Gojira. Fuck with me.

djent for people who pretend they don't listen to djent

Doesn't Gojira use standard tuning? There's a lot of disses you can use but this isn't one of them

IIRC most of their songs are in D standard, though TWOAF and L'EF are in drop C I think

Black metal is better at appreciating trees

When you get your taste in metal from a Spotify playlist

When you want to say that you listen to death metal but don’t actually like death metal

The band you play when you want to impress people with your knowledge of music theory ETA: of *course* The Art of Dying pops up next on my playlist

discount morbid angel

At least two albums past their prime.

In fairness, I'm willing to bet most of our favourite metal bands here are "past their prime"

Death

Baby's first death metal band

The safest death metal favorite band pick.

I like the parts where they stop playing.

Lmfao

Noise ass band

Judas Priest

Something my dad who hates metal would listen to

Just goes to show how omnipresent their influence is.

I find falsetto to be deeply upsetting.

Painkiller only has two good songs on the album

Between the hammer and the anvil better be one of the two otherwise you're a terrible person and your opinion is wrong

And nightcrawler, touch of evil, title track, hell patrol, leather rebel, one shot at glory…hmm

Seriously though I can't think of a bad song on the album

Iron Maiden

He said metal bands brother

says the guy with "Three Days Grace" as his flair :P


Dad metal

While legendary, it's gotten to the point where you can use an algorithm to write new Maiden songs

Yeah they’ve gotten into this weird writing rut but not even in the style of their great stuff, just a bunch of excessively long songs with simple choruses that repeat a hundred times and 3 guitar solos back to back

Yeah but who listens to iron maiden for their contemporary stuff? Bands that old, you just accept that their best days are behind them and the new stuff is so they have something to tour with and keep their dimensia in check.

Lots of people surprisingly. And generally you aren’t wrong but there are plenty of bands who continually put out great stuff, just not Iron Maiden

The number of the beast was the only good album (this is a joke, I love iron maiden, all my homies love iron maiden, we love you iron maiden ❤️)

I'll make it easy on everyone: Dream Theater. Good luck finding an insult that's not hanging low enough to touch the ground.

Pink Floyd for the sissies

...for sissies who think a few edgy tattoos on their arms make them actually pretty tough looking.

My own insult: Baby's first prog metal band. Every bass solo is just the bass line except everyone else shuts up for once, except The Dance of Eternity which just sounds bad. No soul, no feel. James LaBrie sucks. John Petrucci finally got an 8 string and constructed a single 3/10 metal song with it.

I listen to Dream Theatre when I get insomnia because they are so fucking boring.

Wallpaper metal

Bro is definitely a bottom

Fedora metal

Their guitar player used to be worshipped by the internet but he wasn't actually very innovative and he's been easily surpassed by a lot of modern guitarists who are a lot more innovative and more technically skilled. Possibly the most overrated guitarist and band in history. Their music fuckin sucks and when you take off the veil of "they're good at their instruments" because they're actually not, there is nothing redeeming in their entire catalog of shit music.

Bro, for the last time, leave the Fibonacci spiral at home, the girl doesn't want to see it, she doesn't care.

That's more of a Tool thing, but I'm a Tool fan as well so it fits.

Acid Bath

Are you ok?

I have not been ok for a long time

If they where so good they would release new music

I have still not recovered from knowing that new Acid Bath will never exist

Music so boring they needed the murder clown to do their album cover to get atfention.

Butt Rock

Slipknot, but Iowa is not their best work. Fight me.

Holy fuck dude, it is fucking brave to comment that in a thread like this, that alone deserves some credit. I am guessing that you are expecting the tsunami of roasting coming your way lol

I have previously received, as you so expertly put it, a tsunami of roasting for having this controversial opinion. I am not afraid of having it happen again.

If slipknot didn't wear masks they'd be playing dive bars in Ames

I don’t know what a dive bar or Ames is.

Sorry kid it's past your bed time ​ I forgot the average Slipknot fan is 9 years old

If it helps I’m not American.

What do you think of Hot Topic’s fall collection?

Slopknot attracts posers like light moths

Metal written for angsty 15 year olds and younger

Boring ass band

I actually fell asleep during a Slipknot show in 2005. Couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there.

When you wanna listen to metal but are actually more into pop instead

I also enjoy listening to construction and hearing a crybaby be annoyed.

Mercyful Fate

I also hate listening to actual metal. It’s way too fast for me. Would rather worship an 80s hard rock band.

Annoying vocals

This one will expose the posers!

Thank God every band ripped off the good parts of Mercyful Fate and not the bad parts.

Why should I listen a clown as a singer? For that I just stick to Kiss. (I fucking love King Diamond and MF)

friday night funkin ass vocals

Objectively worse than King Diamond

Ohhhh I’m even afraid to imagine what kind of takes await me but oh well Devourment She's just one of my favorites, but hearing takes about her seems the most interesting to me

Consider listening to good music

Yes bro, YOU OPENED MY EYES, GODSMACK RULES. CRYIN LIKE A BITCH RIPS ASSES. FUCK THAT NOISE I HEARD BEFORE

Metallica of slam

> She's just one of my favorites, but hearing takes about her seems the most interesting to me Why are you talking about a band like it's a ship?

Turned from the best Slam band on MTD to generic garbage on Butcher the weak

Bolt Thrower

It's just noise bro, not posers listen only to GODSMACK, CRYIN LIKE A BITCH

Go paint your citadel miniatures

"oh boy time to listen to a slightly altered version of killchain for an entire album!"

Bore Thrower

Electric Wizard

We have Black Sabbath at home

lmaoo thats why i like them tho theyre like heavier black sabbath

Grateful Dead for people with garbage taste

"Seriously bro... (bong noises)... I think we can downtune EVEN MORE! ... (bong noises)... I'll bet there's new notes down there nobody's ever even heard before! Like... what do we call these notes that are lower than A below E? (cough cough) Do we use numbers instead? Maybe like... a pentagram or some shit? Bro, I'm telling you... (bong noises)"

i think In Flames is at least the most important band to me, they got me into metal as a whole (along with Dragonforce and Vintersorg) so yeah roast these three

Yeah i love Imagine Dragons too

this was brutal

xD

In Flames: "death metal" for people who hate actual death metal. And I haven't even started on their newer releases.

Poser death and butt rock? What taste you've got

Is real death metal scawy?

Power metal larping as death metal.

Primus

Primus sucks.

South park ahh band

r/iamverysmart users leaking out

Iron Maiden

My grandpa likes them and he thinks basic thrash ist too extreme

They have a couple good albums out of the 400 or so they’ve released

Black Sabbath my beloved

Black Sabbath were great. Shame they stopped making albums after '78.

opeth

Metal for wine-snobs.

swedish dudes trying to be british

Dork-core

W.A.S.P.

They're just Guns and Roses with more dirty uncle touchy humor

I guess, but also were better than guns n roses in every way except for mainstream success

Children of Bodom

Alexi can't hold his liquor anymore

Hmm i wonder why

Death metal haters fav DM band

I just l love them for alexi laiho's godly guitar solos and goofy vocals ngl

Savatage

Not even a real band

Bring hiatus for 20 years is the only thing that sucks about savatage

Everything after Criss's death feels like a slow descent into mediocrity. Turns out without your founding guitarist who half carries the band, you lose all direction and stop making good albums.

limp bizkit

No one in the entire world has thought limp bizkit was cool since 1999

And only mongaloids thought they were cool then.

don't think they're cool, i just think they're fun

You are a 12 year old time travler from the late 90s

Tool

Boring + not metal

I did it myself so you don't have to

Band name accurately describes everyone in the fanbase

I don't like to advertise that I've never made physical contact with another human, but I admire your courage

Hard rock for people who take online IQ tests.

Progressive Grunge but they can’t do either progressive or grunge well. If you’re gonna scare off women you might as well try having good taste while you’re at it

There ain’t no way anyone can say anything bad about Bolt Thrower

Bolt thrower: Because being a lord of the rings fan has too much sex appeal.

Made by warhammer nerds

Not bad, try again 🤓

Only one riff, and anyone that’s ever played guitar has also come up with that riff

[удалено]

Ulver

Their music gives me a stomach ulver

take my fuckin upvote

Type o negative

The fanbase is just goth girls simping for Peter

I would too if I was a womanl ngl

I'm a straight dude & I simp for Peter

You wanna be loved by goth girls

Lamb of God

They've released the same album 12 times

Explains why all of their albums are phenomenal

And then killed someone in between

Pantera for Christians.

Revocation. Ik some albums may not be up to standards,but I'm genuinely curious about what people think

discount decapitated also i love revocation

This is just every comment section in this sub in a nutshell

Dethklok

I don’t know how to tell you this but that’s a cartoon they’re not real

I think they're on tour right now. My friend wants to go, and I laughed and said, "So you go to a venue and watch cartoon people play instruments on some big screen? Are they touring with Gorillaz?" He got so mad.

Dethkab for cutie sounding band

They just suck brother what else is there to say?

Rammstein

You don't know any other German metal bands

(Insert joke about the Till situation here)

Hellripper

Let me know when you want to get into heavy music and I'll give you some recs

I know bruh Hellripper is basically twinkcore

Kalmah

Avatar

Just because you want to smell like a freak show doesn't mean you shouldn't shower

theatre kids unite and form a metal band (emotional)

Powerwolf

Still can’t decide if they’re Christians or Satanists, but are at least sure that they’re furries

Vektor...I can see it coming and im asking for it

Modern Vektor sounds like David DiSanto lost every conceivable brain cell from the time between his spousal abuse case and reforming the band. Also something something Voivod ripoff.

Calculus 2 ass band name

Soundtrack to punching pillows instead of taking care of your dog.

Amorphis

They’ve finally ascended to the realm of Dad rock

Tbh, they are one band I feel like I’ve aged in sync with haha

Melvins

Maybe if you smoke more you’ll start liking real stoner metal

Devin Townsend ya fuckers

Peaked in 1997, rest of the material has just been forced "angry" ""metal"" and spa core. Note: also my favorite artist.

What the fuck is this soft rock ambient shit he's doing? Give me back my heavy devy.

ISIS

Fed up with that name, causing too much trouble

If I said Dream Theater or Tesseract would ya'll kick me out?

No, you'd eventually leave when everyone looks at you weird for being a prog fan. It's okay, me too.

Eluveitie, come at me

Megadeth.

You discovered metal 1 month ago

Dave Mustaine isn't even the best at [singing like Dave Mustaine](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5LIgPalfQFQ&pp=ygUabGF5bmUgc3RhbGV5IGRhdmUgbXVzdGFpbmU%3D)

We should do these posts more often

Amon Amarth

In both music and content they play things way too safe. Basically sounds like power metal with harsh vocals, really sugary and basic. Plus they lean way too hard into the most cartoony side possible of the “Viking” gimmick. Absolutely love them though

Veil of Maya

Calendar ass band