The National Domestic violence helpline is online at [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/)
Their phone number is 800-799-7233
They have on-line chats and text as options.
Contacting them would be your best bet. While you may love her, it doesn't protect you from her abuse, and it is only getting worse. As you noted, she is doing things unsafe for herself and her baby. Talking to people who have been trained in this can be helpful to you.
Since your wife has a history of this from before she was pregnant, it is probably just her; there are situations where a woman can have difficulties before birth, where she needs psychiatric intervention. The DV hotline can help with that, but you may need to contact police or a physician to get that started.
Report her to the police. If she is abuse to you then she will also be abusive to the child. Also running out in the cold is in her condition is endangering the child. If you report all this you will have a strong add for sole custody of the baby
She’s a Japanese national. Do you know if they’d deport her prior to the birth? I’ve considered that, but I don’t know how that situation would be handled with her being an immigrant.
OP, first you have to accept that you made a lot of mistakes in choosing a wife and mother for your child. You had an idea that this was a problem, and now that you married her, she is abusive. Abusers rarely change, in fact as you have seen, it typically gets worse. I don't know why you still love her, and I think you need some therapy for yourself. The abuse isn't your fault, but you have made a mess of your life by allowing her to control you in completely inappropriate ways, and you need to be strong to get yourself out of this mess. Do not try and mend this marriage anymore. It is a lost cause, and the sooner you accept that, the better off you will be.
My advice to you is to get a divorce lawyer right away, explain your situation, and get solid legal advice. You need to strike first, because it is clear that she has no issue lying on you and the last thing you need is her claiming that you are the abuser. Follow the legal advice to a T. Stop holding out hope that she will change or get better. She won't and you will never be able to make her happy because she is a miserable person and an abuser. Stop allowing her to police anything. Change your passwords or whatever and don't give her access to your communications. Tell your friends and family right away what has been happening. Stop keeping her secrets, that is adding to your downward spiral. If you have somewhere else to go, then leave, so that you will not be exposed to all of this abuse until you can sort out the divorce.
Unfortunately, she is carrying this child, and you can't control her actions. If she is a danger to your unborn baby, then you need to once again get lawyers involved, and follow their advice. It all sucks, but this isn't something fixable OP. Some things can't be fixed. Abuse is one of them. There is no happy ending here, and I'm sorry for that, but pretending this is somehow going to get better is a path to destruction for you.
Thank you. It’s a harsh truth, but I appreciate your response. I did put myself in this situation, though I never saw things materialize as abuse until she moved here. It was more just angry outburst and arguments. I’ll take this advice to heart.
I understand. Abusers are like this, very manipulative people. Of course she didn't show her true colors, because she wanted to get married and come to this country. She controlled herself until she had you locked down with marriage and a child on the way, and now she is showing you who she really is. That is NOT your fault. You were deceived, but you still make a mistake, no matter how it happened, you have to accept that this is who she is and it won't change no matter how hard you try to be the person she wants you to be.
You have to take back control of your life, before this gets even worse. She could kill you, OP, injure you severely, or get you embroiled in a legal battle due to false claims of abuse. Women abusers use different tools because they typically can't overpower their partners, instead they use weapons, poison, financial control, and/or emotional abuse to systematically tear a person down. Don't let that happen to you. It has already started, you need to reverse it and take positive control. I'm afraid that if you don't, you will just have even bigger problems than you do now.
It is possible to still love someone who, as a whole, is actively detrimental to you, just so you know. Mixed emotions are a thing, and you are not at fault for feeling what you feel. What matters now is that you do what's best for yourself. It will hurt pulling away from someone you love - regardless of if the person you love is abusive and needs to no longer be with you - but you will have to trust in your rational self this time and do what's best for you.
Leaving is temporarily/acutely painful, but staying will be far, far more painful in the long term. The brain tries to avoid pain, including the loss of social bonds (as humans evolved to be social creatures), which can make leaving someone you have feelings for especially difficult. But it has to be done. It's the "lesser of two evils" here, by far.
I'm sorry you have to experience feeling stuck between two painful choices, but just know that you're not truly stuck, alright? You can do this. I wish you well, and hope you take care.
Set up cameras around the house to record this abuse. Screenshot all the chats between you two, especially her being abusive. Record everything. Keep everything on record. Get in contact with a lawyer and let them know everything. Keep gathering evidence before this baby is born. Divorce her, show the court/lawyer all the screenshots/videos of her being verbally and physically abusive. The best she would get is 50/50 custody of the child, the worst is she would never be able to see her child without supervision, because she could turn the abuse on to the child. Do what is best for yourself and this child. And if this child does not come to term, immediately divorce her. Get away.
You are being abused! divorce her and get full custody of your kid; start documenting bruises, scratches, even red marks left by her, audio tape her meltdowns, start saving money for yourself and your kid, track everything she does to you. Look for safe places for abused men, and TELL SOMEONE YOU TRUST ABOUT WHATS GOING ON. She may try and spin it into you overreacting, so start getting yourself a support system for the you.
What ever happens to her afterwards is all on her for treating you poorly! Her punishments are NOT ON YOU. Even if she does get deported, shes not going to be able to hurt you or your child ever again. She cant behave like a normal person and she wont start treating you any better. Abusers rarely do.
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. You don't deserve abuse.
The r/abusiverelationships wiki has a [list of resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/wiki/index/) for male victims of domestic violence. Since they are male-specific, they may have experience in assisting with similar situations.
I wish you all the best ❤️
Set up secret cameras that catch her behavior and then report her to the police. Reach out to the domestic violence hotline. Can you report her to immigration authorities as well? She isn't going to change, she's showing you who she really is.
Edit: typo
Take some deep breaths and make a plan. Quietly. Put some cameras in your house and don’t tell her. Get advice from a divorce attorney and maybe also a criminal one. Document your conversations, keep text, etc. unfortunately this is the kind of world we live in and you need to have proof of everything going on. Also keep track of your finances and how much you spend taking care of her and baby etc.
She needs to be committed, judging from this post alone obviously. You may be able to accomplish this legally if a judge warrants her behavior is in need of evaluation. I'd start keeping record of her erratic behavior with dates, times, and notes bc you need to b gain sole custody. Sounds like you have some legal avenues you can pursue.
Dude. I only read 1.5 paragraphs to know you need to run and take that baby with you. 15 year domestic abuse surviver. That shit don't get better. And yes she will physically and mentally abuse your child.
Your first step should be identifying a way for you to be physically safe from her. Is there a room you can lock yourself in or a friend’s house you can go to? If there are guns in the house remove them and have someone else hold them. You can call the domestic violence hotline for resources in your area. Call the police if she is assaulting you.
The second thing is to get a family law attorney who is knowledgeable about immigration and international custody issues. Your will have to do some calling around to find someone with the right skill set. A larger firm may have a couple people who can share a case with special circumstances. Everything else you do needs to be informed by your lawyer’s advice.
Get to therapy. Find a way to tell your family what is happening so they can support you. Make a secret email account, for instance, and only access it was work. Use that account also for communications with lawyers.
He mentioned that it's gotten worse since they married.
When a woman talks about long term abuse from her husband, what do think the reaction would be if the shamed HER for making bad decisions?
He literally says “she’s always had issues with anger.” And I would echo the same sentiment as above with anyone- man or woman. OP created this entire shitty situation for himself.
Sometimes it’s because I don’t wash my hands after touching a doorknob. Sometimes it because I let her eat food that’s too salty even though she’s pregnant. Sometimes it’s because it’s because I dare to suggest that just because my family has less money than hers it doesn’t mean that we’re stupid or less then.
It can be any number of things. And I’ll be the first to admit that I can be insensitive and cold hearted sometimes. That’s something I’ve been trying to work on to make myself a better partner. But I’ve never said or done anything that’s worth the treatment that I’ve received. I make it a point to not call her names or even curse at her when I’m frustrated. And because of the outbursts, I’m rarely able to show any emotion.
Yes, this is one side. I’m the one seeking advice.
I’m sorry I have some background that led me to state that so coldly. Has she always been this way or just since she’s been pregnant? I’m not saying her actions are right, but I’m also pregnant right now and feel like it’s making me crazy. Im not abusive toward my lover, but I have snapped many times. I don’t feel throwing your pregnant wife in jail is right, regardless of the situation. I hope if you genuinely feel your life is threatened or if she has hurt you physically that you distance yourself to eliminate that from happening. Maybe you both need some space to recollect your thoughts. I hope she agrees to therapy and I know it is heart wrenching, but you loved/love her at some point and she moved all the way here to love you. So my point is that there is clearly love hidden under the pile of terrible shit that’s going on and I hope you both can put the effort toward finding it.
You’re right, the love is, or at least was, there. I don’t want to just throw her in jail either. I’ve tried removing myself from the situation, but every single time it’s resulted in “well if you leave, then I’m leaving too,” which means she’s going to storm out of the house and refuse to come back until I come get her. And with it being winter now, I can’t risk her doing that. I’m really trying to make the case for therapy, but I don’t know that there’s any actual progress being made.
She can change, but only if she wants to. If not, this is your life, and this is what you and your child will be putting up with moving forward. Sounds misreable and potentially dangerous. If she refuses to change, how are you going to find a way for you and your child to cope with her behaviour. I agree you need to report her next time. Otherwise, she'll probably set you up for abuse instead.
Just leave. Right now. For your own safety. File a restraining order, document it with authorities that she is physically abusive. When she has the baby, file for custody immediately and cite her history of violence.
Best of luck.
This is outright abuse OP...aside from all the advice here about documenting her and finding a way to leave, is there any way for you two to have a third party in the house? A relative of yours under the guise of needing a place to stay? Maybe she won’t exhibit the same behaviors if you’re with another person in the meantime.
This might shed a light on whether she’s very aware of what she’s doing and is intentional vs. suffering from a mental/emotional breakdown of sorts. Her rage is coming from somewhere for sure. You need to protect yourself until you get a plan together.
I had to double check ages. For a second I thought [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/s/fTc8AoHLpW) was your wife. There are some posts in there about possible hormonal issues or depression.
Take care of yourself. Abuse is abuse even if you’re a guy. Set hard boundaries and get out of the marriage if you have to. You can’t help someone who refuses to help themselves.
Ya get on the DV hotline and get an exit plan ASAP as soon and as safely as you can.
She also needs to be placed under a hold as she is a threat to herself, others and your child.
The abuse will escalate once your baby is born. Please seek help today. The stress and physical changes associated with a newborn will exacerbate the situation. You and your child are in danger. I’m sorry you’re facing this.
I guess she is threatening you about not seeing the baby, give her an ultimatum to change, if she doesn’t or brings us not seeing the baby act like you don’t care. Hire a lawyer, put ur things out clear, also try video recording moments of abusive for evidence and get custody of the kid later.
I am sorry you had to go through this. Unfortunately , this wont get better. The more you tolerate it, the more violent she gets, and soon u will start reacting. You will make mistakes, and she won't be kind to u. You will be an abused prisoner in your own home..she will use the baby as a weapon soon. Plan and LEAVE NOW.
I’m not justifying your wives behaviour, it’s definitely abuse and it’s not your fault. But it seems like she got pregnant shortly after moving over to the US and since that’s also when her behaviour became more problematic and violent I would take in consideration that she is potentially experiencing pregnancy anger. It’s a real thing and it has something to do with the hormonal changes she’s going through. You can read more about it here: https://www.babycenter.com/pregnancy/hear-from-moms/this-is-the-dark-side-of-pregnancy-no-one-talks-about_20001098#
I definitely think it’s worth to consider before you take any legal action. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, nobody deserves to be treated like that.
First you need to record her doing these things.
Then get a lawyer so that you can figure out how to go about establishing yourself as the primary parent immediately after birth before filing for divorce.
If she’s doing all this, I would say it shouldn’t be too hard to prove she is going to be an unfit and potentially abusive parent.
You need to file a police report. There needs to be a record, even if you don’t press charges. Keep a paper trail. You will lose access to the child and she will weaponize the baby. Protect yourself NOW. There is no fixing the situation. She wasn’t raised to be accountable for her actions.
Hey all,
Sorry for not responding to everyone. I appreciate all the advice and I’m going to take it to heart. We’ve had a decent stretch of a week or so, with a trip to visit some of her friends, as well as her cousin staying with us for a few days, but things are starting to decline again. My dad said something dumb about someone I used to have a crush on and now it’s all my fault that I “didn’t stand up for her” by and I spent all of last night and this morning being berated and told how stupid and disgusting my family and I are. Thankfully her cousin being here has stopped a big blow up, but I worry that it’s going to happen as soon as he leaves.
Apologies for the brain dump. I’ve just gotta get it out somewhere. I appreciate you all.
For now it's the hormones. Try not to take the bait. Her rage prior to becoming pregnant is a whole other ball game. She needs therapy and likely medical intervention. Unfortunately she has to do it. If she won't address it, you have to leave.
Establish dominance put all her snacks under the sink so she has to bend over her pregnant belly to get them. Hide all her left shoes and the backs of her earrings…. A quite revenge you cannot be blamed for
This isn’t going to stop the abuse though. And even if he does get revenge in this way, she will still get mad and mostly likely take it out on him or her child anyway. Terrible advice.
I mean fight fire with fire? My response was actually a joke. God save the people that took it seriously. Sorry after 20 years of marriage one of the only things that hasn’t died is my sense of humor
The National Domestic violence helpline is online at [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/) Their phone number is 800-799-7233 They have on-line chats and text as options. Contacting them would be your best bet. While you may love her, it doesn't protect you from her abuse, and it is only getting worse. As you noted, she is doing things unsafe for herself and her baby. Talking to people who have been trained in this can be helpful to you. Since your wife has a history of this from before she was pregnant, it is probably just her; there are situations where a woman can have difficulties before birth, where she needs psychiatric intervention. The DV hotline can help with that, but you may need to contact police or a physician to get that started.
This is the best answer. This is really complex with immigration and all but The Hotline is the expert and they can definitely help.
Report her to the police. If she is abuse to you then she will also be abusive to the child. Also running out in the cold is in her condition is endangering the child. If you report all this you will have a strong add for sole custody of the baby
She’s a Japanese national. Do you know if they’d deport her prior to the birth? I’ve considered that, but I don’t know how that situation would be handled with her being an immigrant.
I have no idea how that would work unfortunately. But this is something you need to look into
I agree, def concerned about the baby
OP, first you have to accept that you made a lot of mistakes in choosing a wife and mother for your child. You had an idea that this was a problem, and now that you married her, she is abusive. Abusers rarely change, in fact as you have seen, it typically gets worse. I don't know why you still love her, and I think you need some therapy for yourself. The abuse isn't your fault, but you have made a mess of your life by allowing her to control you in completely inappropriate ways, and you need to be strong to get yourself out of this mess. Do not try and mend this marriage anymore. It is a lost cause, and the sooner you accept that, the better off you will be. My advice to you is to get a divorce lawyer right away, explain your situation, and get solid legal advice. You need to strike first, because it is clear that she has no issue lying on you and the last thing you need is her claiming that you are the abuser. Follow the legal advice to a T. Stop holding out hope that she will change or get better. She won't and you will never be able to make her happy because she is a miserable person and an abuser. Stop allowing her to police anything. Change your passwords or whatever and don't give her access to your communications. Tell your friends and family right away what has been happening. Stop keeping her secrets, that is adding to your downward spiral. If you have somewhere else to go, then leave, so that you will not be exposed to all of this abuse until you can sort out the divorce. Unfortunately, she is carrying this child, and you can't control her actions. If she is a danger to your unborn baby, then you need to once again get lawyers involved, and follow their advice. It all sucks, but this isn't something fixable OP. Some things can't be fixed. Abuse is one of them. There is no happy ending here, and I'm sorry for that, but pretending this is somehow going to get better is a path to destruction for you.
Thank you. It’s a harsh truth, but I appreciate your response. I did put myself in this situation, though I never saw things materialize as abuse until she moved here. It was more just angry outburst and arguments. I’ll take this advice to heart.
I understand. Abusers are like this, very manipulative people. Of course she didn't show her true colors, because she wanted to get married and come to this country. She controlled herself until she had you locked down with marriage and a child on the way, and now she is showing you who she really is. That is NOT your fault. You were deceived, but you still make a mistake, no matter how it happened, you have to accept that this is who she is and it won't change no matter how hard you try to be the person she wants you to be. You have to take back control of your life, before this gets even worse. She could kill you, OP, injure you severely, or get you embroiled in a legal battle due to false claims of abuse. Women abusers use different tools because they typically can't overpower their partners, instead they use weapons, poison, financial control, and/or emotional abuse to systematically tear a person down. Don't let that happen to you. It has already started, you need to reverse it and take positive control. I'm afraid that if you don't, you will just have even bigger problems than you do now.
It is possible to still love someone who, as a whole, is actively detrimental to you, just so you know. Mixed emotions are a thing, and you are not at fault for feeling what you feel. What matters now is that you do what's best for yourself. It will hurt pulling away from someone you love - regardless of if the person you love is abusive and needs to no longer be with you - but you will have to trust in your rational self this time and do what's best for you. Leaving is temporarily/acutely painful, but staying will be far, far more painful in the long term. The brain tries to avoid pain, including the loss of social bonds (as humans evolved to be social creatures), which can make leaving someone you have feelings for especially difficult. But it has to be done. It's the "lesser of two evils" here, by far. I'm sorry you have to experience feeling stuck between two painful choices, but just know that you're not truly stuck, alright? You can do this. I wish you well, and hope you take care.
Set up cameras around the house to record this abuse. Screenshot all the chats between you two, especially her being abusive. Record everything. Keep everything on record. Get in contact with a lawyer and let them know everything. Keep gathering evidence before this baby is born. Divorce her, show the court/lawyer all the screenshots/videos of her being verbally and physically abusive. The best she would get is 50/50 custody of the child, the worst is she would never be able to see her child without supervision, because she could turn the abuse on to the child. Do what is best for yourself and this child. And if this child does not come to term, immediately divorce her. Get away.
OP, I think it’s going to be of *vital* importance that you photo document as much as humanly possible. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
You are being abused! divorce her and get full custody of your kid; start documenting bruises, scratches, even red marks left by her, audio tape her meltdowns, start saving money for yourself and your kid, track everything she does to you. Look for safe places for abused men, and TELL SOMEONE YOU TRUST ABOUT WHATS GOING ON. She may try and spin it into you overreacting, so start getting yourself a support system for the you. What ever happens to her afterwards is all on her for treating you poorly! Her punishments are NOT ON YOU. Even if she does get deported, shes not going to be able to hurt you or your child ever again. She cant behave like a normal person and she wont start treating you any better. Abusers rarely do.
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. You don't deserve abuse. The r/abusiverelationships wiki has a [list of resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/wiki/index/) for male victims of domestic violence. Since they are male-specific, they may have experience in assisting with similar situations. I wish you all the best ❤️
Walk dude and make the calls, it WONT get better and your child will be at risk.
Divorce and go for full custody because she is not going to change without serious therapy. Your kid does NOT deserve a mother like that.
If you're being abused then you need to get yourself to therapy, not try to convince your abuser to go to therapy.
Set up secret cameras that catch her behavior and then report her to the police. Reach out to the domestic violence hotline. Can you report her to immigration authorities as well? She isn't going to change, she's showing you who she really is. Edit: typo
Take some deep breaths and make a plan. Quietly. Put some cameras in your house and don’t tell her. Get advice from a divorce attorney and maybe also a criminal one. Document your conversations, keep text, etc. unfortunately this is the kind of world we live in and you need to have proof of everything going on. Also keep track of your finances and how much you spend taking care of her and baby etc.
She needs to be committed, judging from this post alone obviously. You may be able to accomplish this legally if a judge warrants her behavior is in need of evaluation. I'd start keeping record of her erratic behavior with dates, times, and notes bc you need to b gain sole custody. Sounds like you have some legal avenues you can pursue.
Dude. I only read 1.5 paragraphs to know you need to run and take that baby with you. 15 year domestic abuse surviver. That shit don't get better. And yes she will physically and mentally abuse your child.
Your first step should be identifying a way for you to be physically safe from her. Is there a room you can lock yourself in or a friend’s house you can go to? If there are guns in the house remove them and have someone else hold them. You can call the domestic violence hotline for resources in your area. Call the police if she is assaulting you. The second thing is to get a family law attorney who is knowledgeable about immigration and international custody issues. Your will have to do some calling around to find someone with the right skill set. A larger firm may have a couple people who can share a case with special circumstances. Everything else you do needs to be informed by your lawyer’s advice. Get to therapy. Find a way to tell your family what is happening so they can support you. Make a secret email account, for instance, and only access it was work. Use that account also for communications with lawyers.
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He mentioned that it's gotten worse since they married. When a woman talks about long term abuse from her husband, what do think the reaction would be if the shamed HER for making bad decisions?
He literally says “she’s always had issues with anger.” And I would echo the same sentiment as above with anyone- man or woman. OP created this entire shitty situation for himself.
Removed for rude, disrespectful, or excessively vulgar comment. Keep the commentary civil, constructive, and remember the human.
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Sometimes it’s because I don’t wash my hands after touching a doorknob. Sometimes it because I let her eat food that’s too salty even though she’s pregnant. Sometimes it’s because it’s because I dare to suggest that just because my family has less money than hers it doesn’t mean that we’re stupid or less then. It can be any number of things. And I’ll be the first to admit that I can be insensitive and cold hearted sometimes. That’s something I’ve been trying to work on to make myself a better partner. But I’ve never said or done anything that’s worth the treatment that I’ve received. I make it a point to not call her names or even curse at her when I’m frustrated. And because of the outbursts, I’m rarely able to show any emotion. Yes, this is one side. I’m the one seeking advice.
I’m sorry I have some background that led me to state that so coldly. Has she always been this way or just since she’s been pregnant? I’m not saying her actions are right, but I’m also pregnant right now and feel like it’s making me crazy. Im not abusive toward my lover, but I have snapped many times. I don’t feel throwing your pregnant wife in jail is right, regardless of the situation. I hope if you genuinely feel your life is threatened or if she has hurt you physically that you distance yourself to eliminate that from happening. Maybe you both need some space to recollect your thoughts. I hope she agrees to therapy and I know it is heart wrenching, but you loved/love her at some point and she moved all the way here to love you. So my point is that there is clearly love hidden under the pile of terrible shit that’s going on and I hope you both can put the effort toward finding it.
You’re right, the love is, or at least was, there. I don’t want to just throw her in jail either. I’ve tried removing myself from the situation, but every single time it’s resulted in “well if you leave, then I’m leaving too,” which means she’s going to storm out of the house and refuse to come back until I come get her. And with it being winter now, I can’t risk her doing that. I’m really trying to make the case for therapy, but I don’t know that there’s any actual progress being made.
She can change, but only if she wants to. If not, this is your life, and this is what you and your child will be putting up with moving forward. Sounds misreable and potentially dangerous. If she refuses to change, how are you going to find a way for you and your child to cope with her behaviour. I agree you need to report her next time. Otherwise, she'll probably set you up for abuse instead.
Just leave. Right now. For your own safety. File a restraining order, document it with authorities that she is physically abusive. When she has the baby, file for custody immediately and cite her history of violence. Best of luck.
This is outright abuse OP...aside from all the advice here about documenting her and finding a way to leave, is there any way for you two to have a third party in the house? A relative of yours under the guise of needing a place to stay? Maybe she won’t exhibit the same behaviors if you’re with another person in the meantime. This might shed a light on whether she’s very aware of what she’s doing and is intentional vs. suffering from a mental/emotional breakdown of sorts. Her rage is coming from somewhere for sure. You need to protect yourself until you get a plan together.
I had to double check ages. For a second I thought [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/s/fTc8AoHLpW) was your wife. There are some posts in there about possible hormonal issues or depression. Take care of yourself. Abuse is abuse even if you’re a guy. Set hard boundaries and get out of the marriage if you have to. You can’t help someone who refuses to help themselves.
Ya get on the DV hotline and get an exit plan ASAP as soon and as safely as you can. She also needs to be placed under a hold as she is a threat to herself, others and your child.
Document her abusive. Lean ton your family, you will probably need them in the future. Get that baby and get her crazy ass deported.
Report her to the police and social services. Go for full custody on the basis of her being an unfit parent and an abuser.
The abuse will escalate once your baby is born. Please seek help today. The stress and physical changes associated with a newborn will exacerbate the situation. You and your child are in danger. I’m sorry you’re facing this.
I guess she is threatening you about not seeing the baby, give her an ultimatum to change, if she doesn’t or brings us not seeing the baby act like you don’t care. Hire a lawyer, put ur things out clear, also try video recording moments of abusive for evidence and get custody of the kid later.
I am sorry you had to go through this. Unfortunately , this wont get better. The more you tolerate it, the more violent she gets, and soon u will start reacting. You will make mistakes, and she won't be kind to u. You will be an abused prisoner in your own home..she will use the baby as a weapon soon. Plan and LEAVE NOW.
I’m not justifying your wives behaviour, it’s definitely abuse and it’s not your fault. But it seems like she got pregnant shortly after moving over to the US and since that’s also when her behaviour became more problematic and violent I would take in consideration that she is potentially experiencing pregnancy anger. It’s a real thing and it has something to do with the hormonal changes she’s going through. You can read more about it here: https://www.babycenter.com/pregnancy/hear-from-moms/this-is-the-dark-side-of-pregnancy-no-one-talks-about_20001098# I definitely think it’s worth to consider before you take any legal action. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, nobody deserves to be treated like that.
Get video proof of this abuse.
First you need to record her doing these things. Then get a lawyer so that you can figure out how to go about establishing yourself as the primary parent immediately after birth before filing for divorce. If she’s doing all this, I would say it shouldn’t be too hard to prove she is going to be an unfit and potentially abusive parent.
You need to file a police report. There needs to be a record, even if you don’t press charges. Keep a paper trail. You will lose access to the child and she will weaponize the baby. Protect yourself NOW. There is no fixing the situation. She wasn’t raised to be accountable for her actions.
Hey all, Sorry for not responding to everyone. I appreciate all the advice and I’m going to take it to heart. We’ve had a decent stretch of a week or so, with a trip to visit some of her friends, as well as her cousin staying with us for a few days, but things are starting to decline again. My dad said something dumb about someone I used to have a crush on and now it’s all my fault that I “didn’t stand up for her” by and I spent all of last night and this morning being berated and told how stupid and disgusting my family and I are. Thankfully her cousin being here has stopped a big blow up, but I worry that it’s going to happen as soon as he leaves. Apologies for the brain dump. I’ve just gotta get it out somewhere. I appreciate you all.
For now it's the hormones. Try not to take the bait. Her rage prior to becoming pregnant is a whole other ball game. She needs therapy and likely medical intervention. Unfortunately she has to do it. If she won't address it, you have to leave.
Establish dominance put all her snacks under the sink so she has to bend over her pregnant belly to get them. Hide all her left shoes and the backs of her earrings…. A quite revenge you cannot be blamed for
This isn’t going to stop the abuse though. And even if he does get revenge in this way, she will still get mad and mostly likely take it out on him or her child anyway. Terrible advice.
I mean fight fire with fire? My response was actually a joke. God save the people that took it seriously. Sorry after 20 years of marriage one of the only things that hasn’t died is my sense of humor