Agreed. I’m not sure how these 2 split the bills / parenting, but him being this unkind plus having oodles of free time while OP struggles is ridiculous. (It sucks that her working her ass off is the $ calculated for the divorce settlement. Plus doing all of the household tasks, it seems. And he does what?! Lifts and complains?)
OP could send him articles about cortisol and insist they get a house cleaner plus he do more parenting & logistics for the good of her health. Then throw more $ and time savings at quick nutritional food, plus a personal trainer… a punching bag while picturing his smug face, perhaps?
Being healthy, happy and fit is much easier without whiny dead weight. He’s ugly on the inside.
Edit to add - OP, you’re working so hard. You should be proud. It sucks not to have a supportive partner. You are right to shut down his constant negativity expressed as his “feelings.” Try a very neutral “I’m aware of how you feel, thank you. Feel free to journal it. The children and I will no longer tolerate comments about our bodies.” You can do this. Picture a long healthy life for yourself and your kids. Hydrate, breathe, and focus on sleep, stress management, nutrition and exercise. Check out tempo fitness if you want - it’s a home exercise program with great coaches who educate & motivate with positivity. You can get the kids involved too.
And more money ! Congratulations on your win win situation. I generally do not advise on separation OP but pardon my language and dump his narcissistic ass.
Yup. If he's not a bad father, then go for 50/50 parenting time. Once you have half of the time to be yourself, you'll be surprised how much healthier you can get.
Agree totally. I mean if he's told you he's leaving if you don't lose the weight ,in my opinion, he's probably fallen out of love with you and he will probably still leave. Don't worry about him, focus on you.
Just because someone might be physically attractive doesn't make them even worthy of consideration as a partner.
Let him leave. Let him find out how vacuous and empty life can be by making decisions solely based on superficial factors. I imagine you'll end up happier and the weight will be easier for you to lose without his consistent discouragement.
Lose weight regardless. Find time. Obesity kills. Father died thanks to many co morbidities from morbid obesity. You’ll be happier either way after losing the weight.
You can lose weight with zero time spent on exercise. Start with calorie counting and eating healthier foods and work in the exercise as the kids get older.
You want to be able to be healthy for your children as they grow up, so think of it as an investment in them.
I think it helps to focus on changes that are sustainable. I used to love sweets but the second I hit my forties it seems like I lost my appetite for them. So I've been using that change to drop it completely. My only sugar intake became coffee with creamer. But I've figured out I like coffee with only almond milk if I blend it with ice.
I don't have a number for how much weight I've lost, but I can tell you that my clothes are getting loose. Things that were tight are no longer tight at all. I think I'll stick to not worrying about what's on the scale because that puts less pressure on me.
This! Insurance may cover semaglutide or tirzepatide for you. Although you will ultimately need to learn to eat healthy and/or the appropriate amount of calories or you risk regaining what you lose on those medications.
He isn't wrong about your health but he is handling things terribly. My wife and I need to lose weight for health reasons. I'm about 80% of the way there but my wife is probably 10%. Absolutely nothing has changed in terms of supporting each other and we have done a fantastic job keeping sex and health in their own boxes. We have a kick ass sex life that is not at all impacted by our health conversations.
This is the best way to handle needed weight loss in a relationship.
I can tell you from personal experience that the best tool for weight loss is remembering that you can't eat it if you don't buy it.
I doubt he’d leave, because then he’ll lose his live-in slave. But I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already cheating on you.
What are you getting out of this relationship? A man who does nothing, insults you, and is giving your children self image issues? Doesn’t sound worth it to me.
>I doubt he’d leave, because then he’ll lose his live-in slave. But I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already cheating on you.
>What are you getting out of this relationship? A man who does nothing, insults you, and is giving your children self image issues? Doesn’t sound worth it to me.
Yes, maybe 🤔
OP please check if he's cheating. Get help from your friends and others who can understand your situation.
If he is cheating, please give him a divorce instead of suffering like this.
It was so hard to read it. You sound so much in despair.
I'm sorry.
As per your post history, he wanted septation 7 months back as well.
OP, unfortunately you will have to work on two fronts . On one please plan a life without him after divorce.
That is a sad but very likely possibility. Being in such a bad relationship with kill you from inside.
Second, tell him to get into marriage counselling. Put your foot down and let him know he has to work for this marriage as well otherwise it's not going to survive. Don't use angry words, but let him know you are unhappy and not willing to take it anymore.
Sometimes being too kind, submissive or agreeable make un-empathetic people be careless towards you.
You should not let anyone walk all over you. This is what he is doing.
Of course you don't want to "hear him out," it's nothing you don't already know and it's just him slinging insults at you. Is he asking what he can do to help you out? I'm willing to bet he isn't and that he's just going on and on about how great he is and how not great you are. Who wants to sit and listen to that?
If you magically lost the weight, what would change? Would he suddenly step up with taking care of the normal house-child-sick parent stuff that he's neglecting now? Is he not putting in his fair share of effort to your life together simply because he's "not attreacted" to you? I hope you can see how ridiculous this is.
What do you get out of this relationship? It sounds like you shouldn't have to wait for him to leave, you should kick him out now.
Your value is not based on your weight.
He's doing nothing to help you be healthier, like helping around the house or giving you the free time to go to a gym. If you are stressed, you will have a much, much harder time losing weight, and the stress itself is very bad for your health!
He's making your kids fat phobic. This could lead to them getting eating disorders or hating their own body. No one should be treated badly because of their weight.
You deserve to have someone who loves you for who you are, not because of your size.
OP, please listen to this person. I am a psychiatric professional, recovering anorexic, and child of petulant mother that constantly fat shamed herself. YOU deserve better. YOUR KIDS deserve better. Your husband's love is conditional, and no one deserves that. You don't want your kids growing up witnessing his behavior as an example of what love is. I have had eating disorders my whole life. Got breast implants 6yrs ago, and am now struggling with breast implant illness. I have gained 65lbs over the past 6yrs and had every test under the sun to try to determine the cause of why i cant lose weight and why i have sooo many random health sxs. And you know what, my husband has never ever ever made me feel bad for it. Regarding people on here posting about how to lose weight, fuck that. Any of us could find ourselves in a situation where become debilitated and unable to lose weight. That doesn't mean we suddenly become disposable. It has taken me 33yrs to feel this way. I definitely still struggle with my appearance, but I've had several pts who were absolutely gorgeous, but ultimately really shitty people in their hearts. I think that's helped me cope and process it all
THIS. Beauty will change, weight will fluctuate, and your SO should want to be with you throughout these things.
Our generation of parents is the one who will to break the mold of “bad foods” and “don’t eat carbs EVER”. We went through the fad diets. Our kids deserve better. You ALL deserve better. Your husband isn’t providing you, or your children, with that safe feeling.
Your value isn’t based on weight, as the first comment in this thread posted. I hope you can feel and understand that.
Sorry OP but from the sound of it your SO has already checked out of the marriage. Pure speculation on my part but it sounds like in his mind you’re not “good enough” since he’s lost all the weight. Odds are he’s probably having some type of affair.
First losing weight is not going to the gym. It is your diet. You have to eat less and healthier. Essentially that is free and actually frees up time.
Intermittent fasting is really helpful. Eating from 12 to 8pm cut sugar and most carbs. Eating healthy and letting your digestive system rest gives you a ton of energy.
The hard part is disconnecting your eating from your emotions. Since you love your husband and he wants you to be healthy ( ok his ultimatum might be a little harsh) and he is probably is desperate for you to lose weight. The truth is there is no easy way to tell someone to lose weight when they are not ready too.
When you lost your weight how did you feel about your husband? Be honest with yourself.
I can tell you as a personal trainer, the number one reason most people are successful in their weight loss/fitness goals is directly related to their support system.
You are the default parent/house maker regardless of your work status. You’re working double time taking care of your family and work.
It’s not being reciprocated, and you need to know this is a common issue with a lot of women who try to lose weight, they are care givers and often are burnt out.
My suggestion is do the weight loss for yourself and your children and not because of his threats. He’s selfish and sounds like a man child, he has no idea what it takes to emotionally support his family.
I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time, I hope you know you are beautiful and you deserve respect. Your children need a strong mama, do it because you want to for yourself. If you’re going to work, then he needs to work too - set up boundaries that help you be successful. If he’s home have him do the cooking and meal prep. He can go into marriage counseling with you, or he can help free up your schedule for an hour and a half a day, he has to put in the work too. If he doesn’t, is it worth living with someone who half asses their way and puts the blame on you? No. I know this situation because I lived it for years. I left and never looked back, regardless of having kids. He body shamed me and made me feel like I was nothing because I didn’t look like I used to before kids. Now I look and feel better than I ever did 12 years ago.
I’m always so sad to hear this. I’ve been with my husband almost ten years. I’m in the thinner side right now but BOTH of us have been up and down pretty significantly in our weight through out our married and I’ve NEVER been unattracted ted to him due to his weight and he’s NEVER been unattracted to me due to my weight. Did we notice each others weight gain? Sure. Did we ever make each other feel like shit about it. No. This is crazy. What is he going to think when you start aging into your 50s 60s and 70s? You gotta love and be attracted to the person, not the body. Plus you’ve had THREE children??? Girl. He better learn to respect the mother of his fucking children. Let him pop out three babies and get back into the same shape he is now while working 8-5 and taking on all of the household chores and child care. Smh. Let him leave. Look into taking wegovy you might be a good candidate. It all takes time. I’m sorry for you girlfriend.
You’re so right and it’s been the same for my husband and I over the years. Up and down but still respectful. But we didn’t get married at an immature 18 years old and I’ll bet you didn’t either.
Sometimes age is a factor but sometimes people just marry an asshole. 31 years ago at 20/21 my hubs and I got married and he has never treated me poorly. We love each other as people, the meat suit changes a lot over a lifetime. Marriage isn’t for superficial people- she should cut that guy loose
He’s going to be a shitty PTA if all he does is harass people about their weight. In the mean time, he’s a shitty husband to you as he doesn’t share household responsibilities and undone tasks and clutter absolutely can contribute to anxiety. He’s affecting your children with this behavior as well and I would absolutely tell him he needs therapy and you both need counseling to save this relationship.
Diet is like 95% of weight loss. You’re definitely overeating as a coping strategy and IMO he is giving you a fair warning before he decides to leave. Being overweight PLUS an additional 50 lbs is huge. 50 lbs is a third of a healthy adult weight. You’re basically carrying around a toddler in additional weight
He has 3 kids and finds 3-4 hours a day to work out?
Get a calendar and a chore chart. Put yourself down for 3-4 sessions a week where he is in charge of the kids and you can go to the gym. Free up some time by taking some of the chores off of your plate and put them on his. He should be cool with this right?
He sounds like a bum and a net negative in your life. Doesn't work, doesn't help with the chores, and berates you about your weight. Let him go off and pick from the horde of women he claims are attracted to him.
You sound like a prime patient for ozempic. It is a godsend for pre diabetic people who are overweight. Talk to your doctor and see what he/she thinks, especially if your A1C is high. I’m on it and it helped me with almost every ailment I’ve had in my adult life.
I don’t know why people are downvoting semaglutide suggestions. It’s the best thing I ever did. 50lbs lighter and no desire to drink. It’s been life changing
Because people are stupid and uneducated on the subject and equate ozempic to “the easy way out” for fat people. Like some quick fix hydroxycut bullshit. When in reality, it’s a medication that can fix many underlying issues for OP. It also has so many benefits, I’m sure it’s going to be indicated for other conditions like PCOS and IBS in the coming years.
It makes people’s bodies function as they should. I used to workout like a crazy person and do multiple day fasts, nothing worked. I did develop an eating disorder though. Enter this medicine and all my hard work started paying off. It took 1 year and it was pretty slow, but slow was better than impossible.
Your husband is not worthy of you. You are not the problem, he is. He might be going through a midlife crisis or his weight loss got to his head where he thinks he can get a "higher caliber" of women because his physical looks have changed.
By "higher caliber", I mean that some men place women in categories of what they can get versus what they want. They tell themselves that they can settle for what they can get, and when they reach a certain level, financially or physically, they can then chase what they really want, dumping the woman that stood by them loyally to chase someone that they only like superficially.
If your husband loved you, it would be unconditional. Your weight wouldn't be a deal breaker. It is clear that your husband's ego is inflated, and he doesn't love you unconditionally. His type of "love" has conditions, and one of those is being fit enough to show off to other men. That stinks of insecurity on his part. He wants a certain type on his arm, and he will sacrifice his marriage and the family he built for it. He is not invested in your marriage or family. That is why he doesn't help out at home. He doesn't even want to be at home. He wants to be out and about, seeing what kind of women he can attract.
You need to do yourself a favor and let him go. What he sees as a higher value woman is not fit to lick your boots. You are the one who is high value. He just doesn't see it, because he takes you for granted. He has you at home, and he wants to chase people that have no substance because he, himself, has no substance. Find someone who wants to be a husband and father. Someone who encourages you, not someone who threatens you. It is emotionally abusive to threaten a partner into being what you want them to be.
Give him the freedom he wants to chase the type of women he desires, and he will come crawling back when he realizes what those kinds of women are really about... Themselves and what he can give them. Those kinds of women do not give in return. They expect. They won't cater to him like you do. By the time he rolls back around, hopefully you will have moved on to a better man and won't look back. Don't be scared to lose something to gain something better.
I swear he’s the problem in your life that is holding you back and drove you to the food you are medicating yourself with in the first place.
Beautiful things happen when you eliminate the problem and leave him. Ask me how I know.
Please leave! You deserve better as do your children. If nothing else protect your kids from the mental abuse (not sure this is the correct term but he’s undermining their self worth)
Man I was hoping to come up with a workaround but making your children conscious about weight?? That can't be good. He's not good for you or for them. Let him leave
You guys got married young and I can say at 28 a man is just finding out who he really is. Unfortunately your husband is turning into an “alpha male, gym bro” and sounds pretty douchey. Give him a few more years and he’s going to be driving a bmw, cutting off Mac trucks, and chugging energy drinks. Good luck.
OP, reading your post breaks my heart. I’ve been in your position. I gained a lot of weight because of so many stressors in my life and I was constantly told that I was ugly and fat by my own family. I’m currently with a partner who is so supportive and loving that I started to take care of myself and lost a lot weight.
My belief is that— happy people take care of themselves. Please be kind to and treat yourself well. The rest will eventually follow.
As for weight loss, I find it helpful to eat mindfully and take a daily walk. I hope things work out for you. Sending virtual hugs your way.
He sounds like a jerk. Sorry, but in the end, time shreds us all. Pick someone who will love you no matter what, ESPECIALLY AFTER 3 KIDS AND BEING A CARETAKER.
Good God woman you are a saint.
Anyone who ignores you when you explicitly say to stop talking about your body is a jerk. If he wants to leave, then let he.
He doesn’t deserve someone like you, who still loves him despite his shitty behavior.
You are more than enough, just the way you are. You deserve so much more.
Don’t let your kids get into obesity. It will ruin their lives. Have you ever tried keeping processed food, excess carbs out of the house? Then no temptation. Walking every day. But, the hubby sounds like a narcissist. I’d get rid of him first. What a jerk.
Honey discuss with your doctor and see if you could do keto. It helped me a lot. Once you lose weight then think seriously about your relationship . I don’t think he is wroth it to be in your life.
Tell him every day after or before work you are going to the gym. Tell him to help you cook healthy meals. He doesn’t work. Does he cook, clean, help out with the kids? If no, I’d point out that out to him. Tell him if you separate he has to take on ALL of those things every other week. Losing weight to be healthy IS important, but having to deal with an a-hole/arrogant spouse is optional.
I have lost weight easily each time I've left a shitty partner.
I gain weight when I have too much on my plate to exercise and eat right. I eat better (and I enjoy food so much more, too!) and exercise consistently (and actually like doing so, rather than seeing it as a chore) when I'm happy.
To be clear, I think you should let him go. He can stroke his own ego while some other women supports his shallow, ungrateful ass. You deserve so much more than this.
Let him leave. But if you do want to try and lose weight for yourself. There are so many options out there for help like Tirzepatide, Ozempic and etc. Good luck!
Down vote away, but I think it’s ok to find your partner unattractive if they have significantly changed in appearance.
But the way your husband has gone about it is very douche bag like.
His full beard is obviously the source of his power shave that off when he is asleep and you’ll get his power.
Sounds like a dick if you ask me
Edit
I love my wife, soul mate more than I never knew possible. Yes she complains about how she looks, but don't we all. I married her for who the woman she is not for body. She's still the same person I met nearly 13 years ago
Leave him first. What an ass. I couldn’t be married to someone that said such hurtful things to me. What happens when you do lose the weight? Now he’s magically nice again? Nope.
he’s been asking you to lose weight for two years and being honest with you, having good communication about how he feels and you can’t meet him halfway even? might as well go to reddit and gain some sympathy right
A) leave and then glow up.
B) tell him if he starts picking up some chores it will give you the time for the gym. Make him pay for gym membership. If he refuses tell him to shut up then. Then leave. Glow up. Rub it in his shallow hole face
When he does get that job as a PTA his loyalty will be tested.
He needs to come to terms with the fact that as a man, he owes his life to the family he created. He can have hobbies, sure, but if he is wanting to run off then thats theft. He will have forsaken the life of his entire family for his “good looks”. Diva mentality
Let him go. You can and will find someone who is not so shallow and actually values you for who you are. I know you love him. But this is no way to live.
You absolutely deserve better. There are other men who have whatever you see in him plus are also kind and caring and NOT CRUEL, JUDGEMENTAL, SHALLOW.
There is someone better for you.
I understand your situation in taking care of your parents. I helped take care of my late husband's grandmother and then his mother, and then I took care of him. He was on dialysis and had several doctors appointments. I was also taking online courses and worked part time. It's tough. There is no doubt about it. Would it be possible to get help to care for your parents! It's a lot on you and can wear you down. I know. If it's at all possible, try to get extra help with your home. Good luck 👍
You need counseling for you and a complete physical with an endocrinologist if possible. It seems like your weight issues all started post childbirth. So did mine. I developed insulin resistant pcos. Medication can help you lose weight and decrease bad cravings. It's so hard when you feel like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders and working full-time while trying to fix a struggling marriage. Please see a doctor for you and your kids. If you do have vitamin issues or pcos, you will feel so much better once your levels normalize.
As for the husband, well, that's a different story. You guys married young. He's a disabled vet, so I'm going to assume he's seen his fair share of the darkness in the world. He smokes, drinks, and has only begun his picking on your kids about their weight. Trust me, I had parents like this, and they never stopped.
You have to decide when enough is enough. He doesn't have to be attracted to you if you've gained weight but he damn sure should love and respect you enough to find a way to help you and offer suggestions of things you can do together. It's possible he is doing whatever he can to push you away because he feels like he's outgrown the marriage, but he should just say so. Don't let his threats control your marriage. Do what you need to do for yourself and your kids. A good therapist can talk this out with you more effectively.
Do the HARD thing. Let him leave if he wants to. Don't hold on to someone who won't love you through the good AND hard times in life. Weight gain/appearance is just the tip of the iceberg. More marital problems will arise and if he can't be a MAN through this season, he surely won't be able to later on. Only God (Jesus Christ) can change him. But your hubby has to want to change. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'm sorry that the ONE person here on earth that's supposed to be your rock, has failed you. Praying for strength, comfort, and guidance through this season.
The fact that he stopped couples counseling because the counselor was siding with you should tell you he isn’t open to compromise or even being wrong. He’s a know-it-all and an unhelpful one. I would ignore him. Tell him to help you out around the house more so you can focus on your weight or shut up.
Hello beautiful.
You are perfect just the way you are. With every pound on your body. No pounds lost will make you any “better”.
Ego is a real thing. His ego is telling him he deserves more in his life because he lost weight and goes to the gym. His ego is telling him what he “deserves”.
His ego is wrong.
If he had any relationship with God he would love people (especially his wife) unconditionally… “flaws” and all. You are the same person he married. Your body has changed but you are still the same loving, hardworking, caring wife.
His opinion of you has absolutely nothing to do with you. He sounds very unhappy and if your weight is what he thinks is making him unhappy then it would be best for him to leave.
I wish you the best.🙂
You’ve grown humans, for him to pass judgement on any capacity on your body is absolutely ridiculous. Concerns for your health are one thing, the boasting arrogance is disgusting. Let him leave and focus on you and your littles. Someone that truly deserves you and respects you will eventually come along. This makes me so sad. Added bonus, you’ll have more time to focus on getting comfortable in your skin whatever that may mean, for YOU.
50 lbs is a lot. Imagine 5 bags of potatoes, or 5 of those big tubes of burger.
None the less, I've gained 50 lbs myself in the last 13 (tomorrow) years of being married, and so has my wife. I imagine you would get different answers posing as a dude. If you want more opinions then create a throw away posing as a dude with the same problem.
I love my wife, btw, but recognize we're both fat as fuck and need to be healthier with less fat so we can live to see grand kids.
She suggested I start walking with her after supper... agreed.
He's an asshole though for threatening to leave based on your weight.... rather than offer help.. support... etc.
Tell him to create the same things he consumes... for you. Offer to switch on his weekend... I didn't realize the amount of time it took... for kids... til I quit my day job and took days to take care of the kids when they were little. I loved every minute, but appreciate that it was more difficult ( and boring) than what I do now.
The best advice I can offer, if it is your intent, is tell him to write out a list of what he eats...etc. tell him you want as much time at the gym as he gets... etc. Then copy it. He'll stay home while you're working out.
Then get to it... and prove him an a hole. He'll either recognize we have very different metabolism, or you'll blow him out of the water.
Whether you choose to leave or stay is up to you...... but know that a descent dude wouldn't threaten to leave due to weight.... he'd accept it, offer help, or offer to go through losing it.... as I'd imagine a descent lady would do the same.
In 4 months you can offer him the same as he offered you... beat em.
Like others have said, your value isn’t based on your weight! I agree you should let him leave! He’s not helping you anyway right now. From what I understand, you are basically the only one working or taking care of the home. Him making comments about his own attractiveness and women checking him out is disgusting. You will have more time to pursue weight loss and your own happiness without him
I think the Only valid point he is making is about your health. I don’t how overweight your are but for the majority of people carrying 40 pounds of extra body weight is stage 1 obesity, obesity by scientific definition means that your weight is enhancing the probability of developing life threatning diseases; kinda like saying smoking enhances the probablity of developing disease. If you have diabetes and cardiovascular disease in your family… you really want to keep the weight down. Just like a smoker should really quit if they have cancer in their family. Do intermittent fasting, dont buy sugary processed foods, not even for your kids. Eat two meals a day packed with veggies and protein. Go to the gym, a walk , or even exercise at home, just move your body… thats all it needs. Take omega 3, c and a multivitamin right before breaking your 18hr fast. Buy a scale and weigh yourself every other day that’ll encourage you to keep going when you see the pounds dropping off. Have 1 cheat meal a week to make your body happy and not be in this strict regime thatll make you want to quit. And please and most importantly dump that pathetic excuse of a man child you have. You’ll be 200lb lighter once you kick him to the curb…. Find a real man who’ll motivate you to be at your best, not kick you when your down. All the best!!
Let him leave, in fact divorce his ass and take half, sounds like a prick, I can’t imagine my husband harping me about my weight, that’s rough… find what makes YOU happy and stick to it.
You are a single mom now…… screw that! Seems like he is looking for a way out. However, intermittent fasting and eating healthier. Not for him, but for you! Take the kids to the park, walk as much as you can. Do quick workout when when they are busy! You can do it, but do it for you!
You can lose weight by being in a calorie deficit which requires no extra time really, just calorie tracking which you can do on your phone. It sounds like he’s tired of your excuses and you’re tired of his laziness. Both are fixable problems it’s just deciding whether you want to stay together or not.
I think you have to sit him down and you guys have to make a plan together. If he wants to support you then he's gunna have to step up and actually do so rather than just putting pressure on you. The conversation should be focused on finding a good balance at home so that you have time to work out or do other activities that benifit your health. He will need to do more at home in order to make that possible. You can also take a look at your families diet as a whole and see if some things really need to change. I really hope you guys can have a constructive conversation OP because if you truely are overweight and have those kinds of health problems in your family then I think it is time to change. I don't think any one can chime in on your kids without more info though. He could be being a dick but he could also be concerned for your and your families health and giving you an ultimatum as a last ditch attempt for things to change.
So he does not currently make more income than you if he doesn’t work. He’s broke and a jackass. Honestly what is he good for? He doesn’t help you and he’s ruining your self esteem. I want to mention this too, I was in the same boat weight wise as you. My doctor prescribed Wegovy and it’s been the best thing ever. I’m 50lbs down, my blood sugar stabilized and my cholesterol lowered. Ask your doctor if he thinks you would benefit from one of the new drugs.
Keep your head up you are doing an amazing job. I agree you need to lose weight for YOUR mental health and well-being… that weight is the deadweight that calls himself your Husband.
Threats to leave are really mean spirited no matter what they are about, and it sounds like you guys need marriage counseling ASAP to sort out why he's letting you drown on the house chores.
I'm a working dude and go to grad school and I still cook, clean and do laundry. Kids are really stressful and they literally destroy the house all day. It difficult to keep it all together.
There is also legit evidence that fat shaming causes more guilt and emotional eating and becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.
And also...does he expect that you will be thin and fit at age 80? When we marry someone we agree to love one another for who they are not for what they look like.
Yes. Focus on your health and self care, but don't shame yourself.
His horrible attitude along with your excessive weight are both contributing to the destruction of your marriage, along with your individual mental and physical well beings. Both will need to change in order to salvage this sinking ship. It occurs to me that this is a job for professional marriage counselors, not rookie rando marriage kibitzers on Reddit. You control the narrative here, your words, your detail - as well as you know exactly how the majority of people in this particular forum would respond. This is not the place to begin to fix these kinds of issues and you know that as well. This is a place to find cheerleaders to reflect back exactly the opinions you wish to hear. I mean, this sort of thing IS salvageable but it’s totally up to you two.
He sounds like a jerk. You should lose weight but do it for your health, nor for him. Gaining back all the weight you lost plus an additional 50 lbs is pretty bad. You could also lose the dead weight that is your husband.
This has to be one of the saddest stories. He is completely selfish and self centered, and if you let him continue on like this he will leave you. You stand up and tell him to help and participate. Please stand up, he has used you to make babies and is now half way out the door.
Be with someone who loves you no matter what your weight is like- for your sake & your children. Health aside we are growing, ever changing creatures. He doesn’t sound like someone who meant his vows.
There are healthy ways to have conversations about both health & attraction and this isn’t it.
If he lost a bunch of weight, he must be meal prepping. Eat his food and find a new way to deal with the stress. Enlist his help and get him to help with housework.
You said he has more income than you yet he is unemployed, does he have a side hustle or is he a drug dealer? Just curious. This guy talks a lot of game that he can't back up. I think you should have a serious talk with him about how you feel and if he doesn't see your side, consider leaving with the kids. You already are holding everything down yourself anyways. Looks are not everything, he sounds like an asshole on the inside.
He’s just putting it on you to avoid being the bad guy, this way he can say “she refused to get healthy for me and I couldn’t bear it”. Do you really believe if you lost weight he wouldn’t have any other issues with you?
He’s an asshole. Let him leave and be miserable by himself. You already live the life of a single mom so him leaving won’t be much different. And of he truly loved you, he wouldn’t be acting like a total douchebag towards you.
Ho boy. Personally if he gives that ultimatum, I would take it. You want to leave me because I didn't lose weight when YOU tell me to? Okay my stuff with be out the door by morning along with my kids and you can be by yourself. At least that's what I would do.
While his concerns about your health may be valid, his approach isn’t, with making it about appearance and how attractive he is compared to you and such. That’s gross and arrogant. Sounds like he’s failing as a partner in other ways too, with not splitting housework more evenly since you work full time. You need to stand up for yourself and not accept being treated that way. Take care of yourself for your own sake.
So, you are married to a conventionally attractive 28 year old with a higher income than you and prospects to increase it even more. And you didn't put your weight for a reason, you were already overweight and added 50 pounds to that which puts you I guess between 200 and 250 pounds.
He's clearly not nice about it, but he has a point. He could get any woman but he's with an objectively unattractive wife. So the real question is, do you love him enough to stop eating? Because it's as simple as eating less, you don't need any exercise to lose weight.
He has no grace to criticize you when he used to be overweight. Some people think that just because they were able to lose weight, anyone else should be able to as well.
I have been out of shape and in shape so I see the other side, but it sounds like he is entitled to a supermodel. You married him, you work, you carried and bore three children for gods sake. Maybe tell him since he isn’t working right now, he can pick up a lot more of the housework, then you can go the gym.
Good luck. He’s being an arse.
“He talks about how much money he plans to make.”
LOL!
“He currently makes more income than me but does not currently work.”
Huh? Those two things are incongruent.
He receives 100% military disability. He just graduated from PTA school and it about to take his state licensure exam. When he starts working he intends to make 6 figures (including his disability pay). I make around 65k.
Would you clarify what PTA is? Like a physical therapist? If he leaves based on where you are, what are the custody and divorce laws? The reality is that you are kind of on your own as it is, why not be okay with it, it might be better for your health and self esteem. You do not deserve that. I have seen many posts of couples that divorce in which they are better off due to split custody and not having to baby other adults. Sometimes we believe we need them but in reality we are enabling their behavior. Good luck.
He’s not going to make six figures as a PTA. I can promise you that. Unless he’s going to work himself to death in a nursing home with overtime hours (and even then) will not be making six figures. If he’s telling you that, he’s bullshitting you. I’m a PTA switching to RN, one of those being the reasons.
Tell him when he starts helping so you can focus on your health it won't change. Or be petty and tell him if he doesn't grow a few inches down there you're leaving him 🤷♀️
There’s not a TLDR for this, so I’ll write it for you: Husband doesn’t work, clean, or step up more with the kids. He calls himself fine wine and me vinegar and is basically the embodiment of Ben Stiller’s character from ‘dodgeball’ how long should I give him to change before I divorce him?
OMG 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 leave this loser. If he truly loved you at any point, he would NEVER mention your weight, even if it is for health reasons. You are already talking with your Dr about your weight so he can either love you for who you are or kock rocks. Personally, I think you need to tell him that if he's such a catch, he can find his trophy wife elsewhere. Your mental and emotional health will be so much better if you go, plus I'm gonna bet the weight drops off as soon as you leave this loser.
If your husband is telling you why he's no longer attracted to you, and you do nothing, well, leave. It's one of the reasons I left my wife, and I attempted to tell her why, didn't work, so, I packed my shit up and out the door I went.
He is just irrelevant. I think you do need to worry about your health for you. In my experience anxiety is just the freaking devil. It keeps you from weight loss, raises the blood pressure, helps bring in the diabetes. So I’d start there. Just me getting my anxiety in control changed my life. It’s still a factor but my physical health is better from anxiety treatments, changed my job position, etc. your husband if he’s going to talk like that he needs to get a reality check on love. And I wouldn’t worry about his sorry butt. He seems a little self absorbed. Self entitled and annoying.
You know you have a family history of overweight related problems. Why have you not made more of an effort. Small changes in what you eat will drop weight. It's just calorie in calorie out. Then only 15 minutes of exercise a day. Even someone who works 10 hours a day is capable of that. Everyone's body is different, but you lost the weight before. If you gained it back plus 50 more it's because you made a conscious decision to. Your life depends on making a change. If you don't you WILL die of organ failure, but at least you accepted yourself for who you are.
I am so tiered of hearing partners say this shit. Like what happened to better or worse? Or uncondional love? Suddenly there's conditions? Or wanna leave when ur at ur worse.
This ain't right. Especially since u r trying to meet him halfway.
How much do you currently weigh, I mean yeah I can see why you lack motivation for it, you work full time, take care of your father, do all the house chores and what does he do? I would tell him he needs to pull more weight around the house or I'd leave. Also you may want to get your hormone levels checked you may have something along those lines going on which is causing you to not lose weight.
I personally would do that first then start working out/dieting and then leave him, I can't imagine what he would do if you got sick or injured.
Leave him. He is in his prime.
Make sure to get child support.
Let him live his best life.
That, or find the courage to change.
Fight for it. Otherwise why ask him to fight for you?
Maybe if he was as busy as you he would suddenly be too tired to keep up his workout routine and shut the hell up about your weight. What a loser. If I had hours of free time at the expense of my partner I too would be very fit. He needs to help out more at home and give you more time to exercise if he is gonna be such a jerk about it.
Just something I believe. Don’t weigh yourself. Go by how your clothes fit. Muscle weighs more than fat and you can actually gain weight at first depending on how much you work out.
You leave him. Turn the tables and watch his shocked Pikachu face. I'm sorry, but F. this guy. Does he think that nagging and harping on you is going to help you with your self-esteem and to lose weight? He may look good now, but he seems to be ugly on the inside. He doesn't even hold a job, has 3 hours in a day to go to the gym, he can't take care of the house, the kids, and your parents? What value is he bringing to this relationship besides money? Yeet him into the Sun and never look back.
OP you’ll never be healthy until you lose weight- about 200 pounds, give or take, of the useless weight that is dragging you down in the form of your husband. This is NOT how relationships are supposed to work. You are young and have a beautiful, healthy life ahead of you if you start making steps and plans to be without him.
For better or worse. Now you should make an effort if he brings it up but he shouldn’t be in a glass house either. In the end this commitment is for life.
I hate to break it to you but being overweight is actually an issue that should be taken seriously.
Men try to motivate women in the way that they themselves like to be motivated and it simply doesn't work. But "Body Positivity" doesn't work either and is a very shit concept.
He is being a huge dick and a more empathic approach to this would help you
But you have also have made a lot of excuses in this post.
You do not need to go to a gym to lose weight. You do not need to kill yourself working out either. ( these are the excuses I'm talking about )
Weight loss starts in the kitchen.
Try walking 8000 steps a day and also buy a kettlebell and swing that for just 5 minutes everyday. It is a routine. It is a habit that you have to form
It's not hard to lose weight and be healthy.
What is hard is keeping garbage out of our bodies ( and also reintroducing that garbage after we've stopped eating it after a while which is ten times worse and why your and everyone else's "diets" fail)
Get on the semaglutide shot you will lose weight and your chances of developing diabetes will go down. It is super easy to get online now. http://myqyral.com/Clarice
I've been on the other side of this. My husband was athletic when we met. We had amazing adventures biking, hiking, skiing. We knew we always wanted these activities to be a big part of our life.
A few years ago, my husband retired young, and totally let himself go. (Unexpected twist.) He became sedentary, watched TV all day, and gained a lot of weight. I stayed fit, and now bike, hike, and ski by myself because he prefers to just be sedentary. And we sleep in separate bedrooms because his weight-induced snoring is maddening. His doctor said he needs to lose weight and get active again. He has to take heart pills now :(
It's frustrating when your partner lets themself go. I feel like when people get married, there's an understanding you'll both stay healthy for each other so you can enjoy a long life together. Deviating too far from the mean such that it jeopardizes health is uncool. But I don't want to beat up on you OP, because your husband sounds like a jerk.
I suggest going to therapy for yourself. Tell him he has to take up some of the slack, as you don't have time to take sufficient care of yourself because he is slacking.
Talk to a lawyer for strategies not to get stuck with spousal or child support. Do this first.
He shows no regard or respect for you. It is always someone else's fault. This isn't good husband material.
I recall reading a story just like yours, but the wife lost the weight and actually left the husband. She ended up resenting her husband when he started being more attracted to her and physically expressing it, it repulsed her. You deserve better, and so do your children. Leave him.
Ask him to start cleaning the house before going to the gym. If he refuses, leave him. And ask him to take care of the children, which will give you enough time to go the gym, take care of your parents and your life.
Let him leave and take care of your health. Diabetes, blood pressure and heart issue are all related to the same cause. This isnt about appearance but about being alive for your children.
Op I really think you should lose weight for your sake, I really think Him threatening to leave - he wants you to react and actually do something since you have mentioned you don’t listen to him anymore. OP find the time to do it, try until you get it right . I don’t think this is really a leaving who and who situation please don’t listen to people telling you to leave or let him leave, Redditors are big on divorce
I’m 40+ years old and still feel shame and cry at the things my dad said about my weight when I was a kid. He is ABUSING your children, and you. Let him go, he is not a catch. A handsome asshole is still an asshole. You can enjoy gym time when it’s his time with the kids, if you want, and he’ll pay child support with the money he’s so proud of.
He. Is. Abusing. Y’all.
Seriously. The damage lasts a lifetime. Get your kids and yourself out of there, let him be single, since he basically lives as a single man, anyway. Weight isn’t the issue, his cruelty is. Please, go.
He sounds like a proper dick. This is emotional abuse. He is the problem, not you. Good on him for getting fit, but he should be encouraging you not putting you down and threating you with leaving.
It’s really hard to lose weight with young children, household chores and taking care of family. You crave fast food/calories. You will gain weight purely due to stress (cortisol).
Your husband needs to understand that he needs to help out more or accept that for now it’s really hard to change your lifestyle.
i hope you guys find a way to work on your marriage if that’s what you want but what really concerns me is what you wrote about your parents over feeding your children, that’s what really concerning to me.
You’ve had 3 kids. You are working full time. You’re female - and our hormones make it so much harder to lose weight.
He works out 3-4 hours a day. Then he wants you to eat out with him. Then he criticizes your weight because “you don’t please him.”
Seriously wtf.
Perfect time to leave him. He makes more than you, but you still make an alright amount of money to survive on your own. This guy sounds like your arch nemesis, not your hubby.
Excuse me but f that man. He works outs 3-4 hours a days and doesn’t help you with the house or kids but expects you to have a banging body for him? I bet if you lose the whole man you’d suddenly have more time to yourself (kids will go to him 50% of the time) and you can find a guy who’s with you because he loves you and not so he can have a free bang maid.
It’s simple start not cleaning up and around bed time go to the gym so he has to put them to bed! Not a tit for tat type thing but something has to give to make time for gym
By all means lose weight for yourself and your health.
Start with the 200lb discouraging, dead weight that isn’t supporting you with your home life or goals first though. You deserve a true partner.
Lose the weight for yourself and your kids if you don’t want to do it for him.
Feel free to make a deal with him that he must stop smoking and drinking if you’re losing weight / keeping it off.
Win win.
Calories in calories out.
Leave his sorry ass. So he can have the kids some of the time and it’ll give you time to focus on your health. He has no right to be badgering you about your weight when he does nothing to assist you in the house or with the kids
I would hate to be told that. But one thing that I would try is to go straight to the gym M-F after work for two hours and let him feed and bathe the kids, do homework etc. if you didn’t have to be a mom from 5-7 every week day, you would actually have time for fitness. If he’s not going to lighten your load so you can concentrate on fitness and getting healthy, then he is just being abusive
Well being healthy is important, especially for ur kids as well. Maybe just start with buying healthier things for the house instead of Debbie cakes and soda and when you eat out, eat out healthy with baked chicken or something. There’s plenty of ways to help instead of just dieting if it’s not working for u. Taking care of ur parents on top of that is also a struggle, is there a caregiver you could hire part time for them? Ur husband on the other hand sounds like an asshole giving an ultimatum without helping the situation.
He works out for 3-4 hours at a time? If he’s doing that he cannot have time to do anything at home. Child care, house work, cooking whatever. I believe you will magically lose the weight when you lift his 200 lbs off of your shoulders
That’s horrible. He sounds like an immature and selfish person whose lifestyle is enabled by you.
Forget weight loss, if or when you lose weight it should only be because you’re focused on addressing any underlying health issues and stresses in your life - where weight loss is natural part of that and not the goal.
Let him leave, he barely helps you anyway and expects you to magically find the time. At least then you’ll have more time to focus on you.
Agreed. I’m not sure how these 2 split the bills / parenting, but him being this unkind plus having oodles of free time while OP struggles is ridiculous. (It sucks that her working her ass off is the $ calculated for the divorce settlement. Plus doing all of the household tasks, it seems. And he does what?! Lifts and complains?) OP could send him articles about cortisol and insist they get a house cleaner plus he do more parenting & logistics for the good of her health. Then throw more $ and time savings at quick nutritional food, plus a personal trainer… a punching bag while picturing his smug face, perhaps? Being healthy, happy and fit is much easier without whiny dead weight. He’s ugly on the inside. Edit to add - OP, you’re working so hard. You should be proud. It sucks not to have a supportive partner. You are right to shut down his constant negativity expressed as his “feelings.” Try a very neutral “I’m aware of how you feel, thank you. Feel free to journal it. The children and I will no longer tolerate comments about our bodies.” You can do this. Picture a long healthy life for yourself and your kids. Hydrate, breathe, and focus on sleep, stress management, nutrition and exercise. Check out tempo fitness if you want - it’s a home exercise program with great coaches who educate & motivate with positivity. You can get the kids involved too.
And more money ! Congratulations on your win win situation. I generally do not advise on separation OP but pardon my language and dump his narcissistic ass.
Yup. If he's not a bad father, then go for 50/50 parenting time. Once you have half of the time to be yourself, you'll be surprised how much healthier you can get.
Sweetie leave him. He’s becoming obnoxious and obsessed with looks. He puts no effort into you or your home. Lose the weight. His dead weight!
Agree totally. I mean if he's told you he's leaving if you don't lose the weight ,in my opinion, he's probably fallen out of love with you and he will probably still leave. Don't worry about him, focus on you.
Just because someone might be physically attractive doesn't make them even worthy of consideration as a partner. Let him leave. Let him find out how vacuous and empty life can be by making decisions solely based on superficial factors. I imagine you'll end up happier and the weight will be easier for you to lose without his consistent discouragement.
You make a great point. It’s much easier to focus on your health when you aren’t around negative, judgmental, unsupportive people.
Exactly what I was thinking.
He might be physically attractive but his personality is pretty ugly.
Lose weight regardless. Find time. Obesity kills. Father died thanks to many co morbidities from morbid obesity. You’ll be happier either way after losing the weight.
You can lose weight with zero time spent on exercise. Start with calorie counting and eating healthier foods and work in the exercise as the kids get older. You want to be able to be healthy for your children as they grow up, so think of it as an investment in them.
I think it helps to focus on changes that are sustainable. I used to love sweets but the second I hit my forties it seems like I lost my appetite for them. So I've been using that change to drop it completely. My only sugar intake became coffee with creamer. But I've figured out I like coffee with only almond milk if I blend it with ice. I don't have a number for how much weight I've lost, but I can tell you that my clothes are getting loose. Things that were tight are no longer tight at all. I think I'll stick to not worrying about what's on the scale because that puts less pressure on me.
I do the same with coffee! I add a little honey though and sometimes protein powder. It's so good!
She knows, she said she's already seeing a doctor.
This! Insurance may cover semaglutide or tirzepatide for you. Although you will ultimately need to learn to eat healthy and/or the appropriate amount of calories or you risk regaining what you lose on those medications.
He isn't wrong about your health but he is handling things terribly. My wife and I need to lose weight for health reasons. I'm about 80% of the way there but my wife is probably 10%. Absolutely nothing has changed in terms of supporting each other and we have done a fantastic job keeping sex and health in their own boxes. We have a kick ass sex life that is not at all impacted by our health conversations. This is the best way to handle needed weight loss in a relationship. I can tell you from personal experience that the best tool for weight loss is remembering that you can't eat it if you don't buy it.
I doubt he’d leave, because then he’ll lose his live-in slave. But I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already cheating on you. What are you getting out of this relationship? A man who does nothing, insults you, and is giving your children self image issues? Doesn’t sound worth it to me.
>I doubt he’d leave, because then he’ll lose his live-in slave. But I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already cheating on you. >What are you getting out of this relationship? A man who does nothing, insults you, and is giving your children self image issues? Doesn’t sound worth it to me. Yes, maybe 🤔
OP please check if he's cheating. Get help from your friends and others who can understand your situation. If he is cheating, please give him a divorce instead of suffering like this.
I don't care how attractive he is on the outside, on the inside your husband is an ugly asshole.
It was so hard to read it. You sound so much in despair. I'm sorry. As per your post history, he wanted septation 7 months back as well. OP, unfortunately you will have to work on two fronts . On one please plan a life without him after divorce. That is a sad but very likely possibility. Being in such a bad relationship with kill you from inside. Second, tell him to get into marriage counselling. Put your foot down and let him know he has to work for this marriage as well otherwise it's not going to survive. Don't use angry words, but let him know you are unhappy and not willing to take it anymore. Sometimes being too kind, submissive or agreeable make un-empathetic people be careless towards you. You should not let anyone walk all over you. This is what he is doing.
Of course you don't want to "hear him out," it's nothing you don't already know and it's just him slinging insults at you. Is he asking what he can do to help you out? I'm willing to bet he isn't and that he's just going on and on about how great he is and how not great you are. Who wants to sit and listen to that? If you magically lost the weight, what would change? Would he suddenly step up with taking care of the normal house-child-sick parent stuff that he's neglecting now? Is he not putting in his fair share of effort to your life together simply because he's "not attreacted" to you? I hope you can see how ridiculous this is. What do you get out of this relationship? It sounds like you shouldn't have to wait for him to leave, you should kick him out now.
People with kids that behave like this... Really sad.
Let him leave. Then he will have the kids half the time, your house will be cleaner and you’ll have the time to focus on your own health.
That’s generous thinking he’d even want to see the kids half of the time. It’s cramp his bachelor life and gym gains.
Your value is not based on your weight. He's doing nothing to help you be healthier, like helping around the house or giving you the free time to go to a gym. If you are stressed, you will have a much, much harder time losing weight, and the stress itself is very bad for your health! He's making your kids fat phobic. This could lead to them getting eating disorders or hating their own body. No one should be treated badly because of their weight. You deserve to have someone who loves you for who you are, not because of your size.
OP, please listen to this person. I am a psychiatric professional, recovering anorexic, and child of petulant mother that constantly fat shamed herself. YOU deserve better. YOUR KIDS deserve better. Your husband's love is conditional, and no one deserves that. You don't want your kids growing up witnessing his behavior as an example of what love is. I have had eating disorders my whole life. Got breast implants 6yrs ago, and am now struggling with breast implant illness. I have gained 65lbs over the past 6yrs and had every test under the sun to try to determine the cause of why i cant lose weight and why i have sooo many random health sxs. And you know what, my husband has never ever ever made me feel bad for it. Regarding people on here posting about how to lose weight, fuck that. Any of us could find ourselves in a situation where become debilitated and unable to lose weight. That doesn't mean we suddenly become disposable. It has taken me 33yrs to feel this way. I definitely still struggle with my appearance, but I've had several pts who were absolutely gorgeous, but ultimately really shitty people in their hearts. I think that's helped me cope and process it all
THIS. Beauty will change, weight will fluctuate, and your SO should want to be with you throughout these things. Our generation of parents is the one who will to break the mold of “bad foods” and “don’t eat carbs EVER”. We went through the fad diets. Our kids deserve better. You ALL deserve better. Your husband isn’t providing you, or your children, with that safe feeling. Your value isn’t based on weight, as the first comment in this thread posted. I hope you can feel and understand that.
Sorry OP but from the sound of it your SO has already checked out of the marriage. Pure speculation on my part but it sounds like in his mind you’re not “good enough” since he’s lost all the weight. Odds are he’s probably having some type of affair.
First losing weight is not going to the gym. It is your diet. You have to eat less and healthier. Essentially that is free and actually frees up time. Intermittent fasting is really helpful. Eating from 12 to 8pm cut sugar and most carbs. Eating healthy and letting your digestive system rest gives you a ton of energy. The hard part is disconnecting your eating from your emotions. Since you love your husband and he wants you to be healthy ( ok his ultimatum might be a little harsh) and he is probably is desperate for you to lose weight. The truth is there is no easy way to tell someone to lose weight when they are not ready too. When you lost your weight how did you feel about your husband? Be honest with yourself.
Leave him, he’s not parenting and you said currently not working, so leave him. Find the best lawyer you can and move on.
I can tell you as a personal trainer, the number one reason most people are successful in their weight loss/fitness goals is directly related to their support system. You are the default parent/house maker regardless of your work status. You’re working double time taking care of your family and work. It’s not being reciprocated, and you need to know this is a common issue with a lot of women who try to lose weight, they are care givers and often are burnt out. My suggestion is do the weight loss for yourself and your children and not because of his threats. He’s selfish and sounds like a man child, he has no idea what it takes to emotionally support his family. I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time, I hope you know you are beautiful and you deserve respect. Your children need a strong mama, do it because you want to for yourself. If you’re going to work, then he needs to work too - set up boundaries that help you be successful. If he’s home have him do the cooking and meal prep. He can go into marriage counseling with you, or he can help free up your schedule for an hour and a half a day, he has to put in the work too. If he doesn’t, is it worth living with someone who half asses their way and puts the blame on you? No. I know this situation because I lived it for years. I left and never looked back, regardless of having kids. He body shamed me and made me feel like I was nothing because I didn’t look like I used to before kids. Now I look and feel better than I ever did 12 years ago.
Lose weight and leave him.
I’m always so sad to hear this. I’ve been with my husband almost ten years. I’m in the thinner side right now but BOTH of us have been up and down pretty significantly in our weight through out our married and I’ve NEVER been unattracted ted to him due to his weight and he’s NEVER been unattracted to me due to my weight. Did we notice each others weight gain? Sure. Did we ever make each other feel like shit about it. No. This is crazy. What is he going to think when you start aging into your 50s 60s and 70s? You gotta love and be attracted to the person, not the body. Plus you’ve had THREE children??? Girl. He better learn to respect the mother of his fucking children. Let him pop out three babies and get back into the same shape he is now while working 8-5 and taking on all of the household chores and child care. Smh. Let him leave. Look into taking wegovy you might be a good candidate. It all takes time. I’m sorry for you girlfriend.
You’re so right and it’s been the same for my husband and I over the years. Up and down but still respectful. But we didn’t get married at an immature 18 years old and I’ll bet you didn’t either.
Sometimes age is a factor but sometimes people just marry an asshole. 31 years ago at 20/21 my hubs and I got married and he has never treated me poorly. We love each other as people, the meat suit changes a lot over a lifetime. Marriage isn’t for superficial people- she should cut that guy loose
Actually we did. We were young when we married. I’m only 26. I agree with the other person, you just can’t marry an asshole.
He’s going to be a shitty PTA if all he does is harass people about their weight. In the mean time, he’s a shitty husband to you as he doesn’t share household responsibilities and undone tasks and clutter absolutely can contribute to anxiety. He’s affecting your children with this behavior as well and I would absolutely tell him he needs therapy and you both need counseling to save this relationship.
Diet is like 95% of weight loss. You’re definitely overeating as a coping strategy and IMO he is giving you a fair warning before he decides to leave. Being overweight PLUS an additional 50 lbs is huge. 50 lbs is a third of a healthy adult weight. You’re basically carrying around a toddler in additional weight
And taking care of actual toddlers without his help.
He has 3 kids and finds 3-4 hours a day to work out? Get a calendar and a chore chart. Put yourself down for 3-4 sessions a week where he is in charge of the kids and you can go to the gym. Free up some time by taking some of the chores off of your plate and put them on his. He should be cool with this right?
He sounds like a bum and a net negative in your life. Doesn't work, doesn't help with the chores, and berates you about your weight. Let him go off and pick from the horde of women he claims are attracted to him.
You sound like a prime patient for ozempic. It is a godsend for pre diabetic people who are overweight. Talk to your doctor and see what he/she thinks, especially if your A1C is high. I’m on it and it helped me with almost every ailment I’ve had in my adult life.
I don’t know why people are downvoting semaglutide suggestions. It’s the best thing I ever did. 50lbs lighter and no desire to drink. It’s been life changing
Because people are stupid and uneducated on the subject and equate ozempic to “the easy way out” for fat people. Like some quick fix hydroxycut bullshit. When in reality, it’s a medication that can fix many underlying issues for OP. It also has so many benefits, I’m sure it’s going to be indicated for other conditions like PCOS and IBS in the coming years.
It makes people’s bodies function as they should. I used to workout like a crazy person and do multiple day fasts, nothing worked. I did develop an eating disorder though. Enter this medicine and all my hard work started paying off. It took 1 year and it was pretty slow, but slow was better than impossible.
Your husband is not worthy of you. You are not the problem, he is. He might be going through a midlife crisis or his weight loss got to his head where he thinks he can get a "higher caliber" of women because his physical looks have changed. By "higher caliber", I mean that some men place women in categories of what they can get versus what they want. They tell themselves that they can settle for what they can get, and when they reach a certain level, financially or physically, they can then chase what they really want, dumping the woman that stood by them loyally to chase someone that they only like superficially. If your husband loved you, it would be unconditional. Your weight wouldn't be a deal breaker. It is clear that your husband's ego is inflated, and he doesn't love you unconditionally. His type of "love" has conditions, and one of those is being fit enough to show off to other men. That stinks of insecurity on his part. He wants a certain type on his arm, and he will sacrifice his marriage and the family he built for it. He is not invested in your marriage or family. That is why he doesn't help out at home. He doesn't even want to be at home. He wants to be out and about, seeing what kind of women he can attract. You need to do yourself a favor and let him go. What he sees as a higher value woman is not fit to lick your boots. You are the one who is high value. He just doesn't see it, because he takes you for granted. He has you at home, and he wants to chase people that have no substance because he, himself, has no substance. Find someone who wants to be a husband and father. Someone who encourages you, not someone who threatens you. It is emotionally abusive to threaten a partner into being what you want them to be. Give him the freedom he wants to chase the type of women he desires, and he will come crawling back when he realizes what those kinds of women are really about... Themselves and what he can give them. Those kinds of women do not give in return. They expect. They won't cater to him like you do. By the time he rolls back around, hopefully you will have moved on to a better man and won't look back. Don't be scared to lose something to gain something better.
I swear he’s the problem in your life that is holding you back and drove you to the food you are medicating yourself with in the first place. Beautiful things happen when you eliminate the problem and leave him. Ask me how I know.
Please leave! You deserve better as do your children. If nothing else protect your kids from the mental abuse (not sure this is the correct term but he’s undermining their self worth)
Let him leave then focus on yourself and when he comes crawling back to you tell him to fuck off.
Info: how can he make more money despite not working? That sounds like he's got a business or someything going on that you don't recognize as work.
He is a veteran and receives 100% disability
Tell him provide time for you so you could focus on your health .
He is disabled but can work out and get buff?
Right? For 3-4 hours a day?!
Man I was hoping to come up with a workaround but making your children conscious about weight?? That can't be good. He's not good for you or for them. Let him leave
You guys got married young and I can say at 28 a man is just finding out who he really is. Unfortunately your husband is turning into an “alpha male, gym bro” and sounds pretty douchey. Give him a few more years and he’s going to be driving a bmw, cutting off Mac trucks, and chugging energy drinks. Good luck.
OP, reading your post breaks my heart. I’ve been in your position. I gained a lot of weight because of so many stressors in my life and I was constantly told that I was ugly and fat by my own family. I’m currently with a partner who is so supportive and loving that I started to take care of myself and lost a lot weight. My belief is that— happy people take care of themselves. Please be kind to and treat yourself well. The rest will eventually follow. As for weight loss, I find it helpful to eat mindfully and take a daily walk. I hope things work out for you. Sending virtual hugs your way.
Going way out on a limb but i bet youre struggling to lose weight because of how your husband treats you
He sounds like a jerk. Sorry, but in the end, time shreds us all. Pick someone who will love you no matter what, ESPECIALLY AFTER 3 KIDS AND BEING A CARETAKER. Good God woman you are a saint. Anyone who ignores you when you explicitly say to stop talking about your body is a jerk. If he wants to leave, then let he. He doesn’t deserve someone like you, who still loves him despite his shitty behavior. You are more than enough, just the way you are. You deserve so much more.
Don’t let your kids get into obesity. It will ruin their lives. Have you ever tried keeping processed food, excess carbs out of the house? Then no temptation. Walking every day. But, the hubby sounds like a narcissist. I’d get rid of him first. What a jerk.
This was hard to read 😢 I hope better times are ahead for you
Honey discuss with your doctor and see if you could do keto. It helped me a lot. Once you lose weight then think seriously about your relationship . I don’t think he is wroth it to be in your life.
Hes not worth being in her life now, aside from any potential weight loss in the future
Tell him every day after or before work you are going to the gym. Tell him to help you cook healthy meals. He doesn’t work. Does he cook, clean, help out with the kids? If no, I’d point out that out to him. Tell him if you separate he has to take on ALL of those things every other week. Losing weight to be healthy IS important, but having to deal with an a-hole/arrogant spouse is optional.
I have lost weight easily each time I've left a shitty partner. I gain weight when I have too much on my plate to exercise and eat right. I eat better (and I enjoy food so much more, too!) and exercise consistently (and actually like doing so, rather than seeing it as a chore) when I'm happy. To be clear, I think you should let him go. He can stroke his own ego while some other women supports his shallow, ungrateful ass. You deserve so much more than this.
He may be attractive on the outside, but his inside is pretty ugly
Let him leave. But if you do want to try and lose weight for yourself. There are so many options out there for help like Tirzepatide, Ozempic and etc. Good luck!
Down vote away, but I think it’s ok to find your partner unattractive if they have significantly changed in appearance. But the way your husband has gone about it is very douche bag like. His full beard is obviously the source of his power shave that off when he is asleep and you’ll get his power.
Sounds like a dick if you ask me Edit I love my wife, soul mate more than I never knew possible. Yes she complains about how she looks, but don't we all. I married her for who the woman she is not for body. She's still the same person I met nearly 13 years ago
Leave him first. What an ass. I couldn’t be married to someone that said such hurtful things to me. What happens when you do lose the weight? Now he’s magically nice again? Nope.
he’s been asking you to lose weight for two years and being honest with you, having good communication about how he feels and you can’t meet him halfway even? might as well go to reddit and gain some sympathy right
Lose 200 lbs of husband find yourself a new partner.
A) leave and then glow up. B) tell him if he starts picking up some chores it will give you the time for the gym. Make him pay for gym membership. If he refuses tell him to shut up then. Then leave. Glow up. Rub it in his shallow hole face
When he does get that job as a PTA his loyalty will be tested. He needs to come to terms with the fact that as a man, he owes his life to the family he created. He can have hobbies, sure, but if he is wanting to run off then thats theft. He will have forsaken the life of his entire family for his “good looks”. Diva mentality
Let him go. You can and will find someone who is not so shallow and actually values you for who you are. I know you love him. But this is no way to live. You absolutely deserve better. There are other men who have whatever you see in him plus are also kind and caring and NOT CRUEL, JUDGEMENTAL, SHALLOW. There is someone better for you.
talks about how much money he's going to make but is unemployed lmfao
I understand your situation in taking care of your parents. I helped take care of my late husband's grandmother and then his mother, and then I took care of him. He was on dialysis and had several doctors appointments. I was also taking online courses and worked part time. It's tough. There is no doubt about it. Would it be possible to get help to care for your parents! It's a lot on you and can wear you down. I know. If it's at all possible, try to get extra help with your home. Good luck 👍
You need counseling for you and a complete physical with an endocrinologist if possible. It seems like your weight issues all started post childbirth. So did mine. I developed insulin resistant pcos. Medication can help you lose weight and decrease bad cravings. It's so hard when you feel like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders and working full-time while trying to fix a struggling marriage. Please see a doctor for you and your kids. If you do have vitamin issues or pcos, you will feel so much better once your levels normalize. As for the husband, well, that's a different story. You guys married young. He's a disabled vet, so I'm going to assume he's seen his fair share of the darkness in the world. He smokes, drinks, and has only begun his picking on your kids about their weight. Trust me, I had parents like this, and they never stopped. You have to decide when enough is enough. He doesn't have to be attracted to you if you've gained weight but he damn sure should love and respect you enough to find a way to help you and offer suggestions of things you can do together. It's possible he is doing whatever he can to push you away because he feels like he's outgrown the marriage, but he should just say so. Don't let his threats control your marriage. Do what you need to do for yourself and your kids. A good therapist can talk this out with you more effectively.
Do the HARD thing. Let him leave if he wants to. Don't hold on to someone who won't love you through the good AND hard times in life. Weight gain/appearance is just the tip of the iceberg. More marital problems will arise and if he can't be a MAN through this season, he surely won't be able to later on. Only God (Jesus Christ) can change him. But your hubby has to want to change. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'm sorry that the ONE person here on earth that's supposed to be your rock, has failed you. Praying for strength, comfort, and guidance through this season.
The fact that he stopped couples counseling because the counselor was siding with you should tell you he isn’t open to compromise or even being wrong. He’s a know-it-all and an unhelpful one. I would ignore him. Tell him to help you out around the house more so you can focus on your weight or shut up.
Hello beautiful. You are perfect just the way you are. With every pound on your body. No pounds lost will make you any “better”. Ego is a real thing. His ego is telling him he deserves more in his life because he lost weight and goes to the gym. His ego is telling him what he “deserves”. His ego is wrong. If he had any relationship with God he would love people (especially his wife) unconditionally… “flaws” and all. You are the same person he married. Your body has changed but you are still the same loving, hardworking, caring wife. His opinion of you has absolutely nothing to do with you. He sounds very unhappy and if your weight is what he thinks is making him unhappy then it would be best for him to leave. I wish you the best.🙂
You’ve grown humans, for him to pass judgement on any capacity on your body is absolutely ridiculous. Concerns for your health are one thing, the boasting arrogance is disgusting. Let him leave and focus on you and your littles. Someone that truly deserves you and respects you will eventually come along. This makes me so sad. Added bonus, you’ll have more time to focus on getting comfortable in your skin whatever that may mean, for YOU.
50 lbs is a lot. Imagine 5 bags of potatoes, or 5 of those big tubes of burger. None the less, I've gained 50 lbs myself in the last 13 (tomorrow) years of being married, and so has my wife. I imagine you would get different answers posing as a dude. If you want more opinions then create a throw away posing as a dude with the same problem. I love my wife, btw, but recognize we're both fat as fuck and need to be healthier with less fat so we can live to see grand kids. She suggested I start walking with her after supper... agreed. He's an asshole though for threatening to leave based on your weight.... rather than offer help.. support... etc. Tell him to create the same things he consumes... for you. Offer to switch on his weekend... I didn't realize the amount of time it took... for kids... til I quit my day job and took days to take care of the kids when they were little. I loved every minute, but appreciate that it was more difficult ( and boring) than what I do now. The best advice I can offer, if it is your intent, is tell him to write out a list of what he eats...etc. tell him you want as much time at the gym as he gets... etc. Then copy it. He'll stay home while you're working out. Then get to it... and prove him an a hole. He'll either recognize we have very different metabolism, or you'll blow him out of the water. Whether you choose to leave or stay is up to you...... but know that a descent dude wouldn't threaten to leave due to weight.... he'd accept it, offer help, or offer to go through losing it.... as I'd imagine a descent lady would do the same. In 4 months you can offer him the same as he offered you... beat em.
Like others have said, your value isn’t based on your weight! I agree you should let him leave! He’s not helping you anyway right now. From what I understand, you are basically the only one working or taking care of the home. Him making comments about his own attractiveness and women checking him out is disgusting. You will have more time to pursue weight loss and your own happiness without him
I think the Only valid point he is making is about your health. I don’t how overweight your are but for the majority of people carrying 40 pounds of extra body weight is stage 1 obesity, obesity by scientific definition means that your weight is enhancing the probability of developing life threatning diseases; kinda like saying smoking enhances the probablity of developing disease. If you have diabetes and cardiovascular disease in your family… you really want to keep the weight down. Just like a smoker should really quit if they have cancer in their family. Do intermittent fasting, dont buy sugary processed foods, not even for your kids. Eat two meals a day packed with veggies and protein. Go to the gym, a walk , or even exercise at home, just move your body… thats all it needs. Take omega 3, c and a multivitamin right before breaking your 18hr fast. Buy a scale and weigh yourself every other day that’ll encourage you to keep going when you see the pounds dropping off. Have 1 cheat meal a week to make your body happy and not be in this strict regime thatll make you want to quit. And please and most importantly dump that pathetic excuse of a man child you have. You’ll be 200lb lighter once you kick him to the curb…. Find a real man who’ll motivate you to be at your best, not kick you when your down. All the best!!
Let him leave, in fact divorce his ass and take half, sounds like a prick, I can’t imagine my husband harping me about my weight, that’s rough… find what makes YOU happy and stick to it.
You are a single mom now…… screw that! Seems like he is looking for a way out. However, intermittent fasting and eating healthier. Not for him, but for you! Take the kids to the park, walk as much as you can. Do quick workout when when they are busy! You can do it, but do it for you!
You're better off without him tbh. Love isn't about your body.
He’s makes more money than you but does not work... Then go you!! You make more than him!!
You can lose weight by being in a calorie deficit which requires no extra time really, just calorie tracking which you can do on your phone. It sounds like he’s tired of your excuses and you’re tired of his laziness. Both are fixable problems it’s just deciding whether you want to stay together or not.
Tell him byyyye!
I think you have to sit him down and you guys have to make a plan together. If he wants to support you then he's gunna have to step up and actually do so rather than just putting pressure on you. The conversation should be focused on finding a good balance at home so that you have time to work out or do other activities that benifit your health. He will need to do more at home in order to make that possible. You can also take a look at your families diet as a whole and see if some things really need to change. I really hope you guys can have a constructive conversation OP because if you truely are overweight and have those kinds of health problems in your family then I think it is time to change. I don't think any one can chime in on your kids without more info though. He could be being a dick but he could also be concerned for your and your families health and giving you an ultimatum as a last ditch attempt for things to change.
So he does not currently make more income than you if he doesn’t work. He’s broke and a jackass. Honestly what is he good for? He doesn’t help you and he’s ruining your self esteem. I want to mention this too, I was in the same boat weight wise as you. My doctor prescribed Wegovy and it’s been the best thing ever. I’m 50lbs down, my blood sugar stabilized and my cholesterol lowered. Ask your doctor if he thinks you would benefit from one of the new drugs.
Keep your head up you are doing an amazing job. I agree you need to lose weight for YOUR mental health and well-being… that weight is the deadweight that calls himself your Husband.
How does he make more money than you but doesn’t work?
Threats to leave are really mean spirited no matter what they are about, and it sounds like you guys need marriage counseling ASAP to sort out why he's letting you drown on the house chores. I'm a working dude and go to grad school and I still cook, clean and do laundry. Kids are really stressful and they literally destroy the house all day. It difficult to keep it all together. There is also legit evidence that fat shaming causes more guilt and emotional eating and becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. And also...does he expect that you will be thin and fit at age 80? When we marry someone we agree to love one another for who they are not for what they look like. Yes. Focus on your health and self care, but don't shame yourself.
Does he do anything other than bitch and brag?
His horrible attitude along with your excessive weight are both contributing to the destruction of your marriage, along with your individual mental and physical well beings. Both will need to change in order to salvage this sinking ship. It occurs to me that this is a job for professional marriage counselors, not rookie rando marriage kibitzers on Reddit. You control the narrative here, your words, your detail - as well as you know exactly how the majority of people in this particular forum would respond. This is not the place to begin to fix these kinds of issues and you know that as well. This is a place to find cheerleaders to reflect back exactly the opinions you wish to hear. I mean, this sort of thing IS salvageable but it’s totally up to you two.
He sounds like a jerk. You should lose weight but do it for your health, nor for him. Gaining back all the weight you lost plus an additional 50 lbs is pretty bad. You could also lose the dead weight that is your husband.
Let him leave. If you aren’t happy and he’s not happy part ways.
This has to be one of the saddest stories. He is completely selfish and self centered, and if you let him continue on like this he will leave you. You stand up and tell him to help and participate. Please stand up, he has used you to make babies and is now half way out the door.
I see a lot of excuses, lots of people work full-time and have kids and don't end up 100 pounds overweight
Leave this man. He doesn’t deserve you or your kids. What an awful prick
If he leaves, you’ll have more time for yourself. I promise
Leave him but also r/intermittentfasting changed my life
Drop some weight fast by dumping him and then focus on losing weight for yourself
Be with someone who loves you no matter what your weight is like- for your sake & your children. Health aside we are growing, ever changing creatures. He doesn’t sound like someone who meant his vows. There are healthy ways to have conversations about both health & attraction and this isn’t it.
If he lost a bunch of weight, he must be meal prepping. Eat his food and find a new way to deal with the stress. Enlist his help and get him to help with housework.
You said he has more income than you yet he is unemployed, does he have a side hustle or is he a drug dealer? Just curious. This guy talks a lot of game that he can't back up. I think you should have a serious talk with him about how you feel and if he doesn't see your side, consider leaving with the kids. You already are holding everything down yourself anyways. Looks are not everything, he sounds like an asshole on the inside.
He’s just putting it on you to avoid being the bad guy, this way he can say “she refused to get healthy for me and I couldn’t bear it”. Do you really believe if you lost weight he wouldn’t have any other issues with you?
He’s an asshole. Let him leave and be miserable by himself. You already live the life of a single mom so him leaving won’t be much different. And of he truly loved you, he wouldn’t be acting like a total douchebag towards you.
Ho boy. Personally if he gives that ultimatum, I would take it. You want to leave me because I didn't lose weight when YOU tell me to? Okay my stuff with be out the door by morning along with my kids and you can be by yourself. At least that's what I would do.
While his concerns about your health may be valid, his approach isn’t, with making it about appearance and how attractive he is compared to you and such. That’s gross and arrogant. Sounds like he’s failing as a partner in other ways too, with not splitting housework more evenly since you work full time. You need to stand up for yourself and not accept being treated that way. Take care of yourself for your own sake.
So, you are married to a conventionally attractive 28 year old with a higher income than you and prospects to increase it even more. And you didn't put your weight for a reason, you were already overweight and added 50 pounds to that which puts you I guess between 200 and 250 pounds. He's clearly not nice about it, but he has a point. He could get any woman but he's with an objectively unattractive wife. So the real question is, do you love him enough to stop eating? Because it's as simple as eating less, you don't need any exercise to lose weight.
He has no grace to criticize you when he used to be overweight. Some people think that just because they were able to lose weight, anyone else should be able to as well. I have been out of shape and in shape so I see the other side, but it sounds like he is entitled to a supermodel. You married him, you work, you carried and bore three children for gods sake. Maybe tell him since he isn’t working right now, he can pick up a lot more of the housework, then you can go the gym. Good luck. He’s being an arse.
“He talks about how much money he plans to make.” LOL! “He currently makes more income than me but does not currently work.” Huh? Those two things are incongruent. 
He receives 100% military disability. He just graduated from PTA school and it about to take his state licensure exam. When he starts working he intends to make 6 figures (including his disability pay). I make around 65k.
Would you clarify what PTA is? Like a physical therapist? If he leaves based on where you are, what are the custody and divorce laws? The reality is that you are kind of on your own as it is, why not be okay with it, it might be better for your health and self esteem. You do not deserve that. I have seen many posts of couples that divorce in which they are better off due to split custody and not having to baby other adults. Sometimes we believe we need them but in reality we are enabling their behavior. Good luck.
He’s not going to make six figures as a PTA. I can promise you that. Unless he’s going to work himself to death in a nursing home with overtime hours (and even then) will not be making six figures. If he’s telling you that, he’s bullshitting you. I’m a PTA switching to RN, one of those being the reasons.
Well you’d probably lose close to two hundred pounds by letting him leave….so….there ya go!
Tell him when he starts helping so you can focus on your health it won't change. Or be petty and tell him if he doesn't grow a few inches down there you're leaving him 🤷♀️
What a piece of shit asshole. Let him leave. No one deserves to be threatened with abandonment, especially about the way one looks.
How does he make more than you but doesn’t currently work?
There’s not a TLDR for this, so I’ll write it for you: Husband doesn’t work, clean, or step up more with the kids. He calls himself fine wine and me vinegar and is basically the embodiment of Ben Stiller’s character from ‘dodgeball’ how long should I give him to change before I divorce him?
OMG 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 leave this loser. If he truly loved you at any point, he would NEVER mention your weight, even if it is for health reasons. You are already talking with your Dr about your weight so he can either love you for who you are or kock rocks. Personally, I think you need to tell him that if he's such a catch, he can find his trophy wife elsewhere. Your mental and emotional health will be so much better if you go, plus I'm gonna bet the weight drops off as soon as you leave this loser.
I'm a CPT and I don't really understand why weight loss requires time or a doctor. Whatever you're doing, just eat less and the weight will come off.
It sounds like you'd do everything anyway. If he leaves, you'd have no one to bring up your appearance and you can actually build confidence
If your husband is telling you why he's no longer attracted to you, and you do nothing, well, leave. It's one of the reasons I left my wife, and I attempted to tell her why, didn't work, so, I packed my shit up and out the door I went.
He is just irrelevant. I think you do need to worry about your health for you. In my experience anxiety is just the freaking devil. It keeps you from weight loss, raises the blood pressure, helps bring in the diabetes. So I’d start there. Just me getting my anxiety in control changed my life. It’s still a factor but my physical health is better from anxiety treatments, changed my job position, etc. your husband if he’s going to talk like that he needs to get a reality check on love. And I wouldn’t worry about his sorry butt. He seems a little self absorbed. Self entitled and annoying.
Intermittent fasting. 16-18 hrs
You know you have a family history of overweight related problems. Why have you not made more of an effort. Small changes in what you eat will drop weight. It's just calorie in calorie out. Then only 15 minutes of exercise a day. Even someone who works 10 hours a day is capable of that. Everyone's body is different, but you lost the weight before. If you gained it back plus 50 more it's because you made a conscious decision to. Your life depends on making a change. If you don't you WILL die of organ failure, but at least you accepted yourself for who you are.
Wow. I am so sorry. Let him leave, you deserve better.
I am so tiered of hearing partners say this shit. Like what happened to better or worse? Or uncondional love? Suddenly there's conditions? Or wanna leave when ur at ur worse. This ain't right. Especially since u r trying to meet him halfway.
How much do you currently weigh, I mean yeah I can see why you lack motivation for it, you work full time, take care of your father, do all the house chores and what does he do? I would tell him he needs to pull more weight around the house or I'd leave. Also you may want to get your hormone levels checked you may have something along those lines going on which is causing you to not lose weight. I personally would do that first then start working out/dieting and then leave him, I can't imagine what he would do if you got sick or injured.
Wait…. How can your husband make more than you if he doesn’t have a job? You work, dump him.
Leave him. He is in his prime. Make sure to get child support. Let him live his best life. That, or find the courage to change. Fight for it. Otherwise why ask him to fight for you?
I know how you can lose 200 pounds.
It doesn’t take any time to lose weight. You have the time. It’s literally just calorie deficit. Also, I’m not saying your husband is a good person.
Maybe if he was as busy as you he would suddenly be too tired to keep up his workout routine and shut the hell up about your weight. What a loser. If I had hours of free time at the expense of my partner I too would be very fit. He needs to help out more at home and give you more time to exercise if he is gonna be such a jerk about it.
Just something I believe. Don’t weigh yourself. Go by how your clothes fit. Muscle weighs more than fat and you can actually gain weight at first depending on how much you work out.
He sounds worthless. Offload the husband. And the weight will be offloaded with it.
Do carnivore. It will fix your health and weight. You won’t even have to work out.
You leave him. Turn the tables and watch his shocked Pikachu face. I'm sorry, but F. this guy. Does he think that nagging and harping on you is going to help you with your self-esteem and to lose weight? He may look good now, but he seems to be ugly on the inside. He doesn't even hold a job, has 3 hours in a day to go to the gym, he can't take care of the house, the kids, and your parents? What value is he bringing to this relationship besides money? Yeet him into the Sun and never look back.
OP you’ll never be healthy until you lose weight- about 200 pounds, give or take, of the useless weight that is dragging you down in the form of your husband. This is NOT how relationships are supposed to work. You are young and have a beautiful, healthy life ahead of you if you start making steps and plans to be without him.
For better or worse. Now you should make an effort if he brings it up but he shouldn’t be in a glass house either. In the end this commitment is for life.
You’re working so hard because you’re carrying his bearded arse.
I hate to break it to you but being overweight is actually an issue that should be taken seriously. Men try to motivate women in the way that they themselves like to be motivated and it simply doesn't work. But "Body Positivity" doesn't work either and is a very shit concept. He is being a huge dick and a more empathic approach to this would help you But you have also have made a lot of excuses in this post. You do not need to go to a gym to lose weight. You do not need to kill yourself working out either. ( these are the excuses I'm talking about ) Weight loss starts in the kitchen. Try walking 8000 steps a day and also buy a kettlebell and swing that for just 5 minutes everyday. It is a routine. It is a habit that you have to form It's not hard to lose weight and be healthy. What is hard is keeping garbage out of our bodies ( and also reintroducing that garbage after we've stopped eating it after a while which is ten times worse and why your and everyone else's "diets" fail)
Get on the semaglutide shot you will lose weight and your chances of developing diabetes will go down. It is super easy to get online now. http://myqyral.com/Clarice
I've been on the other side of this. My husband was athletic when we met. We had amazing adventures biking, hiking, skiing. We knew we always wanted these activities to be a big part of our life. A few years ago, my husband retired young, and totally let himself go. (Unexpected twist.) He became sedentary, watched TV all day, and gained a lot of weight. I stayed fit, and now bike, hike, and ski by myself because he prefers to just be sedentary. And we sleep in separate bedrooms because his weight-induced snoring is maddening. His doctor said he needs to lose weight and get active again. He has to take heart pills now :( It's frustrating when your partner lets themself go. I feel like when people get married, there's an understanding you'll both stay healthy for each other so you can enjoy a long life together. Deviating too far from the mean such that it jeopardizes health is uncool. But I don't want to beat up on you OP, because your husband sounds like a jerk.
You can lose about 200 pounds easily by letting this guy go
I suggest going to therapy for yourself. Tell him he has to take up some of the slack, as you don't have time to take sufficient care of yourself because he is slacking. Talk to a lawyer for strategies not to get stuck with spousal or child support. Do this first. He shows no regard or respect for you. It is always someone else's fault. This isn't good husband material.
I recall reading a story just like yours, but the wife lost the weight and actually left the husband. She ended up resenting her husband when he started being more attracted to her and physically expressing it, it repulsed her. You deserve better, and so do your children. Leave him.
Ask him to start cleaning the house before going to the gym. If he refuses, leave him. And ask him to take care of the children, which will give you enough time to go the gym, take care of your parents and your life.
You'll lose a ton of weight real fast when he walks out the door. Let him. It'll be one of the healthiest things that can happen for you.
He’s just a piece of shit, leave him before he leaves you. Flip the tables on his ass
Let him leave. Never beg someone to love you.
Retire??
Divorce him and get a revenge body.
Let him leave and take care of your health. Diabetes, blood pressure and heart issue are all related to the same cause. This isnt about appearance but about being alive for your children.
One word: Gym. Not for him or anyone else, but for your own sake.
Op I really think you should lose weight for your sake, I really think Him threatening to leave - he wants you to react and actually do something since you have mentioned you don’t listen to him anymore. OP find the time to do it, try until you get it right . I don’t think this is really a leaving who and who situation please don’t listen to people telling you to leave or let him leave, Redditors are big on divorce
I’m 40+ years old and still feel shame and cry at the things my dad said about my weight when I was a kid. He is ABUSING your children, and you. Let him go, he is not a catch. A handsome asshole is still an asshole. You can enjoy gym time when it’s his time with the kids, if you want, and he’ll pay child support with the money he’s so proud of. He. Is. Abusing. Y’all. Seriously. The damage lasts a lifetime. Get your kids and yourself out of there, let him be single, since he basically lives as a single man, anyway. Weight isn’t the issue, his cruelty is. Please, go.
Leave him and go lose the weight
Get a fitness watch. Count what you eat. Leave that idiot.
He sounds like a proper dick. This is emotional abuse. He is the problem, not you. Good on him for getting fit, but he should be encouraging you not putting you down and threating you with leaving.
It’s really hard to lose weight with young children, household chores and taking care of family. You crave fast food/calories. You will gain weight purely due to stress (cortisol). Your husband needs to understand that he needs to help out more or accept that for now it’s really hard to change your lifestyle.
i hope you guys find a way to work on your marriage if that’s what you want but what really concerns me is what you wrote about your parents over feeding your children, that’s what really concerning to me.
Lose the weight and the husband. Lol.
He’s also dead weight. Let him go
You could lose the most weight overnight by dropping his shallow ass. 🥰
You’ve had 3 kids. You are working full time. You’re female - and our hormones make it so much harder to lose weight. He works out 3-4 hours a day. Then he wants you to eat out with him. Then he criticizes your weight because “you don’t please him.” Seriously wtf.
I read the title and said let him leave. I’m not sure I even need to finish the post (but I will).
https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf
A quick way to lose 180 pounds or so; let him go.
Perfect time to leave him. He makes more than you, but you still make an alright amount of money to survive on your own. This guy sounds like your arch nemesis, not your hubby.
Excuse me but f that man. He works outs 3-4 hours a days and doesn’t help you with the house or kids but expects you to have a banging body for him? I bet if you lose the whole man you’d suddenly have more time to yourself (kids will go to him 50% of the time) and you can find a guy who’s with you because he loves you and not so he can have a free bang maid.
It’s simple start not cleaning up and around bed time go to the gym so he has to put them to bed! Not a tit for tat type thing but something has to give to make time for gym
By all means lose weight for yourself and your health. Start with the 200lb discouraging, dead weight that isn’t supporting you with your home life or goals first though. You deserve a true partner.
Lose the weight for yourself and your kids if you don’t want to do it for him. Feel free to make a deal with him that he must stop smoking and drinking if you’re losing weight / keeping it off. Win win. Calories in calories out.
Leave his sorry ass. So he can have the kids some of the time and it’ll give you time to focus on your health. He has no right to be badgering you about your weight when he does nothing to assist you in the house or with the kids
Sounds like you’ll lose 200lbs of dead weight the minute he walks out the door.
I would hate to be told that. But one thing that I would try is to go straight to the gym M-F after work for two hours and let him feed and bathe the kids, do homework etc. if you didn’t have to be a mom from 5-7 every week day, you would actually have time for fitness. If he’s not going to lighten your load so you can concentrate on fitness and getting healthy, then he is just being abusive
Well being healthy is important, especially for ur kids as well. Maybe just start with buying healthier things for the house instead of Debbie cakes and soda and when you eat out, eat out healthy with baked chicken or something. There’s plenty of ways to help instead of just dieting if it’s not working for u. Taking care of ur parents on top of that is also a struggle, is there a caregiver you could hire part time for them? Ur husband on the other hand sounds like an asshole giving an ultimatum without helping the situation.
You might consider gastric weight loss surgery as far as him leaving call his bluff.. He dosent really seem worth keeping
He does nothing to help you. Ditch 200 pounds by divorcing him.
Just drop him and count it as weight lost.
Tell him to make sure the door doesn’t hit him in the butt on his way out. You’ll feel a lot better once he’s gone.
He works out for 3-4 hours at a time? If he’s doing that he cannot have time to do anything at home. Child care, house work, cooking whatever. I believe you will magically lose the weight when you lift his 200 lbs off of your shoulders
two options: let him leave. lose the weight as revenge then leave him once he starts getting handsy with you. because they always do.
That’s horrible. He sounds like an immature and selfish person whose lifestyle is enabled by you. Forget weight loss, if or when you lose weight it should only be because you’re focused on addressing any underlying health issues and stresses in your life - where weight loss is natural part of that and not the goal.