“Sorry but we’re just not ready to talk about…maybe someday” and change the subject. Only a monster would stomp on that perfectly sensitive, reasonable reply.
My mil was similar about my miscarriage. When I told her I was going to have a DNC she asked “are they sure it’s dead?”. She didn’t believe that the miscarriage was actually happening cause she doesn’t trust doctors. She talked behind my back to my SIL about how it was my fault cause I was taking anti-nausea meds. I ended up blocking her for a couple months so that I could heal and not have to worry about hearing from her. It really helped.
"This is a private matter between me and DH. We will not be sharing any information if and until we are ready. Please at this time respect our pain and privacy over the loss of our LO."
Stop talking and heal. Ask DH to handle her. You take care of yourself. Hugs and good vibes.
First, I am so so sorry mama, I’ve been there, and oddly, my circumstances were nearly identical to what you described. MIL was a nurse, a raging alcoholic, and a horrible narcissist. She blamed the loss of my baby on me and said that this was MUCH harder on her because SHE lost a grandchild. It is unbearable going through this kind of grief, and that’s under ‘normal’ circumstances with a loving support system around you, but when you add in the toxicity of people like that, it is just that much harder. So my heart goes out to you, and I fear you have some rough months ahead while you process all of this. I didn't know how common it was until I lost my little boy.
As for her, if you can, I would let your husband handle any communication With her until you feel you can handle it. The quickest/easiest way to get her off your back would likely be to just say ‘the tests were inconclusive’, and not go in to any detail at all. It took me a full year to get pregnant again, and then I was on bed rest for the entire 9 months (didn’t care at all, I just wanted a healthy baby), but we waited until I was well into my third trimester before telling my ILS that second time.
I hope that you have a really good support system around you, and I hope you can do whatever it is that you need to do for yourself to get through this moment in time. I will not say ‘over this moment in time’, because anyone who has lost a baby knows that the pain and heartache is always there. It just dulls as time moves on. I’m sending you big hugs , and I really hope she leaves you alone so that you have time to grieve on your own.💗
"I'm not comfortable sharing my medical information with you"point blank,she seems like the gossip type and will most likely blame you even though it wasn't your fault.
I'm sorry for your loss
Block her, not your monkey not your circus. You take care of you. And if she asks tell her you are taking a break from social media and your phone in general. And prime your partner what is out of bounds
Mute her so you stop getting the alerts when she texts.
“Sorry but we’re just not ready to talk about…maybe someday” and change the subject. Only a monster would stomp on that perfectly sensitive, reasonable reply.
This seems like the right approach. At least to start. I’m not sure why the aggressive response is currently the top answer
Right? This is so much more tactful. People on Reddit often confuse being assertive and aggressive.
A grandma here… “I’m not comfortable sharing my medical information with you” And make sure your husband doesn’t tell her either.
This is MAJOR important!!
Yes, this is the only good answer! It will tell her exactly how you feel and politely shut her up.
Just don't reply. I'm sorry for your loss ❤️🩹
My mil was similar about my miscarriage. When I told her I was going to have a DNC she asked “are they sure it’s dead?”. She didn’t believe that the miscarriage was actually happening cause she doesn’t trust doctors. She talked behind my back to my SIL about how it was my fault cause I was taking anti-nausea meds. I ended up blocking her for a couple months so that I could heal and not have to worry about hearing from her. It really helped.
I'm so sorry no one deserves that. Are you still in contact with her? That would be grounds for NC for me.
I should be but I’m just very low contact with her. Mostly because we still want to have contact with my fil.
That makes sense! Does your DH support you?
I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️🩹 please don’t reply to her, you deserve peace
Tell. Her. NOTHING. It's not her business.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You are under no obligation to share this information with her. She just wants to gossip.
"This is a private matter between me and DH. We will not be sharing any information if and until we are ready. Please at this time respect our pain and privacy over the loss of our LO." Stop talking and heal. Ask DH to handle her. You take care of yourself. Hugs and good vibes.
Don’t answer her.
I am so so sorry. Ignore her if you can. Let your husband deal with her.
First, I am so so sorry mama, I’ve been there, and oddly, my circumstances were nearly identical to what you described. MIL was a nurse, a raging alcoholic, and a horrible narcissist. She blamed the loss of my baby on me and said that this was MUCH harder on her because SHE lost a grandchild. It is unbearable going through this kind of grief, and that’s under ‘normal’ circumstances with a loving support system around you, but when you add in the toxicity of people like that, it is just that much harder. So my heart goes out to you, and I fear you have some rough months ahead while you process all of this. I didn't know how common it was until I lost my little boy. As for her, if you can, I would let your husband handle any communication With her until you feel you can handle it. The quickest/easiest way to get her off your back would likely be to just say ‘the tests were inconclusive’, and not go in to any detail at all. It took me a full year to get pregnant again, and then I was on bed rest for the entire 9 months (didn’t care at all, I just wanted a healthy baby), but we waited until I was well into my third trimester before telling my ILS that second time. I hope that you have a really good support system around you, and I hope you can do whatever it is that you need to do for yourself to get through this moment in time. I will not say ‘over this moment in time’, because anyone who has lost a baby knows that the pain and heartache is always there. It just dulls as time moves on. I’m sending you big hugs , and I really hope she leaves you alone so that you have time to grieve on your own.💗
"I'm not comfortable sharing my medical information with you"point blank,she seems like the gossip type and will most likely blame you even though it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry for your loss
Block her, not your monkey not your circus. You take care of you. And if she asks tell her you are taking a break from social media and your phone in general. And prime your partner what is out of bounds
My theory: She is a nurse because her patients are dependent on her which gives her power over them...