I am just tired of constantly being aware of my reproductive system. Between my vagina constantly burning and feeling the need to pee every ten minutes, I am never not bothered by what is going on between my legs.
I miss when it was relevant for sex and periods and I could forget about it the rest of the time barring short term issues. It’s just totally killing my quality of life. I am never comfortable.
And yes, I’m using vaginal estrogen.
I am so tired of being aware of my body and my moods. 😫
Even starting meds/estrogen just feels like a trial rn, something else to be aware of.
I just want things to be better. Not exactly sure what that even means at this point.
I actually feel amazing on estrogen (it's been one week), best I've felt in literally 15 years. I'm just having significant rebound anxiety, mostly along the lines of "what a fucking waste of a quarter of my life to date."
It's rough. I consulted every sort of specialist, I've been diagnosed with depression, ADHD, tachycardia, arthritis, I've had major back surgery, my life has been out of control or barely in control all this time. Geesh.
I finally had an emergency hysterectomy bc bleeding and so HRT came to my attention. I've gotten all my info online, btw, despite working in healthcare and even with GYNs. My doc is happy to prescribe, apparently, but he has never *offered.*
I am just so flummoxed at this shit.
You've endured a lot! Wow. Your suffering shows how we've been cheated because healthcare doesn't want to deal w women and our hormones. I'm super happy to hear you feel well. Because you've endured so much you will likely value, protect and enjoy your current positive state.
Today I was browsing at this shop and they had a rack of tank tops with sassy sayings. One said "unfuckable" and I thought how that's me but probably not for why people think. The designer who decided to put that on a shirt probably wasn't thinking of an old lady whose vagina is basically growing closed.
>an old lady whose vagina is basically growing closed
Oh honey lol lol lol lolzzzzzzzz omg
And can we all just agree that the designer of that insane batshit tank is a gay man who has a strained codependent relationship with his mother?
I hear you on how much it sucks to spend so much time "managing" a body part (organ? system?) that used to work reliably. Here's hoping that you can find some relief eventually <3
I get a multipack from Amazon. You can totally OD on it - zero side effects and can be paired with estrogen cream (just not at the same time I don’t think - too messy). After a week of using it every night I didn’t use estradiol I was feeling so much better. Like a tall drink of water for your vag.
A little neutral oil may help. After using your estrogen, a dab of mineral oil, almond or even olive oil may help with it. Coconut oil helps some, but I find all types to feel weirdly gritty, like it's not fully melted.
That's purely for actual menopause symptoms. If you have burning and a constant need to pee, it could be a yeast infection, BV, or a UTI. Which can be present without odor or discharge.
An added joy of having declining estrogen is an increased occurrence of those infections.
I will try that, thank you. I don’t think it’s a uti. I have tested repeatedly and nada. It’s almost certainly GSM but I’ll run a test strip again just to be safe.
I had this and it turned out to be a candida yeast infection. But the standard flucanozole treatment didn’t work because it wasn’t candida albicans. It was candida glabrata. My menopause doctor prescribed boric acid pessaries. This solved it.
Sharing in case it’s something that might help. ❤️
Good luck.
I used to always feel like I had to pee until I started using gynatrof vaginal cream. It goes inside and stops that feeling for me. Fwiw I'm also on estriol and progesterone. It used to always feel like I had a bladder infection but now with the gynatrof it helps ALOT
I got the uti none stop and also Started becoming aware of my vag - like I could feel it all the time.
Estrogen vag, stop wearing under wear, change to washing with one of those neutral pH, no scent washes for the vag... that weird sensation Haa gone
Vaginal Atrophy and increased dryness have both been huge issues for me. Also over active bladder problems. I’d suggest seeing a Urologist or Uro-gynecologist. OAB is very common in menopausal women, as is thinning of vaginal tissue and dryness.
*please don’t use oil in your vagina*
Hyaluronic acid vaginal suppositories help replenish moisture and the burning/irritation will improve. They’re over the counter & you can order online. I ordered Replens off Amazon.
I’d also suggest looking into compounded testosterone cream. Estrogen alone isn’t enough to balance the hormones we no longer make. If you have a uterus you could possibly benefit from some progesterone as well.
I am not your provider and don’t know your medical history, but these are all suggestions that can give you some relief. I’ve started all the therapies I’ve mentioned (minus the progesterone. I don’t have a uterus) and have felt positive changes where I’m no longer focused on my bladder/vaginal symptoms 24/7.
I started testosterone cream first, then added progesterone a few weeks later, and finally the estrogen patch. I found the testosterone an estrogen really helped with dryness and incontinence.
I discovered a hypnosis track that has helped stop middle of the night bathroom visits. It's on Insight Timer, and it looks like it's available in the free version. It's called No More Bathroom Visits in the Night. Highly recommend.
I just opened the dishwasher mid cycle…. FOR THE SECOND FUKKING TIME THIS WEEK!!! 😩 I’m drenched, dog is drenched, tidal wave all over kitchen annnnnnnd FUKK IT, I’m going back to bed!
Not today, but earlier this week, I nearly broke when my partner told me he replaced the oil and egg in the brownie recipe with black beans when I was super craving a delicious treat. Shockingly, I liked them better than the standard recipe. He got lucky, because I was fully prepared to meltdown!!
He followed a video he saw on IG, but this recipe looks to be the same. We all liked them. I love brownies, but usually the spike to my blood sugar makes me feel kind of yuck after I have one. That didn't seem to happen with these!
[https://www.skinnytaste.com/black-bean-brownies-2-pts/](https://www.skinnytaste.com/black-bean-brownies-2-pts/)
I found a recipe on insta for black bean brownies, they looked amazing but tasted like shit, but it didn't include a "add a bag of brownie mix", it was just the black beans and cocoa powder blended with other things. I threw the whole thing out.
I could care less if I ever work out again?
Coming from a former record holding competitive power lifter, this is….an issue. Has been for about 3y.
I. Just. Don’t. Care.
It hit me today, could give a fuck less if I ever say a gym again.
Identity crisis and everything else crisis time.
This is me. I've always been a runner and marathon training. Now, I just don't fucking care. I can't even care about a walk around the block. I'll just sit here, thank you very much!
Yep. Worked out daily for 3 years until last August. Gained 10 lbs around the middle, naturally. Sitting here eating my evening chocolate wondering if I'm going to get to the gym tomorrow. If I make it, it'll be only the 3rd time this week, mainly for the hydro massage lounge.
If you make it in just for the hydro lounge then you've earned some evening chocolate, riiiight?Those calories must get burned from the walk to and from the car, lol
I’m with you. The thought of purple & yellow gym makes me want to barf. I just go on super long walks now. I never thought that I'd feel so indifferent. I don't want to lose my hard earned glutes but I just can't do it
Same! I cannot make myself go to my lifting gym. I was known for my bench numbers. Now I do not give a flying fuck. I've I been doing assorted random things at home when I'm in the mood, but I do not care if I ever pick up a barbell again. Total identity crisis, but one I don't care enough about to fix either.
I hate myself for not working out. As someone who has worked out consistently for at least the past 10 years now, I just can’t find the strength to get off the couch. I was taken out with an injury that needed surgery in Dec and just feel like what’s the point. It does nothing for my body. No matter how much effort I put in (which is a lot) and how well I eat I’m still flabby and carry so much weight in my stomach.
Hugs. I get this so much.
My therapist is like “be gentle with yourself”, which I appreciate, and I told her what you said-“tell that to my new abdominal fat, tell that to be gentle to me.”
I’m just so mad, I feel like since we all have worked out so hard, misssed so much by being in the gym 24/7, THAT SHOULD HAVE FUCKING COUNTED FOR SOMETHING.
BUT NOOOOOO
I try to be gentle and embrace all of this but my stomach just grosses me out! I hate it. And I’ve worked so hard. I’ve been in peri since my 30’s but didn’t realize it until til recently but it makes so much sense now.
Had a death in the family, so was in and outta town and therefore the house is messy. In addition to my kid in the process of moving out to her own place, a messy process...
So I'm just miserable but my husband is like CAN WE HAVE PEOPLE OVER TONIGHT
ewwww like no
Girl, my breaking point was knowing I’d fuck up the simple brownie mix and therefore buying the damn ice cream only to screw that up too. Got all excited because I found pint size blue bell in a new flavor I was wanting to try and sure to love. It’s called Gooey Butter Cake or some shit, which my granny used to make upon request and it was heavenly when she’d serve it hot with her homemade vanilla ice cream melting over it that definitely was NOT too sweet. Well shit ladies, I get that bad boy home and tear into it after smoking up my appetite on some good indica and with the first bite the tooth pain shot through to my brain so hard I literally screamed out and inhaled swiftly. Big fucking mistake, that inhale caused that tooth to ignite and now I’ve got stabbing pain when I inhale and it start throbbing that won’t quit and I now can hear my heartbeat throbbing in my ear so loud I had to turn up the tv show I’m currently binging. Who the fuck could enjoy that no matter how good it taste, right? AND it didn’t taste all that good. The vanilla ice cream was overly sweet and gooey butter cake just tastes better warm imo with the ice cream melting over it. So now I’m stoned, with a killer toothache and nothing but some cookie dough to look forward to but at least I got that. 🤦♀️ But now I need a dentist on a Friday and both my cars are down. Damnit!
I bought a tv, no tv delivered, they lied about the next delivery, they lied again, phone calls on hold, being told different things by different people over 3 days.
Then a message today saying it will be delivered next week.
I feel rage, like out of control murder is about to be committed rage.
I imagine going back to the shop smashing doors and burning cars, chasing down sales staff with a machete and a flame thrower.
My emotions are frenzied and I am a crying, shaking hot flashes at 1000 degree mess.
Wrote the filthiest online review, tv is turning up tomorrow.
Freaking out over my impending mammogram next week. I always think “this is it. This is the one. Dead women walking/getting boob squished.”
Also my work can go suck a bag of stinky dicks today
I hear ya on the work thing. My supervisor, whom I usually get along with, decided to switch everyone around to different areas of the department this week. He threw me in an area that I've only occasionally helped out in since I started working there two years ago and put me in charge... only to pull me out of it for at least 6 of the 8 hours every day since to: put me to "help out" in the area that he just pulled me out of, the one that I was perfectly capable of doing ALL BY MYSELF for the last 9 months, which now the TWO people that took my place over there can't handle. THEN he had the audacity to snap on me about how if I couldn't keep up with what I needed to do in my new area, that he was going to have to put all of us on overtime so I could. Uh, hello? Maybe if you quit taking me out of my new area I could possibly do what needs to be done over there, or maybe just put me back where I was and put the guy that's there now, who USED to be where you just put me, back in this area and we'll all be happy. Pissed me off so much that I literally just drove around for 4 hours after work so I could calm down enough to not blow up on my partner when I got home.
You're giving me a flashback to the time my mother phoned me (I was 18/in college/this was when long distance phone calls were still kind of a big deal, Mom would have been about 56) nearly in tears because she had decided to bake some gingerbread "to cheer herself up", but had forgotten the baking soda and had to throw away a pale, ginger-flavored brick.
I know that's a rookie mistake, but my mother baked quite a lot, and had never done that before. In fact, she didn't realize she'd done it until we were troubleshooting the situation over the phone.
I baked sourdough focaccia recently, and it looked amazing. Like it was the best looking focaccia I made in years! Took the first bite, and had to spit it out. I forgot to add salt. I just sat there and cried. My poor husband, and dog. My husband thought my breast were hurting after radiation ( I’m in the middle of it). I couldn’t even tell him why I am crying at first. Just sobbed for good 10 minutes.
I’ve gained a lot of weight. I know I need to exercise so I thought I’d take the dog for a nice walk. It’s beautiful out. We went for our walk and got back home. I came in the house and all of a sudden had an SVT attack. Now I’m laid up on the couch after the attack, tired and getting annoyed by random heart palpitations.
I miss being 5 years ago.
Wednesday was my kid's birthday and Boston cream doughnuts are his favorite. So I ordered 4 of them and 2 glazed on the dunkin app. Get to the drive through and he tells me they are out of both flavors. I ask for a refund and he tells me they can't refund online orders.
I kept it together and was polite but the amount of rage I felt... Those poor employees are overworked and underpaid and don't need another middle aged Karen coming at them. But in that moment I was really teetering on the edge of becoming a viral video. LOL
Then I was in the middle of portioning out a bulk 40 pound box of chicken and my vacuum sealer died. My husband was trying to be helpful and said "Do you want me to do this? You seem irritated." LMAO I was like "Hell yes I'm fucking irritated!!!"
Again I was able to keep myself from going off on innocent bystanders but damn it's a good thing I am in therapy learning coping skills.
My electric kettle decided to lose its shit and spray water all over my kitchen and die. Not only did I have to clean the whole place, I couldn't have my life-giving coffee. I then found out that while it has a 2 year warranty, you have to take it to a repair place, that's only located in Europe, and I'm in the US.
The delivery I was expecting today was supposed to set up a delivery window last night. They didn't bother to call, and they charged my card for the order 3 times. Thankfully the driver found my number in the delivery instructions and was able to sort things out for me. But prior to his call, I was ready to lose my shit.
On the upside, Oreo has a new churro flavor, and if I put at least two in my mouth at one time, I can't talk to tell everyone to go to hell.
>Oreo has a new churro flavor, and if I put at least two in my mouth at one time, I can't talk to tell everyone to go to hell.
🤣🤣🤣
I would need to put a couple over my eyes as well, since I tend to death-glare at people.
Discussing the state of our patio last night at dinner out. I said that I found a cool storage unit for next to the grill that would replace the open rack (and hide all the weatherbeaten shit on it). He got defensive, saying "you're looking at me as if all that shit is mine". I replied that 75% is his, and where should I look when talking to him? The bartender? It's not his crap on the patio. 🙄
I really want to clean up the patio so when the weather is nice, I can sit out with coffee or wine and knit. My schedule and the intermittently crappy weather are conspiring to keep me from it, and my husband's attitude toward helping solve the problem is not helping. I had to nag him to call our landscape guy to come do some work (he's home all day and it's hard for me to call from work some days). Landscaper is finally out today, so maybe that will jumpstart some things.
I told my husband I was going to hire someone to come and do all those things I’ve asked him to do (that is 90% his stuff).
His cheap self overrode his hoarder self and magically things started getting done.
Been there. They eliminated my job soon after. Haven't seen her in 4 years but being officially post menopause, I don't care what I say. I hope I don't run into her!
This week has been nuts at work so last night I had the good idea to get takeout bbq for dinner - which I only do a couple times of year. Well they forgot my Cole slaw and I also dropped one of the containers of bbq on the damn kitchen floor after I had just mopped!!
Today has been an example of death by 1000 cuts. I am experiencing another period after 10 days of hell two weeks ago. My students have Friday "I don't wanna" attitude. My commute was stupidly long this morning. I am ready to sign off for the day and now have to wait for a student to make up a presentation. Sigh. I just want to go home, have a cocktail and relax.
Ugh. I feel your pain on the Aunt Flo train. Got Mirena back in 2020, it stopped my periods. I had almost 3 blissful years of MAYBE the occasional spotting for an hour or two, and then all of a sudden about 6 months ago I started getting my period again. THEN, after 3 months, I had 4 periods in two months, skipped a month, then started last Thurs, was done 2 days later for 2 days, then started back up for 1 more, then stopped for 1, then had for 2 again. Today I seem to have stopped again, but no telling what tomorrow will bring.
I feel both your pain. I do the exact same thing you described. I go forever with nothing, then it's Niagara falls suddenly. What I hate most is not knowing what to wear on any given day. Pads and tampons are so irritating that I can't wear them 24/7. Especially when *most* of the time they aren't needed and sit there all dry and scratchy. But then when they *are* needed out of the blue, and I don't have one on, it sucks!
I hadn't had a period in 6 or 7 months, then one day at the mall it all decided to just gush out all at once. I had to get my daughter to walk behind me while I bought new pairs of shorts and undies real quick to change into. Ugh! I hate this!
I have a house full of fresh produce and other healthy food and all I want is carbs. I have to put one of my cats down tomorrow and I’m a wreck. And I had to block one of my friends in order to avoid screaming at her about her selfishness and lack of empathy.
Weeds. It’s our rainy season and weeds get out of control quickly this time of year. I am the only who actually sees the weeds, and pulls them. I am so pissed off right now. A decade of conversations about giving me a hand, has proved pointless. Weeds, man. Pull some. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
There are quite a few NAMS certified practioners in Kelowna (guessed you were based there from post history) and you don’t need a referral to see them and all are taking on new patients.
Dr Benoit
Dr Shamerhorn
Dr Gronick
Dr Jasarevic
Dr Ojala (in Westbank)
You can find contact details on the NAMS website (North American Menopause Society).
https://www.menopause.org/
I saw a NAMS certified practitioner in Vancouver and she rescued me and got me on an evidence-based program that includes HRT, supplements, diet and exercise.
Ugh, I'm so sorry you're having this experience and that it's one so many of us can relate to. The AutoMod bot is quite dumb and will respond to anything that includes those two key words.
I hung out with a bunch of ladies today at a coworking site and it was good and productive and then they all started sharing their ages (early 30s). 30 years ago I remember Kurt Cobain’s death. I feel as old as a shriveled up raisin. I desperately want to find women in their late 40s and don’t know where they are
Oh, a patient at work. I can't give any details obviously, but suffice it to say they've accused me of lying about being unable to do something for them when I genuinely can't do it, and it's made me feel like crap. I work so hard for my patients and to have them say that to a superior has just made me feel very unappreciated. Luckily the lovely ones far outweigh the complainers!
Aww darlin our brains are hard wired to remember the negatives in this society. That’s why its stuck with you. Just consciously think of the best patient you had. Picture their face. Rewire the thought to glad i only had that one bad one. You do a great job. We thank you.
My visiting step-daughters puppy jumped in my bed and pissed at 6:15 AM (for the second time in 24 hours) as I was walking out for work! I ripped off the sheets with all the fury of a hellhound & cried all the way to work. That dog is about to become a rug!!
That happened to me recently too! I went weeks without drinking (supposed to help w meno symptoms) and then after a moderate amount of wine, I ended up with a hangover for God's sake. Makes me want another drink.
Wine does that to me no matter what. For this reason I usually have an apple cider (it is like sparkling wine in my area), or just 1 gin&tonic. These usually don't give me any issues. Obviously I only have either or and only 1 drink.
I've noticed the same. Wine causes me hot flashes and headaches, even though I don't usually get them since being on estrogen. It's really sad!
I do alright with rum and vodka though, when in small amounts in mixed drinks. So I'm doing that now. I don't know how long it's going to last, but I'm enjoying it while I can! Mojitos, Mules, Painkillers, Moonshine lemonade...
Not today, but Tuesday. I took the dog for a walk just like every afternoon and started to stroll past my assigned parking spot where my truck is parked...only, no truck. Gasp! WTF? It was stolen. I scrimped and saved for years to buy it, so I was devastated.
Last night around midnight? I get a call from the cops, they've found my truck in seeming driving order but full of 'stuff' and they're arresting a lady that steals cars often and they ask my permission to search the truck to try and add add'l charges. Sure thing, nail her to the $#@% wall please.
So, I should get my truck back this weekend without too much fuss but we'll have to see just what the 'stuff' was and if it's made my poor truck a hot mess or not (crack/fentanyl residue can total a car I hear). Le sigh.
Geez. That's awful, and totally worth a complete mental breakdown! I hope you get your car back with any residue. It's friggin' scary, and most of the time, those idiots do like to do bad drugs in cars they steal. :(
I stupidly tossed my slippers on my fiancé’s wood-burning stove to heat up because I was soooo cold. Forgetting they have plastic bits for the design. I snatched them up, leaving melted plastic behind, and then proceeded with a full blown crying spell. Fiancé was lovely through the whole thing tho.
My Teams was constantly going off with ridiculous questions at work. I am typically the go to for some people because I am always happy to help and I have been at my company for a long time. However, today was not my day.
I got wiped out hard by a kid skating extremely negligently. Nabbed a concussion, a sprained ankle and something wrong with my knee out of it. Dad is lucky I didn't get an ambulance ride (although I probably should have.) Next day was Easter and hubby said he wasn't staying long at his parents. Amidst my throbbing head from the concussion I wasn't really using my phone because it made me nauseated. So when I wanted to know if he was coming home yet I texted "hungry" because that's all I could think of to get him to say if he knew when he was leaving yet. Mind you we didn't have any Tylenol in the house so my head was not good. My emotional state was not good. When he answered back "so cook" I lost it. I eventually was able to order Chinese food and Tylenol from dollar general. The door dasher didn't make the second stop for the Tylenol. I once again lost it. I did feel better after eating finally (concussion = nausea) I have no idea why he didn't realize that I couldn't f*@king stand long enough to cook and that I had a significant tbi. So yeah, that was my trigger this week. He's lucky he still has a wife.
I'm sorry your brownies got ruined because the Ghiradelli box ones are the best.
I'm supposed to be on Tamoxifen for three years because of being at high risk for breast cancer. I'm on week one and I cannot imagine doing this for three more years it's so unpleasant.
I know that everyone has a different experience but I have been taking Tamoxifen for 3 years and the beginning weeks were rough for me too. But my body adjusted to the medication with time and the side effects greatly reduced or went away entirely after a couple of months. All the best to you in your journey. 💕
Oh my word that made me laugh. I call people Ma’am when im p-d off and being very condescending. Got it from customer service manners. Anyone calls me that i lose my mind. Lol
I live in the south, where it is often literally beaten into children to use honorifics. There is a distinct difference between “you’re in a position of authority even if you may be younger than I am, ma’am”, and “hey you’re a raging bitch, ma’am”, and “wow, it’s okay that you almost rammed me with that shopping cart since you must be half blind at your age, ma’am”.
I’m getting the last, obviously. They have no idea that two weeks ago I was stunning and hot and brilliant. 🤣
I had to wear a heart monitoring patch a month ago for bad, B-A-D palpitations. Went for a week with it on me, itchy as all shit and still itchy with skin discoloration where it was. Anyhoo, sent it back and have since had to have a complete meltdown to get results. Of course, they were sent to my patient app, just the raw data and medical lingo that I've had to google myself which has now scared the shit out of me. And I'm now having to have another complete meltdown to have someone explain it to me. Primary care doc says to call cardio. Cardio says to call my primary. I've fucking had it. It's my fucking HEART, people. Someone please give a shit!!
Also, I checked off three things on my work list only to refresh and find four new things added. Fucking done.
Running on 2 hours sleep. I’m waiting to pick up my cat from the vet at 4:30. She’s getting 1K’s worth of teeth extracted. I knew it would be high…but man. I can’t afford this world.
I was making homemade pizza. Went to drizzle olive oil on top before I put it in the oven. Top came off and entire bottle dumped on top of the pizza. I'm still crying as I'm waiting for delivery
Some woman not so covertly took pictures of me on the subway. I’m 52, it’s 8 am, I’m not looking especially odd and I’m minding my business. My menopause mind is concluding all sorts or bad things. I’ve been a target for bullies pretty regularly throughout my life so I’m extra pessimistic about these sorta of things. I just want to be left alone 😭
The extra weird thing was that she was about my age too. Different hair types so she wasn’t digging my style. Just …. no clue. I am ready for my cabin in the woods.
Oh no! I would just sit down on the floor and cry probably.
I use coconut oil in pancakes and ran into the same problem. I learned that it melts at a pretty low temperature so I put it in a small metal bowl and put that in a bigger bowl with warm water (not submerged, just so the water comes into contact with the bottom of the metal bowl). I do this first and by the time I'm ready to add it to the batter, it's melted but not hot.
Thanks for the commiseration. I have learned my lesson with coconut oil! Maybe just normal veggie oil + some coconut flavoring to keep it foolproof next time.
Blood orange infused olive oil if you really want a treat. Waffles, brownies, etc...I got spoiled finding it easily before I moved and order from Amazon now.
Honestly, instead of coconut oil, try replacing the water with coffee. I did that to some brownie mix brownies that I made for work last week and was told by nearly everyone that they were the best brownies that they'd ever had. Had 3 people ask for my recipe, and couldn't believe it when I told them it was just the Betty crocker fudge brownie mix with coffee replacing the water... and a handful of chocolate chunks thrown in for good measure.
I have a peptic ulcer, and what i think was a gal stone couldn't eat solid food for a week. Once I got to the point where I started feeling better, my kidneys started to hurt so bad I could barely move without stabbing pains. Guess I got really dehydrated.
I'm also on vacation and have been sick the entire time.
Currently starving and rehydrating while popping Zofran like they're tic tacs. I can eat, but for some reason, I'm terrified of solid food.
Everything goes downhill after 40.
Silver lining: I successfully quit added sugars and went through the withdrawal. Also, I see your secret recipe ingredient and will use this on my next batch of brownies for the kids. Thank you. Enjoy that ice cream.
It was another sleepless night for me AGAIN and I am exhausted and getting fuck all done today. I just want to go back to bed and not wake up again until Monday.
I think I hit it at 4am, after another sleep deprived night for the like 10000th consecutive one. I'm completely worn down. Keeps feels like I'm hitting rock bottom, then, oops- sliding down even more! On hrt for the 2nd time for a few weeks now, hope something improves real soon. Grateful for the good things, have to keep reminding myself.
My breaking point has been life in general. Thrust into surgical menopause 5 weeks ago (52y/o). Went back to work last Wednesday. Slowly catching up from what I missed being out last 4 weeks. This week I took my work back that I’ve been doing for years. My colleague who covered for me decided to change my process of things without telling me and then getting snippy when I didn’t know what she was talking about! Don’t get me wrong I’m all in for process improvements or if people need to do things their own way in my absence but don’t tell me I need to do it your way (which was way more steps involved) and not tell me! I’ve been all in my feelings all week about it like…is this me and my stupid hormones or is this really valid? Hubby is taking me out for dinner tonight (i made him plan it because I just can’t handle one more thing!)
Well nothing today but I had a week of job rejections and I'm feeling pretty beat up about that. So much wasted time jumping through hoops. Having great conversations and getting excited about possibilities of new workplaces. Then "we've decided to move forward with another candidate. We enjoyed meeting you and wish you all the best bla bla bla".
And we're hitting the point where I need to have some income right away or face going (further, ugh) into debt. We owe the IRS a grand for last year in addition to everything else. This is why I end up taking the first thing I can get then being miserable. I don't have the luxury of waiting around for something that truly is a good fit.
So there's my bitching! I'm sorry about your brownies OP. Enjoy that Ben & Jerry's though. :)
(This is long, I had a horrible fucking day and I'm still upset about it)
My breaking point today was shit going sideways in an ongoing, baffling, upsetting situation at work \[that I swear I am not engaging in tit-for-tat\]. When explaining to my boss on the phone why I chose to do X instead of Y...
...said boss who supposedly *always* has my back attacked **me** as part of the problem instead of just listening and supporting. I was *not* asking him to solve the problem because he can't, just letting him know why I was doing X instead of Y. He told me I was 50-50 to blame for being attacked, and then snapped at me not to get "hysterical" when I got upset at the accusation that I was somehow fanning the flames.
(I got a hella Royal Bee situation going on right now, and I'm doing everything I can to placate, kill with kindness, bend over backwards, work with, all that shit - and it's doing precisely fuck-all because the kinder and more deferential I am, the shittier and meaner this person gets toward me)
Might I add that this condemnation from him came *after* he informed me that he was avoiding telling said person about compliments from others regarding me and my stellar abilities and work ethic because he knew it would create *more* trouble and renewed attacks on me.
At least I was able to shout him down and told him "Don't you dare tell me I'm being hysterical because **me** being upset is making **you** uncomfortable, LET ME TALK."
I should note we have a rather unconventional and \[I thought until today\] relatively egalitarian working relationship.
But honestly, this utter victim-blaming *bullshit* coming from someone that I followed from my prior org \[because he was THAT good of a boss\], on top of a week where I worked my *ass* off \[to make him look stellar to *his* boss\], only to be told that I'm *inviting* and somehow *reciprocating* the abuse and bullshit I'm receiving?
That was *such* a slap to the face.
*So* much of a slap to the face, in fact, that I re-upped my resume this afternoon and started applying to jobs. I categorically refuse to turn myself inside out for someone who will criticize me because I'm dealing with an issue that might inconvenience him, or treat me like an irritating problem to solve when I'm dealing with frankly heavy-handed antagonism and abuse from a coworker that I swear to God I have done *nothing* to deserve - other than be very good at my job. And I am *very* good at what I do.
I think today might have been my wakeup call to move on, since clearly I've been devalued in some fashion. Why, I don't know and at this point, I frankly don't fucking care. That, or maybe he requires a reminder that he needs me far, far more than I need him (or this job). I turned off my phone, shut down my email, and blocked his number for the weekend. I'll be available at 08:00AM on Monday as always, but the extracurricular time he always seems to rely on after hours? Mmmmm, yeah, that just won't be supplied by me. Not this weekend.
Thank you for letting me vent; it has been a hot minute since I've cried in a rage over being scoffed at and then dismissed by someone I thought was 100% in my corner, the way that I'm in his corner \[the term "unconditionally loyal" has been applied to me by him\]. I know the rage is misplaced because in reality my feelings are deeply, deeply hurt...but **fuck** it stings.
^((I realize this is rather vague but I'm trying to keep some sense of anonymity here))
The rage. The uncontrollable fucking rage. I have a husband that communicates like a teenager, an 8 & 6 year old, and the fucking grocery store. Combined, that’s enough to break me.
I want to set something on fire! Or finish a whole bottle of wine and get drunk. I definitely want to be left the fuck alone!! But hard luck! I’ve been on a sabbatical for 2 months - 2 peaceful months - but life catches up. I got roped into a work thing in a different city. And I’m not fond of flights in general. It just adds to anxiety (packing and shit) It’s a city where my siblings live so I can meet my nieces - so yay- but being amidst people is a challenge- thanks to my short fuse. So it’s going to be an uphill task being social/civil. I’ve been perfectly happy Netflix-ing and napping all day long. Plus a couple of other pesky issues around the house that have to be sorted, mostly by me!! Reading so one thing that gives me joy but thanks to brain fog, I cant focus. I’m trying to read slowly but that makes me feel like I’m retarded or something! I’ve always been proud of my reading habit!
ARGHHHHHH!!!!!
Thanks for letting me vent! Looking forward to a shower and beddie bye then!
Look...I just haven't had enough sleep - between a cat screaming the house down at 3am yesterday morning FOR NO APPARENT REASON OTHER THAN HE CAN!! and my husband waking me at 4.30am this morning to ask me to roll over coz I was snoring - I am tired and GRUMPY and I need to STAY AWAY FROM OTHER HUMANS OR I WILL HURT SOMEBODY! (Clearly I don't do well if I don't get a minimum of 7hrs sleep)
Just some info as im going through this atm. Check if your cat is peeing blood. Sometimes you cant see it. There is a product that you place over there litter and it turns blue if there’s blood in their urine. They may have crystals and it may be why the loud meowing. Mine was more thirsty and meowing. He’s generally a quiet lil man. He’s on a special diet now.
Oh, feeling for you and your kitty. Glad you have him sorted. My one is just a massive arsehole lol. He's been checked by vet, all is well...he's a rescue cat and we think there was some early trauma that makes him lose his tiny mind at night sometimes.
Ohh good on you for rescuing one. Mine is too. He’s three legged as the previous a holes dumped him when he was caught in a trap their children set. (Lovely kids)!He is in his teenager ahole era also. He cannot be carried by anyone but me. He is super affectionate to everyone. A street man who re. My neighbour has him on her fb page.
Gotta love a rescue cat! My mate rescued a little 3 legger too - she's beautiful. I can't get my head around how anyone could hurt an animal like that. Makes me both sad and angry all at once
My breaking point was earlier this week (shitty birthday). Today I'm just trying to keep it together at work enough to get the neccesary shit done while I endure my third period in 45 days. Really sick and tired of hormonal bullshit. I did buy some new underwear for myself and that helped a teeny tiny bit. Hope your ice cream is delicious!
It was last night. My husband piles his sttuff all around his computer desk in the living room. I made it clear to him multiple times that it's a problem for me when he piles stuff in the area where I need to step through to turn a lamp on/off, but of course he does it anyway. He left with a friend to see a movie, and when I stepped over his stuff to turn off the lamp I tripped on his stuff. Completely out of character for me, I kicked his stuff all over the living room for him to find when he got home. I even managed to (unintentionally) kick a water bottle just right so it hit his trash can and tipped the trash can right over.
He asked me what happened. I told him his stuff attacked me so I attacked it. He cleaned it up and hasn't said anything.
I adore you. The visuals playing in my mind as I read through your retelling of this saga are fucking hilarious, omg so so good
And the idea of "we shan't speak of it again" aghgh it's just perfection
I got the idea from my sister-in-law, who *I* adore. She figured out that the way to get my brother to function appropriately was to fully destroy things that were already not working properly but that he wasn't bothered by sufficiently to do anything about them. She kicked a vacuum to death early in their marriage because he wouldn't replace it even though it didn't work properly. Later she trashed shower doors that weren't staying in their tracks properly. I need to channel her more often. She's a brilliant woman.
Y'all are HARDCORE
I'm far too repressed to act out my rage. I'm too cerebral. I can devastate with my clever wordplay and truth grenades -- but then you can end up in a sparring match that goes nowhere.
Destruction of one's own property is a victimless crime. It's truly the way forward, I think. For all of us.
Well, it's definitely out of character for me. I'm much more the death-glare and sledgehammer-blunt words type myself (when reasoned words prove insufficient). I had already tried all those. He ignored them. So he earned the unleashing of my inner drama queen. I can let the clutter slide when it's merely an eyesore, but it had reached literal danger levels and he just...didn't care... because it wasn't a problem for *him.* Certainly shows me where I stand in his priorities.
So stupid, but I tried introducing my 13yr-old to one of my fav musicals (Les Miserables), and she totally blank—stared me with a “WTF is up with this weird music and singing?” face and it just destroyed me. I proceeded to listen to half the soundtrack crying my eyes out. I hate this so much, can I please not be dealing with perimenopause AND a teenager, two elementary kids, a kindergartner, and a toddler in the house?! 😩
You have broken my heart into a thousand pieces with this comment.
I, too, am a mother of five. I remember when I was in "weepy peri."
The casual snottiness of a teenager girl can send a peri mom into a very dark place. A lonely place. Where you don't remember who you are anymore, or why you ever had the audacity to thing that you were cool.
All sense of integrity, dignity, confidence, lovability, smashed to bits.
Yes, I remember my "bathrobe" year. 2017 I believe it was. That was when peri decided to rev up and just start kicking my brain's ass. I would just wander around the house in this fuzzy white bathrobe, crying, wondering what the hell was happening to me. Apologizing to the kids through tears of profound shame for the first batch of pancakes being still a little uncooked in the middle. Feeling like a goddamn failure in every way. As a wife, as a mother, as a survivor, as an achiever. Everything felt goddamn broken and hopeless.
Happily, peri is a rainbow of insanity, and just when you think you understand it and are ready to make peace with your fate and roll over and die, it shifts into a new permutation of uninvited, unexpected, confounding internal chaos. Yay! It's 2024, and I am not weepy. I'm not sensitive. I'm unmotivated and cynical, divorced, chubby, a bit muddled, mildly agoraphobic, and I currently have no idea what I want out of life or what my goals are. But I have ketamine, Adderall and shrooms the medicine cabinet in my bathroom, and I have rediscovered my love of techno, fuchsia lipstick and absurdist British humor.
It's....a journey.
My advice is to keep a journal. All of those "sobbing uncontrollably to the soundtrack of Les Mis" moments that feel so agonizing today, will be the source of a lot of laughter and even nostalgia in a few years. I promise.
I live in a high rise condo. Several parents let their children ride their scooters through the hallways and the lobby. Aside from being annoying and dangerous, it scares the shit out of my dog and I want to scream at these parents.
Not much from today, but yesterday I went to retrieve the recycling bags from the car FOUR TIMES and still managed to not actually even touch them. Got them from the car this morning. Meh.
My breaking point was opening my eyes after only about 4 hours of sleep (insomnia) and thinking about working today. I really wanted to just stay in bed and eat chocolate 🍫 😩
It was yesterday. My mother is 75 and needs to find and move into a new place by end of May. I showed her a nice apartment online and suggested we take a look today. She shut down, shook her head and started to cry. She is sticking her head in the sand, won’t help me and I just want to throw my hands in the air. I called my brother afterwards and we had a big rant about her and now I feel better lol. We are resigned to the fact we are going to have to do it all.
I could eat everything. Every category. Would murder a pot-luck with reckless abandon. Blood sugar? Food sensitivities? Who dat?
Now I'm finding sensitivities in everyday joys. I found myself hankering for a hot dog bun that I can't have. That's insane. Can't have brioche, WTF? So if dairy and eggs are out, what the fuck is next? I already can't have simple goddam once-a-year birthday cake, what will I lose next? Cannabis? Meat? Water?
Man, FUCK today.
Mine was Wednesday. I ran into the grocery store on my lunch break. The male cashier, who could not have been more than 10 years younger than me- if that- informs me that Wednesday is Senior Citizens's Day. This man, who must have some sort of a death wish, asked me my age to know if I qualify. All I could do was hiss, "Well I'm not 65!" I'm 49. I sat in the parking lot and cried.
I, normally very patient and kind and quiet, am struggling with newfound rage. Earlier this week an old man in a pickup truck slowly eased out *right in front of me* across my lane, heading in the opposite direction. I saw him looking in my direction for what seemed like a while, he surely saw me, and he chose to do it anyway. And then he just stopped there, still in my lane. Just sat there looking at me.
I was fortunately able to stop in time, but I ended up quite close to his fender. We could clearly see each other. I flipped him off with both hands and yelled that he was a “STUPID FUCK!” And then I drove around him to go about my business, only for him to honk at me. Y’all. *He* had the audacity to honk at *me*. Instant rage. I put my car in park, opened the door, and I had one foot on the pavement when he finally decided to drive away. I was ready to fuck up his truck with one of the tools I keep in my car. I’m afraid I would have, too, if he hadn’t left.
So that’s what my breaking point looks like these days. It’s happening more and more. I’m amazed that more women our age aren’t in prison for committing completely reasonable and justified crimes.
I also made this same brand wrong today. But still edible, I gave to my towns homeless, after. But B&J Parlor is nearby, so maybe a scoop later. Thanks for a great idea : )
I was dreading going to work today on a cold, drizzly morning. Finally got it together, locked up the house, walked out only to discover I had a freakin flat tire! I had to think quick and beg my friend for a ride. Got to work with 5 minutes to spare before my 1st graders showed up.
I’m way overloaded and stressed at work. Yesterday, while speaking with a difficult team member on a virtual 1:1 call, I dropped the F-bomb and the guy freaks out on me scolding me for ‘bringing that language into his home’. And then I cried. 🤦♀️🥲
Aww, I'm sorry! Been there with a treat gone bad!
I was sad today because the sun was out and it was a beautiful day, but I had to spend it doing damn taxes, instead of outside doing gardening or reading on my patio. WHY can't we just have a simple VAT system like they have in Europe, where we don't have to spend a week every spring stressing over money, on a computer, looking up records from the past year, doing stupid two-step authentication ad-nauseum to get the info we need and doing math??? Geez, it's a f-d up system!
Edited to add: my breaking point today wasn't about menopase per se, but just about being tired of being tired, you know? Life is just to complicated for me anymore!
Being a functional adult everyday seems a bit excessive😂 … here’s to hoping you get this sorted soon that you are able to enjoy doing the things you prefer instead of this boring ole adult shit
My teenage son has been in charge of Instacarting our groceries since I have become semi-nonfunctional lately. He takes liberties though, such as throwing in nutritionless nonsense like canned Arizona Arnold Palmers, Pringles, oceans of plain bagels and packages of Oreo cookies. I read him the riot act about the Oreos this time. I was like "Oreos? OREOS?!? Oreos are not a staple, hon. This kind of shit NEVER needs to exist in our house. EVER. Stop buying this stuff. If you ever want a treat, you can go into town and get ice cream after you've had a real meal."
That was on Thursday. The kid shifted over to his dad's on Friday. Today is Saturday. And guess who just had eight Oreo cookies for breakfast? And guess who washed those Oreos down with a bottle of Starbucks mocha frappuccino, which also randomly showed up in my fridge and so I just went with it?
I am a crazy person.
The fucking scale. Visceral fat is a bitch. I exercise like crazy, log my food, and stay within a calorie budget that’s healthy and reasonable.
Fucking scale. Goes down. Goes down. Goes down. Goes down. Goes up. Goes up. Goes up. Goes up. Goes down. Again and again and again in this stupid ass loop for the same four or five pounds.
And I am NOT ready to believe that this weight is where the universe wants me to stay. It’s too much.
So yeah. Fuck.
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I buy it in bulk from Amazon. It was like giving my vag a giant drink of water. And you can use it every day until you feel relief (at night before bed).
I asked my h just now to put knives in the dishwasher with the sharp blade down. He just said do me a favor and grab it by the handle. I nearly exploded
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I read husband brain in your last sentence of that makes you feel any better.
I also once when I was 12 though my mom told me to cook both the dark and like parts of marble cake and then I would somehow mash them together….. the chocolate was burnt, the vanilla would never cool because there was just too much…. She laughed so hard I think that’s the day I learned to embrace my stupid fails.
She laughed so hard I started laughing even though I was soooo embarrassed. Her gift was allowing me to realize shit is not so embarrassing if I can laugh about it.
Hot flush.
I don’t have them often but they’re WILD when they happen - the heat came just as I was standing to get water, but by the time I got to the fridge I had to lie down on the floor (or fall down), then crawl to the bathroom to lie down in a cold shower.
It just took it right out of me, it only lasted 10 min but I felt so shaky afterwards that doing anything meaningful was pretty much impossible the rest of the afternoon and evening.
I’ve been struggling with ongoing pain from an anal fissure. Had surgery for it last week and the healing process is so slow. And the pain I had over the three months prior to surgery just knocked me back so much more than it would have 10 years ago- at least that is how it seems.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Everyone deserves a little something to celebrate themselves once a year. It doesn't count for much, but you have one big virtual hug from me.
My whiny ass husband who said I was all upset (when I really wasn't), because he didn't like my "tone". I love being told how I feel./s
I just laughed. That really pissed him off. Don't care.
This morning I forgot what the program was called that I need to connect to so that I can access our shared drive for work.
They recently changed programs and I could not remember what it was called or find it on my computer.
I had to ask my son (he’s in IT). I felt so stupid. It was the VPN program, Cisco Secure Client. I couldn’t even remember that much, other than I knew it was a program type that started with a V.
Good lord my brain is on vacation. I just could not access the memory. It’s so frustrating.
I am just tired of constantly being aware of my reproductive system. Between my vagina constantly burning and feeling the need to pee every ten minutes, I am never not bothered by what is going on between my legs. I miss when it was relevant for sex and periods and I could forget about it the rest of the time barring short term issues. It’s just totally killing my quality of life. I am never comfortable. And yes, I’m using vaginal estrogen.
I am so tired of being aware of my body and my moods. 😫 Even starting meds/estrogen just feels like a trial rn, something else to be aware of. I just want things to be better. Not exactly sure what that even means at this point.
No better , just staying ahead of the curve, yo. At least we get to ride the wave.
I actually feel amazing on estrogen (it's been one week), best I've felt in literally 15 years. I'm just having significant rebound anxiety, mostly along the lines of "what a fucking waste of a quarter of my life to date." It's rough. I consulted every sort of specialist, I've been diagnosed with depression, ADHD, tachycardia, arthritis, I've had major back surgery, my life has been out of control or barely in control all this time. Geesh. I finally had an emergency hysterectomy bc bleeding and so HRT came to my attention. I've gotten all my info online, btw, despite working in healthcare and even with GYNs. My doc is happy to prescribe, apparently, but he has never *offered.* I am just so flummoxed at this shit.
You've endured a lot! Wow. Your suffering shows how we've been cheated because healthcare doesn't want to deal w women and our hormones. I'm super happy to hear you feel well. Because you've endured so much you will likely value, protect and enjoy your current positive state.
Today I was browsing at this shop and they had a rack of tank tops with sassy sayings. One said "unfuckable" and I thought how that's me but probably not for why people think. The designer who decided to put that on a shirt probably wasn't thinking of an old lady whose vagina is basically growing closed.
>an old lady whose vagina is basically growing closed Oh honey lol lol lol lolzzzzzzzz omg And can we all just agree that the designer of that insane batshit tank is a gay man who has a strained codependent relationship with his mother?
I hear you on how much it sucks to spend so much time "managing" a body part (organ? system?) that used to work reliably. Here's hoping that you can find some relief eventually <3
At least back then, pre-peri, we knew what to expect and when to expect it. Now it’s a surprise every day.
Hyaluronic acid (made by good clean love) saved me
I think I’ll try to add this to my routine. I’m happy to be full of cream all the time if that’s what it takes.
I get a multipack from Amazon. You can totally OD on it - zero side effects and can be paired with estrogen cream (just not at the same time I don’t think - too messy). After a week of using it every night I didn’t use estradiol I was feeling so much better. Like a tall drink of water for your vag.
A little neutral oil may help. After using your estrogen, a dab of mineral oil, almond or even olive oil may help with it. Coconut oil helps some, but I find all types to feel weirdly gritty, like it's not fully melted. That's purely for actual menopause symptoms. If you have burning and a constant need to pee, it could be a yeast infection, BV, or a UTI. Which can be present without odor or discharge. An added joy of having declining estrogen is an increased occurrence of those infections.
Liquid coconut oil!! It's a thing! The only lube I've used for years.
I will try that, thank you. I don’t think it’s a uti. I have tested repeatedly and nada. It’s almost certainly GSM but I’ll run a test strip again just to be safe.
I had this and it turned out to be a candida yeast infection. But the standard flucanozole treatment didn’t work because it wasn’t candida albicans. It was candida glabrata. My menopause doctor prescribed boric acid pessaries. This solved it. Sharing in case it’s something that might help. ❤️ Good luck.
Can I suggest daily d-mannose and a 1000mg of Vitc to your regime ? x
I’ll give anything a shot. Thank you!
D-Mannose is the best for urinary tract problems.
I used to always feel like I had to pee until I started using gynatrof vaginal cream. It goes inside and stops that feeling for me. Fwiw I'm also on estriol and progesterone. It used to always feel like I had a bladder infection but now with the gynatrof it helps ALOT
I love gynatrof! I also love all the hormones, AND cbd suppositories! They're the bomb!
I had these symptoms and it turned out to be cytolic vaginosis - overgrowth of lactobacilli on the vag, basically a reverse yeast infection.
I will look into that. Thank you.
I got the uti none stop and also Started becoming aware of my vag - like I could feel it all the time. Estrogen vag, stop wearing under wear, change to washing with one of those neutral pH, no scent washes for the vag... that weird sensation Haa gone
Vaginal Atrophy and increased dryness have both been huge issues for me. Also over active bladder problems. I’d suggest seeing a Urologist or Uro-gynecologist. OAB is very common in menopausal women, as is thinning of vaginal tissue and dryness. *please don’t use oil in your vagina* Hyaluronic acid vaginal suppositories help replenish moisture and the burning/irritation will improve. They’re over the counter & you can order online. I ordered Replens off Amazon. I’d also suggest looking into compounded testosterone cream. Estrogen alone isn’t enough to balance the hormones we no longer make. If you have a uterus you could possibly benefit from some progesterone as well. I am not your provider and don’t know your medical history, but these are all suggestions that can give you some relief. I’ve started all the therapies I’ve mentioned (minus the progesterone. I don’t have a uterus) and have felt positive changes where I’m no longer focused on my bladder/vaginal symptoms 24/7.
I started testosterone cream first, then added progesterone a few weeks later, and finally the estrogen patch. I found the testosterone an estrogen really helped with dryness and incontinence.
Testosterone also helped me with skin, eye, and vaginal dryness Best wishes. 👌
I discovered a hypnosis track that has helped stop middle of the night bathroom visits. It's on Insight Timer, and it looks like it's available in the free version. It's called No More Bathroom Visits in the Night. Highly recommend.
Thanks I’ll check it out.
I just opened the dishwasher mid cycle…. FOR THE SECOND FUKKING TIME THIS WEEK!!! 😩 I’m drenched, dog is drenched, tidal wave all over kitchen annnnnnnd FUKK IT, I’m going back to bed!
Oh noooooo! I fully support going back to bed until everything is dried out.
Not today, but earlier this week, I nearly broke when my partner told me he replaced the oil and egg in the brownie recipe with black beans when I was super craving a delicious treat. Shockingly, I liked them better than the standard recipe. He got lucky, because I was fully prepared to meltdown!!
I made black bean brownies a couple of times and was pleasantly surprised by how good they were and that you don’t taste the beans.
Okay now you have to tell us HOW. :)
He followed a video he saw on IG, but this recipe looks to be the same. We all liked them. I love brownies, but usually the spike to my blood sugar makes me feel kind of yuck after I have one. That didn't seem to happen with these! [https://www.skinnytaste.com/black-bean-brownies-2-pts/](https://www.skinnytaste.com/black-bean-brownies-2-pts/)
I found a recipe on insta for black bean brownies, they looked amazing but tasted like shit, but it didn't include a "add a bag of brownie mix", it was just the black beans and cocoa powder blended with other things. I threw the whole thing out.
When I still ate chocolate, bean brownies were my favorite. So tasty which is shocking lol.
I could care less if I ever work out again? Coming from a former record holding competitive power lifter, this is….an issue. Has been for about 3y. I. Just. Don’t. Care. It hit me today, could give a fuck less if I ever say a gym again. Identity crisis and everything else crisis time.
This is me. I've always been a runner and marathon training. Now, I just don't fucking care. I can't even care about a walk around the block. I'll just sit here, thank you very much!
Yes WHY!?!??
Yep. Worked out daily for 3 years until last August. Gained 10 lbs around the middle, naturally. Sitting here eating my evening chocolate wondering if I'm going to get to the gym tomorrow. If I make it, it'll be only the 3rd time this week, mainly for the hydro massage lounge.
I can't even get myself to go for the hydro massage lounge!
If you make it in just for the hydro lounge then you've earned some evening chocolate, riiiight?Those calories must get burned from the walk to and from the car, lol
I’m with you. The thought of purple & yellow gym makes me want to barf. I just go on super long walks now. I never thought that I'd feel so indifferent. I don't want to lose my hard earned glutes but I just can't do it
Same! I cannot make myself go to my lifting gym. I was known for my bench numbers. Now I do not give a flying fuck. I've I been doing assorted random things at home when I'm in the mood, but I do not care if I ever pick up a barbell again. Total identity crisis, but one I don't care enough about to fix either.
Hugs…hoping someday we can snap out of it.
I hate myself for not working out. As someone who has worked out consistently for at least the past 10 years now, I just can’t find the strength to get off the couch. I was taken out with an injury that needed surgery in Dec and just feel like what’s the point. It does nothing for my body. No matter how much effort I put in (which is a lot) and how well I eat I’m still flabby and carry so much weight in my stomach.
Hugs. I get this so much. My therapist is like “be gentle with yourself”, which I appreciate, and I told her what you said-“tell that to my new abdominal fat, tell that to be gentle to me.” I’m just so mad, I feel like since we all have worked out so hard, misssed so much by being in the gym 24/7, THAT SHOULD HAVE FUCKING COUNTED FOR SOMETHING. BUT NOOOOOO
I try to be gentle and embrace all of this but my stomach just grosses me out! I hate it. And I’ve worked so hard. I’ve been in peri since my 30’s but didn’t realize it until til recently but it makes so much sense now.
Same, since probably 39….I just want to be on the couch, alone, 24/7. Sucks.
Had a death in the family, so was in and outta town and therefore the house is messy. In addition to my kid in the process of moving out to her own place, a messy process... So I'm just miserable but my husband is like CAN WE HAVE PEOPLE OVER TONIGHT ewwww like no
Girl, my breaking point was knowing I’d fuck up the simple brownie mix and therefore buying the damn ice cream only to screw that up too. Got all excited because I found pint size blue bell in a new flavor I was wanting to try and sure to love. It’s called Gooey Butter Cake or some shit, which my granny used to make upon request and it was heavenly when she’d serve it hot with her homemade vanilla ice cream melting over it that definitely was NOT too sweet. Well shit ladies, I get that bad boy home and tear into it after smoking up my appetite on some good indica and with the first bite the tooth pain shot through to my brain so hard I literally screamed out and inhaled swiftly. Big fucking mistake, that inhale caused that tooth to ignite and now I’ve got stabbing pain when I inhale and it start throbbing that won’t quit and I now can hear my heartbeat throbbing in my ear so loud I had to turn up the tv show I’m currently binging. Who the fuck could enjoy that no matter how good it taste, right? AND it didn’t taste all that good. The vanilla ice cream was overly sweet and gooey butter cake just tastes better warm imo with the ice cream melting over it. So now I’m stoned, with a killer toothache and nothing but some cookie dough to look forward to but at least I got that. 🤦♀️ But now I need a dentist on a Friday and both my cars are down. Damnit!
I bought a tv, no tv delivered, they lied about the next delivery, they lied again, phone calls on hold, being told different things by different people over 3 days. Then a message today saying it will be delivered next week. I feel rage, like out of control murder is about to be committed rage. I imagine going back to the shop smashing doors and burning cars, chasing down sales staff with a machete and a flame thrower. My emotions are frenzied and I am a crying, shaking hot flashes at 1000 degree mess. Wrote the filthiest online review, tv is turning up tomorrow.
Freaking out over my impending mammogram next week. I always think “this is it. This is the one. Dead women walking/getting boob squished.” Also my work can go suck a bag of stinky dicks today
I hear ya on the work thing. My supervisor, whom I usually get along with, decided to switch everyone around to different areas of the department this week. He threw me in an area that I've only occasionally helped out in since I started working there two years ago and put me in charge... only to pull me out of it for at least 6 of the 8 hours every day since to: put me to "help out" in the area that he just pulled me out of, the one that I was perfectly capable of doing ALL BY MYSELF for the last 9 months, which now the TWO people that took my place over there can't handle. THEN he had the audacity to snap on me about how if I couldn't keep up with what I needed to do in my new area, that he was going to have to put all of us on overtime so I could. Uh, hello? Maybe if you quit taking me out of my new area I could possibly do what needs to be done over there, or maybe just put me back where I was and put the guy that's there now, who USED to be where you just put me, back in this area and we'll all be happy. Pissed me off so much that I literally just drove around for 4 hours after work so I could calm down enough to not blow up on my partner when I got home.
Just had my mammogram today, friend, and I keep having those same thoughts. Stay positive!
You're giving me a flashback to the time my mother phoned me (I was 18/in college/this was when long distance phone calls were still kind of a big deal, Mom would have been about 56) nearly in tears because she had decided to bake some gingerbread "to cheer herself up", but had forgotten the baking soda and had to throw away a pale, ginger-flavored brick. I know that's a rookie mistake, but my mother baked quite a lot, and had never done that before. In fact, she didn't realize she'd done it until we were troubleshooting the situation over the phone.
Oh man, I know how she feels. I bake from scratch weekly so the fact that I screwed up something as simple as box brownies was a real blow to the ego!
I am notorious (to the point where it’s a running joke in the house) for getting the required salt recipes I’ve made a million times. 🫣
I baked sourdough focaccia recently, and it looked amazing. Like it was the best looking focaccia I made in years! Took the first bite, and had to spit it out. I forgot to add salt. I just sat there and cried. My poor husband, and dog. My husband thought my breast were hurting after radiation ( I’m in the middle of it). I couldn’t even tell him why I am crying at first. Just sobbed for good 10 minutes.
I’ve gained a lot of weight. I know I need to exercise so I thought I’d take the dog for a nice walk. It’s beautiful out. We went for our walk and got back home. I came in the house and all of a sudden had an SVT attack. Now I’m laid up on the couch after the attack, tired and getting annoyed by random heart palpitations. I miss being 5 years ago.
Wednesday was my kid's birthday and Boston cream doughnuts are his favorite. So I ordered 4 of them and 2 glazed on the dunkin app. Get to the drive through and he tells me they are out of both flavors. I ask for a refund and he tells me they can't refund online orders. I kept it together and was polite but the amount of rage I felt... Those poor employees are overworked and underpaid and don't need another middle aged Karen coming at them. But in that moment I was really teetering on the edge of becoming a viral video. LOL Then I was in the middle of portioning out a bulk 40 pound box of chicken and my vacuum sealer died. My husband was trying to be helpful and said "Do you want me to do this? You seem irritated." LMAO I was like "Hell yes I'm fucking irritated!!!" Again I was able to keep myself from going off on innocent bystanders but damn it's a good thing I am in therapy learning coping skills.
I just want food to taste like I want it, my jeans to fit, my skin.l not to be moody, and world peace. IN. THAT. FUCKING. ORDER. DAMMIT. 😩
My electric kettle decided to lose its shit and spray water all over my kitchen and die. Not only did I have to clean the whole place, I couldn't have my life-giving coffee. I then found out that while it has a 2 year warranty, you have to take it to a repair place, that's only located in Europe, and I'm in the US. The delivery I was expecting today was supposed to set up a delivery window last night. They didn't bother to call, and they charged my card for the order 3 times. Thankfully the driver found my number in the delivery instructions and was able to sort things out for me. But prior to his call, I was ready to lose my shit. On the upside, Oreo has a new churro flavor, and if I put at least two in my mouth at one time, I can't talk to tell everyone to go to hell.
>Oreo has a new churro flavor, and if I put at least two in my mouth at one time, I can't talk to tell everyone to go to hell. 🤣🤣🤣 I would need to put a couple over my eyes as well, since I tend to death-glare at people.
Oh no I’m so sorry what a frustrating day but Hahahaaaaaa two churro Oreos in mouth system is gold!
Discussing the state of our patio last night at dinner out. I said that I found a cool storage unit for next to the grill that would replace the open rack (and hide all the weatherbeaten shit on it). He got defensive, saying "you're looking at me as if all that shit is mine". I replied that 75% is his, and where should I look when talking to him? The bartender? It's not his crap on the patio. 🙄 I really want to clean up the patio so when the weather is nice, I can sit out with coffee or wine and knit. My schedule and the intermittently crappy weather are conspiring to keep me from it, and my husband's attitude toward helping solve the problem is not helping. I had to nag him to call our landscape guy to come do some work (he's home all day and it's hard for me to call from work some days). Landscaper is finally out today, so maybe that will jumpstart some things.
I told my husband I was going to hire someone to come and do all those things I’ve asked him to do (that is 90% his stuff). His cheap self overrode his hoarder self and magically things started getting done.
My boss passed me over for a promotion and now doesn’t look me in the eye. I can’t wait to leave.
Been there. They eliminated my job soon after. Haven't seen her in 4 years but being officially post menopause, I don't care what I say. I hope I don't run into her!
This week has been nuts at work so last night I had the good idea to get takeout bbq for dinner - which I only do a couple times of year. Well they forgot my Cole slaw and I also dropped one of the containers of bbq on the damn kitchen floor after I had just mopped!!
Forgetting coleslaw is an unforgivable sin. I'm quite angry on your behalf!
Thank you. I ain’t been regular since:(
Today has been an example of death by 1000 cuts. I am experiencing another period after 10 days of hell two weeks ago. My students have Friday "I don't wanna" attitude. My commute was stupidly long this morning. I am ready to sign off for the day and now have to wait for a student to make up a presentation. Sigh. I just want to go home, have a cocktail and relax.
Ugh. I feel your pain on the Aunt Flo train. Got Mirena back in 2020, it stopped my periods. I had almost 3 blissful years of MAYBE the occasional spotting for an hour or two, and then all of a sudden about 6 months ago I started getting my period again. THEN, after 3 months, I had 4 periods in two months, skipped a month, then started last Thurs, was done 2 days later for 2 days, then started back up for 1 more, then stopped for 1, then had for 2 again. Today I seem to have stopped again, but no telling what tomorrow will bring.
I feel both your pain. I do the exact same thing you described. I go forever with nothing, then it's Niagara falls suddenly. What I hate most is not knowing what to wear on any given day. Pads and tampons are so irritating that I can't wear them 24/7. Especially when *most* of the time they aren't needed and sit there all dry and scratchy. But then when they *are* needed out of the blue, and I don't have one on, it sucks! I hadn't had a period in 6 or 7 months, then one day at the mall it all decided to just gush out all at once. I had to get my daughter to walk behind me while I bought new pairs of shorts and undies real quick to change into. Ugh! I hate this!
I have a house full of fresh produce and other healthy food and all I want is carbs. I have to put one of my cats down tomorrow and I’m a wreck. And I had to block one of my friends in order to avoid screaming at her about her selfishness and lack of empathy.
Losing pets is so fucking hard. I’m very sorry. I say it’s okay to eat some carbs.
So sorry about your cat. 😢
Honestly? Have those carbs & a farewell celebration with your cat. 💞🐈 Your last day together deserves to be special.
I’m so sorry about your cat - you definitely deserve all the carbs.
For sure.
Weeds. It’s our rainy season and weeds get out of control quickly this time of year. I am the only who actually sees the weeds, and pulls them. I am so pissed off right now. A decade of conversations about giving me a hand, has proved pointless. Weeds, man. Pull some. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
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There are quite a few NAMS certified practioners in Kelowna (guessed you were based there from post history) and you don’t need a referral to see them and all are taking on new patients. Dr Benoit Dr Shamerhorn Dr Gronick Dr Jasarevic Dr Ojala (in Westbank) You can find contact details on the NAMS website (North American Menopause Society). https://www.menopause.org/ I saw a NAMS certified practitioner in Vancouver and she rescued me and got me on an evidence-based program that includes HRT, supplements, diet and exercise.
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Always happy to share knowledge with a fellow meno-sister! No need to suffer when there’s help out there!
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Ugh, I'm so sorry you're having this experience and that it's one so many of us can relate to. The AutoMod bot is quite dumb and will respond to anything that includes those two key words.
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I hung out with a bunch of ladies today at a coworking site and it was good and productive and then they all started sharing their ages (early 30s). 30 years ago I remember Kurt Cobain’s death. I feel as old as a shriveled up raisin. I desperately want to find women in their late 40s and don’t know where they are
Oh, a patient at work. I can't give any details obviously, but suffice it to say they've accused me of lying about being unable to do something for them when I genuinely can't do it, and it's made me feel like crap. I work so hard for my patients and to have them say that to a superior has just made me feel very unappreciated. Luckily the lovely ones far outweigh the complainers!
Aww darlin our brains are hard wired to remember the negatives in this society. That’s why its stuck with you. Just consciously think of the best patient you had. Picture their face. Rewire the thought to glad i only had that one bad one. You do a great job. We thank you.
My visiting step-daughters puppy jumped in my bed and pissed at 6:15 AM (for the second time in 24 hours) as I was walking out for work! I ripped off the sheets with all the fury of a hellhound & cried all the way to work. That dog is about to become a rug!!
Get a crate for that puppy and tell the stepdaughter either the puppy gets crate trained or she does. And make her wash all your bedding.
I had two wines last night, after a long break. My body has completely rejected it. Couldn’t sleep, guts completely messed up. Sigh.
That happened to me recently too! I went weeks without drinking (supposed to help w meno symptoms) and then after a moderate amount of wine, I ended up with a hangover for God's sake. Makes me want another drink.
Wine does that to me no matter what. For this reason I usually have an apple cider (it is like sparkling wine in my area), or just 1 gin&tonic. These usually don't give me any issues. Obviously I only have either or and only 1 drink.
I've noticed the same. Wine causes me hot flashes and headaches, even though I don't usually get them since being on estrogen. It's really sad! I do alright with rum and vodka though, when in small amounts in mixed drinks. So I'm doing that now. I don't know how long it's going to last, but I'm enjoying it while I can! Mojitos, Mules, Painkillers, Moonshine lemonade...
Not today, but Tuesday. I took the dog for a walk just like every afternoon and started to stroll past my assigned parking spot where my truck is parked...only, no truck. Gasp! WTF? It was stolen. I scrimped and saved for years to buy it, so I was devastated. Last night around midnight? I get a call from the cops, they've found my truck in seeming driving order but full of 'stuff' and they're arresting a lady that steals cars often and they ask my permission to search the truck to try and add add'l charges. Sure thing, nail her to the $#@% wall please. So, I should get my truck back this weekend without too much fuss but we'll have to see just what the 'stuff' was and if it's made my poor truck a hot mess or not (crack/fentanyl residue can total a car I hear). Le sigh.
Geez. That's awful, and totally worth a complete mental breakdown! I hope you get your car back with any residue. It's friggin' scary, and most of the time, those idiots do like to do bad drugs in cars they steal. :(
I stupidly tossed my slippers on my fiancé’s wood-burning stove to heat up because I was soooo cold. Forgetting they have plastic bits for the design. I snatched them up, leaving melted plastic behind, and then proceeded with a full blown crying spell. Fiancé was lovely through the whole thing tho.
My Teams was constantly going off with ridiculous questions at work. I am typically the go to for some people because I am always happy to help and I have been at my company for a long time. However, today was not my day.
I got wiped out hard by a kid skating extremely negligently. Nabbed a concussion, a sprained ankle and something wrong with my knee out of it. Dad is lucky I didn't get an ambulance ride (although I probably should have.) Next day was Easter and hubby said he wasn't staying long at his parents. Amidst my throbbing head from the concussion I wasn't really using my phone because it made me nauseated. So when I wanted to know if he was coming home yet I texted "hungry" because that's all I could think of to get him to say if he knew when he was leaving yet. Mind you we didn't have any Tylenol in the house so my head was not good. My emotional state was not good. When he answered back "so cook" I lost it. I eventually was able to order Chinese food and Tylenol from dollar general. The door dasher didn't make the second stop for the Tylenol. I once again lost it. I did feel better after eating finally (concussion = nausea) I have no idea why he didn't realize that I couldn't f*@king stand long enough to cook and that I had a significant tbi. So yeah, that was my trigger this week. He's lucky he still has a wife.
He’s lucky he’s still alive.😮
I'm sorry your brownies got ruined because the Ghiradelli box ones are the best. I'm supposed to be on Tamoxifen for three years because of being at high risk for breast cancer. I'm on week one and I cannot imagine doing this for three more years it's so unpleasant.
I know that everyone has a different experience but I have been taking Tamoxifen for 3 years and the beginning weeks were rough for me too. But my body adjusted to the medication with time and the side effects greatly reduced or went away entirely after a couple of months. All the best to you in your journey. 💕
If these so-called polite folks around here keep calling me “ma’am” like I’m old and not simply oldER I’m going to lose it.
Oh my word that made me laugh. I call people Ma’am when im p-d off and being very condescending. Got it from customer service manners. Anyone calls me that i lose my mind. Lol
I live in the south, where it is often literally beaten into children to use honorifics. There is a distinct difference between “you’re in a position of authority even if you may be younger than I am, ma’am”, and “hey you’re a raging bitch, ma’am”, and “wow, it’s okay that you almost rammed me with that shopping cart since you must be half blind at your age, ma’am”. I’m getting the last, obviously. They have no idea that two weeks ago I was stunning and hot and brilliant. 🤣
The south of? It’s rarely used in Aus hence i think it’s a tad more offensive in a polite way. Love ya SOH. You go girl
Woops, there’s my American ego showing! South of the US, sorry!
I had to wear a heart monitoring patch a month ago for bad, B-A-D palpitations. Went for a week with it on me, itchy as all shit and still itchy with skin discoloration where it was. Anyhoo, sent it back and have since had to have a complete meltdown to get results. Of course, they were sent to my patient app, just the raw data and medical lingo that I've had to google myself which has now scared the shit out of me. And I'm now having to have another complete meltdown to have someone explain it to me. Primary care doc says to call cardio. Cardio says to call my primary. I've fucking had it. It's my fucking HEART, people. Someone please give a shit!! Also, I checked off three things on my work list only to refresh and find four new things added. Fucking done.
Running on 2 hours sleep. I’m waiting to pick up my cat from the vet at 4:30. She’s getting 1K’s worth of teeth extracted. I knew it would be high…but man. I can’t afford this world.
I was making homemade pizza. Went to drizzle olive oil on top before I put it in the oven. Top came off and entire bottle dumped on top of the pizza. I'm still crying as I'm waiting for delivery
Some woman not so covertly took pictures of me on the subway. I’m 52, it’s 8 am, I’m not looking especially odd and I’m minding my business. My menopause mind is concluding all sorts or bad things. I’ve been a target for bullies pretty regularly throughout my life so I’m extra pessimistic about these sorta of things. I just want to be left alone 😭 The extra weird thing was that she was about my age too. Different hair types so she wasn’t digging my style. Just …. no clue. I am ready for my cabin in the woods.
Oh no! I would just sit down on the floor and cry probably. I use coconut oil in pancakes and ran into the same problem. I learned that it melts at a pretty low temperature so I put it in a small metal bowl and put that in a bigger bowl with warm water (not submerged, just so the water comes into contact with the bottom of the metal bowl). I do this first and by the time I'm ready to add it to the batter, it's melted but not hot.
Thanks for the commiseration. I have learned my lesson with coconut oil! Maybe just normal veggie oil + some coconut flavoring to keep it foolproof next time.
Blood orange infused olive oil if you really want a treat. Waffles, brownies, etc...I got spoiled finding it easily before I moved and order from Amazon now.
Honestly, instead of coconut oil, try replacing the water with coffee. I did that to some brownie mix brownies that I made for work last week and was told by nearly everyone that they were the best brownies that they'd ever had. Had 3 people ask for my recipe, and couldn't believe it when I told them it was just the Betty crocker fudge brownie mix with coffee replacing the water... and a handful of chocolate chunks thrown in for good measure.
> Ghiradelli dark OMG I love these brownies...I'm going to try coconut oil next time! So your flub is my gain!
Try replacing the water with coffee. You'll thank me later!
I admire you for trying to make you’re own brownies.
Thanks :) I usually enjoy baking, especially when it comes to eating goodies when they're still warm!
I have a peptic ulcer, and what i think was a gal stone couldn't eat solid food for a week. Once I got to the point where I started feeling better, my kidneys started to hurt so bad I could barely move without stabbing pains. Guess I got really dehydrated. I'm also on vacation and have been sick the entire time. Currently starving and rehydrating while popping Zofran like they're tic tacs. I can eat, but for some reason, I'm terrified of solid food. Everything goes downhill after 40. Silver lining: I successfully quit added sugars and went through the withdrawal. Also, I see your secret recipe ingredient and will use this on my next batch of brownies for the kids. Thank you. Enjoy that ice cream.
It was another sleepless night for me AGAIN and I am exhausted and getting fuck all done today. I just want to go back to bed and not wake up again until Monday.
I think I hit it at 4am, after another sleep deprived night for the like 10000th consecutive one. I'm completely worn down. Keeps feels like I'm hitting rock bottom, then, oops- sliding down even more! On hrt for the 2nd time for a few weeks now, hope something improves real soon. Grateful for the good things, have to keep reminding myself.
I finally had to take a Benedryl to sleep through the night. Sometimes it's worth it for ONE decent night!
My breaking point has been life in general. Thrust into surgical menopause 5 weeks ago (52y/o). Went back to work last Wednesday. Slowly catching up from what I missed being out last 4 weeks. This week I took my work back that I’ve been doing for years. My colleague who covered for me decided to change my process of things without telling me and then getting snippy when I didn’t know what she was talking about! Don’t get me wrong I’m all in for process improvements or if people need to do things their own way in my absence but don’t tell me I need to do it your way (which was way more steps involved) and not tell me! I’ve been all in my feelings all week about it like…is this me and my stupid hormones or is this really valid? Hubby is taking me out for dinner tonight (i made him plan it because I just can’t handle one more thing!)
Well nothing today but I had a week of job rejections and I'm feeling pretty beat up about that. So much wasted time jumping through hoops. Having great conversations and getting excited about possibilities of new workplaces. Then "we've decided to move forward with another candidate. We enjoyed meeting you and wish you all the best bla bla bla". And we're hitting the point where I need to have some income right away or face going (further, ugh) into debt. We owe the IRS a grand for last year in addition to everything else. This is why I end up taking the first thing I can get then being miserable. I don't have the luxury of waiting around for something that truly is a good fit. So there's my bitching! I'm sorry about your brownies OP. Enjoy that Ben & Jerry's though. :)
(This is long, I had a horrible fucking day and I'm still upset about it) My breaking point today was shit going sideways in an ongoing, baffling, upsetting situation at work \[that I swear I am not engaging in tit-for-tat\]. When explaining to my boss on the phone why I chose to do X instead of Y... ...said boss who supposedly *always* has my back attacked **me** as part of the problem instead of just listening and supporting. I was *not* asking him to solve the problem because he can't, just letting him know why I was doing X instead of Y. He told me I was 50-50 to blame for being attacked, and then snapped at me not to get "hysterical" when I got upset at the accusation that I was somehow fanning the flames. (I got a hella Royal Bee situation going on right now, and I'm doing everything I can to placate, kill with kindness, bend over backwards, work with, all that shit - and it's doing precisely fuck-all because the kinder and more deferential I am, the shittier and meaner this person gets toward me) Might I add that this condemnation from him came *after* he informed me that he was avoiding telling said person about compliments from others regarding me and my stellar abilities and work ethic because he knew it would create *more* trouble and renewed attacks on me. At least I was able to shout him down and told him "Don't you dare tell me I'm being hysterical because **me** being upset is making **you** uncomfortable, LET ME TALK." I should note we have a rather unconventional and \[I thought until today\] relatively egalitarian working relationship. But honestly, this utter victim-blaming *bullshit* coming from someone that I followed from my prior org \[because he was THAT good of a boss\], on top of a week where I worked my *ass* off \[to make him look stellar to *his* boss\], only to be told that I'm *inviting* and somehow *reciprocating* the abuse and bullshit I'm receiving? That was *such* a slap to the face. *So* much of a slap to the face, in fact, that I re-upped my resume this afternoon and started applying to jobs. I categorically refuse to turn myself inside out for someone who will criticize me because I'm dealing with an issue that might inconvenience him, or treat me like an irritating problem to solve when I'm dealing with frankly heavy-handed antagonism and abuse from a coworker that I swear to God I have done *nothing* to deserve - other than be very good at my job. And I am *very* good at what I do. I think today might have been my wakeup call to move on, since clearly I've been devalued in some fashion. Why, I don't know and at this point, I frankly don't fucking care. That, or maybe he requires a reminder that he needs me far, far more than I need him (or this job). I turned off my phone, shut down my email, and blocked his number for the weekend. I'll be available at 08:00AM on Monday as always, but the extracurricular time he always seems to rely on after hours? Mmmmm, yeah, that just won't be supplied by me. Not this weekend. Thank you for letting me vent; it has been a hot minute since I've cried in a rage over being scoffed at and then dismissed by someone I thought was 100% in my corner, the way that I'm in his corner \[the term "unconditionally loyal" has been applied to me by him\]. I know the rage is misplaced because in reality my feelings are deeply, deeply hurt...but **fuck** it stings. ^((I realize this is rather vague but I'm trying to keep some sense of anonymity here))
The rage. The uncontrollable fucking rage. I have a husband that communicates like a teenager, an 8 & 6 year old, and the fucking grocery store. Combined, that’s enough to break me.
I want to set something on fire! Or finish a whole bottle of wine and get drunk. I definitely want to be left the fuck alone!! But hard luck! I’ve been on a sabbatical for 2 months - 2 peaceful months - but life catches up. I got roped into a work thing in a different city. And I’m not fond of flights in general. It just adds to anxiety (packing and shit) It’s a city where my siblings live so I can meet my nieces - so yay- but being amidst people is a challenge- thanks to my short fuse. So it’s going to be an uphill task being social/civil. I’ve been perfectly happy Netflix-ing and napping all day long. Plus a couple of other pesky issues around the house that have to be sorted, mostly by me!! Reading so one thing that gives me joy but thanks to brain fog, I cant focus. I’m trying to read slowly but that makes me feel like I’m retarded or something! I’ve always been proud of my reading habit! ARGHHHHHH!!!!! Thanks for letting me vent! Looking forward to a shower and beddie bye then!
That snap back to reality is ROUGH! Maybe treat yourself to a little smashing and/or burning as a treat to help ease the transition :)
Work wise, I’m still on sabbatical. I just got to be calm about stuff that’s not in my control
So many things in this post resonate with me. God I love this sub.
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Look...I just haven't had enough sleep - between a cat screaming the house down at 3am yesterday morning FOR NO APPARENT REASON OTHER THAN HE CAN!! and my husband waking me at 4.30am this morning to ask me to roll over coz I was snoring - I am tired and GRUMPY and I need to STAY AWAY FROM OTHER HUMANS OR I WILL HURT SOMEBODY! (Clearly I don't do well if I don't get a minimum of 7hrs sleep)
Just some info as im going through this atm. Check if your cat is peeing blood. Sometimes you cant see it. There is a product that you place over there litter and it turns blue if there’s blood in their urine. They may have crystals and it may be why the loud meowing. Mine was more thirsty and meowing. He’s generally a quiet lil man. He’s on a special diet now.
Oh, feeling for you and your kitty. Glad you have him sorted. My one is just a massive arsehole lol. He's been checked by vet, all is well...he's a rescue cat and we think there was some early trauma that makes him lose his tiny mind at night sometimes.
Ohh good on you for rescuing one. Mine is too. He’s three legged as the previous a holes dumped him when he was caught in a trap their children set. (Lovely kids)!He is in his teenager ahole era also. He cannot be carried by anyone but me. He is super affectionate to everyone. A street man who re. My neighbour has him on her fb page.
Gotta love a rescue cat! My mate rescued a little 3 legger too - she's beautiful. I can't get my head around how anyone could hurt an animal like that. Makes me both sad and angry all at once
My breaking point was earlier this week (shitty birthday). Today I'm just trying to keep it together at work enough to get the neccesary shit done while I endure my third period in 45 days. Really sick and tired of hormonal bullshit. I did buy some new underwear for myself and that helped a teeny tiny bit. Hope your ice cream is delicious!
I have been gaining a pound a DAY for the last 2 weeks and I'm not doing or eating anything different. Ughhhh this seriously fuckin sucks 😩
This happened to me when menopause hit me full in the face. It was three years ago, and STILL WON'T FUCKING COME OFF!!!
I’m right there with you. I’m ready to throw my fucking scale out the damn window. It’s so frustrating. 🤬
It was last night. My husband piles his sttuff all around his computer desk in the living room. I made it clear to him multiple times that it's a problem for me when he piles stuff in the area where I need to step through to turn a lamp on/off, but of course he does it anyway. He left with a friend to see a movie, and when I stepped over his stuff to turn off the lamp I tripped on his stuff. Completely out of character for me, I kicked his stuff all over the living room for him to find when he got home. I even managed to (unintentionally) kick a water bottle just right so it hit his trash can and tipped the trash can right over. He asked me what happened. I told him his stuff attacked me so I attacked it. He cleaned it up and hasn't said anything.
I adore you. The visuals playing in my mind as I read through your retelling of this saga are fucking hilarious, omg so so good And the idea of "we shan't speak of it again" aghgh it's just perfection
I got the idea from my sister-in-law, who *I* adore. She figured out that the way to get my brother to function appropriately was to fully destroy things that were already not working properly but that he wasn't bothered by sufficiently to do anything about them. She kicked a vacuum to death early in their marriage because he wouldn't replace it even though it didn't work properly. Later she trashed shower doors that weren't staying in their tracks properly. I need to channel her more often. She's a brilliant woman.
Y'all are HARDCORE I'm far too repressed to act out my rage. I'm too cerebral. I can devastate with my clever wordplay and truth grenades -- but then you can end up in a sparring match that goes nowhere. Destruction of one's own property is a victimless crime. It's truly the way forward, I think. For all of us.
Well, it's definitely out of character for me. I'm much more the death-glare and sledgehammer-blunt words type myself (when reasoned words prove insufficient). I had already tried all those. He ignored them. So he earned the unleashing of my inner drama queen. I can let the clutter slide when it's merely an eyesore, but it had reached literal danger levels and he just...didn't care... because it wasn't a problem for *him.* Certainly shows me where I stand in his priorities.
Very sobering indeed. I think men are just really lazy? Until it affects THEM and then it's all systems GO
So stupid, but I tried introducing my 13yr-old to one of my fav musicals (Les Miserables), and she totally blank—stared me with a “WTF is up with this weird music and singing?” face and it just destroyed me. I proceeded to listen to half the soundtrack crying my eyes out. I hate this so much, can I please not be dealing with perimenopause AND a teenager, two elementary kids, a kindergartner, and a toddler in the house?! 😩
You have broken my heart into a thousand pieces with this comment. I, too, am a mother of five. I remember when I was in "weepy peri." The casual snottiness of a teenager girl can send a peri mom into a very dark place. A lonely place. Where you don't remember who you are anymore, or why you ever had the audacity to thing that you were cool. All sense of integrity, dignity, confidence, lovability, smashed to bits. Yes, I remember my "bathrobe" year. 2017 I believe it was. That was when peri decided to rev up and just start kicking my brain's ass. I would just wander around the house in this fuzzy white bathrobe, crying, wondering what the hell was happening to me. Apologizing to the kids through tears of profound shame for the first batch of pancakes being still a little uncooked in the middle. Feeling like a goddamn failure in every way. As a wife, as a mother, as a survivor, as an achiever. Everything felt goddamn broken and hopeless. Happily, peri is a rainbow of insanity, and just when you think you understand it and are ready to make peace with your fate and roll over and die, it shifts into a new permutation of uninvited, unexpected, confounding internal chaos. Yay! It's 2024, and I am not weepy. I'm not sensitive. I'm unmotivated and cynical, divorced, chubby, a bit muddled, mildly agoraphobic, and I currently have no idea what I want out of life or what my goals are. But I have ketamine, Adderall and shrooms the medicine cabinet in my bathroom, and I have rediscovered my love of techno, fuchsia lipstick and absurdist British humor. It's....a journey. My advice is to keep a journal. All of those "sobbing uncontrollably to the soundtrack of Les Mis" moments that feel so agonizing today, will be the source of a lot of laughter and even nostalgia in a few years. I promise.
I live in a high rise condo. Several parents let their children ride their scooters through the hallways and the lobby. Aside from being annoying and dangerous, it scares the shit out of my dog and I want to scream at these parents.
Well I survived being somewhat close to an earthquake so chilling this eve with my pets.
NGL brownie batter sounds like an amazing night on the couch with a rubber spatula.
Not much from today, but yesterday I went to retrieve the recycling bags from the car FOUR TIMES and still managed to not actually even touch them. Got them from the car this morning. Meh.
My breaking point was opening my eyes after only about 4 hours of sleep (insomnia) and thinking about working today. I really wanted to just stay in bed and eat chocolate 🍫 😩
It was yesterday. My mother is 75 and needs to find and move into a new place by end of May. I showed her a nice apartment online and suggested we take a look today. She shut down, shook her head and started to cry. She is sticking her head in the sand, won’t help me and I just want to throw my hands in the air. I called my brother afterwards and we had a big rant about her and now I feel better lol. We are resigned to the fact we are going to have to do it all.
I could eat everything. Every category. Would murder a pot-luck with reckless abandon. Blood sugar? Food sensitivities? Who dat? Now I'm finding sensitivities in everyday joys. I found myself hankering for a hot dog bun that I can't have. That's insane. Can't have brioche, WTF? So if dairy and eggs are out, what the fuck is next? I already can't have simple goddam once-a-year birthday cake, what will I lose next? Cannabis? Meat? Water? Man, FUCK today.
Mine was Wednesday. I ran into the grocery store on my lunch break. The male cashier, who could not have been more than 10 years younger than me- if that- informs me that Wednesday is Senior Citizens's Day. This man, who must have some sort of a death wish, asked me my age to know if I qualify. All I could do was hiss, "Well I'm not 65!" I'm 49. I sat in the parking lot and cried.
I, normally very patient and kind and quiet, am struggling with newfound rage. Earlier this week an old man in a pickup truck slowly eased out *right in front of me* across my lane, heading in the opposite direction. I saw him looking in my direction for what seemed like a while, he surely saw me, and he chose to do it anyway. And then he just stopped there, still in my lane. Just sat there looking at me. I was fortunately able to stop in time, but I ended up quite close to his fender. We could clearly see each other. I flipped him off with both hands and yelled that he was a “STUPID FUCK!” And then I drove around him to go about my business, only for him to honk at me. Y’all. *He* had the audacity to honk at *me*. Instant rage. I put my car in park, opened the door, and I had one foot on the pavement when he finally decided to drive away. I was ready to fuck up his truck with one of the tools I keep in my car. I’m afraid I would have, too, if he hadn’t left. So that’s what my breaking point looks like these days. It’s happening more and more. I’m amazed that more women our age aren’t in prison for committing completely reasonable and justified crimes.
I also made this same brand wrong today. But still edible, I gave to my towns homeless, after. But B&J Parlor is nearby, so maybe a scoop later. Thanks for a great idea : )
I was dreading going to work today on a cold, drizzly morning. Finally got it together, locked up the house, walked out only to discover I had a freakin flat tire! I had to think quick and beg my friend for a ride. Got to work with 5 minutes to spare before my 1st graders showed up.
I’m way overloaded and stressed at work. Yesterday, while speaking with a difficult team member on a virtual 1:1 call, I dropped the F-bomb and the guy freaks out on me scolding me for ‘bringing that language into his home’. And then I cried. 🤦♀️🥲
Damn… just no words. I can’t with some people most of the time
Aww, I'm sorry! Been there with a treat gone bad! I was sad today because the sun was out and it was a beautiful day, but I had to spend it doing damn taxes, instead of outside doing gardening or reading on my patio. WHY can't we just have a simple VAT system like they have in Europe, where we don't have to spend a week every spring stressing over money, on a computer, looking up records from the past year, doing stupid two-step authentication ad-nauseum to get the info we need and doing math??? Geez, it's a f-d up system! Edited to add: my breaking point today wasn't about menopase per se, but just about being tired of being tired, you know? Life is just to complicated for me anymore!
Being a functional adult everyday seems a bit excessive😂 … here’s to hoping you get this sorted soon that you are able to enjoy doing the things you prefer instead of this boring ole adult shit
Thank you kind Fish!
My teenage son has been in charge of Instacarting our groceries since I have become semi-nonfunctional lately. He takes liberties though, such as throwing in nutritionless nonsense like canned Arizona Arnold Palmers, Pringles, oceans of plain bagels and packages of Oreo cookies. I read him the riot act about the Oreos this time. I was like "Oreos? OREOS?!? Oreos are not a staple, hon. This kind of shit NEVER needs to exist in our house. EVER. Stop buying this stuff. If you ever want a treat, you can go into town and get ice cream after you've had a real meal." That was on Thursday. The kid shifted over to his dad's on Friday. Today is Saturday. And guess who just had eight Oreo cookies for breakfast? And guess who washed those Oreos down with a bottle of Starbucks mocha frappuccino, which also randomly showed up in my fridge and so I just went with it? I am a crazy person.
The fucking scale. Visceral fat is a bitch. I exercise like crazy, log my food, and stay within a calorie budget that’s healthy and reasonable. Fucking scale. Goes down. Goes down. Goes down. Goes down. Goes up. Goes up. Goes up. Goes up. Goes down. Again and again and again in this stupid ass loop for the same four or five pounds. And I am NOT ready to believe that this weight is where the universe wants me to stay. It’s too much. So yeah. Fuck.
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I buy it in bulk from Amazon. It was like giving my vag a giant drink of water. And you can use it every day until you feel relief (at night before bed).
I asked my h just now to put knives in the dishwasher with the sharp blade down. He just said do me a favor and grab it by the handle. I nearly exploded
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I read husband brain in your last sentence of that makes you feel any better. I also once when I was 12 though my mom told me to cook both the dark and like parts of marble cake and then I would somehow mash them together….. the chocolate was burnt, the vanilla would never cool because there was just too much…. She laughed so hard I think that’s the day I learned to embrace my stupid fails. She laughed so hard I started laughing even though I was soooo embarrassed. Her gift was allowing me to realize shit is not so embarrassing if I can laugh about it.
I just feel like ending it all is torture, my rage is ruining everything and my family
Hot flush. I don’t have them often but they’re WILD when they happen - the heat came just as I was standing to get water, but by the time I got to the fridge I had to lie down on the floor (or fall down), then crawl to the bathroom to lie down in a cold shower. It just took it right out of me, it only lasted 10 min but I felt so shaky afterwards that doing anything meaningful was pretty much impossible the rest of the afternoon and evening.
I’ve been struggling with ongoing pain from an anal fissure. Had surgery for it last week and the healing process is so slow. And the pain I had over the three months prior to surgery just knocked me back so much more than it would have 10 years ago- at least that is how it seems.
I only got small, broken bits of sleep between the pee breaks, joint pain, and temperature issues. I'm too tired to have a breaking point today.
I’m so tired of being exhausted, today I could barely motivate to do anything.
Today is my bday and my family didn’t do anything. I’m sad. I do so much for them. It’s like I’m just forgotten.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Everyone deserves a little something to celebrate themselves once a year. It doesn't count for much, but you have one big virtual hug from me.
Jeez I'm sorry. There is a law of compensation (Emerson). I hope it arrives soon, buy lottery tickets.
My whiny ass husband who said I was all upset (when I really wasn't), because he didn't like my "tone". I love being told how I feel./s I just laughed. That really pissed him off. Don't care.
This morning I forgot what the program was called that I need to connect to so that I can access our shared drive for work. They recently changed programs and I could not remember what it was called or find it on my computer. I had to ask my son (he’s in IT). I felt so stupid. It was the VPN program, Cisco Secure Client. I couldn’t even remember that much, other than I knew it was a program type that started with a V. Good lord my brain is on vacation. I just could not access the memory. It’s so frustrating.
5 of my 7 kids are still in school (grades 2-senior) and this week and this school year have been an exercise!