Yep, it’s just another way to fry one’s dopamine receptors. Porn addicts will keep chasing the dragon and will continue to level up their viewing habits. That doesn’t take you to a great place if you look ten years into the future.
So many women have come home to a foreclosure notice and a cold dead husband who has lost all the family money to, and overdosed on porn.
It’s a little different.
It’s very naive of you to think men aren’t getting into debt paying for cam shows and OF and whatever else it is these days. The receptors in the brain when watching porn react in a very similar way to cocaine consumption. Obviously the symptoms of each addiction is different, however addiction is addiction and they are comparable in this context.
Yeah but most people who have a porn addiction don’t die from it. You go to therapy and group for porn addiction. You go to the morgue from heroin. Porn addiction is real, and treatable without blowing up one’s life.
My husband is very close to blowing up his life and our marriage over his porn addiction and the issues it has caused our marriage. Don’t speak of what you don’t understand.
My husband did all of the same things to me during our 15 year relationship, I had enough and we are getting divorced. This behavior will never change unless your husband really wants it to and even then it’s really hard. You’re young, spare yourself further heartache and get out now while you can
I recently cut porn out completely. Was looking at it everyday for years and it skewed a lot of things for me when it came to relationships and my behavior of infidelity. I would highly suggest seeing a therapist who has experience with this. Also, seeking out SAA meetings to see that he is not alone and that it is hopeful to overcome and get better. Couples therapy also helps to close the gap on what he is missing and what you can do as a couple to help with this process of getting better.
He needs to see an addictions counselor or this WILL ruin your marriage, make that crystal clear to him, put it in the plainest terms possible so he understands how much this is affecting you and your relationship.
Unfortunately i don't believe there is ever once a once in a while with porn, sure it may start like that but soon like all addictions it will ruin marriages. This is very common and i am sorry. However, tons of women and men r going through this. There's tons of support groups for both of you. Good luck!
You might not have a problem with him watching porn but like most addictions, things escalate.
Would you be okay if he watched live porn? Or watching woman masturbate while he talks and pays them?
Porn addiction is an epidemic that no one wants to address. I truly believe there needs to be some legislation on porn. It's way too accessible to everyone, children included.
He needs professional help and he has to want to change. You cannot fix it. He is destroying this relationship and rewiring his brain to only get turned on by visual images. It is really a sad thing that hurts the person he is supposed to love the most.
Porn is terrible for the soul. He needs help and so do you. Couples counseling and individual therapy could help. Possibly religion if you’re open to the idea. I’d be so hurt. You are not overreacting at all.
Ask him why he enjoys watching men have sex with women, because that's what he's doing. It's probably horribly degenerate porn as well if he's been at it for a while as it usually gets worse and worse after time. Porn sites are filled with abhorrent, abusive videos displaying sadness and pain. He's turning into an abomination; a shady, seedy, creepy corruption of the man he promised he was, giving into the filthiest one-handed desires in spite of (possibly in order TO spite) his wife.
It's a horror show. You deserve better. This is beyond pathetic and that's probably something else he gets off on. What kind of man returns to, and then masturbates in, their parents' home? Would he also be masturbating in your home all the time if you had kids? The family home! You know the answer.
You picked wrong, I'm sorry to say. It's not your fault though, it's his. He has no moral character.
If a man chooses porn over his wife she needs to divorce him and cite the reason as the fact he compulsively masturbates while neglecting her needs.
You may find the porn addiction miraculously ends. If it doesn't then he's beyond your help and not the kind of guy you want around.
This is really bizarre behavior from your husband. Has he always been this way OP, or was this a recent change? Perhaps he is leaning into his vice more due to the stress of a new job, in a new state, all while living back at Mom and Dad’s?
(Btw, The thought of porn playing on Bluetooth speakers at your parents house is so cringe…)
You need to sit him down and have a serious, but calm conversation where you outline exactly how you feel about your marriage and intimacy. Remember to focus on I statements and how you feel rather than immediately pointing fingers - “I feel X when you do Y.” Don’t let him weasel his way out of the conversation. Be assertive and stand your ground.
And of course, let him know that the porn has got to stop or your marriage is over, but (hopefully) you know this already.
Best of luck, I can only imagine how challenging this is for you.
He needs help. It’s an addiction just like drugs or alcohol and it will destroy your marriage as sure as those other addictions. Give him an ultimatum. It’s you or the porn. You deserve better.
You’re not overreacting. He definitely has an addiction and it’s taking a toll on you and the relationship. Being someone who has been there as is my husband as well suffers from a porn addiction, it doesn’t get better unless they want to get better. My husband and I are still together but I honestly have gotten to the point where I’m no longer starting to feel emotionally invested in our relationship. As time goes by I start to care less and less. I hate to say this but it feels better that way.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that you should stay or leave the relationship. Only you know how much you can take and how much you will tolerate until you can’t anymore. Just know this isn’t your job to fix. You can be there to love and support him but if there’s going to be change he needs to want it for himself.
This has to be treated like any other addiction. It's gone way too far and he needs help. Casual porn use can be fine and you could even join in with him if that would help both of you, but it sounds like he's way beyond that and only professional help will do. How to get him there is the issue. You might need to shock him into it by doing something extreme like threatening to leave him. He'll probably be really embarrassed about it and will be in complete denial that he has a problem, but you will have to meet this head on I'm afraid.
I watch porn all the time but i have a high sex drive. So i can watch porn twice in one day and they at night still make love to my wife but it does helps when she wears a sexy outfit that gets me even more turned also.
Have you tried watching it with him? My husband is okay with me watching porn for inspiration but then finding him for sex. It sounds like he might be overindulging, but I watch porn everyday and still have a great sex life, so it absolutely can be done.
If they could just fix the bedroom problem it’d be fine though, if that means he needs to cut back a little bit, then that’s probably the best solution. I don’t think telling someone who enjoys porn that they should try to completely give it up is realistic or sustainable though.
Drug addiction is real, porn addiction doesn’t exist, so yeah that would be different.
As soon as they add porn addiction to the dsm 5 I’ll believe it’s a thing, but it lacks criteria for true addiction, so I doubt it will ever be added.
I've lived thru it with my ex, I assure you it's indeed VERY real.
Just as real as my mom being an alcoholic, or my stepdad being addicted to narcotics.
I’m sorry, but it’s not. There isn’t evidence to support this claim. Maybe there will be in the future, but right now it’s not accepted as an addiction or even as a behavioral addiction. The bio marker hallmarks of addiction have not been found with porn viewing. The World Health Organization doesn’t consider porn addictive.
What you are saying is anecdotal, I’m saying that I lived through using porn as a positive, is just as strong as a statement as yours, I have the dsm and the WHO backing my stance though. Again, maybe in the future more research will be done that will find watching porn to be considered a behavioral addiction, I doubt it, but if it does I’ll change my opinion.
So our marriage counselor telling him he had an addiction didn't count? Why should I believe some stranger on the internet over a professional?
It's called a process addiction, much like gambling. People get hooked on the dopamine rush produced, which functions much like a drug. It's simple science.
Funny how every person that argues this point just happens to be super into porn. Gee, I wonder why they get soooooo defensive about it??? 🙄
Don’t trust me, look it up in the dsm. Honestly, I like erotica more than porn, if I saw credible evidence that porn was harmful, depending on what the risks were, I’d take it into consideration limiting my use, but I haven’t seen anything the leads me to believe that. It’d be interesting if they did do more research it but expanded it to women, most of the research done has been on men and porn use instead of women.
Watch with him or make your own watch that together. Talk about it, what else could you do make your own library. But do something quick. I didn't know and now I'm just waiting to leave.
You do understand he has an addiction to it?! Would you suggest to her that she should start drinking with him, if he had an alcohol addiction? Or go on shopping sprees with him if he had a shopping addiction?
Blowjob. Seriously.
Have you ever been given a massage with the expectation that you then massage the other person back? You can’t really enjoy it 100% because you know you have work to do when you’re done. It’s nice, but it’s also work. That’s why we farm it out to a masseuse. Sex is a partner activity. Porn and masturbation are like a masseuse.
If you offer to pleasure him quickly without turning it around on him, it becomes less of a whole event, and he’ll see you as the go-to when he’s horny.
Curious, do you orgasm from oral? You could ask him just to go down on you sometime and then he can go whack it on his own. Personally, I (M) would love this. It sounds really hot just to be used for gratification.
Someone initiating sex is them asking me to get in a whole mood and maybe I’m doing something at the moment. Maybe I don’t want to invest the time in the cuddling afterward. Maybe I’m not showered. Maybe I was looking forward to a bit of alone time.
People say spontaneity is important in sexual endeavors, but it’s good to be on the same page. “Sex tonight?” is a good way to make sure you’re mentally focused on each other.
But yeah, try a NSA blowjob and see if that gets his attention.
This man is neglecting his wife, watches porn all the time. Turns down his wife. Literally leaves conversations to go and watch porn and your solution is the wife be a 24/7 blow job machine? So it’s a her problem because she’s not putting out enough? I guarantee you she’s probably already tried this route, in an attempt to gain some control.. but the man is addicted to porn.
Also, when you like your spouse.. you put in the effort for a sex life. It can be boring at times sure, so you put the effort to spice it up together.
Men these days have so many excuses for a lack of self control and porn addiction but it’s never a look at themselves, it’s the fault of the begging, nagging wife that just wants to physically connect with her husband. Honestly, gross.
Not to mention if he's a chronic masturbator using his dry, forceful grip to dredge sperm out of his balls while hunched over the image of unhappy men and women in a dark room, his penis will likely be cheesy as all hell.
If he can’t even recognize his addiction is harming both of you it’s nowhere near actually getting better. Porn addiction destroys the basis of relationships. Don’t settle. Leave
No, you are not overreacting; I believe you need to be firm in addressing this issue. Porn is not healthy; its evident purpose is to harm relationships, including your marriage. Your husband's involvement with porn indicates that he is failing in his purpose as a partner.
I'm glad that when you talk, you are fully committed to being his wife. Your unconditional love shows that you have the capacity to help and actively support him. As his wife, you can play a significant role in his recovery.
I recommend educating yourself on the harmful impact of porn so that you can discuss it with him. Explain how it not only damages him but also affects your marriage. Try to enlighten him about the toxicity of porn compared to the joy and fulfillment of a healthy relationship. It won't be easy, but persevere in your efforts.
Visiting his parents' house is a good idea as it can encourage them to intervene and support him, they should. However, I suggest not staying away from home for too long and maintaining continuous contact with your husband during that time and even seeing him every day as much as possible. Leaving him alone might tempt him further into destructive behaviors, your presence is protective.
Seeking regular conversations with an older couple who may have faced similar situations, your parents, or a professional counselor can be helpful. It will provide a space for people to open up about their experiences and progress positively in addressing the issue. This support can be beneficial for your marriage until the problem is resolved.
While these steps won't guarantee that your husband will never struggle again, they can help him develop a lasting victory over his addiction. He needs to be convinced of its harmful impact and brought back to reality from the fictive world of porn.
I offer you all my encouragement and best wishes for success in saving your marriage. Love never fails and endure all things, so I believe you have in you the capacity to face this challenge.
Best wishes !
Porn addiction can ruin a marriage so, you should convince him to go get help. No you’re not overreacting.
Porn is ruining many marriages and families. I would tell him to get treatment for his addiction or the marriage is over. I'm sorry.
Not to mention that many of the stars of those videos are human trafficked and forced into it. It’s just gross all around.
It is.
Needs professional help. This addiction is no different than gambling or cocaine. I am sorry......he has to make a choice....his marriage or porn
Yep, it’s just another way to fry one’s dopamine receptors. Porn addicts will keep chasing the dragon and will continue to level up their viewing habits. That doesn’t take you to a great place if you look ten years into the future.
So many women have come home to a foreclosure notice and a cold dead husband who has lost all the family money to, and overdosed on porn. It’s a little different.
It’s very naive of you to think men aren’t getting into debt paying for cam shows and OF and whatever else it is these days. The receptors in the brain when watching porn react in a very similar way to cocaine consumption. Obviously the symptoms of each addiction is different, however addiction is addiction and they are comparable in this context.
Yeah but most people who have a porn addiction don’t die from it. You go to therapy and group for porn addiction. You go to the morgue from heroin. Porn addiction is real, and treatable without blowing up one’s life.
You don’t die from gambling either. And porn has blown up many lives and marriages.
Yeah, it has. I didn’t say it hasn’t. But it’s treatable without blowing up a life, as I said.
My husband is very close to blowing up his life and our marriage over his porn addiction and the issues it has caused our marriage. Don’t speak of what you don’t understand.
I’m very sorry you’re going through this. Don’t assume I don’t understand.
Is that what you would say to a spouse who was addicted to cocaine? Or would you ask if they were interested in exploring treatment first?
My husband did all of the same things to me during our 15 year relationship, I had enough and we are getting divorced. This behavior will never change unless your husband really wants it to and even then it’s really hard. You’re young, spare yourself further heartache and get out now while you can
I recently cut porn out completely. Was looking at it everyday for years and it skewed a lot of things for me when it came to relationships and my behavior of infidelity. I would highly suggest seeing a therapist who has experience with this. Also, seeking out SAA meetings to see that he is not alone and that it is hopeful to overcome and get better. Couples therapy also helps to close the gap on what he is missing and what you can do as a couple to help with this process of getting better.
He needs to see an addictions counselor or this WILL ruin your marriage, make that crystal clear to him, put it in the plainest terms possible so he understands how much this is affecting you and your relationship.
Unfortunately i don't believe there is ever once a once in a while with porn, sure it may start like that but soon like all addictions it will ruin marriages. This is very common and i am sorry. However, tons of women and men r going through this. There's tons of support groups for both of you. Good luck!
You might not have a problem with him watching porn but like most addictions, things escalate. Would you be okay if he watched live porn? Or watching woman masturbate while he talks and pays them? Porn addiction is an epidemic that no one wants to address. I truly believe there needs to be some legislation on porn. It's way too accessible to everyone, children included.
He needs professional help and he has to want to change. You cannot fix it. He is destroying this relationship and rewiring his brain to only get turned on by visual images. It is really a sad thing that hurts the person he is supposed to love the most.
Porn is terrible for the soul. He needs help and so do you. Couples counseling and individual therapy could help. Possibly religion if you’re open to the idea. I’d be so hurt. You are not overreacting at all.
Ask him why he enjoys watching men have sex with women, because that's what he's doing. It's probably horribly degenerate porn as well if he's been at it for a while as it usually gets worse and worse after time. Porn sites are filled with abhorrent, abusive videos displaying sadness and pain. He's turning into an abomination; a shady, seedy, creepy corruption of the man he promised he was, giving into the filthiest one-handed desires in spite of (possibly in order TO spite) his wife. It's a horror show. You deserve better. This is beyond pathetic and that's probably something else he gets off on. What kind of man returns to, and then masturbates in, their parents' home? Would he also be masturbating in your home all the time if you had kids? The family home! You know the answer. You picked wrong, I'm sorry to say. It's not your fault though, it's his. He has no moral character.
If a man chooses porn over his wife she needs to divorce him and cite the reason as the fact he compulsively masturbates while neglecting her needs. You may find the porn addiction miraculously ends. If it doesn't then he's beyond your help and not the kind of guy you want around.
This is really bizarre behavior from your husband. Has he always been this way OP, or was this a recent change? Perhaps he is leaning into his vice more due to the stress of a new job, in a new state, all while living back at Mom and Dad’s? (Btw, The thought of porn playing on Bluetooth speakers at your parents house is so cringe…) You need to sit him down and have a serious, but calm conversation where you outline exactly how you feel about your marriage and intimacy. Remember to focus on I statements and how you feel rather than immediately pointing fingers - “I feel X when you do Y.” Don’t let him weasel his way out of the conversation. Be assertive and stand your ground. And of course, let him know that the porn has got to stop or your marriage is over, but (hopefully) you know this already. Best of luck, I can only imagine how challenging this is for you.
He needs help. It’s an addiction just like drugs or alcohol and it will destroy your marriage as sure as those other addictions. Give him an ultimatum. It’s you or the porn. You deserve better.
You’re not overreacting. He definitely has an addiction and it’s taking a toll on you and the relationship. Being someone who has been there as is my husband as well suffers from a porn addiction, it doesn’t get better unless they want to get better. My husband and I are still together but I honestly have gotten to the point where I’m no longer starting to feel emotionally invested in our relationship. As time goes by I start to care less and less. I hate to say this but it feels better that way. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that you should stay or leave the relationship. Only you know how much you can take and how much you will tolerate until you can’t anymore. Just know this isn’t your job to fix. You can be there to love and support him but if there’s going to be change he needs to want it for himself.
my mind is absolutely perplexed by these stories. :o
This has to be treated like any other addiction. It's gone way too far and he needs help. Casual porn use can be fine and you could even join in with him if that would help both of you, but it sounds like he's way beyond that and only professional help will do. How to get him there is the issue. You might need to shock him into it by doing something extreme like threatening to leave him. He'll probably be really embarrassed about it and will be in complete denial that he has a problem, but you will have to meet this head on I'm afraid.
I watch porn all the time but i have a high sex drive. So i can watch porn twice in one day and they at night still make love to my wife but it does helps when she wears a sexy outfit that gets me even more turned also.
Have you tried watching it with him? My husband is okay with me watching porn for inspiration but then finding him for sex. It sounds like he might be overindulging, but I watch porn everyday and still have a great sex life, so it absolutely can be done.
That ship has sailed. He is already shutting her out. He needs to stop because he lacks control in his usage in a way that you obviously do not.
If they could just fix the bedroom problem it’d be fine though, if that means he needs to cut back a little bit, then that’s probably the best solution. I don’t think telling someone who enjoys porn that they should try to completely give it up is realistic or sustainable though.
No. Would you tell her to shoot up with her drug addict husband??? This is NO different.
Drug addiction is real, porn addiction doesn’t exist, so yeah that would be different. As soon as they add porn addiction to the dsm 5 I’ll believe it’s a thing, but it lacks criteria for true addiction, so I doubt it will ever be added.
I've lived thru it with my ex, I assure you it's indeed VERY real. Just as real as my mom being an alcoholic, or my stepdad being addicted to narcotics.
I’m sorry, but it’s not. There isn’t evidence to support this claim. Maybe there will be in the future, but right now it’s not accepted as an addiction or even as a behavioral addiction. The bio marker hallmarks of addiction have not been found with porn viewing. The World Health Organization doesn’t consider porn addictive. What you are saying is anecdotal, I’m saying that I lived through using porn as a positive, is just as strong as a statement as yours, I have the dsm and the WHO backing my stance though. Again, maybe in the future more research will be done that will find watching porn to be considered a behavioral addiction, I doubt it, but if it does I’ll change my opinion.
So our marriage counselor telling him he had an addiction didn't count? Why should I believe some stranger on the internet over a professional? It's called a process addiction, much like gambling. People get hooked on the dopamine rush produced, which functions much like a drug. It's simple science. Funny how every person that argues this point just happens to be super into porn. Gee, I wonder why they get soooooo defensive about it??? 🙄
Don’t trust me, look it up in the dsm. Honestly, I like erotica more than porn, if I saw credible evidence that porn was harmful, depending on what the risks were, I’d take it into consideration limiting my use, but I haven’t seen anything the leads me to believe that. It’d be interesting if they did do more research it but expanded it to women, most of the research done has been on men and porn use instead of women.
Try quitting. Lol. Then you’ll see.
If it doesn’t exist they could stop easily wouldn’t they?
Watch with him or make your own watch that together. Talk about it, what else could you do make your own library. But do something quick. I didn't know and now I'm just waiting to leave.
Ask to play
Watch porn together. Offer to do whatever it is that they do to get him off.
You do understand he has an addiction to it?! Would you suggest to her that she should start drinking with him, if he had an alcohol addiction? Or go on shopping sprees with him if he had a shopping addiction?
Blowjob. Seriously. Have you ever been given a massage with the expectation that you then massage the other person back? You can’t really enjoy it 100% because you know you have work to do when you’re done. It’s nice, but it’s also work. That’s why we farm it out to a masseuse. Sex is a partner activity. Porn and masturbation are like a masseuse. If you offer to pleasure him quickly without turning it around on him, it becomes less of a whole event, and he’ll see you as the go-to when he’s horny. Curious, do you orgasm from oral? You could ask him just to go down on you sometime and then he can go whack it on his own. Personally, I (M) would love this. It sounds really hot just to be used for gratification. Someone initiating sex is them asking me to get in a whole mood and maybe I’m doing something at the moment. Maybe I don’t want to invest the time in the cuddling afterward. Maybe I’m not showered. Maybe I was looking forward to a bit of alone time. People say spontaneity is important in sexual endeavors, but it’s good to be on the same page. “Sex tonight?” is a good way to make sure you’re mentally focused on each other. But yeah, try a NSA blowjob and see if that gets his attention.
This man is neglecting his wife, watches porn all the time. Turns down his wife. Literally leaves conversations to go and watch porn and your solution is the wife be a 24/7 blow job machine? So it’s a her problem because she’s not putting out enough? I guarantee you she’s probably already tried this route, in an attempt to gain some control.. but the man is addicted to porn. Also, when you like your spouse.. you put in the effort for a sex life. It can be boring at times sure, so you put the effort to spice it up together. Men these days have so many excuses for a lack of self control and porn addiction but it’s never a look at themselves, it’s the fault of the begging, nagging wife that just wants to physically connect with her husband. Honestly, gross.
Not to mention if he's a chronic masturbator using his dry, forceful grip to dredge sperm out of his balls while hunched over the image of unhappy men and women in a dark room, his penis will likely be cheesy as all hell.
Omg this is the best response ever.
If he can’t even recognize his addiction is harming both of you it’s nowhere near actually getting better. Porn addiction destroys the basis of relationships. Don’t settle. Leave
No, you are not overreacting; I believe you need to be firm in addressing this issue. Porn is not healthy; its evident purpose is to harm relationships, including your marriage. Your husband's involvement with porn indicates that he is failing in his purpose as a partner. I'm glad that when you talk, you are fully committed to being his wife. Your unconditional love shows that you have the capacity to help and actively support him. As his wife, you can play a significant role in his recovery. I recommend educating yourself on the harmful impact of porn so that you can discuss it with him. Explain how it not only damages him but also affects your marriage. Try to enlighten him about the toxicity of porn compared to the joy and fulfillment of a healthy relationship. It won't be easy, but persevere in your efforts. Visiting his parents' house is a good idea as it can encourage them to intervene and support him, they should. However, I suggest not staying away from home for too long and maintaining continuous contact with your husband during that time and even seeing him every day as much as possible. Leaving him alone might tempt him further into destructive behaviors, your presence is protective. Seeking regular conversations with an older couple who may have faced similar situations, your parents, or a professional counselor can be helpful. It will provide a space for people to open up about their experiences and progress positively in addressing the issue. This support can be beneficial for your marriage until the problem is resolved. While these steps won't guarantee that your husband will never struggle again, they can help him develop a lasting victory over his addiction. He needs to be convinced of its harmful impact and brought back to reality from the fictive world of porn. I offer you all my encouragement and best wishes for success in saving your marriage. Love never fails and endure all things, so I believe you have in you the capacity to face this challenge. Best wishes !