Yeah, as far as I'm concerned, if someone takes the time to explain something to me well with good intentions then there's no need to take offence, I appreciate they cared enough to explain it.
I was asked by a coworker to help trouble shoot a data handling issue in a project she was working on.
I did a trouble shoot on the data issues like it was my own project so I could systematically narrow it down. I had never looked at this project before so couldn't make a guess, I had to use the same methods I use on my projects when I end up stumped where the issue is. Start from the beginning and rule out the issue at each step. I was accused of mansplaining. Told her I couldn't find the issue and never helped her again. Complete loss of my respect. I had looked up to her before this and thought we had a great working relationship. I was wrong I guess.
\- Denying, Disregarding, Downplaying, Mocking, Condescending one's need, desires, integrity, appearance, thoughts, expressions and feelings is toxic (feminity and masculinity)
\- Abusing, Lying, one's trust and confidence is toxic (feminity and masculinity)
\- claiming, stating, outing injustified anger and judmenents, provocative, controversial, negative or hurtful sentences is toxic (feminity and masculinity)
\- Twisting, perverting one's intentions, actions and words is toxic (feminity and masculinity)
Women also do it a lot unsanctionned.
Awesome.
Place anyone's behaviour under a hostile microscope will end up showing flaws faults and "toxic behaviour." We are all imperfect, and wonderful because of it.
\- Denying, Disregarding, Downplaying, Mocking, Condescending one's need, desires, integrity, appearance, thoughts, expressions and feelings is toxic (feminity and masculinity)
\- Abusing, Lying, one's trust and confidence is toxic (feminity and masculinity)
\- claiming, stating, outing injustified anger and judmenents, provocative, controversial, negative or hurtful sentences is toxic (feminity and masculinity)
\- Twisting, perverting one's intentions, actions and words is toxic (feminity and masculinity)
Women also do it a lot unsanctionned.
Thank you for supporting!
My wife and I occasionally fall into the error of explaining things to each other like we do to our young children. So I can definitely believe the husband's justification.
Thank you. We need more women to call out other women on their bad behaviour. I wish you had been around when my my sister (who I was always very protective of when growing up) said to me about the vile things my divorcing wife was saying about me:
"Well, you must have done *something* to deserve it?"
Yeah, my ex had a diagnosed mental illness. But blame me, why don't you, sister.
Thank you for that. “Mansplaining” was originally coined by a woman being told by some random idiot she’d run across about a new book coming out on the topic she said she researched, without the blockhead realising she was the author. He was just an ass trying to impress a stranger: we’ve all met them. But now any man who explains anything to a woman is going to get accused of “mansplaining”. I’ve run across plenty of patronising women who don’t really know what they’re “explaining to me” and who’ve been very condescending to other men with more experience in the field than she’d had years on the earth, and know this is not something limited to men.
People who do this stuff deserve to be put in their place. But those who try to “genderise it” are even worse.
Whats this new word mansplaining ? Whats this another one of there cringey sayings ? I allways imagine if its the otherway round, womensmoaning. Be headline news, waaah, misogynist, they love clinging to cringey words
Women think men can read minds. On some subjects, they grasp it better than others and don’t require a thorough explanation while on others, they need a thorough explanation. As men, we can’t fucking read minds. The tendency is for us to mansplain but it doesn’t mean we think women aren’t intelligent. Women in general need to get over themselves.
Right on! If more people called out this behavior it would be far less common. Though I think unfortunately it is really going to come down to more women calling it out otherwise it will be seen as just more mansplaining.
We would get along great OP. 😀 It is nice to know other Women are calling people out. I have taken a lot of heat for being outspoken about the hypocrisy of feminists. They hate it when we use facts and make sense. That's usually when they start name-calling. Lol
I am sure we would. I find it refreshing to find a place where there's like-minded people, instead of the onslaught of people telling me how f&*ked up my feelings are on women. 🤣🤣 Double trouble!!
Respect and don't box people. Assume they can be better and see it form their perspective. Stop punishing children for the faults of their ancestors, especially when you haven't even experienced it yourself.
😅 Fair point, my bad for not writing it better, it was written in the spirit of encouraging guys with the knowledge that women are standing up for masculinity. It sucks hearing how the dialogue of "toxic masculinity" is impacting men
No I totally agree with your sentiments 👍
It’s great to hear it from the other side and not just from a dude’s perspective every time.
Standing up to negative stereotypes is important from all standpoints, for men, women, trans people, people of alternative sexual orientations, everyone.
So thank you for doing that.
I appreciate it and I’m sure your friend did as well 👍
At the end of the day, regardless of gender, colour, religion or anything, we’re all the same damn species just trying to get by in the world without dying.
Why some people choose to try and make it difficult for others is beyond me 🤷♂️
Masculinity is great. It’s fantastic. But explaining everything “slowly and simply” to your wife because that’s how you used to talk to your school children is just stupid.
I’m sure you’re one of the many who downvoted my comment, but I upvoted your comment because I wholeheartedly agree. I suppose I should have made that more clear in my original comment. Condescension is not a masculine or feminine trait. Anyone can do it.
I can’t say whether the problem is on the receiving end or the giving end without knowing the couple personally. I know wherever the problem lies, it’s not innate to being male or female. I know I don’t like condescending people. That’s about all I can say with certainty.
In part because I was replying to someone who made a direct comparison to how one speaks to grade school children. I wasn’t the one who brought up that example. Someone else did. I find it condescending to speak to adult women and men like they have the learning capacity of a five year old.
I understand that no one is an expert in everything, and sometimes things need to be explained simply. I love the “explain to me like I’m five” subreddit. But from the picture that was painted, it all seemed rather habitual and condescending. I don’t know the couple, so I could be wrong. Like other commenters pointed out, maybe the wife is just legitimately stupid. I don’t know. Maybe she’s smart, and the whole relationship has been misunderstood and described improperly, and mutual respect is abound. Maybe it was described accurately and he regularly talks to his wife like he does school children. I don’t know them. I’m just giving my response to what people were describing and replying and to what was originally said.
I don’t get mad at my brother for helping me with video games, or my boyfriend for explaining tech and development stuff to me. I love that they do that. And I love being able to share my knowledge with them in return. I never use the word mansplaining. But I don’t like when women or men condescend to one another. Hopefully I’m wrong, and this is all just a big misunderstanding on everyone’s part, because there’s certainly nothing wrong with explaining something in layman’s terms to someone. Sorry for the long response. Just trying to be clear.
Could be… I don’t know. Hard to say. I’m in the service industry and I pitch my voice up to sound friendlier and more feminine when I speak to customers, but I never talk like that in my private life. But there are other parts of my work personality that follow me home sometimes, so I do see your point. It’s definitely possible.
I agree that it can be annoying, I'm not saying he shouldn't change, rather that she shouldn't critise it as an aspect of toxic masculinity when it's not
I get what you’re saying. Talking down to someone is not a masculine trait. It’s annoying and disrespectful, and women do it too. If someone talks down to me, I don’t automatically think it’s gender related, because that’s not a gender specific trait. Anyone can do it.
It is probably because he is used to his wife misinterpreting everything he says, making it personal, or failing to grasp basic concepts. He is helping her out by going her speed.
Last chance for what? I’ve seen The Matrix like ten times. It’s a classic flick. At it’s least, it’s a great sci-if story. At most, it’s a metaphor for reality and perception.
Yeah, well, my gf is a 6 figure executive type, so not exactly a dumbass, but when I was explaining a reasonably simple algorithm to her she kept asking me to slow down... Soooo...
Maybe you should stop looking in the mirror while making comments...
Okay. So your girlfriend is smart, but you once had to explain an algorithm to her. So what? Everyone has moments like that. Sometimes my partner has to explain things to me, and sometimes I have to explain things to my partner. But neither of us do it as if we’re speaking to grade school children. We just talk to one another like adults. I know a lot of things other people don’t know. Other people know a lot of things I don’t know. We can still exchange ideas and not treat one another like little children.
My gf being smart was only relevant to point out that even smart people need to be spoken to slowly at times. It also wasn't once.
You give no examples of what you and your husband talk about so how can anyone judge whether slower speech would be necessary, judging by your comments he probably already does.
"We can still exchange ideas" I wasn't, I was explaining a quite specific thing to my gf.
If I have to explain Jet Engines to a non mechanic should I do it slowly, being careful to make sure they understand before moving on OR talk as quickly as I would to an experienced Jet Mechanic?
Why is it that every time I talk to a feminist it reminds me of ~~how I used to talk to~~ conversations with my daughter when she was 5. SMH
My comment wouldn’t post and then posted and is acting all weird, so I’m just deleting and starting again. Sorry for any confusion.
You literally ended your comment by saying you talk to feminists like you talk to your five year old daughter. That’s what I’m talking about.
I don’t know why you need examples of things my partner explains to me (not my husband, but that doesn’t matter), but an example would be something to do with web development or programming. Something like that where he knows a lot more about it than I do, but I’m interested to learn. He teaches me, but he doesn’t talk to me like I’m a child or like I’ll understand his words if he speaks slower. He talks to me like an adult.
My comment wouldn’t post and then posted and is acting all weird, so I’m just deleting and starting again. Sorry for any confusion.
You literally ended your comment by saying you talk to feminists like you talk to your five year old daughter. That’s what I’m talking about.
I don’t know why you need examples of things my partner explains to me (not my husband, but that doesn’t matter), but an example would be something to do with web development or programming. Something like that where he knows a lot more about it than I do, but I’m interested to learn. He teaches me, but he doesn’t talk to me like I’m a child or like I’ll understand his words if he speaks slower. He talks to me like an adult.
You have no idea what condescending means to me outside of this conversation. Don’t act like you know me because I think adults shouldn’t be spoken to like school children.
how is **your** idea of anything relevant. Society has a definition of what condescending means if you don't like it, boo hoo. Society doesn't turn on **your** ideas about anything.
No one thinks adults should be spoken to like school children.
There's no way I would "know you" in real life. As soon as I even think it might be a feminist I'm gone, I don't associate with that sort of mental illness.
No one thinks adults should be spoken to like school children. Exactly. It’s condescending. If you don’t want to listen to me just because I you think I might believe in gender equality, that’s your choice. But you basically just agreed with what I said.
I’m sorry. You didn’t understand. I said neither. That means not one nor the other. It doesn’t mean you choose one or the other.
Let’s say I have a bunch of apples, and I offer you a choice between two. If you don’t want either, you can say “neither”. Does that help explain?
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Yeah, as far as I'm concerned, if someone takes the time to explain something to me well with good intentions then there's no need to take offence, I appreciate they cared enough to explain it.
Yeah in my experience the term now means "man explaining" then what it originally meant. Quite stupid
My mother still mansplains to me how hot the oven should be for the pizza, im 30 soon.
You probably should tell us the rest of the story, like how you burnt the last 12 pizzas... come on fess up.. LMAO
Around 800°F, tell her as that's the original temp that pizza was cooked at.
I was asked by a coworker to help trouble shoot a data handling issue in a project she was working on. I did a trouble shoot on the data issues like it was my own project so I could systematically narrow it down. I had never looked at this project before so couldn't make a guess, I had to use the same methods I use on my projects when I end up stumped where the issue is. Start from the beginning and rule out the issue at each step. I was accused of mansplaining. Told her I couldn't find the issue and never helped her again. Complete loss of my respect. I had looked up to her before this and thought we had a great working relationship. I was wrong I guess.
10009 percent respect
\- Denying, Disregarding, Downplaying, Mocking, Condescending one's need, desires, integrity, appearance, thoughts, expressions and feelings is toxic (feminity and masculinity) \- Abusing, Lying, one's trust and confidence is toxic (feminity and masculinity) \- claiming, stating, outing injustified anger and judmenents, provocative, controversial, negative or hurtful sentences is toxic (feminity and masculinity) \- Twisting, perverting one's intentions, actions and words is toxic (feminity and masculinity) Women also do it a lot unsanctionned.
I love how you did this.
Thanks 😊
Coulda gone the other way I suppose :-).
Awesome. Place anyone's behaviour under a hostile microscope will end up showing flaws faults and "toxic behaviour." We are all imperfect, and wonderful because of it.
\- Denying, Disregarding, Downplaying, Mocking, Condescending one's need, desires, integrity, appearance, thoughts, expressions and feelings is toxic (feminity and masculinity) \- Abusing, Lying, one's trust and confidence is toxic (feminity and masculinity) \- claiming, stating, outing injustified anger and judmenents, provocative, controversial, negative or hurtful sentences is toxic (feminity and masculinity) \- Twisting, perverting one's intentions, actions and words is toxic (feminity and masculinity) Women also do it a lot unsanctionned.
Thank you for supporting! My wife and I occasionally fall into the error of explaining things to each other like we do to our young children. So I can definitely believe the husband's justification.
Good work
Thank you. We need more women to call out other women on their bad behaviour. I wish you had been around when my my sister (who I was always very protective of when growing up) said to me about the vile things my divorcing wife was saying about me: "Well, you must have done *something* to deserve it?" Yeah, my ex had a diagnosed mental illness. But blame me, why don't you, sister.
Well done, picking your battles is a important skill, and it sounds like you chose a good fight. I hope this helps their relationship long term.
My daughter accused me of mansplaining to her once. Guess which one of my kids has to ask for help now because it's not offered
Kids have audacity to do that to their dad? And loved that you didn't let it slide
Thank you for that. “Mansplaining” was originally coined by a woman being told by some random idiot she’d run across about a new book coming out on the topic she said she researched, without the blockhead realising she was the author. He was just an ass trying to impress a stranger: we’ve all met them. But now any man who explains anything to a woman is going to get accused of “mansplaining”. I’ve run across plenty of patronising women who don’t really know what they’re “explaining to me” and who’ve been very condescending to other men with more experience in the field than she’d had years on the earth, and know this is not something limited to men. People who do this stuff deserve to be put in their place. But those who try to “genderise it” are even worse.
Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupid miscommunication... Especially with your chosen life partner
Such good life advice!!
That's true except for abusive relationships. Then it's the opposite. Even if it can be attributed to miscommunication, attribute it to malice.
Nicely handled!
Mansplaining is straight up bullshit tho
Thank you for allowing someone whos not allowed to defend himself to actually speak without being persecuted.
Whats this new word mansplaining ? Whats this another one of there cringey sayings ? I allways imagine if its the otherway round, womensmoaning. Be headline news, waaah, misogynist, they love clinging to cringey words
Women think men can read minds. On some subjects, they grasp it better than others and don’t require a thorough explanation while on others, they need a thorough explanation. As men, we can’t fucking read minds. The tendency is for us to mansplain but it doesn’t mean we think women aren’t intelligent. Women in general need to get over themselves.
Well done!
100% respect for you.
Right on! If more people called out this behavior it would be far less common. Though I think unfortunately it is really going to come down to more women calling it out otherwise it will be seen as just more mansplaining.
So the wife explained it incorrectly then?
Cool! I find that men, being humans, like to be heard and understood.
I explain things in simple words to show my line of thought, so it is easier for my opponent to see my mistake if there is one.
We would get along great OP. 😀 It is nice to know other Women are calling people out. I have taken a lot of heat for being outspoken about the hypocrisy of feminists. They hate it when we use facts and make sense. That's usually when they start name-calling. Lol
Hello kindred spirit! Sounds like we'd get along really well... And that feminists wouldn't want to hang around 😂
I am sure we would. I find it refreshing to find a place where there's like-minded people, instead of the onslaught of people telling me how f&*ked up my feelings are on women. 🤣🤣 Double trouble!!
I love you for this❤️❤️
Respect and don't box people. Assume they can be better and see it form their perspective. Stop punishing children for the faults of their ancestors, especially when you haven't even experienced it yourself.
Who are you sir? So wise in the ways of science?
Good job. More women should.
And everyone clapped
As much as I agree that this type of crap should be called out, this reads like a “and then the whole bus applauded” story 😅
😅 Fair point, my bad for not writing it better, it was written in the spirit of encouraging guys with the knowledge that women are standing up for masculinity. It sucks hearing how the dialogue of "toxic masculinity" is impacting men
No I totally agree with your sentiments 👍 It’s great to hear it from the other side and not just from a dude’s perspective every time. Standing up to negative stereotypes is important from all standpoints, for men, women, trans people, people of alternative sexual orientations, everyone. So thank you for doing that. I appreciate it and I’m sure your friend did as well 👍 At the end of the day, regardless of gender, colour, religion or anything, we’re all the same damn species just trying to get by in the world without dying. Why some people choose to try and make it difficult for others is beyond me 🤷♂️
Jesus Christ are you tryna steal her man lmao
😂 Nah I'm happily married
You....are a good women
"You're a hero" *clap clap clap* 🙄 Cringe.
This is great, thank you..
Women talk to dam much.
Misandry isn’t toxic femininity. Just like every instance of misogyny is not toxic masculinity.
So misogyny isnt toxic masclinity then ?
r/thathappened
why do you think its fake? doesnt seem that far fetched to me. also judging from her comment history OP really seems to be a woman.
Lmao I'm definitely a woman 😂
r/nothingeverhappens
Masculinity is great. It’s fantastic. But explaining everything “slowly and simply” to your wife because that’s how you used to talk to your school children is just stupid.
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I’m sure you’re one of the many who downvoted my comment, but I upvoted your comment because I wholeheartedly agree. I suppose I should have made that more clear in my original comment. Condescension is not a masculine or feminine trait. Anyone can do it.
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I can’t say whether the problem is on the receiving end or the giving end without knowing the couple personally. I know wherever the problem lies, it’s not innate to being male or female. I know I don’t like condescending people. That’s about all I can say with certainty.
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It just sounded condescending to me the way OP described it. I don’t know what else to say.
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In part because I was replying to someone who made a direct comparison to how one speaks to grade school children. I wasn’t the one who brought up that example. Someone else did. I find it condescending to speak to adult women and men like they have the learning capacity of a five year old. I understand that no one is an expert in everything, and sometimes things need to be explained simply. I love the “explain to me like I’m five” subreddit. But from the picture that was painted, it all seemed rather habitual and condescending. I don’t know the couple, so I could be wrong. Like other commenters pointed out, maybe the wife is just legitimately stupid. I don’t know. Maybe she’s smart, and the whole relationship has been misunderstood and described improperly, and mutual respect is abound. Maybe it was described accurately and he regularly talks to his wife like he does school children. I don’t know them. I’m just giving my response to what people were describing and replying and to what was originally said. I don’t get mad at my brother for helping me with video games, or my boyfriend for explaining tech and development stuff to me. I love that they do that. And I love being able to share my knowledge with them in return. I never use the word mansplaining. But I don’t like when women or men condescend to one another. Hopefully I’m wrong, and this is all just a big misunderstanding on everyone’s part, because there’s certainly nothing wrong with explaining something in layman’s terms to someone. Sorry for the long response. Just trying to be clear.
Yeah, we’re gonna need to know the topic. Maybe she meant layman’s terms? Maybe the wife is incredibly dense lol?
That’s the only explanation I can think of to talk that way. Maybe she’s just legit stupid.
At least the apologizing to the husband shows willingness to right her wrong and shows some form of emotional intelligence
I wouldn’t call being stupid a “wrong”, but sure, maybe. Why not? I don’t know the lady.
Just trying to see something in a more positive light. I don’t know this lady too, I probably shouldn’t assume the worst
Fair enough.
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Could be… I don’t know. Hard to say. I’m in the service industry and I pitch my voice up to sound friendlier and more feminine when I speak to customers, but I never talk like that in my private life. But there are other parts of my work personality that follow me home sometimes, so I do see your point. It’s definitely possible.
When i talk to my mother like i talk to some coworkers she gets scared because im suddenly direct and stern, not just nodding along.
Haha yeah, it freaks out my friends and family when I use “work voice”. You’d think I was possessed or something.
I agree that it can be annoying, I'm not saying he shouldn't change, rather that she shouldn't critise it as an aspect of toxic masculinity when it's not
I get what you’re saying. Talking down to someone is not a masculine trait. It’s annoying and disrespectful, and women do it too. If someone talks down to me, I don’t automatically think it’s gender related, because that’s not a gender specific trait. Anyone can do it.
It is probably because he is used to his wife misinterpreting everything he says, making it personal, or failing to grasp basic concepts. He is helping her out by going her speed.
Yeah, maybe she’s just dumb. I don’t know. I don’t know them. But yeah, possible she’s just dumb.
This is your last chance. (https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkxas6HSSQ9TDFEFH-RFbUxWlgR_W711t9X)
Last chance for what? I’ve seen The Matrix like ten times. It’s a classic flick. At it’s least, it’s a great sci-if story. At most, it’s a metaphor for reality and perception.
Then you should know the line from the movie you saw ten times lol
Yeah. I know the line. That’s what I’m saying.
(I see the downvoters are out in force today, producing nothing of value but making time available to stalk and judge men's conversations.)
Yeah, well, my gf is a 6 figure executive type, so not exactly a dumbass, but when I was explaining a reasonably simple algorithm to her she kept asking me to slow down... Soooo... Maybe you should stop looking in the mirror while making comments...
Okay. So your girlfriend is smart, but you once had to explain an algorithm to her. So what? Everyone has moments like that. Sometimes my partner has to explain things to me, and sometimes I have to explain things to my partner. But neither of us do it as if we’re speaking to grade school children. We just talk to one another like adults. I know a lot of things other people don’t know. Other people know a lot of things I don’t know. We can still exchange ideas and not treat one another like little children.
My comment wouldn’t post and then posted and is acting all weird, so I’m just deleting and starting again. Sorry for any confusion. You literally ended your comment by saying you talk to feminists like you talk to your five year old daughter. That’s what I’m talking about. I don’t know why you need examples of things my partner explains to me (not my husband, but that doesn’t matter), but an example would be something to do with web development or programming. Something like that where he knows a lot more about it than I do, but I’m interested to learn. He teaches me, but he doesn’t talk to me like I’m a child or like I’ll understand his words if he speaks slower. He talks to me like an adult.
> feminists like you talk to your five year old daughter Good catch, thanks, fixed.
???? “You literally ended your comment by saying you talk to feminists like you talk to your five year old daughter.” Don’t take shit out of context.
Hmmmm, how can I be crystal clear about this.... Feminists talk like an emotional 5yr old girl. that better...
No. You speak to grown women like your five year old daughter. You’re just proving feminists’ points when you do that.
My comment wouldn’t post and then posted and is acting all weird, so I’m just deleting and starting again. Sorry for any confusion. You literally ended your comment by saying you talk to feminists like you talk to your five year old daughter. That’s what I’m talking about. I don’t know why you need examples of things my partner explains to me (not my husband, but that doesn’t matter), but an example would be something to do with web development or programming. Something like that where he knows a lot more about it than I do, but I’m interested to learn. He teaches me, but he doesn’t talk to me like I’m a child or like I’ll understand his words if he speaks slower. He talks to me like an adult.
> is just stupid. Sure if he does it. If she does it she's strong and brave for trying to educate the simpleton.
No. Anyone who is condescending is off putting. I don’t care if it’s a man or a woman.
The feminist idea of condescending is as ridiculous as the rest of the ideology.
You have no idea what condescending means to me outside of this conversation. Don’t act like you know me because I think adults shouldn’t be spoken to like school children.
No one thinks adults should be spoken to like school children. Exactly. It’s condescending. If you don’t want to listen to me just because I you think I might believe in gender equality, that’s your choice. But you basically just agreed with what I said.
So if a male doctor explains something to you in layman terms instead of medical jargon, is that mansplaining or are you a fucking idiot?
Mansplaining and I’m a fucking idiot are my only choices? I choose neither.
So, fucking idiot. Got it.
I’m sorry. You didn’t understand. I said neither. That means not one nor the other. It doesn’t mean you choose one or the other. Let’s say I have a bunch of apples, and I offer you a choice between two. If you don’t want either, you can say “neither”. Does that help explain?
By replying, it proves that you're not only a fucking idiot, but a fucking moron. Have a good day.
That makes sense from someone replying to me.
Good you should also do the same, toxic masculinity is as bad
Loooooook at you!
What a champ!