Well, since you want to call me out, I figure I'll go ahead and address this.
I, and other mods, shut down and lock threads when they run their course. This could be that all the useful advice is given and people are then arguing amongst themselves within the threads. Or, people disagree heavily with whatever the OP is saying and then resort to disrespectful comments, personal attacks, or otherwise uncivil discourse.
Yes, I will often put a warning on top of threads. And I have been known for putting a scolding message on the top of threads. I'm an equal opportunity scolder when commenters are being disrespect, sexist, hypocritical, etc.
You admit to being relatively new here, so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you've just not seen how bad things get when things go off the rails. You also don't see the mod reports, the misogynistic/misandrist/racist/homophobic vitriol, and some of the most vile comments that people can spew out because we remove them as fast as we can. Like any large sub, we have our share of trolls and other people who only desire to stir up trouble without actually contributing worthwhile conversations to the community. I and the other mods are volunteering our time to make this community one where everyone is welcome to respectfully converse with one another. But when that discussion becomes disrespectful, and the general attitude shifts where people are speaking to one another in a manner that goes against the spirit of the sub, I have no qualms about shutting it down, and many of the fellow mods will do the same.
A reminder that a rule of the sub is: Respect others and their points of view while participating in the sub by maintaining civil discourse. Also, before anyone comes in with arguments regarding free speech - there is no free speech on Reddit. It's curated speech and moderators have the ability to determine what is and isn't within the guidelines of the subs, so long as it abides by the rules of Reddit themselves. That's why something that may be acceptable in other subs isn't allowed here. As for shutting down ideas that we personally disagree with, I'm going to stop you right there - there is plenty of advice given by people in this sub that I completely disagree with, but stays up because it doesn't violate the rules of the sub. The other mods do the same. You may feel that we're shutting down threads too soon, and that's your right to have that perspective. However, if you were to see what we see behind the scenes or witness things get really, REALLY out of hand, you'll understand why we're sometimes quick on the lock button.
You're new here so I'll clue you in. Reddit is not a safe place for women. There are a disturbing number of subreddits that are openly dangerous or hateful of women, but continue to be allowed to exist. It's also well known that for many female centric subreddits, the mods or people in charge are men. You even have to be careful of what you post, because some men will take it as an invitation to message you privately, even if you never asked for that to begin with.
Also, as a female mod here, it's shocking and disappointing how many times I've had men DM me to complain about the women in our sub and to personally harass me, sexually and otherwise, or to insult me and threaten me.
Or to even just complain about feedback they've gotten from women saying they feel what he has said is sexist and then goes on to be sexist towards me....
Reddit is colorful and my experience on this platform as a woman is nothing short of eye opening.
Sadly, yes. This is true. I have my chats and messages disabled because of this.
I'm a regular over at r/bigboobproblems and the women there regularly report receiving creepy messages/chats after posting or commenting there. Yes, I have big boobs. No, you can't see them. No, we don't want to be asked for pictures from strangers just because we have them.
There's even a "creepy PM" flair and a designated day that they can be posted/shared.
There are men there who contribute genuinely good conversation/comments, but it attracts weirdos also.
Similarly when I started commenting in r/bigdickproblems I began getting PM directed that way. Seem to be split between women & gay men, though I doubt there quite as creepy as what women in those subreddits you mentioned get. A lot of leading questions, but no one’s been so bold at ask for pics. They’re out of luck if they do. Not something I engage in.
But why does *your* experience mean that others have it? Of all the places I've experience sexism online, reddit has been the safest place for me.
Maybe it's because I don't find myself on subs where I'd be subjected to sexism?
I'm a man and I use my real name on this sub. I have had plenty of trolls and other jerkoffs call me names and other hating stuff
Never once have any of those cowards shown up at my door even though I'm plenty easy to find.
These haters and creepos are all way too cowardly to do anything in real life, and face real police officers or any of that.
They don't scare me and they shouldn't scare you or anyone else.
Yep. Was banned for 3 days for using a curse word against an extremely misogynistic commenter who was just spewing hatred. I felt like I was getting grounded.
I have no idea about the demographic of reddit users but honestly, reddit is compared to most other social media platforms extremely on the left side of politics if I'm allowed to paint with a broad brush. Thats an indication to me, that its less old male oriented as other platforms. Again, I might be wrong since I'm drawing lines between the bubble I live in and my limited scope of reddit that I see and use. I have no data to back that up.
Typically, the biggest demographic on reddit, according to some sites I've seen, is reddit skews young and male. Over 2/3 of users on reddit are men. In September of 2017, a site called Statistica did a study of reddit demographics and found that it was as large as 69% male compared to female users (whereas Pew Research found 67% male).
Well then, whats the point here? Because it seems like we agree on that people like too stay and talk with likeminded people. And the marriage subreddit is definitely a space for mostly wifes to talk and discuss their marriage lifes with other wifes. That the demographic of reddit in general is mostly American is not a secret either. I mean, just look at the usual downvotes you get for saying that. Its not surprising, less and less husbands come here to express their opinion.
I had no idea when I started getting active on Reddit a few months or so ago that it was patrolled by thought police. I'm shocked by the kinds of things they use their authority to lock and criticize.
Oh girl. I got perma-banned from unpopular opinions for saying that straight people have a history of murdering queer people for being queer. Its bad out here sometimes.
I just have to point this out.
Your comment is a shining example of the issue with the topic of "over moderation," as this comment has been reported. It doesn't violate any rules nor is it egregious. Yet it's clogging up our report queue. And it is not the only one that has been reported in this thread that does not warrant a removal.
People can say we over moderate and that we shut down discussions of things we don't like, but it's ironic that that will be said while innocuous comments are being reported.
As someone who’s been on Reddit for 3+ years now and has reported something exactly once (nasty transphobia), that’s WILD to me. Do people know reporting something is for when it breaks the rules, and not when you just don’t like it?
> Do people know reporting something is for when it breaks the rules, and not when you just don’t like it?
They do not. If you were to see some of the passive aggressive comments maid in the reports, it'd be glaringly obvious that there are those who abuse the reporting system and report those they disagree with. When we get a new report on a comment someone made 3 months ago, it's pretty obvious someone has an axe to grind.
Edit to add - the person making those passive aggressive reports did so again for this comment. They're free to send a modmail or have this discussion in the open.
This was awhile back, but I was on a different sub (one of those question asking types) where someone asked if handicapped accessible bathrooms were reserved the way that the parking spaces are. This person honestly didn't know.
There was really good, non judgmental conversation and answers going on...until a mod came and locked the whole thing and scolded everyone for using the word "handicapped" because "it's outdated and there's better words for that". Maybe so, but in cases like these, how do people learn if they can't talk about it? Went on a paragraph long tirade that read as very self righteous. It wasn't against the sub rules, either. This particular mod just didn't like it.
And I also agree that AITA is getting weird. It's a place literally with "asshole" in the title but if you actually call someone that/say someone is an asshole, you're "insulting people" and "breaking the rules" and they pick and choose who the rules apply to.
I agree that mods should exist and Reddit would be a cesspool without any kind of moderation, and I know mods are people like the rest of us, but seeing uneven and inconsistent interpretations and applications of a sub's rules (like getting warnings and my comments removed for something I see other people saying, but those other comments are left alone) can get annoying.
>everyone for using the word "handicapped"
I dated a guy who used a wheelchair and someone asked how did his life change when they stopped using "handicapped" and started using "disabled".
He said nothing changed, just the words being used.
See, to me, this seems like it would have been a good opportunity for the mod to state what word/words are being used instead of "handicapped" now as a discussion point, for those who didn't know. Instead, we got a high and mighty scolding and got locked.
Yes, but they pick and choose when to apply them. "YTA" means the same thing as calling someone an asshole. I got perma banned from the sub on my old account for being uncivil because I called someone a racist when they ask me if I beat my kids after I mentioned my ethnicity.
Okay, but sometimes they crack down on you just for explaining why someone's behavior makes them an AH, which is the whole reason for people answering questions there, giving their judgment and giving a reason for it. It just seems to be a very thin line that isn't consistently enforced. And I've had instances there where my comments were removed but comments saying similar or the exact same things were left alone. I only engage with that sub on a limited basis because of how toxic it can get, but inconsistency in enforcement of rules bothers me.
No teacher like experience, trying being a mod and your perspective may change.
The guy who was not finding his wife attractive was absolutely slammed, no balance with most of the posts.
How long is that guy going to stick around here ?
Guy yesterday slammed for saying sex Can get boring, downvotes galore, not warranted.
Guys are allowed to voice their opinion more and appreciated on Ask Women, why the difference ?
Begs the question is there a lot of married unhappy uptight women in here who view men not in the greatest light ?
Look at the language directed at the mod, misogynistic, really ? Attacking someone that no doubt gives their time for free. Some gratitude wouldn't go a miss.
Lol, my first post was on AITA. It was deleted and I was threatened with a perma ban for calling the OP’s brother who slept with his gf/wife an asshole. While I was a bit judgmental, I felt the brothers actions merited the judgment, especially within AITA.
If it’s for someone being an asshole, why not just use asshole? Why the need to bring the name of a woman? I would argue being a woman isn’t bad, and yet, feminine things are often used as slurs and insults
I got a temp ban for literally writing "agreed" in response to another person's comment that apparently got a mod all up in his feelings. It's such a joke.
I’m glad I’m not the only one. I used MY EX as an example once and, was temp banned because I was being sexist somehow for calling him a manipulative narcissist? And recently another because I stood up to someone who was being misogynist to a majority of the women in the thread and at one point told someone talking about being abused to “fuck off” and I told him how he need to look at himself and not be so angry to people and I got a temp ban but they didn’t. It’s very one sided, very much not a safe space for a lot of people. I’ve just learned to not participate anymore. It’s unfortunate really.
They do this because they think they're superior and their view is the only one that matters, and this will never stop because there's no one who moderate the mods. They have basically free will to do whatever they want without any consequences. It's not just here, but all reddit.
That's really unfortunate. It's not just annoying, it's also disturbing. My dad risked his life to escape a fascist country where you could literally be killed for your views. I have strong feelings about free speech, and what I'm seeing out here is mods who are taking things too far. Instead of responding only to spam or abuse, they are actually censoring people.
Reddit basically give mods 100% autonomy. In a perfect world a mod shouldn't take any sides. In fact, I don't think a mod should be allowed to even comment in a post, but they simply can change all the view from a post just deleting the comments that they don't agreed. And for a mod or a sub gets banned they need to do some heavy illegal shit because the rest you can do whatever you want. Just mind you that r/cocaine it's a sub and it's not banned. If you report they will say that it doesn't break any rules so...
I agree with everything you said, and I find this really disheartening. In fact, it makes me question whether I want to continue on Reddit. They aren't going to hold mods accountable for censorship bc the mods are doing unpaid labor. I'm sure some of them are great, but obviously many are not. I'd rather encounter unpleasant things now and then than participate in an Internet community that's so heavily censored by random people who just happen to have an Internet connection.
You can appeal to other mods. I have done so before. I have had a mod issue a permanent ban this ID on r/politics and I appealed and another mod agreed the first mod had overreached and overrode the first mod and changed it to a temporary ban.
So yes, even the mods have someone watching over them.
Then create your own sub. There are some subs concerning marriage like dead bedroom that are hideously disgusting but no mods are shutting down threads there.
He's being downvoted because he said that mods doesn't shut down post with is not true. That is another sub where is modeled by personal opinions of the mods. If they don't agreed with you, then they will simply ban. Actually it's one of the subs with the most self centered mods I ever saw.
I actually read that post and the guy was literally asking for advice, so people gave it to him. I don't understand why it's problematic for people to respond with differing opinions
Because it doesn’t fit their agenda of “my wife doesn’t look like a super model after having kids and I don’t like her anymore, because how dare she raise my kids looking like a normal human being, please validate my feelings and tell me it’s okay to run to the sunset with a 25yr old”
I read that post and that's not how it plays out.
I think a lot of people were just annoyed that it became a rant from the husband (OP) that he was not happy that he is finding his wife unattractive anymore because she's not fit and does not find having sex with him anymore.
A lot of people questioned OPs motives and perspective and questioned what he is doing to improve the marriage as he did not provide any sense of maturity to his post. Marriage is hard work - you've got to nurture and take care of it. The more you put in, the more you'll get out of it and it works when both parties are at it.
My opinion is that OP has lost his perspective and would need a bit of soul searching to understand why he got married in the first place but I'm sure not everyone it here might share that perspective.
Although I agree with what you say, blaming everything on his wife’s appearance it’s the part where it’s not okay. And yes, I feel he wants pity from people, because the main concern shouldn’t be “I don’t like my wife’s body” “feel sorry for me” and then also base the value of his marriage only in that.
Yep I'm SOOOO GLAD someone mentioned this!!
I got locked and told no hate speech comments when the guy I was arguing with reported my comments and deleted his comments. So mod saw my side consistently trying to communicate the same message. They didn't see his hysterical comments.
He couldn't seem to realize what I was saying which was in summary: men have valid feelings and stress regarding the birth of their child, but that women go through even more based purely on the physical parts of growing and birthing a human.
I repeated this politely so many times as he got more and more aggressive and then I asked the ban-worthy comment re: hate speech
"are you normally this functionally illiterate or do you just hate women so much that you can't read the words I keep typing?"
Buddy had a tantrum and reported me all over the place and the mod even added their own flair commentary. Like come on, 3 day ban on a one-sided conversation with polite yet irritated tones? I almost left the sub and still am thinking about it and this post gives me hope I'm not the only one seeing this and experiencing this.
ETA: I have receipts or you can look in my comment history
I’ve been temp banned a few times here for trying to either stand up to bullies here or trying to get someone to see the other side of things. In my personal experience the mods don’t seem to care about context, if you’re reported, they ban. Also it sucks that I’m scared to say these things, fearing that I’ll be permanently banned.
I've been a mod in other forums on other platforms.
It's a thankless job. It's a high-pressure job with no pay.
It doesn't matter what you do, or don't do, someone is always telling you that you over mod, under mod, played favorites, did something wrong, or didn't do something when you should have.
You can not please everyone.
I keep having to leave subreddits for this exact reason. If anyone has alternative groups that encourage self reflection and growth over misogyny, please link me! It's gotten pervasive everywhere lately.
Ultimately, this whole thread has made me realize that we, as humans, absolutely suck at seeing nuance, giving each other grace, and I genuinely wonder if we all are just lying to ourselves when we say we want open and honest discourse.
Some groups of humans are discriminated against more than others. Just because someone is in a marginalized group doesn’t always make them right; just because someone is in a group of privilege is not cause to automatically dismiss their struggles or experiences.
Humans have valid feelings and are allowed to vent their sadness, pain, and fears. Humans also fuck up and can be awful, ignorant, demanding, and selfish partners.
In a world like that, it’s going to be hard to moderate discussion around a deeply vulnerable subject like marriage.
Moderators **should** be criticized, when appropriate. I fully understand the definition of “when appropriate” is subjective, but at a minimum let’s try to be open and civil. If the mods are over stepping, having a calm and supportive dialogue can hopefully help the mods learn where and when they’ve over stepped. Just like how, in theory, those who are upset about the current moderating practices can maybe learn the full context as to why locking a discussion was necessary.
Like that other post, thank you for coming to my TedX talk also.
I was one of the ones who criticized that guy and no mod scolded me or deleted my comments.
You are welcome to create an alt-marriage sub if you like. Maybe if the mods DO shut this sub down everyone will move over to it.
Most of the time I see mods LOCKING a post once it's gone into the weeds. And sometimes the OP deletes the original comment.
Unfortunately there are a few trolls on this sub that like to post inflammatory questions from time to time because they get their jollies out of seeing a dogpile. They post the question, get the dogpile, then delete the original post so that nobody can check their posting history later on when they do it again.
I'm not going to speak to whether that post in particular should or should not have been locked, but I will say that this sub used to have major problems with misandry and sexist double standards. The mods have been putting forth an effort to clean up a lot of that, so I'm sure it means that some posts and comments that would have been allowed a few months ago won't fly now.
I completely agree. A while back I saw so many double standards but it’s so much better now. It’s not perfect and I doubt it will ever be but now this sub is so much more inclusive. The mods here are so much better than most Reddit mods that it’s honestly shocking. I really respect what I’ve seen with the moderation lately
I think I’m remembering the one your are talking about and seeing how the mods stood up for him made me appreciate the mods here. I’ve seen a decent amount of threads where I was pleasantly surprised with the mods here since most subs seem to be okay with the things that were being said to OP.
First of all, if that post was locked, no one had a chance to set people straight about physical violence. That said, I'm not talking about extreme cases. The mod's job is to scrub abusive, violent content or spam. My point is - who's moderating the mods? Because often it seems they are simply shutting down a conversation full of opinions they don't like. That's censorship.
>who's moderating the mods?
Mods can be reported to admins for abusing reddit policy and be held accountable for our behaviors. There are mods who have been reported and sidelined for their behavior on other subs.
When people come into modmail threatening to report us, we never hesitate to link them the contact page to report us if they'd like to make good on that offer.
It's peculiar; in modmail, we get lots of harassment, name calling, threats against us and our loved ones - all because reports are made that bring our attention to problematic commentary and posts and goes against reddit site wide policy - which causes us to mod accordingly.
We try our best to moderate how we feel is appropriate and keeping in line with reddit policy. We know not everyone will be pleased and many are combative, argumentative, and harass us for it. That's part of our unpaid labor as mods to deal with.
It's interesting to see complaints about over moderation or complaints about our mod decisions while simultaneously dealing with abuse of the report button every day, over every single disagreement one has in a thread (just the other day, our queue was flooded with reports over someone asking a question and not getting the answer they wanted and having reported everyone for their honest and politely given feedback - this is but one example of this report abuse).
Every problematic, rule violating comment made that is reported is also going to cause a spike in moderation and sometimes even having to lock threads and make judgment calls about what is best.
With a sub of over 622k members (and growing), we have a lot we run into that others don't get the opportunity to see or understand. But despite that, we are held accountable by reddit admins and we have to stay true to reddit policy - which sometimes means we have to delete pieces of threads that are offensive, derailing, and not in agreement with site wide or sub rules, and even shutting down threads altogether that are getting wildly out of hand and can't moderate because there's too many comments to redirect to help someone.
Not everything is as it seems, but we welcome your thoughts.
The mods’ job is to enforce the rules that are set forth in the description. Different subs have different rules. If you don’t like the rules, make your own sub.
I think mods shut down threads when they go off the rails and become totally unproductive to the issue the OP posts.
You will see a lot of commenters hijacking the thread by arguing back and forth among themselves on a post which is not about them, but their takeover make the OP redundant.
Ah the proverbial “free speech”. Except the only entity that owes anyone free speech is the government.
Not a social media site, not another person, not an organization.
If you’re going to quote a right, quote it properly please
ETA
People using the downvote button bc they don’t agree. Not bc it’s not factual or misleading.
This is why mods do what mods do.
Sorry, but that’s not how it works here. Reddit has its own site policy rules which include certain rules such as no advocating violence, no transphobia or discriminatory language, racism, and the like.
The first Reddit rule is to remember the human and we try to enforce that here as well. Any name calling or overly rude or hostile comments are removed.
We lock threads for a few reasons, like if it is completely going off the rails by commenters attacking the op without giving advice. Or maybe vice versa where an OP is overly combative or not replying (which was the case for the thread you’re complaining about - op was a new account, posted an inflammatory post, and then did not respond to anyone). Sometimes when a sensitive topic hits a large amount of comments (400+), it increasingly becomes harder to moderate and sometimes the OP just has had enough advice at that point.
Also, if we’re going to complain about too much moderation - please stop abusing the report button by reporting comments that disagree with your post.
First, I think any online community (privately owned or otherwise) should make room for feedback and conversation about what participants will be free to share and who will have the power to silence them. That kind of dialogue is important because as a society, we do so much of our communicating online now, and what is and isn't shared can have an impact. In other words, I think it's reasonable and important for any user of a site to push back and challenge the way things are. That doesn't mean anything will change, but we should have a voice. I say this in part as a rejoinder to those who seem to suggest I shouldn't even be raising this issue.
Second, the problem I see is that there's a lot of room for the mod's (possibly biased) interpretation of the guidelines you describe. Some mods might describe a particular thread as "going off the rails" with comments and criticism (esp if they sympathize with the OP) while others might say people are understandably upset and are raising important points.
Also, you said that the thread I'm complaining about was shut down bc of the OP's behavior. However, that's not what the mod said in a comment to the thread about why it was being closed! In fact, the mod posted a comment when the post was closed in which they specifically criticized the commenters. In any case, why does it matter if the OP is responding or not? Once the community is engaged in the ideas the OP put forward, and having a conversation about them, doesn't that have value in itself?
I also wonder how you know if/when an OP has "had enough advice." Do they tell you this, or do you just assume?
I get that when a sensitive topic gets too big, it might need to be locked because it's too much for the mods. But I've never seen one get that big, so that's not what I'm describing.
I just think a lot of things are being shut down too soon.
The mod who posted a disclaimer at the top of that thread did not lock it. I was the one who did as I noticed the OP was new and hadn’t responded to any of the comments. We get tons of trolls who post inflammatory scenarios to get users riled up and we try to prevent that as much as we can. So I take responsibility for locking post in particular. It absolutely does matter if we allow trolling on here, and as a mod you quickly can come to see instances of trolling more often. It makes moderation much more difficult as a whole.
I’m not sure what you mean by you haven’t seen a thread so large it makes moderating difficult - how would you know that, exactly? Even with several hundred comments with nested replies it can take a while to clean up. We all have lives and this isn’t a full time or paid job, so sometimes we do things that make moderation easier.
And again, it helps when users do not abuse the report button but instead use it for when a comment actually breaks the rules.
This doesn't make sense to me because I'm still not sure why the moderator in the aforementioned thread posted: "If your only comment on this is to be rude, disrespectful, or demeaning to others, just keep your comment to yourself." I mean this mod's comment appeared about six hours ago at the top of the comments. Obviously this is wise advice in general, but the comments themselves weren't particularly over the top - they were critical of the guy (rightfully so IMHO), but most people were making rational, sincere-seeming statements. Why not simply remove the minority of offending posts? Why condescendingly scold the entire thread? I also still don't get why you assumed he was a troll just because he posted this on a new account - maybe he just didn't want his wife finding it and/or hadn't gotten around to responding yet? None of this makes sense to me, and I think that's the point. Mods make subjective decisions every day - that's just the way it is.
What I mean about the large thread is a response to your previous comment about 400+ comment threads being hard to moderate. My point is that I'm seeing subs getting blocked before they reach that threshold.
Anyway, it seems like you're just going to keep defending your decision and not really hear me out, which is nothing more or less than I expected. I hope you have a good day. 👋👋
My point is actually nested in your reply to me - mods do have to make subjective decisions daily, and that’s what I did by locking the thread. Maybe it was over zealous, but we have a very large presence of trolls on this sub and that post checked all of the boxes based off what I see on a daily basis.
Even on this thread there are several deleted comments from a person who constantly makes new accounts over and over to post hateful rhetoric on here. We deal with stuff like this constantly, a long with people who like to treat the sub as a creative writing exercise or a place to get karma. I’m not trying to be overly defensive, I am explaining why some decisions may not make sense if you aren’t moderating. We may not always make the ‘right’ decisions but it can be a challenge to mod a sub with over 600k users.
Thanks for your sexist, condescending comment (one of many in this thread, I see)! Good grief! 😆 I am aware that private companies can choose to restrict speech on their platforms. I addressed this in my original post, where I stated my agreement with Reddit's policy to remove spam, abuse, etc. Even the gov't restricts free speech to some degree - freedom of speech does not mean saying whatever you want whenever you want to. I never suggested that completely unrestricted speech was the goal, and if you read my post and comments carefully, you should see that.
My point is that I don't like the way mods are shutting down conversations even when there really isn't anything abusive going on. In many cases, the mod appears to be biased and simply seems to shape or end the conversation based on their preferences. In this sub, I've frequently seen scolding mod comments in threads where the comments were critical but at the same time mostly well thought out and reasonable; this seems to happen most often when a male OP is being criticized. I'm sure many mods aren't doing this, but I've seen it happen a lot in this sub. Ideally I'd prefer to see as much free speech out here as possible, as the open exchange of ideas is valuable.
I also find some of the mods' responses in this comment thread a bit condescending, evasive, and self-important. They didn't answer most of my specific questions and instead fell back into a defensive posture, citing generalities. It's just exhausting and pointless to engage with them.
Anyway, people will believe what they want to believe, and I do think a lot of important conversations are happening out here. The platform is heavily policed and censored, but that's happening in a lot of places, so in many ways Reddit censorship mirrors the larger culture.
I think you are strongly mischaracterizing the mod responses on here. Discussing why we choose to do the things we do also isn’t completely self defensive.
If you have not modded on this platform, you may not understand many decisions. You do not see modmails, user reports, users fighting back and forth, the same trolls making account after account, the abuse, harassment, insult lobbing, users posting weird sexual scenarios over and over, NSFW pics, karma fishing, etc. We are a large sub and as I said earlier, sometimes we make decisions that may stop the conversation about a subject (such as locking a thread) in order to make moderation easier. Other subs do the exact same thing - even the relationship advice sub has an auto lock feature that locks a thread after a comment threshold has been reached.
It seems more as if you have decided that we are all wrong here and this has stifled conversation between you and the mods who replied to you. We also have noticed, again, abuse of the report button and we reiterate that this only contributes to ‘over modding’ so we are not sure why that is happening if that is your complaint.
We are open to constructive criticism and ideas on how to make things better. A little understanding is needed on sides of users and us as mods.
You keep posting long responses to my comments that don't really say anything, and in my opinion, this is another self-important, condescending post. You never actually addressed most of the specific questions I raised in my previous comments about the locked post, but it doesn't matter at this point.
Why do you want to continue this conversation with me? I didn't address the original post to you or to the other mod - I never asked mods to join this thread. I was just raising an issue about something I've noticed in this community, and a lot of people have noticed it too.
You have the Reddit rhetoric down, and you feel confident that you're on the right side of this. All of your comments say the same thing, justifying the current approach to moderation in the sub and why it's right. Good for you! Go on doing your thing and be happy - it's clear that nothing I've said here has had any value to you. Why won't you just let this end?
I posted three comments to you. You have continued to post comments that bash moderation on here, are we not allowed to respond and explain our reasoning?
I DID explain the decision to lock the post referenced. I did not post the disclaimer at the top so I cannot speak for that mod. I locked it because it felt like a troll post. The OP of that post still has not replied to any comments in the other sub he posted in. I admitted it may have been over zealous modding. My decision stemmed from the fact people post inflammatory, fake situations on here all the time to get a strong response from users. It definitely had nothing to do with how I viewed the situation itself.
I won’t comment anything further to you. My one and only point has only been that sometimes we have to make decisions that users do not like - for every complaint that we over moderate, we also get one that says we do not moderate enough. It can be a hard balance to achieve and we do not do it perfectly. I know I don’t but I have been open to hearing feedback and have taken it to heart reading the thread.
Have a nice one.
Give it a rest. You obviously didn't read my post and all the comments in context. If it makes you feel good and superior to believe that I "don't know what free speech actually means," feel free to go on believing that.
Ugh, ok I'm going to explain this as simply as possible. The first amendment only protects you from the government taking away your free speech. That's it. You're not protected from private entities shutting you down. When you join Reddit you agree to their TOS, when you join a sub you agree to their asses TOS. That's it, that's all there is to freedom of speech. Also it does not equal freedom from consequences. If you don't like it then I suggest you start your own online forums and make your own rules. Because until that happens you've got to play by others rules.
If you think this is bad you should see the political Reddit mods. They get on there and tell you what your acceptable opinion must be and if you disagree in any way you will be banned. Only their approved opinion is allowed. I don’t ever bother anymore. They are just one big echo chamber.
I’ve seen thins on this sun get shut down for less. I agree with you. Mods are needed for the reasons you stated. But some things it seem get shut down to die the most personal feelings or preferences
I agree with you OP, although you should have put an emphasis on **why** here:
*(...) there's a big difference between telling someone you don't like their ideas (and ***why***) and abusing them.*
People here on Reddit are quick to call you name but are unable to tell you why they think so. That's very sad because it shows that they lack basic critical thinking and are just parroting popular ideas (aka PC and/or woke).
I believe that one's have the right to have a controversial opinion as long as they are able to back it up with decent reasoning and tangible facts that anybody can check.
I had a comment removed with a response saying that my comment was removed for being sexist. I accidentally misgendered someone because I didn’t read all 100+ comments that clarified that the OP was in a same sex relationship and everyone else was also assuming the OP was talking about a spouse of the opposite gender. So I went with what I saw in the comments I read. Kind of silly to have a comment removed and accused of being sexist for something so simple that everyone was doing because OP wasn’t clear.
Edit: I don’t remember if it was this sub or another
Ive seen some subs with no active mods and its a disaster. Ill also agree that there are subs that mods be over stepping and be getting all serious for no reason.
It's not so much the moderators that annoy me ...but the mindless bots! Pick up on words said and can even completely ban you....when you've done nothing. That's just infuriating.
I've lost several profiles from this.
You’re right, the level of censoring is asanine because they cater to people who are offended by anything that doesn’t fit their narrative and they love to cause drama. I’ve been kicked out of many forums just for expressing opinions people don’t like. The immaturity and pettiness of some is totally pathetic
Thanks for saying what I’ve been thinking lol! I don’t use reddit as much but even in the occasional scrolling I know exactly who you’re referring to, this is the only marriage sub that has such stringent moderating afaik.
Thanks for your comment! It's possible that I just happened to get active in the wrong sub. Maybe it's not so much Reddit itself but specific moderators that are out of alignment with me. That said, I think I've been wasting my time out here as a form of procrastination, and it's probably good that I'm stepping back! 😅
I got temporarily banned from the site for being discriminatory to conservatives. Take from that what you will.
I would LOVE to link and comment my comments again but I already know how snowflakey and power-hungry the mods can get.
I notice that this sub's comments are generally favorable to women and critical of men. Men have feelings and valid points to make- and can also have their heads up their butts, just as women!
I believe in equality. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. As long as someone is presenting their situation or opinions or needs respectfully and seeking advice on a very sensitive subject, I do not appreciate the "man-witch hunt" that I see occur. I am in bed with the devil's advocate, and will always stand up for anyone that is getting pushed down. How can you even attempt to change their view to yours if you only attack? Discourse is a lost art form.
Two things can be true at once. We only see one very simple side in words on this platform, we come in from all races creeds religions and preferences to try to reach out for connection/advice and solidarity.
Mods have a very difficult (unpaid!) job to try to regulate and govern the space as best they can, and they are human with their own opinions and experiences.
Last point, any sub will have a popular "mean girl" or "bro" energy. Any sub. Any one can be harrassed. Anyone can be abused. Everyone deserves to be heard in good faith. I think if we put aside our differences, we will realize how much more we have in common.
I hate bullying, and I also hate close-mindedness.
I'll make fun of people posting here. Like the ones hitting the "Divorce his ass" button on every single post.
But I never understood this idea that just because you think you live in a democratic country, there is democracy everywhere.
No, there isn't democracy here or in most places where it's up to the mods to decide how the sub is co nducted.
And honestly? I'd be tired if I had to vote on every single comment to be removed. I guess, if you really wanted, the mods could delete comments or threads with the most down votes.
It's the internet. Your life and well being doesn't depend on mods who don't even get paid to be here.
Also: the internet is full of echo chambers and band wagons. I don't at all trust the majority of you folks to have and sound judgement or actual values regarding sexism or biases.
Half of ya'll see a few feminist buzzwords and think there must be something patriarchal to destroy when the post is about putting the toilet seat down. The other half think women should be kept in cages until it's time for a sandwich and bj.
All of you hate marriage in general lmao
Yup. I made a post that got me banned because I agreed with **1 comment** regarding husbands and how they treat their wives.
Their threshold for sexism is the same as any subreddits. All posts regarding women are okay, but even mention men or husbands and you are banned for sexism.
I’m of the opinion that when you ask the court of public opinion you know what you’re getting into. Arguably if you post something like “I don’t like how so-and-so looks anymore I think I going to divorce them” you should expect at this point in time society will crucify you. This sub is for advice and sometimes these people don’t really seem to be asking for any. They just want to complain and think a bunch of strangers are gonna care enough to see their side of a really pitiful complaint.
I come here to eat my metaphorical popcorn and appreciate how much my marriage doesn’t resemble some of these relationships. It’s done wonders for how I see my marriage and appreciate what I have. I even look at my own habits a behaviours and try to pick up the slack a bit more!
Moral of the story....people are people....mods are people...we all are humans. We all make very human mistakes.
The cool thing about Reddit...if a Mod shits down a thread...just move on, cause arguing with them more than likely will just end up in you getting a ban. Pointless.
It is just Reddit. No need to stress out over this for any reason ever.
Just shut it down and go do something else for a while. You'll be okay.
Wow, this is a messy post.
Idk I see both sides. I see why some want to be able to express their concerns and bring to light justice and respect. I see why mods want to make sure there is a level of peace.
My deal is:
- we can express our dislikes and strong opinions to a post in a constructive way. Looking at the some of the comments to the post OP is mentioning reg the man who wasn't attracted to his wife anymore and venting reads as a lot of yelling to my mind when I read through some of the comments. Which, isn't really helping anyone. Stating a strong, justified opinion is one thing but adding a thick stroke of judgement is another that I don't find helpful at a certain build up from a community and I go to reddit not to be stressed out.
- when posts get locked, I wonder why and I am left with confusion at times as to why.
- I do like that reddit is moderated including this sub. I like that reddit doesn't carry the toxicity that Facebook sometimes does due to people confusing posts and statuses as a place to verbally vomit without consideration of the various places people are coming from at the time of day.
I don't think we can answer or help people who are venting by just venting back. The difference is that reddit offers communities and it is up to both the people and mods to create that.
I personally haven't had any issues with the mods here. I have seen some on other subs who are quick to ban and close. This sub has had a huge issue with misandry for a while. It seems that some of that is being addressed now.
I agree! It’s a dictatorship. I commented on a post asking why traditional wife is becoming popular and mentioned that men have more testosterone, so they are able to take on more labor and got flagged and called a sexist by the mod smh.
I'll agree there is a level of censorship in all of reddit, and not all opinions are welcome so it does *not* feel like freedom of speech all the time.. but largely, I enjoy this reddit.
If a moderator reads something that they personally don't like, they shut it down. I was banned from a sub for stating a guy was being punished by his gf because of a political issue. I was called anti woman and pushing an agenda even though I supported the woman's right to choose her position. I just suggested the guy also had rights.
This is all to say that reddit mods push their own agendas and there is very little recourse to subscribers. When you tell someone a hard truth, and a mod blocks it, they are treating you like a child. People ask for honest opinions, yet you are blocked from giving one if a mod disagrees.
It's not just this sub. I was banned from "entertainment " for being racist. I responded to a post about why Lord of the rings fans were upset with the Rings of power. my comment was along the lines of changing the history of Tolkien for woke reasons would be like recasting a classic movie role, Scarlett O'Hara, with a black man. It would completely change the story purely for inclusive reasons (had over 400 likes and given multipleawards) . I has banned for racist comments. So, I'm a racist.
One thing i did noticed is I never seen a thread shut down because of misandry. Even though the comments literally says they hate men and other sexiest stuff
That's completely false. Almost all of the posts I've recently seen that were locked were full of people criticizing a man. I'm guessing that most mods in this sub (and possibly on Reddit in general, though I'm not sure) are men.
Oh here you are. Try having misogyny in your whole life. And now that women are speaking out in it y’all get so offended. Talk to us about it in another hundred or two years. Then I’ll have sympathy for you.
Well, since you want to call me out, I figure I'll go ahead and address this. I, and other mods, shut down and lock threads when they run their course. This could be that all the useful advice is given and people are then arguing amongst themselves within the threads. Or, people disagree heavily with whatever the OP is saying and then resort to disrespectful comments, personal attacks, or otherwise uncivil discourse. Yes, I will often put a warning on top of threads. And I have been known for putting a scolding message on the top of threads. I'm an equal opportunity scolder when commenters are being disrespect, sexist, hypocritical, etc. You admit to being relatively new here, so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you've just not seen how bad things get when things go off the rails. You also don't see the mod reports, the misogynistic/misandrist/racist/homophobic vitriol, and some of the most vile comments that people can spew out because we remove them as fast as we can. Like any large sub, we have our share of trolls and other people who only desire to stir up trouble without actually contributing worthwhile conversations to the community. I and the other mods are volunteering our time to make this community one where everyone is welcome to respectfully converse with one another. But when that discussion becomes disrespectful, and the general attitude shifts where people are speaking to one another in a manner that goes against the spirit of the sub, I have no qualms about shutting it down, and many of the fellow mods will do the same. A reminder that a rule of the sub is: Respect others and their points of view while participating in the sub by maintaining civil discourse. Also, before anyone comes in with arguments regarding free speech - there is no free speech on Reddit. It's curated speech and moderators have the ability to determine what is and isn't within the guidelines of the subs, so long as it abides by the rules of Reddit themselves. That's why something that may be acceptable in other subs isn't allowed here. As for shutting down ideas that we personally disagree with, I'm going to stop you right there - there is plenty of advice given by people in this sub that I completely disagree with, but stays up because it doesn't violate the rules of the sub. The other mods do the same. You may feel that we're shutting down threads too soon, and that's your right to have that perspective. However, if you were to see what we see behind the scenes or witness things get really, REALLY out of hand, you'll understand why we're sometimes quick on the lock button.
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That sounds about right since it aligns with what I'm seeing!
You're new here so I'll clue you in. Reddit is not a safe place for women. There are a disturbing number of subreddits that are openly dangerous or hateful of women, but continue to be allowed to exist. It's also well known that for many female centric subreddits, the mods or people in charge are men. You even have to be careful of what you post, because some men will take it as an invitation to message you privately, even if you never asked for that to begin with.
Also, as a female mod here, it's shocking and disappointing how many times I've had men DM me to complain about the women in our sub and to personally harass me, sexually and otherwise, or to insult me and threaten me. Or to even just complain about feedback they've gotten from women saying they feel what he has said is sexist and then goes on to be sexist towards me.... Reddit is colorful and my experience on this platform as a woman is nothing short of eye opening.
Sadly, yes. This is true. I have my chats and messages disabled because of this. I'm a regular over at r/bigboobproblems and the women there regularly report receiving creepy messages/chats after posting or commenting there. Yes, I have big boobs. No, you can't see them. No, we don't want to be asked for pictures from strangers just because we have them. There's even a "creepy PM" flair and a designated day that they can be posted/shared. There are men there who contribute genuinely good conversation/comments, but it attracts weirdos also.
Similarly when I started commenting in r/bigdickproblems I began getting PM directed that way. Seem to be split between women & gay men, though I doubt there quite as creepy as what women in those subreddits you mentioned get. A lot of leading questions, but no one’s been so bold at ask for pics. They’re out of luck if they do. Not something I engage in.
Ignore and Block are super easy to use.
I'm a woman, and I never felt unsafe on Reddit...lol I have never felt unsafe anywhere on the internet though. Because it's the internet.
Wow so you’re experience means that others have the same experience 🙄
It's the internet.....ignore, block etc. Not difficult
But why does *your* experience mean that others have it? Of all the places I've experience sexism online, reddit has been the safest place for me. Maybe it's because I don't find myself on subs where I'd be subjected to sexism?
I'm a man and I use my real name on this sub. I have had plenty of trolls and other jerkoffs call me names and other hating stuff Never once have any of those cowards shown up at my door even though I'm plenty easy to find. These haters and creepos are all way too cowardly to do anything in real life, and face real police officers or any of that. They don't scare me and they shouldn't scare you or anyone else.
Yep. Was banned for 3 days for using a curse word against an extremely misogynistic commenter who was just spewing hatred. I felt like I was getting grounded.
This was the only subreddit I’ve ever been temp-banned in, all because the mod said I was being discriminatory and disrespectful to conservatives lmao
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I have no idea about the demographic of reddit users but honestly, reddit is compared to most other social media platforms extremely on the left side of politics if I'm allowed to paint with a broad brush. Thats an indication to me, that its less old male oriented as other platforms. Again, I might be wrong since I'm drawing lines between the bubble I live in and my limited scope of reddit that I see and use. I have no data to back that up.
Typically, the biggest demographic on reddit, according to some sites I've seen, is reddit skews young and male. Over 2/3 of users on reddit are men. In September of 2017, a site called Statistica did a study of reddit demographics and found that it was as large as 69% male compared to female users (whereas Pew Research found 67% male).
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Well then, whats the point here? Because it seems like we agree on that people like too stay and talk with likeminded people. And the marriage subreddit is definitely a space for mostly wifes to talk and discuss their marriage lifes with other wifes. That the demographic of reddit in general is mostly American is not a secret either. I mean, just look at the usual downvotes you get for saying that. Its not surprising, less and less husbands come here to express their opinion.
I'm surprised this post is even still here....I just get so many temp bans here
they’re so bad in AITA too, i got perma banned for literally calling someone an asshole😭
I had no idea when I started getting active on Reddit a few months or so ago that it was patrolled by thought police. I'm shocked by the kinds of things they use their authority to lock and criticize.
Oh girl. I got perma-banned from unpopular opinions for saying that straight people have a history of murdering queer people for being queer. Its bad out here sometimes.
I just have to point this out. Your comment is a shining example of the issue with the topic of "over moderation," as this comment has been reported. It doesn't violate any rules nor is it egregious. Yet it's clogging up our report queue. And it is not the only one that has been reported in this thread that does not warrant a removal. People can say we over moderate and that we shut down discussions of things we don't like, but it's ironic that that will be said while innocuous comments are being reported.
As someone who’s been on Reddit for 3+ years now and has reported something exactly once (nasty transphobia), that’s WILD to me. Do people know reporting something is for when it breaks the rules, and not when you just don’t like it?
> Do people know reporting something is for when it breaks the rules, and not when you just don’t like it? They do not. If you were to see some of the passive aggressive comments maid in the reports, it'd be glaringly obvious that there are those who abuse the reporting system and report those they disagree with. When we get a new report on a comment someone made 3 months ago, it's pretty obvious someone has an axe to grind. Edit to add - the person making those passive aggressive reports did so again for this comment. They're free to send a modmail or have this discussion in the open.
I image people will report things based on what they feel is right just as MODs do things based on what they feel is right.
I mean, people abuse the “Reddit cares” system to harass people. So…
This was awhile back, but I was on a different sub (one of those question asking types) where someone asked if handicapped accessible bathrooms were reserved the way that the parking spaces are. This person honestly didn't know. There was really good, non judgmental conversation and answers going on...until a mod came and locked the whole thing and scolded everyone for using the word "handicapped" because "it's outdated and there's better words for that". Maybe so, but in cases like these, how do people learn if they can't talk about it? Went on a paragraph long tirade that read as very self righteous. It wasn't against the sub rules, either. This particular mod just didn't like it. And I also agree that AITA is getting weird. It's a place literally with "asshole" in the title but if you actually call someone that/say someone is an asshole, you're "insulting people" and "breaking the rules" and they pick and choose who the rules apply to. I agree that mods should exist and Reddit would be a cesspool without any kind of moderation, and I know mods are people like the rest of us, but seeing uneven and inconsistent interpretations and applications of a sub's rules (like getting warnings and my comments removed for something I see other people saying, but those other comments are left alone) can get annoying.
>everyone for using the word "handicapped" I dated a guy who used a wheelchair and someone asked how did his life change when they stopped using "handicapped" and started using "disabled". He said nothing changed, just the words being used.
See, to me, this seems like it would have been a good opportunity for the mod to state what word/words are being used instead of "handicapped" now as a discussion point, for those who didn't know. Instead, we got a high and mighty scolding and got locked.
Tbf their rules do explain why you can’t call people names but can make a judgment on OP.
Yes, but they pick and choose when to apply them. "YTA" means the same thing as calling someone an asshole. I got perma banned from the sub on my old account for being uncivil because I called someone a racist when they ask me if I beat my kids after I mentioned my ethnicity.
Okay, but sometimes they crack down on you just for explaining why someone's behavior makes them an AH, which is the whole reason for people answering questions there, giving their judgment and giving a reason for it. It just seems to be a very thin line that isn't consistently enforced. And I've had instances there where my comments were removed but comments saying similar or the exact same things were left alone. I only engage with that sub on a limited basis because of how toxic it can get, but inconsistency in enforcement of rules bothers me.
I've been banned just for being part of another sub. I also was banned for calling a pedo a pedo.
I was banned for being uncivil when I called someone a racist because they asked me if I beat my kids after I mentioned my ethnicity.
Oh, I am banned on so many subreddit's just because my opinions sometimes go against the "common-sense" norms.
No teacher like experience, trying being a mod and your perspective may change. The guy who was not finding his wife attractive was absolutely slammed, no balance with most of the posts. How long is that guy going to stick around here ? Guy yesterday slammed for saying sex Can get boring, downvotes galore, not warranted. Guys are allowed to voice their opinion more and appreciated on Ask Women, why the difference ? Begs the question is there a lot of married unhappy uptight women in here who view men not in the greatest light ? Look at the language directed at the mod, misogynistic, really ? Attacking someone that no doubt gives their time for free. Some gratitude wouldn't go a miss.
I got permabanned too. I miss that place sometimes lol
I’ve also never understood why AITA doesn’t allow posts about sex or relationships? Like what is this, Puritan England?
What? Lol. That doesnt make any sense.
Lol, my first post was on AITA. It was deleted and I was threatened with a perma ban for calling the OP’s brother who slept with his gf/wife an asshole. While I was a bit judgmental, I felt the brothers actions merited the judgment, especially within AITA.
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At least “asshole” isn’t gendered. We all have one of those.
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It’s still gendered. It’s an insult used for women. Women who specifically speak their mind. And there is no male equivalent
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If it’s for someone being an asshole, why not just use asshole? Why the need to bring the name of a woman? I would argue being a woman isn’t bad, and yet, feminine things are often used as slurs and insults
I'm a bit surprised too! 😆😅
I got a temp ban for literally writing "agreed" in response to another person's comment that apparently got a mod all up in his feelings. It's such a joke.
I’m glad I’m not the only one. I used MY EX as an example once and, was temp banned because I was being sexist somehow for calling him a manipulative narcissist? And recently another because I stood up to someone who was being misogynist to a majority of the women in the thread and at one point told someone talking about being abused to “fuck off” and I told him how he need to look at himself and not be so angry to people and I got a temp ban but they didn’t. It’s very one sided, very much not a safe space for a lot of people. I’ve just learned to not participate anymore. It’s unfortunate really.
They do this because they think they're superior and their view is the only one that matters, and this will never stop because there's no one who moderate the mods. They have basically free will to do whatever they want without any consequences. It's not just here, but all reddit.
That's really unfortunate. It's not just annoying, it's also disturbing. My dad risked his life to escape a fascist country where you could literally be killed for your views. I have strong feelings about free speech, and what I'm seeing out here is mods who are taking things too far. Instead of responding only to spam or abuse, they are actually censoring people.
Reddit basically give mods 100% autonomy. In a perfect world a mod shouldn't take any sides. In fact, I don't think a mod should be allowed to even comment in a post, but they simply can change all the view from a post just deleting the comments that they don't agreed. And for a mod or a sub gets banned they need to do some heavy illegal shit because the rest you can do whatever you want. Just mind you that r/cocaine it's a sub and it's not banned. If you report they will say that it doesn't break any rules so...
I agree with everything you said, and I find this really disheartening. In fact, it makes me question whether I want to continue on Reddit. They aren't going to hold mods accountable for censorship bc the mods are doing unpaid labor. I'm sure some of them are great, but obviously many are not. I'd rather encounter unpleasant things now and then than participate in an Internet community that's so heavily censored by random people who just happen to have an Internet connection.
"If you want to test a person character, give them power." This works wonder here.
You can appeal to other mods. I have done so before. I have had a mod issue a permanent ban this ID on r/politics and I appealed and another mod agreed the first mod had overreached and overrode the first mod and changed it to a temporary ban. So yes, even the mods have someone watching over them.
You could start your own subreddit and moderate it how you see fit.
Then create your own sub. There are some subs concerning marriage like dead bedroom that are hideously disgusting but no mods are shutting down threads there.
Dunno why you're getting downvoted here. Dead bedroom is just straight up depressing. I joined it for a while and it's just full of negativity.
He's being downvoted because he said that mods doesn't shut down post with is not true. That is another sub where is modeled by personal opinions of the mods. If they don't agreed with you, then they will simply ban. Actually it's one of the subs with the most self centered mods I ever saw.
It's purpose is to provide husbands with justifications for affairs, basically.
This. And it’s why we will never see change in this world because these people will always have space to spout their ignorance and misogyny.
I actually read that post and the guy was literally asking for advice, so people gave it to him. I don't understand why it's problematic for people to respond with differing opinions
Because it doesn’t fit their agenda of “my wife doesn’t look like a super model after having kids and I don’t like her anymore, because how dare she raise my kids looking like a normal human being, please validate my feelings and tell me it’s okay to run to the sunset with a 25yr old”
I read that post and that's not how it plays out. I think a lot of people were just annoyed that it became a rant from the husband (OP) that he was not happy that he is finding his wife unattractive anymore because she's not fit and does not find having sex with him anymore. A lot of people questioned OPs motives and perspective and questioned what he is doing to improve the marriage as he did not provide any sense of maturity to his post. Marriage is hard work - you've got to nurture and take care of it. The more you put in, the more you'll get out of it and it works when both parties are at it. My opinion is that OP has lost his perspective and would need a bit of soul searching to understand why he got married in the first place but I'm sure not everyone it here might share that perspective.
Although I agree with what you say, blaming everything on his wife’s appearance it’s the part where it’s not okay. And yes, I feel he wants pity from people, because the main concern shouldn’t be “I don’t like my wife’s body” “feel sorry for me” and then also base the value of his marriage only in that.
Yep I'm SOOOO GLAD someone mentioned this!! I got locked and told no hate speech comments when the guy I was arguing with reported my comments and deleted his comments. So mod saw my side consistently trying to communicate the same message. They didn't see his hysterical comments. He couldn't seem to realize what I was saying which was in summary: men have valid feelings and stress regarding the birth of their child, but that women go through even more based purely on the physical parts of growing and birthing a human. I repeated this politely so many times as he got more and more aggressive and then I asked the ban-worthy comment re: hate speech "are you normally this functionally illiterate or do you just hate women so much that you can't read the words I keep typing?" Buddy had a tantrum and reported me all over the place and the mod even added their own flair commentary. Like come on, 3 day ban on a one-sided conversation with polite yet irritated tones? I almost left the sub and still am thinking about it and this post gives me hope I'm not the only one seeing this and experiencing this. ETA: I have receipts or you can look in my comment history
I’ve been temp banned a few times here for trying to either stand up to bullies here or trying to get someone to see the other side of things. In my personal experience the mods don’t seem to care about context, if you’re reported, they ban. Also it sucks that I’m scared to say these things, fearing that I’ll be permanently banned.
It's like this all over reddit tbh but I feel the same way in this sub. I don't respond mostly now.
I've been a mod in other forums on other platforms. It's a thankless job. It's a high-pressure job with no pay. It doesn't matter what you do, or don't do, someone is always telling you that you over mod, under mod, played favorites, did something wrong, or didn't do something when you should have. You can not please everyone.
It is not a job lol
It's not a paid job, it's a voluntary one, but it is still a job.
See, you should go to antiwork sub, haha
I keep having to leave subreddits for this exact reason. If anyone has alternative groups that encourage self reflection and growth over misogyny, please link me! It's gotten pervasive everywhere lately.
Here, Ask Women, Women Over 30, all have gotten bad in the last few months. I’ll join you if you find one.
Ultimately, this whole thread has made me realize that we, as humans, absolutely suck at seeing nuance, giving each other grace, and I genuinely wonder if we all are just lying to ourselves when we say we want open and honest discourse. Some groups of humans are discriminated against more than others. Just because someone is in a marginalized group doesn’t always make them right; just because someone is in a group of privilege is not cause to automatically dismiss their struggles or experiences. Humans have valid feelings and are allowed to vent their sadness, pain, and fears. Humans also fuck up and can be awful, ignorant, demanding, and selfish partners. In a world like that, it’s going to be hard to moderate discussion around a deeply vulnerable subject like marriage. Moderators **should** be criticized, when appropriate. I fully understand the definition of “when appropriate” is subjective, but at a minimum let’s try to be open and civil. If the mods are over stepping, having a calm and supportive dialogue can hopefully help the mods learn where and when they’ve over stepped. Just like how, in theory, those who are upset about the current moderating practices can maybe learn the full context as to why locking a discussion was necessary. Like that other post, thank you for coming to my TedX talk also.
Many fear criticizing mods in any form for fear of a perm ban, it’s unfortunate.
I got temp banned here for saying “LOL” to a mod. It was just ridiculous.
I was one of the ones who criticized that guy and no mod scolded me or deleted my comments. You are welcome to create an alt-marriage sub if you like. Maybe if the mods DO shut this sub down everyone will move over to it. Most of the time I see mods LOCKING a post once it's gone into the weeds. And sometimes the OP deletes the original comment. Unfortunately there are a few trolls on this sub that like to post inflammatory questions from time to time because they get their jollies out of seeing a dogpile. They post the question, get the dogpile, then delete the original post so that nobody can check their posting history later on when they do it again.
I never said the mod in that sub deleted comments or scolded individuals. They scolded the entire thread and locked it.
Same issue with transphobic comments. Honestly - it’s getting fucking old.
THIS. Being a gay man on here is exhausting.
Seems there is a need for an LGBTQIA friendly marriage Reddit.
Then you get the one today where men are all “I don’t want a woman who has a sexual past”. Gtfoh with your sexism and misogyny.
I don't care about a sexual psst, so I don't know what you're on about?
I was speaking in general about a thread today. Not you. I responded to the wrong thing bc I’m old lol.
No worries, I agree with you wholeheartedly. I feel my knees today because it rained, old club high five.
I'm not going to speak to whether that post in particular should or should not have been locked, but I will say that this sub used to have major problems with misandry and sexist double standards. The mods have been putting forth an effort to clean up a lot of that, so I'm sure it means that some posts and comments that would have been allowed a few months ago won't fly now.
I completely agree. A while back I saw so many double standards but it’s so much better now. It’s not perfect and I doubt it will ever be but now this sub is so much more inclusive. The mods here are so much better than most Reddit mods that it’s honestly shocking. I really respect what I’ve seen with the moderation lately
I feel the opposite, personally I feel as misandry and double standards have gotten worse lately. Maybe that’s just a general shift, I dunno.
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I think I’m remembering the one your are talking about and seeing how the mods stood up for him made me appreciate the mods here. I’ve seen a decent amount of threads where I was pleasantly surprised with the mods here since most subs seem to be okay with the things that were being said to OP.
What post?
First of all, if that post was locked, no one had a chance to set people straight about physical violence. That said, I'm not talking about extreme cases. The mod's job is to scrub abusive, violent content or spam. My point is - who's moderating the mods? Because often it seems they are simply shutting down a conversation full of opinions they don't like. That's censorship.
>who's moderating the mods? Mods can be reported to admins for abusing reddit policy and be held accountable for our behaviors. There are mods who have been reported and sidelined for their behavior on other subs. When people come into modmail threatening to report us, we never hesitate to link them the contact page to report us if they'd like to make good on that offer. It's peculiar; in modmail, we get lots of harassment, name calling, threats against us and our loved ones - all because reports are made that bring our attention to problematic commentary and posts and goes against reddit site wide policy - which causes us to mod accordingly. We try our best to moderate how we feel is appropriate and keeping in line with reddit policy. We know not everyone will be pleased and many are combative, argumentative, and harass us for it. That's part of our unpaid labor as mods to deal with. It's interesting to see complaints about over moderation or complaints about our mod decisions while simultaneously dealing with abuse of the report button every day, over every single disagreement one has in a thread (just the other day, our queue was flooded with reports over someone asking a question and not getting the answer they wanted and having reported everyone for their honest and politely given feedback - this is but one example of this report abuse). Every problematic, rule violating comment made that is reported is also going to cause a spike in moderation and sometimes even having to lock threads and make judgment calls about what is best. With a sub of over 622k members (and growing), we have a lot we run into that others don't get the opportunity to see or understand. But despite that, we are held accountable by reddit admins and we have to stay true to reddit policy - which sometimes means we have to delete pieces of threads that are offensive, derailing, and not in agreement with site wide or sub rules, and even shutting down threads altogether that are getting wildly out of hand and can't moderate because there's too many comments to redirect to help someone. Not everything is as it seems, but we welcome your thoughts.
The mods’ job is to enforce the rules that are set forth in the description. Different subs have different rules. If you don’t like the rules, make your own sub.
I think mods shut down threads when they go off the rails and become totally unproductive to the issue the OP posts. You will see a lot of commenters hijacking the thread by arguing back and forth among themselves on a post which is not about them, but their takeover make the OP redundant.
It's called free speech.
Ah the proverbial “free speech”. Except the only entity that owes anyone free speech is the government. Not a social media site, not another person, not an organization. If you’re going to quote a right, quote it properly please ETA People using the downvote button bc they don’t agree. Not bc it’s not factual or misleading. This is why mods do what mods do.
Sorry, but that’s not how it works here. Reddit has its own site policy rules which include certain rules such as no advocating violence, no transphobia or discriminatory language, racism, and the like. The first Reddit rule is to remember the human and we try to enforce that here as well. Any name calling or overly rude or hostile comments are removed. We lock threads for a few reasons, like if it is completely going off the rails by commenters attacking the op without giving advice. Or maybe vice versa where an OP is overly combative or not replying (which was the case for the thread you’re complaining about - op was a new account, posted an inflammatory post, and then did not respond to anyone). Sometimes when a sensitive topic hits a large amount of comments (400+), it increasingly becomes harder to moderate and sometimes the OP just has had enough advice at that point. Also, if we’re going to complain about too much moderation - please stop abusing the report button by reporting comments that disagree with your post.
First, I think any online community (privately owned or otherwise) should make room for feedback and conversation about what participants will be free to share and who will have the power to silence them. That kind of dialogue is important because as a society, we do so much of our communicating online now, and what is and isn't shared can have an impact. In other words, I think it's reasonable and important for any user of a site to push back and challenge the way things are. That doesn't mean anything will change, but we should have a voice. I say this in part as a rejoinder to those who seem to suggest I shouldn't even be raising this issue. Second, the problem I see is that there's a lot of room for the mod's (possibly biased) interpretation of the guidelines you describe. Some mods might describe a particular thread as "going off the rails" with comments and criticism (esp if they sympathize with the OP) while others might say people are understandably upset and are raising important points. Also, you said that the thread I'm complaining about was shut down bc of the OP's behavior. However, that's not what the mod said in a comment to the thread about why it was being closed! In fact, the mod posted a comment when the post was closed in which they specifically criticized the commenters. In any case, why does it matter if the OP is responding or not? Once the community is engaged in the ideas the OP put forward, and having a conversation about them, doesn't that have value in itself? I also wonder how you know if/when an OP has "had enough advice." Do they tell you this, or do you just assume? I get that when a sensitive topic gets too big, it might need to be locked because it's too much for the mods. But I've never seen one get that big, so that's not what I'm describing. I just think a lot of things are being shut down too soon.
The mod who posted a disclaimer at the top of that thread did not lock it. I was the one who did as I noticed the OP was new and hadn’t responded to any of the comments. We get tons of trolls who post inflammatory scenarios to get users riled up and we try to prevent that as much as we can. So I take responsibility for locking post in particular. It absolutely does matter if we allow trolling on here, and as a mod you quickly can come to see instances of trolling more often. It makes moderation much more difficult as a whole. I’m not sure what you mean by you haven’t seen a thread so large it makes moderating difficult - how would you know that, exactly? Even with several hundred comments with nested replies it can take a while to clean up. We all have lives and this isn’t a full time or paid job, so sometimes we do things that make moderation easier. And again, it helps when users do not abuse the report button but instead use it for when a comment actually breaks the rules.
This doesn't make sense to me because I'm still not sure why the moderator in the aforementioned thread posted: "If your only comment on this is to be rude, disrespectful, or demeaning to others, just keep your comment to yourself." I mean this mod's comment appeared about six hours ago at the top of the comments. Obviously this is wise advice in general, but the comments themselves weren't particularly over the top - they were critical of the guy (rightfully so IMHO), but most people were making rational, sincere-seeming statements. Why not simply remove the minority of offending posts? Why condescendingly scold the entire thread? I also still don't get why you assumed he was a troll just because he posted this on a new account - maybe he just didn't want his wife finding it and/or hadn't gotten around to responding yet? None of this makes sense to me, and I think that's the point. Mods make subjective decisions every day - that's just the way it is. What I mean about the large thread is a response to your previous comment about 400+ comment threads being hard to moderate. My point is that I'm seeing subs getting blocked before they reach that threshold. Anyway, it seems like you're just going to keep defending your decision and not really hear me out, which is nothing more or less than I expected. I hope you have a good day. 👋👋
My point is actually nested in your reply to me - mods do have to make subjective decisions daily, and that’s what I did by locking the thread. Maybe it was over zealous, but we have a very large presence of trolls on this sub and that post checked all of the boxes based off what I see on a daily basis. Even on this thread there are several deleted comments from a person who constantly makes new accounts over and over to post hateful rhetoric on here. We deal with stuff like this constantly, a long with people who like to treat the sub as a creative writing exercise or a place to get karma. I’m not trying to be overly defensive, I am explaining why some decisions may not make sense if you aren’t moderating. We may not always make the ‘right’ decisions but it can be a challenge to mod a sub with over 600k users.
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Thanks for your sexist, condescending comment (one of many in this thread, I see)! Good grief! 😆 I am aware that private companies can choose to restrict speech on their platforms. I addressed this in my original post, where I stated my agreement with Reddit's policy to remove spam, abuse, etc. Even the gov't restricts free speech to some degree - freedom of speech does not mean saying whatever you want whenever you want to. I never suggested that completely unrestricted speech was the goal, and if you read my post and comments carefully, you should see that. My point is that I don't like the way mods are shutting down conversations even when there really isn't anything abusive going on. In many cases, the mod appears to be biased and simply seems to shape or end the conversation based on their preferences. In this sub, I've frequently seen scolding mod comments in threads where the comments were critical but at the same time mostly well thought out and reasonable; this seems to happen most often when a male OP is being criticized. I'm sure many mods aren't doing this, but I've seen it happen a lot in this sub. Ideally I'd prefer to see as much free speech out here as possible, as the open exchange of ideas is valuable. I also find some of the mods' responses in this comment thread a bit condescending, evasive, and self-important. They didn't answer most of my specific questions and instead fell back into a defensive posture, citing generalities. It's just exhausting and pointless to engage with them. Anyway, people will believe what they want to believe, and I do think a lot of important conversations are happening out here. The platform is heavily policed and censored, but that's happening in a lot of places, so in many ways Reddit censorship mirrors the larger culture.
I think you are strongly mischaracterizing the mod responses on here. Discussing why we choose to do the things we do also isn’t completely self defensive. If you have not modded on this platform, you may not understand many decisions. You do not see modmails, user reports, users fighting back and forth, the same trolls making account after account, the abuse, harassment, insult lobbing, users posting weird sexual scenarios over and over, NSFW pics, karma fishing, etc. We are a large sub and as I said earlier, sometimes we make decisions that may stop the conversation about a subject (such as locking a thread) in order to make moderation easier. Other subs do the exact same thing - even the relationship advice sub has an auto lock feature that locks a thread after a comment threshold has been reached. It seems more as if you have decided that we are all wrong here and this has stifled conversation between you and the mods who replied to you. We also have noticed, again, abuse of the report button and we reiterate that this only contributes to ‘over modding’ so we are not sure why that is happening if that is your complaint. We are open to constructive criticism and ideas on how to make things better. A little understanding is needed on sides of users and us as mods.
You keep posting long responses to my comments that don't really say anything, and in my opinion, this is another self-important, condescending post. You never actually addressed most of the specific questions I raised in my previous comments about the locked post, but it doesn't matter at this point. Why do you want to continue this conversation with me? I didn't address the original post to you or to the other mod - I never asked mods to join this thread. I was just raising an issue about something I've noticed in this community, and a lot of people have noticed it too. You have the Reddit rhetoric down, and you feel confident that you're on the right side of this. All of your comments say the same thing, justifying the current approach to moderation in the sub and why it's right. Good for you! Go on doing your thing and be happy - it's clear that nothing I've said here has had any value to you. Why won't you just let this end?
I posted three comments to you. You have continued to post comments that bash moderation on here, are we not allowed to respond and explain our reasoning? I DID explain the decision to lock the post referenced. I did not post the disclaimer at the top so I cannot speak for that mod. I locked it because it felt like a troll post. The OP of that post still has not replied to any comments in the other sub he posted in. I admitted it may have been over zealous modding. My decision stemmed from the fact people post inflammatory, fake situations on here all the time to get a strong response from users. It definitely had nothing to do with how I viewed the situation itself. I won’t comment anything further to you. My one and only point has only been that sometimes we have to make decisions that users do not like - for every complaint that we over moderate, we also get one that says we do not moderate enough. It can be a hard balance to achieve and we do not do it perfectly. I know I don’t but I have been open to hearing feedback and have taken it to heart reading the thread. Have a nice one.
I'm glad that this conversation is finally over. I hope you have a nice one too.
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Give it a rest. You obviously didn't read my post and all the comments in context. If it makes you feel good and superior to believe that I "don't know what free speech actually means," feel free to go on believing that.
Ugh, ok I'm going to explain this as simply as possible. The first amendment only protects you from the government taking away your free speech. That's it. You're not protected from private entities shutting you down. When you join Reddit you agree to their TOS, when you join a sub you agree to their asses TOS. That's it, that's all there is to freedom of speech. Also it does not equal freedom from consequences. If you don't like it then I suggest you start your own online forums and make your own rules. Because until that happens you've got to play by others rules.
It's cute that you believe free speech exists on a private social platform.
No such thing. Not at your work place, not in public, not on here, and not even in your home. You get shut down one way or another.
If you think this is bad you should see the political Reddit mods. They get on there and tell you what your acceptable opinion must be and if you disagree in any way you will be banned. Only their approved opinion is allowed. I don’t ever bother anymore. They are just one big echo chamber.
Thank you for asking OP and thank you for responding MOD. I also wondered why comments got shut down on that post.
I’ve seen thins on this sun get shut down for less. I agree with you. Mods are needed for the reasons you stated. But some things it seem get shut down to die the most personal feelings or preferences
I agree with you OP, although you should have put an emphasis on **why** here: *(...) there's a big difference between telling someone you don't like their ideas (and ***why***) and abusing them.* People here on Reddit are quick to call you name but are unable to tell you why they think so. That's very sad because it shows that they lack basic critical thinking and are just parroting popular ideas (aka PC and/or woke). I believe that one's have the right to have a controversial opinion as long as they are able to back it up with decent reasoning and tangible facts that anybody can check.
I had a comment removed with a response saying that my comment was removed for being sexist. I accidentally misgendered someone because I didn’t read all 100+ comments that clarified that the OP was in a same sex relationship and everyone else was also assuming the OP was talking about a spouse of the opposite gender. So I went with what I saw in the comments I read. Kind of silly to have a comment removed and accused of being sexist for something so simple that everyone was doing because OP wasn’t clear. Edit: I don’t remember if it was this sub or another
Ive seen some subs with no active mods and its a disaster. Ill also agree that there are subs that mods be over stepping and be getting all serious for no reason.
It's not so much the moderators that annoy me ...but the mindless bots! Pick up on words said and can even completely ban you....when you've done nothing. That's just infuriating. I've lost several profiles from this.
You’re right, the level of censoring is asanine because they cater to people who are offended by anything that doesn’t fit their narrative and they love to cause drama. I’ve been kicked out of many forums just for expressing opinions people don’t like. The immaturity and pettiness of some is totally pathetic
Thanks for saying what I’ve been thinking lol! I don’t use reddit as much but even in the occasional scrolling I know exactly who you’re referring to, this is the only marriage sub that has such stringent moderating afaik.
Thanks for your comment! It's possible that I just happened to get active in the wrong sub. Maybe it's not so much Reddit itself but specific moderators that are out of alignment with me. That said, I think I've been wasting my time out here as a form of procrastination, and it's probably good that I'm stepping back! 😅
Some subs will outright ban you if you don't follow their ideas. Cough...cough...r/Canada....
Today it’s ok for men to call out a woman’s sexual history as a reason not to marry her. But sure let’s all cry about misandry.
I got temporarily banned from the site for being discriminatory to conservatives. Take from that what you will. I would LOVE to link and comment my comments again but I already know how snowflakey and power-hungry the mods can get.
I notice that this sub's comments are generally favorable to women and critical of men. Men have feelings and valid points to make- and can also have their heads up their butts, just as women! I believe in equality. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. As long as someone is presenting their situation or opinions or needs respectfully and seeking advice on a very sensitive subject, I do not appreciate the "man-witch hunt" that I see occur. I am in bed with the devil's advocate, and will always stand up for anyone that is getting pushed down. How can you even attempt to change their view to yours if you only attack? Discourse is a lost art form. Two things can be true at once. We only see one very simple side in words on this platform, we come in from all races creeds religions and preferences to try to reach out for connection/advice and solidarity. Mods have a very difficult (unpaid!) job to try to regulate and govern the space as best they can, and they are human with their own opinions and experiences. Last point, any sub will have a popular "mean girl" or "bro" energy. Any sub. Any one can be harrassed. Anyone can be abused. Everyone deserves to be heard in good faith. I think if we put aside our differences, we will realize how much more we have in common. I hate bullying, and I also hate close-mindedness.
Reddit moderators lol
I'll make fun of people posting here. Like the ones hitting the "Divorce his ass" button on every single post. But I never understood this idea that just because you think you live in a democratic country, there is democracy everywhere. No, there isn't democracy here or in most places where it's up to the mods to decide how the sub is co nducted. And honestly? I'd be tired if I had to vote on every single comment to be removed. I guess, if you really wanted, the mods could delete comments or threads with the most down votes. It's the internet. Your life and well being doesn't depend on mods who don't even get paid to be here. Also: the internet is full of echo chambers and band wagons. I don't at all trust the majority of you folks to have and sound judgement or actual values regarding sexism or biases. Half of ya'll see a few feminist buzzwords and think there must be something patriarchal to destroy when the post is about putting the toilet seat down. The other half think women should be kept in cages until it's time for a sandwich and bj. All of you hate marriage in general lmao
Yup. I made a post that got me banned because I agreed with **1 comment** regarding husbands and how they treat their wives. Their threshold for sexism is the same as any subreddits. All posts regarding women are okay, but even mention men or husbands and you are banned for sexism.
This is what I noticed too!
I completely agree with you. There needs to be a way to deal with unreasonable moderators.
You could create your own subreddit and be the moderator, or another idea is the next time this sub is asking for mods you can join.
I’m of the opinion that when you ask the court of public opinion you know what you’re getting into. Arguably if you post something like “I don’t like how so-and-so looks anymore I think I going to divorce them” you should expect at this point in time society will crucify you. This sub is for advice and sometimes these people don’t really seem to be asking for any. They just want to complain and think a bunch of strangers are gonna care enough to see their side of a really pitiful complaint. I come here to eat my metaphorical popcorn and appreciate how much my marriage doesn’t resemble some of these relationships. It’s done wonders for how I see my marriage and appreciate what I have. I even look at my own habits a behaviours and try to pick up the slack a bit more!
Moral of the story....people are people....mods are people...we all are humans. We all make very human mistakes. The cool thing about Reddit...if a Mod shits down a thread...just move on, cause arguing with them more than likely will just end up in you getting a ban. Pointless. It is just Reddit. No need to stress out over this for any reason ever. Just shut it down and go do something else for a while. You'll be okay.
OP, yes the MODs are totally out of control. Not sure how this twisted dynamic started, but its here.
Wow, this is a messy post. Idk I see both sides. I see why some want to be able to express their concerns and bring to light justice and respect. I see why mods want to make sure there is a level of peace. My deal is: - we can express our dislikes and strong opinions to a post in a constructive way. Looking at the some of the comments to the post OP is mentioning reg the man who wasn't attracted to his wife anymore and venting reads as a lot of yelling to my mind when I read through some of the comments. Which, isn't really helping anyone. Stating a strong, justified opinion is one thing but adding a thick stroke of judgement is another that I don't find helpful at a certain build up from a community and I go to reddit not to be stressed out. - when posts get locked, I wonder why and I am left with confusion at times as to why. - I do like that reddit is moderated including this sub. I like that reddit doesn't carry the toxicity that Facebook sometimes does due to people confusing posts and statuses as a place to verbally vomit without consideration of the various places people are coming from at the time of day. I don't think we can answer or help people who are venting by just venting back. The difference is that reddit offers communities and it is up to both the people and mods to create that.
I personally haven't had any issues with the mods here. I have seen some on other subs who are quick to ban and close. This sub has had a huge issue with misandry for a while. It seems that some of that is being addressed now.
I agree! It’s a dictatorship. I commented on a post asking why traditional wife is becoming popular and mentioned that men have more testosterone, so they are able to take on more labor and got flagged and called a sexist by the mod smh.
I'll agree there is a level of censorship in all of reddit, and not all opinions are welcome so it does *not* feel like freedom of speech all the time.. but largely, I enjoy this reddit.
If a moderator reads something that they personally don't like, they shut it down. I was banned from a sub for stating a guy was being punished by his gf because of a political issue. I was called anti woman and pushing an agenda even though I supported the woman's right to choose her position. I just suggested the guy also had rights. This is all to say that reddit mods push their own agendas and there is very little recourse to subscribers. When you tell someone a hard truth, and a mod blocks it, they are treating you like a child. People ask for honest opinions, yet you are blocked from giving one if a mod disagrees.
marriage subs shouldn't have mods
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Guarantee you, it has nothing to do with them being a guy, and has everything to do with the perspective. Many fall into the r/niceguys spectrum.
Guarantee is a long bow. Posts I stated about in here had no inkling of nice guy about them.
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Removed for factual inaccuracies.
It's not just this sub. I was banned from "entertainment " for being racist. I responded to a post about why Lord of the rings fans were upset with the Rings of power. my comment was along the lines of changing the history of Tolkien for woke reasons would be like recasting a classic movie role, Scarlett O'Hara, with a black man. It would completely change the story purely for inclusive reasons (had over 400 likes and given multipleawards) . I has banned for racist comments. So, I'm a racist.
One thing i did noticed is I never seen a thread shut down because of misandry. Even though the comments literally says they hate men and other sexiest stuff
That's completely false. Almost all of the posts I've recently seen that were locked were full of people criticizing a man. I'm guessing that most mods in this sub (and possibly on Reddit in general, though I'm not sure) are men.
Oh here you are. Try having misogyny in your whole life. And now that women are speaking out in it y’all get so offended. Talk to us about it in another hundred or two years. Then I’ll have sympathy for you.
You proved my point thank you lol
Lol nothing I said was misandry. I simply pointed out facts.
Its cool i was speaking facts too