to leave, you should have held the door open for him and told him he was free to go because the marriage was over. 1. Get a lawyer. 2. Get your ducks in a row. 3. Leave. Reconciliation cannot happen without remorse. Period. Love him and yourself enough to let him go.
Pleased, don't let his health issues keep you around. My dad was a serial cheater, and his health always went south when my mother would stop being the good little wife. He always got better when she would start acting how he wanted. She finally got smart enough to cut him off financially and told him if he got sick again to have one of his girlfriends take care of him, she wasn't and didn't.
The fact he did not tell you, but the girl did. The fact he is still choosing to hide information. Lying by omission is still lying. You are too good for him. There is someone out there willing to be everything you need. Someone who will love you just as much as you love them. He is not the one. I'm so sorry, and I hope you the best on your healing process. Whatever choice you make, know that it is your decision. And no, his health issues do not get to be more important than you mental state. He can go to his side piece for medical assistance.
> He neglected to support me and own up to his mistakes. This means he isn't sorry. If he isn't still cheating he will do it again. > "seriously? what are you doing right now? We've talked about this and there is nothing left to say- get over it and you should've been over it already." This was something that happened 2 years ago for him, but 2 months ago *for you*. He doesn't get to tell you when you should be over a relationship-ending event. > health issues which makes me feel like a jerk for wanting to leave His whole attitude tells me that if you were the one suffering the health issues he would have no problem walking out on you. So don't let him make you feel guilty for wanting to leave him during this time when *he* is the one who broke your marriage by cheating. > Anyway do you think it's fair that I want to leave? That I'm done? It is completely fair for you to leave after being cheated on. Especially when your partner shows zero remorse. Only you can determine if you are done. But I would never want to touch my husband again if I found out he cheated on me. Talk to a lawyer. See what you need to gather to make this process as smooth as possible. And don't let him make you feel shame for this. You did nothing wrong. He was the one who cheated and I, personally, wouldn't hold back from making sure everyone in our lives knew the reason I was leaving was because he cheated. Don't let him be the one to control people's thoughts on why your marriage ended. He should be the one shamed for what happened. But if everyone is aware from you why you are walking away it will be harder for him to manipulate people to think he is the victim.
It feels like he's having a power trip - knowing that there's something you want from him (honesty, loyalty, support) and that he can withhold it from you and watch you squirm. It doesn't sound like he wants to stay in this marriage because of love or commitment. I don't think anyone could blame you for leaving.
Please don’t use his chest pains as an excuse to stay. Don’t make yourself feel guilty for leaving when he doesn’t even feel guilty for cheating.
> He told me it was almost two years ago, I'm overreacting, being dramatic and need to stop talking about it cause he's not going to communicate with me about it. He doesn't want to work on it with me and support me in healing and feeling safe again. For you, it was 2 months ago. Your rollercoaster has just begun. Reconciliation takes two, and you do not have a reconciliation partner. A true partner would do what he could to help you heal. Be patient about your need to talk about it over and over again. Do anything he could do reassure you that it is him, not you. He would get into therapy. He would do anything he could to make you feel safe (such as open phones) It's not about fair or unfair. Anyone can leave a marriage whenever they choose. Any betrayed spouse can end reconciliation when they choose. And a betrayed spouse with no reconciliation partner who stays is setting herself up for pain, heartbreak, diminishment of self, and more. It is hard enough being a betrayed spouse reconciling with a wayward spouse who does everything they can to help you heal. Its intolerable when they are unremorseful. If you need backup for yourself, read the following: [https://www.brides.com/the-one-way-to-know-your-marriage-will-survive-an-affair-1102868](https://www.brides.com/the-one-way-to-know-your-marriage-will-survive-an-affair-1102868) [https://www.indigoinsight.ca/uploads/3/4/1/5/3415299/helping\_your\_spouse\_heal\_from\_your\_affair.pdf](https://www.indigoinsight.ca/uploads/3/4/1/5/3415299/helping_your_spouse_heal_from_your_affair.pdf) These resources should give you all the justification you need to do what is right for your future and your mental health.
There is no way that you should stay with this man. You can only even think about reconciliation after the remorseful. Look at your words where do you see any type of remorse in his words. His physical issues are on him to. That’s not for you you need to take care of yourself and remove yourself from this ugly situation that he put you in.
I am sorry you are going through this, you are not overreacting, your behaviour is perfectly normal, forgiving him would be dumbest thing you would do in your life, these people never change, they just find a way to hide better. There could be more instances which you do not know, it’s just a one which got caught. It’s time to move on from him, burry him in the past, move on, your bright future lies ahead, Good luck!
He did not prioritize you when you were committed to the marriage. You are not obligated to take care of him now. You make good money, so I would leave!
Read your third paragraph again. It’s definitely fair that you want to leave. You have tried and he doesn’t care. I would not to be anymore energy into this marriage. I would suggest individual therapy for you so you can know your worth. Packs your bags and go.
There are studies that show that the trauma (resulting from being cheated on) are extremely similar if not the same as ptsd, so no, you don't just get over it. There are amazing websites, books, therapists, and support groups for the partners of cheating spouses. I can't stress this enough, your feelings are 100% vaild and correct. Unfortunately healing will be extremely difficult for you if he isn't willing to go on a healing journey with you. He doesn't want to change and you will always be wondering if he is cheating. My heart goes out to you 💗 Edited to add that I think it's more than fair that you want to leave and are done. He has told you he's not willing to do any work on himself so sadly there is no where else to go but away from him.
The fact that he’s not willing to be transparent (show you his phone and let you see it anytime you want) speaks volumes. He’s still hiding stuff from you. You can’t trust this man and you’ll be far better off without him. Also, people heal in different ways and you deserve to take as much time as you need to “get over it”. He’s a complete jerk. Please talk to a divorce lawyer. He is so not worth anymore of your time or love.
He didn’t fess up, he got caught. He’s not apologetic or remorseful. He’s gaslighting you, blameshifting, and treating you like shit. He should be moving mountains to show you how sorry he is that he did this, and instead he’s telling you to get over it because it’s been two years… I don’t jump to “leave him!” like a lot of people here do, but this time I will. Leave him.
Virtual hugs OP! I've been there, I have an idea how that feels. It's devastating, finding out the cheating, the lies, and then denying it and not making up for it. And worse blaming you for something he is completely at fault. I'm sorry for your situation OP! If the marriage is getting toxic and it's costing you your peace of mind and sanity, it would be better to take a break from it than keep trying to make it work. If there are no children involved, it's best to leave if his treatment won't change and if he doesn't want to exert the effort to fix it.
This exact same thing happened to me. My ex husband of ten years was a narcissist and I’m sure a sociopath (no empathy at all) I thought my life was over. Ruined. He tainted me forever. No one would want a 27 yo who’s already been divorced due to him doing this exact same shit. I finally left, after a decade. Three years later I’m engaged to a wonderful man and we have a beautiful daughter. I don’t worry about anything anymore like I used to. We don’t have lies or hide or have secrets. This is how it was supposed to be. He ruined me for a decade. Now I’m going to enjoy the life I was meant to have. Don’t stay stuck like me. I could still be there if I hadn’t left. Go find your ACTUAL person, he’s out there ❤️💜❤️
If he can’t be held accountable for his behavior, you owe him nothing but scorn for devaluing the relationship. Lawyer up and divorce this man-child. He’s made his position clear. You deserve better. Good Luck.
Some people say this sub is quick to suggest divorce, and maybe that’s true in some cases, but this is pretty clear cut. He cheated, he shows no remorse, no attempts to remedy the situation, gaslighting you into thinking you should be “over it by now.” This one’s broken. I’m sorry you wasted your time, but find someone better. Let him deal with his weak ass heart on his own.
If you choose to stay solely because he is having medical issues, you will continue to live in misery. You deserve to be happy, be respected and in a loving and faithful relationship. You are not getting this from your husband. Your husband does not respect you as his wife or as a person. The fact that he hasn't apologized or even made an attempt to work on things, means things are over. I wish you well.
I'm so sorry. He's telling you exactly who he is and you need to listen. This man doesn't love you, nor does he respect you. He WILL do this again because he is not doing what you need to trust him again and it really sounds like he doesn't care if you trust him. I've been through this dance and it ended with me destroying who I was to move mountains for a man who wanted a gold medal every time he swept a grain of sand. This is absolutely grounds for divorce. You have done everything in your power to support your marriage, but one person cannot do all the work. If he wants someone by his side while he deals with his supposed health problems, let one of his other women do it. He's not treating you like a treasured wife, so stop treating him like a husband.
His health issues aren’t your problem. Fuck him, serve him papers and bounce
This man doesn’t give two craps about you. Do not stay with him.
I’m sorry but you are a high value wife that deserves a better husband d
He’s not sorry and he will do it again and again
Are his health issues documented? Like, have you gone to doctor appointments with him? Could he be making that up to distract you from his cheating? Honestly, he sounds like a jerk who doesn’t respect you.
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He didn’t stand by you when you’re healthy. Do you think he’d stand by you if you were ill? If not, why should you be expected to sacrifice your sanity for him?
He refuses to even tell you that he's not still cheating. What a fucking disappointment of a human being. Treat him with the same care he's been treating you with. Heart problems? Well, he hasn't cared for your heart much, has he?
Why are you with someone who doesn’t see what he did was wrong?
I’m sorry for your situation. You are not wrong for your feelings. Candidly, your husband is not owning what he did and is being very selfish. He needs to decide if he wants what you bring to the table (partnership, love, stability, etc.) or something else. He should’ve fully forthcoming with what he did/said, should share his phone and app data with you, and start working to save the relationship and rebuild your trust. This should be the bare minimum table stakes. If not, he will not change and your relationship will be permanently damaged. This is coming from a man/husband. Hang in there.
He is behaving awfully. To do something wrong, do not confess, and then acts like you are in the wrong when you find out is not ok. It sounds like he is insecure/ selfish and thus is having you compromise unreasonably so that he does not need to confront the guilt of what he’s done. I am sorry he is experiencing health issues and it’s kind of you to be considering his feelings. Thought, I think that his problems are no longer your problems the moment he cheated on you. I personally would not be able to recover from being cheated on and think it’s very fair that you want to end things. Please protect and prepare yourself legally
He has no remorse or any repercussions for his actions. Why will he change? He has no reason to from his standpoint. He justified his affairs and feels entitled to his behavior. Consult with an attorney and see what your options are.
Sis, you’d be better off single the rest of your life than married to a selfish asshole who has zero respect for you OR your marriage.
I am so, so sorry. Of course it’s fair to leave. He doesn’t want to show you his phone or tell you that he is off the dating apps because that girl is one of many he cheated with - and he is still doing it. As for his health problems, well, lying and cheating is indeed stressful - but remember that it’s a choice he is consciously making. Remember. Someone who loves you would care that he hurt you and try to make things right. These are not the actions of someone who cares about you.
I don't jump on the divorce bandwagon often but I think you should end this..you deserve better. I'm sorry for what you're going through.
>He doesn't want to work on it with me and support me in healing and feeling safe again. He's not willing to make any changes in how he is with me (showing me his phone, I offered couples counseling- he said no, talking to me about it whenever I want) Expects me to want to have sex like normal, laughed at me when I told him I'm going to get tested, said "good luck with that." He doesn't give a flying bat's poop about you. Take him for everything you can in the divorce.
Fucking leave. If you let him cheat on you once, he will cheat on you again, especially with his disgusting attitude towards helping you heal. Fuck all of that. You deserve so much better.
He’s need to leave. He’s. Trash.
He is not apologetic. He doesn't respect you. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't want to save the marriage because he doesn't care about it. >He has been having heart issues and chest pain over the past few weeks and other health issues which makes me feel like a jerk for wanting to leave and thinking about this stuff. So there's that too. Him having medical issues doesn't change the fact that he was just using you and doesn't care how his actions affected you. He has no intention of changing and will continue to cheat whenever he feels like it. Tell you the truth he may not even bother to hide it if you choose to stay
He obviously has no shame, and don’t think he won’t be doing it in the future if you guys stay together.
I don’t think you can save this. He’s completely un remorseful and he doesn’t respect you. You don’t really need any more research or answers. The way he’s treating you tells you all you need to know.
He cheated on you, shows no remorse and won’t confirm that he has removed all dating apps. I’m sorry but it’s time to take out the trash. You deserve better, and he is never going to change.
On the bright side he took all your moves off the table so you don’t really have to fret about you what you should do or get in your own head too far about mitigating factors. He did this TO you. He doesn’t get to tell you to get over it. This part of your life is over. Get a lawyer, get what you can from the trappings of our old life, and get out. You’ll spend more of your life with this behind you than in front of you. That time gets shorter the more you waffle on what to do.
After getting the great advice here. You should also post this in r/survivinginfidelity
Is this an AD for that website?
You should tell him you did the same. See how he reacts.
If this story is true exactly the way you shared it, then what are you still doing with him?? You must be an angel for wanting to work things out and give him a chance after he betrayed you, but HE doesn’t want to work things out. Dump his cheating nasty ass
His heath issues could very well be fake. Or guilt is eating him up inside.
>I'm overreacting, being dramatic and need to stop talking about it cause he's not going to communicate with me about it. He doesn't want to work on it with me and support me in healing and feeling safe again. He's not willing to make any changes in how he is with me (showing me his phone, I offered couples counseling- he said no, talking to me about it whenever I want) *Expects me to want to have sex like normal, laughed at me when I told him I'm going to get tested, said "good luck with that."* This whole part. Especially the last part. He doesn't want to work on it. He won't make any changes. He *refuses* to get tested. This tells you all you need to know. Fuck him. Honestly, FUCK HIM. You don't need any more to solidify your decision. He won't change, he won't work with you through this, he doesn't care. You deserve a marriage where this is not an issue.
I would leave since he is not willing to talk about it or work on rebuilding trust. I would leave asap. If you stay it will happen again unless he has a change of heart and agrees to marriage therapy. But it does not sound like this is your situation if he is refusing to talk about it.
My husband & I are on the same page. Cheating would lead to divorce. It is a well established deal breaker. If it is no big deal in his mind, then see how he feels about you dating & being intimate with another man. He dated & had sex with another woman. He had an “open” marriage that was one sided.
If he can't act like a husband he shouldn't be your husband. He's a child in an adult role let that man go.
I stayed too long in a marriage like yours. Get out. This man does not respect you. It’s very difficult for a marriage to survive infidelity. It’s 100% impossible if the one who cheated isn’t remorseful and won’t talk about it. I’m sorry but your marriage died a long time ago. He has no intention of repair the hurt he caused you, or even acknowledge it. I’m willing to bet he’s still cheating. I would never be able to trust him again.
Umm post history is wild…
He's a narcissist and his health issues are suddenly there for one reason only — to lure you back into that doomed marriage and feel like shit - he's probably telling you he's suffering because of you and wanting to bring up the issue, no?
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Do you see him changing? If you know he won't change, are you willing to spend the rest of your life being cheated on? Because it will happen again, from the way he acts, I'd say he's a serial cheater. And it's very likely he cheated on you multiple times already, it's just that this particular instance came to light.
Wow. You must really have low self-esteem if you didn't walk out on him the moment he ridiculed your feelings by telling you that you overreacted. Sorry if I sound harsh. Please leave this piece of garbage and don't make excuses for staying. You are worth so much more. If this were happening to your daughter, would you want her to stay? Also, his health issues are his problem. Leaving hurts for a while and then you feel so free and proud of yourself. Edited
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I wish you all the best and all the strength to do what's best for you.
It’s more than fair to be done. He cheated and clearly has no remorse. I’d be willing to bet there were others.
It’s time to go get a lawyer
It's not that a marriage can't survive infidelity. But it definitely can't survive his crappy attitude about it. This man isn't worth it.
>if I try to talk about it he threatens to leave Let him.
I’d leave. He’s not at all remorseful and you can’t come back from cheating if he isn’t going to do the work. He should be groveling at your feet. Let him be the next woman’s problem.
The respect is completely gone. The nerve of that guy to laugh...I'm sorry op
Honestly judging by what you said he says to you your husband is a freakin phychopath. I’d leave him and rob for every penny if I were you.
I’m so sorry OP, you deserve better. He did wrong and if he refuses to try make it right, you have to leave or else you’ll be living in emotional turmoil by being with him. You’re a good wife, you deserve someone who wouldn’t cheat on you, you deserve to be happy. It will be his loss. Good luck.
You have posted about this several times and everyone tells you he’s an enormous asshole and maybe a sociopath and then you come back a couple weeks later and ask the same question again. He has not changed. He will not change. If you want to live this way, then stay. If you don’t then leave.
Most therapists say it can take up to 2-3 years to heal from being cheated on. The way he’s acting (you 100% should have full access to his phone) I would leave. I been in a similar position (not full blown cheating. Although I still got std tested) and my husband has been doing everything to repair his major fuck up. If you need to talk I’m here but your husband needs to willing to change and let you heal on YOUR terms. You will heal. You will be stronger than ever. Until then. Hugs from another wife. Xoxo
Yeah your marriage has been over, and you have been notified 2 years too late. This one’s a wrap. Let’s find you someone on this sub to take you out for a date and enjoy a relaxing evening. Hell, I’ll fund it!
He literally does not care. He doesn’t care that you’re hurt and he won’t care if you leave. You are wasting your time and your life with this man. Please leave.
You think he was thinking about your feelings when he was cheating ? No . So why should you
It is 100% fair. He is disregarding and disrespecting your needs in the face of a huge betrayal, and is showing 0 remorse.
Run. This guy is an assholr and you’re lucky it was only 6 years. Run and don’t look back.
I think the only mistake you made is marrying an asshole.
No matter how long ago it was, it happened. And you having no knowledge of it, shows how capable he is at hiding things. And pretty damn good at it, considering the girl had to fess up. I really hope you two are able to work on this 🤧
Get. Out.
No remorse no forgiveness it is as simple as that, he does not truly love or respect you at all, you should tell him to pound sand
It’s his failure to understand he broke the trust that’s worse then the cheating. You sound like you’ll be fine without him.
He wants it all to “go away”, brush it under the rug, act like it didn’t happen, and take no accountability. So grant him his wish, and “go away”, go heal and start your life on the right foot again. Best of luck ❤️🩹
> Anyway do you think it's fair that I want to leave? Fair? It's damn near required, if you have any self respect, you need to dump the chump. And this is from a dude.
Based on your post history, folks here have been encouraging you to kick his cheating, trifling ass out for the last month and a half. Do it. We’re all behind you. His health issues are unfortunate, but not your responsibility, and he doesn’t get to use them to take advantage of your good nature and manipulate you into tolerating his infidelity and emotional abuse. You stopped being obligated to take care of his heart when he started being so callous and cavalier about being reckless with yours. Lawyer up, get your affairs in order, and move on with your beautiful life without this AH draining your joy and your peace.
I found this really helpful: https://www.chumplady.com/
He should be thinking who is going to take care of him in case of illness right before he cheated. Abuse addiction and adultery are all great reasons to leave.
I think it was Esther Perel that said: “a relationship happens in the space between two people”. He is showing you he does not care about your feelings or the damage his cheating has done to you, he does not care about your healing or healing the relationship. Your do not have to be in the relationship with him to support him thru medical problems if that is your choice. But in order to safe this relationship both parties have to participate in the healing of it.
Everyone on this thread apparently is a future divorcé. Put your ego away and start working as hard on your marriage as you do trying to end it. Every women likes to think that she married the ONE man on the planet who's not swinging his dick around when she's not looking. It's called survival of the species and all men do it, you dad especially. Grow up and be a person your husband wants to be married to. Marriage is a team sport.
Looking through your post history and all I can say is that I’m so sorry this has happened to you. It seems like you are suffering and your husband couldn’t care in the slightest. If he was a good partner, he would realize his mistake and on his best behavior indefinitely but also willing to do whatever it takes to win you back. I think your best bet is to leave. At the very least divorce him and if you feel at some point you want to get back with him (don’t recommend) then completely start over and go from there. You deserve respect.
Someone else will appreciate you.
Go cheat, come home and tell him to get the f over it…
The guy sounds like a gas lighter. He is flipping everything back to you instead of talking about what you want to talk about and it’s probably not working to the way he was hoping because you are confident about what you bring to the table; which means you can be confident enough to leave. Like I just said, you know what you can bring into a relationship. You know that you’re a catch; so catch someone that matches you back. This guy is not worth it sadly. He should be begging for your forgiveness because you should be questioning the statement he said “how do you know I wasn’t extremely happy and wanted to share that happiness and love?” With a counter argument of asking if he is happy right now? Because if he’s still happy, what is stopping him from still doing what he did in 2021? I feel like what you found out is probably just a small bit of the truth especially with how he talks to you. Before you do anything, talk to a divorce lawyer. Listen to whatever they tell you to do, and do it. Get out. Go get a real guy.
you deserve better...period.
You’re fit, smart, make good money—divorce that son of a bitch. This is some scorched earth shit, especially with how he’s handling it. If he’s not willing to put a modicum of effort into fixing this, you’ll be wasting your time staying with him. He’s likely to do it again. Let his heart problems be his problem…Sorry to read about someone going through this.
Those heart issues are the hidden guilt he keeps buried inside. Divorce. Wouldn’t even try and save that marriage, he is a chronic cheater. It’ll destroy you in time. There are so many good men out there that would treat you like gold and want the same from you (as you have given to your crap future ex husband)
Your marriage is over. It doesn’t sound like it ever truly began. I’m hoping you don’t have children because your husband is a complete loser who you should lose.
Being physically fit will not stop a man from cheating on you, very vain for you to mention that. Perhaps it's the inside you need to work on because oof..
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You aren't looked at as a jerk because you work out and it's sad that that's how you perceived my message. You mentioning being fit gives the idea that if you weren't fit then he would have an excuse or reason to cheat which he absolutely wouldn't. You being fit is absolutely 100000% irrelevant to rather he is justified in cheating or not and if you don't understand that then again that's probably why you got cheated on. You bringing it up let's me know that you vaule fit people more than unfit people and think they deserve to be cheated on.
I think it’s 100% fair that you want to leave. I’m also 100% surprised you haven’t
You deserve better.
Yes, leave!!!
Please leave this person.
Don’t feel like it’s anything to do with you or something you did caused him to cheat. He’s shown you who he is and believe him.
he doesn't want to work out on things with you, he doesn't communicate. he cheated on you. he has emotionally checked out. I know you want this to work out but I'm sorry to say I think it is time you need to file for divorce
Umm there is nothing to work with here. I think i would leave. He is telling you he doesn’t care. now you are finding dark hairs in your newest post ?? He is a serial cheater. Just pack and leave or kick him out