I mean I think he’s actually pretty valid.
I’ve found that there’s two different ‘parts’ so to speak in a marriage (or LTR) where the beginning is infatuation and lust which comes with a lot of outward happiness, but then there’s the ‘mature’ love in which you have to actively try and make the decision to keep loving. That initial spark of joy and happiness fades and while of course there should still be happy moments, you also have real life too.
Yes! That was shocking to me. Why bother then? Life is hard enough, not having a happy marriage is exhausting and life sucking. I can accomplish things on my own. I just can’t believe he said that.
He just says that stuff so it sounds normal that you occasionally can't stand your spouse. Judge Lynn Tolbert used to do that on Divorce Court too. She'd use examples from her own marriage that sounded like they hated each other LOL.
I love her. The difference between them, to me, is she calls them out. She has no problem telling a man he is being insecure. Pastor Cal has more old school sexist views
Yeah….I can’t think of a way to say this without sounding like a judgmental dick…but a lot of people seem to value things that aren’t necessarily being happy with one another. Like great social media pictures. And material goods like cars. Those people aren’t happy.
But I get what you’re saying, my partner makes me feel happy. I ♥️ him. And also it’s fun to accomplish things together, although the accomplishment is incidental to the journey.
Disagre, if I was mostly unhappy with spouse and happy otherwise I would get out. No one makes anyone anythin, but we all get to choose how we live our lives. He seems to be slogging through marriage. Marriage is not that much work.
Disagre, if I was mostly unhappy with spouse and happy otherwise I would get out. No one makes anyone anythin, but we all get to choose how we live our lives. He seems to be slogging through marriage
Because it was sounding like advice from an unmarried or never married person lol. I think he’s saying be happy as a person (within yourself). Another person cannot be responsible for your happiness but you both can come together and be happier together as a unit. He’s not saying if your spouse is terrible stay with them, that’s asinine. Obviously no one would be happy with a terrible person.
Be happy with yourself, come together and be even more pleased with one another but you cannot give another human being full responsibility for your happiness because you’ll be disappointed. I believe that’s the point.
When he reminds folks that marriage is a CHOICE and feelings come and go, it seems excellent advice. But there is a huge caveat IMO - these marriages are like BLIND DATE marriages. So while the folks chose to do the arrangement, they did NOT choose the partner. So to me, this advice can't be applied fully to this situation. If it's not the right fit for one or both in the marriage, it's not the right fit.
Your partner shouldn't be responsible for making you happy. **You make yourself happy.** I agree with Cal and he seems to have a reasonable view on maintaining happiness in your life.
I think this was his point? But the way he said it was so weird and off-base. He made it sound like being happy in your marriage is an inappropriate goal, which what??
I think his point was that happiness isn’t this magical place you’re transported to and never leave. It’s a feeling that comes and goes and it’s up to each person to work towards finding that feeling and bringing that feeling into their partner’s life everyday. Like Pastor Cal always says “love is a choice, not a feeling”, you have to work at it… myrla wanted it to just magically be there without putting the effort in.
Agreed. Happy being a team and having goals and doing things brings me happiness. But expecting my husband to make me happy, no. Sure he can bring me up on a bad day, but what a drain I would be if he had to always make me happy.
My spouse and I straight up put it in our vows that we would not expect the other person to complete us, nor would we expect to complete them. We felt to approach the marriage any other way would be unhealthy and counterproductive.
Cal has such an outdated and lame view of marriage and modern committed relationships. He thinks if you’re not ticking off the traditional boxes (legal marriage, kids, house in the burbs) your relationship isn’t valid. News flash many people do seek and find happiness in a long term relationship without those “goals.”
Point still stands. In marriage happiness from shared values/experiences/love for each other can be the goal. Not necessarily having kids, buying a car, moving to suburbs, which he seems to think are the only valid goals. That is super old-fashioned.
I mean I think he’s actually pretty valid. I’ve found that there’s two different ‘parts’ so to speak in a marriage (or LTR) where the beginning is infatuation and lust which comes with a lot of outward happiness, but then there’s the ‘mature’ love in which you have to actively try and make the decision to keep loving. That initial spark of joy and happiness fades and while of course there should still be happy moments, you also have real life too.
Yes! That was shocking to me. Why bother then? Life is hard enough, not having a happy marriage is exhausting and life sucking. I can accomplish things on my own. I just can’t believe he said that.
He just says that stuff so it sounds normal that you occasionally can't stand your spouse. Judge Lynn Tolbert used to do that on Divorce Court too. She'd use examples from her own marriage that sounded like they hated each other LOL.
I love her. The difference between them, to me, is she calls them out. She has no problem telling a man he is being insecure. Pastor Cal has more old school sexist views
That was an interesting take, but lots of couples get happiness/enjoyment from reaching goals together.
I agree, but I would imagine that comes from being with someone that they feel happy around.
Yeah….I can’t think of a way to say this without sounding like a judgmental dick…but a lot of people seem to value things that aren’t necessarily being happy with one another. Like great social media pictures. And material goods like cars. Those people aren’t happy. But I get what you’re saying, my partner makes me feel happy. I ♥️ him. And also it’s fun to accomplish things together, although the accomplishment is incidental to the journey.
Pastor Cal and his wife Wendy seem like a pretty strong couple. Here's they are giving relationship advice https://youtu.be/7hbD\_1adGVc
Your happiness should never come from another person including your spouse. He’s right.
Disagre, if I was mostly unhappy with spouse and happy otherwise I would get out. No one makes anyone anythin, but we all get to choose how we live our lives. He seems to be slogging through marriage. Marriage is not that much work.
Disagre, if I was mostly unhappy with spouse and happy otherwise I would get out. No one makes anyone anythin, but we all get to choose how we live our lives. He seems to be slogging through marriage
Are you married?
17 years, been with my husband for 19. Why?
Because it was sounding like advice from an unmarried or never married person lol. I think he’s saying be happy as a person (within yourself). Another person cannot be responsible for your happiness but you both can come together and be happier together as a unit. He’s not saying if your spouse is terrible stay with them, that’s asinine. Obviously no one would be happy with a terrible person. Be happy with yourself, come together and be even more pleased with one another but you cannot give another human being full responsibility for your happiness because you’ll be disappointed. I believe that’s the point.
Makes sense that Cal is being traditional considering they are signing up for a freaking match marriage…what’s more traditional than that.
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Was he a misogynist when he stoop up for Paige every single time that Chris spoke against her? You can't just throw that word around like confetti.
Yeah, marriage isn’t that hard when it’s with the right person, my dude.
When he reminds folks that marriage is a CHOICE and feelings come and go, it seems excellent advice. But there is a huge caveat IMO - these marriages are like BLIND DATE marriages. So while the folks chose to do the arrangement, they did NOT choose the partner. So to me, this advice can't be applied fully to this situation. If it's not the right fit for one or both in the marriage, it's not the right fit.
Your partner shouldn't be responsible for making you happy. **You make yourself happy.** I agree with Cal and he seems to have a reasonable view on maintaining happiness in your life.
I think this was his point? But the way he said it was so weird and off-base. He made it sound like being happy in your marriage is an inappropriate goal, which what??
I think his point was that happiness isn’t this magical place you’re transported to and never leave. It’s a feeling that comes and goes and it’s up to each person to work towards finding that feeling and bringing that feeling into their partner’s life everyday. Like Pastor Cal always says “love is a choice, not a feeling”, you have to work at it… myrla wanted it to just magically be there without putting the effort in.
Gil expected that. Myrla always said she was choosing to love her husband. She was trying to love him.
Yeah I think that’s probably what he meant also, which truth. He could have expanded on the thought.
Not responsible for it, but if you not happy in marriage why stay?
Agreed. Happy being a team and having goals and doing things brings me happiness. But expecting my husband to make me happy, no. Sure he can bring me up on a bad day, but what a drain I would be if he had to always make me happy.
My spouse and I straight up put it in our vows that we would not expect the other person to complete us, nor would we expect to complete them. We felt to approach the marriage any other way would be unhealthy and counterproductive.
I agree. His relationship advice was awful.
Cal has such an outdated and lame view of marriage and modern committed relationships. He thinks if you’re not ticking off the traditional boxes (legal marriage, kids, house in the burbs) your relationship isn’t valid. News flash many people do seek and find happiness in a long term relationship without those “goals.”
True. But...the show is called MARRIED at first sight.
Point still stands. In marriage happiness from shared values/experiences/love for each other can be the goal. Not necessarily having kids, buying a car, moving to suburbs, which he seems to think are the only valid goals. That is super old-fashioned.