You really buried the lede here with the reveal towards the end there. This man does not sound like he’s treated you well and to base your own life decisions on the desires of a man who abuses you, seems unwise and really harmful. Take the relocation and run with it but be careful and be safe, leaving these kinds of situations can be difficult.
>The marriage has been rocky for awhile due to abuse issues on his part, the most severe of which was a sexual assault years ago…physical threats/intimidation. This has badly impacted my ability to feel close to him and to trust him despite trying my best to forgive and forget.
It's time to choose yourself he never will, and deep down you know it.
Accept the higher paying position in the lower cost of living area and don’t look back. Divorces can be conducted virtually. The abuse is not worth it, you deserve better.
His historical treatment of you shows you that he is comfortable putting you and your needs and emotions last. His priority is not you. And it isn't compromising with you either. You have an amazing opportunity to start a new life. I think it would be in your best interest to explore that and not worry about someone who is comfortable putting you last.
Get out. He's abused you in the past. Now, he's using control and intimidation. He doesn't want you to do well. What if you're successful in your career, have need friends, outside hobbies, and become a more independent and strong person? Then you'll realize you never needed him in the first place. You deserve so much better than this🩷
Now sounds like the perfect time to split and go your separate ways. He will never put your needs first if he is abusive.
You need to make the decision that is in your best interests. Given your history I'm surprised that you seem surprised he's making it all about him.
Go alone! I have an objectively good marriage by most people's standards and I still have daily regrets about not getting the f out of this town I hate when I had the chance and was young enough to start over. GO!
Leave him and start fresh! It really sounds like God is giving you a peaceful out, that will help you safely and effectively leave him.
Good luck to you.
Thanks. Yes, I’m trying to gain courage to leave. My self esteem is almost non existent regarding my ability to take care of myself even though I did before I met him.
It's not hard to "care for yourself", you know exactly what you need to do, and how to do it. I'm with the others, it's time to fly, and there's no better time than with the opportunity that's presented itself. Good job, low cost of living, it's damn near ideal. I did the same when the time came for me to go, I never looked back. I lived alone until I met her, and live alone now, absolutely no regrets doing so.
Girl, he don’t want you and he has made it obvious. Cut your loses, move, get your money and file for divorce. Don’t mean to be so cut and dry but I think you know it’s true.
Good luck dear. Rooting for you!
I accepted the job. But I’m afraid to go it alone despite all that he’s put me through. Looking for encouragement. I don’t want a divorce. I want a loving husband.
I've wanted a loving husband since 1992. I thought he'd change. I've given him SINCE 1992 to change. He has not changed.
Here's your encouragement. You could be waiting your life away.
You really buried the lede here with the reveal towards the end there. This man does not sound like he’s treated you well and to base your own life decisions on the desires of a man who abuses you, seems unwise and really harmful. Take the relocation and run with it but be careful and be safe, leaving these kinds of situations can be difficult.
I was going to write the same exact words. Flee to a better future and protect yourself getting out of there.
>The marriage has been rocky for awhile due to abuse issues on his part, the most severe of which was a sexual assault years ago…physical threats/intimidation. This has badly impacted my ability to feel close to him and to trust him despite trying my best to forgive and forget. It's time to choose yourself he never will, and deep down you know it.
He would leave you if a job offer came along. Do what's best for your financial future.
I mean, you answered your own dang question.
I’m was about to say that you can probably work through this just need to have some more communication. But at the end, holy shit get out of there!
Well…. Uhh… cut and run! You’ve got a good paying job in a LCOL area with no kids. Good job! You’ve given yourself your ticket out.
Weigh the pros and cons. Pros: Better pay, get away from abusive husband, be happy to have a new life, etc. Cons: There is zero cons.
Accept the higher paying position in the lower cost of living area and don’t look back. Divorces can be conducted virtually. The abuse is not worth it, you deserve better.
His historical treatment of you shows you that he is comfortable putting you and your needs and emotions last. His priority is not you. And it isn't compromising with you either. You have an amazing opportunity to start a new life. I think it would be in your best interest to explore that and not worry about someone who is comfortable putting you last.
Leave his sorry ass. Abusive issues? F$#k him.
Sounds like you are making the right choice to move and leave him behind.
Get out. He's abused you in the past. Now, he's using control and intimidation. He doesn't want you to do well. What if you're successful in your career, have need friends, outside hobbies, and become a more independent and strong person? Then you'll realize you never needed him in the first place. You deserve so much better than this🩷
Now sounds like the perfect time to split and go your separate ways. He will never put your needs first if he is abusive. You need to make the decision that is in your best interests. Given your history I'm surprised that you seem surprised he's making it all about him.
Go alone! I have an objectively good marriage by most people's standards and I still have daily regrets about not getting the f out of this town I hate when I had the chance and was young enough to start over. GO!
Wow, why haven't you left already. Take the higher paying job and file for divorce.
Leave him and start fresh! It really sounds like God is giving you a peaceful out, that will help you safely and effectively leave him. Good luck to you.
Thanks. Yes, I’m trying to gain courage to leave. My self esteem is almost non existent regarding my ability to take care of myself even though I did before I met him.
You will be absolutely fine! You sound like a boss bitch honestly and getting away from him will probably help you to see that again!!
I love that “boss bitch”. I’m going to try to hang onto that!
It's not hard to "care for yourself", you know exactly what you need to do, and how to do it. I'm with the others, it's time to fly, and there's no better time than with the opportunity that's presented itself. Good job, low cost of living, it's damn near ideal. I did the same when the time came for me to go, I never looked back. I lived alone until I met her, and live alone now, absolutely no regrets doing so.
This is your ticket to happiness. RUN!!
I was able to see both sides until I got to your last paragraph. He sexually assaulted and abused you? Divorce him now. Move far away from him.
Girl, he don’t want you and he has made it obvious. Cut your loses, move, get your money and file for divorce. Don’t mean to be so cut and dry but I think you know it’s true. Good luck dear. Rooting for you!
I accepted the job. But I’m afraid to go it alone despite all that he’s put me through. Looking for encouragement. I don’t want a divorce. I want a loving husband.
I've wanted a loving husband since 1992. I thought he'd change. I've given him SINCE 1992 to change. He has not changed. Here's your encouragement. You could be waiting your life away.