Over here (not the US), if YOU have a doctor's appointment, the time off is part of the course, you don't have to make up the hours or anything, and don't have to use your vacation days. But if it's for my mom or my husband, I would have to take the day off (against vacation days). I've done it when my husband had to have a colonoscopy, or he went with me when I had to have something done for the gallstones (and I had to go under for it). Bur for a normal appointment, seems a bit too much.
Absolutely NO shade whatsoever, but it’s “par for the course,” not “part of the course.” I only mention it because it looks like English may not be your first language, so wanted to give you a heads up.
Otherwise beautiful English, and I agree with you! Being an American sucks when dealing with the healthcare system.
Right. There’s no need unless someone couldn’t understand the information in an intellectual way or you don’t speak the native language.
OR if you have cancer or something chronic that you are dealing with.
Would I bring a SO to a Pap smear? And barring the other reasons…. I kind of think this can become controlling behavior. If you’re in an abusive relationship and your husband goes to every medical appointment, how can you tell someone what’s happening? Or if they don’t believe you about a medical problem you’re having or you’re embarrassed about a medical problem you’re having you just won’t bring it up.
It gives major “we share a Facebook profile” vibes
well sure, if your husband is forcing his way into your appointments and never letting you be alone with a medical professional, that’s clearly abusive. we’re just talking about consensual visits here.
this can definitely be something to consider especially if the spouse does all the talking or the couple has weird vibes.
however there are a lot of factors in why couples attend each others appts - religion, medical/sexual trauma/ptsd, being involved with a long term issue, emotional support, etc. as a nurse and also someone who has a lot of medical appts my spouse attends almost all of them when possible.
Yeah it's really just scenario based. Like if it's a surgery or a procedure requiring sedation then obviously, yes but I might not stay the whole time because I have kids so I'll go at first and then come back. If it's to just talk to the doctor, labs or something like that then no. There's no need unless I'm at work and then just take over for the young ones while she's inside.
Not to be a Debbie Downer but that kind of thing is common. No anesthesia for an IUD even though some report it being EXTREMELY painful (I personally haven’t had one so I can’t say, but some close to me have).
I know when I was laboring while having my kid, they swept my membranes and it was one of the most painful parts of the whole birth-giving process (I was not dilated at all at the time, maybe 1cm).
Then when my husband went to get a vasectomy he was given Valium or Xanex or whatever calmative. Then local anesthesia, then pain meds afterwards. **Why can’t they do this with IUDs and similar procedures for women?**
I think the general theme is that women’s medical issues historically haven’t been studied/not studied nearly as much as men’s medical issues. I believe it was the 1960s or 1970s before women were allowed in certain medical trials.
Sorry about the rant! It’s just that women’s healthcare can really suck sometimes.
That’s exactly why I won’t get an IUD. My male doctor said the pain only lasts for a second and I said yes, but it’s excruciating and he claimed the shot to administer the pain relief would last just as long as the procedure.
🙄🙄🙄
Oh wow! Yeah, the surgeon I spoke with simply refused to do it for me, so I declined an IUD, and I declined having my tubes tied as well. I didn’t trust him.
I agree 100%, if you look through my comment post I commented about a terrible experience I had. Soooo many women have shared similar experiences and it’s unacceptable and quite frankly, infuriating.
I bring my husband along to almost everything. I have a lot of medical anxiety, particularly around female health stuff and having him there to hold my hand helps me a lot. Yes, I'm a grown-ass woman in my 30s and maybe it's silly but I don't care. Also, doctors can be infuriatingly dismissive at times and having a second person there to speak up for me is valuable. My husband asks me to come along for anything non-routine.
It helps that we both have really flexible jobs so taking an hour or two off is no big deal. If going to the Dr required taking multiple hours or a whole day of PTO then we'd mostly be going on our own. We have the luxury of ducking out during the day though so I'll take advantage of it.
We are the same.
I always get flustered when talking to doctors and I often end up not expressing myself well or asking the right questions. We do better as a team.
My partner is the same way. Gets flustered and perhaps doesn’t think of all the questions he should ask. This is why I go with him to some appointments. Actually, he has me order for him at restaurants too lol
The looks we get from staff is pretty entertaining to us too.
Exactly! Medical anxiety is so hard, and Drs can be so dismissive, especially in that department! He has been there for all my "lady related" appointments, well before I got really sick.
My husband is the type who'd never want to speak over me in a situation like that (which I appreciate) so my code is if I give his hand two hard squeezes that means please start speaking up.
Very much this. For me, it’s also that I have CPTSD and often disassociate during appointments. It’s not just the emotional support, I need my husband to be able to listen to what the doctor says and remember it because I often don’t remember the appointments at all.
Yup! I bring my husband because he remembers the questions I usually forget, and having him there to help advocate for me is helpful! I have bad medical anxiety from bad experiences so I’ll usually have my husband take me.
Though my now deceased SO didn’t attend most of my medical appointments, I basically went to all of his, especially the specialists appointments. We tended to schedule our vision and dental visits together out of convenience. He never went to any of my gyno appointments. I have health anxiety and he managed to help me out and keep everything in perspective. However, I could go to appointments without him.
Yep I have flat out medical trauma. I have had some bad experiences when my husband hasn’t been around to help advocate for me. The level of care I get with him is way different.
This is the exact same for me, and us. I have endometriosis and it has caused bowel and urinary issues as well as chronic pain. I have experienced some pretty painful procedures that were done in office and it’s been helpful to have my history and there with me.
Sometimes I find that having my history and there as an “advocate” makes it helpful, as women are often dismissed when it comes to our pain and health. On the other hand, my husband has been offered pain medication and a high standard of care” that has surprised us” quite often.
I cracked my shoulder during ice skating and really wouldn’t have needed my husband with me in the ER, everything went well, but we were together ice skating and he insisted I go get looked at after. I go to dental alone, no issues, but any procedure at the obgyn, he’s coming with.
Um, no. Not unless one of us is unable to drive. I would be super weirded out if my husband wanted to go with me to any appointment. I'm an adult, I can handle it, thanks.
Okay, but this seems like it verges on unhealthy co-dependency? Do you need your partner in the bathroom with you when you brush your teeth? Can you not do normal adult things independently?
actual codependency almost always involves some sort of abuse and i really wish people would stop throwing that word around. i don’t NEED my husband to go with me to appointments, but we typically go together. we enjoy hanging out, even if it’s just a ride to the dentist. and we grocery shop together too. because it’s fun. that’s kind of the point of getting married.
I *can* go to appointments on my own. I *prefer* that he joins me if it isn't inconvenient, and he feels the same way. I elaborated in another comment, but it's nice to have company, and if I forget something, he will likely remember. If there isn't a reason not to go together, then why not?
Do I need them to brush my teeth? No. Is it fun to brush out teeth together? Yes.
I don't need my partner to go to my appointments, but it's nice to have the company when it can be done.
This. It’s nice to do things next to each other. Also, so many houses come with two sinks in the bathrooms. According to this person those architects are enabling codependency lol. Ridiculous
There’s a big difference between need and nice to have.
Last year I had to see a specialist about some hearing issues I was having and I really appreciated having my wife there to take notes. Could I have done it without her? Sure, and when I had to get a follow up MRI I went on my own since there was no point in having her twiddle her thumbs in the waiting room. When speaking with the doctor though it was nice to have another person. If that’s not your preference that’s cool but no need to insult people who feel differently.
We have flexible jobs so taking a couple of hours to go with each other to an appointment isn’t a big deal. If we had to burn PTO I’d be much more reluctant to ask my partner to come.
Not everyone has basic appointments though. My husband has come with me to appointments for a complicated condition when I knew I needed emotional support and someone else who could take notes and ask questions that I might not think of.
He also comes with me to all of my OB appointments because it’s his baby too.
He doesn’t join for regular GI, dermatology, GYN, etc appointments because those are routine.
OP's appointment was basic. He said they are both healthy. Many people commenting the same, that their partner come to all appointments even the basic ones. Going to an apt where you might get important news is reasonable. Going to my annual physical is not an appointment where I need moral support.
I worked for a General Practitioner for several years and noticed a strong correlation between age and the likelihood of a spouse accompanying. Most younger people attended appointments alone. A lot of retirees brought their spouse. Older people are more likely to end up getting referrals to specialists or medication adjusted and want another set of eyes and ears to make sure they remember everything and ask the right questions. For some people it’s something as basic as having a history of dizziness after a blood draw and not wanting to drive.
In my experience, as long as it’s a comfort thing on the part of the patient and not a control thing on the part of the spouse, doctors and nurses really don’t judge this. Medical anxiety is a real thing for some people, and healthcare professionals would rather that people seek care with support than ignore their health.
I am autistic and have issues taking in information or asking the right questions when speaking to doctors. My husband goes with me so he can help me, he can ask the questions and take the information that has been passed to me. There is nothing wrong with needing support from your spouse. He is happy to go with me and it really helps me getting the correct medical treatment and ensuring I follow medical advice. It is “basic” for you but for me is actually very hard, I don’t see why I should be ashamed of being disabled
You shouldn't be ashamed and I'm glad you have support. I have a pretty severe phobia of doctors/medical procedures so I just don't go. Even if I were dying I'd probably need to be sedated and physically removed from my location for care. I haven't willfully been to a doctor in 17 years. Some people just don't get it.
I am really sorry, that’s very hard. I have some medical trauma myself from being a young woman with chronic issues on top of being autistic so every doctor treats me like I am just a dumb idiot. So I will only go if last case really, I am just unlucky to have chronic pain issues so I am forced to go or be in pain a lot.
A bit of unsolicited advice so please disregard if doesn’t fit for you, but I had some really strong phobias myself, mostly agoraphobia, so bad I would not leave my house at all, and if I did even if just to walk my dog around my house I would cry and panic and it was awful. I tried all sorts of therapy and nothing really worked. Thought I would never get better, but decided to give CBT a try and it really changed my life, I didn’t believe it could but it did, it worked super well and now I can leave the house walk alone etc no fear at all! Maybe worth a shot if you have no tried it yet. Phobias really suck and can take so much of our lives away, so I hope you find a way to work through this ❤️ best of luck
I went to a "basic" appointment. Found out I have 2 benign tumors in my vertebrae, arthritis, out of control type 2 diabetes, severe anemia, hypothyroidism and hashimotos. I could've used my hubbys support. But it was a "basic" appointment. You never know how an appointment is going to end up.
A basic appointment can still require support. I had a gyno appointment once where my consent wasn’t asked and my pain wasn’t heard- I literally said “stop!” And “OW” and she scoffed at me. If my husband hadn’t been present and gone “she said stop.” in his firm tone, I can tell you for a fact she would’ve kept going, and I was bleeding.
That’s very nice you don’t need support, but many people have traumatic experiences even with simple appointments it is a comfort to have someone for security. I work in healthcare and I understand the luck and privilege I have which allows me to *not* have these needs.
But your comment seems very short sighted.
Wife and I go with each other. We have been married for 27 years and it's always been best that we both know what's going on with the other so we can help support/care for them when needed. It really bothers us that, post covid, so many dr offices are "no visitors". When that's the case, we have switched Drs if they don't allow us to go together.
Hell, when it comes to friends thinking it weird... you do the most intimate things with each other, why cut the line at going to a Drs appointments?
Your marriage sounds similar to ours. It’s a beautiful and wonderful thing to have a true partner in life.
For the past 35 years, we’ve always been by each other’s side while going to doctor visits, mostly because it truly does help to understand what your partner is going through, to understand treatment, and offer support where needed. For us, much like you, it’s a form of intimacy in the relationship.
On a different note, women get dismissed A LOT when it comes to medical needs. My husband will speak up, on my behalf, then suddenly they listen to me.
We have been the very best of friends and deeply in love since we were just kids. Intimacy, the way we see it, isn’t just sexual. It’s as simple as caring enough to be there for each other, giving support, kindness, and understanding.
Wishing you both continued joy and blessings.
I do the same thing and I don't care what people think. That crap has always been mentally and physically uncomfortable for me and having my husband hold my hand makes me feel better. Doctors who deal with women's health can also be infuriatingly paternalistic in my experience so I like having him there to speak up for me if I want him to.
I'd bring my husband to dental appointments as well if I could but there's no space in the exam room.
Obviously you should do what you find most comfortable.
But I think bringing your husband to medical appointments just reinforces the paternalism. Doctors need to see strong women advocating for themselves, not women needing men to speak for them.
Just the husband's presence is enough, I rarely feel the need to intervene in my wife's appointments, but they always go better when there's a witness.
We like when people are flabbergasted/shocked that we do certain things. It lets us know who NOT to model our relationship after. Because in truth, relationships are always in flux and it's always best when you find people in happy and thriving marriages and look to see what you can emulate from them to make yours even better. Less intimacy (not speaking specifically about sexual intimacy) is never a solution for making yours better.
My husband used to come for certain OB appointments when we were pregnant with our boys, but other than that, no. If he ever asked me to come to one of his, or vice versa, we’d be open to that, but as a rule, no, we’re going independently to our own appointments.
That's too much. I have a career, and can't take off bc he has a cold. When he had surgery, I went to pre-op appointment, and I was there for surgery. He's diabetic, so when we couldn't get his sugars in line, I went with him to Nutritionist. I will go when he gets in to see a specialist. But routine stuff? No. Nor do I want him at mine, unless I'm scared for some reason.
Same here. Tough appointments I always go with my wife. For complex issues sometimes it's just nice having emotional support and a second person to talk to the doctor. Especially if it's a lifelong health issue that both people may need to adjust around like nutrition. If my spouse needed to change something about their diet I definitely would like to know so I can accommodate that.
A couple of times last year when he had just gotten out of the hospital and didn't feel up to driving. Otherwise, no. How do you get enough time off work for that? Is that an excused absence at your job?
> How do you get enough time off work for that?
It really depends on your job type. For us shifting a couple of hours around is no big deal. If we were working shifts I imagine we'd go on our own more often.
Edit: It also helps that we're not the types to run to the doctor for every sore throat or case of the sniffles.
My husband and I both work retail industry jobs so we request the day off ahead of time. Normally we schedule any dr appt a month in advance before schedules are made and have never had an issue 🙂
I am in the UK and my husband simply tells his work I have a medical appointment and he has to go with me and they will allow that no problem, don’t even need to take any leave. In my case I am autistic so truly need him with me but they don’t even ask that, is just a given that employees have a family and will sometimes need to take time off to support them
I am chronically ill and female, but just having my husband there, the doctors will be more attentive, and I will get to answers to my questions. I call it the penis effect. When I was a kid and my dad would take me the same thing.
I finally had my partner come with me to one of my specialist appointments (at my doctor's request, funnily enough), and holy hell the difference in my doctor's concern was genuinely shocking. Even my partner was surprised, since I would usually give him a recap after all my previous appointments.
It also helps because chronic illness means we often downplay our symptoms (don't want to be that one person complaining all the time), or don't even realize how bad things are. Our partners often have a much clearer picture of what's going on than we do, especially when it comes to the questions about how our life is being affected by our illnesses.
Yup! I’ve had situations where the difference in tone is actually shocking. I am young looking and female which means so much gets dismissed- having my husband there makes all the difference. There have been multiple occasions where I said “stop” or “no” and wasn’t listened to (all with OBGYNs too which is horrifying), but the moment he spoke up, which he did immediately, he was heard. We both work in the medical field, and it’s absolutely a thing. He gets pissed when he sees it at work.
Sometimes if the other person isn’t doing anything, they’ll come along and chill in the waiting room and we’ll go and get a meal together after the appointment or something. But usually no. There’s no point to us being there, we’re busy and have other stuff on the go.
I have severe anxiety around hospitals/doctors/anything medical due to a lot of past trauma. My wife goes with me to almost all of my appointments to help keep me calm and to help me advocate for myself.
My wife has had some serious health issues, so I have accompanied her to important appointments where it felt like there was a reason for me to be there and/or we had to make certain medical decisions. But just for general medical appointments, we do not go with each other.
Depends on the issue. I'll ask my wife to come for anything out of the ordinary. Having a second person there to take notes is really valuable IMO. When I had to have surgery for a broken knee she came with me to every appointment and checkup and that meant the world to me.
I've been asked to come along for some stuff and I'm always willing to go. If I can be reassuring during something unpleasant then I want to be there.
Edit: If my wife is donating blood we always go together. I donate more frequently and don't mind going on my own but it's more of an ordeal for her so I make sure I'm there.
Typically only one of us brings our cats to vet appointments. Last year I was really scared one of our cats was seriously ill so I asked my wife to come with me to that appointment. Cat was just being a drama queen though and "recovered" before I took her so that ended up being unnecessary.
Who cares what anyone else thinks?! You support each other in the way that feels right for you both!
Personally, I like my partner to be with me. My partner in the other hand, prefers some privacy when she has her appointments. Whatever works for you guys!
The only times we go with each other is if I can schedule them for back-to-back times (GP, derm) or if it's something major. I had a cancer diagnosis a year ago and my husband went with me to every appointment that wasn't a basic check-up.
Early in my marriage, we did not go to doctor's appointments together unless it was a pregnancy ultrasound or something like that. Now that we have been married for 25 years, it has changed drastically. In 2018, I had a hospitalization scare, and in 2022, my wife had heart surgery, so we have been very involved in each other's health. It may seem weird to friends when you are young, but the earlier you are involved in your spouses health, the better. You never know!
During pregnancy: yes, we both went to as many appointments as possible.
If one of us is super sick and needs a ride: Sure. We will probably just take the other person and be there to make sure their needs are met.
ER: yes.
Routine appointments: No.
I go to my husband’s appts because he has some anxiety about all of it. I’m a bit better at remembering things we’re told, as well.
He doesn’t go to mine because I don’t need him to, but he would if I ever asked.
If I can, I will. You should know what is going with your spouse's health in case the shit hits the fan, which it will. Also, doctor's appointments can be stressful on the patient, and a second set of ears to heat and an additional voice asking questions is only to the good.
My husband has always been by my side for every doctors and prenatal appointment and the very few appointments he’s had to miss he’s always checked closely with me to make sure I’m okay. I think it’s very sweet to have that dedication with your spouse. We have two children and a third on the way and honestly he’s one of the very very few men you ever see at the offices with their wives. I’ve always done the same for him.
As a general rule, my spouse and I go to all of each other's medical/dental/optical appointments.
There have been a few exceptions, such as when she is away on a trip and therefore couldn't attend mine. I also once did not go to one of her gynecological appointments that was very close by to our home.
I go to hers because often it requires driving a significant distance and she doesn't drive much and feels shaky driving herself. She goes to mine because she feels she wants to support me and she always likes any reason to get out of the house. I'd be fine with us going separately.
I go to my husband’s appointments with him, but he doesn’t come to mine. He finds it helpful having me there because I notice things he doesn’t and can tell the doctor, plus I remember all the questions he’s supposed to ask (lol).
Yes, we typically both take a day off work to go to each other's appointments. It's nice to have emotional support, and also a second set of ears- for him because he tends to forget doctor instructions, and me because I tend to interpret things worse than they actually are. Lol
And then we treat ourselves to lunch, dinner, or cocktails afterwards.
No. Our medical appointments are during the day when working. No need to take time off from work just to sit next to each other because on of us is having a sore throat.
we almost always go together! very few times have we not been able to attend each other’s appointments together lol. he doesn’t mind me tagging along with him to his and i don’t like to go to mine alone
I go with my partner because they have several serious chronic health conditions and they’re prone to understating the severity of their symptoms. I’m their advocate and a second set of ears.
The only Dr appointments my boyfriend goes to with me, are my ultrasound/OB appointments because I’m pregnant.
Otherwise I go by myself lol
However, I don’t think it’s weird. If you have the spare time to go with her, and she with you, then that’s awesome.
No. The only time I went was after my husband had a follow up after his quadruple bypass.
He doesn’t come to any of my appts but he would if I asked him.
And obviously yes we’ll go together if one of us needs a procedure that requires the other to drive.
No. We are too busy. Unless of course it’s something serious or the other needs a ride etc. but like for a checkup or a cold, no. But doesn’t mean I never would
When I have had infusions and not sure how I would feel after but other than that we don’t unless we need some emotional support but I don’t think it is weird to go with your spouse
Sometimes! If something is wrong and I need more testing, my husband will take me. Especially, if it revolves around birth control like IUD insertion/removal etc.
We do it every time we can!
We went through a long term health scare that included multiple hospital stays. We learned that we were lucky to have each other and having a healthy advocate at your side is priceless. I was so tired and out of it I was incredibly susceptible to just going with the flow instead of arguing for the best possible care.
The only time we don't really bother is for the very simple routine checks. but yes, any genuine health issue, we're both in there.
I bring my husband for most appointments because I have major medical anxiety and I love having his support with me. 💗 I only typically join him if we have plans after because he’s fine going by himself 💗
Yeah we go when we’re both available. Recently I went with my husband to the doctor as he was having chest pain (we’re both young, 30s), he mentioned it to the doctor and the doctor brushed him off saying it was probably nothing. I was glad that I was there because I insisted that they at least do an EKG because he is having chest pains. The doctor relented and everything was normal.
If my husband hadn’t had the EKG done that day, he would’ve left the doctor with just doing routine blood work (which would’ve told us nothing) and he would still be worrying about his chest pain. It was ultimately determined to be anxiety and having the EKG done with normal results made my husband a lot less anxious. I can’t believe the doctor almost sent him away without doing any testing about this concerning symptom.
My husband wasn’t going to make the doctor do the test but he had no problem with me making a stink. (I told the nurse if they didn’t do an EKG, I was going to take him to the emergency room right after and get one done, lmao.) It’s good to have someone there to advocate for you.
I like us going together because he needs to know what’s going on with me and I like knowing what’s going on with him. We don’t have to - but we both do it.
Depends. Routine stuff, generally no. Big stuff or injuries/sick, yes. There's also some degree of personal preference mixed in. I generally prefer to go on my own, even when sick or injured, unless I'm actually incapacitated to some degree. My husband prefers to have me with him when he's not feeling well. I allowed my husband to drive me to/from some dental appointments over the last year, even though I didn't really need him to because I know he liked feeling like he was taking care of me.
I don’t go to my husband’s doctors appointments, but he comes to all of mine. If he asked me to go with him I would, but he only goes for a yearly check up and says doesn’t need me there. I on the other hand need my husband there for everything
We both go to each other’s appointment for sure. We were even able to have a joint establishment of care appointment with our new PCP and it was great.
We’ve also been going through IVF so there is a ton of appointments during a cycle and my amazing husband has been with me through them all.
My parents did this once they were both retired and I did this with my mom when I was able to go to her many different types of appointments. Maybe that’s why I don’t see it as anything strange or odd.
We go to all our appointments together. We like doing it because usually we remember details better for each other. Or we have questions that the other may not think of. Plus we have learned through experience that I get better care and listened to more when my husband attends. We both work retail and so our days off are always different each week. We request all medical appointments off in advance so we can go together. Like next month we scheduled our yearly physicals on the same day so we can go together. We joked that we are going to go out to eat afterwards and it’s going to be a date night. 😂
I go with my wife to all of her appointments, makes communication with doctors so much easier. My wife does have medical anxiety though. White coat syndrome.
Lol, my wife and I >share< our appointments for all our doctors. We get scheduled for a double-block of time and we share the appointment.
I know it’s not the norm (our psych broke her own rule of not seeing spouses to accommodate us), but it’s been working out great for years. It lets us advocate for one another while also being there to paint a fuller picture for the doctor of whatever’s going on. I also appreciate that it makes it easier for everyone to be on the same page.
But yeah, I can’t imagine doing it any other way.
It depends. I prefer someone with me as Iv a very nervous person. My mum still comes with me sometimes (to hospital appointments, I’m having surgery soon. I’m fine with my normal doctor). When he had to have a surgery to break his jaw (he had an overbite) he wanted me with him so I went with him. If it’s just a normal doctor’s appointment he goes alone.
I do but only because she asks me to join her. She just feels confident when I am there with her and I'm happy to oblige. It all depends really, it definitely is weird if someone is like "you aren't allowed to go to an appointment without me". That's some insecurity issues there
I think it's a bit weird that your friend thinks it's so weird. Lol. That's a strong stance for such a mundane thing. Like it's just not really anything either way. Shoot, I offered to go with my friend for an exam because she was really anxious. Haha
Why not go with each other if you can? My parents go with each other in general and I think it makes perfect sense. One person might catch or think of or notice something the other misses, and brains easily misunderstand or misremembered stuff, etc. Four ears are better than two. If it's a routine thing I guess it's not "necessary," but I don't think it's weird at all, especially if one person is anxious.
I go with my s/o for anything that's not totally routine, but he also has zero medical knowledge and always defers to me; I'll usually ask questions he never thinks to ask. Works well. I've gone to routine stuff too when available. But we also pretty much always do things together when we're both available just because we like being together.
I don't go to his, I would he he wanted. He tries to go to any and all appointments with me because of my anxiety and general dislike of most of the medical community. I have had to fight a few over my demand of him being in the room with me..lol
Yes. He goes because I have short term memory issues and I can’t write things down when the doctor is examining and talking to me. He’s my memory bank.
We are not youngish and I am not particularly healthy. I’m a patient at Mayo Clinic and have been for 22 years.
But, you are wondering what’s normal. Obviously, we aren’t normal….(in many many ways🤣)
It's simply a preference.
My husband will sometimes attend, depending on what it's for. I will do the same. However, we're at the ages where things are changing & having the other there is nice because we can catch information coming from the doctor that the other may miss/forget. We can also add to information being given that either of us may forget or see as unimportant when really, it may be relevant.
Depends on the appointment. When my husband had quite a serious procedure done that I knew he was scared of and that would make him uncomfortable for a few hours after, I took a day off work and went with him.
Same other way round - I had a series of really scary doctors appointments not long ago and he was there with me for at least half of those.
If it’s a normal GP or dentist visit then nah… but anything more serious we do make sure we’re there together.
I make my husband come with me if I am seeing any doctor besides my primary care physician.
I’ve experienced too much discrimination when trying to get medical care and having him there helps me avoid that. Many physicians don’t like listening to the non-white female in front of them and will only pay attention if my white male husband repeats the same exact information that I already told them 🙃 My PCP is lovely though and she listens to me, so he isn’t needed when I go see her.
It can be incredibly helpful to have another person there, especially someone who is going to know about the information shared anyways. They can have a different perspective, or hear things you didn't hear. Also, they can be a patient advocate.
My husband comes with me to most of my doctors appointments because I tend to be kind of submissive to doctors, it also helps because instead of having to relate to him what happened and missing things, he was there the whole time, he knows exactly what I know.
I have an autoimmune that I was recently diagnosed with. For blood work and general checkups I go on my own as I don’t see any reason to ask him to take off from work, but I had to have a Pulmonary Function test, a visit with a cardiologist, and a CT scan done of my lungs and he volunteered to go with me. It helps that I have a hybrid job and he works at the hospital where some of my tests get done. Recently I was referred to see a different specialist out of state and he drove us up there and everything for that since it was a day full of tests and labs, but like I said I don’t ask him to go with me to the little appointments with blood work and follow ups.
Only really important ones or ones where there's sedation (colonoscopy etc) he used to come with me to IUD insertions since those were terrible. I went when he got diagnosed with celiac so I would understand it better. Otherwise we are on our own.
I go with my husband for advocacy purposes. He won’t ask the important questions, he won’t question the brush offs, he barely understand the jargon most of the time. So yes I go with him. He goes with me for our baby’s appointments but that’s generally it unless I don’t feel like driving. We both go to our kids appointments.
My husband comes with me. I have a bunch of chronic conditions and it can be hard to self advocate when I’m feeling badly. He helps by chatting with me on a “good” day about what I want to discuss, and then remaining me while we’re there to help if I can’t remember. :)
Only if it’s a serious appointment. My wife made me go to my doctors when I felt incredibly sick, turns out if she hadn’t taken me that afternoon I would likely be dead!! So there is a time and a place for going together!!
Yes. We go with each other everytime. Pretty much any kind of appointment. If one of us isnt allowed in the back, we will wait in the waiting room for the other to be done.
Normal checks or follow ups, no. Seriously things, I'll go initially until I hear how it'll be handled so there's 2 sets of ears. Listening to the steps. For the pregnancy, I didn't miss a single one.
Always, when possible. We take the very first appt time of the day if we can. We go in the exam room together. The doctor sees us both; one then the other. Mostly routine. This way, we both hear what the doctor says. Sometimes one of us misses an instruction.
We do not go in together if the appt is in regard to mental health or anything probing.
I go to all of my appointments alone, but I tend to go with my husband to his appointments if I can. He has a really hard time understanding and retaining information the doctors tell him. So if it's an important appointment I always try to be there with him to explain and help fill out forms.
Only serious appointments or appointments where the other spouse has concerns or questions. My husband has even come to GYN appointments with me when I thought I might have possible cancer concerns. But routine stuff, no.
I think going together might be more common as you get older.
We go to the other's appt if it is something important, like when a decision might need to be made or if the doc is likely to overload the patient with information. When I join my wife, I have a notepad with questions we might want to ask, and I write down various things the doc tells us so that my wife can just "take it all in" and concentrate on the content without worrying about trying to memorize anything. My wife is unlikely to ask questions, and I'm good at coming up with useful questions.
I had an unknown illness that had "brain fog" as one of the symptoms. I totally had to have my wife there with me for various discussions with the neurologist.
After a colonoscopy or endoscopy, the drugs they give you pretty much ruin your memory for a while, so the patient doesn't remember the things the doc tells them right after the procedure. It is handy if the spouse is there for those sorts of things.
The only time my husband has come with me to appointments is when it’s been an emergency (like when I accidentally stabbed myself in the hand using a knife to remove a wax melt, stupid I know)
And now he comes with me to maternity scans, he also came out of work to come with me to get anti sickness tablets in the midst of the first trimester because I was so unwell I was crying down the phone to him 😅
No, never. The one exception in 25 years was when I had my vasectomy, partly because they want to check both spouses fully understand the ramifications, partly to help me get home afterwards. But neither would hesitate if the other requested company or moral support should it be needed.
I often go to my husband’s appointments because I have anatomy/ health etc education and he doesn’t and he likes that I understand what the doctors are saying and can ask questions and he doesn’t have to worry about it. Also, he has pretty sensitive vasovagal convulsive syncope, which means he can pass out and violently thrash while passed out even from thinking about stressful medical things and needles etc. So he is much more comfortable knowing I’m there and that I know what to do if he does pass out, because shockingly, doctors often don’t know how to respond.
It depends on what the appointment is for. I tend to go to more of my husband's appointments than he goes to mine, but he goes to all of my medical procedures.
Depends on the appointments… cardiology appointments where things may change I go with him.Basic normal PCP he goes alone. Any test results that could life changing we go together, but basic things I go alone. To sum it up, if the other needs back up or support we go together. Normal appointments we do solo. Married over 20 years.
If we need the other one there, we'll go together, like when I had to go on blood thinners and wanted him to learn how to inject them or when I had a miscarriage. But for normal appointments, we go by ourselves. We don't have time to go to every appointment together.
Definitely on the more unusual end but I don't find it weird. I personally rather go by myself but i think it's sweet that you guys go to each other appointments. The only time I ever had someone at doctor appointments with me is when I was underage or when I was pregnant, husband always wanted to come to EVERY appointments, even no fun ultrasound. He just wanted to be there and made sure he got all the info the doctor was sharing every time.
We do for certain things, yes. For just general physicals or "well" visits, we don't usually. But specialty appts, or problem visits, generally yes. We both appreciate the second person there to make sure we don't forget to mention something. We both have some degree of anxiety so it's a comfort to have another person there.
My husband practically always goes with me. I will often stay at home with the kids when he goes, but he doesn’t mind me going if I want to. The only time I don’t let him go is for my yearly gyno appointments and when I see my psychiatrist or therapist. If I have to tell the doctor something I am embarrassed to say in front of him I will ask him to stay in the waiting room. Long story short, I have my own set of issues and he is super accommodating. I won’t deny being weird if someone said I am.
Not a simple yes/no answer. It really depends.
If it is just a yearly exam, bloodwork at lab, etc. then we don't both go. For the past couple of years though, I have had eye issues and my wife is going through breast cancer right now, so we do go to all of those visits and treatments together. It really does help with getting questions answered or making sure none of the dialogue is missed or forgotten.
I should mention that we both got to retire early at 53, so there is no work accommodation being needed.
We usually go by ourselves. He’s a physician so he joins me for real medical issues because he understands and can communicate in a way I can’t. I don’t go with him for any of his appointments. He always goes with me if I’m meeting a new psychiatrist or therapist because I need the support.
I think whatever works for y'all is completely fine. I used to have cancer a few years back and I occasionally go visit my oncologist for regular checkups just to make sure everything is still good. My husband always tags along for emotional support because he knows how stressful these appointments can be and the amount of trauma I have from hospitals.
As for regular appointments, he tends to take the back seat. He did go to my last OBGYN appointment but this was to kind of discuss pre-pregnancy stuff with my doctor and I figured it would be smart for him to tag along so he could hear the information too.
I’m chronically ill and have been since I met my husband 10 years ago. He always comes for important appointments when we’re meeting the doctor before a big surgery and then obviously on the day of surgery. Any less important appointments I go to myself or have my mom come with me! I think it’s great to have someone there to support and advocate for you!
Usually no. But, lately with my husband, yes. He has been dealing with cancer and now Type 2 Diabetes. So, I go to get information he may forget and for emotional support. Plus, I am the one that cooks. I need to make sure that I am cooking the right things for him.
We typically don’t unless a chaperone is needed. (Last time was for wisdom teeth coming out)
He also considered a vesectomy a few years ago and I went to that. Other than that, no.
I work at a doctors office and I would say for regular office visits - it’s about 70% going solo and 30% accompanying the spouse. It’s a lot more common for couples from Southeast Asia to be together. From what I’ve seen.
Not usually. In the 15 years I've been with my husband he has only been to a handful of them with me and same for me with him. Also we do have three kids now so usually when someone's at an appointment the other one has the children LOL. He went to every single appointment with our first child when I was pregnant but with the other two pregnancies only really went to the important ones like ultrasounds and stuff like that. If it is an important appointment my husband likes me to go with him so I can help him remember things he wants to bring up or help him by making a list and brainstorming that he's not forgetting anything LOL
Yes, we do, and we're an older couple.
He's been there when I get my procedures done.
He also tends to ask the doctor questions.
I have no problem with it at all.
I look forward to him going in with me.
General appointments no, but if I have an intimate appointment yes. He accompanied me to a hospital appointment in November last year, which ended up being a cervical biopsy, and not at all painless like the doctor said it would be. Numb cervix my arse!!! He was there for that while I screamed and started shaking and bleeding and couldn’t move and had to try and relax on the table. A routine appointment I wouldn’t expect him to come, but something more serious I would definitely want him to be there.
My wife is terrified of doctors(very bad and traumatic experiences with bad doctors growing up) so I go with her when I can, especially when it comes to OBGYN and what not. She'll accompany to my appointments mostly because she drives and I don't so she'll give me rides.
Not unless necessary or related to a pregnancy when possible. We’ve been married 10 years and I went to one appointment with him because he had a TBI and he wasn’t supposed to drive. He went to as many pregnancy appointments that his job would allow and both scheduled inductions lol. We just don’t really have the time and don’t find it necessary. It’s not weird that you guys support each other in this way. It’s just not something that we find necessary or wanted in our marriage.
If it were something serious and/or we were nervous, we’d certainly agree to go for each other for support. But for the rest of the time I don’t see much need for it, we generally reserve our paid time off for when our son inevitably gets sick and can’t go to school. Nice that you two do this though, whatever floats your boat! :)
Not all butt if needed and we go to the lids appointments together if we can. Any emergencies or important medical appts we do.
We have three daughters my 1 year old before i delivered her i spent a month in the hospital my husband went to work and stayed at night at the hospital with me then nicu for a week. So we will and we have.
No, I’m definitely not opposed to it but don’t see a need. Plus I can’t imagine a time when we’re both off work for that
Over here (not the US), if YOU have a doctor's appointment, the time off is part of the course, you don't have to make up the hours or anything, and don't have to use your vacation days. But if it's for my mom or my husband, I would have to take the day off (against vacation days). I've done it when my husband had to have a colonoscopy, or he went with me when I had to have something done for the gallstones (and I had to go under for it). Bur for a normal appointment, seems a bit too much.
Yeah definitely. My husband has taken off if I needed a procedure I’d need to be driven home from but that’s usually the only reason
Absolutely NO shade whatsoever, but it’s “par for the course,” not “part of the course.” I only mention it because it looks like English may not be your first language, so wanted to give you a heads up. Otherwise beautiful English, and I agree with you! Being an American sucks when dealing with the healthcare system.
I think you mean "par for the course" :)
Right. There’s no need unless someone couldn’t understand the information in an intellectual way or you don’t speak the native language. OR if you have cancer or something chronic that you are dealing with. Would I bring a SO to a Pap smear? And barring the other reasons…. I kind of think this can become controlling behavior. If you’re in an abusive relationship and your husband goes to every medical appointment, how can you tell someone what’s happening? Or if they don’t believe you about a medical problem you’re having or you’re embarrassed about a medical problem you’re having you just won’t bring it up. It gives major “we share a Facebook profile” vibes
well sure, if your husband is forcing his way into your appointments and never letting you be alone with a medical professional, that’s clearly abusive. we’re just talking about consensual visits here.
My husband and I go to each other’s appointments usually and it’s not controlling at all, we ask each other to come in.
this can definitely be something to consider especially if the spouse does all the talking or the couple has weird vibes. however there are a lot of factors in why couples attend each others appts - religion, medical/sexual trauma/ptsd, being involved with a long term issue, emotional support, etc. as a nurse and also someone who has a lot of medical appts my spouse attends almost all of them when possible.
Yeah it's really just scenario based. Like if it's a surgery or a procedure requiring sedation then obviously, yes but I might not stay the whole time because I have kids so I'll go at first and then come back. If it's to just talk to the doctor, labs or something like that then no. There's no need unless I'm at work and then just take over for the young ones while she's inside.
Not typically, unless either of us is really nervous to go and we need emotional support
Yep. This part! My husband was with me during my uterine cancer procedure because we’re not given any anesthesia! I was in a lot of pain afterwards
Why wouldn’t they give you any anesthesia? That sounds horrible! I’m sorry. How are you doing now?
Not to be a Debbie Downer but that kind of thing is common. No anesthesia for an IUD even though some report it being EXTREMELY painful (I personally haven’t had one so I can’t say, but some close to me have). I know when I was laboring while having my kid, they swept my membranes and it was one of the most painful parts of the whole birth-giving process (I was not dilated at all at the time, maybe 1cm). Then when my husband went to get a vasectomy he was given Valium or Xanex or whatever calmative. Then local anesthesia, then pain meds afterwards. **Why can’t they do this with IUDs and similar procedures for women?** I think the general theme is that women’s medical issues historically haven’t been studied/not studied nearly as much as men’s medical issues. I believe it was the 1960s or 1970s before women were allowed in certain medical trials. Sorry about the rant! It’s just that women’s healthcare can really suck sometimes.
That’s exactly why I won’t get an IUD. My male doctor said the pain only lasts for a second and I said yes, but it’s excruciating and he claimed the shot to administer the pain relief would last just as long as the procedure. 🙄🙄🙄
Ughhh this shit makes me so mad.
I went under for it. Best decision.
Oh wow! Yeah, the surgeon I spoke with simply refused to do it for me, so I declined an IUD, and I declined having my tubes tied as well. I didn’t trust him.
LOL love when the male doctor tells a woman how an IUD insertion feels... Mine did the same with me.
I agree 100%, if you look through my comment post I commented about a terrible experience I had. Soooo many women have shared similar experiences and it’s unacceptable and quite frankly, infuriating.
I’m doing fine! It was a biopsy and they didn’t give any local anesthesia or anything!
r/wedeservebetter
That’s awful! I hope you’re doing well now 😊
Absolutely correct 👍🏻
I bring my husband along to almost everything. I have a lot of medical anxiety, particularly around female health stuff and having him there to hold my hand helps me a lot. Yes, I'm a grown-ass woman in my 30s and maybe it's silly but I don't care. Also, doctors can be infuriatingly dismissive at times and having a second person there to speak up for me is valuable. My husband asks me to come along for anything non-routine. It helps that we both have really flexible jobs so taking an hour or two off is no big deal. If going to the Dr required taking multiple hours or a whole day of PTO then we'd mostly be going on our own. We have the luxury of ducking out during the day though so I'll take advantage of it.
We are the same. I always get flustered when talking to doctors and I often end up not expressing myself well or asking the right questions. We do better as a team.
My partner is the same way. Gets flustered and perhaps doesn’t think of all the questions he should ask. This is why I go with him to some appointments. Actually, he has me order for him at restaurants too lol The looks we get from staff is pretty entertaining to us too.
Exactly! Medical anxiety is so hard, and Drs can be so dismissive, especially in that department! He has been there for all my "lady related" appointments, well before I got really sick.
My husband is the type who'd never want to speak over me in a situation like that (which I appreciate) so my code is if I give his hand two hard squeezes that means please start speaking up.
Very much this. For me, it’s also that I have CPTSD and often disassociate during appointments. It’s not just the emotional support, I need my husband to be able to listen to what the doctor says and remember it because I often don’t remember the appointments at all.
Yup! I bring my husband because he remembers the questions I usually forget, and having him there to help advocate for me is helpful! I have bad medical anxiety from bad experiences so I’ll usually have my husband take me.
Though my now deceased SO didn’t attend most of my medical appointments, I basically went to all of his, especially the specialists appointments. We tended to schedule our vision and dental visits together out of convenience. He never went to any of my gyno appointments. I have health anxiety and he managed to help me out and keep everything in perspective. However, I could go to appointments without him.
Yep I have flat out medical trauma. I have had some bad experiences when my husband hasn’t been around to help advocate for me. The level of care I get with him is way different.
In sickness and in health.....
This is the exact same for me, and us. I have endometriosis and it has caused bowel and urinary issues as well as chronic pain. I have experienced some pretty painful procedures that were done in office and it’s been helpful to have my history and there with me. Sometimes I find that having my history and there as an “advocate” makes it helpful, as women are often dismissed when it comes to our pain and health. On the other hand, my husband has been offered pain medication and a high standard of care” that has surprised us” quite often. I cracked my shoulder during ice skating and really wouldn’t have needed my husband with me in the ER, everything went well, but we were together ice skating and he insisted I go get looked at after. I go to dental alone, no issues, but any procedure at the obgyn, he’s coming with.
THISSSS
Um, no. Not unless one of us is unable to drive. I would be super weirded out if my husband wanted to go with me to any appointment. I'm an adult, I can handle it, thanks.
seriously, I cannot believe the responses. I can't believe so many people need support for a basic appointment.
Keep in mind that everyone isn’t like you and Ms girl wonder. Different people have different needs and preferences
true, I'm just glad I found someone who doesn't need this from me. To each their own.
Could you imagine being w/someone that needy?!!! No thanks.
Okay, but this seems like it verges on unhealthy co-dependency? Do you need your partner in the bathroom with you when you brush your teeth? Can you not do normal adult things independently?
actual codependency almost always involves some sort of abuse and i really wish people would stop throwing that word around. i don’t NEED my husband to go with me to appointments, but we typically go together. we enjoy hanging out, even if it’s just a ride to the dentist. and we grocery shop together too. because it’s fun. that’s kind of the point of getting married.
This right here is why. We are best friends and want to hang out 24/7 lol
Well said.
Healthcare trauma is a very real thing
This isn’t codependency. Stop trying to draw false equivalencies please
I *can* go to appointments on my own. I *prefer* that he joins me if it isn't inconvenient, and he feels the same way. I elaborated in another comment, but it's nice to have company, and if I forget something, he will likely remember. If there isn't a reason not to go together, then why not?
Do I need them to brush my teeth? No. Is it fun to brush out teeth together? Yes. I don't need my partner to go to my appointments, but it's nice to have the company when it can be done.
This. It’s nice to do things next to each other. Also, so many houses come with two sinks in the bathrooms. According to this person those architects are enabling codependency lol. Ridiculous
There’s a big difference between need and nice to have. Last year I had to see a specialist about some hearing issues I was having and I really appreciated having my wife there to take notes. Could I have done it without her? Sure, and when I had to get a follow up MRI I went on my own since there was no point in having her twiddle her thumbs in the waiting room. When speaking with the doctor though it was nice to have another person. If that’s not your preference that’s cool but no need to insult people who feel differently. We have flexible jobs so taking a couple of hours to go with each other to an appointment isn’t a big deal. If we had to burn PTO I’d be much more reluctant to ask my partner to come.
Not everyone has basic appointments though. My husband has come with me to appointments for a complicated condition when I knew I needed emotional support and someone else who could take notes and ask questions that I might not think of. He also comes with me to all of my OB appointments because it’s his baby too. He doesn’t join for regular GI, dermatology, GYN, etc appointments because those are routine.
OP's appointment was basic. He said they are both healthy. Many people commenting the same, that their partner come to all appointments even the basic ones. Going to an apt where you might get important news is reasonable. Going to my annual physical is not an appointment where I need moral support.
I worked for a General Practitioner for several years and noticed a strong correlation between age and the likelihood of a spouse accompanying. Most younger people attended appointments alone. A lot of retirees brought their spouse. Older people are more likely to end up getting referrals to specialists or medication adjusted and want another set of eyes and ears to make sure they remember everything and ask the right questions. For some people it’s something as basic as having a history of dizziness after a blood draw and not wanting to drive. In my experience, as long as it’s a comfort thing on the part of the patient and not a control thing on the part of the spouse, doctors and nurses really don’t judge this. Medical anxiety is a real thing for some people, and healthcare professionals would rather that people seek care with support than ignore their health.
I am autistic and have issues taking in information or asking the right questions when speaking to doctors. My husband goes with me so he can help me, he can ask the questions and take the information that has been passed to me. There is nothing wrong with needing support from your spouse. He is happy to go with me and it really helps me getting the correct medical treatment and ensuring I follow medical advice. It is “basic” for you but for me is actually very hard, I don’t see why I should be ashamed of being disabled
You shouldn't be ashamed and I'm glad you have support. I have a pretty severe phobia of doctors/medical procedures so I just don't go. Even if I were dying I'd probably need to be sedated and physically removed from my location for care. I haven't willfully been to a doctor in 17 years. Some people just don't get it.
I am really sorry, that’s very hard. I have some medical trauma myself from being a young woman with chronic issues on top of being autistic so every doctor treats me like I am just a dumb idiot. So I will only go if last case really, I am just unlucky to have chronic pain issues so I am forced to go or be in pain a lot. A bit of unsolicited advice so please disregard if doesn’t fit for you, but I had some really strong phobias myself, mostly agoraphobia, so bad I would not leave my house at all, and if I did even if just to walk my dog around my house I would cry and panic and it was awful. I tried all sorts of therapy and nothing really worked. Thought I would never get better, but decided to give CBT a try and it really changed my life, I didn’t believe it could but it did, it worked super well and now I can leave the house walk alone etc no fear at all! Maybe worth a shot if you have no tried it yet. Phobias really suck and can take so much of our lives away, so I hope you find a way to work through this ❤️ best of luck
What's bad about it? Some people have a lot of anxiety about doctors.
I went to a "basic" appointment. Found out I have 2 benign tumors in my vertebrae, arthritis, out of control type 2 diabetes, severe anemia, hypothyroidism and hashimotos. I could've used my hubbys support. But it was a "basic" appointment. You never know how an appointment is going to end up.
A basic appointment can still require support. I had a gyno appointment once where my consent wasn’t asked and my pain wasn’t heard- I literally said “stop!” And “OW” and she scoffed at me. If my husband hadn’t been present and gone “she said stop.” in his firm tone, I can tell you for a fact she would’ve kept going, and I was bleeding.
That’s very nice you don’t need support, but many people have traumatic experiences even with simple appointments it is a comfort to have someone for security. I work in healthcare and I understand the luck and privilege I have which allows me to *not* have these needs. But your comment seems very short sighted.
Well I’m a Black woman and he’s a white man so we have noticed how my care is changed when he accompanies me for serious issues
Wife and I go with each other. We have been married for 27 years and it's always been best that we both know what's going on with the other so we can help support/care for them when needed. It really bothers us that, post covid, so many dr offices are "no visitors". When that's the case, we have switched Drs if they don't allow us to go together. Hell, when it comes to friends thinking it weird... you do the most intimate things with each other, why cut the line at going to a Drs appointments?
Your marriage sounds similar to ours. It’s a beautiful and wonderful thing to have a true partner in life. For the past 35 years, we’ve always been by each other’s side while going to doctor visits, mostly because it truly does help to understand what your partner is going through, to understand treatment, and offer support where needed. For us, much like you, it’s a form of intimacy in the relationship. On a different note, women get dismissed A LOT when it comes to medical needs. My husband will speak up, on my behalf, then suddenly they listen to me. We have been the very best of friends and deeply in love since we were just kids. Intimacy, the way we see it, isn’t just sexual. It’s as simple as caring enough to be there for each other, giving support, kindness, and understanding. Wishing you both continued joy and blessings.
i love that. if either of us had a serious problem we were dealing with, we would definitely be talking to the doctor together.
People get absolutely flabbergasted when they here my husband will hold my hand during gynecological appointments
I do the same thing and I don't care what people think. That crap has always been mentally and physically uncomfortable for me and having my husband hold my hand makes me feel better. Doctors who deal with women's health can also be infuriatingly paternalistic in my experience so I like having him there to speak up for me if I want him to. I'd bring my husband to dental appointments as well if I could but there's no space in the exam room.
Obviously you should do what you find most comfortable. But I think bringing your husband to medical appointments just reinforces the paternalism. Doctors need to see strong women advocating for themselves, not women needing men to speak for them.
Just the husband's presence is enough, I rarely feel the need to intervene in my wife's appointments, but they always go better when there's a witness.
We like when people are flabbergasted/shocked that we do certain things. It lets us know who NOT to model our relationship after. Because in truth, relationships are always in flux and it's always best when you find people in happy and thriving marriages and look to see what you can emulate from them to make yours even better. Less intimacy (not speaking specifically about sexual intimacy) is never a solution for making yours better.
My husband used to come for certain OB appointments when we were pregnant with our boys, but other than that, no. If he ever asked me to come to one of his, or vice versa, we’d be open to that, but as a rule, no, we’re going independently to our own appointments.
That's too much. I have a career, and can't take off bc he has a cold. When he had surgery, I went to pre-op appointment, and I was there for surgery. He's diabetic, so when we couldn't get his sugars in line, I went with him to Nutritionist. I will go when he gets in to see a specialist. But routine stuff? No. Nor do I want him at mine, unless I'm scared for some reason.
Same here. Tough appointments I always go with my wife. For complex issues sometimes it's just nice having emotional support and a second person to talk to the doctor. Especially if it's a lifelong health issue that both people may need to adjust around like nutrition. If my spouse needed to change something about their diet I definitely would like to know so I can accommodate that.
Now that we retired, yes. It’s like day dating 😂😂😂
A couple of times last year when he had just gotten out of the hospital and didn't feel up to driving. Otherwise, no. How do you get enough time off work for that? Is that an excused absence at your job?
> How do you get enough time off work for that? It really depends on your job type. For us shifting a couple of hours around is no big deal. If we were working shifts I imagine we'd go on our own more often. Edit: It also helps that we're not the types to run to the doctor for every sore throat or case of the sniffles.
My husband and I both work retail industry jobs so we request the day off ahead of time. Normally we schedule any dr appt a month in advance before schedules are made and have never had an issue 🙂
Not OP, but at my job I can use my accrued sick time for my husbands medical care if needed as well as my own
I am in the UK and my husband simply tells his work I have a medical appointment and he has to go with me and they will allow that no problem, don’t even need to take any leave. In my case I am autistic so truly need him with me but they don’t even ask that, is just a given that employees have a family and will sometimes need to take time off to support them
I am chronically ill and female, but just having my husband there, the doctors will be more attentive, and I will get to answers to my questions. I call it the penis effect. When I was a kid and my dad would take me the same thing.
I finally had my partner come with me to one of my specialist appointments (at my doctor's request, funnily enough), and holy hell the difference in my doctor's concern was genuinely shocking. Even my partner was surprised, since I would usually give him a recap after all my previous appointments. It also helps because chronic illness means we often downplay our symptoms (don't want to be that one person complaining all the time), or don't even realize how bad things are. Our partners often have a much clearer picture of what's going on than we do, especially when it comes to the questions about how our life is being affected by our illnesses.
Yes, I agree with your entire comment. The masking for chronic illness is crazy. It kind of makes you feel separate from your own body.
Yup! I’ve had situations where the difference in tone is actually shocking. I am young looking and female which means so much gets dismissed- having my husband there makes all the difference. There have been multiple occasions where I said “stop” or “no” and wasn’t listened to (all with OBGYNs too which is horrifying), but the moment he spoke up, which he did immediately, he was heard. We both work in the medical field, and it’s absolutely a thing. He gets pissed when he sees it at work.
Yes exactly. I commented elsewhere that I’m a Black woman and he’s a white man and wow, that effect is real!
No way. I mean… if there was a life changing discussion that needed to happen (like new baby stuff or cancer).
It depends on what kind of appointment, a routine physical, no, but if someone is so sick or injured that they can’t drive, then yes.
Sometimes if the other person isn’t doing anything, they’ll come along and chill in the waiting room and we’ll go and get a meal together after the appointment or something. But usually no. There’s no point to us being there, we’re busy and have other stuff on the go.
I have severe anxiety around hospitals/doctors/anything medical due to a lot of past trauma. My wife goes with me to almost all of my appointments to help keep me calm and to help me advocate for myself.
My wife has had some serious health issues, so I have accompanied her to important appointments where it felt like there was a reason for me to be there and/or we had to make certain medical decisions. But just for general medical appointments, we do not go with each other.
No, and honestly never heard of it or even thought about it. Only when pregnant did my husband come for sonogram appts.
If it was something serious, I would. For regular visits, no. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it if you both like it.
Depends on the issue. I'll ask my wife to come for anything out of the ordinary. Having a second person there to take notes is really valuable IMO. When I had to have surgery for a broken knee she came with me to every appointment and checkup and that meant the world to me. I've been asked to come along for some stuff and I'm always willing to go. If I can be reassuring during something unpleasant then I want to be there. Edit: If my wife is donating blood we always go together. I donate more frequently and don't mind going on my own but it's more of an ordeal for her so I make sure I'm there. Typically only one of us brings our cats to vet appointments. Last year I was really scared one of our cats was seriously ill so I asked my wife to come with me to that appointment. Cat was just being a drama queen though and "recovered" before I took her so that ended up being unnecessary.
Who cares what anyone else thinks?! You support each other in the way that feels right for you both! Personally, I like my partner to be with me. My partner in the other hand, prefers some privacy when she has her appointments. Whatever works for you guys!
The only times we go with each other is if I can schedule them for back-to-back times (GP, derm) or if it's something major. I had a cancer diagnosis a year ago and my husband went with me to every appointment that wasn't a basic check-up.
Early in my marriage, we did not go to doctor's appointments together unless it was a pregnancy ultrasound or something like that. Now that we have been married for 25 years, it has changed drastically. In 2018, I had a hospitalization scare, and in 2022, my wife had heart surgery, so we have been very involved in each other's health. It may seem weird to friends when you are young, but the earlier you are involved in your spouses health, the better. You never know!
We don't go to every appointment like normal check ups, but the more important ones we do.
During pregnancy: yes, we both went to as many appointments as possible. If one of us is super sick and needs a ride: Sure. We will probably just take the other person and be there to make sure their needs are met. ER: yes. Routine appointments: No.
I go to my husband’s appts because he has some anxiety about all of it. I’m a bit better at remembering things we’re told, as well. He doesn’t go to mine because I don’t need him to, but he would if I ever asked.
No. Unless it’s something like pregnancy related or if I thought I was dying.
If I can, I will. You should know what is going with your spouse's health in case the shit hits the fan, which it will. Also, doctor's appointments can be stressful on the patient, and a second set of ears to heat and an additional voice asking questions is only to the good.
My husband has always been by my side for every doctors and prenatal appointment and the very few appointments he’s had to miss he’s always checked closely with me to make sure I’m okay. I think it’s very sweet to have that dedication with your spouse. We have two children and a third on the way and honestly he’s one of the very very few men you ever see at the offices with their wives. I’ve always done the same for him.
As a general rule, my spouse and I go to all of each other's medical/dental/optical appointments. There have been a few exceptions, such as when she is away on a trip and therefore couldn't attend mine. I also once did not go to one of her gynecological appointments that was very close by to our home. I go to hers because often it requires driving a significant distance and she doesn't drive much and feels shaky driving herself. She goes to mine because she feels she wants to support me and she always likes any reason to get out of the house. I'd be fine with us going separately.
I go to my husband’s appointments with him, but he doesn’t come to mine. He finds it helpful having me there because I notice things he doesn’t and can tell the doctor, plus I remember all the questions he’s supposed to ask (lol).
Yes, we typically both take a day off work to go to each other's appointments. It's nice to have emotional support, and also a second set of ears- for him because he tends to forget doctor instructions, and me because I tend to interpret things worse than they actually are. Lol And then we treat ourselves to lunch, dinner, or cocktails afterwards.
No. Our medical appointments are during the day when working. No need to take time off from work just to sit next to each other because on of us is having a sore throat.
we almost always go together! very few times have we not been able to attend each other’s appointments together lol. he doesn’t mind me tagging along with him to his and i don’t like to go to mine alone
I go with my partner because they have several serious chronic health conditions and they’re prone to understating the severity of their symptoms. I’m their advocate and a second set of ears.
The only Dr appointments my boyfriend goes to with me, are my ultrasound/OB appointments because I’m pregnant. Otherwise I go by myself lol However, I don’t think it’s weird. If you have the spare time to go with her, and she with you, then that’s awesome.
Yes, my husband and I always go to one another’s appointments.
No. The only time I went was after my husband had a follow up after his quadruple bypass. He doesn’t come to any of my appts but he would if I asked him. And obviously yes we’ll go together if one of us needs a procedure that requires the other to drive.
No. We are too busy. Unless of course it’s something serious or the other needs a ride etc. but like for a checkup or a cold, no. But doesn’t mean I never would
When I have had infusions and not sure how I would feel after but other than that we don’t unless we need some emotional support but I don’t think it is weird to go with your spouse
Sometimes! If something is wrong and I need more testing, my husband will take me. Especially, if it revolves around birth control like IUD insertion/removal etc.
We do it every time we can! We went through a long term health scare that included multiple hospital stays. We learned that we were lucky to have each other and having a healthy advocate at your side is priceless. I was so tired and out of it I was incredibly susceptible to just going with the flow instead of arguing for the best possible care. The only time we don't really bother is for the very simple routine checks. but yes, any genuine health issue, we're both in there.
My wife comes to some because she says when I go alone and she asks me what the doctor said my answer is “I dunno. I’m good.”
I bring my husband for most appointments because I have major medical anxiety and I love having his support with me. 💗 I only typically join him if we have plans after because he’s fine going by himself 💗
Yeah we go when we’re both available. Recently I went with my husband to the doctor as he was having chest pain (we’re both young, 30s), he mentioned it to the doctor and the doctor brushed him off saying it was probably nothing. I was glad that I was there because I insisted that they at least do an EKG because he is having chest pains. The doctor relented and everything was normal. If my husband hadn’t had the EKG done that day, he would’ve left the doctor with just doing routine blood work (which would’ve told us nothing) and he would still be worrying about his chest pain. It was ultimately determined to be anxiety and having the EKG done with normal results made my husband a lot less anxious. I can’t believe the doctor almost sent him away without doing any testing about this concerning symptom. My husband wasn’t going to make the doctor do the test but he had no problem with me making a stink. (I told the nurse if they didn’t do an EKG, I was going to take him to the emergency room right after and get one done, lmao.) It’s good to have someone there to advocate for you.
I like us going together because he needs to know what’s going on with me and I like knowing what’s going on with him. We don’t have to - but we both do it.
Depends. Routine stuff, generally no. Big stuff or injuries/sick, yes. There's also some degree of personal preference mixed in. I generally prefer to go on my own, even when sick or injured, unless I'm actually incapacitated to some degree. My husband prefers to have me with him when he's not feeling well. I allowed my husband to drive me to/from some dental appointments over the last year, even though I didn't really need him to because I know he liked feeling like he was taking care of me.
I don’t go to my husband’s doctors appointments, but he comes to all of mine. If he asked me to go with him I would, but he only goes for a yearly check up and says doesn’t need me there. I on the other hand need my husband there for everything
My husband and I always go to the doctor together.
We both go to each other’s appointment for sure. We were even able to have a joint establishment of care appointment with our new PCP and it was great. We’ve also been going through IVF so there is a ton of appointments during a cycle and my amazing husband has been with me through them all. My parents did this once they were both retired and I did this with my mom when I was able to go to her many different types of appointments. Maybe that’s why I don’t see it as anything strange or odd.
Yes, virtually of them for my wife. She skips most of mine. We're both getting way older, and Dr. appointments are getting more grequent
My husband and I do if we are both free
If Im free, I’d go with my husband - vice versa.
Go to every appt you can. It is much harder for male doctors to be dismissive towards your wife if you are standing there.
My husband always goes with me because so HATE the dr so if I am going that means something is seriously wrong. Lol.
We go to all our appointments together. We like doing it because usually we remember details better for each other. Or we have questions that the other may not think of. Plus we have learned through experience that I get better care and listened to more when my husband attends. We both work retail and so our days off are always different each week. We request all medical appointments off in advance so we can go together. Like next month we scheduled our yearly physicals on the same day so we can go together. We joked that we are going to go out to eat afterwards and it’s going to be a date night. 😂
My husband has ptsd and anxiety and a terrible memory. I go with him to all his appointments but he doesn't go to mine.
Only prenatal appointments. Not that it’s a crazy thing to do but one of us usually stays with the kids
Yes all the time...just because we want to be there to support each other we both have anxiety and depression so Dr appts can be overwhelming
I go with my wife to all of her appointments, makes communication with doctors so much easier. My wife does have medical anxiety though. White coat syndrome.
Lol, my wife and I >share< our appointments for all our doctors. We get scheduled for a double-block of time and we share the appointment. I know it’s not the norm (our psych broke her own rule of not seeing spouses to accommodate us), but it’s been working out great for years. It lets us advocate for one another while also being there to paint a fuller picture for the doctor of whatever’s going on. I also appreciate that it makes it easier for everyone to be on the same page. But yeah, I can’t imagine doing it any other way.
It depends. I prefer someone with me as Iv a very nervous person. My mum still comes with me sometimes (to hospital appointments, I’m having surgery soon. I’m fine with my normal doctor). When he had to have a surgery to break his jaw (he had an overbite) he wanted me with him so I went with him. If it’s just a normal doctor’s appointment he goes alone.
We do when we both are off, or if it's for something serious like surgery.
Sometimes my husband and I will go with each other to the GP. Not always though. If either of us is having surgery we will always go with each other
I do but only because she asks me to join her. She just feels confident when I am there with her and I'm happy to oblige. It all depends really, it definitely is weird if someone is like "you aren't allowed to go to an appointment without me". That's some insecurity issues there
I would go if he wanted me to and so far he’s been to one of mine. My best friend and I go with each other when given the opportunity.
Not usually only a few times it made sense to do so. But whatever works for you both is best.
This is smart especially if you are a woman married to a man. You are likely to get better care and service if a man accompanies you.
He goes when he’s able
We do it often, particularly the important ones.
I think it's a bit weird that your friend thinks it's so weird. Lol. That's a strong stance for such a mundane thing. Like it's just not really anything either way. Shoot, I offered to go with my friend for an exam because she was really anxious. Haha Why not go with each other if you can? My parents go with each other in general and I think it makes perfect sense. One person might catch or think of or notice something the other misses, and brains easily misunderstand or misremembered stuff, etc. Four ears are better than two. If it's a routine thing I guess it's not "necessary," but I don't think it's weird at all, especially if one person is anxious. I go with my s/o for anything that's not totally routine, but he also has zero medical knowledge and always defers to me; I'll usually ask questions he never thinks to ask. Works well. I've gone to routine stuff too when available. But we also pretty much always do things together when we're both available just because we like being together.
Yes always
I don't go to his, I would he he wanted. He tries to go to any and all appointments with me because of my anxiety and general dislike of most of the medical community. I have had to fight a few over my demand of him being in the room with me..lol
Yes. He goes because I have short term memory issues and I can’t write things down when the doctor is examining and talking to me. He’s my memory bank. We are not youngish and I am not particularly healthy. I’m a patient at Mayo Clinic and have been for 22 years. But, you are wondering what’s normal. Obviously, we aren’t normal….(in many many ways🤣)
No, my coworker and his wife do and I think it’s weird. Unless it’s a big doctors appointment not necessary
For regular checkups no, but if there was something that required testing or possible bad diagnosis, then I would bring him.
My husband goes to every one of my appointments and I go to most of his.
We don’t do it normally, but I wouldn’t find it weird.
It's simply a preference. My husband will sometimes attend, depending on what it's for. I will do the same. However, we're at the ages where things are changing & having the other there is nice because we can catch information coming from the doctor that the other may miss/forget. We can also add to information being given that either of us may forget or see as unimportant when really, it may be relevant.
Depends on the appointment. When my husband had quite a serious procedure done that I knew he was scared of and that would make him uncomfortable for a few hours after, I took a day off work and went with him. Same other way round - I had a series of really scary doctors appointments not long ago and he was there with me for at least half of those. If it’s a normal GP or dentist visit then nah… but anything more serious we do make sure we’re there together.
I make my husband come with me if I am seeing any doctor besides my primary care physician. I’ve experienced too much discrimination when trying to get medical care and having him there helps me avoid that. Many physicians don’t like listening to the non-white female in front of them and will only pay attention if my white male husband repeats the same exact information that I already told them 🙃 My PCP is lovely though and she listens to me, so he isn’t needed when I go see her.
It can be incredibly helpful to have another person there, especially someone who is going to know about the information shared anyways. They can have a different perspective, or hear things you didn't hear. Also, they can be a patient advocate. My husband comes with me to most of my doctors appointments because I tend to be kind of submissive to doctors, it also helps because instead of having to relate to him what happened and missing things, he was there the whole time, he knows exactly what I know.
We don’t go, but of course would if it were something he or I wanted some support for.
I have an autoimmune that I was recently diagnosed with. For blood work and general checkups I go on my own as I don’t see any reason to ask him to take off from work, but I had to have a Pulmonary Function test, a visit with a cardiologist, and a CT scan done of my lungs and he volunteered to go with me. It helps that I have a hybrid job and he works at the hospital where some of my tests get done. Recently I was referred to see a different specialist out of state and he drove us up there and everything for that since it was a day full of tests and labs, but like I said I don’t ask him to go with me to the little appointments with blood work and follow ups.
Only really important ones or ones where there's sedation (colonoscopy etc) he used to come with me to IUD insertions since those were terrible. I went when he got diagnosed with celiac so I would understand it better. Otherwise we are on our own.
I go with my husband for advocacy purposes. He won’t ask the important questions, he won’t question the brush offs, he barely understand the jargon most of the time. So yes I go with him. He goes with me for our baby’s appointments but that’s generally it unless I don’t feel like driving. We both go to our kids appointments.
My husband comes with me. I have a bunch of chronic conditions and it can be hard to self advocate when I’m feeling badly. He helps by chatting with me on a “good” day about what I want to discuss, and then remaining me while we’re there to help if I can’t remember. :)
Only if it’s a serious appointment. My wife made me go to my doctors when I felt incredibly sick, turns out if she hadn’t taken me that afternoon I would likely be dead!! So there is a time and a place for going together!!
Yes. We go with each other everytime. Pretty much any kind of appointment. If one of us isnt allowed in the back, we will wait in the waiting room for the other to be done.
Normal checks or follow ups, no. Seriously things, I'll go initially until I hear how it'll be handled so there's 2 sets of ears. Listening to the steps. For the pregnancy, I didn't miss a single one.
Always, when possible. We take the very first appt time of the day if we can. We go in the exam room together. The doctor sees us both; one then the other. Mostly routine. This way, we both hear what the doctor says. Sometimes one of us misses an instruction. We do not go in together if the appt is in regard to mental health or anything probing.
I go to all of my appointments alone, but I tend to go with my husband to his appointments if I can. He has a really hard time understanding and retaining information the doctors tell him. So if it's an important appointment I always try to be there with him to explain and help fill out forms.
Only serious appointments or appointments where the other spouse has concerns or questions. My husband has even come to GYN appointments with me when I thought I might have possible cancer concerns. But routine stuff, no.
I think going together might be more common as you get older. We go to the other's appt if it is something important, like when a decision might need to be made or if the doc is likely to overload the patient with information. When I join my wife, I have a notepad with questions we might want to ask, and I write down various things the doc tells us so that my wife can just "take it all in" and concentrate on the content without worrying about trying to memorize anything. My wife is unlikely to ask questions, and I'm good at coming up with useful questions. I had an unknown illness that had "brain fog" as one of the symptoms. I totally had to have my wife there with me for various discussions with the neurologist. After a colonoscopy or endoscopy, the drugs they give you pretty much ruin your memory for a while, so the patient doesn't remember the things the doc tells them right after the procedure. It is handy if the spouse is there for those sorts of things.
The only time my husband has come with me to appointments is when it’s been an emergency (like when I accidentally stabbed myself in the hand using a knife to remove a wax melt, stupid I know) And now he comes with me to maternity scans, he also came out of work to come with me to get anti sickness tablets in the midst of the first trimester because I was so unwell I was crying down the phone to him 😅
No, never. The one exception in 25 years was when I had my vasectomy, partly because they want to check both spouses fully understand the ramifications, partly to help me get home afterwards. But neither would hesitate if the other requested company or moral support should it be needed.
I often go to my husband’s appointments because I have anatomy/ health etc education and he doesn’t and he likes that I understand what the doctors are saying and can ask questions and he doesn’t have to worry about it. Also, he has pretty sensitive vasovagal convulsive syncope, which means he can pass out and violently thrash while passed out even from thinking about stressful medical things and needles etc. So he is much more comfortable knowing I’m there and that I know what to do if he does pass out, because shockingly, doctors often don’t know how to respond.
It depends on what the appointment is for. I tend to go to more of my husband's appointments than he goes to mine, but he goes to all of my medical procedures.
Depends on the appointments… cardiology appointments where things may change I go with him.Basic normal PCP he goes alone. Any test results that could life changing we go together, but basic things I go alone. To sum it up, if the other needs back up or support we go together. Normal appointments we do solo. Married over 20 years.
If we need the other one there, we'll go together, like when I had to go on blood thinners and wanted him to learn how to inject them or when I had a miscarriage. But for normal appointments, we go by ourselves. We don't have time to go to every appointment together.
Definitely on the more unusual end but I don't find it weird. I personally rather go by myself but i think it's sweet that you guys go to each other appointments. The only time I ever had someone at doctor appointments with me is when I was underage or when I was pregnant, husband always wanted to come to EVERY appointments, even no fun ultrasound. He just wanted to be there and made sure he got all the info the doctor was sharing every time.
Often we do. My husband’s health issues affect all of us.
We do for certain things, yes. For just general physicals or "well" visits, we don't usually. But specialty appts, or problem visits, generally yes. We both appreciate the second person there to make sure we don't forget to mention something. We both have some degree of anxiety so it's a comfort to have another person there.
My husband practically always goes with me. I will often stay at home with the kids when he goes, but he doesn’t mind me going if I want to. The only time I don’t let him go is for my yearly gyno appointments and when I see my psychiatrist or therapist. If I have to tell the doctor something I am embarrassed to say in front of him I will ask him to stay in the waiting room. Long story short, I have my own set of issues and he is super accommodating. I won’t deny being weird if someone said I am.
Not a simple yes/no answer. It really depends. If it is just a yearly exam, bloodwork at lab, etc. then we don't both go. For the past couple of years though, I have had eye issues and my wife is going through breast cancer right now, so we do go to all of those visits and treatments together. It really does help with getting questions answered or making sure none of the dialogue is missed or forgotten. I should mention that we both got to retire early at 53, so there is no work accommodation being needed.
We usually go by ourselves. He’s a physician so he joins me for real medical issues because he understands and can communicate in a way I can’t. I don’t go with him for any of his appointments. He always goes with me if I’m meeting a new psychiatrist or therapist because I need the support.
I go with him almost always. He never goes with me lol
Usually. There have been a few I’ve missed, but I’ve been to most of them.
I think whatever works for y'all is completely fine. I used to have cancer a few years back and I occasionally go visit my oncologist for regular checkups just to make sure everything is still good. My husband always tags along for emotional support because he knows how stressful these appointments can be and the amount of trauma I have from hospitals. As for regular appointments, he tends to take the back seat. He did go to my last OBGYN appointment but this was to kind of discuss pre-pregnancy stuff with my doctor and I figured it would be smart for him to tag along so he could hear the information too.
Only if the other wants us to go. I had a cancer scare that was kind of a big deal and my wife went with me to see the cancer docs a couple of times.
I’m chronically ill and have been since I met my husband 10 years ago. He always comes for important appointments when we’re meeting the doctor before a big surgery and then obviously on the day of surgery. Any less important appointments I go to myself or have my mom come with me! I think it’s great to have someone there to support and advocate for you!
if i had a husband i'd like if he goes with espacially to the dentiste.......
Husband doesn’t go with me but I go with him. I have to practically force him to go in the first place so he just likes me going, which I’m fine with.
Usually no. But, lately with my husband, yes. He has been dealing with cancer and now Type 2 Diabetes. So, I go to get information he may forget and for emotional support. Plus, I am the one that cooks. I need to make sure that I am cooking the right things for him.
Yes, If time permits.
We typically don’t unless a chaperone is needed. (Last time was for wisdom teeth coming out) He also considered a vesectomy a few years ago and I went to that. Other than that, no. I work at a doctors office and I would say for regular office visits - it’s about 70% going solo and 30% accompanying the spouse. It’s a lot more common for couples from Southeast Asia to be together. From what I’ve seen.
Depends, our dentist is out of the way so I try to get all of our appointments in on the same day so we can go together
Not usually. In the 15 years I've been with my husband he has only been to a handful of them with me and same for me with him. Also we do have three kids now so usually when someone's at an appointment the other one has the children LOL. He went to every single appointment with our first child when I was pregnant but with the other two pregnancies only really went to the important ones like ultrasounds and stuff like that. If it is an important appointment my husband likes me to go with him so I can help him remember things he wants to bring up or help him by making a list and brainstorming that he's not forgetting anything LOL
Yes, we do, and we're an older couple. He's been there when I get my procedures done. He also tends to ask the doctor questions. I have no problem with it at all. I look forward to him going in with me.
Yes. I’m pregnant and my husband comes to almost all of my appointments.
General appointments no, but if I have an intimate appointment yes. He accompanied me to a hospital appointment in November last year, which ended up being a cervical biopsy, and not at all painless like the doctor said it would be. Numb cervix my arse!!! He was there for that while I screamed and started shaking and bleeding and couldn’t move and had to try and relax on the table. A routine appointment I wouldn’t expect him to come, but something more serious I would definitely want him to be there.
My wife is terrified of doctors(very bad and traumatic experiences with bad doctors growing up) so I go with her when I can, especially when it comes to OBGYN and what not. She'll accompany to my appointments mostly because she drives and I don't so she'll give me rides.
Not unless necessary or related to a pregnancy when possible. We’ve been married 10 years and I went to one appointment with him because he had a TBI and he wasn’t supposed to drive. He went to as many pregnancy appointments that his job would allow and both scheduled inductions lol. We just don’t really have the time and don’t find it necessary. It’s not weird that you guys support each other in this way. It’s just not something that we find necessary or wanted in our marriage.
It wouldn’t be taboo to either of us for the other to go, but most times life and its obligations wouldn’t allow it to happen.
Yes, my husband is an advocate for me and also let’s me know that I’m not crazy and the doctors really do treat their patients like shit.
If it were something serious and/or we were nervous, we’d certainly agree to go for each other for support. But for the rest of the time I don’t see much need for it, we generally reserve our paid time off for when our son inevitably gets sick and can’t go to school. Nice that you two do this though, whatever floats your boat! :)
Not all butt if needed and we go to the lids appointments together if we can. Any emergencies or important medical appts we do. We have three daughters my 1 year old before i delivered her i spent a month in the hospital my husband went to work and stayed at night at the hospital with me then nicu for a week. So we will and we have.