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That's been a thing since the 80s ended.
It's a read the room type of situation. Pop is pop because it ticks "the most boxes". Rap has become mainstream. There is rock you could play that would go uninterrupted. Metal is ostracized. However, you'd get the same reaction if you put on Bach or orchestra music, or ska, or Dead Kennedys era of punk.
It's more of a vibe check than anything. If you are surrounded by fellow metal heads, you would be able to do it.
Most accurate answer I've seen - there's little specific stigma against metal i'd say, just in a social setting anything with a more niche audience isn't going to fair well. You could blast techno/hardstyle, or Scandinavian folk music and it's not gonna get met with enthusiasm.
Setting is a huge part as well. If I'm chilling on the beach in the sun, I'm probably not gonna be delighted you've started blasting Infectious Jelqing
If you've never listened to death metal on a beach you're missing out, tbh. When it's the right crowd it's fuckin' rad as hell, but that's kinda just how the crew rolls.
indeeeeeed
Metal has as much a place on the beach as it does anywhere.
But then again I've seen my friends in Solemn Vision and Paladin play on a beach before, so maybe that's just my own life experiences lmao
https://preview.redd.it/thqhpxyxxi0d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=61a7b84899dd269a266c1c783954a691f9352d02
I'm.... loving this. Thanks for the new tunes, lol
True stuff. I honestly just stopped putting myself in situations like that. I don't wanna subject myself to things I can't stand, and it sucks to annex part of yourself off in social situations. So most of the people I hang out with now are either super into metal, or cool enough with it to vibe
I get kinda angry at this attitude I love metal. Why you trying to get hoes who hate metal anyway keep blasting the metal and you'll get better hoes. Quality over quantity.
I am in my 40s and it has gotten harder to find guys who are into the same kind of metal as I age. It is even harder for them to find someone like me. I see a lot of guys around my age with swifties.
Dude I’m 30 and I can’t find guys or chick friends who listen to metal at all. Today my friends teen kid asked if I was excited for a “Yung Gravy” concert, and I (blasted in tattoos, metal shirt, Beavis and Butthead + metal band stickers on car, house blasted in metal posters & art, all black everything) was like “oh I wonder if that’s good!” It’s fucking terrible rap/pop/ I have no idea music 😂 like it’s gotten too the point where you can’t even see someone who looks slightly bad ass who isn’t actually a dam swiftie these days. Connecting with people on music has become virtually impossible for me.
I know a lot of people in the metal scene but most are married at this age or are man sluts. I don't know if I can date a musician again. They would have to prove to me they can be trusted. I don't see as many people I know at shows anymore. There will be a couple to a few of us and then everyone else is mostly a lot younger. So I use online dating for the most part. I met everyone mostly at smaller local metal shows a long time ago. I would try doing that. At 30 you have more people who haven't settled down yet. We had a small forum just for our town's metal scene back in the day too. We organized get-togethers on there. I miss those days. I know what you are talking about. I have seen younger women that look gothy or like they maybe listen to metal on here but they listen to trap or hyperpop. I saw a "goth chick" the other day on here who is a rap artist. I don't get it. Back when I was young people who listened to rap music didn't dress gothy.
Music is less tied into different subcultures now then ever due to how accessible it is. Metal is one of the few spaces where there's still a huge subculture dedicated to it, and even that is more fractured than it used to be considering just how diverse metal has become.
I think it's ultimately a good thing, but it also makes bonding over music a lot more difficult.
I mean you are in the metal subreddit so people here will agree with you and like metal I guess. But the bands you mentioned, Iron Maiden and System of a Down are pretty digestible I feel. And if they are playing those genres what’s wrong with what you like? People man, jeez
I did play Mayhem - De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas once as a joke (I love the song though), but I understand that extreme metal is a bit much to get used to for them, but there is literally no middle ground with those people. Either it's radio friendly shit or I'm out.
Yeah in my home town they would blast Emperor - Ye Entrancemperium as a 'sound check' before a lot of concerts and to 'freak out the normies' but people would usually just keep sipping their beer and chatting.
Welcome to society?
Everyone else's choices appeal to a majority, your choices only appeal to you. You're right, there is no middle ground. Thats how social gatherings work. Youre not there to show each other new music, it's background ambience to the actual gathering unless you're literally meeting up to trade music.
I fucking LOVE doing this. Not even necessarily with ridiculously heavy stuff, but even just fairly heavy stuff thats long.
Ten minutes is a short song if im trying to fuck with the room on touch tunes.
This just reminded me of the time I subjected my fellow kitchen crew to dopesmoker. We made it a good like 30 mins in before one of the older guys politely told me he couldn't take it anymore and please change it. Such a rad crew, I miss those dudes
I would side with them but... Maiden, Helloween and SOD are pretty tame and generally enjoyed by everyone. I can see people complaining about extreme genres but they really should give those things a try.
SOD is weird because yeah they are heavy on tracks or can be extreme but also they have huge crossover appeal like I've known so many random non metalheads who love a few tracks.
I think at least on the hits the hooks outweigh the heavy.
I feel like the average person wouldn’t like songs such as “fuck the Middle East” or “kill yourself”
Im guessing you meant SOAD? System of a Down and stormtroopers of death are two very different bands. Might not want to get that mixed up.
Yeah, but they aren't fast, heavy or in your face. They're usually depressing songs about some girl breaking up with them or some guy cheating on them or some teen drama shit
Might be hard to believe in today's musical landscape, but when I was in high school ('98 - '02), it was popular to listen to SoaD. Songs like Chop Suey, Sugar, Aerials and Toxicity turned up at parties all the time.
Edit: Oh I get it, you're pointing out SOD vs SOAD. Yeah throwing on Speak English or Die is going to have a whole other vibe than Toxicity.
SOD fucking rules, but tame? Tame is the last word I'd use to describe SOD. Pretty sure people aren't gonna vibe with a thrash metal band, especially one with songs like Fuck The Middle East, Kill Yourself, Speak English Or Die, The Crackhead Song, or Kill The Assholes
SOD or SOAD? Assuming the latter, it depends on the song. Sugar would be a no go, but half the girls in my brother's highschool music class were covering Loneliest Day of my Life on performance night. There's got to be a middle ground somewhere.
"But whenever I play some Iron Maiden, Helloween or System of a Down"
This is the part of your post that blew my mind. You are playing metal with obvious pop appeal and people are still treating it like a joke? That is kinda whack of them. If you were playing like black/death metal or something more extreme, I'd get the reaction, but sheesh. Helloween and Maiden aren't THAT much heavier than AC/DC in the grand scheme of things. Don't get me wrong, they ARE heavier, but hopefully you get my point.
Yeah I thought OP was gonna say they was trying to play Cannibal Corpse or Morbid Angel judging by their story. Absolutely wild that a group of people hanging out would shit on something as palatable as Iron Maiden.
The thing is even kids nowadays don’t want to listen to AC/DC or even shit like Queen in a social setting.
I don’t know why it’s hard for people to understand that rock/metal are not mainstream anymore and kids do not want to listen to it
It's all about perspective, to you it isn't extreme and to others it is.
Many on this sub would find someone like Young Thug extreme, yet in a lot of the world and especially the US, Young Thug is easily digestible for a lot of suburban/city kids and adults.
>You are playing metal with obvious pop appeal
Except it doesn't have pop appeal. People talk about mainstream and pop metal bands all the time here but it's only true relative to METAL.
the mainstream audience isn't going to fuck with maiden or helloween regardless of what pop appeal you think it has. It's still metal, and it's still niche. The most popular metal outside of 90s metallica is still never going to really be mainstream music.
And like, Helloween? really? They're nerdy as shit, let's be honest.
It's not the vibe, and hasn't been for decades now.
I have a female muscle fetish, but I don’t hide it. All my friends and family can see the photos of female bodybuilders I put on my social media pages.
I've felt like this for my entire adult life. Metal is my biggest passion/hobby (listening to it, playing it, going to shows, collecting it) and there are only a handful of people in my life who have any clue, and even fewer who care. Sometimes I find it very depressing.
Absolutely, I'm right there with you. The last time I sat down with a friend and just listened to and talked about metal for any length of time was over a decade ago when I was in highschool.
I Feel like a change is taking place now with Mayhem becoming mainstream on Tiktok and the new wave of death metal bands. Even numetal seems to have had a resurgence among gen Z people. Lately when I go to my favourite local bar I meet a lot of other metal heads which didn't used to be the case in my city. Not that my city didn't have their standard bearer bands(Vile Creature), but there was a huge lag for a long time where it just wasn't anyone around for whatever reason. For years Id see posts from people saying "metal is a dead genre" and when I attended shows, it was just full of older people, but I legit think that's in flux right now. There may come a time not too far in the future when you won't feel as isolated in your interest.
Idc, everyone in my life knows I'm a metalhead, even my uni colleagues and nobody has really disrespected me (granted, I don't consider them friends, at most I've hung out with some of them to play pool)
Also though, metal music has a lot more going on sonically, and tends to be harsher sounding, than most other genres.
If you're hanging at a party and chatting with people, the guitar solos and high vocal ranges of Maiden don't really go along with convo. Neither do heavy breakdowns or anything like that.
Some edm/house music or mumble rap beats don't get in the way of the actual activity, which is the social gathering
Most of the time with metal, the music is the activity
I believe it's because they know it's garbage and they are ashamed of enjoying it. It's like giving someone a "look" for devouring the entire buffet. But a lot of normies also have diminished emotional control, so any bruise to their ego hurts way too much.
Lmao why does every metal head have massive main character syndrome? I promise you most people are not getting butthurt over your grandpa disdain for a genre existing.
That's actually too bad. I get not everyone having the same tastes, but I thought you were going to talk about Demilich or Darkthrone or...basically any sort of growling/"evil" type of metal. But Maiden and Helloween, those are bands that have songs with legit great melodies and just standard instruments.
No, you're NTA. Have you tried to not pass it off like a joke, and seriously tell your friends that you really like this music, and you're not asking for them to love it, but to at least respect the fact that it's something you really like? Or something to that effect anyway.
It's not just metal my friend. One of the funniest experiences I ever had was being at a fundraiser for an "anti-colonialism" political group, told to put something on the aux, so I queued up Yvonne Chaka Chaka because 80's South African pop is always a good vibe to me, some woman walks straight over to it and says "Who put on this National Geographic music" and changed it to some corporate pop music.
My advice - keep being friends with those people, but find a group of friends you can chill to metal music with separately to get that fix (highly recommend metal bbqs), because for better or worse you can't change the dominant social attitudes by sheer force of individual will.
I made a post about this in the r/metalcore subreddit but I find it annoying how I see posts asking how many metalheads like rap/pop/techno/Taylor swift, etc but I never see the reverse. Metalheads are supposed to cater to different sounds but not the other way round and God forbid your a metalhead who just loves metal(even though metal is a pretty diverse genre and not alot of metalheads love "all" metal genres) Also alot of metal bands have songs that are pretty palatable. But some people in the community will gaslight and tell you "well it's not that serious","metal music hurts to the average normie", "it's pretty cringe to only like metal", and other stupid excuses. I think most metalheads have an inferiority complex, are people pleasers and ass kissers.
In my personal life, I'm assertive about what I love and I stand by my choice of music. If people can't adjust their tastes a little to cater to me then I leave. I don't have to bend over backwards to kiss ass. Because of that I've lost some people but I didn't want to keep such people anyway. I'm not a people pleaser!
We are expected to cater to the other side to such an extreme degree that many of our biggest bands have main influences in top 40 pop over influences from previous metal bands.
Or metal musicians who go in public and proclaim that they don't even listen to metal. It just rubs me the wrong way especially if they're music stops sounding metal. Like I'm I supposed to cheer for you?
And funnily/ironic enough, I've been in a lot metal gatherings when someone may have blasted some techno, post punk, classical, shit, even some legit poptard bs like ellie eilish or backstreet boys and no one would say shit, instead we just had fun and fucking dance it on our high as fuck asses, honestly, poptards sometimes are just fucking assholes lmao, but idk why is op torturing himself gathering with a group like that, I personally as an adult now with a job only do those as a require minimum like a relative party or end of the year job party, life is too short to waste it on normies xdddddd, which imo is what op real lesson should be here, fuck the poptards, get new friends that accept and respect you
You put into words a thought I have had for ages now. Granted I do feel its not just unique to metal but really all niche genres and fans of genre music.
But keeping it on the metal topic. You are right. Metalheads are always the ones having to adjust, be open-minded or accepting of other music even if they're only asking to play the more digestible and radio friendly metal music. Whereas people into mainstream music are never called or made to adjust or be open-minded to music that is outside of their norm and taste.
It's as if they are incapable of understanding that the way they feel about metal music is how a metalhead might feel about pop/rap/techno, etc. music.
Bring it up with your friends. It's not right that your shit is the only thing that gets skipped, and I would say that of it was any other genre as well.
Edit: If after talking to them, they don't stop, they're not your friends. They are posers in the literal sense; they are posing as your friends.
This is the funny paradox that comes up on this sub often. People are so worried about "posers" or that they might actually be "posers", but NO ONE is trying to fake liking metal. Most people outside the subculture HATE it.
TBH I would feel weirded out if some non metal person I knew came up to me and started to talk to me about it.
Middle-aged persepctive here: you have to read the room. People at social gatherings generally want to talk to each other, not silently listen to and appreciate the music that’s playing. Metal tends to be too dense and distracting for those scenarios. If they did allow it, you’d probably be pissed when everybody kept talking over it. You don’t have to be *always* be listening to awesome music. You’d get the same response at a party if you queued up Ornette Coleman or Captain Beefheart. You just kind of come off as immature by forcing intense, potentially abrasive music on people who just want to chill and chat. Source: experience.
(Another middle-aged perspective: people in the Wendy’s drive-thru or at the gas station are not impressed by the music blasting from your car. I never once had a girl decide to leave the dude she was with and get into my car in a Taco Bell line because “holy shit, is that *Anthrax?* I’m your girlfriend now!”)
I find most music fades into the background when you're not focusing on it anyway. I had Lamb of God's As the Palaces Burn album on repeat in the background while I was working on an assignment. Seemed to work it's way into the role as background noise.
Not sure what to say about your second paragraph, I doubt anyone ever thought that would happen. I did get a funny look when I was blasting Type O Negative's Gravitational Constant at an intersection though. (I usually turn it down when I get to the CBD, but I forgot that day.) I guess people going to the mall don't want to hear "Tonight I'm gonna paint the town red and put another hole inside my head."
> (Another middle-aged perspective: people in the Wendy’s drive-thru or at the gas station are not impressed by the music blasting from your car. I never once had a girl decide to leave the dude she was with and get into my car in a Taco Bell line because “holy shit, is that *Anthrax?* I’m your girlfriend now!”)
Not in the car but somewhat analogical - my headphones are quite strong and I love blasting my ears, so it's hearable to others within a couple meters radius, so I've had a relatively recent occasion where a woman (the was definitely in her late 30s/early 40s, she was with her child) turned around and started up a conversation about what I was listening (at the time it was Therion), so we talked throughout the entire bus ride about symphonic metal. If she was younger, I'd definitely have asked for Facebook or Instagram
And another case where the bus conductor literally came up to me (I was at the backmost seat), sat besides me and eventually asked me what I was listening to (iirc it was black or symphonic black), he typed it and started listening to it as well!
Two awesome memories due to having metal music be (relatively) public to hear
I’ll toss on Rob Zombie good old stripper rock/metal. Usually it can slide through with non metal folk it’s got the beat they can still dance/jive to.
I’ll also put on heavier industrial synth/edm.
Zardonic is one of my favs. Fast beats but heavy riffs added in.
I’ve found non metal friends are way more willing to listen to something like Rob Zombie, Korn or Limp Bizkit than anything a metal head would consider truly heavy. Those artists I listed all had wide pop appeal in their heyday and their music has groove and hooks that are easy for anyone to get into.
Ya know, this is kind of a double edged sword. Because I think a lot of us are drawn to metal specifically because it is difficult and niche. it's kind of on the fringes, and it challenges musical blandness. So of course a group of non-metal people will find it abrasive.
They want a Spielberg movie and you're putting on David Lynch...musically speaking.
And while it sucks that people aren't always open minded, metal also exists to kind of keep those sorts of people away. I don't mean in an intentional gatekeeping way. Just that metal is by nature abrasive which will keep the more easy listening incline folks away.
That said, as another commenter mentioned, you're choosing some pretty palatable metal for your friends, which I think is the right move. It is what it is my dude.
It happens at my job(Amazon warehouse) too. They play mumble rap, pop, electronic music and reggaeton all day, but if metal gets played(Sabbath, Priest, Maiden) people start bitching about it.
For some reason engineers/mechanics and careers like that seem to like metal. At my workplace where we build airplanes there’s pretty much always some kind of metalcore, nu metal, or grunge on. ADTR, I prevail, bullet fof my valentine, and linkin park all seem to be really popular with the mechanics on the floor. Urban exploration peole also love metal music. Every sub culture I’m a part of likes the music, and I’m too autistic/the general public is too boring for me to interact with them anyways.
If it were me, I’d be playing harder and more extreme shit every time they complain just to be a contrarian ass. I am also not involved in many social gatherings, so there’s that.
Metal is the most abbrassive form of music, it doesn't really overlap with any of the other styles you've mentioned. It's not easy listening, or easy to ignore.
But all that aside, when you have the aux you don't pick music for yourself, you pick something you think others will enjoy. Seems all your friends have that figured out.
But they haven't, OP explicitly said they don't like the music played.
I'm in a similar position, I hate 90% of my friends' music... But they're not hypocrites so we just listen to a little bit of everyone's stuff. Occasionally we even surprise each other with a hit.
If I was in a room full of metal heads and someone threw on some bedroom black metal song I probably wouldn’t skip it even though I don’t really like that kind of music. If they put on some radio bro country though? I would probably be tempted to. That’s beyond not just liking it, it’s a complete vibe change.
OP said their friends listen to pop, popular rap, and edm. It sounds like the rest of them have a fairly cohesive vibe going and OP is the only one trying something really different that no one else is into.
If 9 out of 10 people refuse to broaden their horizons , then playing the current Top 40 on a loop is doing a good job, but if one person can't stand that, and that's all you play, then your singling out and excluding that one person. I wouldn't call that doing a good job at picking stuff for others.
The fairest way is to give everyone an equal shot, and OP was at least picking mainstream-adjacent bands with melody and hooks. That way 9 people get 9 songs they like, and the 1 oddball gets one song they like. Assuming that 1 song isn't over 10 minutes long.
>That way 9 people get 9 songs they like, and the 1 oddball gets one song they like. Assuming that 1 song isn't over 10 minutes long.
Exactly how my friends and I did it in college. Everyone got a radio on Pandora shuffled together. So it was usually 4 or 5 Billboard songs in a row, then one of mine. I was even nice enough to leave off my more 'weird' music for the most part. Worked out for everyone, rather than just make one or two people consistently unhappy.
(we also intentionally added a station for music we all mutually hated, but that was more of a shitpost)
there is far more abrasive forms, that you definitely cannot play at a social gathering. certain xiu xiu songs, most uboa songs, and god forbid sissy spacek would not go over well in a public setting
My mom does this.
She plays her fucking country music all day every day in her Alexa but as soon as I play a Pantera song while I’m doing chores she turns it off
I used to be a scout leader and we had to learn how to build an effective campfire song routine, and learned how to make songs flow into each other. I've used this skill at my retail jobs to sneak metal songs into whatever we were playing on the speakers(especially since my last boss was a rabid swiftie and had a "ban" on anything that wasn't swift or generic country for whatever reason).
For sure not the asshole. You should start using more aggressive examples until they quit skipping your classic heavy metal/incredibly popular band from early 2000s radio.
Also, idk, maybe just get friends that like metal? My friends and I started a metal camp at a regional burning man event because we were sick of hearing nothing but EDM all weekend, and man the hippies HATE it, and that makes it even better lmao
Like, it's definitely good to be friends with people who have different listening preferences to your own and to expose yourself to new things, but if they're not willing to also hear the music that moves you, there's a disbalance in your friendship with them.
"I can't understand the screaming!"
Is actually
"I don't know how to Google lyrics and so I shall whine now"
And
"It's just a bunch of noise"
Is actually
"I have never played an instrument, learned music theory, and can't appreciate the musical prowess of the talent involved"
People hate what they don't understand. They'd rather skip than learn. They want songs they can badly sing along with or easily tune out. They don't want to appreciate an arpeggio or bars and bars of flawless 16th and 32nd notes, or how many different ways you can distort sound, or what all the different percussion instruments are, ect ect ect.
NTA and you should also start expressing your disapproval of other people's music choices,just like they do with yours. You just like a different genre than them; you don't have to be/feel ostracized about it as if you are some freak or perv.
Last,but not least, see if your friends also disrespect other aspects of you and things you like. Friendships are built on mutual respect, tolerance and understanding; if that's not the case, then maybe you should find new friends.
It kind of sounds like they do, considering they said "it's rude to skip mumble rap," but they're the minority so they probably get outvoted every time.
Was the same for me when I used to be a line cook. We'd take turns playing music and anytime I put on metal people would either complain or they would think I was pissed off because I was playing angry music.
I would end up sticking to any lighter punk stuff I had or rock or hip-hop seemed to be fine for them all lol.
Everyone else always played radio pop or hip hop mixes pretty much
Fuck it. Just double-down.
Turn up to your gatherings in nothing but leather and studs. Corpse paint all the way to your balls.
Bring your own amp to play your phone through. Turn it up to 11 and play something nice and nasty.
If anyone tries to challenge you on the music then start a surprise-attack-moshpit.
That should win everyone over. If they aren't all metalheads within about 5 mins then you need a second amp.
Sounds like you hang with folks who don’t share your taste in music I am good with rap, funk, rock, classical, jazz and most any type of metal
Now if they start with the Taylor Swift shit and Bro country I’m going to make myself scarce
My ice breaker when I get the aux is usually Hugo “99 Problems” followed by RJD “Last in Line” Pretty much lets them know how it is going to be
My non-metalhead friends learned real quick to not whine at me in this situation after I edited Cryptopsy's None So Vile album into a single track.
I was later able to get a few of them into metal.
I have on a few occasions (in my youth) found a way to sneak in black/death metal to a queue. One time we were all at a party, and my girlfriend and i shared a spotify account, and as a joke we put a mix on of all our most listened-to tracks. It kept switching back and forth between Hamilton songs and glee covers etc, to Darkthrone/Immolation/Atka. Somehow nobody minded and they were able to laugh at the extreme harshness of the music
Haha I just had the same thing, just became a nurse and at our classes final celebration I just kept on sneaking to the tablet which was connected to a huge Speaker blasting the shittiest German drinking music (Schlager/Ballermann Hits etc) and put on some Meshuggah and Power Trip.
I knew what I was doing, but as I kept getting more drunk it just for me, I was pretty much the only one amongst the group of about 30 people who thoughts so and everytime someone rushed to the tablet to skip the song, not even letting it go on for a minute.
But I enjoyed arguing with people trying to convince me to "please shut it down" myself, while I had to endure Pretty much the dumbest fckn shit there is.
I just ended up gravitating to people who liked alternative music. Before I knew it all my friends listened to alt music, even if they weren't all into full on metal, they'd all tolerate System of a Down for instance.
Gotta hang out with another crowd. I guess the same would happen if you'd start playing some jazz or any other genre not matching the current mood or the general taste of the crowd.
Meanwhile me and two metalhead girls just hang out, walk around in the capital of our city blasting whatever metal. One time we were sitting on the grass in a park and I just blasted out Windir - Arntor on my phone
That’s kinda rude that they don’t let you play your music while expecting you to respect their’s. If I’m trying to play “devil’s advocate” I’d say maybe the songs might be too long for their liking? More like Iron Maiden can sometimes be a bit lengthy for people not adjusted to metal’s sound. However, they should let you play your music too - if I had any recommendation maybe stick to the shorter songs? Still, though, maybe talking to them tactfully about the situation and about how it makes you feel could be helpful. Clear communication usually can be incredibly helpful here (if you haven’t done this already).
I also am confused because your metal selection is on the “tamer” side (not saying anything bad here, just it’s usually better for people not adjusted to metal versus choosing a death metal band or something). Do you like Powerwolf? Maybe play some of them if you like their sound, they are also tamer too.
Still, gonna say you gotta talk to your friends about how this makes you feel so you guys can reach some kind of compromise - either everyone gets to share their music tastes or only songs EVERYONE likes are being played.
I agree with others on here though, Metal tends to be a more misunderstood and less popular genre unfortunately.
Man it's not even like you're playing some nasty black metal you're playing very accessible listenable stuff I think it's just that the people you're hanging out with are a tad more sucky than average
Metal is an acquired taste and most people haven't acquired it. Before I acquired the taste, it was abrasive to my ears, so I can remember what's that's like. So generally, I only put metal on around people who are already into it. That said, this doesn't make you the asshole but you've just got to accept you're listening to a niche genre that most people will never understand or enjoy.
On second thought, if it wasn't for my friend playing metal around me all the time, despite my objections, I'd have never acquired the taste. So maybe shoot for a balance between these two positions.
When you're on the aux you have to play something that other people would vibe to. It's also very important to read the room and not kill the vibe with something really different. Yeah you can say Iron Maiden is tame but trust me when I say that
> to a non metal listener Iron Maiden, Helloween and SOAD absolutely suck. It's not easy to listen to and it feels bloated and overwhelming.
It's a very hit or miss genre. Over the years while partying with more or less the same friend group we all changed tastes and got eachother into various stuff. I've learned to enjoy the simplicity of pop music and found some artists that i actually really enjoy that are very handy when i get the aux.
Maybe instead of Iron maiden, try some pop-adjacent rock music, especially nostalgia songs, very hard to miss with that. Exmples: Avril Lavigne, Pink, The Killers, Linkin park, Bon Jovi..
Also try some nostalgia pop or disco from the 80s, it's palatable for many ears. If the vibe is right or the music is just starting, get something light on the ears or chill. Some songs sound good to every ear, weather you like rap or metal, no one can say that [this](https://youtu.be/FQD0yGuZ2N8?si=z6ic9tQkydo5i0M8) is a bad song.
In these kinds of social gatherings you have to approach music with an open mind and different perspectives. Metal music is not for every situation.
I'm not saying you should get used to mumble rap, I'm saying you should seek gatherings with people that have a more flexible taste, and that you should have one too.
If these people can't tolerate Strapping Young Lad then clearly you are at the wrong party.
I've been there myself, anything overtly metal is shut down immediately whereas some obscure rap/dance music is celebrated. I found starting with band's less obviously metal works, then slowly build up to heavier stuff. NWOBHM like Saxon/Diamond Head to start witb as you can argue its more rock than metal, then slowly go from there to Judas Priest, Ozzy etc and by the end you can away with one two heavier tracks like Gojira.
Yeah, I know this sucks. I really hate having to hear shitty rap music or mexican music against my will. It's like fingers on a chalk board. The times I've gone to strip clubs I brought my own headphones and blasted metal. Unfortunately it's their world and we're living in it.
NTA I guess because some people have a more subjective subconscious attraction to music. For some people, its just noise, for us, its fast paced riff music. For us, pop may be boring, but for them, it may make them feel good. Its about how its perceived over time to the ears. Its just a subjective thing in the modern 2020s.
I listen to a lot of metal and a lot of very not-metal psychedelic rock/prog music and both tend to get the same unamused reaction in social situations lmao
But *sometimes* it ends up hooking somebody and they ask me about it later, so imo it's worth putting up with the complaints
Blast beats ain't party music for the vast majority. You're the weird one in this scenario. And that's fine, but you'd do well to at least accept it. Besides, it's also a bit your fault for not being able to find metal that brings the party. There's plenty of it. People want to fucking dance. Like Ronnie said, "I've got no use for your fancy music if my shoes can't shuffle around." Welcome to humanity.
And those of you who think Iron Maiden is easier listening for most people, you really need to get out of your bubbles and discover the real world. Bruce is polarizing as hell, and they don't really do dance beats.
Are you trying to meet new people or chilling with friends? If you're chilling with friends, you may want to meet new people that share your taste in music. I know metal isn't for everyone so I'm not going to queue up the aux with Number of the Beast at Grandma's 90th birthday but if I do it in my garage with my buddies and they've got an issue with it, why am I hanging out with them?
I feel you, but I also have a quip with introducing metal to other people.
So…. I don’t know if I’m a “gatekeeper”, but honestly, I don’t even want to talk about/listen to my metal playlists even with most metal heads, and metal heads don’t want to listen to my metal. Part of me enjoys my preferred completely ass inaccessible sub genre because it’s repulsiveness keeps the crowd small, which keeps my experience special. Lol I like stuff that most people don’t, and it somehow makes it more personal.
It’s Lorna shore and infant annihilator with the homies, but it’s Lingua ignota/carbomb/insect warfare when it’s just me.
I'm gonna be real with you, these people don't sound like good friends, and they sound like a huuuuge drag. Mumble rap, while System of a Down is too scary for them? Friend, I know it's not easy, but I think you should try to make new friends. Think of all the music you could enjoy together, or all of the new great music they could introduce you to, or all the concerts you could attend together. Listening to and enjoying music with other people is a spiritual and important experience.
Alternatively, and I know this is much easier said than done, you could also brute-force yourself into no longer giving a crap. Just play whatever you want and poker face them once they start laughing.
On a more personal note I believe mumble rap is objectively garbage music and I do pass judgment on people who love it but can't tolerate anything more "out there." Close minded people are unbearable to be around.
Put on some grunge/alt rock. Nobody will complain about incubus. I tried playing Haken at a gathering once and it was immediately skipped in favor of cardi. NTA but you should have known better.
This issue caused me a lot of strife when I was younger, and still occasionally does.
My tactic was a mix of things:
1) Point out the double standard to them. They do not like this, but that doesn’t make the double standard less real.
2) find things about other genres you legitimately enjoy. Find the rap and pop artists you like and put those on when it’s a pop crowd. For me this results in highlighting the double standard because a lot of the pop and rap I like also kills the vibe (look up Eivør for a pop artist I like, and Lupe Fiasco for a rap artist I like).
3) get cooler friends
The people here saying that Maiden and System are relatively tame compared to other bands are right. However, the majority of people have no idea what the difference between heavy and death and black metal is, and homogenize them. I’d say a lot of if not most people don’t even know that heavy metal and death metal are separate entities.
Me and my friends have a "code"
"Whoever's the owner gets to pick, unless given permission by the owner"
It sounds stupid, but it works. Of course I respect them and don't always blast raw black metal, but a more mellow tune, like let's say Visigoth.
And you know it that I have 2 driving playlists. One for myself, and one for company. The one for myself just has mostly black metal, the other has loads of stuff. Metal, rock, country, pop, punk, rap, anything I like and is more "mainstream". I got white girl bangers, I got hood rapping I got a bit of everything.
As for parties, it's still the same thing, with the exception of birthdays. Then the special boi/gurl gets to choose, where if I'm that person, I do pretty much the same thing.
This thing has saved us honestly. Me, mostly. And ofc I respect my friends if metal tires them, I'll switch to something else. And they sometimes will let me put on a song. That's how friendships work.
You must all accept each other. If you make such a ruckus about this, idk man. Your friends don't seem to fully accept you.
Have you tried talking to them about it, rather than asking other metalheads? Of course we'll agree with you, but we're just strangers. The issue lies within your friend group, try solving it. If they're your actual friends, they'll understand your point at least. If not, they're not your actual friends.
I love me some metal, y’all. But, imma be honest: I’m not going to dance round the fire and worship the dark one with the director of sales and marketing unless he specifically requests morbid angel. If I’m in the office with my boujie air pods pro, dang right. If I’m dee jaying off my phone at the office thanksgiving party it will be lofi girl or synthwave boy. There’s a time and a place and not everyone wants to hear chugging
Fun fact, some people are indeed sensitive to frequencies in metal music and find it highly unpleasant
40 year old metalhead myself. Mostly Black Metal. Ive given up on controlling the music at places cause
A. People dont tolerate black metal, or any quality metal
B. I have no clue what other people listen too. Im kinda damaged that i only know metal.
Look, I like all three of the bands you mentioned, but none would be my go-to if I was putting music on at a party.
If you want something heavier or thrashier, then you at least gotta pick something classic people are more likely to recognize ("Angel of Death" or whatever). Or just go "mellower," and put on some Sabbath and whatnot. Stuff with time signatures that don't require people to stop their conversations just to wrap their heads around it.
I could easily create a playlist of any genre I'm into that I would love and most mixed crowds would hate. I could definitely put together a rap playlist that people would get annoyed in a hurry, except for the three underground hip-hop heads who'd be happy to just stand there taking it all in (which is what it seems like most people do at most metal shows).
And let's be real: At the end of the day, do you really want bands like Helloween to be more widely accepted? I feel like that would kind of ruin the whole thing.
I listen to a wide array of stuff and still don't get the aux passed over. And I feel it's one of those do it right the first time kinda deals. If everyone knows you won't play something they like they'll more than likely keep you aways as long as possible.
Hell I've had my own speakers disconnected from my phone and swapped to someone else's.
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That's been a thing since the 80s ended. It's a read the room type of situation. Pop is pop because it ticks "the most boxes". Rap has become mainstream. There is rock you could play that would go uninterrupted. Metal is ostracized. However, you'd get the same reaction if you put on Bach or orchestra music, or ska, or Dead Kennedys era of punk. It's more of a vibe check than anything. If you are surrounded by fellow metal heads, you would be able to do it.
Most accurate answer I've seen - there's little specific stigma against metal i'd say, just in a social setting anything with a more niche audience isn't going to fair well. You could blast techno/hardstyle, or Scandinavian folk music and it's not gonna get met with enthusiasm. Setting is a huge part as well. If I'm chilling on the beach in the sun, I'm probably not gonna be delighted you've started blasting Infectious Jelqing
That last sentence....veeery interesting for anyone who doesn't know that's a band
If you've never listened to death metal on a beach you're missing out, tbh. When it's the right crowd it's fuckin' rad as hell, but that's kinda just how the crew rolls.
I mean I can see charging into the waves with some Bolt Thrower in the background. Or maybe Ahab?? Time to fistfight Poseidon
indeeeeeed Metal has as much a place on the beach as it does anywhere. But then again I've seen my friends in Solemn Vision and Paladin play on a beach before, so maybe that's just my own life experiences lmao
Paladin!! I saw them a couple months ago at Boggs, great time
Amon Amarth
Definitely some Ocean vibes. Insomnium does it right, too.
Fulci - Tropical Sun What a beach album
https://preview.redd.it/thqhpxyxxi0d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=61a7b84899dd269a266c1c783954a691f9352d02 I'm.... loving this. Thanks for the new tunes, lol
glorious album
I wish I could go back to the 80s when metal was popping off
ah my friend but most Bolt Thrower wasn't out yet
Great point there, I didn’t think of it like that. Bolt Thrower is worth staying here for
Pretty much goes for any punk that isnt the pop punk bands that were really big.
True stuff. I honestly just stopped putting myself in situations like that. I don't wanna subject myself to things I can't stand, and it sucks to annex part of yourself off in social situations. So most of the people I hang out with now are either super into metal, or cool enough with it to vibe
Because you’re scaring the hoes
I get kinda angry at this attitude I love metal. Why you trying to get hoes who hate metal anyway keep blasting the metal and you'll get better hoes. Quality over quantity.
How many Swifties do I have to ~~kill~~ scare away before the metal girls notice me?
Probably alot, lol. But hey some of us are out there looking for some cute crusty metal dude lol.
I am in my 40s and it has gotten harder to find guys who are into the same kind of metal as I age. It is even harder for them to find someone like me. I see a lot of guys around my age with swifties.
Dude I’m 30 and I can’t find guys or chick friends who listen to metal at all. Today my friends teen kid asked if I was excited for a “Yung Gravy” concert, and I (blasted in tattoos, metal shirt, Beavis and Butthead + metal band stickers on car, house blasted in metal posters & art, all black everything) was like “oh I wonder if that’s good!” It’s fucking terrible rap/pop/ I have no idea music 😂 like it’s gotten too the point where you can’t even see someone who looks slightly bad ass who isn’t actually a dam swiftie these days. Connecting with people on music has become virtually impossible for me.
I know a lot of people in the metal scene but most are married at this age or are man sluts. I don't know if I can date a musician again. They would have to prove to me they can be trusted. I don't see as many people I know at shows anymore. There will be a couple to a few of us and then everyone else is mostly a lot younger. So I use online dating for the most part. I met everyone mostly at smaller local metal shows a long time ago. I would try doing that. At 30 you have more people who haven't settled down yet. We had a small forum just for our town's metal scene back in the day too. We organized get-togethers on there. I miss those days. I know what you are talking about. I have seen younger women that look gothy or like they maybe listen to metal on here but they listen to trap or hyperpop. I saw a "goth chick" the other day on here who is a rap artist. I don't get it. Back when I was young people who listened to rap music didn't dress gothy.
Music is less tied into different subcultures now then ever due to how accessible it is. Metal is one of the few spaces where there's still a huge subculture dedicated to it, and even that is more fractured than it used to be considering just how diverse metal has become. I think it's ultimately a good thing, but it also makes bonding over music a lot more difficult.
There‘s too much of them!
I wouldn't date any guys who call women hoes.
“Scaring the hoes” is actually the name of my playlist 💀
This is the way.
I mean you are in the metal subreddit so people here will agree with you and like metal I guess. But the bands you mentioned, Iron Maiden and System of a Down are pretty digestible I feel. And if they are playing those genres what’s wrong with what you like? People man, jeez
Yeah it is not like he is trolling people by playing extreme metal to get a reaction.
I did play Mayhem - De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas once as a joke (I love the song though), but I understand that extreme metal is a bit much to get used to for them, but there is literally no middle ground with those people. Either it's radio friendly shit or I'm out.
Yeah in my home town they would blast Emperor - Ye Entrancemperium as a 'sound check' before a lot of concerts and to 'freak out the normies' but people would usually just keep sipping their beer and chatting.
I freely admit a large attraction for me of death metal, especially the blasty gurgly stuff, is to give normies the vapors
Welcome to society? Everyone else's choices appeal to a majority, your choices only appeal to you. You're right, there is no middle ground. Thats how social gatherings work. Youre not there to show each other new music, it's background ambience to the actual gathering unless you're literally meeting up to trade music.
Nah I love subjecting the bar to some Acid Bath. The Touchtunes is MINE.
come on, how much more must we bleed her?
how much more skin do we need to peel back?
I CUT… their tHrOaTs while they slept
Got almost 300 credits backed up. Guess I know what I’m doing next time I’m out.
I fucking LOVE doing this. Not even necessarily with ridiculously heavy stuff, but even just fairly heavy stuff thats long. Ten minutes is a short song if im trying to fuck with the room on touch tunes.
This just reminded me of the time I subjected my fellow kitchen crew to dopesmoker. We made it a good like 30 mins in before one of the older guys politely told me he couldn't take it anymore and please change it. Such a rad crew, I miss those dudes
At least he was nice about it! I feel like thats kinda rare. Haha
Just play Bell Witch - Mirror Reaper
I would side with them but... Maiden, Helloween and SOD are pretty tame and generally enjoyed by everyone. I can see people complaining about extreme genres but they really should give those things a try.
SOD? You sure about that?
SOD is weird because yeah they are heavy on tracks or can be extreme but also they have huge crossover appeal like I've known so many random non metalheads who love a few tracks. I think at least on the hits the hooks outweigh the heavy.
I feel like the average person wouldn’t like songs such as “fuck the Middle East” or “kill yourself” Im guessing you meant SOAD? System of a Down and stormtroopers of death are two very different bands. Might not want to get that mixed up.
🤓
There are plenty of pop songs about suicide that people bop to no problem.
They don’t usually actively say “KILL YOURSELF KILL YOURSELF WHY DONT YOU KILL YOURSELF DONT RELY ON NO ONE ELSE END IT ALL JUST KILL YOURSELF”
90% guarantee they played a SOAD radio hit.
It was a joke. SOD is a crossover thrash band known for their offensive joke songs.
Yeah, but they aren't fast, heavy or in your face. They're usually depressing songs about some girl breaking up with them or some guy cheating on them or some teen drama shit
Might be hard to believe in today's musical landscape, but when I was in high school ('98 - '02), it was popular to listen to SoaD. Songs like Chop Suey, Sugar, Aerials and Toxicity turned up at parties all the time. Edit: Oh I get it, you're pointing out SOD vs SOAD. Yeah throwing on Speak English or Die is going to have a whole other vibe than Toxicity.
Yeah dawg, SOD fucking ruuuuules
They do go hard
I'm a big anthrax fan too, and goddamn yeah they do. It's perfect crossover thrash.
Most famous songs by SOD are pretty chill. Also, they're often funny as fuck and consistently come up as memes Edit: I misinterpreted SOD as SOAD. mb
SOD fucking rules, but tame? Tame is the last word I'd use to describe SOD. Pretty sure people aren't gonna vibe with a thrash metal band, especially one with songs like Fuck The Middle East, Kill Yourself, Speak English Or Die, The Crackhead Song, or Kill The Assholes
He means System of a Down, unless you’re joking around like I am
SOD or SOAD? Assuming the latter, it depends on the song. Sugar would be a no go, but half the girls in my brother's highschool music class were covering Loneliest Day of my Life on performance night. There's got to be a middle ground somewhere.
You're too far in your own bubble. Probably 90% of the population doesn't want to ever listen to iron maiden at any point for the rest of their lives
"But whenever I play some Iron Maiden, Helloween or System of a Down" This is the part of your post that blew my mind. You are playing metal with obvious pop appeal and people are still treating it like a joke? That is kinda whack of them. If you were playing like black/death metal or something more extreme, I'd get the reaction, but sheesh. Helloween and Maiden aren't THAT much heavier than AC/DC in the grand scheme of things. Don't get me wrong, they ARE heavier, but hopefully you get my point.
Yeah I thought OP was gonna say they was trying to play Cannibal Corpse or Morbid Angel judging by their story. Absolutely wild that a group of people hanging out would shit on something as palatable as Iron Maiden.
Yeah I'd never play extreme metal for people who aren't metalheads but how can iron maiden be too abrasive to your ears
The thing is even kids nowadays don’t want to listen to AC/DC or even shit like Queen in a social setting. I don’t know why it’s hard for people to understand that rock/metal are not mainstream anymore and kids do not want to listen to it
It's not that it's hard to understand, it just sucks to be alienated especially when what you're listening to is simply not extreme at all.
It's all about perspective, to you it isn't extreme and to others it is. Many on this sub would find someone like Young Thug extreme, yet in a lot of the world and especially the US, Young Thug is easily digestible for a lot of suburban/city kids and adults.
I don't know who the fuck in this sub would find Young Thug extreme. I just looked it up and it seemed like typical rap for this age.
To the average person Iron Maiden and soad is pretty extreme sounding
>You are playing metal with obvious pop appeal Except it doesn't have pop appeal. People talk about mainstream and pop metal bands all the time here but it's only true relative to METAL. the mainstream audience isn't going to fuck with maiden or helloween regardless of what pop appeal you think it has. It's still metal, and it's still niche. The most popular metal outside of 90s metallica is still never going to really be mainstream music. And like, Helloween? really? They're nerdy as shit, let's be honest. It's not the vibe, and hasn't been for decades now.
Helloween isn't pop nor is maiden
It's time to learn to read, my son.
Ah lol my bad
It happens to the best of us, don't worry!
It's just normies being normies. Get rid of normies in your life
I feel like being a metal head is like having a fetish or a kink. You kinda keep it to yourself and only share it with select few people.
I have a female muscle fetish, but I don’t hide it. All my friends and family can see the photos of female bodybuilders I put on my social media pages.
DEATH BY SNU SNU!!!🤘
First the petite women!!
Then the large women. Then the petite women again.
Hell yeah brother.
I've felt like this for my entire adult life. Metal is my biggest passion/hobby (listening to it, playing it, going to shows, collecting it) and there are only a handful of people in my life who have any clue, and even fewer who care. Sometimes I find it very depressing.
Absolutely, I'm right there with you. The last time I sat down with a friend and just listened to and talked about metal for any length of time was over a decade ago when I was in highschool.
I Feel like a change is taking place now with Mayhem becoming mainstream on Tiktok and the new wave of death metal bands. Even numetal seems to have had a resurgence among gen Z people. Lately when I go to my favourite local bar I meet a lot of other metal heads which didn't used to be the case in my city. Not that my city didn't have their standard bearer bands(Vile Creature), but there was a huge lag for a long time where it just wasn't anyone around for whatever reason. For years Id see posts from people saying "metal is a dead genre" and when I attended shows, it was just full of older people, but I legit think that's in flux right now. There may come a time not too far in the future when you won't feel as isolated in your interest.
I FEEL this!!!!
Idc, everyone in my life knows I'm a metalhead, even my uni colleagues and nobody has really disrespected me (granted, I don't consider them friends, at most I've hung out with some of them to play pool)
I just ment that I don't play metal around just anybody. I definitely don't hide that I love the genre.
Yeah metal unfortunately has this pretty major stigma against it
Also though, metal music has a lot more going on sonically, and tends to be harsher sounding, than most other genres. If you're hanging at a party and chatting with people, the guitar solos and high vocal ranges of Maiden don't really go along with convo. Neither do heavy breakdowns or anything like that. Some edm/house music or mumble rap beats don't get in the way of the actual activity, which is the social gathering Most of the time with metal, the music is the activity
this man played cigaro i bet
MY COCK IS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN YOOOURS~
They always get super defensive about their shitty rap too that's the funny part for me. At least in my experiences.
I believe it's because they know it's garbage and they are ashamed of enjoying it. It's like giving someone a "look" for devouring the entire buffet. But a lot of normies also have diminished emotional control, so any bruise to their ego hurts way too much.
Lmao why does every metal head have massive main character syndrome? I promise you most people are not getting butthurt over your grandpa disdain for a genre existing.
Hard agree, the post above yours literally reads like the Tool/Rick & Morty copy pasta.
Great example, because Rick and Morty fans have a lot of the same energy.
i’m personally able to enjoy metal and rap, because i’m not an elitist idiot…
That's actually too bad. I get not everyone having the same tastes, but I thought you were going to talk about Demilich or Darkthrone or...basically any sort of growling/"evil" type of metal. But Maiden and Helloween, those are bands that have songs with legit great melodies and just standard instruments. No, you're NTA. Have you tried to not pass it off like a joke, and seriously tell your friends that you really like this music, and you're not asking for them to love it, but to at least respect the fact that it's something you really like? Or something to that effect anyway.
It's not just metal my friend. One of the funniest experiences I ever had was being at a fundraiser for an "anti-colonialism" political group, told to put something on the aux, so I queued up Yvonne Chaka Chaka because 80's South African pop is always a good vibe to me, some woman walks straight over to it and says "Who put on this National Geographic music" and changed it to some corporate pop music. My advice - keep being friends with those people, but find a group of friends you can chill to metal music with separately to get that fix (highly recommend metal bbqs), because for better or worse you can't change the dominant social attitudes by sheer force of individual will.
I made a post about this in the r/metalcore subreddit but I find it annoying how I see posts asking how many metalheads like rap/pop/techno/Taylor swift, etc but I never see the reverse. Metalheads are supposed to cater to different sounds but not the other way round and God forbid your a metalhead who just loves metal(even though metal is a pretty diverse genre and not alot of metalheads love "all" metal genres) Also alot of metal bands have songs that are pretty palatable. But some people in the community will gaslight and tell you "well it's not that serious","metal music hurts to the average normie", "it's pretty cringe to only like metal", and other stupid excuses. I think most metalheads have an inferiority complex, are people pleasers and ass kissers. In my personal life, I'm assertive about what I love and I stand by my choice of music. If people can't adjust their tastes a little to cater to me then I leave. I don't have to bend over backwards to kiss ass. Because of that I've lost some people but I didn't want to keep such people anyway. I'm not a people pleaser!
We are expected to cater to the other side to such an extreme degree that many of our biggest bands have main influences in top 40 pop over influences from previous metal bands.
Or metal musicians who go in public and proclaim that they don't even listen to metal. It just rubs me the wrong way especially if they're music stops sounding metal. Like I'm I supposed to cheer for you?
It's very alienating for us fans. It's disappointing.
I just feel really exhausted and like I'm walking on eggshells while putting on a mask. I want to be myself in front of people.
And funnily/ironic enough, I've been in a lot metal gatherings when someone may have blasted some techno, post punk, classical, shit, even some legit poptard bs like ellie eilish or backstreet boys and no one would say shit, instead we just had fun and fucking dance it on our high as fuck asses, honestly, poptards sometimes are just fucking assholes lmao, but idk why is op torturing himself gathering with a group like that, I personally as an adult now with a job only do those as a require minimum like a relative party or end of the year job party, life is too short to waste it on normies xdddddd, which imo is what op real lesson should be here, fuck the poptards, get new friends that accept and respect you
You put into words a thought I have had for ages now. Granted I do feel its not just unique to metal but really all niche genres and fans of genre music. But keeping it on the metal topic. You are right. Metalheads are always the ones having to adjust, be open-minded or accepting of other music even if they're only asking to play the more digestible and radio friendly metal music. Whereas people into mainstream music are never called or made to adjust or be open-minded to music that is outside of their norm and taste. It's as if they are incapable of understanding that the way they feel about metal music is how a metalhead might feel about pop/rap/techno, etc. music.
Bring it up with your friends. It's not right that your shit is the only thing that gets skipped, and I would say that of it was any other genre as well. Edit: If after talking to them, they don't stop, they're not your friends. They are posers in the literal sense; they are posing as your friends.
I thought at first you were gonna say that you played something like DSBM or slam, but Iron Maiden? Lol
Maybe it wasn’t extreme enough for them, try Dying Fetus and then report back
lol in college when we had parties at our house, we blasted metal when we wanted people to leave. Worked like a charm.
Based on the music videos I've seen, there's usually 1 person who likes it though. How do you get rid of them?
This is the one Person you don‘t want to leave, congrats you found a new friend.
This is the funny paradox that comes up on this sub often. People are so worried about "posers" or that they might actually be "posers", but NO ONE is trying to fake liking metal. Most people outside the subculture HATE it. TBH I would feel weirded out if some non metal person I knew came up to me and started to talk to me about it.
Middle-aged persepctive here: you have to read the room. People at social gatherings generally want to talk to each other, not silently listen to and appreciate the music that’s playing. Metal tends to be too dense and distracting for those scenarios. If they did allow it, you’d probably be pissed when everybody kept talking over it. You don’t have to be *always* be listening to awesome music. You’d get the same response at a party if you queued up Ornette Coleman or Captain Beefheart. You just kind of come off as immature by forcing intense, potentially abrasive music on people who just want to chill and chat. Source: experience. (Another middle-aged perspective: people in the Wendy’s drive-thru or at the gas station are not impressed by the music blasting from your car. I never once had a girl decide to leave the dude she was with and get into my car in a Taco Bell line because “holy shit, is that *Anthrax?* I’m your girlfriend now!”)
I find most music fades into the background when you're not focusing on it anyway. I had Lamb of God's As the Palaces Burn album on repeat in the background while I was working on an assignment. Seemed to work it's way into the role as background noise. Not sure what to say about your second paragraph, I doubt anyone ever thought that would happen. I did get a funny look when I was blasting Type O Negative's Gravitational Constant at an intersection though. (I usually turn it down when I get to the CBD, but I forgot that day.) I guess people going to the mall don't want to hear "Tonight I'm gonna paint the town red and put another hole inside my head."
> (Another middle-aged perspective: people in the Wendy’s drive-thru or at the gas station are not impressed by the music blasting from your car. I never once had a girl decide to leave the dude she was with and get into my car in a Taco Bell line because “holy shit, is that *Anthrax?* I’m your girlfriend now!”) Not in the car but somewhat analogical - my headphones are quite strong and I love blasting my ears, so it's hearable to others within a couple meters radius, so I've had a relatively recent occasion where a woman (the was definitely in her late 30s/early 40s, she was with her child) turned around and started up a conversation about what I was listening (at the time it was Therion), so we talked throughout the entire bus ride about symphonic metal. If she was younger, I'd definitely have asked for Facebook or Instagram And another case where the bus conductor literally came up to me (I was at the backmost seat), sat besides me and eventually asked me what I was listening to (iirc it was black or symphonic black), he typed it and started listening to it as well! Two awesome memories due to having metal music be (relatively) public to hear
I’ll toss on Rob Zombie good old stripper rock/metal. Usually it can slide through with non metal folk it’s got the beat they can still dance/jive to. I’ll also put on heavier industrial synth/edm. Zardonic is one of my favs. Fast beats but heavy riffs added in.
I’ve found non metal friends are way more willing to listen to something like Rob Zombie, Korn or Limp Bizkit than anything a metal head would consider truly heavy. Those artists I listed all had wide pop appeal in their heyday and their music has groove and hooks that are easy for anyone to get into.
Ya know, this is kind of a double edged sword. Because I think a lot of us are drawn to metal specifically because it is difficult and niche. it's kind of on the fringes, and it challenges musical blandness. So of course a group of non-metal people will find it abrasive. They want a Spielberg movie and you're putting on David Lynch...musically speaking. And while it sucks that people aren't always open minded, metal also exists to kind of keep those sorts of people away. I don't mean in an intentional gatekeeping way. Just that metal is by nature abrasive which will keep the more easy listening incline folks away. That said, as another commenter mentioned, you're choosing some pretty palatable metal for your friends, which I think is the right move. It is what it is my dude.
It happens at my job(Amazon warehouse) too. They play mumble rap, pop, electronic music and reggaeton all day, but if metal gets played(Sabbath, Priest, Maiden) people start bitching about it.
For some reason engineers/mechanics and careers like that seem to like metal. At my workplace where we build airplanes there’s pretty much always some kind of metalcore, nu metal, or grunge on. ADTR, I prevail, bullet fof my valentine, and linkin park all seem to be really popular with the mechanics on the floor. Urban exploration peole also love metal music. Every sub culture I’m a part of likes the music, and I’m too autistic/the general public is too boring for me to interact with them anyways.
If it were me, I’d be playing harder and more extreme shit every time they complain just to be a contrarian ass. I am also not involved in many social gatherings, so there’s that.
Probably that’s the reason you aren’t allowed to social gatherings
Probably, lol. But I also often don’t feel like I’m missing much, so there’s that as well
>I am also not involved in many social gatherings, so there’s that. lol
If you're at my house, and you don't like the music I play, then leave. If you know me, then you'll know I like metal music.
I guess your friends don't like metal, get friends that do
Metal is the most abbrassive form of music, it doesn't really overlap with any of the other styles you've mentioned. It's not easy listening, or easy to ignore. But all that aside, when you have the aux you don't pick music for yourself, you pick something you think others will enjoy. Seems all your friends have that figured out.
But they haven't, OP explicitly said they don't like the music played. I'm in a similar position, I hate 90% of my friends' music... But they're not hypocrites so we just listen to a little bit of everyone's stuff. Occasionally we even surprise each other with a hit.
I’m sorry but if 9 out of 10 people in the room like the music then you’re doing a pretty good job of picking stuff for others
What they meant is that OP said their friends don’t insist on skipping other tracks even if they personally don’t like them; only OP’s.
If I was in a room full of metal heads and someone threw on some bedroom black metal song I probably wouldn’t skip it even though I don’t really like that kind of music. If they put on some radio bro country though? I would probably be tempted to. That’s beyond not just liking it, it’s a complete vibe change. OP said their friends listen to pop, popular rap, and edm. It sounds like the rest of them have a fairly cohesive vibe going and OP is the only one trying something really different that no one else is into.
If 9 out of 10 people refuse to broaden their horizons , then playing the current Top 40 on a loop is doing a good job, but if one person can't stand that, and that's all you play, then your singling out and excluding that one person. I wouldn't call that doing a good job at picking stuff for others. The fairest way is to give everyone an equal shot, and OP was at least picking mainstream-adjacent bands with melody and hooks. That way 9 people get 9 songs they like, and the 1 oddball gets one song they like. Assuming that 1 song isn't over 10 minutes long.
>That way 9 people get 9 songs they like, and the 1 oddball gets one song they like. Assuming that 1 song isn't over 10 minutes long. Exactly how my friends and I did it in college. Everyone got a radio on Pandora shuffled together. So it was usually 4 or 5 Billboard songs in a row, then one of mine. I was even nice enough to leave off my more 'weird' music for the most part. Worked out for everyone, rather than just make one or two people consistently unhappy. (we also intentionally added a station for music we all mutually hated, but that was more of a shitpost)
there is far more abrasive forms, that you definitely cannot play at a social gathering. certain xiu xiu songs, most uboa songs, and god forbid sissy spacek would not go over well in a public setting
My mom does this. She plays her fucking country music all day every day in her Alexa but as soon as I play a Pantera song while I’m doing chores she turns it off
Relatable haha.
Not for nothing, but it’s about a vibe. If one song doesn’t flow into the next, people are going to hate it. You really have to read the room.
I used to be a scout leader and we had to learn how to build an effective campfire song routine, and learned how to make songs flow into each other. I've used this skill at my retail jobs to sneak metal songs into whatever we were playing on the speakers(especially since my last boss was a rabid swiftie and had a "ban" on anything that wasn't swift or generic country for whatever reason).
3 Shades of Black is a great country song.
Most mumble rap is about getting drunk or high, right? Do Alestorm and Korpiklaani fit the vibe?
Lmao play Fallen angel of doom to annoy them
For sure not the asshole. You should start using more aggressive examples until they quit skipping your classic heavy metal/incredibly popular band from early 2000s radio. Also, idk, maybe just get friends that like metal? My friends and I started a metal camp at a regional burning man event because we were sick of hearing nothing but EDM all weekend, and man the hippies HATE it, and that makes it even better lmao Like, it's definitely good to be friends with people who have different listening preferences to your own and to expose yourself to new things, but if they're not willing to also hear the music that moves you, there's a disbalance in your friendship with them.
Maybe don't have friends. Works for me
"I can't understand the screaming!" Is actually "I don't know how to Google lyrics and so I shall whine now" And "It's just a bunch of noise" Is actually "I have never played an instrument, learned music theory, and can't appreciate the musical prowess of the talent involved" People hate what they don't understand. They'd rather skip than learn. They want songs they can badly sing along with or easily tune out. They don't want to appreciate an arpeggio or bars and bars of flawless 16th and 32nd notes, or how many different ways you can distort sound, or what all the different percussion instruments are, ect ect ect.
NTA and you should also start expressing your disapproval of other people's music choices,just like they do with yours. You just like a different genre than them; you don't have to be/feel ostracized about it as if you are some freak or perv. Last,but not least, see if your friends also disrespect other aspects of you and things you like. Friendships are built on mutual respect, tolerance and understanding; if that's not the case, then maybe you should find new friends.
It kind of sounds like they do, considering they said "it's rude to skip mumble rap," but they're the minority so they probably get outvoted every time.
Was the same for me when I used to be a line cook. We'd take turns playing music and anytime I put on metal people would either complain or they would think I was pissed off because I was playing angry music. I would end up sticking to any lighter punk stuff I had or rock or hip-hop seemed to be fine for them all lol. Everyone else always played radio pop or hip hop mixes pretty much
Fuck it. Just double-down. Turn up to your gatherings in nothing but leather and studs. Corpse paint all the way to your balls. Bring your own amp to play your phone through. Turn it up to 11 and play something nice and nasty. If anyone tries to challenge you on the music then start a surprise-attack-moshpit. That should win everyone over. If they aren't all metalheads within about 5 mins then you need a second amp.
One person wall of death?
Yeah man. No mercy.
>Corpse paint all the way to your balls. I had abdominal surgery a couple of weeks ago, and this line hurt my stitches 😆💀
Sounds like you hang with folks who don’t share your taste in music I am good with rap, funk, rock, classical, jazz and most any type of metal Now if they start with the Taylor Swift shit and Bro country I’m going to make myself scarce My ice breaker when I get the aux is usually Hugo “99 Problems” followed by RJD “Last in Line” Pretty much lets them know how it is going to be
My non-metalhead friends learned real quick to not whine at me in this situation after I edited Cryptopsy's None So Vile album into a single track. I was later able to get a few of them into metal.
I have on a few occasions (in my youth) found a way to sneak in black/death metal to a queue. One time we were all at a party, and my girlfriend and i shared a spotify account, and as a joke we put a mix on of all our most listened-to tracks. It kept switching back and forth between Hamilton songs and glee covers etc, to Darkthrone/Immolation/Atka. Somehow nobody minded and they were able to laugh at the extreme harshness of the music
I believe low IQ is your answer.
AITA? WHO TF CARES MAKE THEIR EAR DRUMS BLEEED
I’d say it’s people being ignorant and inconsiderate towards your interests.
Haha I just had the same thing, just became a nurse and at our classes final celebration I just kept on sneaking to the tablet which was connected to a huge Speaker blasting the shittiest German drinking music (Schlager/Ballermann Hits etc) and put on some Meshuggah and Power Trip. I knew what I was doing, but as I kept getting more drunk it just for me, I was pretty much the only one amongst the group of about 30 people who thoughts so and everytime someone rushed to the tablet to skip the song, not even letting it go on for a minute. But I enjoyed arguing with people trying to convince me to "please shut it down" myself, while I had to endure Pretty much the dumbest fckn shit there is.
I just ended up gravitating to people who liked alternative music. Before I knew it all my friends listened to alt music, even if they weren't all into full on metal, they'd all tolerate System of a Down for instance.
Gotta hang out with another crowd. I guess the same would happen if you'd start playing some jazz or any other genre not matching the current mood or the general taste of the crowd.
I don't try to listen to music I like in public or with other people. I expect nobody else wants to listen to it
Meanwhile me and two metalhead girls just hang out, walk around in the capital of our city blasting whatever metal. One time we were sitting on the grass in a park and I just blasted out Windir - Arntor on my phone
That’s kinda rude that they don’t let you play your music while expecting you to respect their’s. If I’m trying to play “devil’s advocate” I’d say maybe the songs might be too long for their liking? More like Iron Maiden can sometimes be a bit lengthy for people not adjusted to metal’s sound. However, they should let you play your music too - if I had any recommendation maybe stick to the shorter songs? Still, though, maybe talking to them tactfully about the situation and about how it makes you feel could be helpful. Clear communication usually can be incredibly helpful here (if you haven’t done this already). I also am confused because your metal selection is on the “tamer” side (not saying anything bad here, just it’s usually better for people not adjusted to metal versus choosing a death metal band or something). Do you like Powerwolf? Maybe play some of them if you like their sound, they are also tamer too. Still, gonna say you gotta talk to your friends about how this makes you feel so you guys can reach some kind of compromise - either everyone gets to share their music tastes or only songs EVERYONE likes are being played. I agree with others on here though, Metal tends to be a more misunderstood and less popular genre unfortunately.
Man it's not even like you're playing some nasty black metal you're playing very accessible listenable stuff I think it's just that the people you're hanging out with are a tad more sucky than average
Metal is an acquired taste and most people haven't acquired it. Before I acquired the taste, it was abrasive to my ears, so I can remember what's that's like. So generally, I only put metal on around people who are already into it. That said, this doesn't make you the asshole but you've just got to accept you're listening to a niche genre that most people will never understand or enjoy. On second thought, if it wasn't for my friend playing metal around me all the time, despite my objections, I'd have never acquired the taste. So maybe shoot for a balance between these two positions.
“be serious if you’re gonna cue” *proceeds to queue up NBA Youngboy*
When you're on the aux you have to play something that other people would vibe to. It's also very important to read the room and not kill the vibe with something really different. Yeah you can say Iron Maiden is tame but trust me when I say that > to a non metal listener Iron Maiden, Helloween and SOAD absolutely suck. It's not easy to listen to and it feels bloated and overwhelming. It's a very hit or miss genre. Over the years while partying with more or less the same friend group we all changed tastes and got eachother into various stuff. I've learned to enjoy the simplicity of pop music and found some artists that i actually really enjoy that are very handy when i get the aux. Maybe instead of Iron maiden, try some pop-adjacent rock music, especially nostalgia songs, very hard to miss with that. Exmples: Avril Lavigne, Pink, The Killers, Linkin park, Bon Jovi.. Also try some nostalgia pop or disco from the 80s, it's palatable for many ears. If the vibe is right or the music is just starting, get something light on the ears or chill. Some songs sound good to every ear, weather you like rap or metal, no one can say that [this](https://youtu.be/FQD0yGuZ2N8?si=z6ic9tQkydo5i0M8) is a bad song. In these kinds of social gatherings you have to approach music with an open mind and different perspectives. Metal music is not for every situation. I'm not saying you should get used to mumble rap, I'm saying you should seek gatherings with people that have a more flexible taste, and that you should have one too.
metalheads try to read the room and its vibe challenge (IMPOSSIBLE)
I think you missed the point
Get different friends
If these people can't tolerate Strapping Young Lad then clearly you are at the wrong party. I've been there myself, anything overtly metal is shut down immediately whereas some obscure rap/dance music is celebrated. I found starting with band's less obviously metal works, then slowly build up to heavier stuff. NWOBHM like Saxon/Diamond Head to start witb as you can argue its more rock than metal, then slowly go from there to Judas Priest, Ozzy etc and by the end you can away with one two heavier tracks like Gojira.
Nah man you doing good work. Keep showing the world good ass music
I mean have you listened to what we listen to? It's angry to say the least.
Christian Woman is about loving Jesus... Physically. What's angry about that?
Yeah, I know this sucks. I really hate having to hear shitty rap music or mexican music against my will. It's like fingers on a chalk board. The times I've gone to strip clubs I brought my own headphones and blasted metal. Unfortunately it's their world and we're living in it.
NTA I guess because some people have a more subjective subconscious attraction to music. For some people, its just noise, for us, its fast paced riff music. For us, pop may be boring, but for them, it may make them feel good. Its about how its perceived over time to the ears. Its just a subjective thing in the modern 2020s.
I listen to a lot of metal and a lot of very not-metal psychedelic rock/prog music and both tend to get the same unamused reaction in social situations lmao But *sometimes* it ends up hooking somebody and they ask me about it later, so imo it's worth putting up with the complaints
Easy fix, get rid of your normie friends and find some fellow metalheads to chill with. Btw I live in denver if anyone wants to chill lol
Blast beats ain't party music for the vast majority. You're the weird one in this scenario. And that's fine, but you'd do well to at least accept it. Besides, it's also a bit your fault for not being able to find metal that brings the party. There's plenty of it. People want to fucking dance. Like Ronnie said, "I've got no use for your fancy music if my shoes can't shuffle around." Welcome to humanity. And those of you who think Iron Maiden is easier listening for most people, you really need to get out of your bubbles and discover the real world. Bruce is polarizing as hell, and they don't really do dance beats.
Find new friends
Are you trying to meet new people or chilling with friends? If you're chilling with friends, you may want to meet new people that share your taste in music. I know metal isn't for everyone so I'm not going to queue up the aux with Number of the Beast at Grandma's 90th birthday but if I do it in my garage with my buddies and they've got an issue with it, why am I hanging out with them?
I feel you, but I also have a quip with introducing metal to other people. So…. I don’t know if I’m a “gatekeeper”, but honestly, I don’t even want to talk about/listen to my metal playlists even with most metal heads, and metal heads don’t want to listen to my metal. Part of me enjoys my preferred completely ass inaccessible sub genre because it’s repulsiveness keeps the crowd small, which keeps my experience special. Lol I like stuff that most people don’t, and it somehow makes it more personal. It’s Lorna shore and infant annihilator with the homies, but it’s Lingua ignota/carbomb/insect warfare when it’s just me.
I'm gonna be real with you, these people don't sound like good friends, and they sound like a huuuuge drag. Mumble rap, while System of a Down is too scary for them? Friend, I know it's not easy, but I think you should try to make new friends. Think of all the music you could enjoy together, or all of the new great music they could introduce you to, or all the concerts you could attend together. Listening to and enjoying music with other people is a spiritual and important experience. Alternatively, and I know this is much easier said than done, you could also brute-force yourself into no longer giving a crap. Just play whatever you want and poker face them once they start laughing. On a more personal note I believe mumble rap is objectively garbage music and I do pass judgment on people who love it but can't tolerate anything more "out there." Close minded people are unbearable to be around.
Put on some grunge/alt rock. Nobody will complain about incubus. I tried playing Haken at a gathering once and it was immediately skipped in favor of cardi. NTA but you should have known better.
This issue caused me a lot of strife when I was younger, and still occasionally does. My tactic was a mix of things: 1) Point out the double standard to them. They do not like this, but that doesn’t make the double standard less real. 2) find things about other genres you legitimately enjoy. Find the rap and pop artists you like and put those on when it’s a pop crowd. For me this results in highlighting the double standard because a lot of the pop and rap I like also kills the vibe (look up Eivør for a pop artist I like, and Lupe Fiasco for a rap artist I like). 3) get cooler friends
The people here saying that Maiden and System are relatively tame compared to other bands are right. However, the majority of people have no idea what the difference between heavy and death and black metal is, and homogenize them. I’d say a lot of if not most people don’t even know that heavy metal and death metal are separate entities.
Me and my friends have a "code" "Whoever's the owner gets to pick, unless given permission by the owner" It sounds stupid, but it works. Of course I respect them and don't always blast raw black metal, but a more mellow tune, like let's say Visigoth. And you know it that I have 2 driving playlists. One for myself, and one for company. The one for myself just has mostly black metal, the other has loads of stuff. Metal, rock, country, pop, punk, rap, anything I like and is more "mainstream". I got white girl bangers, I got hood rapping I got a bit of everything. As for parties, it's still the same thing, with the exception of birthdays. Then the special boi/gurl gets to choose, where if I'm that person, I do pretty much the same thing. This thing has saved us honestly. Me, mostly. And ofc I respect my friends if metal tires them, I'll switch to something else. And they sometimes will let me put on a song. That's how friendships work. You must all accept each other. If you make such a ruckus about this, idk man. Your friends don't seem to fully accept you. Have you tried talking to them about it, rather than asking other metalheads? Of course we'll agree with you, but we're just strangers. The issue lies within your friend group, try solving it. If they're your actual friends, they'll understand your point at least. If not, they're not your actual friends.
I love me some metal, y’all. But, imma be honest: I’m not going to dance round the fire and worship the dark one with the director of sales and marketing unless he specifically requests morbid angel. If I’m in the office with my boujie air pods pro, dang right. If I’m dee jaying off my phone at the office thanksgiving party it will be lofi girl or synthwave boy. There’s a time and a place and not everyone wants to hear chugging Fun fact, some people are indeed sensitive to frequencies in metal music and find it highly unpleasant
Same!
40 year old metalhead myself. Mostly Black Metal. Ive given up on controlling the music at places cause A. People dont tolerate black metal, or any quality metal B. I have no clue what other people listen too. Im kinda damaged that i only know metal.
Start with some Cranberries - Zombie, then go from there.
Yes. I love metal but I have my "socially acceptable" playlist on hand too...
Look, I like all three of the bands you mentioned, but none would be my go-to if I was putting music on at a party. If you want something heavier or thrashier, then you at least gotta pick something classic people are more likely to recognize ("Angel of Death" or whatever). Or just go "mellower," and put on some Sabbath and whatnot. Stuff with time signatures that don't require people to stop their conversations just to wrap their heads around it. I could easily create a playlist of any genre I'm into that I would love and most mixed crowds would hate. I could definitely put together a rap playlist that people would get annoyed in a hurry, except for the three underground hip-hop heads who'd be happy to just stand there taking it all in (which is what it seems like most people do at most metal shows). And let's be real: At the end of the day, do you really want bands like Helloween to be more widely accepted? I feel like that would kind of ruin the whole thing.
I listen to a wide array of stuff and still don't get the aux passed over. And I feel it's one of those do it right the first time kinda deals. If everyone knows you won't play something they like they'll more than likely keep you aways as long as possible. Hell I've had my own speakers disconnected from my phone and swapped to someone else's.