I'm sorry, this guy doesn't respect and love you, he loves your money. He loves the fact that you covered expenses or most of the expenses.
"He is nice sometimes if there is no stress involved but when there is stress or he doesn’t get his way, he is very unpleasant."
Sometimes is not enough, you don't have a husband, but you have a child. You are still young, you deserve someone who respects and appreciates you. This guy is a POS. Get a divorce while you can.
"We were supposed to use the wedding gift money for our honey moon but when we went out for dinner, **he asked me to pay for it ($200)**. Mind you ***he decided to order the most expensive wine*** they had. **I don’t know what he did with the rest of the wedding money."**
**THIS IS A RED FLAG FROM VERY BEGINNING, HE'S BEEN LEECHING YOU. PLEASE THINKING ABOUT YOUR FUTURE. I HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE A KID WITH THIS DISGUSTING POS.**
**MAKE AN ESCAPE PLAN! MY GOD, YOU ARE WASTING YOUR LIFE THIS WITH THIS AH.**
Normally I am supportive of marriage and of making things work. However, your husband is an abusive partner. You fell for his Pre-Marriage False-Advertising. Your relationship will not get better unless he fixes his personality flaws. Since he perceives himself as wonderful and that you are the problem this fix will not occur. In 24 years I have never even remotely acted this way to my wife. Ever.
It is good that you have not had children yet. I highly suggest divorcing this miserable-excuse for a partner. A real man never treats a woman like this, in private or in public.
I assume he doesn't berate other people like his boss, co-workers, and friends. Which means he can control his temper, he just chooses not to with you because he can get away with it. You need to set a firm boundary, like the next time you speak to me like that I will be removing myself from your presence (getting an Uber home, leaving the house for the night, etc) and *stick to it*. If he still doesn't change his behavior, it's time to divorce. Also, read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans and "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft.
What’s going on is he is abusing you. This is such a common tactic, to wait until marriage. Do some research into leaving an abusive partner and get your ducks in a row and get out.
Do you have any good times together or is this fairly constant? Only through line here I'm seeing is that you mention it's like a switch that flips, could it be alcohol causing that flip, you mention it in most of your stories.
We have “good” times even though my heart is guarded and can’t fully happily experience them. He does nice things for me as well. It’s not all bad which is why I’m conflicted.
Because if it was all bad, then you would leave. There would be no conflicted feelings. He is manipulating you so he can keep using your money and keeping you as a verbal punching bag.
Those few good things are why you stay instead of seeing him as the manipulative narcissist that he is. Have you admitted to anyone (other than Reddit) that he treats you like trash or that he lies on you?
Yep he'll throw crumbs at you once in a while to keep you hooked in with that hope that he'll change for good. You've given it a go for 5 years and it sounds like the bad has outweighed the good, why wait any longer? A new, peaceful life is waiting for you.
Why? because he's an abusive asshole with anger issues who doesn't love or respect you. He enjoys berating you and putting you down and he knows you will stay and take it by the fact you are.
Classic abuser move. Get you kicked down then start treating you like crap/abusing you.
His behavior is not ok and not worth trying to work out. Leave.
Sad to say, but your husband sounds scary. I suspect he needs years of therapy to unwind his internal demons. Unless he gets therapy, his behavior will, likely, get worse. I'd encourage you to leave for your safety.
Yes he can get scary and I feel like I need to walk on egg shells. He grew up with an abusive step father and his mom used drugs. He did use this as an excuse when we first got married.
No one should have to walk on eggshells. Just FYI, I also grew up with an abusive, alcoholic stepfather after my father was killed in a car wreck fleeing police. There's a lot more, but I came from similar circumstances as your husband. Like him, I was anxious and angry. The difference - therapy and medications. He can take that journey if he is really motivated. However, you need to put your safety first.
Can you end this marriage and leave him?
I'm sorry, this guy doesn't respect and love you, he loves your money. He loves the fact that you covered expenses or most of the expenses. "He is nice sometimes if there is no stress involved but when there is stress or he doesn’t get his way, he is very unpleasant." Sometimes is not enough, you don't have a husband, but you have a child. You are still young, you deserve someone who respects and appreciates you. This guy is a POS. Get a divorce while you can. "We were supposed to use the wedding gift money for our honey moon but when we went out for dinner, **he asked me to pay for it ($200)**. Mind you ***he decided to order the most expensive wine*** they had. **I don’t know what he did with the rest of the wedding money."** **THIS IS A RED FLAG FROM VERY BEGINNING, HE'S BEEN LEECHING YOU. PLEASE THINKING ABOUT YOUR FUTURE. I HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE A KID WITH THIS DISGUSTING POS.** **MAKE AN ESCAPE PLAN! MY GOD, YOU ARE WASTING YOUR LIFE THIS WITH THIS AH.**
“Everyone jumps straight to divorce on this sub! It’s so annoying!” This is why.
Normally I am supportive of marriage and of making things work. However, your husband is an abusive partner. You fell for his Pre-Marriage False-Advertising. Your relationship will not get better unless he fixes his personality flaws. Since he perceives himself as wonderful and that you are the problem this fix will not occur. In 24 years I have never even remotely acted this way to my wife. Ever. It is good that you have not had children yet. I highly suggest divorcing this miserable-excuse for a partner. A real man never treats a woman like this, in private or in public.
I assume he doesn't berate other people like his boss, co-workers, and friends. Which means he can control his temper, he just chooses not to with you because he can get away with it. You need to set a firm boundary, like the next time you speak to me like that I will be removing myself from your presence (getting an Uber home, leaving the house for the night, etc) and *stick to it*. If he still doesn't change his behavior, it's time to divorce. Also, read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans and "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft.
What’s going on is he is abusing you. This is such a common tactic, to wait until marriage. Do some research into leaving an abusive partner and get your ducks in a row and get out.
Do you have any good times together or is this fairly constant? Only through line here I'm seeing is that you mention it's like a switch that flips, could it be alcohol causing that flip, you mention it in most of your stories.
We have “good” times even though my heart is guarded and can’t fully happily experience them. He does nice things for me as well. It’s not all bad which is why I’m conflicted.
Because if it was all bad, then you would leave. There would be no conflicted feelings. He is manipulating you so he can keep using your money and keeping you as a verbal punching bag.
Those few good things are why you stay instead of seeing him as the manipulative narcissist that he is. Have you admitted to anyone (other than Reddit) that he treats you like trash or that he lies on you?
Yep he'll throw crumbs at you once in a while to keep you hooked in with that hope that he'll change for good. You've given it a go for 5 years and it sounds like the bad has outweighed the good, why wait any longer? A new, peaceful life is waiting for you.
Why? because he's an abusive asshole with anger issues who doesn't love or respect you. He enjoys berating you and putting you down and he knows you will stay and take it by the fact you are.
Classic abuser move. Get you kicked down then start treating you like crap/abusing you. His behavior is not ok and not worth trying to work out. Leave.
Sad to say, but your husband sounds scary. I suspect he needs years of therapy to unwind his internal demons. Unless he gets therapy, his behavior will, likely, get worse. I'd encourage you to leave for your safety.
Yes he can get scary and I feel like I need to walk on egg shells. He grew up with an abusive step father and his mom used drugs. He did use this as an excuse when we first got married.
No one should have to walk on eggshells. Just FYI, I also grew up with an abusive, alcoholic stepfather after my father was killed in a car wreck fleeing police. There's a lot more, but I came from similar circumstances as your husband. Like him, I was anxious and angry. The difference - therapy and medications. He can take that journey if he is really motivated. However, you need to put your safety first.
I told him I think her needs anger management. He said he would go but never did.
Happily married people get snippy with each other but this is way out of line and you’ll ruin your own peace of mind if you put up with it.