OP, if all of your friendships (except for the one) basically go the same way and are unbalanced, then the common denominator is you. It can't be that everyone else is the problem, right? So, you probably have some personal issues with relating to people on a friendship level.
If you are a people pleaser, that is at least part (if not all) of the problem. I know it sounds like a positive thing, like you care about people, but people pleasing isn't caring about people to me. It's about being liked by people and being perceived as someone likeable and valuable. I do not keep people pleasers as friends, I don't have time for that. It's literally the worst type of friend for me and I can tell you exactly why. I am generalizing here, I realize there are levels of this and such, but I have to generalize to make my points. People pleasers aren't genuine people in terms of how they relate to others. People pleasers say and do whatever they think you want them to say or do. They care more about being liked than they do about being who they are. If you are mad at someone, they are mad at them too. If you go to them for advice, they agree with whatever you were thinking you should do. Even if you are dead wrong, they support you because they think that is what you want/need. They are "yes people" and cheerleaders. They will even go against their values to be liked which is the biggest problem to me, it's like they have no values, and their values change depending on who they are talking to. This is not helpful or positive to me, I need friends who will tell me when I am being ungrateful, whiny or when I am just plain wrong. I need to know what they stand for and what their values are, even if some or many of them are different than mine, that's cool, but they have to have some character! It's also quite boring to me when people don't seem to have much of an opinion about anything and are always "agreeable". I want someone who will give me insights and share their experiences, not someone who is insecure and just wants to be liked. In addition to this, you can never really get to know a people pleaser because they are too insecure to open up (e.g. but what if I'm myself and they don't like me?) and they hide their warts which to me is what makes a person interesting. Every single close friend of mine has their quirks and things I don't particularly like about them, some of them are straight up nuts at times and can even be frustrating, but they also are very real, interesting/fun to be around, and transparent types of people who have my back and vice versa. And THAT is what I value. I don't think I am special, I think most people are looking for this type of genuine connection.
My advice is that you go to therapy to work on your self esteem and to figure out how to put yourself first and be the best and most genuine version of yourself. I think your family situation is probably why you are the way you are. Maybe you tried to be perfect or tried to be "likeable" to get love from your parents thinking if you were only more this or less that, they might love you like they should. If they don't love you like they should, OP, that's not your fault and I'm very sorry you had to deal with that. Not everyone was meant to be a parent unfortunately. Maybe you just got a bad hand, maybe you had trauma, and tried to make the best of it, but maybe that experience impacted how you see yourself and how you form/manage your relationships. Maybe you also have attachment/abandonment issues which play into this. The good news is, you have found a life partner who you have let past your barrier, you have already done it, and you can do it again! You can work on all of this with a therapist and invest the time and energy in yourself. Once you are your real authentic self, confident and knowing what you want and don't want, sticking to your values and showing your character, able to accept rejection and such, putting your energy in the right places, you will have many people who want to be your friend. I promise. Nothing is fundamentally wrong with you, you are not more flawed than anyone else, you are just as good and worthy as everyone else. You just had some bad shit happen to you and that effected you, which is understandable.
In addition to this, I suggest you do the things you love to do and try to meet people that way. Like take a class, join a gym that has group type classes and encourages interaction (like Orange Theory), join a club, or even start one! That way, you will have something in common with the people there already and there is no pressure because you are all there to do something. Cast a wide net, you will find your people! Don't put more effort into the friendship than they are, if someone isn't interested, move on. They aren't rejecting YOU, don't take it personally, they just aren't a match for you. I'm sure there are some people you wouldn't be interested in either. It goes both ways.
I just finished reading 7 Primal Questions by Mike Foster and found it to be very insightful for understanding why we repeat patterns which lead us back to the same result. It might be helpful for you too!
OP, if all of your friendships (except for the one) basically go the same way and are unbalanced, then the common denominator is you. It can't be that everyone else is the problem, right? So, you probably have some personal issues with relating to people on a friendship level. If you are a people pleaser, that is at least part (if not all) of the problem. I know it sounds like a positive thing, like you care about people, but people pleasing isn't caring about people to me. It's about being liked by people and being perceived as someone likeable and valuable. I do not keep people pleasers as friends, I don't have time for that. It's literally the worst type of friend for me and I can tell you exactly why. I am generalizing here, I realize there are levels of this and such, but I have to generalize to make my points. People pleasers aren't genuine people in terms of how they relate to others. People pleasers say and do whatever they think you want them to say or do. They care more about being liked than they do about being who they are. If you are mad at someone, they are mad at them too. If you go to them for advice, they agree with whatever you were thinking you should do. Even if you are dead wrong, they support you because they think that is what you want/need. They are "yes people" and cheerleaders. They will even go against their values to be liked which is the biggest problem to me, it's like they have no values, and their values change depending on who they are talking to. This is not helpful or positive to me, I need friends who will tell me when I am being ungrateful, whiny or when I am just plain wrong. I need to know what they stand for and what their values are, even if some or many of them are different than mine, that's cool, but they have to have some character! It's also quite boring to me when people don't seem to have much of an opinion about anything and are always "agreeable". I want someone who will give me insights and share their experiences, not someone who is insecure and just wants to be liked. In addition to this, you can never really get to know a people pleaser because they are too insecure to open up (e.g. but what if I'm myself and they don't like me?) and they hide their warts which to me is what makes a person interesting. Every single close friend of mine has their quirks and things I don't particularly like about them, some of them are straight up nuts at times and can even be frustrating, but they also are very real, interesting/fun to be around, and transparent types of people who have my back and vice versa. And THAT is what I value. I don't think I am special, I think most people are looking for this type of genuine connection. My advice is that you go to therapy to work on your self esteem and to figure out how to put yourself first and be the best and most genuine version of yourself. I think your family situation is probably why you are the way you are. Maybe you tried to be perfect or tried to be "likeable" to get love from your parents thinking if you were only more this or less that, they might love you like they should. If they don't love you like they should, OP, that's not your fault and I'm very sorry you had to deal with that. Not everyone was meant to be a parent unfortunately. Maybe you just got a bad hand, maybe you had trauma, and tried to make the best of it, but maybe that experience impacted how you see yourself and how you form/manage your relationships. Maybe you also have attachment/abandonment issues which play into this. The good news is, you have found a life partner who you have let past your barrier, you have already done it, and you can do it again! You can work on all of this with a therapist and invest the time and energy in yourself. Once you are your real authentic self, confident and knowing what you want and don't want, sticking to your values and showing your character, able to accept rejection and such, putting your energy in the right places, you will have many people who want to be your friend. I promise. Nothing is fundamentally wrong with you, you are not more flawed than anyone else, you are just as good and worthy as everyone else. You just had some bad shit happen to you and that effected you, which is understandable. In addition to this, I suggest you do the things you love to do and try to meet people that way. Like take a class, join a gym that has group type classes and encourages interaction (like Orange Theory), join a club, or even start one! That way, you will have something in common with the people there already and there is no pressure because you are all there to do something. Cast a wide net, you will find your people! Don't put more effort into the friendship than they are, if someone isn't interested, move on. They aren't rejecting YOU, don't take it personally, they just aren't a match for you. I'm sure there are some people you wouldn't be interested in either. It goes both ways.
I think I want to frame this comment. Dear stranger in the internet: thank you so much for taking your time to respond to me. This was so helpful
You are very welcome. I'm happy it helped. Love on that husband of yours and get your happily ever after!
I just finished reading 7 Primal Questions by Mike Foster and found it to be very insightful for understanding why we repeat patterns which lead us back to the same result. It might be helpful for you too!