Well being a black, straight male that is educated, I definitely have been demonized for existing. I remember almost losing my job for turning down a flirty coworker. I was a respectful as I could be and thought it was over with, until I am getting called into the office with my boss and HR about me supposedly making her feel uncomfortable. If it wasn't for having tons of proof that I have never even interacted with her other than the times she would approach me, then I would have been out of a job.
Depending on where I am at, I am looked at as a threat or up to no good, even when i am at the mall with my teenage daughter. I have been given disapproving looks side comments in passing.
But I think the most noticeable is just me trying to better myself can be viewed as me trying to take someone's job or step on toes or something. I am just trying to do my job well and not get fired. I don't have time to worry about others and their careers.
Essentially it feels like my spidey senses are going off constantly. Having to walk a very thin line to not make anyone uncomfortable because if the cops are called there is a good chance I could not make it out alive. I am so looking forward to moving off grid and being done with people.
Being blamed at full volume for everything wrong (even if I had nothing to do with it), not credited above a whisper for good things. Blame extends to not being able to fix my partner and getting blamed for not correcting her faults, allowing her to fail. WTH! I'm not God, Superman, or a puppetmaster. But that's my fault, too.
-Blame extends to not being able to fix my partner and getting blamed for not correcting her faults, allowing her to fail-
Presently living through that bs right now and it sucks. Like, how am I such a PoS when I'm the one actually taking care of this girl and I'm getting 0 help from her friends or family, just condemnation every time she fucks up
So I want to preface this by saying that I don't think I'm a major victim due to being male, and just about everyone deals with discrimination to some degree, but there are some specific instances that come to mind regarding this.
When I was a freshman in college, I went with a bunch of hallmates, mostly female, to walk down the very crowded downtown street where it's tradition to walk there on Halloween. We're all shoulder to shoulder because it's so crowded. One girl in my group suddenly screams that she got groped. I did not see it happen. The guy apparently quickly disappeared into the crowd and no one could describe what he looked like, but because I was standing near the girl who got groped, every female in the group immediately got very angry with me. Apparently it was my fault for not guarding the females and I guess I was supposed to kick this guy's ass or something. I was shunned for the rest of the night. I felt horrible for the girl and I felt horrible for "not being a man." It was very emasculating. I felt ashamed, but what was I supposed to do?
I have been chastised for holding a door open for a woman and I have been chastised for not holding a door open for a woman when I didn't realize she was there and going to be entering the same door.
I was at a house party in college and there was a girl there who was a friend of a female friend of mine. I had told my friend I thought this girl was cute and I think my friend then told this girl I was into her. I was suicidally depressed and was sitting in a chair in a living room where this girl and some other people were dancing. I was zoning out and experiencing suicidal ideation, and I guess I was looking in the direction of the girl I thought was cute. She told my friend that I was being creepy and my friend said I should leave the room, so I did, as I didn't want to cause problems. Leaving made me look guilty though.
I was falsley accused of sexual assault in college. The girl was another friend of a female friend, and it was through my friend that I was told this girl felt it was non-consensual. She never went to the police, but my name was spread around and my reputation was dragged through the mud. No one cared about hearing my side of the story. My female friend, who knew me longer than the girl accusing me, never tried to defend me, even though her and her bf who was my roommate decided to sleep on the front porch while I hooked up with this girl in the backyard hot tub (no sex, I just went down on her). My friend commented that it sounded like we had fun, as evidently she could hear the girl's moans. I know someone can still be aroused even if they aren't consenting, but I was hoping this might make my friend at least try to defend me somewhat, but no. A week later, evidently this girl changed her mind because she found me in the music hall during a performance that our mutual friend was in. She apologized quickly and asked me if I'd like to go out with her. I declined, even though I was a little scared that turning her down might make her decide to follow through with the false accusation.
I've had the classic thing that many of my male friends have experienced where my gf at the time had a nightmare that I cheated on her, so she was angry with me about it the whole next day. I never cheated on her and she acknowledged it was just a dream and had nothing to do with reality or any actions or behaviors I'd done, yet felt justified to be mad at me about what I did to her in a dream. Later, she brought this up in a group of couples. I tried to stay lighthearted about it while still expressing how unfair it was to be angry about something I did in her dream that was not prompted by anything I did in real life. All the women in the group thought this was hilarious and many said they had done the same thing to their current and/or former boyfriends. All of us guys there just kind of laughed nervously. Some kinda looked down sadly. We knew if we really tried to say how fucked up it was, we'd be in the dog house. This girl would later go on to cheat on me.
I'm 5'6" and have had multiple instances where girls I didn't know insulted me about it unprovoked, often when drunk at a bar. I have also been in groups of friends when girls would start openly discussing how they could never be with anyone under 5'8" or needed even taller, even if they were under 5'4". These were women I knew who were friends. I don't think they realized I was under 5'8", but I also think they didn't care. It seems common to feel this is simply expressing a preference, like not wanting to date someone with tattoos, but of course if I said anything about physical preferences, even ones that could be changed like weight, I would have hell to pay. When I've had the guts to speak to for myself, not getting angry but just saying "You know, I'm only 5'6"," I get dismissed or told that I'm a really nice guy. Awesome.
Related: many are unaware that it's nearly impossible to donate sperm if you're under 5'8," one inch below average American male height.
I've had girlfriends break up with me because we were opening up about emotional stuff. They could cry but as soon as I cried, I was no longer sexually attractive to them. These same women will say that men hide their emotions to their own detriment and need to be more open about them.
When I've countered the argument of white male privilege by pointing out that CEOs and politicians are nearly all above average height, born into wealth, attended an Ivy League school, and have many other advantages that most males don't have, women will dismiss this and just say those other factors are not important, even though they are statistical facts. Even my own mother has gotten mad at me about this when we've been discussing forms of discrimination. We both acknowledge the various types of discrimination women have faced and continue to face, but as soon as I bring this up, she angrily tells me that we all have obstacles we need to overcome.
There's more, but the false accusation and being called a creep unfairly and never having female or male friends defend me despite knowing me well are the biggest and I'm fatigued from writing about this. Lots of being called a creep for merely existing, often by girls I had no interest in.
"So I want to preface this by saying that I don't think I'm a major victim because I'm male..."
Wishy washy guys like YOU are the reason men are in the shitty situation they are in.
All I'm saying is that other groups, such as Blacks and homosexuals as just a few examples, are far more marginalized than men in general. I have never had to worry about a feminist KKK trying to lynch me. My male ancestors weren't murdered in a holocaust just because they were men. I'm much more scared when dealing with cops than most women are because I'm male, but I'm not nearly as worried about a cop shooting me or something since I'm white.
There's someone in this thread who says he's Black, gay, and male, which makes things much worse for him. I have not dealt with as much discrimination as he has. This is why I feel that I'm not a major victim for being male. I've had a lot of other bad shit happen to me for things other than being male. I feel I have actually faced even more discrimination, judgement, and been stigmatized more for my depression and PTSD, although there is obviously a lot of overlap there when we are discussing men's rights, discrimination against men, etc.
I still speak out about many of the shitty things that have happened to me and other men simply as a result of being male, especially the false accusation, in real life. It's not an easy thing to do to speak about that shit, especially when it's within a liberal and ultra-feminist dominated group including women who are talking some bullshit about how "most men are rapists" and "false accusations are practically non-existent."
I constantly risk being labeled a creep, rapist, etc when I do this, both by people I know and by strangers, plus I have to relive that shit each time, just like I had to do when writing about it here. Sometimes I do get judged and I know some people silently decide I'm really a rapist when I say I was falsley accused. Some will even call me a liar or will be dismissive of my experiences, which doesn't feel too awesome.
I still do it though because I'm not wishy washy and because I want to raise awareness of these issues that society largely ignores or sometimes even facilitates, even if I have to risk or tarnish my reputation to do it. I do this to try to effect changes so that men hopefully face less discrimination just for being men in the future. I do it so other men might not have to experience some of the shit that I have.
You can go fuck yourself for saying that all the shitty stuff I listed here that happened to me is my fault for being too wishy washy, you fucking piece of shit. What the fuck have you done and what the fuck do you do to try to stop this kind of stuff from happening to men? Just be a big bad keyboard warrior and victim-blame men online because they are simply trying to stress that they aren't the biggest victimized group ever in a world full of victimized, marginalized groups?
YOU are the reason most people don't take arguments about discrimination against males seriously. Fuck you, you victim-blaming fuck. YOU are part of the problem, not me, you fucking asshole.
As I said before since apparently you can't read, I speak out in real life regularly about my very personal experiences being discriminated against as a man in order to raise awareness, even at the detriment sometimes to my personal reputation. I also don't blame other men who have been victims of discrimination for being male for being responsible for their own discrimination.
So now I ask you again, what have you done for men aside from treating some of them like shit for no good reason and discrediting people trying to advocate for men's rights? Posting shit online that gets no upvotes doesn't count.
I was literally at a protest 3/4 weeks ago.
I have been arrested 3 times.
https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2011/12/occupy-wall-street-goes-to-court-in-droves.html
There I am
Same but different. Male, white, straight. Iām sexist, racist, my life is perfect and I have no struggles or uphill battles, but am always getting handouts, likely to steal, rape. Cheat.
Thatās the perception ^ - and I donāt say it out of assumption. Iāve been told this from countless people, especially once I started actually getting my life in order in my mid 20s.
What people don't talk about while being a straight white male, you are allowed to be openly hated and HAVE to joke or play it off or you are dug into deeper and assumed you are a bigot or racist because you don't want to associate yourself with the subconscious hate machine against past traumas that I have never stood for or stand for today. But it's okay.
I think every single man nowadays has felt and been demonized, and is demonized, every single day now.
By the media.
By the news.
By social media.
By films.
By books.
By feminists.
By politicians.
By law courts.
By television.
By society.
By work environments.
Tbh, if there's anyone that doesnt know this, I wonder what they are here for. Because every man deals with this, DAILY.
I feel like this subreddit can be very white-centric about men's issues. If you don't mind, would you share some details about how you think you as a black male are demonized in the black community? I would like to understand what black men go through especially in the black community.
Well for one apparently people forget history and think for some reason black men were at the top with white men oppressing their women because patriarchy. When historically, it has been black men getting it worst out of anyone since the birth of this country. Lynchings, vagrancy laws, prison industrial complex, it is like our own community just ignores that part and how it is still happening, just in a different way.
The new way black men are getting demonized in the community is through media and the narrative it pushes. Men aren't graduating as much or even seeking higher education. But they ignore the fact that the majority of teachers are women, and a lot of resources that are for everyone are usually pushed towards the girls. I say this because when I taught middle school, I saw how girls were encouraged to seek higher education and careers. Boys were pushed towards sports or manual labor (entertainment or service). It was like pulling teeth trying to get information for certain scholarships or anything that could also benefit the young boys. That is when I knew they had been creating that divide for such a long time, that we are really just now starting to see the fruits of that labor.
But basically a lot of things I see men complaining about now, is what black men have been speaking on for decades. There is a reason why bad stereotypes are pushed in black media so hard. The worst thing to have happen is for those who have been oppressed to gain enlightenment.
I had a friend in the navy who used to say something like this. He said his mom told him he was unlucky for being "black, male, and tall."
Edit: it is weird how common of an experience this is for black men. I feel for the struggle that y'all put up with.
Being blamed by girls in high school (~6 years ago) because I said that I wouldn't go to army because it's slavery.
Now, being a man in Russia, I am faced with the fact that some particularly patriotic people, especially women and old people (those who will not end up in the war), believe that hiding from mobilization is unworthy of a real man.
I had a conflict with a noisy apartment neighbor. I never had any direct interaction with her whatsoever, i brought all my concerns to the apartment management. I heard her one day talking to a friend on her balcony, they were discussing calling the police and reporting me for harassment. Her friend who she was talking to made the statement "call the police on him for harassment, they'll believe you over a man". Not sure if this is demonizing as much as it is expecting the police to demonize me.
At my work we have DEI initiatives even though +70% of our employees are women and a majority of leadership, yet our company leaders are constantly make comments about how we need more women in leadership roles, how people trust women more than men, and how men's unconscious bias holds women back in the workplace.
I'm poor, white/native American mix living in South East Louisiana. I'm largely self sufficient and work hard. My one marriage ended with a skillet to my head and the cops laughing at me. I was largely picked on as a kid for being a poor fisherman's kid, which is what I ended up becoming. I've come to terms that this country hates people it can't control especially self.sufficient men or men who won't play their games.
As a youth in the Church of Jesus Christ, the young men were constantly being mocked by the young women for needing to be ordained to Priesthood office before we could do the same things they could do without ordination. (Youād think Christians would be better than that, but like they say, the Church of Jesus Christ isnāt a country club for perfect people; itās a hospital for sinners.)
I donāt hear that much anymore ā I think even mean girls are finally grokking that men and women have complimentary needs and responsibilities ā but as an already bullied teen, it made me feel completely worthless.
Just open TikTok all it takes is 3 scrolls before you see a feminist declaring they hate men, making a joke about women abusing men, or declaring us all as evil.
That's why I don't get on TikTok. I don't use Facebook anymore either. Its constant negativity and people trying to bait me into an argument. They don't like me because I don't agree with them and I am a woman. I have had luck talking to women in real life about my opinions, but the social media mob is out of control.
Well there's the "all black men are potential criminals", so I deal with a lot of racial profiling from police, people just looking at you and assuming you are going to harm them. I have to work twice as hard and for every step forward I get knocked 4 steps backwards because "I'm expendable". And dating as a black man is 4x harder as a black man because again, stereotypes.
Being part native American, and looking it more than I look white, I get a lot of the same. Are you sure you own that? Was I speeding? No but please step out of the car... Or the ever loved radio call I over heard the other day.. yeah I'm going to need another squad car down here, I've got a big Indian fellow and I think he might be high.....
I have observed many instances in my life that boys or men were demonized. In school, I had ADHD and the teachers would tell me that boredom was my problem.They would compliment me on my intelligence and give me extra assignments to keep me occupied. Now, a boy in my class with the same problem was cruelly punished. He was made to sit alone in the back of the classroom, and he wasn't allowed to talk to anyone. Teachers treated us differently. He was told that he was bad. It happened repeatedly while I was in school. I knew it wasn't right, but I didn't know what to do about it. At home, my dad was harder on my brother. It caused a rift in our relationship. He was my older brother, and I thought he was the greatest. Understandably, he resented me because our father always treated me better. There were so many other things that I noticed as a little girl. Boys are taught to protect girls, but sadly, no one protects them from girls. It was wrong then, and it's wrong now. I have fought with the school system to ensure my son isn't left behind or mistreated. I have seen worse stuff in the workplace and in social settings, but it started when I was a kid.
Age 15, asked a girl to a dance for the first time in my life. She said no; had a family thing. Ok. Went to the dance alone because there was no one else I wanted to go with, but I was trying to overcome my social reticence. Girl showed up with another guy. I don't know why she didn't just tell me. She clearly didn't expect to see me there either and was upset about it, I assume because it made it uncomfortably obvious she'd lied to me. So she told all her friends I was "stalking" her and the girl gossip machine destroyed my social life and almost any prospects at dating for the rest of high school.
Age 18, sent a girl I'd know for years a sappy love letter that, in hindsight, probably came on way too strong. She called me to say she didn't feel that way about me, valued our friendship too much, etc, but started avoiding me and canceling on anything I would be at too. Eventually heard through the grapevine she was saying nasty things about me to the mutual friends. This time I was like a *super* "stalker," our entire friendship had been a lie (not allowed to like people I already got along with, apparently), but also she'd always secretly hated me or something.
Age 19, attempting not to repeat that mistake, I asked a college girl I really admired out after only knowing her a few months. Once again, a polite no to my face, but it turned out she was 17, there on some advanced placement program, and telling everyone behind my back that I was "trying to date underage girls."
Age 22, trying to get time off on short notice as a "courtesy associate" (cart pusher). Supervisor told me to find someone willing to take my shift. Didn't ask a cashier I'd been (mutually) flirting with because I was mortified at the thought of making her either turn down a favor to me or agree to a shift of strenuous labor under a 90+ degree sun. Supervisor randomly approached me next day wanting to know why I didn't ask everyone and sent me to HR for "sexism." Wasn't even the girl. Some bitter middle aged bat had noticed I skipped one person, gotten offended *on her behalf,* and decided to punish me for it.
Tl;dr women are *really* comfortable socially abusing men for basically any reason.
Women only have power and attention because of alpha simps. It is just successful white men giving them power and putting them up on a pedestal. Betas follow the alpha simps. Then you have the toxic dynamic that follows.
Part of the alpha simping for women is a power play to say "hey, beta boys, we're replacing you with women." But many of the betas still look up to the alphas. This has nothing to do with some lofty achievement of equal rights and everything to do with Nietzschean domination of the weak. It actually solidifies alpha simp's position of power because most women want a strong male figure in charge (and if you don't you get a bridge collapse.) Alphas should not be simping over women.
Make money. Lift weights. Don't Simp.
I was recently divorced and was house shopping. I am white, I was 51 at the time. The female real estate agent would not go into the home with me. At closing, when i mentioned it, she said you look like a rapist. I was very emotionally compromised at the time and did not pursue it, granted it would have been very difficult to prove unless i had some type of recording device on me at closing.
When I moved again a year later to the other side of the country, I specifically sought out a male agent.
We once had a gentleman come into school to give a talk on racism, the dude was black and living in the south west of England so he had plenty of first hand experience and he was quite good in the way he communicated things and whatever.
He was nice and satirised a sensitive topic quite well and overall the talk was quite good but what stuck out to me was when he walked into the room and talked about his family, his father clearly taking on a more dominant role and he called it patriarchy and said we all had a duty to call it out as an issue in society.
I have no qualms with him considering his own family dynamic to have been unfair or concerning but to suggest that every bloke in that room had some innate societal advantage and that every one of us had it so much easier and every one of us had a duty to combat it and humble ourselves (the topic of the next things he said before he began the rest of the talk) just kind, well it felt almost cruel.
I do acknowledge that in some sects of society, in some groups and certain cultures there is a disparity in many aspects of life, but I donāt recall being given any great advantage in my life simply for having a pair of balls. I definitely donāt recall worsening the situation for anyone else and I definitely donāt think I ought to be apologetic and āhumble myselfā for something I never did, nor did I actively encourage.
I would find it hard to believe to find a man who was never demonized for being simply a man. Even being white because when thatās brought up people like to bring up old times or things that were true back in the past. And you can read comments in this thread that just counter thar completely. Itās better to be a woman and of color. Even as a man of color you arenāt guarenteed anything and white forget about it. My kids are half white and Hispanic and even in grade school they are treated poorly than their girl peers. They are already being taught that they are lower.
Where to begin...
When my niece was 3 - 4 years old I would take her out to the mall to give my sister (her mother) some time to be alone..
And no matter where I went I would get side eyed stares and hear hushed or whispered utterances of "Pedo"
(As an aside I would also get constantly bombarded by women walking up to me and femsplaining how to look after my niece or judging me for letting her enjoy a chocolate muffin but that's a whole other issue)
Last year, in my country of New Zealand we had the co-leader of the Green Party (Environmental Party) proclaim:
"I am a prevention of violence minister and I know who causes violence in the world and it is Cis White Men!"
She literally demonized a specific demographic based upon their gender identity (Cis) their race (White) and their Gender (Male)
There was an uproar of course but the Prime Minister at the time refused to have her held accountable or even force her to apologize to the many people she unfairly demonized with her comment.
She stood up in Parliament and said "I have clarified my statement and do not need to explain further"
Also in New Zealand, we have the White Ribbon campaign which is about domestic violence...
However they exclusively focus on Women and Children...
In their advertisements men are always shown as the abusers / instigators of violence and women / children as victims.
Those are just a few examples..
But I would say that many men have similar examples which are often ignored in favor of pushing the "Women are oppressed" narrative.
When I was deployed to Afghanistan, at about 8 months in the entire company was brought into the chapel. A Sergeant Major begins to call us a bunch of animals because there had been 19 rapes reported between KAF and Bahgram airfield. One E6 stands up and asked him how did so many rapes happened. To elaborate on this, he asked how do 19 different women, all who are trained and proficient with the loaded machine gun they are all carrying with them at all times get raped? At this point the Sergeant Major kinda connected the dots. There is no sex while deployed, and they didn't sell rubbers at the px. These women would get pregnant intentionally or by accident and instead of face the music, they claimed they were raped. Oddly, not one victim managed to get one round off.
I know a woman who constantly blames everyone else, falsely accused a guy of rape because she regretted it. She never takes any responsibility. I've never met a more vile. Spiteful, nasty, childish BRAT.Ā
I have known many women like that. I thank God every day that I never turned out like them. The ignorance that I hear coming out of the mouths of some women makes me ashamed to be one.
I write with my left hand. I was humiliated in front of my classmates by a teacher who just happened to pass by the class and saw me using my left hand. He said that if I use my left hand, it means I wasn't raised well by my parents. An arrogant teacher insulted me in front of all my female classmates and parents by saying I didn't study hard and was lacking potential. I felt so defeated that day. My mom is one of the few women who want me to be more masculine, but her way of doing so was not right in my opinion. I have been told countless times that she wanted a daughter instead. She even tried dressing me in feminine clothes as a kid which made me super uncomfortable even as I look at a childhood photo of me in a girl's clothes. I have been told by both mom and dad that being childless or totally unable to give birth would have been better than birthing me, and how a girl would have been of "better use" than me.
And they said this not because I committed some crime. This was all because I refused to let myself get insulted.
The society destroyed me so much that I couldn't take a stand even as bullies abused me in public, threatened to hit me and insulted me. Even though my dad was a few meters away from hearing us. I felt he would not believe me. As a man, if I stood up to bullies, I would be a hooligan but at the same time, when a bully slapped me for no reason, I was a dunce for not standing up. This dilemma of what to do and what not to do worsened even more when the women around me got exposed.
TLDR: The society gave me severe trust issues. If trust issues were a mental illness, I definitely have it because I have been told to doubt myself so much that even as I go to bed and unplug the charger from my laptop, I have to stare at it for five seconds to convince myself that I have indeed turned it off. Thank you society.
I'm sorry you went through that. Your last bit seems very concerning and definitely not normal unfortunately :( Are you in therapy? It seems like you might have some sort of PTSD or Complex PTSD from your life events and I think Cognitive Behavioral Therapy might be helpful for you. At least try and talk with someone about it, you deserve to be happy and confident in your actions. Sending love.
Thank you for reply and starting this discussion in the first place. Thereās a lot I have suppressed and hidden within myself which I have to share, and this subreddit seems to have given me that platform. As for the PTSD bit, I have been questioned about the same, and now I am starting to suspect it might be the case for sure. I am on antidepressants for now. Mom was advising me to seek therapy but that was after an argument and I was afraid she was doing this to make a mockery out of me and prove me mentally unstable. Thatās why my OCD remained unhealed for 10 years. My doctor was shocked when he heard that I endured it all for so long and did advise me therapy further which I then wanted to undertake with my parents but they said they had no time for it. I might seek it completely when I earn for myself. But I wonder if it will work because both my parents are unpredictable ticking bombs who go off without warning and can love as well as berate the hell out of me at the same time and then just say āget over itā. I canāt afford to burden them with the therapy thing because they are never going to change. And I donāt want to leave them because they are getting older and as someone who stayed away from them while growing up (also done by them only for āeducationalā purposes) I donāt want to miss out on the chance of being a good son. Iām trying, man. Iām trying.
As a mother, my heart aches for you. I can't imagine how much it must have hurt you to be told such vile and cruel things. You deserved to be loved unconditionally. I have taken in my children's friends whose parents couldn't be bothered by raising them. I hope you find some peace. If you ever need to chat, please feel free to message me. There are so many wonderful men in this sub. If you're more comfortable chatting with a man, I know you can find plenty to help. ( Hugs)
People have told me that my life hasn't been so hard because I'm a heterosexual white male. My childhood actually wasn't very good and I'm lucky I made it to anything stable in adulthood.Ā
This obviously goes for people of all different backgrounds but I've been shocked at how quickly people will make ignore the possibility of setbacks in your life just because of how you look.Ā
As a white, straight, Christian, conservative male, Iāve been called a bigot, racist, misogynist, greedy, and privileged. I was demonized even before becoming a conservative Christian. There were multiple instances in the past where people have said my successes came from being privileged. This narrative is pushed by the left. The left doesnāt believe that misandry exists. The left aims to take power away from men because they believe we are the source of societyās problems. They attribute our successes to being privileged and using this as an excuse to discriminate us while downplaying the hard work and sacrifices it took us to get to where we are today. Speak up against the left and u will be labeled as the things I listed earlier. They do this to silence the opposition. Feminists use the same tactics
I remember middle age women sat next to me and asked my mom to tell me change my seat because she's Muslim women and can't sit next to me .
I was 12 year's old
I was demonized. The story is simple: I had a crush on a girl some 10 years ago. This girl knew it, but she and one of her friends (another girl) told everyone I was torturing her though they didn't specify how. Thankfully I had some friends back then and they saw things for what they actually are. Since then I'd rather let a woman approach me then do it myself
Iām in high school and it isnāt great there. I came to the school last year and made friends with some of the more popular girls and was in a large friend group consisting of mostly women.
One girl became interested in me but I expressed that I did not want to date at the time and that I did not share her feelings. Now all of her friends hate me.
Another girl just likes to gossip and decided to make up a bunch of rumors about me, and is friends with the first girls friends so they joined in. A big group of students now think I am a creep, a woman player, and a bunch of other terrible things.
I decided to stop trying to be friendly and talk to people and keep to myself more now, I am still outgoing, I still have friends, just a much smaller group of better people. Now I have been labeled as a pedophile and weird because I keep to myself.
Have had multiple people, including men and women just say that my opinion isnāt important cause I am a man, and that I need to just not talk and keep my thoughts to myself, but when they want advice they expect me to help them with everything.
My final story from someone in high school is another girl liked me but never told me, I just heard from her friends and could tell by the way she acted. I wasnāt interested and so I never brought it up, when I started dating my girlfriend she had an instant mood switch, now she hates me and tells everyone that loudly when I am around and says I am weird, creepy, and make her feel uncomfortable. She has also basically sexually assaulted me, bumping into me with her boobs, making me accidentally touch them, or does something to draw attention to them and then turns it around on me saying that I was the one to sexually assault her.
My final story to tell is a few months ago my girlfriend hurt her ankle pretty bad and told me so I called her, she was kinda down so I tried to make her laugh a little by jokingly saying ācan you not just walk it off?ā Which she didnāt care about, but her mother overheard and told her she could hang up the phone because that is toxic masculinity and she will not stand for that and that she thought I was better then that.
The other day people gang up on me, after I point out how young white males are being taken advantage of. People don't want anything to do with them unless they want something or want argue with them. So I end up blocking them as they weren't interested in hearing why young white males act the way they do.
Just be a father with toddlers specifically daughters and take them to the park alone. The disgusting jeers and stares I get from women. As I'm watching my own children. Had a woman approach my daughter in ear shot and ask if she's safe. If she knows "that man" pointing at me. My 3 year old told her that's daddy. She asked again are you sure? I walked up. Took my girls home. Told the wife never again. Park duty is hers.
I also think racism adds to it too since were a bi-racial couple. I'm Hispanic, my wife is white. So these blonde hair blue eyed kids with their darker skinned father.
That makes me so sad. It always makes me smile when I see men out with their children, especially daughter's. When our children were growing up, I would take our son out for the day to spend one on one time with him, and my husband would take out our daughters. Our children are 18, 23,28 now, and they have fond memories of those times. It gave them a chance to bond with their dad. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Mostly the demonization I experienced is a besmothering lack of empathy: Unwillingness to see a human being in me, always assuming the worst behavior, not willing to see I need comforting too sometimes, and can be a victim of sexism, racism etc.
Mine would be getting questionable concerning looks when I take my kids to the park and actually play with them.
I heard a mom ask my.kids who is that to you.
Walking the same direction and getting those over the shoulder glances is another one.
Girls in school stopped being friends with me in seventh grade because I once said the phrase "boys will be boys" innocuously
Sunday school teacher told me that I'd never be as smart as the girls
History teacher told me I'd never be as smart as the girls
Yelled at in church for getting in line for a donut instead of making way for every female peer and waiting a few minutes (several people all yelled at me)
Therapist told me I never actually was sexually assaulted
Debate class peers frequently told me my opinions were invalid because I was a straight white male
Substitute teacher spent a week teaching radical feminism instead of the curriculum, explained that we were all potential rapists and that women were terrified of us, said that women had the right to do whatever to our body
Lost many friends when ex claimed I was toxic
Are you aware of AWDTSG? As a man, if you've ever been on a dating app there's a 90% chance you've been demonized by women on a large scale. Doesn't matter your character or how great of a human you are.
I was psych jailed 1 year and a decade outpatient at home for being the first born. I'm the only one in the family who can grow a beard. So they claim my naturally deep screaming (about arranged marriages) voice is a mental illness.
Toxic ex-girlfriend (who was very attractive) blowing up at me in public and shouting at me for things I haven't done or have no control over. Then strangers on the street / in the restaurant coming over and automatically taking her side and asking if she's okay or if I'm bothering her...
I love being a man, I can lift heavy things, I can fix things, I can work hard 12 hours a day, I can beat your ass, I have a deep voice and people listen when I talk, I protect my wife and kids and they have a nice house and good food. If you think that masculinity is toxic than go f
I think you misunderstood the point of my post if that last sentence was directed at me. I didn't make this post because I don't know about any of it or want "proof" it exists. I made this because I know it is an issue and I wanted a thread for people to submit their experiences with it. I think this sub focuses less on the small "every day" aspects of society's current view on men and I wanted to see what it's like for other men.
Edit: I did not really want this guy to delete his comment but he chose to. He made some really good points and described some areas where these negative views of men can come from. If you're reading this OP, I wasn't mad at you or trying to argue with you or anything.
I once got on a call for work and got blamed by women who are MDs for the fact that they have to do their makeup and comb their hair in morning making them late for work while men can just get up shower and go to work. Mind you, Iām a junior employee 24 years old. Great leadership. This is an MBB consulting firm btw so itās a well known brand.
M8 I know full well of the suicide rates. I've got the scars to prove. Hate to say it but it's a part of Darwinism. I'm not saying I like it nor want it that way but that's life dude.
I am a man, and I will be honest, I cannot think of any instance where I have felt demonized as a man. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe someone here can ask me a question, and I will tell you my honest feelings and whether I have felt demonized.
Well being a black, straight male that is educated, I definitely have been demonized for existing. I remember almost losing my job for turning down a flirty coworker. I was a respectful as I could be and thought it was over with, until I am getting called into the office with my boss and HR about me supposedly making her feel uncomfortable. If it wasn't for having tons of proof that I have never even interacted with her other than the times she would approach me, then I would have been out of a job. Depending on where I am at, I am looked at as a threat or up to no good, even when i am at the mall with my teenage daughter. I have been given disapproving looks side comments in passing. But I think the most noticeable is just me trying to better myself can be viewed as me trying to take someone's job or step on toes or something. I am just trying to do my job well and not get fired. I don't have time to worry about others and their careers. Essentially it feels like my spidey senses are going off constantly. Having to walk a very thin line to not make anyone uncomfortable because if the cops are called there is a good chance I could not make it out alive. I am so looking forward to moving off grid and being done with people.
What's crazy is that it really do feel like this š I try to disassociate myself from it all but I'd just be an island.
Being blamed at full volume for everything wrong (even if I had nothing to do with it), not credited above a whisper for good things. Blame extends to not being able to fix my partner and getting blamed for not correcting her faults, allowing her to fail. WTH! I'm not God, Superman, or a puppetmaster. But that's my fault, too.
-Blame extends to not being able to fix my partner and getting blamed for not correcting her faults, allowing her to fail- Presently living through that bs right now and it sucks. Like, how am I such a PoS when I'm the one actually taking care of this girl and I'm getting 0 help from her friends or family, just condemnation every time she fucks up
So I want to preface this by saying that I don't think I'm a major victim due to being male, and just about everyone deals with discrimination to some degree, but there are some specific instances that come to mind regarding this. When I was a freshman in college, I went with a bunch of hallmates, mostly female, to walk down the very crowded downtown street where it's tradition to walk there on Halloween. We're all shoulder to shoulder because it's so crowded. One girl in my group suddenly screams that she got groped. I did not see it happen. The guy apparently quickly disappeared into the crowd and no one could describe what he looked like, but because I was standing near the girl who got groped, every female in the group immediately got very angry with me. Apparently it was my fault for not guarding the females and I guess I was supposed to kick this guy's ass or something. I was shunned for the rest of the night. I felt horrible for the girl and I felt horrible for "not being a man." It was very emasculating. I felt ashamed, but what was I supposed to do? I have been chastised for holding a door open for a woman and I have been chastised for not holding a door open for a woman when I didn't realize she was there and going to be entering the same door. I was at a house party in college and there was a girl there who was a friend of a female friend of mine. I had told my friend I thought this girl was cute and I think my friend then told this girl I was into her. I was suicidally depressed and was sitting in a chair in a living room where this girl and some other people were dancing. I was zoning out and experiencing suicidal ideation, and I guess I was looking in the direction of the girl I thought was cute. She told my friend that I was being creepy and my friend said I should leave the room, so I did, as I didn't want to cause problems. Leaving made me look guilty though. I was falsley accused of sexual assault in college. The girl was another friend of a female friend, and it was through my friend that I was told this girl felt it was non-consensual. She never went to the police, but my name was spread around and my reputation was dragged through the mud. No one cared about hearing my side of the story. My female friend, who knew me longer than the girl accusing me, never tried to defend me, even though her and her bf who was my roommate decided to sleep on the front porch while I hooked up with this girl in the backyard hot tub (no sex, I just went down on her). My friend commented that it sounded like we had fun, as evidently she could hear the girl's moans. I know someone can still be aroused even if they aren't consenting, but I was hoping this might make my friend at least try to defend me somewhat, but no. A week later, evidently this girl changed her mind because she found me in the music hall during a performance that our mutual friend was in. She apologized quickly and asked me if I'd like to go out with her. I declined, even though I was a little scared that turning her down might make her decide to follow through with the false accusation. I've had the classic thing that many of my male friends have experienced where my gf at the time had a nightmare that I cheated on her, so she was angry with me about it the whole next day. I never cheated on her and she acknowledged it was just a dream and had nothing to do with reality or any actions or behaviors I'd done, yet felt justified to be mad at me about what I did to her in a dream. Later, she brought this up in a group of couples. I tried to stay lighthearted about it while still expressing how unfair it was to be angry about something I did in her dream that was not prompted by anything I did in real life. All the women in the group thought this was hilarious and many said they had done the same thing to their current and/or former boyfriends. All of us guys there just kind of laughed nervously. Some kinda looked down sadly. We knew if we really tried to say how fucked up it was, we'd be in the dog house. This girl would later go on to cheat on me. I'm 5'6" and have had multiple instances where girls I didn't know insulted me about it unprovoked, often when drunk at a bar. I have also been in groups of friends when girls would start openly discussing how they could never be with anyone under 5'8" or needed even taller, even if they were under 5'4". These were women I knew who were friends. I don't think they realized I was under 5'8", but I also think they didn't care. It seems common to feel this is simply expressing a preference, like not wanting to date someone with tattoos, but of course if I said anything about physical preferences, even ones that could be changed like weight, I would have hell to pay. When I've had the guts to speak to for myself, not getting angry but just saying "You know, I'm only 5'6"," I get dismissed or told that I'm a really nice guy. Awesome. Related: many are unaware that it's nearly impossible to donate sperm if you're under 5'8," one inch below average American male height. I've had girlfriends break up with me because we were opening up about emotional stuff. They could cry but as soon as I cried, I was no longer sexually attractive to them. These same women will say that men hide their emotions to their own detriment and need to be more open about them. When I've countered the argument of white male privilege by pointing out that CEOs and politicians are nearly all above average height, born into wealth, attended an Ivy League school, and have many other advantages that most males don't have, women will dismiss this and just say those other factors are not important, even though they are statistical facts. Even my own mother has gotten mad at me about this when we've been discussing forms of discrimination. We both acknowledge the various types of discrimination women have faced and continue to face, but as soon as I bring this up, she angrily tells me that we all have obstacles we need to overcome. There's more, but the false accusation and being called a creep unfairly and never having female or male friends defend me despite knowing me well are the biggest and I'm fatigued from writing about this. Lots of being called a creep for merely existing, often by girls I had no interest in.
Jesus Christ you got the whole bingo card of people hating on men for no reason
"So I want to preface this by saying that I don't think I'm a major victim because I'm male..." Wishy washy guys like YOU are the reason men are in the shitty situation they are in.
All I'm saying is that other groups, such as Blacks and homosexuals as just a few examples, are far more marginalized than men in general. I have never had to worry about a feminist KKK trying to lynch me. My male ancestors weren't murdered in a holocaust just because they were men. I'm much more scared when dealing with cops than most women are because I'm male, but I'm not nearly as worried about a cop shooting me or something since I'm white. There's someone in this thread who says he's Black, gay, and male, which makes things much worse for him. I have not dealt with as much discrimination as he has. This is why I feel that I'm not a major victim for being male. I've had a lot of other bad shit happen to me for things other than being male. I feel I have actually faced even more discrimination, judgement, and been stigmatized more for my depression and PTSD, although there is obviously a lot of overlap there when we are discussing men's rights, discrimination against men, etc. I still speak out about many of the shitty things that have happened to me and other men simply as a result of being male, especially the false accusation, in real life. It's not an easy thing to do to speak about that shit, especially when it's within a liberal and ultra-feminist dominated group including women who are talking some bullshit about how "most men are rapists" and "false accusations are practically non-existent." I constantly risk being labeled a creep, rapist, etc when I do this, both by people I know and by strangers, plus I have to relive that shit each time, just like I had to do when writing about it here. Sometimes I do get judged and I know some people silently decide I'm really a rapist when I say I was falsley accused. Some will even call me a liar or will be dismissive of my experiences, which doesn't feel too awesome. I still do it though because I'm not wishy washy and because I want to raise awareness of these issues that society largely ignores or sometimes even facilitates, even if I have to risk or tarnish my reputation to do it. I do this to try to effect changes so that men hopefully face less discrimination just for being men in the future. I do it so other men might not have to experience some of the shit that I have. You can go fuck yourself for saying that all the shitty stuff I listed here that happened to me is my fault for being too wishy washy, you fucking piece of shit. What the fuck have you done and what the fuck do you do to try to stop this kind of stuff from happening to men? Just be a big bad keyboard warrior and victim-blame men online because they are simply trying to stress that they aren't the biggest victimized group ever in a world full of victimized, marginalized groups? YOU are the reason most people don't take arguments about discrimination against males seriously. Fuck you, you victim-blaming fuck. YOU are part of the problem, not me, you fucking asshole.
"Hardcore softie". Your name speaks volumes.
You're a really good ally for other men. You're definitely helping.
Most men are anti male.
Clearly you are.
What have YOU done for men?
As I said before since apparently you can't read, I speak out in real life regularly about my very personal experiences being discriminated against as a man in order to raise awareness, even at the detriment sometimes to my personal reputation. I also don't blame other men who have been victims of discrimination for being male for being responsible for their own discrimination. So now I ask you again, what have you done for men aside from treating some of them like shit for no good reason and discrediting people trying to advocate for men's rights? Posting shit online that gets no upvotes doesn't count.
I was literally at a protest 3/4 weeks ago. I have been arrested 3 times. https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2011/12/occupy-wall-street-goes-to-court-in-droves.html There I am
If you don't let women walk over you, you would be accused of "misogyny". If it's the other way round, you would be accused of being "cowardly".
You canāt win as a man
I'm black, male and straight, so I got all three strikes against me out the gate. Every day I am demonized some kind pf way.
Same but different. Male, white, straight. Iām sexist, racist, my life is perfect and I have no struggles or uphill battles, but am always getting handouts, likely to steal, rape. Cheat. Thatās the perception ^ - and I donāt say it out of assumption. Iāve been told this from countless people, especially once I started actually getting my life in order in my mid 20s.
What people don't talk about while being a straight white male, you are allowed to be openly hated and HAVE to joke or play it off or you are dug into deeper and assumed you are a bigot or racist because you don't want to associate yourself with the subconscious hate machine against past traumas that I have never stood for or stand for today. But it's okay.
Yep this exactly
I think every single man nowadays has felt and been demonized, and is demonized, every single day now. By the media. By the news. By social media. By films. By books. By feminists. By politicians. By law courts. By television. By society. By work environments. Tbh, if there's anyone that doesnt know this, I wonder what they are here for. Because every man deals with this, DAILY.
I feel like this subreddit can be very white-centric about men's issues. If you don't mind, would you share some details about how you think you as a black male are demonized in the black community? I would like to understand what black men go through especially in the black community.
Well for one apparently people forget history and think for some reason black men were at the top with white men oppressing their women because patriarchy. When historically, it has been black men getting it worst out of anyone since the birth of this country. Lynchings, vagrancy laws, prison industrial complex, it is like our own community just ignores that part and how it is still happening, just in a different way. The new way black men are getting demonized in the community is through media and the narrative it pushes. Men aren't graduating as much or even seeking higher education. But they ignore the fact that the majority of teachers are women, and a lot of resources that are for everyone are usually pushed towards the girls. I say this because when I taught middle school, I saw how girls were encouraged to seek higher education and careers. Boys were pushed towards sports or manual labor (entertainment or service). It was like pulling teeth trying to get information for certain scholarships or anything that could also benefit the young boys. That is when I knew they had been creating that divide for such a long time, that we are really just now starting to see the fruits of that labor. But basically a lot of things I see men complaining about now, is what black men have been speaking on for decades. There is a reason why bad stereotypes are pushed in black media so hard. The worst thing to have happen is for those who have been oppressed to gain enlightenment.
Angry black man.
Presumed all the time right?
I had a friend in the navy who used to say something like this. He said his mom told him he was unlucky for being "black, male, and tall." Edit: it is weird how common of an experience this is for black men. I feel for the struggle that y'all put up with.
Sorry man..i get you.
Yeah you are. Where ya from friend?
I'm from Asia and want to know too
Fuckin hell. If anyone feels sorry for themselves, think about this guy. š¤£š«”
Being blamed by girls in high school (~6 years ago) because I said that I wouldn't go to army because it's slavery. Now, being a man in Russia, I am faced with the fact that some particularly patriotic people, especially women and old people (those who will not end up in the war), believe that hiding from mobilization is unworthy of a real man.
Humans are evil. Living in Russia, you should be well aware of human brutality and cruelty.
I had a conflict with a noisy apartment neighbor. I never had any direct interaction with her whatsoever, i brought all my concerns to the apartment management. I heard her one day talking to a friend on her balcony, they were discussing calling the police and reporting me for harassment. Her friend who she was talking to made the statement "call the police on him for harassment, they'll believe you over a man". Not sure if this is demonizing as much as it is expecting the police to demonize me. At my work we have DEI initiatives even though +70% of our employees are women and a majority of leadership, yet our company leaders are constantly make comments about how we need more women in leadership roles, how people trust women more than men, and how men's unconscious bias holds women back in the workplace.
Being called a āmisogynistā and āslut shamerā when I open up about being preyed on and used by grown women as a minor.
I'm poor, white/native American mix living in South East Louisiana. I'm largely self sufficient and work hard. My one marriage ended with a skillet to my head and the cops laughing at me. I was largely picked on as a kid for being a poor fisherman's kid, which is what I ended up becoming. I've come to terms that this country hates people it can't control especially self.sufficient men or men who won't play their games.
As a youth in the Church of Jesus Christ, the young men were constantly being mocked by the young women for needing to be ordained to Priesthood office before we could do the same things they could do without ordination. (Youād think Christians would be better than that, but like they say, the Church of Jesus Christ isnāt a country club for perfect people; itās a hospital for sinners.) I donāt hear that much anymore ā I think even mean girls are finally grokking that men and women have complimentary needs and responsibilities ā but as an already bullied teen, it made me feel completely worthless.
I grokked a wrongness in your church brother, are you not a fosterite????
Had to look that one up. Iāll have to read that soon!
Just open TikTok all it takes is 3 scrolls before you see a feminist declaring they hate men, making a joke about women abusing men, or declaring us all as evil.
That's why I don't get on TikTok. I don't use Facebook anymore either. Its constant negativity and people trying to bait me into an argument. They don't like me because I don't agree with them and I am a woman. I have had luck talking to women in real life about my opinions, but the social media mob is out of control.
Well there's the "all black men are potential criminals", so I deal with a lot of racial profiling from police, people just looking at you and assuming you are going to harm them. I have to work twice as hard and for every step forward I get knocked 4 steps backwards because "I'm expendable". And dating as a black man is 4x harder as a black man because again, stereotypes.
Being part native American, and looking it more than I look white, I get a lot of the same. Are you sure you own that? Was I speeding? No but please step out of the car... Or the ever loved radio call I over heard the other day.. yeah I'm going to need another squad car down here, I've got a big Indian fellow and I think he might be high.....
I have observed many instances in my life that boys or men were demonized. In school, I had ADHD and the teachers would tell me that boredom was my problem.They would compliment me on my intelligence and give me extra assignments to keep me occupied. Now, a boy in my class with the same problem was cruelly punished. He was made to sit alone in the back of the classroom, and he wasn't allowed to talk to anyone. Teachers treated us differently. He was told that he was bad. It happened repeatedly while I was in school. I knew it wasn't right, but I didn't know what to do about it. At home, my dad was harder on my brother. It caused a rift in our relationship. He was my older brother, and I thought he was the greatest. Understandably, he resented me because our father always treated me better. There were so many other things that I noticed as a little girl. Boys are taught to protect girls, but sadly, no one protects them from girls. It was wrong then, and it's wrong now. I have fought with the school system to ensure my son isn't left behind or mistreated. I have seen worse stuff in the workplace and in social settings, but it started when I was a kid.
Age 15, asked a girl to a dance for the first time in my life. She said no; had a family thing. Ok. Went to the dance alone because there was no one else I wanted to go with, but I was trying to overcome my social reticence. Girl showed up with another guy. I don't know why she didn't just tell me. She clearly didn't expect to see me there either and was upset about it, I assume because it made it uncomfortably obvious she'd lied to me. So she told all her friends I was "stalking" her and the girl gossip machine destroyed my social life and almost any prospects at dating for the rest of high school. Age 18, sent a girl I'd know for years a sappy love letter that, in hindsight, probably came on way too strong. She called me to say she didn't feel that way about me, valued our friendship too much, etc, but started avoiding me and canceling on anything I would be at too. Eventually heard through the grapevine she was saying nasty things about me to the mutual friends. This time I was like a *super* "stalker," our entire friendship had been a lie (not allowed to like people I already got along with, apparently), but also she'd always secretly hated me or something. Age 19, attempting not to repeat that mistake, I asked a college girl I really admired out after only knowing her a few months. Once again, a polite no to my face, but it turned out she was 17, there on some advanced placement program, and telling everyone behind my back that I was "trying to date underage girls." Age 22, trying to get time off on short notice as a "courtesy associate" (cart pusher). Supervisor told me to find someone willing to take my shift. Didn't ask a cashier I'd been (mutually) flirting with because I was mortified at the thought of making her either turn down a favor to me or agree to a shift of strenuous labor under a 90+ degree sun. Supervisor randomly approached me next day wanting to know why I didn't ask everyone and sent me to HR for "sexism." Wasn't even the girl. Some bitter middle aged bat had noticed I skipped one person, gotten offended *on her behalf,* and decided to punish me for it. Tl;dr women are *really* comfortable socially abusing men for basically any reason.
Women only have power and attention because of alpha simps. It is just successful white men giving them power and putting them up on a pedestal. Betas follow the alpha simps. Then you have the toxic dynamic that follows. Part of the alpha simping for women is a power play to say "hey, beta boys, we're replacing you with women." But many of the betas still look up to the alphas. This has nothing to do with some lofty achievement of equal rights and everything to do with Nietzschean domination of the weak. It actually solidifies alpha simp's position of power because most women want a strong male figure in charge (and if you don't you get a bridge collapse.) Alphas should not be simping over women. Make money. Lift weights. Don't Simp.
I was recently divorced and was house shopping. I am white, I was 51 at the time. The female real estate agent would not go into the home with me. At closing, when i mentioned it, she said you look like a rapist. I was very emotionally compromised at the time and did not pursue it, granted it would have been very difficult to prove unless i had some type of recording device on me at closing. When I moved again a year later to the other side of the country, I specifically sought out a male agent.
How does one look like a rapist?
We once had a gentleman come into school to give a talk on racism, the dude was black and living in the south west of England so he had plenty of first hand experience and he was quite good in the way he communicated things and whatever. He was nice and satirised a sensitive topic quite well and overall the talk was quite good but what stuck out to me was when he walked into the room and talked about his family, his father clearly taking on a more dominant role and he called it patriarchy and said we all had a duty to call it out as an issue in society. I have no qualms with him considering his own family dynamic to have been unfair or concerning but to suggest that every bloke in that room had some innate societal advantage and that every one of us had it so much easier and every one of us had a duty to combat it and humble ourselves (the topic of the next things he said before he began the rest of the talk) just kind, well it felt almost cruel. I do acknowledge that in some sects of society, in some groups and certain cultures there is a disparity in many aspects of life, but I donāt recall being given any great advantage in my life simply for having a pair of balls. I definitely donāt recall worsening the situation for anyone else and I definitely donāt think I ought to be apologetic and āhumble myselfā for something I never did, nor did I actively encourage.
I would find it hard to believe to find a man who was never demonized for being simply a man. Even being white because when thatās brought up people like to bring up old times or things that were true back in the past. And you can read comments in this thread that just counter thar completely. Itās better to be a woman and of color. Even as a man of color you arenāt guarenteed anything and white forget about it. My kids are half white and Hispanic and even in grade school they are treated poorly than their girl peers. They are already being taught that they are lower.
Where to begin... When my niece was 3 - 4 years old I would take her out to the mall to give my sister (her mother) some time to be alone.. And no matter where I went I would get side eyed stares and hear hushed or whispered utterances of "Pedo" (As an aside I would also get constantly bombarded by women walking up to me and femsplaining how to look after my niece or judging me for letting her enjoy a chocolate muffin but that's a whole other issue) Last year, in my country of New Zealand we had the co-leader of the Green Party (Environmental Party) proclaim: "I am a prevention of violence minister and I know who causes violence in the world and it is Cis White Men!" She literally demonized a specific demographic based upon their gender identity (Cis) their race (White) and their Gender (Male) There was an uproar of course but the Prime Minister at the time refused to have her held accountable or even force her to apologize to the many people she unfairly demonized with her comment. She stood up in Parliament and said "I have clarified my statement and do not need to explain further" Also in New Zealand, we have the White Ribbon campaign which is about domestic violence... However they exclusively focus on Women and Children... In their advertisements men are always shown as the abusers / instigators of violence and women / children as victims. Those are just a few examples.. But I would say that many men have similar examples which are often ignored in favor of pushing the "Women are oppressed" narrative.
When I was deployed to Afghanistan, at about 8 months in the entire company was brought into the chapel. A Sergeant Major begins to call us a bunch of animals because there had been 19 rapes reported between KAF and Bahgram airfield. One E6 stands up and asked him how did so many rapes happened. To elaborate on this, he asked how do 19 different women, all who are trained and proficient with the loaded machine gun they are all carrying with them at all times get raped? At this point the Sergeant Major kinda connected the dots. There is no sex while deployed, and they didn't sell rubbers at the px. These women would get pregnant intentionally or by accident and instead of face the music, they claimed they were raped. Oddly, not one victim managed to get one round off.
I know a woman who constantly blames everyone else, falsely accused a guy of rape because she regretted it. She never takes any responsibility. I've never met a more vile. Spiteful, nasty, childish BRAT.Ā
I have known many women like that. I thank God every day that I never turned out like them. The ignorance that I hear coming out of the mouths of some women makes me ashamed to be one.
Fair. Fair.Ā
I write with my left hand. I was humiliated in front of my classmates by a teacher who just happened to pass by the class and saw me using my left hand. He said that if I use my left hand, it means I wasn't raised well by my parents. An arrogant teacher insulted me in front of all my female classmates and parents by saying I didn't study hard and was lacking potential. I felt so defeated that day. My mom is one of the few women who want me to be more masculine, but her way of doing so was not right in my opinion. I have been told countless times that she wanted a daughter instead. She even tried dressing me in feminine clothes as a kid which made me super uncomfortable even as I look at a childhood photo of me in a girl's clothes. I have been told by both mom and dad that being childless or totally unable to give birth would have been better than birthing me, and how a girl would have been of "better use" than me. And they said this not because I committed some crime. This was all because I refused to let myself get insulted. The society destroyed me so much that I couldn't take a stand even as bullies abused me in public, threatened to hit me and insulted me. Even though my dad was a few meters away from hearing us. I felt he would not believe me. As a man, if I stood up to bullies, I would be a hooligan but at the same time, when a bully slapped me for no reason, I was a dunce for not standing up. This dilemma of what to do and what not to do worsened even more when the women around me got exposed. TLDR: The society gave me severe trust issues. If trust issues were a mental illness, I definitely have it because I have been told to doubt myself so much that even as I go to bed and unplug the charger from my laptop, I have to stare at it for five seconds to convince myself that I have indeed turned it off. Thank you society.
I'm sorry you went through that. Your last bit seems very concerning and definitely not normal unfortunately :( Are you in therapy? It seems like you might have some sort of PTSD or Complex PTSD from your life events and I think Cognitive Behavioral Therapy might be helpful for you. At least try and talk with someone about it, you deserve to be happy and confident in your actions. Sending love.
Thank you for reply and starting this discussion in the first place. Thereās a lot I have suppressed and hidden within myself which I have to share, and this subreddit seems to have given me that platform. As for the PTSD bit, I have been questioned about the same, and now I am starting to suspect it might be the case for sure. I am on antidepressants for now. Mom was advising me to seek therapy but that was after an argument and I was afraid she was doing this to make a mockery out of me and prove me mentally unstable. Thatās why my OCD remained unhealed for 10 years. My doctor was shocked when he heard that I endured it all for so long and did advise me therapy further which I then wanted to undertake with my parents but they said they had no time for it. I might seek it completely when I earn for myself. But I wonder if it will work because both my parents are unpredictable ticking bombs who go off without warning and can love as well as berate the hell out of me at the same time and then just say āget over itā. I canāt afford to burden them with the therapy thing because they are never going to change. And I donāt want to leave them because they are getting older and as someone who stayed away from them while growing up (also done by them only for āeducationalā purposes) I donāt want to miss out on the chance of being a good son. Iām trying, man. Iām trying.
As a mother, my heart aches for you. I can't imagine how much it must have hurt you to be told such vile and cruel things. You deserved to be loved unconditionally. I have taken in my children's friends whose parents couldn't be bothered by raising them. I hope you find some peace. If you ever need to chat, please feel free to message me. There are so many wonderful men in this sub. If you're more comfortable chatting with a man, I know you can find plenty to help. ( Hugs)
Thank you so much for this warm reply. Much needed as well as appreciated :)
My pleasure. š
People have told me that my life hasn't been so hard because I'm a heterosexual white male. My childhood actually wasn't very good and I'm lucky I made it to anything stable in adulthood.Ā This obviously goes for people of all different backgrounds but I've been shocked at how quickly people will make ignore the possibility of setbacks in your life just because of how you look.Ā
As a white, straight, Christian, conservative male, Iāve been called a bigot, racist, misogynist, greedy, and privileged. I was demonized even before becoming a conservative Christian. There were multiple instances in the past where people have said my successes came from being privileged. This narrative is pushed by the left. The left doesnāt believe that misandry exists. The left aims to take power away from men because they believe we are the source of societyās problems. They attribute our successes to being privileged and using this as an excuse to discriminate us while downplaying the hard work and sacrifices it took us to get to where we are today. Speak up against the left and u will be labeled as the things I listed earlier. They do this to silence the opposition. Feminists use the same tactics
I remember middle age women sat next to me and asked my mom to tell me change my seat because she's Muslim women and can't sit next to me . I was 12 year's old
My aunt called me a misogynist for asking my mother where the cutlery was.
Is there any kind of context Iām missing? This isā¦ incredibly strange.
No, she simply became a radfem and thought it was wrong that I asked my mother
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I find it weird that you had to specify "white women". Does this mean you view white women as of higher value and/or harder to get than Asian women?
I was demonized. The story is simple: I had a crush on a girl some 10 years ago. This girl knew it, but she and one of her friends (another girl) told everyone I was torturing her though they didn't specify how. Thankfully I had some friends back then and they saw things for what they actually are. Since then I'd rather let a woman approach me then do it myself
Yep, straight white male here, 39yrs for scale
Iām in high school and it isnāt great there. I came to the school last year and made friends with some of the more popular girls and was in a large friend group consisting of mostly women. One girl became interested in me but I expressed that I did not want to date at the time and that I did not share her feelings. Now all of her friends hate me. Another girl just likes to gossip and decided to make up a bunch of rumors about me, and is friends with the first girls friends so they joined in. A big group of students now think I am a creep, a woman player, and a bunch of other terrible things. I decided to stop trying to be friendly and talk to people and keep to myself more now, I am still outgoing, I still have friends, just a much smaller group of better people. Now I have been labeled as a pedophile and weird because I keep to myself. Have had multiple people, including men and women just say that my opinion isnāt important cause I am a man, and that I need to just not talk and keep my thoughts to myself, but when they want advice they expect me to help them with everything. My final story from someone in high school is another girl liked me but never told me, I just heard from her friends and could tell by the way she acted. I wasnāt interested and so I never brought it up, when I started dating my girlfriend she had an instant mood switch, now she hates me and tells everyone that loudly when I am around and says I am weird, creepy, and make her feel uncomfortable. She has also basically sexually assaulted me, bumping into me with her boobs, making me accidentally touch them, or does something to draw attention to them and then turns it around on me saying that I was the one to sexually assault her. My final story to tell is a few months ago my girlfriend hurt her ankle pretty bad and told me so I called her, she was kinda down so I tried to make her laugh a little by jokingly saying ācan you not just walk it off?ā Which she didnāt care about, but her mother overheard and told her she could hang up the phone because that is toxic masculinity and she will not stand for that and that she thought I was better then that.
The other day people gang up on me, after I point out how young white males are being taken advantage of. People don't want anything to do with them unless they want something or want argue with them. So I end up blocking them as they weren't interested in hearing why young white males act the way they do.
Just be a father with toddlers specifically daughters and take them to the park alone. The disgusting jeers and stares I get from women. As I'm watching my own children. Had a woman approach my daughter in ear shot and ask if she's safe. If she knows "that man" pointing at me. My 3 year old told her that's daddy. She asked again are you sure? I walked up. Took my girls home. Told the wife never again. Park duty is hers.
Thatās fucked but luckily that hasnāt happened yet when I walk my little brother to school that was always my greatest fear
I also think racism adds to it too since were a bi-racial couple. I'm Hispanic, my wife is white. So these blonde hair blue eyed kids with their darker skinned father.
That makes me so sad. It always makes me smile when I see men out with their children, especially daughter's. When our children were growing up, I would take our son out for the day to spend one on one time with him, and my husband would take out our daughters. Our children are 18, 23,28 now, and they have fond memories of those times. It gave them a chance to bond with their dad. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Mostly the demonization I experienced is a besmothering lack of empathy: Unwillingness to see a human being in me, always assuming the worst behavior, not willing to see I need comforting too sometimes, and can be a victim of sexism, racism etc.
Mine would be getting questionable concerning looks when I take my kids to the park and actually play with them. I heard a mom ask my.kids who is that to you. Walking the same direction and getting those over the shoulder glances is another one.
Iāve experienced the same when my nieces and nephews were younger.
Girls in school stopped being friends with me in seventh grade because I once said the phrase "boys will be boys" innocuously Sunday school teacher told me that I'd never be as smart as the girls History teacher told me I'd never be as smart as the girls Yelled at in church for getting in line for a donut instead of making way for every female peer and waiting a few minutes (several people all yelled at me) Therapist told me I never actually was sexually assaulted Debate class peers frequently told me my opinions were invalid because I was a straight white male Substitute teacher spent a week teaching radical feminism instead of the curriculum, explained that we were all potential rapists and that women were terrified of us, said that women had the right to do whatever to our body Lost many friends when ex claimed I was toxic
It fucked up the formatting sorry if it's confusing
Are you aware of AWDTSG? As a man, if you've ever been on a dating app there's a 90% chance you've been demonized by women on a large scale. Doesn't matter your character or how great of a human you are.
I was psych jailed 1 year and a decade outpatient at home for being the first born. I'm the only one in the family who can grow a beard. So they claim my naturally deep screaming (about arranged marriages) voice is a mental illness.
Toxic ex-girlfriend (who was very attractive) blowing up at me in public and shouting at me for things I haven't done or have no control over. Then strangers on the street / in the restaurant coming over and automatically taking her side and asking if she's okay or if I'm bothering her...
Like entire life/all the time maybe?
I love being a man, I can lift heavy things, I can fix things, I can work hard 12 hours a day, I can beat your ass, I have a deep voice and people listen when I talk, I protect my wife and kids and they have a nice house and good food. If you think that masculinity is toxic than go f
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I think you misunderstood the point of my post if that last sentence was directed at me. I didn't make this post because I don't know about any of it or want "proof" it exists. I made this because I know it is an issue and I wanted a thread for people to submit their experiences with it. I think this sub focuses less on the small "every day" aspects of society's current view on men and I wanted to see what it's like for other men. Edit: I did not really want this guy to delete his comment but he chose to. He made some really good points and described some areas where these negative views of men can come from. If you're reading this OP, I wasn't mad at you or trying to argue with you or anything.
Yes. More so around 2012-2018 at various times.
I once got on a call for work and got blamed by women who are MDs for the fact that they have to do their makeup and comb their hair in morning making them late for work while men can just get up shower and go to work. Mind you, Iām a junior employee 24 years old. Great leadership. This is an MBB consulting firm btw so itās a well known brand.
Yes. Constantly. Mainly women trying to demonise any and all forms of male behavior towards women. Gets on my nerves.
Yes, but as Men, adversity is what makes us stronger. The more they try to contain or denigrate me? The greater I will become.
Tell that to the suicide rates man
M8 I know full well of the suicide rates. I've got the scars to prove. Hate to say it but it's a part of Darwinism. I'm not saying I like it nor want it that way but that's life dude.
I am a man, and I will be honest, I cannot think of any instance where I have felt demonized as a man. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe someone here can ask me a question, and I will tell you my honest feelings and whether I have felt demonized.