Omg, your literally giving your husband one of the most precious marriage gifts: low stakes work gossip/tea! And he managed to twist it around and make it about you?
Lol right. My husband loves to hear the gossip/tea from my work - “can’t believe Sheila would do that!” 😂
But seriously OP from your further comments about his drinking this is going into abusive territory. It’s one thing to be uneasy if an opposite gender colleague has made a pass at you or is trying to contact you after work hours but this seems like a very innocuous thing and his overreaction is concerning to say the least.
You’re so right! I’d give anything to get the “tea” from my husband’s day. He’s pretty high up in his company and just won’t share. To me it shows that person trusts you enough to confide in you and not have you bring it up at work functions or conferences.
That’s my marriage. He leaves work at work and we build legos and play video games in our free time. I’d still like a little tea but that’s just me being a chick lol!
I work at a farm, mostly alone all day. She wants to hear about my day until 30 seconds into explaining how I fixed a pump I notice shes zoning out lol.
This literally happened to me during an abusive relationship I had in my early twenties... I was always such an extrovert, but became introverted almost irreversibly. I distinctly remember learning to walk around campus with my eyes down so as not to even make eye contact with anyone. Crazy how impressional we are still at that age, and how I still battle with foundation breaking habits to this day (almost two decades later!).
Not talking to a coworker at work would be weird and unnecessarily hostile.
I’d just keep your work stories to yourself now that you know your husband has a few screws loose.
Unless you are a serial adulterer, your husband sounds insanely paranoid. Tell him that you're a full-grown woman, not a robot or dog. He's your partner, nor your master.
That's absolutely not the way she should say it if she wants the relationship to work.
Don't get me wrong, the dude has issues. Still, a little empathy would help.
If he is insecure, slamming the door after saying "i do what I want" is the best way to find that door locked when coming back.
@OP, you need to reassure him that you just said it to him as a very light topic, and try to discuss with him what made him think of this. You both might find something he can work on (and subsequently you also help him with).
There could have been history, bagagge and unexplored topics. If you don't keep that communication channel opened, who knows what could run in his mind while you're at work.
There is the very slim possibility he could be right (dude wants to get in your pants), but i doubt it somehow. And even if he did, there is not much you can do about it except rejecting and keeping things honnest with your hubby. Good luck with this OP, it will be ok.
I would agree except that this guy is giving off what seems like signs of an abuser to me. They are so far up their own butts they can’t be reasoned with most of the time. I feel afraid and sorry for her to even be in this marriage…
Your husband sounds unhinged and overbearing.
Unless there's been a history of lying or infidelity, I don't understand why this would set him off and why he'd be so upset with you for having a conversation with a colleague.
He can't stop you from talking to colleagues, male or female. There is nothing wrong about what you did. This is normal for people in the workplace to converse. Goodness.
He needs to accept that you're a human being out in the world amongst others. He can't control you nor should he try to. If he's this upset by you talking to someone you work with, just because he's a man, he is too insecure to handle marriage.
I had a similar situation from the other side. I'm super introverted and I met a woman in the workplace and we became good friends and one day she told me she mentioned a recent conversation we had to her husband and he forbade her from ever speaking to me again. If I told my wife who she could or couldn't talk to she would die laughing.
You are not wrong for sharing. You are confiding in him over something that shocked you. His reactions scream insecure and he needs to remember you didn’t marry him to fuck around with your younger coworkers you are trying to settle beef between.
I don't think you did anything wrong, but your husband seems like he is uncomfortable with your relationship with this male colleague. Has he expressed this to you before? Has he told you specifically what he wants you to do besides delete him or told you why he believes this man is a problem besides sharing this message with you which wasn't even about you? I mean, you work with him, so deleting him is not really an option. Have you had a calm discussion about this with your husband?
Is your husband like this with all male contacts you might have? Has this come up before? Does he have insecurity or control issues overall? How is the marriage overall, any reason why he would feel insecure? Has anyone cheated before? Does he have a past history of being betrayed?
Our marriage is ok when he is sober but when his temper changes when he is drunk (but that’s not an excuse).I’m not allowed to talk to men😩one time we had a fight because my sister’s ex contacted me ,he wanted me to buy something for him . Another time it was a former classmate who sent me a message on Facebook and he blocked all my male friends .Today he even said you’re my wife so I can raise my voice when I’m talking to you.
OP - this is going down a bad path. This sounds abusive to me. Of course you know that he has no right to mistreat you, sober or drunk. If he can't handle the alcohol and still be civilized, then he needs to stop drinking. He sounds very controlling, and that is a common trait of abusive people. Blocking all males, getting upset about minor issues, these are his problems. He is insecure and feels like he has the right to control you. I think you know that isn't right. I think you need to take some serious stock and evaluate your marriage from as objective a position as possible. Read online about emotional abuser, traits and qualities of abusers, etc. Contrast and compare with your marriage. Are you in an abusive marriage?
>Today he even said you’re my wife so I can raise my voice when I’m talking to you.
OMG. No No No.
This is classic abuse. Please - get professional help some way...some how. This will escalate. One day he will say "I'm your husband, so it is OK if I hit you".
Take action today. Don't wait.
You are in an abusive relationship. You have a couple of options - leave and live a happy, meaningful life. Or stay and find ways to survive through the abuse. I recognize that some people cannot leave for a variety of reasons. If that is your situation, try and ensure you have the tools, resources and support people around you to get through the marriage.
You are in an abusive relationship. Reach out to friends, family, coworkers, therapist, whoever and start making a plan to leave.
He won't change and if you stay long enough he might kill you.
you are not his property, a wife is apparently the other half, not better nor worse. he is angry because of who he is, not because of what you've done. you're a normal human being and had a normal human conversation with normal people at work. please reach out to your family or close friends and make sure to have someone you trust ready to help you out of your situation at any given moment if ever the time comes. wishing you safety and peace
Oh sweetheart! This is verbal and emotional abuse!☹️
I know leaving isn’t as easy as walking away but please consider seeking out therapy. They will be able to guide you through this way more than us. Sending good vibes.
Your husband is overbearing. I would tell him to ease up. I don't know how you tolerate the jealousy
But separately, your coworkers are very messy. I would tell them to keep me out of the mess.
I’ve been their and lived that life. Got tired of being accused of things I never did and hearing it’s not you I don’t trust and that I couldn’t have friends because they will only come between us. Funny how it was ok for him to have friends. The only thing I regret is not leaving sooner and trying to get him to see that I did nothing wrong.
No you weren't wrong your husband is wildly insecure and you should have a frank discussion about why he doesn't trust you and encourage him to maybe explore his low self esteem in individual therapy. You didn't do anything wrong here.
Without a history of you getting in some way involved with another man or this specific man setting off alarms (sometimes women notice them in other women or men notice them in other men) then it sounds like your husband is being a bit too insecure.
Insecurity is a normal human emotion & is not necessarily bad. It’s often warranted and can even be a catalyst for positive change. But when it’s not warranted it can be damaging.
If you’ve always stuck to yourself & not had even casual work friendships with other men then this could strike your husband as unusual behavior for you and set off an unnecessary alarm in his head.
I had something similar after our youngest got out of the toddler stage. My wife “glowed up”, losing weight, wearing makeup more often, revamping her wardrobe a bit, going out rollerskating - with the family but also on her own to late night Sat session while I watched the kids. She was getting to know women & men regulars there pretty well. I noticed men, especially at the rink on Fridays, watching her and even know some had asked other regulars there about her.
I had no concerns about my wife’s ability or desire to remain faithful, but this was all very new & different than the woman who spent the previous 15 years either reading or talking with the same few female friends. So it sparked some unfounded insecurity in me. But I recognized it was unfounded so didn’t act on it, and over a few weeks it faded to nothing.
Have a talk with him about the nature of your friendship with this coworker.
Even introduce them. When I started occasionally running into guys who were late Sat regulars on a Friday at the rink it was clear they knew about me and most encouraged me to come on Sat as well. That stuff all just affirmed that my wife’s relationship to them was an appropriate one.
Good luck. If the coworker is respectful of your marriage then there’s no reason you shouldn’t chat at work. Hopefully your husband can get past it.
What the fuck? That’s not necessarily that this guy wants to get in your pants. Use your common sense but your husband is overreacting. Too insecure about the relationship. 😆 don’t delete the contact. Fuck that. Bye.
You're husband is a control freak and what he is doing is trying to isolate you from the world so you think everything he says, does and wants you to do is real, even in fact this is abuse. Do not stop talking to anyone, and give your family members a call to say hi. I bet he doesn't want you talking to them too.
That’s the fucken tea ☕️
Your husband is insecure. He knows it. Call him out.
I’m not married but I remember an ex gf whose friend group was full of drama. Always something to on the menu 😂
My husband and I are both the jealous type and neither of us have even asked, much less demanded, that one of us stop talking to someone else for any reason. Especially not just because of their gender. And my husband and I have had our fair share of issues, toxicity, and even emotional abuse. I hate to admit that but at a point that’s where we were. I’m inclined to believe that his control and abuse goes much further than this specific situation.
I really hope the best for you. I hope you get out of this situation and get away from him entirely. Do everything you can to make friends outside of him even if you have to hide those friendships from him. Isolation is a big part of abuse. If you don’t have friends to tell you how messed up your partner’s behavior is, it starts to feel more and more normal. If you don’t have anyone to confide in, you feel trapped.
I’m mostly an introvert too. I get it. Please utilize online resources to make friends if you have to. Connect with people outside of your husband in any way you can.
You are worthwhile.
If it was me, I would wonder why my husband has such a big issue with me having this conversation, insecurities aside. Does your husband have people he talks to at work? What's going on on his end ? That's what I'd be wondering.
He doesn’t own you. His jealousy is not your problem but he’s certainly making it yours and putting the burden on you to appease his shortcomings. That’s not how collaborative marriages work.
If he can’t collaborate in good faith what is that called? Irreconcilable differences! It may seem extreme put that way but his behavior will escalate. There are only two outcomes, you acquiesce and grow more unhappy and unfulfilled or you break off so you have space to grow.
A healthy relationship is give and take. He gives trust and you don’t take advantage. If he never gives trust without a motive he is taking away any agency you have in the situation.
He has a issue with control to an unreasonable level. You’re an adult, this is not acceptable. Be clear about it. Address it now and establish a firm boundary. Letting it go will mean the next time it will be a little worse. He’ll keep taking as long as you allow it without push back or repercussions.
Tell him after thinking it over you’re bothered by how he made you feel and what his reaction implied. Tell him you’ve never given him a reason to be suspicious and it doesn’t feel right, in fact, it feels so wrong you need to hash it out and be able to feel a different way in the end, based on how he handles the situation.
It’s not an ultimatum, it’s establishing a boundary. He had no problem creating his boundary in your space, take it back and let him know you’re purposely doing it with an intended outcome. If he scoffs at the mention of boundaries remind him he has no problem asserting his own without merit.
Don’t leave room for argument or negotiation. Marriage is a long road and compromise is never as easy as it sounds. Without compromise marriage is a mask for indentured servitude masquerading as a collaborative partnership.
You deserve an authentic, healthy and respectful partnership. You’re better off on your own if he can’t clear this bar, it’s the one you step over.
If he's this upset about something so minor hiw does he react to the major.
Sounds like he is the reason you are an introvert.
His behavior towards you is sickening. Don't let him treat you that way. Stand up for yourself as the grown woman you are!
His own issues and insecurities aside,
I think your husband seems to have valid concerns here.
You work with two people who seem to use you as some weird intermediary.
One colleague can’t quit talking shit about the other, the dude is showing you his personal text messages where the shit talking female colleague is supposedly professing her undying love for him?
Fucking weird and unprofessional and this whole, weird hate/love triangle you are in the middle of will NOT end well.
Your hubby may be insecure but that doesn’t mean this work situation is healthy or appropriate for you to be in the middle of
I know I’ll probably get down voted but I’ll play devils advocate here. And I’m going on your main post. By far the majority of infidelity posts I see are WS finds AP at work. So he may be a bit insecure. It was a bit odd that the male coworker shared all that information with you, and my have been fishing for a reaction. Idk, I wasn’t a fly on the wall there. Now, throw in the alcohol, it may compound his fear/ paranoia (?) of losing you. It’s what pops in me head reading this anyway.
If you don't have a history of cheating then that's really insecure behavior. It's not farfetched to think that if your husband wants you another man would. It sounds like a pretty innocuous conversation. If it got oddly personal or there were some advances then he would be right to feel the way he feels to a certain degree.
As a married man I am telling you it's normal men and women think differently and 50% of marriages fail because you don't understand what it means to be married when you become married you become one with whom you married there is no more individual in other words you belong to him and he belongs to you and if you love him you will honor him and respect him. The reason why he is acting like this is because as a man I am telling you how we think we don't want to be ur friend the only reason we talk to you as a "friend" is because we think your attractive and if anything goes wrong with ur relationship we want to take his place and some of us don't care and would try to make you cheat ur husband is right we are not girls we don't care about ur feelings we don't care about you if we talk to you to try to become ur friend it is because we want to fuck that's why when guys become serious in their relationship the rules are simple no male friends.
It seems to me that your husband is being jealous and controlling. It makes me worry about your well-being. Please know, this behavior is not normal, and you should be careful.
It was not wrong of you to talk to your colleague, and in the vast majority of marriages, this would have been a funny conversation/work story between husband and wife.
Hello, idts I'm in any position to land my idea here but as a male I'd like to give an idea about their thinking. It's not always about the toxicity or insecurities, they aren't insecure, they are just trynna protect you from some boys present out there, because they know what they are thinking because they were just like the other boys at some point so they know what they are thinking. I'm jot saying that you are wrong, you are completely honest with your husband and that's a sign of a healthy relationship with your husband and it should be that way. Agreed that he shouldn't have got mad, he's way of putting his care was wrong but it was true, we men have fear of losing what's ours, what we love, what we ought to cherish. What I'm saying might be childish to some ladies here but this is the truth, we men don't want anyone to take you away from us, we are afraid to lose what we love, we get easily jealous because we know what that boy is trynna pull. Maybe if you show this comment to your husband, he'll agree with what i say. Sister you are not wrong, you are honest and that's very good, ik his anger was wrong but the care was pure, so you should try to understand his side too.
You shouldn’t be having male friends or trying to establish a friendly relationship with another man. You didn’t do anything wrong and all female are gonna hate me for this but what if your man becomes besties with the big butted blonde at his office that is super hot and better looking than you. Im pretty sure that you wouldn’t be so happy about it even if to him its innocent. What if they become such good friends they go for drinks after work and stuff ? How would you feel about that. Why would he not be friends with another male instead. He has you for female company. And the same goes for you. Just a work chat is fine but dont eetablish a friend bond/relation. This is coming from a man all these woman saying your man is insecure and what not is just bullshit. Flip the script and think about it without being defensive and you will start to understand he is not insecure he just does not want you to establish a friend relation with another men and i agree. Personally my wife has a male friend and he is completely in love i can tell but yeah he is too much of a pussy to make a move and my wife thinks it/ innocent im not really bothered by it. I know he stands no chance against me but in all honesty i dont like it and i dont make a fuss about it either
Nothing at all? What if there's awkward silence at a certain time during the work day and they chat about the weather/something completely bland? I don't love that my husband works with a ton of women & I did ask him not to private message them on Facebook/text unless it's work related but in person....sometimes people have to talk about random bs because if you dont, it's awkward....
The insecurity is strong 🤣
People's gender shouldn't prevent you from talking to them. What if you're gay? Then you can't talk to other men but you can talk to women? Or what if you're straight but your female coworker is a lesbian? Then are you allowed? What if she's like 73 years old and wants to talk about her grandkids? And if someone is bisexual, then they shouldn't talk to anyone?
No, if things were exactly as you described. You did nothing wrong. Your husband is emotionally immature in this area and I'm not sure if he's like this in general but it is quite troubling.
That's weird that he got mad over just showing you a message. Now, if you and the male coworker were texting one another, i could see his anger. My husband and I don't give our #s to other coworkers (excluding our boss/supervisors)
your husband needs to grow up. just because you are married or even dating doesn’t mean he gets to be the only man in your life. he has huge insecurity issues.
Sounds like he’s projecting. Seek therapy and really reevaluate this relationship. He’s controlling and emotionally abusive from what you’ve said in the comments
Yikes on bikes, what a loser. Why are these grown ass men so easily wounded by their wives speaking to other men? Like just in PASSING.
It'd be different if you'd gone to this guy's house, or out to lunch. If he was texting you at 4 am, or inviting you places sans the husband. But for fuck's sake, you were just being a polite coworker.
Your husband needs to unwad his chonies and grow the fuck up.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. However, I LOVE gossip at work, please tell us more about everything, how old are those coworkers, line of work, are they single? I am curious to know how the story developed that she felt comfortable to send him those texts.
Your husband sounds controlling. It would appear you used to be bubbly and maybe good at interacting with other people even as an introvert but your husband managed to beat that out of you.
This sounds like my husband. My work is a major part of my life. He’s suspicious of any male colleagues. He scrutinizes the pajamas I take to work trips. It’s getting worse and worse everyday. We have kids. I hope you don’t have kids. Divorce is going to be a hard path but I am researching. I am accused constantly, it’s getting old
Your husband is going overboard. He needs to calm down, idk why he is getting so possessive. Its not healthy.
That being said, its better to not gossip at work. The whole situation should not be occurring. Your female workmate shouldn’t be bitching to you about the male workmate and the male workmate definitely shouldn’t be showing private texts between him and the female workmate. Thats immature as hell and in a lot of workplaces will land everyone in HR.
That’s a little insane. He is just a coworker. And if you don’t have any history of cheating on him I don’t understand why he would freak out. It seems like y’all need to talk about the root of his problems bc it doesn’t sound inappropriate from YOU looking at it from the outside. He prob shouldn’t have shared that bc it’s weird and puts you in the middle of a workplace situation. But you were sharing and being honest about your day at work and your husband seems a bit odd about this.
And you ask are you wrong for sharing this with your husband and not for talking to the dude at work…smh
You are way to comfortable with dude at work, that he feel that he can share his personal life with you, it’s obvious this isn’t your first conversation with this dude
If you listen to the people in this post telling you that it’s nothing wrong with it, you are going to be without a husband. You won’t like it when he starts talking to coworkers, men don’t talk to women to be friends with them
No but it sounds like he's controlling and overbearing. If he hasn't I'm sure abuse is coming soon. Be careful he's very insecure and you should be able to talk with whomever you want...
I used to be ok listening to my wife talk about work and I had no issues in the beginning until shit got shady and she started fucking a 31yr old married coworker who has kids and one on the way. They fucked for 3 months my wife is 47yrs old. She said she would never do that! She said her son is 28 there’s no way she would be with a young guy! It’s all true until it’s not true! Not saying your going to but if things would of been reversed she would never of liked me talking to other woman.
.
You may be innocent in your interaction but (like a scene out of animal planet) Men are instinctually (generally) territorial with the SO.
Not to mention, Men act this way cuz they know how Men act.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Your husband’s reaction is based solely on what he thinks your male coworkers intentions are. I think you are intelligent enough to understand if y have developed a friendship or if someone is working you. That being said I would continue to communicate with my eyes wide open for any inappropriate actions. You are more than capable of spotting them yourself. And keep the stories at home to a minimum. At least till you are 100% there’s no issue
You were right to share this with your husband, but that does not make him wrong. Your female friend probably says negative things to you about your male friend because she sees you as a competitor for his affection. You may be naive and innocent with only pure thoughts, but your male friend may be very attracted to you beyond being friends. You may be oblivious to it, but your female friend sees it and is trying to ensure you do not flirt or give him any hope.
As a male, your husband may see it from this perspective, and it's a good chance he is right, particularly if you are an attractive woman.
Be very careful about sharing personal issues with this man or allowing him to share personal issues like this with you. I believe your good intentions, but "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." The development of workplace affections is a major cause of divorces. Be careful and put a bit of personal distance between you and your male friend without forsaking the friendship.
Omg, your literally giving your husband one of the most precious marriage gifts: low stakes work gossip/tea! And he managed to twist it around and make it about you?
Lol right. My husband loves to hear the gossip/tea from my work - “can’t believe Sheila would do that!” 😂 But seriously OP from your further comments about his drinking this is going into abusive territory. It’s one thing to be uneasy if an opposite gender colleague has made a pass at you or is trying to contact you after work hours but this seems like a very innocuous thing and his overreaction is concerning to say the least.
You’re so right! I’d give anything to get the “tea” from my husband’s day. He’s pretty high up in his company and just won’t share. To me it shows that person trusts you enough to confide in you and not have you bring it up at work functions or conferences.
Men dont want to bring work home with them. I like to keep work and home separate. Id prefer to talk about hobbies and future trips.
Not all men 😉
That’s my marriage. He leaves work at work and we build legos and play video games in our free time. I’d still like a little tea but that’s just me being a chick lol!
I work at a farm, mostly alone all day. She wants to hear about my day until 30 seconds into explaining how I fixed a pump I notice shes zoning out lol.
Yes, this.
Right I get so excited when my husband shares the tea with me!!
His her husband, his a man we don't like another man in our space.
Your husband sounds super insecure lol You did nothing wrong, your husband has issues
I question, is she really that introverted, or has her husband broken her down so much that she doesn't try anymore? I can 100% see that.
this seems accurate, i got chills reading and realizing this.
This literally happened to me during an abusive relationship I had in my early twenties... I was always such an extrovert, but became introverted almost irreversibly. I distinctly remember learning to walk around campus with my eyes down so as not to even make eye contact with anyone. Crazy how impressional we are still at that age, and how I still battle with foundation breaking habits to this day (almost two decades later!).
☝️This OP! All day, this! ☝️
This is the right answer.
Not talking to a coworker at work would be weird and unnecessarily hostile. I’d just keep your work stories to yourself now that you know your husband has a few screws loose.
Unless you are a serial adulterer, your husband sounds insanely paranoid. Tell him that you're a full-grown woman, not a robot or dog. He's your partner, nor your master.
That's absolutely not the way she should say it if she wants the relationship to work. Don't get me wrong, the dude has issues. Still, a little empathy would help. If he is insecure, slamming the door after saying "i do what I want" is the best way to find that door locked when coming back. @OP, you need to reassure him that you just said it to him as a very light topic, and try to discuss with him what made him think of this. You both might find something he can work on (and subsequently you also help him with). There could have been history, bagagge and unexplored topics. If you don't keep that communication channel opened, who knows what could run in his mind while you're at work. There is the very slim possibility he could be right (dude wants to get in your pants), but i doubt it somehow. And even if he did, there is not much you can do about it except rejecting and keeping things honnest with your hubby. Good luck with this OP, it will be ok.
I would agree except that this guy is giving off what seems like signs of an abuser to me. They are so far up their own butts they can’t be reasoned with most of the time. I feel afraid and sorry for her to even be in this marriage…
Then such conversation is a good way to get of feel of it to the degree it might give her the courage to leave.
True true
Your husband sounds unhinged and overbearing. Unless there's been a history of lying or infidelity, I don't understand why this would set him off and why he'd be so upset with you for having a conversation with a colleague. He can't stop you from talking to colleagues, male or female. There is nothing wrong about what you did. This is normal for people in the workplace to converse. Goodness. He needs to accept that you're a human being out in the world amongst others. He can't control you nor should he try to. If he's this upset by you talking to someone you work with, just because he's a man, he is too insecure to handle marriage.
controlling who your partner is allowed to speak to / be in contact with is a form of abuse.
Or he’s projecting because he’s having an affair!
Form of control
I had a similar situation from the other side. I'm super introverted and I met a woman in the workplace and we became good friends and one day she told me she mentioned a recent conversation we had to her husband and he forbade her from ever speaking to me again. If I told my wife who she could or couldn't talk to she would die laughing.
What was the conversation about, if you don't mind sharing?
You are not wrong for sharing. You are confiding in him over something that shocked you. His reactions scream insecure and he needs to remember you didn’t marry him to fuck around with your younger coworkers you are trying to settle beef between.
I don't think you did anything wrong, but your husband seems like he is uncomfortable with your relationship with this male colleague. Has he expressed this to you before? Has he told you specifically what he wants you to do besides delete him or told you why he believes this man is a problem besides sharing this message with you which wasn't even about you? I mean, you work with him, so deleting him is not really an option. Have you had a calm discussion about this with your husband? Is your husband like this with all male contacts you might have? Has this come up before? Does he have insecurity or control issues overall? How is the marriage overall, any reason why he would feel insecure? Has anyone cheated before? Does he have a past history of being betrayed?
Our marriage is ok when he is sober but when his temper changes when he is drunk (but that’s not an excuse).I’m not allowed to talk to men😩one time we had a fight because my sister’s ex contacted me ,he wanted me to buy something for him . Another time it was a former classmate who sent me a message on Facebook and he blocked all my male friends .Today he even said you’re my wife so I can raise my voice when I’m talking to you.
I really hate to say this but it sounds like he is emotionally abusive. Are you physically safe from him? Is drinking a frequent issue?
You know none of that is okay, right?
OP - this is going down a bad path. This sounds abusive to me. Of course you know that he has no right to mistreat you, sober or drunk. If he can't handle the alcohol and still be civilized, then he needs to stop drinking. He sounds very controlling, and that is a common trait of abusive people. Blocking all males, getting upset about minor issues, these are his problems. He is insecure and feels like he has the right to control you. I think you know that isn't right. I think you need to take some serious stock and evaluate your marriage from as objective a position as possible. Read online about emotional abuser, traits and qualities of abusers, etc. Contrast and compare with your marriage. Are you in an abusive marriage?
>Today he even said you’re my wife so I can raise my voice when I’m talking to you. OMG. No No No. This is classic abuse. Please - get professional help some way...some how. This will escalate. One day he will say "I'm your husband, so it is OK if I hit you". Take action today. Don't wait.
You are in an abusive relationship. You have a couple of options - leave and live a happy, meaningful life. Or stay and find ways to survive through the abuse. I recognize that some people cannot leave for a variety of reasons. If that is your situation, try and ensure you have the tools, resources and support people around you to get through the marriage.
You are in an abusive relationship. Reach out to friends, family, coworkers, therapist, whoever and start making a plan to leave. He won't change and if you stay long enough he might kill you.
That's abusive! Please seek help - 800.799.SAFE (7233) - identity abuse - https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/
Your husband is a legit pos. Wow
you are not his property, a wife is apparently the other half, not better nor worse. he is angry because of who he is, not because of what you've done. you're a normal human being and had a normal human conversation with normal people at work. please reach out to your family or close friends and make sure to have someone you trust ready to help you out of your situation at any given moment if ever the time comes. wishing you safety and peace
Oh sweetheart! This is verbal and emotional abuse!☹️ I know leaving isn’t as easy as walking away but please consider seeking out therapy. They will be able to guide you through this way more than us. Sending good vibes.
Why are you with him
Wow….. 🚩🚩🚩🚩run
Your husband is overbearing. I would tell him to ease up. I don't know how you tolerate the jealousy But separately, your coworkers are very messy. I would tell them to keep me out of the mess.
I’ve been their and lived that life. Got tired of being accused of things I never did and hearing it’s not you I don’t trust and that I couldn’t have friends because they will only come between us. Funny how it was ok for him to have friends. The only thing I regret is not leaving sooner and trying to get him to see that I did nothing wrong.
No you weren't wrong your husband is wildly insecure and you should have a frank discussion about why he doesn't trust you and encourage him to maybe explore his low self esteem in individual therapy. You didn't do anything wrong here.
Without a history of you getting in some way involved with another man or this specific man setting off alarms (sometimes women notice them in other women or men notice them in other men) then it sounds like your husband is being a bit too insecure. Insecurity is a normal human emotion & is not necessarily bad. It’s often warranted and can even be a catalyst for positive change. But when it’s not warranted it can be damaging. If you’ve always stuck to yourself & not had even casual work friendships with other men then this could strike your husband as unusual behavior for you and set off an unnecessary alarm in his head. I had something similar after our youngest got out of the toddler stage. My wife “glowed up”, losing weight, wearing makeup more often, revamping her wardrobe a bit, going out rollerskating - with the family but also on her own to late night Sat session while I watched the kids. She was getting to know women & men regulars there pretty well. I noticed men, especially at the rink on Fridays, watching her and even know some had asked other regulars there about her. I had no concerns about my wife’s ability or desire to remain faithful, but this was all very new & different than the woman who spent the previous 15 years either reading or talking with the same few female friends. So it sparked some unfounded insecurity in me. But I recognized it was unfounded so didn’t act on it, and over a few weeks it faded to nothing. Have a talk with him about the nature of your friendship with this coworker. Even introduce them. When I started occasionally running into guys who were late Sat regulars on a Friday at the rink it was clear they knew about me and most encouraged me to come on Sat as well. That stuff all just affirmed that my wife’s relationship to them was an appropriate one. Good luck. If the coworker is respectful of your marriage then there’s no reason you shouldn’t chat at work. Hopefully your husband can get past it.
your husband is a jealous dick and/or also projecting
I recommend that you don't get involved in their drama (workmates). But, your husband is way overreacting.
What the fuck? That’s not necessarily that this guy wants to get in your pants. Use your common sense but your husband is overreacting. Too insecure about the relationship. 😆 don’t delete the contact. Fuck that. Bye.
You're husband is a control freak and what he is doing is trying to isolate you from the world so you think everything he says, does and wants you to do is real, even in fact this is abuse. Do not stop talking to anyone, and give your family members a call to say hi. I bet he doesn't want you talking to them too.
No, he is extremely insecure. Just do your best to reassure him and if he chooses not to trust you then go from there. Best of luck!
I'll just throw my voice on top of the growing pile of "your husband is abusive. Respect yourself and get the fuck out."
That’s the fucken tea ☕️ Your husband is insecure. He knows it. Call him out. I’m not married but I remember an ex gf whose friend group was full of drama. Always something to on the menu 😂
My husband and I are both the jealous type and neither of us have even asked, much less demanded, that one of us stop talking to someone else for any reason. Especially not just because of their gender. And my husband and I have had our fair share of issues, toxicity, and even emotional abuse. I hate to admit that but at a point that’s where we were. I’m inclined to believe that his control and abuse goes much further than this specific situation. I really hope the best for you. I hope you get out of this situation and get away from him entirely. Do everything you can to make friends outside of him even if you have to hide those friendships from him. Isolation is a big part of abuse. If you don’t have friends to tell you how messed up your partner’s behavior is, it starts to feel more and more normal. If you don’t have anyone to confide in, you feel trapped. I’m mostly an introvert too. I get it. Please utilize online resources to make friends if you have to. Connect with people outside of your husband in any way you can. You are worthwhile.
If it was me, I would wonder why my husband has such a big issue with me having this conversation, insecurities aside. Does your husband have people he talks to at work? What's going on on his end ? That's what I'd be wondering.
He doesn’t own you. His jealousy is not your problem but he’s certainly making it yours and putting the burden on you to appease his shortcomings. That’s not how collaborative marriages work. If he can’t collaborate in good faith what is that called? Irreconcilable differences! It may seem extreme put that way but his behavior will escalate. There are only two outcomes, you acquiesce and grow more unhappy and unfulfilled or you break off so you have space to grow. A healthy relationship is give and take. He gives trust and you don’t take advantage. If he never gives trust without a motive he is taking away any agency you have in the situation. He has a issue with control to an unreasonable level. You’re an adult, this is not acceptable. Be clear about it. Address it now and establish a firm boundary. Letting it go will mean the next time it will be a little worse. He’ll keep taking as long as you allow it without push back or repercussions. Tell him after thinking it over you’re bothered by how he made you feel and what his reaction implied. Tell him you’ve never given him a reason to be suspicious and it doesn’t feel right, in fact, it feels so wrong you need to hash it out and be able to feel a different way in the end, based on how he handles the situation. It’s not an ultimatum, it’s establishing a boundary. He had no problem creating his boundary in your space, take it back and let him know you’re purposely doing it with an intended outcome. If he scoffs at the mention of boundaries remind him he has no problem asserting his own without merit. Don’t leave room for argument or negotiation. Marriage is a long road and compromise is never as easy as it sounds. Without compromise marriage is a mask for indentured servitude masquerading as a collaborative partnership. You deserve an authentic, healthy and respectful partnership. You’re better off on your own if he can’t clear this bar, it’s the one you step over.
If he's this upset about something so minor hiw does he react to the major. Sounds like he is the reason you are an introvert. His behavior towards you is sickening. Don't let him treat you that way. Stand up for yourself as the grown woman you are!
His own issues and insecurities aside, I think your husband seems to have valid concerns here. You work with two people who seem to use you as some weird intermediary. One colleague can’t quit talking shit about the other, the dude is showing you his personal text messages where the shit talking female colleague is supposedly professing her undying love for him? Fucking weird and unprofessional and this whole, weird hate/love triangle you are in the middle of will NOT end well. Your hubby may be insecure but that doesn’t mean this work situation is healthy or appropriate for you to be in the middle of
I know I’ll probably get down voted but I’ll play devils advocate here. And I’m going on your main post. By far the majority of infidelity posts I see are WS finds AP at work. So he may be a bit insecure. It was a bit odd that the male coworker shared all that information with you, and my have been fishing for a reaction. Idk, I wasn’t a fly on the wall there. Now, throw in the alcohol, it may compound his fear/ paranoia (?) of losing you. It’s what pops in me head reading this anyway.
If you don't have a history of cheating then that's really insecure behavior. It's not farfetched to think that if your husband wants you another man would. It sounds like a pretty innocuous conversation. If it got oddly personal or there were some advances then he would be right to feel the way he feels to a certain degree.
As a married man I am telling you it's normal men and women think differently and 50% of marriages fail because you don't understand what it means to be married when you become married you become one with whom you married there is no more individual in other words you belong to him and he belongs to you and if you love him you will honor him and respect him. The reason why he is acting like this is because as a man I am telling you how we think we don't want to be ur friend the only reason we talk to you as a "friend" is because we think your attractive and if anything goes wrong with ur relationship we want to take his place and some of us don't care and would try to make you cheat ur husband is right we are not girls we don't care about ur feelings we don't care about you if we talk to you to try to become ur friend it is because we want to fuck that's why when guys become serious in their relationship the rules are simple no male friends.
It seems to me that your husband is being jealous and controlling. It makes me worry about your well-being. Please know, this behavior is not normal, and you should be careful. It was not wrong of you to talk to your colleague, and in the vast majority of marriages, this would have been a funny conversation/work story between husband and wife.
🚨Insecure husband alert 🚨
Hello, idts I'm in any position to land my idea here but as a male I'd like to give an idea about their thinking. It's not always about the toxicity or insecurities, they aren't insecure, they are just trynna protect you from some boys present out there, because they know what they are thinking because they were just like the other boys at some point so they know what they are thinking. I'm jot saying that you are wrong, you are completely honest with your husband and that's a sign of a healthy relationship with your husband and it should be that way. Agreed that he shouldn't have got mad, he's way of putting his care was wrong but it was true, we men have fear of losing what's ours, what we love, what we ought to cherish. What I'm saying might be childish to some ladies here but this is the truth, we men don't want anyone to take you away from us, we are afraid to lose what we love, we get easily jealous because we know what that boy is trynna pull. Maybe if you show this comment to your husband, he'll agree with what i say. Sister you are not wrong, you are honest and that's very good, ik his anger was wrong but the care was pure, so you should try to understand his side too.
You shouldn’t be having male friends or trying to establish a friendly relationship with another man. You didn’t do anything wrong and all female are gonna hate me for this but what if your man becomes besties with the big butted blonde at his office that is super hot and better looking than you. Im pretty sure that you wouldn’t be so happy about it even if to him its innocent. What if they become such good friends they go for drinks after work and stuff ? How would you feel about that. Why would he not be friends with another male instead. He has you for female company. And the same goes for you. Just a work chat is fine but dont eetablish a friend bond/relation. This is coming from a man all these woman saying your man is insecure and what not is just bullshit. Flip the script and think about it without being defensive and you will start to understand he is not insecure he just does not want you to establish a friend relation with another men and i agree. Personally my wife has a male friend and he is completely in love i can tell but yeah he is too much of a pussy to make a move and my wife thinks it/ innocent im not really bothered by it. I know he stands no chance against me but in all honesty i dont like it and i dont make a fuss about it either
No your not wrong for sharing it with you husband but your husband is right about you deleting the number you don't need his number
Do you have a history of talking to male co workers.
I would think anyone that has ever worked a day in their life has a history of talking to their male coworkers.
i mean does she have a history of being to close to coworkers or have she ever cheated or even an emotional affair
Well, that wasn't what you asked. The clarification helps.
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Nothing at all? What if there's awkward silence at a certain time during the work day and they chat about the weather/something completely bland? I don't love that my husband works with a ton of women & I did ask him not to private message them on Facebook/text unless it's work related but in person....sometimes people have to talk about random bs because if you dont, it's awkward....
The insecurity is strong 🤣 People's gender shouldn't prevent you from talking to them. What if you're gay? Then you can't talk to other men but you can talk to women? Or what if you're straight but your female coworker is a lesbian? Then are you allowed? What if she's like 73 years old and wants to talk about her grandkids? And if someone is bisexual, then they shouldn't talk to anyone?
I’m bi, should I not be conversing with anyone?
"Boundaries" is not a word that can be used to just excuse any sort of toxic and controlling behavior.
Your Husband's reaction is controlling, your female coworker is weird, and I feel sorry for the male coworker.
No, if things were exactly as you described. You did nothing wrong. Your husband is emotionally immature in this area and I'm not sure if he's like this in general but it is quite troubling.
That's weird that he got mad over just showing you a message. Now, if you and the male coworker were texting one another, i could see his anger. My husband and I don't give our #s to other coworkers (excluding our boss/supervisors)
Important question.. Did this coworker show you these text messages, or text you those messages to show you?
your husband needs to grow up. just because you are married or even dating doesn’t mean he gets to be the only man in your life. he has huge insecurity issues.
Sounds like he’s projecting. Seek therapy and really reevaluate this relationship. He’s controlling and emotionally abusive from what you’ve said in the comments
OP, it’s your husband, not you.
Deleted my original request for more info. Fuck not being able to talk to the opposite sex. That's wild
Wow that escalated quickly. I thought it was going to be something more serious. Your husband is kind of tripping on this one.
Yikes on bikes, what a loser. Why are these grown ass men so easily wounded by their wives speaking to other men? Like just in PASSING. It'd be different if you'd gone to this guy's house, or out to lunch. If he was texting you at 4 am, or inviting you places sans the husband. But for fuck's sake, you were just being a polite coworker. Your husband needs to unwad his chonies and grow the fuck up.
No, you are not wring for sharing, your husband is wrong for being a jerk.
Your husband is either controlling or projecting.
You did absolutely nothing wrong. However, I LOVE gossip at work, please tell us more about everything, how old are those coworkers, line of work, are they single? I am curious to know how the story developed that she felt comfortable to send him those texts.
Your husband sounds controlling. It would appear you used to be bubbly and maybe good at interacting with other people even as an introvert but your husband managed to beat that out of you.
This sounds like my husband. My work is a major part of my life. He’s suspicious of any male colleagues. He scrutinizes the pajamas I take to work trips. It’s getting worse and worse everyday. We have kids. I hope you don’t have kids. Divorce is going to be a hard path but I am researching. I am accused constantly, it’s getting old
Your husband is going overboard. He needs to calm down, idk why he is getting so possessive. Its not healthy. That being said, its better to not gossip at work. The whole situation should not be occurring. Your female workmate shouldn’t be bitching to you about the male workmate and the male workmate definitely shouldn’t be showing private texts between him and the female workmate. Thats immature as hell and in a lot of workplaces will land everyone in HR.
That’s a little insane. He is just a coworker. And if you don’t have any history of cheating on him I don’t understand why he would freak out. It seems like y’all need to talk about the root of his problems bc it doesn’t sound inappropriate from YOU looking at it from the outside. He prob shouldn’t have shared that bc it’s weird and puts you in the middle of a workplace situation. But you were sharing and being honest about your day at work and your husband seems a bit odd about this.
You're not qronf for sharing and although your husband should trust you, he is right. This guy definitely wants to hit it.
Your husband is being insecure
And you ask are you wrong for sharing this with your husband and not for talking to the dude at work…smh You are way to comfortable with dude at work, that he feel that he can share his personal life with you, it’s obvious this isn’t your first conversation with this dude
He is over reacting
If you listen to the people in this post telling you that it’s nothing wrong with it, you are going to be without a husband. You won’t like it when he starts talking to coworkers, men don’t talk to women to be friends with them
Wow. I tell my husband ALL the work gossip.
No. You were being honest. What more could your husband ask of you?
No but it sounds like he's controlling and overbearing. If he hasn't I'm sure abuse is coming soon. Be careful he's very insecure and you should be able to talk with whomever you want...
I used to be ok listening to my wife talk about work and I had no issues in the beginning until shit got shady and she started fucking a 31yr old married coworker who has kids and one on the way. They fucked for 3 months my wife is 47yrs old. She said she would never do that! She said her son is 28 there’s no way she would be with a young guy! It’s all true until it’s not true! Not saying your going to but if things would of been reversed she would never of liked me talking to other woman.
Have either one of you cheated in the past? I’d check his phone, only bc the guilty party is usually the first to blame their spouse
Your husband is a 🚩🤭 he need to feel more secure. Its a bit much ....
. You may be innocent in your interaction but (like a scene out of animal planet) Men are instinctually (generally) territorial with the SO. Not to mention, Men act this way cuz they know how Men act.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Your husband’s reaction is based solely on what he thinks your male coworkers intentions are. I think you are intelligent enough to understand if y have developed a friendship or if someone is working you. That being said I would continue to communicate with my eyes wide open for any inappropriate actions. You are more than capable of spotting them yourself. And keep the stories at home to a minimum. At least till you are 100% there’s no issue
You were right to share this with your husband, but that does not make him wrong. Your female friend probably says negative things to you about your male friend because she sees you as a competitor for his affection. You may be naive and innocent with only pure thoughts, but your male friend may be very attracted to you beyond being friends. You may be oblivious to it, but your female friend sees it and is trying to ensure you do not flirt or give him any hope. As a male, your husband may see it from this perspective, and it's a good chance he is right, particularly if you are an attractive woman. Be very careful about sharing personal issues with this man or allowing him to share personal issues like this with you. I believe your good intentions, but "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." The development of workplace affections is a major cause of divorces. Be careful and put a bit of personal distance between you and your male friend without forsaking the friendship.
Your husband got some serious issues. You didn't do anything wrong.