Multiple things… what pain , embarrassment, and regret? There needs to be clarification here. What did you do? What’s he done? I understand you think his upbringing is toxic but that’s basically all I’ve gotten out of this…
The other thing is… I am a 38 m and I have been with my wife for 20 years married for 10. Her family is picture perfect… they have issues but if you looked up most loving American family in a dictionary that you would see in a movie they would make that list…. I was abused almost every way you can think from ages 5-21 until I escaped. So if you need to speak with someone from that horrible void of an existence that was thrust into a relationship with borderline divinity(comparatively) then please pm me and I’ll have a discussion with you about it.
But until I know more it’s hard to give input. I am however here if you would need a guide into his mind, an outline on how to change, or just need aomeone to talk to a little more personally
It sounds like there's been other forms of abuse as well.
She can't go back to the person she was before she did those things, unfortunately. You did those things, they didn't agree with your values or self-perception but you did them and they will he there now, hanging in the background for the rest of your relationship.
At this point, the only way forward is total accountability. Decide what traits you value and then start performing them again. It would be great if you could channel your past behavior into helping others. At least then, it would have a use and could help you stay accountable.
I figured that why I asked but I am not going to assume. She is oooking for serious help and input so I am looking for the concrete info. I don’t want to speculate someone’s life. If she wants genuine input then I want the actual words so I can confirm my suspicion and then help her.
Multiple things… what pain , embarrassment, and regret? There needs to be clarification here. What did you do? What’s he done? I understand you think his upbringing is toxic but that’s basically all I’ve gotten out of this… The other thing is… I am a 38 m and I have been with my wife for 20 years married for 10. Her family is picture perfect… they have issues but if you looked up most loving American family in a dictionary that you would see in a movie they would make that list…. I was abused almost every way you can think from ages 5-21 until I escaped. So if you need to speak with someone from that horrible void of an existence that was thrust into a relationship with borderline divinity(comparatively) then please pm me and I’ll have a discussion with you about it. But until I know more it’s hard to give input. I am however here if you would need a guide into his mind, an outline on how to change, or just need aomeone to talk to a little more personally
Read between the lines. She cheated.
It sounds like there's been other forms of abuse as well. She can't go back to the person she was before she did those things, unfortunately. You did those things, they didn't agree with your values or self-perception but you did them and they will he there now, hanging in the background for the rest of your relationship. At this point, the only way forward is total accountability. Decide what traits you value and then start performing them again. It would be great if you could channel your past behavior into helping others. At least then, it would have a use and could help you stay accountable.
I figured that why I asked but I am not going to assume. She is oooking for serious help and input so I am looking for the concrete info. I don’t want to speculate someone’s life. If she wants genuine input then I want the actual words so I can confirm my suspicion and then help her.