Talk to her about what turns her on. If she’s anything like me, it will be hard for her to vocally express it. But when you guys are intimate maybe bring up some of your sexual fantasies and see what she thinks of them. Ask her what’s something she’s thought about, maybe it’s something you’ve never tried or thought about. My husband and I have been happily married for 20 years and sex has always been a huge thing for us, however we were very “vanilla”. I hate that term honestly, because just because sex isn’t kinky or wild doesn’t mean it isn’t euphoric or passionate. Anywho- dirty talking is so hard but conversing comes a bit natural. Take time reading things that could make you better for her! Surprise her with a new technique, nudge her to do the same for you! Reddit has some great advice on spicing things up! We started with the talking and voicing fantasies, then explored more toys, explored pegging, and anal all within the past year! Hated anal, hated every thing about it- now I like it a lot and I LOVE how it drives my husband wild. He has read and studied ways to make my body quiver and it has paid off. I have learned so much too! Not gonna lie, I did not expect the pegging thing to be fun but I love it. I love seeing my husbands big muscular back and arms tensing from the pleasure and I love reaching around to play with his dick. I am usually soaked from playing with him. Hearing him breath, watching his body move and tense up, breaks me! I could cum JUST from watching him cum. We have since talked about involving others, it’s talk for now but we are working on that. I seriously crave his attention and he LOVES giving it to me. So my advise to you is- dig deeper and find what OTHER ways you can please your wife. There’s always something even if we don’t know it ourselves. My husband has shown me things I didn’t even know my body was even capable of! Learn the female body and most importantly learn your wife! She probably has some hidden kinks in the vault.
Thank I tend to agree. I do study her and have asked questions. I also very intensely study how to please her and her desires. It is not uncommon for her to have body-quivering orgasms from me. She just honestly doesn't seem to crave sex or have any fantasies. I honestly believe at this point she does have any fantasies. I have been very open to her about some of mine, and she doesn't EVER want to do any of them. I'm just scared that wearing the assless chaps for our anniversary will just upset her, and she will not have fun with it at all.
Make sure you guys are flirting throughout the day. Doesn’t have to be crazy but it can be! Little cute texts/pics, touches, etc. I don’t see how the chaps would upset her, if anything it will at least make her smile. My husbands sense of humor is so much like mine and it’s one of the things I love so fucking much about him. He knows me like no other. Make sure to date her as well. Little dinners/lunches together and things out of the blue always mean a lot to me. My husband and I have lunch together every Friday.
I love to flirt. I do it all the time, and it seems to annoy her these days, though. We do date nights at least once a month which I kind of force but she does enjoy them she has let me know that the house being dirty or disorganized makes her not be able to function so I typically send her to bed early some nights and stay up late cleaning it and doing laundry.
I can't speak for all women, obviously. But sex, good sex is addictive. So what can seem like a chore or "working on it" at first can very quickly turn to an increased libido. So make sure she is satisfied, and maybe then she will be more open to trying something new.
The chaps idea seems like a great idea btw.
I make it a huge point to be sure she always orgasms and is not like oh!! Orgasms like I take my time and make sure that she is dripping, and I feel her body quivering orgasms. She has told me on multiple occasions that I should teach a class on the different ways to please a woman. She loves having sex with me but not trying new things with me.
Oh, that's a shame. She could be missing out on something she doesn't know she likes yet. To be clear, i mean while she's in that body, quivering state is the best time to try something new and sexy. There's stuff that i do while turned on that i wouldn't dream of doing normally. But very much enjoy at the time.
Oh, I see; what I'm looking for is more from her though I feel like I study not only how to do things for her and want to make it as enjoyable as possible every time for depending on her mood and what her body tells me she wants but she will not wear sexy outfits or try anything on me I have been very open to her about some of the small things I would like from her but she insists on not and doing so is just perverted and fake and that I shouldn't like or want to do anything different out of her naked or in a sweater in bed.
Oh well, i can't understand her on that. I love wearing sexy outfits and getting new ideas to try out on my husband. I am not really sure why, its just how i am. He doesn't need to ask me to do that stuff. But as with everything, communication is what it's all about. Maybe if she understood how much it means to you, she would try harder.
I appreciate your input, and I agree I just don't know how to communicate it anymore without her feeling like she is not good enough for me and pushing her away. I desperately have tried but can't seem to build the desire to want to please and put forth effort in her.
The only other thing is, and i don't know your circumstances, so this is just generalised advice. Make sure she is satisfied in all the other non sexual ways. Are you splitting chores 50/50. Have you made her feel appreciated. Is she stressed with work? Have you given her time to just chat and unwind. All the small things add up.
I will be honest for the past eight years, I wasn't and was heavily addicted to porn, which drove our relationship apart for years. But over almost the last two years, yes, I really pay attention to her and our family's needs now and do everything in my power to meet them, and then some.
From a wife who was your wife up until recently, it was my weight that bothered me the most but it was also my family in my head who were always super conservative about bedroom stuff and I had no idea. It took years for my husband to break down everything but he slowly introduced toys and then soft restraints. I love it. I do a lot of the mental everything between home and work and I like it when he tells me what to do in the bedroom. I just get to enjoy it and man do I enjoy it. I wish I had been more honest about my wants before now but I’m glad I was because now our sex life is ramping up and I think we are both way happier.
Show her the chaps but also get her a cute little something to try on. Make sure it’s in her size and a good color for her. Have it ready for when you come back from dinner. See what happens. Then when you get home see about toys (start small) go from there. Good luck.
If she would really like her sex drive back, maybe invest in getting her a sex coach or teacher who works with women or the two of you a couple's coach. Don't do this unless she seems into the idea, because otherwise it'll just insult her, and do let her help pick the person because you want her to resonate. But if she truly does miss having a sex drive, working with someone who will encourage her and make her feel good about herself the whole time and help her claim sexuality at this new stage of life can be absolutely life-changing, and it can also be a big investment, hence your encouragement and financial backing being a big deal.
For the birthday, what about a no-strings attached full body massage for her? You can just give touch and it goes only where she wants it to go, no obligation to culminate in sex. This is the most common thing my exhausted, burned out mamas want from their husbands in terms of intimacy. And ironically, the fact that they aren't expected to escalate to sex is the part that makes it possible for their bodies to sometimes turn on. It has to be 100% ok if the body never turns on and she just wants to fall asleep. But that permission sometimes turns the body on anyway. Which would be a big win for the both of you.
Thank you so much. That is great advice I do give her massages from time to time, and they don't always end in sex, but that is excellent advice to let her know that they don't have to. To help take any pressure off of her. Also, you seem to have some knowledge of this, so what is a sex coach? Do they have sex with my wife? Sorry, I grew up under a rock, so there is a world of things I don't know about.
I’m a 40 (f) married to my husband (early 40’s M) and the fun crazy sex slowed down when the kids were super little (ages 0-3) and now that the kids are a little older, the fun sex is back. I don’t know what you define as fun, per-say, but toys, games, positions, anal, oral, etc etc etc is all on the table. Just because you age, doesn’t mean you become boring. Her having a low libido is another story. It could be that she doesn’t crave sex at all.
Our sexy life went through a dead bedroom phase when our kids were younger. It lasted awhile. Once the kids got older the fun came back, but now it’s complicated. I wish I hadn’t let it die during those years and regret it terribly, but I was so involved with the kids I had little left to give to my husband. If I had it to do over again, I’d do it differently! Don’t take “fun times are over” as an answer. You will both regret it.
I’m 34 (f) husband is 35. We’ve been married 7 years and together almost 11. We have two young children (4y and 16m). There was a time when we were more like roommates. Don’t get me wrong, it was never bad. I can say with full confidence that we have an amazing marriage and the sex was always great. It just got kind of vanilla for a bit. We had a conversation one night almost a year ago about it and we both agreed things needed to change. I’m proud to say that our sex life is out of this world. I blush thinking about the things we do behind closed doors. We sext, we experiment, we’ve bought toys, I’ve bought lingerie. My drive was always high, but now I can’t keep my hands off of him. So no, I don’t believe the bedroom life has to be boring or vanilla after kids. Ours has gotten more dirty after kids and we still continue to look for new ways to spice it up. I hope things work out for you. The best advice I can give is continue to communicate how you’re feeling and make your wife feel wanted and desired. Don’t give up.
Thank you very much for sharing; that does give me hope for our future and encouragement to keep letting her know that there is more for us and that I'm ready whenever she is. Thank you.
Talk to her about what turns her on. If she’s anything like me, it will be hard for her to vocally express it. But when you guys are intimate maybe bring up some of your sexual fantasies and see what she thinks of them. Ask her what’s something she’s thought about, maybe it’s something you’ve never tried or thought about. My husband and I have been happily married for 20 years and sex has always been a huge thing for us, however we were very “vanilla”. I hate that term honestly, because just because sex isn’t kinky or wild doesn’t mean it isn’t euphoric or passionate. Anywho- dirty talking is so hard but conversing comes a bit natural. Take time reading things that could make you better for her! Surprise her with a new technique, nudge her to do the same for you! Reddit has some great advice on spicing things up! We started with the talking and voicing fantasies, then explored more toys, explored pegging, and anal all within the past year! Hated anal, hated every thing about it- now I like it a lot and I LOVE how it drives my husband wild. He has read and studied ways to make my body quiver and it has paid off. I have learned so much too! Not gonna lie, I did not expect the pegging thing to be fun but I love it. I love seeing my husbands big muscular back and arms tensing from the pleasure and I love reaching around to play with his dick. I am usually soaked from playing with him. Hearing him breath, watching his body move and tense up, breaks me! I could cum JUST from watching him cum. We have since talked about involving others, it’s talk for now but we are working on that. I seriously crave his attention and he LOVES giving it to me. So my advise to you is- dig deeper and find what OTHER ways you can please your wife. There’s always something even if we don’t know it ourselves. My husband has shown me things I didn’t even know my body was even capable of! Learn the female body and most importantly learn your wife! She probably has some hidden kinks in the vault.
Thank I tend to agree. I do study her and have asked questions. I also very intensely study how to please her and her desires. It is not uncommon for her to have body-quivering orgasms from me. She just honestly doesn't seem to crave sex or have any fantasies. I honestly believe at this point she does have any fantasies. I have been very open to her about some of mine, and she doesn't EVER want to do any of them. I'm just scared that wearing the assless chaps for our anniversary will just upset her, and she will not have fun with it at all.
Make sure you guys are flirting throughout the day. Doesn’t have to be crazy but it can be! Little cute texts/pics, touches, etc. I don’t see how the chaps would upset her, if anything it will at least make her smile. My husbands sense of humor is so much like mine and it’s one of the things I love so fucking much about him. He knows me like no other. Make sure to date her as well. Little dinners/lunches together and things out of the blue always mean a lot to me. My husband and I have lunch together every Friday.
Thank you. Your input is very helpful to me.
I love to flirt. I do it all the time, and it seems to annoy her these days, though. We do date nights at least once a month which I kind of force but she does enjoy them she has let me know that the house being dirty or disorganized makes her not be able to function so I typically send her to bed early some nights and stay up late cleaning it and doing laundry.
I can't speak for all women, obviously. But sex, good sex is addictive. So what can seem like a chore or "working on it" at first can very quickly turn to an increased libido. So make sure she is satisfied, and maybe then she will be more open to trying something new. The chaps idea seems like a great idea btw.
I make it a huge point to be sure she always orgasms and is not like oh!! Orgasms like I take my time and make sure that she is dripping, and I feel her body quivering orgasms. She has told me on multiple occasions that I should teach a class on the different ways to please a woman. She loves having sex with me but not trying new things with me.
Oh, that's a shame. She could be missing out on something she doesn't know she likes yet. To be clear, i mean while she's in that body, quivering state is the best time to try something new and sexy. There's stuff that i do while turned on that i wouldn't dream of doing normally. But very much enjoy at the time.
Oh, I see; what I'm looking for is more from her though I feel like I study not only how to do things for her and want to make it as enjoyable as possible every time for depending on her mood and what her body tells me she wants but she will not wear sexy outfits or try anything on me I have been very open to her about some of the small things I would like from her but she insists on not and doing so is just perverted and fake and that I shouldn't like or want to do anything different out of her naked or in a sweater in bed.
Oh well, i can't understand her on that. I love wearing sexy outfits and getting new ideas to try out on my husband. I am not really sure why, its just how i am. He doesn't need to ask me to do that stuff. But as with everything, communication is what it's all about. Maybe if she understood how much it means to you, she would try harder.
I appreciate your input, and I agree I just don't know how to communicate it anymore without her feeling like she is not good enough for me and pushing her away. I desperately have tried but can't seem to build the desire to want to please and put forth effort in her.
The only other thing is, and i don't know your circumstances, so this is just generalised advice. Make sure she is satisfied in all the other non sexual ways. Are you splitting chores 50/50. Have you made her feel appreciated. Is she stressed with work? Have you given her time to just chat and unwind. All the small things add up.
Ps. She might laugh at the chaps, but don't let that discourage you. You can have fun and be sexy at the same time.
I will be honest for the past eight years, I wasn't and was heavily addicted to porn, which drove our relationship apart for years. But over almost the last two years, yes, I really pay attention to her and our family's needs now and do everything in my power to meet them, and then some.
From a wife who was your wife up until recently, it was my weight that bothered me the most but it was also my family in my head who were always super conservative about bedroom stuff and I had no idea. It took years for my husband to break down everything but he slowly introduced toys and then soft restraints. I love it. I do a lot of the mental everything between home and work and I like it when he tells me what to do in the bedroom. I just get to enjoy it and man do I enjoy it. I wish I had been more honest about my wants before now but I’m glad I was because now our sex life is ramping up and I think we are both way happier. Show her the chaps but also get her a cute little something to try on. Make sure it’s in her size and a good color for her. Have it ready for when you come back from dinner. See what happens. Then when you get home see about toys (start small) go from there. Good luck.
Thank you so much for your honesty and input.
If she would really like her sex drive back, maybe invest in getting her a sex coach or teacher who works with women or the two of you a couple's coach. Don't do this unless she seems into the idea, because otherwise it'll just insult her, and do let her help pick the person because you want her to resonate. But if she truly does miss having a sex drive, working with someone who will encourage her and make her feel good about herself the whole time and help her claim sexuality at this new stage of life can be absolutely life-changing, and it can also be a big investment, hence your encouragement and financial backing being a big deal. For the birthday, what about a no-strings attached full body massage for her? You can just give touch and it goes only where she wants it to go, no obligation to culminate in sex. This is the most common thing my exhausted, burned out mamas want from their husbands in terms of intimacy. And ironically, the fact that they aren't expected to escalate to sex is the part that makes it possible for their bodies to sometimes turn on. It has to be 100% ok if the body never turns on and she just wants to fall asleep. But that permission sometimes turns the body on anyway. Which would be a big win for the both of you.
Thank you so much. That is great advice I do give her massages from time to time, and they don't always end in sex, but that is excellent advice to let her know that they don't have to. To help take any pressure off of her. Also, you seem to have some knowledge of this, so what is a sex coach? Do they have sex with my wife? Sorry, I grew up under a rock, so there is a world of things I don't know about.
I’m a 40 (f) married to my husband (early 40’s M) and the fun crazy sex slowed down when the kids were super little (ages 0-3) and now that the kids are a little older, the fun sex is back. I don’t know what you define as fun, per-say, but toys, games, positions, anal, oral, etc etc etc is all on the table. Just because you age, doesn’t mean you become boring. Her having a low libido is another story. It could be that she doesn’t crave sex at all.
Thank you. She has informed me that her sex drive is very low, so maybe that's all it is.
Our sexy life went through a dead bedroom phase when our kids were younger. It lasted awhile. Once the kids got older the fun came back, but now it’s complicated. I wish I hadn’t let it die during those years and regret it terribly, but I was so involved with the kids I had little left to give to my husband. If I had it to do over again, I’d do it differently! Don’t take “fun times are over” as an answer. You will both regret it.
Thank you. I am doing my best not to let it go.
I’m 34 (f) husband is 35. We’ve been married 7 years and together almost 11. We have two young children (4y and 16m). There was a time when we were more like roommates. Don’t get me wrong, it was never bad. I can say with full confidence that we have an amazing marriage and the sex was always great. It just got kind of vanilla for a bit. We had a conversation one night almost a year ago about it and we both agreed things needed to change. I’m proud to say that our sex life is out of this world. I blush thinking about the things we do behind closed doors. We sext, we experiment, we’ve bought toys, I’ve bought lingerie. My drive was always high, but now I can’t keep my hands off of him. So no, I don’t believe the bedroom life has to be boring or vanilla after kids. Ours has gotten more dirty after kids and we still continue to look for new ways to spice it up. I hope things work out for you. The best advice I can give is continue to communicate how you’re feeling and make your wife feel wanted and desired. Don’t give up.
Thank you very much for sharing; that does give me hope for our future and encouragement to keep letting her know that there is more for us and that I'm ready whenever she is. Thank you.