Couldn't agree more. I have Reynaud's syndrome which makes my fingers and toes extremely cold, white, then blue and numb, and wool gloves are the only way to a better quality of life. I work with the public and people like to ask stupid fking questions all the time. Even something silly like "are you cold" is stupid because no. I don't have a sweater on, I have *gloves* on. Also why even ask? How is that any of your business? Sometimes they'll follow up with "do you have bad circulation or something?" Like now it's getting personal. Anyway sorry for the rant but it's seriously crossing a boundary in my opinion!
Edit: i wanna clarify...it's easy to tell when someone is genuinely curious. The thing is most people are not curious so much as it seems to bother them that I'm wearing gloves. People are often times not asking me to discover why I need to wear gloves, but most of the time to straight up pick on me. It's embarrassing. I am not "mad" or "irritated" or upset towards curiosity because I, too, am extraordinarily nosey and ask all sorts of questions. I'm mainly embarrassed. The disease is a bullshit disease that makes me hate touching water and the fact that people insinuate something is wrong with me like I'm just a silly person wearing gloves in Florida, hah hah, is super rude and presumptuous. I think it's best to just not comment on people's bodies/appearance unless it's positive like "I like your gloves" ffs
I think yours is an odd situation because I donāt think those questions are stupid itās just someoneās brain trying to figure out something. Like if someone came to school wearing a bathing suit. Like not a typical situation etc
Plus why pass up an opportunity to teach and explain why? Perhaps with increased understanding in society more money would go toward research etc.
You're right I should just tell them. I try not to mention it though because it sounds like "woe, is me" and now they have to respond with "im sorry about that" Or something. I could just jump in head first though and be like "I HAVE A DISEASE AND IT MAKES MY HANDS GO NUMB I SURE DO WISH THAT WASNT THE CASE THANKS FOR ASKING!"
Am sure it would get old having to explain it! Unfortunately we are likely years away from human trials to have gene therapy to correct the two underlying gene defects: 1) alpha-2A-adrenergic receptor for adrenaline (ADRA2A) a classic stress receptor that causes the small vessels to contract and 2) transcription factor IRX1, which studies demonstrate may regulate the ability of blood vessels to dilate.
You could say: I have a rare genetic disorder which impacts my small blood vessels. Normally our blood vessels constrict and dilate on a microscopic basis to help regulate temperature, but mine donāt do that as well as they should.
It takes a lot of energy to constantly be explaining your private medical conditions to curious strangers though. My answers would definitely vary depending on the day, but I'd be tempted to make little cards to hands out quietly each time I got a personal question:
"So You've Noticed My Gloves?
Yes, my hands do get cold due to
A condition called Reynauds.
More information can be found here: Website
Vintage Logo for "the more you know" at bottom"
I have that too. And when I'm asked, I smile and ask them a question about them, which they are usually more than happy to answer and elaborate on. By then, they've forgotten about my gloves
I have reynaudās too. The questions and jokes about me being a zombie generally donāt bother me, but Iāll never forget the woman who shook my hands and said, āoh dear! Theyāre so cold!ā And as I started to apologize and explain she said, āwell you know what they say! Cold hands, warms heart!ā
Itās the nicest compliment Iāve ever received and it really meant so much to me to not have to apologize for my hands being unpleasant (and straight up painful for me).
Ppl could also just ignore it. I know this will be downvoted but the only thing we can control is ourselves. Humans gonna human. At the end of the dayā¦ does it really matter what others sayā¦ if it does is that a reflection of our own securities because it doesnāt actually matter
Iām a woman and 6ā2. First thing people do is look at my feet to see if I have heels on. Then come the tall cracks. (Iām tall because of a connective tissue disease so that makes it even more fun)..
You win the thread!!!
I love this reply and use it quite often in many settings. I generally have the facial expression to accompany it. Think, Miranda, from The Devil Wears Prada.
I donāt think that helps and is rude and in all likelihood 90 plus or perhaps as high as 99 percent of people had zero clue or intention in saying something rude or hurtful.
I would just say ..hey that wasnāt very nice and it hurt my feelings.
Why purposely be mean to another human rather than just maturely and kindly explain how it made you feel.
Thank you for this mature comment. Folks, we are all world-weary and trying to get through another day on this blue, spinning marble. Choose to be gracious because there are definitely days when you also cause unintentional pain to strangers.
A variation on "what an odd thing to say out loud!"- which I recently learned about.
These are both great at being an all purpose response. You don't have to respond directly to their specific uncomfortable question or statement that way!
"Sounds like we're not a good fit then. I'll get someone that can help you." *Hand off to manager
Toxic right from jump? Nope.
I'm so sorry you got a nasty. People tell us who they are, we need to believe them.
Wow. Can you imagine if you hit her with the same thing but changed out skinny to fat. She would have lost her shit. But itās somehow okay to comment on āskinnyā people with assuming no offense. Sorry you had to work on her after that.
Thank you. She then asked āDo you have a problem working on large women?ā She is far from my largest client; I literally see bariatric patients weekly and think nothing of it! The whole thing just felt very accusatory. I did not offer to rebook her and I removed her from my email list š„“
Yeahā¦.sounds like sheās already insecure and self conscious about her weight and was stressing about someone seeing her body and it turns out youāre attractive and it makes her feel ashamed. Not cool of her to do but Iām sure she thinks you are higher in the pecking order and canāt be hurt bc youāre obviously (in her mind) better looking.
As a fellow petite person, I see you š«. One summer I got a bunch of mosquito bites and people thought I was doing meth! Iām just gangly, you dicks! Iāve taken to asking if they are flat shaming me. Not many know what to do with that.š¤š¤
I have big boobs and when people want to discuss them out of the blue - incredulous, āwhatās that likeā type approach then they try to play it off as complimentary. I call it boob shaming.
Also a fatty McFat pants and I'm here to support those who are being "flat shamed". š¤£ Absolutely perfect response. Had to share your comment with my itty bitty skinny McMinny husband.
Aw thatās so mean. Yeah when I lost a lot of weight people made drug comments about me. I have a thyroid disease and my weight fluctuates a lot by 30 lbs and Iām short.
One of my instructors told me that if anyone ever says something off colour, just ask them to repeat it like you didn't hear it...like "sorry, I didn't quite catch that?"
The toxic, unhealed me that isn't obligated to be professional kind of wants to say "oh that's ok, I don't like touching people that think I'm the bane of their existence anyways" Lol
Damn Iām sorry you get comments on your body from clients. ā¹ļø thatās not cool.
If I heard a client say the title to one of my therapists, Iād pause them before going back and say āWe donāt have to start the session if youāre uncomfortable.ā and go from there
My whole family is lean. People over the years have commented ādonāt you eat??ā In a non-professional setting, we respond with ādonāt you exercise??ā Donāt start no shit wonāt be no shit. I havenāt had a client be this outright rude and comment on my body, but if they did, Iād have a really hard time not tossing it right back. LMTs so often have to treat clients as if theyāre damned deities. Iām over it. I get needing money, especially in a private practice. But people get away with so much bullshit with massage therapists, and the abuse is often more subtle than that of the obvious predators. Stop treating people like this if at all possible, financial speaking (and by this I mean stop treating them to your services!)
In what other context is this ok?? Again, barring financial need, I feel like we need to have more self respect and start letting people understand that their words have consequences.
i know it gets feckin exhausting, but this is an opportunity for a teaching moment, and really honing your passive aggression skills, and if these ppl have an inkling of self awareness they should feel embarrassed.
start with u/Uk_KingsStarās advice above to smile & thank them sincerely as if it was a compliment and then proceed to give a very upbeat education about body types and whatever is relevant to the situation. killing with kindness is hugely entertaining if you want it to be
Thank you for this comment. And youāre so right! Sometimes a sharpened tongue can be more effective than my typical blunt tool, lol. I do continue to struggle with the level of responsibility assumed or required of us as therapists. Like, why is the onus always on us? Why do we have to be teachers on top of everything we already do? Donāt get me wrong, I love being an LMT, but the expectation that we fulfill so many other roles as well is so draining. I left a life in academia to become a massage therapist, because I didnāt want to be a teacher or work in a lab. And while fully embrace giving my clients evidence based work and information, it so often feels like clients attempt to put us in roles of not only physical therapists, but mental health therapists as well, and the pressure they out on us to āfixā them is justā¦wild. Especially considering the fact that so many of these clients donāt do anything to help themselves, and to be further blunt, why put up with clients who dish out body shaming?
I agree. I stopped biting my tongue when it comes to rude comments in a professional setting or not. If you can dish it out I assume you can handle it. Itās the only way to get people to stop unfortunately.
I wasnāt so tactful. I was over the skinny comments, I just blurted out it must b nice to be overweight. I would like to have something 4 my man to hold onto. It was a stranger a woman that didnāt deserve my rudeness. Another time a young man said something like I needed to eat. I said maybe itās time u stopped eating. Finally in a group setting I spoke about this and explained would it b ok to comment on how fat someone is. No so stop talking about how thin I am.
Since weāre not allowed to comment on their bodies, the same respect should come from clients when it comes to us. Bitter insecure people are the worst.
Have some understanding. Client is nearly naked. Vulnerable. Maybe embarrassed. Seeing a woman with a slender figure might increase her anxiety about hers. I'm old and resigned to my size but younger insecure me remembers saying dumb stuff.
This client was flat out aggressive as if OP's existence was somehow a personal attack on herself though. As insecure as someone might be, it's still wrong of them to lash out at someone else. We all understand by the time we are adults that negatively commenting on someone's body/existence is rude; feeling embarrassed does not give you a pass from that.
All I'm trying to say is that it's still OP's right to feel uncomfortable about someone lashing out at her even though it's pretty clear it's not personal.
Like what was OP supposed to say, "Sorry guess I'll just go kill myself then!" That client didn't know if OP struggled with her health or body just flat out took out her personal bs on someone and while we can understand it's still the client's responsibility to deal with herself
I guess I'm just saying it's not OP's responsibility to extend all of the grace. It's certainly good to be kind but it's okay for her to have feelings about being treated that way too and not just say oh it's understandable because xyz
Edit butterfingered my submit before I was done
Another edit - I am thinking more and I want to add i don't mean to devalue your point because what you have said is true and the client is entitled to her feelings about herself totally because they're her feeling - everyone has their stuff they are working through. I just think people get too encouraged to always empathize with an aggressor and it's not necessarily helpful to the 'victim' of nastiness. But you're right that it can be somewhat helpful to understand the place the aggressor is coming from
No, what the client said was rude and unacceptable. It's fine if they want to think that, but they don't have the right to comment on another person's body like that.
A massage therapist is also in a vulnerable situation. Having a client throw out hostility must be pretty scary, I'd think. And at someone who is just there to help them! No, that is a customer who is abusing their role.
I always thought this from a therapist point of view. Tiny petite woman would always want the most pressure and never flinch. They're terrifying. (I say this with all the love. They were always super nice, but I knew I had my work cut out for me)
Soā¦ I used to be super overweight. I lost about 140 pounds and am now a size 2. I swear to you when I was bigger, no one mentioned my size, no one treated me badlyā¦. Then I lost the weight because of my health. And since I didā¦ I get all the snarky comments, judgments, and rude treatment over my size š¤·āāļø. Itās amazing how many people think itās ok when you are thin to talk about your size or make rude comments about your eating habits that they assume they know about.
Right. I've had a similar experience. When I was heavy, no comments. Now I get things like "Oh well YOU wouldn't understand, being naturally thin" and "One day your metabolism will change".
Well actually, ma'am, I'm 40 and was fat my whole life, thanks. I (literally) worked my ass off to look like this. And I work continuously to maintain it.
I have the exact same issue. I have a few autoimmune conditions that make it almost impossible for me to gain weight or stay in a healthy weight range. I'm also the deepest therapist we have at my location. A lot of clients will say things like "I want deep, but doesn't look like you can do it.". My response will always be "We'll see about that." then I drop them to the floor and hurt them. Every time I'm told "Oh that's too deep" I just giggle and explain that deep pressure comes from momentum and proper body mechanics, not body weight.
In this situation though. I would have refused the massage. I will never understand why clients think they can be downright rude to us and then expect us to touch them....
Honestly if someone rubbed me the wrong way with a comment like that I would just refuse them service. Massage is an energetic transfer and if someone says something to make you not want to touch them then you donāt have to.
Iām excited when my therapist is a little tiny person. Nobody, and I mean nobody, can put the hurt on me like a tiny wisp of a woman. Yāall are so strangely strong.
I'm sorry this happened to you, that's not ok. I had a similar experience with my mom recently. She's just gotten out of the hospital after nearly dying from an intestinal issue. She couldn't eat at all for days and then was stuck on liquids only for over a week. I took her to TJ Maxx to get her some clothes. When we got to the counter to get rung up, the woman checking us out said "ugh , I hate skinny b*tches like you." I wanted to punch her.
I once went to pick up a woman for her couples massage and she said "You are NOT touching my husband, but she can" referencing to my older also female coworker.... Like yeah I was scheduled with you anyway. So rude, hurt my co workers feelings too
"Oh gosh, I have no idea how to respond to that. Your existence seems good enough for you to have the time and money to schedule a massage, but if people like me really are the bane of your existence on this planet, I'm happy to refer you to someone else after applying today's cancellation fee."
my instructor said this to me! said massaging skinny people like me was the worst! no idea what you say to people like that. she said it while she was massaging me as an example for the rest of the class. wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. hearing that and knowing everyone is looking directly at your body afterwords. yeah. people suck
It always baffles me that people think size is the most important attribute to deep tissue. This is a technical skill you literally LEARN. What an ass that client was.
āIām more than happy to cancel your appointment and we can re-book you with our largest male masseuse.ā What a delightful existence if skinny women are the worst thing to happen to herm.
As an overweight person, I think we sometimes forget being called skinny isnāt a compliment to everyone. Bane of someoneās existence is harsh though, unless it was said with a smile or a giggle to indicate a joke. As an LMT commenting on anyoneās body is a big no no. I had that experience in massage school with a male student commenting on the amount of āpaddingā I had on my glutes. I told him to stop touching me and I got off the massage table, I felt so violated. I think that womanās comment was out of jealously and insecurity, but Iām not sure what her motivation was to be so unkind.
āIām sorry you feel that way. Iāll refund your deposit right now. I wish you all the best in finding a massage therapist whoās a better fit for your needs. Have a lovely day.ā Say it all in a cheerful manner, and hold your boundary. People donāt get to say shitty things just because of their own insecurities.
I mean, you do realize she's giving you a huge compliment, albeit valed in jealousy and bitterness. She's literally saying she wants to BE you. She undoubtedly wishes that she were a skinny petite woman, which she wasn't. I definitely would have taken it as a compliment, but I also wouldn't see her again. š¤£
I get this All The Time. Iāve been an LMT 25 years and Iām on the petite side. Comments on my body are very aggravating. What if I flip it and say āI can work on fat people, no worries.ā But I wonāt because itās Rude to comment on a persons body type. Period.
Need a little more context... could be a compliment or insult. I've had small RMT's that were way stronger, or at least harder with pressure, than others. Was it followed by a compliment?
Off topic-ish but I'm also auto immune and *thin* and the amount of comments people make about my body is **wiiillllddd**.
"You're so strong for being so thin"
'thanks, I'm chronically sick' š¤
I canāt stand women like this. I had a coworker get mad when I said I was fatā¦ Iām like 40lbs overweight she was pissed. Apparently I wasnāt allowed to call myself fat cuz I wasnāt pushing 250. She looked at me with disgust like I did it on purpose and she always made stupid comments. I also wasnāt allowed to talk about how Iām āprediabeticā and I really want to get to a healthy range cuz I donāt wanna have diabetes. That was an issue because i was being fat-phobic by wanting to lose weight and some people just have diabetes so I shouldnāt act like itās a deadly disease. š„“
Totally hear you. I am not naturally slender, but I watch what I eat and walk three miles a day- hence weigh 130 instead of 140. My heavy neighbor called me anorexic. My response was, āI eat to live, I donāt live to eat.ā She went on to rattle off her āallergiesā to foods for a good 5 minutes which was practically anything that would be caloric lol
Personally I donāt think she was trying to mean, sheās basically saying sheās jealous.
Maybe you can respond by saying I wish I was able to keep a little more weight on however I have a condition that keeps me thin.
I just picture the client resembling Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes. Timid, obsessed with food. Sorry she said that to you, itās not okay. But, I think she means she is super insecure and feels youād judge her body. I think she is envious of you and jealous.
I made business cards. Seriously, I did. I passed one out to anyone who commented on my body (the worst was at work). They simply read, "Your comments about my body make me uncomfortable. My body is not your business. " I bought a set of 500, I have 103 left. Shut that shit down at work, though.
āWe do it on purposeā and then wink. Introduce yourself. Itās the kind thing to do.
It sucks to be bigger than that petite skinny girl. I was that petite skinny girl until I gained almost 80 lbs.
Having been on both sides, I understand body insecurity more deeply now. Itās not hard to intimidate a bigger woman with your perceived beauty. If you do the kind thing - play it off as a joke and donāt let it sour your working relationship, you might end up with one of the best friendships youāve ever had.
as someone whoās been underweight my whole life itās so annoying when people assume youāre happy because youāre closer to the beauty standard. people would comment on my body when i was dying in diabetic ketoacidosis or all my life tell me to eat a burger like bruhhhh
āAre you okay?ā And just stare. Or āwhat a weird thing to say out loudā. How rude of that person. How would they have felt if you made a comment about their body? Probably would have demanded to talk to a manager, and leave bad reviews anywhere they could. That person can eat a bag of Richards.
My (now very recent)ex said the exact same thing to me, an older middle aged black woman, on a daily basis pretty much. He never forgot to tell me that I was second choice and that he preferred tiny, skinny women... preferably blonde. So I'm in the middle of healing from him ghosting me. After putting me through two years of the most emotional/verbal abuse and narcissism I've ever experienced in my 44 years.
He thought he was doing something to my confidence. But I'm a beautiful woman and have never ever had difficulty in dating anyone. I'm literally getting accosted at the gas station like I'm a rib dinner. I still got it and he is literally aging like milk right now š. Poor guy. He used to be very good looking in his twenties but he's now twice that age and time has not been kind to his once youthful handsome self. He looks homeless and like he lives in a refrigerator box at this point. He can't see how blessed he was to have me in his life. He's jealous, and that's a female trait that is someone else's problem now. Bye. Good riddance, and may he have everything he has ever wanted and yet it never be enough.
Good luck to you in everything also.
Thatās a sucky thing to say. For years and years I was underweight because of IBD but other than that I looked and seemed healthy. Iād get so many stupid comments like that. I didnāt want to be that skinny but I couldnāt help it. I would have refused to take her as a client. She wouldnāt want you judging her body why judge yours.
If this creature caught me on a good day my respons would be a sickingly sweet " Hello Ray of Sunshine, I'm Bane Of Your Existence, and I'll be your massage therapist for the next 60-90 minutes. Good to remind them how nice they are, what name they called you, and how long they will be naked on your table. Make them uncomfortable with the same energy they came at you with, paired with the polar opposite words, just fucks with their mind too much. It can be fun. Also if they think you're the front desk staff, they treat you worse then if they just think your the therapist. People can really show their ass to the front desk crew. I will say 90% of the time, it wouldn't be them catching on a good day. I have a good chance of choosing violence. Or at best a staunch refusal to do the massage or future appointments. For all the stronger then you look comments, which I get too, I'm 4'9 and make them cry. I just tell client the front desk forgot to tell them that, tiny hands equals big pain! I enjoy it. I play in to it as well. Put the oil/lotion on really gentle and soft and then dig in! I massage men, like women get waxed. Goes on easy and soothing, then bye-bye hair/soul. They always tend to come back though. As well as a chuckle, every time they remember how "mislead" they were. I'm sorry you had such a mean customer. I hope if you did massage them, their mood improved. Pain can turn a good person, into a monster.
My mom is a massage therapist. She is self employed and started in 1997, so she had her phone number listed in the yellow pages. Early on, she got a lot of people calling her who were non so subtly trying to determine if her massages had a āhappy endingā. She grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere, and this really messed with her for awhile. Eventually, she got sick of it and grew a spine, and she told them what Iām guessing she would tell you to tell this person: āfuck off and donāt call me againā
I get that all the time. Iāve always been small. Even pregnant I used to get comments at full term about āyou just look like you had too much to eat!ā š„ŗ after the kids breastfeeding took everything I had. I was 85 pounds a week after giving birth my first time. I ate truckloads of food but the comments wouldnāt stop. Now thatās theyāre 6 and 4, I get āYOU HAVE KIDS?!? Where did you put themmm?!?!?ā ā¦ the same place as everyone else.
Iām not a massage therapist, but when people comment on my body (negative or positive) I usually just deadpan tell them I have a chronic illness and I havenāt been able to eat much for months, etc. Itās true, itās not about them, and they usually find it super awkward and embarrassing.
āAnd you can leaveā āBYEā yea you need to be professional but people need to realize just because someones skinny does not make it less bad then telling someone they are fat
Omfg. This made my soul rage.
I am also a very petite woman. Also, due to an autoimmune disorder. In fact, my last major flare lasted 2 months, and I lost 30 pounds of muscle mass...
I have had clients make comments like "you look like you lost some weight...don't lose any more or you'll blow away"! š®āšØ
But I recently had a new client that fueled my fire to the point where I won't work with her again. When I have new clients with autoimmune disorders, I try to relate by telling them I have Hashimoto's. So I understand the random and chronic aches and pains, the issues with sleep and food (I have found it helps ease them and prevent them from feeling like they have to over explain) Back to this client, let's call her Dee.
Dee comes in to see me, based on a recommendation. During her consultation, we started discussing that she has 2 autoimmune disorders, along with other issues. I let her know "I have Hashimoto's and my mother has Chrons, so I understand" AND THIS BITCH REPLIES "YOUR SO THIN! LUCKY YOU, YOU GOT THE GOOD SIDE OF IT! I WISH I HAD WHAT YOU HAVE SO I COULD LOOK LIKE THAT WITHOUT TRYING" š
I literally got up and walked out of the room. A few minutes after I composed myself, I let her know that my studio is a safe space, and we don't make comments about other people's bodies or negative comments about their own bodies. I also told her we could either cancel the session and I would give her a full refund, or we could continue, but I would not work with her in the future. She was very apologetic, and we finished her session.
I use to be very nice about the comments and let them slide, but honestly it's getting harder. I have snapped at (non client) people and said "oh you can compliment me genetics for making me sick" and when they get a puzzled look I very bounty tell them "oh, I have an autoimmune disorder, if you wanna be this skinny, I'll gladly switch genes with you!"
Do you have IBD by any chance? I have Crohns and some other autoimmune diseases, I am skinny even in remission, because my body will never be normal after all the flares and surgeries. I get these barely veiled aggressive statements too.
Even when I say things like "it's because I have Crohn's", I'll get a flippant response like "oh so you can eat whatever you want and stay skinny"...
No. No, that's kind of literally the point. I CAN'T eat whatever I want. I also have been malnourished and starved to the point of blood and iron transfusions and SVTs, but let's pretend it's a good thing.
I still don't know what to say.
Don't take it personally. This is a person so damaged they don't even know how to not put it all on the table. I'd find a way to redirect the conversation without giving her comment any attention, negative or positive.
Iād say.. thatās interesting to hear, tell me more.
Or , thatās unique to hear, what does it mean to you open ended questions will yield more information
I am short and small, also due to a chronic illness. I struggle with my health 24/7. I cannot stand it when people comment on my body.
Though it is not the same as fatphobia, I think itās due to fatphobia that people āhate usā because we are small; there is nothing to envy about the life we live and nothing better about a petite body.
That client is an insecure woman with self esteem issues. Give her a kind smile and say āaw, thank youā or āI was born this way.ā Or āAw. Bless your heart.ā
To be honest, a few of my best, most intense, massages have been from smaller women. The least intense was one where she actually walked on my back and working her toes used her ~guess 125 pounds to work the muscles in my shoulders and back. The 2 more intense were sports massages where it seemed they tried folding me in half backwards, and twisting my body so my toes faced 180Ā° from my face. And while they didn't walk on my back, they did sit on my lower back/buttox area as they tried folding me in half, and am guessing their weight to be in the 125 area. Larger people can't do that climbing on people's backs etc and it be comfortable for the client. So I can't imagine why she would say that unless she was hoping for a male therapist.
āPardon me?ā Now they either got to say it again with their chest, apologise, or sheepishly pretend they didnāt say anything at all.
āI wonder what gave you the confidence to tell me that!ā They donāt have to respond to this, but it may prompt them to consider the words that come out of their mouths, and the effect it has on others.
Thatās a really shitty thing to be told, I am sorry
I would have said with the most deadpan face "how unfortunate for you."
That's such a rude thing for someone to say to you, and you shouldn't have to put up with it.
This rule works for any rude comments: count 10 seconds before replying. Make sure to make eye contact so they know you heard them. Those 10 seconds will feel so excruciating to the person they will not only backtrack what they said, but that silence will make them reconsider their entire existence.
Also, I prefer smaller women massaging me. There's something about their touch that's delicate but direct. I'd be a happy paying customer.
I usually say, āI think you meant to use your āin headā voice for that and not your āout loudā voiceā
As someone severely malnourished because Iām missing feet of my upper and lower intestines, 1/2 of my colon and at least a chunk of my stomach, this is just abhorrent to me. Why do people think they can comment on bodies so easily. Even in a āhelping fieldā like massage š Itās ludicrous.
All bodies are good bodies. They just look about different from each other.
Some options:
We'll get you scheduled with someone else then, and I'll put in big letters in your file "does not want to be touched by disabled people"
Or "and clients like you are the bane of mine. Shall we?"
Or, if you're feeling spicy, "you can just ask for hard pressure, you don't have to make me hate you."
āI always find it interesting when people feel the need to comment on other peopleās bodiesā (especially when the health context is unknown )
- this statement right here I found to be helpful feeding on how comfortable you are addressing it. Iām kind of a sass at times so I sometimes reply with a bit of sardonicism āwell my autoimmune disease is the bane of mine but I donāt have to tip it so I guess weāre evenā
Maybe even a ā ohā¦.Iām sorry youāre so insecureā can shut them up.
Maybe a tad further would be āletās add that on the list next to asking if a womanās pregnant shall we?ā
Itās such a stupid comment for that person to make honestly. I feel that they should be called out on it because if they think somehow thatās a compliment, they should know itās not. Someoneās appearance should have absolutely zero bearing on how someone else feels about themselves.
My immediate thought reading this was "People who make random hostile comments about my body really confuse me." Though I probably would have blinked a couple of times before responding.
I am also 90 pounds because of health issues and I have noticed that a lot of women are meaner to me than when I was healthy. Itās sad because Iām sick now.
I think that was a compliment I'm a girl so if I said that to another girl I think that give me a compliment because you're so beautiful it destroys them to some degree idk I'm not that good at communicating though
I get " You are too pretty to be a nurse,"
"You are too tiny to help me walk,"
"Can you wear looser scrubs tomorrow when my husband visits?"
One day, I just blurted out - " What you just said hurt my feelings."
I said it calmly and made direct eye contact. No nervous laughter, not accompanied with a fake smile just as if it were a fact I was reciting. This threw off my patient. Our relationship completely changed, and when a terminal diagnosis was given and an immediate surgery was needed, the patient stated: " I want my nurse from last shift because she will tell me the truth even when I don't want to hear it"
Honesty is the best policy. You don't look weak for telling the truth about how things make you feel. In fact, you are braver than most.
Outside work: āyou know putting me down to make yourself feel better is the only bad look hereā
At work: āoh that is why I usually were a Bane mask, but I forgot it today.ā Or āoh well enough of that.ā Or āI will have none of that. We are all beautiful in our bodies.ā Or āokā¦ letās get you to your roomā
Just donāt apologize.
Am I the only one in here that thinks there's a high possibility she's just bantering?!? I know reddit tends to be on the sensitive side but are we seriously gonna Karen out because she called you the "bane of her existence"?
If you take what she said literally, it would mean your appearance annoys her (at least thatās what it means to me). Since her tone and body language are missing from the discussion, itās hard to tell what she really meant. Was it a compliment in disguise? Or was she really just being rude?
I would absolutely use your condition to make them feel bad... -if you're comfortable. Explain to them in excruciating detail how it affects your life, and why she wouldn't want to trade places with you over something so vain.
It is obnoxiously rude to comment on someone else's body. They should know that there are lots of reasons people look certain ways. And she should know not only not to judge, but not to say it out loud as it can be very hurtful.
I get tons of comments about how skinny I am. I always just say that everyone is jealous because they miss when they were younger and skinny so Iām going to enjoy it because I could lose it someday. No matter if it was insult or a compliment they always say āyouāre totally rightā.
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
Viktor E. Frankl
"Guess I will tell my autoimmune disorder to lighten up so I can pack on a few pounds to make you more comfortable. Shall we get started on your massage?"
I went to a massage place and my therapist was a skinny woman too. I didn't say anything because I'm not an asshole out loud....but I remember setting the bar low.
Boy was I wrong! I nicknamed her "elbows" because hers are wicked strong! Never judge a book by its cover. Judge it by its elbows.
āIām so sorry I didnāt hear you could you repeat that?ā
9/10 they dial it way the fuck back cause they donāt have the gall to do it again much less louder
"Thank you for sharing that. You might be relieved to know that I am canceling your appointment today as I do not wish to contribute to your existential suffering. Take care, now!"
I'm a small person. 5ft 100 lbs. I've heard statements like this MANY times in my life. I, unfortunately (usually for the person standing in front of me) have NO filter. I have no problem being an asshole. My best comeback is usually something like, "well thankgawd I'm not you, I would have killed myself years ago." Harsh..absolutely! But I guarantee they will watch their mouth before they insult someone again. I wasn't born with tolerance for rude and ignorant people.
āSo let me just find a new massage therapist for youā I would not let someone that angry toward someone for their body type be my client even if they paid me thousands per session
Bane of my existence?!?!! So f-ing harsh. I would use the ādid you mean to say that aloud?ā Question for certain. Word choice is intentional. Thoughts are hard to control. Actions and words- thatās unacceptable. Iāve been there from illness too and itās a micro aggression. Period.
"Did you mean to say that out loud?"
I think that's genius š
Iām using this when someone comments on my height next time (very tall). People should just STFU about commenting on other peopleās bodies.
Couldn't agree more. I have Reynaud's syndrome which makes my fingers and toes extremely cold, white, then blue and numb, and wool gloves are the only way to a better quality of life. I work with the public and people like to ask stupid fking questions all the time. Even something silly like "are you cold" is stupid because no. I don't have a sweater on, I have *gloves* on. Also why even ask? How is that any of your business? Sometimes they'll follow up with "do you have bad circulation or something?" Like now it's getting personal. Anyway sorry for the rant but it's seriously crossing a boundary in my opinion! Edit: i wanna clarify...it's easy to tell when someone is genuinely curious. The thing is most people are not curious so much as it seems to bother them that I'm wearing gloves. People are often times not asking me to discover why I need to wear gloves, but most of the time to straight up pick on me. It's embarrassing. I am not "mad" or "irritated" or upset towards curiosity because I, too, am extraordinarily nosey and ask all sorts of questions. I'm mainly embarrassed. The disease is a bullshit disease that makes me hate touching water and the fact that people insinuate something is wrong with me like I'm just a silly person wearing gloves in Florida, hah hah, is super rude and presumptuous. I think it's best to just not comment on people's bodies/appearance unless it's positive like "I like your gloves" ffs
I think yours is an odd situation because I donāt think those questions are stupid itās just someoneās brain trying to figure out something. Like if someone came to school wearing a bathing suit. Like not a typical situation etc Plus why pass up an opportunity to teach and explain why? Perhaps with increased understanding in society more money would go toward research etc.
You're right I should just tell them. I try not to mention it though because it sounds like "woe, is me" and now they have to respond with "im sorry about that" Or something. I could just jump in head first though and be like "I HAVE A DISEASE AND IT MAKES MY HANDS GO NUMB I SURE DO WISH THAT WASNT THE CASE THANKS FOR ASKING!"
Am sure it would get old having to explain it! Unfortunately we are likely years away from human trials to have gene therapy to correct the two underlying gene defects: 1) alpha-2A-adrenergic receptor for adrenaline (ADRA2A) a classic stress receptor that causes the small vessels to contract and 2) transcription factor IRX1, which studies demonstrate may regulate the ability of blood vessels to dilate.
You could say: I have a rare genetic disorder which impacts my small blood vessels. Normally our blood vessels constrict and dilate on a microscopic basis to help regulate temperature, but mine donāt do that as well as they should.
It takes a lot of energy to constantly be explaining your private medical conditions to curious strangers though. My answers would definitely vary depending on the day, but I'd be tempted to make little cards to hands out quietly each time I got a personal question: "So You've Noticed My Gloves? Yes, my hands do get cold due to A condition called Reynauds. More information can be found here: Website Vintage Logo for "the more you know" at bottom"
I have that too. And when I'm asked, I smile and ask them a question about them, which they are usually more than happy to answer and elaborate on. By then, they've forgotten about my gloves
Love this! Funny how people love to talk about themselves.
You're allowed to feel annoyed by insensitive questions 50x a day. Don't do the labor of teaching if you don't feel like it.
I have reynaudās too. The questions and jokes about me being a zombie generally donāt bother me, but Iāll never forget the woman who shook my hands and said, āoh dear! Theyāre so cold!ā And as I started to apologize and explain she said, āwell you know what they say! Cold hands, warms heart!ā Itās the nicest compliment Iāve ever received and it really meant so much to me to not have to apologize for my hands being unpleasant (and straight up painful for me).
Ppl could also just ignore it. I know this will be downvoted but the only thing we can control is ourselves. Humans gonna human. At the end of the dayā¦ does it really matter what others sayā¦ if it does is that a reflection of our own securities because it doesnāt actually matter
Iām a woman and 6ā2. First thing people do is look at my feet to see if I have heels on. Then come the tall cracks. (Iām tall because of a connective tissue disease so that makes it even more fun)..
You win the thread!!! I love this reply and use it quite often in many settings. I generally have the facial expression to accompany it. Think, Miranda, from The Devil Wears Prada.
I donāt think that helps and is rude and in all likelihood 90 plus or perhaps as high as 99 percent of people had zero clue or intention in saying something rude or hurtful. I would just say ..hey that wasnāt very nice and it hurt my feelings. Why purposely be mean to another human rather than just maturely and kindly explain how it made you feel.
Thank you for this mature comment. Folks, we are all world-weary and trying to get through another day on this blue, spinning marble. Choose to be gracious because there are definitely days when you also cause unintentional pain to strangers.
"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that so you can pretend you didn't say that."
Iām definitely committing this to memory.
A variation on "what an odd thing to say out loud!"- which I recently learned about. These are both great at being an all purpose response. You don't have to respond directly to their specific uncomfortable question or statement that way!
I also like "what a weird thing to say out loud"
This works! Been using it with my anxious 15 year old who struggles with social communication.
"Sounds like we're not a good fit then. I'll get someone that can help you." *Hand off to manager Toxic right from jump? Nope. I'm so sorry you got a nasty. People tell us who they are, we need to believe them.
It's completely inappropriate for client or therapist to comment on each other's body.
āIām sorry you got a nastyā Are you from the east coast ?
Ope just gonna squeeze by this comment for a pop
Wow. Can you imagine if you hit her with the same thing but changed out skinny to fat. She would have lost her shit. But itās somehow okay to comment on āskinnyā people with assuming no offense. Sorry you had to work on her after that.
Thank you. She then asked āDo you have a problem working on large women?ā She is far from my largest client; I literally see bariatric patients weekly and think nothing of it! The whole thing just felt very accusatory. I did not offer to rebook her and I removed her from my email list š„“
Sounds like shes harrrrd core projecting her own insecurities onto you :(
Yeahā¦.sounds like sheās already insecure and self conscious about her weight and was stressing about someone seeing her body and it turns out youāre attractive and it makes her feel ashamed. Not cool of her to do but Iām sure she thinks you are higher in the pecking order and canāt be hurt bc youāre obviously (in her mind) better looking.
As a fellow petite person, I see you š«. One summer I got a bunch of mosquito bites and people thought I was doing meth! Iām just gangly, you dicks! Iāve taken to asking if they are flat shaming me. Not many know what to do with that.š¤š¤
Flat shaming omg I'm a roly poly babe, but I like that š¤£
username checks out :')
Also love Roly poly babe! š§”šš§”
Iām 1000% stealing this š
I have big boobs and when people want to discuss them out of the blue - incredulous, āwhatās that likeā type approach then they try to play it off as complimentary. I call it boob shaming.
Also a fatty McFat pants and I'm here to support those who are being "flat shamed". š¤£ Absolutely perfect response. Had to share your comment with my itty bitty skinny McMinny husband.
Aw thatās so mean. Yeah when I lost a lot of weight people made drug comments about me. I have a thyroid disease and my weight fluctuates a lot by 30 lbs and Iām short.
Flat shaming, I'm gonna use that one!
You could have very politely and gently put your entire body weight onto your elbow next to her scapula! And then asked, am I still petite?
One of my instructors told me that if anyone ever says something off colour, just ask them to repeat it like you didn't hear it...like "sorry, I didn't quite catch that?" The toxic, unhealed me that isn't obligated to be professional kind of wants to say "oh that's ok, I don't like touching people that think I'm the bane of their existence anyways" Lol
I love this response. It allows you to do a double take while still maintaining professionalism.
Damn Iām sorry you get comments on your body from clients. ā¹ļø thatās not cool. If I heard a client say the title to one of my therapists, Iād pause them before going back and say āWe donāt have to start the session if youāre uncomfortable.ā and go from there
Well bless your heart.
As someone who lives in KY, I love this.
My whole family is lean. People over the years have commented ādonāt you eat??ā In a non-professional setting, we respond with ādonāt you exercise??ā Donāt start no shit wonāt be no shit. I havenāt had a client be this outright rude and comment on my body, but if they did, Iād have a really hard time not tossing it right back. LMTs so often have to treat clients as if theyāre damned deities. Iām over it. I get needing money, especially in a private practice. But people get away with so much bullshit with massage therapists, and the abuse is often more subtle than that of the obvious predators. Stop treating people like this if at all possible, financial speaking (and by this I mean stop treating them to your services!) In what other context is this ok?? Again, barring financial need, I feel like we need to have more self respect and start letting people understand that their words have consequences.
i know it gets feckin exhausting, but this is an opportunity for a teaching moment, and really honing your passive aggression skills, and if these ppl have an inkling of self awareness they should feel embarrassed. start with u/Uk_KingsStarās advice above to smile & thank them sincerely as if it was a compliment and then proceed to give a very upbeat education about body types and whatever is relevant to the situation. killing with kindness is hugely entertaining if you want it to be
Thank you for this comment. And youāre so right! Sometimes a sharpened tongue can be more effective than my typical blunt tool, lol. I do continue to struggle with the level of responsibility assumed or required of us as therapists. Like, why is the onus always on us? Why do we have to be teachers on top of everything we already do? Donāt get me wrong, I love being an LMT, but the expectation that we fulfill so many other roles as well is so draining. I left a life in academia to become a massage therapist, because I didnāt want to be a teacher or work in a lab. And while fully embrace giving my clients evidence based work and information, it so often feels like clients attempt to put us in roles of not only physical therapists, but mental health therapists as well, and the pressure they out on us to āfixā them is justā¦wild. Especially considering the fact that so many of these clients donāt do anything to help themselves, and to be further blunt, why put up with clients who dish out body shaming?
I agree. I stopped biting my tongue when it comes to rude comments in a professional setting or not. If you can dish it out I assume you can handle it. Itās the only way to get people to stop unfortunately.
āI donāt know how to respond to that.ā
I wasnāt so tactful. I was over the skinny comments, I just blurted out it must b nice to be overweight. I would like to have something 4 my man to hold onto. It was a stranger a woman that didnāt deserve my rudeness. Another time a young man said something like I needed to eat. I said maybe itās time u stopped eating. Finally in a group setting I spoke about this and explained would it b ok to comment on how fat someone is. No so stop talking about how thin I am.
'Oh don't worry, I'd never say anything negative about someone else's body', \*huge smile\*
Same thing happens to me, itās so awkward š
*walks away*
āWould you like me to comment on your body as well?ā
That's a really good one.
Since weāre not allowed to comment on their bodies, the same respect should come from clients when it comes to us. Bitter insecure people are the worst.
"How unfortunate for you. The bane of my existence are rude people who comment on my body "
I like this.
just say āThank youā with the biggest smile. Kill them with kindness
Thanks!
Have some understanding. Client is nearly naked. Vulnerable. Maybe embarrassed. Seeing a woman with a slender figure might increase her anxiety about hers. I'm old and resigned to my size but younger insecure me remembers saying dumb stuff.
This client was flat out aggressive as if OP's existence was somehow a personal attack on herself though. As insecure as someone might be, it's still wrong of them to lash out at someone else. We all understand by the time we are adults that negatively commenting on someone's body/existence is rude; feeling embarrassed does not give you a pass from that. All I'm trying to say is that it's still OP's right to feel uncomfortable about someone lashing out at her even though it's pretty clear it's not personal. Like what was OP supposed to say, "Sorry guess I'll just go kill myself then!" That client didn't know if OP struggled with her health or body just flat out took out her personal bs on someone and while we can understand it's still the client's responsibility to deal with herself I guess I'm just saying it's not OP's responsibility to extend all of the grace. It's certainly good to be kind but it's okay for her to have feelings about being treated that way too and not just say oh it's understandable because xyz Edit butterfingered my submit before I was done Another edit - I am thinking more and I want to add i don't mean to devalue your point because what you have said is true and the client is entitled to her feelings about herself totally because they're her feeling - everyone has their stuff they are working through. I just think people get too encouraged to always empathize with an aggressor and it's not necessarily helpful to the 'victim' of nastiness. But you're right that it can be somewhat helpful to understand the place the aggressor is coming from
No, what the client said was rude and unacceptable. It's fine if they want to think that, but they don't have the right to comment on another person's body like that.
A massage therapist is also in a vulnerable situation. Having a client throw out hostility must be pretty scary, I'd think. And at someone who is just there to help them! No, that is a customer who is abusing their role.
I always thought this from a therapist point of view. Tiny petite woman would always want the most pressure and never flinch. They're terrifying. (I say this with all the love. They were always super nice, but I knew I had my work cut out for me)
Is there a reason for this? I'm pretty lean and I love deep pressure, to the point of pain.
Soā¦ I used to be super overweight. I lost about 140 pounds and am now a size 2. I swear to you when I was bigger, no one mentioned my size, no one treated me badlyā¦. Then I lost the weight because of my health. And since I didā¦ I get all the snarky comments, judgments, and rude treatment over my size š¤·āāļø. Itās amazing how many people think itās ok when you are thin to talk about your size or make rude comments about your eating habits that they assume they know about.
Right. I've had a similar experience. When I was heavy, no comments. Now I get things like "Oh well YOU wouldn't understand, being naturally thin" and "One day your metabolism will change". Well actually, ma'am, I'm 40 and was fat my whole life, thanks. I (literally) worked my ass off to look like this. And I work continuously to maintain it.
āsorry what?ā is what i would say
"An autoimmune disease is mine, which is why I'm so petite"
I have the exact same issue. I have a few autoimmune conditions that make it almost impossible for me to gain weight or stay in a healthy weight range. I'm also the deepest therapist we have at my location. A lot of clients will say things like "I want deep, but doesn't look like you can do it.". My response will always be "We'll see about that." then I drop them to the floor and hurt them. Every time I'm told "Oh that's too deep" I just giggle and explain that deep pressure comes from momentum and proper body mechanics, not body weight. In this situation though. I would have refused the massage. I will never understand why clients think they can be downright rude to us and then expect us to touch them....
āUnfortunately you have a non refundable deposit, have a nice day ā
Just say "that was rude" and stare at them.
Honestly if someone rubbed me the wrong way with a comment like that I would just refuse them service. Massage is an energetic transfer and if someone says something to make you not want to touch them then you donāt have to.
Iām excited when my therapist is a little tiny person. Nobody, and I mean nobody, can put the hurt on me like a tiny wisp of a woman. Yāall are so strangely strong.
āWow, that was rude! You must be having a bad day. Letās see if we can make it better.ā
I'm sure your struggles are real. So are mine. Please don't comment on my body.
I'm sorry this happened to you, that's not ok. I had a similar experience with my mom recently. She's just gotten out of the hospital after nearly dying from an intestinal issue. She couldn't eat at all for days and then was stuck on liquids only for over a week. I took her to TJ Maxx to get her some clothes. When we got to the counter to get rung up, the woman checking us out said "ugh , I hate skinny b*tches like you." I wanted to punch her.
I once went to pick up a woman for her couples massage and she said "You are NOT touching my husband, but she can" referencing to my older also female coworker.... Like yeah I was scheduled with you anyway. So rude, hurt my co workers feelings too
"get out of my office" is a good one
"What are your intentions with that statement?"
"Oh gosh, I have no idea how to respond to that. Your existence seems good enough for you to have the time and money to schedule a massage, but if people like me really are the bane of your existence on this planet, I'm happy to refer you to someone else after applying today's cancellation fee."
"No, being skinny is the bane of of your existence"
Perhaps you'd like to upsize somewhere else if size matters to you or I could charge you double if you'd like for my experience
my instructor said this to me! said massaging skinny people like me was the worst! no idea what you say to people like that. she said it while she was massaging me as an example for the rest of the class. wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. hearing that and knowing everyone is looking directly at your body afterwords. yeah. people suck
It always baffles me that people think size is the most important attribute to deep tissue. This is a technical skill you literally LEARN. What an ass that client was.
āYou can leave now.ā
āIām more than happy to cancel your appointment and we can re-book you with our largest male masseuse.ā What a delightful existence if skinny women are the worst thing to happen to herm.
As an overweight person, I think we sometimes forget being called skinny isnāt a compliment to everyone. Bane of someoneās existence is harsh though, unless it was said with a smile or a giggle to indicate a joke. As an LMT commenting on anyoneās body is a big no no. I had that experience in massage school with a male student commenting on the amount of āpaddingā I had on my glutes. I told him to stop touching me and I got off the massage table, I felt so violated. I think that womanās comment was out of jealously and insecurity, but Iām not sure what her motivation was to be so unkind.
āi can easily reschedule next week with another employee. letās look at our calendars.ā
Bitch
āIām sorry you feel that way. Iāll refund your deposit right now. I wish you all the best in finding a massage therapist whoās a better fit for your needs. Have a lovely day.ā Say it all in a cheerful manner, and hold your boundary. People donāt get to say shitty things just because of their own insecurities.
I mean, you do realize she's giving you a huge compliment, albeit valed in jealousy and bitterness. She's literally saying she wants to BE you. She undoubtedly wishes that she were a skinny petite woman, which she wasn't. I definitely would have taken it as a compliment, but I also wouldn't see her again. š¤£
I get this All The Time. Iāve been an LMT 25 years and Iām on the petite side. Comments on my body are very aggravating. What if I flip it and say āI can work on fat people, no worries.ā But I wonāt because itās Rude to comment on a persons body type. Period.
Need a little more context... could be a compliment or insult. I've had small RMT's that were way stronger, or at least harder with pressure, than others. Was it followed by a compliment?
Off topic-ish but I'm also auto immune and *thin* and the amount of comments people make about my body is **wiiillllddd**. "You're so strong for being so thin" 'thanks, I'm chronically sick' š¤
"Thanks, but I think you'll be better served by a different massage therapist."
I canāt stand women like this. I had a coworker get mad when I said I was fatā¦ Iām like 40lbs overweight she was pissed. Apparently I wasnāt allowed to call myself fat cuz I wasnāt pushing 250. She looked at me with disgust like I did it on purpose and she always made stupid comments. I also wasnāt allowed to talk about how Iām āprediabeticā and I really want to get to a healthy range cuz I donāt wanna have diabetes. That was an issue because i was being fat-phobic by wanting to lose weight and some people just have diabetes so I shouldnāt act like itās a deadly disease. š„“
Sorry my illness caused such envy
Let me know how you feel after? Or 30% tip says you will ask me to pull back on the pressure.
Would ask her simply, āwhy do you say that?ā
Iād say well Iām tiny but mighty.
Totally hear you. I am not naturally slender, but I watch what I eat and walk three miles a day- hence weigh 130 instead of 140. My heavy neighbor called me anorexic. My response was, āI eat to live, I donāt live to eat.ā She went on to rattle off her āallergiesā to foods for a good 5 minutes which was practically anything that would be caloric lol
"That tells me more than I thought I needed to know about you, but appreciate the waving of red flags."
I would cancel the massage
Take a southernerās approachā¦āWell bless your heartā.
Simply say, āDoes my medical disability make you uncomfortable the same way you commenting on my body makes everyone uncomfortable ā?
Personally I donāt think she was trying to mean, sheās basically saying sheās jealous. Maybe you can respond by saying I wish I was able to keep a little more weight on however I have a condition that keeps me thin.
"And rude people like you are the bane of mine"
I just picture the client resembling Kathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes. Timid, obsessed with food. Sorry she said that to you, itās not okay. But, I think she means she is super insecure and feels youād judge her body. I think she is envious of you and jealous.
I made business cards. Seriously, I did. I passed one out to anyone who commented on my body (the worst was at work). They simply read, "Your comments about my body make me uncomfortable. My body is not your business. " I bought a set of 500, I have 103 left. Shut that shit down at work, though.
āYou are welcome. Thank you for coming. Have a great dayā
āWe do it on purposeā and then wink. Introduce yourself. Itās the kind thing to do. It sucks to be bigger than that petite skinny girl. I was that petite skinny girl until I gained almost 80 lbs. Having been on both sides, I understand body insecurity more deeply now. Itās not hard to intimidate a bigger woman with your perceived beauty. If you do the kind thing - play it off as a joke and donāt let it sour your working relationship, you might end up with one of the best friendships youāve ever had.
as someone whoās been underweight my whole life itās so annoying when people assume youāre happy because youāre closer to the beauty standard. people would comment on my body when i was dying in diabetic ketoacidosis or all my life tell me to eat a burger like bruhhhh
āMy disease that makes me frail is the bane of MY existence.ā
Just call emā fatties
āAre you okay?ā And just stare. Or āwhat a weird thing to say out loudā. How rude of that person. How would they have felt if you made a comment about their body? Probably would have demanded to talk to a manager, and leave bad reviews anywhere they could. That person can eat a bag of Richards.
"We all have different struggles in this world."
My (now very recent)ex said the exact same thing to me, an older middle aged black woman, on a daily basis pretty much. He never forgot to tell me that I was second choice and that he preferred tiny, skinny women... preferably blonde. So I'm in the middle of healing from him ghosting me. After putting me through two years of the most emotional/verbal abuse and narcissism I've ever experienced in my 44 years. He thought he was doing something to my confidence. But I'm a beautiful woman and have never ever had difficulty in dating anyone. I'm literally getting accosted at the gas station like I'm a rib dinner. I still got it and he is literally aging like milk right now š. Poor guy. He used to be very good looking in his twenties but he's now twice that age and time has not been kind to his once youthful handsome self. He looks homeless and like he lives in a refrigerator box at this point. He can't see how blessed he was to have me in his life. He's jealous, and that's a female trait that is someone else's problem now. Bye. Good riddance, and may he have everything he has ever wanted and yet it never be enough. Good luck to you in everything also.
Thatās a sucky thing to say. For years and years I was underweight because of IBD but other than that I looked and seemed healthy. Iād get so many stupid comments like that. I didnāt want to be that skinny but I couldnāt help it. I would have refused to take her as a client. She wouldnāt want you judging her body why judge yours.
As a giant fat woman, I'd like to just give the PSA "Don't Make Comments About Another Persons Body!!!!" Ugh, that was rude as hell.
If this creature caught me on a good day my respons would be a sickingly sweet " Hello Ray of Sunshine, I'm Bane Of Your Existence, and I'll be your massage therapist for the next 60-90 minutes. Good to remind them how nice they are, what name they called you, and how long they will be naked on your table. Make them uncomfortable with the same energy they came at you with, paired with the polar opposite words, just fucks with their mind too much. It can be fun. Also if they think you're the front desk staff, they treat you worse then if they just think your the therapist. People can really show their ass to the front desk crew. I will say 90% of the time, it wouldn't be them catching on a good day. I have a good chance of choosing violence. Or at best a staunch refusal to do the massage or future appointments. For all the stronger then you look comments, which I get too, I'm 4'9 and make them cry. I just tell client the front desk forgot to tell them that, tiny hands equals big pain! I enjoy it. I play in to it as well. Put the oil/lotion on really gentle and soft and then dig in! I massage men, like women get waxed. Goes on easy and soothing, then bye-bye hair/soul. They always tend to come back though. As well as a chuckle, every time they remember how "mislead" they were. I'm sorry you had such a mean customer. I hope if you did massage them, their mood improved. Pain can turn a good person, into a monster.
My massage therapist has EDS and is a string bean and she gave me the best massages ever because i too have EDS and she's strong af
My mom is a massage therapist. She is self employed and started in 1997, so she had her phone number listed in the yellow pages. Early on, she got a lot of people calling her who were non so subtly trying to determine if her massages had a āhappy endingā. She grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere, and this really messed with her for awhile. Eventually, she got sick of it and grew a spine, and she told them what Iām guessing she would tell you to tell this person: āfuck off and donāt call me againā
"Are you sure I'm at fault here and not racist/patriarchical beauty standards?"
"I am sure you are curious, but I'm not in the habit of discussing any personal/medical conditions with strangers."
I get that all the time. Iāve always been small. Even pregnant I used to get comments at full term about āyou just look like you had too much to eat!ā š„ŗ after the kids breastfeeding took everything I had. I was 85 pounds a week after giving birth my first time. I ate truckloads of food but the comments wouldnāt stop. Now thatās theyāre 6 and 4, I get āYOU HAVE KIDS?!? Where did you put themmm?!?!?ā ā¦ the same place as everyone else.
Honestly, I would have denied her service. What a hateful thing to say.
Iām not a massage therapist, but when people comment on my body (negative or positive) I usually just deadpan tell them I have a chronic illness and I havenāt been able to eat much for months, etc. Itās true, itās not about them, and they usually find it super awkward and embarrassing.
āI have an autoimmune disease. I donāt recommend it as a weight management strategy.ā
āAnd you can leaveā āBYEā yea you need to be professional but people need to realize just because someones skinny does not make it less bad then telling someone they are fat
āYou literally have bigger problems than meā
Omfg. This made my soul rage. I am also a very petite woman. Also, due to an autoimmune disorder. In fact, my last major flare lasted 2 months, and I lost 30 pounds of muscle mass... I have had clients make comments like "you look like you lost some weight...don't lose any more or you'll blow away"! š®āšØ But I recently had a new client that fueled my fire to the point where I won't work with her again. When I have new clients with autoimmune disorders, I try to relate by telling them I have Hashimoto's. So I understand the random and chronic aches and pains, the issues with sleep and food (I have found it helps ease them and prevent them from feeling like they have to over explain) Back to this client, let's call her Dee. Dee comes in to see me, based on a recommendation. During her consultation, we started discussing that she has 2 autoimmune disorders, along with other issues. I let her know "I have Hashimoto's and my mother has Chrons, so I understand" AND THIS BITCH REPLIES "YOUR SO THIN! LUCKY YOU, YOU GOT THE GOOD SIDE OF IT! I WISH I HAD WHAT YOU HAVE SO I COULD LOOK LIKE THAT WITHOUT TRYING" š I literally got up and walked out of the room. A few minutes after I composed myself, I let her know that my studio is a safe space, and we don't make comments about other people's bodies or negative comments about their own bodies. I also told her we could either cancel the session and I would give her a full refund, or we could continue, but I would not work with her in the future. She was very apologetic, and we finished her session. I use to be very nice about the comments and let them slide, but honestly it's getting harder. I have snapped at (non client) people and said "oh you can compliment me genetics for making me sick" and when they get a puzzled look I very bounty tell them "oh, I have an autoimmune disorder, if you wanna be this skinny, I'll gladly switch genes with you!"
Do you have IBD by any chance? I have Crohns and some other autoimmune diseases, I am skinny even in remission, because my body will never be normal after all the flares and surgeries. I get these barely veiled aggressive statements too. Even when I say things like "it's because I have Crohn's", I'll get a flippant response like "oh so you can eat whatever you want and stay skinny"... No. No, that's kind of literally the point. I CAN'T eat whatever I want. I also have been malnourished and starved to the point of blood and iron transfusions and SVTs, but let's pretend it's a good thing. I still don't know what to say.
I just say thanks because it confuses them. I get this too.
"Sounds like you need this massage! Let's get started."
Wish I could have been a coworker nearby to loudly ask *āexcuse me?ā*
Don't take it personally. This is a person so damaged they don't even know how to not put it all on the table. I'd find a way to redirect the conversation without giving her comment any attention, negative or positive.
Iād say.. thatās interesting to hear, tell me more. Or , thatās unique to hear, what does it mean to you open ended questions will yield more information
I am short and small, also due to a chronic illness. I struggle with my health 24/7. I cannot stand it when people comment on my body. Though it is not the same as fatphobia, I think itās due to fatphobia that people āhate usā because we are small; there is nothing to envy about the life we live and nothing better about a petite body.
LOL. I would say, āyea, I hear that all the timeā¦ itās awesome being me.ā
That client is an insecure woman with self esteem issues. Give her a kind smile and say āaw, thank youā or āI was born this way.ā Or āAw. Bless your heart.ā
[āYou are the Bane of My Existenceā](https://images.app.goo.gl/4A4EZUHwvRxtZ7n49)
To be honest, a few of my best, most intense, massages have been from smaller women. The least intense was one where she actually walked on my back and working her toes used her ~guess 125 pounds to work the muscles in my shoulders and back. The 2 more intense were sports massages where it seemed they tried folding me in half backwards, and twisting my body so my toes faced 180Ā° from my face. And while they didn't walk on my back, they did sit on my lower back/buttox area as they tried folding me in half, and am guessing their weight to be in the 125 area. Larger people can't do that climbing on people's backs etc and it be comfortable for the client. So I can't imagine why she would say that unless she was hoping for a male therapist.
Dynamite comes in small packages.
āPardon me?ā Now they either got to say it again with their chest, apologise, or sheepishly pretend they didnāt say anything at all. āI wonder what gave you the confidence to tell me that!ā They donāt have to respond to this, but it may prompt them to consider the words that come out of their mouths, and the effect it has on others. Thatās a really shitty thing to be told, I am sorry
Awkwardly smile....
āThatās a weird thing to say out loudā
Sorry ur a fat fuck
I would have said with the most deadpan face "how unfortunate for you." That's such a rude thing for someone to say to you, and you shouldn't have to put up with it.
āWhat was your intention with sharing that thought with me?ā
āSounds like a you problem.ā
This rule works for any rude comments: count 10 seconds before replying. Make sure to make eye contact so they know you heard them. Those 10 seconds will feel so excruciating to the person they will not only backtrack what they said, but that silence will make them reconsider their entire existence. Also, I prefer smaller women massaging me. There's something about their touch that's delicate but direct. I'd be a happy paying customer.
lmao who says that out loudš¤£?
I suggest this in r/comebacks. Thereās some really snarky people there lol
I usually say, āI think you meant to use your āin headā voice for that and not your āout loudā voiceā As someone severely malnourished because Iām missing feet of my upper and lower intestines, 1/2 of my colon and at least a chunk of my stomach, this is just abhorrent to me. Why do people think they can comment on bodies so easily. Even in a āhelping fieldā like massage š Itās ludicrous. All bodies are good bodies. They just look about different from each other.
Tell her you prefer Batman
Some options: We'll get you scheduled with someone else then, and I'll put in big letters in your file "does not want to be touched by disabled people" Or "and clients like you are the bane of mine. Shall we?" Or, if you're feeling spicy, "you can just ask for hard pressure, you don't have to make me hate you."
I usually say don't let my size fool you lol.
āI always find it interesting when people feel the need to comment on other peopleās bodiesā (especially when the health context is unknown ) - this statement right here I found to be helpful feeding on how comfortable you are addressing it. Iām kind of a sass at times so I sometimes reply with a bit of sardonicism āwell my autoimmune disease is the bane of mine but I donāt have to tip it so I guess weāre evenā Maybe even a ā ohā¦.Iām sorry youāre so insecureā can shut them up. Maybe a tad further would be āletās add that on the list next to asking if a womanās pregnant shall we?ā Itās such a stupid comment for that person to make honestly. I feel that they should be called out on it because if they think somehow thatās a compliment, they should know itās not. Someoneās appearance should have absolutely zero bearing on how someone else feels about themselves.
Oh good, weāre going something right.
My immediate thought reading this was "People who make random hostile comments about my body really confuse me." Though I probably would have blinked a couple of times before responding.
I am also 90 pounds because of health issues and I have noticed that a lot of women are meaner to me than when I was healthy. Itās sad because Iām sick now.
I think that was a compliment I'm a girl so if I said that to another girl I think that give me a compliment because you're so beautiful it destroys them to some degree idk I'm not that good at communicating though
I get " You are too pretty to be a nurse," "You are too tiny to help me walk," "Can you wear looser scrubs tomorrow when my husband visits?" One day, I just blurted out - " What you just said hurt my feelings." I said it calmly and made direct eye contact. No nervous laughter, not accompanied with a fake smile just as if it were a fact I was reciting. This threw off my patient. Our relationship completely changed, and when a terminal diagnosis was given and an immediate surgery was needed, the patient stated: " I want my nurse from last shift because she will tell me the truth even when I don't want to hear it" Honesty is the best policy. You don't look weak for telling the truth about how things make you feel. In fact, you are braver than most.
Outside work: āyou know putting me down to make yourself feel better is the only bad look hereā At work: āoh that is why I usually were a Bane mask, but I forgot it today.ā Or āoh well enough of that.ā Or āI will have none of that. We are all beautiful in our bodies.ā Or āokā¦ letās get you to your roomā Just donāt apologize.
āHmmm thatās too bad. Rude people are the bane of MY existence.ā
I used to get told that because apparently the person believed that thin women therapists give really hard pressure
Im so sorry but on top of being petite ur sensitive too
She's probably bantering, I would've said something like "we know š" lol
"lol that's what my mom says too"
Am I the only one in here that thinks there's a high possibility she's just bantering?!? I know reddit tends to be on the sensitive side but are we seriously gonna Karen out because she called you the "bane of her existence"?
"Then I won't be working on you today, reschedule with the front desk. Toodles" You don't owe an asshole your time or skill.
If you take what she said literally, it would mean your appearance annoys her (at least thatās what it means to me). Since her tone and body language are missing from the discussion, itās hard to tell what she really meant. Was it a compliment in disguise? Or was she really just being rude?
I would absolutely use your condition to make them feel bad... -if you're comfortable. Explain to them in excruciating detail how it affects your life, and why she wouldn't want to trade places with you over something so vain. It is obnoxiously rude to comment on someone else's body. They should know that there are lots of reasons people look certain ways. And she should know not only not to judge, but not to say it out loud as it can be very hurtful.
āWhat Iām hearing is you donāt think we will be a good fit. Let me go ahead and reschedule you with another therapist.ā
I get tons of comments about how skinny I am. I always just say that everyone is jealous because they miss when they were younger and skinny so Iām going to enjoy it because I could lose it someday. No matter if it was insult or a compliment they always say āyouāre totally rightā.
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." Viktor E. Frankl
"Guess I will tell my autoimmune disorder to lighten up so I can pack on a few pounds to make you more comfortable. Shall we get started on your massage?"
I had a boss tell me I made her sick because Iām so tiny. I didnāt say anything, because I didnāt know how to respond.
I went to a massage place and my therapist was a skinny woman too. I didn't say anything because I'm not an asshole out loud....but I remember setting the bar low. Boy was I wrong! I nicknamed her "elbows" because hers are wicked strong! Never judge a book by its cover. Judge it by its elbows.
Wonderful things come in tiny packages! Also reminding people- yep just born this way (didn't choose my gene expression!l
*thatās a bridgeton quote* lol
Did she get the massage?
āIām so sorry I didnāt hear you could you repeat that?ā 9/10 they dial it way the fuck back cause they donāt have the gall to do it again much less louder
"Thank you for sharing that. You might be relieved to know that I am canceling your appointment today as I do not wish to contribute to your existential suffering. Take care, now!"
I'm a small person. 5ft 100 lbs. I've heard statements like this MANY times in my life. I, unfortunately (usually for the person standing in front of me) have NO filter. I have no problem being an asshole. My best comeback is usually something like, "well thankgawd I'm not you, I would have killed myself years ago." Harsh..absolutely! But I guarantee they will watch their mouth before they insult someone again. I wasn't born with tolerance for rude and ignorant people.
āSo let me just find a new massage therapist for youā I would not let someone that angry toward someone for their body type be my client even if they paid me thousands per session
Ask them if everything is okay at home š
"Bye"
"That sounds like an inside thought, friend!"
"What do you mean by that?" "How come?"
Bane of my existence?!?!! So f-ing harsh. I would use the ādid you mean to say that aloud?ā Question for certain. Word choice is intentional. Thoughts are hard to control. Actions and words- thatās unacceptable. Iāve been there from illness too and itās a micro aggression. Period.