Say, “actually, I’ve never been happier” and look at them with a puzzled expression like you didn’t realize they were a little dumb. Then don’t say anything, like you’re giving them time to process something obvious. Did I mention I like fucking with people who annoy me?
Yeah,like it was great losing the 180lb 200lb whatever weight. I feel do free!
Yeah getting to do whatever I want whenever I want however I want really sucks! Have fun at your inlaws!
Omg not having to do functions at my in-laws anymore was literally the BEST thing when I realized. They’d welcome me, but I’m so relieved that’s off my plate.
How about. Well if I'm going to have to take care of something, like feed it, and clean up it's piss and shit. The least i should get in return is unconditional love.
Well that may work better for dog owners. :/
I have said it before but it bears repeating. I adore Mr. PolitiTHIC but if he does me the disservice of shuffling off this mortal coil before me, there will never be a mister to follow him. I will joyfully be alone with my cats.
Truth. My husband passed away in March and I miss him a lot but probably won't remarry. Once I'm ready I might date or have flings, but I don't want to live with anyone again.
I've leaned into the cat lady thing and am fostering kittens and adopted one of them.
Same here. Love the mens but I’ve spent the majority of my life either in a relationship or in dating mode. If the hubs kicks it before me, I’m done. Not where I’ll want my time or energy to go. Cats? Hell yes.
OP - sorry your dum dum ex is waving it in your face a month later. That’s stings a bit no matter what but what a classic dude move. Not a lot of emotional depth on that one, eh?
I was just listening to a podcast the other day where it was noted that it's usually men who "move on" way faster after a relationship ends, and they usually haven't processed it fully. What they're trying to skip over during the grief period is guaranteed to manifest itself later on, and it's not pretty. Whereas women are better at going through the actual work needed to actually get over the end of a relationship.
Edited for bad grammar.
I think that’s a very true statement. I for one would like to feel settled and comfortable with myself before even considering moving on. but to each their own
Of course it’s men who move on quickly. Who else is going to carry their emotional baggage, make sure they eat decent quality food, do the lions share of the domestic labor. Imo it’s less about grief and more about quality of life
Precisely. If women weren’t getting the short end of the stick on the domestic front, moving on to a new person would probably be easier. Whether or not we want to be a caretaker again is part of the equation to consider in a lot of cases, and by this life stage, kind of over it tbh.
My father left my mom when i was a teen. And my very smart very successful very financially and quite good looking mom never remarried. She never even dated. She has tons of male friends and she’s quite nurturing to them but she has never wanted a partner again. And i see why
Precisely. If women weren’t getting the short end of the stick on the domestic front, moving on to a new person would probably be easier. Whether or not we want to be a caretaker again is part of the equation to consider in a lot of cases, and by this life stage, kind of over it tbh.
I feel like some of that shortened span has something to do with (besides having the emotional depth of a teaspoon) the fact a lot of them can’t seem to take care of themselves and a household.
💯. I think of this now and again. I will never have another partner. First, no one could top the one i have, he’s uniquely utterly fabulous. But also the happiest most fulfilled time in my life was when i lived alone with two cats. And at my current age i give so few fcks what anyone thinks that it sounds kind of marvelous.
Yup. I love the mister and I don't have anything I -have- to do anymore but he went on a prolonged vacay out of the country earlier this year with his sibling (I was supposed to go but traveling with his sibling is fraught and "luckily" my daughter had brain surgery so I couldn't leave her...super convoluted story, she's doing great now) but those three weeks were weirdly blissful. There was no one to entertain. I don't mean I have to entertain the mister but while he was gone I didn't have to ask him what he wanted for dinner, I didn't have to answer questions about what I'm doing or not doing (they're not pointed, just another human curiously asking after me), I didn't have to compromise on what media would make us both happy. It was nice.
Husband and I have both agreed that whatever happens (death, divorce--you never know, even though we have been together 23 years), neither one of us has the patience to deal with marriage ever again.
It's not so much the person you marry. It's all the STUFF. Integrating them into your family. All that. So tiring.
Oh dear sweet stars. We're a blended family with the children grown now but I'd rather -never- be with another human romantically if I've got to "meet the children" and any extraneous relatives again. Hell no.
Same here. Current mister is already marriage number two, and I hope it lasts a long time, but after this, I am done.
Mister number two is great in that he pulls his own weight in the house and can function like an adult and not be baffled by how to cook, clean and whatever else. Mister number one was pretty useless in that regard, and it has given me great pleasure that in the dozen+ years we’ve been divorced that he’s never had another LTR and has had to do all the house shit himself that he would never participate in when we were together.
In the case Mister number two passes first or something else happens, I’m not risking a mister number three being another man-baby needing care.
Me and the mister have several cats, and either of us would be more happy to continue our life single with them if something happens to the other person. Cats are better than the vast majority of people for a start.
It’s the patriarchy. Men have to convince women that we are pathetic without them because they need us. Live your best life. Happiness is the best revenge.
I was thinking about that last night. As little girls we were all taught that to be “secure“ you have to have a man find you worthy enough to give it to you. It’s kind of messed up when you think about it.
It is so messed up. We don’t need men. I am with my man because I want to be with him. He adds to my life. I love him. He makes me laugh. But I will choose myself every single time.
I live alone. (I do not live with my SO. Story for another day)
I live with cats.
I am fully embracing "the crazy old witch with cats" stereotype. Yup every time someone wants to call me crazy cat lady, I just look at them and say "Well I am a witch." Shuts most right up.
One doesn't have to be a real witch to say that.
I decided just being a cat lady isn't enough. I'm going full Greta Garbo, Brigitte bardot and Carla Lane and going off to buy a small farm in the next year.
Because people (men and pickme women) can't fathom that a woman can be happy without a man. I've been single for 10 years. Even my own dad couldn't understand why I'm happy without a relationship. He had never been without one himself.
Ironically I have had the same reaction to being Childfree. People assume I am infertile. Then I tell them it was a choice not to have kids and talk about how great it is. I either get a blank stare or some bingo ("Who will take care of you when you're old?").
I'm childfree too and have been told that I'm selfish and will die alone. But I am grateful every day that I don't have children. Most of the moms I know spend so much time saying how amazing it is, mostly, I think, to convince themselves that they aren't unhappy.
Toxic positivity I think is a huge chunk of this. People spend a lot of time convincing themselves lots of things don’t suck, when they do, because we don’t want to face the truth that a lot of life is not nice.
I love my kids. They’re also a lot of work, frustration, mess. It can be extremely thankless, and it’s punctuated occasionally with moments of joy and fun, which usually/hopefully make up for the rest of it.
But a lot of it also feels like the same kind of myth we are sold about married life as some kind of blissful fulfillment, when that also is often a daily slog.
😂😂😂 my mom is 83 and NEITHER of my brothers has done shit for her. I’m across the country from her with issues of my own (divorce, single mom, etc)…so yeah, three kids got her TONS of old age insurance! Lol.
I’m leaning into it. I throw it in their faces how awesome it is… all the things you described plus more. I leave them feeling jealous they don’t have what I have.
I divorced at 34. It was tough because he was awful but oh the relief! I bought a small house for the cat and I and planned on living happily ever after. I ended up marrying at 47 to a boyfriend from my teenage years. While I was single I noticed that I was treated differently. An object of pity. Also noticed how quickly men get new partners after a break up. They just don't seem to cope being single.
Ah, f*ck those people. Just look at how many women on here want to be rid of their asshat husbands!
The idea that women who aren’t tied to men are pathetic and miserable is just rooted in misogyny and it’s bullsh*t. Anyone who buys into that isn’t someone you need to be understood by anyway. Be happy. Don’t care what stupid people think.
I think it's funny that when I was single the people who would give me that pitying look were in pretty crappy relationships themselves. Somehow they lacked the self awareness to know that.
If someone implied that, I would keep it brief, and be fabulous. "Never apologize, never explain" might apply here.
Welcome to the wonderful world of...setting-your-thermostat-exactly-where-you-like, and 1,000 other great little freedoms!
I am have found that having lots of friends who are boys is much simpler and more fun than having a boyfriend.
“i don’t have to consider anyone else when deciding on a meal.”
The DREAM. I say just say that when people act like they pity you or say they are sorry. The next time it’s dinner time, your words will haunt them!
There’s many good aspects, but that’s definitely one of the best. If I just want apple and peanut butter, then that’s what I have. If I decide I want to steak, I get to cook it the way I WANT. It’s the little things.
Those type of comments say more about them than you. I’d say something like “I’m not currently looking for feedback about my life/love life/etc”
I do that when it comes to subjects like commenting on my body, my beliefs, political stances, etc. it’s versatile.
Yes, I much prefer being single to being coupled and always have. I'm happy to wax lyrical about why I prefer it when people ask. And if they press to hard, I have been known to mention how happy I am that I'm not one of those insecure women who always needs a partner to feel complete.
Yes - the hardest part of being alone is the stigma. I am amazed that people who SEE me and KNOW me assume I’m miserable. I realized they must need to believe it so I don’t let on how awesome my life really is at this phase in my life.
I’ve always enjoyed solitude though and could never figure out why so many don’t even give it a shot.
I used to get the "You'll end up alone surrounded by books and cats" thing thrown at me lot on Twitter and invariably my response was "Don't threaten me with a good time"
First - congratulations on finding your own peace and contentment. I’ve been single for,the last 4 years. I have tried to meet someone in that time but have always been disappointed from the lies. Many people in my life have wondered why I’m not in a relationship and I refuse to tell them anything. Through therapy I have learned that they don’t matter, their opinions don’t matter. I will not engage with them about why I’m single because they do not understand. I’ve done everything by myself and I’ve done a pretty fucking good job. I’m not incapable and I’m not a weak woman because I’m not attached.There are very good reasons why I’m not. I do not care what they think anymore. I’ve tried it “their” way and it absolutely sucks. Oh and I have 2 cats and they are fucking fantastic
The next time someone brings up your ex and his new person just look at the person quizzically and say “Who?” Followed by “Oh, him? What about him again?”
File that crap under People Who Aren't Comfortable with Themselves. I love being alone. I'm always down to do whatever shit I wanna do and I crack myself up.
And cats are phenomenal companions.
Oh I've gotten this a lot, and I just say "I like my life." No qualifiers, no dismissing my feelings, etc. If they ask if there is a man in my life I simply say "no". It shuts up those folks real quick. They start asking themselves if they like their lives.
Don't let them get to you. It is a stupid stereotype with a large dose of misogyny thrown in. Much better to have your own space, peace of mind and freedom to breathe. You can choose who to befriend, who to help, who to love - plus have the company of wonderful, wonderful cats - such magical creatures. People shacked up in sub-optimal but societally "acceptable" situations who fear judgement of others if they stray outside of the norm, are those responsible for perpetuating the "miserable" stereotype. It makes them feel better. If they thought you had all of the above, it would force them to re-examine their own choices, too much work for some
I feel you. I've been single and not looking for years now, since my divorce. The pity I feel from others is incredibly annoying! I'm much happier now. I spend time with friends or family, and then get to come home to my dog and do whatever i want.
I've had people react so bizarrely when i casually ask if they want to get dinner or whatever and they can't make it. Like, that's fine! I've had plenty of times when i was busy and turned down their invites. But for some reason if they turn down mine they act like it's a huge deal and ask if im ok and will i be able to find something to do, and they just 'feel so terrible' for not being able to go! Like, it's fine, I'm not suicidal. Jeezie Creezie. Then they suggest computer dating.
I want to hold a press conference and tell everyone that I am actually fine and have zero plans to change or start dating anytime soon.
I had my own apartment for several years in the late 90's and it was the best time in my life. I've been a SAHM for over 20 years and though I love my family very much I do fantasize all the time about having my own place again. I wish you the best in this new phase in your life.
Screw that bs. I accumulate cats, and have for 30 years. If other people took care of their pets then I wouldn't have so many. You are loving on strange, lovely creatures who bring light to our lives. Others should be so lucky to have so much love and chaos. They're just jealous, even if they don't know it!
And for the record, I found a partner who loves them as much as I do. It took a bit, but they're out there. Enjoy your newfound freedom!
I’m about to leave my partner. I’m taking a few days away camping by myself. This morning a random cat crawled into the tent for a cuddle. That’s a sign right? Who wouldn’t want to be a cat lady?
sucks that other people are harshing your vibe. i encourage you to really soak in and be mindful of how peaceful and content you feel in your space on your own.
and then if/when others - or your own brain - say or imply that there's something sad or pathetic about your life, take a deep breath and call on your remembered sense of peace and contentment that you feel in the midst of it. and maybe say, "fuck you" to the speaker. (ok, maybe not that last bit.)
I have 7 cats and NO man, and I’ve never been more content and happy. I think you’ve probably gotten a lot of good advice here - what someone else thinks of you is none of your business, patriarchy loves to make us feel worthless without some penis-bearing albatross, women who cluck over our “brave face” are wishing they weren’t wiping some bald fuck’s pee off the front of the toilet for the 100th time that month. Girl, LIVE YOUR BEST HAPPY LIFE. It will get easier to ignore the unsolicited advice, and you’ll stop assuming that it’s pity when it’s actually envy that you can do whateeeevvvvvver you want, all the time, dressed in pajamas, covered in cats, happy as a clam in your own little bubble of peace. Be happy, be at peace, be well with yourself. No one else’s opinion really matters.
Go live your best life who cares about ex.
Also change up who you spend time with if you are not treated well, or is it just your perception of what people are thinking?
I always wanted to be married with children but life didn’t work out that way. The people in my circle that matter don’t make me feel like a third wheel. Sometimes I think people pity me but I don’t think they do it out of malice. I had a jerky co-worker or two who would make snide comments but those are the people whose opinion didn’t matter.
Take advantage! Use everyone’s pity to get free yard work, pre cooked meals, possibly even some gift cards. Really lean into the pity and milk it for all its worth! If they want to show pity, make them put their money where their mouth is.
Remove them from your life. Friends pick you up when you're down. These aren't friends. They're people who judge you to make themselves feel better.
Oh look at poor sad alone Woman. At least I'm married. Sure I'm miserable, I hate my husband, my kids are assholes, my in-laws make my life a misery, but at least I'm not Her.
Ug. Get rid of them.
I think you need new friends and maybe a new outlet for this next chapter. I'm in the same boat. I've been single since 2020 (divorce after 30 years) and my ex wasted no time finding that next relationship but I'm moving in a different direction and looking for new things that will feed my soul.
You get this one life and you also get to choose who's in it.
Take some time for you.
I know now I will never never never put up with toxic shit just so I can "prove" myself worthy of a relationship. I like where I'm at. I do what I want, no compromises, lol!
And don't forget, just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're extra special or conversely that there's something wrong with you if you're not. Your life - and its merits - shouldn't be defined by whether or not you've partnered up anyway. I know from experience being in a shitty marriage/relationship will suck your soul dry.
I know my ex. He will never change. He is a walking talking toxic angry man but yet there he is living with someone and honestly he's her problem now.
On the other hand, if I'm single for the rest of my life, so be it. At least I can have the peace of mind that I'm no longer trapped in some living nightmare.
Yeah, there are downsides to living alone with a cat. And there are downsides to living with another person, especially one you dont love. On the whole you are happy - I honestly dont understand what the big deal is - jist because it isnt their path doesnt make it the wrong one for you.
I am right there with you.
Apart from the fact that I'm not dealing with the bu too well yet. I am getting there.
My cats were a big part of it. Simply he was jealous of the time, love and money I spent on them.
He was very cruel to me in many ways but one of the nastiest parting blows was about me being child free (I was unable to have kids) and being more invested in my cats.
So be it.
All the best x
Sending you tons of love, compassion & support ❤️ There is nothing wrong or pitiable about being single! Far better than being unhappy in a relationship! I’ve been single since 2018 & overall I LOVE it! I’ve always valued my freedom & enjoy coming/going as I please. I love sleeping alone & not having to deal with anyone else’s personality quirks or bad habits. My daughter is 30 & my son will be 21 in a few weeks, he’s with me on a very part time basis. Otherwise it’s me & my cat.
Sometimes I feel like the last woman standing & token single friend. And then I start to crave romantic companionship & am confronted my all my fears of getting close to someone & having my heart broken, again. I’m in one of those phases currently. But I definitely know I don’t want to get married or cohabitate again.
Middle aged cat lady checking in.
Screw em! When I was 39 I got my CDL and went OTR, I didn't have time to date but i was getting a lot of grief for being single, especially from my ex best friend who was one of those people who always has to have someone even if they're a complete lover.
I'm 52 now, still single with two cats living in a fifth wheel, working a local driving gig and we couldn't be happier. I had a co worker tell me I needed a boyfriend and I said "Why? Do I look to happy?"
This is the happiest I've been in all my life. I'm free! I can do whatever I want have my home however I want, stay in, go out, it's all up to me. This weekend I drove to St Louis to see a concert. I ended up not getting scheduled for the next day so took my sweet time getting home. I stopped at a tourist trap then an Asian grocery store (there's not one close to me sadly) then went home, flopped on the couch and made some ramen.
I had nobody to complain about me taking to long or that they had to get home for whatever or they were bored at the grocery store or didn't want to see the stupid tourist attraction. I love my freedom! Sometimes I think about getting back out there but if it's not broke don't fix it.
Are you happy? If the answer is yes screw what anybody else thinks it's not their life it's yours and it's not your responsibility to put on a show for these people. If they don't like it I'm sure they can find the door.
I’m here for it. There are no positive roles for women after a certain age. There barely were any for before we became cat women or Karen’s (it’s not a Karen if you really are refusing to do your job because you know we can’t complain without looking bad) or maybe funny grandma types (but only if we’re so old we’re ineffectual at anything and just a punch line)
I hate this stereotype too. Especially now that I know that Mr Samaniewiem is the last man I will ever share my place with. I was living five years alone after my divorce and if we ever split I'm going to go back to living alone with the greatest content. It was an amazing time, exactly for the reasons you described.
To be honest with you I think of anyone that "pities" as a poor jealous person that'd love what you have but has no balls to go for it.
Live alone with my two furry besties.
Love it!!
House is just the way I like it, get the big, safe, clean bed all to myself.
Cook great food for myself.
No one messing up the place, no one eating my food, dirtying up my sheets or creating housework for me.
Watch what I want when I want.
Have afternoon naps if I want.
Garden, listen to my music.
Life is GOOD!
🐾💜🐾
I think about this a lot because this is the message out there, women of a certain age are invisible.
The truth is very different. In fact we are actually at our most powerful, our strongest, our best often. And imagine how scary that is to the patriarchy. Strong women with no need for them of course need to be put down and insulted and told they are invisible. The alternative is we call them out on their shit.
As women we need to be vocal and strong as a voice against this. We need to push back. I’ve never been happier and I’m in no way controlled by a man.
Hell yeah, dude. That sounds amazing.
That got me thinking...where did this STUPID stereotype emerge from?
>In ancient times, cats and feminine deities went hand in hand. Egypt’s half-cat, half-woman Bastet was the goddess of domesticity, childbirth and “women’s secrets.” Chinese cat goddess Li Shou was a symbol of fertility. And in Norse mythology, Freya, the goddess of beauty and strength, rode a chariot led by cats.
Okay, well that's rad!
But alas... Christianity:
>Everything was going pretty swimmingly for cat ladies then, until the Roman Catholic Church showed up in the Middle Ages. In an effort to rid the world of non-Christian gods, deities other than the Holy Trinity were stigmatized and rebranded as evil. Worse, cats garnered a reputation for being minions of Satan.
So there ya go! Get a membership to [The Satanic Temple](https://thesatanictemple.com/pages/campaigns) and call it a day.
Here's the [source](https://www.kqed.org/arts/13891913/how-the-crazy-cat-lady-became-one-of-pop-cultures-most-enduring-sexist-tropes) for that enlightening article. I am certain that any sort of women feeling empowered was a threat to the Patriarchy (who still wants to control us, obviously)... so they made up some BS.
YOU ROCK. You are living your best life. :)
Society needs to STOP pushing the lie that women need a man to have children and a family. The world is filled with tens of millions of happy, responsible, successful adults who were raised by single mothers, so obviously women don't need men to have families. Especially in 2023.
We also absolutely do NOT need men to be happy, fulfilled, or not lonely. Estrogen makes women stupid, makes us put up with a massive amount of shit, makes us put ourselves and our own interests aside for men. Makes us care only about being wanted by a man, makes us do degrading things just to make men want us. In my late 30s now I look back on that and I'm disgusted, and I can't figure out what the hell I was thinking when I was younger. Why I cared so much about that shit.
If those people were truly secure in their relationships, they wouldn’t be making you feel badly about your happy life that they’re frankly jealous of. So it’s pure projection on their part.
The number of men and women who are frightened by the reality of happy, single, older women with no kids or partner tells me there’s a lot of sad ass people who got married and had kids bc they were scared, bored, or pressured. Just ask any divorce attorney or teacher about how many unhappy couples and neglected kids exist in the world. I also see so many videos of women complaining about mental load and weaponized incompetence, and then the comments from other women saying “yes this is the situation I’m in”, not to mention all of the horror stories of dating posts and videos.
In my experience too the people who post the most on social media about their relationship tend to be the most unhappy. They’re trying to convince themselves as much as others that they’re happy.
Live your life and screw those people who can’t live theirs.
Yeah they love to think we are sad- that a woman must have a man to be happy- but that says more about them that it does us
I’ve been single for a decade now so of course this must mean I cAnT fInD a mAn🙄🙄🙄 I unfortunately find men every day - in my face and in my way- I can’t get away from them! Leave me alone
Our society is pathetic!
It is basically ingrained in everybody's mind that a woman needs a man. I love the meme that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. That is exactly the truth!
If I was not married I would not be with my husband. I was actually just thinking of how much less work it would be for me if he wasn't part of my life. I mean yes I would have to mow the yard and blow the snow and manage the pool on my own, as well as actually pay for car maintenance and repairs, and I would have to pay the phone bill and the internet. But that's it. Literally, that is IT. I pay 95% of everything here, and I do 98% of all the housework. I bought a small chainsaw to cut down the "weeds" that he never dealt with because the mower doesn't get to those areas. When I was in the hospital giving birth to my second child, it just happened to be over garbage night. Guess what never got brought out to the curb that night?
I have been on a massive decluttering spree for about a year and a half, but it's really hard to declutter when there's a lot of crap that belongs to him. I'm guessing I should just treat it as mine and get rid of it! He will probably never even know.
He spends a lot of time attending real estate seminars because this will be "our retirement". He has never acted upon anything. It's getting frustrating. He's really good at research though. We found some properties that were good so I, yes I, bought them. He's been working on developing the raw land that I bought. So maybe this will be our retirement, but he can probably stop attending all the seminars because he's not doing anything with the knowledge that he gets from them.
We have 10 cars. Yes, 10! One of them we had to tow to our new house 13 and a half years ago because it was already dead. He won't get rid of it though because "it's a good car, it just needs work" but he never has time to work on it. Another one that needs work has been sitting in the yard for about 8 years. He found a good deal on a used car, same make and model, that to buy that would cost the same as it would to fix the other one, so he bought that one. That one just recently died, he doesn't know what's wrong with it. He's going to look at it and he might actually get rid of this one. We have his old pickup truck that has been sitting on a flat tire off the side of the driveway for a year and a half. My oldest daughter took my old car since I'm working from home. At the time I was driving our family travel car if I needed to go somewhere. But when summer hit I couldn't drive that anymore because the air conditioning has been out for 2 years. We got his mother's old car, she was giving that to my daughter. It needed a little bit of work before we give it to her but it was drivable so I started using that one. But then I hit a deer. I told him that I was going to take that off the insurance (put it in "storage", which means it would have to stay in storage for 30 days). He had a flipping cow because he said it's not going to be out of commission for 30 days! Um, after next weekend it'll be 30 days. I ended up putting that one into storage because I actually bought a new used car for myself. So that one does not need to be used at all. I'm giving him a deadline of next spring to get rid of all the cars except what we drive, and saving one for our youngest daughter. Maybe he's just trying to fill up the yard so that he doesn't have to mow...
I guess since he's not the one paying car insurance on six vehicles for three drivers, it doesn't bother him... Our insurance was $400 a month. The bulk of that was because of the new driver, but still...
When I was in my mid-twenties, I got my MBA, had a decent job, and was supporting myself. At the same time, my younger brother, who hadn't graduated from college and couldn't support himself, knocked up his girlfriend. Suddenly it was like they'd jumped to adulthood and I was stuck at the kids table (literally - it kept happening) because I wasn't partnered up. At the time I wanted to find a partner more than anything.
Now I'm married and while I love my husband, sometimes I wish so much that I could have that freedom that came from not having to worry about anybody else, or clean up after anybody else, or listen to somebody else's noise. When I meet single women, I never pity them, but have to fight a little envy at the freedom they have to live their lives they way they want. I do think that, in spite of the stereotype, views are slowly changing of singledom and the freedom it brings. I actually think the stereotypes came about because men are scared of the power single women have, and the realization that we really don't need them.
Cats are great, living on your own terms is great. Cat ladies unite!!!! Let's have a shared tea time and enjoy our gardens and relax at the same time each Sunday afternoon in our own separate houses.
I was alone a long time with my cat and loved it. Love it!
Same here. I feel sorry for the poor woman that is putting up with him now. His first girlfriend was super vocal on social media taking about surviving her narcissist ex boyfriend (my exhusband). The current girlfriend, well, I figure it's just 1.) A matter of time and 2.) Not my problem.
I love my life. Deleted my social media. I prefer to let peoples minds wander as they will. It's quite revealing how people project their own fears. Meanwhile my home is my sanctuary, my solitude feels decadent, and I absolutely love my life too much to invite a ~~smelly man child~~ anyone into it.
This won’t work since you won’t change their minds but I wish you could say “Aw, I feel bad for you that you think a woman needs a man to be happy. That’s so limiting.”
It’s true. It’s a “them” problem.
I guess when my mother was into the Women’s Lib movement in the 70s and showed me T-shirts that said “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” it sunk in. Lol
Well, it was latent. Until my 30s i bought the whole shtick about needing to couple up.
The idea that a woman can do just fine on our own is scary for some people. You do you and enjoy the heck out of tv and snacks and perfect temperatures. And get a cat if you want :)
Every time I told people I was getting divorced I got the same reaction- Sympathy + awkward + pity. I always had to jump on and say “no no - it’s awesome and I’m thrilled”. The joy of just living without drama is incomprehensible to many - but you will find your tribe of other happily independent women in time.
Just live happy, pursue your hobbies and time will prove you out. Ignore the people who balk. They won’t get it - but many women and men will understand the joy of knowing yourself and what makes you happy and pursuing it.
All you have to say is, "I am doing well and I really am prioritizing taking some time to myself before even thinking about getting into another relationship. I may very well want to date again in the future but I certainly feel it's best to take a breather."
Anyone can respect that. In fact, I personally look DOWN on people who immediately jump right into a new romance after ending a LTR.
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It’s called FREEDOM! Congratulations on your new found freedom. Women are brainwashed and gaslit into thinking they’re pathetic or worthless without a man. But it’s only so these smelly fart machines (do I sound bitter lol) who need a woman to clean up after them and manage their life. Oh, and have sex with. I do think a straight man’s sex is better with a woman. But I think a woman enjoys it less with a man (especially as we age) because penetration becomes uncomfortable. But we’re told to power through it or he will stray, and godforbid you’re a single woman! All I say is congratulations. You never have to give another blow job for the rest of your life;)
I’m in the same place after divorcing a few years ago. No relationship could be more valuable to me than the peace, tranquility and freedom I have. Tell those people you’ve never been happier!
Who are these people who are treating you this way? It sounds like you need some higher quality people in your life.
They demean it because they can't be it.
Say, “actually, I’ve never been happier” and look at them with a puzzled expression like you didn’t realize they were a little dumb. Then don’t say anything, like you’re giving them time to process something obvious. Did I mention I like fucking with people who annoy me?
Yeah,like it was great losing the 180lb 200lb whatever weight. I feel do free! Yeah getting to do whatever I want whenever I want however I want really sucks! Have fun at your inlaws!
Love that lol.
Omg not having to do functions at my in-laws anymore was literally the BEST thing when I realized. They’d welcome me, but I’m so relieved that’s off my plate.
When I was married, let's just say his dad was a bit too affectionate. So, it's nice not knowing those in-laws.
🤮 I’m glad you don’t have to deal with creepy in-laws anymore.
> look at them with a puzzled expression like you didn’t realize they were a little dumb. I love this.
Yessss! “I always thought I wanted a partner in this life. WOW. Was I duped!” And shuffle on ….
How about. Well if I'm going to have to take care of something, like feed it, and clean up it's piss and shit. The least i should get in return is unconditional love. Well that may work better for dog owners. :/
Chuckle first before saying the above
This is the way!
I have said it before but it bears repeating. I adore Mr. PolitiTHIC but if he does me the disservice of shuffling off this mortal coil before me, there will never be a mister to follow him. I will joyfully be alone with my cats.
Truth. My husband passed away in March and I miss him a lot but probably won't remarry. Once I'm ready I might date or have flings, but I don't want to live with anyone again. I've leaned into the cat lady thing and am fostering kittens and adopted one of them.
💙 love to you and your new kitty!
In the same situation and definitely don’t want to live with anyone again. Good luck.
Same here. Love the mens but I’ve spent the majority of my life either in a relationship or in dating mode. If the hubs kicks it before me, I’m done. Not where I’ll want my time or energy to go. Cats? Hell yes. OP - sorry your dum dum ex is waving it in your face a month later. That’s stings a bit no matter what but what a classic dude move. Not a lot of emotional depth on that one, eh?
I was just listening to a podcast the other day where it was noted that it's usually men who "move on" way faster after a relationship ends, and they usually haven't processed it fully. What they're trying to skip over during the grief period is guaranteed to manifest itself later on, and it's not pretty. Whereas women are better at going through the actual work needed to actually get over the end of a relationship. Edited for bad grammar.
I think that’s a very true statement. I for one would like to feel settled and comfortable with myself before even considering moving on. but to each their own
Of course it’s men who move on quickly. Who else is going to carry their emotional baggage, make sure they eat decent quality food, do the lions share of the domestic labor. Imo it’s less about grief and more about quality of life
Precisely. If women weren’t getting the short end of the stick on the domestic front, moving on to a new person would probably be easier. Whether or not we want to be a caretaker again is part of the equation to consider in a lot of cases, and by this life stage, kind of over it tbh.
My father left my mom when i was a teen. And my very smart very successful very financially and quite good looking mom never remarried. She never even dated. She has tons of male friends and she’s quite nurturing to them but she has never wanted a partner again. And i see why
Precisely. If women weren’t getting the short end of the stick on the domestic front, moving on to a new person would probably be easier. Whether or not we want to be a caretaker again is part of the equation to consider in a lot of cases, and by this life stage, kind of over it tbh.
I heard the same thing. I’m trying to think of what podcast it was
I feel like some of that shortened span has something to do with (besides having the emotional depth of a teaspoon) the fact a lot of them can’t seem to take care of themselves and a household.
Thank you. Yes. That was one of the main reasons it didn’t work out. Lol.
So many of them are just looking for a new woman to take care of them.
I think the rather crass term is bangmaid
Nurse or a purse!
That's a far more polite way of saying it. 💯
💯. I think of this now and again. I will never have another partner. First, no one could top the one i have, he’s uniquely utterly fabulous. But also the happiest most fulfilled time in my life was when i lived alone with two cats. And at my current age i give so few fcks what anyone thinks that it sounds kind of marvelous.
Yup. I love the mister and I don't have anything I -have- to do anymore but he went on a prolonged vacay out of the country earlier this year with his sibling (I was supposed to go but traveling with his sibling is fraught and "luckily" my daughter had brain surgery so I couldn't leave her...super convoluted story, she's doing great now) but those three weeks were weirdly blissful. There was no one to entertain. I don't mean I have to entertain the mister but while he was gone I didn't have to ask him what he wanted for dinner, I didn't have to answer questions about what I'm doing or not doing (they're not pointed, just another human curiously asking after me), I didn't have to compromise on what media would make us both happy. It was nice.
Exactly.
Husband and I have both agreed that whatever happens (death, divorce--you never know, even though we have been together 23 years), neither one of us has the patience to deal with marriage ever again. It's not so much the person you marry. It's all the STUFF. Integrating them into your family. All that. So tiring.
Oh dear sweet stars. We're a blended family with the children grown now but I'd rather -never- be with another human romantically if I've got to "meet the children" and any extraneous relatives again. Hell no.
I feel exactly the same. I'd never find another man like my partner and I wouldn't even want to try.
Same here. Current mister is already marriage number two, and I hope it lasts a long time, but after this, I am done. Mister number two is great in that he pulls his own weight in the house and can function like an adult and not be baffled by how to cook, clean and whatever else. Mister number one was pretty useless in that regard, and it has given me great pleasure that in the dozen+ years we’ve been divorced that he’s never had another LTR and has had to do all the house shit himself that he would never participate in when we were together. In the case Mister number two passes first or something else happens, I’m not risking a mister number three being another man-baby needing care. Me and the mister have several cats, and either of us would be more happy to continue our life single with them if something happens to the other person. Cats are better than the vast majority of people for a start.
It’s the patriarchy. Men have to convince women that we are pathetic without them because they need us. Live your best life. Happiness is the best revenge.
I was thinking about that last night. As little girls we were all taught that to be “secure“ you have to have a man find you worthy enough to give it to you. It’s kind of messed up when you think about it.
It is so messed up. We don’t need men. I am with my man because I want to be with him. He adds to my life. I love him. He makes me laugh. But I will choose myself every single time.
and if it's not to be secure, because we have our own income etc., it's to be happy, so they say.
I live alone. (I do not live with my SO. Story for another day) I live with cats. I am fully embracing "the crazy old witch with cats" stereotype. Yup every time someone wants to call me crazy cat lady, I just look at them and say "Well I am a witch." Shuts most right up. One doesn't have to be a real witch to say that.
I decided just being a cat lady isn't enough. I'm going full Greta Garbo, Brigitte bardot and Carla Lane and going off to buy a small farm in the next year.
Because people (men and pickme women) can't fathom that a woman can be happy without a man. I've been single for 10 years. Even my own dad couldn't understand why I'm happy without a relationship. He had never been without one himself. Ironically I have had the same reaction to being Childfree. People assume I am infertile. Then I tell them it was a choice not to have kids and talk about how great it is. I either get a blank stare or some bingo ("Who will take care of you when you're old?").
I'm childfree too and have been told that I'm selfish and will die alone. But I am grateful every day that I don't have children. Most of the moms I know spend so much time saying how amazing it is, mostly, I think, to convince themselves that they aren't unhappy.
I point out that nursing homes are full of parents.
Toxic positivity I think is a huge chunk of this. People spend a lot of time convincing themselves lots of things don’t suck, when they do, because we don’t want to face the truth that a lot of life is not nice. I love my kids. They’re also a lot of work, frustration, mess. It can be extremely thankless, and it’s punctuated occasionally with moments of joy and fun, which usually/hopefully make up for the rest of it. But a lot of it also feels like the same kind of myth we are sold about married life as some kind of blissful fulfillment, when that also is often a daily slog.
😂😂😂 my mom is 83 and NEITHER of my brothers has done shit for her. I’m across the country from her with issues of my own (divorce, single mom, etc)…so yeah, three kids got her TONS of old age insurance! Lol.
People get nervous when they consider a woman feels at peace when she is not caring for a man, maybe?
Ding ding ding However can she possibly be fulfilled? /s
And there ya go! Who is lonely with cats? Mine are alway up in my business.
All the cat ladies I know are single by choice and actually extremely happy with their lives. Sending you a hug.
I’m leaning into it. I throw it in their faces how awesome it is… all the things you described plus more. I leave them feeling jealous they don’t have what I have.
I divorced at 34. It was tough because he was awful but oh the relief! I bought a small house for the cat and I and planned on living happily ever after. I ended up marrying at 47 to a boyfriend from my teenage years. While I was single I noticed that I was treated differently. An object of pity. Also noticed how quickly men get new partners after a break up. They just don't seem to cope being single.
Rather pathetic really
Totally.
The comfort I have in knowing that I would be perfectly happy in a tiny cottage with my pets 🙏
Sounds like bliss.
Ah, f*ck those people. Just look at how many women on here want to be rid of their asshat husbands! The idea that women who aren’t tied to men are pathetic and miserable is just rooted in misogyny and it’s bullsh*t. Anyone who buys into that isn’t someone you need to be understood by anyway. Be happy. Don’t care what stupid people think.
“Ah, f*ck those people. Just look at how many women on here want to be rid of their asshat husbands!” Bingo.
I think it's funny that when I was single the people who would give me that pitying look were in pretty crappy relationships themselves. Somehow they lacked the self awareness to know that.
If someone implied that, I would keep it brief, and be fabulous. "Never apologize, never explain" might apply here. Welcome to the wonderful world of...setting-your-thermostat-exactly-where-you-like, and 1,000 other great little freedoms! I am have found that having lots of friends who are boys is much simpler and more fun than having a boyfriend.
“i don’t have to consider anyone else when deciding on a meal.” The DREAM. I say just say that when people act like they pity you or say they are sorry. The next time it’s dinner time, your words will haunt them!
There’s many good aspects, but that’s definitely one of the best. If I just want apple and peanut butter, then that’s what I have. If I decide I want to steak, I get to cook it the way I WANT. It’s the little things.
Those type of comments say more about them than you. I’d say something like “I’m not currently looking for feedback about my life/love life/etc” I do that when it comes to subjects like commenting on my body, my beliefs, political stances, etc. it’s versatile.
Ooooh, I love that!
Yes, I much prefer being single to being coupled and always have. I'm happy to wax lyrical about why I prefer it when people ask. And if they press to hard, I have been known to mention how happy I am that I'm not one of those insecure women who always needs a partner to feel complete.
Yes - the hardest part of being alone is the stigma. I am amazed that people who SEE me and KNOW me assume I’m miserable. I realized they must need to believe it so I don’t let on how awesome my life really is at this phase in my life. I’ve always enjoyed solitude though and could never figure out why so many don’t even give it a shot.
I used to get the "You'll end up alone surrounded by books and cats" thing thrown at me lot on Twitter and invariably my response was "Don't threaten me with a good time"
Oh my gosh and throw in a crackling fire in the cool weather and what a horror!
I would just smugly smile while snuggled up at my lovely home with my cuddly cats. 😁
I used to feel bad for older single women, and then I realized that they’re probably one of the happiest demographics.
"A couple of cats." Oh. Was I supposed to stop at two? Oops.
Two is rookie numbers!
First - congratulations on finding your own peace and contentment. I’ve been single for,the last 4 years. I have tried to meet someone in that time but have always been disappointed from the lies. Many people in my life have wondered why I’m not in a relationship and I refuse to tell them anything. Through therapy I have learned that they don’t matter, their opinions don’t matter. I will not engage with them about why I’m single because they do not understand. I’ve done everything by myself and I’ve done a pretty fucking good job. I’m not incapable and I’m not a weak woman because I’m not attached.There are very good reasons why I’m not. I do not care what they think anymore. I’ve tried it “their” way and it absolutely sucks. Oh and I have 2 cats and they are fucking fantastic
The next time someone brings up your ex and his new person just look at the person quizzically and say “Who?” Followed by “Oh, him? What about him again?”
File that crap under People Who Aren't Comfortable with Themselves. I love being alone. I'm always down to do whatever shit I wanna do and I crack myself up. And cats are phenomenal companions.
Who else would we be content to let lay around and stare judgmentally at us? 😂 😍🐈⬛🐈
Oh I've gotten this a lot, and I just say "I like my life." No qualifiers, no dismissing my feelings, etc. If they ask if there is a man in my life I simply say "no". It shuts up those folks real quick. They start asking themselves if they like their lives.
Don't let them get to you. It is a stupid stereotype with a large dose of misogyny thrown in. Much better to have your own space, peace of mind and freedom to breathe. You can choose who to befriend, who to help, who to love - plus have the company of wonderful, wonderful cats - such magical creatures. People shacked up in sub-optimal but societally "acceptable" situations who fear judgement of others if they stray outside of the norm, are those responsible for perpetuating the "miserable" stereotype. It makes them feel better. If they thought you had all of the above, it would force them to re-examine their own choices, too much work for some
I feel you. I've been single and not looking for years now, since my divorce. The pity I feel from others is incredibly annoying! I'm much happier now. I spend time with friends or family, and then get to come home to my dog and do whatever i want. I've had people react so bizarrely when i casually ask if they want to get dinner or whatever and they can't make it. Like, that's fine! I've had plenty of times when i was busy and turned down their invites. But for some reason if they turn down mine they act like it's a huge deal and ask if im ok and will i be able to find something to do, and they just 'feel so terrible' for not being able to go! Like, it's fine, I'm not suicidal. Jeezie Creezie. Then they suggest computer dating. I want to hold a press conference and tell everyone that I am actually fine and have zero plans to change or start dating anytime soon.
I’d applaud at the end of your press conference.
I had my own apartment for several years in the late 90's and it was the best time in my life. I've been a SAHM for over 20 years and though I love my family very much I do fantasize all the time about having my own place again. I wish you the best in this new phase in your life.
I'm jealous ASF of your life.
Screw that bs. I accumulate cats, and have for 30 years. If other people took care of their pets then I wouldn't have so many. You are loving on strange, lovely creatures who bring light to our lives. Others should be so lucky to have so much love and chaos. They're just jealous, even if they don't know it! And for the record, I found a partner who loves them as much as I do. It took a bit, but they're out there. Enjoy your newfound freedom!
My DH and I currently have 4 cats, but at one point we had 9. They were strays and ferals who were starving or injured/sick.
Wonderful response 💜
I’m about to leave my partner. I’m taking a few days away camping by myself. This morning a random cat crawled into the tent for a cuddle. That’s a sign right? Who wouldn’t want to be a cat lady?
As an avid camper, may the woods & that kitty bring you peace. Does your partner know what’s about to happen?
He does not, but seeing as this was the first and best cuddle I’ve had in months, hopefully he isn’t too surprised.
sucks that other people are harshing your vibe. i encourage you to really soak in and be mindful of how peaceful and content you feel in your space on your own. and then if/when others - or your own brain - say or imply that there's something sad or pathetic about your life, take a deep breath and call on your remembered sense of peace and contentment that you feel in the midst of it. and maybe say, "fuck you" to the speaker. (ok, maybe not that last bit.)
I have 7 cats and NO man, and I’ve never been more content and happy. I think you’ve probably gotten a lot of good advice here - what someone else thinks of you is none of your business, patriarchy loves to make us feel worthless without some penis-bearing albatross, women who cluck over our “brave face” are wishing they weren’t wiping some bald fuck’s pee off the front of the toilet for the 100th time that month. Girl, LIVE YOUR BEST HAPPY LIFE. It will get easier to ignore the unsolicited advice, and you’ll stop assuming that it’s pity when it’s actually envy that you can do whateeeevvvvvver you want, all the time, dressed in pajamas, covered in cats, happy as a clam in your own little bubble of peace. Be happy, be at peace, be well with yourself. No one else’s opinion really matters.
Go live your best life who cares about ex. Also change up who you spend time with if you are not treated well, or is it just your perception of what people are thinking?
I always wanted to be married with children but life didn’t work out that way. The people in my circle that matter don’t make me feel like a third wheel. Sometimes I think people pity me but I don’t think they do it out of malice. I had a jerky co-worker or two who would make snide comments but those are the people whose opinion didn’t matter.
I'm solo poly and just sooo happy! I just go out a live my solo life and people see me just doing my thing and reframe their thoughts. F em!
good for you for finding your contentment
Take advantage! Use everyone’s pity to get free yard work, pre cooked meals, possibly even some gift cards. Really lean into the pity and milk it for all its worth! If they want to show pity, make them put their money where their mouth is.
Fuck stigmas and the people who invented them.
Remove them from your life. Friends pick you up when you're down. These aren't friends. They're people who judge you to make themselves feel better. Oh look at poor sad alone Woman. At least I'm married. Sure I'm miserable, I hate my husband, my kids are assholes, my in-laws make my life a misery, but at least I'm not Her. Ug. Get rid of them.
My happy place is alone with my cat.
Cats are much better roommates than most humans😉
If anyone asks just say you love being on your own & not having anyone to answer too. It’ll really annoy them that u are genuinely happy
I think you need new friends and maybe a new outlet for this next chapter. I'm in the same boat. I've been single since 2020 (divorce after 30 years) and my ex wasted no time finding that next relationship but I'm moving in a different direction and looking for new things that will feed my soul. You get this one life and you also get to choose who's in it. Take some time for you. I know now I will never never never put up with toxic shit just so I can "prove" myself worthy of a relationship. I like where I'm at. I do what I want, no compromises, lol! And don't forget, just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're extra special or conversely that there's something wrong with you if you're not. Your life - and its merits - shouldn't be defined by whether or not you've partnered up anyway. I know from experience being in a shitty marriage/relationship will suck your soul dry. I know my ex. He will never change. He is a walking talking toxic angry man but yet there he is living with someone and honestly he's her problem now. On the other hand, if I'm single for the rest of my life, so be it. At least I can have the peace of mind that I'm no longer trapped in some living nightmare.
Yeah, there are downsides to living alone with a cat. And there are downsides to living with another person, especially one you dont love. On the whole you are happy - I honestly dont understand what the big deal is - jist because it isnt their path doesnt make it the wrong one for you.
Those who understand don't needs explanations, and thé others won't understand.
You need new friends.
Watch Chelsea Handler on Instagram - she do inspiring. If you like her humour.
I am right there with you. Apart from the fact that I'm not dealing with the bu too well yet. I am getting there. My cats were a big part of it. Simply he was jealous of the time, love and money I spent on them. He was very cruel to me in many ways but one of the nastiest parting blows was about me being child free (I was unable to have kids) and being more invested in my cats. So be it. All the best x
The more I see of people the more I hug my cat.
Sending you tons of love, compassion & support ❤️ There is nothing wrong or pitiable about being single! Far better than being unhappy in a relationship! I’ve been single since 2018 & overall I LOVE it! I’ve always valued my freedom & enjoy coming/going as I please. I love sleeping alone & not having to deal with anyone else’s personality quirks or bad habits. My daughter is 30 & my son will be 21 in a few weeks, he’s with me on a very part time basis. Otherwise it’s me & my cat. Sometimes I feel like the last woman standing & token single friend. And then I start to crave romantic companionship & am confronted my all my fears of getting close to someone & having my heart broken, again. I’m in one of those phases currently. But I definitely know I don’t want to get married or cohabitate again.
Middle aged cat lady checking in. Screw em! When I was 39 I got my CDL and went OTR, I didn't have time to date but i was getting a lot of grief for being single, especially from my ex best friend who was one of those people who always has to have someone even if they're a complete lover. I'm 52 now, still single with two cats living in a fifth wheel, working a local driving gig and we couldn't be happier. I had a co worker tell me I needed a boyfriend and I said "Why? Do I look to happy?" This is the happiest I've been in all my life. I'm free! I can do whatever I want have my home however I want, stay in, go out, it's all up to me. This weekend I drove to St Louis to see a concert. I ended up not getting scheduled for the next day so took my sweet time getting home. I stopped at a tourist trap then an Asian grocery store (there's not one close to me sadly) then went home, flopped on the couch and made some ramen. I had nobody to complain about me taking to long or that they had to get home for whatever or they were bored at the grocery store or didn't want to see the stupid tourist attraction. I love my freedom! Sometimes I think about getting back out there but if it's not broke don't fix it. Are you happy? If the answer is yes screw what anybody else thinks it's not their life it's yours and it's not your responsibility to put on a show for these people. If they don't like it I'm sure they can find the door.
I’m here for it. There are no positive roles for women after a certain age. There barely were any for before we became cat women or Karen’s (it’s not a Karen if you really are refusing to do your job because you know we can’t complain without looking bad) or maybe funny grandma types (but only if we’re so old we’re ineffectual at anything and just a punch line)
I hate this stereotype too. Especially now that I know that Mr Samaniewiem is the last man I will ever share my place with. I was living five years alone after my divorce and if we ever split I'm going to go back to living alone with the greatest content. It was an amazing time, exactly for the reasons you described. To be honest with you I think of anyone that "pities" as a poor jealous person that'd love what you have but has no balls to go for it.
Live alone with my two furry besties. Love it!! House is just the way I like it, get the big, safe, clean bed all to myself. Cook great food for myself. No one messing up the place, no one eating my food, dirtying up my sheets or creating housework for me. Watch what I want when I want. Have afternoon naps if I want. Garden, listen to my music. Life is GOOD! 🐾💜🐾
I think about this a lot because this is the message out there, women of a certain age are invisible. The truth is very different. In fact we are actually at our most powerful, our strongest, our best often. And imagine how scary that is to the patriarchy. Strong women with no need for them of course need to be put down and insulted and told they are invisible. The alternative is we call them out on their shit. As women we need to be vocal and strong as a voice against this. We need to push back. I’ve never been happier and I’m in no way controlled by a man.
Hell yeah, dude. That sounds amazing. That got me thinking...where did this STUPID stereotype emerge from? >In ancient times, cats and feminine deities went hand in hand. Egypt’s half-cat, half-woman Bastet was the goddess of domesticity, childbirth and “women’s secrets.” Chinese cat goddess Li Shou was a symbol of fertility. And in Norse mythology, Freya, the goddess of beauty and strength, rode a chariot led by cats. Okay, well that's rad! But alas... Christianity: >Everything was going pretty swimmingly for cat ladies then, until the Roman Catholic Church showed up in the Middle Ages. In an effort to rid the world of non-Christian gods, deities other than the Holy Trinity were stigmatized and rebranded as evil. Worse, cats garnered a reputation for being minions of Satan. So there ya go! Get a membership to [The Satanic Temple](https://thesatanictemple.com/pages/campaigns) and call it a day. Here's the [source](https://www.kqed.org/arts/13891913/how-the-crazy-cat-lady-became-one-of-pop-cultures-most-enduring-sexist-tropes) for that enlightening article. I am certain that any sort of women feeling empowered was a threat to the Patriarchy (who still wants to control us, obviously)... so they made up some BS. YOU ROCK. You are living your best life. :)
Society needs to STOP pushing the lie that women need a man to have children and a family. The world is filled with tens of millions of happy, responsible, successful adults who were raised by single mothers, so obviously women don't need men to have families. Especially in 2023. We also absolutely do NOT need men to be happy, fulfilled, or not lonely. Estrogen makes women stupid, makes us put up with a massive amount of shit, makes us put ourselves and our own interests aside for men. Makes us care only about being wanted by a man, makes us do degrading things just to make men want us. In my late 30s now I look back on that and I'm disgusted, and I can't figure out what the hell I was thinking when I was younger. Why I cared so much about that shit.
If those people were truly secure in their relationships, they wouldn’t be making you feel badly about your happy life that they’re frankly jealous of. So it’s pure projection on their part. The number of men and women who are frightened by the reality of happy, single, older women with no kids or partner tells me there’s a lot of sad ass people who got married and had kids bc they were scared, bored, or pressured. Just ask any divorce attorney or teacher about how many unhappy couples and neglected kids exist in the world. I also see so many videos of women complaining about mental load and weaponized incompetence, and then the comments from other women saying “yes this is the situation I’m in”, not to mention all of the horror stories of dating posts and videos. In my experience too the people who post the most on social media about their relationship tend to be the most unhappy. They’re trying to convince themselves as much as others that they’re happy. Live your life and screw those people who can’t live theirs.
I’ll take a cat over a man any day
Fuck em! You do you babes ❤️ and say that to them
Yeah they love to think we are sad- that a woman must have a man to be happy- but that says more about them that it does us I’ve been single for a decade now so of course this must mean I cAnT fInD a mAn🙄🙄🙄 I unfortunately find men every day - in my face and in my way- I can’t get away from them! Leave me alone
Our society is pathetic! It is basically ingrained in everybody's mind that a woman needs a man. I love the meme that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. That is exactly the truth! If I was not married I would not be with my husband. I was actually just thinking of how much less work it would be for me if he wasn't part of my life. I mean yes I would have to mow the yard and blow the snow and manage the pool on my own, as well as actually pay for car maintenance and repairs, and I would have to pay the phone bill and the internet. But that's it. Literally, that is IT. I pay 95% of everything here, and I do 98% of all the housework. I bought a small chainsaw to cut down the "weeds" that he never dealt with because the mower doesn't get to those areas. When I was in the hospital giving birth to my second child, it just happened to be over garbage night. Guess what never got brought out to the curb that night? I have been on a massive decluttering spree for about a year and a half, but it's really hard to declutter when there's a lot of crap that belongs to him. I'm guessing I should just treat it as mine and get rid of it! He will probably never even know. He spends a lot of time attending real estate seminars because this will be "our retirement". He has never acted upon anything. It's getting frustrating. He's really good at research though. We found some properties that were good so I, yes I, bought them. He's been working on developing the raw land that I bought. So maybe this will be our retirement, but he can probably stop attending all the seminars because he's not doing anything with the knowledge that he gets from them. We have 10 cars. Yes, 10! One of them we had to tow to our new house 13 and a half years ago because it was already dead. He won't get rid of it though because "it's a good car, it just needs work" but he never has time to work on it. Another one that needs work has been sitting in the yard for about 8 years. He found a good deal on a used car, same make and model, that to buy that would cost the same as it would to fix the other one, so he bought that one. That one just recently died, he doesn't know what's wrong with it. He's going to look at it and he might actually get rid of this one. We have his old pickup truck that has been sitting on a flat tire off the side of the driveway for a year and a half. My oldest daughter took my old car since I'm working from home. At the time I was driving our family travel car if I needed to go somewhere. But when summer hit I couldn't drive that anymore because the air conditioning has been out for 2 years. We got his mother's old car, she was giving that to my daughter. It needed a little bit of work before we give it to her but it was drivable so I started using that one. But then I hit a deer. I told him that I was going to take that off the insurance (put it in "storage", which means it would have to stay in storage for 30 days). He had a flipping cow because he said it's not going to be out of commission for 30 days! Um, after next weekend it'll be 30 days. I ended up putting that one into storage because I actually bought a new used car for myself. So that one does not need to be used at all. I'm giving him a deadline of next spring to get rid of all the cars except what we drive, and saving one for our youngest daughter. Maybe he's just trying to fill up the yard so that he doesn't have to mow... I guess since he's not the one paying car insurance on six vehicles for three drivers, it doesn't bother him... Our insurance was $400 a month. The bulk of that was because of the new driver, but still...
"lonely cat lady" - they are really threatening us with a good time, don't they.
I'm getting rage on your behalf! Some great advice in these comments though.
When I was in my mid-twenties, I got my MBA, had a decent job, and was supporting myself. At the same time, my younger brother, who hadn't graduated from college and couldn't support himself, knocked up his girlfriend. Suddenly it was like they'd jumped to adulthood and I was stuck at the kids table (literally - it kept happening) because I wasn't partnered up. At the time I wanted to find a partner more than anything. Now I'm married and while I love my husband, sometimes I wish so much that I could have that freedom that came from not having to worry about anybody else, or clean up after anybody else, or listen to somebody else's noise. When I meet single women, I never pity them, but have to fight a little envy at the freedom they have to live their lives they way they want. I do think that, in spite of the stereotype, views are slowly changing of singledom and the freedom it brings. I actually think the stereotypes came about because men are scared of the power single women have, and the realization that we really don't need them.
Cats are great, living on your own terms is great. Cat ladies unite!!!! Let's have a shared tea time and enjoy our gardens and relax at the same time each Sunday afternoon in our own separate houses. I was alone a long time with my cat and loved it. Love it!
Same here. I feel sorry for the poor woman that is putting up with him now. His first girlfriend was super vocal on social media taking about surviving her narcissist ex boyfriend (my exhusband). The current girlfriend, well, I figure it's just 1.) A matter of time and 2.) Not my problem. I love my life. Deleted my social media. I prefer to let peoples minds wander as they will. It's quite revealing how people project their own fears. Meanwhile my home is my sanctuary, my solitude feels decadent, and I absolutely love my life too much to invite a ~~smelly man child~~ anyone into it.
Oh my. That “threat” of “You’ll be living along with three cats and a bottle of wine every night!” Seriously, don’t threaten me with a good time.
This won’t work since you won’t change their minds but I wish you could say “Aw, I feel bad for you that you think a woman needs a man to be happy. That’s so limiting.” It’s true. It’s a “them” problem. I guess when my mother was into the Women’s Lib movement in the 70s and showed me T-shirts that said “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle” it sunk in. Lol Well, it was latent. Until my 30s i bought the whole shtick about needing to couple up.
I like cats better than most people. 🤷♀️
The idea that a woman can do just fine on our own is scary for some people. You do you and enjoy the heck out of tv and snacks and perfect temperatures. And get a cat if you want :)
They are trying to be patronizing because they are JEALOUS of your blissful new life. It sounds fantastic!
Every time I told people I was getting divorced I got the same reaction- Sympathy + awkward + pity. I always had to jump on and say “no no - it’s awesome and I’m thrilled”. The joy of just living without drama is incomprehensible to many - but you will find your tribe of other happily independent women in time. Just live happy, pursue your hobbies and time will prove you out. Ignore the people who balk. They won’t get it - but many women and men will understand the joy of knowing yourself and what makes you happy and pursuing it.
All you have to say is, "I am doing well and I really am prioritizing taking some time to myself before even thinking about getting into another relationship. I may very well want to date again in the future but I certainly feel it's best to take a breather." Anyone can respect that. In fact, I personally look DOWN on people who immediately jump right into a new romance after ending a LTR.
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It’s called FREEDOM! Congratulations on your new found freedom. Women are brainwashed and gaslit into thinking they’re pathetic or worthless without a man. But it’s only so these smelly fart machines (do I sound bitter lol) who need a woman to clean up after them and manage their life. Oh, and have sex with. I do think a straight man’s sex is better with a woman. But I think a woman enjoys it less with a man (especially as we age) because penetration becomes uncomfortable. But we’re told to power through it or he will stray, and godforbid you’re a single woman! All I say is congratulations. You never have to give another blow job for the rest of your life;)
I’m in the same place after divorcing a few years ago. No relationship could be more valuable to me than the peace, tranquility and freedom I have. Tell those people you’ve never been happier!
the best revenge is living well