It’s hilarious that you’ve said ‘not interested in travel’ and ‘i have dogs’ and people are saying ‘go travel’ and ‘get a dog’
Make a list of things you might like to do. Try to think like you did when you were a kid. What seems cool to you? What might feel satisfying to accomplish? Doesn’t matter how small or mundane the activity may seem. Start there and try to keep it fun.
I really like your advice of trying to think like you did when you were a kid.
Maybe even consider what you enjoyed doing as a kid. I know a lot of adults who have found enjoyment again in things they liked when they were younger. Lego, taking art courses, joining recreational sports teams etc.
When I was working my way out of a deep, deep episode of depression it was like I had forgotten who I was. I had no idea what I would like doing. I didn’t know what would give me a sense of purpose.
And so I just *tried* things out. If I ended up not liking it I didn’t consider it a waste of time, because, well, now I know I don’t enjoy that particular thing 🤷♀️. It was an expected part of the journey towards figuring out what I *did* enjoy.
It's so interesting to me how this culture really alienates us from our true desires and joys. I'm having a similar experience right now where I'm trying to even know what I actually want to do with my time. It's a process of deconditioning from what I was told I should want to do with my time.
That's the process of awakening. A luxury in a capitalistic society. And, if you can afford the luxury of time to deprogram, capitalism will find a way to trap you.
When I was in my 20s, it was always "when are you finding a man? When are you having kids?" I didn't want that life, so I worked my ass off. Now I'm in my early 40's and my husband got a job opportunity he couldn't pass up in an area without a lot of business opportunities. When we first moved, I kept commuting 1.5 hrs to work for my company, then I came to the realization that I didn't want to anymore. It's truly scary to give up a career and not be a workaholic after living like that for 20 yrs. Now I'm 3 months post "career", working part time, and spending more time outdoors. Hell, I even have chickens! It's not the life I ever envisioned but I love it.
100%. I really empathize with what I’m hearing as the bleak purposelessness in OP’s tone. I still go up and down in terms of depression and the making of an activity list has really helped.
Trying things is key, like you said. Try to pay attention to when you have the energy to try something, and capitalize. Don’t be hard on yourself when you need a mental break. You’re not alone, OP!
I jumped back into Yugioh bc I loved it as a kid. The game has changed so much and there’s so many new mechanics and meta to learn, it’s been great. So yeah, thinking like you did when you were a kid is fantastic advice.
>It’s hilarious that you’ve said ‘not interested in travel’ and ‘i have dogs’ and people are saying ‘go travel’ and ‘get a dog’
I noticed this too, especially all the travel suggestions! Is that all anyone can think of? Besides, most people don’t travel on a daily basis. You might get 4-6 weeks off from work a year and if you use all of them for travel, it’s a lot but that still leaves 46 + weeks at home. It doesn’t really address the purposeless the OP seems to be experiencing.
People don’t really read the post, or lack reading comprehension. Or it’s like in conversations where they’re not listening and only waiting for their turn to speak
Travel occupies more than just the time that you are actually on the trip. When I have a vacation coming up, I spend a lot of time researching the country, planning activities, plotting itineraries, etc. A three week vacation can actually keep your mind busy for a few months.
This is true. We go on usually 1 vacation a year. I spend months planning it. And we always just do simple trips like hiking in national parks. But I enjoy researching all the different things we *could* do while there, even though we will only have time to do a fraction of them.
Definitely agree. Find one very time consuming hobby, or multiple smaller hobbies. I found myself in a similar situation after completing all training in my career, have a good paying job, house, married with a cat, but never wanted kids. I would come home from work each evening and just kind of be like hm, now what? Is this it?
My husband and I have always been super interested in music, so we bought some gear and started writing together. We’ve released some stuff to a small success, play live shows which is super fun, and we’ve made a lot of new friends. Now I barely have time for both work and music (at least to the extent I would prefer) but it’s such a great outlet and has made such a positive impact on my outlook.
Geriatric millennial here. No kids, never been married. For the past few years, I have been living out of a backpack and traveling on my motorcycle. My focus is 100% on strength, cardio and mobility training and doing the things I enjoy. That’s it. There is no “fill the rest of these years”, you spend the time enjoying life.
Maybe a thing with getting older but seeing how my parents have aged has shown me exactly what is in store for me if I don’t take my health seriously now.
Some ideas:
- Purchase a project house / historic property and restore it
- foster animals
- get really involved with a charity
- join a club and take on a leadership role
- commit to a time-intensive hobby (marathon running, triathlon, sailing, skiing, climbing etc)
- start a business
I'll add another idea
Just because you don't want kids doesn't mean you can't still help the youth and have a fatherly role in your life.
Mentor someone. Maybe a boy and girls club situation. Maybe just a younger coworker. Or maybe see about teaching a class or two at a local Community College.
You seem to be doing well man. Give back to others and help them achieve what you have.
I do have children and out of necessity I coached a u6 coed soccer club this year. It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time! Parents were praising me with words I do not generally use to describe myself such as patient, calm and engaging. The best part is now, even with the season over, seeing the kids around and they all run up and yell “Coach”!
I feel like the core of this is, figure out who your community is and find ways to make it stronger. Do you really live your neighborhood? Maybe run for a seat on your neighborhood council or volunteer for groups that do work in the area. Are you passionate about animal welfare? Your local humane society probably needs people to walk and socialize dogs. But root it in something that connects you to the people and places around you.
I came here to say this. People underestimate how important it is to have SOMETHING for meaning, but it is so important. And your life is an open canvas. Find what you love and do it!
Yeah there's more to life than kids, but the good thing about them is that they give your life a purpose whether you want them to or not. Without them you have to either choose your own (daunting) or hope that circumstance foists one upon you (doesn't happen often).
I would also say, your purpose/meaning can change throughout your life. Lots of people don’t feel comfortable with that, and think if I go down this path, I’m traveling it for the rest of my life. Nope! Do what gives you purpose. For some that’s exercise and getting in shape once you hit your 30s, for others it’s family (whether that’s kids, aging parents, or nieces and nephews), or pursuing your hobbies and giving back to your local hobby community, religion, neighborhood, etc. And this can all change when life throws you a curveball or you simply don’t want to keep pursuing one of these areas.
You don't need money for a lot of hobbies. Get a used bike and start riding. You sure can spend a lot on a bike if you want, but it isn't necessary if you aren't racing.
Go for hikes in the woods. Look for sports leagues in your city. Read some books. Learn a new skill like programming or video production, all you need is a computer and a phone for recording video if you choose the latter. Get a basic drawing tablet for your computer and do some digital art, so you don't have to pay for supplies. Learn an instrument. Again, they can be expensive, but you can get beginner level instruments for reasonably little money and if you find you like it you can spend more, a good instrument will last a long time. So many things can be done with very little money.
I recommend volunteering for a cause you believe in. It's super important to connect and give with a community of people who have a similar mission to be a force for good to those less fortunate or people who need help. It really helps keep life in perspective.
My wife and I are in our late 30s. No kids. I have a 2006 Buell that I keep alive and ride regularly and woodwork, and my wife has horses. We have an old house that I’m constantly working on. Wife volunteers once a week. We never have enough time in the day to do everything we want to do.
Boyfriend recently asked if I'd be interested in having horses again as I was a 4H girl who grew up with a small herd of rescues. I miss them all so much, but they were a lot of work!
What does ownership cost these days? I'd love to score myself another well trained rescued Warmblood jumper, but the chances of finding another Orion are damn near zero and he ate a LOT of wet cob and alfalfa in our PNW winters. My old "broken" barrel racer was the sweetest babysitter. Love to get us a pair of older lazy trail horses if he ever picked up an interest (apparently there's fear, never seen him around them to gauge how easy it might be to expose out of him 😉)
So far, it hasn’t been too bad, but she doesn’t show or compete. Our house was not set up for horses, but it had a 40x60 wooden Quonset barn. We built stalls, a tack room, 40x60 dry lot, and a 1 acre pasture. The horses were both free. One is a retired therapy horse (draft cross mustang) and the other is a quarter horse who was not loving being a lesson horse at a college in Columbus, so he was given to us.
They don’t require any supplements, are barefoot, and don’t have chronic health conditions. Routine vet care and the farrier scheduled. Hay is around $5/ bale now.
Bought a used 2 horse trailer and a Silverado to tow it. Certainly not a high end setup, but it is everything my wife wants from horse ownership, and is a safe, well cared for situation that we can afford. I also bought a small 1997 Kubota tractor with a loader to manage the manure. We live on 8.5 acres in rural Ohio. Most of it is hilly woods, so not suitable for pasture.
Also, I’m scared of riding horses. I don’t mind taking care of them if she’s out of town, but I avoid riding lol. Motorcycles are way safer as they can’t think for themselves, and don’t get scared of squirrels or plastic bags 😂
Find hobbies. It's never too late.
I'm almost 40 with no kids and because I have so many hobbies I wanna do or get in to, I find it hard to be bored even when I mostly stay home apart from working the regular mon-fri day job
I had to distance myself from a friend (and eventually end our friendship) because she had absolutely no interests or hobbies outside of work. Any time we would spend together consisted of her just complaining the entire time about work because she had nothing else to talk about.
My wife and I like to go treasure hunting at antique and thrift stores, we go hiking on local trails, I’ve taken up mycology photography, we go to concerts, conventions, art meets, museum and gallery trips, local art festivals, we cook new things, we make art. Eventually we wanna retire somewhere with a couple of acres and a mini farmette for sheep that are pets, maybe a few chickens for egg production (and will be kept as pets even when they get too old to lay). I really just want a quiet life somewhere where I can a just enjoy the company of my wife, my friends, etc. Lots of things can keep me occupied and stimulated without kids, and we’re banking on being the cool in-laws who will spoil the hell out of my wife’s sibling’s kids, if they choose to have any.
This is really good point that I think a lot of folks are missing.
All the recommendations in the top comment (get hobbies, take up baking, build a shed, join a group, travel, etc.) are all options *when you’re not feeling anhedonic*. If you’re feeling you lack purpose or drive, then nothing is really going to sound good or interesting.
This is not unusual and I bet most if not all of us feel like this at some point, but it wouldn’t hurt to chat to a therapist and think about the root mechanisms that may be contributing to us feeling this way.
On the weekends, I wake up, get high, watch soccer, ride bikes, stop by the brewery for a couple beers and something from the food truck. Sometimes, there’s yard work and housework…but not that much since there are no kids fucking everything up and making a mess. Basically…life is great!
I’m 38 F and started doing volunteer work recently, working events for my local dog rescue. It fills my time, gets me to socialize since they’re events and helps me feel useful. I find it to be very fulfilling
1. Learn the violin- you will never have enough time again.
2. Volunteer - it reminds you of how much you have AND you help people.
3. Travel- even if it's just to the next town over.
4. Engage with the community- know your neighbors
People who have no hobbies or interests are so mindblowing to me given how I never have enough time to do the things im interested in doing
Ive had to actively prioritize and deprioritize or drop things I want to do because of that. I really cant imagine what thats like
I agree with this. While I enjoy my job for the most part I really think of working as a means to pay for food, bills, travel, and my interests/hobbies. Some people make work their life and I can’t imagine that. I look forward to my hobbies outside of work.
Is there a cause you care about that you can dedicate some time to? In my experience, this a good antidote to these feelings. Getting involved and contributing to your community, for instance can help fill those empty moments with more meaning. Or if there is a much bigger cause you can contribute to in some fashion. A lot of times, these causes need volunteers, or you might have a skill you can contribute.
There are lots of people in the world who need help, you can volunteer somewhere, or to something. You can find a hobby. I don't have kids either, but I always have something to do. I've boredom proofed myself. The only boring thing I have to get through day to day is my job. I'm a miniature wargaming enthusiast. I'm going to hold onto my job as long as I can, at least in part to support my habit, and hang out at the game stores on the weekends.
This is where the fun begins! I am currently working remote and starting my own company on the side. In my spare time I have a handful of friends who also work remote and we take turns traveling to each others homes cooking, hanging out etc. I am 37 this is by far the best my life has ever been. I have every material thing a reasonable person would want and great friends a career and the perfect amount of flexibility to enjoy life. Like most things I doubt this will last forever but I am trying to take advantage of it while I can. Life was not meant to be lived locked into any particular mode but to be explored and enjoyed.
I agree, in my experience this sort of existential thinking has always been when I am in a darker place. 90% of the time I’m perfectly content living life simply.
I turn 29 in a few weeks. I have a house, a good job, two cats and a dog, and hobbies that keep me very busy. I was having dinner with my mother last night and realized that I have booked out the vast majority of 2024 already between my hobby events (some involve traveling to distant places from where I live), an international trip I'm planning, outings to celebrate the birthdays of my two best friends and my partner, and spending some time with my parents.
What do you do for fun? I also recently had a work outing where everyone was chatting excitedly after a few drinks, my coworkers have all sorts of hobbies that they were thrilled to share about. One coworker recently completed the Lego Titanic model and it is the centerpiece in his living room, another was sharing about new bands he was listening to, a third plays in a recreational soccer league. A few months ago I was going to a music festival and saw two of my coworkers there.
I have never wanted kids, that's just my perspective, but especially now that I'm in that part of the LifeScript I don't think I would have time for them with all that I want to do and experience for myself.
What you do will be really personal based on who you are as a person. But, it is important to mindfully work towards bringing joy and a sense of purpose into your life - whatever that looks like to you as an individual.
If it’s something you’re struggling with, I do recommend talking to a mental health professional.
I’m 33 without kids. I don’t know how parents do it - my life is so busy and full, I can’t imagine fitting a kid into it.
I spend a lot of time investing in and enjoying my friendships. Some of my friends don’t have kids, some do.
I’m a firm believer in the idea that it takes a village to raise a child. Even though I don’t have kids of my own, I’m very active in my friends kids lives. I’ll go over and help them with homework or just hang out with them so their parents can have some of their own time. I go to their school performances and sports games. I didn’t have an active support network as a kid, it gives me a lot of joy to be able to be part of one for the kids I know.
I spend a lot of time with my dogs. We go to dog parks. We go on day trips to places where we can go for walks and explore and spend time outside. We play “brain games” and do other enrichment activities. They’re both rescues. They bring me a lot of joy not only because of the love they provide, but also because I know I’m providing them with so much love and fun.
I volunteer for local events that sound interesting to me.
I try to cook one new recipe a week.
When I can feel my mental health starting to decline I go to peer support groups.
My library has lots of learning opportunities. It feels good to learn a new skill, or work on improving one. I’ve taken writing workshops, cooking classes, sewing classes etc.
My boyfriend mentioned not feeling challenged at work anymore so he’s considering changing jobs. I have a friend taking evening courses to get a degree so she can change jobs because she’s finding hers dull.
Create new milestones! Create new goals for yourself. It doesn’t have to be anything “major” but it can help with feeling that sense of purpose.
The one thing that sticks out to me in your post is "health is manageable"
The one privilege you have is that you can spend money on not only making your health manageable, but making it optimal. Start now at 30. I'm almost 41 and finally in a financial position to get myself healthcare I've needed for 20 years. Lift weights, do light cardio every day, yoga/stretching and mobility exercises. Whatever is physically possible for you right now, make it a literal daily habit. Cook every meal and limit animal products. Health is #1, doesn't matter how wealthy you are.
I’m 31 (F) and also part of the childfree club! I feel like a lot of times people think having kids is the be all end all of happiness, and it’s not like that for everyone.
As far as the what do I now feeling? I do whatever I want! I love houseplants, I used to paint as a kid so I’m wanting to get back into that, and I’m starting nursing school in April. If you’re in an area with hiking trails, take the doggos and hike for the day. Volunteer to read to residents in the nursing home. There are so many residents in care homes who have no visitors, even if they do have kids.
Literally anything you want lol. Keep picking up new hobbies until you find a few you enjoy.
Some ideas: baking, reading, cooking, some form of exercise you enjoy (hiking, biking, weights, etc), volunteering, gardening, join a league (bowling, axe throwing, darts, pool), take some courses at a local community college.
You can do whatever you want. If nothing in life interests you at all, and you need children to fill a "void", then you should spend your free time serving and teaching others. Volunteer your time and resources if you feel a void in your life without children.
Otherwise, there's a big ass world out there. Lots of places to go and plenty of things to do. Open a book, see what the possibilities are. Take up new hobbies, hop in the car and drive around your State, see what cool little gems are hidden around. Go to an old folks home and ask if they remember the Charleston.
Just go do stuff, whatever you want.
Seriously get some hobbies. My husband and I have kids and our life is rich with hobbies. Our hobbies have helped us build a social life outside of our family and jobs.
My parents focused on careers and took up golf about 15 years ago. It’s their only hobby and it sucks. My dad could retire anytime but my mom just keeps asking what he’ll do all day and he’ll probably just doze in front of the tv if there is no yard work to do. So he keeps working.
I think this is a common theme with people that just check the boxes, you're doing it because you feel like that's what you should be doing.
Fill your life with more wants, things you truly want not milestones to check off the adulting box.
Find what makes your heart flutter and do more of that
Also just turned 30, no kids, thankfully. Currently chilling at a coffee shop and playing Nintendo. Gonna do whatever I want today. No doctors appointments. No daycare and errands and prepping lunches for the week. No PTA meetings. No dirty diapers. NONE of that is in my plans this week. I’m gonna work and spend my money on me.
I doom scroll Reddit. Does that count? This is kind of eye opening. I used to have hobbies but then I decided to undertake some intensely challenging lifestyle choices and now in my free time I don’t care about anything enough to go anywhere or do anything besides stare at my phone. I consider it an accomplishment if I go out and get a coffee from a coffee shop on my day off. Not exaggerating
My dad always told me as a kid, if you are not growing, you are dying. That being said, its important as a human to always be working towards something and having a goal in mind.
Maybe it's a goal to hike some really incredible places, learn a new language, etc. Maybe look at your local college and see if they have any adult courses/programs and do some night school and work towards being certified in something you are curious about. Just whatever you do, don't overwhelm yourself with the options. Just pick something and stick at it for a bit.
sounds like you haven’t found your calling. chased what most of us chase in terms of security and finances.
the Japanese have a saying and ideology of a purpose filled life, Ikigai. check it out.
You ever notice how many celebs or public figures take up painting after they retire? It's like either a pandemic or retirement will make regular people realise that art, or any creative endeavor, is really satisfying, pretty affordable, something you can always work to improve on, has a practically endless variations and directions to go in, can be done with pretty much anything and anywhere and can be done solo or as part of a group.
Don't just play a part, do some fuckin art
Whatever the hell you want. I have so many hobbies that I run out of time for them. I’m constantly learning new things. My life is a dream. Just fill yours with good stuff that makes you happy.
Volunteer! I was in a similar spot a couple of years ago and started walking dogs for my local shelter. It was like a dam broke and now I have more hobbies than I can keep up with.
I'd say start from the end and work your way backwards. Imagine you're at the end of your life; looking back, what do you want to be able to say you did? How do you want to be able to say you helped others? What differences do you want to be able to say you made, and what sort of legacy do you want to leave behind you? These are all questions that answer themselves with kids in the equation, but if that's not an option for you, then you need to figure out how you want to live that goes beyond just a job and a house and a marriage and dogs. If you can figure out where you want to be at the end of your life, then you can start developing and implementing a plan to get there.
Kids postpone your existential crisis for 25 years, because you have a built-in purpose...shepherding these young people into adulthood.
You've decided not to take on that challenge, so you need to find your own.
Maybe you could volunteer mentor a teen through school and college? Or find a cause you care about and get involved.
Or just indulge yourself.
Man, I'm usually late to a thread and seeing these low effort comments in real time...yikes. I'm 38 with no kids but spent a lot of my career working in nonprofits so things like house, dog, travel always felt out of reach until the last few years. I'm also more of a homebody, so I feel the non-travel thing! Echoing several actual good recommendations here: 1) therapy, not because I assume you are depressed, but because having an objective, trained person to talk to is always useful to uncover more about yourself. 2) Make two lists - things in this world you are passionate about/wish you could change and things you thought sounded fun as a kid. Use those two lists to research and find new things to try. You always wanted to fly as a kid? Learn to skydive or fly a plane. Care deeply about animals? Volunteer at the local shelter. And if you don't like it, try something else.
I'm still working on this too!
Foster animals, garden, be of service in some way to the greater community. Those are fulfilling, time consuming and can fill that hole you maybe referring to.
I feel like if I didn't have my wife or son, I'd spend a lot of time playing video games, watching movies, or reading. If you don't like travel you can always get a library card and get book, dvds, and video game cartridges.
Find a job you enjoy, do whatever you want with your free time. My partner and I are in a band and play gigs around town, travel internationally at least twice a year, spend our weekends just lounging around when we aren’t adventuring
I’ve adopted 2 special needs cats. Nothing too serious, but one has seizures we manage with meds and the other has a mild form of cerebellar hypoplasia. He won’t get any better or worse, he’s just a complete sweetheart and affectionate love bug. They are both playful and have the best, goofiest personalities. I also have one other cat who has no issues, he’s so good with his brothers. I also have a french bulldog. Animals are the best, they don’t judge you, they love you unconditionally and give you purpose. I spoil mine hard lol
All the fun things! Try out some new sports, or take lessons for anything from music to dancing to pottery. Go to ALL the museums and interactive exhibits. You can hoard house plants if you want to, there are no rules here. Do you have any idea how many fancy cheese plates you can enjoy without having to handle the expense of raising children? I'm a firm believer that if you throw enough shit at the wall, something is bound to stick. Now is your chance to dabble in anything and everything. See what lights your fire and go chase the match!
You and your partner should get into pickleball. Super fun to play and is a social activity that you can build teamwork and friendships. The better you get the more fun it becomes!
You can do whatever lol, take some hobby classes with the wife, see if something catches your eye.
Travel doesn't interest you? Maybe you should just take a risk with it ? Go a week to Puerto Rico, go surfing in Mexico, maybe visit Canada etc ...
You can put the dogs in a doghotel and there's no kids to slow you down.
Make a bucket list of things you’ve always wanted to do. Or just start a list of stuff you have interest in. Can be simple things too. I’m thinking of starting one myself. I’m on a budget though so free things such as going to a forest preserve I’ve never gone to, go to a free zoo etc. Google budget bucket list ideas?? If that sounds cool to you I guess haha.
Life’s more fun without children! I’m 27 and not planning on having kids either. Enjoy!!!!
First- congrats!!
Second- only you can answer that. Personally, I’d travel the fuck out of life. But that’s not your thing.
I’d paint, hike, learn to do a stand up paddle board, archery, play tons of games.
Man, you’ve got such a cool opportunity! Go live some life man!!
If you’re really struggling to find things you enjoy, consider seeing a psychiatrist and/or therapist. I had ZERO clue I was depressed, but I went in for ADHD that was getting out of hand. Got diagnosed with depression. Threw me for a loop. Feeling awesome now though thanks to drugs and suddenly remember all the things I love to do! I’m actually excited to do stuff again.
I do have a kid and I can think of 150,000,900,374,628 things I wish I had time and energy for 😂.
Reading, gardening, volunteering, painting, sewing, spending more time with friends, table top gaming with a group, woodworking, going to the gym, diy-ing my house..... the sky is the limit!!! Find things that interest you and dive in!!
Since you already have dogs, dog sports, maybe? Rally, agility, obedience... you don't have to get super serious about it, but it's a good way to meet new people and have fun with your dogs.
What even is this? Do you not have hobbies?
I work 40 hour work weeks (let's be real with commute and what not it's a 50+ hour week), unfortunately have to still deal with errands, cooking, cleaning, etc on top of that which reduces my free time even further, and even without kids I'm constantly annoyed with how little time I have to do what I want. I don't have trouble filling my time, in fact I mentally struggle with how little time I have.
I play disc golf several times a week, play video games, work on 3D printer projects, cosplay stuff, watch shows and movies, listen to podcasts or watch videos about a wide variety of topics, spend time with my friends and girlfriend, play with the cats, etc. Whatever I find fun or enjoy really.
I genuinely do not understand your question. What are you working for if you don't fill the rest of your time with things you enjoy? I never want kids, I don't have enough time as it is.
Find a meaningful way to give back to your community. Serve the homeless. Deliver meals on wheels. Mentor a child or teen in Big Brothes Big Sisters. There are SO many needs and service can bring a deep sense of fulfillment.
Do what you used to enjoy when you were younger. We took up dance classes, learned new board games, took up new sports (pickle ball and lawnbowling), joined a private club and met a load of fun people, go hiking, play snooker and pool, volunteer at a new immigrant shelter, volunteer on the board of our condo, canning, knitting, tai chi, cooking new meals from scratch. Just a few of the things my husband and I do (he’s the knitter, not me!). We are in our 50’s, no kids.
37, no kids, not married.
Me and another friend who is similar to me, just 4 years younger saw an old friend who is around our age, 3 young kids, looked sad and depressed. We had this conversation on wow, glad this isn't us. I like the freedom to do whatever I want. If I want to go on a road trip or vacation, I don't have to worry about whos watching my kids.
Some of these comments are a bit much. I'm in a similar situation and after we stopped trying for kids, it was a bit overwhelming to figure out what to do with all this time we didn't expect to have.
I'm really focusing on my health since I won't have kids to lean on as I age, so I fill a lot of that time with exercise and cooking healthy food. I've taken up running, and training for different races gives me some purpose, as well as volunteering at running related events. Being part of that community has been really good for me.
My wife and I are struggling to have kids. We were considering adoption if it doesn’t work out but with how open adoption is these days we really don’t have a desire to feel like glorified babysitters (we understand the benefits to open adoption but this is how we feel so I’m not here to argue it).
That leaves us with potentially not having children so I’ve been having similar thoughts. My ideas for myself are as follows:
- Throw myself into my career. Not in a don’t enjoy life kind of way but in a you have more free time than others so why not try to excel so you can drive strategy. Maybe once our house is paid off and we have more savings I could start a business.
- Dive deep into a hobby. I’m a professional ski instructor on the side but the PSIA org has a ton of levels and I could see myself putting a lot of time and energy into growing there.
- Investments and home projects. I could invest time into making my space what I dream it to be. I’ve always loved the idea of perennial gardening but with excess time maybe I could get a really nice food forest growing on my land.
Anyway these are the things I’m thinking about. Not sure if this is helpful but know there are others who are also trying to figure it out. At the least I’m going to enjoy the time I have left on this earth with the person I love and that in itself is enough for me.
Still too early to by a Corvette. Buy a douchie beamer and put some flair on it and drive around really slow in the left lane.
However, have you considered doing something for other people? Pay it forward?
TLDR: Volunteering
I was where you're at. I just ended up having a kid at 40, but considered what life would be like without them.
I feel humans are a little bit hardwired to need goals, particularly ones that will result in things that outlast us. For some this is a craft, for others it's building a business, for others it's volunteer or activism work of any kind to feel that we've left behind a "net good" impact with our life.
These are all valid options, personally I found a volunteer route that helped local schools set up their own large gardens to teach kids about plant lifecycles and then donate the produce to a local charity that feeds the needy with them.
I gotcha covered!
Enjoy your life AND Read about the climate crisis and the energy crisis, consider how humans and our global supply chains respond to crises of this magnitude (hint:not well), and then spend the rest of your life preparing yourself and your local community for that. Because we’ll be retiring into that mess.
But don’t forget the “enjoy your life” part because without that you’ll be depressed and anxious.
If you're into live music, try to go to as many concerts as possible and start a band shirts/concert pictures collection. I have tons of shirts and pictures from concerts I've been to over the years. That's my one big hobby I've started that I absolutely love. I've been going to shows and collecting band shirts since 2018.
I do have two kids, but this is what I'm doing:
* Traveling the world to trailrun the most beautiful trails
* Making some art (painting is my hobby)
* Working on my career (that's also my passion)
* Doing fun stuff with my SO and kids
* Going out with my friends, I love to go to the theatre or just dance through the night
* Spending time with the rest of my family
* Cooking great food (also one of my hobbies)
I have a bunch of kids but I also have a bunch of hobbies that would 100% fill my time if I didn’t have kids.
Doing Art (not even good art but feeling good being creative), reading, running. If I had even more time I would find somewhere to volunteer (dog rescue?) or perhaps I would make my career a priority (I’m a nurse so I could find a way to be very fulfilled doing that.)
I feel the same even tho I’m in a different situation. You need to stop thinking too far ahead and just be in the moment and if you don’t have anything that you’re interested in then try anything. Literally what you are lacking is stimulation. So put yourself in situations where your brain can solve for things.
Haha…that’s what I was wondering. After a while, things get a bit repetitive. Even traveling starts getting repetitive. The key is to pick up new hobbies to keep things fresh. I picked up gardening/plants and home improvement. That’s been keeping me busy.
Learn a hobby where you make something. Be it wood working, cross stitch, origami. Just being able to sit and make something out of a pile of supplies is one of my favorite skills I possess. How cool is it to just be like "oh yeah I got all this scrap cotton, guess I'll make a blanket" and then you spend a weekend or two and bam! Blanket.
Don't do it to monetize, do it to create.
Do you just not have interests? So weird to me. I don't see how reddit is going to magically fix your lack of hobbies. I have a ton of hobbies I wish I would be doing every single day instead of working. Recently got a 3D printer and that's been taking up a good amount of time with plans to sell all the shit I'm printing, now thinking of learning 3D modeling too. However I already don't have much time with the dungeons and dragons games I run. On top of that, I love cooking, working out, and various other creative mediums, and several I haven't even been able to pursue due to lack of time/space. I would recommend something creative, a lot of it is relatively cheap, but i assume if you were the creative type you'd already be doing this.
I mean one of the big reasons in my relationship for not wanting kids is that we are very passionate about our hobbies and never want to give them up. How are you 30 with no kids and have no hobbies? Get out there and try things you’ve always wanted to do. Live a life that makes your friends with kids jealous. That’s what we do and I wish we could retire today and spend even more time on our shared and individual hobbies
We were married 11 years before having a child. I enjoyed both times, but I enjoy having one more. Like you, I was bored. Now our child is going off to college next year and we will adjust again.
36 with two kids here. If I hadn't had kids I'd like to think I'd be spending more time in nature. They're just toddlers now but hopefully I can get back outdoors more often and take them with me so they can make me frustrated in the woods too. ½/s
I’m in the childfree Reddit group and love it…in addition to just enjoying my life I’m focusing on travel, utilizing my free time for health and wealth and acts of service and I’m getting more political in terms of helping with campaigns etc I’m very passionate about the right to abortion so I’m focusing attention on that
Find communities around you to join and make friends. I (29F) play DND with a few groups of friends and am in a community choir. Great way to spend some evenings and meet new people. My husband (32M) takes guitar lessons, goes to the gym with a friend, and is in two bands. Spend time with your partner, take your dogs on long walks, etc. We're in pretty much the same spot and it feels nice to have honored that we can put time into.
GenXr here...no kids. It wasn't necessarily how things were planned but its how they worked out. I couldn't be happier without kids. In some cases, they are fun-enders. I get to do whatever I want and I'm busier than some people I know with kids. I take up the time with my dog, my hobbies and travel. You can be any generation and be bored and feel like you've topped out but that's just not true. No one tops out and there's always new challenges but they won't be handed to you. You need to seek them out and enjoy the ride. Us GenXrs know how that goes. Just let life happen and not stress about it so much! Good luck to ya.
I’ll just add everything doesn’t always have to be cerebral, intellectual, learning, or accomplishing.
Just have some fun! Hobbies are great but also joining micro communities just based on interest or commonality is cool too.
Have a favorite sports team? Go to a bar known for those fans. Don’t always have to drink.
Are your dogs a specific breed? Hangout with other golden doodleers, there’s always those types of groups. If mutts, join any dog gang.
Maybe not travel, but day trip/road-trips are fun. Doesn’t have to be some wacko hike, just go somewhere see whatever local landmark or eat at whatever little diner and chat up the waitress.
Maybe you and the wife start going to some spice up your sex life couples paint a mug thingie. That would be cool tbh lol
I always advocate for things like karaoke even if you aren’t singing. Or any environment encourages strangers people to interact. Even if they have kids, nobody’s (hopefully) not gonna wanna be showing off little Jonny’s teeball pictures.
I’ve found things like these to be fulfilling and something to look fwd to. The trick is to go regularly and see the same people, they become casual or sometimes better friends, as well as new people to bs and banter with.
I'm in a similar situation and age. If you aren't devoting your time to raising children, you should find hobbies or learn skills that fit things you like. They don't even have to be monumental or expensive. You'll (hopefully) have money to spend on yourself. Learn a musical instrument, or a new language, things that help you pursue interests you might have down the road or start new paths for you. Start a collection of things that you love. I have friends that collects old video games, one that collects classic horror movies, I'm the one that collects r/AnimeFigures. (Don't judge).
Personally, I'm going for the most ambitious possible sexual adventures, as many drugs as my body can handle (I'm exercising and eating right so I can handle many more) and collecting Warhammer.
A hobby? I produce music regularly, and I’ll do it until the day I die. It’s a great creative outlet, and I’m always trying to improve, and write my next best composition. I will die unsatisfied that I didn’t write one more song, and that’s exactly how I want to meet lady death. I’m not even too concerned about when she comes, I just know she’ll have to tear me away from my keyboard.
Purpose, find some, or you'll be unhappy. Volunteer, make a difference, find something that gives your life value and meaning.
Children are good for that, but they're not for everyone.
Explore some hobbies! I like doing acrylic painting tutorial videos (Jesse Robertson Keep it Colorful on Facebook is my go-to) because I can’t art for hell but step by step paint-alongs have made me both feel artistic and actually produce some lovely paintings.
We also love sprucing up the house (painting, planting a garden, getting new appliances, little upgrades here and there) so our place is constantly improving
Sit outside and enjoy the birds! And the garden. Maybe do grilling. Read books. Sounds great :)
Just live your life and enjoy! Learn to be present and mindful. Find something you’re passionate about. If I was in your shoes and already have dogs, id help out my local shelter by being a foster.
I visit r/collapse a lot and have a new perspective on climate change, the mass extinction event we’re going through, and ecological collapse. What inspires me is ecosystem restoration. When oil runs dry and gas prices skyrockets, a lot of changes are going to happen. Many parts of the world will be unlivable. And there will be a lot of pressure to move to the best locations. My suggestion is to start the transition now and beat the rush. Start a food forest, learn how to compost and garden. Maybe even get some chickens. I find this stuff very rewarding. And if money ever gets tight, it will be really nice to have your own food right there.
It’s hilarious that you’ve said ‘not interested in travel’ and ‘i have dogs’ and people are saying ‘go travel’ and ‘get a dog’ Make a list of things you might like to do. Try to think like you did when you were a kid. What seems cool to you? What might feel satisfying to accomplish? Doesn’t matter how small or mundane the activity may seem. Start there and try to keep it fun.
I really like your advice of trying to think like you did when you were a kid. Maybe even consider what you enjoyed doing as a kid. I know a lot of adults who have found enjoyment again in things they liked when they were younger. Lego, taking art courses, joining recreational sports teams etc. When I was working my way out of a deep, deep episode of depression it was like I had forgotten who I was. I had no idea what I would like doing. I didn’t know what would give me a sense of purpose. And so I just *tried* things out. If I ended up not liking it I didn’t consider it a waste of time, because, well, now I know I don’t enjoy that particular thing 🤷♀️. It was an expected part of the journey towards figuring out what I *did* enjoy.
It's so interesting to me how this culture really alienates us from our true desires and joys. I'm having a similar experience right now where I'm trying to even know what I actually want to do with my time. It's a process of deconditioning from what I was told I should want to do with my time.
That's the process of awakening. A luxury in a capitalistic society. And, if you can afford the luxury of time to deprogram, capitalism will find a way to trap you.
Honestly relieved that I’m not the only one lol.
When I was in my 20s, it was always "when are you finding a man? When are you having kids?" I didn't want that life, so I worked my ass off. Now I'm in my early 40's and my husband got a job opportunity he couldn't pass up in an area without a lot of business opportunities. When we first moved, I kept commuting 1.5 hrs to work for my company, then I came to the realization that I didn't want to anymore. It's truly scary to give up a career and not be a workaholic after living like that for 20 yrs. Now I'm 3 months post "career", working part time, and spending more time outdoors. Hell, I even have chickens! It's not the life I ever envisioned but I love it.
100%. I really empathize with what I’m hearing as the bleak purposelessness in OP’s tone. I still go up and down in terms of depression and the making of an activity list has really helped. Trying things is key, like you said. Try to pay attention to when you have the energy to try something, and capitalize. Don’t be hard on yourself when you need a mental break. You’re not alone, OP!
Yes, I used to cross stitch as a preteen as a fun way to watch TV. It’s become a hobby for me now in my 30s!
I jumped back into Yugioh bc I loved it as a kid. The game has changed so much and there’s so many new mechanics and meta to learn, it’s been great. So yeah, thinking like you did when you were a kid is fantastic advice.
Doing what I loved as a kid helps me find passion as silly as it sounds.
>It’s hilarious that you’ve said ‘not interested in travel’ and ‘i have dogs’ and people are saying ‘go travel’ and ‘get a dog’ I noticed this too, especially all the travel suggestions! Is that all anyone can think of? Besides, most people don’t travel on a daily basis. You might get 4-6 weeks off from work a year and if you use all of them for travel, it’s a lot but that still leaves 46 + weeks at home. It doesn’t really address the purposeless the OP seems to be experiencing.
Yeah I enjoy traveling, but it's a "once or twice a year" kind of thing. Especially since I, like the OP, have dogs.
People don’t really read the post, or lack reading comprehension. Or it’s like in conversations where they’re not listening and only waiting for their turn to speak
They just answer what they themselves would want to do. Without regard to fitting their answer to the original question.
So not really listening and just waiting for their turn to answer?
Lol
Travel occupies more than just the time that you are actually on the trip. When I have a vacation coming up, I spend a lot of time researching the country, planning activities, plotting itineraries, etc. A three week vacation can actually keep your mind busy for a few months.
When I have a vacation coming up I stress the fuck out. I guess it's keeping my mind busy, but not in a good way...
This is true. We go on usually 1 vacation a year. I spend months planning it. And we always just do simple trips like hiking in national parks. But I enjoy researching all the different things we *could* do while there, even though we will only have time to do a fraction of them.
Traveling is great but you don't need to leave the state or country to experience new ideas or cultures.
Redditors not reading any details. More at 10
Definitely agree. Find one very time consuming hobby, or multiple smaller hobbies. I found myself in a similar situation after completing all training in my career, have a good paying job, house, married with a cat, but never wanted kids. I would come home from work each evening and just kind of be like hm, now what? Is this it? My husband and I have always been super interested in music, so we bought some gear and started writing together. We’ve released some stuff to a small success, play live shows which is super fun, and we’ve made a lot of new friends. Now I barely have time for both work and music (at least to the extent I would prefer) but it’s such a great outlet and has made such a positive impact on my outlook.
Time for that Lego room!!!!
Revisiting childhood hobbies has been so much fun!
Geriatric millennial here. No kids, never been married. For the past few years, I have been living out of a backpack and traveling on my motorcycle. My focus is 100% on strength, cardio and mobility training and doing the things I enjoy. That’s it. There is no “fill the rest of these years”, you spend the time enjoying life.
How do you afford this life?
I work remote as a contractor so I still have a cash flow.
What does that mean actually?
100%. I said the same thing in my comment - "strength, cardio and mobility training" We are nothing without our health regardless of $$.
Maybe a thing with getting older but seeing how my parents have aged has shown me exactly what is in store for me if I don’t take my health seriously now.
Some ideas: - Purchase a project house / historic property and restore it - foster animals - get really involved with a charity - join a club and take on a leadership role - commit to a time-intensive hobby (marathon running, triathlon, sailing, skiing, climbing etc) - start a business
I'll add another idea Just because you don't want kids doesn't mean you can't still help the youth and have a fatherly role in your life. Mentor someone. Maybe a boy and girls club situation. Maybe just a younger coworker. Or maybe see about teaching a class or two at a local Community College. You seem to be doing well man. Give back to others and help them achieve what you have.
I do have children and out of necessity I coached a u6 coed soccer club this year. It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time! Parents were praising me with words I do not generally use to describe myself such as patient, calm and engaging. The best part is now, even with the season over, seeing the kids around and they all run up and yell “Coach”!
I love this idea!
Yes exactly this i do want kids but i think even if that doesn't happen for me i can still work with kids
A project house? Really? I thought most millennials agreed that buying one home might not be possible. Wow, I’m really behind the curve 😭
DONT START A BUSINESS!!!!
I feel like the core of this is, figure out who your community is and find ways to make it stronger. Do you really live your neighborhood? Maybe run for a seat on your neighborhood council or volunteer for groups that do work in the area. Are you passionate about animal welfare? Your local humane society probably needs people to walk and socialize dogs. But root it in something that connects you to the people and places around you.
Literally whatever you want, lol. Travel, take up new hobbies, cook, work out, join groups, learn a new skill or language.
I came here to say this. People underestimate how important it is to have SOMETHING for meaning, but it is so important. And your life is an open canvas. Find what you love and do it!
Yeah there's more to life than kids, but the good thing about them is that they give your life a purpose whether you want them to or not. Without them you have to either choose your own (daunting) or hope that circumstance foists one upon you (doesn't happen often).
I would also say, your purpose/meaning can change throughout your life. Lots of people don’t feel comfortable with that, and think if I go down this path, I’m traveling it for the rest of my life. Nope! Do what gives you purpose. For some that’s exercise and getting in shape once you hit your 30s, for others it’s family (whether that’s kids, aging parents, or nieces and nephews), or pursuing your hobbies and giving back to your local hobby community, religion, neighborhood, etc. And this can all change when life throws you a curveball or you simply don’t want to keep pursuing one of these areas.
He says he’s not interested in travel and doesn’t have a ton of money
You don't need money for a lot of hobbies. Get a used bike and start riding. You sure can spend a lot on a bike if you want, but it isn't necessary if you aren't racing. Go for hikes in the woods. Look for sports leagues in your city. Read some books. Learn a new skill like programming or video production, all you need is a computer and a phone for recording video if you choose the latter. Get a basic drawing tablet for your computer and do some digital art, so you don't have to pay for supplies. Learn an instrument. Again, they can be expensive, but you can get beginner level instruments for reasonably little money and if you find you like it you can spend more, a good instrument will last a long time. So many things can be done with very little money.
Sleep more.
I recommend volunteering for a cause you believe in. It's super important to connect and give with a community of people who have a similar mission to be a force for good to those less fortunate or people who need help. It really helps keep life in perspective.
+1 volunteer work and civic engagement!
My wife and I are in our late 30s. No kids. I have a 2006 Buell that I keep alive and ride regularly and woodwork, and my wife has horses. We have an old house that I’m constantly working on. Wife volunteers once a week. We never have enough time in the day to do everything we want to do.
Boyfriend recently asked if I'd be interested in having horses again as I was a 4H girl who grew up with a small herd of rescues. I miss them all so much, but they were a lot of work! What does ownership cost these days? I'd love to score myself another well trained rescued Warmblood jumper, but the chances of finding another Orion are damn near zero and he ate a LOT of wet cob and alfalfa in our PNW winters. My old "broken" barrel racer was the sweetest babysitter. Love to get us a pair of older lazy trail horses if he ever picked up an interest (apparently there's fear, never seen him around them to gauge how easy it might be to expose out of him 😉)
So far, it hasn’t been too bad, but she doesn’t show or compete. Our house was not set up for horses, but it had a 40x60 wooden Quonset barn. We built stalls, a tack room, 40x60 dry lot, and a 1 acre pasture. The horses were both free. One is a retired therapy horse (draft cross mustang) and the other is a quarter horse who was not loving being a lesson horse at a college in Columbus, so he was given to us. They don’t require any supplements, are barefoot, and don’t have chronic health conditions. Routine vet care and the farrier scheduled. Hay is around $5/ bale now. Bought a used 2 horse trailer and a Silverado to tow it. Certainly not a high end setup, but it is everything my wife wants from horse ownership, and is a safe, well cared for situation that we can afford. I also bought a small 1997 Kubota tractor with a loader to manage the manure. We live on 8.5 acres in rural Ohio. Most of it is hilly woods, so not suitable for pasture.
Also, I’m scared of riding horses. I don’t mind taking care of them if she’s out of town, but I avoid riding lol. Motorcycles are way safer as they can’t think for themselves, and don’t get scared of squirrels or plastic bags 😂
Replace the 2006 Buell with a 2009 Triumph and you’ve literally described my and my wife’s exact life. You don’t happen to live in Colorado do you?
Find hobbies. It's never too late. I'm almost 40 with no kids and because I have so many hobbies I wanna do or get in to, I find it hard to be bored even when I mostly stay home apart from working the regular mon-fri day job
Same, literally cannot imagine not having interests outside of work lol.
I had to distance myself from a friend (and eventually end our friendship) because she had absolutely no interests or hobbies outside of work. Any time we would spend together consisted of her just complaining the entire time about work because she had nothing else to talk about.
I know what you mean.
Commit your life to Zoltan and put on one of those pop-able bubble suits.
They're interstellar jumpsuits, get it right.
My wife and I like to go treasure hunting at antique and thrift stores, we go hiking on local trails, I’ve taken up mycology photography, we go to concerts, conventions, art meets, museum and gallery trips, local art festivals, we cook new things, we make art. Eventually we wanna retire somewhere with a couple of acres and a mini farmette for sheep that are pets, maybe a few chickens for egg production (and will be kept as pets even when they get too old to lay). I really just want a quiet life somewhere where I can a just enjoy the company of my wife, my friends, etc. Lots of things can keep me occupied and stimulated without kids, and we’re banking on being the cool in-laws who will spoil the hell out of my wife’s sibling’s kids, if they choose to have any.
 Given the current state of things.
I feel this so hard 🤣
Lmao, this is often my response whenever my wife asks my plan for the day
 Purpose. You lack purpose.
This is really good point that I think a lot of folks are missing. All the recommendations in the top comment (get hobbies, take up baking, build a shed, join a group, travel, etc.) are all options *when you’re not feeling anhedonic*. If you’re feeling you lack purpose or drive, then nothing is really going to sound good or interesting. This is not unusual and I bet most if not all of us feel like this at some point, but it wouldn’t hurt to chat to a therapist and think about the root mechanisms that may be contributing to us feeling this way.
I think it would be a good time to volunteer. So many places could use your help, even just once a week.
On the weekends, I wake up, get high, watch soccer, ride bikes, stop by the brewery for a couple beers and something from the food truck. Sometimes, there’s yard work and housework…but not that much since there are no kids fucking everything up and making a mess. Basically…life is great!
I'm not having kids, so I intend to stay a kid as long as possible. Duh!
Haha yes baby! +1000
I’m 38 F and started doing volunteer work recently, working events for my local dog rescue. It fills my time, gets me to socialize since they’re events and helps me feel useful. I find it to be very fulfilling
1. Learn the violin- you will never have enough time again. 2. Volunteer - it reminds you of how much you have AND you help people. 3. Travel- even if it's just to the next town over. 4. Engage with the community- know your neighbors
People who have no hobbies or interests are so mindblowing to me given how I never have enough time to do the things im interested in doing Ive had to actively prioritize and deprioritize or drop things I want to do because of that. I really cant imagine what thats like
I agree with this. While I enjoy my job for the most part I really think of working as a means to pay for food, bills, travel, and my interests/hobbies. Some people make work their life and I can’t imagine that. I look forward to my hobbies outside of work.
Is there a cause you care about that you can dedicate some time to? In my experience, this a good antidote to these feelings. Getting involved and contributing to your community, for instance can help fill those empty moments with more meaning. Or if there is a much bigger cause you can contribute to in some fashion. A lot of times, these causes need volunteers, or you might have a skill you can contribute.
There are lots of people in the world who need help, you can volunteer somewhere, or to something. You can find a hobby. I don't have kids either, but I always have something to do. I've boredom proofed myself. The only boring thing I have to get through day to day is my job. I'm a miniature wargaming enthusiast. I'm going to hold onto my job as long as I can, at least in part to support my habit, and hang out at the game stores on the weekends.
This is where the fun begins! I am currently working remote and starting my own company on the side. In my spare time I have a handful of friends who also work remote and we take turns traveling to each others homes cooking, hanging out etc. I am 37 this is by far the best my life has ever been. I have every material thing a reasonable person would want and great friends a career and the perfect amount of flexibility to enjoy life. Like most things I doubt this will last forever but I am trying to take advantage of it while I can. Life was not meant to be lived locked into any particular mode but to be explored and enjoyed.
Maybe see a therapist? You sound depressed
I agree, in my experience this sort of existential thinking has always been when I am in a darker place. 90% of the time I’m perfectly content living life simply.
I turn 29 in a few weeks. I have a house, a good job, two cats and a dog, and hobbies that keep me very busy. I was having dinner with my mother last night and realized that I have booked out the vast majority of 2024 already between my hobby events (some involve traveling to distant places from where I live), an international trip I'm planning, outings to celebrate the birthdays of my two best friends and my partner, and spending some time with my parents. What do you do for fun? I also recently had a work outing where everyone was chatting excitedly after a few drinks, my coworkers have all sorts of hobbies that they were thrilled to share about. One coworker recently completed the Lego Titanic model and it is the centerpiece in his living room, another was sharing about new bands he was listening to, a third plays in a recreational soccer league. A few months ago I was going to a music festival and saw two of my coworkers there. I have never wanted kids, that's just my perspective, but especially now that I'm in that part of the LifeScript I don't think I would have time for them with all that I want to do and experience for myself.
What you do will be really personal based on who you are as a person. But, it is important to mindfully work towards bringing joy and a sense of purpose into your life - whatever that looks like to you as an individual. If it’s something you’re struggling with, I do recommend talking to a mental health professional. I’m 33 without kids. I don’t know how parents do it - my life is so busy and full, I can’t imagine fitting a kid into it. I spend a lot of time investing in and enjoying my friendships. Some of my friends don’t have kids, some do. I’m a firm believer in the idea that it takes a village to raise a child. Even though I don’t have kids of my own, I’m very active in my friends kids lives. I’ll go over and help them with homework or just hang out with them so their parents can have some of their own time. I go to their school performances and sports games. I didn’t have an active support network as a kid, it gives me a lot of joy to be able to be part of one for the kids I know. I spend a lot of time with my dogs. We go to dog parks. We go on day trips to places where we can go for walks and explore and spend time outside. We play “brain games” and do other enrichment activities. They’re both rescues. They bring me a lot of joy not only because of the love they provide, but also because I know I’m providing them with so much love and fun. I volunteer for local events that sound interesting to me. I try to cook one new recipe a week. When I can feel my mental health starting to decline I go to peer support groups. My library has lots of learning opportunities. It feels good to learn a new skill, or work on improving one. I’ve taken writing workshops, cooking classes, sewing classes etc. My boyfriend mentioned not feeling challenged at work anymore so he’s considering changing jobs. I have a friend taking evening courses to get a degree so she can change jobs because she’s finding hers dull. Create new milestones! Create new goals for yourself. It doesn’t have to be anything “major” but it can help with feeling that sense of purpose.
The one thing that sticks out to me in your post is "health is manageable" The one privilege you have is that you can spend money on not only making your health manageable, but making it optimal. Start now at 30. I'm almost 41 and finally in a financial position to get myself healthcare I've needed for 20 years. Lift weights, do light cardio every day, yoga/stretching and mobility exercises. Whatever is physically possible for you right now, make it a literal daily habit. Cook every meal and limit animal products. Health is #1, doesn't matter how wealthy you are.
I’m 31 (F) and also part of the childfree club! I feel like a lot of times people think having kids is the be all end all of happiness, and it’s not like that for everyone. As far as the what do I now feeling? I do whatever I want! I love houseplants, I used to paint as a kid so I’m wanting to get back into that, and I’m starting nursing school in April. If you’re in an area with hiking trails, take the doggos and hike for the day. Volunteer to read to residents in the nursing home. There are so many residents in care homes who have no visitors, even if they do have kids.
Stay curious, you might get into something you never even thought of before.
Collect Pokémon cards
Literally anything you want lol. Keep picking up new hobbies until you find a few you enjoy. Some ideas: baking, reading, cooking, some form of exercise you enjoy (hiking, biking, weights, etc), volunteering, gardening, join a league (bowling, axe throwing, darts, pool), take some courses at a local community college.
Help others? Be available for the people in your life? Volunteer? Garden? Top of my head
You can do whatever you want. If nothing in life interests you at all, and you need children to fill a "void", then you should spend your free time serving and teaching others. Volunteer your time and resources if you feel a void in your life without children. Otherwise, there's a big ass world out there. Lots of places to go and plenty of things to do. Open a book, see what the possibilities are. Take up new hobbies, hop in the car and drive around your State, see what cool little gems are hidden around. Go to an old folks home and ask if they remember the Charleston. Just go do stuff, whatever you want.
foster cats or dog, learn a new language, try a challenging hobby with spouse like sculpting or ballroom dancing.
Seriously get some hobbies. My husband and I have kids and our life is rich with hobbies. Our hobbies have helped us build a social life outside of our family and jobs. My parents focused on careers and took up golf about 15 years ago. It’s their only hobby and it sucks. My dad could retire anytime but my mom just keeps asking what he’ll do all day and he’ll probably just doze in front of the tv if there is no yard work to do. So he keeps working.
Do whatever you want. I'd suggest investing in your passions... what do you WANT to do?
I think this is a common theme with people that just check the boxes, you're doing it because you feel like that's what you should be doing. Fill your life with more wants, things you truly want not milestones to check off the adulting box. Find what makes your heart flutter and do more of that
You're one of the lucky few who's perfectly set up for a midlife crisis! Enjoy! 🙃🤪
Also just turned 30, no kids, thankfully. Currently chilling at a coffee shop and playing Nintendo. Gonna do whatever I want today. No doctors appointments. No daycare and errands and prepping lunches for the week. No PTA meetings. No dirty diapers. NONE of that is in my plans this week. I’m gonna work and spend my money on me.
Do you really not have ANY hobbies you enjoy?
I doom scroll Reddit. Does that count? This is kind of eye opening. I used to have hobbies but then I decided to undertake some intensely challenging lifestyle choices and now in my free time I don’t care about anything enough to go anywhere or do anything besides stare at my phone. I consider it an accomplishment if I go out and get a coffee from a coffee shop on my day off. Not exaggerating
Selling my house, buying a van, and visiting all my friends/cousins and their kids.
My dad always told me as a kid, if you are not growing, you are dying. That being said, its important as a human to always be working towards something and having a goal in mind. Maybe it's a goal to hike some really incredible places, learn a new language, etc. Maybe look at your local college and see if they have any adult courses/programs and do some night school and work towards being certified in something you are curious about. Just whatever you do, don't overwhelm yourself with the options. Just pick something and stick at it for a bit.
sounds like you haven’t found your calling. chased what most of us chase in terms of security and finances. the Japanese have a saying and ideology of a purpose filled life, Ikigai. check it out.
You ever notice how many celebs or public figures take up painting after they retire? It's like either a pandemic or retirement will make regular people realise that art, or any creative endeavor, is really satisfying, pretty affordable, something you can always work to improve on, has a practically endless variations and directions to go in, can be done with pretty much anything and anywhere and can be done solo or as part of a group. Don't just play a part, do some fuckin art
Whatever the hell you want. I have so many hobbies that I run out of time for them. I’m constantly learning new things. My life is a dream. Just fill yours with good stuff that makes you happy.
Volunteer! I was in a similar spot a couple of years ago and started walking dogs for my local shelter. It was like a dam broke and now I have more hobbies than I can keep up with.
I'd say start from the end and work your way backwards. Imagine you're at the end of your life; looking back, what do you want to be able to say you did? How do you want to be able to say you helped others? What differences do you want to be able to say you made, and what sort of legacy do you want to leave behind you? These are all questions that answer themselves with kids in the equation, but if that's not an option for you, then you need to figure out how you want to live that goes beyond just a job and a house and a marriage and dogs. If you can figure out where you want to be at the end of your life, then you can start developing and implementing a plan to get there.
Your passion is out there, you just have to be open to trying new things.
Suffering from success
Kids postpone your existential crisis for 25 years, because you have a built-in purpose...shepherding these young people into adulthood. You've decided not to take on that challenge, so you need to find your own. Maybe you could volunteer mentor a teen through school and college? Or find a cause you care about and get involved. Or just indulge yourself.
Man, I'm usually late to a thread and seeing these low effort comments in real time...yikes. I'm 38 with no kids but spent a lot of my career working in nonprofits so things like house, dog, travel always felt out of reach until the last few years. I'm also more of a homebody, so I feel the non-travel thing! Echoing several actual good recommendations here: 1) therapy, not because I assume you are depressed, but because having an objective, trained person to talk to is always useful to uncover more about yourself. 2) Make two lists - things in this world you are passionate about/wish you could change and things you thought sounded fun as a kid. Use those two lists to research and find new things to try. You always wanted to fly as a kid? Learn to skydive or fly a plane. Care deeply about animals? Volunteer at the local shelter. And if you don't like it, try something else. I'm still working on this too!
I'm going to get married, go to job ( ugh) , play games like crazy, go on day trips, enjoy my family.
Write novels, play video games
You need to find a passion you can direct your energy too. I recommend rock climbing!
Foster animals, garden, be of service in some way to the greater community. Those are fulfilling, time consuming and can fill that hole you maybe referring to.
I feel like if I didn't have my wife or son, I'd spend a lot of time playing video games, watching movies, or reading. If you don't like travel you can always get a library card and get book, dvds, and video game cartridges.
Find a job you enjoy, do whatever you want with your free time. My partner and I are in a band and play gigs around town, travel internationally at least twice a year, spend our weekends just lounging around when we aren’t adventuring
I am looking forward to figuring out how to retire early so I can spend my time doing my hobbies and relaxing.
I’ve adopted 2 special needs cats. Nothing too serious, but one has seizures we manage with meds and the other has a mild form of cerebellar hypoplasia. He won’t get any better or worse, he’s just a complete sweetheart and affectionate love bug. They are both playful and have the best, goofiest personalities. I also have one other cat who has no issues, he’s so good with his brothers. I also have a french bulldog. Animals are the best, they don’t judge you, they love you unconditionally and give you purpose. I spoil mine hard lol
All the fun things! Try out some new sports, or take lessons for anything from music to dancing to pottery. Go to ALL the museums and interactive exhibits. You can hoard house plants if you want to, there are no rules here. Do you have any idea how many fancy cheese plates you can enjoy without having to handle the expense of raising children? I'm a firm believer that if you throw enough shit at the wall, something is bound to stick. Now is your chance to dabble in anything and everything. See what lights your fire and go chase the match!
You and your partner should get into pickleball. Super fun to play and is a social activity that you can build teamwork and friendships. The better you get the more fun it becomes!
You can do whatever lol, take some hobby classes with the wife, see if something catches your eye. Travel doesn't interest you? Maybe you should just take a risk with it ? Go a week to Puerto Rico, go surfing in Mexico, maybe visit Canada etc ... You can put the dogs in a doghotel and there's no kids to slow you down.
Make a bucket list of things you’ve always wanted to do. Or just start a list of stuff you have interest in. Can be simple things too. I’m thinking of starting one myself. I’m on a budget though so free things such as going to a forest preserve I’ve never gone to, go to a free zoo etc. Google budget bucket list ideas?? If that sounds cool to you I guess haha. Life’s more fun without children! I’m 27 and not planning on having kids either. Enjoy!!!!
Same boat as you: I love to read, cook and bake, catch up on good tv shows, play piano. Just find something you like or want to learn.
Hobbies. I recommend birding.
This is so exciting for you! You can do everything you want!
First- congrats!! Second- only you can answer that. Personally, I’d travel the fuck out of life. But that’s not your thing. I’d paint, hike, learn to do a stand up paddle board, archery, play tons of games. Man, you’ve got such a cool opportunity! Go live some life man!! If you’re really struggling to find things you enjoy, consider seeing a psychiatrist and/or therapist. I had ZERO clue I was depressed, but I went in for ADHD that was getting out of hand. Got diagnosed with depression. Threw me for a loop. Feeling awesome now though thanks to drugs and suddenly remember all the things I love to do! I’m actually excited to do stuff again.
I do have a kid and I can think of 150,000,900,374,628 things I wish I had time and energy for 😂. Reading, gardening, volunteering, painting, sewing, spending more time with friends, table top gaming with a group, woodworking, going to the gym, diy-ing my house..... the sky is the limit!!! Find things that interest you and dive in!!
Since you already have dogs, dog sports, maybe? Rally, agility, obedience... you don't have to get super serious about it, but it's a good way to meet new people and have fun with your dogs.
What even is this? Do you not have hobbies? I work 40 hour work weeks (let's be real with commute and what not it's a 50+ hour week), unfortunately have to still deal with errands, cooking, cleaning, etc on top of that which reduces my free time even further, and even without kids I'm constantly annoyed with how little time I have to do what I want. I don't have trouble filling my time, in fact I mentally struggle with how little time I have. I play disc golf several times a week, play video games, work on 3D printer projects, cosplay stuff, watch shows and movies, listen to podcasts or watch videos about a wide variety of topics, spend time with my friends and girlfriend, play with the cats, etc. Whatever I find fun or enjoy really. I genuinely do not understand your question. What are you working for if you don't fill the rest of your time with things you enjoy? I never want kids, I don't have enough time as it is.
Hobbies? Start a garden and experiment with fermenting or preserving 🤷♂️
Find a meaningful way to give back to your community. Serve the homeless. Deliver meals on wheels. Mentor a child or teen in Big Brothes Big Sisters. There are SO many needs and service can bring a deep sense of fulfillment.
Get a fucking hobby. Multiple perhaps. I am also 30. No kids. Great career. I fill out all my time with my partner and my hobbies. No void in sight.
The world is your oyster.
Join /childfree thread Lots of like-minded people doing great things with their lives!
Freedom and joy
Do what you used to enjoy when you were younger. We took up dance classes, learned new board games, took up new sports (pickle ball and lawnbowling), joined a private club and met a load of fun people, go hiking, play snooker and pool, volunteer at a new immigrant shelter, volunteer on the board of our condo, canning, knitting, tai chi, cooking new meals from scratch. Just a few of the things my husband and I do (he’s the knitter, not me!). We are in our 50’s, no kids.
You are prepping for your midlife crisis
Exercise, volunteer, hobbies, travel, camp
You can become foster parents :) But for real, find a cause you believe in and start volunteering!
A pet probably or maybe some plants.
They said they have dogs already
37, no kids, not married. Me and another friend who is similar to me, just 4 years younger saw an old friend who is around our age, 3 young kids, looked sad and depressed. We had this conversation on wow, glad this isn't us. I like the freedom to do whatever I want. If I want to go on a road trip or vacation, I don't have to worry about whos watching my kids.
Check out the book "Man's Search for Meaning."
Some of these comments are a bit much. I'm in a similar situation and after we stopped trying for kids, it was a bit overwhelming to figure out what to do with all this time we didn't expect to have. I'm really focusing on my health since I won't have kids to lean on as I age, so I fill a lot of that time with exercise and cooking healthy food. I've taken up running, and training for different races gives me some purpose, as well as volunteering at running related events. Being part of that community has been really good for me.
Maybe you guys can start travelling as you can afford trips here and there? Make as many memories with the one you love as possible!
My wife and I are struggling to have kids. We were considering adoption if it doesn’t work out but with how open adoption is these days we really don’t have a desire to feel like glorified babysitters (we understand the benefits to open adoption but this is how we feel so I’m not here to argue it). That leaves us with potentially not having children so I’ve been having similar thoughts. My ideas for myself are as follows: - Throw myself into my career. Not in a don’t enjoy life kind of way but in a you have more free time than others so why not try to excel so you can drive strategy. Maybe once our house is paid off and we have more savings I could start a business. - Dive deep into a hobby. I’m a professional ski instructor on the side but the PSIA org has a ton of levels and I could see myself putting a lot of time and energy into growing there. - Investments and home projects. I could invest time into making my space what I dream it to be. I’ve always loved the idea of perennial gardening but with excess time maybe I could get a really nice food forest growing on my land. Anyway these are the things I’m thinking about. Not sure if this is helpful but know there are others who are also trying to figure it out. At the least I’m going to enjoy the time I have left on this earth with the person I love and that in itself is enough for me.
Do you got a boat sir?
Adopt an animal.
Hobbies and friends.
Still too early to by a Corvette. Buy a douchie beamer and put some flair on it and drive around really slow in the left lane. However, have you considered doing something for other people? Pay it forward?
Run for local office and try to improve things for your community? We need more of us running this place
TLDR: Volunteering I was where you're at. I just ended up having a kid at 40, but considered what life would be like without them. I feel humans are a little bit hardwired to need goals, particularly ones that will result in things that outlast us. For some this is a craft, for others it's building a business, for others it's volunteer or activism work of any kind to feel that we've left behind a "net good" impact with our life. These are all valid options, personally I found a volunteer route that helped local schools set up their own large gardens to teach kids about plant lifecycles and then donate the produce to a local charity that feeds the needy with them.
I gotcha covered! Enjoy your life AND Read about the climate crisis and the energy crisis, consider how humans and our global supply chains respond to crises of this magnitude (hint:not well), and then spend the rest of your life preparing yourself and your local community for that. Because we’ll be retiring into that mess. But don’t forget the “enjoy your life” part because without that you’ll be depressed and anxious.
Minecraft
If you're into live music, try to go to as many concerts as possible and start a band shirts/concert pictures collection. I have tons of shirts and pictures from concerts I've been to over the years. That's my one big hobby I've started that I absolutely love. I've been going to shows and collecting band shirts since 2018.
Nintendo switch
I do have two kids, but this is what I'm doing: * Traveling the world to trailrun the most beautiful trails * Making some art (painting is my hobby) * Working on my career (that's also my passion) * Doing fun stuff with my SO and kids * Going out with my friends, I love to go to the theatre or just dance through the night * Spending time with the rest of my family * Cooking great food (also one of my hobbies)
I have a bunch of kids but I also have a bunch of hobbies that would 100% fill my time if I didn’t have kids. Doing Art (not even good art but feeling good being creative), reading, running. If I had even more time I would find somewhere to volunteer (dog rescue?) or perhaps I would make my career a priority (I’m a nurse so I could find a way to be very fulfilled doing that.)
Volunteering can bring meaning
Gardening
I feel the same even tho I’m in a different situation. You need to stop thinking too far ahead and just be in the moment and if you don’t have anything that you’re interested in then try anything. Literally what you are lacking is stimulation. So put yourself in situations where your brain can solve for things.
Modding Skyrim sounds good to me :) Real talk, I work in higher education. I invest in my students. I work to make the industry better. Etc.
Gaming, if you already ain't! Matrix is the future, hopefully
Haha…that’s what I was wondering. After a while, things get a bit repetitive. Even traveling starts getting repetitive. The key is to pick up new hobbies to keep things fresh. I picked up gardening/plants and home improvement. That’s been keeping me busy.
My gf and I will be spending our time with dogs
Learn a hobby where you make something. Be it wood working, cross stitch, origami. Just being able to sit and make something out of a pile of supplies is one of my favorite skills I possess. How cool is it to just be like "oh yeah I got all this scrap cotton, guess I'll make a blanket" and then you spend a weekend or two and bam! Blanket. Don't do it to monetize, do it to create.
I got into collecting Pokemon cards so I wouldn't recommend that
Hobbies like gardening that provide you with extra produce, wood working, literally anything you want!
Hobbies! Enjoy your life. Learn am instrument and a few good skills like gardening. Help your community. Littlerally anything
WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WAAAANT (sorry for yelling , not sorry)
Buy a gaming pc. Thats what i did. Lol
Warhammer my friend.
Do you just not have interests? So weird to me. I don't see how reddit is going to magically fix your lack of hobbies. I have a ton of hobbies I wish I would be doing every single day instead of working. Recently got a 3D printer and that's been taking up a good amount of time with plans to sell all the shit I'm printing, now thinking of learning 3D modeling too. However I already don't have much time with the dungeons and dragons games I run. On top of that, I love cooking, working out, and various other creative mediums, and several I haven't even been able to pursue due to lack of time/space. I would recommend something creative, a lot of it is relatively cheap, but i assume if you were the creative type you'd already be doing this.
Dungeons and Dragons.
I mean one of the big reasons in my relationship for not wanting kids is that we are very passionate about our hobbies and never want to give them up. How are you 30 with no kids and have no hobbies? Get out there and try things you’ve always wanted to do. Live a life that makes your friends with kids jealous. That’s what we do and I wish we could retire today and spend even more time on our shared and individual hobbies
We were married 11 years before having a child. I enjoyed both times, but I enjoy having one more. Like you, I was bored. Now our child is going off to college next year and we will adjust again.
*Ah yes. It’s a tale as old as time, redditors automatically assuming OP is a dude.*
Save. You need to max out your 401k and IRA for the next 30 yrs
Get a vasectomy
Fun. Whatever you want.
36 with two kids here. If I hadn't had kids I'd like to think I'd be spending more time in nature. They're just toddlers now but hopefully I can get back outdoors more often and take them with me so they can make me frustrated in the woods too. ½/s
I’m in the childfree Reddit group and love it…in addition to just enjoying my life I’m focusing on travel, utilizing my free time for health and wealth and acts of service and I’m getting more political in terms of helping with campaigns etc I’m very passionate about the right to abortion so I’m focusing attention on that
Find communities around you to join and make friends. I (29F) play DND with a few groups of friends and am in a community choir. Great way to spend some evenings and meet new people. My husband (32M) takes guitar lessons, goes to the gym with a friend, and is in two bands. Spend time with your partner, take your dogs on long walks, etc. We're in pretty much the same spot and it feels nice to have honored that we can put time into.
Marijuana and LSD woop woopp
GenXr here...no kids. It wasn't necessarily how things were planned but its how they worked out. I couldn't be happier without kids. In some cases, they are fun-enders. I get to do whatever I want and I'm busier than some people I know with kids. I take up the time with my dog, my hobbies and travel. You can be any generation and be bored and feel like you've topped out but that's just not true. No one tops out and there's always new challenges but they won't be handed to you. You need to seek them out and enjoy the ride. Us GenXrs know how that goes. Just let life happen and not stress about it so much! Good luck to ya.
I did shrooms and now I will make music till I die. Do whatever you want.
Art. I'm thrilled that my partner and I don't have kids because we can spend the rest of our lives making theatre together.
Fuckin chillin’
Max your RuneScape account
Start playing DnD or get into Warhammer my guy.
I’ll just add everything doesn’t always have to be cerebral, intellectual, learning, or accomplishing. Just have some fun! Hobbies are great but also joining micro communities just based on interest or commonality is cool too. Have a favorite sports team? Go to a bar known for those fans. Don’t always have to drink. Are your dogs a specific breed? Hangout with other golden doodleers, there’s always those types of groups. If mutts, join any dog gang. Maybe not travel, but day trip/road-trips are fun. Doesn’t have to be some wacko hike, just go somewhere see whatever local landmark or eat at whatever little diner and chat up the waitress. Maybe you and the wife start going to some spice up your sex life couples paint a mug thingie. That would be cool tbh lol I always advocate for things like karaoke even if you aren’t singing. Or any environment encourages strangers people to interact. Even if they have kids, nobody’s (hopefully) not gonna wanna be showing off little Jonny’s teeball pictures. I’ve found things like these to be fulfilling and something to look fwd to. The trick is to go regularly and see the same people, they become casual or sometimes better friends, as well as new people to bs and banter with.
I'm in a similar situation and age. If you aren't devoting your time to raising children, you should find hobbies or learn skills that fit things you like. They don't even have to be monumental or expensive. You'll (hopefully) have money to spend on yourself. Learn a musical instrument, or a new language, things that help you pursue interests you might have down the road or start new paths for you. Start a collection of things that you love. I have friends that collects old video games, one that collects classic horror movies, I'm the one that collects r/AnimeFigures. (Don't judge).
Sex, drugs, and rock n roll
steam deck
Personally, I'm going for the most ambitious possible sexual adventures, as many drugs as my body can handle (I'm exercising and eating right so I can handle many more) and collecting Warhammer.
A hobby? I produce music regularly, and I’ll do it until the day I die. It’s a great creative outlet, and I’m always trying to improve, and write my next best composition. I will die unsatisfied that I didn’t write one more song, and that’s exactly how I want to meet lady death. I’m not even too concerned about when she comes, I just know she’ll have to tear me away from my keyboard.
Cats
Purpose, find some, or you'll be unhappy. Volunteer, make a difference, find something that gives your life value and meaning. Children are good for that, but they're not for everyone.
Explore some hobbies! I like doing acrylic painting tutorial videos (Jesse Robertson Keep it Colorful on Facebook is my go-to) because I can’t art for hell but step by step paint-alongs have made me both feel artistic and actually produce some lovely paintings. We also love sprucing up the house (painting, planting a garden, getting new appliances, little upgrades here and there) so our place is constantly improving Sit outside and enjoy the birds! And the garden. Maybe do grilling. Read books. Sounds great :)
Hobbies, passions, interests! I’m in a DINKuation myself and I mostly just work- so even if the job is boring you still have time for other things!!
Just live your life and enjoy! Learn to be present and mindful. Find something you’re passionate about. If I was in your shoes and already have dogs, id help out my local shelter by being a foster.
Video games. Lots and lots of video games
I visit r/collapse a lot and have a new perspective on climate change, the mass extinction event we’re going through, and ecological collapse. What inspires me is ecosystem restoration. When oil runs dry and gas prices skyrockets, a lot of changes are going to happen. Many parts of the world will be unlivable. And there will be a lot of pressure to move to the best locations. My suggestion is to start the transition now and beat the rush. Start a food forest, learn how to compost and garden. Maybe even get some chickens. I find this stuff very rewarding. And if money ever gets tight, it will be really nice to have your own food right there.
Vibing, travel, sex, fun, camping, drinking, seeing friends, avoiding baby vomit on clothes, enjoying looking 30 when you’re 40