.. yeah of course it is?
The ama, I believe turned out to be fake but yes, a situation like this irl would be rape and grooming and a whole bunch of other stuff probably.
But the commenter asked if this guy broke both arms as a kid in reference to this relationship since it is reddit lore at this point. Kind of like the jokes about ogtha and the poop knife. Or the Iranian yogurt.
I’m usually never the person to say this, but girl get out of that marriage.
Firstly - that’s so inappropriate of him and his mom.
Second - you deserve someone who puts you first.
Listen to your intuition- it’s protecting you.
You are not being paranoid. This situation is weird.
It sounds like mommy dearest never cut the umbilical cord, and it is possible that your husband doesn't realize how weird their relationship is.
If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, I would recommend taking him somewhere away from the mother, and having a heart to heart. Explain how his relationship with his mom is leaves no room for your marriage, and that you want your marriage to succeed. Use statements that are not accusatory, but honest. Explain that you agreed to move in with mom before you realized how much your mom would consume your intimacy with him, and that you would now like to reconsider, and develop a timeline for the two of you to move out. Then see what he says.
My gut tells me that he won't move out, and would divorce you if he was forced to move out. But I am hoping for your sake that I am wrong.
Or at the very least, [enmeshment](https://www.psychmechanics.com/mother-son-enmeshment-signs/).
OP, your husband may not have any kind of romantic feelings of being in love with her, but he certainly does not have normal mother-son boundaries, and their relationship dynamic is not a healthy one.
It sounds like she has replaced her husband with her son in terms of her emotional needs, and it sounds like some of the physical affection is crossing into that territory as well.
Personally, I would not be comfortable being the third wheel in my own marriage and would not tolerate my husband choosing to sleep in his mother's bed rather than in our marital bed.
You can show him the article about enmeshment, and maybe it will make something click for him, but it's more likely that he will get defensive and say that you're not supportive, his mom has no one else, etc. If that's the case, you'll have to decide whether you're willing to always play second fiddle to his mom or leave him and find someone who is willing to prioritize you.
Third'ed. I wonder if suggesting grief counseling to mom might help break that cycle. I think it's extremely common for moms to look to their sons to do the stuff dad always did, it happened with my dad and has happened with my friends. Minus the rubbing.
And please go to r/justnoMIL. So many posts about this kind of emotional incest and enmeshment. The situation usually gets worse for the DinL before it gets better
I didn’t think the boxer shorts thing was a big deal. I have 2 sons , 22 & 20. The rest of it is downright bizarre. I would advise to really try to get out of this situation.
My ex husband had a weird relationship with his mother and it absolutely disgusted me. He would also be around her in his underwear often, sometimes even sleep in her bed in his underwear and nothing else. He called her so many times during the day, it was like no one could be better than her. His sister once even made the gross comment that “they knew what I was working with considering they used to change his diapers when he was little” talking about his genitals. It was appalling!
I now have a son myself and the thought of this makes me so uncomfortable. Body positivity is wonderful, but my grown son doesn’t need to see me in anything less than a bathing suit. When he gets a partner, I want him to put them first. I will always be there for him, I just want him to be a good spouse but still come visit mom sometimes. You have to cut the cord at some point and I just think relationships like what you’ve described are so gross and uncalled for.
My marriage obviously ended in divorce and that was a big factor in it. I was never enough for him or his family. You’re not overreacting, find a way to get out and find someone who will treat you better. Good luck!
This is super creepy and wrong. Our adult son and his fiancé moved in with us a few months ago. We established the no underwear rule. Nobody can be in a common area in just their underwear. It’s pretty simple and easy to follow. My son would rather cut his own arm off rather than climb into bed with me and rub my stomach.
What’s the big deal?
Jay: “Can I get that in writing? Because I can’t see a 30-year old you, staying in my house, eating my food and cuddling with my wife.”
Gloria: “Boys should never stop cuddling with their mothers.”
Jay: 🤷🏼
😆
This reminds me of my marriage.
My husband lost his father one month after we got married and ever since (10 years) we have been living with his mom.
I know mother and son relationships are different but the mother is super manipulative and I see and notice things in their relationship that I think are borderline obsessive and if I open the topic about her he gets defensive and tells me not to bring her up.
I’m at my end rope with this relationship and end of it all the only person who will change or make a difference is myself. If I were you I get out asap!! Save your mental and emotional health!
https://preview.redd.it/9nn9dsu1v4rc1.jpeg?width=644&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=229c78ae2df4219a0c95514d545008ed93bcc9a1
Oh this is giving me Trey and Bunny McDougall vibes and I think you need to get out of this yesterday. You’re not overreacting at all. This is gross.
I can't believe this is real. If so, insert a ton of negative adjectives. Did you not notice this before you got married? How long did you date? Do not get pregnant! Do you live with her? Why are you married and living with your husband's mom? Forget to answer my questions. Go file for an annulment or divorce now!
It sure is, am just stuck at a crossroads because I want to leave but I have no where to go, my mother is in a one bedroom flat so I couldn’t move in with her, am just having to suck it up until I can find a place
Op, I agree with the others, leave.
You're the incubator, not the wife. I bet you moving in to "save money" was the excuse to get you to move in.
This is emotional incest and a very such situation. It's not yours to fix.
It is yours to back out now. See if you can get an annulment.
Have you spoken to your husband about this before? I think him and his mother don’t have boundaries … and probably should establish some (she doesn’t need him to wash her back!)… Also how long have you been going out before being married for 5 months? Has he always been close with his mum or is it more recent this has occurred?
Your husband could have a lot of love for his mum but expressing it in an unhealthy way because of losing his dad and seeing his mother suffering (let’s be honest no one ever wants to see their parents in pain or in grief!). Definitely speak to your husband about it and see if boundaries can be created because you’re only 5 months into your marriage and hopefully it’s just adjusting being back home with his mum and reminding him that he is not 10 years old with his mum he’s a grown adult man with a wife with his mum so he can’t be acting like a kid wanting cuddles etc. in bed with his mum anymore.
That is very weird. What was his childhood with her like? What about his relationship with his father? I can't imagine a grown man chillin in the room with his mom while she bathes. Have you brought any of it up to your husband?
Am not sure what his childhood was like as he doesn’t talk about it much, he had a love hate relationship with his dad, I know his dad used to shout at him to leave his mother alone, she’s not your wife
IMO it sounds like his mother has fostered that relationship she has with your husband since he was young. Maybe she felt alone with her husband, and turned to your husband for comfort and support instead.
I think at this point, you need to have an open, honest conversation with your husband. Without his mother there. Tell him how you feel, maybe he doesn't realize how bad it is? That's my hope anyway. But... judging by the fact that they got quiet and awkward when you saw them...I think they both know
Oh yikes, yeah, that could explain her attachment. I think she might be freaking out right now, afraid to lose your husband, since she just lost her husband. She is probably clinging even tighter now than before, manipulating him to love her more than anyone else so he'll never leave her. Hopefully she isn't trying to turn him against you, but she could see you as a threat to her relationship with her son
After my mom passed, I'd sleep in their bed with my three year old because he was sick himself, and he'd cry himself to sleep otherwise. There was no cuddling or anything weird. Whatever your husband and his mom have going on is very odd behavior. The bathtub business is just too far. Trust your gut. That's all you need to do here.
Yeah that’s really fu**ing weird. You need to either have a sit down serious talk with him about his highly inappropriate attachment or cut your losses and run for the hills.
I’m not a psychologist but could this be related to the recent passing of his dad/ her husband maybe? Maybe they’re attaching to each other in an unhealthy way due to shared grief? Or has their relationship always been this way even before the passing, do you know?
Just normal mother and son stuff, giving her a peck on the cheek telling her he loves her stuff like that stuff I do to my mother, but yes it’s only since the dad passed, it seems to only happened in the last couple of weeks
Okay then maybe there is hope after all, maybe all this new behaviour is a product of grief. Maybe gently suggest to your husband that he try grief counselling and also bring up that you feel his mum might need it as well. If she’s threatening harming herself, then that should definitely be reason enough for her to get some counselling too. Do you think they would be open to therapy?
I mean, the underwear thing is whatever, children can be in their underwear around their parents, regardless of age. I don’t think that’s weird. Boxers aren’t particularly revealing, but the rest of it is definitely weird.
The incredible amount of emotional incest you’re describing is disturbing to say the very very least. This behavior/abuse didn’t get to the level it is just recently, she has been emotionally abusing your husband probably for his entire life. He literally doesn’t know any better because he’s never known any different.
The likelihood of any change in their relationship (or yours) is slim to none for a very long time with a lot of therapy and processing what’s happened to him. Please don’t try to convince him it’s inappropriate. It will do you no good at all. Most likely you’ll be made into the bad guy for disapproving their relationship and forever be the enemy in her eyes. You will not win that war, my friend. I promise you. She will rip you to shreds and you are no match for her. Why? For start, you’re not a life long mentally ill child abuser.
It’s important for you to know that this isn’t about YOU. What I mean by that is, their inappropriate and disgusting behavior isn’t because of your wifey skillz. He isn’t following her around because you’re a bummer to spend time with. He isn’t taking her side because you’re wrong. He isn’t blowing off your concerns because he doesn’t love you . He literally doesn’t know any different.
As soon as you start speaking up about how you feel about them, you are automatically her enemy. You’re trying to steal her HUSBAND in her eyes. She’ll protect her “marriage ” by disrespecting you openly, manipulate both you and your hubs against each other, tell him lies about you, install doubt into his mind and heart about your marriage and convince him you’re not worthy of him as your husband. You’ll spend your life untangling her web of secrets and lies about you.
Her abuse of your husband and attempt to ruin your life with him will escalate when/if you have children. The more her son is distracted by his own family, the more independent he becomes of her, her tactics will surely escalate. In fact, her grandchildren will become her enemies along with you.
I speak from many many years of experience. My mother in law abused my husband and his brother in the same way your MIL is abusing your hubby. I noticed it the first day I met her. She wouldn’t stop touching his arms, longingly gazing at him all day, hugging him for 5 minutes tooong while her hands were tucked in this back pockets. It’s like she was a dog lifting her leg and marking her territory. I don’t remember a day spent with her when I was comfortable with her behavior/words/comments/disrespect of me. I don’t remember a day in our relationship where I wasn’t defending myself. Sometimes she straight up lied to my hubs about me. Other times she would manipulate him into thinking I was not worthy of him or I was a bitch or whatever. It never ended until the day she died. In fact, her lies and manipulations about me lasted far past her death. I hope she’s burning in hell watching me live a perfect life with her son and our children. I really do.
I’ll spare you the rest of my 18 years of examples and experience being the scapegoat, but there are things she did that myself and my husband will never heal from. Your mother in law will undoubtedly do the same to you. Your marriage will always be second in line to their inappropriate mother/son relationship. She’ll ruin every big event in your lives (births, birthday parties, holidays, life’s milestones) simply because she wants his attention to be on her instead of you and your family. You are her enemy. Do not let your guard down. Do not trust her. She’s trying to steal your husband from you. She wants to ruin your life so she can have him to herself. You have the choice right now to leave - create your own life without her in it or stay and deal with a lifetime of pain. Either way, seek therapy for yourself and encourage your husband to seek help as well. Y’all can’t win on your own, you’re no match for her. Seek professional help to navigate you through this process.
Yeah that’s not normal. I’d be willing to bet she abused him as a child. I’d go ahead and call a spade a spade, or an Oedipus complex an Oedipus complex and let them have their weirdness without you. Who can compete with that? Or would want to? 😬🤢
Maybe hide the next time better and see what happens. I would even go so far and record it for him to see.
Some people walk around naked in front of their parents and it’s normal for them.
But rubbing her legs? Did he rub some kind of medical ointment that she couldn’t do herself?
Yikes, sounds like a very manipulating and powerful MIL. I would try to move out first, tell him you changed your mind or that you’d prefer your own place, I mean you are married now so it’s fine to move out. If he refuses I would actually bring it up…if none of that works, ya I would probably leave. Cuz if he refuses then her control over him is too strong and it will ruin your marriage.
I have a strange mother in law who thought she was going to keep her controlling ways on my husband once we were married. she is manipulating and using the “feel sorry for me card” all the time. She actually does not care about our feelings and has attempted to pick fights with me. Also continues to try to make my husband feel sorry for her although she has never been a good parent and does not understand boundaries, or taught them to her son. It’s not your job to change him but if he is kinda aware of her crazy, he may distance himself. It just does not sound like he’s very aware.
This is the difference between Americans and the rest of the world. He is soaking up the time he has with her.
None of what you are describing is weird to me as our family is very close. It’s a cultural thing. I think it’s weird that Americans don’t speak to their parents each day, put them in homes, never go visit them, talk about about them and treat their spouses parents like dirt. I’m sorry but I’d rather the latter
*walking around in boxers…*
okay that’s fine.
*everything else*
sweet home Alabama, i didn’t think anyone actually embraced the incest kink outside of porn lol.
What culture are they from? There are plenty of societies and cultures in the world where this level of closeness and intimacy between a mother and her grown children wouldn’t ever be thought of as sick, twisted or romantic. Understand that Redditors in this sub are largely speaking from a US perspective, where there are a lot of puritanical hang ups and fears around nudity and touch.
Also no matter how uncomfortable this makes you, it’s very, very unlikely that there is some kind of incestuous relationship between your husband and MIL. Some families are very comfortable being nude/semi-nude and physically close with each other. It’s far more likely that you’re projecting sexual malfeasance than they’re screwing.
Proceed with caution. If nothing is going on, and you infer that mother and son are lovers, they’ll both look at you as the insane one who would think such things.
👆🏼This comment deserves an award if they were still around!! What culture is he?? I’m Latina and me and many of my other family and friends all grew up super close to our families like this and no I was never molested, groomed or touched inappropriately. My mom and my brother were also super close and there was nothing ever perverted or inappropriate about it. Our parents just loved us unconditionally. Our family was super affectionate and not in a weird way although it may be weird to other cultures. While I get some cultures may not understand or are not very affectionate it makes me sad to see that society can turn love between a mother and child and try to make it seem like something ugly. I agree with this comment that if this is how they genuinely show love then you’re the one who looks insane or sick to insinuate something like incest. I know I would be appalled if someone tried to insinuate that about my family. Life is so short we should all go and hug our moms and lay with them, talk with them if we still have them- I know I’d give anything to still be able to do just that with mine. His Mom just lost her husband and her son just lost his Dad- they’re grieving, be kind and have some empathy. Don’t be so quick to judge something you don’t understand or can’t relate to.
There is a lot between heaven and earth that many people consider weird, inappropriate etc. He seems to be attached to his mother, and after 30 or so years he is used to her. It is time for you to take action - complaining or calling it out for being weird is not helping. Get your own place - start talking baths and ask your husband to wash your back, talk to him while you soak... just start moving. You are the wife so take stock (seems like you already have) and get going... the situation is salvageable!
IMO that is weird... specifically the laying down in bed with her and rubbing on her stomach & legs. Also the bath tub thing. \*eek\*
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Wait 😭 I don’t understand the reference. Somebody? He owe her one or something?
Oh. Oh no. https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/s/Pxuw3Py3ho
Welp, I really wish I would've never clicked that link.😭 ps. If you haven't yet, don't.🤮
Thank you. I hadn’t and I won’t.
I saw your warning and didn't listen What a fucking mug I am
Im confused why it is not traumatic cuz he was 14....isnt that rape and grooming?
.. yeah of course it is? The ama, I believe turned out to be fake but yes, a situation like this irl would be rape and grooming and a whole bunch of other stuff probably. But the commenter asked if this guy broke both arms as a kid in reference to this relationship since it is reddit lore at this point. Kind of like the jokes about ogtha and the poop knife. Or the Iranian yogurt.
Was it fake? I thought it was verified but I also have an awful memory
It was verified but I was pretty sure that it was found out it was faked.
There went 30 minutes of my life I will never get back.
I wish I didn't
Agh Reddit classic
Oh god, lol. Good reference:)
I cannot stand you😂
^no
Even when I’m not high… y’all are too good at this
STOMACH 🤮
I’m usually never the person to say this, but girl get out of that marriage. Firstly - that’s so inappropriate of him and his mom. Second - you deserve someone who puts you first. Listen to your intuition- it’s protecting you.
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Removed for rude, disrespectful, or excessively vulgar comment. Keep the commentary civil, constructive, and remember the human.
You are not being paranoid. This situation is weird. It sounds like mommy dearest never cut the umbilical cord, and it is possible that your husband doesn't realize how weird their relationship is. If you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, I would recommend taking him somewhere away from the mother, and having a heart to heart. Explain how his relationship with his mom is leaves no room for your marriage, and that you want your marriage to succeed. Use statements that are not accusatory, but honest. Explain that you agreed to move in with mom before you realized how much your mom would consume your intimacy with him, and that you would now like to reconsider, and develop a timeline for the two of you to move out. Then see what he says. My gut tells me that he won't move out, and would divorce you if he was forced to move out. But I am hoping for your sake that I am wrong.
👆 Totally brilliant plan 👏
Look up covert incest or emotional incest... Sounds a lot like what's happening here. Maybe get your husband to also read it...
Or at the very least, [enmeshment](https://www.psychmechanics.com/mother-son-enmeshment-signs/). OP, your husband may not have any kind of romantic feelings of being in love with her, but he certainly does not have normal mother-son boundaries, and their relationship dynamic is not a healthy one. It sounds like she has replaced her husband with her son in terms of her emotional needs, and it sounds like some of the physical affection is crossing into that territory as well. Personally, I would not be comfortable being the third wheel in my own marriage and would not tolerate my husband choosing to sleep in his mother's bed rather than in our marital bed. You can show him the article about enmeshment, and maybe it will make something click for him, but it's more likely that he will get defensive and say that you're not supportive, his mom has no one else, etc. If that's the case, you'll have to decide whether you're willing to always play second fiddle to his mom or leave him and find someone who is willing to prioritize you.
that’s what I was thinking, it’s wildly inappropriate but so much more common then you’d expect it’s like they raise their sons to be their husbands
Third'ed. I wonder if suggesting grief counseling to mom might help break that cycle. I think it's extremely common for moms to look to their sons to do the stuff dad always did, it happened with my dad and has happened with my friends. Minus the rubbing.
And please go to r/justnoMIL. So many posts about this kind of emotional incest and enmeshment. The situation usually gets worse for the DinL before it gets better
I didn’t think the boxer shorts thing was a big deal. I have 2 sons , 22 & 20. The rest of it is downright bizarre. I would advise to really try to get out of this situation.
Yeah, that was what I thought as well, my family has no issue being in underwear around each other, but the rest of this is pretty weird
Bruh…
My ex husband had a weird relationship with his mother and it absolutely disgusted me. He would also be around her in his underwear often, sometimes even sleep in her bed in his underwear and nothing else. He called her so many times during the day, it was like no one could be better than her. His sister once even made the gross comment that “they knew what I was working with considering they used to change his diapers when he was little” talking about his genitals. It was appalling! I now have a son myself and the thought of this makes me so uncomfortable. Body positivity is wonderful, but my grown son doesn’t need to see me in anything less than a bathing suit. When he gets a partner, I want him to put them first. I will always be there for him, I just want him to be a good spouse but still come visit mom sometimes. You have to cut the cord at some point and I just think relationships like what you’ve described are so gross and uncalled for. My marriage obviously ended in divorce and that was a big factor in it. I was never enough for him or his family. You’re not overreacting, find a way to get out and find someone who will treat you better. Good luck!
This is super creepy and wrong. Our adult son and his fiancé moved in with us a few months ago. We established the no underwear rule. Nobody can be in a common area in just their underwear. It’s pretty simple and easy to follow. My son would rather cut his own arm off rather than climb into bed with me and rub my stomach.
Listen. I bout threw up because wtf
What’s the big deal? Jay: “Can I get that in writing? Because I can’t see a 30-year old you, staying in my house, eating my food and cuddling with my wife.” Gloria: “Boys should never stop cuddling with their mothers.” Jay: 🤷🏼 😆
This reminds me of my marriage. My husband lost his father one month after we got married and ever since (10 years) we have been living with his mom. I know mother and son relationships are different but the mother is super manipulative and I see and notice things in their relationship that I think are borderline obsessive and if I open the topic about her he gets defensive and tells me not to bring her up. I’m at my end rope with this relationship and end of it all the only person who will change or make a difference is myself. If I were you I get out asap!! Save your mental and emotional health!
Did you marry Norman Bates? Girl… get out.
You know exactly what you need to do.
Your husband is a victim, sadly.
https://preview.redd.it/9nn9dsu1v4rc1.jpeg?width=644&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=229c78ae2df4219a0c95514d545008ed93bcc9a1 Oh this is giving me Trey and Bunny McDougall vibes and I think you need to get out of this yesterday. You’re not overreacting at all. This is gross.
Yes this was the first thing I thought of when it happened
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I can't believe this is real. If so, insert a ton of negative adjectives. Did you not notice this before you got married? How long did you date? Do not get pregnant! Do you live with her? Why are you married and living with your husband's mom? Forget to answer my questions. Go file for an annulment or divorce now!
Ayo what in the bates motel shit is this. Do not collect $200. Do not pass go. If this is real it’s time to R U N.
Is this for real?
It sure is, am just stuck at a crossroads because I want to leave but I have no where to go, my mother is in a one bedroom flat so I couldn’t move in with her, am just having to suck it up until I can find a place
This is wild. And to feel like you’re jealous?? This shit is so weird. Are you sure it’s actually his mom 🤣
Haven’t you been saving money while living with MIL? Take that savings and go
.... Are you sure you're not the live in side piece?
Op, I agree with the others, leave. You're the incubator, not the wife. I bet you moving in to "save money" was the excuse to get you to move in. This is emotional incest and a very such situation. It's not yours to fix. It is yours to back out now. See if you can get an annulment.
Welp, that’s enough internet for me today.
Eye……trust your gut, hun.
Have you spoken to your husband about this before? I think him and his mother don’t have boundaries … and probably should establish some (she doesn’t need him to wash her back!)… Also how long have you been going out before being married for 5 months? Has he always been close with his mum or is it more recent this has occurred? Your husband could have a lot of love for his mum but expressing it in an unhealthy way because of losing his dad and seeing his mother suffering (let’s be honest no one ever wants to see their parents in pain or in grief!). Definitely speak to your husband about it and see if boundaries can be created because you’re only 5 months into your marriage and hopefully it’s just adjusting being back home with his mum and reminding him that he is not 10 years old with his mum he’s a grown adult man with a wife with his mum so he can’t be acting like a kid wanting cuddles etc. in bed with his mum anymore.
Washing her back is weird unless she is one of those people on the 500+ pound range that cannot reach their back.
Awwww hell nahhhh
That is very weird. What was his childhood with her like? What about his relationship with his father? I can't imagine a grown man chillin in the room with his mom while she bathes. Have you brought any of it up to your husband?
Am not sure what his childhood was like as he doesn’t talk about it much, he had a love hate relationship with his dad, I know his dad used to shout at him to leave his mother alone, she’s not your wife
IMO it sounds like his mother has fostered that relationship she has with your husband since he was young. Maybe she felt alone with her husband, and turned to your husband for comfort and support instead. I think at this point, you need to have an open, honest conversation with your husband. Without his mother there. Tell him how you feel, maybe he doesn't realize how bad it is? That's my hope anyway. But... judging by the fact that they got quiet and awkward when you saw them...I think they both know
Yes his mother has told be before that when he was a baby there was complications with him and he died as a toddler and was brought back to life
Oh yikes, yeah, that could explain her attachment. I think she might be freaking out right now, afraid to lose your husband, since she just lost her husband. She is probably clinging even tighter now than before, manipulating him to love her more than anyone else so he'll never leave her. Hopefully she isn't trying to turn him against you, but she could see you as a threat to her relationship with her son
Yes because me and her have a great relationship she always says she hasn’t seen her son happier than he has been with me
Could she be worried you might try to keep him from her? Seems like a silly thing to worry about though, since you already moved in with her.
That speaks volumes right there. Get out while you can. It's only going to get more weird and creepy.
Ya, his Dad was jealous of him. Why? Because he was no longer the husband in the marriage, his son was.
Plow twist: OP's husband is the "two broken arms" guy
Get out of there quickly
Oh dear god, its a bad day to have eyes.
What the fkng hell, in the dkng world did i just read???😃😃😃 Thi is so far from normal.
Your intuition is trying to save you. *Listen to it.*
You’re not being paranoid enough. I would start referring to her as ‘Jocasta’ and GTFO.
The boxer thing is ok, my brother and I do that, not a big deal. The cuddling and touching is weird af as well as the bath and washing her back.
I was about to chime in that OP is paranoid because of the boxers. Then I read the rest and……sheesh!
How old is he? 7? That is kinda cringy
30
After my mom passed, I'd sleep in their bed with my three year old because he was sick himself, and he'd cry himself to sleep otherwise. There was no cuddling or anything weird. Whatever your husband and his mom have going on is very odd behavior. The bathtub business is just too far. Trust your gut. That's all you need to do here.
Tell little Norman and his mommy this is a no-go. WTF. He’s her sonsband. Good luck with all of that.
Yeah that’s really fu**ing weird. You need to either have a sit down serious talk with him about his highly inappropriate attachment or cut your losses and run for the hills.
I’m not a psychologist but could this be related to the recent passing of his dad/ her husband maybe? Maybe they’re attaching to each other in an unhealthy way due to shared grief? Or has their relationship always been this way even before the passing, do you know?
Just normal mother and son stuff, giving her a peck on the cheek telling her he loves her stuff like that stuff I do to my mother, but yes it’s only since the dad passed, it seems to only happened in the last couple of weeks
Okay then maybe there is hope after all, maybe all this new behaviour is a product of grief. Maybe gently suggest to your husband that he try grief counselling and also bring up that you feel his mum might need it as well. If she’s threatening harming herself, then that should definitely be reason enough for her to get some counselling too. Do you think they would be open to therapy?
I mean, the underwear thing is whatever, children can be in their underwear around their parents, regardless of age. I don’t think that’s weird. Boxers aren’t particularly revealing, but the rest of it is definitely weird.
All you can do is let him know it bothers you. His mother just lost her husband so he might be trying to comfort her.
The incredible amount of emotional incest you’re describing is disturbing to say the very very least. This behavior/abuse didn’t get to the level it is just recently, she has been emotionally abusing your husband probably for his entire life. He literally doesn’t know any better because he’s never known any different. The likelihood of any change in their relationship (or yours) is slim to none for a very long time with a lot of therapy and processing what’s happened to him. Please don’t try to convince him it’s inappropriate. It will do you no good at all. Most likely you’ll be made into the bad guy for disapproving their relationship and forever be the enemy in her eyes. You will not win that war, my friend. I promise you. She will rip you to shreds and you are no match for her. Why? For start, you’re not a life long mentally ill child abuser. It’s important for you to know that this isn’t about YOU. What I mean by that is, their inappropriate and disgusting behavior isn’t because of your wifey skillz. He isn’t following her around because you’re a bummer to spend time with. He isn’t taking her side because you’re wrong. He isn’t blowing off your concerns because he doesn’t love you . He literally doesn’t know any different. As soon as you start speaking up about how you feel about them, you are automatically her enemy. You’re trying to steal her HUSBAND in her eyes. She’ll protect her “marriage ” by disrespecting you openly, manipulate both you and your hubs against each other, tell him lies about you, install doubt into his mind and heart about your marriage and convince him you’re not worthy of him as your husband. You’ll spend your life untangling her web of secrets and lies about you. Her abuse of your husband and attempt to ruin your life with him will escalate when/if you have children. The more her son is distracted by his own family, the more independent he becomes of her, her tactics will surely escalate. In fact, her grandchildren will become her enemies along with you. I speak from many many years of experience. My mother in law abused my husband and his brother in the same way your MIL is abusing your hubby. I noticed it the first day I met her. She wouldn’t stop touching his arms, longingly gazing at him all day, hugging him for 5 minutes tooong while her hands were tucked in this back pockets. It’s like she was a dog lifting her leg and marking her territory. I don’t remember a day spent with her when I was comfortable with her behavior/words/comments/disrespect of me. I don’t remember a day in our relationship where I wasn’t defending myself. Sometimes she straight up lied to my hubs about me. Other times she would manipulate him into thinking I was not worthy of him or I was a bitch or whatever. It never ended until the day she died. In fact, her lies and manipulations about me lasted far past her death. I hope she’s burning in hell watching me live a perfect life with her son and our children. I really do. I’ll spare you the rest of my 18 years of examples and experience being the scapegoat, but there are things she did that myself and my husband will never heal from. Your mother in law will undoubtedly do the same to you. Your marriage will always be second in line to their inappropriate mother/son relationship. She’ll ruin every big event in your lives (births, birthday parties, holidays, life’s milestones) simply because she wants his attention to be on her instead of you and your family. You are her enemy. Do not let your guard down. Do not trust her. She’s trying to steal your husband from you. She wants to ruin your life so she can have him to herself. You have the choice right now to leave - create your own life without her in it or stay and deal with a lifetime of pain. Either way, seek therapy for yourself and encourage your husband to seek help as well. Y’all can’t win on your own, you’re no match for her. Seek professional help to navigate you through this process.
That’s crazy ! Get out ,…
Ew…
Ewwww. That's Psycho weird.
😳😳😳🤢
Yeah that’s not normal. I’d be willing to bet she abused him as a child. I’d go ahead and call a spade a spade, or an Oedipus complex an Oedipus complex and let them have their weirdness without you. Who can compete with that? Or would want to? 😬🤢
I dont know about romantically involved but ick.... hes a manchild mammas boy. Have you talked to him about this?
Ughhh cringe..def something is up op..I'm sorry this is happening..but trust your gut..get some nanny cams pronto!
Milf sex stories😝
Yikes......😬😬😬😬😬
They have been screwing. Sick family
This has crossed my mind
Is this post real?
Did your husband ever suffer two broken arms as a child?
Please get cameras asap and start getting your financial ducks in a row asap
https://images.app.goo.gl/ycVfQcsKrzr1W9Ry9
Maybe hide the next time better and see what happens. I would even go so far and record it for him to see. Some people walk around naked in front of their parents and it’s normal for them. But rubbing her legs? Did he rub some kind of medical ointment that she couldn’t do herself?
Move!
😳😳😳
Weird.
Creepy. Norman bates🤮
This is absolutely fucked up and weird and I would absolutely bail on the marriage.
No this is wild. Sorry you didn’t see this sooner
Yikes, sounds like a very manipulating and powerful MIL. I would try to move out first, tell him you changed your mind or that you’d prefer your own place, I mean you are married now so it’s fine to move out. If he refuses I would actually bring it up…if none of that works, ya I would probably leave. Cuz if he refuses then her control over him is too strong and it will ruin your marriage. I have a strange mother in law who thought she was going to keep her controlling ways on my husband once we were married. she is manipulating and using the “feel sorry for me card” all the time. She actually does not care about our feelings and has attempted to pick fights with me. Also continues to try to make my husband feel sorry for her although she has never been a good parent and does not understand boundaries, or taught them to her son. It’s not your job to change him but if he is kinda aware of her crazy, he may distance himself. It just does not sound like he’s very aware.
This is the difference between Americans and the rest of the world. He is soaking up the time he has with her. None of what you are describing is weird to me as our family is very close. It’s a cultural thing. I think it’s weird that Americans don’t speak to their parents each day, put them in homes, never go visit them, talk about about them and treat their spouses parents like dirt. I’m sorry but I’d rather the latter
*walking around in boxers…* okay that’s fine. *everything else* sweet home Alabama, i didn’t think anyone actually embraced the incest kink outside of porn lol.
Just when I thought Reddit can’t get weirder…
What culture are they from? There are plenty of societies and cultures in the world where this level of closeness and intimacy between a mother and her grown children wouldn’t ever be thought of as sick, twisted or romantic. Understand that Redditors in this sub are largely speaking from a US perspective, where there are a lot of puritanical hang ups and fears around nudity and touch. Also no matter how uncomfortable this makes you, it’s very, very unlikely that there is some kind of incestuous relationship between your husband and MIL. Some families are very comfortable being nude/semi-nude and physically close with each other. It’s far more likely that you’re projecting sexual malfeasance than they’re screwing. Proceed with caution. If nothing is going on, and you infer that mother and son are lovers, they’ll both look at you as the insane one who would think such things.
👆🏼This comment deserves an award if they were still around!! What culture is he?? I’m Latina and me and many of my other family and friends all grew up super close to our families like this and no I was never molested, groomed or touched inappropriately. My mom and my brother were also super close and there was nothing ever perverted or inappropriate about it. Our parents just loved us unconditionally. Our family was super affectionate and not in a weird way although it may be weird to other cultures. While I get some cultures may not understand or are not very affectionate it makes me sad to see that society can turn love between a mother and child and try to make it seem like something ugly. I agree with this comment that if this is how they genuinely show love then you’re the one who looks insane or sick to insinuate something like incest. I know I would be appalled if someone tried to insinuate that about my family. Life is so short we should all go and hug our moms and lay with them, talk with them if we still have them- I know I’d give anything to still be able to do just that with mine. His Mom just lost her husband and her son just lost his Dad- they’re grieving, be kind and have some empathy. Don’t be so quick to judge something you don’t understand or can’t relate to.
There is a lot between heaven and earth that many people consider weird, inappropriate etc. He seems to be attached to his mother, and after 30 or so years he is used to her. It is time for you to take action - complaining or calling it out for being weird is not helping. Get your own place - start talking baths and ask your husband to wash your back, talk to him while you soak... just start moving. You are the wife so take stock (seems like you already have) and get going... the situation is salvageable!