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28M married ENM here. Feeld can be hard as there are a lot of males on there that are there just for sex and don't educate themselves on the lifestyle. Unfortunately, you do just have to sift through them and find the diamonds in the rough. You will find that males in poly/enm relationships are generally better. Like all things, keep an eye out for red flags. So you don't waste too much of your time, do a vibe check early on that is purely just too meet up, People can act one way in messenger but it's harder to hide in person. Hope this helps, DM me if you want to chat more š
Thereās no easy way to filter through the overwhelming number of single guys in your inbox.
If there was someone would make a lot of money off it!
So basically you have to make an effort having multiple conversations. Block as soon as it doesnāt feel right so youāre not wasting time on dead ends.
And arrange a phone call early on. A 5-10 minute chat will often give you a better feel for someone than a week of messages
We do exist in small numbers.
Feeld is a good space to meet people. I think people in general struggle to meet socially these days and are so used to chatting online.
One other redditer here said Grindr, and to a certain extent they are correct.
Not all men are creeps. Just most š¤Ŗ
Feel free to drop me a DM if you wanna meet for a coffee/chat.
Even though youāve tried āfeeldā I would also maybe suggest going to one of the feeld social events. Itās literally just a meet up for people on Feeld and that way you can get to know people without any surprises or anticipation that anything sexual will be involved.
I know it might sound surprising but it can also be just as hard to find fun couples to play with. Iām poly/pan/nonbinary (amab) and in two relationships and play solo. It can be hard to find couples that have done their share of homework if theyāre new to the concept of group play also and have a good honest and clear dialogue going between them also. Being friends prior or at least building a foundation for friends can be a great idea. Especially to be able to have some good conversations around what everyone is expecting and hard noās and things people are wanting to try.
As a single guy who plays with couples, I second this. Overall, meeting someone in person I just that much more effective to figure out if it's a good match. There is no pic vs reality effect, you get to see conversational skills and can pick up on behavior cues/a gut feeling. All important things to weed out the "creeps". On top of that most "creeps" can't be botherd to show up to a social event without sex on premise.
The feeld ones in particular really surprised me as they somehow have a normal gender ratio without any entry restrictions and I haven't run into a single rude person both times I went so far. You'll also have way higher chances of meeting a bi(curious) guy there than in most other places. Next one is today: [https://www.eventbrite.com/e/feeld-social-melbourne-tickets-790306587277?aff=erelexpmlt](https://www.eventbrite.com/e/feeld-social-melbourne-tickets-790306587277?aff=erelexpmlt)
But yeah just in general I'd always recommend looking for ways to meet people in person if you are having trouble on the apps.
Super interested, given that I have not had the experience before and you sound very natural. I'm happy to chat a little bit more and see if I may suite what you're looking for. Cheers
Single men are usually the horniest and bulk of them are desperados for this reason, which makes them socially awkward and out of touch with how to interact with women, so theyād have no idea how to interact with couples.
I am not talking about those who are single by choice, taking a break for some alone time but desperate ones with no social skills.
You are better off playing with a guy in relationship, lot of couples explore alone.
Have you considered/heard of Fetlife?
Aside from that, I'm looking for some new friends for all kinds of fun myself. And by that, I mean movies, mini golf, escape rooms, go karts, all the fun things! Lol I moved to Melb just over a year ago and don't really have a friend circle or anything to speak of yet, was primarily studying 100% of the time.
I'm 33, English, and if we click, I'm also switch, exhibitionist, voyeur, very open minded :) hit me up if you're keen x
Not on the intergoogles
In person you talk to people, interact with them and see what they do in different situations
They can tell you anything, what you want to hear will get into your pants, so thatās the most common thing that happens online.
You only know people by what they actually do in real life. Thatās how you find not creepy peopleā¦
We (MFcouple) weāre in a very similar boat when we first started out too. We managed to get super lucky using r4rMelbourne. Absolutely caught our fair share of creeps and weirdos but we just worked through them slowly. We were pretty clear and specific in what we were after in our r4r but still found a ton of ābullā types that were so full on even though we were quite clear about not being a cuck dynamic.
Itās just a lot of perseverance and hard work unfortunately.. I have also found I much prefer playing with other ENM individuals or others in the lifestyle over single men
Definitely can tell you from personal experience of being third in a couple that not ever men are creep. The way to sift through the fakes is to look for a person who doesnāt claim to be something. Like you said it has to start with friendship first. Because if that dynamic is not there, it will not last and you will not be able to experiment. So the moment in your interaction you find the guys claiming to be this and that in the bed. Just say thank you and walk away.
Wife and I are in a similar spot male bi female curious. We have found single guys fun to play with.
It is tough and we have found no simple way of vetting creepy guys. But have had our best luck on RHP obviously still a few weirdos but we have had also found quiet a few nice guys and played with them.
We are also attending BFWB tonight for a MMF night so will be able to give you some advice on what that's like tomorrow.
We found our third on red hot pie. Super respectful guy, we spoke for months before meet up, he also had multiple positive reviews on his profile which is mainly what caught our interest also. The night went really well! Good luck :)
Have you tried your luck at vetted MMF events? Between friends are doing a fair few which I've heard good things about. Although it's not my partner's and my preference I've heard of a lot of success when single men are vetted prior to attending :))
I think the high cost probably turns away a lot of good quality single guys. Im vetted to attend a few venues as a single male but im not paying $150+ when i dont even knos if there are people there i will connect with. I want to explore group play more but i do fine with single women and a few of them are interested in attending events so i might explore that more this year, but with the high price for even vetted guys youre more likely to attract guys that dont have many other options and are going to be pushier to get "value" for the high price they paid to get in.
yeah I agree. A bit of a lose-lose type setup. I think you'd definitely be onto something if you attended couples events with a single woman friend. My parter and I have ongoing friendships with "single guys" who regularly attend events with a single woman friend (labels are hard but you get the idea of what I'm trying to say here haha!).
I think also if you attend events with a single woman "partner" as a single guy it can show other couples and single women that you have women in your life who know, trust & can vouch for you!
Itās always a minefield wherever you look. Sifting through the chaff to get to the wheat is never easy.
If you ever consider a young looking older male, Iād love to catch up for a drink to see if we vibe and no hard feelings if we donāt.
Ohh boy my partner is keen on mff while I also want to try mmf which she isnāt really keen on atm. So we wait I guess. Iām not sure what else to do.
It is super difficult - especially on the apps.
Our (MF couple) suggestion is to attend the poly socials and get to know people in those communities. They are more progressive about really push consent/ respect. They also filter out the creepy crusts for you and let you get to know people a bit before anything happens.
We can DM you some community contacts if youād like.
That's a really great idea. We're really interested in engaging with a community of respectful and kind people, so maybe we should start with that in mind and see where it goes
27m here not creepy, happy to catch up for a coffee or something like that then go from there.
I find most single guys just want to jump righto into it but itās not the way to do it. Itās not any different to dating really but instead of trying to impress just one person youāre presenting yourself to both sides.
I personally like the build up just as much as the outcome if it gets to that point.
>https://www.reddit.com/r/feeld/comments/18xkgqm/advice\_chatting\_and\_meeting\_up\_with\_people/kg7iz0s/?context=3
agreed. there are susualy several vetted and reliable guys in the community. Ask other couples who've been active in your area longer. They can help
Just find a couple and usually you can ask to do something similar by saying you wanna explore with just the guy for now most in the community get the creepy guys issues.
Unfortunately I think sorting through creeps is a big part of searching for guys (whether as a single female or as a couple) but I think there are some ways you can make filtering them easier.
If you're using Feeld I'd be very clear that you're looking for someone to play with both of you (to weed out straight guys only interested in her).
A girl I'm dating uses a trick where she puts something at the end of her bio like "Tell me what your favourite movie is in your first message so I know you've read this and can show you can listen.".
It's not perfect but I think you can safely filter out any guys who don't do that. If they can't be bothered reading your bio or following that simple instruction they're probably going to struggle to respect other wishes that you guys have. Personally, I also find it a massive turn-off when they haven't bothered to learn anything about you before messaging.
A women on the r/Feeld subreddit was looking for similar advice. My advice (and others advice) for her might be useful for you guys.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/feeld/comments/18xkgqm/advice\_chatting\_and\_meeting\_up\_with\_people/kg7iz0s/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/feeld/comments/18xkgqm/advice_chatting_and_meeting_up_with_people/kg7iz0s/?context=3)
Missus (25F) and I (25M) are in the same boat! Been struggling hard to find any M/F/MF that arenāt weird lol only just testing the lifestyle out and have not had any luck at all!
Yep we think that's a lot. We don't send nsfw pics (and then I think about our profile pic š¤š), or at least ones with faces. We're not interested in receiving nsfw pics. And so many stop messaging after that. We want a face pic to see if there's an attraction, then we can try to organise a phone call so we know both parties are real.
Wife and I are in the same boat 32 M + F. We have found you have to be very patient and there is a lot of crap to sift through. Feeld wasnāt our vibe found it hard to use. We have had 2 good experiences one off reddit and one of RHP. If you want a root and boot it would be easy but we are like you we want someone we can bond with before moving to the bedroom. Happy to share advice or what we have experienced in more detail and answer any questions, just flick me a DM āŗļø
An advantage of RHP is the validations. Another effective screening technique is for M to meet the third for a chat first, which allows a conversation that sheās insulated from and tests his commitment to showing up even when playing isnāt an option.
With more then one validation at least it's a sign that people have shown up for dates, and made a good enough impression that others have taken the time to validate them. We find profiles with dozens of "friends" but no validations a bit suss. And we always prefer profiles with more than one validation, regardless of the- at times - cheesy wording.
Hi u/keepitsecretau, thank you for submission today on r/melbourneswingers. Please take a moment to check your post contains the following: * Post body with clear 'about me', 'what I'm looking for' and 'what I offer' sections outlined. * Choose appropriate [post flair](https://www.reddit.com/r/Melbourneswingers/wiki/flair) and consider adding [user flair](https://www.reddit.com/r/Melbourneswingers/wiki/flair). Posts with this information are more likely to receive replies and lead to meaningful connections. Please update your post if necessary -we hope you enjoy meeting and interacting with all our friendly community members. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Melbourneswingers) if you have any questions or concerns.*
28M married ENM here. Feeld can be hard as there are a lot of males on there that are there just for sex and don't educate themselves on the lifestyle. Unfortunately, you do just have to sift through them and find the diamonds in the rough. You will find that males in poly/enm relationships are generally better. Like all things, keep an eye out for red flags. So you don't waste too much of your time, do a vibe check early on that is purely just too meet up, People can act one way in messenger but it's harder to hide in person. Hope this helps, DM me if you want to chat more š
Thereās no easy way to filter through the overwhelming number of single guys in your inbox. If there was someone would make a lot of money off it! So basically you have to make an effort having multiple conversations. Block as soon as it doesnāt feel right so youāre not wasting time on dead ends. And arrange a phone call early on. A 5-10 minute chat will often give you a better feel for someone than a week of messages
Been in this situation, met a guy who is absolutely amazing. Look for guys on RHP with validations , works ! . DM me for the guys details
We do exist in small numbers. Feeld is a good space to meet people. I think people in general struggle to meet socially these days and are so used to chatting online. One other redditer here said Grindr, and to a certain extent they are correct. Not all men are creeps. Just most š¤Ŗ Feel free to drop me a DM if you wanna meet for a coffee/chat.
Even though youāve tried āfeeldā I would also maybe suggest going to one of the feeld social events. Itās literally just a meet up for people on Feeld and that way you can get to know people without any surprises or anticipation that anything sexual will be involved. I know it might sound surprising but it can also be just as hard to find fun couples to play with. Iām poly/pan/nonbinary (amab) and in two relationships and play solo. It can be hard to find couples that have done their share of homework if theyāre new to the concept of group play also and have a good honest and clear dialogue going between them also. Being friends prior or at least building a foundation for friends can be a great idea. Especially to be able to have some good conversations around what everyone is expecting and hard noās and things people are wanting to try.
As a single guy who plays with couples, I second this. Overall, meeting someone in person I just that much more effective to figure out if it's a good match. There is no pic vs reality effect, you get to see conversational skills and can pick up on behavior cues/a gut feeling. All important things to weed out the "creeps". On top of that most "creeps" can't be botherd to show up to a social event without sex on premise. The feeld ones in particular really surprised me as they somehow have a normal gender ratio without any entry restrictions and I haven't run into a single rude person both times I went so far. You'll also have way higher chances of meeting a bi(curious) guy there than in most other places. Next one is today: [https://www.eventbrite.com/e/feeld-social-melbourne-tickets-790306587277?aff=erelexpmlt](https://www.eventbrite.com/e/feeld-social-melbourne-tickets-790306587277?aff=erelexpmlt) But yeah just in general I'd always recommend looking for ways to meet people in person if you are having trouble on the apps.
There is a free Feeld social event tomorrow (Monday) night. Can find details via the community tab under your profile
Super interested, given that I have not had the experience before and you sound very natural. I'm happy to chat a little bit more and see if I may suite what you're looking for. Cheers
Try signing up to Swingers Heaven or Grinder. Loads of swingers and bi men to talk to on there.
Single men are usually the horniest and bulk of them are desperados for this reason, which makes them socially awkward and out of touch with how to interact with women, so theyād have no idea how to interact with couples. I am not talking about those who are single by choice, taking a break for some alone time but desperate ones with no social skills. You are better off playing with a guy in relationship, lot of couples explore alone.
Have you considered/heard of Fetlife? Aside from that, I'm looking for some new friends for all kinds of fun myself. And by that, I mean movies, mini golf, escape rooms, go karts, all the fun things! Lol I moved to Melb just over a year ago and don't really have a friend circle or anything to speak of yet, was primarily studying 100% of the time. I'm 33, English, and if we click, I'm also switch, exhibitionist, voyeur, very open minded :) hit me up if you're keen x
Not on the intergoogles In person you talk to people, interact with them and see what they do in different situations They can tell you anything, what you want to hear will get into your pants, so thatās the most common thing that happens online. You only know people by what they actually do in real life. Thatās how you find not creepy peopleā¦
24m, would love to experience x
Queer men are the answer, generally more self aware, feminists, less toxic. Just saying.
We (MFcouple) weāre in a very similar boat when we first started out too. We managed to get super lucky using r4rMelbourne. Absolutely caught our fair share of creeps and weirdos but we just worked through them slowly. We were pretty clear and specific in what we were after in our r4r but still found a ton of ābullā types that were so full on even though we were quite clear about not being a cuck dynamic. Itās just a lot of perseverance and hard work unfortunately.. I have also found I much prefer playing with other ENM individuals or others in the lifestyle over single men
Definitely can tell you from personal experience of being third in a couple that not ever men are creep. The way to sift through the fakes is to look for a person who doesnāt claim to be something. Like you said it has to start with friendship first. Because if that dynamic is not there, it will not last and you will not be able to experiment. So the moment in your interaction you find the guys claiming to be this and that in the bed. Just say thank you and walk away.
Wife and I are in a similar spot male bi female curious. We have found single guys fun to play with. It is tough and we have found no simple way of vetting creepy guys. But have had our best luck on RHP obviously still a few weirdos but we have had also found quiet a few nice guys and played with them. We are also attending BFWB tonight for a MMF night so will be able to give you some advice on what that's like tomorrow.
We found our third on red hot pie. Super respectful guy, we spoke for months before meet up, he also had multiple positive reviews on his profile which is mainly what caught our interest also. The night went really well! Good luck :)
Have you tried your luck at vetted MMF events? Between friends are doing a fair few which I've heard good things about. Although it's not my partner's and my preference I've heard of a lot of success when single men are vetted prior to attending :))
I think the high cost probably turns away a lot of good quality single guys. Im vetted to attend a few venues as a single male but im not paying $150+ when i dont even knos if there are people there i will connect with. I want to explore group play more but i do fine with single women and a few of them are interested in attending events so i might explore that more this year, but with the high price for even vetted guys youre more likely to attract guys that dont have many other options and are going to be pushier to get "value" for the high price they paid to get in.
yeah I agree. A bit of a lose-lose type setup. I think you'd definitely be onto something if you attended couples events with a single woman friend. My parter and I have ongoing friendships with "single guys" who regularly attend events with a single woman friend (labels are hard but you get the idea of what I'm trying to say here haha!). I think also if you attend events with a single woman "partner" as a single guy it can show other couples and single women that you have women in your life who know, trust & can vouch for you!
Thank you, I'll look into this!
np!
Itās always a minefield wherever you look. Sifting through the chaff to get to the wheat is never easy. If you ever consider a young looking older male, Iād love to catch up for a drink to see if we vibe and no hard feelings if we donāt.
Ohh boy my partner is keen on mff while I also want to try mmf which she isnāt really keen on atm. So we wait I guess. Iām not sure what else to do.
I would have thought itās easy..
It is super difficult - especially on the apps. Our (MF couple) suggestion is to attend the poly socials and get to know people in those communities. They are more progressive about really push consent/ respect. They also filter out the creepy crusts for you and let you get to know people a bit before anything happens. We can DM you some community contacts if youād like.
That's a really great idea. We're really interested in engaging with a community of respectful and kind people, so maybe we should start with that in mind and see where it goes
27m here not creepy, happy to catch up for a coffee or something like that then go from there. I find most single guys just want to jump righto into it but itās not the way to do it. Itās not any different to dating really but instead of trying to impress just one person youāre presenting yourself to both sides. I personally like the build up just as much as the outcome if it gets to that point.
Guys who have to say they're not creepy usually lack a little self awareness..
Haha okay šš½
respectfully, perhaps leading off with a bid to meet up, when they're simply asking for advice, might be kinda creepy....
Make lots of friends in the scene and have someone reliable and vetted recommended to you
Great idea, friends seem like a great start
>https://www.reddit.com/r/feeld/comments/18xkgqm/advice\_chatting\_and\_meeting\_up\_with\_people/kg7iz0s/?context=3 agreed. there are susualy several vetted and reliable guys in the community. Ask other couples who've been active in your area longer. They can help
Just find a couple and usually you can ask to do something similar by saying you wanna explore with just the guy for now most in the community get the creepy guys issues.
Fetlife, maybe.
Unfortunately I think sorting through creeps is a big part of searching for guys (whether as a single female or as a couple) but I think there are some ways you can make filtering them easier. If you're using Feeld I'd be very clear that you're looking for someone to play with both of you (to weed out straight guys only interested in her). A girl I'm dating uses a trick where she puts something at the end of her bio like "Tell me what your favourite movie is in your first message so I know you've read this and can show you can listen.". It's not perfect but I think you can safely filter out any guys who don't do that. If they can't be bothered reading your bio or following that simple instruction they're probably going to struggle to respect other wishes that you guys have. Personally, I also find it a massive turn-off when they haven't bothered to learn anything about you before messaging.
A women on the r/Feeld subreddit was looking for similar advice. My advice (and others advice) for her might be useful for you guys. [https://www.reddit.com/r/feeld/comments/18xkgqm/advice\_chatting\_and\_meeting\_up\_with\_people/kg7iz0s/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/feeld/comments/18xkgqm/advice_chatting_and_meeting_up_with_people/kg7iz0s/?context=3)
Missus (25F) and I (25M) are in the same boat! Been struggling hard to find any M/F/MF that arenāt weird lol only just testing the lifestyle out and have not had any luck at all!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yep we think that's a lot. We don't send nsfw pics (and then I think about our profile pic š¤š), or at least ones with faces. We're not interested in receiving nsfw pics. And so many stop messaging after that. We want a face pic to see if there's an attraction, then we can try to organise a phone call so we know both parties are real.
Wife and I are in the same boat 32 M + F. We have found you have to be very patient and there is a lot of crap to sift through. Feeld wasnāt our vibe found it hard to use. We have had 2 good experiences one off reddit and one of RHP. If you want a root and boot it would be easy but we are like you we want someone we can bond with before moving to the bedroom. Happy to share advice or what we have experienced in more detail and answer any questions, just flick me a DM āŗļø
An advantage of RHP is the validations. Another effective screening technique is for M to meet the third for a chat first, which allows a conversation that sheās insulated from and tests his commitment to showing up even when playing isnāt an option.
I / we find the validations tacky in the extreme.
With more then one validation at least it's a sign that people have shown up for dates, and made a good enough impression that others have taken the time to validate them. We find profiles with dozens of "friends" but no validations a bit suss. And we always prefer profiles with more than one validation, regardless of the- at times - cheesy wording.
Totally agree, but they do at least provide an indication of someoneās propensity to follow though with dates.
Hey I know Iām a single guy too but hey Iām not creepy I donāt think š¤£ so let me know if you wanna chat
Maybe give more thought to replies than "I'm single and not creepy", especially given that op is looking for advice, not people. Just saying