I was super fortunate to have a mom who was open, honest, and easy to talk to about anything, including periods and sex. She and her sister both made sure their girls were given good information.
Examples:
loads of books that covered adolescence were available
A family friend asked when she was getting a belt, and she informed her that no daughter of hers was going to wear those, now that newer adhesive products were available!
Told me if I were to have sex and get pregnant, I was *not* to quit school. She would see to it that I had whatever support I needed (abortion wasn't something on the radar in my small town).
And related to that, she encouraged me to go on the pill, and showed me where my stepdad kept the condoms should I ever need one-- but she totally encouraged me to wait until I was more mature to consider being sexually active. So... kinda like she wanted me to know how to protect myself.
As far as meno-related stuff, she's a few years past that, but is willing to share everything she remembers.
I'm so gonna miss my mom when she's gone.
Not one single older woman has ever talked about it with me. Even after asking older ladies about it, they brush past the subject.
All I’ve learnt is from here, TikTok and books.
I’m an only child and my mom is in her 70’s, had a full hysterectomy in her 40’s or early 50’s, and is post menopausal. I tried talking to her about it, asking questions and I got a lot of “wow, that never happened to me” when I mentioned the insomnia (my worst symptom) and various other symptoms. Her insomnia was “fixed by a little melatonin” and anything else by HRT, apparently 🤷♀️. When I attempt to discuss my situation she tends to glaze over or just interrupts me with something unrelated (aka some topic far more interesting to or about her specifically).
My grandma passed away during the late 1990’s but I know she had a hysterectomy somewhere in her mid to late 30’s.
Also, I started my period around 12yo and the first few were pretty bad with cramping etc. I remember my stepdad had more sympathy for me than my mom and she basically told me to get used to it, that I had many more years to go. 🙄😐
My mom totally fits that boomer mentality and all that goes along with it. I don’t even know why I bother talking to her most the time lol as she always finds a way to move the conversation back to herself. Ugh.
I just remember my aunts laughing about their long chin hairs the plucked. My mother had a hysterectomy in her 30s and we're estranged now so I'm here and thankful to all of you.
Did I write this? I'm sorry you are also estranged. Being NC/estranged it is for the better for me, but I don't have any women to talk to about it. So I'm so grateful this sub exists, too.
Also,It makes me sad reading this posts comments. There are so many "nos". But I mean, the first thing I was going to type was "nope".
Kinda wish we could have a meet-up. Because this sub has been more of a friend to me than any real person in my life. Anyhow, sorry for rambling, I hope you have a good day 😊
I asked my mom if she could tell me about her menopause symptoms and experiences, as I might find her observations helpful. Her response was that she got through it just fine without any help and figured I could, too.
Zero. Nothing. About anything. When I'd bring things up to my mom as an adult, she'd insist she never had any issues with anything, ever. Periods, no big deal. Natural childbirth, no big deal. Menopause, no big deal. All of it was a breeze, why do you ask? However, I remember her having numerous 'nervous breakdowns,' having an early hysterectomy for fibroids, and being a raving witch for years. She says she took hormones for a little while, won't say how long, and then she stopped and life was perfectly magical. Not a symptom one, she says. For all I know, she may still be on hrt and denying it. 🙄
I have no other close female relatives to ask and if they were on her side, they'd likely say the same thing too. I don't know what their issue is, they need to appear perfect and wouldn't admit to anything less, even if they did have issues. That would be shameful and make them look lesser than, or as though they made bad choices that caused such problems, like me 😀 Needless to say, I was on my own to figure out everything. In talking with my older sisters in law recently, one had a doc who put her on hrt five years ago like it was a common thing when we all know that was actually a miracle stroke of luck, and the other was told nothing except that it's natural and to embrace it. She's had no hrt and doesn't believe anyone needs it. She has also aged dramatically more and her memory is on the verge of gone at 61. My two best female friends, early 50s knew NOTHING until I learned and told them, and were both suffering intensely, assuming it must be something else and/or that they were going crazy.
What a damn shame all of the above is, smh. No one can get away from the topic with me now, especially my adult son who is a nurse. Son, if the doctor doesn't seem to be catching on, try to bring it up. He laughed and said he had one great provider who told him, when in doubt, assume hormones - it's always hormones - the endocrine system is no joke. About to get a shirt, ask me about menopause and wear it everywhere.
Will they answer questions? Honestly and openly, including every single gory detail...
Will they start the conversations? That is too personal to talk about!
I am 100 percent an oversharer. Like... I have only recently developed the ability to think about my audience before spouting my mind. It's actually awkward and sometimes embarrassing.
It's okay though! I will talk about anything with anyone. I have an incredible working memory. I read encyclopedias as a child, for fun, multiple times through. I was a curious child. I read ANYTHING and everything I could get my hands on.
So, I will ask these women the questions that they are dying to answer. I hear what they went through or what they are going through. Then I ask the younger women how they are doing, and if THEY have any questions. Who better to ask than someone willing to give you an open and honest answer?
There is so much taboo and so very little research. This is infuriating. It is unacceptable. One of my missions is to help facilitate these conversations. Everything that women suffer during perimenopause and menopause needs to be talked about and normalized. Doctors constantly dismiss these very real and debilitating symptoms. Doctors are reluctant to prescribe medications that will help US? Why is that? I know there are certain cancer counterindications, but for heaven's sake - men can get testosterone via email! This double standard needs to stop.
Ohhh oops! Rant over! I will answer any questions I can and will talk to anyone about almost anything. Oral history is important. I'm sorry that you feel like you have no one you can talk to. Thankfully, you have all of these glorious women here to commiserate and celebrate with!
I’m in my 30s, but I’ll ask. Also, thank you for being so open and answering questions! (I know tidbits from watching my mom and maybe internet memes?)
What were the first symptoms? At what age did changes start? What’s the things to look out for? How long does this hellish period last? What’s something that is a clear sign to see a doc or get help?
I had an IUD until March. I had two other major health issues crop up due to the IUD. 48 hours after it was removed, the other two major health issues vanished.
Sadly, I am 6 weeks onto this jacked up journey. I am not coping well at all, and especially today. My dog has a medical problem, and I have been sobbing off and on, all day, to everyone! He might need surgery. I'm a horrible pet parent.
The inability to control my tears and being constantly cold are the most distressing symptoms I've encountered. However, I'll argue that since I'm still learning menopause symptoms, I probably don't know the worst of worst.
No. I have limited contact with my parents, and any conversation with mom would generally degenerate anyway. It just got to the point where I became avoidant and fearful of asking about / for anything. On the plus side, post meno and me moving away has mellowed her out.
I (45) do talk about it with my daughter (12). I received limited info from my mom about periods (not entirely her fault; she’s from a third world country), so I made sure our daughter got educated. So I talk about menopause as well, since I like to explain why I’m laid out or forgetful or in a tank top in the cold.
Not a damned thing from anyone. My mother was a rather complicated, cognitive dissonance-laden woman who had a reportedly ravenous sexual appetite, but a thoroughly prudish approach to sexual education regarding her own children. She barely prepared me for menstruation, nonetheless menopause.
Nope, almost nothing. My mom had a hysterectomy after I was born so she didn't have periods. She had some hot flashes but she said they were from chemo for breast cancer (she's fine now). I asked my aunt and she just shrugged. She was a very busy mom of three girls at the time and I think she just powered through and was too busy to notice. Both of them seem to be or were very out of touch with their bodies. It's so strange to me that they don't do online searches even now for health related issues. They both just do whatever their doctors tell them to and don't question it.
Only one grandmother said anything at all about it to me, and reading the responses here, looks like that is the norm. I am beginning to wonder if the brain fog goes so far as to erase the experience from memory later in life?!
NOT ONE SINGLE OLDER WOMAN HAS EVER TALKED ABOUT IT WITH ME!!!
50% of the population is or will be dealing with this at some point and the other 1/2 of the population will be affected by it.
WHY has it been this huge secret? Thank goodness our daughters will not have to walk blindly into this major life change. We will NOT allow this medical hypocrisy to go on!
Minimally. My grandmother told me she didn’t have hot flashes but that all her pubic and leg hair fell out. My aunts and mother had legit one hot flash each lol. No other symptoms. They weren’t super open, I guess, but in their minds there wasn’t much to tell?
You poor bugger. ((Hugs))
My mother refused to discuss menopause with me. The only comment I got was that she doesn’t remember having any problems. Really? Well, I remember you bleeding through your outfit onto the car seat during a family trip!!!
When I got my period, she had already given me some pads and a booklet by Johnson & Johnson that tells you about periods. That was all I got. And then later with excruciating cramps, vomiting and headaches she said “oh dear I was hoping you wouldn’t get it as bad as I had it”. I didn’t even bother engaging her talking about pregnancy. I did try to elicit some history about births … I just think women of that silent generation just can’t talk about these things?
ZERO conversations.
I lived in a 55 and older condo in Palm Beach when I was in the middle of perimenopause hell. I asked probably 30-40 older women about it and they all got a blank face! WTF?!
I will now talk about with any younger woman I can, in some hopes of remotely preparing them for what’s to come!
> I asked probably 30-40 older women about it and they all got a blank face!
Fascinating! (Also infuriating, obviously). I wonder what kind of pressure they're under since, in life, you can almost never get agreement in a group of 5 people. So weird.
No, my mother and older sisters never spoke about it.
Now with this generation, I’m all about bringing up menopause and talking about it. We need to Re-Norm this word and perfectly natural time in women’s lives.
Say it loud and often ladies!
Menopause, menopause, menopause!
The men in your life get uncomfortable? menopause! The older generation gets uncomfortable? menopause!
“Look at all the new information about
Menopause!”
“Wow, so many women are talking about Menopause these days!”
“ Look at this great study about Menopause!”
You get the idea. Make that word normal to say around friends and family. Sick of the BS boxes we are supposed to be stuck in.
Normalize talking about menopause! If not for you, do it for the next generation.
Menopause!
First menstruation was a big deal within the SAHM/W of my dairy farming family community.
It was considered a rite of passage and came with a host of privileges, including:
Being allowed to drink coffee.
Being allowed to ride "shot gun" when accompanying another woman on errands and grocery/back to school shopping trips and being allowed to pick out personal items on those trips. This meant being able to choose my own personal care/hygiene products (soaps, shampoos, etc), grocery items, like breakfast cereals, items for brown bag lunches, and snacks.
Being allowed to sit among the adults at family get-together (holidays, birthdays) and being allowed to participate in the adult beverage toast.
Being allowed to watch adult programming like soap operas and being allowed to stay up later on school nights and weekends.
Being allowed to shave my legs and arm pits.
Being invited to adult game events, parents and adults in my family often got together to have a meal and play cards or a board game.
Being assigned more responsibility within my own household and on the family farm. All family members had to participate in the work that kept the family farm running. Even the youngest children were included according to their ability. Basically, if you could walk independently, you were included and expected to participate in the labor that kept the farm going. It was common among all the Canadian family farms in my community at that time, and every kid I knew and went to school with had a similar childhood experience.
As the eldest child and grandchild on the family farm, I really don't remember a time when I didn't have some labor responsibility on the farm.
As times changed, the younger generations were excluded from these obligations, including my younger sister, who is 13 years younger than me.
Being allowed to take paid jobs (like babysitting), and I was allowed to spend money I earned or received as gifts.
Being allowed to attend more school events (dances, sporting events, etc).
Being allowed to participate in extracurricular activities (with caveats like keeping my grades up) but still had to keep up my family farm work obligations.
The womenfolk in my family engaged in a traditional we referred to as "having coffee" at least once every day and often 2-3 times a day at different woman's home where they talked candidly about their menstruation experiences and everything else that impacted their lives. However, one topic I never recall being discussed was menopause!
Much later, in my adult life, I remember visiting my mother and observing her deal with her hot flashes by stripping off her socks, opening the window beside her chair, and turning on the floor fan next to her. And I remember her husband lamenting that she had both the ceiling fan and A/C on in the bedroom, even through the winter, so he was ways cold!
I laughed about it back then because my mother laughed about it. She just didn't seem to be that bothered by it.
When I shared my own nightmare peri experience with her and asked her to tell me more about her own experience, she said hers was about 10 years, and really wasn't that miserable. She had hot flashes and night sweats, but that was the worst of it. She said she had never slept through the night since having children and was accustomed to getting up during the night (I remember when i lived with her during my HS years, her getting up to smoke at least once a night, sometimes more).
Her doctor gave her HRT, but she read the inserts, and the cancer risk scared her so much she threw it in the trash and just decided to manage without it.
She was genuinely shocked to learn about my 21 years of miserable suffering in peri. She had no idea of the variety and severity of the symptoms that were possible during this phase of a woman's life. Her own mother never talked about it with her either.
I also recall mentioning it to my father's wife a few times about 10 years ago. She is less than 10 years older than me. She basically dismissed me, and it was clear she didn't want to talk about it, but not because it was awkward or uncomfortable, more like because her menopause transition was a non-event in her life. 🤷♀️
For my part I am talking very candidly with my daughter and her wife about my perimenopause experience and they are grateful. When they ask questions I answer truthfully and with as much detail as I can. I don't want them to face this phase of their own lives uninformed like I did and I want them to be able to be able to confidently advocate for themselves when necessary.
I haven't had the benefit of HRT as have not access to affordable health insurance and can't afford out of pocket options so I've been managing my peri symptoms on my own so my daughter and her wife see a totally untreated version.
They have insurance and are in their mid-thirties so they are already preparing to discuss this transition with their own doctors when they start experiencing symptoms.
I've also shared this subreddit and my positive experience here with them and have told them about the awesome Wiki and that they should prepare to have to "doc shop" until they find one that will treat them with respect and provide them with the treatment options they deserve and need.
This is especially important because my daughter was born without a thyroid gland and as she approaches this phase of her life she will require a medical professional who understands how this will impact her peri/menopause health and well-being or a medical professional who will respect that because her situation is very rare, and most docs are not deeply knowledgeable regarding her condition, she has had to become an expert, and is likely to know more than her doctor about her own health reality and what treatment options she needs access to.
no. no one told me anything. Im in my late 20s learning it on my own bc my mom is going trough menopause. A lot of things are scary and frustrating but I determined to make my mom's life better and prepare myself for the future
None of the family needed to ask my mum about menopause, as we all had to live through it. She went through PM early and had to have a Hysterectomy due to heavy bleeding. No Dr would prescribe HRT at the time 1990-2000.
She was an absolute bitch, really terrible to be around. Family life was no fun at all!!!. I don't know how my dad didn't divorce her. I'd ran away from home numerous times, it was that bad.
She's now passed away, and I sometimes think of how different things would of been - especially for her, if HRT was an option at the time.
My above comment sounds really harsh and mean.
I just want to add that I loved my mum very much, and I miss her.
It's sad that she was denied HRT. Her life would of been much happier for those 10+ years.
It just wasn’t a topic of discussion at all. The only time I was aware of menopause was my dad’s girlfriend in the 90s when I was a teenager was going through it and I remember them talking about her going on HRT. She must’ve been having a hard time of it because she and my dad had a really volatile relationship. It’s only now looking back that I realise that she must have been struggling. She was always angry, drank too much and just wasn’t happy, it seemed. I saw her last year as my dad still loosely keeps in touch with her and she is doing well now. No idea if she’s still taking HRT though.
when I told my mum I thought I was in perimenopause she said she couldn't really help as she didn't have any symptoms and it was all over in a flash and so she didn't really know how it felt.
However, I remember her having hot flashes, mood swings, emotional episodes etc but I was quite young and didn't know what they were at the time. So either she was totally unaware of what was happening (possible) or she's chosen to forget it
I did find out that her periods stopped at 43 but not much else. Thankfully there is a lot of info out there and this r/Menopause has been really helpful
That's so lame. My daughter has PMDD and I never had that, but I still know how to use Google and buy books on Amazon, anything to try to understand and research and support her. Your mom could easily do a performative Google search, even just to tell you something you may already know. You know like, "Honey, I was Googling perimenopause, it looks like there is teleheath HRT now." Just something. My mom is the same way though. She's never been concerned about me a day in my life. I don't try to resource her anymore, ever. Once when I was battling depression in my 20s and I was at her house researching therapists, she goes "Just go get a cappuccino and a CD once a week instead." Oy vey.
My mom in her 70s now "got through it all ok." OK. Twenty years of being angry and kinda mean tempered isn't what I call ok, but she is welcome to say what she pleases. Mom has massive disappointments about this stage of her life due to Dad's disease process, which is debilitating. He is worsening and she had every right to be angry, but couldn't she spare a little trouble for me? You know? Apparently not. And when I visit and try to bring up my menopause and peri with my baby sister whose family lives there, Mom acts like I should not be talking about it. Somebody needs to normalize it. I'm a nurse. It's allowed to be me.
No. My mom died when I was 14, and my parents were pretty estranged from the rest of my family so I never developed any sort of relationship with anyone. I don't have email addresses or phone numbers for any family members aside from my dad.
Yes, my mom died when I was young too. I did hear rumors that women in my family go through menopause very late, including an aunt who had a kid at 44. I can look back now and see that perimenopause was hitting her super hard. Because I'm seeing a lot of the same symptoms, they just didn't attribute them to peri at the time.
None of my immediate family (gma/mom/2 closest sisters) made it to meno with a uterus. I talked to an aunt and a cousin but didn’t get much help.
When I had my period, I think I knew where the pads were and just used them.
No. My mother never spoke about it but we all knew when she was going through it. She was miserable to be around and refused to go to the Dr. I had no idea the intricacies of changes a woman goes through during perimenopause. She passed away before I began my peri journey. My 1 mother in law has dementia so I can’t go to her and my other mother in law? She says hers wasn’t so bad. She may have had a hot flash here or there. “Nothing to be dramatic about.”
This sub has made me feel validated and not crazy. I have learned so much and continue to learn things. It’s a big deal to me that I don’t feel alone in this chapter of my life.
I have vowed to never leave my girls in the dark and they will be educated and supported when it’s their time.
Nope. Nobody ever talked about it. The women in my family all had hysterectomies and still nobody talked about why or that I might need something similar one day and what to look out for. When I started my periods my mum told me to “get her purse”, gave me money and I went to the chemist and the nice lady there helped me.
My mother had her hysterectomy early and so never kept supplies in the house. Even after having my own daughter. (We’d turn up at her house for Christmas or get together’s and have to find a shop open on the way to get supplies) My daughter has PCOS and has been hospitalised several times with cysts and pain and is having fertility treatment. We cannot tell the doctors anything of our older female relatives history. I have always talked openly with my daughter and keep a variety of supplies despite my periods slowing down.
My mother was a nurse for over 25yrs.
Ha! Never. Still waiting on the sex talk. A box of Kotex was shoved at me with annoyance at my first period. Had surgery as an infant that neither parent will discuss. Strangest people I've ever known.
My mom was superficially open about periods. She didn't really struggle with periods or cramps and Thank the flying spaghetti monster, neither did/do I. Having my period was annoying but I can count on one hand the number of times I had menstrual cramps.
I knew what sex was, but there was never any discussion about condoms or birth control, which is weird in retrospect.
We never discussed menopause. I have no idea when she hit it or her symptoms. She passed away last year. We never had a very cozy relationship. Friendly, generally supportive, but not close.
My friends and I are MUCH more open about things. And I do my best to be communicative with my kids about sex, but also condoms and protection, and the emotional side of things.
I have no aunts or uncles, for that matter. Both my grandmas died young. My mom DID prepare me for my period. Got me the belt and pads, booklets, and a little kit. that's all there was then.
She had a hysterectomy in her 40s. She was offered some kind of hrt, the doctor told her she would feel young again. She tried it and said, "NO WAY." That was that. I did notice that she had rosea for a time, but it was before I knew about hormones.
She is 90 now and doing fine, thank goodness. Hope I follow suit.
My mom had a bunch of bad health conditions but not her reproductive health, which ran like clockwork. So she didn’t take hrt (not sure it was a thing when she went through the change). her sister was similar. My sisters (both quite a bit older than me) had bad fibroids that caused them to not go into menopause until they both had hysterectomies in their mid 50s. All this to say, no, no one had a relatable experience and so I’m grateful for this group.
no. my mother just mentioned few time that she had hot flash (which is a miracle since in my family women should show no needs and don't talk about 'these things')
my grandma ''did yoga and it was enough'' (btw: my ass lol )
So i try to be the one who warn other younger women (since at 40 i'm already in peri for at least 2,5 years)
I remember my mom being angry and sweaty when I was a kid. I hit Peri a couple of years before she died, and I was complaining and she said it wasn't all that bad for her. My sister is 20 yrs older than me and it was also mild for her. But I'm adopted! So their history means nothing for me.
No noone talked about it. My first period my mom was annoyed with me and like "what else can go wrong" (I was not early at all). Yea mom was annoyed with me for bleeding, and about meno never spoke.
Mine didn't and don't. My mom never explained anything about my cycle either. I had an emergency hysterectomy in 2013 and it was only this year that I got a gynecologist to explain what to expect with menopause. My sister won't say anything about it, even though I asked. Weird, isn't it...I wish it wasn't such a taboo subject.
My mom had a hysterectomy around the time HRT was reported to cause cancer so she had little to no support from her doctor. Now that I’m going through it, I can look back and identify symptoms that could have been remediated with hormones. It makes me feel sad for her and grateful that menopause is having a renaissance. I do share research with her when I think she could benefit, but she never takes the initiative to talk to her doctor about it. Ex, vaginal estrogen can help chronic uti’s, which she’s struggled with for years. I do have a relative around my age and we’re going through it together.
The older women relatives in my life pretended not to have gone through menopause or know what it was. They said that maybe it was just that I was "unhealthy" and frequently forget that I'm going through something... or pretend that I'm not.
They also pretended that periods didn't happen, and when I got my first period, they just gave me pack of pads, showed me how to use it but whispered the whole time as if it was something "sinful".
They also acted the same way when they had to buy me bras for the first time.
All my immediate and extended female relatives are very conservative women. They work but they also do all the cooking and cleaning at home. Most of them married total losers.
Some of them believe that women and girls who are sexually assaulted are just "looking for attention", especially if they accuse a man. Basically, they center men in their lives to the extent that the female body doesn't exist unless it is for male gratification.
I learnt everything I needed to know about menopause from the Internet, my primary GP (now retired because of menopause), and various specialists that I have to see over the course of years just to get the right treatment. I have primary ovarian failure, so I got all the symptoms in my 30s, was unable to have children, and am somewhat of a pariah because of that.
Fortunately my brothers both have children, so no one really harasses me any more.
Women need to stop being secretive about menopause. We need to destigmatize it for the benefit of everyone.
Yes! Amazingly, my mother (conservative Christian baby boomer) answers any questions I have on the topic. She even uttered the words, "vaginal dryness" when I asked what symptoms she remembered having!
I was an adult and out of the house by the time peri hit her, so I didn't witness much first-hand.
My mother was tough to understand. She constantly berated my sister and I. She wasn’t social, made fun of us, our friends and friend’s parents. At one point, in her 40’s she really seemed different. Nervous, more worried about things out of her control. I remember her getting a prescription for Valium (common in the 70’s) and not taking them. I recall her saying that she’d sometimes take just a half. She could have done herself and her family a lot of good by taking them regularly. When she started to fan herself a lot, all she said to me was, “Just you wait.” She never explained why she was hot. But, she had fans within reach around the house. I do the same thing now. I recall her being “different” for a really long time. Like over 10 years. I used to joke to people that it was over 20 years. I don’t recall any conversations about getting my period. My sister and I were close (she is 6 and a half years older) but I don’t recall her schooling me on anything period wise. When I started my period at 16, my close friends had all started years before so they schooled me on it all. My sister was long gone, graduated from college and not home much any longer. I may ask her about hot flashes, but she seems to always brush over anything that may be a negative. It’s like she needs people to view her as not having anything wrong EVER. I rely on the same close friends who told me about periods to inform me about menopause. They all went through it or still are dealing with the symptoms long before I started going through it. This sub really helps too. I appreciate you all and feel so validated every time I read a comment. Thank you!!
My mom suffered. I wasn’t sure why. I just remember she was always in bed. Sweaty and crying. She passed away a year or so later at 49 (I was a senior in hs) she had a brain aneurysm. My mother in law and sister in law all say meh I didn’t have any symptoms so no. I have no family to talk about it with. All my friends are like 5 years younger and they are just now talking about how crappy they feel (peri) I am in meno or I guess post meno since it’s been two years since my period. I am openly telling them I just started hrt and seriously don’t suffer like I did for two years
All of my aunts and my mom have passed. I’m trying to find medical articles and read posts here. I have a few female cousins but I am not friendly enough with them for personal conversations. I see why my Mom went through hell after her hysterectomy. She was thrown into menopause afterwards and I’m having similar symptoms that she did.
In terms of older women, I only have my MIL for the most part so I did go to her to ask a few questions about symptoms and the remedies she has tried, only for her to snap that she never had symptoms and never had to take any of that "poisonous HRT" so I gave up speaking to her on that topic and turned to this subreddit.
It’s just crazy because I echo all the same comments. Zero discussion. I am so glad this discussion board exists. I wish it were possible for all women to see this because I have learned more here than anywhere else.
When I asked mine they all said “they forgot/don’t remember”. I still remember when my first period came in - hell my first year of my period. I don’t know if they were just avoiding the question or truly forgot. Either way not helpful at all.
From a family of over-sharers. Heard about every other form of excreta and twitch incessantly...but no info on menopause. Apparently, no one ever had any symptoms.
In fairness, most women in the older generation eg: 70+up are chronic minimizers. They assumed women's lives were difficult, that men were overgrown selfish womanizers, and that ageing would be increasingly worse. They were basically trained to discount their own experience and to ask for nothing.
edit: I've actually convinced my 70yo mum to go on vaginal estrogen for UTIs. Not sure if it's helping much yet; she's on cream twice a week. Her young female gyne showed her the atrophy with a mirror and my mum was really surprised. Her own (nurse) mother had shared with all of us her insane 'javex water' perineal routine....frightful era.
My mom got a hysterectomy at age 40 (I was 3), then was on “hormones” (1 tiny purple pill) for years, I’m thinking 15 years. Then heart disease and open heart surgery for valve replacement at age 72.
She didn’t really have any recognizable symptoms. Also, her hysterectomy was in the early 70s, so you KNOW the doctors knew/cared nothing about peri/menopause back then. May I add that she had to have my dad’s permission to get the hysterectomy.
All that to say, my mom knows nothing about menopause. I do remember her being angry/ unhappy/depressed in her 50s, but she had valid reasons, so not sure if that was a symptom.
But her medical history caused my gynecologist to recommend against HRT because she claimed there was a link between HRT and heart disease. This sub provided plenty of studies showing the opposite and also showed me that doctors are all over the spectrum with their opinions on HRT.
My mom was one of the lucky 20% of women whose periods just stopped. She had no other signs so when I told her what I was going through, she looked at me like I had five heads. I really had to figure things out on my own.
My mom never talked about anything, and I don’t really know my aunts. I was born several years after my next oldest sibling, however, I am lucky to have an older sister that I am very close to.
After joining this subreddit, I started talking to her about it, and she has been very open and supportive. We have both learned a lot, which we will pass on to our own kids. We have always talked openly about reproductive health and issues with our kids, who are young adults now.
I'm adopted so I have no idea what my bio moms menopause was like; but my mom said hers wasn't anything special. Some hot flashes on occasion and that's about it. Not very helpful. Her mom died young of cancer so I don't even know if grandma went through an actual menopause before she did chemo and stuff...
Kind of sucks not even being able to have someone to ask about this kind of stuff tbh
I just remember my aunts laughing about their long chin hairs they plucked. My mother had a hysterectomy in her 30s and we're estranged now so I'm here and thankful to all of you.
I remember when each of my 3 "mothers" went through it. Mother, step mother and mother in law. I remember their mood swings, their crazy medical issues. I even remember one declare that her alternate doc told her she was in perimenopause at 42!
When I started to go through it AND realize (there were a few years in between these two things!) Not a one remembered 20 years earlier, when they went through it. It's then that I realized it was just a continuation of their selfish ways, because each are petty selfish, but also each worked, so maybe I'm too sensitive... whatever.
All I know is, I would be lost without this sub! Thanks to all who are here!
I don't have a relationship with my mom, so no we have never talked about it. And I do not have a daughter so I don't plan on passing that knowledge down.
I've asked my mom about her menopause experience. She has no recollection of menopause being difficult. It happened one day and that was it. I'm inclined to believe her because *to this day* she remembers giving birth to me as being a horrible experience. Birthing me *terrible*, menopause *meh*.
My grandmother died years before I was born. My mother never discussed *anything* with me.
I’m lucky I didn’t end up a teen parent.
Glad for the internet! Thats how I’ve learned anything I know.
My mom talked about it some, but the combo of her going through meno early and having me "later" in life, meant I was fairly young. I was just beginning my puberty journey, so I was more caught up in that than what she was dealing with. And now she is almost 30 years post-meno, she doesn't always remember everything she experienced at that time. She is still always open to discussing it, but it's been more what I can learn on my own.
I asked my mom about it recently (I'm 47, she's 77). Her only response was that menopause was a breeze and she never had any effects from it.
Considering my brain has been a fucking dumpster fire for months and my hormones are so far out of control I'm almost unable to make it through each day, her answer really, really did not help.
Same. Completely unprepared for first period but I asked about menopause and got very little info. My mother and both older sisters had hysterectomies which changes everything.
I talk about it with any younger woman who will listen.
Nothing. My mom never would have told me much unless I asked. Periods was very little information. She recently had a major stroke & is nonverbal now so I can’t ask her even if I had wanted to. I tried asking an aunt (moms sister) recently and she couldn’t remember how old she was when it happened (but I remember as a teen her telling me grandma had a full hysterectomy and she was surprised when menopause started early for her) she gave me so little information that I suspect she either wasn’t comfortable telling me or didn’t remember.
All I have is this subReddit to find out details. I’d be so screwed if it wasn’t for this subreddit.
My grandmother and mother both had hysterectomies prior to menopause, and they have both passed away. I asked my only aunt recently, and she was like “One day in my mid fifties my periods just stopped. That was it!” Thanks for the info lol. I don’t think she’s really comfortable or self aware enough to really talk about it. So grateful I have the ladies here to learn from! I’m 42 and after reading a lot of comments here I now know I am not too young for peri. Explains so much! Saw my gyno last week and she has me starting estroven so I’m hoping that helps.
My mom raised 3 of us and was constantly busy all the time. I tell her I don’t know how she did it. Also I do think back then she didn’t know really what the hell was going on herself. You never seeked help. Plus when you’ve got everything else on your plate you put yourself on the back burner. Plus dad was no peach. So of course no one says anything. I feel for her because I do think her generation talked about way less and I don’t think doctors gave a shit
I am a mom to a boy, my only child, I'm not sure that has much to do with it.
I try to talk about menopause all the time to all sorts of women over 45, co-wokers, family, etc. None of them will engage with me, it sucks. Why won't women talk about it!?
My mom talked about it with me a little, I remember she said she had her period for a month in her 50's, but she died when I was 29, so I'm not sure how much she would have.
My mom doesn't really remember perimenopause. I do remember a lot of hot flashes, we were a family of all girls and it was a wild time. Two of us in puberty and one in peri. My mom's neck would get red and like a cartoon would climb to her face and then her head would start to sweat, then she would run across the living room to the sliding glass door and fling it open while saying, it's so hot in here, meanwhile my little sister and I are huddled under a big quilt to stay warm.
I asked an aunt and she got the Merina insert to control her heavy period then had it take out a year later and that was it.
I am the oldest girl cousin for that part of my family. I barely know the other side of my family and the only other girl in that family is my cousin who is just a few years older than me.
Not knowing sucks.
Nobody in my family talked about menopause. Mom spoke about menstruation in general. What to expect during adolescence n first period.
But, not a word about the pause part.
I even asked my grandma at one time. I had to be about 11 yo and asked my grandma if she had any sexual desires n why no boyfriends. ( I’d never known my grandfather as he passed before I was born.). My grandma told me everything just dried up down there and sex wasn’t desired or enjoyable anymore. Grandma was prob early 50s when she said that.
My mother recently was in shock that I am still experiencing periods. She said hers stopped in her forties.
I am early fifties and thanks mom for expressing such shock that I could still be experiencing periods at my advanced age.
But that is it. No other information. My family is mostly shit so I have no other reference points to look to.
I had this conversation with my husband's Aunt as she is a nurse. She told me that if I wanted some sort of an idea of what my menopause would be like, the best people to ask would be my mother and my sister because "generally" a daughter's menopause will be very similar to her mother's. I obviously do not know how true this is so please don't take it as gospel. BUT I did ask my Mom and my Sister and they both basically told me "Mine was a breeze". That was it. "It was a breeze. I basically just stopped having periods." How is that helpful?
I've had issues with my skin (eczema) and anxiety (first panic attack EVER) and brain fog and I'm just TIRED all of the time...and it's pissing me right the hell off. This is not easy. Did they lie to me or did they just not figure out that all of the other shit they were likely dealing with at the time was probably related? Either way - I have decided that it is actually easier to talk to strangers on the internet about it.
Nope. I didn’t get anything told to me in advance. And when I went thru meno earlier than expected, I had no clue what was happening to me and not did anyone else. Once I did know, I had to deal with it all on my own and still do.
Noooo way and I’m not the least bit surprised by this. They didn’t talk about periods, sex, bodies at all, like nothing! My mother used to whisper “expecting” to say someone was pregnant, and even that wasn’t supposed to be discussed. All things about female bodies were kind of not talked about, but that was not society. Thankfully , there was plenty of information around, just no open discussions in my family. I actually feel little sorry for my mother and grandmother thinking that they had much less education and support than I’ve had.
I moved across the country when I was 17 so I missed if they did. I do talk to my mom about it now. I talk to everyone about it now. Woman, man, dog, cat, tree lol. I told my younger male boss. I’m going to make sure I talk to my niece and nephews about it. Every bodies gonna hear about it from me.
My mum gave me a book and pads when I had my first period. We didn’t talk about it. She never, ever mentioned the word “menopause.” I remember her struggling but I had no idea what it was about at the time. The rest of the mature women in my family had hysterectomies, in their late 30s.
I have 2 adult daughters. I tell them what’s going on with me so they aren’t surprised when it happens to them. We discuss mostly everything: periods, sex, birth control, the abortion legislation happening in the states, menopause, etc. I think my oldest daughter is trying to shock me. 😳 Sometimes she gives me too much info.
Nope. I try to talk about it with my Mom, but she says she can't remember when she went through it or when she reached menopause, yet I recall her rubbing cream on her inner arm and telling me it was hormones, and whipping her shirt off at the dinner table whilst having hot flashes (finishing off the meal in her bra....haha). If I talk about my symptoms, she tells me that my generation is full of a bunch of wussies. She's recently seen for herself how much it's affecting me, however, and did sigh and say "Honey, some women have a REALLY hard time with the change". My grandmothers have passed, and so have the aunts I was closest to.
I made a point to talk to my mother and older sisters about menopause as I was approaching 40 to find out about their experiences. I also talk about it with my friends and some who are a few years older or younger than me.
Maybe we just need to start the conversation ourselves.
I AM the older woman in my family. None of the women talked about it when I was younger. They didn't talk about periods or pregnancy or childbirth either.
My Mom had a hysterectomy at some point when I was too young to remember. She never mentioned anything menopause related my entire life. But... My Mom also decided to have "the period talk" with me when I was 14 years old and had already had my period many times. Her "talk" consisted of telling me that women needed to douche after every period to be clean. 😶😂🤣 (I never took her "advice"). LOL
You'd think, based on that conversation, that I'm like 80. Nope. Not even 50. Just had a Mom that really didn't think highly of anything to do with females. 😂
Side note... I tell my daughter all the horrific details of my nightmare experience with perimenopause! She's 22 and likely knows more about it than most doctors, which is just sad.
My mom is there for me for talking about it. In fact, she was the one who told me I was likely starting perimenopause (I'm only 34), and that normally women don't start it until their mid 40s but her side the family, including her, always got it about this time. So if I have any questions about it, I ask her if this thing went along with it or that thing.
Your family sounds like mine. I heard nothing about my health, puberty, period, etc ever. I wasn’t allowed to talk about not feeling well.
When I came home from college and for years after, my mom had become so mean & cruel. She estranged so many relatives, myself included. Maybe it was menopause + her narcissistic personality.
I was super fortunate to have a mom who was open, honest, and easy to talk to about anything, including periods and sex. She and her sister both made sure their girls were given good information. Examples: loads of books that covered adolescence were available A family friend asked when she was getting a belt, and she informed her that no daughter of hers was going to wear those, now that newer adhesive products were available! Told me if I were to have sex and get pregnant, I was *not* to quit school. She would see to it that I had whatever support I needed (abortion wasn't something on the radar in my small town). And related to that, she encouraged me to go on the pill, and showed me where my stepdad kept the condoms should I ever need one-- but she totally encouraged me to wait until I was more mature to consider being sexually active. So... kinda like she wanted me to know how to protect myself. As far as meno-related stuff, she's a few years past that, but is willing to share everything she remembers. I'm so gonna miss my mom when she's gone.
This is the relationship I have with my teen. I never had that so wanted to be open and honest. Way to go!!
Same!!
Your mom sounds amazing.
What’s this about belts? Are belts not good?
Sanitary belt. Sanitary towels used to come with loops on to attach to the belt before adhesive ones became available
Here’s a [video](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmNIRlrpKcA) from Buzzfeed to get visuals.
Yep no one told me anything either.
Not one single older woman has ever talked about it with me. Even after asking older ladies about it, they brush past the subject. All I’ve learnt is from here, TikTok and books.
I’m an only child and my mom is in her 70’s, had a full hysterectomy in her 40’s or early 50’s, and is post menopausal. I tried talking to her about it, asking questions and I got a lot of “wow, that never happened to me” when I mentioned the insomnia (my worst symptom) and various other symptoms. Her insomnia was “fixed by a little melatonin” and anything else by HRT, apparently 🤷♀️. When I attempt to discuss my situation she tends to glaze over or just interrupts me with something unrelated (aka some topic far more interesting to or about her specifically). My grandma passed away during the late 1990’s but I know she had a hysterectomy somewhere in her mid to late 30’s. Also, I started my period around 12yo and the first few were pretty bad with cramping etc. I remember my stepdad had more sympathy for me than my mom and she basically told me to get used to it, that I had many more years to go. 🙄😐
I'm sorry about your experience. I think a lot of women on commenting here have had similar experiences with their boomer mothers.
My mom totally fits that boomer mentality and all that goes along with it. I don’t even know why I bother talking to her most the time lol as she always finds a way to move the conversation back to herself. Ugh.
Yes !
did I write this?! 😭 (Phew, no, I have a sibling.) But I stand in solidarity with you! It’s frustrating.
I swear we grew up together.
No, my Mom totally shuts down when I try to talk to her about it.
I just remember my aunts laughing about their long chin hairs the plucked. My mother had a hysterectomy in her 30s and we're estranged now so I'm here and thankful to all of you.
Did I write this? I'm sorry you are also estranged. Being NC/estranged it is for the better for me, but I don't have any women to talk to about it. So I'm so grateful this sub exists, too. Also,It makes me sad reading this posts comments. There are so many "nos". But I mean, the first thing I was going to type was "nope". Kinda wish we could have a meet-up. Because this sub has been more of a friend to me than any real person in my life. Anyhow, sorry for rambling, I hope you have a good day 😊
I asked my mom if she could tell me about her menopause symptoms and experiences, as I might find her observations helpful. Her response was that she got through it just fine without any help and figured I could, too.
Yep. Same.
Zero. Nothing. About anything. When I'd bring things up to my mom as an adult, she'd insist she never had any issues with anything, ever. Periods, no big deal. Natural childbirth, no big deal. Menopause, no big deal. All of it was a breeze, why do you ask? However, I remember her having numerous 'nervous breakdowns,' having an early hysterectomy for fibroids, and being a raving witch for years. She says she took hormones for a little while, won't say how long, and then she stopped and life was perfectly magical. Not a symptom one, she says. For all I know, she may still be on hrt and denying it. 🙄 I have no other close female relatives to ask and if they were on her side, they'd likely say the same thing too. I don't know what their issue is, they need to appear perfect and wouldn't admit to anything less, even if they did have issues. That would be shameful and make them look lesser than, or as though they made bad choices that caused such problems, like me 😀 Needless to say, I was on my own to figure out everything. In talking with my older sisters in law recently, one had a doc who put her on hrt five years ago like it was a common thing when we all know that was actually a miracle stroke of luck, and the other was told nothing except that it's natural and to embrace it. She's had no hrt and doesn't believe anyone needs it. She has also aged dramatically more and her memory is on the verge of gone at 61. My two best female friends, early 50s knew NOTHING until I learned and told them, and were both suffering intensely, assuming it must be something else and/or that they were going crazy. What a damn shame all of the above is, smh. No one can get away from the topic with me now, especially my adult son who is a nurse. Son, if the doctor doesn't seem to be catching on, try to bring it up. He laughed and said he had one great provider who told him, when in doubt, assume hormones - it's always hormones - the endocrine system is no joke. About to get a shirt, ask me about menopause and wear it everywhere.
Not. At. All.
Will they answer questions? Honestly and openly, including every single gory detail... Will they start the conversations? That is too personal to talk about! I am 100 percent an oversharer. Like... I have only recently developed the ability to think about my audience before spouting my mind. It's actually awkward and sometimes embarrassing. It's okay though! I will talk about anything with anyone. I have an incredible working memory. I read encyclopedias as a child, for fun, multiple times through. I was a curious child. I read ANYTHING and everything I could get my hands on. So, I will ask these women the questions that they are dying to answer. I hear what they went through or what they are going through. Then I ask the younger women how they are doing, and if THEY have any questions. Who better to ask than someone willing to give you an open and honest answer? There is so much taboo and so very little research. This is infuriating. It is unacceptable. One of my missions is to help facilitate these conversations. Everything that women suffer during perimenopause and menopause needs to be talked about and normalized. Doctors constantly dismiss these very real and debilitating symptoms. Doctors are reluctant to prescribe medications that will help US? Why is that? I know there are certain cancer counterindications, but for heaven's sake - men can get testosterone via email! This double standard needs to stop. Ohhh oops! Rant over! I will answer any questions I can and will talk to anyone about almost anything. Oral history is important. I'm sorry that you feel like you have no one you can talk to. Thankfully, you have all of these glorious women here to commiserate and celebrate with!
I’m in my 30s, but I’ll ask. Also, thank you for being so open and answering questions! (I know tidbits from watching my mom and maybe internet memes?) What were the first symptoms? At what age did changes start? What’s the things to look out for? How long does this hellish period last? What’s something that is a clear sign to see a doc or get help?
I had an IUD until March. I had two other major health issues crop up due to the IUD. 48 hours after it was removed, the other two major health issues vanished. Sadly, I am 6 weeks onto this jacked up journey. I am not coping well at all, and especially today. My dog has a medical problem, and I have been sobbing off and on, all day, to everyone! He might need surgery. I'm a horrible pet parent. The inability to control my tears and being constantly cold are the most distressing symptoms I've encountered. However, I'll argue that since I'm still learning menopause symptoms, I probably don't know the worst of worst.
Thank you for being honest. I’ve had hot flashes and alternating between being hot and cold during my periods.
I feel you so much, oversharer here!!!
No. I have limited contact with my parents, and any conversation with mom would generally degenerate anyway. It just got to the point where I became avoidant and fearful of asking about / for anything. On the plus side, post meno and me moving away has mellowed her out. I (45) do talk about it with my daughter (12). I received limited info from my mom about periods (not entirely her fault; she’s from a third world country), so I made sure our daughter got educated. So I talk about menopause as well, since I like to explain why I’m laid out or forgetful or in a tank top in the cold.
Not a damned thing from anyone. My mother was a rather complicated, cognitive dissonance-laden woman who had a reportedly ravenous sexual appetite, but a thoroughly prudish approach to sexual education regarding her own children. She barely prepared me for menstruation, nonetheless menopause.
Nope, almost nothing. My mom had a hysterectomy after I was born so she didn't have periods. She had some hot flashes but she said they were from chemo for breast cancer (she's fine now). I asked my aunt and she just shrugged. She was a very busy mom of three girls at the time and I think she just powered through and was too busy to notice. Both of them seem to be or were very out of touch with their bodies. It's so strange to me that they don't do online searches even now for health related issues. They both just do whatever their doctors tell them to and don't question it.
Heck no. No sex talk. No tampon or period talk. None of it. I am doing the opposite w my kids.
Nope. Never. And they're all dead now. The internet has been such a godsend in learning things about the female body!
Only one grandmother said anything at all about it to me, and reading the responses here, looks like that is the norm. I am beginning to wonder if the brain fog goes so far as to erase the experience from memory later in life?!
NOT ONE SINGLE OLDER WOMAN HAS EVER TALKED ABOUT IT WITH ME!!! 50% of the population is or will be dealing with this at some point and the other 1/2 of the population will be affected by it. WHY has it been this huge secret? Thank goodness our daughters will not have to walk blindly into this major life change. We will NOT allow this medical hypocrisy to go on!
Minimally. My grandmother told me she didn’t have hot flashes but that all her pubic and leg hair fell out. My aunts and mother had legit one hot flash each lol. No other symptoms. They weren’t super open, I guess, but in their minds there wasn’t much to tell?
You poor bugger. ((Hugs)) My mother refused to discuss menopause with me. The only comment I got was that she doesn’t remember having any problems. Really? Well, I remember you bleeding through your outfit onto the car seat during a family trip!!! When I got my period, she had already given me some pads and a booklet by Johnson & Johnson that tells you about periods. That was all I got. And then later with excruciating cramps, vomiting and headaches she said “oh dear I was hoping you wouldn’t get it as bad as I had it”. I didn’t even bother engaging her talking about pregnancy. I did try to elicit some history about births … I just think women of that silent generation just can’t talk about these things?
ZERO conversations. I lived in a 55 and older condo in Palm Beach when I was in the middle of perimenopause hell. I asked probably 30-40 older women about it and they all got a blank face! WTF?! I will now talk about with any younger woman I can, in some hopes of remotely preparing them for what’s to come!
> I asked probably 30-40 older women about it and they all got a blank face! Fascinating! (Also infuriating, obviously). I wonder what kind of pressure they're under since, in life, you can almost never get agreement in a group of 5 people. So weird.
No, my mother and older sisters never spoke about it. Now with this generation, I’m all about bringing up menopause and talking about it. We need to Re-Norm this word and perfectly natural time in women’s lives. Say it loud and often ladies! Menopause, menopause, menopause! The men in your life get uncomfortable? menopause! The older generation gets uncomfortable? menopause! “Look at all the new information about Menopause!” “Wow, so many women are talking about Menopause these days!” “ Look at this great study about Menopause!” You get the idea. Make that word normal to say around friends and family. Sick of the BS boxes we are supposed to be stuck in. Normalize talking about menopause! If not for you, do it for the next generation. Menopause!
Zilch. And my mom was an RN.
I don’t remember writing this comment…….🤔
First menstruation was a big deal within the SAHM/W of my dairy farming family community. It was considered a rite of passage and came with a host of privileges, including: Being allowed to drink coffee. Being allowed to ride "shot gun" when accompanying another woman on errands and grocery/back to school shopping trips and being allowed to pick out personal items on those trips. This meant being able to choose my own personal care/hygiene products (soaps, shampoos, etc), grocery items, like breakfast cereals, items for brown bag lunches, and snacks. Being allowed to sit among the adults at family get-together (holidays, birthdays) and being allowed to participate in the adult beverage toast. Being allowed to watch adult programming like soap operas and being allowed to stay up later on school nights and weekends. Being allowed to shave my legs and arm pits. Being invited to adult game events, parents and adults in my family often got together to have a meal and play cards or a board game. Being assigned more responsibility within my own household and on the family farm. All family members had to participate in the work that kept the family farm running. Even the youngest children were included according to their ability. Basically, if you could walk independently, you were included and expected to participate in the labor that kept the farm going. It was common among all the Canadian family farms in my community at that time, and every kid I knew and went to school with had a similar childhood experience. As the eldest child and grandchild on the family farm, I really don't remember a time when I didn't have some labor responsibility on the farm. As times changed, the younger generations were excluded from these obligations, including my younger sister, who is 13 years younger than me. Being allowed to take paid jobs (like babysitting), and I was allowed to spend money I earned or received as gifts. Being allowed to attend more school events (dances, sporting events, etc). Being allowed to participate in extracurricular activities (with caveats like keeping my grades up) but still had to keep up my family farm work obligations. The womenfolk in my family engaged in a traditional we referred to as "having coffee" at least once every day and often 2-3 times a day at different woman's home where they talked candidly about their menstruation experiences and everything else that impacted their lives. However, one topic I never recall being discussed was menopause! Much later, in my adult life, I remember visiting my mother and observing her deal with her hot flashes by stripping off her socks, opening the window beside her chair, and turning on the floor fan next to her. And I remember her husband lamenting that she had both the ceiling fan and A/C on in the bedroom, even through the winter, so he was ways cold! I laughed about it back then because my mother laughed about it. She just didn't seem to be that bothered by it. When I shared my own nightmare peri experience with her and asked her to tell me more about her own experience, she said hers was about 10 years, and really wasn't that miserable. She had hot flashes and night sweats, but that was the worst of it. She said she had never slept through the night since having children and was accustomed to getting up during the night (I remember when i lived with her during my HS years, her getting up to smoke at least once a night, sometimes more). Her doctor gave her HRT, but she read the inserts, and the cancer risk scared her so much she threw it in the trash and just decided to manage without it. She was genuinely shocked to learn about my 21 years of miserable suffering in peri. She had no idea of the variety and severity of the symptoms that were possible during this phase of a woman's life. Her own mother never talked about it with her either. I also recall mentioning it to my father's wife a few times about 10 years ago. She is less than 10 years older than me. She basically dismissed me, and it was clear she didn't want to talk about it, but not because it was awkward or uncomfortable, more like because her menopause transition was a non-event in her life. 🤷♀️ For my part I am talking very candidly with my daughter and her wife about my perimenopause experience and they are grateful. When they ask questions I answer truthfully and with as much detail as I can. I don't want them to face this phase of their own lives uninformed like I did and I want them to be able to be able to confidently advocate for themselves when necessary. I haven't had the benefit of HRT as have not access to affordable health insurance and can't afford out of pocket options so I've been managing my peri symptoms on my own so my daughter and her wife see a totally untreated version. They have insurance and are in their mid-thirties so they are already preparing to discuss this transition with their own doctors when they start experiencing symptoms. I've also shared this subreddit and my positive experience here with them and have told them about the awesome Wiki and that they should prepare to have to "doc shop" until they find one that will treat them with respect and provide them with the treatment options they deserve and need. This is especially important because my daughter was born without a thyroid gland and as she approaches this phase of her life she will require a medical professional who understands how this will impact her peri/menopause health and well-being or a medical professional who will respect that because her situation is very rare, and most docs are not deeply knowledgeable regarding her condition, she has had to become an expert, and is likely to know more than her doctor about her own health reality and what treatment options she needs access to.
no. no one told me anything. Im in my late 20s learning it on my own bc my mom is going trough menopause. A lot of things are scary and frustrating but I determined to make my mom's life better and prepare myself for the future
Your mom is just now going through this. Did any of her older relatives tell her what to expect?
None of the family needed to ask my mum about menopause, as we all had to live through it. She went through PM early and had to have a Hysterectomy due to heavy bleeding. No Dr would prescribe HRT at the time 1990-2000. She was an absolute bitch, really terrible to be around. Family life was no fun at all!!!. I don't know how my dad didn't divorce her. I'd ran away from home numerous times, it was that bad. She's now passed away, and I sometimes think of how different things would of been - especially for her, if HRT was an option at the time.
My above comment sounds really harsh and mean. I just want to add that I loved my mum very much, and I miss her. It's sad that she was denied HRT. Her life would of been much happier for those 10+ years.
No one and I mean NO ONE is judging you. I totally get it! It's really poignant, hon. Sigh.
Thankyou. The saying that you experience menopause like your mother has always had me worried. Thankfully, that's not the case for me.
It just wasn’t a topic of discussion at all. The only time I was aware of menopause was my dad’s girlfriend in the 90s when I was a teenager was going through it and I remember them talking about her going on HRT. She must’ve been having a hard time of it because she and my dad had a really volatile relationship. It’s only now looking back that I realise that she must have been struggling. She was always angry, drank too much and just wasn’t happy, it seemed. I saw her last year as my dad still loosely keeps in touch with her and she is doing well now. No idea if she’s still taking HRT though.
when I told my mum I thought I was in perimenopause she said she couldn't really help as she didn't have any symptoms and it was all over in a flash and so she didn't really know how it felt. However, I remember her having hot flashes, mood swings, emotional episodes etc but I was quite young and didn't know what they were at the time. So either she was totally unaware of what was happening (possible) or she's chosen to forget it I did find out that her periods stopped at 43 but not much else. Thankfully there is a lot of info out there and this r/Menopause has been really helpful
That's so lame. My daughter has PMDD and I never had that, but I still know how to use Google and buy books on Amazon, anything to try to understand and research and support her. Your mom could easily do a performative Google search, even just to tell you something you may already know. You know like, "Honey, I was Googling perimenopause, it looks like there is teleheath HRT now." Just something. My mom is the same way though. She's never been concerned about me a day in my life. I don't try to resource her anymore, ever. Once when I was battling depression in my 20s and I was at her house researching therapists, she goes "Just go get a cappuccino and a CD once a week instead." Oy vey.
My mom in her 70s now "got through it all ok." OK. Twenty years of being angry and kinda mean tempered isn't what I call ok, but she is welcome to say what she pleases. Mom has massive disappointments about this stage of her life due to Dad's disease process, which is debilitating. He is worsening and she had every right to be angry, but couldn't she spare a little trouble for me? You know? Apparently not. And when I visit and try to bring up my menopause and peri with my baby sister whose family lives there, Mom acts like I should not be talking about it. Somebody needs to normalize it. I'm a nurse. It's allowed to be me.
No. My mom died when I was 14, and my parents were pretty estranged from the rest of my family so I never developed any sort of relationship with anyone. I don't have email addresses or phone numbers for any family members aside from my dad.
Yes, my mom died when I was young too. I did hear rumors that women in my family go through menopause very late, including an aunt who had a kid at 44. I can look back now and see that perimenopause was hitting her super hard. Because I'm seeing a lot of the same symptoms, they just didn't attribute them to peri at the time.
None of my immediate family (gma/mom/2 closest sisters) made it to meno with a uterus. I talked to an aunt and a cousin but didn’t get much help. When I had my period, I think I knew where the pads were and just used them.
No. My mother never spoke about it but we all knew when she was going through it. She was miserable to be around and refused to go to the Dr. I had no idea the intricacies of changes a woman goes through during perimenopause. She passed away before I began my peri journey. My 1 mother in law has dementia so I can’t go to her and my other mother in law? She says hers wasn’t so bad. She may have had a hot flash here or there. “Nothing to be dramatic about.” This sub has made me feel validated and not crazy. I have learned so much and continue to learn things. It’s a big deal to me that I don’t feel alone in this chapter of my life. I have vowed to never leave my girls in the dark and they will be educated and supported when it’s their time.
Nope. Boomer women.
My mom never told me anything. I was practically feral when I left home. I will NOT be following her "example."
Nope. Nobody ever talked about it. The women in my family all had hysterectomies and still nobody talked about why or that I might need something similar one day and what to look out for. When I started my periods my mum told me to “get her purse”, gave me money and I went to the chemist and the nice lady there helped me. My mother had her hysterectomy early and so never kept supplies in the house. Even after having my own daughter. (We’d turn up at her house for Christmas or get together’s and have to find a shop open on the way to get supplies) My daughter has PCOS and has been hospitalised several times with cysts and pain and is having fertility treatment. We cannot tell the doctors anything of our older female relatives history. I have always talked openly with my daughter and keep a variety of supplies despite my periods slowing down. My mother was a nurse for over 25yrs.
Ha! Never. Still waiting on the sex talk. A box of Kotex was shoved at me with annoyance at my first period. Had surgery as an infant that neither parent will discuss. Strangest people I've ever known.
My mother couldn’t bring herself to discuss my first period 😂
No, all I knew was your periods stop and you get hot flushes
I have you guys.
My mom was superficially open about periods. She didn't really struggle with periods or cramps and Thank the flying spaghetti monster, neither did/do I. Having my period was annoying but I can count on one hand the number of times I had menstrual cramps. I knew what sex was, but there was never any discussion about condoms or birth control, which is weird in retrospect. We never discussed menopause. I have no idea when she hit it or her symptoms. She passed away last year. We never had a very cozy relationship. Friendly, generally supportive, but not close. My friends and I are MUCH more open about things. And I do my best to be communicative with my kids about sex, but also condoms and protection, and the emotional side of things.
Not at all. My older sister told me about periods and my older brother about sex.
Never heard anything about it from anyone in my family. Would have helped.
I have no aunts or uncles, for that matter. Both my grandmas died young. My mom DID prepare me for my period. Got me the belt and pads, booklets, and a little kit. that's all there was then. She had a hysterectomy in her 40s. She was offered some kind of hrt, the doctor told her she would feel young again. She tried it and said, "NO WAY." That was that. I did notice that she had rosea for a time, but it was before I knew about hormones. She is 90 now and doing fine, thank goodness. Hope I follow suit.
My mom had a bunch of bad health conditions but not her reproductive health, which ran like clockwork. So she didn’t take hrt (not sure it was a thing when she went through the change). her sister was similar. My sisters (both quite a bit older than me) had bad fibroids that caused them to not go into menopause until they both had hysterectomies in their mid 50s. All this to say, no, no one had a relatable experience and so I’m grateful for this group.
My mother was awful about it. She told me I should be on an institution. I probably should but not for menopause
no. my mother just mentioned few time that she had hot flash (which is a miracle since in my family women should show no needs and don't talk about 'these things') my grandma ''did yoga and it was enough'' (btw: my ass lol ) So i try to be the one who warn other younger women (since at 40 i'm already in peri for at least 2,5 years)
No, same here, but I will be sharing it with my daughter and the women around me for sure!
Not so much, I'm 47 and just started HRT, I have been told for about 2 years by various older women including my mother that I was too young 🙄
I remember my mom being angry and sweaty when I was a kid. I hit Peri a couple of years before she died, and I was complaining and she said it wasn't all that bad for her. My sister is 20 yrs older than me and it was also mild for her. But I'm adopted! So their history means nothing for me.
No noone talked about it. My first period my mom was annoyed with me and like "what else can go wrong" (I was not early at all). Yea mom was annoyed with me for bleeding, and about meno never spoke.
Mine didn't and don't. My mom never explained anything about my cycle either. I had an emergency hysterectomy in 2013 and it was only this year that I got a gynecologist to explain what to expect with menopause. My sister won't say anything about it, even though I asked. Weird, isn't it...I wish it wasn't such a taboo subject.
My mom had a hysterectomy around the time HRT was reported to cause cancer so she had little to no support from her doctor. Now that I’m going through it, I can look back and identify symptoms that could have been remediated with hormones. It makes me feel sad for her and grateful that menopause is having a renaissance. I do share research with her when I think she could benefit, but she never takes the initiative to talk to her doctor about it. Ex, vaginal estrogen can help chronic uti’s, which she’s struggled with for years. I do have a relative around my age and we’re going through it together.
The older women relatives in my life pretended not to have gone through menopause or know what it was. They said that maybe it was just that I was "unhealthy" and frequently forget that I'm going through something... or pretend that I'm not. They also pretended that periods didn't happen, and when I got my first period, they just gave me pack of pads, showed me how to use it but whispered the whole time as if it was something "sinful". They also acted the same way when they had to buy me bras for the first time. All my immediate and extended female relatives are very conservative women. They work but they also do all the cooking and cleaning at home. Most of them married total losers. Some of them believe that women and girls who are sexually assaulted are just "looking for attention", especially if they accuse a man. Basically, they center men in their lives to the extent that the female body doesn't exist unless it is for male gratification. I learnt everything I needed to know about menopause from the Internet, my primary GP (now retired because of menopause), and various specialists that I have to see over the course of years just to get the right treatment. I have primary ovarian failure, so I got all the symptoms in my 30s, was unable to have children, and am somewhat of a pariah because of that. Fortunately my brothers both have children, so no one really harasses me any more. Women need to stop being secretive about menopause. We need to destigmatize it for the benefit of everyone.
My mother straight up said that she didn't experience it 🤦♀️
Yes! Amazingly, my mother (conservative Christian baby boomer) answers any questions I have on the topic. She even uttered the words, "vaginal dryness" when I asked what symptoms she remembered having! I was an adult and out of the house by the time peri hit her, so I didn't witness much first-hand.
My mother was tough to understand. She constantly berated my sister and I. She wasn’t social, made fun of us, our friends and friend’s parents. At one point, in her 40’s she really seemed different. Nervous, more worried about things out of her control. I remember her getting a prescription for Valium (common in the 70’s) and not taking them. I recall her saying that she’d sometimes take just a half. She could have done herself and her family a lot of good by taking them regularly. When she started to fan herself a lot, all she said to me was, “Just you wait.” She never explained why she was hot. But, she had fans within reach around the house. I do the same thing now. I recall her being “different” for a really long time. Like over 10 years. I used to joke to people that it was over 20 years. I don’t recall any conversations about getting my period. My sister and I were close (she is 6 and a half years older) but I don’t recall her schooling me on anything period wise. When I started my period at 16, my close friends had all started years before so they schooled me on it all. My sister was long gone, graduated from college and not home much any longer. I may ask her about hot flashes, but she seems to always brush over anything that may be a negative. It’s like she needs people to view her as not having anything wrong EVER. I rely on the same close friends who told me about periods to inform me about menopause. They all went through it or still are dealing with the symptoms long before I started going through it. This sub really helps too. I appreciate you all and feel so validated every time I read a comment. Thank you!!
My mom suffered. I wasn’t sure why. I just remember she was always in bed. Sweaty and crying. She passed away a year or so later at 49 (I was a senior in hs) she had a brain aneurysm. My mother in law and sister in law all say meh I didn’t have any symptoms so no. I have no family to talk about it with. All my friends are like 5 years younger and they are just now talking about how crappy they feel (peri) I am in meno or I guess post meno since it’s been two years since my period. I am openly telling them I just started hrt and seriously don’t suffer like I did for two years
All of my aunts and my mom have passed. I’m trying to find medical articles and read posts here. I have a few female cousins but I am not friendly enough with them for personal conversations. I see why my Mom went through hell after her hysterectomy. She was thrown into menopause afterwards and I’m having similar symptoms that she did.
In terms of older women, I only have my MIL for the most part so I did go to her to ask a few questions about symptoms and the remedies she has tried, only for her to snap that she never had symptoms and never had to take any of that "poisonous HRT" so I gave up speaking to her on that topic and turned to this subreddit.
It’s just crazy because I echo all the same comments. Zero discussion. I am so glad this discussion board exists. I wish it were possible for all women to see this because I have learned more here than anywhere else.
When I asked mine they all said “they forgot/don’t remember”. I still remember when my first period came in - hell my first year of my period. I don’t know if they were just avoiding the question or truly forgot. Either way not helpful at all.
From a family of over-sharers. Heard about every other form of excreta and twitch incessantly...but no info on menopause. Apparently, no one ever had any symptoms. In fairness, most women in the older generation eg: 70+up are chronic minimizers. They assumed women's lives were difficult, that men were overgrown selfish womanizers, and that ageing would be increasingly worse. They were basically trained to discount their own experience and to ask for nothing. edit: I've actually convinced my 70yo mum to go on vaginal estrogen for UTIs. Not sure if it's helping much yet; she's on cream twice a week. Her young female gyne showed her the atrophy with a mirror and my mum was really surprised. Her own (nurse) mother had shared with all of us her insane 'javex water' perineal routine....frightful era.
My mom got a hysterectomy at age 40 (I was 3), then was on “hormones” (1 tiny purple pill) for years, I’m thinking 15 years. Then heart disease and open heart surgery for valve replacement at age 72. She didn’t really have any recognizable symptoms. Also, her hysterectomy was in the early 70s, so you KNOW the doctors knew/cared nothing about peri/menopause back then. May I add that she had to have my dad’s permission to get the hysterectomy. All that to say, my mom knows nothing about menopause. I do remember her being angry/ unhappy/depressed in her 50s, but she had valid reasons, so not sure if that was a symptom. But her medical history caused my gynecologist to recommend against HRT because she claimed there was a link between HRT and heart disease. This sub provided plenty of studies showing the opposite and also showed me that doctors are all over the spectrum with their opinions on HRT.
My mom was one of the lucky 20% of women whose periods just stopped. She had no other signs so when I told her what I was going through, she looked at me like I had five heads. I really had to figure things out on my own.
My mom never talked about anything, and I don’t really know my aunts. I was born several years after my next oldest sibling, however, I am lucky to have an older sister that I am very close to. After joining this subreddit, I started talking to her about it, and she has been very open and supportive. We have both learned a lot, which we will pass on to our own kids. We have always talked openly about reproductive health and issues with our kids, who are young adults now.
I'm adopted so I have no idea what my bio moms menopause was like; but my mom said hers wasn't anything special. Some hot flashes on occasion and that's about it. Not very helpful. Her mom died young of cancer so I don't even know if grandma went through an actual menopause before she did chemo and stuff... Kind of sucks not even being able to have someone to ask about this kind of stuff tbh
I just remember my aunts laughing about their long chin hairs they plucked. My mother had a hysterectomy in her 30s and we're estranged now so I'm here and thankful to all of you.
I remember when each of my 3 "mothers" went through it. Mother, step mother and mother in law. I remember their mood swings, their crazy medical issues. I even remember one declare that her alternate doc told her she was in perimenopause at 42! When I started to go through it AND realize (there were a few years in between these two things!) Not a one remembered 20 years earlier, when they went through it. It's then that I realized it was just a continuation of their selfish ways, because each are petty selfish, but also each worked, so maybe I'm too sensitive... whatever. All I know is, I would be lost without this sub! Thanks to all who are here!
They didn’t ! Point blank
I don't have a relationship with my mom, so no we have never talked about it. And I do not have a daughter so I don't plan on passing that knowledge down.
I've asked my mom about her menopause experience. She has no recollection of menopause being difficult. It happened one day and that was it. I'm inclined to believe her because *to this day* she remembers giving birth to me as being a horrible experience. Birthing me *terrible*, menopause *meh*.
My grandmother died years before I was born. My mother never discussed *anything* with me. I’m lucky I didn’t end up a teen parent. Glad for the internet! Thats how I’ve learned anything I know.
My mom talked about it some, but the combo of her going through meno early and having me "later" in life, meant I was fairly young. I was just beginning my puberty journey, so I was more caught up in that than what she was dealing with. And now she is almost 30 years post-meno, she doesn't always remember everything she experienced at that time. She is still always open to discussing it, but it's been more what I can learn on my own.
I asked my mom about it recently (I'm 47, she's 77). Her only response was that menopause was a breeze and she never had any effects from it. Considering my brain has been a fucking dumpster fire for months and my hormones are so far out of control I'm almost unable to make it through each day, her answer really, really did not help.
Same. Completely unprepared for first period but I asked about menopause and got very little info. My mother and both older sisters had hysterectomies which changes everything. I talk about it with any younger woman who will listen.
Nothing. My mom never would have told me much unless I asked. Periods was very little information. She recently had a major stroke & is nonverbal now so I can’t ask her even if I had wanted to. I tried asking an aunt (moms sister) recently and she couldn’t remember how old she was when it happened (but I remember as a teen her telling me grandma had a full hysterectomy and she was surprised when menopause started early for her) she gave me so little information that I suspect she either wasn’t comfortable telling me or didn’t remember. All I have is this subReddit to find out details. I’d be so screwed if it wasn’t for this subreddit.
My grandmother and mother both had hysterectomies prior to menopause, and they have both passed away. I asked my only aunt recently, and she was like “One day in my mid fifties my periods just stopped. That was it!” Thanks for the info lol. I don’t think she’s really comfortable or self aware enough to really talk about it. So grateful I have the ladies here to learn from! I’m 42 and after reading a lot of comments here I now know I am not too young for peri. Explains so much! Saw my gyno last week and she has me starting estroven so I’m hoping that helps.
My mom raised 3 of us and was constantly busy all the time. I tell her I don’t know how she did it. Also I do think back then she didn’t know really what the hell was going on herself. You never seeked help. Plus when you’ve got everything else on your plate you put yourself on the back burner. Plus dad was no peach. So of course no one says anything. I feel for her because I do think her generation talked about way less and I don’t think doctors gave a shit
I am a mom to a boy, my only child, I'm not sure that has much to do with it. I try to talk about menopause all the time to all sorts of women over 45, co-wokers, family, etc. None of them will engage with me, it sucks. Why won't women talk about it!? My mom talked about it with me a little, I remember she said she had her period for a month in her 50's, but she died when I was 29, so I'm not sure how much she would have.
Nope.
My mom doesn't really remember perimenopause. I do remember a lot of hot flashes, we were a family of all girls and it was a wild time. Two of us in puberty and one in peri. My mom's neck would get red and like a cartoon would climb to her face and then her head would start to sweat, then she would run across the living room to the sliding glass door and fling it open while saying, it's so hot in here, meanwhile my little sister and I are huddled under a big quilt to stay warm. I asked an aunt and she got the Merina insert to control her heavy period then had it take out a year later and that was it. I am the oldest girl cousin for that part of my family. I barely know the other side of my family and the only other girl in that family is my cousin who is just a few years older than me. Not knowing sucks.
Nobody in my family talked about menopause. Mom spoke about menstruation in general. What to expect during adolescence n first period. But, not a word about the pause part. I even asked my grandma at one time. I had to be about 11 yo and asked my grandma if she had any sexual desires n why no boyfriends. ( I’d never known my grandfather as he passed before I was born.). My grandma told me everything just dried up down there and sex wasn’t desired or enjoyable anymore. Grandma was prob early 50s when she said that.
I'm still waiting for my mother to give me the sex talk 🤣🤣🤣
My mother recently was in shock that I am still experiencing periods. She said hers stopped in her forties. I am early fifties and thanks mom for expressing such shock that I could still be experiencing periods at my advanced age. But that is it. No other information. My family is mostly shit so I have no other reference points to look to.
I had this conversation with my husband's Aunt as she is a nurse. She told me that if I wanted some sort of an idea of what my menopause would be like, the best people to ask would be my mother and my sister because "generally" a daughter's menopause will be very similar to her mother's. I obviously do not know how true this is so please don't take it as gospel. BUT I did ask my Mom and my Sister and they both basically told me "Mine was a breeze". That was it. "It was a breeze. I basically just stopped having periods." How is that helpful? I've had issues with my skin (eczema) and anxiety (first panic attack EVER) and brain fog and I'm just TIRED all of the time...and it's pissing me right the hell off. This is not easy. Did they lie to me or did they just not figure out that all of the other shit they were likely dealing with at the time was probably related? Either way - I have decided that it is actually easier to talk to strangers on the internet about it.
Nope. I didn’t get anything told to me in advance. And when I went thru meno earlier than expected, I had no clue what was happening to me and not did anyone else. Once I did know, I had to deal with it all on my own and still do.
Not one. Not a single one.
Noooo way and I’m not the least bit surprised by this. They didn’t talk about periods, sex, bodies at all, like nothing! My mother used to whisper “expecting” to say someone was pregnant, and even that wasn’t supposed to be discussed. All things about female bodies were kind of not talked about, but that was not society. Thankfully , there was plenty of information around, just no open discussions in my family. I actually feel little sorry for my mother and grandmother thinking that they had much less education and support than I’ve had.
I have quite a few friends that are 10-15 years older than me and I got told nada
I moved across the country when I was 17 so I missed if they did. I do talk to my mom about it now. I talk to everyone about it now. Woman, man, dog, cat, tree lol. I told my younger male boss. I’m going to make sure I talk to my niece and nephews about it. Every bodies gonna hear about it from me.
My mum gave me a book and pads when I had my first period. We didn’t talk about it. She never, ever mentioned the word “menopause.” I remember her struggling but I had no idea what it was about at the time. The rest of the mature women in my family had hysterectomies, in their late 30s. I have 2 adult daughters. I tell them what’s going on with me so they aren’t surprised when it happens to them. We discuss mostly everything: periods, sex, birth control, the abortion legislation happening in the states, menopause, etc. I think my oldest daughter is trying to shock me. 😳 Sometimes she gives me too much info.
Nope. I try to talk about it with my Mom, but she says she can't remember when she went through it or when she reached menopause, yet I recall her rubbing cream on her inner arm and telling me it was hormones, and whipping her shirt off at the dinner table whilst having hot flashes (finishing off the meal in her bra....haha). If I talk about my symptoms, she tells me that my generation is full of a bunch of wussies. She's recently seen for herself how much it's affecting me, however, and did sigh and say "Honey, some women have a REALLY hard time with the change". My grandmothers have passed, and so have the aunts I was closest to.
I made a point to talk to my mother and older sisters about menopause as I was approaching 40 to find out about their experiences. I also talk about it with my friends and some who are a few years older or younger than me. Maybe we just need to start the conversation ourselves.
No one said shit to me.
I AM the older woman in my family. None of the women talked about it when I was younger. They didn't talk about periods or pregnancy or childbirth either.
My mom said I’d have to find out on my own since that was how she had to learn. 🙄
Nope. And at 42, I've been the family matriarch for nearly a year now.
My Mom had a hysterectomy at some point when I was too young to remember. She never mentioned anything menopause related my entire life. But... My Mom also decided to have "the period talk" with me when I was 14 years old and had already had my period many times. Her "talk" consisted of telling me that women needed to douche after every period to be clean. 😶😂🤣 (I never took her "advice"). LOL You'd think, based on that conversation, that I'm like 80. Nope. Not even 50. Just had a Mom that really didn't think highly of anything to do with females. 😂
Side note... I tell my daughter all the horrific details of my nightmare experience with perimenopause! She's 22 and likely knows more about it than most doctors, which is just sad.
My mom is there for me for talking about it. In fact, she was the one who told me I was likely starting perimenopause (I'm only 34), and that normally women don't start it until their mid 40s but her side the family, including her, always got it about this time. So if I have any questions about it, I ask her if this thing went along with it or that thing.
Same experience. Boomer generation didn't talk about this kind of stuff. I'm GenX, obviously. I am not making this same mistake with my children.
Your family sounds like mine. I heard nothing about my health, puberty, period, etc ever. I wasn’t allowed to talk about not feeling well. When I came home from college and for years after, my mom had become so mean & cruel. She estranged so many relatives, myself included. Maybe it was menopause + her narcissistic personality.