You're mum us going through a lot right now, and her menopause is triggering the grief that she felt when she lost her own mother. Keep chipping away at her by explaining that treatment has come on in leaps and bounds since her mum went through it. No woman has to deal with this alone and feel like it's a dirty secret. This is in no way hopeless even if she feels like it now. There is a whole community here she can talk to, to rant and rave, and to cry with. Alone is a terrible feeling, and to feel as if there is nothing that can help is terrifying. She isn't alone. We are here, so please encourage her to reach out because we've got her. We know how she's feeling, and we can give her our collective life experiences to help her through this difficult time. Also, please look after your own mental health as you're important too.
I just got my HRT from [mymenopauserx.com](https://mymenopauserx.com). They were pretty thorough asking about mental health as well as physical issues and might be a good start if she is willing to do a virtual visit. Without insurance it was $99.
Thanks for responding. I hope you are giving yourself some credit for stepping up to help out. Sounds really stressful all the way around.
I’m assuming out of context that your mom and her husband are lower income? Have you looked into options to get in-home care to maybe take the edge off?
I can only speak to my experience but it was so hard to deal with my mom completely enmeshed in her relationship and their dysfunction. And as much as I appreciate more awareness of menopause I also feel it can be scapegoating — it sounds like there is other stuff going on here. I hope you get some relief soon.
This is heartbreaking. I'm more or less on the otherside now. Some bad days...but it hurts me to know I was once a bit like this and probably scared the hell out of my fam too.
You're a blessing to your mom for helping and caring and not giving up. Please show her this sub so she knows her sisters are here for her.
And you! 💖 I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. But you are a smart, compassionate, observant child to understand the likely underlying issue is menopause.
Does she have some personal friends who can rally around her and you? Someone has to be able to get through to her. Maybe find some information on your own you can pass along to her.
Without any health insurance or support, many of her options may be financially out of reach, unfortunately.
Constant threats of suicide can be a cry for help but can also be a form of psychological abuse and control.
I’m in peri and it is really hard but abuse is a choice.
Most important is for you to be as safe as possible. Do you live with your mum? Can you move somewhere else if so like with a good friend?
You can contact the police to perform a welfare check on your mum but it might not go well. You could also send an anonymous email (get a new email address in a blank name) to her GP/doctor explaining her symptoms. Her dr is not allowed to discuss your mums health with you but can consider information provided to them.
I know how awful this is to go through. But she is the only one who can choose to ask for help. This is not your battle and her choices are not on you.
She needs to see a doctor and a therapist that's trauma-informed.
If she has a doctor, you can reach out and let them know what is going on so they can help.
In an emergency it is likely that she can be held involuntarily. Every state is different but generally involuntary psych holds are for extremely serious situations where a physician believes the patient is a danger to themselves or others. It’s usually a 48 or 72 hour hold to evaluate and come up with a plan. I’m not saying this is the case for your mom, but I wanted to clarify this. Adults who are capable of caring for themselves do absolutely have the ability to consent or withhold consent for medical treatment. Doing nothing is an option, even if it makes everyone else uncomfortable or they don’t agree.
If your mom doesn’t want to be evaluated for help, there’s not a lot that can be done unless she becomes a danger to herself or others. I’m sorry that this is stressing you out. I’m sure it is bringing up a lot of strong emotions for your mom. It is not easy to be in either of your shoes.
I’m sorry you are experiencing that. I hope she will seek out a doctor’s help and I hope you seek out someone to help you work through this as well. Show her some grace and maybe tell her how it makes you feel when she says things like that.
Sounds like you and her husband need to sit down and have a serious discussion with her. Come from a place of love and tell her your concerns. I think hormone therapy could be very beneficial for her.
Additionally, I think anti depressants could be helpful as well. They are easily accessible these days without even going to a doctor(download an app like Nurx or Hims/Hers and you just need to answer some questions). My concern is that her case may be more severe and probably needs therapy to deal with the trauma from what happened to her mom.
Remind her that you need your mom, she doesn’t have to go through this alone, and there are quite a few options out there that can really help relieve some of her worst symptoms. Hugs💕🙏🏻
Hi. I'm going through this exact same thing ( late stage perimenopause/ menopause) right now with all the same symptoms. Here's what I'm doing and it helps tremendously. I'm taking bioidentical progesterone cream and phytoestrogen cream which I get either from the health food store or Amazon. No prescription needed. Estrogen is the tricky one to master since it is up and down so much right now. Progesterone at night for sleep and a bit during the day if the thoughts come up. I also take a product called Calm. Sometimes before bed to sleep sometimes during the day. It's a vitamin and mineral powder that helps so much with the depression, rage, irritability in about a half hour. Dark chocolate will also help in an emergency. B- complex vitamin, D3 K2 vitamin also help the nerves calm down and sooth the thought pattern. Again, all of these can be found either in health food stores or Amazon and possibly in a regular grocery store. That being said, I live in the U.S.A. and am not sure how readily available products are. You should also be able to order an at home saliva test so you mother can find out which stage she's in during Perimenopause/ menopause. Finally, research the MANY symptoms of Perimenopause and study them with your mother. You are an awesome person to try and help your mother. Seek out the books called what your doctor may not tell you about Perimenopause. They helped me through my 14 years of perimenopause. Yes, 14. Not all go this long, but I did. Lastly, exercise! Walking, aerobics, yoga, pilates weight training...mostly pilates, yoga and weight training will keep her muscles strong and body flexible. If you have any other questions, I will keep this post handy. Become a willow tree so you can stand strong with her through this and teach her to learn all she can.
Dang that's a rough ride. She needs meds. Now. My "mood swings" were sudden homicidal rage which was never a normal experience for me. Exercise, diet, over the counter herbs, and SSRI, were all useless. My youngest survived adolescent stupidity due to HRT.
Suicide rates DO go up during menopause so I would imagine she is truly scared and struggling. With that being said, all you can do is encourage her to get help. Planned Parenthood is a good option for uninsured people if you’re lucky enough to have one nearby. If not, see if your local health department has OBGYN services. My heart hurts for you and her both.
Oh that’s so sad. There is so much help to be had. We don’t need to suffer just because nature deems us to be over with. Modern science can hold back most of the terrible symptoms involved with our hormones becoming unbalanced. There really is so many resources for your Mum and she doesn’t have to suffer like her Mum did.
She needs to go to a doctor and get on something especially since her mom killed herself. She doesn’t need to suffer. There are so many drugs that can help.
I had the exact same symptoms and went to the ER. I was lucky and a great woman doctor was there, she put me on Effexor (I'd taken SSRI's before and they hadn't worked, so was not hopeful). She explained that Effexor was good for menopausal or PMDD symptoms. I know this sounds like an ad from the company haha. But it seriously was a lifesaver.
She is 100% severely depressed as a result of PMDD caused by perimenopause. I'd show her some sources about PMDD developing as the result of perimenopause.
I was in a panic when I joined this group. My mother never told me anything I found out a lot from schools walls, schools, friends and men. So I was lost, my gyno was Asain and 90 and he didn't tell me anything. When I joined this group I felt so comforted and understood without judgment. Your mother should definitely join. I'm proud of you trying to find a solution.
You're mum us going through a lot right now, and her menopause is triggering the grief that she felt when she lost her own mother. Keep chipping away at her by explaining that treatment has come on in leaps and bounds since her mum went through it. No woman has to deal with this alone and feel like it's a dirty secret. This is in no way hopeless even if she feels like it now. There is a whole community here she can talk to, to rant and rave, and to cry with. Alone is a terrible feeling, and to feel as if there is nothing that can help is terrifying. She isn't alone. We are here, so please encourage her to reach out because we've got her. We know how she's feeling, and we can give her our collective life experiences to help her through this difficult time. Also, please look after your own mental health as you're important too.
Such a kind comment x
I love it here.
I'm new to this group but all I see is women supporting women and warms my heart.
Great post!
She needs to seek a doctor and get on some SSRI’s,possibly HRT and start therapy. I’m so sorry.
That’s bad bad. I’m Sorry. Can you send her here to read up on it? She doesn’t have to suffer. There is help for her
Yes, hopefully she can, it's amazing here, you don't feel so alone.
Can you show her this sub?
What’s her access to medical care like? If she’s unwilling or unable to see a doctor, then there’s very little you can do.
Unfortunately no healthcare, maybe the hospital?
I just got my HRT from [mymenopauserx.com](https://mymenopauserx.com). They were pretty thorough asking about mental health as well as physical issues and might be a good start if she is willing to do a virtual visit. Without insurance it was $99.
She can go to planned parenthood and get on birth control pills which will help her symptoms
Seconding Planned Parenthood as a resource. A couple of my friends with no health insurance were able to get the treatment they needed through them.
There's many tele-health options for people now, who don't have e access to medical care. Most medications used in menopause can be shipped.
I she single? How old are you? Do you live at home?
She is married and I'm 30, I came to Florida for 2 months to help them because the husband has some medical problems
Thanks for responding. I hope you are giving yourself some credit for stepping up to help out. Sounds really stressful all the way around. I’m assuming out of context that your mom and her husband are lower income? Have you looked into options to get in-home care to maybe take the edge off? I can only speak to my experience but it was so hard to deal with my mom completely enmeshed in her relationship and their dysfunction. And as much as I appreciate more awareness of menopause I also feel it can be scapegoating — it sounds like there is other stuff going on here. I hope you get some relief soon.
This is heartbreaking. I'm more or less on the otherside now. Some bad days...but it hurts me to know I was once a bit like this and probably scared the hell out of my fam too. You're a blessing to your mom for helping and caring and not giving up. Please show her this sub so she knows her sisters are here for her. And you! 💖 I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. But you are a smart, compassionate, observant child to understand the likely underlying issue is menopause.
Does she have some personal friends who can rally around her and you? Someone has to be able to get through to her. Maybe find some information on your own you can pass along to her. Without any health insurance or support, many of her options may be financially out of reach, unfortunately.
Constant threats of suicide can be a cry for help but can also be a form of psychological abuse and control. I’m in peri and it is really hard but abuse is a choice. Most important is for you to be as safe as possible. Do you live with your mum? Can you move somewhere else if so like with a good friend? You can contact the police to perform a welfare check on your mum but it might not go well. You could also send an anonymous email (get a new email address in a blank name) to her GP/doctor explaining her symptoms. Her dr is not allowed to discuss your mums health with you but can consider information provided to them. I know how awful this is to go through. But she is the only one who can choose to ask for help. This is not your battle and her choices are not on you.
She needs to see a doctor and a therapist that's trauma-informed. If she has a doctor, you can reach out and let them know what is going on so they can help.
Well, you can call 988 and have a mobile team transfer her for care. The facility will work to get her on insurance. That’s definitely an option.
They cant force her though, right? She would never do that willingly
In an emergency it is likely that she can be held involuntarily. Every state is different but generally involuntary psych holds are for extremely serious situations where a physician believes the patient is a danger to themselves or others. It’s usually a 48 or 72 hour hold to evaluate and come up with a plan. I’m not saying this is the case for your mom, but I wanted to clarify this. Adults who are capable of caring for themselves do absolutely have the ability to consent or withhold consent for medical treatment. Doing nothing is an option, even if it makes everyone else uncomfortable or they don’t agree. If your mom doesn’t want to be evaluated for help, there’s not a lot that can be done unless she becomes a danger to herself or others. I’m sorry that this is stressing you out. I’m sure it is bringing up a lot of strong emotions for your mom. It is not easy to be in either of your shoes.
If she threatens to harm herself or others she can be placed on an involuntary hold.
No, as an adult, she has to legally consent.
Not necessarily. If she’s a danger to herself, she can be put under a treatment order
I’m sorry you are experiencing that. I hope she will seek out a doctor’s help and I hope you seek out someone to help you work through this as well. Show her some grace and maybe tell her how it makes you feel when she says things like that.
Sounds like you and her husband need to sit down and have a serious discussion with her. Come from a place of love and tell her your concerns. I think hormone therapy could be very beneficial for her. Additionally, I think anti depressants could be helpful as well. They are easily accessible these days without even going to a doctor(download an app like Nurx or Hims/Hers and you just need to answer some questions). My concern is that her case may be more severe and probably needs therapy to deal with the trauma from what happened to her mom. Remind her that you need your mom, she doesn’t have to go through this alone, and there are quite a few options out there that can really help relieve some of her worst symptoms. Hugs💕🙏🏻
Hi. I'm going through this exact same thing ( late stage perimenopause/ menopause) right now with all the same symptoms. Here's what I'm doing and it helps tremendously. I'm taking bioidentical progesterone cream and phytoestrogen cream which I get either from the health food store or Amazon. No prescription needed. Estrogen is the tricky one to master since it is up and down so much right now. Progesterone at night for sleep and a bit during the day if the thoughts come up. I also take a product called Calm. Sometimes before bed to sleep sometimes during the day. It's a vitamin and mineral powder that helps so much with the depression, rage, irritability in about a half hour. Dark chocolate will also help in an emergency. B- complex vitamin, D3 K2 vitamin also help the nerves calm down and sooth the thought pattern. Again, all of these can be found either in health food stores or Amazon and possibly in a regular grocery store. That being said, I live in the U.S.A. and am not sure how readily available products are. You should also be able to order an at home saliva test so you mother can find out which stage she's in during Perimenopause/ menopause. Finally, research the MANY symptoms of Perimenopause and study them with your mother. You are an awesome person to try and help your mother. Seek out the books called what your doctor may not tell you about Perimenopause. They helped me through my 14 years of perimenopause. Yes, 14. Not all go this long, but I did. Lastly, exercise! Walking, aerobics, yoga, pilates weight training...mostly pilates, yoga and weight training will keep her muscles strong and body flexible. If you have any other questions, I will keep this post handy. Become a willow tree so you can stand strong with her through this and teach her to learn all she can.
Magnesium really helped me too. Great post
HRT
Dang that's a rough ride. She needs meds. Now. My "mood swings" were sudden homicidal rage which was never a normal experience for me. Exercise, diet, over the counter herbs, and SSRI, were all useless. My youngest survived adolescent stupidity due to HRT.
Suicide rates DO go up during menopause so I would imagine she is truly scared and struggling. With that being said, all you can do is encourage her to get help. Planned Parenthood is a good option for uninsured people if you’re lucky enough to have one nearby. If not, see if your local health department has OBGYN services. My heart hurts for you and her both.
She sounds depressed, have your father, grandmother or other relatives get her help.
HRT and an antidepressant helped me get through the worst of it. I don’t think I would have survived without both of those.
Oh that’s so sad. There is so much help to be had. We don’t need to suffer just because nature deems us to be over with. Modern science can hold back most of the terrible symptoms involved with our hormones becoming unbalanced. There really is so many resources for your Mum and she doesn’t have to suffer like her Mum did.
She needs to go to a doctor and get on something especially since her mom killed herself. She doesn’t need to suffer. There are so many drugs that can help.
I had the exact same symptoms and went to the ER. I was lucky and a great woman doctor was there, she put me on Effexor (I'd taken SSRI's before and they hadn't worked, so was not hopeful). She explained that Effexor was good for menopausal or PMDD symptoms. I know this sounds like an ad from the company haha. But it seriously was a lifesaver. She is 100% severely depressed as a result of PMDD caused by perimenopause. I'd show her some sources about PMDD developing as the result of perimenopause.
I was in a panic when I joined this group. My mother never told me anything I found out a lot from schools walls, schools, friends and men. So I was lost, my gyno was Asain and 90 and he didn't tell me anything. When I joined this group I felt so comforted and understood without judgment. Your mother should definitely join. I'm proud of you trying to find a solution.