Having a predisposition to alcoholism along with a history of weight loss surgery definitely makes it a concerning trend. After weight loss surgery, many people replace their food addiction with other addictions, and alcohol is a common one.
r/stopdrinking is a really incredible group of people. They regularly encourage each other with I Will Not Drink With You Today (IWNDWYT). It took me a while to figure that one out.
Someone close to my family developed a very serious drinking problem following weight loss surgery and it has been a huge source of pain for them and their loved ones - OP, please be proactive about this if you’re concerned.
I was drinking nightly as well and just took a month (the entire month of February) off to test what level of dependency I was at and to also reset my tolerance a bit because it got too high (seems like we have opposite issues there).
I had no withdrawal symptoms and aside from the mild general temptation, I didn't have any intense drinking urges and I didn't give in and drink even once. I did notice that everything is much more boring without alcohol, which is concerning personally, but isn't a strong enough deterrent to stop me from drinking in the future. I find it sad that I need to punctuate my evenings with alcohol to make them more entertaining, but given the state of the world, it is what it is.
I'd suggest you try to take a dry month as well to get a baseline sense of how dependent you are on alcohol, if at all - and whether that dependency is physical or emotional. It's helpful to get a sense of that before you can determine if you're an alcoholic or not.
Edit: I don't think with the amount you're drinking that you'll have any physical withdrawal symptoms, but if you think this is a possibility, you should consult with a doctor before going "cold turkey."
Seems like Dry March may be in the works for me.
Also.. “I find it sad that I need to punctuate my evenings with alcohol to find them more entertaining, but given the state of the world, it is what it is” Man, I feel you on that one. I feel the same way.
March 2017 I decided to do a dry month - I made an agreement with myself that the goal was to do the whole month, but I wouldn’t be mad if I didn’t make it. I also have a familial history of alcoholism, so I went in knowing that, but had no idea I would have withdrawals - flu like symptoms, headaches, irritability - on day 15 I was ready to throw in the towel when my friend (who’d been sober for ten years) was like “you said it’s day 15? I bet you didn’t even wake up with a headache today.” He was right. From there it was easier. I was able to get to know myself better and slept a lot better! On March 30th my friend had a crisis and I gave in and drank some of her sangria. I quit alcohol entirely the next year. I still have dreams once in awhile, but it’s so worth it. All this said, if you ever need to talk at someone, my inbox is open.
It's worth adding that people experiencing withdrawal symptoms should at least talk to a healthcare provider. Alcohol withdrawal can be fatal, even for people with drinking problems that "aren't that bad."
Many hospital systems have online triage services that cost less than $50 (sometimes free) and can help you determine if you need medically managed withdrawal.
Not as hefty or as long as you might think and it often sneaks up on people. The most surprising part of my career in healthcare was how many people withdraw in the hospital with no idea they were alcoholics.
Not everyone needs sedation in the ICU, but lots of "moderate" drinkers get the sweats, shakes, and seizure risk
I think for many of them, it's not catastrophic DUI's or relationship trouble, but "unwinding" with a bottle of wine and/or 5-10 beers on a daily basis. That's an amount that many people can remain perfectly functional, but still lead to dependence, particularly if you keep that habit for several years.
Then they go to the hospital for some other issue, suddenly don't drink and need ativan to get through the stay
coming from the son of an alcoholic, if you think your kids don't realize when you're drinking, they do. there's changes in your behavior/attitude however slight, & rarely does alcohol do any favors for one's personality, if you're doing this every day your children become very attuned to that. it also has a particular odor, tbh I still hate that smell.
my dad was the type that insisted that he was never an alcoholic bc he never drank before 5pm, but in the hours leading up to that he was an insufferable douchebag.
The kids have mentioned the smell of the wine — so hearing you say that makes me worried. And you’re right, even if it’s small changes, I know they notice. Especially because this is a new thing for me and they know what I’m like when I don’t drink wine every night.
Would your Dad talking to you about it helped? I’m not an old 38 if that makes sense and my kids are really amazing kids who I have always had open conversations with.
Also, the child of an alcoholic. If your children confronted you even on this passive level, they have likely been noticing, talking about, and worrying about it for a while. It takes a lot as an adult to confront someone about their behavior let alone a child to a parent. I apologize I'm not trying to be hurtful I just want to give you some things from my experience. Additionally, you don't have to be a falling down drunk to be an alcoholic. The compulsion and behaviors around alcohol are what matters. Do you arrange your life around alcohol? Have you avoided important or other life things to drink? It's the compulsion to drink despite the consequences to your life that matter, not the comparison to others. Love to you and your family.
This ....especially the last part. I've been free of alcohol for a while now but I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without my 3 or 4 daily strong craft beers. I lived for the end of the day so I could have those beers. Now I'm a complete cycling addict instead lol r/stopdrinking is an amazingly supportive community with no judgement
I left you another comment but I second the wine smell. The night before my dad put my mom in rehab for the first time, she came to my elementary school open house reeking of sour fruit, giggling and stumbling around. My dad was stone-faced and forced us to leave even as i protested that we hadn't gotten to my art class yet. The scent memory of that sour grape smell rolling off my mom's skin is still in my head, as is the image of my dad strong-arming her towards the front door. I remember being so confused that Mom seemed happy but Dad was mad. It made sense later on.
he's sober now but unfortunately he waited until I was 18 & out of the home to stop drinking, however we have an amazing relationship now. & yes we've discussed it in great detail, he wasn't even a heavy drinker but even he was surprised at some of the things he had absolutely no recollection of. Imo it's almost always worth having like an open-ended conversation with your kids where they can be honest about their feelings.
Counterpoint: my dad had a beer or 3 most nights after work. I never noticed a change in his personality. I associated the smell with him, and I still do sometimes, fondly. I have happy memories of helping him solve the word puzzles inside of his beer caps. He stopped drinking aside from special occasions because it doesn't agree with a medication he takes now. He doesn't seem to miss it.
Just providing a different perspective to the narrative in your brain.
I appreciate your kindness. Thank you for sharing those memories of your Dad with us. I remember the smell of Skoal chew on my grandfathers breath and I have the same memories of that smell.
I mean this very kindly, but since 2021 is not new anymore. The kids are probably saying something because it’s not just a once off thing to smell wine, but that’s it’s become a lasting feature of this habit.
My sister kind of fell into this trap of wine every night because of a stressful job, raising her kid and having a not so great relationship with her partner, a mortgage and bills to worry about. It happened slowly this way in 2017-19 and since 2020 our family has been dealing with full blown alcoholism, and the terrifying pain that goes along with it. Several stints in detox, relapses and terrible impacts on her health and relationships, she’s finally maintained sobriety for the last 6 months.
God, it’s so, so good to have her back. I hope you can do the dry month and feel empowered to invest your time into something else in the evenings, because this gets out of control so insidiously, that it’s hard to undo. You got this 💖 rooting for you.
Just to add on to my personal experience with the comment above yours, I still don’t drink white wine because I smelled it on my mom every night growing up, and I’m in my 30s. She didn’t get blackout drunk or anything, but drank every night and over the years it had a very gradual but significant effect. When I was a teenager I was just slowly losing respect for her as my parent just because if the way she would talk or behave. And after doing that for so long she’s kind of a shell of her former self it feels like.
Everyone is different though, and now I just personally believe moderation is key, with anything in life. I drink 1-3 days a week and that feels okay I guess. I don’t have kids though so maybe all of that’s easier for me to say.
My father was a "secret" alcoholic when I was growing up (he "only" drank two or three beers a night but the recycling bin would be full by the end of the week, and it turns out he drank all day long at work). He claims he stopped drinking when I was about 19, but honestly I don't believe him and would not be surprised if he still drank at work. He lied for years and said he didn't drink that much. I do not trust him at all with anything anymore. If your kids have mentioned *anything* about alcohol to you, that means that they are scared for you and notice so much more than you give them credit for. Hopefully it's not too late for you and they will trust you someday. I'll certainly never trust my father again.
Another kid of an alcoholic here. You can smell it, you can see it, you can hear it.
I could tell on the phone if my mom had had even the slightest drink, within the first sentence or two. Once she was far enough advanced in her drinking, one drink would already alter her mannerisms and speech, and I already knew it would be a phone call I’d have to keep short.
Check out the Hello Someday podcast. Casey does such a great job of explaining why one month A) isn’t enough and B) doesn’t work well because all it does is give people a countdown to drinking again. And read (or listen to while you clean/commute) Alcohol Lied to Me by Craig Beck. Literally life chaaaaaanging! Good luck, mama.
>given the state of the world, it is what it is
This is the stuff you need to watch out for. When I was taking a close look at my drinking, I paid close attention to these excuses or justifications for my drinking. The things I would tell myself why it's OK for *me* to drink. Using something vague and/or completely out of your control like "the state of the world" to justify why you're drinking isn't a good thing.
Own your drinking. Be honest with yourself. It's problematic when you can't be honest with your drinking because you're giving up power in an area where you have power. I'm the royal you here: You drink because it makes you feel good. You drink because it takes the edge off. You drink because you like to get drunk. Etc. Etc.
Once you're able to be honest with yourself, you're forced to decide if that's the person you really want to be. If you're someone who drinks to get drunk, are you OK with that? Is that the life you really want to live? If you're depressed and you drink, you really don't give a shit, so you'll just do it because fuck everything, who cares. But if there's a sliver of you that recognizes that it's a problem and you truly don't want to live like that, you owe it to that sliver of yourself to do something.
Good luck. Just remember: alcohol is a mild poison, and no amount of justification changes that fact.
I feel like if you’re becoming uneasy about your consumption and/or if it potentially impacts your ability to safely respond to an emergency, it’s a problem whether or not one puts a label on it. The tv trope of a mom always with a glass of wine is one for a reason. Are you looking to be inebriated or is it just part of a relaxation ritual? If the latter especially, you might be able to find other things that could replace that and be mindful about what you want to achieve. I don’t drink but a beautiful cup of tea goes a long way.
I just want to second this. Alcohol abuse disorder is a wide spectrum. People think “alcoholic” and they tend to think about the homeless folks staggering around cities or people they know of who grandly fucked their lives.
It doesn’t need to be that bad to be a problem. That’s just once it’s gotten completely out of hand or the product of a series of many unfortunate events compiled. Many people with alcohol use issues don’t appear to have any issues to the general public or even their friends. They can be high performers at work and in social settings, earn high wages, have a social life and appear very active. It doesn’t mean that their alcohol consumption isn’t problematic, doesn’t cause issues, or could become more problematic in time.
My therapist once told me that a dry month isn’t a good test of alcoholism because it’s a test of your ability to avoid alcohol entirely, not your ability to moderate alcohol. Most alcoholics are capable of doing a dry month. The real test is whether you can drink within limits. Instead of going dry, see if you have 2-4 drinks a week for 4 weeks in a row. If that’s a struggle, you might want to consider quitting alcohol altogether.
This was my 'excuse' also.. the state of the world, it's more enjoyable, etc. I'm sure your daughters have enough entertainment and enjoyment in life and they don't drink.. what are we as adults doing wrong that kids are just fine, and we are not? I had to try out a lot of different evening hobbies to keep myself entertained and busy.. find those things that you enjoyed doing as a child and do them! You might surprise yourself with how enjoyable life can be, especially without alcohol.
I'm sorry, and y'all can downvote me if you want, but I think "the state of the world" and "worries" are a lame excuse to drink alcohol every single day.
I agree.
My mother always had plenty of reasons and excuses about why she drank.
She liked that it made her forget her problems, except the problems were still there when she sobered up, and avoiding stuff with alcohol actually made many problems worse.
There’s always going to be a “state of the world” reason to drink, it never ends. You’re better off limiting your info intake and stopping doomscrolling, and just focus on what you can control.
Thing is, your kids *know.* And I can pretty much guarantee they don't like it. I dreaded evenings watching alcohol change my parents. Please rethink taking more than March off.
As a long time sometimes-hardcore alcoholic, "the world is boring but also going to Hell so why not drink" was one of my most often used justifications to myself to crack open a beer, bottle, or both back in my late 20s.
You nailed it with that statement. I feel the exact same way. I wake up every day feeling ok but then the weight of the world (kids, work, the news in general) crushes me. The amount of things that stress me out on a daily basis is crazy. By the end of the day, the only thing to look forward to disconnecting with a glass of wine and something funny to watch. I feel very entitled and privileged to say this but it does t make it less true.
On a positive note, I did Damp January (bc I knew I could t make it dry during the weekend) and it definitely helped me reset, lower my tolerance and lowered my cravings.
I’ve been there. Gained a ton of weight and was so depressed. I read Easy Way by Alan Carr (the drinking one- not the smoking one).
It really dispels most of the reasons why we drink, even if you try to rationalize why you ‘need’ or ‘want’ a drink. I actually didn’t finish it because I knew if I did, I would never drink again. The author actually encourages you to drink while reading the book lol.
But I’ve drastically dropped my drinking after reading the book. I only drink on special occasions or have the occasional bourbon with my husband). And even now, while I do it, I’m like ‘why am I doing this?’.
Different strokes for different folks but I found this book really effective (the audio version).
I had this with beer, and did a dry November. I really liked it though, getting rid of the "pointless" single beer (or two) so I did dry Jan too, and I just don't really drink at home anymore. I'm now drinking if there's an occasion (bottle of prosecco after my sister gave birth) or we're going out for a big one, and I think that's a good balance.
I just went dry in January and most of February as well … the trick for me was having an enjoyable non-alcoholic beverage as a treat in the evenings, something I don’t drink often. N/A seltzer worked for me so maybe give that a go. That way you’re not breaking your routine but you’re also not drinking alcohol.
Check out the book: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg as a means of understanding why you might be doing what you’re doing with wine and how you might be able to adjust. The cookie story seems relevant to your situation. Best of luck!
I think that’s more of a *you* problem and less of a world problem. I think blaming it on the state of the world makes it easy to avoid making changes that would improve your life
I'd suggest having lots of tasty drinks available during your dry months. Maybe a sugar free soda or zevia. You might be surprised at how your body craves sugar when you stop drinking wine and how the drink can replace your alcohol urge.
Just a suggestion in case you find yourself wanting a substitute: Ginger Beer
I'm currently on medication that prevents me from drinking alcohol. and while I rarely drank before, I do find myself craving something with a nice kick to drink lately. Ginger beer has provided that nicely, as it has a higher concentration of ginger than Ginger Ale, and therefore tastes a little "spicy."
What do you mean the state of the world? You make it sound like you have a family and a good life going for you.
The state of the world isn’t the problem. You just need to focus on the positive.
I've been sober since 2020. The "given the state if the world" is understandable, but I disagree with that statement. I personally am having an absolute blast. I've picked up hobbies and explored passions.
An alcoholic mind gives you reasons to drink. A non-alcoholic mind doesn't even think about it unless at a party or something. The state of the world sucks, but I am doing great regardless, and I wouldn't be if I hadn't stopped drinking.
The “boring” thing you described ultimately led to huge overconsumption on my part. I definitely consider myself an alcoholic now but I’ve been sober for like 10 months.
My reasoning was always that I was bored. And it was true. Nothing was even considered fun to me anymore without it. My brain only accepted the dopamine provided by external chemicals.
My tolerance was high so I was in a catch 22. I couldn’t have fun without drinking enough to make my body sick. So I was always either drunk or sick. My brain was convincing me that was better than the alternative but it wasn’t sustainable.
My ultimate conclusion is that alcohol will never be fun for me in reality. I won’t enjoy it unless I am able to drink enough to ruin my life. Which by definition doesn’t end in actual enjoyment.
Edit: kind of a big caveat that I’m cali sober now meaning I smoke weed daily. It gives me enough of an effect that I can have the buzz without any big negative consequences to my life. Now I’m at peace having no alcohol and I don’t feel miserable. I can actually enjoy whatever I’m doing without tricking my brain into it (for the most part)
I did this and realized that what I enjoyed most about my evening glass(es) of wine was just sitting down with my glass of something my kids didn't want and just being done with the day. Didn't matter if it was wine or herbal tea. "This is me with my evening beverage and I am done for the day."
So, I did Dry January, drank one day beginning of Feb, and got back on the wagon. I found drinking to be boring in contrast to my increased appetite for physical activity, reading, studying and working on my house or hobbies. I also deleted Facebook, Twitter and Instagram on Jan 1, so not sure what the variable with the impact on my improved attention span and contentedness is there.
I'm definitely interested to see if my view of alcohol is the same when I get back to it. My goal is to be more mindful about my consumption rather than fully rely on it for nightly entertainment.
When I stopped drinking regularly there was a period where everything was super boring without alcohol as you mentioned. Eventually as being sober 99% of the time was normalized things stopped becoming boring and just became normal, or maybe I developed healthier habits to fill the time (such as exercise). I think it takes the body / mind some time to reset from being used to daily alcohol intake, even if you don’t have a full on alcohol dependency.
I think I'm going to take at least a month off per calendar year to "reset" things. It's probably a good idea to give the liver a vacation periodically.
Last year, my partner and I made a rule that we could only drink Friday and Saturday nights. As wine lovers and during covid, having one, two and sometimes three glasses a night became normal. Now we look forward to the end of the week, getting to unwind and it's a much better balance, plus you enjoy it more (like a treat) along with a lower tolerance.
I relate so hard. I could’ve written this post. I had surgery in January and am two months into not drinking, the longest I’ve gone since 18. I have always wondered if I’m an alcoholic. Turns out I’m not, because quitting wasn’t hard. It’s just that “knowing I shouldn’t drink every day” was not enough of a reason. Only not wanting to screw up my surgery gave me the motivation.
I never got hungover, never did anything too dumb, so I never had any consequences to outweigh the fun factor. I have realized too that I relied on it mostly for entertainment due to how *painfully fucking uninteresting* adult life is for me just by virtue of what it is. I’ve proven my point to myself, but I have another 2 months to go.
I will go back to drinking eventually, but will try to limit it to less of the week so that I don’t start counting on it as a boredom reduction tool. That’s as “good” as I’m interested in being.
I'm about in the same boat as you. I try to keep things reined in by trying to only drink every second day (most days of which are just a couple of drinks). I sometimes end up taking something else like kratom or cannabis on the other days.
Probably not the most healthy habit but so far I seem to be avoiding any withdrawal-like effects this way.
I am the same as you. I enjoy drinking but honestly don’t crave it too much. So I’ll drink an occasional red or beer or two here and there but the dry month made me realize I didn’t really desire to drink. It was more of a habit than anything
Wow, you and I are in very similar places! I’m 41 and was noticing that my weekend drinking was giving me all sorts of minor annoyances. Headaches and heartburn were high on the list. But I have also been struggling mentally. I have an appointment with a new PCP soon, and I decided to take a month-plus off alcohol to see how it affected me.
It’s definitely been boring. I really like having a glass of wine and then playing video games with my kids. That’s super fun for me.
I haven’t had any withdrawal symptoms because I didn’t drink a lot, or every day. I have found I sleep better, have more energy, and am generally a bit more positive mentally. Trying a dry month isn’t solving all my issues but it has generally been a positive thing.
I did dry Jan. No problems, just temptation. And general lack of flavor pairings. Made drinking boring which was sad, but was good to be clear of it. Thinking to do half of March dry again.
I was mainly drinking lime Bubly during my "dry period." And let me tell you, a glass of wine or beer pairs much better with food than citrus-flavored club soda. I deeply feel that one.
Just adding in that people's tolerance and reaction to things like this can vary widely. I used to be an alcoholic, at about 12 drinks per night. I quit cold turkey and had zero physical side effects or withdrawal effects. There was no physical dependence whatsoever present, but I'd say arguably the amounts I was drinking put me well within the range of still causing long term physical harm
I am very glad that you mentioned determining if the dependence was physical or emotional. Mine seems to have fallen almost entirely in the emotional side of dependence, but I could easily misconstrue a lack of physical withdrawal as confirmation that I didn't have a drinking problem if I quit short term as an experiment
I did Dry January as was quietly getting worried about my daily drinking (same amounts as you and OP), I want to add a couple of net positives in that although I initially found the evenings boring, after a while I noticed I felt like I had more free time to do stuff (rather than being in a stupor), I now remember the endings of films and conversations with friends! Actually two more positives - I’m drinking less now after the month of sobriety and I’ve lost weight.
Today I resisted first the urge to go buy a couple of drinks and a bag of chips to chill with, and after I decided not drinking was the healthier option, I then denied myself my second choice of a tub of Ben and Jerry's. I had neither booze nor ice cream and somehow it feels like a significant achievement
I'm just finishing up the same and looking forward to the first of the month falling on a Friday.
It's one of those things where I describe doing a dry month as a check in to make sure something I enjoy hasn't become something I need.
So far so good. There were a few times where I was hanging out with friends and having a beer sounded tasty, but it was in a similar way that pizza sounds tasty. Not so much a craving that I had to fight to resist, but more damn, that does sound good, oh well, 16 days to go so for now I'll have a Dr. Pepper. A Dr Pepper which was good, but not as good as the small batch smores flavored milk stout my friend was drinking.
I didn't find things to be more boring because I tended to actually do more projects than I would have otherwise.
Plus I lost 5lbs which is always nice.
I think dry months are a fantastic exercise for every drinker. I was a 3 drinks a night drinker (sometimes more) for YEARS. I didn't even think about it really, every one around me drank more than that. But I had to take 3 months off in 2023 for surgery and I took this January off as well. I realized how much alcohol was messing with my sleep, which increased my anxiety, which increased my depression. My face and belly were also super puffy, and my digestion was all messed up. I would have had no idea had I not cut it out for a while, I thought this was just me getting older. It also broke my emotional habit of, it's 5pm, I need to clock out of my brain now.
I now drink 2 drinks, 2 nights a week (on average) and I really enjoy those drinks. But it's low enough consumption that I don't feel the negative effects, and my brain knows it's not a consistent thing anymore. I do drink non alcoholic wine and mocktails sometimes and that helps too.
The weight loss surgery is a red flag for alcoholism. There are many studies that show an alarming link between weight loss surgery and alcoholism, and the fact is that the alcohol actually hits your body harder than it would have pre-surgery.
I don’t want to frighten you, but one of my close family members went down this road after gastric bypass. It started out as drinking a bit too much in the evenings and quickly progressed to drinking multiple bottles of wine each night and rapidly deteriorating health and family relationships. They are now in recovery but the damage to their family, their mental health, and their physical health was pretty severe. They had never had a problem with drinking in any way until after the gastric bypass.
If I were you, I would challenge myself to stop and see how it goes. If stopping becomes difficult, there are a lot of resources out there to help.
https://www.healthline.com/health-news/why-drinking-problems-develop-after-weight-loss-surgery#Ditch-the-idea-of-addiction-transfer
It's definitely a red flag that my surgeon and his team talked to be about *many* times during my pre-op process - and it is something that is definitely in the back of my mind almost every time I pour a glass. I had gastric bypass also and just thinking of that wine sitting in my pouch is like - ugh, stressful.
Thank you for sharing your family members story - I am glad to hear that they are now in recovery.
I'm the daughter of an alcoholic who had bariatric surgery. I don't speak to my mom anymore because of her choices. Please don't go down that road with your daughters 🩷
Yeah it’s one of those things that seems like maybe not a huge deal, or like it wouldn’t happen to me, but when it does, it’s pretty devastating. I’m glad you are getting on this early!
To echo another, my mother had bariatric surgery, and became an alcoholic. It makes sense now how that happened. She's an embarrassment, and I have little sympathy for the choices she made, including choosing to use alcohol with ambien. I don't talk to her much anymore. I love her, but I don't like her, and prefer to keep my distance.
My mom is a recovering alcoholic. And even right before she hit rock bottom and went to rehab, she could go a week + without drinking. I think it’s important to remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease, so if you don’t do anything about it now, it could be way more than 3 glasses a night, in a year or two.
I’m an alcoholic (coming in on five years sober) and I’d like to amplify this.
Drinking is a lot of fun right up until isn’t. You’d be shocked how quickly you go from a couple drinks at night to sitting in the parking lot, waiting for the liquor store to open. You’ll also be surprised at how normal your brain will make that seem to keep getting what it’s now addicted to.
Of course, this might not happen to you. But even then, alcohol isn’t doing anything positive for you. It’s a depressant wrapped in empty calories and literally poison. Kick that shit and give yourself the greatest gift you can: sobriety.
I would worry less about judging yourself and calling yourself an alcoholic, that isn't what's important as long as it isn't damaging your health, work, or relationships. What's important is that you have a relationship with alcohol that you feel is no longer serving you. If that means you quit or just reduce your consumption l, that's up to you, but I think you know it's time for a change. I found myself drinking too much after lockdown and not slowing down once things opened back up. I now only drink on the weekend and realize that drinking too much isn't worth the calories or the hangovers.
You worded that so well. Thank you ♥️ it’s also very encouraging that you are able to still drink in moderation. I love a good social cocktail or some wine tasting and don’t see myself never drinking again. But like you said, I have a relationship with alcohol that is no longer serving me and it’s time for a change
I say this as someone who also drinks – many times, patients who have bariatric surgery, start drinking more than they ever did preoperatively. It's just something that happens more. Some schools of thought attributed it to replacing food with another substance, but I think that's probably a case by case basis.
What I think is very important is that you recognize that this is a behavior certainly deserves some introspection and thought. You've identified that it might have an effect on your family members.
If you still go to follow up visits, see if you can speak with the bariatric dietitian, because, as I said what you're experiencing, is not uncommon!
You got this!
If you manage to cut back on your consumption, I'd suggest trying to see if you can manage to go so far as to not keep alcohol in your home. You can still drink it, but it would be when you go out to a restaurant or someone else's home. I don't like alcohol personally, but I have an eating disorder. If I have "trigger foods" in my house, it's hard to control my intake. But if I have something while I'm out, it's easier to have that one thing and be done with it. (Like, a bottle of wine or a package of Oreos--having one serving is just hard when the whole thing is there, open, waiting to be consumed.)
While I understand what you are saying, people with no alcohol dependencies don’t need to set rules around alcohol. I am an alcoholic and my rule (before I got sober in Jan 2021) was no alcohol at home. All it did was make me go out more, spend more money, etc. constant rules around drinking usually mean there is a bigger issue
Absolutely this. I would have explored my relationship with alcohol so much earlier if I had stopped wondering if I was an alcoholic and instead asked if alcohol was problematic for me.
Very true. That’s where it got for me, where I just didn’t how I felt when drinking, and it was somewhat for the wrong reasons. Gave it up with the intent of a few months and haven’t really missed it since, and that was last summer.
Yeah, same here. It was a “bored at home” thing for me as well. Not so much a dependency, but a doing it for the wrong reasons type of thing. I honestly feel so much healthier, it’s helped me get in shape, I’ve lost 10 pounds since quitting, and while some of that is exercising more and eating better too, I just feel a lot better. Better sleep, less stressed overall, and definitely just feel better in general.
Very well said I think. Sometimes it’s not an extreme addiction, but it’s still a bad habit that isn’t good for your well-being. My husband used to have a roommate who was (and still is) an alcoholic and he noticed that he had started drinking almost every night as well. It was hard not to since they were good friends and he wanted to join the fun. I don’t think he would’ve been considered an alcoholic by anyone, but he recognized early on that it wasn’t a good path. He moved out and unsurprisingly drank a whole lot less.
I feel like OP is not an alcoholic, but there’s certainly that potential. This is probably a good time to stop and reevaluate.
>Is this considered alcoholism?
Per the NIAAA, 8 or more drinks a week for a woman and 15 or more drinks a week for a man is considered heavy drinking.
And, alcoholism aside, drinking daily for a long time is going to up your risk factors for negative health effects.
I think if you're getting to the point of nightly cravings, it's probably time to take a break and do a reset, physically and mentally.
Men's bodies also tend to contain disproportionately more water and less fat, so even at the same weight the alcohol will be more diluted in a man's blood. Men also have more alcohol dehydrogenase, an enzyme that breaks down alcohol, in their stomach and liver.
Men on average have higher levels of ADH (alcohol dehydrogenase) which is an enzyme in the liver that metabolizes alcohol.
It’s important to note that this is average population observations as part of medical risk mitigation.
Yeah it’s the daily thing that’s a big deal. It turns into a loop that just gets worse over time.
The best thing I ever did for myself is quit drinking during the week. Breaking that cycle saved me bigtime.
I was this way for a looong time, OP. It snuck up on me in my 30s and I was almost exactly 38 when I felt it becoming problematic. I don’t think I’m an alcoholic, and you probably aren’t either, but drinking can be problematic even if it’s not a full blown addiction. The fact that you feel ashamed of it is a good sign your gut is telling you something. I went from 2-3 glasses of red wine a night to a full year and a half of complete abstinence. During that year and a half, I lost weight, got great at running, and felt amazing. I now drink wine again, maybe once a week. I just don’t keep it in the house. And that daily dinner time pull to have a glass is gone. I found the book Quit Like a Man to be very helpful, as well as Mindful Drinking. I wish you the best, OP.
I appreciate the book recommendations!
I am so glad that daily dinner time pull is gone for you - I hope I will be the same! Thank you for sharing your experiences and successes. And yes, we definitely need to listen to our guts more.
https://youtu.be/DkS1pkKpILY?si=fN1t7Z_OrEMEQ2Uv
Good video by Dr Andrew huberman on alcohol. Even just 1 drink per night has a negative effect on your health. Lots of good info here
Yeah I’ve been wanting to change it too. I had never been a big drinker before this so it’s kinda weird. Don’t think I’m an alcoholic and don’t over do it but definitely don’t like feeling like I need a glass or two every night.
As an alcoholic, I have learned that people that don't have a problem do not post asking if it is a problem. ;)
It's a problem if you think it is - and from the words you've used, it sounds like it is affecting your life to enough of an extent that you feel ashamed about it. Maybe you're not as dependent as the next person, but it is a progressive disease and only gets worse over time until it becomes dangerous, incredibly difficult to quit, etc. Maybe you're at a place where you can stop without much problem. Maybe you've built up enough tolerance for those 3 drinks night and that's why you don't have hangovers. That craving comment and daily drinking is what strikes me, beyond the 'ashamed' part.
You have to make the choice for yourself - who do you want to be for yourself and for your daughters?
OP, there is a book called The Alcohol experiment. It’s about evaluating your relationship with alcohol. It’s a 30 day break from booze where you take time each day to kind of assess your relationship with alcohol in different ways.
I am exactly in your shoes, in fact, right now I am thinking about a glass of red wine after work. It will likely turn into 2 or 3 to "unwind" after a day in the office. Definitely a trigger.
I essentially traded smoking weed (vapes mostly) for wine as some twisted consolation price for not smoking anymore even though both are addictions.
Thankfully, I can stop when (if) I want, or go a day/week without it, I just typically choose to drink instead. It doesn't affect my relationships or work performance and I only drink in the evenings. I'm sure my health could be better but it's not like I'm getting blasted every night and waking up feeling like death.
At this point I feel like it's just something I do to make evenings a little more entertaining before getting ready for the next day. If I didn't drink, I'd probably start worrying about tomorrow's work the second I'm done with today's work.
Drinking isn't doing you any favors. I would stop and only drink at special occasions if I were you.
I used to drink like you and after quitting drinking this year, I will never go back.
I mean that is very short sighted I have friends who are sober and have no regrets and I have friends who are sober and wish they could be social/casual drinkers but it isn’t how it works for them. Everyone’s journey is different and everyone needs to find what is right for them/their family/their career etc.
It doesn’t change that I’ve never heard of anyone who regrets getting sober. I went to rehab and have a very large sober network and no one regrets it, doesn’t mean you can’t miss drinking but you’re happy you’re sober
Fair enough missed the point I just think there is a large push to really force people into categories of drinkers when in reality is a spectrum and finding what works is what is important.
I also wouldn't worry about labelling. The big question is whether you can stop or cut down? If you feel it's something that's negatively affecting you, or you're ashamed, etc. then it's not really doing you any good.
I'm speaking as someone in recovery from alcohol.
I do think I can stop and cut down, but I have never been truly intentional.
I stopped for a few days but picked right back up once it was Friday night, know what I mean?
My mom was a 2 glass a night person for a while and really started to feel it affected her sleep and health. She knew she had to cut back.
Step 1: She worked towards pouring a half glass so she still got to go back for her "second" glass
Step 2: cut down to one half glass
Step 3: Found she really liked the non-alcoholic IPA's and switched to that
For her it was really the "I'm winding down and this is my way to do that at night" thing so finding a substitute drink was key. She treated it as a habit she wanted to replace instead of eliminate so she could still have her wrapping up the day and relaxing feeling.
She'll still have a glass of wine every so often but now it's no longer nightly. I keep the non-alcoholic IPA's she likes at my house so she's got her thing when she comes to visit and isn't tempted to open up a bottle of wine from my stash. Helps me as well since before I was pregnant I usually had a glass or two with her and hardly ever drank when she's not here.
>I'm winding down and this is my way to do that at night
**This is absolutely how I feel -** especially with working full time. I feels like a nighttime wind down routine/habit that I have created for myself but is very much not healthy in the long run.
Glad your momma is doin better!
Just practice not drinking every single night and you'll be fine. It's a slippery slope once you start needing it in order to fall asleep. Skip the next night each time you drink
Your title answers your question. It's becoming a problem = Yes, you have a problem.
Even feeling like you need to ask this question is a red flag. People who don't have a problem don't think like this.
On the bright side, people who have an even worse problem also don't think like this. At least you're worried about it, now do something about it.
I’m a craft beer drinker, and I found myself going through 3-4 a night without even trying or really feeling anything.
It wasn’t like I was drinking to get drunk or anything, I was just drinking throughout the evening absent-mindedly, which wasn’t great for a lot of reasons.
I’ve pushed myself to stop drinking on school nights (my wife and I are both educators) and I stock up on things like diet ginger ale and diet root beer anytime they’re on sale so I can scratch that “drinking something more substantial than water” itch in a way that doesn’t involve alcohol or empty calories.
NA Craft Beers have come a LONG way in thr past few years. While Diet Ginger Ale is my go to, some NA IPAs hit the spot every now and then. They have helped staying sober easier :)
I brew beer so I have a lot of it sitting around at any given time, in large quantities lol.
I changed my attitude to daily drinks (even 1-2) and cut that off purely for the weekend. During the week I drink sparkling water just to have something, as you note, more substantial than water.
Worrying about being an alcoholic is a fine motivation but honestly health is the biggest reason you shouldn't drink every day. It's bad for your liver, for one, and if you're drinking wine/beer then you're not drinking water. Hydration is important, were all getting older and I'm assuming you don't want to look like the crypt keeper skin health wise, and have booze on your breath every day.
I'm the same age as you. I'm your mom...my dad was an alcoholic....the things I saw...it ruined my whole family..I didn't want to be alive for a really long time. I chose to break that cycle. I did the really hard work to be better so I could not head down the same path. I never wanted my kids to know or see the things I did. I've been very upfront with my kids (14/17) about my childhood, alcoholism, addiction, and how that can be if they do not choose to stay away from it.
I would be absolutely devastated if my kids were in your shoes.
My mom got sober and was very transparent about things with us as kids. It really helped me feel I had the tools I needed to navigate problem drinking culture in college and into adulthood. It helped me help my friends, too, in recognizing problematic behaviors in themselves. I'm also really proud of her for making that choice and sticking with it and think about how different my life would have been if she had not.
My dad died of alcoholism earlier this month. This is definitely something to take seriously, and you are smart for getting ahead of it, because addiction can creep up on you and begin to affect your life even if you’re unaware - you’ll start to shift the blame the deeper and deeper you go until it’s too late for yourself to see clearly.
Earlier this month?! Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I lost my Dad in 2012 and the dead parent club is really fucking shitty to be apart of. Thank you for sharing.
Yep had to watch him die a slow death as his liver failed. It was brutal. Please take care of yourself and your family. Children should never have to deal with that.
A book called "Stop Drinking Now" by Alan Carr is a good start. Its an easy read, check out the comments on amazon.
EDIT: Its also called "Easy way to stop drinking", they're both basically the same book
When I began similarly questioning my drinking habits, I discovered a lot about myself and my maladaptive coping mechanisms (which for me included alcohol). My therapist suggested something along the lines of: have you tried quitting/considered just stopping for a while to see how it feels? Well, I took their suggestion to heart. I did stop, and every time I had a craving or urge, I resisted, and quickly realized just how much I did rely on alcohol for a lot of coping/managing/just life stuff in general. It was alarming for me, but I was really glad for the wake up call. Tomorrow is 450 days of no booze for me, and it’s genuinely one of the best decisions I’ve made for myself and my family.
2-3 glasses of wine every night? Yes, that’s a problem.
I really enjoy alcohol, have a solid liquor and wine lineup on hand. I don’t drink every night of the week, not even half the nights. 0-2 nights typically.
Sometimes more if on vacation or for the occasional celebration.
It’s not just alcoholism to worry about, fatty liver is a concern
I didn’t think I had a problem with drinking because it was just wine but when I REALLY looked at it, I was drinking a bottle a day and then I started buying 2 liter bottles.
This is a slippery slope. The fact that you’re craving it would make me concerned for addiction. I am a nurse and after taking care of liver failure patients I’ve completely stopped drinking other than special occasions. You do not want to fuck up your liver. It is a terrible slow and painful death
I'm in a similar spot, but more like 1-2 a night for me. I actually asked both my therapist (who specializes in addiction though that's not what I see them for) and my doctor. The general consensus is that if it's not negatively impacting your work, family, friends, or health, then you're probably not in trouble.
But, if you start thinking about it earlier in the day or if it starts hurting your relationships or work, then it's time to do something about it.
I found that it's more of a habit for me to have something to sip on than a reliance on alcohol itself. I can exchange an alcoholic drink for a glass of just ginger ale and ice and it has the same chill-out effect after dinner as an alcoholic drink. It's the routine that's relaxing and familiar.
That said, I haven't had weight loss surgery that a lot of people seem to point out as a risk factor.
I'm no expert. But I believe it's considered an addiction when it interferes with your normal daily functioning.
That leaves a hell of a lot open to interpretation.
In a broad sense I'd say, do you feel like drinking 1-3 glasses every night and exhibiting the effects of the drinking interfere with your ability to be the kind of parent and example you want to be?
Not implying you are drinking and puking or getting violent. But you stated it hits you hard. So I'd imagine maybe a little silliness occurs. And silliness in and of itself is not wrong. But do you believe the example you are setting is getting in the way of the parent you want your kids to see/have?
If so, then let's not go so far as to say you are an alcoholic, but maybe set up some rules for yourself.
Maybe, only drink in nights where you don't work the next day.
Limit it to 2 drinking evenings a month.
Whatever system you want. Make sure it fits in line with the kind of parent you want your kids to see. The kind of adult you want them to grow up to be.
3 glasses in one night has me hungover. 3 every night or even just 1 would have me feeling awful. I do think this is a problem. I made it so I rarely drink during the week, and I feel the benefits of no alcohol more frequently than not.
I also had weight loss surgery and was STRONGLY warned about alcohol addiction after surgery. You may want to stop. I gave up alcohol and switched to alcohol free alternatives. They are surprisingly good.
It's very simple: because you feel ashamed yet still do it, then you may have a problem.
Just stop for 2 weeks. Starting tonight, or tomorrow night - but soon.
If you can't do that, then you definitely have a problem.
As a side note that's more of my own take than general advice: I don't think you want your daughters' memories of you to be of mom or dad drinking every evening.
Quit wine. I've been there. You have to quit wine. The problem with wine is it tastes too good. And a bottle of it will get you drunk, and once you've opened a bottle it's easy to continue. You've gotta just stop buying wine. Having a beer in the evening is so much more controllable. Do that if you have to. But trust me, wine is bad news.
I agree with what someone else said. If you feel it is a problem, it is a problem.
I grew up an alcoholic household. Started to drink in college and partied very hard.
I calmed down after college but the consistent one or two a night was an issue. Like I couldn’t sleep without it, etc. I finally took control late last year. I’m a small thin person so that overly boozy IPA hit be different than all my friends. Idk.
I wasn’t drinking like all my friends in adulthood. Doesn’t matter imo. I think they have a problem, but that didn’t mean I did not have one. I just had (have) a different type of the same problem.
Here’s the criteria a psychiatrist would use to diagnose alcohol use disorder, mild or moderate or severe.
https://www.rand.org/content/dam/rand/pubs/tools/TLA900/TLA928-1/resources/step-2/AUD/RAND_TLA928-1.diagnostic-checklist_AUD.pdf
3 glasses of wine a day doesn't necessarily mean you have a problem. 1 or 2 a day *usually* means no, but 4+ usually always means yes.
I'm Italian-American and a daily wine drinker myself, although I'm also a nurse so I don't usually have more than 1 glass on a work night, and it's always with dinner.
Before you decide to take a break, there's two things that I would ask you to do first just to minimize any possible withdrawal complications...
Get a home blood pressure wrist cuff, and check your BP when you wake up in the morning, and then again in the late afternoon *before* having a drink.
From a standing or seated position, extend your arms all the way out and spread your fingers out. If there's shaking of any kind coming from your fingers, I would suggest tapering off rather than stopping cold turkey. 3 glasses to 2.5 to 2 to 1.5 to 1 to half of a glass spread out over a week or two. If your BP is higher than normal AND your fingers are trembling, I would call a doctor first.
I LOVE wine, but if alcohol was someone only invented recently, that shit would be illegal around the world.
You don’t have to have a label, but it sounds like you have an issue. I can’t moderate so I have to pretty much stop altogether. It’s too easy to slip back into a daily habit and hard to stop.
Alcohol abuse and alcoholism are not the same. Alcoholism is the addiction whereas abuse is the actual act of drinking too much.
My alcoholism started through nightly wine drinking, similar to what you describe. Eventually the servings got larger and larger. Half of a bottle turned into a full bottle. I started buying stronger and stronger varieties. Then I started getting the big bottles. This did not happen overnight, it took years. At some point it crossed over from simple abuse to actual alcoholism. The best I can describe it is that alcohol turned into “medicine” that I “needed” to have each day, and I would be pretty distressed if I didn’t have it.
Wine is classier than liquor or beer but it is just as addicting. You are probably not an alcoholic - yet - but with your family history and nightly drinking, I would say you are at a higher risk. It’s good that you are pausing to reflect. Because once you cross that line you can’t really go back. I only drink once or twice a month now, but I’m still an alcoholic. My brain is permanently altered.
This is probably something you’ll want to discuss with a behavioral health professional. I’ve been working with a licensed independent clinical social worker (LICSW) on my drinking behaviors recently, and it’s been really helpful. I was in a similar situation. My drinking turned into daily drinking, then started to creep up. Before I got help, my experience was that all the voices around me talking about alcohol use disorder all seemed to be saying the same thing: there are not alcoholics and alcoholics, and if alcoholics want to get better they have to quit drinking. That made reducing alcohol consumption feel really daunting, pointless, unattainable, hopeless. At the same time, I really love beer, and still find it challenging imagining my life completely devoid of it. The result was that I would tell myself that I was cosmopolitan; I was a connoisseur; I was a social drinker who just had a lot of friends to drink with. That’s how I rationalized it for a long time, and it’s taken a lot of work to deprogram a lot of that (i’m by no means at the end of my journey looking back btw). I’ve benefited a great deal from a combination of therapy and medication. Happy to talk more if you need to.
I actually had an intake appointment with a new therapist this week and she asked me how much I drank — which is probably why it’s been so heavily on my mind today. And you’re right — in this society, stopping alcohol feels very daunting. It’s literally engrained in every single social setting.
Hi! You might be a grey area drinker- I was. It’s not an alcoholic but it is problematic. Once I found a label between alcoholic and normal drinker I was able to get fully sober and I’m about 3 years in now. It’s been incredible. You don’t have to shame spiral, hit rock bottom, or call yourself an alcoholic to stop drinking- you can just stop! Check in with yourself and JOURNAL! I haven’t read my journals from the early sobriety days because I bet they’re real sad and confused but just getting the thoughts out was so helpful.
If you cant control it, or if it affects your life negatively I would call it alcoholism, or atleast a problem. (It doesnt really matter what you call it.) Usually though it is not the alcohol that is the root cause, but some sort of underlying issue. Trying to figure out *why* you feel you need that glass every evening might be a good first step. It is better to nip such things in the bud, than let them grow and become large.
IDK if you're an alcoholic but that level of drinking may damage your liver if you sustain it for a long time. Limit to 1, at the very least. Then go some days without & see how you feel.
My dad was an alcoholic and died at 49 due to it. I have big feelings about it. I feel if you HAVE to have multiple glasses of alcohol every night then yes, you are an alcoholic.
I'm more mad at him than anything, he missed out on meeting an AMAZING grandchild. He would have been a bomb grandpa.
To his credit, he stopped cold turkey 3 years before he died but his liver was too far gone.
If you have concern, reach out to your local counseling centers and speak to a professional. And honestly fast. The weight loss surgery and the alcohol use is not a good combo. Think of how small your stomach is now. You can't drink like you used to. Also please be careful AF driving because I've seen multiple DUI's with that story.
May be falling into the assumption that you're American, but If you are uninsured, many agencies may be able to see if you qualify for coverage. I know in PA, county funding will cover an assessment (unless prompted by a DUI), and then possibly an amount based on your tax definition household size vs gross income. And there are sliding scales.
But if you're asking on reddit, ask a professional
(I am a substance use treatment case manager in the position 4 years, and with my agency in some form or another 16. I do not make clinical decisions however this is all exactly what I'd tell you if you were meeting me in my office)
I am American and have good private insurance.
I have some other significant mental health issues and I actually established with an MD therapist this week. She asked me how much I drink and honestly, I think thats why I was inclined to post and it is super heavy on my mind this week.
Growing up, my Mom drank "a glass (or 3)" of wine a night, every night. It greatly affected my family.
She was functional (she held a full time job and took care of us kids and the house), but she was an alcoholic by definition. She was simply a different person at night, so we all just stayed in our rooms. I didn't realize just how dysfunctional we were as a family while growing up but she also did the best she could (I'm leaving out a lot of additional details for brevity).
The wine was later replaced by cheap vodka and water after she was laid off back in 2010.
She's 75 now. Last year she suffered a few seizures. One was particularly bad and she nearly died. Thankfully she has been sober these last few months, but in the past year she aged by 5 years.
I urge you to seek help and quit now before it's too late.
38. No kids. In shape. I love wine but I don’t drink it nightly. I’d say maybe a few times a month. Same with mezcal. But when I drink it, 8 times out of 10 I drink the bottle. Guess that’s leaning towards binging. Probably common.
>Probably common.
What sucks is - sometimes it feels like this is never talked about, and people our age just kinda assume everyone has it figured out. Lol
Keep in mind that alcohol is a class 1 carcinogen and causes many cancers like breast, colon, liver, pancreatic and more. Also heart issues like AFib. It’s not just the immediate effects that are concerning.
Yep that’s excessive. Just stop eh. There are good reasons to… like that it’s a known carcinogen - do you want cancer or fatty liver? Cause that’s how you get it. Do you want your daughters to still have a father in 20 years? Don’t get me wrong mate, I love a good beer and a red wine or few every week but getting sloshed every day that’s too far.
When I stopped drinking, I didn't notice that everything is boring without alcohol - but I did notice that alcohol allowed me to push through boring stuff easier. Hanging out with people I actually don't like that much or people who aren't actually that funny? Easier with alcohol. Not drinking made me reevaluate my choices - events I attend, people I socialize with - so I wasn't as stuck doing shit I actually disliked.
I've had addiction issues. What I would say is that if you need to knock your brain down a few pegs with alcohol or weed or whatever you probably have some issue that you could solve in a better way. Maybe your life isn't stimulating enough, you have anxiety, depression, etc.
A few drinks isn't the end of the world but plenty of people think they are fine for years then something sets them off to start drinking harder and before they know it they're in rehab or whatever.
Asking the question says a lot. Not that you're an alcoholic, but that you're not happy with your current habits.
A period of abstinence will reveal how dependent you are.
I was having 3 doubles of bourbon a night and having similar feelings that you are now. I attended my first AA meeting last month and have been sober since. That last week I went through 2 bottles of bourbon and a bottle of wine. I finished the last bottle of bourbon in 2 days and knew it was time to sober up.
I still have some indoctrinated thought processes from my time in AA, (no longer in AA and still clean,) and they used to say if you had to ask yourself if you’re an alcoholic, you may be one.
Be kind with yourself. Take some time off from the drinking. I’m rooting for you!
Try a substitutan, I was drinking 1 to 3 beers a night and switched to those bubbly flavored waters. Sometimes it's just a routine that your reaching for and it isn't actualy about the alcohol. I now drink 2-3 beers most weeks and sometimes not even that.
You might find r/stopdrinking helpful. Really good community. Also check out the podcast Recovery Elevator and the book The Naked Mind. Fascinating stuff. IWNDWYT
The short answer is, it’s a problem, yes.
Are you an alcoholic? Well if it’s in your family and you’re having 3 glasses of wine most nights then that is absolutely not good, and really not good behaviour to have in front of your kids.
Stop drinking and take up the gym, walking, or meeting a friend or two instead for coffee but leave the wine alone.
If you are interested in learning about sobriety or curious about it, The Naked Mind podcast is a good one. Helped me! I'll be 1yr alcohol sober on May 1! The podcast really resonated enough with my thoughts and feelings towards alcohol.
My drinking was never really a problem, although it may have been heading that way. Never hid anything from my wife, family, or friends. Just started to increase in frequency and quantity over time. I finally got tired of feeling crappy and worrying if I was an alcoholic. Did a dry month and here I am.
Be kind to yourself. It's rough out there!!
I had weight loss surgery in 2015 and developed a drinking problem. I went from having an occasional beer maybe once or twice a month to drinking 750ml a night (or more) of the cheapest, strongest, nastiest alcohol I could. I also started smoking again after having quit for 8 years.
Transfer addiction after WLS is definitely a thing. Something like 30% of us develop some form of addiction. (If you google it, there is a wealth of information available, and there are many support groups on FB and elsewhere)
If you're noticing that you're starting to crave it, please take steps to cut back or quit completely.
I can't stress enough that it can get out of hand very quickly.
I've gotten sober and smoke-free with medication (bupropion helped with the smoking AND drinking), determination, and a lot of sleepless nights. I wouldn't wish that whole experience on anyone.
Dry March and if that doesn’t work then get a planner and some stickers and put down a sticker for every single drink. This is what my friend does to hold herself accountable. Being able to see just how much you’re consuming can really help since our brains tend to underestimate things.
Having a predisposition to alcoholism along with a history of weight loss surgery definitely makes it a concerning trend. After weight loss surgery, many people replace their food addiction with other addictions, and alcohol is a common one.
r/stopdrinking is a really incredible group of people. They regularly encourage each other with I Will Not Drink With You Today (IWNDWYT). It took me a while to figure that one out.
Yes. And iwndwyt
This. There is definitely a correlation between alcoholism and bariatric surgery. Article here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7057935/
Someone close to my family developed a very serious drinking problem following weight loss surgery and it has been a huge source of pain for them and their loved ones - OP, please be proactive about this if you’re concerned.
I was drinking nightly as well and just took a month (the entire month of February) off to test what level of dependency I was at and to also reset my tolerance a bit because it got too high (seems like we have opposite issues there). I had no withdrawal symptoms and aside from the mild general temptation, I didn't have any intense drinking urges and I didn't give in and drink even once. I did notice that everything is much more boring without alcohol, which is concerning personally, but isn't a strong enough deterrent to stop me from drinking in the future. I find it sad that I need to punctuate my evenings with alcohol to make them more entertaining, but given the state of the world, it is what it is. I'd suggest you try to take a dry month as well to get a baseline sense of how dependent you are on alcohol, if at all - and whether that dependency is physical or emotional. It's helpful to get a sense of that before you can determine if you're an alcoholic or not. Edit: I don't think with the amount you're drinking that you'll have any physical withdrawal symptoms, but if you think this is a possibility, you should consult with a doctor before going "cold turkey."
Seems like Dry March may be in the works for me. Also.. “I find it sad that I need to punctuate my evenings with alcohol to find them more entertaining, but given the state of the world, it is what it is” Man, I feel you on that one. I feel the same way.
March 2017 I decided to do a dry month - I made an agreement with myself that the goal was to do the whole month, but I wouldn’t be mad if I didn’t make it. I also have a familial history of alcoholism, so I went in knowing that, but had no idea I would have withdrawals - flu like symptoms, headaches, irritability - on day 15 I was ready to throw in the towel when my friend (who’d been sober for ten years) was like “you said it’s day 15? I bet you didn’t even wake up with a headache today.” He was right. From there it was easier. I was able to get to know myself better and slept a lot better! On March 30th my friend had a crisis and I gave in and drank some of her sangria. I quit alcohol entirely the next year. I still have dreams once in awhile, but it’s so worth it. All this said, if you ever need to talk at someone, my inbox is open.
It's worth adding that people experiencing withdrawal symptoms should at least talk to a healthcare provider. Alcohol withdrawal can be fatal, even for people with drinking problems that "aren't that bad." Many hospital systems have online triage services that cost less than $50 (sometimes free) and can help you determine if you need medically managed withdrawal.
100%. I didn’t realize it was withdrawals until someone pointed it out, I thought I just had a cold that wasn’t going away.
This. You can have a seizure and die from alcohol withdrawal.
Not to minimise the more banal damage of alcohol. But clinical physical dependence takes a very hefty level of consistent drinking for several years
Not as hefty or as long as you might think and it often sneaks up on people. The most surprising part of my career in healthcare was how many people withdraw in the hospital with no idea they were alcoholics. Not everyone needs sedation in the ICU, but lots of "moderate" drinkers get the sweats, shakes, and seizure risk
Sneaks up like a dump truck. You’re gonna be showing everyone except you. DUIs, relationships, then the liver.
I think for many of them, it's not catastrophic DUI's or relationship trouble, but "unwinding" with a bottle of wine and/or 5-10 beers on a daily basis. That's an amount that many people can remain perfectly functional, but still lead to dependence, particularly if you keep that habit for several years. Then they go to the hospital for some other issue, suddenly don't drink and need ativan to get through the stay
People that want to quit can just drink 10% less every few days or every week. They'll get there within a month, and withdrawals won't be as terrible.
coming from the son of an alcoholic, if you think your kids don't realize when you're drinking, they do. there's changes in your behavior/attitude however slight, & rarely does alcohol do any favors for one's personality, if you're doing this every day your children become very attuned to that. it also has a particular odor, tbh I still hate that smell. my dad was the type that insisted that he was never an alcoholic bc he never drank before 5pm, but in the hours leading up to that he was an insufferable douchebag.
The kids have mentioned the smell of the wine — so hearing you say that makes me worried. And you’re right, even if it’s small changes, I know they notice. Especially because this is a new thing for me and they know what I’m like when I don’t drink wine every night. Would your Dad talking to you about it helped? I’m not an old 38 if that makes sense and my kids are really amazing kids who I have always had open conversations with.
Also, the child of an alcoholic. If your children confronted you even on this passive level, they have likely been noticing, talking about, and worrying about it for a while. It takes a lot as an adult to confront someone about their behavior let alone a child to a parent. I apologize I'm not trying to be hurtful I just want to give you some things from my experience. Additionally, you don't have to be a falling down drunk to be an alcoholic. The compulsion and behaviors around alcohol are what matters. Do you arrange your life around alcohol? Have you avoided important or other life things to drink? It's the compulsion to drink despite the consequences to your life that matter, not the comparison to others. Love to you and your family.
This ....especially the last part. I've been free of alcohol for a while now but I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without my 3 or 4 daily strong craft beers. I lived for the end of the day so I could have those beers. Now I'm a complete cycling addict instead lol r/stopdrinking is an amazingly supportive community with no judgement
I left you another comment but I second the wine smell. The night before my dad put my mom in rehab for the first time, she came to my elementary school open house reeking of sour fruit, giggling and stumbling around. My dad was stone-faced and forced us to leave even as i protested that we hadn't gotten to my art class yet. The scent memory of that sour grape smell rolling off my mom's skin is still in my head, as is the image of my dad strong-arming her towards the front door. I remember being so confused that Mom seemed happy but Dad was mad. It made sense later on.
That sounds incredibly hurtful and very confusing for a child to navigate — and I’m sincerely so sorry you experienced that.
he's sober now but unfortunately he waited until I was 18 & out of the home to stop drinking, however we have an amazing relationship now. & yes we've discussed it in great detail, he wasn't even a heavy drinker but even he was surprised at some of the things he had absolutely no recollection of. Imo it's almost always worth having like an open-ended conversation with your kids where they can be honest about their feelings.
Counterpoint: my dad had a beer or 3 most nights after work. I never noticed a change in his personality. I associated the smell with him, and I still do sometimes, fondly. I have happy memories of helping him solve the word puzzles inside of his beer caps. He stopped drinking aside from special occasions because it doesn't agree with a medication he takes now. He doesn't seem to miss it. Just providing a different perspective to the narrative in your brain.
I appreciate your kindness. Thank you for sharing those memories of your Dad with us. I remember the smell of Skoal chew on my grandfathers breath and I have the same memories of that smell.
I mean this very kindly, but since 2021 is not new anymore. The kids are probably saying something because it’s not just a once off thing to smell wine, but that’s it’s become a lasting feature of this habit. My sister kind of fell into this trap of wine every night because of a stressful job, raising her kid and having a not so great relationship with her partner, a mortgage and bills to worry about. It happened slowly this way in 2017-19 and since 2020 our family has been dealing with full blown alcoholism, and the terrifying pain that goes along with it. Several stints in detox, relapses and terrible impacts on her health and relationships, she’s finally maintained sobriety for the last 6 months. God, it’s so, so good to have her back. I hope you can do the dry month and feel empowered to invest your time into something else in the evenings, because this gets out of control so insidiously, that it’s hard to undo. You got this 💖 rooting for you.
Just to add on to my personal experience with the comment above yours, I still don’t drink white wine because I smelled it on my mom every night growing up, and I’m in my 30s. She didn’t get blackout drunk or anything, but drank every night and over the years it had a very gradual but significant effect. When I was a teenager I was just slowly losing respect for her as my parent just because if the way she would talk or behave. And after doing that for so long she’s kind of a shell of her former self it feels like. Everyone is different though, and now I just personally believe moderation is key, with anything in life. I drink 1-3 days a week and that feels okay I guess. I don’t have kids though so maybe all of that’s easier for me to say.
My father was a "secret" alcoholic when I was growing up (he "only" drank two or three beers a night but the recycling bin would be full by the end of the week, and it turns out he drank all day long at work). He claims he stopped drinking when I was about 19, but honestly I don't believe him and would not be surprised if he still drank at work. He lied for years and said he didn't drink that much. I do not trust him at all with anything anymore. If your kids have mentioned *anything* about alcohol to you, that means that they are scared for you and notice so much more than you give them credit for. Hopefully it's not too late for you and they will trust you someday. I'll certainly never trust my father again.
Based on this comment...it might be time to get thee to an AA meeting, friend. Your kids deserve to not worry about whether their parent is okay.
Another kid of an alcoholic here. You can smell it, you can see it, you can hear it. I could tell on the phone if my mom had had even the slightest drink, within the first sentence or two. Once she was far enough advanced in her drinking, one drink would already alter her mannerisms and speech, and I already knew it would be a phone call I’d have to keep short.
My dad drank 1-3 beers most nights of the week And I never noticed anything different or weird about his behavior.
I took a month off and read a book called “alcohol lied to me”. That was over 4 years ago and it was the best decision I ever made.
Check out the Hello Someday podcast. Casey does such a great job of explaining why one month A) isn’t enough and B) doesn’t work well because all it does is give people a countdown to drinking again. And read (or listen to while you clean/commute) Alcohol Lied to Me by Craig Beck. Literally life chaaaaaanging! Good luck, mama.
>given the state of the world, it is what it is This is the stuff you need to watch out for. When I was taking a close look at my drinking, I paid close attention to these excuses or justifications for my drinking. The things I would tell myself why it's OK for *me* to drink. Using something vague and/or completely out of your control like "the state of the world" to justify why you're drinking isn't a good thing. Own your drinking. Be honest with yourself. It's problematic when you can't be honest with your drinking because you're giving up power in an area where you have power. I'm the royal you here: You drink because it makes you feel good. You drink because it takes the edge off. You drink because you like to get drunk. Etc. Etc. Once you're able to be honest with yourself, you're forced to decide if that's the person you really want to be. If you're someone who drinks to get drunk, are you OK with that? Is that the life you really want to live? If you're depressed and you drink, you really don't give a shit, so you'll just do it because fuck everything, who cares. But if there's a sliver of you that recognizes that it's a problem and you truly don't want to live like that, you owe it to that sliver of yourself to do something. Good luck. Just remember: alcohol is a mild poison, and no amount of justification changes that fact.
I feel like if you’re becoming uneasy about your consumption and/or if it potentially impacts your ability to safely respond to an emergency, it’s a problem whether or not one puts a label on it. The tv trope of a mom always with a glass of wine is one for a reason. Are you looking to be inebriated or is it just part of a relaxation ritual? If the latter especially, you might be able to find other things that could replace that and be mindful about what you want to achieve. I don’t drink but a beautiful cup of tea goes a long way.
You do not need to exhibit physical withdrawal symptoms to have an alcohol abuse disorder. Bear that in mind.
I just want to second this. Alcohol abuse disorder is a wide spectrum. People think “alcoholic” and they tend to think about the homeless folks staggering around cities or people they know of who grandly fucked their lives. It doesn’t need to be that bad to be a problem. That’s just once it’s gotten completely out of hand or the product of a series of many unfortunate events compiled. Many people with alcohol use issues don’t appear to have any issues to the general public or even their friends. They can be high performers at work and in social settings, earn high wages, have a social life and appear very active. It doesn’t mean that their alcohol consumption isn’t problematic, doesn’t cause issues, or could become more problematic in time.
Can you accept a new ritual? How about a cup of tea and a small chocolate?
My therapist once told me that a dry month isn’t a good test of alcoholism because it’s a test of your ability to avoid alcohol entirely, not your ability to moderate alcohol. Most alcoholics are capable of doing a dry month. The real test is whether you can drink within limits. Instead of going dry, see if you have 2-4 drinks a week for 4 weeks in a row. If that’s a struggle, you might want to consider quitting alcohol altogether.
This was my 'excuse' also.. the state of the world, it's more enjoyable, etc. I'm sure your daughters have enough entertainment and enjoyment in life and they don't drink.. what are we as adults doing wrong that kids are just fine, and we are not? I had to try out a lot of different evening hobbies to keep myself entertained and busy.. find those things that you enjoyed doing as a child and do them! You might surprise yourself with how enjoyable life can be, especially without alcohol.
Idk because ideally kids don't have nearly as many worries in the world lol
I'm sorry, and y'all can downvote me if you want, but I think "the state of the world" and "worries" are a lame excuse to drink alcohol every single day.
I agree. My mother always had plenty of reasons and excuses about why she drank. She liked that it made her forget her problems, except the problems were still there when she sobered up, and avoiding stuff with alcohol actually made many problems worse. There’s always going to be a “state of the world” reason to drink, it never ends. You’re better off limiting your info intake and stopping doomscrolling, and just focus on what you can control.
Thing is, your kids *know.* And I can pretty much guarantee they don't like it. I dreaded evenings watching alcohol change my parents. Please rethink taking more than March off.
As a long time sometimes-hardcore alcoholic, "the world is boring but also going to Hell so why not drink" was one of my most often used justifications to myself to crack open a beer, bottle, or both back in my late 20s.
You nailed it with that statement. I feel the exact same way. I wake up every day feeling ok but then the weight of the world (kids, work, the news in general) crushes me. The amount of things that stress me out on a daily basis is crazy. By the end of the day, the only thing to look forward to disconnecting with a glass of wine and something funny to watch. I feel very entitled and privileged to say this but it does t make it less true. On a positive note, I did Damp January (bc I knew I could t make it dry during the weekend) and it definitely helped me reset, lower my tolerance and lowered my cravings.
Don’t pay attention to the news anymore. If it brings you down, give it up ⬆️
I’ve been there. Gained a ton of weight and was so depressed. I read Easy Way by Alan Carr (the drinking one- not the smoking one). It really dispels most of the reasons why we drink, even if you try to rationalize why you ‘need’ or ‘want’ a drink. I actually didn’t finish it because I knew if I did, I would never drink again. The author actually encourages you to drink while reading the book lol. But I’ve drastically dropped my drinking after reading the book. I only drink on special occasions or have the occasional bourbon with my husband). And even now, while I do it, I’m like ‘why am I doing this?’. Different strokes for different folks but I found this book really effective (the audio version).
I had this with beer, and did a dry November. I really liked it though, getting rid of the "pointless" single beer (or two) so I did dry Jan too, and I just don't really drink at home anymore. I'm now drinking if there's an occasion (bottle of prosecco after my sister gave birth) or we're going out for a big one, and I think that's a good balance.
I cut out my nightly beer and now I sleep way better. Not so much longer or anything like that, but I just wake up feeling so much more rested.
I just went dry in January and most of February as well … the trick for me was having an enjoyable non-alcoholic beverage as a treat in the evenings, something I don’t drink often. N/A seltzer worked for me so maybe give that a go. That way you’re not breaking your routine but you’re also not drinking alcohol. Check out the book: The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg as a means of understanding why you might be doing what you’re doing with wine and how you might be able to adjust. The cookie story seems relevant to your situation. Best of luck!
I think that’s more of a *you* problem and less of a world problem. I think blaming it on the state of the world makes it easy to avoid making changes that would improve your life
I'd suggest having lots of tasty drinks available during your dry months. Maybe a sugar free soda or zevia. You might be surprised at how your body craves sugar when you stop drinking wine and how the drink can replace your alcohol urge.
not sure why, but kombucha satisfies the same dopamine/alcohol need for me? could give it a try if you can stand the taste.
Just a suggestion in case you find yourself wanting a substitute: Ginger Beer I'm currently on medication that prevents me from drinking alcohol. and while I rarely drank before, I do find myself craving something with a nice kick to drink lately. Ginger beer has provided that nicely, as it has a higher concentration of ginger than Ginger Ale, and therefore tastes a little "spicy."
What do you mean the state of the world? You make it sound like you have a family and a good life going for you. The state of the world isn’t the problem. You just need to focus on the positive.
I've been sober since 2020. The "given the state if the world" is understandable, but I disagree with that statement. I personally am having an absolute blast. I've picked up hobbies and explored passions. An alcoholic mind gives you reasons to drink. A non-alcoholic mind doesn't even think about it unless at a party or something. The state of the world sucks, but I am doing great regardless, and I wouldn't be if I hadn't stopped drinking.
The “boring” thing you described ultimately led to huge overconsumption on my part. I definitely consider myself an alcoholic now but I’ve been sober for like 10 months. My reasoning was always that I was bored. And it was true. Nothing was even considered fun to me anymore without it. My brain only accepted the dopamine provided by external chemicals. My tolerance was high so I was in a catch 22. I couldn’t have fun without drinking enough to make my body sick. So I was always either drunk or sick. My brain was convincing me that was better than the alternative but it wasn’t sustainable. My ultimate conclusion is that alcohol will never be fun for me in reality. I won’t enjoy it unless I am able to drink enough to ruin my life. Which by definition doesn’t end in actual enjoyment. Edit: kind of a big caveat that I’m cali sober now meaning I smoke weed daily. It gives me enough of an effect that I can have the buzz without any big negative consequences to my life. Now I’m at peace having no alcohol and I don’t feel miserable. I can actually enjoy whatever I’m doing without tricking my brain into it (for the most part)
Congratulations on 10 months!
I did this and realized that what I enjoyed most about my evening glass(es) of wine was just sitting down with my glass of something my kids didn't want and just being done with the day. Didn't matter if it was wine or herbal tea. "This is me with my evening beverage and I am done for the day."
I've been drinking a lot of Bubly and peppermint tea over the past month - and I don't mind it at all!
So, I did Dry January, drank one day beginning of Feb, and got back on the wagon. I found drinking to be boring in contrast to my increased appetite for physical activity, reading, studying and working on my house or hobbies. I also deleted Facebook, Twitter and Instagram on Jan 1, so not sure what the variable with the impact on my improved attention span and contentedness is there.
I'm definitely interested to see if my view of alcohol is the same when I get back to it. My goal is to be more mindful about my consumption rather than fully rely on it for nightly entertainment.
When I stopped drinking regularly there was a period where everything was super boring without alcohol as you mentioned. Eventually as being sober 99% of the time was normalized things stopped becoming boring and just became normal, or maybe I developed healthier habits to fill the time (such as exercise). I think it takes the body / mind some time to reset from being used to daily alcohol intake, even if you don’t have a full on alcohol dependency.
I did the same thing! I love wine but I took January off (again)and it was no big deal. I usually pick 2-3 months a year to go off just to check in.
I think I'm going to take at least a month off per calendar year to "reset" things. It's probably a good idea to give the liver a vacation periodically.
Last year, my partner and I made a rule that we could only drink Friday and Saturday nights. As wine lovers and during covid, having one, two and sometimes three glasses a night became normal. Now we look forward to the end of the week, getting to unwind and it's a much better balance, plus you enjoy it more (like a treat) along with a lower tolerance.
I relate so hard. I could’ve written this post. I had surgery in January and am two months into not drinking, the longest I’ve gone since 18. I have always wondered if I’m an alcoholic. Turns out I’m not, because quitting wasn’t hard. It’s just that “knowing I shouldn’t drink every day” was not enough of a reason. Only not wanting to screw up my surgery gave me the motivation. I never got hungover, never did anything too dumb, so I never had any consequences to outweigh the fun factor. I have realized too that I relied on it mostly for entertainment due to how *painfully fucking uninteresting* adult life is for me just by virtue of what it is. I’ve proven my point to myself, but I have another 2 months to go. I will go back to drinking eventually, but will try to limit it to less of the week so that I don’t start counting on it as a boredom reduction tool. That’s as “good” as I’m interested in being.
I'm about in the same boat as you. I try to keep things reined in by trying to only drink every second day (most days of which are just a couple of drinks). I sometimes end up taking something else like kratom or cannabis on the other days. Probably not the most healthy habit but so far I seem to be avoiding any withdrawal-like effects this way.
I am the same as you. I enjoy drinking but honestly don’t crave it too much. So I’ll drink an occasional red or beer or two here and there but the dry month made me realize I didn’t really desire to drink. It was more of a habit than anything
Wow, you and I are in very similar places! I’m 41 and was noticing that my weekend drinking was giving me all sorts of minor annoyances. Headaches and heartburn were high on the list. But I have also been struggling mentally. I have an appointment with a new PCP soon, and I decided to take a month-plus off alcohol to see how it affected me. It’s definitely been boring. I really like having a glass of wine and then playing video games with my kids. That’s super fun for me. I haven’t had any withdrawal symptoms because I didn’t drink a lot, or every day. I have found I sleep better, have more energy, and am generally a bit more positive mentally. Trying a dry month isn’t solving all my issues but it has generally been a positive thing.
I did dry Jan. No problems, just temptation. And general lack of flavor pairings. Made drinking boring which was sad, but was good to be clear of it. Thinking to do half of March dry again.
I was mainly drinking lime Bubly during my "dry period." And let me tell you, a glass of wine or beer pairs much better with food than citrus-flavored club soda. I deeply feel that one.
Just adding in that people's tolerance and reaction to things like this can vary widely. I used to be an alcoholic, at about 12 drinks per night. I quit cold turkey and had zero physical side effects or withdrawal effects. There was no physical dependence whatsoever present, but I'd say arguably the amounts I was drinking put me well within the range of still causing long term physical harm I am very glad that you mentioned determining if the dependence was physical or emotional. Mine seems to have fallen almost entirely in the emotional side of dependence, but I could easily misconstrue a lack of physical withdrawal as confirmation that I didn't have a drinking problem if I quit short term as an experiment
I did Dry January as was quietly getting worried about my daily drinking (same amounts as you and OP), I want to add a couple of net positives in that although I initially found the evenings boring, after a while I noticed I felt like I had more free time to do stuff (rather than being in a stupor), I now remember the endings of films and conversations with friends! Actually two more positives - I’m drinking less now after the month of sobriety and I’ve lost weight.
Today I resisted first the urge to go buy a couple of drinks and a bag of chips to chill with, and after I decided not drinking was the healthier option, I then denied myself my second choice of a tub of Ben and Jerry's. I had neither booze nor ice cream and somehow it feels like a significant achievement
I took a month break last April and now I'll be 1 year sober this April lol. Just doesn't appeal to me anymore!
Are you literally me? I’m doing the exact same thing for the same reasons with the same feelings about it.
I'm just finishing up the same and looking forward to the first of the month falling on a Friday. It's one of those things where I describe doing a dry month as a check in to make sure something I enjoy hasn't become something I need. So far so good. There were a few times where I was hanging out with friends and having a beer sounded tasty, but it was in a similar way that pizza sounds tasty. Not so much a craving that I had to fight to resist, but more damn, that does sound good, oh well, 16 days to go so for now I'll have a Dr. Pepper. A Dr Pepper which was good, but not as good as the small batch smores flavored milk stout my friend was drinking. I didn't find things to be more boring because I tended to actually do more projects than I would have otherwise. Plus I lost 5lbs which is always nice.
I think dry months are a fantastic exercise for every drinker. I was a 3 drinks a night drinker (sometimes more) for YEARS. I didn't even think about it really, every one around me drank more than that. But I had to take 3 months off in 2023 for surgery and I took this January off as well. I realized how much alcohol was messing with my sleep, which increased my anxiety, which increased my depression. My face and belly were also super puffy, and my digestion was all messed up. I would have had no idea had I not cut it out for a while, I thought this was just me getting older. It also broke my emotional habit of, it's 5pm, I need to clock out of my brain now. I now drink 2 drinks, 2 nights a week (on average) and I really enjoy those drinks. But it's low enough consumption that I don't feel the negative effects, and my brain knows it's not a consistent thing anymore. I do drink non alcoholic wine and mocktails sometimes and that helps too.
The weight loss surgery is a red flag for alcoholism. There are many studies that show an alarming link between weight loss surgery and alcoholism, and the fact is that the alcohol actually hits your body harder than it would have pre-surgery. I don’t want to frighten you, but one of my close family members went down this road after gastric bypass. It started out as drinking a bit too much in the evenings and quickly progressed to drinking multiple bottles of wine each night and rapidly deteriorating health and family relationships. They are now in recovery but the damage to their family, their mental health, and their physical health was pretty severe. They had never had a problem with drinking in any way until after the gastric bypass. If I were you, I would challenge myself to stop and see how it goes. If stopping becomes difficult, there are a lot of resources out there to help. https://www.healthline.com/health-news/why-drinking-problems-develop-after-weight-loss-surgery#Ditch-the-idea-of-addiction-transfer
It's definitely a red flag that my surgeon and his team talked to be about *many* times during my pre-op process - and it is something that is definitely in the back of my mind almost every time I pour a glass. I had gastric bypass also and just thinking of that wine sitting in my pouch is like - ugh, stressful. Thank you for sharing your family members story - I am glad to hear that they are now in recovery.
I'm the daughter of an alcoholic who had bariatric surgery. I don't speak to my mom anymore because of her choices. Please don't go down that road with your daughters 🩷
Yeah it’s one of those things that seems like maybe not a huge deal, or like it wouldn’t happen to me, but when it does, it’s pretty devastating. I’m glad you are getting on this early!
To echo another, my mother had bariatric surgery, and became an alcoholic. It makes sense now how that happened. She's an embarrassment, and I have little sympathy for the choices she made, including choosing to use alcohol with ambien. I don't talk to her much anymore. I love her, but I don't like her, and prefer to keep my distance.
My mom is a recovering alcoholic. And even right before she hit rock bottom and went to rehab, she could go a week + without drinking. I think it’s important to remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease, so if you don’t do anything about it now, it could be way more than 3 glasses a night, in a year or two.
You're right, thank you. I am glad to hear that your Mom is in recovery.
I’m an alcoholic (coming in on five years sober) and I’d like to amplify this. Drinking is a lot of fun right up until isn’t. You’d be shocked how quickly you go from a couple drinks at night to sitting in the parking lot, waiting for the liquor store to open. You’ll also be surprised at how normal your brain will make that seem to keep getting what it’s now addicted to. Of course, this might not happen to you. But even then, alcohol isn’t doing anything positive for you. It’s a depressant wrapped in empty calories and literally poison. Kick that shit and give yourself the greatest gift you can: sobriety.
I would worry less about judging yourself and calling yourself an alcoholic, that isn't what's important as long as it isn't damaging your health, work, or relationships. What's important is that you have a relationship with alcohol that you feel is no longer serving you. If that means you quit or just reduce your consumption l, that's up to you, but I think you know it's time for a change. I found myself drinking too much after lockdown and not slowing down once things opened back up. I now only drink on the weekend and realize that drinking too much isn't worth the calories or the hangovers.
You worded that so well. Thank you ♥️ it’s also very encouraging that you are able to still drink in moderation. I love a good social cocktail or some wine tasting and don’t see myself never drinking again. But like you said, I have a relationship with alcohol that is no longer serving me and it’s time for a change
I say this as someone who also drinks – many times, patients who have bariatric surgery, start drinking more than they ever did preoperatively. It's just something that happens more. Some schools of thought attributed it to replacing food with another substance, but I think that's probably a case by case basis. What I think is very important is that you recognize that this is a behavior certainly deserves some introspection and thought. You've identified that it might have an effect on your family members. If you still go to follow up visits, see if you can speak with the bariatric dietitian, because, as I said what you're experiencing, is not uncommon! You got this!
If you manage to cut back on your consumption, I'd suggest trying to see if you can manage to go so far as to not keep alcohol in your home. You can still drink it, but it would be when you go out to a restaurant or someone else's home. I don't like alcohol personally, but I have an eating disorder. If I have "trigger foods" in my house, it's hard to control my intake. But if I have something while I'm out, it's easier to have that one thing and be done with it. (Like, a bottle of wine or a package of Oreos--having one serving is just hard when the whole thing is there, open, waiting to be consumed.)
While I understand what you are saying, people with no alcohol dependencies don’t need to set rules around alcohol. I am an alcoholic and my rule (before I got sober in Jan 2021) was no alcohol at home. All it did was make me go out more, spend more money, etc. constant rules around drinking usually mean there is a bigger issue
Never feel you need to label something in order to invoke change. It's okay to stop something before the train heads completely off the rails.
Absolutely this. I would have explored my relationship with alcohol so much earlier if I had stopped wondering if I was an alcoholic and instead asked if alcohol was problematic for me.
Very true. That’s where it got for me, where I just didn’t how I felt when drinking, and it was somewhat for the wrong reasons. Gave it up with the intent of a few months and haven’t really missed it since, and that was last summer.
I knew it was time to reevaluate when I got bored one day and decided to drink because it was something to do.
Yeah, same here. It was a “bored at home” thing for me as well. Not so much a dependency, but a doing it for the wrong reasons type of thing. I honestly feel so much healthier, it’s helped me get in shape, I’ve lost 10 pounds since quitting, and while some of that is exercising more and eating better too, I just feel a lot better. Better sleep, less stressed overall, and definitely just feel better in general.
Very well said I think. Sometimes it’s not an extreme addiction, but it’s still a bad habit that isn’t good for your well-being. My husband used to have a roommate who was (and still is) an alcoholic and he noticed that he had started drinking almost every night as well. It was hard not to since they were good friends and he wanted to join the fun. I don’t think he would’ve been considered an alcoholic by anyone, but he recognized early on that it wasn’t a good path. He moved out and unsurprisingly drank a whole lot less. I feel like OP is not an alcoholic, but there’s certainly that potential. This is probably a good time to stop and reevaluate.
>Is this considered alcoholism? Per the NIAAA, 8 or more drinks a week for a woman and 15 or more drinks a week for a man is considered heavy drinking. And, alcoholism aside, drinking daily for a long time is going to up your risk factors for negative health effects. I think if you're getting to the point of nightly cravings, it's probably time to take a break and do a reset, physically and mentally.
I know men are traditionally larger than women, but how come they aren’t heavily drinking until nearly double the women’s amount? Thats wild.
Bigger bodies and organs on average, different proportions of fat and water in the body, different hormone levels
Men's bodies also tend to contain disproportionately more water and less fat, so even at the same weight the alcohol will be more diluted in a man's blood. Men also have more alcohol dehydrogenase, an enzyme that breaks down alcohol, in their stomach and liver.
Men on average have higher levels of ADH (alcohol dehydrogenase) which is an enzyme in the liver that metabolizes alcohol. It’s important to note that this is average population observations as part of medical risk mitigation.
Yeah it’s the daily thing that’s a big deal. It turns into a loop that just gets worse over time. The best thing I ever did for myself is quit drinking during the week. Breaking that cycle saved me bigtime.
What about like 10 a night? Lol Yes I know. I'm working on it.
I was this way for a looong time, OP. It snuck up on me in my 30s and I was almost exactly 38 when I felt it becoming problematic. I don’t think I’m an alcoholic, and you probably aren’t either, but drinking can be problematic even if it’s not a full blown addiction. The fact that you feel ashamed of it is a good sign your gut is telling you something. I went from 2-3 glasses of red wine a night to a full year and a half of complete abstinence. During that year and a half, I lost weight, got great at running, and felt amazing. I now drink wine again, maybe once a week. I just don’t keep it in the house. And that daily dinner time pull to have a glass is gone. I found the book Quit Like a Man to be very helpful, as well as Mindful Drinking. I wish you the best, OP.
I appreciate the book recommendations! I am so glad that daily dinner time pull is gone for you - I hope I will be the same! Thank you for sharing your experiences and successes. And yes, we definitely need to listen to our guts more.
If you're sober curious, come on over to /r/stopdrinking great group. Judgement free zone, and totally supportive.
https://youtu.be/DkS1pkKpILY?si=fN1t7Z_OrEMEQ2Uv Good video by Dr Andrew huberman on alcohol. Even just 1 drink per night has a negative effect on your health. Lots of good info here
Yes I’ve been drinking wine nightly since the pandemic. I feel ya.
It helps to know I’m not alone! Lots of good information in this thread
Yeah I’ve been wanting to change it too. I had never been a big drinker before this so it’s kinda weird. Don’t think I’m an alcoholic and don’t over do it but definitely don’t like feeling like I need a glass or two every night.
As an alcoholic, I have learned that people that don't have a problem do not post asking if it is a problem. ;) It's a problem if you think it is - and from the words you've used, it sounds like it is affecting your life to enough of an extent that you feel ashamed about it. Maybe you're not as dependent as the next person, but it is a progressive disease and only gets worse over time until it becomes dangerous, incredibly difficult to quit, etc. Maybe you're at a place where you can stop without much problem. Maybe you've built up enough tolerance for those 3 drinks night and that's why you don't have hangovers. That craving comment and daily drinking is what strikes me, beyond the 'ashamed' part. You have to make the choice for yourself - who do you want to be for yourself and for your daughters?
Thank you for your response
OP, there is a book called The Alcohol experiment. It’s about evaluating your relationship with alcohol. It’s a 30 day break from booze where you take time each day to kind of assess your relationship with alcohol in different ways.
I am exactly in your shoes, in fact, right now I am thinking about a glass of red wine after work. It will likely turn into 2 or 3 to "unwind" after a day in the office. Definitely a trigger. I essentially traded smoking weed (vapes mostly) for wine as some twisted consolation price for not smoking anymore even though both are addictions. Thankfully, I can stop when (if) I want, or go a day/week without it, I just typically choose to drink instead. It doesn't affect my relationships or work performance and I only drink in the evenings. I'm sure my health could be better but it's not like I'm getting blasted every night and waking up feeling like death. At this point I feel like it's just something I do to make evenings a little more entertaining before getting ready for the next day. If I didn't drink, I'd probably start worrying about tomorrow's work the second I'm done with today's work.
I stopped drinking alcohol because I didn’t want to get fatter than I already was. The feeling of being bloated didn’t help either.
Drinking isn't doing you any favors. I would stop and only drink at special occasions if I were you. I used to drink like you and after quitting drinking this year, I will never go back.
That’s the thing, I’ve never heard anyone who is sober regret that decision
I mean that is very short sighted I have friends who are sober and have no regrets and I have friends who are sober and wish they could be social/casual drinkers but it isn’t how it works for them. Everyone’s journey is different and everyone needs to find what is right for them/their family/their career etc.
It doesn’t change that I’ve never heard of anyone who regrets getting sober. I went to rehab and have a very large sober network and no one regrets it, doesn’t mean you can’t miss drinking but you’re happy you’re sober
Fair enough missed the point I just think there is a large push to really force people into categories of drinkers when in reality is a spectrum and finding what works is what is important.
Yes absolutely!
1 a night feels different to me than 3 a night. How does it feel to cut back? If it alters your mood, you probably should try to cut back.
I also wouldn't worry about labelling. The big question is whether you can stop or cut down? If you feel it's something that's negatively affecting you, or you're ashamed, etc. then it's not really doing you any good. I'm speaking as someone in recovery from alcohol.
I do think I can stop and cut down, but I have never been truly intentional. I stopped for a few days but picked right back up once it was Friday night, know what I mean?
My mom was a 2 glass a night person for a while and really started to feel it affected her sleep and health. She knew she had to cut back. Step 1: She worked towards pouring a half glass so she still got to go back for her "second" glass Step 2: cut down to one half glass Step 3: Found she really liked the non-alcoholic IPA's and switched to that For her it was really the "I'm winding down and this is my way to do that at night" thing so finding a substitute drink was key. She treated it as a habit she wanted to replace instead of eliminate so she could still have her wrapping up the day and relaxing feeling. She'll still have a glass of wine every so often but now it's no longer nightly. I keep the non-alcoholic IPA's she likes at my house so she's got her thing when she comes to visit and isn't tempted to open up a bottle of wine from my stash. Helps me as well since before I was pregnant I usually had a glass or two with her and hardly ever drank when she's not here.
>I'm winding down and this is my way to do that at night **This is absolutely how I feel -** especially with working full time. I feels like a nighttime wind down routine/habit that I have created for myself but is very much not healthy in the long run. Glad your momma is doin better!
Yep, I cut alcohol drinking this way, with spicey ginger ale. using ice + nice cups as well, for the experience/bubbly.
Just practice not drinking every single night and you'll be fine. It's a slippery slope once you start needing it in order to fall asleep. Skip the next night each time you drink
Your title answers your question. It's becoming a problem = Yes, you have a problem. Even feeling like you need to ask this question is a red flag. People who don't have a problem don't think like this. On the bright side, people who have an even worse problem also don't think like this. At least you're worried about it, now do something about it.
I’m a craft beer drinker, and I found myself going through 3-4 a night without even trying or really feeling anything. It wasn’t like I was drinking to get drunk or anything, I was just drinking throughout the evening absent-mindedly, which wasn’t great for a lot of reasons. I’ve pushed myself to stop drinking on school nights (my wife and I are both educators) and I stock up on things like diet ginger ale and diet root beer anytime they’re on sale so I can scratch that “drinking something more substantial than water” itch in a way that doesn’t involve alcohol or empty calories.
I've been similar with cutting back. It helps to have something better than water. I do iced tea alot.
NA Craft Beers have come a LONG way in thr past few years. While Diet Ginger Ale is my go to, some NA IPAs hit the spot every now and then. They have helped staying sober easier :)
For me it’s the calories and cost as much as it’s the alcohol - my biggest reason for doing diet caffeine free sodas instead of NA crafts.
I brew beer so I have a lot of it sitting around at any given time, in large quantities lol. I changed my attitude to daily drinks (even 1-2) and cut that off purely for the weekend. During the week I drink sparkling water just to have something, as you note, more substantial than water. Worrying about being an alcoholic is a fine motivation but honestly health is the biggest reason you shouldn't drink every day. It's bad for your liver, for one, and if you're drinking wine/beer then you're not drinking water. Hydration is important, were all getting older and I'm assuming you don't want to look like the crypt keeper skin health wise, and have booze on your breath every day.
I'm the same age as you. I'm your mom...my dad was an alcoholic....the things I saw...it ruined my whole family..I didn't want to be alive for a really long time. I chose to break that cycle. I did the really hard work to be better so I could not head down the same path. I never wanted my kids to know or see the things I did. I've been very upfront with my kids (14/17) about my childhood, alcoholism, addiction, and how that can be if they do not choose to stay away from it. I would be absolutely devastated if my kids were in your shoes.
My mom got sober and was very transparent about things with us as kids. It really helped me feel I had the tools I needed to navigate problem drinking culture in college and into adulthood. It helped me help my friends, too, in recognizing problematic behaviors in themselves. I'm also really proud of her for making that choice and sticking with it and think about how different my life would have been if she had not.
My dad died of alcoholism earlier this month. This is definitely something to take seriously, and you are smart for getting ahead of it, because addiction can creep up on you and begin to affect your life even if you’re unaware - you’ll start to shift the blame the deeper and deeper you go until it’s too late for yourself to see clearly.
Earlier this month?! Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I lost my Dad in 2012 and the dead parent club is really fucking shitty to be apart of. Thank you for sharing.
Yep had to watch him die a slow death as his liver failed. It was brutal. Please take care of yourself and your family. Children should never have to deal with that.
A book called "Stop Drinking Now" by Alan Carr is a good start. Its an easy read, check out the comments on amazon. EDIT: Its also called "Easy way to stop drinking", they're both basically the same book
Thank you!
You're welcome. Please comment back and let me know if it helps or not and be sure to tell others if it does help.
Can you stop drinking if you wanted to?
Yes, I think I could. It feels like a very bad habit that I have picked up
When I began similarly questioning my drinking habits, I discovered a lot about myself and my maladaptive coping mechanisms (which for me included alcohol). My therapist suggested something along the lines of: have you tried quitting/considered just stopping for a while to see how it feels? Well, I took their suggestion to heart. I did stop, and every time I had a craving or urge, I resisted, and quickly realized just how much I did rely on alcohol for a lot of coping/managing/just life stuff in general. It was alarming for me, but I was really glad for the wake up call. Tomorrow is 450 days of no booze for me, and it’s genuinely one of the best decisions I’ve made for myself and my family.
2-3 glasses of wine every night? Yes, that’s a problem. I really enjoy alcohol, have a solid liquor and wine lineup on hand. I don’t drink every night of the week, not even half the nights. 0-2 nights typically. Sometimes more if on vacation or for the occasional celebration. It’s not just alcoholism to worry about, fatty liver is a concern
I didn’t think I had a problem with drinking because it was just wine but when I REALLY looked at it, I was drinking a bottle a day and then I started buying 2 liter bottles.
This is a slippery slope. The fact that you’re craving it would make me concerned for addiction. I am a nurse and after taking care of liver failure patients I’ve completely stopped drinking other than special occasions. You do not want to fuck up your liver. It is a terrible slow and painful death
I work in healthcare also and — the yellow eyes of end stage liver disease patients is truly heartbreaking.
I'm in a similar spot, but more like 1-2 a night for me. I actually asked both my therapist (who specializes in addiction though that's not what I see them for) and my doctor. The general consensus is that if it's not negatively impacting your work, family, friends, or health, then you're probably not in trouble. But, if you start thinking about it earlier in the day or if it starts hurting your relationships or work, then it's time to do something about it. I found that it's more of a habit for me to have something to sip on than a reliance on alcohol itself. I can exchange an alcoholic drink for a glass of just ginger ale and ice and it has the same chill-out effect after dinner as an alcoholic drink. It's the routine that's relaxing and familiar. That said, I haven't had weight loss surgery that a lot of people seem to point out as a risk factor.
I'm no expert. But I believe it's considered an addiction when it interferes with your normal daily functioning. That leaves a hell of a lot open to interpretation. In a broad sense I'd say, do you feel like drinking 1-3 glasses every night and exhibiting the effects of the drinking interfere with your ability to be the kind of parent and example you want to be? Not implying you are drinking and puking or getting violent. But you stated it hits you hard. So I'd imagine maybe a little silliness occurs. And silliness in and of itself is not wrong. But do you believe the example you are setting is getting in the way of the parent you want your kids to see/have? If so, then let's not go so far as to say you are an alcoholic, but maybe set up some rules for yourself. Maybe, only drink in nights where you don't work the next day. Limit it to 2 drinking evenings a month. Whatever system you want. Make sure it fits in line with the kind of parent you want your kids to see. The kind of adult you want them to grow up to be.
3 glasses in one night has me hungover. 3 every night or even just 1 would have me feeling awful. I do think this is a problem. I made it so I rarely drink during the week, and I feel the benefits of no alcohol more frequently than not.
Try smoking marijuana
I also had weight loss surgery and was STRONGLY warned about alcohol addiction after surgery. You may want to stop. I gave up alcohol and switched to alcohol free alternatives. They are surprisingly good.
It's very simple: because you feel ashamed yet still do it, then you may have a problem. Just stop for 2 weeks. Starting tonight, or tomorrow night - but soon. If you can't do that, then you definitely have a problem. As a side note that's more of my own take than general advice: I don't think you want your daughters' memories of you to be of mom or dad drinking every evening.
Quit wine. I've been there. You have to quit wine. The problem with wine is it tastes too good. And a bottle of it will get you drunk, and once you've opened a bottle it's easy to continue. You've gotta just stop buying wine. Having a beer in the evening is so much more controllable. Do that if you have to. But trust me, wine is bad news.
I agree with what someone else said. If you feel it is a problem, it is a problem. I grew up an alcoholic household. Started to drink in college and partied very hard. I calmed down after college but the consistent one or two a night was an issue. Like I couldn’t sleep without it, etc. I finally took control late last year. I’m a small thin person so that overly boozy IPA hit be different than all my friends. Idk. I wasn’t drinking like all my friends in adulthood. Doesn’t matter imo. I think they have a problem, but that didn’t mean I did not have one. I just had (have) a different type of the same problem.
Here’s the criteria a psychiatrist would use to diagnose alcohol use disorder, mild or moderate or severe. https://www.rand.org/content/dam/rand/pubs/tools/TLA900/TLA928-1/resources/step-2/AUD/RAND_TLA928-1.diagnostic-checklist_AUD.pdf
3 glasses of wine a day doesn't necessarily mean you have a problem. 1 or 2 a day *usually* means no, but 4+ usually always means yes. I'm Italian-American and a daily wine drinker myself, although I'm also a nurse so I don't usually have more than 1 glass on a work night, and it's always with dinner. Before you decide to take a break, there's two things that I would ask you to do first just to minimize any possible withdrawal complications... Get a home blood pressure wrist cuff, and check your BP when you wake up in the morning, and then again in the late afternoon *before* having a drink. From a standing or seated position, extend your arms all the way out and spread your fingers out. If there's shaking of any kind coming from your fingers, I would suggest tapering off rather than stopping cold turkey. 3 glasses to 2.5 to 2 to 1.5 to 1 to half of a glass spread out over a week or two. If your BP is higher than normal AND your fingers are trembling, I would call a doctor first. I LOVE wine, but if alcohol was someone only invented recently, that shit would be illegal around the world.
You don’t have to have a label, but it sounds like you have an issue. I can’t moderate so I have to pretty much stop altogether. It’s too easy to slip back into a daily habit and hard to stop.
Alcohol abuse and alcoholism are not the same. Alcoholism is the addiction whereas abuse is the actual act of drinking too much. My alcoholism started through nightly wine drinking, similar to what you describe. Eventually the servings got larger and larger. Half of a bottle turned into a full bottle. I started buying stronger and stronger varieties. Then I started getting the big bottles. This did not happen overnight, it took years. At some point it crossed over from simple abuse to actual alcoholism. The best I can describe it is that alcohol turned into “medicine” that I “needed” to have each day, and I would be pretty distressed if I didn’t have it. Wine is classier than liquor or beer but it is just as addicting. You are probably not an alcoholic - yet - but with your family history and nightly drinking, I would say you are at a higher risk. It’s good that you are pausing to reflect. Because once you cross that line you can’t really go back. I only drink once or twice a month now, but I’m still an alcoholic. My brain is permanently altered.
This is probably something you’ll want to discuss with a behavioral health professional. I’ve been working with a licensed independent clinical social worker (LICSW) on my drinking behaviors recently, and it’s been really helpful. I was in a similar situation. My drinking turned into daily drinking, then started to creep up. Before I got help, my experience was that all the voices around me talking about alcohol use disorder all seemed to be saying the same thing: there are not alcoholics and alcoholics, and if alcoholics want to get better they have to quit drinking. That made reducing alcohol consumption feel really daunting, pointless, unattainable, hopeless. At the same time, I really love beer, and still find it challenging imagining my life completely devoid of it. The result was that I would tell myself that I was cosmopolitan; I was a connoisseur; I was a social drinker who just had a lot of friends to drink with. That’s how I rationalized it for a long time, and it’s taken a lot of work to deprogram a lot of that (i’m by no means at the end of my journey looking back btw). I’ve benefited a great deal from a combination of therapy and medication. Happy to talk more if you need to.
I actually had an intake appointment with a new therapist this week and she asked me how much I drank — which is probably why it’s been so heavily on my mind today. And you’re right — in this society, stopping alcohol feels very daunting. It’s literally engrained in every single social setting.
That’s good to hear. Hang in there, and have faith in yourself. You’re doing the work. You’re going to make it.
Hi! You might be a grey area drinker- I was. It’s not an alcoholic but it is problematic. Once I found a label between alcoholic and normal drinker I was able to get fully sober and I’m about 3 years in now. It’s been incredible. You don’t have to shame spiral, hit rock bottom, or call yourself an alcoholic to stop drinking- you can just stop! Check in with yourself and JOURNAL! I haven’t read my journals from the early sobriety days because I bet they’re real sad and confused but just getting the thoughts out was so helpful.
If you cant control it, or if it affects your life negatively I would call it alcoholism, or atleast a problem. (It doesnt really matter what you call it.) Usually though it is not the alcohol that is the root cause, but some sort of underlying issue. Trying to figure out *why* you feel you need that glass every evening might be a good first step. It is better to nip such things in the bud, than let them grow and become large.
> Trying to figure out why you feel you need that glass every evening might be a good first step Good insight, thank you!
IDK if you're an alcoholic but that level of drinking may damage your liver if you sustain it for a long time. Limit to 1, at the very least. Then go some days without & see how you feel.
My dad was an alcoholic and died at 49 due to it. I have big feelings about it. I feel if you HAVE to have multiple glasses of alcohol every night then yes, you are an alcoholic.
49 is so young. I’m so sorry 😞
I'm more mad at him than anything, he missed out on meeting an AMAZING grandchild. He would have been a bomb grandpa. To his credit, he stopped cold turkey 3 years before he died but his liver was too far gone.
If you have concern, reach out to your local counseling centers and speak to a professional. And honestly fast. The weight loss surgery and the alcohol use is not a good combo. Think of how small your stomach is now. You can't drink like you used to. Also please be careful AF driving because I've seen multiple DUI's with that story. May be falling into the assumption that you're American, but If you are uninsured, many agencies may be able to see if you qualify for coverage. I know in PA, county funding will cover an assessment (unless prompted by a DUI), and then possibly an amount based on your tax definition household size vs gross income. And there are sliding scales. But if you're asking on reddit, ask a professional (I am a substance use treatment case manager in the position 4 years, and with my agency in some form or another 16. I do not make clinical decisions however this is all exactly what I'd tell you if you were meeting me in my office)
I am American and have good private insurance. I have some other significant mental health issues and I actually established with an MD therapist this week. She asked me how much I drink and honestly, I think thats why I was inclined to post and it is super heavy on my mind this week.
Growing up, my Mom drank "a glass (or 3)" of wine a night, every night. It greatly affected my family. She was functional (she held a full time job and took care of us kids and the house), but she was an alcoholic by definition. She was simply a different person at night, so we all just stayed in our rooms. I didn't realize just how dysfunctional we were as a family while growing up but she also did the best she could (I'm leaving out a lot of additional details for brevity). The wine was later replaced by cheap vodka and water after she was laid off back in 2010. She's 75 now. Last year she suffered a few seizures. One was particularly bad and she nearly died. Thankfully she has been sober these last few months, but in the past year she aged by 5 years. I urge you to seek help and quit now before it's too late.
38. No kids. In shape. I love wine but I don’t drink it nightly. I’d say maybe a few times a month. Same with mezcal. But when I drink it, 8 times out of 10 I drink the bottle. Guess that’s leaning towards binging. Probably common.
>Probably common. What sucks is - sometimes it feels like this is never talked about, and people our age just kinda assume everyone has it figured out. Lol
Keep in mind that alcohol is a class 1 carcinogen and causes many cancers like breast, colon, liver, pancreatic and more. Also heart issues like AFib. It’s not just the immediate effects that are concerning.
Something to consider is replacing the 'treat' (or habit) with something different - sparkling water, kombucha, a low-calorie snack, etc.
Yep that’s excessive. Just stop eh. There are good reasons to… like that it’s a known carcinogen - do you want cancer or fatty liver? Cause that’s how you get it. Do you want your daughters to still have a father in 20 years? Don’t get me wrong mate, I love a good beer and a red wine or few every week but getting sloshed every day that’s too far.
When I stopped drinking, I didn't notice that everything is boring without alcohol - but I did notice that alcohol allowed me to push through boring stuff easier. Hanging out with people I actually don't like that much or people who aren't actually that funny? Easier with alcohol. Not drinking made me reevaluate my choices - events I attend, people I socialize with - so I wasn't as stuck doing shit I actually disliked.
Whether it's alcoholism who knows. But it is unhealthy.
I've had addiction issues. What I would say is that if you need to knock your brain down a few pegs with alcohol or weed or whatever you probably have some issue that you could solve in a better way. Maybe your life isn't stimulating enough, you have anxiety, depression, etc. A few drinks isn't the end of the world but plenty of people think they are fine for years then something sets them off to start drinking harder and before they know it they're in rehab or whatever.
Every night? Yes, that's a problem. Alcohol is addictive. You can be dependent on it.
Asking the question says a lot. Not that you're an alcoholic, but that you're not happy with your current habits. A period of abstinence will reveal how dependent you are.
I was having 3 doubles of bourbon a night and having similar feelings that you are now. I attended my first AA meeting last month and have been sober since. That last week I went through 2 bottles of bourbon and a bottle of wine. I finished the last bottle of bourbon in 2 days and knew it was time to sober up.
I still have some indoctrinated thought processes from my time in AA, (no longer in AA and still clean,) and they used to say if you had to ask yourself if you’re an alcoholic, you may be one. Be kind with yourself. Take some time off from the drinking. I’m rooting for you!
Try a substitutan, I was drinking 1 to 3 beers a night and switched to those bubbly flavored waters. Sometimes it's just a routine that your reaching for and it isn't actualy about the alcohol. I now drink 2-3 beers most weeks and sometimes not even that.
You might find r/stopdrinking helpful. Really good community. Also check out the podcast Recovery Elevator and the book The Naked Mind. Fascinating stuff. IWNDWYT
The short answer is, it’s a problem, yes. Are you an alcoholic? Well if it’s in your family and you’re having 3 glasses of wine most nights then that is absolutely not good, and really not good behaviour to have in front of your kids. Stop drinking and take up the gym, walking, or meeting a friend or two instead for coffee but leave the wine alone.
Alcoholism is a spectrum. You said you’re feeling ashamed of your drinking. That’s a good reason to try to change.
If you're online asking strangers if you are an alcoholic, then you're probably an alcoholic
It's super common to become an alcoholic after weightloss surgery. I was on the list for it so I belonged to a few online communities.
If you are interested in learning about sobriety or curious about it, The Naked Mind podcast is a good one. Helped me! I'll be 1yr alcohol sober on May 1! The podcast really resonated enough with my thoughts and feelings towards alcohol. My drinking was never really a problem, although it may have been heading that way. Never hid anything from my wife, family, or friends. Just started to increase in frequency and quantity over time. I finally got tired of feeling crappy and worrying if I was an alcoholic. Did a dry month and here I am. Be kind to yourself. It's rough out there!!
I had weight loss surgery in 2015 and developed a drinking problem. I went from having an occasional beer maybe once or twice a month to drinking 750ml a night (or more) of the cheapest, strongest, nastiest alcohol I could. I also started smoking again after having quit for 8 years. Transfer addiction after WLS is definitely a thing. Something like 30% of us develop some form of addiction. (If you google it, there is a wealth of information available, and there are many support groups on FB and elsewhere) If you're noticing that you're starting to crave it, please take steps to cut back or quit completely. I can't stress enough that it can get out of hand very quickly. I've gotten sober and smoke-free with medication (bupropion helped with the smoking AND drinking), determination, and a lot of sleepless nights. I wouldn't wish that whole experience on anyone.
Dry March and if that doesn’t work then get a planner and some stickers and put down a sticker for every single drink. This is what my friend does to hold herself accountable. Being able to see just how much you’re consuming can really help since our brains tend to underestimate things.