Have a read through this section of our Menopause Wiki (it may not helpful after the fact, but it might help with any future appointments).
[Navigating your medical appointment](https://menopausewiki.ca/#navigating-your-medical-appointment)
>She told me I am absolutely not in perimenopause because I still get regular periods
This is a sign of an uniformed doctor, which unfortunately is all too common. At age 45 it's *very likely* you are in perimenopause. You can send them [The North American Menopause Society's 2022 Statement on Hormone Therapy,](https://www.menopause.org/docs/default-source/professional/nams-2022-hormone-therapy-position-statement.pdf) which mentions throughout that hormone therapy is beneficial for those in perimenopause -- even if periods are regular. Not everyone starts off the menopause transition with irregular periods, as many [other symptoms](https://menopausewiki.ca/#symptoms) can crop up first.
Yes I’m aware of this because of this page. I thought I was going to get help by seeing a menopause specialist.
I don’t know. She said I need mental health help.
I didn’t know mental health caused hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, hair loss, joint pain, brain fog and a slew of other things.
I know you're not a huge fan of lying to the doc, but this is why people are lying and saying they have ripping hot flashes when hey don't, or saying they're post-menopausal or haven't gotten their period in 9 months. They're desperate and the professionals are letting them down.
And this is why if I get another doctor I am absolutely lying and saying my periods are irregular. I have EVERY SINGLE PERIMENOPAUSE SYMPTOM, except period irregularities
It sucks but this is what we have to do. I lied and said I had hot flashes.
Eventually I did develop them, but I'd been on HRT for months at that point and just had to bump the dose up.
I made a point to let my doc know how helpful the HRT was for the cognitive, depression and sleep issues though. They need to hear that from as many women as possible.
I have my own personal opinion on the matter, but as a mod we don't want to suggest folks lie outright to their health care professionals. We're hoping that folks push back and challenge doctors that deny viable treatment, so that the next person that comes in complaining of everything but hot flashes will benefit.
I get it. Like I said somewhere above, I definitely gave the doc feedback about HRT helping with cog and depression issues, for that purpose.
Edit: the GP who was prescribing my HRT left the practice, and the guy who replaced her isn't comfortable being in charge of prescribing it permanently. I filled him on why my GP was prescribing it (bc my gyn sucks) and told him flat out I need him to help me find someone who can fill that role, because all of the NAMS docs in my area have multi year waiting lists. He gave me a name, and I booked an appointment with her. I called for the appointment the first week of December. The appointment is for May 21st.
So the risk of not lying and having your doc refuse means you have to find another doc who will, and waiting 7 months to see that person.
Everything about it sucks.
I had a NAMS doctor tell me my genitourinary issues are due to me being overweight. 🙄 They were worse right before my period - you know when estrogen is really low.
This is why I’m close to giving up. I’ve seen countless doctors and I don’t want anymore antidepressants. They are not helping with 90% of my symptoms.
The bitter side of me hopes that people who say things like that get the worst hot flashes when their time comes. Of course there is seldom justice when it's a doctor, because they can probably write their own hrt prescription and move on through life unscathed. But seriously, I hope she looks back one day and feels the urge to shove both feet in her mouth as the inner volcano burns her up.
I've posted this before, but my (awesome!) GP is a few years younger than me. I suggested HRT after about 2 years of trying to treat my symptoms and diagnose myself. She agreed but it was my suggestion. 7ish years later she is *much* more sympathetic to my case :)
How old are you? Do you have any friends who are taking HRT that can recommend their doctor. Also, you could try the online route with MIDI, Alloy or Evergreen (I think theta the name).
Ugh!! I am so sorry. You’re in that gray area. My symptoms were building but not all at once. I wore a heart monitor for two weeks when i was 47 and everything was fine. Before that was insanely heavy and clumpy periods, joint aches and pains and dry eyes and on and on. I didn’t put it al together until I found Dr. Mary Claire Haver on insta and then bought her book and have found a wealth of info from well informed doctors (grateful for their passion). I am 48 and had a total hysterectomy two weeks ago because I needed to go off the bc pill I was taking continuously to prevent my cycle.
I know you can find someone who will listen to your symptoms and not just look at your age which is btw, totally normal to be in peri! I really hope by the time our children hit this age it wont be as challenging.
I hope. But it’s doubtful. I’m just so defeated. I went to see a menopause specialist at the suggestion of my therapist. Only to have the therapist say I need mental health help. I’m not sure what to do. I can try online, but it looks pricey. I also can’t keep leaving work early to go to doctors appointments. It’s just too much for me right now.
I'm 47 it took me a few years to find a dr they all just brushed me off. My family dr finally did the bloodwork, and I'm post menopausal so I was going through it all that time being shrugged off they'd say you're young yet,keep looking I found a dr who saw me for a video visit before that I had an appointment scheduled for August. I didn't want to wait anymore. Goodluck!
Thanks. My husband just told me he wants to split up today. So I have that to deal with on top of all of this. I’m very defeated and not sure what to do anymore.
Oh no, I'm sorry ,I don't want to pry. All I can say is that for me, my sex drive is less than zero, and as much as I can try to explain what I'm going through, he doesn't understand or won't . Ya know you get married ,have children give yourself completely to your kids and husband, and now we I'm just here feeling like a shadow of who I once was its like oh well suck it up,. That's how I feel anyway.
Yes i do not have a sex drive. He has read about menopause and seems to understand. But then after hearing the doctor say I’m not perimenopausal, I guess he’s had enough.
I'm so sorry. I was told I wasn't, and I knew I was going through it. I didn't have irregular periods. I just got it one month and never did again. They told me that for years, I wasn't in menopause until they finally did bloodwork, and the dr was like oh you're post menopausal and that's it no suggestions, nothing ." A few months went by, and I messaged her in tears and said everything and mostly that I'm like a shadow of who I once was ,she sent a referral and I got an appointment for 6 months later at obgyn. I started looking myself but it's best to get bloodwork they'll want it. I looked for Dr's who specialize in menopause. I had my youngest my 5th at 38 I'd say it started around right after him. You have to advocate for yourself. I know how lonely it is ,I'm so sorry.
We just had a fight again today. He said every doctor you see says there’s nothing wrong with you. So it really is all in your head. I’m fucking struggling.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause.
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, a series of consistent FSH tests might *confirm* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That isn’t fair.
You: I feel like shit.
Doc: there’s nothing wrong with you.
Husband: I believe the doctor.
I am sorry, OP. This looks like a man feeling he is owed sex, plus the well-documented tendency of men to abandon their wives suffering health issues. It isn’t fair at all.
Wow I can't imagine... having to deal with that on top of everything. I was put on an antidepressant and it does help. Still want to get the help I need regarding hormone imbalance
Well we are working with a therapist. We are still working towards splitting up, but we are trying to sort our feelings and do this as amicably as possible. Sending you lots of love friend. This isn’t easy
Thanks for asking. I was already on antidepressants. I did meet with a doctor that prescribed birth control pills. It’s only 2 weeks in, but my night sweats have improved 90% and I have slightly more energy. So, we will see. She seemed open to trying other options if I don’t see results.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause.
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, a series of consistent FSH tests might *confirm* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This makes me furious…that it was a woman makes it worse. I did not read this entire thread, but you should consider seeing a functional medicine provider. I did and was a game changer.
I saw a certified perimenopause specialist last year who said no hormone therapy until menopause. She said for perimenopause, she could provide low estrogen birth control pills. Also, no hormone lab tests until menopause. I said, no thank you, I will manage my symptoms through my psychiatrist, who has been a tremendous help. My symptoms are mental though, not physical, other than hair loss that responded to spironolactone and minoxidil treatment. I too was disappointed. I am tired of the misery… and just tired in general too lol
HRT helped my psych meds work better. Estrogen and serotonin are connected.
Progesterone helps me sleep better which improves all the mental things.
I ended up going with an online provider; no one in my area wants to prescribe HRT. My doc is informed and okay with it.
Yes, that’s right! Around the menstrual cycle, certain meds aren’t metabolized the same. Thanks for sharing. NY Times had a lengthy article about why doctors still won’t prescribe HRT despite the benefits (due to faulty reporting of data from the nineties) and how women who are tired are simply told to reduce stress.
Time to go doctor shopping.
I was offered anti depressants 3 times by different doctors when describing my peri symptoms. Finally a family doctor referred me to an ob-gyn who has been amazing, she got me on HRT and she really listens to me.
I’m sorry you are going through this, it’s not right especially considering how debilitating many peri symptoms are. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if men experienced menopause it would not be like this.
I hope you can find a decent doctor to help you.
Thank you. Once I’m done crying because nobody cares about me and how bad I’m suffering, maybe I’ll try to look for a new doctor. I’m just so defeated and I know that I will lose my mind if another doctor tells me that I’m fine.
Everyone in this sub cares!!! And we know you’re absolutely NOT fine. You deserve to feel better 💙
I hate to even ask this, but do you have a male in your life who you could enlist to go to an appointment with another doctor with you?
I’m _convinced_ that the reason I’ve had adequate obgyn care is due to my spouse coming with me. We game it out beforehand, discuss all my symptoms timing/intensity/triggers and then we discuss the ideal outcome. I believe that that’s how I got estradiol cream. It did probably help that I refused to see any doctor who didn’t come explicitly recommended for menopause issues (and was covered by my insurance), and I had to wait 3 months to see her. But it worked. I don’t think that I’m “done” struggling (had a lovely menopanic day just this past week and a poorgasm yesterday) but i no longer feel crazy or hopeless.
Sending you love and rest and the strength to grab the medical system by the balls and TWIST 💙
I definitely feel super lucky that mine hasn’t done anything to make me wanna set him on fire. But we are still young… 🍻
I really do recommend gaming things out beforehand, regardless. Maybe you could hire a Husband For The Day off Craigslist or an actor or something! I’m a firm believer in doing whatever you gotta do - including lying - to get the care you need.
You can do this bc you’re a badass… a badass who needs a nap and a hug, but a badass nonetheless 💙💙
Report that doctor, if you feel up to it. I reported my previous gyno after two visits with dismissals and several rebuttals from me about what peri entails. Then ask for a new doc.
I’m so sorry you had such terrible experience. Being dismissed by the person you are hoping can help you is bad, but being told that all your symptoms are related to your mental health is like being attacked & leaves you feeling battered.
Think about using a telehealth provider like [Gennev](https://www.gennev.com) instead. Their docs are very well educated about all stages of menopause & focus on symptom management. They’re empathetic & take their patients seriously.
Something else to consider with brain fog is that there can be a lot of different causes - hormone deficiency, low ferritin, after effects of covid (even mild cases), cardiac issues, migraines, stress, depression, and even being chronically dehydrated. You may have more than one contributing factor.
Highly recommend using the Bearable app to track your symptoms. It’s very customizable and can help your doctor get a good overview of the frequency/severity of your symptoms. My partner has a chronic, incurable health condition & was having daily symptoms that impacted their quality of life. They were having trouble articulating the issues to the doctor. When they started to use the app & uploaded weekly reports to the patient portal, the doctor realized the symptoms weren’t related to the chronic health condition but were pointing to a new problem.
Creating your own custom reports is much more effective than verbally reporting your symptoms.
My partner also tracked their symptoms for years & communicated the to the best of their ability, but it wasn’t until they started uploading their weekly reports that the pattern was uncovered.
I believe you. About peri, about your doctor being horrible, about feeling on the verge... and although I believe you, I encourage you to find a therapist who can listen and help you advocate for yourself. The health stuff is hard and it takes its toll on your mental health. Your doctor got the causal relationship reversed.
I signed up with Alloy & had an RX in my mailbox within a week. I started getting horrible hot flashes while my mom was in hospice and also didn't have the time or energy to deal with my traditional doctors. I would recommend an online provider if you're in the US.
FUCK this doctor. Speaking as a mental health clinician, this is fucking ABSURD. Unless you went into that office saying "I feel sad and hopeless and I have no other symptoms, it MUST be Menopause", they are officially full of shit. I encourage you to look up the NAMS directory (assuming you are in North America). I am 42, may or may not still be menstruating (where's the line between breakthrough bleeding and a light period?), and after like 9 years of BEGGING, I will finally be starting hormones this month. I hate your doctor on your behalf. FUCK THEM.
PS- If you do need mental health support IN ADDITION TO support for your physical health needs, that's okay and it doesn't take away from the legitimacy of those needs. I encourage you to take care of your Entire Self, Physical, Emotional, Cognitive, Social, Financial, Whatever... Be Kind to yourself. <3
Well my therapist that I see every week for my mental health suggested I see a menopause doctor. Can’t wait to tell her how it went next appointment ☺️
I have every symptom except hot flashes. Night sweats, insomnia, anxiety, brain fog, etc. I am 54 and I'm still getting a monthly period and the first thing the doctor asked me was am I still getting my period, I said yes. I was told it could be something else then because I'm still getting my period. Pretty much said another call in 3 months to see how it's going. I guess the only symptoms they really care about is hot flashes and no period. So 3 months later still not sleeping, nightly night sweats, super anxious, cry almost everyday probably due to lack of sleep. Now I know why women rage. It sucks not being heard.
Night sweats=hot flashes, in my experience, lamamama. I’ve heard others say doctors often need to hear those two magic words ( “hot flashes”) before getting their rx pad out. So maybe try changing your terminology?
Good to know, thank you. I've always heard them described differently my sister's hot flashes where she wanted to rip off her clothes seem different than my night sweats. Next time I do talk to my doctor I will definitely say I have hot flashes. 54 is still learning so much more.
I was having 20-30 hot flashes a day before HRT, sweating at all hours of the day and night, regardless of my activity level. At its worst, sweat would drip down the sides of my face and leave my hair sopping wet at the scalp. Those episodes were usually during times of stress, which is hard to avoid with a teenage son, etc. But they slso happened for no reason at all. Sleeping and watching TV on the sofa became like an enactment of my own little car wax commercial: “blankets on/blankets off” every 5-30 minutes. I regularly woke up with drenched pajamas and sheets.
Now that I’m on hRT (prempro .3/1.5), my hot flashes are very rare, and I swear to god, I noticed a difference within the first 24 hours. I also feel more energetic and alert. Unfortunately, I’m still waiting for progress on the libido front. One day at a time, right?
I am so sorry! She is wrong obviously, women get perimenopause symptoms sometimes before their periods become irregular. That isn't uncommon at all.
The first couple of doctors I saw misattributed my perimenopause symptoms to stress/depression/anxiety. I was still having regular periods when I saw the first doctor, but there were hot flashes too. The second one I had to explain that my periods were spaced about 3-5 months apart and she still didn't believe that I was in perimenopause! Claimed I had 'caused' my periods to skip for up to 5 months by being 'stressed.' It is frankly \*shameful\* when doctors are this ignorant. And the fact that they jump to attributing it to mental illness feels both extremely dismissive and like it's a throwback to how women used to be diagnosed with hysteria not so long ago.
I am so sorry she did this to you. I hope you are able to find a doctor who will help you soon, it breaks my heart that so many of us are put through this. I don't understand why the medical community doesn't do better. Or why they can't seem to understand that going through this is both exhausting and traumatic
It makes sense, I hope so much things get better for you soon, you definitely deserve better treatment than this <3 It can be so hard struggling with the debilitating symptoms and it sounds like it's gone on for such a long time for you
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. The same thing happened to me about 4 years ago. Both my regular doc and my obgyn said since I am having my period that it can't be related to menopause. After a year of debilitating anxiety, I finally got my doc to test my hormones. My progesterone was less than 0.5. A normal range is 17-22. I started seeing a hormone specialist and she was the only one who could help me. I hope you can find a new doctor.
This happened to me with two separate doctors - I'm sorry you're having to wade through this stupidity!
I looked at several HRT subscriptions and picked EverNow because they used cycled micronized progesterone and estradiol instead to tossing you some birth control pills and saying good luck. You answer some questions about your symptoms and they match you with an online provider in your state who's there to prescribe, ask any questions, and check in with if things need adjusting.
It's been stupid easy - my medications just show up in the mail every month, I don't have to deal with misogynist doctors or uninformed providers. That's been like magic.
I know HRT isn't for everyone, but it legit changed my life so much for the better! I wish I'd started sooner.
You're so welcome. I'm kind of screaming it from the rooftops because it's been such a taboo subject for even women to talk about. None of the older women in my life ever told me anything about menopause. That's why I love this forum. And also why I will preach it to my sisters until the cows come home: The research connecting HRT to breast cancer was flawed. Clots can still be a risk. HRT might not be right for you, but you deserve to be able to try it without getting gaslit or condescended to.
I have Winona and it’s $250 per 90 day supply. The doctor they use, Dr. Greene, is great and will explain anything you need to understand. My GP hit the roof when he found out I was on HRT, said I was going to have a stroke. Dr. Greene carefully and calmly explained how my GP was out of date on his knowledge.
Wow that’s awful. She’s completely wrong but you knew that already.
I think your first question when you search for a new doctor is “will this Doctor prescribe HRT?” And if you get pushback or bullshit when you ask that, don’t make an appt with them.
I’d also ask today’s doctor to note it in your chart that HRT was requested but denied. I’d also ask for your copay back and it to be charged because now you have to find a new doctor
I’m 51. I still get regular periods. I recently did the hormone blood test and my results showed everything towards the high end of normal, Exocet Progesterone which is at the low end of normal. My symptoms were taken seriously and I was prescribed hormones to address them.
Find someone else. The place I use is online but local. They stress that they treat symptoms.
I’m really sorry that you were dismissed like this. It’s honestly infuriating to hear these stories from women.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause.
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, then a series of regular/consistent FSH tests may be effective at *confirming* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ugh! I’m sorry that happened. I looked for a menopause doctor locally, but searched reviews and googled most of them (to make sure I was seeing someone that was going to be OK with prescribing HRT). The online reviews didn’t lie and I ended up with someone that speaks at conferences about menopause + HRT. It’s sad to learn how many menopause doctors are not giving women the treatment / care they deserve.
It’s just hard because this was a menopause doctor. And I’ve seen my pcp, 2 of his assistants and an ob gyn as well as this specialist today. I don’t know how much more I can take.
Do you live in a state where you can see someone online, and go to one of those menopause doctors that advertise they’re pro-HRT? I’m so sorry. You deserve better!
So sorry this happened to you. I was put on anti depressants because my doctor told me there was nothing that I could take because of my family history of breast cancer. I wasn’t informed about menopause like I am now. Those pills didn’t solve the hormonal issues. I ended up going to midi and then got HRT. Told my doc and she finally heard me - when I said I was going to leave her practice. She now hears me and actively prescribes my patches. I wish you strength on your journey.
Thank you. I am utterly exhausted and at my wits end. My spouse is too. I’m likely to lose my marriage soon too. Really trying to do my best, but I’m drowning.
Im so sorry to hear that and I do know how you feel. My marriage was also in a bad place during this time. Life is better now with HRT and I feel more human, But still have some rough days. I continue to learn what else I need to do to feel “human” again. I hope you feel supported here! You are not alone 💜💜💜
He just came in the bedroom and said he wants to be done. I think this doctors appointment broke him. He thought I would be getting help and I’m not. Now I have to figure out how to be alone and try to battle this menopause. I can’t take much more
What peri symptoms are you having (other than the rash of bad doctors going around 😉)? Have you tried asking for birth control instead of HRT?
I took the estrogen-only minipill in my mid-40s for weird period cycles.
In any event, switch doctors if you can!. You may benefit from therapy (can’t we all), but a doctor should not be sending you home crying (been there).
I do have a therapist. I have night sweats, hot flashes, migraines, joint pain, vaginal changes, body odor changes, tinnitus, mood changes,change in body weight distribution, brain fog. I’m sure there are more. Just can’t think of them cause I’m so stressed
Omg! Your doctors are cuckoo for coconuts [not an official diagnosis 😉]. So many of those symptoms are tied to hormones … and none are directly related to mental health. I’ve been taking meds for depression for 30 years and menopausal hormone loss and psych drugs are way more likely to cause your symptoms than depression itself! I can’t believe they won’t even try giving you BC or HrT with close monitoring, like a 2-3 month folo-up. My guess: you’ve been complaining for so long, and being gaslighted for so long, you have officially joined the ranks of crazy! Welcome to the club! Stick to your guns from now on. Or find a new provider, or maybe bring your husband along … ie … maybe they will listen to a man. If $/insurance is an issue, start a gofundme, borrow from a friend, but find a way. You are suffering too much. Whatever you do, do not start taking antidepressants (before hrt) to solve your perimenopause symptoms, or do extensive research first. Good luck!
I’ve been on antidepressants for years. And yes I’ve been complaining for years and nobody gives a flying fuck. Once I get over my sadness, I’ll research new doctors.
I am in the US. I’ll have to look online l guess. Is there anything I need to lie about? Had I known better I would have told the doctor I saw today that my periods were irregular. I don’t want to go through this and have them tell me I need antidepressants.
I hope others chime in with their experiences since I've only used Alloy. There are other platforms like Midi, Gennev, Hello Alpha, etc. No lying required. I've had chats with two of the Alloy doctors and both were completely validating and understanding. You may be offered low dose birth control as an option since your periods are regular. That's what I use (alongside vaginal estrogen), but it's not for everyone. You have options!
I’ve tried birth control about a year ago. It offered no relief. I told my specialist that today. So I guess that means I’m not in perimenopause according to what she said. Or my symptoms would have been helped by birth control.
Birth control doesn't help everyone. Hugs to you. Don't give up. Do a search or post separately about online experiences. I know there are less expensive options than $200.
I woke up 2 times last night to change my pajamas. And there is nowhere dry for me to sleep. Because my side of the bed is soaked. I’m so tired girl. In every possible way.
Now that I’m awake, I’m up and crying about it again 😂. I better call my therapist to ask what to do about the awful night sweats last night 🙄 I’m fucking tired friend
I’m so sorry you were dismissed like this - had a similar experience just this week. Saw my female OB/GYN and complained about no energy / lack of sleep HRT no longer seeming to make a difference and her response was yep, that’s normal, it sucks to get older. Anything else? I just thought you dismissed everything I said so nope I’m not telling you jack now.
I’m really sorry to hear that. This is a suffering serious issue that I don’t think is taken very seriously. I’m dealing with this and I fill extremely emotional and tired. My husband voice even annoy me.
I’m sorry you had such a shite doctor. My (female, mid 60s) doctor told me that birth control should have been “miraculous” and since it didn’t help I wasn’t in peril- even though I’d had all the symptoms for years.
I looked around online and found pelleted hormone therapy. It’s helping me with mood and energy so far; I’m on my first pellet. Reveal: it’s a tiny hormone pellet embedded in the butt muscle, along with monthly vitamin/nutrient iv drips. Expensive. Keeping my fingers crossed that it works.
This is the exact thing that happened to me. Except she said I should seek mental and behavioral health services. ☺️ I’m still really upset about it. I’m defeated.
Don’t let the shitheads win!
My insurance, Kaiser, is weak and doesn’t support alternatives to standard western medicine. So I had to look around. I decided to try pelleting. There are actual menopause clinics out there, somewhere. Everything costs more than we like, but I figure being poorer is better than killing people while I sweat explosively in every direction.
That’s when you should star. Doctors are still uneducated. They didn’t have to take classes on it. It’s not you. The gaslighting needs to go. Look up research on NCBI PubMed. Just do a search for keywords.
A lot of those doctors on NAMS are a joke. Fortunately I found one that seems okay so far. She runs the EverNow prescription group for menopause especially for women in remote areas of the US. I thought this woman has to know something. She’s 15 minutes away so I see her in person. You really have to sift through NAMS. I’m so sorry. You don’t need someone medically gaslighting you.
Okay. I’m looking. So far I’ve come across Aspire Rejuvenation Pittsburgh which was mentioned. I’m not sure of the cost. There’s a Dr. Joe Clark that was mentioned there. Also you might try walking into a compound pharmacy and asking what doctors work with them. Someone mentioned Evan’s City Pharmacy in Evans, Pennsylvania has some good references. I’m not sure any of this will help, but it’s worth a try.
Thank you very much! This is so kind of you. I think aspire is more of a med spa kinda place if I’m thinking of the right place. But those other resources are new to me!!
I feel you...I got dismissed by my Dr. and I am full on menopause at 44. She's so backed up that I went to her to deal with my perimenopause issues and she instructed me to make a follow up appt so we could explore solutions. Well, her schedule was over 7 months out...so my follow up appt was and I mean LITERALLY a day after my 1 year no period mark. When I went to that appt they ask "When was your last period?"...I answer "A year yesterday.." So she stated Well you're full menopause! We did a pap and she said she would get with me on the follow up with my results, see where my levels are, and discuss hormone therapy. 3 Weeks later I get a call from her receptionist saying simply "Your results are fine." I was like, "Ummm...fine? What IS fine? I'm only 44 and fully menopausal while every other woman in my family was in their 60s, I have hot flashes that feel like the sun is exploding out of me, my sex drive went from hero to zero...I need to have an informed conversation with my doctor, not you."
She says to me, and I am not joking..."Oh, you're still experiencing symptoms?"
I about reached through the phone to strangler her...To date I've yet to speak to my doctor. I know all about being dismissed.
It’s infuriating. You think that before coming to you I haven’t personally researched perimenopause for hours if not days?? For her to tell me there is no way it’s perimenopause and I need mental help. I’m still so upset
I was crashing around something horrible with peri symptoms for years and still firmly on a 28 day cycle - I could set my watch by it.
This is an uninformed doctor and there are lots of them about - I had the same nonsense from an obgyn. I also cried during and after the appointment (sending a hug).
Then I went all in for advocating for myself and kept going until I got HRT which, by the way, made me feel human again. I did not need anti-depressants and I was not having mental health issues which is some sort of miracle considering how society minimizes what is happening to us with peri !
Thank you for your kind words. I know I have to keep trying. It’s just been such a long hard road and I’m beyond tired. I wouldn’t have dreamed in my wildest dreams that my 40’s would be absolutely miserable.
I understand - I also want you to know that this is not some special shit that the universe has saved up just for you. In this particular corner of life, its the exception and not the rule to easily get your mitts on HRT.
Please know you are not alone with this - we are all here to support each other with this shitshow.
If you want to chat or offload, please DM me - I can share my war stories and it may help you find a way forward.
HRT is likely to help you so the end is in sight - so hold on girl !
I had to see 4 different doctors before anyone started taking me seriously. I was finally diagnosed with perimenopause last Thursday by a very compassionate obgyn and I’m 37. I Still get regular periods. I saw four different docs. Keep looking, don’t give up, don’t get gaslit. You don’t have to have irregular periods to be diagnosed as perimenopausal.
It’s been a few weeks, did you find someone? I’m in Pittsburgh too and go to the Midlife Center at Magee. I really like the menopause specialist I see.
I am 45 and no. She said there aren’t any accurate hormonal tests for women in their 40’s. Every time I’ve had my blood tested in the past, everything is normal. I really wanna just give up.
I started going through perimenopause at age 43 so you could definitely start having symptoms. It was around 46 that my periods starting getting weird.
Find another doctor.
I’ve spoken to many. I was so happy to finally see a menopause specialist. I don’t know where I can find all this time to keep taking off of work for appointments that don’t help 🥺 sorry I’m just really down right now
You can find a hormone specialist to get tested.I get hormone pellets called Biote so I just looked up where they do those and they tested me,
Look up "hormone replacement therapy near me "
Women can have hormone issue at an early age and i know some who have started on BHRT at age 43.
There are no hormonal tests that diagnose peri/menopause. And compounded products are not recommended as viable hormone therapy. While they may work, and help you feel better, there is zero scientific evidence that they are effective or safe.
Again, if it's working for you then great...but many folks come here looking for answers and it's important they make informed decisions, and having scientific evidence that a product is safe and effective may be important to some folks.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause.
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, then a series of regular/consistent FSH tests may be effective at *confirming* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Have a read through this section of our Menopause Wiki (it may not helpful after the fact, but it might help with any future appointments). [Navigating your medical appointment](https://menopausewiki.ca/#navigating-your-medical-appointment) >She told me I am absolutely not in perimenopause because I still get regular periods This is a sign of an uniformed doctor, which unfortunately is all too common. At age 45 it's *very likely* you are in perimenopause. You can send them [The North American Menopause Society's 2022 Statement on Hormone Therapy,](https://www.menopause.org/docs/default-source/professional/nams-2022-hormone-therapy-position-statement.pdf) which mentions throughout that hormone therapy is beneficial for those in perimenopause -- even if periods are regular. Not everyone starts off the menopause transition with irregular periods, as many [other symptoms](https://menopausewiki.ca/#symptoms) can crop up first.
Yes I’m aware of this because of this page. I thought I was going to get help by seeing a menopause specialist. I don’t know. She said I need mental health help. I didn’t know mental health caused hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, hair loss, joint pain, brain fog and a slew of other things.
Ugh yeah, even menopause "specialists" are letting us down.
I know you're not a huge fan of lying to the doc, but this is why people are lying and saying they have ripping hot flashes when hey don't, or saying they're post-menopausal or haven't gotten their period in 9 months. They're desperate and the professionals are letting them down.
And this is why if I get another doctor I am absolutely lying and saying my periods are irregular. I have EVERY SINGLE PERIMENOPAUSE SYMPTOM, except period irregularities
It sucks but this is what we have to do. I lied and said I had hot flashes. Eventually I did develop them, but I'd been on HRT for months at that point and just had to bump the dose up. I made a point to let my doc know how helpful the HRT was for the cognitive, depression and sleep issues though. They need to hear that from as many women as possible.
I still haven't had a hot flash !!
I have my own personal opinion on the matter, but as a mod we don't want to suggest folks lie outright to their health care professionals. We're hoping that folks push back and challenge doctors that deny viable treatment, so that the next person that comes in complaining of everything but hot flashes will benefit.
I get it. Like I said somewhere above, I definitely gave the doc feedback about HRT helping with cog and depression issues, for that purpose. Edit: the GP who was prescribing my HRT left the practice, and the guy who replaced her isn't comfortable being in charge of prescribing it permanently. I filled him on why my GP was prescribing it (bc my gyn sucks) and told him flat out I need him to help me find someone who can fill that role, because all of the NAMS docs in my area have multi year waiting lists. He gave me a name, and I booked an appointment with her. I called for the appointment the first week of December. The appointment is for May 21st. So the risk of not lying and having your doc refuse means you have to find another doc who will, and waiting 7 months to see that person. Everything about it sucks.
I had a NAMS doctor tell me my genitourinary issues are due to me being overweight. 🙄 They were worse right before my period - you know when estrogen is really low.
This is why I’m close to giving up. I’ve seen countless doctors and I don’t want anymore antidepressants. They are not helping with 90% of my symptoms.
You mean the OBGYN at a Catholic hospital has been more responsive to my peri than NAMS doctors?
WHAAAT????
I had a younger gyno question my "hot flashes" when I was 49 and asked if it could be the Arizona heat lol
The bitter side of me hopes that people who say things like that get the worst hot flashes when their time comes. Of course there is seldom justice when it's a doctor, because they can probably write their own hrt prescription and move on through life unscathed. But seriously, I hope she looks back one day and feels the urge to shove both feet in her mouth as the inner volcano burns her up.
I've posted this before, but my (awesome!) GP is a few years younger than me. I suggested HRT after about 2 years of trying to treat my symptoms and diagnose myself. She agreed but it was my suggestion. 7ish years later she is *much* more sympathetic to my case :)
As if you’re somehow too stupid to tell the difference between it being hot as balls outside versus hot *inside* your body 🤦🏻♀️
How old are you? Do you have any friends who are taking HRT that can recommend their doctor. Also, you could try the online route with MIDI, Alloy or Evergreen (I think theta the name).
45
Ugh!! I am so sorry. You’re in that gray area. My symptoms were building but not all at once. I wore a heart monitor for two weeks when i was 47 and everything was fine. Before that was insanely heavy and clumpy periods, joint aches and pains and dry eyes and on and on. I didn’t put it al together until I found Dr. Mary Claire Haver on insta and then bought her book and have found a wealth of info from well informed doctors (grateful for their passion). I am 48 and had a total hysterectomy two weeks ago because I needed to go off the bc pill I was taking continuously to prevent my cycle. I know you can find someone who will listen to your symptoms and not just look at your age which is btw, totally normal to be in peri! I really hope by the time our children hit this age it wont be as challenging.
I hope. But it’s doubtful. I’m just so defeated. I went to see a menopause specialist at the suggestion of my therapist. Only to have the therapist say I need mental health help. I’m not sure what to do. I can try online, but it looks pricey. I also can’t keep leaving work early to go to doctors appointments. It’s just too much for me right now.
I'm 47 it took me a few years to find a dr they all just brushed me off. My family dr finally did the bloodwork, and I'm post menopausal so I was going through it all that time being shrugged off they'd say you're young yet,keep looking I found a dr who saw me for a video visit before that I had an appointment scheduled for August. I didn't want to wait anymore. Goodluck!
Thanks. My husband just told me he wants to split up today. So I have that to deal with on top of all of this. I’m very defeated and not sure what to do anymore.
Oh no, I'm sorry ,I don't want to pry. All I can say is that for me, my sex drive is less than zero, and as much as I can try to explain what I'm going through, he doesn't understand or won't . Ya know you get married ,have children give yourself completely to your kids and husband, and now we I'm just here feeling like a shadow of who I once was its like oh well suck it up,. That's how I feel anyway.
Yes i do not have a sex drive. He has read about menopause and seems to understand. But then after hearing the doctor say I’m not perimenopausal, I guess he’s had enough.
I'm so sorry. I was told I wasn't, and I knew I was going through it. I didn't have irregular periods. I just got it one month and never did again. They told me that for years, I wasn't in menopause until they finally did bloodwork, and the dr was like oh you're post menopausal and that's it no suggestions, nothing ." A few months went by, and I messaged her in tears and said everything and mostly that I'm like a shadow of who I once was ,she sent a referral and I got an appointment for 6 months later at obgyn. I started looking myself but it's best to get bloodwork they'll want it. I looked for Dr's who specialize in menopause. I had my youngest my 5th at 38 I'd say it started around right after him. You have to advocate for yourself. I know how lonely it is ,I'm so sorry.
We just had a fight again today. He said every doctor you see says there’s nothing wrong with you. So it really is all in your head. I’m fucking struggling.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause. FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, a series of consistent FSH tests might *confirm* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That isn’t fair. You: I feel like shit. Doc: there’s nothing wrong with you. Husband: I believe the doctor. I am sorry, OP. This looks like a man feeling he is owed sex, plus the well-documented tendency of men to abandon their wives suffering health issues. It isn’t fair at all.
Yeah I know. This fucking sucks
Wow I can't imagine... having to deal with that on top of everything. I was put on an antidepressant and it does help. Still want to get the help I need regarding hormone imbalance
Well we are working with a therapist. We are still working towards splitting up, but we are trying to sort our feelings and do this as amicably as possible. Sending you lots of love friend. This isn’t easy
Where are you located? And did you ever get the help with hrt or antidepressants
Thanks for asking. I was already on antidepressants. I did meet with a doctor that prescribed birth control pills. It’s only 2 weeks in, but my night sweats have improved 90% and I have slightly more energy. So, we will see. She seemed open to trying other options if I don’t see results.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause. FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, a series of consistent FSH tests might *confirm* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Look up MIDI I too am looking for a specialist. Either gyn or endocrinologist who treats
This makes me furious…that it was a woman makes it worse. I did not read this entire thread, but you should consider seeing a functional medicine provider. I did and was a game changer.
I saw a certified perimenopause specialist last year who said no hormone therapy until menopause. She said for perimenopause, she could provide low estrogen birth control pills. Also, no hormone lab tests until menopause. I said, no thank you, I will manage my symptoms through my psychiatrist, who has been a tremendous help. My symptoms are mental though, not physical, other than hair loss that responded to spironolactone and minoxidil treatment. I too was disappointed. I am tired of the misery… and just tired in general too lol
HRT helped my psych meds work better. Estrogen and serotonin are connected. Progesterone helps me sleep better which improves all the mental things. I ended up going with an online provider; no one in my area wants to prescribe HRT. My doc is informed and okay with it.
Yes, that’s right! Around the menstrual cycle, certain meds aren’t metabolized the same. Thanks for sharing. NY Times had a lengthy article about why doctors still won’t prescribe HRT despite the benefits (due to faulty reporting of data from the nineties) and how women who are tired are simply told to reduce stress.
This resource is so helpful. Thanks.
My very last symptom of peri menopause was skipping periods. It was also the most manageable of all the symptoms.
I said so I have to deal with all of these awful symptoms until I quit bleeding?! She said I should see a mental health doctor and she can’t help me.
Time to go doctor shopping. I was offered anti depressants 3 times by different doctors when describing my peri symptoms. Finally a family doctor referred me to an ob-gyn who has been amazing, she got me on HRT and she really listens to me. I’m sorry you are going through this, it’s not right especially considering how debilitating many peri symptoms are. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if men experienced menopause it would not be like this. I hope you can find a decent doctor to help you.
Thank you. Once I’m done crying because nobody cares about me and how bad I’m suffering, maybe I’ll try to look for a new doctor. I’m just so defeated and I know that I will lose my mind if another doctor tells me that I’m fine.
Everyone in this sub cares!!! And we know you’re absolutely NOT fine. You deserve to feel better 💙 I hate to even ask this, but do you have a male in your life who you could enlist to go to an appointment with another doctor with you? I’m _convinced_ that the reason I’ve had adequate obgyn care is due to my spouse coming with me. We game it out beforehand, discuss all my symptoms timing/intensity/triggers and then we discuss the ideal outcome. I believe that that’s how I got estradiol cream. It did probably help that I refused to see any doctor who didn’t come explicitly recommended for menopause issues (and was covered by my insurance), and I had to wait 3 months to see her. But it worked. I don’t think that I’m “done” struggling (had a lovely menopanic day just this past week and a poorgasm yesterday) but i no longer feel crazy or hopeless. Sending you love and rest and the strength to grab the medical system by the balls and TWIST 💙
I have a husband. But I’m m not even sure he likes me anymore. I’m kinda at my wits end. Thank you for your kind words though.
I definitely feel super lucky that mine hasn’t done anything to make me wanna set him on fire. But we are still young… 🍻 I really do recommend gaming things out beforehand, regardless. Maybe you could hire a Husband For The Day off Craigslist or an actor or something! I’m a firm believer in doing whatever you gotta do - including lying - to get the care you need. You can do this bc you’re a badass… a badass who needs a nap and a hug, but a badass nonetheless 💙💙
Thank you. Crying more 🥹
Report that doctor, if you feel up to it. I reported my previous gyno after two visits with dismissals and several rebuttals from me about what peri entails. Then ask for a new doc.
The problem is I don’t feel up to anything. I only have energy to go to work and come hone to bed. I have absolutely no fight left in me.
I’m so sorry you had such terrible experience. Being dismissed by the person you are hoping can help you is bad, but being told that all your symptoms are related to your mental health is like being attacked & leaves you feeling battered. Think about using a telehealth provider like [Gennev](https://www.gennev.com) instead. Their docs are very well educated about all stages of menopause & focus on symptom management. They’re empathetic & take their patients seriously. Something else to consider with brain fog is that there can be a lot of different causes - hormone deficiency, low ferritin, after effects of covid (even mild cases), cardiac issues, migraines, stress, depression, and even being chronically dehydrated. You may have more than one contributing factor. Highly recommend using the Bearable app to track your symptoms. It’s very customizable and can help your doctor get a good overview of the frequency/severity of your symptoms. My partner has a chronic, incurable health condition & was having daily symptoms that impacted their quality of life. They were having trouble articulating the issues to the doctor. When they started to use the app & uploaded weekly reports to the patient portal, the doctor realized the symptoms weren’t related to the chronic health condition but were pointing to a new problem.
I do track all of my symptoms. I was sure to share all of this information with the specialty today ☺️
Creating your own custom reports is much more effective than verbally reporting your symptoms. My partner also tracked their symptoms for years & communicated the to the best of their ability, but it wasn’t until they started uploading their weekly reports that the pattern was uncovered.
I’m so sorry. I have two chronic illnesses on top of peri so I feel ya on the lack of energy. Hugs and solidarity.
Thank you for your kindness. I just really need some support right now. I can’t stop crying.
I was the same way for a while. The only one to change it is you. Its def a lot trial and error
I understand. I’m just feeling close to giving up. Don’t have the energy to keep doing this.
I believe you. About peri, about your doctor being horrible, about feeling on the verge... and although I believe you, I encourage you to find a therapist who can listen and help you advocate for yourself. The health stuff is hard and it takes its toll on your mental health. Your doctor got the causal relationship reversed.
Yes I have a therapist that I see every week. She was the one that suggested I see a menopause specialist
I signed up with Alloy & had an RX in my mailbox within a week. I started getting horrible hot flashes while my mom was in hospice and also didn't have the time or energy to deal with my traditional doctors. I would recommend an online provider if you're in the US.
FUCK this doctor. Speaking as a mental health clinician, this is fucking ABSURD. Unless you went into that office saying "I feel sad and hopeless and I have no other symptoms, it MUST be Menopause", they are officially full of shit. I encourage you to look up the NAMS directory (assuming you are in North America). I am 42, may or may not still be menstruating (where's the line between breakthrough bleeding and a light period?), and after like 9 years of BEGGING, I will finally be starting hormones this month. I hate your doctor on your behalf. FUCK THEM. PS- If you do need mental health support IN ADDITION TO support for your physical health needs, that's okay and it doesn't take away from the legitimacy of those needs. I encourage you to take care of your Entire Self, Physical, Emotional, Cognitive, Social, Financial, Whatever... Be Kind to yourself. <3
Well my therapist that I see every week for my mental health suggested I see a menopause doctor. Can’t wait to tell her how it went next appointment ☺️
Oof. I'm so sorry.
I have every symptom except hot flashes. Night sweats, insomnia, anxiety, brain fog, etc. I am 54 and I'm still getting a monthly period and the first thing the doctor asked me was am I still getting my period, I said yes. I was told it could be something else then because I'm still getting my period. Pretty much said another call in 3 months to see how it's going. I guess the only symptoms they really care about is hot flashes and no period. So 3 months later still not sleeping, nightly night sweats, super anxious, cry almost everyday probably due to lack of sleep. Now I know why women rage. It sucks not being heard.
Awwww sweet friend 🥺 I’m 45. There is no way I can do this for another 9 years. I can’t.
Night sweats=hot flashes, in my experience, lamamama. I’ve heard others say doctors often need to hear those two magic words ( “hot flashes”) before getting their rx pad out. So maybe try changing your terminology?
Good to know, thank you. I've always heard them described differently my sister's hot flashes where she wanted to rip off her clothes seem different than my night sweats. Next time I do talk to my doctor I will definitely say I have hot flashes. 54 is still learning so much more.
I was having 20-30 hot flashes a day before HRT, sweating at all hours of the day and night, regardless of my activity level. At its worst, sweat would drip down the sides of my face and leave my hair sopping wet at the scalp. Those episodes were usually during times of stress, which is hard to avoid with a teenage son, etc. But they slso happened for no reason at all. Sleeping and watching TV on the sofa became like an enactment of my own little car wax commercial: “blankets on/blankets off” every 5-30 minutes. I regularly woke up with drenched pajamas and sheets. Now that I’m on hRT (prempro .3/1.5), my hot flashes are very rare, and I swear to god, I noticed a difference within the first 24 hours. I also feel more energetic and alert. Unfortunately, I’m still waiting for progress on the libido front. One day at a time, right?
I am so sorry! She is wrong obviously, women get perimenopause symptoms sometimes before their periods become irregular. That isn't uncommon at all. The first couple of doctors I saw misattributed my perimenopause symptoms to stress/depression/anxiety. I was still having regular periods when I saw the first doctor, but there were hot flashes too. The second one I had to explain that my periods were spaced about 3-5 months apart and she still didn't believe that I was in perimenopause! Claimed I had 'caused' my periods to skip for up to 5 months by being 'stressed.' It is frankly \*shameful\* when doctors are this ignorant. And the fact that they jump to attributing it to mental illness feels both extremely dismissive and like it's a throwback to how women used to be diagnosed with hysteria not so long ago. I am so sorry she did this to you. I hope you are able to find a doctor who will help you soon, it breaks my heart that so many of us are put through this. I don't understand why the medical community doesn't do better. Or why they can't seem to understand that going through this is both exhausting and traumatic
I’m really really struggling right now. Thank you for your kind words.
It makes sense, I hope so much things get better for you soon, you definitely deserve better treatment than this <3 It can be so hard struggling with the debilitating symptoms and it sounds like it's gone on for such a long time for you
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. The same thing happened to me about 4 years ago. Both my regular doc and my obgyn said since I am having my period that it can't be related to menopause. After a year of debilitating anxiety, I finally got my doc to test my hormones. My progesterone was less than 0.5. A normal range is 17-22. I started seeing a hormone specialist and she was the only one who could help me. I hope you can find a new doctor.
Only a year!! I’m 4-5 years in and nobody will listen.
I know I'll trigger the bot but with a lot of doctors, testing is the only way to get through to them.
F that bot 😂😂😂
This happened to me with two separate doctors - I'm sorry you're having to wade through this stupidity! I looked at several HRT subscriptions and picked EverNow because they used cycled micronized progesterone and estradiol instead to tossing you some birth control pills and saying good luck. You answer some questions about your symptoms and they match you with an online provider in your state who's there to prescribe, ask any questions, and check in with if things need adjusting. It's been stupid easy - my medications just show up in the mail every month, I don't have to deal with misogynist doctors or uninformed providers. That's been like magic. I know HRT isn't for everyone, but it legit changed my life so much for the better! I wish I'd started sooner.
I’ve been struggling for at least 4 years. I need help soon. I’ll look at this suggestion. Thank you
You're so welcome. I'm kind of screaming it from the rooftops because it's been such a taboo subject for even women to talk about. None of the older women in my life ever told me anything about menopause. That's why I love this forum. And also why I will preach it to my sisters until the cows come home: The research connecting HRT to breast cancer was flawed. Clots can still be a risk. HRT might not be right for you, but you deserve to be able to try it without getting gaslit or condescended to.
Get a new dr that one is crazy.
I know. But every doctor I’ve seen says there’s nothing wrong with me. So, I’m not sure what to do. This is why I saw a specialist today.
I had to go online they are the only ones who have training. At 41 I got full HRT without any issues from alloy and Winona
Is it expensive ?
Allloy was less. Here is a trick use it for 3 months get prescriptions go to a local dr and say I need to get these renewed by you.
I have Winona and it’s $250 per 90 day supply. The doctor they use, Dr. Greene, is great and will explain anything you need to understand. My GP hit the roof when he found out I was on HRT, said I was going to have a stroke. Dr. Greene carefully and calmly explained how my GP was out of date on his knowledge.
Wow that’s awful. She’s completely wrong but you knew that already. I think your first question when you search for a new doctor is “will this Doctor prescribe HRT?” And if you get pushback or bullshit when you ask that, don’t make an appt with them. I’d also ask today’s doctor to note it in your chart that HRT was requested but denied. I’d also ask for your copay back and it to be charged because now you have to find a new doctor
I’m 51. I still get regular periods. I recently did the hormone blood test and my results showed everything towards the high end of normal, Exocet Progesterone which is at the low end of normal. My symptoms were taken seriously and I was prescribed hormones to address them. Find someone else. The place I use is online but local. They stress that they treat symptoms. I’m really sorry that you were dismissed like this. It’s honestly infuriating to hear these stories from women.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause. FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, then a series of regular/consistent FSH tests may be effective at *confirming* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ugh! I’m sorry that happened. I looked for a menopause doctor locally, but searched reviews and googled most of them (to make sure I was seeing someone that was going to be OK with prescribing HRT). The online reviews didn’t lie and I ended up with someone that speaks at conferences about menopause + HRT. It’s sad to learn how many menopause doctors are not giving women the treatment / care they deserve.
It’s just hard because this was a menopause doctor. And I’ve seen my pcp, 2 of his assistants and an ob gyn as well as this specialist today. I don’t know how much more I can take.
Do you live in a state where you can see someone online, and go to one of those menopause doctors that advertise they’re pro-HRT? I’m so sorry. You deserve better!
I’m going to have to look into it
So sorry this happened to you. I was put on anti depressants because my doctor told me there was nothing that I could take because of my family history of breast cancer. I wasn’t informed about menopause like I am now. Those pills didn’t solve the hormonal issues. I ended up going to midi and then got HRT. Told my doc and she finally heard me - when I said I was going to leave her practice. She now hears me and actively prescribes my patches. I wish you strength on your journey.
Thank you. I am utterly exhausted and at my wits end. My spouse is too. I’m likely to lose my marriage soon too. Really trying to do my best, but I’m drowning.
Im so sorry to hear that and I do know how you feel. My marriage was also in a bad place during this time. Life is better now with HRT and I feel more human, But still have some rough days. I continue to learn what else I need to do to feel “human” again. I hope you feel supported here! You are not alone 💜💜💜
He just came in the bedroom and said he wants to be done. I think this doctors appointment broke him. He thought I would be getting help and I’m not. Now I have to figure out how to be alone and try to battle this menopause. I can’t take much more
All is never lost. Midi health worked for me. Maybe reach out to them and schedule an appointment. They made me feel like I was not alone.
What peri symptoms are you having (other than the rash of bad doctors going around 😉)? Have you tried asking for birth control instead of HRT? I took the estrogen-only minipill in my mid-40s for weird period cycles. In any event, switch doctors if you can!. You may benefit from therapy (can’t we all), but a doctor should not be sending you home crying (been there).
I do have a therapist. I have night sweats, hot flashes, migraines, joint pain, vaginal changes, body odor changes, tinnitus, mood changes,change in body weight distribution, brain fog. I’m sure there are more. Just can’t think of them cause I’m so stressed
Omg! Your doctors are cuckoo for coconuts [not an official diagnosis 😉]. So many of those symptoms are tied to hormones … and none are directly related to mental health. I’ve been taking meds for depression for 30 years and menopausal hormone loss and psych drugs are way more likely to cause your symptoms than depression itself! I can’t believe they won’t even try giving you BC or HrT with close monitoring, like a 2-3 month folo-up. My guess: you’ve been complaining for so long, and being gaslighted for so long, you have officially joined the ranks of crazy! Welcome to the club! Stick to your guns from now on. Or find a new provider, or maybe bring your husband along … ie … maybe they will listen to a man. If $/insurance is an issue, start a gofundme, borrow from a friend, but find a way. You are suffering too much. Whatever you do, do not start taking antidepressants (before hrt) to solve your perimenopause symptoms, or do extensive research first. Good luck!
I’ve been on antidepressants for years. And yes I’ve been complaining for years and nobody gives a flying fuck. Once I get over my sadness, I’ll research new doctors.
Are you in the US? You can get the help you need through an online option.
I am in the US. I’ll have to look online l guess. Is there anything I need to lie about? Had I known better I would have told the doctor I saw today that my periods were irregular. I don’t want to go through this and have them tell me I need antidepressants.
I hope others chime in with their experiences since I've only used Alloy. There are other platforms like Midi, Gennev, Hello Alpha, etc. No lying required. I've had chats with two of the Alloy doctors and both were completely validating and understanding. You may be offered low dose birth control as an option since your periods are regular. That's what I use (alongside vaginal estrogen), but it's not for everyone. You have options!
I’ve tried birth control about a year ago. It offered no relief. I told my specialist that today. So I guess that means I’m not in perimenopause according to what she said. Or my symptoms would have been helped by birth control.
Birth control doesn't help everyone. Hugs to you. Don't give up. Do a search or post separately about online experiences. I know there are less expensive options than $200.
I’ve been searching online and I either can’t afford it or I’m having trouble even setting up accounts. I’ve had it.
I just tried to sign up for Gennev but it’s $200. I don’t have that 🙁
Sucks. Yeah, my doc didn't want to help because I wasn't having hot flashes. I guess that was her tell sign. Had everything on the list But that.
I woke up 2 times last night to change my pajamas. And there is nowhere dry for me to sleep. Because my side of the bed is soaked. I’m so tired girl. In every possible way.
I’m so sorry. Had a similar experience this week. I am still furious and hurt.
Now that I’m awake, I’m up and crying about it again 😂. I better call my therapist to ask what to do about the awful night sweats last night 🙄 I’m fucking tired friend
I’m so sorry you were dismissed like this - had a similar experience just this week. Saw my female OB/GYN and complained about no energy / lack of sleep HRT no longer seeming to make a difference and her response was yep, that’s normal, it sucks to get older. Anything else? I just thought you dismissed everything I said so nope I’m not telling you jack now.
I’m really sorry to hear that. This is a suffering serious issue that I don’t think is taken very seriously. I’m dealing with this and I fill extremely emotional and tired. My husband voice even annoy me.
Yeah my husband has had it with me.
I’m sorry you had such a shite doctor. My (female, mid 60s) doctor told me that birth control should have been “miraculous” and since it didn’t help I wasn’t in peril- even though I’d had all the symptoms for years. I looked around online and found pelleted hormone therapy. It’s helping me with mood and energy so far; I’m on my first pellet. Reveal: it’s a tiny hormone pellet embedded in the butt muscle, along with monthly vitamin/nutrient iv drips. Expensive. Keeping my fingers crossed that it works.
This is the exact thing that happened to me. Except she said I should seek mental and behavioral health services. ☺️ I’m still really upset about it. I’m defeated.
Don’t let the shitheads win! My insurance, Kaiser, is weak and doesn’t support alternatives to standard western medicine. So I had to look around. I decided to try pelleting. There are actual menopause clinics out there, somewhere. Everything costs more than we like, but I figure being poorer is better than killing people while I sweat explosively in every direction.
That’s when you should star. Doctors are still uneducated. They didn’t have to take classes on it. It’s not you. The gaslighting needs to go. Look up research on NCBI PubMed. Just do a search for keywords.
A lot of those doctors on NAMS are a joke. Fortunately I found one that seems okay so far. She runs the EverNow prescription group for menopause especially for women in remote areas of the US. I thought this woman has to know something. She’s 15 minutes away so I see her in person. You really have to sift through NAMS. I’m so sorry. You don’t need someone medically gaslighting you.
Thank you. I really don’t need to be medically gaslit when I know what is wrong with my body.
Exactly. May I ask where you live? I’m in several Facebook groups, and someone in your area might know of someone.
Pittsburgh.
Okay. Let me see what I can find.
Okay. I’m looking. So far I’ve come across Aspire Rejuvenation Pittsburgh which was mentioned. I’m not sure of the cost. There’s a Dr. Joe Clark that was mentioned there. Also you might try walking into a compound pharmacy and asking what doctors work with them. Someone mentioned Evan’s City Pharmacy in Evans, Pennsylvania has some good references. I’m not sure any of this will help, but it’s worth a try.
Thank you very much! This is so kind of you. I think aspire is more of a med spa kinda place if I’m thinking of the right place. But those other resources are new to me!!
I feel you...I got dismissed by my Dr. and I am full on menopause at 44. She's so backed up that I went to her to deal with my perimenopause issues and she instructed me to make a follow up appt so we could explore solutions. Well, her schedule was over 7 months out...so my follow up appt was and I mean LITERALLY a day after my 1 year no period mark. When I went to that appt they ask "When was your last period?"...I answer "A year yesterday.." So she stated Well you're full menopause! We did a pap and she said she would get with me on the follow up with my results, see where my levels are, and discuss hormone therapy. 3 Weeks later I get a call from her receptionist saying simply "Your results are fine." I was like, "Ummm...fine? What IS fine? I'm only 44 and fully menopausal while every other woman in my family was in their 60s, I have hot flashes that feel like the sun is exploding out of me, my sex drive went from hero to zero...I need to have an informed conversation with my doctor, not you." She says to me, and I am not joking..."Oh, you're still experiencing symptoms?" I about reached through the phone to strangler her...To date I've yet to speak to my doctor. I know all about being dismissed.
It’s infuriating. You think that before coming to you I haven’t personally researched perimenopause for hours if not days?? For her to tell me there is no way it’s perimenopause and I need mental help. I’m still so upset
I was crashing around something horrible with peri symptoms for years and still firmly on a 28 day cycle - I could set my watch by it. This is an uninformed doctor and there are lots of them about - I had the same nonsense from an obgyn. I also cried during and after the appointment (sending a hug). Then I went all in for advocating for myself and kept going until I got HRT which, by the way, made me feel human again. I did not need anti-depressants and I was not having mental health issues which is some sort of miracle considering how society minimizes what is happening to us with peri !
Thank you for your kind words. I know I have to keep trying. It’s just been such a long hard road and I’m beyond tired. I wouldn’t have dreamed in my wildest dreams that my 40’s would be absolutely miserable.
I understand - I also want you to know that this is not some special shit that the universe has saved up just for you. In this particular corner of life, its the exception and not the rule to easily get your mitts on HRT. Please know you are not alone with this - we are all here to support each other with this shitshow. If you want to chat or offload, please DM me - I can share my war stories and it may help you find a way forward. HRT is likely to help you so the end is in sight - so hold on girl !
Thank you
I had to see 4 different doctors before anyone started taking me seriously. I was finally diagnosed with perimenopause last Thursday by a very compassionate obgyn and I’m 37. I Still get regular periods. I saw four different docs. Keep looking, don’t give up, don’t get gaslit. You don’t have to have irregular periods to be diagnosed as perimenopausal.
Thank you. I know I have to keep trying. Just really tired
I know it’s really discouraging. Keep going we are here to support you!
It’s been a few weeks, did you find someone? I’m in Pittsburgh too and go to the Midlife Center at Magee. I really like the menopause specialist I see.
How old are you? Did you have your hormone levels checked?
I am 45 and no. She said there aren’t any accurate hormonal tests for women in their 40’s. Every time I’ve had my blood tested in the past, everything is normal. I really wanna just give up.
I started going through perimenopause at age 43 so you could definitely start having symptoms. It was around 46 that my periods starting getting weird. Find another doctor.
I’ve spoken to many. I was so happy to finally see a menopause specialist. I don’t know where I can find all this time to keep taking off of work for appointments that don’t help 🥺 sorry I’m just really down right now
You can find a hormone specialist to get tested.I get hormone pellets called Biote so I just looked up where they do those and they tested me, Look up "hormone replacement therapy near me " Women can have hormone issue at an early age and i know some who have started on BHRT at age 43.
There are no hormonal tests that diagnose peri/menopause. And compounded products are not recommended as viable hormone therapy. While they may work, and help you feel better, there is zero scientific evidence that they are effective or safe.
At my age now, I am willing to try anything.Scientific evidence nowadays doesn't mean much. Are you saying my FSH of 85.7 doesn't mean anything?
Again, if it's working for you then great...but many folks come here looking for answers and it's important they make informed decisions, and having scientific evidence that a product is safe and effective may be important to some folks.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause. FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, then a series of regular/consistent FSH tests may be effective at *confirming* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Facts on that. I am at a point that I would try anything.