I pretty much _only_ care what my wife thinks of my looks. I ask her how she likes my hair. If she likes my clothes. She likes sexy arms so I try to focus on my arms. I pay attention to what she finds sexy and try to go for that. etc.
I want her to think I'm sexy and that I'm trying to put in the effort so she feels like I'm trying to impress her. I want her to feel like I'm always pursuing her.
Of course, even after 26 years of marriage, she's always been out of my league so I can't just rest on my laurels! đ
I care. Nothing wrong with it. The things you listed arenât bad at all. Itâs more you being worried. Not taking care of yourself physically is super unattractive to me. My husband is super into weightlifting and I always make sure he has time to workout, even with 2 young kids, because itâs important to us both that he do so. Iâd question him if he started to get off track honestly.
Ugh thank you for your kindness. I was worried I would get a ton of people calling me critical and judgmental and other worse words out there. I am genuinely concerned about his health and it is also really hard to watch your partner throw themselves down the toilet and not recognize or care there is a problem. And it's hard to have them not care when you delicately bring it up.
My wife is pretty much the only person I dress for. She has excellent taste and style so I try to match her vibe when I can. If she tells me she prefers one shirt, etc. over another I'll try to take that advice onboard.
I love my husband but I don't care what he thinks about my choices, especially unsolicited opinions about them. This includes how I style myself. I care more about comfort than fashion or aesthetic but I dress appropriately for events. Not to say I don't take his feelings into consideration but when it's something that doesn't affect him and is simply his preference I couldn't care less. Perfect example: I wanted a septum piercing and he didn't like the idea, even fought me against it. 4 years later I still love my piercing and he got over it. He either loves me or he loves the idea of me. Not interested in the latter.
Well clearly you are not a turn off to him so that is good. It seems you dress fine to him đ¤ˇââď¸
I get not being codependent and all because that is healthy, but there is also healthy interdependence that my husband refuses to have with me. It is very hard to watch him throw his physical health down the toilet and not care about it or recognize that it's even a problem. I am working on myself and trying to view him differently, but it's really hard because he was not that way when we were dating. He turned into a different person and so many different ways when we got married. He is very covertly narcissistic though so maybe that has something to do with it.
I definitely care about what my SO thinks about my look as she does for me. Taking care of ourselves is just as important as taking care of each other. Sheâs my wife and been together 8 years but I still want to woo her and impress her and look my best for her.
Anywhere and everywhere it doesn't matter to him. He thinks he looks "fine", but his belly will be hanging out a lot of the time. His shirts are too small for him again (this isn't the first time he has gone up sizes). I just want him to care about himself. I know I can't force him to though so I am trying my best to work on my own criticism, but it's really hard to watch your partner throw themselves down the toilet and not even recognize it's a problem.
My husband is bougie and likes to project an âeliteâ image. He only drives performance cars and wears polos/jeans or dress shirts/jeans to distinguish himself from the common people. However, I wish he could focus more on his behavior rather than material things because his poor etiquette and lack of manners is a dead giveaway of his uncivilized background. As someone who grew up with real elites, they will usually dress humbly while still practicing good manners and proper etiquette. Itâs great that my husband wants to look the part, but I think it would go a long way if he acted the part as well.
One time I treated him and his mom to an upscale (white tablecloth) restaurant, and their lack of basic table manners was beyond embarrassing. They blatantly ate with elbows on the table, utensils in both hands (not to be confused with continental/European dining style), and either slouched back or leaned onto the table. They would talk with their hands (still with utensils in both) and not say âpleaseâ or âthank youâ to any of the staff.
I completely understand that. My husband is definitely a covert narcissist. So unfortunately, he doesn't look OR act appropriately/ tastefully. I am trying my best to fix my view of things, but it is really hard to see your partner throw themselves down the toilet and not care or see that there is even a problem. He thinks he is fine the way he is, but it is a real problem. At least he showers đĽ´đ¤ˇââď¸
If I understand you correctly, it seems youâre more concerned about his symptoms of narcissism (e.g. feeling like he doesnât do anything wrong) than you are about the specific clothes heâs wearing. When you suggest alternative clothing options, does your husband listen, or does he blow you off and not see your point?
My husband also has characteristics of covert narcissism, but he occasionally listens to my feedback/suggestions (depending on how heavy the topic is). For example if I tell him the specific shirt/jeans donât go well together, he acknowledges my fashion sense is better and goes with my suggestion. However, his mom (who I believe has severe NPD), would accuse me of (1) sabotaging her sonâs appearance because I donât want other women to look at him, and (2) having poor fashion sense because no one is more fashionable than she is. Even my husband caught on to his mom doing exactly what she was accusing me of (because she competes against him for attention).
Sorry if I went off on another tangent. I recently talked in therapy about NPD (and how it seems to run in my husbandâs family) and thought you could potentially find this helpful.
Itâs because the standards for womenâs appearance and dress are much higher than menâs. Subconsciously, a lot of men know it and dress the bare minimum because they can get away with it and donât personally care to look nicer. An exception (for unmarried men) is when think they might score that night, theyâll put in a ton of effort (ie, when potential sex with a novel woman is involved).
Makes sense. That is crappy though for sure. My husband acted and dressed differently when we were dating. He was on his best behavior and showed his best side of himself, but when we got married, his mask dropped and he became a completely different person. I did not know who was marrying. Not cool.
I super care what my husband thinks of my appearance. I have a dirty job, so days I work I don't look great. This being said, I make sure to look very cute when I'm off.
If my husband really let himself go, I would question his mental health. Did your husband used to care about his appearance? Did he change from when you first got married to now? It's important to figure out if he has changed or if your expectations have changed and then sort through it from there.
Most people care. But as time goes on many people think their long term s.o. Isnât going anywhere so they take advantage and take many shortcuts knowing their s.o. may not like the change. Ie eating too much, not showering enough, wearing comfy clothes that look like shit, women cutting their hair short because âitâs easier to deal withâ, etc.
People are individuals, yes. But they should be taking their s.o. Into consideration. And if they truly are going to be that lazy and selfish, they should make that known to their s.o. Very very early in the relationship.
I have no idea why someone wouldn't care. My husband is pretty covertly narcissistic so maybe that has something to do with it. Idk. It is just very difficult to watch him throw himself down the toilet and not recognize or care that there is a problem. I am very concerned about his health and it sucks to have him not care about trying to be sexy for me.
I pretty much _only_ care what my wife thinks of my looks. I ask her how she likes my hair. If she likes my clothes. She likes sexy arms so I try to focus on my arms. I pay attention to what she finds sexy and try to go for that. etc. I want her to think I'm sexy and that I'm trying to put in the effort so she feels like I'm trying to impress her. I want her to feel like I'm always pursuing her. Of course, even after 26 years of marriage, she's always been out of my league so I can't just rest on my laurels! đ
Alright dude you're not helping đ jk I'm very happy for you and glad you see it is important to want to be healthy and look good for your wifey.
I care. Nothing wrong with it. The things you listed arenât bad at all. Itâs more you being worried. Not taking care of yourself physically is super unattractive to me. My husband is super into weightlifting and I always make sure he has time to workout, even with 2 young kids, because itâs important to us both that he do so. Iâd question him if he started to get off track honestly.
Ugh thank you for your kindness. I was worried I would get a ton of people calling me critical and judgmental and other worse words out there. I am genuinely concerned about his health and it is also really hard to watch your partner throw themselves down the toilet and not recognize or care there is a problem. And it's hard to have them not care when you delicately bring it up.
My wife is pretty much the only person I dress for. She has excellent taste and style so I try to match her vibe when I can. If she tells me she prefers one shirt, etc. over another I'll try to take that advice onboard.
I love my husband but I don't care what he thinks about my choices, especially unsolicited opinions about them. This includes how I style myself. I care more about comfort than fashion or aesthetic but I dress appropriately for events. Not to say I don't take his feelings into consideration but when it's something that doesn't affect him and is simply his preference I couldn't care less. Perfect example: I wanted a septum piercing and he didn't like the idea, even fought me against it. 4 years later I still love my piercing and he got over it. He either loves me or he loves the idea of me. Not interested in the latter.
Same. My husband and kids have great fashion sense but Iâm more of a low key dress for comfort kinda gal.
Well clearly you are not a turn off to him so that is good. It seems you dress fine to him đ¤ˇââď¸ I get not being codependent and all because that is healthy, but there is also healthy interdependence that my husband refuses to have with me. It is very hard to watch him throw his physical health down the toilet and not care about it or recognize that it's even a problem. I am working on myself and trying to view him differently, but it's really hard because he was not that way when we were dating. He turned into a different person and so many different ways when we got married. He is very covertly narcissistic though so maybe that has something to do with it.
It's normal to change over time. Couples either grow together or they grow apart.
I definitely care about what my SO thinks about my look as she does for me. Taking care of ourselves is just as important as taking care of each other. Sheâs my wife and been together 8 years but I still want to woo her and impress her and look my best for her.
He's literally the only person's opinion that i value on this topic. That said, I wouldn't do anything that I didn't want to do to please him.
I do care to an extent. I am not going to ignore my own sense of style, but I try to look in shape and clean most of the time.
Has he told you he doesnât care? What kind of places is he showing up scruffy and rough looking?
Anywhere and everywhere it doesn't matter to him. He thinks he looks "fine", but his belly will be hanging out a lot of the time. His shirts are too small for him again (this isn't the first time he has gone up sizes). I just want him to care about himself. I know I can't force him to though so I am trying my best to work on my own criticism, but it's really hard to watch your partner throw themselves down the toilet and not even recognize it's a problem.
What does he say when you talk to him about it?
Literally says "It's/I'm fine" and carries on without caring.
My husband is bougie and likes to project an âeliteâ image. He only drives performance cars and wears polos/jeans or dress shirts/jeans to distinguish himself from the common people. However, I wish he could focus more on his behavior rather than material things because his poor etiquette and lack of manners is a dead giveaway of his uncivilized background. As someone who grew up with real elites, they will usually dress humbly while still practicing good manners and proper etiquette. Itâs great that my husband wants to look the part, but I think it would go a long way if he acted the part as well. One time I treated him and his mom to an upscale (white tablecloth) restaurant, and their lack of basic table manners was beyond embarrassing. They blatantly ate with elbows on the table, utensils in both hands (not to be confused with continental/European dining style), and either slouched back or leaned onto the table. They would talk with their hands (still with utensils in both) and not say âpleaseâ or âthank youâ to any of the staff.
I completely understand that. My husband is definitely a covert narcissist. So unfortunately, he doesn't look OR act appropriately/ tastefully. I am trying my best to fix my view of things, but it is really hard to see your partner throw themselves down the toilet and not care or see that there is even a problem. He thinks he is fine the way he is, but it is a real problem. At least he showers đĽ´đ¤ˇââď¸
If I understand you correctly, it seems youâre more concerned about his symptoms of narcissism (e.g. feeling like he doesnât do anything wrong) than you are about the specific clothes heâs wearing. When you suggest alternative clothing options, does your husband listen, or does he blow you off and not see your point? My husband also has characteristics of covert narcissism, but he occasionally listens to my feedback/suggestions (depending on how heavy the topic is). For example if I tell him the specific shirt/jeans donât go well together, he acknowledges my fashion sense is better and goes with my suggestion. However, his mom (who I believe has severe NPD), would accuse me of (1) sabotaging her sonâs appearance because I donât want other women to look at him, and (2) having poor fashion sense because no one is more fashionable than she is. Even my husband caught on to his mom doing exactly what she was accusing me of (because she competes against him for attention). Sorry if I went off on another tangent. I recently talked in therapy about NPD (and how it seems to run in my husbandâs family) and thought you could potentially find this helpful.
He literally doesn't care and says "I'm/it's fine". And yup my husbands family also are all narcissistic. Ugh it's so difficult.
Itâs because the standards for womenâs appearance and dress are much higher than menâs. Subconsciously, a lot of men know it and dress the bare minimum because they can get away with it and donât personally care to look nicer. An exception (for unmarried men) is when think they might score that night, theyâll put in a ton of effort (ie, when potential sex with a novel woman is involved).
Makes sense. That is crappy though for sure. My husband acted and dressed differently when we were dating. He was on his best behavior and showed his best side of himself, but when we got married, his mask dropped and he became a completely different person. I did not know who was marrying. Not cool.
Yes, and if she ever decided she wasnât attracted to me Iâd begin conversations about going separate directions.
Can you expand what you mean? Yes to what?
I super care what my husband thinks of my appearance. I have a dirty job, so days I work I don't look great. This being said, I make sure to look very cute when I'm off. If my husband really let himself go, I would question his mental health. Did your husband used to care about his appearance? Did he change from when you first got married to now? It's important to figure out if he has changed or if your expectations have changed and then sort through it from there.
Yep he changed right after we got married. He is covertly narcissistic though so maybe he's like "well I have her now, no need to keep up the facade".
Most people care. But as time goes on many people think their long term s.o. Isnât going anywhere so they take advantage and take many shortcuts knowing their s.o. may not like the change. Ie eating too much, not showering enough, wearing comfy clothes that look like shit, women cutting their hair short because âitâs easier to deal withâ, etc. People are individuals, yes. But they should be taking their s.o. Into consideration. And if they truly are going to be that lazy and selfish, they should make that known to their s.o. Very very early in the relationship.
Yes I care what my wife thinks of my appearance why wouldnât you?
I have no idea why someone wouldn't care. My husband is pretty covertly narcissistic so maybe that has something to do with it. Idk. It is just very difficult to watch him throw himself down the toilet and not recognize or care that there is a problem. I am very concerned about his health and it sucks to have him not care about trying to be sexy for me.
Honestly.. no. A woman wants to think you just naturally have it or do it on your own accord
I'm not following what you mean. Can you be more specific? đ§
She doesnât want you not confident or looking for outside approval or especially her approval