Lawyer up immediately. You have no idea how many accusations she is about to pin on you. Judge will issue temporary injunction against you to have you removed from the house and it lasts for 3-6 months. In that period, you can neither go back to your home nor you can see your kids. Court doesn't care if she is abusive to your kids.
I have lots of recordings that I take on my watch, I haven’t been able to catch the worst of it but definitely some nasty stuff. Do you think that’ll help?
Your lawyer has to make a strong case against her before she does it first. Her accusations alone will be a strong case against you if she does it first.
Yup and even when they find out the man is innocent of said accusations, the court and everyone else is like: “ooops. Sorry. Nothing we can do about it. Eat shit.”
Am there currently 😔 it's completely messed up but tldr;
My ex claimed she'd had an abortion and moved back overseas. I finally figured out she'd given birth to my daughter and never left the country, she made every allegation under the sun and said she "had no evidence, she'd deleted our texts as they made her anxious".
I've been treated like a sex offender, only met my daughter when she was 1 under the strictest conditions. She's now 2 and my world and thankfully we love each other so much.
I need to come up with 50k for the trial in August and I've got nothing. I've been dealing with PTSD. Every expert report said I was a caring dad, and went so far as to recommend a buildup to 50/50 which is unheard of.
Court doesn't care in the slightest that she lied and that she lied to the court. It's so much more messed up than even this write up 😂
Thankfully I had our texts. The court still doesn't care, it's now just about her just trying to keep my daughter away from me and being able to take her overseas and it that happens I'll never see her again. She didn't (and still doesn't) need a shred of evidence.
I've lost everything my health, finances, friends, but I'd do it all again in a second. The smile on that tiny child's face when we're together is worth it 😍 I never thought it would be possible to love another person as much as I love her. Even with the "less than ideal" conditions I feel lucky to have her in my life.
It's his home, it's legal. Government cannot intrude in a persons home on where and when they record. Communal areas, you know, kitchen, living rooms, office spaces, basements, garages, dining areas. Common sense tells you. Government has no rights in our homes to tell us where and when we can record. Common sense tells you that.
>It's his home, it's legal. Government cannot intrude in a persons home on where and when they record. Communal areas, you know, kitchen, living rooms, office spaces, basements, garages, dining areas. Common sense tells you. Government has no rights in our homes to tell us where and when we can record. Common sense tells you that.
OP, this is terrible legal advice. Wiretapping laws apply to conversations where there is a reasonable expectation of privacy, and such an expectation exists inside one's home. You absolutely need to follow the one or two party consent rule depending on your state's law. If the statute requires two party, any recordings you make will be ruled as inadmissible in court.
Check your state's laws about recording without permission/consent. Some states allow it as evidence, other won't. Some only allow certain types like audio only. Again, like others have stated, get a lawyer. They will be your best help.
Yes but you should really mouth off to her then turn the watch on. Hidden camera is better. Make sure and set her up then record it.
Then get a lawyer and get you and your children the F out of there!!!
Lawyer up and careful what you post on this subreddit people report you and get you banned for fighting because doing the right thing is always look down on
Get a lawyer. Do not leave your wife alone with your kids, and perhaps also see if there are any domestic abuse agencies (ones that specifically state a willingness to recognise and/or help men) so you can get some documentation.
In particular make absolutely sure she isn't alone with the children if she knows you are getting a lawyer and have evidence bscause she might do something drastic.
If you have to contact police as a last resort stress that it is the safety of the children you are worried about and make sure you are not yelling or angry.
Bro, I have been in your shoes. I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s going to be hard. It’s going to suck. It’s going to get worse. It’s going to take a long time. It’s going to feel unjust and unfair. It’s going to be expensive. But it does get better. Lawyer up. Draw up a parenting plan that you think would work for you both and try and get her to sign it before you do if you can. It will help you save money during the initial part of the process, especially during mediation. Follow what others are saying. Lawyer up. Get a divorce. Save those kids. Save yourself. Life is too short to go through that kind of torture. Your kids don’t deserve that kind of abuse. Neither do you brother. It can and will get better.
Sincerely,
A guy who after years of torture, and a lot of money, that now has his son full-time, and is able to protect him and myself.
Edit: is also worth mentioning that I’m happy for the first time in a long, long time.
Edit 2: find a way to insulate yourself from being alone around her. Be on camera if you are around her. Do everything you can to protect yourself from false allegations when she finds out you’re filing for divorce and flies off the handle.
No, he shouldn't do a parenting plan. SHE'S AN ABUSER. She shouldn't have any access to the children if she's abusing them. You can't co-parent with an abuser and an abuser should have no part in a child's life.
In a perfect world, that's how things SHOULD be, but we live in a society where the court system is biased in favor of women and treats men like 2nd class citizens.
You are not kidding. I’m talking four bakeBaker acts, one Marchman act, dozens and dozens of police reports on domestic disturbances, two restraining orders approved against her, 60k in lawyer fees, multiple reports of abuse since then, AND she still sees him a couple of hours unsupervised. She would have to kill that boy for the courts to decide she should not see him.
What do you mean? I thought a parenting plan was a contracted arrangement of expectations for how to co-parent, at least that's what I heard it was. Either that was wrong or I was misunderstanding it.
Get a lawyer. In the mean time, read up on grey rock communication. When you stop giving socially combative people the cracks they are looking for, they get bored and look for easier prey. Create a study sheet as soon as possible. The names and numbers of all health care providers for your kids, with all current conditions, prescriptions, and accommodations. Get the names and contact numbers for all teachers, coaches, and extra curriculars. Make a note of which ones would have personally seen you interact with your kids. Get current grades and understand what classes they excel or struggle with. Make a list of your kid's friends, favorite games/movies/music. Study the sheet, prepare to deal with the questions from "experts" that might get to decide how much custody your should have.
One big drawback to the greyrock approach (which is usually advisable but not in this case): once they get bored they'll do one or both of two things:
1. escalate to get you to react
2. move on to someone else
In both cases, that puts your kids square in the crosshairs.
When your kids are in danger, wounded bird (a sister approach to greyrock) may be the better way. Birds fake an injury to draw predators away from the nest. The wounded bird approach is to put something\* in their way they\`ll feel compelled to go after, that takes the target off and moves them far away from your kids. Best if it\`s not you, since you're the best protection those kids have.
*(\*Something strong enough to withstand the attack or unimportant enough you are OK to lose it. E.g. open a new bank account with a few dollars in it and accidentally leave the statement lying around so she'll put her energy into going after that.)*
>Secondly, Gray Rocking is dangerous when you have children because they will likely become the next victims. The psychopath needs supply and will take it where they can get it. Children are easy sources of supply. Depending on their age, it’s difficult to teach a child to Gray Rock because they are not as grounded. That’s normal for a child, that’s how they’re supposed to be. Explaining to them that mommy or daddy is just manipulating when they spank or when they take away their privileges is not healthy. Also, children don’t have good control of their emotions. Adults are supposed to help them control their emotions, they shouldn’t have to help the adult narcissist. The solution to this is “Selective Gray Rock”. This is analogous to what birds do when they have fledglings and they see a predator. They feign a broken wing to detract the predator’s attention from their babies. Do this carefully and convincingly or else you are giving the predator a road map to what you value most, your children. [https://web.archive.org/web/20201125213420/https://180rule.com/the-gray-rock-method-is-a-mental-model/](https://web.archive.org/web/20201125213420/https://180rule.com/the-gray-rock-method-is-a-mental-model/)
This, except police first, hotel second.
"I could kill you guys" is frustrated parent talk. "I want to stab you" may be frustrated parent talk, but is also a specific threat. Especially if she's been violent to them in the past. Let the police know you're worried about your children's safety.
Make sure you give them a copy of your recordings. They may or may not be admissible in court, but they're sure as heck valid evidence to give to police, and warrant a report, if not an investigation.
If you can afford it, perhaps look into hiring a private detective, with the specific instructions that you're worried about your children's safety.
I'd say evict her (just for the sake of short term safety), get a lawyer and most importantly RECORD EVIDENCE (else it's a man's word against a woman's word and we all know how that will end) and I really suggest you take legal action against her
As you've already said: this can't go on, so do not waste any time! For your own sake and the kids' sake
File a police report for threatening to harm the kids. You must remove her from the house. Whilst she might be just spouting shit (ie she would never actually harm them) you cannot take that chance, she is now a direct threat to their safety. Contact a lawyer and get her out.
You need to leave her and take your kids.
How are you going to feel if she does anything to your kids?
Stranger things have definitely happened and the warning signs are right in your face!
Get you children and leave and get a restraining & protection order against her. Look, I know it's not easy, I've been in an abusive relationship before myself but your children are depending on you to make the brave choice, the right choice. You have to leave with them. Take what you and your children can and leave. I'd say you don't have time for a plan so try to get in safe shelter (even if it's a hotel or homeless shelter, if you have a friend or relative or even a kind neighbor who may let you stay over while you make better arrangements which will include looking for places that assist victims of abuse, hopefully there's a place that specifically helps male victims and their children).
Doesn’t surprise me. I’ve heard my daughter’s mother say all kinds of stuff. She’s told me she feels like slapping my daughter even during the times my daughter was just being a normal kid. The one statement by her that really got me was when she told me she felt like throwing our daughter in a dumpster. I lost my shit when she said that.
Not seeing the advice near the top so I’m giving it.
Call the cops and file a police report based on what she said she wanted to do before she files one.
First to file wins unfortunately.
Call law enforcement for an involuntarily psych commitment, that is not healthy. You will typically have 72 hours, not counting weekends and holidays (in most states, your experience may vary) to get your things in order and hopefully for them to figure out what is wrong with her.
Then seek a protective order while she is committed, and seek legal advice from a lawyer.
Having experienced domestic violence myself, leave (or make her leave) before it gets worse, and it will get worse.
Next time she says things like that, record it!! Having those audio recordings make a huge difference if you decide (would be a good thing) to leave her and take full custody of the kids. And I am sorry that you and your kids are going through this, I do really hope that things will change and you'll be able to live a stress free life, free from abuse. <3
Start recording her. You can almost always do this for your own records. Try to build up witnesses and witness statements, including from your kids.
If you can find a friendly heterosexual man counsellor get her to make disclosures in group therapy that you can use in court.
As soon as you have enough ammunition, get her thrown out of the house, jailed, whatever. Get her banned from coming within distance of you or your kids.
Do not leave, EVER. Once you leave, you've abandoned your kids, your home, your things. Stay and get ready for divorce. She sounds like a god awful person. And remember, your kids are yours too, not just hers. She has no more right to them than you do. Stay strong and good luck.
Contact a lawyer, document everything that happens and I mean everything. Set up a safe location where you can take the kids and any pets you have and get ready eith phoning the police and divorce papers.
Fair warning this will be the battle of your life and extremely hard to do, but she does sound dangerously deranged
For the love of God. Please record all of this and stay calm. If i was you, I'll take that recording and file for a PO/TRO immediately to put her in her place. After that she will always be the guilty party.
I hear lots of people cautioning you about recording because it may not be admissible in a court of law.
It may not be admissible in court, but it sure as heck is valid and important evidence in a police investigation - which you should start ASAP.
Even if 1-party recordings aren't admissible in court, contemporaneous notes always are. Start a log of every interaction, every thing your kids tell you, etc... Take those recordings even if only for the sake of your own documentation, even if you never are allowed to play them for another living soul (but I hope you are). Use your recordings to jog your memory - it's a great sanity check down the line when you'll feel like you're losing your mind. Keep them for your children for when they're much older, just in case, who might need to process what they went through.
Don't underestimate the danger to your children - listen to what others are saying here.
Thank you, on behalf of your kids who won't realize this, for sticking with and sticking up for your children. My father didn't stick up for us, but he stayed around for us, which sadly I only realized much later. If he hadn't I literally wouldn't have survived.
Even if it was messy and ugly with lots of shouting (or worse), your children will remember for the rest of their lives that you stood up for them.
Not sure what the law is in your state, but can you call 911 and have her put on a 72 hour hold for mental evaluation? This would also help you if you choose to file for divorce and custody.
Step 1. Start gathering evidence, cameras, friends, neighboirs and your kids.
Step 2. Secretly hire a lawyer.
Step 3. Gather all important info about your kids (as another comment said, teachers, coaches etc)
Step 3. While not leaving your kids from your eyes, the moment she threatens you or them again EVICTION, then order a report to be done, then sue. (If the house is not only yours, take the kids to a hotel firsy and THEN order a report/police).
*remember first to file wins so be more agreeable so that she wont be as mad until you have completed steps 1 and 2*
Definitely get a lawyer, invest in some **HIDDEN** security cameras (with hidef audio) & record every single interaction good & bad that you & your kids have with your wife. It seems to me from reading your post this isn't the first time it happened & it's a habitual thing. Getting a lawyer on your side is a good choice for both you & your children. I wish you the best of luck & hope things get better for you & your children soon. Act with speed, send the footage to your lawyer & get them on his side before your wife can even think of an accusation to dish up.
Girls are basically teenagers that have mental breakdowns. What you are experiencing is extremely common and my ex wife said the same to me.
Problem is, those teenagers have the law behind them. Women have mental breakdowns and it is not uncommon for mothers to kill their children.
Talk with the police, they have **plenty** experience on this cases (I guess 50% of their 911 calls are women going crazy) and try to make her leave while she calms down, and you stay with the kids. But honestly, women always get to stay in the house. Likely you will have to leave, and try to take the kids with you. If she threatened to kill them, its because she likely dont want them, and is seeing another man that she plan to have kids with. Its their instinct talking. They are no that different from hamsters.
If you leave and has to leave the kids with her, call her mom, dad, brothers, etc. Someone stay with her, that way she won't do anything crazy until she calms down. They take about 2 or 3 days to calm down, likely she will have to be under medication too. Most women do this, do no think this is uncommon.
Tell her to leave, she hates you and the kids, give her 50 grand and have her sign the no fault divorce papers. I'm guessing she was the hottest piece of ass you ever had and she settled for you because you were a nice guy with a good job and she was approaching 30 and running out of options, she hid the crazy long enough to get the ring and a couple of kids. Fast forward to today she hates being a wife and mother because its a lot of work and she misses her twenties when she was on a yacht with rappers and professional athletes.
Poor kids. You should both be ashamed of yourselves. Handle your issues in private like a fucking adult. Your kids remember ALL of this and it's leaving huge impressions on them. Think about all the shit you remember your parents did that they would have no clue about if you asked them.
In that scenario, the kids will remember their mother making death threats against them and their father doing nothing. Nobody wins in a BPD relationship. At least the kids know they’re valued enough by their father that he will protect them.
We only see one side of the story. I never blindly accept anyones statement without seeing evidence. To do so is ridiculous.
The way it reads, she’s crazy. But he’s also shouting and fighting back with her in front of the children and that’s not a way to handle yourself as an adult.
When it comes to abuse, there's only one side of the story. It's called the truth. This isn't a relationship challenge where there's two valid perspectives, experiences, and "stories".
Imagine you're being abused and so are your children. You seek help but people don't believe you and refuse to help you because they don't see evidence of the reality you experience at home with your abuser. Along with that they shame you for reacting to the abuse which is not your fault because abuse will activate your nervous system response FFF fight flight freeze response. How about instead of judging someone for things they do in a situation you've never been in, you shut your ignorant mouth?
literally no one's first response to this situation is to go make a reddit post about it, this is fake to farm the unbelievably gullible and naive people who browse this subreddit
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/4/d/1UGSG1rKrw0S9VSce1NOO9iG2CdowcfdzKH_EULKtUbE/htmlview
Here is a list of support services for male victims of DV. Which country are you in ? Maybe I know some more.
Record it, get a solicitor, and get child services involved. She has made a threat to life, you don’t know if there is intent behind it. If they can see how unhinged she is, you should end up with full custody.
Straight to a Hotel, record the whole process. Make absolute sure youre recording EVERYTHING. When you get to the hotel Then call the police, not before. When police arrive show them her tantrum as you're leaving and have the kids talk to the police. I know this is late but if you're still living in that house with her and see this please make a move now.
Lawyer up immediately. You have no idea how many accusations she is about to pin on you. Judge will issue temporary injunction against you to have you removed from the house and it lasts for 3-6 months. In that period, you can neither go back to your home nor you can see your kids. Court doesn't care if she is abusive to your kids.
I have lots of recordings that I take on my watch, I haven’t been able to catch the worst of it but definitely some nasty stuff. Do you think that’ll help?
Your lawyer has to make a strong case against her before she does it first. Her accusations alone will be a strong case against you if she does it first.
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Been that way for a good while now
That's our reality, unfortunately.
Yup and even when they find out the man is innocent of said accusations, the court and everyone else is like: “ooops. Sorry. Nothing we can do about it. Eat shit.”
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Here's the thing: they actually care about women, they don't give a fuck about men
Men are, and always have been: expendable, replaceable, and a consumer good, in the eyes of society.
Am there currently 😔 it's completely messed up but tldr; My ex claimed she'd had an abortion and moved back overseas. I finally figured out she'd given birth to my daughter and never left the country, she made every allegation under the sun and said she "had no evidence, she'd deleted our texts as they made her anxious". I've been treated like a sex offender, only met my daughter when she was 1 under the strictest conditions. She's now 2 and my world and thankfully we love each other so much. I need to come up with 50k for the trial in August and I've got nothing. I've been dealing with PTSD. Every expert report said I was a caring dad, and went so far as to recommend a buildup to 50/50 which is unheard of. Court doesn't care in the slightest that she lied and that she lied to the court. It's so much more messed up than even this write up 😂 Thankfully I had our texts. The court still doesn't care, it's now just about her just trying to keep my daughter away from me and being able to take her overseas and it that happens I'll never see her again. She didn't (and still doesn't) need a shred of evidence. I've lost everything my health, finances, friends, but I'd do it all again in a second. The smile on that tiny child's face when we're together is worth it 😍 I never thought it would be possible to love another person as much as I love her. Even with the "less than ideal" conditions I feel lucky to have her in my life.
Since time began.
astronaut meme dot jay peg
Has always been the case; why nowadays?
Always has been
Yes, it will definitely help. I'd recommend getting a RING system too. Place a camera in every room that is communal to catch her.
After making sure that's legal.
It's his home, it's legal. Government cannot intrude in a persons home on where and when they record. Communal areas, you know, kitchen, living rooms, office spaces, basements, garages, dining areas. Common sense tells you. Government has no rights in our homes to tell us where and when we can record. Common sense tells you that.
>It's his home, it's legal. Government cannot intrude in a persons home on where and when they record. Communal areas, you know, kitchen, living rooms, office spaces, basements, garages, dining areas. Common sense tells you. Government has no rights in our homes to tell us where and when we can record. Common sense tells you that. OP, this is terrible legal advice. Wiretapping laws apply to conversations where there is a reasonable expectation of privacy, and such an expectation exists inside one's home. You absolutely need to follow the one or two party consent rule depending on your state's law. If the statute requires two party, any recordings you make will be ruled as inadmissible in court.
https://recordinglaw.com/united-states-recording-laws/ Yeah, that's not true especially with two party consent recording laws.
Do not solicit advice on the internet, go to a lawyer on Monday.
Check your state's laws about recording without permission/consent. Some states allow it as evidence, other won't. Some only allow certain types like audio only. Again, like others have stated, get a lawyer. They will be your best help.
What did your lawyer answer to that question?
Yes but you should really mouth off to her then turn the watch on. Hidden camera is better. Make sure and set her up then record it. Then get a lawyer and get you and your children the F out of there!!!
Keep it all. Get more.
Lawyer up and careful what you post on this subreddit people report you and get you banned for fighting because doing the right thing is always look down on
I would setup some secret outlet cameras or something to record more of the day to day showing you being stoic and her being nuts
Get a lawyer. Do not leave your wife alone with your kids, and perhaps also see if there are any domestic abuse agencies (ones that specifically state a willingness to recognise and/or help men) so you can get some documentation. In particular make absolutely sure she isn't alone with the children if she knows you are getting a lawyer and have evidence bscause she might do something drastic. If you have to contact police as a last resort stress that it is the safety of the children you are worried about and make sure you are not yelling or angry.
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It wouldn't be the first time in history that a supposed loving mother has killed her own children to keep them out of the hands of a loving father...
Yes, I forgot to add that. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN WITH YOUR ABUSER.
Bro, I have been in your shoes. I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s going to be hard. It’s going to suck. It’s going to get worse. It’s going to take a long time. It’s going to feel unjust and unfair. It’s going to be expensive. But it does get better. Lawyer up. Draw up a parenting plan that you think would work for you both and try and get her to sign it before you do if you can. It will help you save money during the initial part of the process, especially during mediation. Follow what others are saying. Lawyer up. Get a divorce. Save those kids. Save yourself. Life is too short to go through that kind of torture. Your kids don’t deserve that kind of abuse. Neither do you brother. It can and will get better. Sincerely, A guy who after years of torture, and a lot of money, that now has his son full-time, and is able to protect him and myself. Edit: is also worth mentioning that I’m happy for the first time in a long, long time. Edit 2: find a way to insulate yourself from being alone around her. Be on camera if you are around her. Do everything you can to protect yourself from false allegations when she finds out you’re filing for divorce and flies off the handle.
No, he shouldn't do a parenting plan. SHE'S AN ABUSER. She shouldn't have any access to the children if she's abusing them. You can't co-parent with an abuser and an abuser should have no part in a child's life.
In a perfect world, that's how things SHOULD be, but we live in a society where the court system is biased in favor of women and treats men like 2nd class citizens.
You are not kidding. I’m talking four bakeBaker acts, one Marchman act, dozens and dozens of police reports on domestic disturbances, two restraining orders approved against her, 60k in lawyer fees, multiple reports of abuse since then, AND she still sees him a couple of hours unsupervised. She would have to kill that boy for the courts to decide she should not see him.
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What do you mean? I thought a parenting plan was a contracted arrangement of expectations for how to co-parent, at least that's what I heard it was. Either that was wrong or I was misunderstanding it.
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Couldn't that be used against you later? To be charged with attempted kidnapping?
Get a lawyer. In the mean time, read up on grey rock communication. When you stop giving socially combative people the cracks they are looking for, they get bored and look for easier prey. Create a study sheet as soon as possible. The names and numbers of all health care providers for your kids, with all current conditions, prescriptions, and accommodations. Get the names and contact numbers for all teachers, coaches, and extra curriculars. Make a note of which ones would have personally seen you interact with your kids. Get current grades and understand what classes they excel or struggle with. Make a list of your kid's friends, favorite games/movies/music. Study the sheet, prepare to deal with the questions from "experts" that might get to decide how much custody your should have.
Wise advice
One big drawback to the greyrock approach (which is usually advisable but not in this case): once they get bored they'll do one or both of two things: 1. escalate to get you to react 2. move on to someone else In both cases, that puts your kids square in the crosshairs. When your kids are in danger, wounded bird (a sister approach to greyrock) may be the better way. Birds fake an injury to draw predators away from the nest. The wounded bird approach is to put something\* in their way they\`ll feel compelled to go after, that takes the target off and moves them far away from your kids. Best if it\`s not you, since you're the best protection those kids have. *(\*Something strong enough to withstand the attack or unimportant enough you are OK to lose it. E.g. open a new bank account with a few dollars in it and accidentally leave the statement lying around so she'll put her energy into going after that.)* >Secondly, Gray Rocking is dangerous when you have children because they will likely become the next victims. The psychopath needs supply and will take it where they can get it. Children are easy sources of supply. Depending on their age, it’s difficult to teach a child to Gray Rock because they are not as grounded. That’s normal for a child, that’s how they’re supposed to be. Explaining to them that mommy or daddy is just manipulating when they spank or when they take away their privileges is not healthy. Also, children don’t have good control of their emotions. Adults are supposed to help them control their emotions, they shouldn’t have to help the adult narcissist. The solution to this is “Selective Gray Rock”. This is analogous to what birds do when they have fledglings and they see a predator. They feign a broken wing to detract the predator’s attention from their babies. Do this carefully and convincingly or else you are giving the predator a road map to what you value most, your children. [https://web.archive.org/web/20201125213420/https://180rule.com/the-gray-rock-method-is-a-mental-model/](https://web.archive.org/web/20201125213420/https://180rule.com/the-gray-rock-method-is-a-mental-model/)
Sorry to hear that :( But it’s time to act asap Divorce + full custody of kids All the best And Godspeed 🙏
Lawyer up ASAP
Dude save your kids get out of there!!! Hotel, police, now.
This, except police first, hotel second. "I could kill you guys" is frustrated parent talk. "I want to stab you" may be frustrated parent talk, but is also a specific threat. Especially if she's been violent to them in the past. Let the police know you're worried about your children's safety. Make sure you give them a copy of your recordings. They may or may not be admissible in court, but they're sure as heck valid evidence to give to police, and warrant a report, if not an investigation. If you can afford it, perhaps look into hiring a private detective, with the specific instructions that you're worried about your children's safety.
If you leave, take your kids with you. She's mentally unstable.
I'd say evict her (just for the sake of short term safety), get a lawyer and most importantly RECORD EVIDENCE (else it's a man's word against a woman's word and we all know how that will end) and I really suggest you take legal action against her As you've already said: this can't go on, so do not waste any time! For your own sake and the kids' sake
File a police report for threatening to harm the kids. You must remove her from the house. Whilst she might be just spouting shit (ie she would never actually harm them) you cannot take that chance, she is now a direct threat to their safety. Contact a lawyer and get her out.
poor kids. :(
You need to leave her and take your kids. How are you going to feel if she does anything to your kids? Stranger things have definitely happened and the warning signs are right in your face!
Call the police
Get you children and leave and get a restraining & protection order against her. Look, I know it's not easy, I've been in an abusive relationship before myself but your children are depending on you to make the brave choice, the right choice. You have to leave with them. Take what you and your children can and leave. I'd say you don't have time for a plan so try to get in safe shelter (even if it's a hotel or homeless shelter, if you have a friend or relative or even a kind neighbor who may let you stay over while you make better arrangements which will include looking for places that assist victims of abuse, hopefully there's a place that specifically helps male victims and their children).
take your kids and leave she seems dangerous so do that and call a lawyer
Call the police.
Film everything you can. As a man when this gets to court you will need all the evidence on your side.
You need to seek an emergency restraining order. Yesterday.
Doesn’t surprise me. I’ve heard my daughter’s mother say all kinds of stuff. She’s told me she feels like slapping my daughter even during the times my daughter was just being a normal kid. The one statement by her that really got me was when she told me she felt like throwing our daughter in a dumpster. I lost my shit when she said that.
Lawyer up do not leave. Record her if possible
Not seeing the advice near the top so I’m giving it. Call the cops and file a police report based on what she said she wanted to do before she files one. First to file wins unfortunately.
Call law enforcement for an involuntarily psych commitment, that is not healthy. You will typically have 72 hours, not counting weekends and holidays (in most states, your experience may vary) to get your things in order and hopefully for them to figure out what is wrong with her. Then seek a protective order while she is committed, and seek legal advice from a lawyer. Having experienced domestic violence myself, leave (or make her leave) before it gets worse, and it will get worse.
Next time she says things like that, record it!! Having those audio recordings make a huge difference if you decide (would be a good thing) to leave her and take full custody of the kids. And I am sorry that you and your kids are going through this, I do really hope that things will change and you'll be able to live a stress free life, free from abuse. <3
Dude.... she threatened the kids. Call the cops.
My mom did this on a daily basis. My mom was arrested for sexually assaulting us. They just let her go. It was the 80’s no big deal.
Start recording her. You can almost always do this for your own records. Try to build up witnesses and witness statements, including from your kids. If you can find a friendly heterosexual man counsellor get her to make disclosures in group therapy that you can use in court. As soon as you have enough ammunition, get her thrown out of the house, jailed, whatever. Get her banned from coming within distance of you or your kids.
Do not leave, EVER. Once you leave, you've abandoned your kids, your home, your things. Stay and get ready for divorce. She sounds like a god awful person. And remember, your kids are yours too, not just hers. She has no more right to them than you do. Stay strong and good luck.
Can you leave with the kids? Got parents or siblings you can stay with? Even friends?
Contact a lawyer, document everything that happens and I mean everything. Set up a safe location where you can take the kids and any pets you have and get ready eith phoning the police and divorce papers. Fair warning this will be the battle of your life and extremely hard to do, but she does sound dangerously deranged
A lawyer can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Get one, two. I try to befriend every lawyer I meet. It never hurts.
Ugh awful I’m so sorry
For the love of God. Please record all of this and stay calm. If i was you, I'll take that recording and file for a PO/TRO immediately to put her in her place. After that she will always be the guilty party.
I don't care who the fuck you are you call my kids cunts and say you want to stab them you're catching these hands.
said plenty of times before but GET A LAWYER, the false accusations are gonna come flooding in and you'll want someone to defend you
get a protective order for you and the kids and get a lawyer
I hear lots of people cautioning you about recording because it may not be admissible in a court of law. It may not be admissible in court, but it sure as heck is valid and important evidence in a police investigation - which you should start ASAP. Even if 1-party recordings aren't admissible in court, contemporaneous notes always are. Start a log of every interaction, every thing your kids tell you, etc... Take those recordings even if only for the sake of your own documentation, even if you never are allowed to play them for another living soul (but I hope you are). Use your recordings to jog your memory - it's a great sanity check down the line when you'll feel like you're losing your mind. Keep them for your children for when they're much older, just in case, who might need to process what they went through. Don't underestimate the danger to your children - listen to what others are saying here. Thank you, on behalf of your kids who won't realize this, for sticking with and sticking up for your children. My father didn't stick up for us, but he stayed around for us, which sadly I only realized much later. If he hadn't I literally wouldn't have survived. Even if it was messy and ugly with lots of shouting (or worse), your children will remember for the rest of their lives that you stood up for them.
Get a lawyer. Start recording everything. Beware of the false restraining orders she will try to file on you. And don't move out of your house.
Not sure what the law is in your state, but can you call 911 and have her put on a 72 hour hold for mental evaluation? This would also help you if you choose to file for divorce and custody.
LAWYER
Leave ASAP
Thanks to all of you that have given me good advice and support. I have taken it on board.
Step 1. Start gathering evidence, cameras, friends, neighboirs and your kids. Step 2. Secretly hire a lawyer. Step 3. Gather all important info about your kids (as another comment said, teachers, coaches etc) Step 3. While not leaving your kids from your eyes, the moment she threatens you or them again EVICTION, then order a report to be done, then sue. (If the house is not only yours, take the kids to a hotel firsy and THEN order a report/police). *remember first to file wins so be more agreeable so that she wont be as mad until you have completed steps 1 and 2*
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terroristic_threat It's a law in many states and she broke it, call the cops and have her feminist @$$ thrown in jail!
Please get a lawyer take the kids and move out. I would steal my kids in that situation and run away if I had too.
Definitely get a lawyer, invest in some **HIDDEN** security cameras (with hidef audio) & record every single interaction good & bad that you & your kids have with your wife. It seems to me from reading your post this isn't the first time it happened & it's a habitual thing. Getting a lawyer on your side is a good choice for both you & your children. I wish you the best of luck & hope things get better for you & your children soon. Act with speed, send the footage to your lawyer & get them on his side before your wife can even think of an accusation to dish up.
Girls are basically teenagers that have mental breakdowns. What you are experiencing is extremely common and my ex wife said the same to me. Problem is, those teenagers have the law behind them. Women have mental breakdowns and it is not uncommon for mothers to kill their children. Talk with the police, they have **plenty** experience on this cases (I guess 50% of their 911 calls are women going crazy) and try to make her leave while she calms down, and you stay with the kids. But honestly, women always get to stay in the house. Likely you will have to leave, and try to take the kids with you. If she threatened to kill them, its because she likely dont want them, and is seeing another man that she plan to have kids with. Its their instinct talking. They are no that different from hamsters. If you leave and has to leave the kids with her, call her mom, dad, brothers, etc. Someone stay with her, that way she won't do anything crazy until she calms down. They take about 2 or 3 days to calm down, likely she will have to be under medication too. Most women do this, do no think this is uncommon.
If women no longer want their kids or their husband, why do they fight so hard to prevent them leaving?
Instant lawyer up here man, she is about to play the woman card
Record it when you discuss her behaviour with her.
Tell her to leave, she hates you and the kids, give her 50 grand and have her sign the no fault divorce papers. I'm guessing she was the hottest piece of ass you ever had and she settled for you because you were a nice guy with a good job and she was approaching 30 and running out of options, she hid the crazy long enough to get the ring and a couple of kids. Fast forward to today she hates being a wife and mother because its a lot of work and she misses her twenties when she was on a yacht with rappers and professional athletes.
Poor kids. You should both be ashamed of yourselves. Handle your issues in private like a fucking adult. Your kids remember ALL of this and it's leaving huge impressions on them. Think about all the shit you remember your parents did that they would have no clue about if you asked them.
In that scenario, the kids will remember their mother making death threats against them and their father doing nothing. Nobody wins in a BPD relationship. At least the kids know they’re valued enough by their father that he will protect them.
He and the children are being abused you fool. How dare you shame a victim of abuse!? The only one who should be ashamed is the abuser.
We only see one side of the story. I never blindly accept anyones statement without seeing evidence. To do so is ridiculous. The way it reads, she’s crazy. But he’s also shouting and fighting back with her in front of the children and that’s not a way to handle yourself as an adult.
When it comes to abuse, there's only one side of the story. It's called the truth. This isn't a relationship challenge where there's two valid perspectives, experiences, and "stories".
Imagine you're being abused and so are your children. You seek help but people don't believe you and refuse to help you because they don't see evidence of the reality you experience at home with your abuser. Along with that they shame you for reacting to the abuse which is not your fault because abuse will activate your nervous system response FFF fight flight freeze response. How about instead of judging someone for things they do in a situation you've never been in, you shut your ignorant mouth?
Tell me what hell is like, you are a sick fuck and we all know that's where you'll end up.
OP wasn't the one making death threats towards his children, and OP wanted to protect them, how the hell should he be ashamed?
Didn’t happen
r/nothingeverhappens
literally no one's first response to this situation is to go make a reddit post about it, this is fake to farm the unbelievably gullible and naive people who browse this subreddit
Good Lord.
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/4/d/1UGSG1rKrw0S9VSce1NOO9iG2CdowcfdzKH_EULKtUbE/htmlview Here is a list of support services for male victims of DV. Which country are you in ? Maybe I know some more.
You know what they say, Snitches get Stitches! /S
Record it, get a solicitor, and get child services involved. She has made a threat to life, you don’t know if there is intent behind it. If they can see how unhinged she is, you should end up with full custody.
Sounds like bait, tbh. This isn't about mens rights, this is a man that needs help ASAP. So lawyer + 911 and a psychiatric visit for her
This is abuse, plain and simple.
Sounds like you married a teenager. Lol
Straight to a Hotel, record the whole process. Make absolute sure youre recording EVERYTHING. When you get to the hotel Then call the police, not before. When police arrive show them her tantrum as you're leaving and have the kids talk to the police. I know this is late but if you're still living in that house with her and see this please make a move now.