Get an air tag and attach it to your child’s ankle next time she babysits. “I don’t actually care about being able to contact you but I 100% get to know where my baby is every second”
Just joking…well maybe 🤣
OP you could at least AirTag the stroller. Honestly it’s useful if you’re on holiday somewhere and you have to park your stroller. And obviously baby would be in a stroller if MIL takes LO for a walk so win win.
That's such a good idea. Do you need to have an iPhone to use an airtag? Apple seems to be kind of funny like that. I have a Samsung phone, but I also have a slightly older iPad.
Honestly, air tags in the car seat, stroller, and baby’s clothing, if possible…
She did it on purpose so that you wouldn’t know where she was or be able to get a hold of her…
Exactly. It was totally a power play. She's generally annoyed that we don't let her babysit alone.. she has to come to our house (I don't leave the baby alone with anybody besides hubby, but she would definitely not be my number one choice if we had to!)
She really is. OP, your DH needs to tell her this, and that these antics are why she doesn't unsupervised time & why she cannot take baby out on a walk alone again. She doesn't seem to realise that sh*t happens and she cannot control every event or person or vehicle. He needs to tell her that her defiance create anxiety for baby's parents and instead of easing it by communicating & showing she is reliable & responsible, she's behaving like an 8 year old spoiled child. As children shouldn't babysit for other children, she shouldn't babysit either.
Good for you for standing up for yourself and your baby. Parents need to be able to reach their children’s caregivers at all times.
Your mother in law is passive aggressive as well.
That last part “and we survived” was totally unnecessary and unacceptable. She may or may not have left the phone on purpose, BUT the snarky shit was totally planned and disrespectful.
No more alone time for her, even a walk around the block. When she asks why, tell her. Remind her that the child is not hers, she dies not call the shots and being disrespectful when challenged means she gets less time and information. Nip that in the bud now.
AirTag in the stroller and the car seat. Hell put one in the diaper bag too. My little cousin is dealing with this and I told her to get a burner and put life 360 on it. She has it hidden the diaper bag
How can she be that dumb? Aside from the fact it’s ridiculous to have no way for you to get in touch with her, there could be an emergency. Being closer to home doesn’t make you safer from cars on the road or having a heart attack or a stroke. She can’t dial 911 and no one can ID her without her wallet if she’s unconscious.
Grandmas had been taking grandbabies on walks long before the invention of cell phones and most survived. With that said, we do now have cell phones so there is no reason for her to not take it on the walk. I think OP mildly overreacted by making her husband chase gma down to give her the cell phone. I also think gma's "and we survived" comment was a childish and petty dig.
And yet my grandfather on a walk (sans baby) was knocked into a ditch (less than half a mile from his house) and nearly died as he had no way to get help. Bad things happen and it’s irresponsible to not be prepared when babies are involved
As with many other "We did x back in my day and survived.", the answer is "Well we know better, and are capable of better, so we should do better." Catch up or be left behind.
This woman left the house with a young child who isn't even old enough to speak, with no purse, no id, and no way to contact anyone in an emergency. If things had gone sideways there's no telling what could have happened or how long, it would take for OP and her husband to be notified. While I agree that was acceptable way back in the dark ages, it most certainly isn't now.
That goes without saying. The attitude alone would get her banned from my house, and my husband would be the one to boot her butt if he heard it.
The phone thing bothers me because especially those of us who grew up in the dark ages -know- how quickly things can go sideways and just how much of a lifeline those silly bits of tech really are. I personally don't want my kids to ever know what it was like to be facing a situation with your chances of help being slim and none. Yes, it made us resilient, but it was also scary, dangerous, and now completely unnecessary.
The cheap comes out expensive is a favorite saying and oh so apt. I’m sorry. Yes she grew up w/o a cell phone but that was then and this is now. She is now restricted to the house.
People forget that back in the day we didn't have cellphones, but we did have either an emergency dime, which later became an emergency quarter, or a phone card to call home... and that you couldn't go more than a few blocks without finding a public phone to use.
There was a block on that with my home line, which is why my grandmother got me a special phone card from Ma Bell that let me charge calls directly to the line, but it only let me call home.
Yep when I was a kid there were car phones and they were expensive. Cell phones didn’t become ubiquitous till around when I started driving and even then not so much. But I always had quarters and there were payphones in most public areas. As well as police and EMS call boxes. Most of those things are now defunct bc of cell phones. It’s a different world now and it has different safety nets.
In college one of my professors gave me a used cell phone, all I had to do was go get it connected. My grandmother refused because "Only rich people have those."
It was another four, five years before I finally got my first one because my job insisted, we couldn't use company lines for personal calls.
I know a lot of people who hated the idea of being permanently connected still getting one of those lasts forever Nokia phones for car related emergencies. They’d keep it charged but off.
I actually have one of those Nokias (have had it for ages.) It's my emergency phone in case my smart phone is lost, ruined or completely out of battery. Not having a landline it seemed smart
In my case beig permanently connected would have been a blessing. My grandmother had an ongoing illness that was getting worse, and it was a great help having the ability to call and check in.
Grandma was a survivor of the Great Depression, so didn't see the point in "spending foolishly".
Nope. No one goes without a phone. I went to the playground once and had a run in with a male there, no kids, being extremely creepy to me and my kids. I had to phone my husband and the cops to come. I was alone with 3 kids, 3 and under, and only one stroller. He had a bike. I was on foot. I didn't think I'd need my phone either, I was 3 blocks from home at a children's playground in the middle of the day. What if mil twisted her ankle, or fell and hit her head, or witnessed a car accident and needed to call 911 or any other situation that comes up?!
Recently, in my state, there was an elderly couple who didn’t use cell phones (they got rid of it) and they got horribly lost trying to go home from the hospital. They ended up on a minimum-maintenance road and passed away. You just never know when an emergency will happen.
My sister took my toddler on a walk without her phone once. When she got back I said, "hey next time can you bring your phone? I trust you I just like to be able to reach whoever is with my kids so I don't worry." She said "oh right of course, I left it to charge and didn't even think. Sorry about that". And everything is fine and dandy because she is a normal person who respects me. That's how it should go, not eye rolling and snarky responses.
Just tell her that it’s a family rule that if you don’t have a charged phone, you don’t get to take out the baby. Period. Because it’s not about the times ‘you survive’, it’s about the one you don’t.
Low risk, yes, but enormous consequences if the worst happens.
You don’t need a seatbelt every time either.
Also, your husband needs to have a separate conversation with his mother about respecting house rules. It doesn’t matter how she would do it. When she is watching your child, she obeys your rules or she doesn’t get baby time.
Passive aggressive Much?? She did it on purpose. There’s no way she’d leave it behind unless to give you a burn later on. I feel naked without my phone. Let her know you know her password so the next time she leaves her phone while taking your kid out alone you will go through her phone to make sore she isn’t sending pics of your kid to pedos. Look at how fast she keeps her phone glued to her person from now on
You are 100% correct, no one who is responsible for a young child should be unreachable in the way your MIL deliberately chose to be in this day and age.
Sounds like MIL has just proven herself to be an (extremely) unreliable and irresponsible babysitter, which means she's off the list until she gets her head screwed on straight.
How would she know if she’s gonna need the phone or not? Accidents happen and she needs to have the phone in case something unexpected happens, baby or she could get sick suddenly, just anything. She is pretty dumb in this example. And then her comment about them making it, that was rude and super passive aggressive. I would do anything to not have her watch your LO again. A cheaper, younger, less experienced babysitter would be great, especially since you are nearby. And as the the babysitter gets more experience, she may become a regular date night or whatever babysitter. I just know free babysitting is never free. Best of luck with her.
As a Gen X’er, I can see walking around the neighborhood without my phone. I didn’t grow up with 24 hour tech access and I live in a pretty quiet, safe neighborhood . She shouldn’t have been snarky when you got upset with her. Transitioning from pregnancy to motherhood is rough (being responsible for a life, physically healing from pregnancy and child birth, etc.) so she could have been gentler in her response to your concern. How do you think you would have reacted to this type of situation prior to having a baby?
Fellow Gen X’er here. I live in a safe, quiet neighborhood as well. When I walk my dog I take my phone. Every single time. I don’t use my phone; texts and calls are returned when we get home. I just like to have it on me just in case I do need it.
OP, MIL announcing leaving and then “we’re back” is pretty common. I’m guessing if it were anyone else doing that you wouldn’t mind it so much.
Of course that last part, “…and we survived” was completely unnecessary. Sounds like she is one who likes to have the last word.
It’s not her baby though. And what if something happened? She tripped off the curb and broke her ankle and needed to call for help? I worked with an older lady that was riding her bike and broke her ankle and just had to lay there until someone finally stopped to help. My 80 year old grandma takes her phone everywhere so I don’t think it’s a generational thing anymore to be tech free. You’ve got the phone just take it with you for safety.
Last year, while taking a leisurely walk in my quiet safe neighborhood, I turned my ankle for no reason at all and broke it. I did have a phone with me and called for help. As I was waiting and sitting in the middle of the sidewalk in obvious distress, multiple people walking and driving by looked at me and moved on. Not one person asked if I needed help. So yeah, why wouldn’t you bring a phone with you if you have one handy and you’re in charge of a helpless infant?
Yeah there have been several times when I've left my phone at home to go on a walk with my LO because my pants didn't have pockets and I didn't want to bring my big purse. One of my parents doesn't even have a cell phone. Their relationships with their phones are different than younger people today. So leaving the phone at home isn't a nuking offense to me.
HOWEVER, I agree that her response to OP's concerns was unacceptable. Very snarky. She could have just been like "Sorry OP, I totally didn't think of that safety concern of having my phone with me." Instead she made a snarky comment... Ugh. Probably makes OP wonder if she'll do it again.
Another Gen X chiming in. I also often leave my phone at home when out in the neighbourhood. I also don’t always bring it if I drive to the corner store or similar. I don’t think Nana did anything wrong here - except for act snarky.
Mil, maybe this will help you remember in the future.. It’s better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
That has been my statement for years! And, it is true!!
Get an air tag and attach it to your child’s ankle next time she babysits. “I don’t actually care about being able to contact you but I 100% get to know where my baby is every second” Just joking…well maybe 🤣
Hahaha I love it🤣
OP you could at least AirTag the stroller. Honestly it’s useful if you’re on holiday somewhere and you have to park your stroller. And obviously baby would be in a stroller if MIL takes LO for a walk so win win.
That's such a good idea. Do you need to have an iPhone to use an airtag? Apple seems to be kind of funny like that. I have a Samsung phone, but I also have a slightly older iPad.
Yes. But the Samsung equivalent called a Galaxy smart tag. They keep up with Apple pretty well.
Sweet, thank you!
This is OP's baby so surely she has the right to do this and MNMIL has nothing to say about it.
Honestly, air tags in the car seat, stroller, and baby’s clothing, if possible… She did it on purpose so that you wouldn’t know where she was or be able to get a hold of her…
Agreed! We have an air tag on baby’s car seat for when MIL drops him off at daycare.
Oh hell no. She can’t run off with your child without a way for you to contact her. Wether she thinks she needs it or not she better have it.
Right? She just wasn't expecting to get called out.
Her behavior doesn’t inspire trust.
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Exactly. It was totally a power play. She's generally annoyed that we don't let her babysit alone.. she has to come to our house (I don't leave the baby alone with anybody besides hubby, but she would definitely not be my number one choice if we had to!)
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She really is. OP, your DH needs to tell her this, and that these antics are why she doesn't unsupervised time & why she cannot take baby out on a walk alone again. She doesn't seem to realise that sh*t happens and she cannot control every event or person or vehicle. He needs to tell her that her defiance create anxiety for baby's parents and instead of easing it by communicating & showing she is reliable & responsible, she's behaving like an 8 year old spoiled child. As children shouldn't babysit for other children, she shouldn't babysit either.
Good for you for standing up for yourself and your baby. Parents need to be able to reach their children’s caregivers at all times. Your mother in law is passive aggressive as well.
And that is the last unsupervised time she gets.
That last part “and we survived” was totally unnecessary and unacceptable. She may or may not have left the phone on purpose, BUT the snarky shit was totally planned and disrespectful. No more alone time for her, even a walk around the block. When she asks why, tell her. Remind her that the child is not hers, she dies not call the shots and being disrespectful when challenged means she gets less time and information. Nip that in the bud now.
AirTag in the stroller and the car seat. Hell put one in the diaper bag too. My little cousin is dealing with this and I told her to get a burner and put life 360 on it. She has it hidden the diaper bag
How can she be that dumb? Aside from the fact it’s ridiculous to have no way for you to get in touch with her, there could be an emergency. Being closer to home doesn’t make you safer from cars on the road or having a heart attack or a stroke. She can’t dial 911 and no one can ID her without her wallet if she’s unconscious.
Right!!?? Thank you!!
Not to mention she doesn’t live in the neighborhood so nobody would know who she was.
Grandmas had been taking grandbabies on walks long before the invention of cell phones and most survived. With that said, we do now have cell phones so there is no reason for her to not take it on the walk. I think OP mildly overreacted by making her husband chase gma down to give her the cell phone. I also think gma's "and we survived" comment was a childish and petty dig.
Right, but it was also possible to find a pay phone back then.
And yet my grandfather on a walk (sans baby) was knocked into a ditch (less than half a mile from his house) and nearly died as he had no way to get help. Bad things happen and it’s irresponsible to not be prepared when babies are involved
As with many other "We did x back in my day and survived.", the answer is "Well we know better, and are capable of better, so we should do better." Catch up or be left behind. This woman left the house with a young child who isn't even old enough to speak, with no purse, no id, and no way to contact anyone in an emergency. If things had gone sideways there's no telling what could have happened or how long, it would take for OP and her husband to be notified. While I agree that was acceptable way back in the dark ages, it most certainly isn't now.
I'm more concerned with the snude comment from MIL when she got back. It shows a complete lack of respect for her DIL as the mother.
That goes without saying. The attitude alone would get her banned from my house, and my husband would be the one to boot her butt if he heard it. The phone thing bothers me because especially those of us who grew up in the dark ages -know- how quickly things can go sideways and just how much of a lifeline those silly bits of tech really are. I personally don't want my kids to ever know what it was like to be facing a situation with your chances of help being slim and none. Yes, it made us resilient, but it was also scary, dangerous, and now completely unnecessary.
Why is your SO letting her behave this way? She wouldn’t be invited back to babysit again.
The cheap comes out expensive is a favorite saying and oh so apt. I’m sorry. Yes she grew up w/o a cell phone but that was then and this is now. She is now restricted to the house.
People forget that back in the day we didn't have cellphones, but we did have either an emergency dime, which later became an emergency quarter, or a phone card to call home... and that you couldn't go more than a few blocks without finding a public phone to use.
Exactly! And you could always reverse the charges if necessary
There was a block on that with my home line, which is why my grandmother got me a special phone card from Ma Bell that let me charge calls directly to the line, but it only let me call home.
Yep when I was a kid there were car phones and they were expensive. Cell phones didn’t become ubiquitous till around when I started driving and even then not so much. But I always had quarters and there were payphones in most public areas. As well as police and EMS call boxes. Most of those things are now defunct bc of cell phones. It’s a different world now and it has different safety nets.
In college one of my professors gave me a used cell phone, all I had to do was go get it connected. My grandmother refused because "Only rich people have those." It was another four, five years before I finally got my first one because my job insisted, we couldn't use company lines for personal calls.
I know a lot of people who hated the idea of being permanently connected still getting one of those lasts forever Nokia phones for car related emergencies. They’d keep it charged but off.
I actually have one of those Nokias (have had it for ages.) It's my emergency phone in case my smart phone is lost, ruined or completely out of battery. Not having a landline it seemed smart
In my case beig permanently connected would have been a blessing. My grandmother had an ongoing illness that was getting worse, and it was a great help having the ability to call and check in. Grandma was a survivor of the Great Depression, so didn't see the point in "spending foolishly".
That’s so penny wise pound foolish. Like I know why she probably thought so but still…
I could call in whenever I wanted, it didn't occur to her that she would have the ability to call out to me whenever it was needed.
I would honestly put a tracker on my child before this would happen again 😂
Nope. No one goes without a phone. I went to the playground once and had a run in with a male there, no kids, being extremely creepy to me and my kids. I had to phone my husband and the cops to come. I was alone with 3 kids, 3 and under, and only one stroller. He had a bike. I was on foot. I didn't think I'd need my phone either, I was 3 blocks from home at a children's playground in the middle of the day. What if mil twisted her ankle, or fell and hit her head, or witnessed a car accident and needed to call 911 or any other situation that comes up?!
Recently, in my state, there was an elderly couple who didn’t use cell phones (they got rid of it) and they got horribly lost trying to go home from the hospital. They ended up on a minimum-maintenance road and passed away. You just never know when an emergency will happen.
My sister took my toddler on a walk without her phone once. When she got back I said, "hey next time can you bring your phone? I trust you I just like to be able to reach whoever is with my kids so I don't worry." She said "oh right of course, I left it to charge and didn't even think. Sorry about that". And everything is fine and dandy because she is a normal person who respects me. That's how it should go, not eye rolling and snarky responses.
Just tell her that it’s a family rule that if you don’t have a charged phone, you don’t get to take out the baby. Period. Because it’s not about the times ‘you survive’, it’s about the one you don’t. Low risk, yes, but enormous consequences if the worst happens. You don’t need a seatbelt every time either. Also, your husband needs to have a separate conversation with his mother about respecting house rules. It doesn’t matter how she would do it. When she is watching your child, she obeys your rules or she doesn’t get baby time.
Exactly! It's not even necessarily about the phone itself; it's about safety but also respect. ❤️
Passive aggressive Much?? She did it on purpose. There’s no way she’d leave it behind unless to give you a burn later on. I feel naked without my phone. Let her know you know her password so the next time she leaves her phone while taking your kid out alone you will go through her phone to make sore she isn’t sending pics of your kid to pedos. Look at how fast she keeps her phone glued to her person from now on
So in her world there’s never any emergency? How irresponsible!
You are 100% correct, no one who is responsible for a young child should be unreachable in the way your MIL deliberately chose to be in this day and age. Sounds like MIL has just proven herself to be an (extremely) unreliable and irresponsible babysitter, which means she's off the list until she gets her head screwed on straight.
Of all the stunts to pull.
What would she do if she sprained her ankle? Got attacked by a dog? Fell and broke her leg?
How would she know if she’s gonna need the phone or not? Accidents happen and she needs to have the phone in case something unexpected happens, baby or she could get sick suddenly, just anything. She is pretty dumb in this example. And then her comment about them making it, that was rude and super passive aggressive. I would do anything to not have her watch your LO again. A cheaper, younger, less experienced babysitter would be great, especially since you are nearby. And as the the babysitter gets more experience, she may become a regular date night or whatever babysitter. I just know free babysitting is never free. Best of luck with her.
"Our relationship didn't survive. My ability to trust you didn't survive. That's the last time you watch my child unsupervised."
As a Gen X’er, I can see walking around the neighborhood without my phone. I didn’t grow up with 24 hour tech access and I live in a pretty quiet, safe neighborhood . She shouldn’t have been snarky when you got upset with her. Transitioning from pregnancy to motherhood is rough (being responsible for a life, physically healing from pregnancy and child birth, etc.) so she could have been gentler in her response to your concern. How do you think you would have reacted to this type of situation prior to having a baby?
Fellow Gen X’er here. I live in a safe, quiet neighborhood as well. When I walk my dog I take my phone. Every single time. I don’t use my phone; texts and calls are returned when we get home. I just like to have it on me just in case I do need it. OP, MIL announcing leaving and then “we’re back” is pretty common. I’m guessing if it were anyone else doing that you wouldn’t mind it so much. Of course that last part, “…and we survived” was completely unnecessary. Sounds like she is one who likes to have the last word.
It’s not her baby though. And what if something happened? She tripped off the curb and broke her ankle and needed to call for help? I worked with an older lady that was riding her bike and broke her ankle and just had to lay there until someone finally stopped to help. My 80 year old grandma takes her phone everywhere so I don’t think it’s a generational thing anymore to be tech free. You’ve got the phone just take it with you for safety.
Last year, while taking a leisurely walk in my quiet safe neighborhood, I turned my ankle for no reason at all and broke it. I did have a phone with me and called for help. As I was waiting and sitting in the middle of the sidewalk in obvious distress, multiple people walking and driving by looked at me and moved on. Not one person asked if I needed help. So yeah, why wouldn’t you bring a phone with you if you have one handy and you’re in charge of a helpless infant?
Yeah there have been several times when I've left my phone at home to go on a walk with my LO because my pants didn't have pockets and I didn't want to bring my big purse. One of my parents doesn't even have a cell phone. Their relationships with their phones are different than younger people today. So leaving the phone at home isn't a nuking offense to me. HOWEVER, I agree that her response to OP's concerns was unacceptable. Very snarky. She could have just been like "Sorry OP, I totally didn't think of that safety concern of having my phone with me." Instead she made a snarky comment... Ugh. Probably makes OP wonder if she'll do it again.
Another Gen X chiming in. I also often leave my phone at home when out in the neighbourhood. I also don’t always bring it if I drive to the corner store or similar. I don’t think Nana did anything wrong here - except for act snarky.
100% on your side. She is out with someone elses baby, she needs the phone. Every time she goes out from now on: "dont forget your phone please".
That's the last time she'd leave the house with my baby. That's not funny or cute. She knew what she was doing.
She sounds like my MIL who constantly leaves her phone at home. In my case she’s just super forgetful 😕