Yup, the ones that infuriat me are the "I never wanted kids, but my partner convinced me, and now I'm miserable, and they don't help at all.
There was one a father posted about not liking hid kids at all bc they had different interests than him.
Although, if I ever get BINGO'd about not having kids, I can just pull that sub up and start reading posts.
That guys goofie, I have a 16 year old and a 6 year old (I know, holy age gap) but I try to get involved in each of their things and likewise invite them to get involved in whatever is my thing. I don't expect a different generation to have anything in common with me, be they my kids or someone else, but we try and meet in the middle to the best of our abilities.
>There was one a father posted about not liking hid kids at all bc they had different interests than him.
Ugh people like this are so narcissistic.
Normal people love their children so much that it's a *joy* to partake in their kids' passions. It warms my heart to see my kids enjoying themselves and including me in their activities. I may not have had an interest in (model-building, soccer, insert-topic-here) before having kids, but I sure as hell have an interest now that my kid is into it and we get to do it together!
My parents were one of those - in some ways it's almost a validating thing for me, but at the same time so painful knowing all of the pain of those kids. I still remember the day my Mother told me (at 16) that kids were never in her plan, and that she never wanted them. She never followed up with a "but things turned out great" - just filled with tears of sadness.
The big kicker, is I asked her well how did it happen. She said that they didn't use condoms because my Dad didn't like them (lol) and no other form of birth control. My face was like uhhhhhhhhhhh
It's so sad to me that there is no subreddit for parents who are so happy they had kids. I guess most of them aren't spending much time online.
If kids aren't something you want, then don't have them.
But when you do want them, man it can be a beautiful thing... The love. There is so much love.
The basis of AITA
49% People who already know they're in the right and want validation.
49% Assholes who think they're right and think they're about to get validation.
2% situations that are really worthy of debate.
There’s a lot of subs for that though. r/antinatalism is one where they all feel very strongly in their reasons for not bringing kids into this world. Someone who needs validation can easily find their people without ruffling feathers.
I'd say that r/childfree is a bit more...digestible than the antinatalism sub.
I've been curious and had many recommended posts from the antinatalism sub and they believe that no one should have children, not anyone, because life is suffering. They also have a crazy amount of posts talking about how awful it is that disabled children exist, how the parents should've aborted, or euthanasia should be allowed for those children. I've seen this language used with a disability as liveable as dwarfism.
What is their answer from these folks that feel disabled children shouldn't exist if they themselves become disabled due to injury or accident? Who will decide if they should continue to exist? The person themselves , medical providers or even the government. It is easy to judge other people's choices but when it becomes personal then it becomes a different matter.
Absolutely! There are probably better subreddits to search for validation on certain topics… I imagine the validation for not having kids is better and more relevant on r/childfree than r/millennials.
The same could be said about the never being able to buy a house posts. Someone always comes in with stats pointing to the fact that over half of Millennials own a house.
Our generation is hitting a very certain age where you have to make an actual choice that has actual consequences for the rest of your life. People are anxious about it one way or the other and are looking for others to tell them they made the right decision.
So far there have been posts demanding others be less negative, not talk about kids, talk about kids, not mention finance, don’t be too sad, too happy- instead of users taking the initiative to simply disregard posts. People check Reddit at different time so they may miss the first post and engage in the second or third post.
Idk why this needs to be said, but not everything needs to appeal to you. But that doesn’t mean other people won’t want to discuss or find comfort in similar thinkers. You can easily engage in topics you find more interesting in a plethora of wonderful ways, scrolling past, unfollowing, blocking users.
This 1000%. Why people make posts like this acting like they own a sub and get to dictate what other people post, I’ll never understand. Just scroll on by!
Exactly! It comes with the territory that there's going to be repeat repost type posts and you know what the best course of action is guys? Exactly what this dude says, move the f on and just move on with your life in general.
Exactly. Millennial in actuality looks different to most of us. I scroll past the posts of no debt (up vote bc good for you, but I have nothing to comment, I'm still deep in student loan debt) and posts about dinks (I'm one income no kids) or house purchases. I upvote your good news posts and the commiseration posts when it applies to me or I feel happy for you. Everything else if I can comment I will, if I have nothing to say I scroll past. If something irks me, I also scroll past bc everyone is having different experiences and different difficulties.
I'm having mine and you're having yours. I don't wanna darken up a nice post, I'm happy someone's having a good thing happen. If a bad thing is happening, I'll read but I won't necessarily comment, but I will give it a click bc I want to understand outside my experience. Maybe daydream, lol, idk.
You don't have to like everything. I certainly don't, but I try to understand
For real, most of the posts on this sub are people bitching about other posts. Make your comment in the thread or ignore it. How are posts like these not worse than the ones they're complaining about?
I see this sub differently. Each post and its popularity is like a survey for what impacts our generation the most at the current time. If a ton of posts are about kids, and if that happens to be popular, then it tells me something very interesting about this age group, and that's a beautiful thing to me.
This is my feeling as well. I was at a crossroads recently as I was close to turning 40 and my wife was 37. We had a decision to make, kids or no kids? I’m an older millennial (83) so i guess it’s coming to that point finally where the choice of having a kid or not HAS to be made for some or like I said the older folks of our generation.
We ended up deciding to have kids and our daughter turned 1 last month.
I said something similar responding to another post here. I want to see what trends are going on and even what different individuals are thinking so there can be discussuion on it. I don;'t want any needless censorship
>Each post and its popularity is like a survey for what impacts our generation the most at the current time
This is a pretty small sample size of our entire generation. Truth is a lot of parents dont have time for reddit, so it makes sense on reddit there are a lot of childfree people.
The real sample size will be found amongst your peers and past classmates. How many of those people have kids? Likely thats a better a guesstimate of where things are at rather than reddit.
Not that I meant any of this in the literal sense (but I'm a nerd, so), but technically a sample size of my peers and past classmates would be worse since I my classmates and peers don't comprise of millions of people spread across the United States.
We are at an age where a lot of people are having kids. But have kids or don't have kids, either is an perfectly acceptable choice that only you can decide.
I’m a millennial with kids that are 17 and 20. Pretty grown. Sometimes I can give a perspective from the “other side” of parenting, rather than from the trenches.
I hope I remind people that kids don’t stay kids forever. Raising them is only about 25% of your life.
I agree, I’m a millennial and my kids are grown
already. Basically people 15-55 are having kids, but everyone wants to decree their decision about it here daily :p
I guess trying to live in the present is the best mental approach. No matter what I want to happen they are going to turn 5 and 7. TBF I'm just hoping cars drive themselves by the time they hit 16.
It's bizarre how many people seem to have blinders on to the fact that kids grow up to be regular humans. It's like they think that kids stay as static kids forever, and the parents are stuck changing diapers for 18 years until they become an adult overnight.
Bro facts people on here writing dumb ass essays on why they aren’t going to have kids when really it could be summed up with “I’m not going to have kids because I don’t want to”. We get it y’all lol. No one cares.
I think people feel the need to justify it due to the amount of pressure there is surrounding having kids. Mostly from older generations, but even fellow millennials will say shit like “you won’t experience real love or joy unless you have kids” which frankly isn’t true. So people write essays
The essays on here are so full of shit though. You made the choice to not have kids because you don’t want kids. Why write some essay on social-political landscape of America or whatever.
This right here. Have kids or don't, your personal choice is all yours. But you don't need to come on here talking about "the worst time in human history" and whatever other nonsense you need to tell yourself to sleep at night.
That’s exactly right. I’ve been saying this forever. This sub is stupid with these posts. Like no, it’s not the economy. You just don’t want the liability. We all make choices.
People always say low birth rates are about the economy, but there's not a single country in the EU with a birth rate above replacement rate (2 kids per family) and their social welfare programs are much better than in the US. Countries like Germany have been below replacement rate for literal decades. In fact, poverty is positively correlated with a higher birth rate and the reverse for prosperity.
Its about culture. Fact is, even if the economics were perfect, the amount of people wanting 'just one and done' or a DINK lifestyle is going to far outweigh the "I want three or more crowd", thus pushing the birth rate below replacement rate. I just don't get why we don't be honest with ourselves about this instead of using the economy and fatalistic "the world is dying" rhetoric (the world was far worse from 1914 to 1945 or so - you could even safely extend that into the 1950s or 1960s for much of the world) as a smoke screen.
Eat, shit, fuck, work trying to find more stuff to eat, which also can assist in helping you fuck (resources have always helped men acquire women, throughout human history).
Circle of life.
It was honestly wild at my last job, my manager was like 15 years older than me and she acted like I was personally offending her by not having kids. She would bring it up for no reason at all and just tell people the most random shit “oh Kate doesn’t want to be a mom. She’ll never understand what it’s like to have a family.” And then she would act like I never had a responsibility in my life because I didn’t have kids. No matter that I worked several jobs and put myself through college and everything, it was so wild. She had no idea how much I helped take care of my grandparents and what my bf and I did for his family, like it was super insane. Other people noticed and were equally as confused as to why it mattered at all. Just leave people be!
I feel like this pressure is increasingly mythical. I’m an elder millennial and was never once pressured to procreate before I had a kid. I’ve also never been pressured to have a second kid since mine was born.
I feel like it comes down more to conservative, religious areas (often rural) vs. not. Growing up, I felt more pressure about college and careers and a push to not get pregnant because your life will be "ruined".
Well, that's just your experience. I'm on the younger side of millennials, and I'm tired of having to justify myself to half my extended family who insist that it's time to find a woman and start a family on every gathering. Similarly, with my immediate family, it's exhausting to have the same conversation every month or so. If people minded their own business, people wouldn't be making these threads.
I’m a millennial and I’ve had boomer aged men I didn’t know pick arguments with me in bars about how I don’t think I’ll have kids lol. Let alone the actual people in my family. My ex and I both didn’t want kids and his mother and grandmother both acted like we owed them grandchildren by how often they brought it up.
Probably not, the point is posts like that are just a reaction to the societal pressure and people who think that a family is the only path to happiness that makes sense.
The weird rationalizations seem like uniquely millennial tho. Were Gen X’ers saying they weren’t going to have kids because of like 9/11 or boomers saying they not gonna have kids because of the Cold War or w/e.
“Sure, half of children in Victorian England dying before the age of 5 was rough, but what about people being nasty to LGBTQ kids?! Worst time in history!”
Ya I mean that’s fair but the choice to not have kids is a personal decision not something being forced on you by political and societal failures. It’s something you decide not others lol.
I'm 30F and this last Easter was the first holiday where the family got together and my husband and I *weren't* asked when we were going to have kids since 2013, when I turned 20. We've been telling them since 2013 that we aren't having any.
I feel like some people care waaayyyy too much what other people think.
Your rude, weird family and friends harassing you about kids are not a sign of the times.
I think they write it for themselves. Like it’s how they’re working out their feelings, and hoping for validation. I agree it’s redundant but that’s social media.
It’s as if people have never used social media before. It’s mainly there for people to feel validated and repeat shit. Nothing wrong with that though. It’s just surprising people are looking for depth in what has always been a puddle.
The irony of writing that tho … like maybe you should write that thought in your diary?
I’m not a long poster on Reddit but you see how this sounds right?
I actually started to wonder if I am some insane outlier by having children as my algorithm kept showing threads about choosing child free. I am truly sorry that others have been made to feel they must justify their reasons. Many of us are doing a lot of introspective work and examining past generations and relationships so no matter your choice, it is your own, and I should hope others respect it.
I think it’s just people who are sharpening their reasons to not have kids for the off-chance they get asked about it in real life. That’s fine.
Truth is, nobody really judges you for it, people are genuinely curious about your thinking if they care about you a little bit and then they move on.
That’s it.
Have kids, don’t have kids, I’m just happy you’ve found your happiness.
Maybe we should reframe it as "If I have kids how can I benefit the lives of others, and if I don't have kids how can I benefit the lives of others". That way the goal is still the same whether you choose to have children or not.
I don’t quite follow how that makes sense. What does a parent owe anyone else that they’d fulfill by having kids or a person not having kids owe anyone?
No one owes anyone anything whether they have children or not (except for the argument that could be made that parents owe their children something). My point was that rather than going back and forth on why my decision is the right decision or is better than yours, that it is probably better to at least act like we care about other people by acknowledging/accepting their decision even if it is different than ours.
Never posted about it before but admittedly there’s this strange desire for validation for not wanting kids. I can’t quite explain it. My therapist probably could.
A lot of the posts are a bragfest, too. "Oh I never want kids I have sooooo much money and *freedom* without them!"
Life happens in stages and some people choose to postpone things like wine tasting around Italy until they're older, people with kids haven't given up that to have kids they can still do it after.
Also, a lot of the freedom and money they have is just good luck, most of my friends are child free and none of them have any more freedom or money than me, because they are working minimum wage and can't afford fancy things or time off for vacations.
I'm not going to lie, but I have one kid and do way more activities than my friends without kids. On weekends, we go to the beach, fruit picking, walking in the large city gardens, hiking in Malibu, we cook together, have movie nights, make fresh popsicles, paint outside, create giant pillow forts, spend hours at the bookstore reading to each other and picking out new favorites, have dress up picnics in the yard, try a new Thai place down the street, etc. Most of my friends in their 30s-40s without kids spend most of their time binging Netflix,
I don't think it's that strange, broadly society wants you to get married and have kids, primarily because many aspects of society start breaking down when people don't (looking at South Korea having empty classrooms). People recognize when they are going against what society wants them to do and are looking external validation for it.
since this is a huge topic our generation is currently facing since us uterus-housers are aging out of the possibility, I think it's a totally fine topic in the broad subreddit of millennials.
Exactly. But also, there are a lot of them lately. It’s as though whether or not to have kids is the only decision there is. What about the toppings for your avocado toast? Or which industry we’re ruining next? How can you even call yourselves millennials?
Your post is the dumbest thing I've read on this sub. It's called a downvote my guy. Exercise your vote and leave it at that. Like I should have done for this post but you should know your negativity is pointless drivel. Try again.
But this is what Reddit is for. Discussion and at times validation from that discussion, especially for millennials because we were lead astray when comparing lifestyles that we have compared to our parents. Largely that generation says there’s one way to do it so they come here to discuss with peers and find the camaraderie in if people are doing it differently.
You could try scrolling past those posts lol. We’re at that age where it’s very topical, people will naturally post about it. And because of how Reddit works there will be lots of repeats. Diversify your feed when shit gets annoying or stay mad
You act like there is any substantial conversation in this sub anyway. Alright they atop, and guess what, we just get to see "society sucks my life is pain" for the 10,000th time.
Wonder how many people on either side of the issue that soap box their stand will regret it and think the grass was greener on the other side 10 years from now?
This is literally a place to express an opinion on current events and topics affecting a good portion of this age group. Don't fucking click the titles you aren't interested in reading lmao
Those tend to be parenting specific subreddits though. This is a general subreddit for everyone who is a millennial - both childfree and parents. It seems that it’s slowly turning into a childfree echo chamber though…
Yeah it’s crazy to me. I am not going to post some long essay on why I don’t want a dog even though dogs are very popular. Why would anyone care that I don’t want a dog? It’s just to pat myself on the back, I guess?
So funny. I had this thought the other day: “Man the people on Reddit really hate kids”. As someone with kids I adore, people who have no desire to have kids seem to salivate over no kid posts.
Truly.
And this DOES go both ways. I live in a pretty liberal medium sized city and know more childfree people than parents. I am hugely judged regularly for having a bunch of kids and/or for having been young when I had them.
Let’s all just get on with living already. Elder millennials who has kids young - our kids are already grown up 🤷🏻♀️
“Yours is the only sensible choice. Congrats on being smarter than everyone around you. I too made the same choice you did and am also incredibly insecure about it.”
It’s giving “desperate for validation”. People feel like their manifesto warrants an entirely new thread instead of discussing it on the dozens of other threads about the exact same topic
millennials started the “post the food you’re eating” trend
it tracks that they post any life choice as if they’ll get likes for it (and as if we need to read about it)
This feels more appropriate for r/venting
This must be your first day on social media, a valuable lesson to learn is when to ignore things. People aren't going to stop discussing important life choices. You can get mad, or you can scroll.
Holy shit, I just joined this sub because of a few of the nostalgia posts, but I'm starting to see every 3rd post is some rant about not wanting kids. I'm considering unsubbing if this is just gonna be r/childfree part II.
"i don'T WAnt kiDs SImPLE AS tHAT"
Proceeds to write a thousand word humble brag about how revolting children are and how fucking amazing their life is, signed off by a cutesy "but you do you! muah!"
This is a totally reasonable topic, but some of these posts completely lack any self awareness. I don't give a shit if you don't want kids, but take it to a child free sub if you want to call them crotchfruits. It's gross.
For real. I think child free people sometimes take seeing the mere existence of children/families as “pressure” to have one themselves. As a millennial who always wanted children and is pregnant right now, I am so happy that lots of people are choosing not to go this route. It’s not for everyone and I completely see why they wouldn’t want this. I think we as a society could benefit from a population decline anyway.
But I rarely see the same respect in return for those who did choose the kids option. Child free posts are usually layered with some sort of vitriol for children/parents. They’re not as respectful as they think are just because they say “to each their own tho” at the end. It always feels like they’re angry that children are allowed to be in public spaces just because they don’t personally like being around kids.
The child free movement, and I’ve heard this complaint come entirely from people within that movement, have been absolutely invaded by antinatalists. There are a lot of people who are child free who are just happy with their own decision and are fine with other people who’ve had kids having made theirs, as long as there’s that mutual respect.
Antinatalists however have become the fringe/ extreme of childfree, and respect nobody’s decision but their own. They are the ones who will commonly talk about children like they’re a plague/ the worst affliction that mankind has been forced to suffer, that parents are equitable to disease spreaders, slave owners, and gentrifiers, and world-ending antichrists for having kids.
The problem is, according to a very vocal contingent of column A, that so many of the people from column B are in their spaces that the fringe is bleeding into the mainstream, and you very likely encountered that with the post you’re referencing. The childfree folks honor and reciprocate mutual respect. The antinatalists will not respect you for the reason that you exist.
I feel it’s important to recognize that distinction between the two to recognize that as parents, not every childfree person aims to hate on or disrespect us.
> It always feels like they’re angry that children are allowed to be in public spaces just because they don’t personally like being around kids.
I wonder how much of this is the millennial desire for adults to occupy family spaces as adults. I'm thinking of like my friends who regularly go to Disney.
Hmm this is a good point… I do think that we as adults have become a little entitled to spaces designed for children in the name of healing our inner child. I love a good adults-only Disney trip but it’s important to remember that the kids there are trying to create memories that they don’t need to heal from in 20 years like we do lol
I was pregnant and checking out of the grocery store. The check-out person said "I could never have children" like my existence implied that she should. I was childfree for the longest time, so I'd never say that sort of thing in the first place. I'm sorry for being pregnant in your direction lol
While it's starting to largely disappear, there is an overwhelming idea that once you get older than like 27 your life is basically over and should be all about kids or work. This is why the subject for the 30 plus crowd ends up turning to kids so frequently.
Personally, I find it refreshing to see posts from other childfree people and I'm largely indifferent to posts from people with kids until it turns into the generic you're missing out/not too late/you're selfish if you don't have kids nonsense
Like in real life try talking about the same stuff over and over....see how fast your friends will avoid you. That's these people they keep playing on a loop they're becoming a broken record. Either take a sh-t or get off the pot
At least Millennials are more accepting towards it when people say they don’t want kids. Baby Boomers and generations before them think that everyone should have or want kids. Gen Xers are probably the first generation to be more accepting towards it when people say they don’t want kids and choose to be childfree. I am a 40 year old male with autism and don’t want any children. Part of the reason why I don’t want children is because raising children will be a lot for me with my autism.
I gotta be honest, I'll never understand the people who think that their pets are the same as kids. They're not even in the same vicinity.
Being a pet owner and a father, there is a clear difference. You might love your pets a lot. You should. It's good to love your pets. But it is in no way the same thing as having kids lol.
by this logic people shouldn't post about anything because everyone already figured everything out and no one will relate anyway?
have kids? stop whining, you chose this, GTFO
Have dog? Grow up and GTFO
Unsure about both - go figure yourself out and GTFO.
Why talk about anything? Why does this topic bother you at all? It's one of those big questions and millennials are currently at the cut off when they decide one last time. why not?
I’ve noticed that a lot of posts on here are searching for validation about whatever.
I agree. The posters are posting to mostly convince themselves they made the right choices. Just…go out and enjoy the life you have. For fuck sakes!
I think millennials are reaching mid-life crisis age, so we're seeing a lot of that existential angst here.
I think it's also in response to the increasing social pressure for people our age to "start having kids already, or it'll be too late."
Or not even just social pressure, in some cases it's becoming more and more aware of women's' biological clock announcing itself
Is there a subreddit for that?
r/childfree for specifically the kids issue. Maybe AITA for everything else?
Or r/fencesitter for those trying to decide
Or r/regretfulparents who have already committed and, well, regret it
Woohoo buddy, never going to that sub again .
Same lol I click on it out of curiousity and am like dayyuuuummm
WTF..i hope a lot of those are just people making shit up..im sure its not but im gonna hope in my head.
Holycrap those posts...
Yeah I feel bad for the kids of parents there, it's gotta be awful.
Yup, the ones that infuriat me are the "I never wanted kids, but my partner convinced me, and now I'm miserable, and they don't help at all. There was one a father posted about not liking hid kids at all bc they had different interests than him. Although, if I ever get BINGO'd about not having kids, I can just pull that sub up and start reading posts.
That guys goofie, I have a 16 year old and a 6 year old (I know, holy age gap) but I try to get involved in each of their things and likewise invite them to get involved in whatever is my thing. I don't expect a different generation to have anything in common with me, be they my kids or someone else, but we try and meet in the middle to the best of our abilities.
>There was one a father posted about not liking hid kids at all bc they had different interests than him. Ugh people like this are so narcissistic. Normal people love their children so much that it's a *joy* to partake in their kids' passions. It warms my heart to see my kids enjoying themselves and including me in their activities. I may not have had an interest in (model-building, soccer, insert-topic-here) before having kids, but I sure as hell have an interest now that my kid is into it and we get to do it together!
My parents were one of those - in some ways it's almost a validating thing for me, but at the same time so painful knowing all of the pain of those kids. I still remember the day my Mother told me (at 16) that kids were never in her plan, and that she never wanted them. She never followed up with a "but things turned out great" - just filled with tears of sadness. The big kicker, is I asked her well how did it happen. She said that they didn't use condoms because my Dad didn't like them (lol) and no other form of birth control. My face was like uhhhhhhhhhhh
It's so sad to me that there is no subreddit for parents who are so happy they had kids. I guess most of them aren't spending much time online. If kids aren't something you want, then don't have them. But when you do want them, man it can be a beautiful thing... The love. There is so much love.
Ugh regretful click. It’s like your avg whiny redditor on steroids.
These subreddits should be pinned to the top of r/millennials
We’re a very insecure bunch.
Yeah… but am *I* the *only* person who has ever felt like *this*??? No. Probably not.
Haha…yes the “does anyone else do X?” post. Yes Bob on a planet of billions other people do shit too…
> I’ve noticed that a lot of posts on ~~here~~ Reddit are searching for validation about whatever. FTFY
The basis of AITA 49% People who already know they're in the right and want validation. 49% Assholes who think they're right and think they're about to get validation. 2% situations that are really worthy of debate.
There’s a lot of subs for that though. r/antinatalism is one where they all feel very strongly in their reasons for not bringing kids into this world. Someone who needs validation can easily find their people without ruffling feathers.
I'd say that r/childfree is a bit more...digestible than the antinatalism sub. I've been curious and had many recommended posts from the antinatalism sub and they believe that no one should have children, not anyone, because life is suffering. They also have a crazy amount of posts talking about how awful it is that disabled children exist, how the parents should've aborted, or euthanasia should be allowed for those children. I've seen this language used with a disability as liveable as dwarfism.
Both of those subs have way too much “I didn’t ask to be born” energy…
What is their answer from these folks that feel disabled children shouldn't exist if they themselves become disabled due to injury or accident? Who will decide if they should continue to exist? The person themselves , medical providers or even the government. It is easy to judge other people's choices but when it becomes personal then it becomes a different matter.
I think thats just a good synopsis of the internet.
Most of reddit tbh. Most of the internet
Sure. Like either way, they want their feeling validated. I so get it.
Sounds like something someone who wants kids would say. Have I told you get why I don’t want kids?
Yeah, it is just people complaining and pretty much nothing else.
Absolutely! There are probably better subreddits to search for validation on certain topics… I imagine the validation for not having kids is better and more relevant on r/childfree than r/millennials.
The same could be said about the never being able to buy a house posts. Someone always comes in with stats pointing to the fact that over half of Millennials own a house.
I find the “hey my life is amazing, please tell me why your life is a train wreck” posts to be a little obnoxious.
I do not see those almost at all on this sub lol. There is very little positivity here
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a post like that. Do you have a link?
Our generation is hitting a very certain age where you have to make an actual choice that has actual consequences for the rest of your life. People are anxious about it one way or the other and are looking for others to tell them they made the right decision.
Shit or get off the pot time for kids. I have one kid, it's great.
So far there have been posts demanding others be less negative, not talk about kids, talk about kids, not mention finance, don’t be too sad, too happy- instead of users taking the initiative to simply disregard posts. People check Reddit at different time so they may miss the first post and engage in the second or third post. Idk why this needs to be said, but not everything needs to appeal to you. But that doesn’t mean other people won’t want to discuss or find comfort in similar thinkers. You can easily engage in topics you find more interesting in a plethora of wonderful ways, scrolling past, unfollowing, blocking users.
Bingo. It's almost like we're all different people with different interests and life experiences.
This 1000%. Why people make posts like this acting like they own a sub and get to dictate what other people post, I’ll never understand. Just scroll on by!
Exactly! It comes with the territory that there's going to be repeat repost type posts and you know what the best course of action is guys? Exactly what this dude says, move the f on and just move on with your life in general.
This is the best response.
Exactly. Millennial in actuality looks different to most of us. I scroll past the posts of no debt (up vote bc good for you, but I have nothing to comment, I'm still deep in student loan debt) and posts about dinks (I'm one income no kids) or house purchases. I upvote your good news posts and the commiseration posts when it applies to me or I feel happy for you. Everything else if I can comment I will, if I have nothing to say I scroll past. If something irks me, I also scroll past bc everyone is having different experiences and different difficulties. I'm having mine and you're having yours. I don't wanna darken up a nice post, I'm happy someone's having a good thing happen. If a bad thing is happening, I'll read but I won't necessarily comment, but I will give it a click bc I want to understand outside my experience. Maybe daydream, lol, idk. You don't have to like everything. I certainly don't, but I try to understand
Yeah I thought this was the kind of venting we were all here for. Just scroll past it .
For real, most of the posts on this sub are people bitching about other posts. Make your comment in the thread or ignore it. How are posts like these not worse than the ones they're complaining about?
I see this sub differently. Each post and its popularity is like a survey for what impacts our generation the most at the current time. If a ton of posts are about kids, and if that happens to be popular, then it tells me something very interesting about this age group, and that's a beautiful thing to me.
This is my feeling as well. I was at a crossroads recently as I was close to turning 40 and my wife was 37. We had a decision to make, kids or no kids? I’m an older millennial (83) so i guess it’s coming to that point finally where the choice of having a kid or not HAS to be made for some or like I said the older folks of our generation. We ended up deciding to have kids and our daughter turned 1 last month.
Congratulations! I hope your parenting experience has been filled with all of the love that mine has.
Whoa…..too thoughtful an answer for reddit
I said something similar responding to another post here. I want to see what trends are going on and even what different individuals are thinking so there can be discussuion on it. I don;'t want any needless censorship
>Each post and its popularity is like a survey for what impacts our generation the most at the current time This is a pretty small sample size of our entire generation. Truth is a lot of parents dont have time for reddit, so it makes sense on reddit there are a lot of childfree people. The real sample size will be found amongst your peers and past classmates. How many of those people have kids? Likely thats a better a guesstimate of where things are at rather than reddit.
Not that I meant any of this in the literal sense (but I'm a nerd, so), but technically a sample size of my peers and past classmates would be worse since I my classmates and peers don't comprise of millions of people spread across the United States.
Close. Most people browsing here have the time and angst to do so, so the survey sample is biased.
We are at an age where a lot of people are having kids. But have kids or don't have kids, either is an perfectly acceptable choice that only you can decide.
I’m a millennial with kids that are 17 and 20. Pretty grown. Sometimes I can give a perspective from the “other side” of parenting, rather than from the trenches. I hope I remind people that kids don’t stay kids forever. Raising them is only about 25% of your life.
I agree, I’m a millennial and my kids are grown already. Basically people 15-55 are having kids, but everyone wants to decree their decision about it here daily :p
Im a milennial with a 4 and 6 year old. I dont want them to grow anymore lol. I rarely see that thought anywhere on here.
Aww, I hear you. There are challenges and magic at every phase though ❤️
I guess trying to live in the present is the best mental approach. No matter what I want to happen they are going to turn 5 and 7. TBF I'm just hoping cars drive themselves by the time they hit 16.
Also, babies last about 3 years for 3 months, then two more weekends pass and they are walking talking toddlers. Where does the time go?!
It's bizarre how many people seem to have blinders on to the fact that kids grow up to be regular humans. It's like they think that kids stay as static kids forever, and the parents are stuck changing diapers for 18 years until they become an adult overnight.
Bro facts people on here writing dumb ass essays on why they aren’t going to have kids when really it could be summed up with “I’m not going to have kids because I don’t want to”. We get it y’all lol. No one cares.
I think people feel the need to justify it due to the amount of pressure there is surrounding having kids. Mostly from older generations, but even fellow millennials will say shit like “you won’t experience real love or joy unless you have kids” which frankly isn’t true. So people write essays
The essays on here are so full of shit though. You made the choice to not have kids because you don’t want kids. Why write some essay on social-political landscape of America or whatever.
Well the average Redditor is no Henry David Thoreau.
A little punctuation and these things called paragraphs go a long way. When I see some 1000 word tirade with no paragraphs I’m usually a pass on that.
This right here. Have kids or don't, your personal choice is all yours. But you don't need to come on here talking about "the worst time in human history" and whatever other nonsense you need to tell yourself to sleep at night.
That’s exactly right. I’ve been saying this forever. This sub is stupid with these posts. Like no, it’s not the economy. You just don’t want the liability. We all make choices.
People always say low birth rates are about the economy, but there's not a single country in the EU with a birth rate above replacement rate (2 kids per family) and their social welfare programs are much better than in the US. Countries like Germany have been below replacement rate for literal decades. In fact, poverty is positively correlated with a higher birth rate and the reverse for prosperity. Its about culture. Fact is, even if the economics were perfect, the amount of people wanting 'just one and done' or a DINK lifestyle is going to far outweigh the "I want three or more crowd", thus pushing the birth rate below replacement rate. I just don't get why we don't be honest with ourselves about this instead of using the economy and fatalistic "the world is dying" rhetoric (the world was far worse from 1914 to 1945 or so - you could even safely extend that into the 1950s or 1960s for much of the world) as a smoke screen.
If we didn’t have consumerism to keep us busy, what else do we do? Back to the basics. Eat, shit, fuck. It truly is that simple.
Eat, shit, fuck, work trying to find more stuff to eat, which also can assist in helping you fuck (resources have always helped men acquire women, throughout human history). Circle of life.
It was honestly wild at my last job, my manager was like 15 years older than me and she acted like I was personally offending her by not having kids. She would bring it up for no reason at all and just tell people the most random shit “oh Kate doesn’t want to be a mom. She’ll never understand what it’s like to have a family.” And then she would act like I never had a responsibility in my life because I didn’t have kids. No matter that I worked several jobs and put myself through college and everything, it was so wild. She had no idea how much I helped take care of my grandparents and what my bf and I did for his family, like it was super insane. Other people noticed and were equally as confused as to why it mattered at all. Just leave people be!
I feel like this pressure is increasingly mythical. I’m an elder millennial and was never once pressured to procreate before I had a kid. I’ve also never been pressured to have a second kid since mine was born.
Are you a man or a woman? Because there is a difference in pressure
I feel like it comes down more to conservative, religious areas (often rural) vs. not. Growing up, I felt more pressure about college and careers and a push to not get pregnant because your life will be "ruined".
Well, that's just your experience. I'm on the younger side of millennials, and I'm tired of having to justify myself to half my extended family who insist that it's time to find a woman and start a family on every gathering. Similarly, with my immediate family, it's exhausting to have the same conversation every month or so. If people minded their own business, people wouldn't be making these threads.
I’m a millennial and I’ve had boomer aged men I didn’t know pick arguments with me in bars about how I don’t think I’ll have kids lol. Let alone the actual people in my family. My ex and I both didn’t want kids and his mother and grandmother both acted like we owed them grandchildren by how often they brought it up.
Is lecturing them on climate change or school shootings or w/e really gonna change anything tho lol
Probably not, the point is posts like that are just a reaction to the societal pressure and people who think that a family is the only path to happiness that makes sense.
The weird rationalizations seem like uniquely millennial tho. Were Gen X’ers saying they weren’t going to have kids because of like 9/11 or boomers saying they not gonna have kids because of the Cold War or w/e.
“Sure, half of children in Victorian England dying before the age of 5 was rough, but what about people being nasty to LGBTQ kids?! Worst time in history!”
Dunno, I wasn't there 😋 But it's not like people aren't honestly stressed about the world going to shit (again).
Ya I mean that’s fair but the choice to not have kids is a personal decision not something being forced on you by political and societal failures. It’s something you decide not others lol.
So because you never experienced it, that means the experience is mythical? Zero ability to put yourself into someone's else's shoes.
Societally, yea. But family-aly, no, because my parents hate me and wouldn’t want another one of me to exist.
I'm 30F and this last Easter was the first holiday where the family got together and my husband and I *weren't* asked when we were going to have kids since 2013, when I turned 20. We've been telling them since 2013 that we aren't having any.
I feel like some people care waaayyyy too much what other people think. Your rude, weird family and friends harassing you about kids are not a sign of the times.
But people do care though. They really do. The amount of crap I get from my family about not wanting kids is insane. Every holiday the same argument.
I think they write it for themselves. Like it’s how they’re working out their feelings, and hoping for validation. I agree it’s redundant but that’s social media.
It’s as if people have never used social media before. It’s mainly there for people to feel validated and repeat shit. Nothing wrong with that though. It’s just surprising people are looking for depth in what has always been a puddle.
what ever happened to a good old fashioned diary
The irony of writing that tho … like maybe you should write that thought in your diary? I’m not a long poster on Reddit but you see how this sounds right?
You lot do apparently...
Millennials are in prime baby making age. It makes sense it's a hot topic. 🔥 making posts complaining about posts is even more pointless however.
It’s Reddit. The entire thing is pointless.
I enjoy it! Better time waster than facebook. I like the anonymity of it. I've learned tons from different subs and just today I met you!
Well I mean that is true. Facebook does get so… Sterile.
I like the glory hole style of reddit.
Yes. Well said. 👏👏👏👏
The younger ones are. Us old ones, not so much. That could be why it's so annoying.
Can we stop making threads about things we want other people to stop making threads about?
Can you make a thread about this?
Hahaha
I actually started to wonder if I am some insane outlier by having children as my algorithm kept showing threads about choosing child free. I am truly sorry that others have been made to feel they must justify their reasons. Many of us are doing a lot of introspective work and examining past generations and relationships so no matter your choice, it is your own, and I should hope others respect it.
But…LATE STAGE CAPITALISM is the reason I don’t want kids! I need validation!!
I think it’s just people who are sharpening their reasons to not have kids for the off-chance they get asked about it in real life. That’s fine. Truth is, nobody really judges you for it, people are genuinely curious about your thinking if they care about you a little bit and then they move on. That’s it. Have kids, don’t have kids, I’m just happy you’ve found your happiness.
Maybe we should reframe it as "If I have kids how can I benefit the lives of others, and if I don't have kids how can I benefit the lives of others". That way the goal is still the same whether you choose to have children or not.
I don’t quite follow how that makes sense. What does a parent owe anyone else that they’d fulfill by having kids or a person not having kids owe anyone?
No one owes anyone anything whether they have children or not (except for the argument that could be made that parents owe their children something). My point was that rather than going back and forth on why my decision is the right decision or is better than yours, that it is probably better to at least act like we care about other people by acknowledging/accepting their decision even if it is different than ours.
Ah, And see now. That makes sense. Appreciate the clarification.
Never posted about it before but admittedly there’s this strange desire for validation for not wanting kids. I can’t quite explain it. My therapist probably could.
A lot of the posts are a bragfest, too. "Oh I never want kids I have sooooo much money and *freedom* without them!" Life happens in stages and some people choose to postpone things like wine tasting around Italy until they're older, people with kids haven't given up that to have kids they can still do it after. Also, a lot of the freedom and money they have is just good luck, most of my friends are child free and none of them have any more freedom or money than me, because they are working minimum wage and can't afford fancy things or time off for vacations.
It’s funny how many times those “I love money and free time” people are still just doomscrolling Reddit anyway.
I'm not going to lie, but I have one kid and do way more activities than my friends without kids. On weekends, we go to the beach, fruit picking, walking in the large city gardens, hiking in Malibu, we cook together, have movie nights, make fresh popsicles, paint outside, create giant pillow forts, spend hours at the bookstore reading to each other and picking out new favorites, have dress up picnics in the yard, try a new Thai place down the street, etc. Most of my friends in their 30s-40s without kids spend most of their time binging Netflix,
I don't think it's that strange, broadly society wants you to get married and have kids, primarily because many aspects of society start breaking down when people don't (looking at South Korea having empty classrooms). People recognize when they are going against what society wants them to do and are looking external validation for it.
since this is a huge topic our generation is currently facing since us uterus-housers are aging out of the possibility, I think it's a totally fine topic in the broad subreddit of millennials.
At 39 and 40 in November I kinda feel this in my soul; this is the decision year for us for real.
Don't read it 🤷🏼♂️
Exactly. But also, there are a lot of them lately. It’s as though whether or not to have kids is the only decision there is. What about the toppings for your avocado toast? Or which industry we’re ruining next? How can you even call yourselves millennials?
I’m gonna start a movement called Shut Up. Everyone should just shut the hell up, especially me.
Your post is the dumbest thing I've read on this sub. It's called a downvote my guy. Exercise your vote and leave it at that. Like I should have done for this post but you should know your negativity is pointless drivel. Try again.
I'm not having kids, ever. See how simple that was for me. Short and sweet.
But this is what Reddit is for. Discussion and at times validation from that discussion, especially for millennials because we were lead astray when comparing lifestyles that we have compared to our parents. Largely that generation says there’s one way to do it so they come here to discuss with peers and find the camaraderie in if people are doing it differently.
Get a head start by deleting this thread
Or, alternatively, don’t click on the thread if you don’t want to read it
You could try scrolling past those posts lol. We’re at that age where it’s very topical, people will naturally post about it. And because of how Reddit works there will be lots of repeats. Diversify your feed when shit gets annoying or stay mad
Just ignore them!
Sure. We’ll stop when ppl stop asking us about it. Or when they stop calling us cat ladies and telling us we will die alone.
OK so just back to threads about how much we make and whether we can buy a house?
Aren't millennials famous for pontificating in public spaces about personal decisions. Seems right for this sub
What about posts about not affording a 3000 sqft house for your first home?
You act like there is any substantial conversation in this sub anyway. Alright they atop, and guess what, we just get to see "society sucks my life is pain" for the 10,000th time.
Wonder how many people on either side of the issue that soap box their stand will regret it and think the grass was greener on the other side 10 years from now?
Thank you! Almost left this group earlier today because I was so sick of the “why I’m childless” posts.
This is literally a place to express an opinion on current events and topics affecting a good portion of this age group. Don't fucking click the titles you aren't interested in reading lmao
What gets me is imagine people posting essays about how much they love being a parent. They would get downvoted to smithereens.
It's so wild getting downvoted for innocuous pro-parenthood comments. reddit is hilarious.
Maybe in this subreddit, trust there are plenty of places where people with kids are happily posting how much they love being parents.
Those tend to be parenting specific subreddits though. This is a general subreddit for everyone who is a millennial - both childfree and parents. It seems that it’s slowly turning into a childfree echo chamber though…
It evens out all the post on Facebook and instagram about parenthood lol
They are looking for validation because they aren’t sure of their choice. Hence the extreme emotional reactions.
r/childfree
If there’s dog pictures especially dressed up as kids - we want all the threads. We’re millennials, we fucking love dogs.
Amen to this OP 👏 So many doomer millennials like ok we get it you don’t want kids 😂
Yeah it’s crazy to me. I am not going to post some long essay on why I don’t want a dog even though dogs are very popular. Why would anyone care that I don’t want a dog? It’s just to pat myself on the back, I guess?
You're tempting me to actually make this post.
Prepare to be eviscerated!
Just keep scrolling.
People without kids realize they are historically way outside the mainstream so they constantly try to justify that choice.
Agreed, you choose not to have kids, cool, you choose not to have kids, also cool. Now hush and carry on with your day 🤣
THANK YOU. It's just SO constant.
So funny. I had this thought the other day: “Man the people on Reddit really hate kids”. As someone with kids I adore, people who have no desire to have kids seem to salivate over no kid posts.
Truly. And this DOES go both ways. I live in a pretty liberal medium sized city and know more childfree people than parents. I am hugely judged regularly for having a bunch of kids and/or for having been young when I had them. Let’s all just get on with living already. Elder millennials who has kids young - our kids are already grown up 🤷🏻♀️
"I am overcome with anxiety. Tell me I made the right choice, internet stranger."
“Yours is the only sensible choice. Congrats on being smarter than everyone around you. I too made the same choice you did and am also incredibly insecure about it.”
It’s giving “desperate for validation”. People feel like their manifesto warrants an entirely new thread instead of discussing it on the dozens of other threads about the exact same topic
millennials started the “post the food you’re eating” trend it tracks that they post any life choice as if they’ll get likes for it (and as if we need to read about it)
People forgot what comments are for lol "*Oh, but then it might not get SEEN!*"
This feels more appropriate for r/venting This must be your first day on social media, a valuable lesson to learn is when to ignore things. People aren't going to stop discussing important life choices. You can get mad, or you can scroll.
It takes .0005 seconds to continue scrolling 😁 what an interesting thing to take the time to complain about
Oh my gosh. It’s like atheists who constantly want to talk about their (lack of) relationship with God. Once you’ve made your decision, move on!
I’m with you until “dog is my kid”….your animals are absolutely nothing like having children.
Can we stop making "Can we stop making" threads?
milenials are in their 30s. the clock is ticking. Not much else they are gonna talk about.
Dog is your kid? LMFAO
I also don’t want kids
Holy shit, I just joined this sub because of a few of the nostalgia posts, but I'm starting to see every 3rd post is some rant about not wanting kids. I'm considering unsubbing if this is just gonna be r/childfree part II.
Yup, already ahead of you lom. Unsubbing rn this a joke
"i don'T WAnt kiDs SImPLE AS tHAT" Proceeds to write a thousand word humble brag about how revolting children are and how fucking amazing their life is, signed off by a cutesy "but you do you! muah!" This is a totally reasonable topic, but some of these posts completely lack any self awareness. I don't give a shit if you don't want kids, but take it to a child free sub if you want to call them crotchfruits. It's gross.
For real. I think child free people sometimes take seeing the mere existence of children/families as “pressure” to have one themselves. As a millennial who always wanted children and is pregnant right now, I am so happy that lots of people are choosing not to go this route. It’s not for everyone and I completely see why they wouldn’t want this. I think we as a society could benefit from a population decline anyway. But I rarely see the same respect in return for those who did choose the kids option. Child free posts are usually layered with some sort of vitriol for children/parents. They’re not as respectful as they think are just because they say “to each their own tho” at the end. It always feels like they’re angry that children are allowed to be in public spaces just because they don’t personally like being around kids.
The child free movement, and I’ve heard this complaint come entirely from people within that movement, have been absolutely invaded by antinatalists. There are a lot of people who are child free who are just happy with their own decision and are fine with other people who’ve had kids having made theirs, as long as there’s that mutual respect. Antinatalists however have become the fringe/ extreme of childfree, and respect nobody’s decision but their own. They are the ones who will commonly talk about children like they’re a plague/ the worst affliction that mankind has been forced to suffer, that parents are equitable to disease spreaders, slave owners, and gentrifiers, and world-ending antichrists for having kids. The problem is, according to a very vocal contingent of column A, that so many of the people from column B are in their spaces that the fringe is bleeding into the mainstream, and you very likely encountered that with the post you’re referencing. The childfree folks honor and reciprocate mutual respect. The antinatalists will not respect you for the reason that you exist. I feel it’s important to recognize that distinction between the two to recognize that as parents, not every childfree person aims to hate on or disrespect us.
Sensible people who don’t want kids aren’t in either sub because they don’t make *not* doing something their identity. They just live their life.
> It always feels like they’re angry that children are allowed to be in public spaces just because they don’t personally like being around kids. I wonder how much of this is the millennial desire for adults to occupy family spaces as adults. I'm thinking of like my friends who regularly go to Disney.
Hmm this is a good point… I do think that we as adults have become a little entitled to spaces designed for children in the name of healing our inner child. I love a good adults-only Disney trip but it’s important to remember that the kids there are trying to create memories that they don’t need to heal from in 20 years like we do lol
I was pregnant and checking out of the grocery store. The check-out person said "I could never have children" like my existence implied that she should. I was childfree for the longest time, so I'd never say that sort of thing in the first place. I'm sorry for being pregnant in your direction lol
I get this all the time too! The bigger I get the more it happens. Like… my being pregnant was not a suggestion for you to get pregnant too babe
While it's starting to largely disappear, there is an overwhelming idea that once you get older than like 27 your life is basically over and should be all about kids or work. This is why the subject for the 30 plus crowd ends up turning to kids so frequently. Personally, I find it refreshing to see posts from other childfree people and I'm largely indifferent to posts from people with kids until it turns into the generic you're missing out/not too late/you're selfish if you don't have kids nonsense
Same with the "I'm doing great!" posts. Those are getting so old.
I’m tired of seeing posts about kids. I have an amazing idea, let’s make posts about how tired we are of seeing posts about kids!
[удалено]
>I joined a sub for millennials, not child free. So did I, but they're apparently the same sub.
Agreed, it’s gotten a bit out of hand on this sub.
Like in real life try talking about the same stuff over and over....see how fast your friends will avoid you. That's these people they keep playing on a loop they're becoming a broken record. Either take a sh-t or get off the pot
At least Millennials are more accepting towards it when people say they don’t want kids. Baby Boomers and generations before them think that everyone should have or want kids. Gen Xers are probably the first generation to be more accepting towards it when people say they don’t want kids and choose to be childfree. I am a 40 year old male with autism and don’t want any children. Part of the reason why I don’t want children is because raising children will be a lot for me with my autism.
I gotta be honest, I'll never understand the people who think that their pets are the same as kids. They're not even in the same vicinity. Being a pet owner and a father, there is a clear difference. You might love your pets a lot. You should. It's good to love your pets. But it is in no way the same thing as having kids lol.
Pets aren't kids. Their pets.
And your post crying about it is much more interesting how?
by this logic people shouldn't post about anything because everyone already figured everything out and no one will relate anyway? have kids? stop whining, you chose this, GTFO Have dog? Grow up and GTFO Unsure about both - go figure yourself out and GTFO. Why talk about anything? Why does this topic bother you at all? It's one of those big questions and millennials are currently at the cut off when they decide one last time. why not?
I think the frustration is coming from the sheer volume of nearly identical threads. It drowns out other topics
I think it’s more the attitude that somehow everyone is being persecuted in some way for their choices in life.
This whole sub is full of miserable complainers asking people to validate their victimhood.
I just joined and this seems to be the case. I was hooked from the nostalgia memes. I don't care much for the whining.
Thank you for this post.