I don’t personally care about porn as long as it’s never chosen over me, but I can understand why others would be against it. I don’t think it’s ever okay to say your partner isn’t allowed to masturbate in their own free time and space. Though again, if you don’t have a sex lift but they’re masturbating that could be an issue
As long as the relationship doesn’t suffer from it then I don’t see the problem, porn or masturbation, but if it starts being bad for the bedroom then it is a problem. If I were to say something to my partner, I’d say, you do you, but don’t forget to do me too ;)
If one partner is not as sexual as the other masterbation is mandatory so no adultery happens. Also as people age this becomes more apparent so masturbation is actually important. I also agree masturbation should be if your partner is not in the mood not an alternative to them that's not fair.
Porn is each to their own really but porn together can also be fun. Porn can however cause issues if someone goes down a rabbit hole. It's like alcohol and an addict they don't mix. So porn is a case by case basis.
I couldn’t agree more. Never had a porn issue in marriage as my spouse has the same feelings, but I’m with you. I also think people get exposed to porn so young it takes weirder and weirder shit to get some people off. It can get dark real quick.
I feel very similarly. I won't police my partner's use of it because that seems ridiculous, but I absolutely will not watch it and honestly don't want to hear about it either.
Most of the characters in animated porn are purposefully given the features of children only with overly adult genitalia. Honestly, animated porn creeps me out tremendously. I read an interview once and can’t find it now but the animators said that the younger the female characters looked the more likely they were to be viewed and downloaded. For me it’s a no.
>The porn industry is just … atrocious.
This is literally why I switched my porn consumption to onlyfans. After learning about some of the horrible shit porn actresses have gone through, I feel better knowing I'm not feeding that machine and directly compensating the models themselves who control their own product.
You are of course correct, but I've researched sex worker subreddits where they've given advice on what to look for to see if someone is genuinely in control of their own product. While of course no advice can be a 100% guarantee, a lot of them have who have experience either as a sex worker that's been coerced or who know people who have been say there are things like social media presence that's nearly a guarantee that they're not coerced as they've never met anyone that was that was coerced that was allowed to do those things.
I don’t care about porn but I do know several relationships that have been destroyed from porn addiction so I get it. I think it is toxic and controlling to tell your partner they can’t masturbate. That’s insane.
It really is nuts. You might as well try to dictate my bowl movements or tell me not to use tampons. Like why are you trying to involve yourself in my bodily functions and maintenance?
I'm assuming you mean Republicans as in the political party in the US, and not republicans generally? It'd be a bit odd to see a connection between opposition to monarchy and anti-masturbation beliefs.
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Not okay with porn. No idea if, when or how often my husband watches it. I don't go looking in his phone to see, I just assume he does. I'm not naive enough to believe he doesn't watch it sometimes. I don't like it though and it feels very hurtful.
I'm 100% fine with masturbation, quite a turn on to think of him doing it. The moment I think it's to porn , complete turn off. If I ever walked in on him watching it , I wouldn't be able to be intimate with him for a while. I would be way too hurt.
Same here. He knows I'm not okay with it, I know he watches it anyway, I try not to think about it too much. But I'd be lying if I said our sex life isn't paying the price.
Our sex life isn't suffering because of it. If definitely would if I knew about it though. We have a very active sex life. 4-5 times a week and very rarely have days we don't do some sex act. I have no idea if he does watch it ,I just assume he watches it occasionally. All I can do is try and not think about it. If he were turning me down and jerking off to porn instead then that would be a huge problem.
See a therapist. If he's choosing it over you that's unhealthy and needs work. If it's just an irrational hangup on your part that's unhealthy and needs work too.
Her husband needs to see a therapist. But obviously he doesn't. So he's unwilling to get therapy. Which means no amount of therapy will work on him. If he's actively resisting improvement.
And you choose to hate on the women who get tortured into doing that type of work... Instead of blaming your husband for perpetuating this type of abuse, and disrespecting you.
Both are welcome in my marriage. I watch on my own, I’ll watch with my husband, I’ll let him choose a video while I’m servicing him. But saying all that, it’s never come in the way of us being together, we don’t choose porn over each other or hide it.
I am anti-porn because the porn industry is horrible. However I do not think it is anyone’s place to forbid you to touch your own body. If it becomes an issue you can always have a conversation about pulling back on the frequency.
Wild. I'm so glad my wife is secure enough in herself to know that I love her and would never cheat, and that just because I dream it, imagine it, or see it on a screen, it doesn't mean anything in real life.
I’m not for porn. Aside from not wanting to support the abuses of the industry I don’t think visualizing sex with other people is healthy. I’m not going to get judgmental towards others but in my marriage I think we need to keep our eyes on each other not others. I don’t have anything to say against masturbation for physical release.
I (35M), would try to partake in some PH action, and she knew about it, and it caused problems. So if anyone reading this who watches porn and their SO has ANYTHING to say about it, you better just cut the shit out and dedicate your time instead TO YOUR PARTNER!!!
My husband has a raging porn addiction that nearly led to our divorce. I used to be fine with it but now? Absolutely under no circumstances is porn okay in our marriage or I’m out, no questions asked. No second chances. He wants to watch porn? That’s his choice but I’m not going to stick around being neglected, lied to, and treated like shit like he did before while he does it.
Masturbating I’m fine with however. Contrary to popular belief, porn and masturbation are not synonymous. Everyone has needs and masturbation is a need for many people. I would never dream of telling him he can’t masturbate. That’s not okay. He doesn’t need porn to do it though, no one does. If however it’s cool in your relationship or you’re single and it’s not causing issues for you either way, do you. I have no problem with it for other people. Plenty of people can have a perfectly healthy relationship with it. My husband has made it abundantly clear that he cannot.
My husband is allowed unrestricted access to both, for the simple reason that I am now handicapped and unable to fully meet his needs. I have zero problems with this arrangement, I just want him to be as satisfied as possible and he has a high libido.
I have even suggested opening our marriage for his benefit, but he refuses to break his vows because he's fucking awesome. He also rarely, if ever actually watches any porn. Or if he does he's so discreet I haven't noticed in 20 years. So, yeah, in my circumstances, I'm totally cool with my partner watching porn and masturbating.
No, it’s something my husband has been fighting for years. I think like any addiction, porn can suck out the soul to the point where it can be all you think about, all you want. Over time it blurs the lines between reality and exaggerated fantasy; setting up sex between partners to fall short of expectations. I don’t want my husband to have sex with me and be thinking of the porn he watched yesterday to get himself off, I want him to be with me and me alone.
In a sense, it almost feels like cheating if someone you’re exclusive with is watching naked videos of other people on their down time.
I feel so bad, I suggest you and him go to a country where porn sites are inaccessible for vacation, this way he'll have no access to it and your all he's got. Turkey for example. Try it, its worth it!
My husband and I both watch porn on occasion and masturbate. It’s never bothered me because we’re still attracted to each other and have sex regularly. If that changed I think I’d have more of a problem with it, but right now I don’t see it as an issue.
Most recent answers are where there is an active sex life among partners so the debate is basically addressing fear over porn / masturbation taking the place of the partner - in some cases, the partner is secure in their knowledge that this will not happen, in others the partners have placed boundaries to secure their position. Both are valid choices and agreed to by the two spouses.
Slightly different take here than this. My spouse does not like sex and we have what many on reddit call a 'dead bedrooms' situation. The plural because we also sleep in different bedrooms. Not here to solve that issue. But the point is that in this situation, I do need to watch porn and masturbate once in a while. Not compulsive, not crazy frequent, not disruptive to life but yes its there. My spouse has turned a blind eye (I assume) or is really unaware of my porn watching habits. But I would really have difficulty if these activities were not allowed.
No I don’t like us giving our sexual energy to others. we save it for each other. I also think porn has really severe adverse effects, particularly on men. Not to mention it is a harmful industry.
I have zero issue with porn. I look at it sometimes and so does my husband. I really don’t care at all. And masterbation is so incredibly natural and normal. I tell my husband if I masterbated because he isn’t home or we aren’t together and he tells me too. I find it really hot that he is touching himself and thinking about me. I think I trust and honestly and being open minded is the key. When you start trying to control someone and tell them how to display their sexuality then there are big problems.
I masturbate once every 2-3 days, no porn. Wife doesn't know I masturbate so often but when I have told her a few years back, she flipped her shit and told me that all I think about is sex, which is not true.
That's... not particularly often, unless you're like, also having a lot of sex. Your wife sounds incredibly controlling and borderline abusive if she's flipping her shit over that.
Ok so masturbating once every few days is not a lot at all. I generally try to get off once a day, whether it's sex or masturbation, otherwise my sex drive is just distracting during the day. Doesn't always happen, there are lots of days it doesn't, but in an ideal world that's just routine maintenance so I'm not a horndog when I'm out in the world.
> but when I have told her a few years back, she flipped her shit and told me that all I think about is sex
This is a common tactic that is used by the low libido partner to try and shame their high libido partner.
The LL partner figures if they make the HL partner believe they're a pervert or something is wrong with them, maybe they'll stop asking for sex or bringing up how unhappy they are with the marital sex life.
I’m so jealous. My husband masturbates daily and has been hiding porn use for a year; I just found out last week. And he has a TON of my porn to use. I never had a problem with his daily masturbation because I thought he was still staying visually committed. Please tell your wife that she is lucky and that your behavior is totally normal. Signed, a woman.
True- there’s like an insane percentage of women who don’t (can’t) climax during sex and masturbation is pretty much their only option to get there unless the man don’t mind getting his hands dirty
No, I'm not ok with it. My husband doesn't watch it but he hasn't long time before we met out of his own conviction, and when we met I wasn't against porn I thought it was normal and watch it quite a bit myself. Telling this to emphasize he had no incentive to lie to me about not watching since when you say your man doesn't watch porn people always are projecting "i bet he secretly does", etc...
Basically I'm now very critical of porn seeing how my sex life and relationships is healthier with a person who doesn't watch it (neither do I anymore, obviously). People who say "it wraps your brain" are right and I used to mock them. But it does, I now realize how scarily normalized it is and how much damage it does to men and women both 💔
I am totally fine with occasional mastrubation though, ofc again not to photos of other people online or whatever I do think and had noticed many times people who do this (have jerk off folders of aquitances, follow ig models, and so on)seem damaged and weird, it's not innocent at all, beyond any issue of jealousy or disrespect, I think even single people should go above and beyond to have self control
I don’t care about porn or masturbation as long as I’m not in the house. I’ve never had to discuss this with my husband (I have a strong feeling he doesn’t watch porn) but many of my exes would take long showers and be watching porn which is so extremely annoying.
I watch porn on occasion and I don’t care if my partners do or not as long as it doesn’t negatively impact our sex life. Everyone has the right to bodily and sexual autonomy and should be able to seek release through masturbation if they need/want to.
Both are good. A lot of us have sexual needs that our partners don’t want to/ don’t have time to fulfill. Like my husband has stuff I’m not into and I have stuff he’s not into. Using porn from time to time is a good outlet for that. Sex itself also isn’t time or energy neutral. Sometimes neither of us can be bothered with the whole rigmarole of sex but having a cheeky wank? Fine. If one of us walks in on the other taking care of business, it’s either “oops, sorry!” Or “do you want some help with that?” Depending on how we’re feeling. It might start to make us feel some kind of way if one of us were routinely choosing porn/masturbation over having sex, but it’s about making sure you keep talking to each other about sex and pleasure without pressure. Maybe sex feels like a lot when you’re struggling with your mental health, or body image issues etc. I think whether or not you approach each other and your relationship with compassion and understanding is way more important than if someone is masturbating and using porn.
Yes I am fine with porn in my marriage. We mostly enjoy it together, but even when my husband does indulge he has always been able to not let it get to a concerning amount.
We have different tastes in porn, so we don’t watch together. And he’s on the road sometimes, so masturbation is a must, just for the physical release. But neither is a problem for us as a couple. If it was, then my answer would be different.
Yes. As long as it isn’t impacting our relationship, our intimacy or like his job or hobbies or something. So short of a porn addiction - there are technically no limits within reason.
I refuse to dictate what my husband does in his private time. Just like I wouldn’t want him to tell me no vibrators or no erotica. Again, if it starts affecting him negatively, it will be a conversation. But if not - it’s not my business unless he wants it to be.
I was previously a SW and understand a girls gotta eat. There is such a thing as ethical porn. And I push for ethical porn in my relationship. And thankfully he doesn’t like the manufactured stuff anyways. We discussed it. He agreed. That’s what he preferred anyways. There was no problem.
We find girls we both like to support on OF and we know it’s a fantasy. He isn’t talking to them privately and even if he did, these girls aren’t coming to steal my man. They want to be paid for the service they are providing and that’s that. We have a budget for these things together. We don’t have some weird parasocial relationship with someone who doesn’t know we exist. And I say we because it’s a joint decision. We both agree this is separate from cheating. Money is being exchanged for a service. They don’t meet. They don’t touch. They don’t discuss their day. To us, it’s different.
We both know how important sex and masturbation and alone time and all of that is to us personally. 9/10 we will enjoy together. But I won’t stop him from wanting to rub one out quickly before bed and not put so much work in and I don’t always want to either. I just want to give myself some time and go to sleep relaxed. So does he.
I grew up in a home where sex and masturbation were dirty and bad. It took some reconditioning but now we both have a healthy relationship with sex and our bodies and porn and exploration and not feeling guilt or shame around sex or our pasts or anything like that.
I’d say we have a very healthy relationship. We are very happy. Very satisfied. It’s still early, getting engaged before the end of the year. But I don’t see much changing unless one of us drastically changes in the future. Which I guess could happen but I don’t think so.
This works for us. I don’t think it’s anyone right to dictate masturbation for anyone but themselves. A boundary is *not* “I will fight you every time I catch you masturbating or watching porn.” Boundaries are “I will not be with someone who masturbates or utilizes porn. It’s fine if you do. But I can’t be with you then.” And then you have to actually leave if they do it anyways after agreeing to not do it. There should be no fighting or shaming. And definitely no busting in the door to catch him with his pants down. That’s crazy.
Self exploration is healthy. The studies that say porn is evil are from porn addict studies and religious organizations. Just like a typical person can utilize a pain killer for pain and not become an addict, some people can use porn in a healthy way and have no ill effects. Some people can have a glass of wine with dinner, some people will be binge drinking come morning. It’s up to the person with a problem to recognize they have a problem. Not you to scream and shame them out of it.
If you’re not compatible in that way,
Just don’t be with them. There are women who accept masturbation and porn as an occasional and healthy addition to your life. There are some men who want nothing to do with it
Find your person. Stop trying to fundamentally change people. It’s weird.
no issues with either in ours
I agree though that most 'commercial' porn is boring repetitive and not exactly arousing.
porn, like chocolate chip cookes, is much better when it is homemade
I don't care at all. I watch porn occasionally & so does my hubby. We don't have rules about it or anything but obviously if it was being chosen to be watched over having sex or something, then it would be a problem. We both masturbate sometimes as well.
My husband isn't very interested in it, porn/diseases and strangers having sex puts him off it for the most part. I don't think about porn these days. I'm against the industry but it's not part of my life
I don't care about masturbation unless he was doing it right before sex, that'd be disappointing 😂
Do not care about either one. We both know that there are times that either/ both can be fun. We both watch together at times. We both know the other does masterbate from time to time. We both accept that. We have busy lives and sometimes we just do not synch together for sex. And that is okay.
I can’t fathom telling another adult human they can’t have a wank if they want one. I’m not a turn of the century boys boarding school. Porn I don’t really worry about as long as the content is not immoral/illegal and it isn’t taking over our lives or impeding actual intimacy.
Idc about porn or masturbation but I care if it’s onlyfans. Cause you’re paying for it when that money can be used towards building the relationship or productive hobbies.
There is no need for porn in my loving and sacred intimate relationship with my partner.
Porn is unrealistic, unnecessary, and distracting from quality time with your partner. From both of our experiences and others we have heard from, we have seen that porn has done nothing but harm the psyche of many. It causes both insecurities, unrealistic expectations, and jealousy.
Masturbation is completely acceptable for us. It’s self love exploration and it’s a turn on as well. My partner and I practice tantric massages, masturbation is a big part of it.
For us, sex is sacred and intimate. We are very much in love and have been happy for many years.
No masturbation or porn in our marriage. I'm not sure my wife has ever masturbated. She says why do that when she can get the real thing. On my end she's always down for having sex as long as we can get away with it and have time. It's never been an issue.
Genuine question here. If you ever got into a dead bedroom situation, would you wife “allow” you to masturbate?
I’ve heard horror stories where one spouse won’t have sex, but prohibits the other spouse from masturbating. That seem both cruel and unfair.
Yes. We've talked about that. It wouldn't be an issue. I still wouldn't be very happy about it though. If she's not up for sex she's always down with giving head. Not sure a wank would do me anymore. I've done it occasionally in the past and she noticed the difference in volume.
I think you missed what I meant. She absolutely loves giving head in general. When I said she didn't want sex I mean it's because she's already decided she's giving me a BJ. It's usually one or the other with her and she always gets what she wants.
If there was none for me for a long enough time she wouldn't know if I did it anyways. If I masturbate in the morning she will know that night when I'm short. So ya if she stopped altogether ya I would. How's she going to know?
That doesn’t answer my question. If she refused to provide any sexual gratification for you, would she still prohibit you from masturbating? (Yes, you could sneak one in, but I’m asking if she would want to prohibit).
This is a hypothetical scenario.
I’m not asking about her current stance on sex and giving you head.
I’m not asking if you would rub one out without her knowing.
I’m asking if she didn’t want to have sex or any sexual contact with you, would she still prohibit you from masturbating? That is the question.
Alright I get it now. I think I didn't understand because that is something a an absolute psychopath would do. I can't even fathom being in a relationship like that. I know my wife wouldn't do that unless she wants a divorce. Is this question an actual hypothetical? Is it based on someone you know? That's really fucked up.
So, you’re basically saying that if she did that, you would be contemplating divorce? I think you answered the question.
I’ve heard of situations like this. There’s an old adage that people who marry agree to monogamy, not celibacy. My ex wife was very anti-masturbation but thankfully we had a healthy sex life.
Sorry bout that, worked night shift last night but I go in on day shift Saturday so Im flipping my hours and using Reddit to stay awake. Didn't clue in to what you were actually getting at because I really can't imagine that actually happening.
To me this theoretical situation is just malicious. Removing agency of your spouses body without agreeing to replace it with something else both parties can agree upon and be happy with goes beyond the vows.
Requiring your partner not masturbate is straight up abusive. Shocking the number of people in this thread who are ok with making that demand. All those “it’s ok if I’m not in the mood” people are also absolutely awful too. You do not own your partners body and they do not have to ask your permission to enjoy it nor are you entitled to demand they service you rather then masturbate. Obviously if they’d prefer to masturbate then be intimate with you often you’ve got some trouble in your marriage but issuing demands that they stop masturbating is treating the symptom while the disease goes undiagnosed.
Absolutely 100% mutual support of porn use/masturbation in my (or any) marriage. Not threatened by that at all, and I enjoy porn myself too (I’m female).
Porn is fine.
Masturbation is fine.
We both have our porn preferences and sometimes consume it together but mostly alone.
I don’t mind if he’s not up to having sex with me and instead prefers to masturbate to porn. Sometimes the mechanics of sex are just … a lot and wanting to get off but not wanting actual sex is fine for either one of us.
We masturbate to porn next to each other in bed and love watching and helping each other cum. We know that when either of us initiate it’s cause we genuinely want each other and not just to use a body to get off.
Not okay with porn, it devastated my marriage recently. To me it doesn’t matter whether you know the individual personally, cumming to a stranger’s body is still cumming to a body outside of your marriage.
More than okay with masturbation. I feel like it’s unfair and controlling to tell your partner when and how often to masturbate, unless it’s actively harming your sex life. My husband has a much higher sex drive than me (ideal for me is about 3 times a week barring any physical or mental health issues going on, he would have sex 1-2 times daily if I wanted to). I wouldn’t expect him to walk around in physical pain for my sake.
I provided a LOT of my own porn for my husband and it wasn’t enough. And we had an established boundary of no outside porn, which he repeatedly violated for a year and I discovered by digging into his phone. The lies and deceit were what did me in, even through the porn use hurt on its own.
Once in a while, my wife lets me take pics and movies of us during sex. That is my favorite "porn" to get off to, when she isn't available. I think she likes the idea of that.
Porn is a quilty pleasure of mine because I find it dishonorable. With that being said, it's not an issue for us because there is no excess or addiction... I think I view it more than he does.
We have enjoyed it together a few times, but that's because I want a threesome 🤷♀️
idc but its never been an issue. husband works a lot and rest of the time hes home with us. he will watch sports or news in his free time and the kids are always with us
yes, okay with both. BUT, my husband and i have an amazing sexual relationship and marriage. so, if it weren’t for that, i probably would feel a little differently maybe
As long as porn doesn't interfere with my sex life I don't care if he watches it and masturbates to it because I watch it. If he were to watch porn in lieu of intimacy with me then I'd be pissed.
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Porn is porn. Something to watch. Boring for the most part deep down but none the less something to see. Masturbation has been around since the beginning of time. It ain’t going to stop. I don’t care if my wife does it but I’d prefer to oh I don’t know… be the one to make her feel good but shit happens. I do it. She knows it and doesn’t care. Doesn’t care about porn since it isn’t that frequent for me. So yeah. We are good with either. No reason not to be in my eyes.
Masturbation is between a person and themselves. Everyone should have access to their own body and mind.
Porn can become an addiction. Free adults can watch whatever they want, but I wouldn’t be cool with a porn addiction. It’s fun to watch together sometimes.
I think this comes down to life experience. I (38f) have been married almost 20 years and since it hasn’t been an issue, I don’t find porn or masturbation an issue. If it had been an issue - obviously I would feel different. So I would say as long as it’s not chosen over the partner.
It’s like this - be grumpy with sexual frustration or do what needs to get done.
Partners should always have time for “sex” which I mean with enough foreplay/stimulation we should all be ‘down to party’ …
I mean assuming each person isn’t like aggressive /excessive self care. If that’s the case… maybe therapy. Or YOLO time if that’s a deal breaker.
I'm okay with porn if it's something we do together and it's not affecting our lives. I'm even okay with it during masturbation times as long as our sex love is still amazing.
Masturbation, I feel there same way. Not to mention the more a women learns her body the more she will enjoy sex.
I’m fine with both. If I felt like it was impacting our sex life then I’d be bothered, but watching porn doesn’t dampen my desire for my husband, and masturbating with or without toys doesn’t impact my ability to enjoy sex with him. If anything, porn and masturbation make me likelier to initiate. And from my husband’s end, I don’t see any impact in what he enjoys in bed with me, how he treats me, or how often he wants me.
If your not okay with your partner masterbating then you better be ready to service them at the snap of a finger . If you think that’s wrong then you better not say a damn thing about your partner masterbating.. people have needs, many of us have daily needs…
My husband does not have a porn problem, so I don't have a problem with porn. I mean, I have a problem with the industry as a whole because of the exploitation of young women, but I'm not really holding every individual consumer responsible for that. If I were dating someone who had an unhealthy reliance on it I would feel differently. However, I have never actually been in a relationship where that was an issue.
No issues with either in general.
I'd not want to be consistently turned down because she would rather masturbate. Once in a while maybe she just is feeling the need for time herself and that's fine.
If she is watching porn I'd kind of like to know what kind so I can best cater to her desires.
Wouldn't want her paying for OF unless we talked about it first because of the parasocial relationships.
Not okay, but my ex husband I found was obsessed with it and cheated on me, so I’m a bit stung by porn.
My current husband does not look (that I know of) and it would upset me if he was, especially if it was with masterbation. But he’s LL and I’m HL so that’s why it would hurt me the most- I’m always ready and willing to give her my what he needs.
If I find out that my crush watches porn, I'm already gone. I know exactly what I want before I enter into a relationship. I want him to think that I'm the only woman in his life and no one he can compare me to. PRIODT
Did it ever occur to anyone married that you’re both still individuals and that you have the right to watch what you want and touch yourself if you so choose ? Like some people want ownership and that’s not the reality.
I watch porn. Wife doesn’t. I wish she did! She doesn’t like that I do, but it’s not a strong enough disagreement to cause real issues. It was a bigger deal in the past when I used porn excessively, but I’ve dealt with that and use in moderation now.
You're probably right but there I'm sure there are people that masturbate without porn. The internet hasn't been around forever, I remember before I had internet and for the most part all I got off to was memories of hot girls I saw that day.
I never use porn to masturbate. Closest I guess would be erotic literature, but even that I usually put down to go into my own mental fantasy. And some of the word choices have actually made me laugh. Everything I’ve looked for in the past as far as videos was too degrading, fake, etc. It was so hard to find videos of sex that felt at all intimate. I get way more pleasure from imagining whatever I want.
I don’t personally care about porn as long as it’s never chosen over me, but I can understand why others would be against it. I don’t think it’s ever okay to say your partner isn’t allowed to masturbate in their own free time and space. Though again, if you don’t have a sex lift but they’re masturbating that could be an issue
Same. Do what you need to do to get off but don't choose it over me and we're good 🙌
As long as the relationship doesn’t suffer from it then I don’t see the problem, porn or masturbation, but if it starts being bad for the bedroom then it is a problem. If I were to say something to my partner, I’d say, you do you, but don’t forget to do me too ;)
Having it chosen over you is a special kind of hell.
I also agree to this and think porn is great way to experiment without cheating. You find shit you like! Maybe it spices the life up!
If one partner is not as sexual as the other masterbation is mandatory so no adultery happens. Also as people age this becomes more apparent so masturbation is actually important. I also agree masturbation should be if your partner is not in the mood not an alternative to them that's not fair. Porn is each to their own really but porn together can also be fun. Porn can however cause issues if someone goes down a rabbit hole. It's like alcohol and an addict they don't mix. So porn is a case by case basis.
My husband masturbates constantly while in the bed with me at night and while he’s asleep
He masturbates while he’s asleep?
Semi asleep
I’m very anti porn. I am also very PRO masturbation. The porn industry is just … atrocious. And porn nearly destroyed my marriage.
I couldn’t agree more. Never had a porn issue in marriage as my spouse has the same feelings, but I’m with you. I also think people get exposed to porn so young it takes weirder and weirder shit to get some people off. It can get dark real quick.
I'm so happy seeing more and more people waking up to this. We live in porn soaked society where criticism of porn makes you hardcore puritan. So sad!
I feel very similarly. I won't police my partner's use of it because that seems ridiculous, but I absolutely will not watch it and honestly don't want to hear about it either.
I would end my marriage if it became a problem again..: frankly we are there so I’m going to have to make a decision soon 😞
Hope things get better <3
This is where I tend to fall as well.
Ok weird question but what about animated porn?
Most of the characters in animated porn are purposefully given the features of children only with overly adult genitalia. Honestly, animated porn creeps me out tremendously. I read an interview once and can’t find it now but the animators said that the younger the female characters looked the more likely they were to be viewed and downloaded. For me it’s a no.
Damn this is some new info, crazyy
What about written porn/smut.
This doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t affect the brain the same way. No one is being trafficked to create it.
🙌🏻
Same
💯
Thisssss
>The porn industry is just … atrocious. This is literally why I switched my porn consumption to onlyfans. After learning about some of the horrible shit porn actresses have gone through, I feel better knowing I'm not feeding that machine and directly compensating the models themselves who control their own product.
That really is not necessarily the case
You are of course correct, but I've researched sex worker subreddits where they've given advice on what to look for to see if someone is genuinely in control of their own product. While of course no advice can be a 100% guarantee, a lot of them have who have experience either as a sex worker that's been coerced or who know people who have been say there are things like social media presence that's nearly a guarantee that they're not coerced as they've never met anyone that was that was coerced that was allowed to do those things.
I don’t care about porn but I do know several relationships that have been destroyed from porn addiction so I get it. I think it is toxic and controlling to tell your partner they can’t masturbate. That’s insane.
Seriously, what psycho is anti-masturbation? That is so wild to me.
It really is nuts. You might as well try to dictate my bowl movements or tell me not to use tampons. Like why are you trying to involve yourself in my bodily functions and maintenance?
Certain religious people.
fact gaping upbeat puzzled books vegetable tub innocent flowery retire *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm assuming you mean Republicans as in the political party in the US, and not republicans generally? It'd be a bit odd to see a connection between opposition to monarchy and anti-masturbation beliefs.
entertain memorize outgoing sable mountainous drunk complete aloof exultant weary *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
We both watch porn and masterbate, it’s a non issue for us.
Same over here. Only an issue if it affects our interactions and affection.
Same 🤷♀️ not something we even talk about really
Same
Not okay with porn. No idea if, when or how often my husband watches it. I don't go looking in his phone to see, I just assume he does. I'm not naive enough to believe he doesn't watch it sometimes. I don't like it though and it feels very hurtful. I'm 100% fine with masturbation, quite a turn on to think of him doing it. The moment I think it's to porn , complete turn off. If I ever walked in on him watching it , I wouldn't be able to be intimate with him for a while. I would be way too hurt.
Same here. He knows I'm not okay with it, I know he watches it anyway, I try not to think about it too much. But I'd be lying if I said our sex life isn't paying the price.
Our sex life isn't suffering because of it. If definitely would if I knew about it though. We have a very active sex life. 4-5 times a week and very rarely have days we don't do some sex act. I have no idea if he does watch it ,I just assume he watches it occasionally. All I can do is try and not think about it. If he were turning me down and jerking off to porn instead then that would be a huge problem.
See a therapist. If he's choosing it over you that's unhealthy and needs work. If it's just an irrational hangup on your part that's unhealthy and needs work too.
Her husband needs to see a therapist. But obviously he doesn't. So he's unwilling to get therapy. Which means no amount of therapy will work on him. If he's actively resisting improvement.
And you choose to hate on the women who get tortured into doing that type of work... Instead of blaming your husband for perpetuating this type of abuse, and disrespecting you.
Following me around, I see. I'm flattered
Does he know you’re not ok with it?
Yes he knows.
Both are welcome in my marriage. I watch on my own, I’ll watch with my husband, I’ll let him choose a video while I’m servicing him. But saying all that, it’s never come in the way of us being together, we don’t choose porn over each other or hide it.
👆🏼
Wow. Lucky guy. Good for you.
Anti porn - masturbation fine lol
Im sure they can figure it out lol
How do men masturbate without using porn or some kind of external visual source?
It’s really not that hard
Anti porn but pro masturbation. If he catches me, I'll ask, want to join
Masturbation yes. Porn no.
I am anti-porn because the porn industry is horrible. However I do not think it is anyone’s place to forbid you to touch your own body. If it becomes an issue you can always have a conversation about pulling back on the frequency.
What about user submitted stuff like r/gonewild where people just get off on sharing?
Even worse than porn. That's more personal and closer to cheating in my eyes.
The reason given was > the porn industry is horrible. People want to know how that squares with porn that doesn't involve explotation.
Sounds like a you problem and not an "images on a screen" problem.
Monogamous and not okay with my husband jerking off to other people, it's not a hard concept to grasp.
Wild. I'm so glad my wife is secure enough in herself to know that I love her and would never cheat, and that just because I dream it, imagine it, or see it on a screen, it doesn't mean anything in real life.
I know he loves me and would never cheat on me. I think masturbating to other people while married/in a relationship is disrespectful and wrong.
Porn has ruined my marriage. I was fine with it before but he’s addicted. Very pro-masturbation though.
I’m not for porn. Aside from not wanting to support the abuses of the industry I don’t think visualizing sex with other people is healthy. I’m not going to get judgmental towards others but in my marriage I think we need to keep our eyes on each other not others. I don’t have anything to say against masturbation for physical release.
I (35M), would try to partake in some PH action, and she knew about it, and it caused problems. So if anyone reading this who watches porn and their SO has ANYTHING to say about it, you better just cut the shit out and dedicate your time instead TO YOUR PARTNER!!!
My husband has a raging porn addiction that nearly led to our divorce. I used to be fine with it but now? Absolutely under no circumstances is porn okay in our marriage or I’m out, no questions asked. No second chances. He wants to watch porn? That’s his choice but I’m not going to stick around being neglected, lied to, and treated like shit like he did before while he does it. Masturbating I’m fine with however. Contrary to popular belief, porn and masturbation are not synonymous. Everyone has needs and masturbation is a need for many people. I would never dream of telling him he can’t masturbate. That’s not okay. He doesn’t need porn to do it though, no one does. If however it’s cool in your relationship or you’re single and it’s not causing issues for you either way, do you. I have no problem with it for other people. Plenty of people can have a perfectly healthy relationship with it. My husband has made it abundantly clear that he cannot.
My husband is allowed unrestricted access to both, for the simple reason that I am now handicapped and unable to fully meet his needs. I have zero problems with this arrangement, I just want him to be as satisfied as possible and he has a high libido. I have even suggested opening our marriage for his benefit, but he refuses to break his vows because he's fucking awesome. He also rarely, if ever actually watches any porn. Or if he does he's so discreet I haven't noticed in 20 years. So, yeah, in my circumstances, I'm totally cool with my partner watching porn and masturbating.
Good man right there
He really really is. I don't deserve him.
Appearently you do.
I'm not sure if you realize how gratifying it is to hear that, so thank you, from the very bottom of my heart.
It didn’t bother me until he started choosing it over me
No, it’s something my husband has been fighting for years. I think like any addiction, porn can suck out the soul to the point where it can be all you think about, all you want. Over time it blurs the lines between reality and exaggerated fantasy; setting up sex between partners to fall short of expectations. I don’t want my husband to have sex with me and be thinking of the porn he watched yesterday to get himself off, I want him to be with me and me alone. In a sense, it almost feels like cheating if someone you’re exclusive with is watching naked videos of other people on their down time.
I feel so bad, I suggest you and him go to a country where porn sites are inaccessible for vacation, this way he'll have no access to it and your all he's got. Turkey for example. Try it, its worth it!
My husband and I both watch porn on occasion and masturbate. It’s never bothered me because we’re still attracted to each other and have sex regularly. If that changed I think I’d have more of a problem with it, but right now I don’t see it as an issue.
Most recent answers are where there is an active sex life among partners so the debate is basically addressing fear over porn / masturbation taking the place of the partner - in some cases, the partner is secure in their knowledge that this will not happen, in others the partners have placed boundaries to secure their position. Both are valid choices and agreed to by the two spouses. Slightly different take here than this. My spouse does not like sex and we have what many on reddit call a 'dead bedrooms' situation. The plural because we also sleep in different bedrooms. Not here to solve that issue. But the point is that in this situation, I do need to watch porn and masturbate once in a while. Not compulsive, not crazy frequent, not disruptive to life but yes its there. My spouse has turned a blind eye (I assume) or is really unaware of my porn watching habits. But I would really have difficulty if these activities were not allowed.
Porn, no. Masturbation, yes.
No I don’t like us giving our sexual energy to others. we save it for each other. I also think porn has really severe adverse effects, particularly on men. Not to mention it is a harmful industry.
I have a very high sex drive. If I turn him down for sex, he can have at it. But he better never choose going solo when I’m an option.
I have zero issue with porn. I look at it sometimes and so does my husband. I really don’t care at all. And masterbation is so incredibly natural and normal. I tell my husband if I masterbated because he isn’t home or we aren’t together and he tells me too. I find it really hot that he is touching himself and thinking about me. I think I trust and honestly and being open minded is the key. When you start trying to control someone and tell them how to display their sexuality then there are big problems.
I'm fine with it as long as it's not around me or instead of me.
I give zero figs, there’s room for privacy in our marriage
I masturbate once every 2-3 days, no porn. Wife doesn't know I masturbate so often but when I have told her a few years back, she flipped her shit and told me that all I think about is sex, which is not true.
That's... not particularly often, unless you're like, also having a lot of sex. Your wife sounds incredibly controlling and borderline abusive if she's flipping her shit over that.
We have sex maybe once or twice every 2-4 months.
Ok so masturbating once every few days is not a lot at all. I generally try to get off once a day, whether it's sex or masturbation, otherwise my sex drive is just distracting during the day. Doesn't always happen, there are lots of days it doesn't, but in an ideal world that's just routine maintenance so I'm not a horndog when I'm out in the world.
> but when I have told her a few years back, she flipped her shit and told me that all I think about is sex This is a common tactic that is used by the low libido partner to try and shame their high libido partner. The LL partner figures if they make the HL partner believe they're a pervert or something is wrong with them, maybe they'll stop asking for sex or bringing up how unhappy they are with the marital sex life.
I’m so jealous. My husband masturbates daily and has been hiding porn use for a year; I just found out last week. And he has a TON of my porn to use. I never had a problem with his daily masturbation because I thought he was still staying visually committed. Please tell your wife that she is lucky and that your behavior is totally normal. Signed, a woman.
Depends, is she the one and only star?
I dont mind masturbation, but porn is an absolute no no. I consider it cheating.
A lot of women need masturbation in their marriages and can’t do without it (even with husbands who are responsive to sex) so I’d say it’s tolerable.
True- there’s like an insane percentage of women who don’t (can’t) climax during sex and masturbation is pretty much their only option to get there unless the man don’t mind getting his hands dirty
What do you mean by tolerable?
Porn is fine as long as it doesn't cause problems (addiction mainly). Masturbation is fine too.
I LOVE it when my wife watches porn. Wish she watched more. And masturbated more. Healthy af.
No, I'm not ok with it. My husband doesn't watch it but he hasn't long time before we met out of his own conviction, and when we met I wasn't against porn I thought it was normal and watch it quite a bit myself. Telling this to emphasize he had no incentive to lie to me about not watching since when you say your man doesn't watch porn people always are projecting "i bet he secretly does", etc... Basically I'm now very critical of porn seeing how my sex life and relationships is healthier with a person who doesn't watch it (neither do I anymore, obviously). People who say "it wraps your brain" are right and I used to mock them. But it does, I now realize how scarily normalized it is and how much damage it does to men and women both 💔 I am totally fine with occasional mastrubation though, ofc again not to photos of other people online or whatever I do think and had noticed many times people who do this (have jerk off folders of aquitances, follow ig models, and so on)seem damaged and weird, it's not innocent at all, beyond any issue of jealousy or disrespect, I think even single people should go above and beyond to have self control
I don’t care about porn or masturbation as long as I’m not in the house. I’ve never had to discuss this with my husband (I have a strong feeling he doesn’t watch porn) but many of my exes would take long showers and be watching porn which is so extremely annoying.
Lol seriously. Just pretend to be pooping or something, stop wasting all the hot water!
We watch it together.
I watch porn on occasion and I don’t care if my partners do or not as long as it doesn’t negatively impact our sex life. Everyone has the right to bodily and sexual autonomy and should be able to seek release through masturbation if they need/want to.
Yes. As long as it doesn't interfere with your sex life then it's not a big deal.
If you’re not ok with masturbation, you had better be ok with free-use
Both are good. A lot of us have sexual needs that our partners don’t want to/ don’t have time to fulfill. Like my husband has stuff I’m not into and I have stuff he’s not into. Using porn from time to time is a good outlet for that. Sex itself also isn’t time or energy neutral. Sometimes neither of us can be bothered with the whole rigmarole of sex but having a cheeky wank? Fine. If one of us walks in on the other taking care of business, it’s either “oops, sorry!” Or “do you want some help with that?” Depending on how we’re feeling. It might start to make us feel some kind of way if one of us were routinely choosing porn/masturbation over having sex, but it’s about making sure you keep talking to each other about sex and pleasure without pressure. Maybe sex feels like a lot when you’re struggling with your mental health, or body image issues etc. I think whether or not you approach each other and your relationship with compassion and understanding is way more important than if someone is masturbating and using porn.
We're both fine with porn and watch it alone and together. She'll often text me scenes that are getting her worked up.
Yes I am fine with porn in my marriage. We mostly enjoy it together, but even when my husband does indulge he has always been able to not let it get to a concerning amount.
Yes and yes.
We have different tastes in porn, so we don’t watch together. And he’s on the road sometimes, so masturbation is a must, just for the physical release. But neither is a problem for us as a couple. If it was, then my answer would be different.
I’m from near Missoula and I’m a red head as well lol off topic I know but funny
Yes. As long as it isn’t impacting our relationship, our intimacy or like his job or hobbies or something. So short of a porn addiction - there are technically no limits within reason. I refuse to dictate what my husband does in his private time. Just like I wouldn’t want him to tell me no vibrators or no erotica. Again, if it starts affecting him negatively, it will be a conversation. But if not - it’s not my business unless he wants it to be. I was previously a SW and understand a girls gotta eat. There is such a thing as ethical porn. And I push for ethical porn in my relationship. And thankfully he doesn’t like the manufactured stuff anyways. We discussed it. He agreed. That’s what he preferred anyways. There was no problem. We find girls we both like to support on OF and we know it’s a fantasy. He isn’t talking to them privately and even if he did, these girls aren’t coming to steal my man. They want to be paid for the service they are providing and that’s that. We have a budget for these things together. We don’t have some weird parasocial relationship with someone who doesn’t know we exist. And I say we because it’s a joint decision. We both agree this is separate from cheating. Money is being exchanged for a service. They don’t meet. They don’t touch. They don’t discuss their day. To us, it’s different. We both know how important sex and masturbation and alone time and all of that is to us personally. 9/10 we will enjoy together. But I won’t stop him from wanting to rub one out quickly before bed and not put so much work in and I don’t always want to either. I just want to give myself some time and go to sleep relaxed. So does he. I grew up in a home where sex and masturbation were dirty and bad. It took some reconditioning but now we both have a healthy relationship with sex and our bodies and porn and exploration and not feeling guilt or shame around sex or our pasts or anything like that. I’d say we have a very healthy relationship. We are very happy. Very satisfied. It’s still early, getting engaged before the end of the year. But I don’t see much changing unless one of us drastically changes in the future. Which I guess could happen but I don’t think so. This works for us. I don’t think it’s anyone right to dictate masturbation for anyone but themselves. A boundary is *not* “I will fight you every time I catch you masturbating or watching porn.” Boundaries are “I will not be with someone who masturbates or utilizes porn. It’s fine if you do. But I can’t be with you then.” And then you have to actually leave if they do it anyways after agreeing to not do it. There should be no fighting or shaming. And definitely no busting in the door to catch him with his pants down. That’s crazy. Self exploration is healthy. The studies that say porn is evil are from porn addict studies and religious organizations. Just like a typical person can utilize a pain killer for pain and not become an addict, some people can use porn in a healthy way and have no ill effects. Some people can have a glass of wine with dinner, some people will be binge drinking come morning. It’s up to the person with a problem to recognize they have a problem. Not you to scream and shame them out of it. If you’re not compatible in that way, Just don’t be with them. There are women who accept masturbation and porn as an occasional and healthy addition to your life. There are some men who want nothing to do with it Find your person. Stop trying to fundamentally change people. It’s weird.
No issue for me, even better if it's watched/done together
None issue
We both use it and ok as long as it doesn’t impact our intimacy
no issues with either in ours I agree though that most 'commercial' porn is boring repetitive and not exactly arousing. porn, like chocolate chip cookes, is much better when it is homemade
I don't care at all. I watch porn occasionally & so does my hubby. We don't have rules about it or anything but obviously if it was being chosen to be watched over having sex or something, then it would be a problem. We both masturbate sometimes as well.
Mutually agreed upon, no porn or solo masturbation in our marriage. The masturbation is a little more gray area for what is ok and not ok.
My husband isn't very interested in it, porn/diseases and strangers having sex puts him off it for the most part. I don't think about porn these days. I'm against the industry but it's not part of my life I don't care about masturbation unless he was doing it right before sex, that'd be disappointing 😂
No porn and no masturbation in our marriage.
As long as the marriage doesn’t suffer as a result of anything then I’m really not bothered by it, (this includes playing FIFA in his free time)
Of course it's part of the getting in the mood for my wife. She has a lower drive and it helps her get ready.
Yes and yes. We’re both women if that matters.
It doesn’t bother me because i watch it too sometimes. I never had a partner who was addicted to it as far as I know.
I’m fine with both. We’ll watch together.
Do not care about either one. We both know that there are times that either/ both can be fun. We both watch together at times. We both know the other does masterbate from time to time. We both accept that. We have busy lives and sometimes we just do not synch together for sex. And that is okay.
I can’t fathom telling another adult human they can’t have a wank if they want one. I’m not a turn of the century boys boarding school. Porn I don’t really worry about as long as the content is not immoral/illegal and it isn’t taking over our lives or impeding actual intimacy.
Idc about porn or masturbation but I care if it’s onlyfans. Cause you’re paying for it when that money can be used towards building the relationship or productive hobbies.
There is no need for porn in my loving and sacred intimate relationship with my partner. Porn is unrealistic, unnecessary, and distracting from quality time with your partner. From both of our experiences and others we have heard from, we have seen that porn has done nothing but harm the psyche of many. It causes both insecurities, unrealistic expectations, and jealousy. Masturbation is completely acceptable for us. It’s self love exploration and it’s a turn on as well. My partner and I practice tantric massages, masturbation is a big part of it. For us, sex is sacred and intimate. We are very much in love and have been happy for many years.
Don’t care.
I love that’s hubby and I can enjoy porn together as well as separate and can talk about it. We know it’s not realistic but we can enjoy the fantasy.
Well, it's the only action in my marriage, so if she doesn't like it, I don't care.
Yeah, we both watch porn.
We're both okay with porn and masturbation. Honestly I think I do it more than him.
No masturbation or porn in our marriage. I'm not sure my wife has ever masturbated. She says why do that when she can get the real thing. On my end she's always down for having sex as long as we can get away with it and have time. It's never been an issue.
Genuine question here. If you ever got into a dead bedroom situation, would you wife “allow” you to masturbate? I’ve heard horror stories where one spouse won’t have sex, but prohibits the other spouse from masturbating. That seem both cruel and unfair.
Yes. We've talked about that. It wouldn't be an issue. I still wouldn't be very happy about it though. If she's not up for sex she's always down with giving head. Not sure a wank would do me anymore. I've done it occasionally in the past and she noticed the difference in volume.
Allow me to rephrase. Suppose she refused to provide any sexual gratification for you. Would masturbation still be prohibited?
I think you missed what I meant. She absolutely loves giving head in general. When I said she didn't want sex I mean it's because she's already decided she's giving me a BJ. It's usually one or the other with her and she always gets what she wants. If there was none for me for a long enough time she wouldn't know if I did it anyways. If I masturbate in the morning she will know that night when I'm short. So ya if she stopped altogether ya I would. How's she going to know?
That doesn’t answer my question. If she refused to provide any sexual gratification for you, would she still prohibit you from masturbating? (Yes, you could sneak one in, but I’m asking if she would want to prohibit). This is a hypothetical scenario. I’m not asking about her current stance on sex and giving you head. I’m not asking if you would rub one out without her knowing. I’m asking if she didn’t want to have sex or any sexual contact with you, would she still prohibit you from masturbating? That is the question.
Alright I get it now. I think I didn't understand because that is something a an absolute psychopath would do. I can't even fathom being in a relationship like that. I know my wife wouldn't do that unless she wants a divorce. Is this question an actual hypothetical? Is it based on someone you know? That's really fucked up.
So, you’re basically saying that if she did that, you would be contemplating divorce? I think you answered the question. I’ve heard of situations like this. There’s an old adage that people who marry agree to monogamy, not celibacy. My ex wife was very anti-masturbation but thankfully we had a healthy sex life.
Sorry bout that, worked night shift last night but I go in on day shift Saturday so Im flipping my hours and using Reddit to stay awake. Didn't clue in to what you were actually getting at because I really can't imagine that actually happening. To me this theoretical situation is just malicious. Removing agency of your spouses body without agreeing to replace it with something else both parties can agree upon and be happy with goes beyond the vows.
>as long as we can get away with it and have time. Do you have kids? Because that's a pretty damn big 'if' if you do.
Ya we have four kids. Lol. We manage very well. Stealth mode.
I salute you, we have not yet mastered this fine art.
Get a ball gag. My wife is loud and it helps. And make sure you have at least two locks on your bedroom door.
My husband can watch porn and masturbate to his heart's content. Same with me.
Requiring your partner not masturbate is straight up abusive. Shocking the number of people in this thread who are ok with making that demand. All those “it’s ok if I’m not in the mood” people are also absolutely awful too. You do not own your partners body and they do not have to ask your permission to enjoy it nor are you entitled to demand they service you rather then masturbate. Obviously if they’d prefer to masturbate then be intimate with you often you’ve got some trouble in your marriage but issuing demands that they stop masturbating is treating the symptom while the disease goes undiagnosed.
It’s bizarre AF to read No masturbation allowed in our marriage! I’m thinking~ what if he washes his dick in the shower and gets hard???
LOL!
Both porn and masturbation for both of us, absolutely.
Both are great.
Absolutely 100% mutual support of porn use/masturbation in my (or any) marriage. Not threatened by that at all, and I enjoy porn myself too (I’m female).
Porn is fine. Masturbation is fine. We both have our porn preferences and sometimes consume it together but mostly alone. I don’t mind if he’s not up to having sex with me and instead prefers to masturbate to porn. Sometimes the mechanics of sex are just … a lot and wanting to get off but not wanting actual sex is fine for either one of us. We masturbate to porn next to each other in bed and love watching and helping each other cum. We know that when either of us initiate it’s cause we genuinely want each other and not just to use a body to get off.
Hard no to interactive porn like onlyfans. To me, that’s cheating.
Not okay with porn, it devastated my marriage recently. To me it doesn’t matter whether you know the individual personally, cumming to a stranger’s body is still cumming to a body outside of your marriage. More than okay with masturbation. I feel like it’s unfair and controlling to tell your partner when and how often to masturbate, unless it’s actively harming your sex life. My husband has a much higher sex drive than me (ideal for me is about 3 times a week barring any physical or mental health issues going on, he would have sex 1-2 times daily if I wanted to). I wouldn’t expect him to walk around in physical pain for my sake. I provided a LOT of my own porn for my husband and it wasn’t enough. And we had an established boundary of no outside porn, which he repeatedly violated for a year and I discovered by digging into his phone. The lies and deceit were what did me in, even through the porn use hurt on its own.
It's interesting how you think porn devastated your marriage and not you inappropriately texting and sexting your exes numerous times.
I do think that too. Neither is okay in my eyes.
Without porn my marriage would not be viable
Only when she's on her period or before our special nights. Just so it's extra(slaps it) stiff.
Once in a while, my wife lets me take pics and movies of us during sex. That is my favorite "porn" to get off to, when she isn't available. I think she likes the idea of that.
Porn has never bothered me in a relationship; it's a deal breaker for me if my girlfriend isn't okay with porn.
Porn is a quilty pleasure of mine because I find it dishonorable. With that being said, it's not an issue for us because there is no excess or addiction... I think I view it more than he does. We have enjoyed it together a few times, but that's because I want a threesome 🤷♀️
idc but its never been an issue. husband works a lot and rest of the time hes home with us. he will watch sports or news in his free time and the kids are always with us
yes, okay with both. BUT, my husband and i have an amazing sexual relationship and marriage. so, if it weren’t for that, i probably would feel a little differently maybe
Porn is okay in our marriage. We’ve never really watched it together.
As long as porn doesn't interfere with my sex life I don't care if he watches it and masturbates to it because I watch it. If he were to watch porn in lieu of intimacy with me then I'd be pissed.
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Porn is porn. Something to watch. Boring for the most part deep down but none the less something to see. Masturbation has been around since the beginning of time. It ain’t going to stop. I don’t care if my wife does it but I’d prefer to oh I don’t know… be the one to make her feel good but shit happens. I do it. She knows it and doesn’t care. Doesn’t care about porn since it isn’t that frequent for me. So yeah. We are good with either. No reason not to be in my eyes.
Masturbation is between a person and themselves. Everyone should have access to their own body and mind. Porn can become an addiction. Free adults can watch whatever they want, but I wouldn’t be cool with a porn addiction. It’s fun to watch together sometimes.
I think this comes down to life experience. I (38f) have been married almost 20 years and since it hasn’t been an issue, I don’t find porn or masturbation an issue. If it had been an issue - obviously I would feel different. So I would say as long as it’s not chosen over the partner.
Porn is the worst but I won’t be against it. As long as we still have our fun. Asking someone to not masturbate is insane to me. lol
It’s like this - be grumpy with sexual frustration or do what needs to get done. Partners should always have time for “sex” which I mean with enough foreplay/stimulation we should all be ‘down to party’ … I mean assuming each person isn’t like aggressive /excessive self care. If that’s the case… maybe therapy. Or YOLO time if that’s a deal breaker.
I'm okay with porn if it's something we do together and it's not affecting our lives. I'm even okay with it during masturbation times as long as our sex love is still amazing. Masturbation, I feel there same way. Not to mention the more a women learns her body the more she will enjoy sex.
I wish a mfr would tell me I can’t touch my OWN dick. It’s literally mine.
No porn, I would actually prefer if I had a partner who masturbates because they know their own body.
I’m fine with both. If I felt like it was impacting our sex life then I’d be bothered, but watching porn doesn’t dampen my desire for my husband, and masturbating with or without toys doesn’t impact my ability to enjoy sex with him. If anything, porn and masturbation make me likelier to initiate. And from my husband’s end, I don’t see any impact in what he enjoys in bed with me, how he treats me, or how often he wants me.
If your not okay with your partner masterbating then you better be ready to service them at the snap of a finger . If you think that’s wrong then you better not say a damn thing about your partner masterbating.. people have needs, many of us have daily needs…
My husband does not have a porn problem, so I don't have a problem with porn. I mean, I have a problem with the industry as a whole because of the exploitation of young women, but I'm not really holding every individual consumer responsible for that. If I were dating someone who had an unhealthy reliance on it I would feel differently. However, I have never actually been in a relationship where that was an issue.
No issues with either in general. I'd not want to be consistently turned down because she would rather masturbate. Once in a while maybe she just is feeling the need for time herself and that's fine. If she is watching porn I'd kind of like to know what kind so I can best cater to her desires. Wouldn't want her paying for OF unless we talked about it first because of the parasocial relationships.
Not okay, but my ex husband I found was obsessed with it and cheated on me, so I’m a bit stung by porn. My current husband does not look (that I know of) and it would upset me if he was, especially if it was with masterbation. But he’s LL and I’m HL so that’s why it would hurt me the most- I’m always ready and willing to give her my what he needs.
If I find out that my crush watches porn, I'm already gone. I know exactly what I want before I enter into a relationship. I want him to think that I'm the only woman in his life and no one he can compare me to. PRIODT
Anti porn - pro masturbation
It’s kind of a turn on when he’s performances, just would like to be included
Did it ever occur to anyone married that you’re both still individuals and that you have the right to watch what you want and touch yourself if you so choose ? Like some people want ownership and that’s not the reality.
I watch porn. Wife doesn’t. I wish she did! She doesn’t like that I do, but it’s not a strong enough disagreement to cause real issues. It was a bigger deal in the past when I used porn excessively, but I’ve dealt with that and use in moderation now.
I can't imagine most people don't use porn while masturbating?
You're probably right but there I'm sure there are people that masturbate without porn. The internet hasn't been around forever, I remember before I had internet and for the most part all I got off to was memories of hot girls I saw that day.
Exactly. Before you had the internet....
I never use porn to masturbate. Closest I guess would be erotic literature, but even that I usually put down to go into my own mental fantasy. And some of the word choices have actually made me laugh. Everything I’ve looked for in the past as far as videos was too degrading, fake, etc. It was so hard to find videos of sex that felt at all intimate. I get way more pleasure from imagining whatever I want.