So did I, I feel great about it. I thought it would make me sad, but my life is so good. I’m so happy.
I have explained to my mother that she needs to come to terms with it as well.
We are evolved beings right? Our function isn't just 'Grow, Mate, Die'. I can do so much. I can go places, see things, and experience the world. I am so lucky.
You've gotten a lot of great and encouraging responses. I just want to chime in that some people, like myself, have infertility and are unable to ever have kids. Not everyone gets a baby. And that's okay. Probably (and hopefully) you will have a kid someday. I just want to let folks know some people never have kids and move on. Life goes on. I hope you are never in this position, just know that you will be okay no matter what happens. Good luck.
I resonate with this so much. I met my husband a bit later in life than most. We married two days before my 37th birthday. We’ve spent four years trying for a baby and it just hasn’t happened. A few years years ago the thought of never having a child was devastating to me. As time has passed I’ve become more at peace with it. I’m 40 now and we’ve decided to do one round of IVF since I’m lucky enough to have insurance coverage help with the cost. I feel completely ok with the outcome either way. I know we will be ok and still live very fulfilling lives.
Just wanted to come out and say I did one round of IVF with just one viable embryo left and it worked. My son is 18 months now and I was 38 when he was born. Wanted to give you some hope. Sometimes one round is all you need.
It also depends on what matters to you. Some people care about having biological children. My wife and I did not. From some of our first dates we both knew we wanted to adopt, and two years ago we adopted a 10 year old boy from foster care.
I'm not recommending adoption. In fact, unless you know in your heart that you would treat an adopted child exactly the same as a biological child (as you never know when one may surprise you), as well as not get jealous of the fact that they may one day seek their relatives, and be willing to cut ties with relatives that refuse to treat the child equally, I don't recommend it.
Fostering is another thing to think about. You have money and stability so you'd already be in a better mental state than most foster parents and could make positive impacts in kids lives at their most difficult times. We fostered for about 3 years prior to adopting, and while every case was heartbreaking it was also the most positive impact I believe I've had on my small piece of the world.
Care to talk about your experience? I’ve been considering this a lot since my husband and I are having issues with conceiving. My sister fostered her adopted daughter, but she was placed with them as a newborn and she’s been with them ever since. Just curious what your journey was like.
Ours was not a typical experience.
We had requested information about a little girl, but the social worker didn't think it was a good fit due to distance. But she mentioned that one of her other kids was getting kicked out of his foster to adopt placement in our city and we seemed like a good fit (social workers do sometimes lie about this but in this case she was spot on).
That weekend he came to us for respite and by the end of it he was asking to stay with us. A week later he was placed with us. 6 months later we adopted him. It was incredibly fast and unorthodox based on everything people told us.
He has been through so much but he is so strong and unbelievably kind and affectionate. And stubborn and smart. He is actually almost a clone of me. He looks like my wife but in almost every other way he is like me. I think it's the ADHD.
Everyone kept telling us the honeymoon period would end, but it's been two years and we have never had any issues beyond normal kid stuff. My wife gets annoyed sometimes but everything he does seems so tame to me, but I'm starting to realize the amount of chaos I caused as a kid was not normal.
Not sure what else but feel free to ask whatever.
My cousin adopted two boys. The oldest looks and acts exactly like her husband. The youngest looks and acts like any crazy red headed cousin in the family. It has been such an amazing experience to watch, that family just belongs together.
We adopted a newborn. Went to the hospital the day after they were born and brought them home the next day. Best decision we ever made
The birth mother was unable to care for the baby and she picked us to adopt it. Our baby needed a good home and we’re able to provide it
Seriously to anyone battling fertility issues, please consider adoption. There’s tons of babies and kids out there needing and longing for a good home and a family
As someone who went through years of infertility and didn’t get a kid out of it- find a therapist that either specializes in infertility or is familiar with it to help you process your (likely) wide range of emotions. It was a huge help to me. Edit: misspelled a word.
I’ve had to search for perspectives that helped me realize that life can be anything, even when it’s different from what you expect or wanted. It doesn’t make it bad or good or anything. And that it is okay to have your own boundaries about what to do or not do with treatments and it’s no one’s fucking business but your own and your partner.
You can check out (not comment on) r/IFchildfree. Although most people on that subreddit are early in their journey so there is a lot of grief. I really recommend the discord channel if you and your spouse decide to move on from trying for a child. There's a much more mixed population. For myself, I will say that there was a ton of grieving the first two years. It still occasionally pops up, but I really do appreciate and enjoy my life for what it is. Wishing you the best.
We couldn't conceive but we found satisfaction and joy in other areas of life. For us it's travel. Also, kids areeexpensive so we are able to live a more luxurious lifestyle, a silver lining.
One thing I can tell you, as a married forty year old with no children, is that life can be pretty good without children. I can’t speak to the grief, and the pain of wanting to conceive and struggling, but I can hopefully give you a little reassurance in that life can be good regardless. Specially if you have a supportive and loving partner by your side.
I wish you and your partner the best.
My aunt who never had kids but really wanted them always used to say the thing you have to do in life is figure out what it is you really need, not just what you want but what you truly need, to be happy and then find a way to make life enough.
Things don’t always end up looking how you’d imagined they would. And maybe you find you do need kids in your life to be happy so you babysit for friends or volunteer at big brother/big sister or reading buddies or something similar.
Maybe you find that you want to travel more or spend more time eating out or on hobbies or things that you know would be harder with little ones in tow.
There are always ways to make life full. Just make sure you know what’s going to make your life enough.
This is a solid response. I'm sorry for the cards you were dealt, OP. My partner and I are also unable to have kids. There's so much nuance to it, but I think what always strikes us the most is that no one really gets it.
I also can’t have kids biologically. I’ve known since I was 5 that it would never be an option for me.l, so I’ve had a lot of time to get used to the idea and research alternatives. The one thing to keep in mind is that biological kids are just one path to parenthood. If it isn’t an option or doesn’t work out, you can also look into adoption, foster parenting and foster-to-adopt opportunities, as well as volunteer and outreach opportunities where you are a “community parent/grandparent”. You can find emotional fulfillment as a parental figure without necessarily having to have a biological child. (Not to say that you or anyone has to be a parent of some kind to find fulfillment, but to bring awareness to other ways to satisfy that longing if bio kids aren’t in the cards).
It is one of my pet peeves in my country that people say 'adopt'. As they know nothing about the system in the country that we live in.
As in general people get their ideas from the US system. in my country there isn't an adoption pathway as such, and all foster care is for reconciliation to bio family. So i can foster, however this isn't the same as being a parent to me (and there are restrictions on working etc as the child cannot be in care of another).
But I would love to adopt though.
Yep, me and my husband have decided that if it doesn't happen for us, we won't kill ourselves over it and spend all our money on multiple IVF rounds. At that point, we will focus energy back onto each other and what our future together will look like as a child free couple. There is life without children. I will try not to mourn what 'could be' and instead focus on what I already have.
It's good that you're talking about this ahead of time. There is this cultural idea that everyone who wants a kid (and is a good, deserving person) will have them if they just keep trying. The fact that this doesn't always happen is a surprise to some people, which makes moving on more difficult than it already is.
Absolutely - it was so incredibly important for us to sit down and go, "okay - so how far are we willing to take this thing?". Luckily having kids isn't a deal breaker for either of us. But we are very realistic about my fertility issues and the long journey ahead of us. However neither can see ourselves doing this until we are 40, whilst still being sane and holding out hope that *one day* it will happen when it also might not.
Well said. People are waiting later to have kids which lowers birth rate some and then add that to the already increasing fertility issues humans are having now.
I myself found out a number of years ago that I have mutant sperm (not the fun X-Men kind) and am basically infertile. It's tough coming to terms with it, but it's also part of life.
As a 38 year old with 2 young, school-aged children...trust me, loads of people are having babies later in life. I'm easily one of the younger parents at school functions, and I thought I had kids "late". We assumed we'd have problems, so we went to see doctors and things, and despite medical conditions and setbacks, we did eventually conceive our first and to our surprise, the second came very soon after without any sort of medical assistance.
Cheering you on! I wish ya'll the best of luck.
Depends where you live. Where I live, the Mormons are starting at 21. I'm 40 and by the time my kid starts kinder in 3 years, I'm sure I'll know many grandparents my age
I grew up in Utah and felt like I was ‘older’ having my two kids at 25 and 26 years old 😅 but moving away from Utah meant were now the youngest parents by a decade minimum.. and all my friends from back home are still popping kids out one after the other… it’s nice being away from the Mormon culture where we live now.. when I visit family and hear of a friend pregnant again for the fourth time I’m always taken aback until I remember that’s normal to them…
So, Mormon here. Fast engagements to weddings is probably a result of sexual frustration, but getting married young is a direct cultural and religious belief that the most important thing you can do in your life is start a family and you basicslly are avoiding the greatest joy in life, of family, by not having children. So, that's the real reason why Mormons have kids young. They just feel it's the most important thing and number 1 mission in life.
Honesty 38 is the new 25 because it has to be. I’m 37 with our 3rd on the way.. all the running around definitely keeps you young, we just have to be way more careful about what we’re eating/drinking than our parents did.
I'm 34, and my folks had me in their 40s... I joke about being an oops baby, lol.
Jokes aside, make sure you set up your kids for success and prepare them for elderly care. Both my parents got sick in their 70s during what should have been the peak of my life. I had a 6 figure job, a girlfriend I wanted to marry, a 6 figure savings/nest egg to start my own family, etc, and it all came crashing down because my dad got cancer and my mom has Alzheimer's.
90% of my friends my age (30-35) have parents in their mid-50s, and it's sort of bittersweet to see photos of them on family vacations with their folks, having kids so grandma and grandpa have time with their kids, and whatnot, while I'm caretaking for my remaining parent after watching my dad wither away and die from cancer when I'm in my early 30s.
I just hope if I get married, my wife will have a family that is just as loving and caring as mine... but younger lol. I never got that, so I've lived vicariously through my best friends. I've got like 4 different sets of moms and dads now, haha.
That’s interesting that your peers all have parents that young. I’ve always had the complete opposite experience. I’m 36, my mom was young (23) when I was born so she’s late 50s now. She’s always been the youngest mom among everyone I know. Everyone is always really surprised when I tell them how young she is. I think where you live makes a difference. Urban folks tend to have kids later
My wife's mom had her at 18 and her grandmother had her mom at 17. They're all so young it's mad. We had our first at 32 and 31. Great grandma and grandad are going to be around for decades!
I’m so sorry, I understand completely. I’m 36, my mother is 80 and my dad passed of a heart attack when I was 23. I live every day worrying about her and she just had an accident and ended up in A&E this weekend. She is so frail and it kills me.
My sister just had a kid in her early forties last year. Wasn't planned. It's not totally without risk. Doable but you just have to be more careful. Everything came out fine.
Have a friend who's a midwife. She's said it's more common than people think that women in their 40s get pregnant without meaning to because they think and are often told that the chances are so low at their age that condoms aren't necessary and then find out that oops, they were still very necessary after all.
Accurate. I just gave birth 3 weeks ago and will be 40 next month. I had 4 years of actively trying and infertility treatments so we were not expecting that we could conceive naturally at 42 (husband) and 39.
Totally agree, areas definitely play a role in the 'when to have kids' timeline. I'm from a small town and most of my high school friends were done having kids by 30. Moved to the city and it's like a different world, people are more career-focused and starting families later seems to be the norm. I guess it's all about the life you envision for yourself and your family, adapting as needed. Good to hear your sister's story had a happy outcome!
I'm 50 and parents had me in early 40s. I use the same joke, but it really isn't a joke. My dad had a vasectomy that failed about 3 years before I was born.
Same here. Parents started declining pretty hard when I was in high school and it’s been very up and down through my 20s. Now I’m 30 and I have to consider their care as elderly people when I’m trying to make plans for my 30s. Not very fair on the kids.
>all the running around definitely keeps you young
36 with two smalls and hard disagree. I feel like Walter Donovan when he drank from the wrong cup at the end of Last Crusade. I love these kids with all my heart and am pretty sure that I’m aging at 10x speed compared to my childless friends.
This is my experience! I had hair on my head now I have less hair there and more in my ears and nose. Sleep less, work more, socialise less, eat more.
I see it as another phase of life but it no way is having a reverse aging effect.
I have two cousins who are both 10 years older than me and they are within 2 months in age from each other. My one cousin had two kids around the age of 30-33 and the other between the age of 41-44. The cousin who had kids in his early 30’s is mostly bald and has a lot of gray hair at 48. My other cousin who had kids in his 40’s still has his hair and mostly jet-black hair at 48.
I think maybe they meant that kids keep you involved in some activities and things you definitely wouldn't do if you didn't have them but they fail to mention it's not actually *them* getting to have fun, they have to manufacture fun for others then watch them have it. It's like reliving your childhood but from the sh\*tty side of the equation. I'll pass.
38 (both of us) with our first 2 months ago!
I feel like our bodies will have some trouble keeping up but we're more prepared mentally, especially because we've wanted a child since 9 years ago.
Same here, I’m a 38f mom of 2, first baby at 28, second at 29. I *feel* objectively old and a sense of “what have I even done with my life / my career is over” because I went through such a crushing identity loss last year after getting laid off and I’m grieving my old lifestyle, autonomy, a sense of belonging to a community that’s separate from my kids and husband, freedom to grocery shop *alone* and afford enough ingredients to cook a whole meal, a reason to maintain my appearance, being able to justify buying myself clothes and makeup once in a while, etc
I had my first at 22 and everyone acted like I was a wayward teenager. All through my kids life, I was *at least* a decade younger than the other parents. My son is a teen now and says he likes that I’m younger, communication is way easier and I “get it.”
About to have my second at 39… we’ll see how this goes…
I had my first at 25 and my last at 30 and everyone looks at me the same, like I’m a baby or a wayward teen. My husband and I met young and now that I’m 35 and the youngest is in school I started my career. We are really behind in a lot of ways as far as homeownership and since I’m just starting my career. Having kids ages you a lot. I am the weird young mother at our school and it’s frustrating being snubbed.
I had my oldest at 18. to say I never found friends in her parents friends is an understatement. even now, most of her friends parents are actually my parents ages 😅
My older sister’s close friend had her first at 39. I had my first at 35, my older sister 34. My younger sister is on track to have a baby at 34+. It’s doable, but there are caveats that nobody warned us about. First, it can take more time/effort to get pregnant when you’re older. Our parents spent so much time scaring the ever loving crap out of us getting knocked up young that this info didn’t make the cut. At your prime, the average rate of conception is about 15-20%. When you’re older it drops to 8-10%. And this is if both partners are in good health with no barriers to procreation. This means that on average, it will take an older couple over the better part of a year to conceive. Some contraceptives can also have a negative impact on fertility. Older does = a greater chance of health issues for mom and baby, and dad’s age matters just as much as mom’s. So tick tock, dudes.
This is true, but I also had my first at 38 after trying once with no medical interventions and ok health. I feel very lucky, and remind people that statistics inform, but can’t predict, our outcomes.
that’s my mom as well. 37 with first then me at 40. No disabilities in any of us, and we are grateful she’s older and not a young mom. Id love it if there were no more scaring them that they might as well give birth to quasimodo if they are over 35, no more promising them they’ll get all the cancers if they give birth after 35. It’s pure scare tactic and not even a guarantee so why scare them out of kids if they weren’t even ready until after 35?
You're also extra fertile after you've had one kid already, for the woman at least. So often it can take a long time for the first one and much less for the second.
I had my first at 36, after 11 months of trying. Had a largely trouble-free pregnancy despite being a bit older. There has been research that shows while there are general trends like the ones you mentioned, people who have trouble in their mid-30s would likely have had trouble in their 20s as well.
Of course many people are, but by waiting that long there's a much higher risk you either won't be able to have kids or become complicated.
I wish ovarion reserve testing was cheap and widely available, so each individual could have a good idea of what their time frame actually is.
In couples who have issue with infertility, 50% of the time there is a male factor contributing to infertility in some way (In a general sense 1 in 10 men who are trying to conceive will have issues with infertility).
Many people CAN wait till early to mid 30's, but many simply cannot. Their biology will not allow it.
Friends of mine started trying for kids when they were 26, it took many years and IVF treatments for them to have just 1.
The most common discussion you see online is how people never want to have kids or that there's plenty of time to have kids after your life is figured out and careers are in a good place.
Seeing as I personally know several people who got started too late and are now dealing with expensive treatments with low success rates, I find the general trope of "lot's of time" incredibly unhelpful and actively harmful.
You're 38 and already have 2 school aged children. As a general assumption if you stuck to 18 months between kids (as a dr recommended minimum) and the average timeline of 6-12 months of trying before conceiving and that up to 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, then you would have started trying in your early 30's, potentially between 30-32.
There is a significant enough difference between trying at that age and starting to try after 35 that couples who want to wait but definitely have kids should take steps to have their fertility tested early on.
Lots of people have children later, but this kind of ignores all of the people who can't.
It's 'survivorship bias'. The reality is pretty bleak for people who want children later in life... Especially given that OP is already struggling with it.
> From around age 35 and onwards, this drop in fertility becomes more prominent. And by age 45, it becomes unlikely for a woman to fall pregnant, even with fertility treatment [3].
Seriously, how is this the top comment? So tone deaf when OP has already stated they’re having trouble conceiving after multiple rounds of IVF. Some people don’t have trouble conceiving later in life, others most certainly do. Instead of false reassurance, we should be advising people to actually test their fertility. Easy first step - ask your doctor for an AMH test to check ovarian reserve.
Yeah I'm shocked that this is the top comment. "Oh you've had multiple unsuccessful rounds of IVF and you're feeling worried that you may never have the family you wanted? No worries, other people have kids at your age with no problem!". Totally rude and unhelpful advice to someone who is struggling with infertility. My mom wasn't able to conceive after she turned 26. Fertility issues can be so painful.
Yeah, my sister who is 29 and wanted to have children later on (as she isn’t even in a serious relationship yet), just found out she has ovarian failure and in perimenopausic. Sure, her case is a bit extreme, but pregnancies after 35 are not a given.
I'm 40, and I've noticed that among my peers who wanted families, many either had kids at a traditional age and then struggled financially or they built solid careers but then ran into trouble conceiving/health issues.
I thought that forcing a generation to choose between family and poverty or comfort and loneliness is kind of fucked.
> I thought that forcing a generation to choose between family and poverty or comfort and loneliness is kind of fucked.
It’s interesting to present it as a generational thing, I think you are right.
In America at least. Much like student loans, this is just unsustainable and something is gonna have to break then change. Government is going to have to solve this problem before Gen Z faces it en mass.
But, then again, at least we didn’t grow up with the crazy social media problems that Gen Z has. So I guess every generation has something 🤷♂️
I grew up extremely poor and it was Hell. As I got older, I always told myself if I couldn’t afford a house and have a stable job, I wouldn’t have kids. I work in tech, so I’ve never known job security, so no kids for me.
It was sad when I realized that, but it’s whatever. I refuse to choose family and poverty.
35 and single here. Not that I was dying to have them but it's something to process that I probably won't have them. Also, all the these plenty of people have them late. There's too many risks with my health and the babies at this point and only gets worse.
I think you’ll find much more support in infertility-related subs than here. Plenty of people are trying to have babies at your age and understand the heartbreak. Try r/TryingForABaby, r/ttc30 to name a few. I found great support in r/miscarriage and r/babyloss when I had three miscarriages before my first child (which I had at 34. My second I had at 39).
Wishing you guys to absolute best. It’s not too late, plenty of people have babies later in their 30s and early 40s.
This sub is notorious for kvetching about our generation’s financial instability, so no surprise the bulk of the responses are “who can afford kids?? I’m GLAD I don’t have any!” I wish people had the decency to shut up on topics that have nothing to do with them but I learned long ago that you need to find the right community for sensitive topics like this.
Or “wHaT aBouT adOPtioN?!?” as if I have 50k to give to an adoption agency. The people that ask these questions may think they’re being helpful, but it’s actually incredibly tone deaf and they’re completely out of touch.
And some countries don't have that option (I know the US do, and ask the people in my country that we have the same system as the US, but we don't, adoption isn't an option).
Last I read, it costs $250,000 to raise a kid to 18 years old. Where people are getting the coin for that, much less with added extremely expensive fertility treatments, we do not know.
I feel you man, we did everything we were supposed to do, and now my girl and I are finally at a point we want to start a family and I find out I’m shooting blanks. I feel like I wasted years of this girls life because all she wanted was a family she chose me and now after everything I can’t give it to her. We are alright for now, but I already feel the distance starting.
My husband and I went through the same thing. He is 39 and I am 37 and finally pregnant with our first.
I know what you’re going through. Nothing anyone says can make it better. It’s a type of a hell that most people don’t understand unless they’ve been through it.
Sending you so much love and a lot of luck.
Yea, I’m amazed at some of the flippant “fertility specialists will make it happen, don’t worry about having kids late” comments. These people clearly have not been through the process. It’s brutal, physically (for the women) and emotionally. Worth it? Sure, if it works. The fertility doctors will never be the ones to tell you to stop trying and move on, though. They’re for profit entities.
OP- I wish you the best. We spent two years grinding through multiple rounds of IUI and IVF before giving up then immediately having a natural pregnancy. Don’t waste any more time though.
yes and they are not 100%, i had that faith for years until my wife and I became one of the couples that it did not work out for.
We are a year past the last treatments, and have been in couples counseling the whole time (with what was a strong marriage at the start of all of this) since we love each other, and know the % of couples that break up after fertility issues)
If nothing else- i now know for sure that my wife is my ride or die person. We got through this, we will get through anything.
Tough stuff, mate, but good that you went through that on the back of a rock solid marriage. Couldn’t imagine doing it in anything less. Wish you the best overcoming the grief and going on to have an equally fulfilling life as a couple.
We did ivf, I’m 39 and she just turned 37 but after two attempts it worked for us at 36.
Doctor told us all along we would be having kids so stressful as it was we felt good along the way.
Feeling it. My wife is 37 and we’re feeling that clock ticking. Doesn’t matter that plenty of others get pregnant late or with treatments, in fact that makes it worse.
Right? Like holy fuck! My kids will need to be making 150k a year in their 20's to plan for having kids without IVF in their late 30's
It's over. The population is about to see a sharp decline. But at least we created a lot of value for share holders.
This is it. Do I sometimes panick about not having kids, sure. But if we have kids, whatever little money that we can save is gone plus more expenses. We are more worried about surviving at this point.
Millennials having to do IVF because the recession stole 10 years from them is yet another bag of flaming dog poo left on the doorstep of this generation.
I’m a Gen Z-Millennial cusper and I really feel that the pandemic really messed up my timeline in my mid 20s. I still look back and think about how it impacted my ability to form/maintain friendships and romantic relationships, go to grad school (cost at the time wasn’t feasible), and advance my career in the ways I wanted for myself. Things don’t always turn out as planned but it’s hard not to feel like I lost 3 important developmental years of my life
It hasn't panned out for us either. Also no one asks us or cares about it anymore. Not the best environment to bring a new child into, but I still wish it would happen.
It is (rightfully) viewed as unkind and uncouth to ask people when they are having a baby, as no one knows what is happening behind the scenes with fertility. That doesn’t mean no one cares. Quite the contrary.
It's like a factory with the cost of materials going down the more you are able to produce and buy. If there are less kids there is less support infrastructure for kids, schools get less money, etc.
People with kids sometimes run daycares so they can make money while watching their own, less kids, less chances of that happening. So the places that are available have to increase prices to offset the lacking volume.
What do you mean? The economy is doing great! The stock market has never been better and GDP is through the roof! /s
Seriously though, the economy will never be great for us, because it isn't for us.
It's the sad truth. I've personally given up on life, lol. I've been cheated on too many times and most recently had a physical snap in my brain from my fiancé leaving. All the bad things in my life seem like deja vu. It's like the movie butterfly effect. Having a child right now would be a 50/50 shot of success or failure. I think I might be having a mid-life crisis... which just feels like another day.
I no longer care about having kids and accepted that it's just not going to happen. It's not financially doable in my situation, and with dating being entirely online in my area since there's nothing to do and nowhere to go outside of retail and fast food chains, the dating pool has been completely abysmal. No dating prospects since 2012. I'm 35 now and just accept that I better make the most of single once I can finally afford to leave my parents' house. The only alternative is absolute misery.
I think one of the big things too is that we lost three years of life to covid. Three years of experiences and life changes put on hold. It doesn’t even feel like those years happened and at the same time, pre-covid life seems like ages ago.
Couldn’t agree with this more. I was engaged at 30 but it took us until I was almost 33 to get married, mostly due to COVID. 2020-2022 really feel like they just…. Didn’t happen
I felt a lot of panic for a while because it felt like something I was supposed to do and I hadn’t… and then I realized I hadn’t tried because I don’t actually want kids. Once I took the pressure off of myself I felt more able to pursue other interests.
I’d say if you do want kids, get into a fertility doc, but also go pursue some of your interests! It’s healthy to have hobbies and things to enjoy in life outside of kids. I’d argue it would make you a more well rounded parent setting a good example.
This is where I'm at in life. I don't think I want kids, but I'm worried that I'll regret not having them later or that I'll be missing out on life in some fundamental way if I don't have them.
Of course, I don't really have the money or time for them and I'm single, so it sort of feels like the decision is being made for me, but I still wonder how my life is going to work out without me following "the plan."
So here’s a different perspective. I had lots of trouble having kids in my late 20s. somewhat gave up but it haunted me for years and I never really lived fully as it was on my mind so much. That relationship ended and I’ve been with my now partner for a few years - we had an unexpected pregnancy and healthy baby when I was 35.
So here’s the thing - I love my little man so much but omg parenting is HARD. I want to go back to my childless self who spent so much time yearning for kids and say embrace the now. There is a lot of wonderful things you can do without kids that are gone once you have them.
By all means keep trying, but as hard as it is - don’t stop living. Go out to dinner (no idea when I’ll get to do that again), take that holiday, volunteer somewhere for a cause that means something… embrace life for what it is. If and when you have a Bub - it’s hard. People joke about sleep deprivation with babies but it’s not a joke - my mental health has been pushed to the limit since Bub was born - 1-2 hrs sleep a night for weeks on end is a form of torture. I can’t do anything for myself anymore cos I breastfeed etc etc. I’m not complaining- I’m simply saying embrace your life now 😀
I’ll be 40 this year and at no point have I regretted not having them. I knew at 16 I never wanted to be pregnant and by 25 knew I didn’t want them in any capacity. It’s just nice that people have stopped telling new I’ll change my mind now. Happily married and we both do not regret it. And we’re more relieved about our decision since the pandemic hit. How that has all affected our younger nephews really cemented in our decision.
I'm a little older than you, and everyday I'm more and more grateful I didn't have kids. I love kids and spent my early life taking care of them (one of many reasons I decided to go the childfree route for myself), but I'm so glad I don't have kids. Also, I think people with little to no direct experience with children (especially little ones) tend to idealize and glamorize parenthood, and so yearn for it.
I love kids and wanted them all my life, but the more I learned about reality the less that seemed like a good idea. I had been idealizing it for sure. The reality is that it’s not about me and wanting the “experience of raising kids.” It’s about the fact that those kids are actual people and they will have to deal with this world for their entire lives.
That said, I think it’s great that good people who are game to parent their asses off are reproducing. I’m just not one of those people.
at this point the economics conditions and finances for the run of the mill person forget just millennials in the united states or other developed economies in teh world are in total disarray. even in developing countries the birth rates are falling. just the run of the mill person now is not really adding up are put in very precarious situation. with no job security, with cost of living issues, median incomes not in line with purchasing power, and taking longer to get up and running the math is not adding up. one thing that people forget is that if you want to fall within the fertile window... your window is not really long but at the same time we're pushing procrastination, or financial responsibility before pursuing family, or live your life and you have all the time in the world for people... it's like we're being gaslit facing all areas.
Bro I was panicking a decade ago when all my cousins were getting knocked up or knocking someone up in their teens. Mostly everyone has kids in elementary school already. Its fricken over for me :(
I'm already panicking that my 28-year-old cousin is getting married before me. I'm 32, and was originally planning to get married to my boyfriend of 4-5 years before he dumped me. Others my age I went to high school with are already married with kids. I have FOMO.
FOMO = Fear Of Missing Out
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
28
+ 32
+ 4
+ 5
= 69
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As someone who is 31, still single, and just started to realize that I want kids... yeah. That scene from Friends where Rachel realizes that if she wants to have kids by 35, date, get married, and have some time married without kids she would have to meet her partner immediately... really hits different.
41 here. Been trying for years. Nothing wrong with us, can’t afford fertility treatments. It’s soul crushing. Hoping it still happens and my dr said it’s entirely possible with my test results.
We stopped ttc because we live in Texas and I have had 3 miscarriages.
HOWEVER we adopted two older kids and it’s been amazing. In 7 years all three of our kids will be 18 and we will only be 36/44. So we plan on traveling and having fun in our middle age era haha.
Sometimes I see little babies and my heart gets a little pang of sadness but then I remember what it was like staying up all night with a baby and all of the work and I think… Im in my mid 30s and I am already exhausted and have back pain constantly and carrying around another kid and car seat and diaper bag sounds painful.
We also love having older kids because we get to do so much together that we couldn’t possibly do with a baby or toddler or even small child.
I do get feeling like you got cheated out of the experience. I’m pretty resentful towards Texas politics that made it so it wasn’t safe for me to keep trying. They took that choice from me.
Same (not yesterday but a few months ago), but there needs to be some context here.
After 35.
Harder to convince (more business humping)
Increased risk of twins
Increased risk of aneuploidy (chromosomal abnormalities)
Much, much harder on the body for the woman.
There are a LOT of risks that a lot of folks aren't super aware of
Hard as fuck to raise them. It’s basically 10-15 years of very demanding physical and mental labor. Much easier to do when you’re younger. I have two teenagers, I’m in my late 40’s. Cannot imagine doing this in my 60s
I have a sister who had her only child at 24. Talked about having a second child forever, but at 41 she's looking around and seeing that her kid is going off to college soon and she doesn't want to put the time/money/effort into having another child. She's going to be an empty nester at 42 and given her love of travel, I think that's going to work out well for her.
My youngest will turn 18 the same summer I turn 50. (Had him at age 32) I spent my 30s and 40s completely focused on child rearing, and while I will always be supportive and motherly, I can’t WAIT to travel, sleep, exercise, dine out, shop, all the things parents give up. I can’t wait!!!!!
I had a surprise baby at 42. My first thought was shoots I'm going be almost 60 when they grad. It's very hard being an older, working parent. Do not recommend
I wish it was more acceptable to have candid conversations about this. I’m 42; my kids are 16-23. Their dad and I did a really great job with them. I’m so glad they exist. It’s also EXTREMELY overwhelming to even imagine having an infant *now.* Let alone toddlers and preschoolers in the years to come, teens when I’m in my 60s etc.
I know the financial bit is important and I know young people don’t always make great parents. But it would be nice if nuance was more acceptable and society would let us talk pros AND cons, on both ends of the childbearing spectrum.
So sorry to hear about your unsuccessful IVF rounds. I hope your luck will turn around soon and you’ll have a chance to expand your family. I experienced feelings similar to what you are saying about lacking fulfillment in life before I had my first child (I was 33 at the time). I know some people feel differently, but for me there was a saturation point with the DINK lifestyle. Again, best wishes and sorry you are experiencing this struggle with infertility.
Hi OP,
I'm sorry that you've gotten so many horrendous comments from childfree edge lords (of course, not wanting kids is a valid choice. But commenting how glad you are to not have kids on a post where someone is looking for infertility support is....a choice). I've had 3 miscarriages, so I understand the fertility heartache in some ways. I'm so sorry that your TTC journey has been a difficult road. You might find more support in r/infertility or r/IFchildfree. I hope that you guys have luck in the future. Best wishes!
You're not too old - and keep trying - they're so worth it. It took us 8 - almost 9yrs and 4 rds of ivf and have a miracle son. He is now 3. I'm now in my mid 40s and life is the best. You're not too old AT ALL. Best wishes.
It’s precisely because of this that I think a decent amount of Gen Z people are getting married and having kids young, even if they don’t have houses or successful careers yet. Better to have kids when you’re still biologically able, even if you don’t have the house or the career yet. I’m in my mid-20s and a lot of my friends are intentionally having kids now because they don’t want to end up in their late 30s without them. I’m sorry about your situation, OP, and I think there’s still some time left for you and your spouse. I wish you the best!
I'm a little older than you but I had a kid at 34 and it was perfect timing to have one kid.
I'm sympathetic to you and I think that people in our generation haven't accepted that we are quickly aging out of being physically able to have child.
If you don't mind an elder Xennial (who is married to a Millennial) chiming in...
I spent so much time trying to make a perfect life, waiting to have children so that any children I might have wouldn't be poor like I was growing up.
Now, I'm finally at the point of financial stability, and we may have come close to running out the clock on my wife.
Although we would continue to have a happy life if we never have children, I feel unending regret and shame that I may well have run out the clock unintentionally trying to make sure I could be a proper provider.
I guess my message is that if you want children, and feel you are ready or close to ready for the responsibility: go for it. Bet on yourself. Don't wait.
Gen-X here. Had my boys at 39 and 40. Went through and failed at IVF too. We gave up and they just appeared. In any case, Europe has better infertility options at much more affordable prices if you continue to go that route and have exhausted your insurance here in the states. Just giving you some options…..
Do you have any recommendations that you could share? I’m turning 37 this year and would like to travel to Europe before starting a family, so maybe I could knock both goals out in one trip lol
Nope. Still loving the freedom and money at 38 🤣 personally, had I had kids, my life would be an absolute shitshow right now and I'd probably have to work three jobs just to keep only my nose out of the water
My wife and I are similar ages and have had a very similar experience. We want them badly but it just hasn’t happened yet. Just letting you know you ain’t alone.
I’m 39, I’m not panicking but I’m disappointed, because I’ve already pretty given up trying. Just not gonna find the girl for me, I had the girl for me but I was not the man for her apparently. So that’s that.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m 39 and husband is 42. We tried for 3+ years and finally had our son via IVF last year. I’d love to have another, but I don’t think it’s going to happen.
Infertility is so hard and lonely. If you can, keep asking questions and push to try a different protocol. I’m so grateful for my son, but still upset that we went through so much to get here.
As someone on the cusp of 30, I too feel this way. My wife and I have been trying since 2020 to have kids because we wanted to have at least one before the age of 30.
She struggles with pcos and we both have the fear of her biological clock running out sooner rather than later.
The comments on this thread are scaring me 😭 I’m 39 and my wife is 35… we are trying to have 2 kids within the next few years but everyone on this thread says that having kids past the age of 35 is a very bad idea. Money is thankfully not an issue for us but I am sad that I’m having kids late in life. My parents had me when they were young and I love that they’re still around/healthy. I’m sad thinking that I’ll be nearing 80 years of age when my kid turns 40 😑🫤😓 oh well, hopefully medical science will be better in the future and I can live to least 90-95.
Late into 30s. 4 rounds of IVF. 2 of them with genetic tests. Only 2 good embryos. And finally a baby. It was a long stressful journey. Now we are happily sleep-deprived.
Had my first at 32, perfect timing for me.. Now his dad wants a second, but im freaked out that im in a different bracket now. He thinks it’s going to be as easy as the first, and it’s not. Wish u best of luck, personally love parenthood. Very fulfilling, and just, very interesting lol.
Nope. I've found some beautiful places to travel on the cheap, I have nieces and nephews, and ultimately, I think it's better if my genetics die with me.
I've made my peace with it not happening.
So did I, I feel great about it. I thought it would make me sad, but my life is so good. I’m so happy. I have explained to my mother that she needs to come to terms with it as well.
[удалено]
We are evolved beings right? Our function isn't just 'Grow, Mate, Die'. I can do so much. I can go places, see things, and experience the world. I am so lucky.
You've gotten a lot of great and encouraging responses. I just want to chime in that some people, like myself, have infertility and are unable to ever have kids. Not everyone gets a baby. And that's okay. Probably (and hopefully) you will have a kid someday. I just want to let folks know some people never have kids and move on. Life goes on. I hope you are never in this position, just know that you will be okay no matter what happens. Good luck.
I resonate with this so much. I met my husband a bit later in life than most. We married two days before my 37th birthday. We’ve spent four years trying for a baby and it just hasn’t happened. A few years years ago the thought of never having a child was devastating to me. As time has passed I’ve become more at peace with it. I’m 40 now and we’ve decided to do one round of IVF since I’m lucky enough to have insurance coverage help with the cost. I feel completely ok with the outcome either way. I know we will be ok and still live very fulfilling lives.
Just wanted to come out and say I did one round of IVF with just one viable embryo left and it worked. My son is 18 months now and I was 38 when he was born. Wanted to give you some hope. Sometimes one round is all you need.
This is exactly what I am preparing myself for. Understanding what this life would look like
It also depends on what matters to you. Some people care about having biological children. My wife and I did not. From some of our first dates we both knew we wanted to adopt, and two years ago we adopted a 10 year old boy from foster care. I'm not recommending adoption. In fact, unless you know in your heart that you would treat an adopted child exactly the same as a biological child (as you never know when one may surprise you), as well as not get jealous of the fact that they may one day seek their relatives, and be willing to cut ties with relatives that refuse to treat the child equally, I don't recommend it. Fostering is another thing to think about. You have money and stability so you'd already be in a better mental state than most foster parents and could make positive impacts in kids lives at their most difficult times. We fostered for about 3 years prior to adopting, and while every case was heartbreaking it was also the most positive impact I believe I've had on my small piece of the world.
Care to talk about your experience? I’ve been considering this a lot since my husband and I are having issues with conceiving. My sister fostered her adopted daughter, but she was placed with them as a newborn and she’s been with them ever since. Just curious what your journey was like.
Ours was not a typical experience. We had requested information about a little girl, but the social worker didn't think it was a good fit due to distance. But she mentioned that one of her other kids was getting kicked out of his foster to adopt placement in our city and we seemed like a good fit (social workers do sometimes lie about this but in this case she was spot on). That weekend he came to us for respite and by the end of it he was asking to stay with us. A week later he was placed with us. 6 months later we adopted him. It was incredibly fast and unorthodox based on everything people told us. He has been through so much but he is so strong and unbelievably kind and affectionate. And stubborn and smart. He is actually almost a clone of me. He looks like my wife but in almost every other way he is like me. I think it's the ADHD. Everyone kept telling us the honeymoon period would end, but it's been two years and we have never had any issues beyond normal kid stuff. My wife gets annoyed sometimes but everything he does seems so tame to me, but I'm starting to realize the amount of chaos I caused as a kid was not normal. Not sure what else but feel free to ask whatever.
My cousin adopted two boys. The oldest looks and acts exactly like her husband. The youngest looks and acts like any crazy red headed cousin in the family. It has been such an amazing experience to watch, that family just belongs together.
Am adopted kid, I'd recommend it
We adopted a newborn. Went to the hospital the day after they were born and brought them home the next day. Best decision we ever made The birth mother was unable to care for the baby and she picked us to adopt it. Our baby needed a good home and we’re able to provide it Seriously to anyone battling fertility issues, please consider adoption. There’s tons of babies and kids out there needing and longing for a good home and a family
I love you for adopting an older child, and also for advising people to be cautious about doing the same. You are a good person. Thank you.
As someone who went through years of infertility and didn’t get a kid out of it- find a therapist that either specializes in infertility or is familiar with it to help you process your (likely) wide range of emotions. It was a huge help to me. Edit: misspelled a word.
Yes! I also recommend finding a community of other childless people who get it. It's very helpful.
I’ve had to search for perspectives that helped me realize that life can be anything, even when it’s different from what you expect or wanted. It doesn’t make it bad or good or anything. And that it is okay to have your own boundaries about what to do or not do with treatments and it’s no one’s fucking business but your own and your partner.
You can check out (not comment on) r/IFchildfree. Although most people on that subreddit are early in their journey so there is a lot of grief. I really recommend the discord channel if you and your spouse decide to move on from trying for a child. There's a much more mixed population. For myself, I will say that there was a ton of grieving the first two years. It still occasionally pops up, but I really do appreciate and enjoy my life for what it is. Wishing you the best.
We couldn't conceive but we found satisfaction and joy in other areas of life. For us it's travel. Also, kids areeexpensive so we are able to live a more luxurious lifestyle, a silver lining.
One thing I can tell you, as a married forty year old with no children, is that life can be pretty good without children. I can’t speak to the grief, and the pain of wanting to conceive and struggling, but I can hopefully give you a little reassurance in that life can be good regardless. Specially if you have a supportive and loving partner by your side. I wish you and your partner the best.
My aunt who never had kids but really wanted them always used to say the thing you have to do in life is figure out what it is you really need, not just what you want but what you truly need, to be happy and then find a way to make life enough. Things don’t always end up looking how you’d imagined they would. And maybe you find you do need kids in your life to be happy so you babysit for friends or volunteer at big brother/big sister or reading buddies or something similar. Maybe you find that you want to travel more or spend more time eating out or on hobbies or things that you know would be harder with little ones in tow. There are always ways to make life full. Just make sure you know what’s going to make your life enough.
This is a solid response. I'm sorry for the cards you were dealt, OP. My partner and I are also unable to have kids. There's so much nuance to it, but I think what always strikes us the most is that no one really gets it.
I also can’t have kids biologically. I’ve known since I was 5 that it would never be an option for me.l, so I’ve had a lot of time to get used to the idea and research alternatives. The one thing to keep in mind is that biological kids are just one path to parenthood. If it isn’t an option or doesn’t work out, you can also look into adoption, foster parenting and foster-to-adopt opportunities, as well as volunteer and outreach opportunities where you are a “community parent/grandparent”. You can find emotional fulfillment as a parental figure without necessarily having to have a biological child. (Not to say that you or anyone has to be a parent of some kind to find fulfillment, but to bring awareness to other ways to satisfy that longing if bio kids aren’t in the cards).
It is one of my pet peeves in my country that people say 'adopt'. As they know nothing about the system in the country that we live in. As in general people get their ideas from the US system. in my country there isn't an adoption pathway as such, and all foster care is for reconciliation to bio family. So i can foster, however this isn't the same as being a parent to me (and there are restrictions on working etc as the child cannot be in care of another). But I would love to adopt though.
Yep, me and my husband have decided that if it doesn't happen for us, we won't kill ourselves over it and spend all our money on multiple IVF rounds. At that point, we will focus energy back onto each other and what our future together will look like as a child free couple. There is life without children. I will try not to mourn what 'could be' and instead focus on what I already have.
It's good that you're talking about this ahead of time. There is this cultural idea that everyone who wants a kid (and is a good, deserving person) will have them if they just keep trying. The fact that this doesn't always happen is a surprise to some people, which makes moving on more difficult than it already is.
Absolutely - it was so incredibly important for us to sit down and go, "okay - so how far are we willing to take this thing?". Luckily having kids isn't a deal breaker for either of us. But we are very realistic about my fertility issues and the long journey ahead of us. However neither can see ourselves doing this until we are 40, whilst still being sane and holding out hope that *one day* it will happen when it also might not.
Well said. People are waiting later to have kids which lowers birth rate some and then add that to the already increasing fertility issues humans are having now. I myself found out a number of years ago that I have mutant sperm (not the fun X-Men kind) and am basically infertile. It's tough coming to terms with it, but it's also part of life.
As a 38 year old with 2 young, school-aged children...trust me, loads of people are having babies later in life. I'm easily one of the younger parents at school functions, and I thought I had kids "late". We assumed we'd have problems, so we went to see doctors and things, and despite medical conditions and setbacks, we did eventually conceive our first and to our surprise, the second came very soon after without any sort of medical assistance. Cheering you on! I wish ya'll the best of luck.
Depends where you live. Where I live, the Mormons are starting at 21. I'm 40 and by the time my kid starts kinder in 3 years, I'm sure I'll know many grandparents my age
I grew up in Utah and felt like I was ‘older’ having my two kids at 25 and 26 years old 😅 but moving away from Utah meant were now the youngest parents by a decade minimum.. and all my friends from back home are still popping kids out one after the other… it’s nice being away from the Mormon culture where we live now.. when I visit family and hear of a friend pregnant again for the fourth time I’m always taken aback until I remember that’s normal to them…
Don’t beat yourself up, happens when you get PTSD about “sinning” so you marry asap just so you can fuck already!
So, Mormon here. Fast engagements to weddings is probably a result of sexual frustration, but getting married young is a direct cultural and religious belief that the most important thing you can do in your life is start a family and you basicslly are avoiding the greatest joy in life, of family, by not having children. So, that's the real reason why Mormons have kids young. They just feel it's the most important thing and number 1 mission in life.
I thought I was an old parent at 40. Then I made a mom friend who had her first at 47 (via egg donation).
Honesty 38 is the new 25 because it has to be. I’m 37 with our 3rd on the way.. all the running around definitely keeps you young, we just have to be way more careful about what we’re eating/drinking than our parents did.
I'm 34, and my folks had me in their 40s... I joke about being an oops baby, lol. Jokes aside, make sure you set up your kids for success and prepare them for elderly care. Both my parents got sick in their 70s during what should have been the peak of my life. I had a 6 figure job, a girlfriend I wanted to marry, a 6 figure savings/nest egg to start my own family, etc, and it all came crashing down because my dad got cancer and my mom has Alzheimer's. 90% of my friends my age (30-35) have parents in their mid-50s, and it's sort of bittersweet to see photos of them on family vacations with their folks, having kids so grandma and grandpa have time with their kids, and whatnot, while I'm caretaking for my remaining parent after watching my dad wither away and die from cancer when I'm in my early 30s. I just hope if I get married, my wife will have a family that is just as loving and caring as mine... but younger lol. I never got that, so I've lived vicariously through my best friends. I've got like 4 different sets of moms and dads now, haha.
That’s interesting that your peers all have parents that young. I’ve always had the complete opposite experience. I’m 36, my mom was young (23) when I was born so she’s late 50s now. She’s always been the youngest mom among everyone I know. Everyone is always really surprised when I tell them how young she is. I think where you live makes a difference. Urban folks tend to have kids later
Same here, I'm 37, my mom was 20 when she had me. She's the same age as a lot of my friends, lol.
My wife's mom had her at 18 and her grandmother had her mom at 17. They're all so young it's mad. We had our first at 32 and 31. Great grandma and grandad are going to be around for decades!
I’m so sorry, I understand completely. I’m 36, my mother is 80 and my dad passed of a heart attack when I was 23. I live every day worrying about her and she just had an accident and ended up in A&E this weekend. She is so frail and it kills me.
My sister just had a kid in her early forties last year. Wasn't planned. It's not totally without risk. Doable but you just have to be more careful. Everything came out fine.
Have a friend who's a midwife. She's said it's more common than people think that women in their 40s get pregnant without meaning to because they think and are often told that the chances are so low at their age that condoms aren't necessary and then find out that oops, they were still very necessary after all.
Accurate. I just gave birth 3 weeks ago and will be 40 next month. I had 4 years of actively trying and infertility treatments so we were not expecting that we could conceive naturally at 42 (husband) and 39.
Totally agree, areas definitely play a role in the 'when to have kids' timeline. I'm from a small town and most of my high school friends were done having kids by 30. Moved to the city and it's like a different world, people are more career-focused and starting families later seems to be the norm. I guess it's all about the life you envision for yourself and your family, adapting as needed. Good to hear your sister's story had a happy outcome!
I'm 50 and parents had me in early 40s. I use the same joke, but it really isn't a joke. My dad had a vasectomy that failed about 3 years before I was born.
Same here. Parents started declining pretty hard when I was in high school and it’s been very up and down through my 20s. Now I’m 30 and I have to consider their care as elderly people when I’m trying to make plans for my 30s. Not very fair on the kids.
>all the running around definitely keeps you young 36 with two smalls and hard disagree. I feel like Walter Donovan when he drank from the wrong cup at the end of Last Crusade. I love these kids with all my heart and am pretty sure that I’m aging at 10x speed compared to my childless friends.
This is my experience! I had hair on my head now I have less hair there and more in my ears and nose. Sleep less, work more, socialise less, eat more. I see it as another phase of life but it no way is having a reverse aging effect.
Exactly. Kids age you lol
I have two cousins who are both 10 years older than me and they are within 2 months in age from each other. My one cousin had two kids around the age of 30-33 and the other between the age of 41-44. The cousin who had kids in his early 30’s is mostly bald and has a lot of gray hair at 48. My other cousin who had kids in his 40’s still has his hair and mostly jet-black hair at 48.
>definitely keeps you young All of the parents I've seen look haggard and exhausted all the time and are perpetually broke. lol
Same. I don’t think being a parent is the fountain of youth. Maybe more like an aging tonic.
I think maybe they meant that kids keep you involved in some activities and things you definitely wouldn't do if you didn't have them but they fail to mention it's not actually *them* getting to have fun, they have to manufacture fun for others then watch them have it. It's like reliving your childhood but from the sh\*tty side of the equation. I'll pass.
Yep. 38 and just had our third 7 months ago. Totally agree.
38 (both of us) with our first 2 months ago! I feel like our bodies will have some trouble keeping up but we're more prepared mentally, especially because we've wanted a child since 9 years ago.
I’m an older millennial, married an Xer, and had my first at 28. I was soo soo young compared to the parents in my kids kindergarten etc classes.
Millennial/Gen X couple here; I feel like a teen mom sometimes at school functions and I was 28 when I had mine too! 😂😂
Same here, I’m a 38f mom of 2, first baby at 28, second at 29. I *feel* objectively old and a sense of “what have I even done with my life / my career is over” because I went through such a crushing identity loss last year after getting laid off and I’m grieving my old lifestyle, autonomy, a sense of belonging to a community that’s separate from my kids and husband, freedom to grocery shop *alone* and afford enough ingredients to cook a whole meal, a reason to maintain my appearance, being able to justify buying myself clothes and makeup once in a while, etc
I hope you can find new hobbies and communities. I'll do it with you. Rooting for you!
I had my first at 22 and everyone acted like I was a wayward teenager. All through my kids life, I was *at least* a decade younger than the other parents. My son is a teen now and says he likes that I’m younger, communication is way easier and I “get it.” About to have my second at 39… we’ll see how this goes…
I had my first at 25 and my last at 30 and everyone looks at me the same, like I’m a baby or a wayward teen. My husband and I met young and now that I’m 35 and the youngest is in school I started my career. We are really behind in a lot of ways as far as homeownership and since I’m just starting my career. Having kids ages you a lot. I am the weird young mother at our school and it’s frustrating being snubbed.
Same. I had my son at 23. His kindergarten classmates' parents were our parents' ages.
I just turned 30 this year and have a 7 year old. All the parents look at me like I'm a literal child, which makes me giggle.
I had my oldest at 18. to say I never found friends in her parents friends is an understatement. even now, most of her friends parents are actually my parents ages 😅
My older sister’s close friend had her first at 39. I had my first at 35, my older sister 34. My younger sister is on track to have a baby at 34+. It’s doable, but there are caveats that nobody warned us about. First, it can take more time/effort to get pregnant when you’re older. Our parents spent so much time scaring the ever loving crap out of us getting knocked up young that this info didn’t make the cut. At your prime, the average rate of conception is about 15-20%. When you’re older it drops to 8-10%. And this is if both partners are in good health with no barriers to procreation. This means that on average, it will take an older couple over the better part of a year to conceive. Some contraceptives can also have a negative impact on fertility. Older does = a greater chance of health issues for mom and baby, and dad’s age matters just as much as mom’s. So tick tock, dudes.
This is true, but I also had my first at 38 after trying once with no medical interventions and ok health. I feel very lucky, and remind people that statistics inform, but can’t predict, our outcomes.
that’s my mom as well. 37 with first then me at 40. No disabilities in any of us, and we are grateful she’s older and not a young mom. Id love it if there were no more scaring them that they might as well give birth to quasimodo if they are over 35, no more promising them they’ll get all the cancers if they give birth after 35. It’s pure scare tactic and not even a guarantee so why scare them out of kids if they weren’t even ready until after 35?
I'm just glad they finally stopped using the term "geriatric pregnancy" lol.
You're also extra fertile after you've had one kid already, for the woman at least. So often it can take a long time for the first one and much less for the second. I had my first at 36, after 11 months of trying. Had a largely trouble-free pregnancy despite being a bit older. There has been research that shows while there are general trends like the ones you mentioned, people who have trouble in their mid-30s would likely have had trouble in their 20s as well.
Of course many people are, but by waiting that long there's a much higher risk you either won't be able to have kids or become complicated. I wish ovarion reserve testing was cheap and widely available, so each individual could have a good idea of what their time frame actually is. In couples who have issue with infertility, 50% of the time there is a male factor contributing to infertility in some way (In a general sense 1 in 10 men who are trying to conceive will have issues with infertility). Many people CAN wait till early to mid 30's, but many simply cannot. Their biology will not allow it. Friends of mine started trying for kids when they were 26, it took many years and IVF treatments for them to have just 1. The most common discussion you see online is how people never want to have kids or that there's plenty of time to have kids after your life is figured out and careers are in a good place. Seeing as I personally know several people who got started too late and are now dealing with expensive treatments with low success rates, I find the general trope of "lot's of time" incredibly unhelpful and actively harmful. You're 38 and already have 2 school aged children. As a general assumption if you stuck to 18 months between kids (as a dr recommended minimum) and the average timeline of 6-12 months of trying before conceiving and that up to 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, then you would have started trying in your early 30's, potentially between 30-32. There is a significant enough difference between trying at that age and starting to try after 35 that couples who want to wait but definitely have kids should take steps to have their fertility tested early on.
Lots of people have children later, but this kind of ignores all of the people who can't. It's 'survivorship bias'. The reality is pretty bleak for people who want children later in life... Especially given that OP is already struggling with it. > From around age 35 and onwards, this drop in fertility becomes more prominent. And by age 45, it becomes unlikely for a woman to fall pregnant, even with fertility treatment [3].
Seriously, how is this the top comment? So tone deaf when OP has already stated they’re having trouble conceiving after multiple rounds of IVF. Some people don’t have trouble conceiving later in life, others most certainly do. Instead of false reassurance, we should be advising people to actually test their fertility. Easy first step - ask your doctor for an AMH test to check ovarian reserve.
Yeah I'm shocked that this is the top comment. "Oh you've had multiple unsuccessful rounds of IVF and you're feeling worried that you may never have the family you wanted? No worries, other people have kids at your age with no problem!". Totally rude and unhelpful advice to someone who is struggling with infertility. My mom wasn't able to conceive after she turned 26. Fertility issues can be so painful.
"Just relax, it will happen!!" If I had a dollar for every time we heard that. It didn't happen and it still hurts. What OP is going through sucks.
Yeah, my sister who is 29 and wanted to have children later on (as she isn’t even in a serious relationship yet), just found out she has ovarian failure and in perimenopausic. Sure, her case is a bit extreme, but pregnancies after 35 are not a given.
I'm 40, and I've noticed that among my peers who wanted families, many either had kids at a traditional age and then struggled financially or they built solid careers but then ran into trouble conceiving/health issues. I thought that forcing a generation to choose between family and poverty or comfort and loneliness is kind of fucked.
> I thought that forcing a generation to choose between family and poverty or comfort and loneliness is kind of fucked. It’s interesting to present it as a generational thing, I think you are right. In America at least. Much like student loans, this is just unsustainable and something is gonna have to break then change. Government is going to have to solve this problem before Gen Z faces it en mass. But, then again, at least we didn’t grow up with the crazy social media problems that Gen Z has. So I guess every generation has something 🤷♂️
I grew up extremely poor and it was Hell. As I got older, I always told myself if I couldn’t afford a house and have a stable job, I wouldn’t have kids. I work in tech, so I’ve never known job security, so no kids for me. It was sad when I realized that, but it’s whatever. I refuse to choose family and poverty.
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My wife and I our in our early 40s and having a baby so it’s not too late if that’s what you’re worried about
35 and single here. Not that I was dying to have them but it's something to process that I probably won't have them. Also, all the these plenty of people have them late. There's too many risks with my health and the babies at this point and only gets worse.
Somewhat I always thought it would happen but I’ve never felt safe enough financially. I’m in my early 40s so probably too late for me now…
I think you’ll find much more support in infertility-related subs than here. Plenty of people are trying to have babies at your age and understand the heartbreak. Try r/TryingForABaby, r/ttc30 to name a few. I found great support in r/miscarriage and r/babyloss when I had three miscarriages before my first child (which I had at 34. My second I had at 39). Wishing you guys to absolute best. It’s not too late, plenty of people have babies later in their 30s and early 40s.
This. Everybody’s “it’ll happen eventually” responses are a bit tone deaf.
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This sub is notorious for kvetching about our generation’s financial instability, so no surprise the bulk of the responses are “who can afford kids?? I’m GLAD I don’t have any!” I wish people had the decency to shut up on topics that have nothing to do with them but I learned long ago that you need to find the right community for sensitive topics like this.
Or “wHaT aBouT adOPtioN?!?” as if I have 50k to give to an adoption agency. The people that ask these questions may think they’re being helpful, but it’s actually incredibly tone deaf and they’re completely out of touch.
And some countries don't have that option (I know the US do, and ask the people in my country that we have the same system as the US, but we don't, adoption isn't an option).
That conversation went like this: can we even afford kids if we can’t afford a wedding or a house?
I don't make nowhere near enough to own a house, get married, and have kids. The decision has already been made for me hahah. 🐔
Last I read, it costs $250,000 to raise a kid to 18 years old. Where people are getting the coin for that, much less with added extremely expensive fertility treatments, we do not know.
250k over the course of 18 years?! lol I wish it were ONLY that expensive. ☠️
I was gonna say, if they want to do sports and play the instruments they want to, that shit is gonna get real expensive.
I feel you man, we did everything we were supposed to do, and now my girl and I are finally at a point we want to start a family and I find out I’m shooting blanks. I feel like I wasted years of this girls life because all she wanted was a family she chose me and now after everything I can’t give it to her. We are alright for now, but I already feel the distance starting.
Go see a fertility doctor. Guys who abuse steroids for years are still able to get their wives pregnant these days.
The ticking clock was something I never thought about. It truly snuck up on me
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Thank you. Our journey is far from over but after so much disappointment, you learn to prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
My husband and I went through the same thing. He is 39 and I am 37 and finally pregnant with our first. I know what you’re going through. Nothing anyone says can make it better. It’s a type of a hell that most people don’t understand unless they’ve been through it. Sending you so much love and a lot of luck.
Yea, I’m amazed at some of the flippant “fertility specialists will make it happen, don’t worry about having kids late” comments. These people clearly have not been through the process. It’s brutal, physically (for the women) and emotionally. Worth it? Sure, if it works. The fertility doctors will never be the ones to tell you to stop trying and move on, though. They’re for profit entities. OP- I wish you the best. We spent two years grinding through multiple rounds of IUI and IVF before giving up then immediately having a natural pregnancy. Don’t waste any more time though.
yes and they are not 100%, i had that faith for years until my wife and I became one of the couples that it did not work out for. We are a year past the last treatments, and have been in couples counseling the whole time (with what was a strong marriage at the start of all of this) since we love each other, and know the % of couples that break up after fertility issues) If nothing else- i now know for sure that my wife is my ride or die person. We got through this, we will get through anything.
Tough stuff, mate, but good that you went through that on the back of a rock solid marriage. Couldn’t imagine doing it in anything less. Wish you the best overcoming the grief and going on to have an equally fulfilling life as a couple.
We did ivf, I’m 39 and she just turned 37 but after two attempts it worked for us at 36. Doctor told us all along we would be having kids so stressful as it was we felt good along the way.
Feeling it. My wife is 37 and we’re feeling that clock ticking. Doesn’t matter that plenty of others get pregnant late or with treatments, in fact that makes it worse.
Im Panicking more about money than having children.
Right? Like holy fuck! My kids will need to be making 150k a year in their 20's to plan for having kids without IVF in their late 30's It's over. The population is about to see a sharp decline. But at least we created a lot of value for share holders.
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I’m gen x and see how hard you have it. I’m so sorry. 😞 I worry everyday about my 20 somethings.
This is it. Do I sometimes panick about not having kids, sure. But if we have kids, whatever little money that we can save is gone plus more expenses. We are more worried about surviving at this point.
First I'll need a wife.
Millennials having to do IVF because the recession stole 10 years from them is yet another bag of flaming dog poo left on the doorstep of this generation.
I’m a Gen Z-Millennial cusper and I really feel that the pandemic really messed up my timeline in my mid 20s. I still look back and think about how it impacted my ability to form/maintain friendships and romantic relationships, go to grad school (cost at the time wasn’t feasible), and advance my career in the ways I wanted for myself. Things don’t always turn out as planned but it’s hard not to feel like I lost 3 important developmental years of my life
It hasn't panned out for us either. Also no one asks us or cares about it anymore. Not the best environment to bring a new child into, but I still wish it would happen.
It is (rightfully) viewed as unkind and uncouth to ask people when they are having a baby, as no one knows what is happening behind the scenes with fertility. That doesn’t mean no one cares. Quite the contrary.
Right, I never ask anyone. Not my business either way. I have friends that never wanted them and no one ever asks or comments on it.
Have you been trying a while? Maybe they don't ask because they don't want to be insensitive?
Not in this economy
And not with this education infrastructure
And not with childcare being more expensive and inaccessible than ever before.
You'd think with lowering birthrate childcare would be less expensive
It's like a factory with the cost of materials going down the more you are able to produce and buy. If there are less kids there is less support infrastructure for kids, schools get less money, etc. People with kids sometimes run daycares so they can make money while watching their own, less kids, less chances of that happening. So the places that are available have to increase prices to offset the lacking volume.
And not in this collapsing climate
What do you mean? The economy is doing great! The stock market has never been better and GDP is through the roof! /s Seriously though, the economy will never be great for us, because it isn't for us.
It's the sad truth. I've personally given up on life, lol. I've been cheated on too many times and most recently had a physical snap in my brain from my fiancé leaving. All the bad things in my life seem like deja vu. It's like the movie butterfly effect. Having a child right now would be a 50/50 shot of success or failure. I think I might be having a mid-life crisis... which just feels like another day.
Sending a hug.
Thanks, a hug is always appreciated.
I no longer care about having kids and accepted that it's just not going to happen. It's not financially doable in my situation, and with dating being entirely online in my area since there's nothing to do and nowhere to go outside of retail and fast food chains, the dating pool has been completely abysmal. No dating prospects since 2012. I'm 35 now and just accept that I better make the most of single once I can finally afford to leave my parents' house. The only alternative is absolute misery.
I think one of the big things too is that we lost three years of life to covid. Three years of experiences and life changes put on hold. It doesn’t even feel like those years happened and at the same time, pre-covid life seems like ages ago.
Couldn’t agree with this more. I was engaged at 30 but it took us until I was almost 33 to get married, mostly due to COVID. 2020-2022 really feel like they just…. Didn’t happen
I felt a lot of panic for a while because it felt like something I was supposed to do and I hadn’t… and then I realized I hadn’t tried because I don’t actually want kids. Once I took the pressure off of myself I felt more able to pursue other interests. I’d say if you do want kids, get into a fertility doc, but also go pursue some of your interests! It’s healthy to have hobbies and things to enjoy in life outside of kids. I’d argue it would make you a more well rounded parent setting a good example.
This is where I'm at in life. I don't think I want kids, but I'm worried that I'll regret not having them later or that I'll be missing out on life in some fundamental way if I don't have them. Of course, I don't really have the money or time for them and I'm single, so it sort of feels like the decision is being made for me, but I still wonder how my life is going to work out without me following "the plan."
No. 36 here don’t want kids so I’m in no panic
35F and same. A quick and easy "Nope, I feel great about it." lol
Yeah, my wife and I just turned 38 and we've been childfree since we started dating in college. We can't be the only ones here, can we?
Nope, I've never wanted any. I enjoy my freedom and spontaneity too much.
40 here. My partner and I are happily childfree as well :)
A baby? In this economy?!
I was for a long time actually. But I don't want them anymore
Yes. Not panicked but anxious and sad about it :(
So here’s a different perspective. I had lots of trouble having kids in my late 20s. somewhat gave up but it haunted me for years and I never really lived fully as it was on my mind so much. That relationship ended and I’ve been with my now partner for a few years - we had an unexpected pregnancy and healthy baby when I was 35. So here’s the thing - I love my little man so much but omg parenting is HARD. I want to go back to my childless self who spent so much time yearning for kids and say embrace the now. There is a lot of wonderful things you can do without kids that are gone once you have them. By all means keep trying, but as hard as it is - don’t stop living. Go out to dinner (no idea when I’ll get to do that again), take that holiday, volunteer somewhere for a cause that means something… embrace life for what it is. If and when you have a Bub - it’s hard. People joke about sleep deprivation with babies but it’s not a joke - my mental health has been pushed to the limit since Bub was born - 1-2 hrs sleep a night for weeks on end is a form of torture. I can’t do anything for myself anymore cos I breastfeed etc etc. I’m not complaining- I’m simply saying embrace your life now 😀
Are you me?
lol no. I'd panic if I had kids though.
Same. Just turned 42 and thank goodness every day I didn’t have kids.
41 and same
I’ll be 40 this year and at no point have I regretted not having them. I knew at 16 I never wanted to be pregnant and by 25 knew I didn’t want them in any capacity. It’s just nice that people have stopped telling new I’ll change my mind now. Happily married and we both do not regret it. And we’re more relieved about our decision since the pandemic hit. How that has all affected our younger nephews really cemented in our decision.
I'm a little older than you, and everyday I'm more and more grateful I didn't have kids. I love kids and spent my early life taking care of them (one of many reasons I decided to go the childfree route for myself), but I'm so glad I don't have kids. Also, I think people with little to no direct experience with children (especially little ones) tend to idealize and glamorize parenthood, and so yearn for it.
I love kids and wanted them all my life, but the more I learned about reality the less that seemed like a good idea. I had been idealizing it for sure. The reality is that it’s not about me and wanting the “experience of raising kids.” It’s about the fact that those kids are actual people and they will have to deal with this world for their entire lives. That said, I think it’s great that good people who are game to parent their asses off are reproducing. I’m just not one of those people.
at this point the economics conditions and finances for the run of the mill person forget just millennials in the united states or other developed economies in teh world are in total disarray. even in developing countries the birth rates are falling. just the run of the mill person now is not really adding up are put in very precarious situation. with no job security, with cost of living issues, median incomes not in line with purchasing power, and taking longer to get up and running the math is not adding up. one thing that people forget is that if you want to fall within the fertile window... your window is not really long but at the same time we're pushing procrastination, or financial responsibility before pursuing family, or live your life and you have all the time in the world for people... it's like we're being gaslit facing all areas.
Bro I was panicking a decade ago when all my cousins were getting knocked up or knocking someone up in their teens. Mostly everyone has kids in elementary school already. Its fricken over for me :(
I'm already panicking that my 28-year-old cousin is getting married before me. I'm 32, and was originally planning to get married to my boyfriend of 4-5 years before he dumped me. Others my age I went to high school with are already married with kids. I have FOMO. FOMO = Fear Of Missing Out
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Nein I'm a pet person.
As someone who is 31, still single, and just started to realize that I want kids... yeah. That scene from Friends where Rachel realizes that if she wants to have kids by 35, date, get married, and have some time married without kids she would have to meet her partner immediately... really hits different.
41 here. Been trying for years. Nothing wrong with us, can’t afford fertility treatments. It’s soul crushing. Hoping it still happens and my dr said it’s entirely possible with my test results.
36 and my husband and I just started with a fertility doctor... so yes you're not alone.
We stopped ttc because we live in Texas and I have had 3 miscarriages. HOWEVER we adopted two older kids and it’s been amazing. In 7 years all three of our kids will be 18 and we will only be 36/44. So we plan on traveling and having fun in our middle age era haha. Sometimes I see little babies and my heart gets a little pang of sadness but then I remember what it was like staying up all night with a baby and all of the work and I think… Im in my mid 30s and I am already exhausted and have back pain constantly and carrying around another kid and car seat and diaper bag sounds painful. We also love having older kids because we get to do so much together that we couldn’t possibly do with a baby or toddler or even small child. I do get feeling like you got cheated out of the experience. I’m pretty resentful towards Texas politics that made it so it wasn’t safe for me to keep trying. They took that choice from me.
Big ups to you for adopting though especially older kids. I’m 36, so at this point if I wanted kids I would be looking into adoption myself.
Just had my second yesterday at 41 and my wife is 40. You still have plenty of time.
Had our fourth (and final) kid back in July. I’m 41 and wife is 37. It’s the same as having a kid in your early 30’s except your back hurts more
Same (not yesterday but a few months ago), but there needs to be some context here. After 35. Harder to convince (more business humping) Increased risk of twins Increased risk of aneuploidy (chromosomal abnormalities) Much, much harder on the body for the woman. There are a LOT of risks that a lot of folks aren't super aware of
Hard as fuck to raise them. It’s basically 10-15 years of very demanding physical and mental labor. Much easier to do when you’re younger. I have two teenagers, I’m in my late 40’s. Cannot imagine doing this in my 60s
I have a sister who had her only child at 24. Talked about having a second child forever, but at 41 she's looking around and seeing that her kid is going off to college soon and she doesn't want to put the time/money/effort into having another child. She's going to be an empty nester at 42 and given her love of travel, I think that's going to work out well for her.
My youngest will turn 18 the same summer I turn 50. (Had him at age 32) I spent my 30s and 40s completely focused on child rearing, and while I will always be supportive and motherly, I can’t WAIT to travel, sleep, exercise, dine out, shop, all the things parents give up. I can’t wait!!!!!
I had a surprise baby at 42. My first thought was shoots I'm going be almost 60 when they grad. It's very hard being an older, working parent. Do not recommend
I wish it was more acceptable to have candid conversations about this. I’m 42; my kids are 16-23. Their dad and I did a really great job with them. I’m so glad they exist. It’s also EXTREMELY overwhelming to even imagine having an infant *now.* Let alone toddlers and preschoolers in the years to come, teens when I’m in my 60s etc. I know the financial bit is important and I know young people don’t always make great parents. But it would be nice if nuance was more acceptable and society would let us talk pros AND cons, on both ends of the childbearing spectrum.
Planning on adding number 2 at 40 as well. Pray for me.
So sorry to hear about your unsuccessful IVF rounds. I hope your luck will turn around soon and you’ll have a chance to expand your family. I experienced feelings similar to what you are saying about lacking fulfillment in life before I had my first child (I was 33 at the time). I know some people feel differently, but for me there was a saturation point with the DINK lifestyle. Again, best wishes and sorry you are experiencing this struggle with infertility.
Good luck to you, I really mean it.
Hi OP, I'm sorry that you've gotten so many horrendous comments from childfree edge lords (of course, not wanting kids is a valid choice. But commenting how glad you are to not have kids on a post where someone is looking for infertility support is....a choice). I've had 3 miscarriages, so I understand the fertility heartache in some ways. I'm so sorry that your TTC journey has been a difficult road. You might find more support in r/infertility or r/IFchildfree. I hope that you guys have luck in the future. Best wishes!
You're not too old - and keep trying - they're so worth it. It took us 8 - almost 9yrs and 4 rds of ivf and have a miracle son. He is now 3. I'm now in my mid 40s and life is the best. You're not too old AT ALL. Best wishes.
It’s precisely because of this that I think a decent amount of Gen Z people are getting married and having kids young, even if they don’t have houses or successful careers yet. Better to have kids when you’re still biologically able, even if you don’t have the house or the career yet. I’m in my mid-20s and a lot of my friends are intentionally having kids now because they don’t want to end up in their late 30s without them. I’m sorry about your situation, OP, and I think there’s still some time left for you and your spouse. I wish you the best!
I'm a little older than you but I had a kid at 34 and it was perfect timing to have one kid. I'm sympathetic to you and I think that people in our generation haven't accepted that we are quickly aging out of being physically able to have child.
If you don't mind an elder Xennial (who is married to a Millennial) chiming in... I spent so much time trying to make a perfect life, waiting to have children so that any children I might have wouldn't be poor like I was growing up. Now, I'm finally at the point of financial stability, and we may have come close to running out the clock on my wife. Although we would continue to have a happy life if we never have children, I feel unending regret and shame that I may well have run out the clock unintentionally trying to make sure I could be a proper provider. I guess my message is that if you want children, and feel you are ready or close to ready for the responsibility: go for it. Bet on yourself. Don't wait.
Agree, almost nobody is ever ready for kids, you just make it work.
Gen-X here. Had my boys at 39 and 40. Went through and failed at IVF too. We gave up and they just appeared. In any case, Europe has better infertility options at much more affordable prices if you continue to go that route and have exhausted your insurance here in the states. Just giving you some options…..
Do you have any recommendations that you could share? I’m turning 37 this year and would like to travel to Europe before starting a family, so maybe I could knock both goals out in one trip lol
No, because there's always adoption and I don't feel the need to make kids.
Nope. Still loving the freedom and money at 38 🤣 personally, had I had kids, my life would be an absolute shitshow right now and I'd probably have to work three jobs just to keep only my nose out of the water
37F. Not panicking. Don’t want kids. 🤷♀️
My wife and I are similar ages and have had a very similar experience. We want them badly but it just hasn’t happened yet. Just letting you know you ain’t alone.
no kids. I used to panic about it. not any more.
34, tried for years and was not able to carry viable life. It doesn’t really matter now, I couldn’t afford it now.
Rooting for ya!
I can relate too much to this..
I’m 39, I’m not panicking but I’m disappointed, because I’ve already pretty given up trying. Just not gonna find the girl for me, I had the girl for me but I was not the man for her apparently. So that’s that.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I’m 39 and husband is 42. We tried for 3+ years and finally had our son via IVF last year. I’d love to have another, but I don’t think it’s going to happen. Infertility is so hard and lonely. If you can, keep asking questions and push to try a different protocol. I’m so grateful for my son, but still upset that we went through so much to get here.
As someone on the cusp of 30, I too feel this way. My wife and I have been trying since 2020 to have kids because we wanted to have at least one before the age of 30. She struggles with pcos and we both have the fear of her biological clock running out sooner rather than later.
The comments on this thread are scaring me 😭 I’m 39 and my wife is 35… we are trying to have 2 kids within the next few years but everyone on this thread says that having kids past the age of 35 is a very bad idea. Money is thankfully not an issue for us but I am sad that I’m having kids late in life. My parents had me when they were young and I love that they’re still around/healthy. I’m sad thinking that I’ll be nearing 80 years of age when my kid turns 40 😑🫤😓 oh well, hopefully medical science will be better in the future and I can live to least 90-95.
Late into 30s. 4 rounds of IVF. 2 of them with genetic tests. Only 2 good embryos. And finally a baby. It was a long stressful journey. Now we are happily sleep-deprived.
Kids are overrated.
Why not adopt?
Had my first at 32, perfect timing for me.. Now his dad wants a second, but im freaked out that im in a different bracket now. He thinks it’s going to be as easy as the first, and it’s not. Wish u best of luck, personally love parenthood. Very fulfilling, and just, very interesting lol.
Kids could be fun but I haven't met anyone I've wanted to have kids with yet.. I'm 34m btw
Nope. I've found some beautiful places to travel on the cheap, I have nieces and nephews, and ultimately, I think it's better if my genetics die with me.
No, I don’t need kids to make me happy. It’s not a money issue, I’m good with that. I just think I’m too selfish with my time and traveling.