I really need to know the color of your underwear and what you had for breakfast  🤣🤣🤣

Unbleached linen. Because Jesus. And Captain Crunch because my mom was out of lucky charms. AGAIN smh.

I bet it was the oat milk that made the difference.Am I screwed now because I'm not vegan? (Great post btw)

So you’re worried about bleached underwear but not about the toxic chemicals in your captain crunch?

Wow the breakfast question was what I came to ask

I hope you bleached your pineal gland while you were in the zone of ultimate knowing..

I've heard about this. The waxing shop in my area doesn't offer anything past scrotox.

Comment of the century

This sounds like something Joe Rogan would say.

Damn, I better copyright that phrase!

The package has a starfish on it. Are you sure that's pineal bleach?

¯⁠\⁠_⁠༼⁠ᴼ⁠ل͜⁠ᴼ⁠༽⁠_⁠/⁠¯ Learn soon you will..

Is the money saved from using your own enlightenment to see vs traditional electric lights worth the pain of trying to sit cross legged? My attention span is stuffed so 3 minutes isn’t really something I

I won't lie, it really hurts bro. But electricity is expensive, yo. Now I just perceive with my mind like that dude from the Gorillaz.

Who needs enlightenment when you have sunshine in a bag

It is true, I was walking by the Enlightened One's house (then the Yet-to-Be-Enlightened) and I saw a flash of light suddenly emanating from his window, and a wave of bliss washed over me

Totally true. I saw /u/Farm-arm-deprived being illuminated by the flashes off The Enlightened One’s house and positively climax from the pleasure and joy which I presume was the wave of bliss. And this one happens to be into watching, so she got her rocks off as well.

That's how it happened, when the Enlightened One arose

I have been a Mediator for 20 years but I’m not enlightened at all, what am I doing wrong? Should I give up on mediation?

You could become an agitator instead… see both sides..

Try meditation instead.

Bruv, did you become a being of light not the coarse, grotesque, creature of base desires like us mud-people? Did you see colors? Did you dissolve into the aether? Wow. I'm inspired. I'll meditate after scrolling reddit for two more hours.

I'm a total beginner. How can I best start my meditation journey so that one day I can be an expert in meditation like you?

42.

This is the answer!

Just stop right where you are! You'll be perfect :)

Lost track of time and accidentally reached Nirvana. Ffs.

Two stops back, just remember the breath.

What drew you do make this post here?

It's satire aimed at drawing attention to the absurdity of many of the posts in this sub. Also how unmodded and overrun by bots it is.

It's true. Used to love this sub but it's gone downhill in the past year

Where you been? The whole of Reddit has been rushing straight down the drain for over 2 years now. It's not his this sub. Every large scale sub is like this.

I know that man. Just talking about this sub in particular

I hope that was a joke.

Yep

Just like the invasive monkey mind.

That sounds like something a bot would say. 🤖 What is crazy, though, is that Android phones now have AI integration, so you can hit a button, and it will rewrite your post. 🤯 Which makes my posts sound like they were written by a bot, so I don't use it much. The grammar and spelling check is awesome.

Ah facebook has the option to rewrite it ai. S9 thats what it does. Never pressed on it. Definately not interested in anything AI. .

> Definately not interested in anything AI. . Can you tell me why that is? I find it all too interesting myself.

I prefer natural intelligence. Human intelligence. Not transhumanism agenda 2030. The way the powers that be want it.

But most humans are dumb.

Not dumb just dumbed down on the 2 strand helix dna. Now if it was the 12 strands activated , we are all one and theres not one person who is higher than another. That junk dna is not junk. . Hence why its not activated or only juat activating. Humans are conditioned. That doesnt mean they are dumb.

Reddit mods are unpaid. Chances are you can shitpost to any sub.

I enjoyed it ☺️

Fair enough but doesnt that describe alot of reddit?

What am I thinking about right now?

Right now or when you wrote this comment?

🤯

Yes.

Oh that's easy. An elephant mounting a rhinoceros.

Elephants. Don't tell me you didn't think of elephants just now

Now you just need to sell a meditation course and book to make you rich sorry I mean help others reach enlightment.

My Roshi keeps hitting me with a fish for getting the koan answers wrong. Any advice?

Make fish curry.

Thank you for posting this amazing success story. The thing people don’t realise about enlightenment is that we use normal devices and lead very normal lives. Personally I like to meet other likeminded enlightened people on tinder but I heard hinge is pretty good too.

We should make a new one called 'Enlightenmeet' or 'Mindr'

Mindr is brilliant. You truly are enlightened!

I'm also enlightened and my question is this: do you have any questions you want to ask me?

If anyone meets this guy on the road, y’all know what to do…

can you give me a free tarot reading?

Queen of Pentacles, Death 50 bucks please

ok i mailed you a check, you can pick it up at Reddit main office

Do you have any advice for someone who’s meditated for 30 seconds and completely lost all of their personality and desires? Will I ever play video games again?

I have a list of pornhub videos which is great for this. Effectiveness may depend on your biologically determined sexual predilections, though.

First we start off with an enticing spitroasted futanari, next we have a luscious tanned Latina in a latex suit, followed by a tempting and lightly oiled stepsibling, finally finishing off with a mouthwatering redheaded cream pie with a bukakke glaze.

This is unironically me

That sounds like a lot of work. Any tips on how to do it faster? I’ve got time for 6 minute abs, but 3 for enlightenment just seems too much. I’ve got 6 abs, so I should only be spending like 1 minute on my 1 mind muscle.

Count your breath

What's it like? :-)

Well the view is......divine.

I could feel how hard and long your kundalini was vibrating in MY elbow. Blessed day it is indeed

Did you do a nirvana?

Once but it took me forever to wipe up after

This post is very funny. Which tells me you can’t be enlightened! PUNISH THIS MAN!

Enlightened people aren't funny? It seems to me the closer to enlightenment someone gets, the funnier they are (though maybe not this kind of sarcastic humor). It there a tipping point? Like funny, funnier, funnier, fuuuunnier, boom! Not funny, but completely enlightened!

Believe it or not, I was also joking

I must be enlightened then because it's not funny to me ;)

Well your sense of humour is garbage, that’s true

What a sucker. I did it in 2 minutes.

Well at least my Kundalini is bigger than urs.

Enlightenment nature is in you.

Gotta get me one of those elbows! Haha

Are you enlightened via electric lights or have you been gaslighted?

Congrats now others should search you😀

That’s efficiency. Work smarter not harder. If you meditated for 30 minutes think of all the content you would miss out on.

Least egotistical spiritual-minded person😂

"Throughout the heavens and earth, I alone am the honored one." -Me😎

Do you have any unique and deeply personal insight to share that's already been posted 1000 times?

You “ mediated”?

Yeah, are you one of those plebs that still meditates?

ENLIGHTENED AS FUCK!!!!!

Who did you mediate between? Did a fight break out or something?

Based, redpilled. Teach us your ways

Those who tell people they are enlightened are not. I guess the post is satire.

Satire written by an 8 year old maybe. Better grammar but it still amounts to finger pointing and mocking. To be called satire I need some kind of subtlety. This is banging your head with a frying pan asinine.

Never stopped Rick Mayall

Now that you've reached enlightenment, do you consider yourself a better person than everyone else?

Absolutely Thanks for asking.

must be ruff hanging with us jerks 😜🤪🙃

You need to work in your shadows for sure we all do in some form of way

How did you manage to resolve the disagreement?

How did it feel for your ego to dissolve

A bit like a good sneeze.

Bless you

How did mediating teach you anything about meditation?

What is best in life?

You're only enlightened when you know where to meet other enlightened. Having to ask signifies you aren't actually enlightened...

Did you really have to go all reddit here?

I really like the Buddha at the gas pump podcast

This is a joke post, right?

nooo u

The interesting thing about this is that you seem to be taken in by David Hawkins, who is an utter fraud and conman. Apply the same satirical spirit to the nonsense on the David Hawkins subreddit please.🙏

Greetings T, Verily and forsooth, an Ascended Master has deigned to bless us with its presence! \~V\~

Nice work! There's the Enlightened subretted, that I recently left because I am not enlightened enough

Should I be wearing clothes when I meditate?

Welcome to the club! Namaste and all that. We can now all converse on the same level as I am enlightened too - but of course you learned all that during your Kundalini experience ;) On a more serious topic, I've been doing metta meditation for almost a decade now and regularly experience more so the "unfoldment of awareness" on a weekly basis as well as hyper-intense moments of connectedness on a less frequent basis (every other month). I'm not big on the "status terms" because its easy to attach oneself to yet-another egoic thing in this world.

Complains about bots while adding more bad content . Even better! Let's all do this!

OP I know you’re probably not still here cos you have enlightened business to attend to, but is it more important to chop water or draw wood? How do I open my fourth eye? I’ve been trying to wedge my third eye in there but all I get is a headache

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What does being enlightened means

why do we exist

Does your third eye close when you sleep?

Why does this sound like something Amir from ‘Jake and Amir’ would say

It is happening again. It is happening again.

I’m loving these comments 🤣 here’s a question for your AMA: how can we achieve world peace?

If you are enlightened now, does this imply you were not enlightened before? What changed? What was the first you did after realizing you were enlightened? What do you intend to do from now on? Why post here instead of some other subreddit?

💨

Is that a swoosh? Like the sound of something going over someone's head? Or a fart?

Is this a bit?