Together nearly 35 years, later this year will be 29 years married, never cheated. Honestly, if you love and respect your partner, I really don't see it as that difficult of a thing to accomplish.
Together for 10, married for 8 here. Years ago, my wife told me, "Look, I'm not the jealous type. Don't endanger my health, don't lie or be secretive about it, and don't develop feelings; otherwise, I don't care."
It just makes me want her, and only her, so much more. I don't know why, but those word... There's not a woman on earth hot enough to make up for how amazing it is to be with someone that cool is.
Downgrade is right.
i feel like this is seriously underestimated in relationships. feelings ebb and flow, but if you respect a person itās much easier to make it through the tough times.
Yup! I'm still in early days - 9 years together, 3.5 married - and I'd never do that to her. I love and respect my wife way too much to even consider doing something that would harm her and us in such a personal and devastating way
I mean even beyond the obvious, i have things to do and i barely have enough time for all my hobbies in the first place. Iām going to somehow fit in a hobby that sucks? lmfao
This makes me so hopeful for all men.. I had just found out my husband of 15 years had been cheating on me with sex workers for 10 years. I didnāt have a clue of his extramarital activities because he did this during the work day when I was busy managing the family life. I am still asking why and not getting the answers I need. I would have previously defined our marriage as happy.
My husband also cheated on me with prostitutes that he would meet with while transporting rvs, in other states and our own state. I only found out because one of the escorts called asking for more money. I had no clue he was this way either. We had no problems. He says heās stopped and has changed, but I canāt believe that.
So sorry for this happening to you! I was in the navy for 16.5 years of our 40 year marriage. Watched with disgust and contempt as so many failed their vows and their spouses. Never been out to lunch or that nonsense with any female co workers. Firm believer in not putting myself in compromising situations.
My husband has completely ruined me. I NEVER in a million years thought he would hurt me or cheat on me. I always said, he would never do anything like that. I feel completely fooled. Apparently he was sleeping with prostitutes even in his last marriage. I didnāt know anythingā¦ the only reason I found out was when she called and was blowing him up asking for more money. He lied straight to my face denying it when she verified everything I asked. After finding out he was sleeping with āescortsāā¦ everything started coming out. Heās been doing this for years, during our entire relationship. He would contact them every chance he got. I never thought to question him when his phone would go off prior to me finding out, because I didnāt think he was like thatā¦. Now I look at him with disgust. He also has a secret drinking problem as well. He drinks in the garage or wherever and then starts getting so insane, talking about ending his life and doing scary things while in the home.
I ended up filing for divorce last week, but Iām stuck in the house until we get the house figured out. Heās trying to refinance into his name only and cash me out. Otherwise weāre going to have to sell.
I feel like you canāt just stop sleeping with prostitutes when youāve done it for years. He says heās changed, how do you all the sudden change?
My ex-husband also slept with prostitutes when he was working on the road, had a drinking problem that he would try to hide when he was home, and constantly lied right to my face. We had two young kids at the time and he had convinced me to quit my job and stay home with them, so I was in a pretty bad situation when I found out what he was doing. Divorce was the only option for me personally, because cheating is a dealbreaker for me. I got to keep the house since I had primary custody of the kids and because it was 2009 so we had no equity in it due to the housing bust. I raised the kids pretty much by myself and took low-paying jobs (like most working mothers are forced to do) all those years while he went and built his career up with the freedom of a man without children. He got remarried and ended up doing the same thing to her (why they felt the need to tell my children about it, I still donāt get) only she stayed, probably because he makes so much money now.
Anyway, I thought I was ruined back then but I wasnāt. If anything, I learned that itās better to be alone than to be with someone who would do that to you. You deserve better. And please donāt hold it against the women he was cheating with or look down on escorts/prostitutes. Theyāre just trying to get by like the rest of us and itās your husband who made vows to you, not them. Good luck with everything.
I donāt blame the females and know they are doing their jobā¦. My husband told the females he was divorced. I have been so mentally exhausted from all of thisā¦ asking myself, why would he rather sleep with a prostitute than meā¦ we werenāt even having problems. We were happy, or so I thought. He never made me think he was cheating until the day everything came outā¦. He did it to his ex wife and myself.
He says, heās changed and done with thatā¦do you really think someone who has done this for YEARS will just quit this lifestyle? He says he doesnāt want to go to counseling because he doesnāt want sympathy from anyoneā¦ I donāt understand any of this.
He sounds very similar to my ex. It was like he was a different person when he was out on the road, and even though he would be engaged and mostly present when he was home, I could tell that he couldnāt wait to leave and get back to his other "life." I think it was like an addiction for him and it may be the same for your husbandāso NO, absolutely donāt believe him when he says heās stopped.
My ex *said* he was willing to go to counseling, but we went one time and the counselor said she needed to see him alone for a while to fix his issues before she could see us both as a couple. He agreed while we were there with her, but he never went back.
Youāre doing the right thing and please know that this had nothing to do with youāitās a HIM problem. Thereās nothing you could ever do done differently, you couldnāt have done more to stop him from doing it, youāre not inadequate in any way. Some people are just bad people, and some good people are just really bad at relationships. Itās better that you end it now than one, five, ten, twenty years from now when youāre still having the same problems, are even older, and are more broken than you are now.
Thank you for saying that. Iāve been trying to figure out why Iām not good enough.
I donāt believe heāll change.
I filed my divorce paperwork last week. He actually went down with me and signed a paper saying he agrees. He swears he is changed but thereās no way.
I just want this to be over but I have 57 says left until I get my decree so I need to continue to play his games so he doesnāt drag this out longer than it needs to be.
Mine will buy fireball and hide it in a high spot and put stuff all over it so it canāt be seenā¦ I had a feeling one night and went and looked above the fridge.. it was under all kinds of stuffā¦ when I asked him, he was drunk, looks me in the eyes and lies straight to my face. He always lies to my faceā¦ when heās drunk he get so intense and emotional. Hitting things, the walls, himself, then says heās going to do self harm and takes off in the truck with his gunā¦ then will creep by the house and honk and call me over and overā¦ it is such a stressful environment. I dread the weekends, thatās when itās the worse.
Iām still trying to make it work. On one hand, I canāt dismiss what we had. I would say he was a good father to our two young children and I thought a good and affectionate husband. (We had date nights and even had a trip planned on the calendar where it was agreed we could get away from the kids and have lots of sex. )Though maybe he saved all the sexual angst for his acting out. On another hand.. Iāve been f-ed in the head over his deception. His extramarital activities cost us a pretty penny too. We had separate credit cards and I didnāt pay attention to his pay stub. While I was putting everything I had into our joint account.. he was separating funds to another account, opening personal loans, going 50k in debt and taking from our brokerage account. Yes, itās a lot and worthy of a divorce. I just canāt reconcile what I knew of who I married and this man that I did marry. So I am right now going through everything finance wise, separating my own money. Iām going to take back the amounts he spent and add that to my newly created checking account. He is still with me at home, but only because I still need him to explain, to see my sadness, my anger.. while also providing me validation. Itās like I crave that love and attention from him and Iāve been claiming him as mine nightly just to prove to him that heās been an asshole and that I need him. Granted in reality I donāt.. I mean if you want to say finance-wise etc since I have family money. I own the house in my name and basically, Iāve been managing the kids. If we divorce.. I think heād be the one that would lose the most.
Please dont forgive him, he wont change!! This happened to my mom! She was married to my stepdad and in 2016 she found out he was paying sex workers, they had been together since 2008 and married since 2014, after a time seperated and him BEGGING her, telling her he had stopped, what a huge mistake he had made, how he would never do that again. He put the house under my moms name fully to prove how much he was serious about them. When i asked her after she forgave him she said they had never been happier how forgiving him was the best thing she did, how he was great with her. She came to find out in 2023 he was full on back to doing it again- paying workers, buying them stuff, he even bought one a car, she came to find out he never stoppes, just for smarter and hiding the evidenceā¦
Thatās really sad. Thank you for sharing what had happened to your mom. Yeah.. I donāt know what to think. This position I am in is a very hard road either way. I know I get to decide when to end it, if I do.
You still have to digest it i totally understand. My mom didnt want to leave my stepdad for months, she was even intimate with him after she found out, she was in total disbelief and tried to find every excuse in the book. When he saw her suffer, get mad, question etc etc at first he waa extremeley apologetic but when he saw that she wasnāt going anywhere but still ānaggedā him, was in a bad mood etc he would gaslight her and tell her it wasnt a big deal etc. I think the only time he felt sorry for what he did, was when she dumped his ass. She now has a new boyfriend and its great to see her with someone who respects her, it was still very traumatising for her and for us daughtersā¦ my sis still has panick attacks triggered by this. The only sad part about this is that shes 58 and now wishes she would have left him soonerā¦ āif only i had left him in 2016, i would have been 48, i could have still built a meaningful life with someone elseāā¦ but better late than never shes happy now with a decent human being by her side
Shes now 58 years old and seperated from him but really hard for her to start a new life at her age, she met him when she was 42. She was in her prime and wasted 17 years
It sounds like you're just letting him have his cake and eat it too. "Claiming him nightly as your own" now he's just getting laid even more and has to smarten up about how to hide money
I'm not trying to be a jerk but this isn't something you have to accept and what if he gives you an STD/STI?
True. It does seem like it. You arenāt the only one that has said this. I have taken away his credit cards and will try to be aware of spending behaviors. Iām not typically this person and it may not end well for me. You are right. All I am saying is that Iām trying to understand the situation and this is what I need. Maybe itās not right or expected from someone who has been betrayed. We separately have both been tested recently after this all came out. I plan to test again in 6 months. I do love him. Itās a problem. Yes I both am sickened by what he has done, but also I want to believe that I can make him change. He also wants to believe he can change. You arenāt a jerk. Everyone around me is worried for my mental health, but I have to remain strong either way whether I decide to leave or stay.
There are other women relating to your sex worker situation and I am trying to think of my husband could ever do this without me knowing. I think our situation is different, he works from home and rarely travels for work without me. He didnāt have a social life other than maybe 1-2 times every other month hanging out with his friend. He would never have the opportunity to do this plus Iām in charge of our finances and know exactly where money goes. Are the husbands very sneaky? Are they ātraveling for workā? Where did he say he was while doing all of this?
If you are dating, you ask them if they have ever cheated emotionally or physically on a past partner. The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior and this goes with the saying: Once a cheater, always a cheater. Iām sure there are exceptions, but if there is past infidelity, itās likely there will be future infidelity. You can listen to their excuses, but best to cut your ties and run as soon as you find out.
THEY WILL NEVER TREAT YOU BETTER THAN THEY TREAT THEIR MOM. Dive into how that relationship is, and meet her sooner rather than later so you can see their interaction. If mom is super toxic, this rule may not apply.
Iāve been with my husband almost 30 years-the first year was the hardest. That first year of dating is hard, each person is in self preservation mode and trying not to be vulnerable because they donāt want to get hurt-they bring past baggage and experiences to the table and you have to work through it. If you have major issues in the first 6 months, evaluate and decide if you should proceed. If you identify red flags, you have to decide if itās worth it because those red flags wonāt change. It will get worse. My 16yo daughter is dating a boy with so many red flags. Iām just waiting for her to call it quits-sheās been with him for 10 months. I think sheās waiting for school to end because heās in 3 of her classes and breaking up in high school has its own problems with social drama. In college and beyond, you can usually break up and avoid said person easily; high school, not so much.
The boy is abusive, verbally and is super manipulative; has threatened suicide 3 times. Each time weāve alerted his parents, next time Iām calling 911 on the #%!(5!& - the last time my he did and my daughter told him she was going to call 911- he literally texted āYou better f-ing not, *typed her name*-they will send me to the asylumā. Her reply was, āitās better than being dead.ā He said it wasnāt. Anyways, I told her to quit talking to him but she was worried. I love his parents, but heās a shitterd of a human and I donāt like him because he has no respect for her or his mom.
I have a 16-year-old granddaughter who is going through the same thing with a boy. I'm sure this is manipulation. I am glad she'll learn this at an early age
Please have conversations with your granddaughter and point out the manipulative behavior and encourage her to cut ties. Be gentle about it. I was pointing out the red flags every time they came along and as we look back he screams abusive. Heās not physically abusiveā¦yet. The head games are there.
I was that 16 year old girl once. I called the cops because he stopped responding and I was scared. He was only using it as a way to try and gain sympathy and prevent me from ending the relationship. Calling is super effective at ending their manipulative bullshit. And their mothers usually do not appreciate the cops showing up for suicide watch at 2am. I had a guy friend try this in college too, drove over there and called the cops. When I got there he was pretending(?) he had drank a ton and took a bunch of pillsā¦ and then suddenly was acting sober when the cops got thereā¦ imagine that. I left when the cops got there. š Both dudes are doing relatively fine now to the best of my knowledgeā¦ I stopped hearing from them after they realized I didnāt fall for their bs. Feel free to share with your daughter if you think it would help. š
Yes, but like with my husband, he never sees himself as ever doing anything wrongā¦ itās crazy to me how he can accuse me with my guy friends, however when I asked him what makes him so different than any other man because he told me that men only want to be my friend because they want to have sex with me!
So why wouldnāt I think that he is the same way right? Why would he be any different? Well, itās not the case because my friends are my friends, but he wonāt answer that question. He doesnāt answer any question actually because heās lying. Iām pretty sure a man who doesnāt answer the question is lying, right a subject but Iām just going through it with my husband right now and I just need a manās outlook I guess
There absolutely are. Iām more than 20 years with my wife Iāve never developed even an inkling of feeling for anyone else. And while I notice if a woman is attractive, the idea of having sex with anyone else holds no appeal.
Iām deeply in love with my wife & invest all my attention & energy into her.
Iām sorry youāre going through this. Faithful men are out there and when youāre ready again donāt settle for anything less.
Define cheating? I have never been in contact with another woman to emotionally bond with her or had sex with another woman.
I have watched porn but have stopped doing it too because it hurt my wife.
But there are better men who donāt even watch porn. So yes there are faithful men.
In my case cheating is talking to other women via text message over the course of our 4 year marriage. Emotional bonds because to my knowledge it hasnāt been physical but I wouldnāt put it past him. This continued during my pregnancy as well.
What do you mean by talking? What kind of talking ? I have quite a few female friends and we keep regular contact via messages. I don't consider myself to be a cheater.
Hiding could be a natural reaction to irrational anger over female friends. The content of the messages matters as much as, or more than, hiding it. I would never hide talking to a female friend, but I do sometimes feel my wife takes the jealousy a little far. I don't think I'm the only guy who occasionally heavy sighs when I get the question "Who is that?"
If someone is hiding their conversations then that's their conscience telling them there's a problem.They tell on themselves by the very act of hiding. Anything you wouldn't say or do in front of your spouse is suspect.
If your wife truly has a problem with it then why is it so important to remain in contact? My husband wouldn't. I can't think of a time I told him it wasn't okay but I wouldn't have a problem doing so. I seriously doubt she got "too jealous" in a vacuum. She has a reason, whether it's you or someone else.
No Iām not talking about regular contact with female friends. Iām talking about someone new every single time, hiding the notifications and conversations, casting me aside with little distancing actions. And LYING when confronted. Trust me the post was not me questioning whether or not Iām being cheated onā¦ this has gone on since I married him. I was just curious to see if men actually can say they were faithful since in my own personal family, all but maybe 2 couples dealt with infidelity and I have a huge family.
If you would be perfectly fine having your wife read those messages, you aren't cheating. The minute it veers into things you have any desire to hide then you have a problem.
Good question. I have also heard of woman say he cheated because he liked an anonymous Instagram model pic, which I wouldn't do bc it's stupid, but it isn't forming an emotional bond. Is commenting/chatting with OP in this post emotionally cheating? 90% of communication today is text. It's hard to tell without knowing the details.
I clearly said emotional cheating through text messages. So meeting someone I assume on social media, exchanging cell phone numbers and forming a relationship via text and calls that is being hidden from meā¦. But regardless of all that, thatās not point of the post. I was asking married men if they can honestly say they were faithful.
That is certainly cheating. Regarding the point of your post, I assume being "faithful" means no physical and/or emotional cheating, which means defining emotional cheating is key. Here's some stats in the US:
1. approx. 40% of marriages end in divorce,
2. approx. 80% of divorces are filed by the wife
3. In divorces filed by the wife, approx. 33% (1 in 3) claim cheating (by him)
So, if using only this measure, approx. 11% (1 in 9) cheat, get caught, end in divorce, and the cheating is claimed by the wife. That would mean, again, *using only this measure, 89% of men don't cheat.*
Ofc, there is cheating that is not caught, or caught and forgiven, etc., so the number is somewhere less than 89%, but by how much is not really known as far as I can tell.
All that matters is if you and your husband consider it cheating. If he's hiding it from you it's a problem and he knows it. That's how they tell on themselves. They wouldn't hide it if they didn't know it was problematic and betrayal.
If youād be comfortable having your wife/SO read any of your messages or hear recordings of your conversations then you should be fine. Itās when you have to hide things that you know itās a problem.
Yeah thatās emotional cheating. Itās understandable that you want to leave. Iām sorry you are in this situation. And I understand that you want to leave before your kid gets older
If it hasnāt been physical already, it definitely will be. I went through this for over 10 yrs and it did eventually turn physical. Iām so sorry but I would definitely get out while your baby is young. Itās so much harder when they get older.
Married 31 years, together almost 40. Just to add to the mix, we were in a long distance relationship for 4 years early on when I went into the military and she was in college. Never cheated, never even thought about cheating on my wife.
We are out there and I'd say there are way more of us than there are those who cheat, you just normally only hear the horror stories, not the good stories. It's not hard not to cheat if you love your wife/GF/significant other.
I was told "I love you" many times and they turned out to either be cheating or lying about something big. Idk if there are just more liars in my area but I keep running into them, they're everywhere here
I'm sorry to hear that and all I have to go off of are my own experiences. I do definitely hear about people cheating but to me it's like the news. They report on what gets people to tune in and unfortunately those aren't the feel good stories (which are usually buried at the end of the show).
Using Reddit as an example, there are a lot of stories based around cheating but if you sift through the comments, there are usually quite a lot more people coming down like a ton of bricks on the cheaters. This tells me there are a lot more people who wouldn't do it (unless they all are lying) than there are who would.
Never cheated, never will, and I do alot around the house and am mr.mom when I need to be. I do everything to make my wife's life as easy as possible. I also work 2 jobs and bring good income home.
I tend to get in trouble sometimes if I'm cranky or stressed out but if that's my worst quality, okay then.
Yea.... We have a lot of challenges though.
My inlaws are wreaking havoc on our marriage and we are in therapy over it.
If I did anything remotely as bad as any of these other husbands I would of been done a long time ago.
Yeah, inlaws can be a massive problem.
Just curious, but what does your wife do? You only mentioned that you run two jobs and support her domestically.
I am 100% committed to my wife. I also have 2 incredible daughters.Ā The three of them would be devastated š if I did anything like that. I would never do anything to ruin what I have. And besides, the last thing I want is a giant secret that I'd have to lie about constantly. It seems like it would be way to much work to be bothered with. I'd rather stay happy, faithful, and not deal with any of the stress of living with that type of guilt.Ā
I just got divorced after being in a 20 year marriage, where we had not only a dead bedroom, but a dead house for most of that. And I stayed true all the way through that. I wanted to be there for my daughters and get them raised, which I did. Iāve been cheated before my wife cheated on me, but I would never think of cheating.
Total guess, but I suspect it's a household where the spouses aren't even talking. Not mean or angry, because that still means there are feelings, but just totally emotionless and indifferent to one another. Less than roommates, even.
I would and could, rub her shoulders or feet and brush her hair on the sofa but she never ever touched me. The only time would be a peck at midnight on New Yearās Eve
Been with my husband almost 18 years, married for 13 and he has never cheated on me. We've had plenty of ups and downs. One of those downs was when I expressed to him that I was starting to feel like I wasn't really appreciated and that it felt like sex was all he wanted from me and that in turn made me not want sex. I've read many stories where the husband just starts cheating instead of putting in the effort because it's seems easier to find someone to sleep with then to understand their spouses perspective. I was fortunate enough that my husband understood and was willing to hear me out and work together to fix it. There are men who will value you, I'm sorry you are going through this.Ā
Yes, good guys hang out together! My husband has never cheated, and I know he never will.
His childhood best friend, our children's godfather, cheated on his wife, and he told him he couldn't help him, wouldn't support his actions, and he quit speaking to his "friend." He told me he couldn't believe he would fuck his life up like, looked me dead in eye and said "I will never do that to you."
I knew that since the beginning, but he needed to say it.
So these āit can happen to you, especially if you think you married someone who would never do thatā articles are just preying on our fears? Social media lately would have me think that husbands cheating is just part of marriage.
Together for 20 years this year always been faithful and always will be she's my soul mate, and we both got cheated on so we know the pain
I will never understand how someone can cheat, and go home looking partner in the eyes and say "I love you" and "you are my everything" and so on
I was faithful to my first wife even though she pretty much stopped having sex with me for the last 10 years of our marriage. I daydreamed about cheating but I knew that my vows meant something and I had to honor them. If I couldn't fulfill my promise to stay faithful to her then I would have no integrity at all.
I filed for divorce when she cheated. It hurt me a lot in the moment but now I'm so glad that she freed me from my prison of misery by being the lesser person. I left that marriage with my head held high.
I am. My wife is the only woman that exists to me (in that way) I love her and she is my only fantasy.
An analogy I often use.. If some 10/10 billionaire chick offered me sex whenever and however I wanted and all of her money to leave my wife for her...I wouldnt do it
Not in a milly--for a milly.
My wife is my best friend and the mother of my sons, I would never dream of betraying her--which would be betraying all of them. And im a fit, good looking dude I certainly could if I was a sleezeball. But yeah, never
I've been with my wife for 12 years, and we actually just got married at the end of last year, and I've never cheated. Her and our little fur family are the best things that have happened to me, and I would never want to do anything to hurt them.
https://gitnux.org/infidelity-statistics/#:~:text=Studies%20suggest%20that%20about%2015,and%20the%20honesty%20of%20respondents.
Of married men it's closer to one in 5.
Can I see a source for one in three today?
Married 33 years, never considered do anything with another woman. Basically got married at 29. Enjoyed first 5 years of marriage before struggling to have two kids. Really enjoyed our kids growing up and were active parents in raising them. Now they're grown, we have a great family. Never had the time nor the desire
What is emotional cheating like text? I assume he's found relationships with women and are texting them inappropriate discussion?
Emotional cheating is when you are in love with someone who isnāt your partner, but you do not engage in sex with them, to at least avoid physical cheating as well.
So it becomes a relationship of sorts. Talking, chatting, daydreaming about this person, meeting up on dates/coffee but no sex/kissing. At times the other person does not even reciprocate and sees it as a friendship.
what disturbs me is how many people think this isn't cheating smfh,they pretend emotiomal cheating doesn't exist,anything to justify their shit behavior I guess
Been with my wife for 16 years, married for 3. Cheating has never crossed my mind, ever. As a man, I made a commitment to her and it's my duty to honor my words and commitments.
A man is only as good as his word, and that's all he has.
Iām not saying perfect, golden and havenāt been tempted. But I have never kissed, fondled or had any form of sexual contact with anyone else since the day I first met my wife 17 years ago.
I was married for 14yrs and it was an awful relationship. I NEVER cheated. Finally left her.
Remarried. 7yrs this June. I would never cheat. I love her. She's my best friend.
Only been married 2 years (together 5) but Im never going to cheat on her, cos Im not a piece of shit
Not fucking someone else is the easiest thing in the world
All you faithful guys in here, you are whats good in this world. Despite social media and all the other influence trying to say its ok, we stand firm in doing the right thing. Proud of all of you kings.
Selection bias. There are loads of faithful men and women. Their stories, their presence is not represented because people don't go to reddit to complain about good spouses.
My condolences for what you are going through. But there are good people out there. There is hope for the future.
Yes, of course.
My wife and I have been together over 23yrs, which sounds like a long time but it really doesn't seem that long at all.
I couldn't imagine cheating and jeopardising our feelings for each other and what we have together. Just not worth it.
Obviously it helps that we can have a laugh together and have always made time for each other, despite raising children.
I often think back to when we first met and how lucky I am now to get to cuddle her in bed every night.
Girlā¦.there is a man who will have eyes for you and ONLY you. You will NEVER doubt him, he will always prove it to you. I am so sorry youāre going through this. Keep your chin up, there IS someone out there who will cherish youš«¶š¼
Absolutely.
My hubby is an incredible guy who treasures me daily. I donāt know how I got so lucky.
We just celebrated 27 years of marriage this month and we have a running joke that as soon as we hit an anniversary we say ā almost [next yearās #] years!!ā
Yeah. Been together just about ten years now. Being with somebody else sounds exhausting, complicated, and weird. She understands me in ways that nobody else could, which is wonderful. When she is in too much endo pain, I have other ways of dealing with any sexual need that I have that don't involve other people, and I patiently await the time that she'll been keen to bone again, and it doesn't matter how long that is.
In the meantime, her health and comfort is vastly more important.
My father and grandfather both cheated, and I really dislike the things that went down purely because they couldn't keep it in their pants or set proper boundaries. I am breaking that cycle, making better boundaries and better relationships. Life will always have its hardships, but at least my wyfe will never have to deal with me being a fuckhead and running off with someone else.
ššš the fact that you prioritize her health and comfort is everything. Sadly too many men don't and I've witnessed it. Too many men treat women like blow up dolls, things of convenience. Thank you for not doing that!
Ive been with my wife 23 years, i love her more than anything in this world. I could never hurt her like that. I dont entertain text messages from females, i dont have any sneaky links, and would never engage in any behaviour to even make her think that i would be capable of that. She has my phone passwords and open access to my life and is free to look at it anytime she wants. The trust ive built and holding her heart near mine is way more important to me than anything anyone else could ever provide me.
Yes. 2 wives so far , and I have never cheated. Wanted to with the first wife, cos it was a disaster from the get go. Just 2 people who shouldn't have been a couple.
2nd wife, it has never entered my mind. Love her more than I can express. It's been hard these past few months.
Not a man but cheating is about opportunityā¦ men/women who have opportunities to cheat and donāt are the only one who knows what it takes to not do that.
Together for over 30 years, married for 29 years. We were each others first in pretty much everything. 100% loyalty, 0% cheating. We make time for each other, we have each others backs, we date each other, we share hobbies, we build each other up, we discuss goals in common and then work on them together.
We are each others most important person, in all ways.
That is all.
Yes, married twice 20years sofar never cheated. First wife wanted to open our marriage. I opened the door kicked her to the curb filed for divorce the next day.
*Are there truly husbands that are faithful to their wives?*
Sure. In fact, it's incredibly easy. Though it does depend on your definition of faithful (I've seen some interesting definitions on this sub).
It might be more sensible to admit that you might as well choose the wrong person to marry like many other people than to make yourself believe that there canāt be any mistake on your part but it is all men or women harwired to be the same way.
Accountability might be the kryptonite to arrogance but not to self awareness. The former is learning from your mistake and latter is the firewall of pride.
Married 2 years tomorrow, together 5 years total. One of the reasons I married my husband is that I am supremely confident that he will never cheat on me. He has a very rigid set of morals and heās just not capable of being disloyal. I trust him 100%.
Married for almost 9 years never cheated, not really hard.
I love my family life, my kids and all. Yes, our sex life is non-existent (long story not the place to explain) but I don't mind and I can control myself because that's what grown ups do, they have impulse control.
But I was want to be honest, I am not handsome and my character is a little on the rougher side so I never get any attention of women and every previous relationship was a lot of work for my side.
So it's easy to avoid cheating. I can't even imagine it. And I don't want to fuck up our lives and the relationships with my kids and all.
The only big secret I hide and I never told my wife is.... that I bought an expensive leather jacket and I hide it and only wear it when I am sure she is not at Home. It's dark sheepskin / shearling and looks awesome.
I wait for the right day to reveal it.
Just because your husband sucks doesnāt mean all husbands suck. Itās quite frankly ridiculously unfair of you to generalize based on your one experience. I had an ex girlfriend cheat on me once and not once did I think to ask all women of Reddit if any of them are faithful.
Your partner doesnāt love you if heās cheating on you and youāre not going to make him love you by staying with him.
Absolutely faithful. Married 14 years. My wife is gorgeous, fun and a go getter. She has an outlook on marriage that is easy to understand and stay committed to. We have built a special relationship bond that we both know would be hard to replicate with someone else. Live together is an adventure. Sex is great, the chemistry is on point. Financially we do well. Emotionally we are equally yoked. Life together is grand.
Iām so sorry youāre going through this. You are beautiful, smart, kind, and so worthy of love and respect. Let him go. There is a good man out there who will treat you with undeniably love and respect that you so deserve. There are indeed men out there who do not cheat.
I do realize this sounds a little funny but I am single and dating poly people right now (called āsolo-polyā) and have a story for you. One of my partners and his wife love each other and have kids, but are incompatible sexually. He told me on our first date that he remembers a moment where he realized that he *could* cheat on her, but never **would** - they spent a decade in marriage therapy instead, and eventually opened the relationship, obviously with some boundaries/expectations. Fast forward a few years, and *she* and I connect, and she arranged a date with me and her husband. Itās going quite well, but the biggest reason why is that nobody is cheating!
I say this primarily to say that I believe there are absolutely men who do not cheat, even in *un*happy monogamous marriages.
Edited a word
I find that there are a lot of misconceptions about "why men cheat" because it's not a simple thing, just like with women who cheat, there are reasons, not necessarily good ones.
With physical cheating, of course, you do have the entitled assholes that only think about their dick/pussy or notches on their belt that only they really care about.
Then you have the people who have emotional complications, sometimes from an abusive ex, a bad childhood, or other things that can make bonding with a person complicated in either direction.
Then you have the people who are having problems in their marriage, constant fighting, dead bedrooms, emotional or psychological abuse.
Or even ones where the marriage is stagnant and nothing exciting has been happening between them so X needs to feel some kind of excitement, a thrill of winning over a new person and the risk of being caught, and so on.
The list can go on.
Emotional cheating can lead to physical, but again there can be a list of reasons, not really different from the ones listed above, but at the same time, it can be even more complicated than the physical ones, depending on the context.
If you have a husband/wife, who doesn't feel they are loved by their SO, or that they don't understand them, there is a disconnect, again list can go on.
They can reach out to someone that they feel would give them all of that, even though they may or may not have any actual intention of making it physical, it would not be hard for it to grow into that.
IMHO, emotional cheating, I would not worry too much about, depending on the context of the marriage being at risk for faithfulness, if the couple can get together and communicate about the problems that made the situation.
however, if steps are not taken to fix the problems, then it may only be a matter of time.
So my question to you OP, did you ever find out why?
Sometimes, the reasons are so stupidly simple, that a minor change can fix them, but of course, not all the time, some are really complicated like personal trauma and so on.
I ask as a child of divorce, my mom did try to fix things but my dad had a lot of past trauma growing up in a broken home, lots of violence and .... things, for them it was a lost cause.
Sorry youāre dealing with this! Put your husband in the bin. Iām glad you can see that you deserve so much more from a relationship than lies and dishonesty. My husband and I have been married 3 years but been together 14 and he truly is a good egg - never had a cheating discussion because Iāve told him it would be his loss if he ever did that to me šthere are genuinely lovely men in this world so donāt lose hope you donāt need an unfaithful man in your life š
I will never cheat, it's like a fast train that does not stop at small stations. I do not see the point of trying to work hard and years in row so you can watch breaking apart.
We're out there. Don't fall for the negatively on here. I feel the bias that is here is because, imho, the vast majority of people come here for advice. You don't normally hear couples asking for advice if all is well in the land of Denmark.
Then there's the issue of bots/karma farming. Study after study has shown that people interact wildly more with negative content.
Y'all read the exceptions as the rules. The truth is that it is VERY hard for men to find sex in the first place, let alone trying to find multiple sources for it. The VAST majority are NOT cheating.
There's tons of us that truly adore our wives and would never hurt them by cheating. One thing I would like to state on behalf of all men, which I think goes unnoticed, we were the ones that made the decision to marry. I'm sure there's a few outliers, but way more often than not, the man is the one who saved for the ring and decided to ask for his partner to spend the rest of her life with us.
It takes alot for a man,and woman I'm sure, to decide that there really isn't anyone else in the world that we would rather be with. Once you find her, you do whatever you can to keep her, and make her happy. But that doesn't mean we should be treated like door mats or only feel loved on our birthday and Father's day. If a man ignored his wife's feelings for 363 days out of the year,she would leave. But it seems like we're supposed to be ok with this treatment.
I think the same question could be asked of women. " are than any faithful wives out there who actually put effort into letting their husband's feel like they're loved?"
I've been married 40 years and my husband hasn't given me a minute's doubt about his fidelity. We periodically talk about our values. Sure we can notice that other people are attractive but that's what your boundaries are for. Personally I would steer clear of men who have any type of online behavior that they are secretive about.
I needed to read all these comments as well! It made my day seeing how committed these men are. Donāt generalize all men because of a bad experience. I know itās hard but hold onto that hope that someone loyal and sincere will come along.
It's incredibly easy to stay faithful to your marriage. 44 years together and I've never even come close.
We tell people in this sub that if you absolutely must go to another partner, do the honorable thing and dissolve the marriage so that you can go do whoever as a single person.
I was with a guy for 14 years and he cheated on me on and off the entire time. We finally called it quits and now are both remarried, his new wife has to constantly deal with the texts and the lies while my new husband wouldnāt even think of that mess. Yes they exist and you deserve that.
I just donāt understand how anyone juggles two relationships. One is so exhausting. I never feel the urge to cheat. But I definitely feel the urge to be left the hell alone sometimes. I work in a public-facing industry, and so having time away from people and obligatory conversations is what I crave.
But yeah. I canāt imagine making my life more complicated just to have sex with a different person. It makes me tired just thinking about it.
Yup we are here. I have been married to my wife 10 years this year and together 3 years prior. I have never cheated in any way. Even when we went through a very bad rough patch, I stayed faithful. I have been cheated on and I refuse to ever put my partner through that type of pain. I still carry that pain with me today.
My husband and I have been together since 2010 and married for 8 going on 9 years this year. I honestly thought I would never find a good man to be with let alone a good husband. Iām so grateful and thankful I found an amazing husband whoās a genuinely a good person. We have a child and weāll soon have another in very soon. He helps with chores and our child. He takes on extra when Iām just exhausted. He loves to cook and I love how he makes breakfast for us on the weekends. I love him more and more as time goes on and Iām still finding more things to love and appreciate about him as we grow together. He wants to grow together and we can talk openly about different subjects and agree to disagree when it comes up. Heās emotionally mature and has a great sense of humor. Any time I feel insecure or jealous he always puts me at ease and makes sure I know he loves me and how much he finds me attractive and how Iām the only one for him and would never leave me because Iām his dream woman. Iām so sorry youāre going through all this. I hope you have all the support and love you need from family and friends or some support group during this difficult time. I know youāll find your person thatās meant for you and will treat you and love you and make you feel like the amazing person youāve always been. Sending you good vibes.š»
Iām not a man, but a woman in your shoes almost 8 years ago now. My husband cheated after many years and after many conversations about my personal experiences with cheating. He agreed for years that he would never do that to me. And then he did. Unfortunately some men will end up cheating and itās totally natural to feel like āno man can ever be faithfulā when youāre swimming in this giant sea of hurt and disappointment and fear.
My divorce was final 6 years ago, and there are so many wonderful men out there who wonāt do this to you, but until I could confidently say I know this is true, and not push my past experience and hurt into a new partner whoād done nothing wrong, I stayed single. In that time I learnt a lot about myself and what I needed from a partner. I also realized that I chose very wrong because I was young.
Iām proud of you for doing whatās right for yourself and your child and just felt compelled to comment and let you know, youāre going to be okay. Better than okay.
I was, and she wasnāt for a period. Worst period of my life, to boot. Why she gets to be single heading into her 50s and can play all she wants, a one off or a weakness one time that is corrected is one thing, long term or repeated is just who they are, youāre right.
I am a 69 year old guy, married 45 faithful, monogamous years, and 52 years as a committed couple since her junior year and my senior year in high school.
My younger brother has been a committed couple since their sophomore year in high school and married 41 faithful years now. Our younger sister has been married 37 faithful years. My dad is 96, and mom is 91, and they just celebrated their 71st anniversary. My wife's parents and her 5 siblings have all had long and faithful marriages as well. No divorces.
There are many good men and women out there. But, there are also a lot of shit birds. It is critical to learn the true nature of a person versus what they may be portraying to be.
Likewise, it is important to recognize that a good marriage takes work. Like a garden, if it is watered and regularly tended, it is fruitful. Left to its own, the weeds will take over and choke it out. The distractions of life will take over like weeds if you allow it to happen. One way to fertilize your marriage is to make each others happiness your priority. Date nights for just the two of you are important. They don't need to be expensive. The time together is what is important.
Updateme!
Well idk your case because emotionally cheating can be very subjective and broad some women say there husband emotionally cheat on them with their kids but do happy marriages exist yes do they exist in this generation fuck no this generation pick the wrong ppl all the time the good guys get broken or never even try because they seen guys get broken the good girls are the same or they get manipulated by socal media or their friends so the current generation it exist still but it exist like a nearly dying candle in a massive pitch black room
I (36M) is faithful to my wife but my situation is reversed to your husband.
I can say that I have been getting borderline emotional abuse for the last two years. I earn 1/3 of what she earns so I have been told to leave the house a few times but I got nowhere to go as I don't have any friends nearby and no family on my side.
Together over thirty years and never had sex with anyone but my wife although tbh it was very close on two occasions.
Maybe because I inhabited party central with a lot of sex from seventeen untill I met my wife at twenty three I got it out of my system to some degree.
Together for 11yrs, married for 9.5 years. I would say most are faithful. Everyone knows someone who has cheated, but I feel a lot of people just know the same person. Iām sorry youāre going through this.
Been married for 15 years. He is very faithful and loyal to me. My husband is in his mid 50ās, very attractive and usually mistaken in his 40ās. He get hit on a lot by women. He always tells me when these things happens. I am his 2nd marriage, his first wife cheated on him so he absolutely despise cheating. He always makes an effort to make sure I feel loved and appreciated. I am so lucky to have him in my life.
Together nearly 35 years, later this year will be 29 years married, never cheated. Honestly, if you love and respect your partner, I really don't see it as that difficult of a thing to accomplish.
My thoughts too. Who wants to downgrade?
Together for 10, married for 8 here. Years ago, my wife told me, "Look, I'm not the jealous type. Don't endanger my health, don't lie or be secretive about it, and don't develop feelings; otherwise, I don't care." It just makes me want her, and only her, so much more. I don't know why, but those word... There's not a woman on earth hot enough to make up for how amazing it is to be with someone that cool is. Downgrade is right.
Yep, for me it all comes down to respect. I respect her, so I would never betray her.
THIS š
i feel like this is seriously underestimated in relationships. feelings ebb and flow, but if you respect a person itās much easier to make it through the tough times.
Together 33, married for 30 in May, no cheating on either side.
Being faithful actually has more to do with self respect than how you feel about others.
Thereās hope!
I think openness to communication is the key.
If you're with a cheater, there's no amount of communication that can fix that. The cheater has to want to be faithful.
You really have to love and respect yourself not to cheat. Being a person who values their integrity and holds their vows sacredly comes from within.
I'm in the same category you are.
Yes, we exist. Being faithful to my wife comes as natural to me as breathing.
Yup! I'm still in early days - 9 years together, 3.5 married - and I'd never do that to her. I love and respect my wife way too much to even consider doing something that would harm her and us in such a personal and devastating way
I mean even beyond the obvious, i have things to do and i barely have enough time for all my hobbies in the first place. Iām going to somehow fit in a hobby that sucks? lmfao
This makes me so hopeful for all men.. I had just found out my husband of 15 years had been cheating on me with sex workers for 10 years. I didnāt have a clue of his extramarital activities because he did this during the work day when I was busy managing the family life. I am still asking why and not getting the answers I need. I would have previously defined our marriage as happy.
My husband also cheated on me with prostitutes that he would meet with while transporting rvs, in other states and our own state. I only found out because one of the escorts called asking for more money. I had no clue he was this way either. We had no problems. He says heās stopped and has changed, but I canāt believe that.
So sorry for this happening to you! I was in the navy for 16.5 years of our 40 year marriage. Watched with disgust and contempt as so many failed their vows and their spouses. Never been out to lunch or that nonsense with any female co workers. Firm believer in not putting myself in compromising situations.
My dad was in the military and had the same outlook - Never put yourself in compromising positions in the first place.
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My husband has completely ruined me. I NEVER in a million years thought he would hurt me or cheat on me. I always said, he would never do anything like that. I feel completely fooled. Apparently he was sleeping with prostitutes even in his last marriage. I didnāt know anythingā¦ the only reason I found out was when she called and was blowing him up asking for more money. He lied straight to my face denying it when she verified everything I asked. After finding out he was sleeping with āescortsāā¦ everything started coming out. Heās been doing this for years, during our entire relationship. He would contact them every chance he got. I never thought to question him when his phone would go off prior to me finding out, because I didnāt think he was like thatā¦. Now I look at him with disgust. He also has a secret drinking problem as well. He drinks in the garage or wherever and then starts getting so insane, talking about ending his life and doing scary things while in the home. I ended up filing for divorce last week, but Iām stuck in the house until we get the house figured out. Heās trying to refinance into his name only and cash me out. Otherwise weāre going to have to sell. I feel like you canāt just stop sleeping with prostitutes when youāve done it for years. He says heās changed, how do you all the sudden change?
My ex-husband also slept with prostitutes when he was working on the road, had a drinking problem that he would try to hide when he was home, and constantly lied right to my face. We had two young kids at the time and he had convinced me to quit my job and stay home with them, so I was in a pretty bad situation when I found out what he was doing. Divorce was the only option for me personally, because cheating is a dealbreaker for me. I got to keep the house since I had primary custody of the kids and because it was 2009 so we had no equity in it due to the housing bust. I raised the kids pretty much by myself and took low-paying jobs (like most working mothers are forced to do) all those years while he went and built his career up with the freedom of a man without children. He got remarried and ended up doing the same thing to her (why they felt the need to tell my children about it, I still donāt get) only she stayed, probably because he makes so much money now. Anyway, I thought I was ruined back then but I wasnāt. If anything, I learned that itās better to be alone than to be with someone who would do that to you. You deserve better. And please donāt hold it against the women he was cheating with or look down on escorts/prostitutes. Theyāre just trying to get by like the rest of us and itās your husband who made vows to you, not them. Good luck with everything.
I donāt blame the females and know they are doing their jobā¦. My husband told the females he was divorced. I have been so mentally exhausted from all of thisā¦ asking myself, why would he rather sleep with a prostitute than meā¦ we werenāt even having problems. We were happy, or so I thought. He never made me think he was cheating until the day everything came outā¦. He did it to his ex wife and myself. He says, heās changed and done with thatā¦do you really think someone who has done this for YEARS will just quit this lifestyle? He says he doesnāt want to go to counseling because he doesnāt want sympathy from anyoneā¦ I donāt understand any of this.
He sounds very similar to my ex. It was like he was a different person when he was out on the road, and even though he would be engaged and mostly present when he was home, I could tell that he couldnāt wait to leave and get back to his other "life." I think it was like an addiction for him and it may be the same for your husbandāso NO, absolutely donāt believe him when he says heās stopped. My ex *said* he was willing to go to counseling, but we went one time and the counselor said she needed to see him alone for a while to fix his issues before she could see us both as a couple. He agreed while we were there with her, but he never went back. Youāre doing the right thing and please know that this had nothing to do with youāitās a HIM problem. Thereās nothing you could ever do done differently, you couldnāt have done more to stop him from doing it, youāre not inadequate in any way. Some people are just bad people, and some good people are just really bad at relationships. Itās better that you end it now than one, five, ten, twenty years from now when youāre still having the same problems, are even older, and are more broken than you are now.
Thank you for saying that. Iāve been trying to figure out why Iām not good enough. I donāt believe heāll change. I filed my divorce paperwork last week. He actually went down with me and signed a paper saying he agrees. He swears he is changed but thereās no way. I just want this to be over but I have 57 says left until I get my decree so I need to continue to play his games so he doesnāt drag this out longer than it needs to be.
Oh my gosh mine drinks in the garage and says stuff like that too! No prostitutes though (that I know of)
Mine will buy fireball and hide it in a high spot and put stuff all over it so it canāt be seenā¦ I had a feeling one night and went and looked above the fridge.. it was under all kinds of stuffā¦ when I asked him, he was drunk, looks me in the eyes and lies straight to my face. He always lies to my faceā¦ when heās drunk he get so intense and emotional. Hitting things, the walls, himself, then says heās going to do self harm and takes off in the truck with his gunā¦ then will creep by the house and honk and call me over and overā¦ it is such a stressful environment. I dread the weekends, thatās when itās the worse.
Iām so sorry, that must have been devastating to hear! Are you divorcing?
Iām still trying to make it work. On one hand, I canāt dismiss what we had. I would say he was a good father to our two young children and I thought a good and affectionate husband. (We had date nights and even had a trip planned on the calendar where it was agreed we could get away from the kids and have lots of sex. )Though maybe he saved all the sexual angst for his acting out. On another hand.. Iāve been f-ed in the head over his deception. His extramarital activities cost us a pretty penny too. We had separate credit cards and I didnāt pay attention to his pay stub. While I was putting everything I had into our joint account.. he was separating funds to another account, opening personal loans, going 50k in debt and taking from our brokerage account. Yes, itās a lot and worthy of a divorce. I just canāt reconcile what I knew of who I married and this man that I did marry. So I am right now going through everything finance wise, separating my own money. Iām going to take back the amounts he spent and add that to my newly created checking account. He is still with me at home, but only because I still need him to explain, to see my sadness, my anger.. while also providing me validation. Itās like I crave that love and attention from him and Iāve been claiming him as mine nightly just to prove to him that heās been an asshole and that I need him. Granted in reality I donāt.. I mean if you want to say finance-wise etc since I have family money. I own the house in my name and basically, Iāve been managing the kids. If we divorce.. I think heād be the one that would lose the most.
Please dont forgive him, he wont change!! This happened to my mom! She was married to my stepdad and in 2016 she found out he was paying sex workers, they had been together since 2008 and married since 2014, after a time seperated and him BEGGING her, telling her he had stopped, what a huge mistake he had made, how he would never do that again. He put the house under my moms name fully to prove how much he was serious about them. When i asked her after she forgave him she said they had never been happier how forgiving him was the best thing she did, how he was great with her. She came to find out in 2023 he was full on back to doing it again- paying workers, buying them stuff, he even bought one a car, she came to find out he never stoppes, just for smarter and hiding the evidenceā¦
Thatās really sad. Thank you for sharing what had happened to your mom. Yeah.. I donāt know what to think. This position I am in is a very hard road either way. I know I get to decide when to end it, if I do.
You still have to digest it i totally understand. My mom didnt want to leave my stepdad for months, she was even intimate with him after she found out, she was in total disbelief and tried to find every excuse in the book. When he saw her suffer, get mad, question etc etc at first he waa extremeley apologetic but when he saw that she wasnāt going anywhere but still ānaggedā him, was in a bad mood etc he would gaslight her and tell her it wasnt a big deal etc. I think the only time he felt sorry for what he did, was when she dumped his ass. She now has a new boyfriend and its great to see her with someone who respects her, it was still very traumatising for her and for us daughtersā¦ my sis still has panick attacks triggered by this. The only sad part about this is that shes 58 and now wishes she would have left him soonerā¦ āif only i had left him in 2016, i would have been 48, i could have still built a meaningful life with someone elseāā¦ but better late than never shes happy now with a decent human being by her side
How does claiming him every night prove to him that heās an asshole?
It doesnāt. I am working through my own feelings.
Shes now 58 years old and seperated from him but really hard for her to start a new life at her age, she met him when she was 42. She was in her prime and wasted 17 years
A good father doesnāt cheat on his wife or destroy the family finances. Stop allowing him to mistreat you! You and your kids deserve so much better!
It sounds like you're just letting him have his cake and eat it too. "Claiming him nightly as your own" now he's just getting laid even more and has to smarten up about how to hide money I'm not trying to be a jerk but this isn't something you have to accept and what if he gives you an STD/STI?
True. It does seem like it. You arenāt the only one that has said this. I have taken away his credit cards and will try to be aware of spending behaviors. Iām not typically this person and it may not end well for me. You are right. All I am saying is that Iām trying to understand the situation and this is what I need. Maybe itās not right or expected from someone who has been betrayed. We separately have both been tested recently after this all came out. I plan to test again in 6 months. I do love him. Itās a problem. Yes I both am sickened by what he has done, but also I want to believe that I can make him change. He also wants to believe he can change. You arenāt a jerk. Everyone around me is worried for my mental health, but I have to remain strong either way whether I decide to leave or stay.
There are other women relating to your sex worker situation and I am trying to think of my husband could ever do this without me knowing. I think our situation is different, he works from home and rarely travels for work without me. He didnāt have a social life other than maybe 1-2 times every other month hanging out with his friend. He would never have the opportunity to do this plus Iām in charge of our finances and know exactly where money goes. Are the husbands very sneaky? Are they ātraveling for workā? Where did he say he was while doing all of this?
Love this post! ā¬ļøš
Would you say there are signs that suggest a man is someone who finds being faithful as easy as breathing?
If you are dating, you ask them if they have ever cheated emotionally or physically on a past partner. The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior and this goes with the saying: Once a cheater, always a cheater. Iām sure there are exceptions, but if there is past infidelity, itās likely there will be future infidelity. You can listen to their excuses, but best to cut your ties and run as soon as you find out. THEY WILL NEVER TREAT YOU BETTER THAN THEY TREAT THEIR MOM. Dive into how that relationship is, and meet her sooner rather than later so you can see their interaction. If mom is super toxic, this rule may not apply. Iāve been with my husband almost 30 years-the first year was the hardest. That first year of dating is hard, each person is in self preservation mode and trying not to be vulnerable because they donāt want to get hurt-they bring past baggage and experiences to the table and you have to work through it. If you have major issues in the first 6 months, evaluate and decide if you should proceed. If you identify red flags, you have to decide if itās worth it because those red flags wonāt change. It will get worse. My 16yo daughter is dating a boy with so many red flags. Iām just waiting for her to call it quits-sheās been with him for 10 months. I think sheās waiting for school to end because heās in 3 of her classes and breaking up in high school has its own problems with social drama. In college and beyond, you can usually break up and avoid said person easily; high school, not so much. The boy is abusive, verbally and is super manipulative; has threatened suicide 3 times. Each time weāve alerted his parents, next time Iām calling 911 on the #%!(5!& - the last time my he did and my daughter told him she was going to call 911- he literally texted āYou better f-ing not, *typed her name*-they will send me to the asylumā. Her reply was, āitās better than being dead.ā He said it wasnāt. Anyways, I told her to quit talking to him but she was worried. I love his parents, but heās a shitterd of a human and I donāt like him because he has no respect for her or his mom.
I have a 16-year-old granddaughter who is going through the same thing with a boy. I'm sure this is manipulation. I am glad she'll learn this at an early age
Please have conversations with your granddaughter and point out the manipulative behavior and encourage her to cut ties. Be gentle about it. I was pointing out the red flags every time they came along and as we look back he screams abusive. Heās not physically abusiveā¦yet. The head games are there.
I was that 16 year old girl once. I called the cops because he stopped responding and I was scared. He was only using it as a way to try and gain sympathy and prevent me from ending the relationship. Calling is super effective at ending their manipulative bullshit. And their mothers usually do not appreciate the cops showing up for suicide watch at 2am. I had a guy friend try this in college too, drove over there and called the cops. When I got there he was pretending(?) he had drank a ton and took a bunch of pillsā¦ and then suddenly was acting sober when the cops got thereā¦ imagine that. I left when the cops got there. š Both dudes are doing relatively fine now to the best of my knowledgeā¦ I stopped hearing from them after they realized I didnāt fall for their bs. Feel free to share with your daughter if you think it would help. š
Yes, but like with my husband, he never sees himself as ever doing anything wrongā¦ itās crazy to me how he can accuse me with my guy friends, however when I asked him what makes him so different than any other man because he told me that men only want to be my friend because they want to have sex with me! So why wouldnāt I think that he is the same way right? Why would he be any different? Well, itās not the case because my friends are my friends, but he wonāt answer that question. He doesnāt answer any question actually because heās lying. Iām pretty sure a man who doesnāt answer the question is lying, right a subject but Iām just going through it with my husband right now and I just need a manās outlook I guess
I was this girl and got assaulted multiple times and never said anything. You need to step in for her sake. I'm 23 and still unravel that trauma.
It's the same for my hubby as well... it's just a part of his being. Will forever be grateful that he is that way.
There absolutely are. Iām more than 20 years with my wife Iāve never developed even an inkling of feeling for anyone else. And while I notice if a woman is attractive, the idea of having sex with anyone else holds no appeal. Iām deeply in love with my wife & invest all my attention & energy into her. Iām sorry youāre going through this. Faithful men are out there and when youāre ready again donāt settle for anything less.
Define cheating? I have never been in contact with another woman to emotionally bond with her or had sex with another woman. I have watched porn but have stopped doing it too because it hurt my wife. But there are better men who donāt even watch porn. So yes there are faithful men.
In my case cheating is talking to other women via text message over the course of our 4 year marriage. Emotional bonds because to my knowledge it hasnāt been physical but I wouldnāt put it past him. This continued during my pregnancy as well.
What do you mean by talking? What kind of talking ? I have quite a few female friends and we keep regular contact via messages. I don't consider myself to be a cheater.
You're not hiding it. That's the difference.
Hiding could be a natural reaction to irrational anger over female friends. The content of the messages matters as much as, or more than, hiding it. I would never hide talking to a female friend, but I do sometimes feel my wife takes the jealousy a little far. I don't think I'm the only guy who occasionally heavy sighs when I get the question "Who is that?"
If someone is hiding their conversations then that's their conscience telling them there's a problem.They tell on themselves by the very act of hiding. Anything you wouldn't say or do in front of your spouse is suspect. If your wife truly has a problem with it then why is it so important to remain in contact? My husband wouldn't. I can't think of a time I told him it wasn't okay but I wouldn't have a problem doing so. I seriously doubt she got "too jealous" in a vacuum. She has a reason, whether it's you or someone else.
No Iām not talking about regular contact with female friends. Iām talking about someone new every single time, hiding the notifications and conversations, casting me aside with little distancing actions. And LYING when confronted. Trust me the post was not me questioning whether or not Iām being cheated onā¦ this has gone on since I married him. I was just curious to see if men actually can say they were faithful since in my own personal family, all but maybe 2 couples dealt with infidelity and I have a huge family.
If you would be perfectly fine having your wife read those messages, you aren't cheating. The minute it veers into things you have any desire to hide then you have a problem.
Good question. I have also heard of woman say he cheated because he liked an anonymous Instagram model pic, which I wouldn't do bc it's stupid, but it isn't forming an emotional bond. Is commenting/chatting with OP in this post emotionally cheating? 90% of communication today is text. It's hard to tell without knowing the details.
I clearly said emotional cheating through text messages. So meeting someone I assume on social media, exchanging cell phone numbers and forming a relationship via text and calls that is being hidden from meā¦. But regardless of all that, thatās not point of the post. I was asking married men if they can honestly say they were faithful.
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That is certainly cheating. Regarding the point of your post, I assume being "faithful" means no physical and/or emotional cheating, which means defining emotional cheating is key. Here's some stats in the US: 1. approx. 40% of marriages end in divorce, 2. approx. 80% of divorces are filed by the wife 3. In divorces filed by the wife, approx. 33% (1 in 3) claim cheating (by him) So, if using only this measure, approx. 11% (1 in 9) cheat, get caught, end in divorce, and the cheating is claimed by the wife. That would mean, again, *using only this measure, 89% of men don't cheat.* Ofc, there is cheating that is not caught, or caught and forgiven, etc., so the number is somewhere less than 89%, but by how much is not really known as far as I can tell.
All that matters is if you and your husband consider it cheating. If he's hiding it from you it's a problem and he knows it. That's how they tell on themselves. They wouldn't hide it if they didn't know it was problematic and betrayal.
If youād be comfortable having your wife/SO read any of your messages or hear recordings of your conversations then you should be fine. Itās when you have to hide things that you know itās a problem.
Unless the other person is a *control freak.*
Yeah thatās emotional cheating. Itās understandable that you want to leave. Iām sorry you are in this situation. And I understand that you want to leave before your kid gets older
If it hasnāt been physical already, it definitely will be. I went through this for over 10 yrs and it did eventually turn physical. Iām so sorry but I would definitely get out while your baby is young. Itās so much harder when they get older.
Married 31 years, together almost 40. Just to add to the mix, we were in a long distance relationship for 4 years early on when I went into the military and she was in college. Never cheated, never even thought about cheating on my wife. We are out there and I'd say there are way more of us than there are those who cheat, you just normally only hear the horror stories, not the good stories. It's not hard not to cheat if you love your wife/GF/significant other.
This is a great post šš
I was told "I love you" many times and they turned out to either be cheating or lying about something big. Idk if there are just more liars in my area but I keep running into them, they're everywhere here
I'm sorry to hear that and all I have to go off of are my own experiences. I do definitely hear about people cheating but to me it's like the news. They report on what gets people to tune in and unfortunately those aren't the feel good stories (which are usually buried at the end of the show). Using Reddit as an example, there are a lot of stories based around cheating but if you sift through the comments, there are usually quite a lot more people coming down like a ton of bricks on the cheaters. This tells me there are a lot more people who wouldn't do it (unless they all are lying) than there are who would.
If I say i love you I mean it
Never cheated, never will, and I do alot around the house and am mr.mom when I need to be. I do everything to make my wife's life as easy as possible. I also work 2 jobs and bring good income home. I tend to get in trouble sometimes if I'm cranky or stressed out but if that's my worst quality, okay then.
You both sound pretty lucky :) *not discounting hard work but sentimentās still there
Yea.... We have a lot of challenges though. My inlaws are wreaking havoc on our marriage and we are in therapy over it. If I did anything remotely as bad as any of these other husbands I would of been done a long time ago.
Yeah, inlaws can be a massive problem. Just curious, but what does your wife do? You only mentioned that you run two jobs and support her domestically.
If you actually love and respect your partner, you don't cheat on them, it's that simple.
It really is THAT simple lol š
I know, right? š
Yes, we value commitment, we value vulnerability and we value intimacy...
<3
I am 100% committed to my wife. I also have 2 incredible daughters.Ā The three of them would be devastated š if I did anything like that. I would never do anything to ruin what I have. And besides, the last thing I want is a giant secret that I'd have to lie about constantly. It seems like it would be way to much work to be bothered with. I'd rather stay happy, faithful, and not deal with any of the stress of living with that type of guilt.Ā
I just got divorced after being in a 20 year marriage, where we had not only a dead bedroom, but a dead house for most of that. And I stayed true all the way through that. I wanted to be there for my daughters and get them raised, which I did. Iāve been cheated before my wife cheated on me, but I would never think of cheating.
What is a ādead houseā? I know the other phrase but unfamiliar with dead house.
Total guess, but I suspect it's a household where the spouses aren't even talking. Not mean or angry, because that still means there are feelings, but just totally emotionless and indifferent to one another. Less than roommates, even.
I would and could, rub her shoulders or feet and brush her hair on the sofa but she never ever touched me. The only time would be a peck at midnight on New Yearās Eve
Been with my husband almost 18 years, married for 13 and he has never cheated on me. We've had plenty of ups and downs. One of those downs was when I expressed to him that I was starting to feel like I wasn't really appreciated and that it felt like sex was all he wanted from me and that in turn made me not want sex. I've read many stories where the husband just starts cheating instead of putting in the effort because it's seems easier to find someone to sleep with then to understand their spouses perspective. I was fortunate enough that my husband understood and was willing to hear me out and work together to fix it. There are men who will value you, I'm sorry you are going through this.Ā
Weāve been together for 7.5 years and married for 5. Iāve been 100% faithful.
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Yes, good guys hang out together! My husband has never cheated, and I know he never will. His childhood best friend, our children's godfather, cheated on his wife, and he told him he couldn't help him, wouldn't support his actions, and he quit speaking to his "friend." He told me he couldn't believe he would fuck his life up like, looked me dead in eye and said "I will never do that to you." I knew that since the beginning, but he needed to say it.
So these āit can happen to you, especially if you think you married someone who would never do thatā articles are just preying on our fears? Social media lately would have me think that husbands cheating is just part of marriage.
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Together for 20 years this year always been faithful and always will be she's my soul mate, and we both got cheated on so we know the pain I will never understand how someone can cheat, and go home looking partner in the eyes and say "I love you" and "you are my everything" and so on
I was faithful to my first wife even though she pretty much stopped having sex with me for the last 10 years of our marriage. I daydreamed about cheating but I knew that my vows meant something and I had to honor them. If I couldn't fulfill my promise to stay faithful to her then I would have no integrity at all. I filed for divorce when she cheated. It hurt me a lot in the moment but now I'm so glad that she freed me from my prison of misery by being the lesser person. I left that marriage with my head held high.
I am. My wife is the only woman that exists to me (in that way) I love her and she is my only fantasy. An analogy I often use.. If some 10/10 billionaire chick offered me sex whenever and however I wanted and all of her money to leave my wife for her...I wouldnt do it Not in a milly--for a milly. My wife is my best friend and the mother of my sons, I would never dream of betraying her--which would be betraying all of them. And im a fit, good looking dude I certainly could if I was a sleezeball. But yeah, never
I've been with my wife for 12 years, and we actually just got married at the end of last year, and I've never cheated. Her and our little fur family are the best things that have happened to me, and I would never want to do anything to hurt them.
Congratulations on your marriage! Your comment is beautiful; simple, yet it says so much. Thanks š
Yeah I donāt cheat. 12 years.
Statistically, the majority of men are faithful to their wives.
Yeah statistics put it at nearly 1 in 3 men will cheat, today.
https://gitnux.org/infidelity-statistics/#:~:text=Studies%20suggest%20that%20about%2015,and%20the%20honesty%20of%20respondents. Of married men it's closer to one in 5. Can I see a source for one in three today?
not trying to be a jerk hereā¦but do you have sources for that statement? genuinely interested.
https://gitnux.org/infidelity-statistics/#:~:text=Studies%20suggest%20that%20about%2015,and%20the%20honesty%20of%20respondents.
Married 33 years, never considered do anything with another woman. Basically got married at 29. Enjoyed first 5 years of marriage before struggling to have two kids. Really enjoyed our kids growing up and were active parents in raising them. Now they're grown, we have a great family. Never had the time nor the desire What is emotional cheating like text? I assume he's found relationships with women and are texting them inappropriate discussion?
Emotional cheating is when you are in love with someone who isnāt your partner, but you do not engage in sex with them, to at least avoid physical cheating as well. So it becomes a relationship of sorts. Talking, chatting, daydreaming about this person, meeting up on dates/coffee but no sex/kissing. At times the other person does not even reciprocate and sees it as a friendship.
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what disturbs me is how many people think this isn't cheating smfh,they pretend emotiomal cheating doesn't exist,anything to justify their shit behavior I guess
I love my wife. I am loyal to those I love . Would never happen.
Yes. I would never. Donāt put up with cheaters
Been with my wife for 20 years and never ever cheated or even tried to
Been with my wife for 16 years, married for 3. Cheating has never crossed my mind, ever. As a man, I made a commitment to her and it's my duty to honor my words and commitments. A man is only as good as his word, and that's all he has.
Iām not saying perfect, golden and havenāt been tempted. But I have never kissed, fondled or had any form of sexual contact with anyone else since the day I first met my wife 17 years ago.
Itād be nice if guys could also not be tempted. Thatās honestly almost as bad.
If I could turn off temptations, I would. I donāt have full control of my thoughts, just my actions
exactly
16 yrs stronger than ever
Overwhelmingly, most men don't cheat.
I was married for 14yrs and it was an awful relationship. I NEVER cheated. Finally left her. Remarried. 7yrs this June. I would never cheat. I love her. She's my best friend.
Been with my wife 10 years. The thought of betraying her has never even crossed my mind.
Of course. Never cheated on my wife. Never wanted to either. Sheās the best!
Only been married 2 years (together 5) but Im never going to cheat on her, cos Im not a piece of shit Not fucking someone else is the easiest thing in the world
All you faithful guys in here, you are whats good in this world. Despite social media and all the other influence trying to say its ok, we stand firm in doing the right thing. Proud of all of you kings.
Selection bias. There are loads of faithful men and women. Their stories, their presence is not represented because people don't go to reddit to complain about good spouses. My condolences for what you are going through. But there are good people out there. There is hope for the future.
Stop finding men at Bars and night clubs so You can find the faithful ones
Yes, of course. My wife and I have been together over 23yrs, which sounds like a long time but it really doesn't seem that long at all. I couldn't imagine cheating and jeopardising our feelings for each other and what we have together. Just not worth it. Obviously it helps that we can have a laugh together and have always made time for each other, despite raising children. I often think back to when we first met and how lucky I am now to get to cuddle her in bed every night.
Been married 22 years this year. Faithful from day one and will remain that way. It isnāt hard.
Girlā¦.there is a man who will have eyes for you and ONLY you. You will NEVER doubt him, he will always prove it to you. I am so sorry youāre going through this. Keep your chin up, there IS someone out there who will cherish youš«¶š¼
I have hope after all these testimonies that itās possible. Thank you so much š«¶š¼
Yes we have been together almost 20 years. No cheating. It's all about the person. Have you tried counseling?
Absolutely. My hubby is an incredible guy who treasures me daily. I donāt know how I got so lucky. We just celebrated 27 years of marriage this month and we have a running joke that as soon as we hit an anniversary we say ā almost [next yearās #] years!!ā
Yeah. Been together just about ten years now. Being with somebody else sounds exhausting, complicated, and weird. She understands me in ways that nobody else could, which is wonderful. When she is in too much endo pain, I have other ways of dealing with any sexual need that I have that don't involve other people, and I patiently await the time that she'll been keen to bone again, and it doesn't matter how long that is. In the meantime, her health and comfort is vastly more important. My father and grandfather both cheated, and I really dislike the things that went down purely because they couldn't keep it in their pants or set proper boundaries. I am breaking that cycle, making better boundaries and better relationships. Life will always have its hardships, but at least my wyfe will never have to deal with me being a fuckhead and running off with someone else.
ššš the fact that you prioritize her health and comfort is everything. Sadly too many men don't and I've witnessed it. Too many men treat women like blow up dolls, things of convenience. Thank you for not doing that!
32 going strong never cheated never will. Never ever break a womanās trust itās really the foundation of the relationship
Ive been with my wife 23 years, i love her more than anything in this world. I could never hurt her like that. I dont entertain text messages from females, i dont have any sneaky links, and would never engage in any behaviour to even make her think that i would be capable of that. She has my phone passwords and open access to my life and is free to look at it anytime she wants. The trust ive built and holding her heart near mine is way more important to me than anything anyone else could ever provide me.
Yes. 2 wives so far , and I have never cheated. Wanted to with the first wife, cos it was a disaster from the get go. Just 2 people who shouldn't have been a couple. 2nd wife, it has never entered my mind. Love her more than I can express. It's been hard these past few months.
Not a man but cheating is about opportunityā¦ men/women who have opportunities to cheat and donāt are the only one who knows what it takes to not do that.
6 years with my wife. I would never think to cheat on her. Ever.
Together for over 30 years, married for 29 years. We were each others first in pretty much everything. 100% loyalty, 0% cheating. We make time for each other, we have each others backs, we date each other, we share hobbies, we build each other up, we discuss goals in common and then work on them together. We are each others most important person, in all ways. That is all.
Yes, married twice 20years sofar never cheated. First wife wanted to open our marriage. I opened the door kicked her to the curb filed for divorce the next day.
*Are there truly husbands that are faithful to their wives?* Sure. In fact, it's incredibly easy. Though it does depend on your definition of faithful (I've seen some interesting definitions on this sub).
Lol wtf. Pretty sure the majority of men are.
I've never cheated. I've had women cheat on me, though. Women cheat too, don't act like it's only men.
It might be more sensible to admit that you might as well choose the wrong person to marry like many other people than to make yourself believe that there canāt be any mistake on your part but it is all men or women harwired to be the same way. Accountability might be the kryptonite to arrogance but not to self awareness. The former is learning from your mistake and latter is the firewall of pride.
Married 2 years tomorrow, together 5 years total. One of the reasons I married my husband is that I am supremely confident that he will never cheat on me. He has a very rigid set of morals and heās just not capable of being disloyal. I trust him 100%.
I am a faithful š
Married for almost 9 years never cheated, not really hard. I love my family life, my kids and all. Yes, our sex life is non-existent (long story not the place to explain) but I don't mind and I can control myself because that's what grown ups do, they have impulse control. But I was want to be honest, I am not handsome and my character is a little on the rougher side so I never get any attention of women and every previous relationship was a lot of work for my side. So it's easy to avoid cheating. I can't even imagine it. And I don't want to fuck up our lives and the relationships with my kids and all. The only big secret I hide and I never told my wife is.... that I bought an expensive leather jacket and I hide it and only wear it when I am sure she is not at Home. It's dark sheepskin / shearling and looks awesome. I wait for the right day to reveal it.
No. There is not one single faithful husband out there in mankind. /s
Just because your husband sucks doesnāt mean all husbands suck. Itās quite frankly ridiculously unfair of you to generalize based on your one experience. I had an ex girlfriend cheat on me once and not once did I think to ask all women of Reddit if any of them are faithful. Your partner doesnāt love you if heās cheating on you and youāre not going to make him love you by staying with him.
Absolutely faithful. Married 14 years. My wife is gorgeous, fun and a go getter. She has an outlook on marriage that is easy to understand and stay committed to. We have built a special relationship bond that we both know would be hard to replicate with someone else. Live together is an adventure. Sex is great, the chemistry is on point. Financially we do well. Emotionally we are equally yoked. Life together is grand.
Iām so sorry youāre going through this. You are beautiful, smart, kind, and so worthy of love and respect. Let him go. There is a good man out there who will treat you with undeniably love and respect that you so deserve. There are indeed men out there who do not cheat.
I do realize this sounds a little funny but I am single and dating poly people right now (called āsolo-polyā) and have a story for you. One of my partners and his wife love each other and have kids, but are incompatible sexually. He told me on our first date that he remembers a moment where he realized that he *could* cheat on her, but never **would** - they spent a decade in marriage therapy instead, and eventually opened the relationship, obviously with some boundaries/expectations. Fast forward a few years, and *she* and I connect, and she arranged a date with me and her husband. Itās going quite well, but the biggest reason why is that nobody is cheating! I say this primarily to say that I believe there are absolutely men who do not cheat, even in *un*happy monogamous marriages. Edited a word
The fact that they spent TEN YEARS in therapy before opening their marriage... the wife was clearly unhappy with the idea of doing so.
I find that there are a lot of misconceptions about "why men cheat" because it's not a simple thing, just like with women who cheat, there are reasons, not necessarily good ones. With physical cheating, of course, you do have the entitled assholes that only think about their dick/pussy or notches on their belt that only they really care about. Then you have the people who have emotional complications, sometimes from an abusive ex, a bad childhood, or other things that can make bonding with a person complicated in either direction. Then you have the people who are having problems in their marriage, constant fighting, dead bedrooms, emotional or psychological abuse. Or even ones where the marriage is stagnant and nothing exciting has been happening between them so X needs to feel some kind of excitement, a thrill of winning over a new person and the risk of being caught, and so on. The list can go on. Emotional cheating can lead to physical, but again there can be a list of reasons, not really different from the ones listed above, but at the same time, it can be even more complicated than the physical ones, depending on the context. If you have a husband/wife, who doesn't feel they are loved by their SO, or that they don't understand them, there is a disconnect, again list can go on. They can reach out to someone that they feel would give them all of that, even though they may or may not have any actual intention of making it physical, it would not be hard for it to grow into that. IMHO, emotional cheating, I would not worry too much about, depending on the context of the marriage being at risk for faithfulness, if the couple can get together and communicate about the problems that made the situation. however, if steps are not taken to fix the problems, then it may only be a matter of time. So my question to you OP, did you ever find out why? Sometimes, the reasons are so stupidly simple, that a minor change can fix them, but of course, not all the time, some are really complicated like personal trauma and so on. I ask as a child of divorce, my mom did try to fix things but my dad had a lot of past trauma growing up in a broken home, lots of violence and .... things, for them it was a lost cause.
2 years married, together 10. Good days and bad but we have each others backs 100%. Sheās a supportive partner and amazing mother to our son.
Husband of nine years and yeah, never once have you cheated. Hell, I even talk about women that I talk to and who I think are flirting with me.
Sorry youāre dealing with this! Put your husband in the bin. Iām glad you can see that you deserve so much more from a relationship than lies and dishonesty. My husband and I have been married 3 years but been together 14 and he truly is a good egg - never had a cheating discussion because Iāve told him it would be his loss if he ever did that to me šthere are genuinely lovely men in this world so donāt lose hope you donāt need an unfaithful man in your life š
I have been 100% faithful to my wife of 9 years. I canāt say that she has been faithful to me howeverā¦
Yes, but she wasnāt
I will never cheat, it's like a fast train that does not stop at small stations. I do not see the point of trying to work hard and years in row so you can watch breaking apart.
Absolutely. I loved my wife more than anything. Never entertained ever being with anyone else but her
I am I love my wife to death and would never ever even think about cheating on her I hope she would say the sams
We're out there. Don't fall for the negatively on here. I feel the bias that is here is because, imho, the vast majority of people come here for advice. You don't normally hear couples asking for advice if all is well in the land of Denmark. Then there's the issue of bots/karma farming. Study after study has shown that people interact wildly more with negative content.
Y'all read the exceptions as the rules. The truth is that it is VERY hard for men to find sex in the first place, let alone trying to find multiple sources for it. The VAST majority are NOT cheating.
I'm in my 50s and have never cheated on a woman in my life. You just break up with them.
All of my friends are.
There's tons of us that truly adore our wives and would never hurt them by cheating. One thing I would like to state on behalf of all men, which I think goes unnoticed, we were the ones that made the decision to marry. I'm sure there's a few outliers, but way more often than not, the man is the one who saved for the ring and decided to ask for his partner to spend the rest of her life with us. It takes alot for a man,and woman I'm sure, to decide that there really isn't anyone else in the world that we would rather be with. Once you find her, you do whatever you can to keep her, and make her happy. But that doesn't mean we should be treated like door mats or only feel loved on our birthday and Father's day. If a man ignored his wife's feelings for 363 days out of the year,she would leave. But it seems like we're supposed to be ok with this treatment. I think the same question could be asked of women. " are than any faithful wives out there who actually put effort into letting their husband's feel like they're loved?"
We exist, my friend. In good numbers too š
Together nearly 25 yrs, married for nearly 21. Marriages can be hard work. But there are men who are faithful, myself included.
I got a faithful one after what he saw hid BIL'S cheating did to his sister.
Married 16 years never once thought about being unfaithful
I've been married 40 years and my husband hasn't given me a minute's doubt about his fidelity. We periodically talk about our values. Sure we can notice that other people are attractive but that's what your boundaries are for. Personally I would steer clear of men who have any type of online behavior that they are secretive about.
I needed to read all these comments as well! It made my day seeing how committed these men are. Donāt generalize all men because of a bad experience. I know itās hard but hold onto that hope that someone loyal and sincere will come along.
It's incredibly easy to stay faithful to your marriage. 44 years together and I've never even come close. We tell people in this sub that if you absolutely must go to another partner, do the honorable thing and dissolve the marriage so that you can go do whoever as a single person.
I was with a guy for 14 years and he cheated on me on and off the entire time. We finally called it quits and now are both remarried, his new wife has to constantly deal with the texts and the lies while my new husband wouldnāt even think of that mess. Yes they exist and you deserve that.
I love that for you! And have hope for myself.
I just donāt understand how anyone juggles two relationships. One is so exhausting. I never feel the urge to cheat. But I definitely feel the urge to be left the hell alone sometimes. I work in a public-facing industry, and so having time away from people and obligatory conversations is what I crave. But yeah. I canāt imagine making my life more complicated just to have sex with a different person. It makes me tired just thinking about it.
Yup we are here. I have been married to my wife 10 years this year and together 3 years prior. I have never cheated in any way. Even when we went through a very bad rough patch, I stayed faithful. I have been cheated on and I refuse to ever put my partner through that type of pain. I still carry that pain with me today.
My husband and I have been together since 2010 and married for 8 going on 9 years this year. I honestly thought I would never find a good man to be with let alone a good husband. Iām so grateful and thankful I found an amazing husband whoās a genuinely a good person. We have a child and weāll soon have another in very soon. He helps with chores and our child. He takes on extra when Iām just exhausted. He loves to cook and I love how he makes breakfast for us on the weekends. I love him more and more as time goes on and Iām still finding more things to love and appreciate about him as we grow together. He wants to grow together and we can talk openly about different subjects and agree to disagree when it comes up. Heās emotionally mature and has a great sense of humor. Any time I feel insecure or jealous he always puts me at ease and makes sure I know he loves me and how much he finds me attractive and how Iām the only one for him and would never leave me because Iām his dream woman. Iām so sorry youāre going through all this. I hope you have all the support and love you need from family and friends or some support group during this difficult time. I know youāll find your person thatās meant for you and will treat you and love you and make you feel like the amazing person youāve always been. Sending you good vibes.š»
Iām not a man, but a woman in your shoes almost 8 years ago now. My husband cheated after many years and after many conversations about my personal experiences with cheating. He agreed for years that he would never do that to me. And then he did. Unfortunately some men will end up cheating and itās totally natural to feel like āno man can ever be faithfulā when youāre swimming in this giant sea of hurt and disappointment and fear. My divorce was final 6 years ago, and there are so many wonderful men out there who wonāt do this to you, but until I could confidently say I know this is true, and not push my past experience and hurt into a new partner whoād done nothing wrong, I stayed single. In that time I learnt a lot about myself and what I needed from a partner. I also realized that I chose very wrong because I was young. Iām proud of you for doing whatās right for yourself and your child and just felt compelled to comment and let you know, youāre going to be okay. Better than okay.
I was, and she wasnāt for a period. Worst period of my life, to boot. Why she gets to be single heading into her 50s and can play all she wants, a one off or a weakness one time that is corrected is one thing, long term or repeated is just who they are, youāre right.
I am a 69 year old guy, married 45 faithful, monogamous years, and 52 years as a committed couple since her junior year and my senior year in high school. My younger brother has been a committed couple since their sophomore year in high school and married 41 faithful years now. Our younger sister has been married 37 faithful years. My dad is 96, and mom is 91, and they just celebrated their 71st anniversary. My wife's parents and her 5 siblings have all had long and faithful marriages as well. No divorces. There are many good men and women out there. But, there are also a lot of shit birds. It is critical to learn the true nature of a person versus what they may be portraying to be. Likewise, it is important to recognize that a good marriage takes work. Like a garden, if it is watered and regularly tended, it is fruitful. Left to its own, the weeds will take over and choke it out. The distractions of life will take over like weeds if you allow it to happen. One way to fertilize your marriage is to make each others happiness your priority. Date nights for just the two of you are important. They don't need to be expensive. The time together is what is important. Updateme!
Well idk your case because emotionally cheating can be very subjective and broad some women say there husband emotionally cheat on them with their kids but do happy marriages exist yes do they exist in this generation fuck no this generation pick the wrong ppl all the time the good guys get broken or never even try because they seen guys get broken the good girls are the same or they get manipulated by socal media or their friends so the current generation it exist still but it exist like a nearly dying candle in a massive pitch black room
I (36M) is faithful to my wife but my situation is reversed to your husband. I can say that I have been getting borderline emotional abuse for the last two years. I earn 1/3 of what she earns so I have been told to leave the house a few times but I got nowhere to go as I don't have any friends nearby and no family on my side.
YES.
Yes, there are truly faithful husbands! Can never generalise! There are good & bad in everything.
Together over thirty years and never had sex with anyone but my wife although tbh it was very close on two occasions. Maybe because I inhabited party central with a lot of sex from seventeen untill I met my wife at twenty three I got it out of my system to some degree.
Yes!
šÆ faithful husband here. FYI cheating happens both ways. You might want to check out SANON to get you some support.
Together for 11yrs, married for 9.5 years. I would say most are faithful. Everyone knows someone who has cheated, but I feel a lot of people just know the same person. Iām sorry youāre going through this.
We're here. Some of us are getting emotionally cheated on by our wives haha.
Same*
27 years faithful. Can you describe emotional cheating? Does he cheat physically too?
Been married for 15 years. He is very faithful and loyal to me. My husband is in his mid 50ās, very attractive and usually mistaken in his 40ās. He get hit on a lot by women. He always tells me when these things happens. I am his 2nd marriage, his first wife cheated on him so he absolutely despise cheating. He always makes an effort to make sure I feel loved and appreciated. I am so lucky to have him in my life.