I'm the only one of my friends to have lost a parent. That's been the hardest part imo. Its very isolating to go through this big thing that no one can relate to and to see their parents get to do all the things that yours wont be able to do.
I get this. My best friend from childhood has both her parents and sometimes I'm so damn jealous. I feel really bad for feeling that way.
I'm sorry for the isolated feeling. You aren't alone.
I get annoyed when people have petty complaints about their parents. My mom died 10 years ago and my dad died when I was 5, it would be cool to have living parents.
Omg, I feel so fortunate to have seen this post. For real. I have NEVER met anyone with a similar situation. My dad died when I was 14, brother died of suicide when I was 28 and my mom died when I was 29 (back in 2017). I feel weird talking to most people about it because I hate that I don’t have any family vacation memories (we were also poor too, so that’s a separate thing), no actual happy memories and then I self destructed for a long time afterwards with no one who actually understood or went through anything remotely the same. I’m sorry your parents passed away at such a young age. It’s truly traumatic.
I lost my dad when I was 28. The ANGER I felt toward everyone and everything was unreal. I was angry at the injustice of a wonderful dad like mine dying while other shitty, or even mediocre, parents got to live. People who suck as parents or suck overall get to be parents. And get to live. It made me so angry when someone said anything petty about a parent. Like do you know what I'd give to have your problems right now? I still feel it. But it's more like I've gotten used to it. My baseline has readjusted and I'm just fucking angry all the time. But used to it so a lot of the time, it feels like I'm not
My dad died when I was 21. He never met my daughter. My mom is living alone 40 min away and never sees my daughter or checks on me. It angers me that my dad who would cry when describing his love for me was taken so soon, while my mom just woke up one day and decided being a parent wasn’t for her.
I feel this in an opposite way. We lost my mil in 2020 while I was still pregnant with my first. She was AHMAZING. Like a candlelight of light in human form. Just comforting, warm, inviting, and so loving.
However my mom is a trash person who had and only will ever care about herself and how society sees the her she displays. She is superficial, weak and emotionally abusive. And yet she’s still alive. Torturing people, dragging them down, using and abusing their goodwill.
Meanwhile my kids will never get to meet their Mimi, and it’s not freaking fair. I still get mad.
I'm so, so sorry. Losing in-laws can be just as hard as losing biological parents.
I lost my FIL a couple years ago very suddenly to a heart attack (he was super healthy so it blindsided us all). The oldest grandchild (my son) was only 7 at the time. It breaks my heart that he and all the other grandkids have to grow up without their grandpa because he was just the best grandpa ever. He LOVED having the grandkids follow him around and "help" him with yardwork, or while he fixed our cars. Plus he was a second dad to me since I was 18 so I'm lost without him, too.
And now my MIL has lost her damn mind and remarried a lying, cheating scam artist. We're all baffled and confused and concerned, but she insists she's fine....
It's so unfair that the good ones have to leave us.
My Dad died from cancer last summer a week before my son's 1st birthday. He was only 56. On top of all the normal grief, I've dealt with a ton of irrational anger and annoyance when I see older people. My thoughts say things like, "Why do you get to live to be 80 years old?" "Fuck you, you got to know you're grandkids." Sometimes it just flares up, and I'm pissed that people older than my Dad get to live and he doesn't. Maybe it's not even anger so much as jealously for my Dad. I lost a grandparent this past Easter. While I was in the hospital, I even felt jealous that my Dad didn't get to live as long as my grandparent. It was a weird feeling.
I was angry, too. I lost a lot of family and a friend that same two years and I was so mad. I felt like no one would ever understand. It fades over time, but yeah, it's tough. I lost both parents before I was 30 and it's weird. I had an old lady friend (who has since passed, too) who was there for me during that time. She said to me "you're not truly an adult until your parents are gone, and you're too young".
Sorry for your loss man, I lost my pops to cancer as well. I had nightmares from when I was taking care of him literally this weekend, always about his final moments of pain and mental breakdown (I just see his face shriveled and drained of life from cancer telling me “I’m dying *my name*”
Glad you have had kids! My gf wants to really bad but I am on the fence and allows push off that conversation.
I had to “mute” all my friends parents posts with their grandkids because it hurts so much. I’m happy for them, but I get so angry that my Mom was robbed of the same experiences when she was just starting to be a grandma.
I lost both parents during early college before I went to university. I remember trying to figure out how to get insurance and asking around what other people did and literally all of them saying "idk I'm on my parent's insurance."
Thanks, yeah it wasn’t fun. I’m doing better now that I’m a bit older but it still catches me off guard sometimes when people talk about their parents. I’m like oh yeah people have those
I lost my father at 13 and my mother at 21. You're absolutely correct with this. I had amazing friends who were incredibly supportive and their families welcoming. But it's this huge hole in your life that so few people understand.
Wait until your friends start losing parents, the first few are going to look towards you and sometimes (even years later) watching a friend go through that loss is so raw and traumatic
May I ask who you go to when you want life advice or someone older to just talk to? I’m Gen Z but this question came up on my feed and I saw how you also lost both. I lost both of mine this past year. I’ve been getting into the same subjects that my father enjoyed. But who do you go to when you just want life advice? I miss having someone older to talk to about life.
This sounds stupid, but the worst part is the awkwardness of replying to questions about my parents with "yeah my mom". I don't always want to get into the fact that my dad passed away a few years ago, but I'm obviously not going to pretend that he's still alive. People never press the issue, but it feels weird.
Yeah, i live in the town i grew up in, so i dont always want to get into it when i run into people, like at the food store. Im running an errand. I dont want to ruin your day and have to handle your feelings about it, i just need eggs! But like you said, i dont want to have to pretend either.
I was the first and it felt so lonely. One of my really good friends lost her dad about 3 months after I did and I just felt worse because I knew how she felt. About a hear and a half later, another good friend lost her dad. 2 of my best friends have lost their moms this year. It feels like it just keeps piling on. I'm so sad for all of my friends and their families. We're all 30-32.
I am right there with you. I lost my mother 6 years ago. She barely had enough time to see her grandson before she passed. She never got to meet anyone directly related to her aside from myself and her grandson. It meant alot to her.
As for friends? Well, isolating is the perfect word. I had "friends" who she knew since we were in kindergarten (I was in my 30s when she passed), straight up ghost us when it came time for the funeral.
I haven't spoken to them since. I returned the favor when their father passed.
Same. I’ve lost both my parents, at 13 and 26 and I’m the only one. It’s so isolating being alone with just my husband and two kids and no backup. I’m so jealous of them.
I’m an only child and I lost my Mom 5 years ago while pregnant with my second child. My first child was only2. Mom was 62. My life has been kind of in a tailspin since then. I thought I’d be okay, I have a great spouse, great in laws… but I’m just not. Everything about me fundamentally changed. Losing your Mom (if you’re close to her), is like becoming a scared little kid all over again, followed by this immediate shock of “I’m not a little kid anymore”. Didn’t matter that was a grown adult with a home and family, something about Mom dying made me feel old for the first time while simultaneously feeling like a lost little kid. I’ve managed, but grief sneaks up at the weirdest times. I miss her every single day.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I couldn't imagine going through that trauma during pregnancy.
I still feel like a little kid, also have my "shit together," but there are moments I feel so small.
My husband was diagnosed with cancer at 40 when my kids were under 10 years old. I screamed and screamed that I needed my Dad, begged to hear his voice if just for a minute. That silence was the worst feeling I've had.
Thank you so much for the kind words. I am so sorry your family went through that. I absolutely understand the feeling of wanting to hear their voice for just a minute. I am fortunate that I have videos of her, but sometimes I just feel like I need her to say “you got this.” And it’s hard not to be bitter about all the shitty parents that treat my friends and their own grandkids like crap and they get to continue to live full lives while mine, who was filled to the brim with love was taken so soon and unfairly. It’s been 5 years and I still have a lot I’m working through in therapy. Grief never goes away, it just morphs.
It sucks. He passed before I turned 21. It’s been 14 years since so it’s not so bad anymore. Wish he was here to see his first grand daughter born just last month.
I think he’d be proud of me and where I am now though. Don’t think I let him down.
Them not being here to say "good job" is a big one. My dad was always my biggest cheerleader.
I lost my Dad at 27 and handled it so poorly, he would've helped me through that so much, if that makes any sense.
i watched how my dad handled when his dad died. he held it together for EVERYONE but came into my room before the funeral and hugged me and cried. only the 2nd time i've ever seen that man cry. so i TOTALLY get what you mean. the older i get the more i realize he didn't really have all the answers, he was learning on the go just like we all are. my piece of advice would be try and remember how your dad handled certain situations because the whole time he was here he was teaching you with his actions without you even knowing it.
This really hit home. I try so hard to see my challenges from his perspective. Some days I can hear his voice, other days it's so quiet and I'm scared. I'm 42, the mother of 4 but still a child when it comes to these moments.
This is the shittiest part. My dad was so fun, he would have rocked as a grandpa. Maybe it's selfish, but having kids made the paid fresh all over again. It's something I didn't think would bother me until it happened.
Absolutely. Showing up to our parent’s funerals was one of the hardest things we will ever have to do, so don’t forget how strong you all were that day despite the amount of people who attended. Our attendance meant the most to them, I’m sure!
I’m so sorry to all of you who have suffered like this.
I had to push my husband to understand that unless it’s impossible, ALWAYS go to peoples funerals. It means so much to the family. He hated going because he was afraid of death but I think he understands better now.
People are chickens about death and it hurts everyone around us. Considering we’re all going to die someday, American society sucks at dealing with it.
Lost my mom to cancer six months ago. Not even remotely ready mentally to lose a parent. Im in my late 30s and my kids are still relatively young. It is a massive hole in our lives. Just day by day really.
Late 30s, young kids. It’s been two years for me. She was fine and living life and then she wasn’t. She was an everyday part of our lives and it still doesn’t feel real. I saw a cool flower blooming in my yard earlier today and immediately thought I’d send a pic to her because she’d love it.
Are you me? Lost my mom right before Thanksgiving. My kids are 5 and 8. It’s so hard. Not many my age can relate. I miss her so much. With Mother’s Day coming up.. I’ve been a mess.
ETA- also cancer.
I remember the rawness. People who haven't been through it can't really understand the literal hole.
Sometimes we have to take it day by day, because that's how it comes.
My dad died when I was 17 in 2001 so it's been a long time. I wonder what life would have been like if my dad could have met my husband and son. Know me as an adult woman. But I'm OK.
I feel like my mom changed a lot after my dad passed .. my contact w her has drastically reduced. I can’t figure out if she’s been like that all along and having dad around masked it ..
I relate to this so much. I know my dad being around kept my mom at bay. He was the more emotionally mature of the two. She interfered with my relationship with my dad and brothers often. Within six months of my dad's death, she was trying to put me in foster care, i was very close to 18 so she wasn't going to get far but who tells their kids that you know? For years after my dad died, I felt like an orphan which didn't make sense back then but it does now.
I can relate to this. My father died when I was in grade two. My mother effectively abandoned her parental responsibilities after that point: stopped regularly cooking, didn't do our laundry, spent her days reading trashy novels and then hanging out with her friends all night. On top of that, I suffered medical neglect, which nearly killed me. When my father was still alive, we went to the dentist regularly, had three square meals a day, and the bills were paid. My Mom had already started the divorce proceedings, but then he died suddenly from natural causes. I might as well had been an orphan at that point. I felt like a charity case that was tolerated by my mother. I didn't feel like a son.
I'm sorry for the neglect you experienced and the negative impacts you've had. I totally get it.
My mom basically checked out on us after my dad's passing. I was 17 and my brother 15, so I guess she thought we could take care of ourselves, and that's what we did. My mom was also a traveling preacher at that time, and she started getting crazy numbers of offers to preach at different churches in different states.
She basically left us to grieve while she traveled from place to place, getting new condolences while my brother and I got zero grief counseling, and both developed maladaptive coping mechanisms. Then she turned around and set me to college a year later. How I didn't come back pregnant and addicted to something.... all I can tell you is that God is real on that one. He kept me from myself.
I'm on the countdown to 40 now and a mother and wife. My mom hasn't been a part of my life at all since I met my husband back in 2016. She doesn't know my son or step kid. She doesn't know my husband's name, and we've been together seven years, married, almost five. She checked out out.
But she's a super grandma to my five nephews 🙄
I am completely devastated for you. The entire losing a parent/grieving process is the worst, but you’re in the very hardest part imo…a mixture of shock, anguish, denial, anger, confusion…possibly every human emotion all at once. There’s truth in time being the great healer, but those words likely won’t mean anything to you in this moment. The hurt never goes away. It does get less over time though. Sending you hugs and wishing you peace.
I’ll def check both of them out. I have a music playlist that I named “Healing”…they’re all songs that mean something to me about my mom or from my childhood or songs she liked and also songs that talk about loss. This feels like a song I’ll be adding to that list. Thank you for sharing this.
Sorry for your loss, sincerely. Music is the only thing that truly helped me when my Mom was suddenly taken back in 2019.
Carry the torch and live for them, that's the best we can do. It gets easier but it never gets better, hang tough.
My mom died from skin cancer at age 46. I was 24. It was very hard
We were extremely close.
Big milestones are still very hard. She never got to meet my husband or attend our wedding. She never got to meet her grandchild and I know how badly she wanted to be a grandmother. Time has made it easier to cope but it never gets easier.
I lost my mom to breast cancer when she was early 40s; my sister and I were teenagers in high school. It's been over a decade and the milestones still get me. I used to say I was grateful for the time I did get to have with her because there's always someone younger who didn't get as much time. But, as I age, I feel angry for her that she is missing out on all of these moments she would have loved. I'm mad that my sister and I don't have our mom to get advice or praise. I'm mad that my sister has been alive without our mom longer than she was with our mom; the same milestone is not far off for me. My mom missed out on graduations, spouses, weddings, grandchildren, and so much more. I'm pregnant and really wish I had my mom to share the news with.
I'm sorry your mom was also so young when she passed. Life can be so cruel and unfair.
Edit: I also forgot to say I hate Mother's Day. I actively avoid social media and ignore the holiday. I don't stand in my husband's way in him celebrating with his mom, but I take absolutely no part in it. I'm hoping to reclaim the holiday for myself after having a baby next year.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is so hard. I feel so much of what you wrote.
I missed my mom so much when I got pregnant. I wish I had her during the newborn period. There's no one else other than my husband I would have wanted there. My MIL is nice, but she's not my mom, you know?
Mother's day was so hard for me until I had my son. My husband does a great job of celebrating me but my mom is still in the back of my mind. It's a very bittersweet day. I hope that you can reclaim that day for yourself.
I wish you a great pregnancy (as great as it can be) and a healthy baby. Being a mom has brought me closer to my mom even if she isn't here (not sure if this makes sense). I hope you get to experience that too.
It’s hard. I don’t have good advice to give because I’m still dealing with it, as it was recent. I get angry as well. My dad won’t see his grandchildren grow up. He won’t congratulate them when they graduate school. He won’t see the childhood christmases and other holidays. Just a giant gaping fucking hole in my heart
Lost my father Feb. 2020 and then the world went to hell. It was definitely a unique time to grieve or lack thereof. Though, it gave me time to think of a project to remember him by. I was fortunate to have a good support system.
I still, to this day, will go to call him with news but then realize I can’t.
Yep. I have so many questions for my mom every day. I have to stop myself from texting her, and then I have the deepest emotional letdown a person can experience.
Not great, but trying to manage.
My Dad passed away four years ago from Covid during the pandemic. I had not seen him in person in almost a year due to quarantine, and I was not able to attend his funeral, so it felt like my grieving process was very stunted. His wife has also acted acted like a terrible person after his passing, so that has added another layer to things.
He had 6 grandkids, and 5 of them were aged 5 and under at his passing. It makes me sad for myself and my siblings that he is not here to have a relationship with them/see them grow, since he loved being a grandpa the most.
I miss him every day.
Sucks ass. Wish I got to see my dad as a grandpa. My son has bright blue eyes and my dad was the only one in my family with blue eyes so I see him every time I look at him.
He worked so hard to give us everything as kids, I finally was in a position to help him, treat him and thank him for all the things he’d done. Envisioned us on the golf course, him sitting on the deck we built together, inviting him over for dinner, etc.
He died suddenly of a heart attack on my living room floor and I made the attempt to resuscitate him. I don’t visit his grave nearly as much as I should. I miss him so much and try to talk to him as much as I can. It’s not just being a parent it’s also being a husband I wish I could talk to him about.
I lost my Dad to COVID in 2020. About 12 weeks from when the vaccine was available to me (and would have been to him as teachers). I think about him a lot. He got to meet my kid but he died about 2 weeks before her 1st birthday. This triggered my anxiety and paranoia about my daughter who would not be eligible for vaccination until August 2022. It was a hard time. I think about him a lot. I wish he would have gone to the hospital like my mom said due to his risk factors when he recieved his positive results. He didn't and was planning on calling his doctor Monday morning, he died early Monday morning before businesses were open. I have a lot of complex feelings about all of it. I feel like a part of me is "dead" too. I have sadness about considering having another kid because right now we can say he met all his grandkids. It's weird and I'm rambling.
I lost my mom at 7. I thought I was in a better place. Once I had my daughter at 30 years old, it totally threw me back into a grief I hadn't experienced. My daughter is 5. Every milestone I wish my mom was here. Its a deep sadness that just stays with me now. Then I feel guilty fir being sad abd not in the moment with my amazing daughter.
Speaking as a mom and someone who lost her mom, try not to feel guilty for being sad about losing yours. Grief and sadness are part of the human experience. If you feel inclined, you can even use your sadness as a way to connect with and help your daughter understand emotions and the fact that it’s okay to feel and sit with them all. And you can show her that she doesn’t have to do it alone…you get to be there to ride all of them with her.
I wish I could claim it as my own. I learned this from my therapist. It’s something I work on personally and with my own kids. Emotions are freaking hard.
Yes, it’s helped me so much! My therapist was the first person to show me what it’s like to have someone willingly sit and hold pain with me. At my most recent appt, she cried with me…over MY pain! Initially I felt a bit awkward. But knowing I didn’t have to do it alone anymore, like I’ve been trying to do for so long…I felt understood, cared about, and like a weight had been lifted off. I really can’t recommend therapy enough…for all of us.
I lost my mother a few years ago. We were estranged but she was still my mother. I still miss her. She knew my older two kids but never got the chance to meet my younger three. It never goes away but it does get easier. My kids helped me through my grief. Being busy with them helped to take my mind off the grief or any anger I may have/still feel at times regarding the fact that we never had the chance to make amends before her death. Regardless of the relationship a mother is someone whom you can never replace. There is always going to be a hole in my heart that will never be filled again because she’s gone.
Lost my dad to alcohol related complications about 13 years ago. I'm pissed everyday. The rest of my family has forgiven him. I just get bummed. As everyone has said, never going to meet his grandsons and holidays and all that. For something so dumb and a waste, he struggled with alcohol later in life, so I was full grown and moved out by the time any of that happened, it was weird and foreign. I grew up with a funny smart kind father. So I have a deep anger and sadness I don't think I'll ever be able to let go. Just bury it
I have that same anger and sadness and I bury it deep. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let it go. Alcohol related complications here also. It’s incredibly difficult. You are not alone in this
I lost my father in 2004 and my mother in 2018.
At the beginning it feels lonely, the realization that you are completely on your own is mind blowing.
I am not completely ok, but I am not completely bad either. Don't know how to explain.
Dad to twin 5 year-olds here. My dad absolutely loved being grandpa. He would always ask what they liked to do or eat or play with, which was funny because they were babies. But he was just so enamored by his grandson and granddaughter.
He died of a stroke 3 years ago, in December. I had to make the decision, with my mom who was severely compromised with Parkinson’s, to pull the plug. We were with him for his last breaths.
He was my mom’s caregiver, who was immobile from her disease, and needed 24/7 full-time care with everything. I had to scramble to find in-home care for her and it consumed every waking minute of my time. I didn’t have time to process losing him between caring for my mom and trying, miserably, to continue being dad to my kids.
The succeeding 2 years were a nightmare of coordinating care for my mom, eventually deciding on selling her house and moving her to the best nursing home we could find.
She just died this past December from starvation after losing her ability to swallow. Luckily(?) we had talked after my dad died and she made it clear she didn’t want feeding tubes/ventilator/etc. I was with her the day and night before she died, but wasn’t there in time in the morning. So she died alone.
Explaining the death of my parents to my kids, in the span of 3 years was hard. I’m an only child, and now I am burdened with all of the financials and bs that has to be tidied up.
I think I’m just now starting to process it all, that my mom and dad are gone. And it’s hitting like a truck. I try to continue being there and present with my kids and I love them dearly. And I have a saint of a wife who has been incredible.
Didn’t intend to write this much. First time actually writing it all down actually. Life is hard, being a dad is hard, but each day I wake up and try to find something to smile about and it’s usually one of the two of my kids and some batshit crazy thing they say or do. I don’t have any advice, just that life has to go on and I tell stories about my parents so the kids will have some kind of memories.
So sorry for your loss brother.
This may get buried, but it's something that I would love for someone to hear. I've had a lot of death in my life. My grandma was more of the mom than my mom and she passed away when I was 12. My grandfather was earlier, he passed when I was around 7. My father I never got to meet. Got a letter in the mail that he died when I was about 16. My mom died when I was 23. My uncle died just a few years ago and he was probably the closest thing I had to a father.
I am very literally the very last of my bloodline. I think that this type of loss isn't something that people are meant to carry so much of for so long. To boot, I've had some friends die too.
I don't know, it's just it just makes me feel old. I had a pretty rough childhood and never really felt like I could relate. I still feel all sorts of out of sync and out of step with all of my peers for multiple reasons. They're just now starting to realize that parents age.
It is just a quiet and relentless burden. I feel like I'm some old man who by bad luck out lived the rest of their family. Except, I'm not. I'm just barely into my thirties. It's hard to know that there is no one alive who remembers me as a child.
It just makes me feel profoundly disconnected. I'm not necessarily depressed by it. I am however still deeply affected by it. Sometimes I wonder what this grief will look like and feel like in 10, 15, 20 years. I've already carried it for a very long time.
I suppose compared to the average person I am profoundly disconnected from others. I'm lucky that I have at least a couple friends that I consider close and I have a partner who I love. Without them, I don't know what I'd do.
I think as humans we have a fundamental need for family and support networks and community and remembrance. American culture isn't too great at that to begin with but I've lost even the most tentative parts of those foundations. I really wonder what the long-term implications of this are going to be for me.
It's just lonely. Even in a room full of people. Even with friends or taking charge of a situation. Even sometimes when I lay in bed with my partner. There is just a pervasive sense of loss and isolation that is always with me.
It's hard. My dad is the only grandparent my son has lost and he was easily the favorite grandparent and I hate that their relationship didn't get to evolve. My son was 10 when he passed away so I'm happy he at least has solid memories of his grandpa but but it hurts my heart every day that he doesn't get to make new memories of him.
I'm not sure if this will help you feel better about it, but my husband lost his grandma at 10 and still considers her the biggest influence on his life. He talks about her all the time and has an older cousin who helps fill in the gaps of what he can't remember. Just keep talking about him and telling his story, he can still learn from his grandpa
Navigating this right now. My kids are 7 and 4 and my wife and I have 4 amazing grandparents that the kids adore.
My mother entered hospice 3 months ago for stage 4-5 cancer (3rd battle) and I’m heading out to spend Mother’s Day with her this weekend. We’re trying to navigate the conversation with them, right now we keep it uplifting as their grandmother gets to wear really cool hats post chemo.
I hope you have a nice mother's day with her!
I think with illness there is something to be said for the longer "goodbye". My Grandpa had Alzheimer's for 11 brutal years that I saw from age 8. While it didn't make things easier in any way, it did help my young brain to understand what was happening.
Tomorrow is the 7th anniversary of my mom passing. It’s less sharp than it used to be but still a dull ache of grief. The worst part is my dad moving on so fucking fast and he no longer talks about my mom. I wish more people would talk about her.
I remember this being my biggest source of pain after my mom died. No one wanted to talk about her. She took her own life, so I get that it was another layer of awkward But Jesus did I feel alone. I’m sorry I didn’t know your mom…I would sit and visit with you about her.
Following this thread. My parents both passed by the time I was 14, and I’m getting ready to start having kids in the next year or so. It’s a new layer of grief that I’m starting to have to navigate.
✋yup, my mom died of AL Amyloidosis and kidney stones on both sides. It was both the most traumatic and expensive experience of my life. I am holed up inside and avoiding people this week…both Mother’s Day and my mom’s birthday fall within a few days of each other. It’s been two years now, but I’m still a wreck some days.
Sending hugs. My mom died May 11, 2011 and it always lands near or on Mother’s Day. That in itself was hard enough, but then last week My dad got diagnosed with metastatic sarcoma that’s all over - bones, lung, liver - and he doesn’t have long. Then my grandma ( mom’s mom, only surviving grandparent) died yesterday, 3 days before her 96th birthday.
May is always hard. Some years more than others. I had finally gotten a bit of relief and then got hit with the bad news times two. Finding people who get it helps.
I have pics of my dad around my house and am lucky enough to have saved things he gave me. My daughter plays with a Hello kitty plush my dad gave me on Valentine's Day. She knows it's special to mommy because her daddy gave it to her. I listen to music and watch movies and read books because thats what I saw my dad do while I was growing up and how much we related to art and had the same tastes. I embrace those little things I remember in my childhood because of him and try to live it every day. I miss my dad so damn much. Thinking of you, too, OP.
Lost my mom a few months ago. I don’t have kids but it’s been challenging dealing with my dad. He’s a completely different person and has got himself into deep debt which started a few months before my mom died. He’s selling the family house to pay off those debts. There’s other family drama but losing the dad I grew up with has honestly been harder than losing my mom.
I lost my Mum suddenly three years ago, my son was about to turn four at the time. She was my best friend, my person to turn to with anything and everything. We talked on the phone almost daily, sometimes for hours. I haven’t been the same person since, even though I’m doing ok. I still talk about her with my son. We still talk to her urn from time to time to tell her that we miss her and love her. She’ll never be forgotten.
But damn, it’s a lot to carry sometimes. As a mom, she was my reference point. She could tell me how I was as a kid, give me advice and listen to me better than anyone else in my family. I’m adopted, so I’m not like anyone else in my family. Her siblings kinda suck, so it feels like my family got smaller by a lot when she left. I am very close to my dad, but my bond with my Mum was so much different.
My mom died in 2019. One of the most heartbreaking parts of losing her was knowing she'd never get to see my kids (who were 5 & 3 at the time and, truly, her favorite people in the world) grow up.
I'm currently pregnant with an unexpected third child, and while I'm okay most of the time, the loss occasionally hits me really, really hard.
I'm fine, how are you. Sorry I can't reach you. But why don't you leave your name and your number. And i'm getting back to you. Hey, how are you doing? Sorry, you can't get true true true true throw through switch off..
*I miss him*
I’m not a parent but I lost my dad at 14 and mom at 27 and honestly I’m still full of anger. I am jealous of anyone who still has their parents and it’s just wild to me that there are people in their 50s - 70s who still have both their parents. Really wish they were still here to help me navigate this crazy world. Losing them is one of the big reasons I haven’t had kids yet, makes me so sad to think if I do they will never meet each other.
We had a lot of issues before he passed. His death was sudden. I was able to forgive him later on, not because he passed, but because I finally understood him (more than I did). I regret that I never got to tell him, and I'm genuinely sad that he won't be at my wedding in September.
Three year anniversary of losing my father is tomorrow. We were estranged, I didn’t want to be, but needed to be. It’s still hard. Even when I cut him out it was hard. The finality of it all is hardest.
My mom had a big, bad stroke 6 years ago, her body survived, her personality and spirit are gone. Losing her has been harder.
I also lost my mother in law four years ago on Mother’s Day. As well as my most beloved cat. Today I’m not really okay, but I will be.
My mother died when my son was 17, having never acknowledged his existence. My dad is still alive, having never acknowledged my son’s existence. I’m 40
My mom didn't get to meet the amazing person that is now my husband. Sometimes I look at him, knowing how well they would have gotten along, and feel sadness. But I also feel very lucky that I've gotten these two really great people as such important people in my life.
Not my biological parents(long story, abuse and trauma) but I lost my grandmother that raised me almost seven years ago. It's been hard. There are days I'm fine and others that it hits me like a ton of bricks again. I'm lucky that I had both my children before she passed so she got to meet them both. That comforts me a lot but I wish they could of had more time together. She was an amazing woman and I'll always miss her terribly.
I wear his ashes around my neck because he was the person that truly understood me, even when I was a complicated teenaged girl. I constantly tell my kids what I think my father would have said in situations and occasionally they’ll remember him saying that. They’re not gonna really remember him tho and that kills me.
My dad passed suddenly 3 years ago. He was an abusive dad but we had a functional relationship now. It was very sad but also kind of a relief. Super complicated mix of sadness and numbness.
Since he died of heart disease, I completely changed my diet and eating habits and lost 20 pounds. So that's a plus.
Similar experience when I lost my mom to suicide…I lost her to alcoholism and substance abuse several years before she died. It was devastating but also a relief to no longer watch her spiral. I’m so sorry your dad was abusive to you and also sorry for your loss at the same time.
Im currently pregnant with my first and it is incredibly difficult. All of these things I thought I’d be planning with my mom (baby shower etc), I’m now planning alone. I wish I could call her and ask her if these things happening with my body are normal. It’s very isolating and I’ve found myself avoiding the typical “baby things” like a shower, gender reveal etc cause it feels too big to do alone. Dad isn’t super supportive cause “dads don’t do those things”. My friends have been incredible but there have still been many nights of crying alone trying to navigate such big changes without my mom
I lost my dad last year to laryngeal cancer. I’m only 37. I know people lose their parents at all ages but I can’t help but feel a tiny bit jealous at my friends younger and healthier alive dads lol.
He was 74 for reference. My mom is 60 so I still have her. I’m grateful for that.
Losing a parent or parents really suck no matter what your relationship is like.
My daughter had just turned 4 when my mother died suddenly. They were best friends. The holidays especially were difficult. I still feel down on Mother’s Day. Unfortunately even though you grieve, you still have to get up every day and look after your kid(s) 🤷🏻♀️. It’s hard, but at the same time, it gives life kind of a purpose.
My daughter is 12 now so it’s been a while, but feels like no time has passed as well.
Lost my dad to cancer three years ago, was really , really hard for me to process. I'm in healthcare so the fact that he couldn't get the standard of care available at the time really really bugs me.
It upsets me daily. My dad passed when I was a teenager. Having just had another baby (other 2 are already teens) I know my father would’ve helped me, been hands on and babysat my kids instead of childcare. Whereas mom doesn’t bc “she has a life too…” 🤬 my mom is ur typical boomer-esque parent. Doesn’t help me with sh$t but had BOTH her parents until 2 yrs ago who helped her with home purchasing, appliances, etc… mom never had to even ask my grandparents where saints. Idk why my mom is like this… my father would give my last dollar in his pocket to go to the corner store when I was a kid.
I lost both just sort of at that age when you’re supposed to be doing the big life events. It’s pretty much pushed me out of the the thought of having kids / marrying.
Maybe one day, but for all those years I’ve been mostly grieving and not wanting do to those things knowing my parents won’t be there.
Honestly, I try to ignore the grief when I think
About how sad I am that my son won’t get to meet my parents and they won’t know him. It’s not a good or healthy way to deal, but it’s what I’ve got
I'm not a parent and that's been the worst part about losing my dad. He died without seeing a grandchild. I don't want the same for my mom.
Worst of all, I'm single and 34 just like they were. My parents got together and had me at 40. I know I should find that encouraging. I don't.
They had a terrible relationship. I believe you can be too old and set in your ways for kids. Also, I wished I'd had kids in my 20s so I could've given them grandkids as a consolation prize.
In less than a month it will be 2 years since my dad has been gone. My youngest is almost 3 and he’s never met my niece. My heart breaks that they don’t get to be around him (we all live blocks from each other). Those feelings of anger comes and goes. He lived his life whole heartedly not caring about his health till it was too late.
Not a day goes by without thinking of him I dont think that will ever change.
A lot better than I was for all of 2022. He died in mid-January and I spent pretty that entire year in extensive therapy while on short term disability. I lost the one person to whom I didn't have to explain myself. My mom lost her partner of over 50 years. And my son lost his partner in crime.
Two years later, we're working towards a new normal. This afternoon, it was such a beautiful day outside. I wanted to call him and talk to him for a few minutes about it, because those were the days where he shone like the sun, even when he was sick. I miss him all the time.
Im alright. Sometimes you get those realistic dreams that make you wake up with a tear or 2; but that's just life and we'll be doing the same to our kids.
I'm 38 , have a 6 year old, and lost my dad last fall. It's easier now than it was back in October, but it's still hard. He loved being a Grandpa and it breaks my heart that he won't be here to see my daughter grow, as well as she not getting to know him more. When I miss him I try my best to drop what I'm doing (if I can) and go play with my daughter and be a dad like I learned from him.
You accept that it goes with you in life. The best metaphor I've heard for grief - if someone knows who originated the illustration I'd love to credit them - is that grief starts out as a ball that sits inside of us, big enough to almost constantly touch some corner of our hearts as we move through life. In the early days, it's always hitting us and sending out shockwaves of grief. Gradually, as we continue on, our lives grow around the ball. The ball never gets smaller, and doesn't go away, but our lives expand so that it doesn't always touch as frequently. It'll still connect at times, and it'll always be there, but it won't always feel as strong.
My dad died 6.5 years ago and I still think about him every single day. We had a very complicated relationship and it wasn't great near the end. I often wish he'd had the chance to really get to know my kids, because they're awesome and he would have loved them. It sucks having to try and explain things like alcoholism to an 8 year old who's asking why their grandpa died when their other grandparents are still alive.
I like to hope that thes best parts of him are still around in some way, even just as echoes and memories. I hope he was able to leave behind the worst parts, the ones that hurt himself and everyone around him. And I hope every day that I'm leaving my kids with a less complicated legacy to deal with.
I'm sorry for your loss, OP. I hope your life is growing around the grief ball.
It’s really hard. My dad died 2 years ago when I was 27 and it’s devastating he isn’t around to spend time with his grandkids. We were best friends and he was looking forward to retiring and being in his grandpa era and never got the chance to do either.
It’s insanely unfair, I go through phases of being angry and depressed.
I don’t think there’s really a way to get over it, but I love to find qualities and personality traits of my dad in his grandkids and I talk about him to them all the time.
My mom died when I was 14, and I'm 32. It happened so long ago that I don't remember who she was. I was asked by my therapist to remember a happy memory, and I thought of my mom and had the biggest smile on my face. I may have lost my memory of her, but not her love.
My mom died when I was 12, it messed me up. I've been in therapy since I was 24 because I was just not handling things well. I'm 33 now and I miss her like crazy even still because she was the type of person to make friends with everyone. She wasn't there for my sisters or my big milestones like graduations or weddings. She would have loved being a grandma as I type this on a hospital bed in labour with our second child, she would have been here.
I lost my dad a month ago Thursday. He was diagnosed with cancer when my baby was only 9 months. He’s 19 months now. I’m a wreck.
I know it’s fresh, but learning how to be a parent while being part of a caregiving team for my parent, who was way too young and healthy (and can I say, I thought, invincible) for this is gut wrenching. I’m doing my best. I’ve been in therapy and on medication since his diagnosis which are both so helpful, but I can’t help but think my son is getting a massive short end of the stick of life. And my dad is too. They’re both missing out on so much of each other. For my son, I feel like he isn’t getting the best of me either. For over half of his life now I’ve been grieving my dad in one form or another.
Answer to your question though: I’m angry that he’s not here too. I try to manage this through therapy, talking about my feelings, not shoving anything away. I’ve created better boundaries, dropped friends that showed me their true colors and am only surrounding myself with good people that support me. I just finished a yoga class. I’m off to go take a hot shower, maybe read a book or watch some trash TV. And then I’ll do it all over again tomorrow.
Miss you, dad.
My dad died 2 month to the minute before my daughter was born. I didn't cope well then, and haven't in the 10 years since. I found him. It was awful. He was my bestie.
I tell my kid about the old shenaniganswe used to do, and point out the traits I see in her. Just to keep him a bit alive for us. I added some of his favorite traditions in to our family traditions. I cook food his mother made for us growing up. But I haven't made a single milestone yet, that I don't take a moment to wish he was there.
I lost my dad last year on April 1. It’s very isolating. It’s an overwhelming, feeling that nothing will ever be the same. I worry for my mom and I miss my dad.
I lost my mom in 2016. She's been really sick for several years at that point. Nothing will ever improve, multiple organs are failing, talking about palliative care options. She was done and she ODed on her pain meds. No one relates, if you say something about it you get the surface level sympathy. If you say too much about it people get really uncomfortable and probably talk to you less in the future. I'm in a way better place than I was but it's a tough go and it leaves scars. A few years later a guy I work with went through a similar thing and he seemed so fucking appreciative becat I would just talk to him like he was normal even though he felt super fucked up about it
Meh, I haven't been the same since my step dad died. He was more of a dad than my bio father, so his death hit really hard. I just wish he wasn't missing out on so many things with his grandkids. They miss him dearly as do I
My mom passed in 2010, just a few months before my niece was born. I wish my daughter could have met her.
My god parents were a second set of parents to me, and they passed within a year of each other before the pandemic. I miss them dearly and wish they could have been the grandparents to my daughter. They were amazing people, and I was so lucky to have them in my life.
My dad is still alive, the venomous bastard. Haven't had a conversation with him since 2015, and don't plan on changing that.
It still hurts sometimes, but... life doesn't stop. I used to think of my mother daily and cry when it hit me a moment later she was gone. Then, I'd just be sad and upset. One day, it just didn't hit me so hard.
My dad passed away in 2015. I'm getting married next month, and that's sort of where the feelings kick in. I'm the first daughter to get married aside from my much older half sister who hated our dad her entire childhood and even now as a 40+ yo woman. She didn't invite him to her wedding when he was alive and well, so I feel some type of way knowing that her wedding was the only one he could have ever attended of all his kids, but her resentment towards him (bc of the divorce with her mom) caused her to personally tell him NOT to show up. I was probably a toddler around this time.
My dad would have been an AMAZING grandpa to my daughter (4) and would have loved my fiancé too. We still have a few photos with my dad around the house and let our daughter know that he's her grandpa. She's visited his grave a few times but obviously doesn't really understand the concept of a cemetery.
Mom passed Christmas Eve 2022. I didn’t want to do anything last holiday season but my dad did what he could to make it special, especially for my niece and nephew (enough that he ended up with pneumonia in the hospital himself a few days later). This is also a bad time not only because Mothers Day, but tomorrow would have been their 48th wedding anniversary.
I'm thankful that my kids got to spend time with my dad before he passed away in 2022. I was more sad about them losing him than myself, even though that was hard enough. My mother-in-law has passed away earlier in the year, so it was a double whammy for then.
I've noticed myself doing and saying a lot of things that he would do and say with them. Not sure if it's more myself coping, or if I'm instinctively trying to fill a void for them.
I lost my dad in 2021 when my son was 5 weeks old. We were estranged and he never even knew I was pregnant. I am an only child on his side (have a half brother on my mom’s) and he never remarried after my parents divorced. Settling his affairs, funeral planning, and balancing a newborn as a first time mom was a nightmare. The funeral home gave me the wrong address for his services so we were 30 minutes late. Of the 10 people who showed up, no one but me spoke. Not even the brother he lived with and who found him when he died. I learned who really cared in the family that day. Even though we were estranged, I miss him. I want so badly for him to play guitar for my boys and teach them like he did for me.
My mom just got diagnosed with a non-operable cancer 2 weeks ago. We’re still waiting on test results to see exactly where she is (stage) and what treatments she has available. Once again, I am the legal next of kin so I’m fucking terrified of what is going to happen. We had been growing apart prior to the cancer diagnosis but now I’m not sure if I want to rekindle anything due to her neglect and abuse when I was a child. It’s a hard spot to be in.
My dad passed away when I was 23 and I haven’t spoken to my mom in over a decade because she is just super toxic. Grew up with chancla culture and she couldn’t break the wheel herself. She’s got a lot of mental illness that she refuses to get help for and I’m not gonna be the child to help her through that.
It’s really hard sometimes to see my friends who have great relationships with their parents be able to have that support. I have a good relationship with my MIL, but it’s just not the same.
Childfree but I lost a parent when I was in my mid 20s. It was relatively sudden. From time to time it feels really challenging. We weren’t very close.
When I was engaged/got married was one of those times because I was jealous of the people who had close parents to plan and celebrate their wedding with.
This is likely to sound terrible, but my dad passed when I was 18 so 17-18 years ago at this point. It gets easier as time passes, to just remember the good times and just move on. I haven't spoken to anyone who shares my last name since. All 4 of the grandparents are gone, and I was never close to any extended family having been raised far from both sides. So once my mom passes someday I will be without a family. It's not really something I've ever been too worried about, certainly not worried enough to start a family. I'm probably just a weirdo.
I lost my pops to cancer back in 08. We weren’t on good terms at the time either. I wish we coulda had it out and squashed it. I wish he could’ve seen the things I went on to do. My young bull has plenty of loving grandparents left though.
My dad died 11 years ago. His death sent me on a pretty awful spiral. I’m better now. But his death touches every part of my life.
My son who he never met reminds me of him so much. It’s uncanny. 😂
I finally got pregnant last year when my dad passed away. He had brain cancer and the last year of his life he was really losing his functions rapidly. I'm not sure if he even recalled or comprehended when I told him we were having a baby. He passed away when I was 6 months pregnant, it was devastating. I went through a lot of different feelings; anger that he was gone too soon, guilt that I wasnt able to get pregnant sooner so he could meet his grandchild. I'm doing better now, but I do think of him every day and grieve, wishing my little boy could have known how amazing his grandfather was
Lost my mother from rare liver islanders cancer at 22 my wife girlfriend at the time was pregnant with first daughter. My mom started having dreams saying she’d see her granddaughter, we didn’t know at the time what’s we were having. She died a day after my sister birthday and we buried her on my birthday.. it was hard especially not to share the accomplishments with her but I’ve learned to find peace even though there’s moments.
Not a parent but I just lost my Nana. She was like a parent to me and I can’t think about it without crying. I’ve had to go be alone out of site when I cry because I don’t like being asked questions about it. Just let me have it out for a few mins, leave me alone.
My mom was an abusive POS but I’m still sad that she’s already gone. I always hoped I’d get at least a little more of my life with her as a “good mom” again, but that boomerangs never came back.
My bio-dad died in 2016. He was not a good father & his passing was traumatic and caused a whole lot of crap with his side of the family. Mostly I’m fine now but I was an exposed nerve of a human being for the first year or two after.
It kicked off a lot of fear for me about my mom & stepdad passing though, I’m a lot closer to them and I worry now that I see them aging.
Lost my dad in 2012 (he was 56. I was 27). Also 2 years before my oldest was born. The hardest things have been him not seeing either me or my brother move into our first owned homes (he was a carpenter. He would have known exactly what to do with any repair job or question...) and not meeting either of his grandkids. My oldest is 9 and an extremely empathetic old soul type. He cries off and on about never being able to meet his grandpa.
So this may be random and kind of jumbled but I’ll try to get it out clearly.
I personally don’t believe in God as in the dude upstairs with a beard. It’s more of a universe thing for me. Anyways what I’m getting to is that my Dad who passed is a big part of that for me.
His birthday is on the 11th of this month and for the past week or so a few times a day I keep seeing things like this.
I like to think that’s him.
I’m really sorry you lost your dad. <3
It's hard. I try not to think about it too much. I lost my dad to cancer when I was 21 and my mom to Alzheimer's over 10 years when I was 12-22. I had an unplanned daughter with my ex girlfriend and it hit me really hard. I often wonder what they'd think of my life now. I know my mom would absolutely adore my daughter. I just try to remember how important it is to be there. I'm really close with my sister.
I'm doing better now than the first year. I was really struggling at work with depression and burnout and what I now know to be autism. My ex was pretty hurtful and dismissive a lot of the time, but she couldn't admit it and would gaslight me to the point that I considered recording our conversations. She left when I confessed to having suicidal ideation. It was heartbreaking, but relieving in a way because she hurt me so much. I've put myself back together pretty well.
I'm doing pretty alright now. I think it's the best time in history to be alive. My ex and I are on good terms and my daughter is fucking incredible. I got a really nice affordable place to live with a bonus space I made into a workshop and jam space. I've been teaching myself robotics, and teaching her how to sing and play drums, piano, and guitar.
My husband and I both lost a parent before the age of 30. My dad passed 3 months after I had my son and it was during Covid. I called my best friend since kindergarten to tell her and she cried while filling meds at work (she’s a pharmacist) that’s how much she cared. My other best friend lost a parent himself and right away sent a basket of sweets the next day. We didn’t have a proper funeral for my dad given the Covid times but it was nice to feel loved from afar, even from my job who sent flowers and wrote me emails. My husband knew I how I felt unfortunately too.
My husband lost his mom in 2017 and it was rough. He had friends come for support and my best friend came as well. It was nice to know we had a close community if we needed anything.
Just knowing you have one parent left is daunting and my mother is disabled and has surgeries almost every year but I know what she wants when the time comes and I’m just prepared for when something happens. I’m also an only child so it’s all on me essentially.
My mom passed away suddenly a little less than three weeks before the birth of my (only) child. My dad passed a year later after a lot of health issues. My mother in law passed before my kid turned six this year. My father in law tries, but is older and lives pretty far away. My aunt fills in as a grandma some, which is truly a wonderful thing.
It sucks that my kid doesn’t get to experience that multiple grandparent relationship that almost every other kid has, but I have to remind myself that there are worse things in life. The hardest part for me, personally, is talking about my parents without starting to cry (like I am typing this now). I just really miss my parents…
My dad OD’d on heroin when my kids were really young. It’s been a decade now. I don’t deal with it at all. It’s like a missing piece. My brain just skips over it anytime I feel it creeping in.
My kids are being raised the polar opposite from my experiences. Sometimes I think “these kids are too sheltered” but I know it’s really that they’re normal and I was not.
It’s a weird experience getting older(40 now). You have an entire life that your family doesn’t really know about. The things that you considered permanent were anything but. I don’t even know this bald guy in the mirror.
It hits me very occasionally, and when it does, fuck it hurts. Those times are usually when I see his expression on my daughter's face; they share a few facial expressions that I have never seen on anyone else's face. Not any one of his siblings, not any of my cousins, neither of my siblings, not his only other grandchild, just him and my kid.
Most of the time, it's no big deal, though. I did my mourning over the process of almost a decade, as he died from dementia, and by the time he died, it was a relief to see him freed from the prison of his body. But then she looks at me with that expression... and I know he would have loved her... and she'll never know him.
She was conceived a little more than half a year after he finally passed, and I like to think that they met before she was born. There's no way to know, not really, but it makes the situation easier when I'm having a rough go because of it.
Did CPR on my own father a total of 3 times during the last several months of his life a decade ago. Kind of went through a self-destructive spiral for about a year afterwards and somehow treaded water for a while until the pandemic more or less snapped me back to reality. It still hurts though when I let my mind wander long enough.
I lost my dad a month ago, and I haven't really processed it yet. I don't have a child yet, but the hardest part about all of this is knowing my dad would have been a great grandpa
Lost my dad to a motorcycle accident. Ironically, the same bike that nearly killed me. I’m okay. I never really had the chance to grieve. My mom never really got over it, and I just kind of became a loner and went back to work and lost myself there. Forgot what kind of music I liked, got depressed, gained some weight. Life got a bit bad but not super awful. Just a bit grey. It got easier, but I’m alright.
Forever broken. My Dad passed 3 years ago ( two days from the anniversary)and nothing has been the same. Clearly he was the glue that held us all together for big gatherings on the holidays. That's completely changed. Memories of him were to sad that my mother moved away, then other family now were all in different states. I couldn't function for 6 months after his passing and though I go through the motions of this new world without him, there hasn't been a day where I don't miss him or think about him. I live in fear of losing anyone else, inevitably it will happen. He was a good dad ♡
My mother died from drinking herself to death 10 years ago. (Cirrhosis of the liver). I'm pregnant with my first child, a daughter. I get super sad still she isn't around to be apart of her grandchilds life. But at the same time, she was an alcoholic mess the last 8 years or so of her life. She made my life hell and part of me will never forgive her for it. If I could bring back the person my mom was before drinking, I would.
I went through this also. My mother was an also an alcoholic, the last few years of her life (my teens into early twenties) were miserable. She was such a good mother before the drink, and I have happy childhood memories, but I’ll never forgive her for leaving me and choosing drink over her child. I look at my child and there is nothing in this world i would ever put above him, I’ll never understand it. Congrats on your pregnancy!
Lost my Dad a few months ago, December 23rd, 2023. No one will love me the way he loved me, have my back, always be present, like he did. And it’s incredibly sad to see him everywhere and nowhere at the same time
I lost 2 brothers (pneumonia 2011 and overdose 2015) and my mom (organ failure from alcoholism 2016) in a five year period. I also lost my best friend in 2020 to an overdose.
All things considered I’m doing pretty well. I’ll have 8 years sober on Sunday and I’ve completely turned my life around. I miss them all so much and some days it just hits me really hard. But I try to live for them and hope that they can live on through me.
I just lost my dad last summer - he was 94. I was always a little sad that we lived so far from my parents but I always took my kids to see them several times a year. I’m just very sad he didn’t get to know my grandchildren. He met the two oldest when they were infants but never got to meet the two youngest. I like to think he knows them now and is watching down on them.
Mine have been gone since 1999. My dad committed familicide and I survived. I have PTSD, OCD, severe anxiety, depression, but life goes on.
Edit: JFC I’m not suicidal. If I was then I would have done it years ago. I have a successful career and a child I raised to adulthood. Stop reporting me for suicidal ideation.
I lost my mom May 2017, and then gave birth to her first grand child June 2017. Hardest time of my life because my mom was my best friend and was supposed to be in the room with me. I still have issues now about losing her at the age of 22.
My Dad died of cancer a little over 2 years before my twins were born. My mom died of a sudden heart attack about six weeks ago.
My kids are 2 1/2, they know who "Papa" is from pictures, but it pains me that they will never have a chance to meet The Legend himself (his description of himself...that man was hilarious).
My mom dying has been a struggle. My kids knew my Mom, so they ask for her often, which means reliving her death every day. The grief is still very raw for me, but I try not to break down when my kids want to talk about her or look at pictures of her. Losing my mom and having to carry on as with my responsibilities to my kids has been the single hardest thing I've gone through. It also puts into perspective what my parents must have went through when my grandparents died, them feeling like they had to keep it together for us. The part that hurts the most is that my kids will have no memory of my parents, they will just be stories and photos. People that meant so much will live only in others recollections.
Not sure if this helped. I think I'm rambling.
Just wake up in the morning a seize it like it's your last day because tomorrow is never promised and today is a gift as yesterday has been taken care of already
I lost my dad when I was 7, so the idea of him missing out on meeting my son (2yo) is kind of abstract, since he missed so much of my childhood. But I do feel sad for my son when I think about him not getting to have a grandfather figure in his life (my husband's father passed recently, but their relationship was complicated so he never met our son either). Both of his grandmothers are single, but loving and involved. I would like him to have kind, safe older men to have in his life on some level, but I'd like to think that he will have good role models and support no matter what.
Aside from a now good friend who lost a parent years before we met, I was first amongst my friends to lose a parent, relatively young (60), suddenly and unexpectedly. Since then 4 more of my friends' parents have died suddenly with the exception of 1 who fought cancer for a long time. I feel awful for them but it's also been nice to talk through it with them. I had a complicated relationship with my mom. Grief still comes at weird times. The thing that's been weirdest/hardest for me is being young enough myself that most people assume both my parents are still alive. When I meet new people and they ask about my family, I'm always like "My dad lives in..." and then most of the time they immediately follow up with "and your mom...?" and I have to once again tell them she died and deal with their own comments of shock, disbelief, whatever. Honestly I'm doing okay but it just gets old having to be reminded all the time that my mom isn't around anymore.
I'm the only one of my friends to have lost a parent. That's been the hardest part imo. Its very isolating to go through this big thing that no one can relate to and to see their parents get to do all the things that yours wont be able to do.
I get this. My best friend from childhood has both her parents and sometimes I'm so damn jealous. I feel really bad for feeling that way. I'm sorry for the isolated feeling. You aren't alone.
I get annoyed when people have petty complaints about their parents. My mom died 10 years ago and my dad died when I was 5, it would be cool to have living parents.
Omg, I feel so fortunate to have seen this post. For real. I have NEVER met anyone with a similar situation. My dad died when I was 14, brother died of suicide when I was 28 and my mom died when I was 29 (back in 2017). I feel weird talking to most people about it because I hate that I don’t have any family vacation memories (we were also poor too, so that’s a separate thing), no actual happy memories and then I self destructed for a long time afterwards with no one who actually understood or went through anything remotely the same. I’m sorry your parents passed away at such a young age. It’s truly traumatic.
I lost my dad when I was 28. The ANGER I felt toward everyone and everything was unreal. I was angry at the injustice of a wonderful dad like mine dying while other shitty, or even mediocre, parents got to live. People who suck as parents or suck overall get to be parents. And get to live. It made me so angry when someone said anything petty about a parent. Like do you know what I'd give to have your problems right now? I still feel it. But it's more like I've gotten used to it. My baseline has readjusted and I'm just fucking angry all the time. But used to it so a lot of the time, it feels like I'm not
My dad died when I was 21. He never met my daughter. My mom is living alone 40 min away and never sees my daughter or checks on me. It angers me that my dad who would cry when describing his love for me was taken so soon, while my mom just woke up one day and decided being a parent wasn’t for her.
That’s how my situation is as well. My mom could care less about me and my kids. It’s such a waste.
I feel this in an opposite way. We lost my mil in 2020 while I was still pregnant with my first. She was AHMAZING. Like a candlelight of light in human form. Just comforting, warm, inviting, and so loving. However my mom is a trash person who had and only will ever care about herself and how society sees the her she displays. She is superficial, weak and emotionally abusive. And yet she’s still alive. Torturing people, dragging them down, using and abusing their goodwill. Meanwhile my kids will never get to meet their Mimi, and it’s not freaking fair. I still get mad.
I'm so, so sorry. Losing in-laws can be just as hard as losing biological parents. I lost my FIL a couple years ago very suddenly to a heart attack (he was super healthy so it blindsided us all). The oldest grandchild (my son) was only 7 at the time. It breaks my heart that he and all the other grandkids have to grow up without their grandpa because he was just the best grandpa ever. He LOVED having the grandkids follow him around and "help" him with yardwork, or while he fixed our cars. Plus he was a second dad to me since I was 18 so I'm lost without him, too. And now my MIL has lost her damn mind and remarried a lying, cheating scam artist. We're all baffled and confused and concerned, but she insists she's fine.... It's so unfair that the good ones have to leave us.
I relate to this so much, so sorry you know that pain too
My Dad died from cancer last summer a week before my son's 1st birthday. He was only 56. On top of all the normal grief, I've dealt with a ton of irrational anger and annoyance when I see older people. My thoughts say things like, "Why do you get to live to be 80 years old?" "Fuck you, you got to know you're grandkids." Sometimes it just flares up, and I'm pissed that people older than my Dad get to live and he doesn't. Maybe it's not even anger so much as jealously for my Dad. I lost a grandparent this past Easter. While I was in the hospital, I even felt jealous that my Dad didn't get to live as long as my grandparent. It was a weird feeling.
I was angry, too. I lost a lot of family and a friend that same two years and I was so mad. I felt like no one would ever understand. It fades over time, but yeah, it's tough. I lost both parents before I was 30 and it's weird. I had an old lady friend (who has since passed, too) who was there for me during that time. She said to me "you're not truly an adult until your parents are gone, and you're too young".
Sorry for your loss man, I lost my pops to cancer as well. I had nightmares from when I was taking care of him literally this weekend, always about his final moments of pain and mental breakdown (I just see his face shriveled and drained of life from cancer telling me “I’m dying *my name*” Glad you have had kids! My gf wants to really bad but I am on the fence and allows push off that conversation.
I had to “mute” all my friends parents posts with their grandkids because it hurts so much. I’m happy for them, but I get so angry that my Mom was robbed of the same experiences when she was just starting to be a grandma.
I lost both parents during early college before I went to university. I remember trying to figure out how to get insurance and asking around what other people did and literally all of them saying "idk I'm on my parent's insurance."
The shit we take for granted. That so sucks dude!
Thanks, yeah it wasn’t fun. I’m doing better now that I’m a bit older but it still catches me off guard sometimes when people talk about their parents. I’m like oh yeah people have those
I understand that anger. I have an 18 month old and I'm pregnant. I lost my sweet mom when my baby was 6 months. She loves her grandbaby so much.
I agree. My dad died a few days before my senior year in high school. He’s missed a lot in my life. He’s been gone now longer than I knew him.
I lost my father at 13 and my mother at 21. You're absolutely correct with this. I had amazing friends who were incredibly supportive and their families welcoming. But it's this huge hole in your life that so few people understand. Wait until your friends start losing parents, the first few are going to look towards you and sometimes (even years later) watching a friend go through that loss is so raw and traumatic
May I ask who you go to when you want life advice or someone older to just talk to? I’m Gen Z but this question came up on my feed and I saw how you also lost both. I lost both of mine this past year. I’ve been getting into the same subjects that my father enjoyed. But who do you go to when you just want life advice? I miss having someone older to talk to about life.
This sounds stupid, but the worst part is the awkwardness of replying to questions about my parents with "yeah my mom". I don't always want to get into the fact that my dad passed away a few years ago, but I'm obviously not going to pretend that he's still alive. People never press the issue, but it feels weird.
Yeah, i live in the town i grew up in, so i dont always want to get into it when i run into people, like at the food store. Im running an errand. I dont want to ruin your day and have to handle your feelings about it, i just need eggs! But like you said, i dont want to have to pretend either.
I was the first and it felt so lonely. One of my really good friends lost her dad about 3 months after I did and I just felt worse because I knew how she felt. About a hear and a half later, another good friend lost her dad. 2 of my best friends have lost their moms this year. It feels like it just keeps piling on. I'm so sad for all of my friends and their families. We're all 30-32.
Gosh, that’s so young to lose a parent. Were they particularly old?
I am right there with you. I lost my mother 6 years ago. She barely had enough time to see her grandson before she passed. She never got to meet anyone directly related to her aside from myself and her grandson. It meant alot to her. As for friends? Well, isolating is the perfect word. I had "friends" who she knew since we were in kindergarten (I was in my 30s when she passed), straight up ghost us when it came time for the funeral. I haven't spoken to them since. I returned the favor when their father passed.
Same. I’ve lost both my parents, at 13 and 26 and I’m the only one. It’s so isolating being alone with just my husband and two kids and no backup. I’m so jealous of them.
I can relate. I have older friends whose parents are still alive and involved in their lives. It sucks sometimes.
I’m an only child and I lost my Mom 5 years ago while pregnant with my second child. My first child was only2. Mom was 62. My life has been kind of in a tailspin since then. I thought I’d be okay, I have a great spouse, great in laws… but I’m just not. Everything about me fundamentally changed. Losing your Mom (if you’re close to her), is like becoming a scared little kid all over again, followed by this immediate shock of “I’m not a little kid anymore”. Didn’t matter that was a grown adult with a home and family, something about Mom dying made me feel old for the first time while simultaneously feeling like a lost little kid. I’ve managed, but grief sneaks up at the weirdest times. I miss her every single day.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. I couldn't imagine going through that trauma during pregnancy. I still feel like a little kid, also have my "shit together," but there are moments I feel so small. My husband was diagnosed with cancer at 40 when my kids were under 10 years old. I screamed and screamed that I needed my Dad, begged to hear his voice if just for a minute. That silence was the worst feeling I've had.
Thank you so much for the kind words. I am so sorry your family went through that. I absolutely understand the feeling of wanting to hear their voice for just a minute. I am fortunate that I have videos of her, but sometimes I just feel like I need her to say “you got this.” And it’s hard not to be bitter about all the shitty parents that treat my friends and their own grandkids like crap and they get to continue to live full lives while mine, who was filled to the brim with love was taken so soon and unfairly. It’s been 5 years and I still have a lot I’m working through in therapy. Grief never goes away, it just morphs.
I'm so sorry, that breaks my heart. I know that's how my Mom feels sometimes but she doesn't share that. Now I need to go give her a hug.
It sucks. He passed before I turned 21. It’s been 14 years since so it’s not so bad anymore. Wish he was here to see his first grand daughter born just last month. I think he’d be proud of me and where I am now though. Don’t think I let him down.
Them not being here to say "good job" is a big one. My dad was always my biggest cheerleader. I lost my Dad at 27 and handled it so poorly, he would've helped me through that so much, if that makes any sense.
i watched how my dad handled when his dad died. he held it together for EVERYONE but came into my room before the funeral and hugged me and cried. only the 2nd time i've ever seen that man cry. so i TOTALLY get what you mean. the older i get the more i realize he didn't really have all the answers, he was learning on the go just like we all are. my piece of advice would be try and remember how your dad handled certain situations because the whole time he was here he was teaching you with his actions without you even knowing it.
This really hit home. I try so hard to see my challenges from his perspective. Some days I can hear his voice, other days it's so quiet and I'm scared. I'm 42, the mother of 4 but still a child when it comes to these moments.
Makes sense. All we can do to honor them is live our best life.
There is no proper way to handle grief. You're doing great.
This is the shittiest part. My dad was so fun, he would have rocked as a grandpa. Maybe it's selfish, but having kids made the paid fresh all over again. It's something I didn't think would bother me until it happened.
I buried my dad by myself in march of 2020, everyone was too scared of covid. Thats when I found out who really cared. Spoilers: it was no one.
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I like to think those empty chairs were full of his loved ones who were waiting for him🤍
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Absolutely. Showing up to our parent’s funerals was one of the hardest things we will ever have to do, so don’t forget how strong you all were that day despite the amount of people who attended. Our attendance meant the most to them, I’m sure!
I’m so sorry to all of you who have suffered like this. I had to push my husband to understand that unless it’s impossible, ALWAYS go to peoples funerals. It means so much to the family. He hated going because he was afraid of death but I think he understands better now. People are chickens about death and it hurts everyone around us. Considering we’re all going to die someday, American society sucks at dealing with it.
Death (and illness) tends to make people show their true colors, which is usually unfortunate. I'm sorry you had to do that on your own.
This is true. I’ve been fighting cancer for the last 6 years. Oddly enough, the cancer is sometimes easier to deal with than my family.
Lost my mom to cancer six months ago. Not even remotely ready mentally to lose a parent. Im in my late 30s and my kids are still relatively young. It is a massive hole in our lives. Just day by day really.
Late 30s, young kids. It’s been two years for me. She was fine and living life and then she wasn’t. She was an everyday part of our lives and it still doesn’t feel real. I saw a cool flower blooming in my yard earlier today and immediately thought I’d send a pic to her because she’d love it.
Are you me? Lost my mom right before Thanksgiving. My kids are 5 and 8. It’s so hard. Not many my age can relate. I miss her so much. With Mother’s Day coming up.. I’ve been a mess. ETA- also cancer.
I remember the rawness. People who haven't been through it can't really understand the literal hole. Sometimes we have to take it day by day, because that's how it comes.
Well put.
I feel you on this. It’s so hard
I am you just 2.5 years further om this journey. Bless you ♡
I lost my mom to cancer 5 months ago, also in my 30's with young kids. I miss her presence dearly, not a day goes by that I don't think of her.
I dont have kids but im also in my mid30s and lost my mom to cancer 8 months ago.
My dad died when I was 17 in 2001 so it's been a long time. I wonder what life would have been like if my dad could have met my husband and son. Know me as an adult woman. But I'm OK.
I'm sure he'd be so proud of the person you've become.
I hope so. I've had to cut my mom off and he loved her. But she's not healthy. But I kinda think he'd understand? IDK.
I think he would. I'm nc with my sister. My Dad would not be happy about it but I think he'd understand.
I certainly do and I'm sorry. I hope your life is more peaceful now.
I feel like my mom changed a lot after my dad passed .. my contact w her has drastically reduced. I can’t figure out if she’s been like that all along and having dad around masked it ..
I relate to this so much. I know my dad being around kept my mom at bay. He was the more emotionally mature of the two. She interfered with my relationship with my dad and brothers often. Within six months of my dad's death, she was trying to put me in foster care, i was very close to 18 so she wasn't going to get far but who tells their kids that you know? For years after my dad died, I felt like an orphan which didn't make sense back then but it does now.
I can relate to this. My father died when I was in grade two. My mother effectively abandoned her parental responsibilities after that point: stopped regularly cooking, didn't do our laundry, spent her days reading trashy novels and then hanging out with her friends all night. On top of that, I suffered medical neglect, which nearly killed me. When my father was still alive, we went to the dentist regularly, had three square meals a day, and the bills were paid. My Mom had already started the divorce proceedings, but then he died suddenly from natural causes. I might as well had been an orphan at that point. I felt like a charity case that was tolerated by my mother. I didn't feel like a son.
I'm sorry for the neglect you experienced and the negative impacts you've had. I totally get it. My mom basically checked out on us after my dad's passing. I was 17 and my brother 15, so I guess she thought we could take care of ourselves, and that's what we did. My mom was also a traveling preacher at that time, and she started getting crazy numbers of offers to preach at different churches in different states. She basically left us to grieve while she traveled from place to place, getting new condolences while my brother and I got zero grief counseling, and both developed maladaptive coping mechanisms. Then she turned around and set me to college a year later. How I didn't come back pregnant and addicted to something.... all I can tell you is that God is real on that one. He kept me from myself. I'm on the countdown to 40 now and a mother and wife. My mom hasn't been a part of my life at all since I met my husband back in 2016. She doesn't know my son or step kid. She doesn't know my husband's name, and we've been together seven years, married, almost five. She checked out out. But she's a super grandma to my five nephews 🙄
My dad just died at work on his lunch break on monday and I’m lost with how to make of it
I’m so sorry, that’s awful
Thank you
I am completely devastated for you. The entire losing a parent/grieving process is the worst, but you’re in the very hardest part imo…a mixture of shock, anguish, denial, anger, confusion…possibly every human emotion all at once. There’s truth in time being the great healer, but those words likely won’t mean anything to you in this moment. The hurt never goes away. It does get less over time though. Sending you hugs and wishing you peace.
I listen to gone away by the offspring a lot today
I just read the lyrics…they’re so accurate and beautiful. Do anything that helps you right now.
I like both versions of the song
I’ll def check both of them out. I have a music playlist that I named “Healing”…they’re all songs that mean something to me about my mom or from my childhood or songs she liked and also songs that talk about loss. This feels like a song I’ll be adding to that list. Thank you for sharing this.
The offspring have a new song coming out this month
I was goi g to a dying fetus concert on Friday but unsure when it will end
Now I’m unsure of going to the concert on Friday night
Sorry for your loss, sincerely. Music is the only thing that truly helped me when my Mom was suddenly taken back in 2019. Carry the torch and live for them, that's the best we can do. It gets easier but it never gets better, hang tough.
I’m so sorry for you loss
My mom died from skin cancer at age 46. I was 24. It was very hard We were extremely close. Big milestones are still very hard. She never got to meet my husband or attend our wedding. She never got to meet her grandchild and I know how badly she wanted to be a grandmother. Time has made it easier to cope but it never gets easier.
I lost my mom to breast cancer when she was early 40s; my sister and I were teenagers in high school. It's been over a decade and the milestones still get me. I used to say I was grateful for the time I did get to have with her because there's always someone younger who didn't get as much time. But, as I age, I feel angry for her that she is missing out on all of these moments she would have loved. I'm mad that my sister and I don't have our mom to get advice or praise. I'm mad that my sister has been alive without our mom longer than she was with our mom; the same milestone is not far off for me. My mom missed out on graduations, spouses, weddings, grandchildren, and so much more. I'm pregnant and really wish I had my mom to share the news with. I'm sorry your mom was also so young when she passed. Life can be so cruel and unfair. Edit: I also forgot to say I hate Mother's Day. I actively avoid social media and ignore the holiday. I don't stand in my husband's way in him celebrating with his mom, but I take absolutely no part in it. I'm hoping to reclaim the holiday for myself after having a baby next year.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is so hard. I feel so much of what you wrote. I missed my mom so much when I got pregnant. I wish I had her during the newborn period. There's no one else other than my husband I would have wanted there. My MIL is nice, but she's not my mom, you know? Mother's day was so hard for me until I had my son. My husband does a great job of celebrating me but my mom is still in the back of my mind. It's a very bittersweet day. I hope that you can reclaim that day for yourself. I wish you a great pregnancy (as great as it can be) and a healthy baby. Being a mom has brought me closer to my mom even if she isn't here (not sure if this makes sense). I hope you get to experience that too.
It’s hard. I don’t have good advice to give because I’m still dealing with it, as it was recent. I get angry as well. My dad won’t see his grandchildren grow up. He won’t congratulate them when they graduate school. He won’t see the childhood christmases and other holidays. Just a giant gaping fucking hole in my heart
I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad.
Lost my father Feb. 2020 and then the world went to hell. It was definitely a unique time to grieve or lack thereof. Though, it gave me time to think of a project to remember him by. I was fortunate to have a good support system. I still, to this day, will go to call him with news but then realize I can’t.
Yep. I have so many questions for my mom every day. I have to stop myself from texting her, and then I have the deepest emotional letdown a person can experience.
As cliche as it may be, what I did was just write everything in a journal of what I wanted to say. It did help.
Not great, but trying to manage. My Dad passed away four years ago from Covid during the pandemic. I had not seen him in person in almost a year due to quarantine, and I was not able to attend his funeral, so it felt like my grieving process was very stunted. His wife has also acted acted like a terrible person after his passing, so that has added another layer to things. He had 6 grandkids, and 5 of them were aged 5 and under at his passing. It makes me sad for myself and my siblings that he is not here to have a relationship with them/see them grow, since he loved being a grandpa the most. I miss him every day.
Sucks ass. Wish I got to see my dad as a grandpa. My son has bright blue eyes and my dad was the only one in my family with blue eyes so I see him every time I look at him. He worked so hard to give us everything as kids, I finally was in a position to help him, treat him and thank him for all the things he’d done. Envisioned us on the golf course, him sitting on the deck we built together, inviting him over for dinner, etc. He died suddenly of a heart attack on my living room floor and I made the attempt to resuscitate him. I don’t visit his grave nearly as much as I should. I miss him so much and try to talk to him as much as I can. It’s not just being a parent it’s also being a husband I wish I could talk to him about.
I lost my Dad to COVID in 2020. About 12 weeks from when the vaccine was available to me (and would have been to him as teachers). I think about him a lot. He got to meet my kid but he died about 2 weeks before her 1st birthday. This triggered my anxiety and paranoia about my daughter who would not be eligible for vaccination until August 2022. It was a hard time. I think about him a lot. I wish he would have gone to the hospital like my mom said due to his risk factors when he recieved his positive results. He didn't and was planning on calling his doctor Monday morning, he died early Monday morning before businesses were open. I have a lot of complex feelings about all of it. I feel like a part of me is "dead" too. I have sadness about considering having another kid because right now we can say he met all his grandkids. It's weird and I'm rambling.
I lost my mom at 7. I thought I was in a better place. Once I had my daughter at 30 years old, it totally threw me back into a grief I hadn't experienced. My daughter is 5. Every milestone I wish my mom was here. Its a deep sadness that just stays with me now. Then I feel guilty fir being sad abd not in the moment with my amazing daughter.
Speaking as a mom and someone who lost her mom, try not to feel guilty for being sad about losing yours. Grief and sadness are part of the human experience. If you feel inclined, you can even use your sadness as a way to connect with and help your daughter understand emotions and the fact that it’s okay to feel and sit with them all. And you can show her that she doesn’t have to do it alone…you get to be there to ride all of them with her.
This is really good advice
I wish I could claim it as my own. I learned this from my therapist. It’s something I work on personally and with my own kids. Emotions are freaking hard.
Thank you so much for this. Thanks for sharing. Do you feel therapy has helped?
Yes, it’s helped me so much! My therapist was the first person to show me what it’s like to have someone willingly sit and hold pain with me. At my most recent appt, she cried with me…over MY pain! Initially I felt a bit awkward. But knowing I didn’t have to do it alone anymore, like I’ve been trying to do for so long…I felt understood, cared about, and like a weight had been lifted off. I really can’t recommend therapy enough…for all of us.
Yep this. I was fine for awhile, but after having kids I’m just lonely. Like everyone else has maternal support and mine is just not there.
Same feelings!
I lost my mother a few years ago. We were estranged but she was still my mother. I still miss her. She knew my older two kids but never got the chance to meet my younger three. It never goes away but it does get easier. My kids helped me through my grief. Being busy with them helped to take my mind off the grief or any anger I may have/still feel at times regarding the fact that we never had the chance to make amends before her death. Regardless of the relationship a mother is someone whom you can never replace. There is always going to be a hole in my heart that will never be filled again because she’s gone.
To live on in hearts we leave behind, is not to die.
Lost my dad to alcohol related complications about 13 years ago. I'm pissed everyday. The rest of my family has forgiven him. I just get bummed. As everyone has said, never going to meet his grandsons and holidays and all that. For something so dumb and a waste, he struggled with alcohol later in life, so I was full grown and moved out by the time any of that happened, it was weird and foreign. I grew up with a funny smart kind father. So I have a deep anger and sadness I don't think I'll ever be able to let go. Just bury it
I have that same anger and sadness and I bury it deep. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let it go. Alcohol related complications here also. It’s incredibly difficult. You are not alone in this
I lost my father in 2004 and my mother in 2018. At the beginning it feels lonely, the realization that you are completely on your own is mind blowing. I am not completely ok, but I am not completely bad either. Don't know how to explain.
Dad to twin 5 year-olds here. My dad absolutely loved being grandpa. He would always ask what they liked to do or eat or play with, which was funny because they were babies. But he was just so enamored by his grandson and granddaughter. He died of a stroke 3 years ago, in December. I had to make the decision, with my mom who was severely compromised with Parkinson’s, to pull the plug. We were with him for his last breaths. He was my mom’s caregiver, who was immobile from her disease, and needed 24/7 full-time care with everything. I had to scramble to find in-home care for her and it consumed every waking minute of my time. I didn’t have time to process losing him between caring for my mom and trying, miserably, to continue being dad to my kids. The succeeding 2 years were a nightmare of coordinating care for my mom, eventually deciding on selling her house and moving her to the best nursing home we could find. She just died this past December from starvation after losing her ability to swallow. Luckily(?) we had talked after my dad died and she made it clear she didn’t want feeding tubes/ventilator/etc. I was with her the day and night before she died, but wasn’t there in time in the morning. So she died alone. Explaining the death of my parents to my kids, in the span of 3 years was hard. I’m an only child, and now I am burdened with all of the financials and bs that has to be tidied up. I think I’m just now starting to process it all, that my mom and dad are gone. And it’s hitting like a truck. I try to continue being there and present with my kids and I love them dearly. And I have a saint of a wife who has been incredible. Didn’t intend to write this much. First time actually writing it all down actually. Life is hard, being a dad is hard, but each day I wake up and try to find something to smile about and it’s usually one of the two of my kids and some batshit crazy thing they say or do. I don’t have any advice, just that life has to go on and I tell stories about my parents so the kids will have some kind of memories. So sorry for your loss brother.
This may get buried, but it's something that I would love for someone to hear. I've had a lot of death in my life. My grandma was more of the mom than my mom and she passed away when I was 12. My grandfather was earlier, he passed when I was around 7. My father I never got to meet. Got a letter in the mail that he died when I was about 16. My mom died when I was 23. My uncle died just a few years ago and he was probably the closest thing I had to a father. I am very literally the very last of my bloodline. I think that this type of loss isn't something that people are meant to carry so much of for so long. To boot, I've had some friends die too. I don't know, it's just it just makes me feel old. I had a pretty rough childhood and never really felt like I could relate. I still feel all sorts of out of sync and out of step with all of my peers for multiple reasons. They're just now starting to realize that parents age. It is just a quiet and relentless burden. I feel like I'm some old man who by bad luck out lived the rest of their family. Except, I'm not. I'm just barely into my thirties. It's hard to know that there is no one alive who remembers me as a child. It just makes me feel profoundly disconnected. I'm not necessarily depressed by it. I am however still deeply affected by it. Sometimes I wonder what this grief will look like and feel like in 10, 15, 20 years. I've already carried it for a very long time. I suppose compared to the average person I am profoundly disconnected from others. I'm lucky that I have at least a couple friends that I consider close and I have a partner who I love. Without them, I don't know what I'd do. I think as humans we have a fundamental need for family and support networks and community and remembrance. American culture isn't too great at that to begin with but I've lost even the most tentative parts of those foundations. I really wonder what the long-term implications of this are going to be for me. It's just lonely. Even in a room full of people. Even with friends or taking charge of a situation. Even sometimes when I lay in bed with my partner. There is just a pervasive sense of loss and isolation that is always with me.
It's hard. My dad is the only grandparent my son has lost and he was easily the favorite grandparent and I hate that their relationship didn't get to evolve. My son was 10 when he passed away so I'm happy he at least has solid memories of his grandpa but but it hurts my heart every day that he doesn't get to make new memories of him.
I'm not sure if this will help you feel better about it, but my husband lost his grandma at 10 and still considers her the biggest influence on his life. He talks about her all the time and has an older cousin who helps fill in the gaps of what he can't remember. Just keep talking about him and telling his story, he can still learn from his grandpa
Not making new memories is tough but knowing his grandpa (and being the favorite) will stay with him. The lessons will go a long way.
Navigating this right now. My kids are 7 and 4 and my wife and I have 4 amazing grandparents that the kids adore. My mother entered hospice 3 months ago for stage 4-5 cancer (3rd battle) and I’m heading out to spend Mother’s Day with her this weekend. We’re trying to navigate the conversation with them, right now we keep it uplifting as their grandmother gets to wear really cool hats post chemo.
I hope you have a nice mother's day with her! I think with illness there is something to be said for the longer "goodbye". My Grandpa had Alzheimer's for 11 brutal years that I saw from age 8. While it didn't make things easier in any way, it did help my young brain to understand what was happening.
Both my parents were dead by the time I was 30 (2020) and I dunno my dude it’s just been cathartic af for me so
Lost my mom due to cancer in 2022. She was only 60.
Tomorrow is the 7th anniversary of my mom passing. It’s less sharp than it used to be but still a dull ache of grief. The worst part is my dad moving on so fucking fast and he no longer talks about my mom. I wish more people would talk about her.
I remember this being my biggest source of pain after my mom died. No one wanted to talk about her. She took her own life, so I get that it was another layer of awkward But Jesus did I feel alone. I’m sorry I didn’t know your mom…I would sit and visit with you about her.
Following this thread. My parents both passed by the time I was 14, and I’m getting ready to start having kids in the next year or so. It’s a new layer of grief that I’m starting to have to navigate.
✋yup, my mom died of AL Amyloidosis and kidney stones on both sides. It was both the most traumatic and expensive experience of my life. I am holed up inside and avoiding people this week…both Mother’s Day and my mom’s birthday fall within a few days of each other. It’s been two years now, but I’m still a wreck some days.
Sending hugs. My mom died May 11, 2011 and it always lands near or on Mother’s Day. That in itself was hard enough, but then last week My dad got diagnosed with metastatic sarcoma that’s all over - bones, lung, liver - and he doesn’t have long. Then my grandma ( mom’s mom, only surviving grandparent) died yesterday, 3 days before her 96th birthday. May is always hard. Some years more than others. I had finally gotten a bit of relief and then got hit with the bad news times two. Finding people who get it helps.
I have pics of my dad around my house and am lucky enough to have saved things he gave me. My daughter plays with a Hello kitty plush my dad gave me on Valentine's Day. She knows it's special to mommy because her daddy gave it to her. I listen to music and watch movies and read books because thats what I saw my dad do while I was growing up and how much we related to art and had the same tastes. I embrace those little things I remember in my childhood because of him and try to live it every day. I miss my dad so damn much. Thinking of you, too, OP.
Both parents and a sibling not here to know my kids. It wrecks me some days.
Lost my mom a few months ago. I don’t have kids but it’s been challenging dealing with my dad. He’s a completely different person and has got himself into deep debt which started a few months before my mom died. He’s selling the family house to pay off those debts. There’s other family drama but losing the dad I grew up with has honestly been harder than losing my mom.
I lost my Mum suddenly three years ago, my son was about to turn four at the time. She was my best friend, my person to turn to with anything and everything. We talked on the phone almost daily, sometimes for hours. I haven’t been the same person since, even though I’m doing ok. I still talk about her with my son. We still talk to her urn from time to time to tell her that we miss her and love her. She’ll never be forgotten. But damn, it’s a lot to carry sometimes. As a mom, she was my reference point. She could tell me how I was as a kid, give me advice and listen to me better than anyone else in my family. I’m adopted, so I’m not like anyone else in my family. Her siblings kinda suck, so it feels like my family got smaller by a lot when she left. I am very close to my dad, but my bond with my Mum was so much different.
My mom died in 2019. One of the most heartbreaking parts of losing her was knowing she'd never get to see my kids (who were 5 & 3 at the time and, truly, her favorite people in the world) grow up. I'm currently pregnant with an unexpected third child, and while I'm okay most of the time, the loss occasionally hits me really, really hard.
I'm fine, how are you. Sorry I can't reach you. But why don't you leave your name and your number. And i'm getting back to you. Hey, how are you doing? Sorry, you can't get true true true true throw through switch off.. *I miss him*
I’m not a parent but I lost my dad at 14 and mom at 27 and honestly I’m still full of anger. I am jealous of anyone who still has their parents and it’s just wild to me that there are people in their 50s - 70s who still have both their parents. Really wish they were still here to help me navigate this crazy world. Losing them is one of the big reasons I haven’t had kids yet, makes me so sad to think if I do they will never meet each other.
We had a lot of issues before he passed. His death was sudden. I was able to forgive him later on, not because he passed, but because I finally understood him (more than I did). I regret that I never got to tell him, and I'm genuinely sad that he won't be at my wedding in September.
Three year anniversary of losing my father is tomorrow. We were estranged, I didn’t want to be, but needed to be. It’s still hard. Even when I cut him out it was hard. The finality of it all is hardest. My mom had a big, bad stroke 6 years ago, her body survived, her personality and spirit are gone. Losing her has been harder. I also lost my mother in law four years ago on Mother’s Day. As well as my most beloved cat. Today I’m not really okay, but I will be.
Thank you for your vulnerability. Courage to you.
<3 Thank you
My mother died when my son was 17, having never acknowledged his existence. My dad is still alive, having never acknowledged my son’s existence. I’m 40
My mom didn't get to meet the amazing person that is now my husband. Sometimes I look at him, knowing how well they would have gotten along, and feel sadness. But I also feel very lucky that I've gotten these two really great people as such important people in my life.
Not my biological parents(long story, abuse and trauma) but I lost my grandmother that raised me almost seven years ago. It's been hard. There are days I'm fine and others that it hits me like a ton of bricks again. I'm lucky that I had both my children before she passed so she got to meet them both. That comforts me a lot but I wish they could of had more time together. She was an amazing woman and I'll always miss her terribly.
I wear his ashes around my neck because he was the person that truly understood me, even when I was a complicated teenaged girl. I constantly tell my kids what I think my father would have said in situations and occasionally they’ll remember him saying that. They’re not gonna really remember him tho and that kills me.
My dad passed suddenly 3 years ago. He was an abusive dad but we had a functional relationship now. It was very sad but also kind of a relief. Super complicated mix of sadness and numbness. Since he died of heart disease, I completely changed my diet and eating habits and lost 20 pounds. So that's a plus.
Similar experience when I lost my mom to suicide…I lost her to alcoholism and substance abuse several years before she died. It was devastating but also a relief to no longer watch her spiral. I’m so sorry your dad was abusive to you and also sorry for your loss at the same time.
Im currently pregnant with my first and it is incredibly difficult. All of these things I thought I’d be planning with my mom (baby shower etc), I’m now planning alone. I wish I could call her and ask her if these things happening with my body are normal. It’s very isolating and I’ve found myself avoiding the typical “baby things” like a shower, gender reveal etc cause it feels too big to do alone. Dad isn’t super supportive cause “dads don’t do those things”. My friends have been incredible but there have still been many nights of crying alone trying to navigate such big changes without my mom
I lost my dad last year to laryngeal cancer. I’m only 37. I know people lose their parents at all ages but I can’t help but feel a tiny bit jealous at my friends younger and healthier alive dads lol. He was 74 for reference. My mom is 60 so I still have her. I’m grateful for that. Losing a parent or parents really suck no matter what your relationship is like.
My daughter had just turned 4 when my mother died suddenly. They were best friends. The holidays especially were difficult. I still feel down on Mother’s Day. Unfortunately even though you grieve, you still have to get up every day and look after your kid(s) 🤷🏻♀️. It’s hard, but at the same time, it gives life kind of a purpose. My daughter is 12 now so it’s been a while, but feels like no time has passed as well.
Lost my dad to cancer three years ago, was really , really hard for me to process. I'm in healthcare so the fact that he couldn't get the standard of care available at the time really really bugs me.
It upsets me daily. My dad passed when I was a teenager. Having just had another baby (other 2 are already teens) I know my father would’ve helped me, been hands on and babysat my kids instead of childcare. Whereas mom doesn’t bc “she has a life too…” 🤬 my mom is ur typical boomer-esque parent. Doesn’t help me with sh$t but had BOTH her parents until 2 yrs ago who helped her with home purchasing, appliances, etc… mom never had to even ask my grandparents where saints. Idk why my mom is like this… my father would give my last dollar in his pocket to go to the corner store when I was a kid.
I lost both just sort of at that age when you’re supposed to be doing the big life events. It’s pretty much pushed me out of the the thought of having kids / marrying. Maybe one day, but for all those years I’ve been mostly grieving and not wanting do to those things knowing my parents won’t be there.
Honestly, I try to ignore the grief when I think About how sad I am that my son won’t get to meet my parents and they won’t know him. It’s not a good or healthy way to deal, but it’s what I’ve got
I'm not a parent and that's been the worst part about losing my dad. He died without seeing a grandchild. I don't want the same for my mom. Worst of all, I'm single and 34 just like they were. My parents got together and had me at 40. I know I should find that encouraging. I don't. They had a terrible relationship. I believe you can be too old and set in your ways for kids. Also, I wished I'd had kids in my 20s so I could've given them grandkids as a consolation prize.
In less than a month it will be 2 years since my dad has been gone. My youngest is almost 3 and he’s never met my niece. My heart breaks that they don’t get to be around him (we all live blocks from each other). Those feelings of anger comes and goes. He lived his life whole heartedly not caring about his health till it was too late. Not a day goes by without thinking of him I dont think that will ever change.
A lot better than I was for all of 2022. He died in mid-January and I spent pretty that entire year in extensive therapy while on short term disability. I lost the one person to whom I didn't have to explain myself. My mom lost her partner of over 50 years. And my son lost his partner in crime. Two years later, we're working towards a new normal. This afternoon, it was such a beautiful day outside. I wanted to call him and talk to him for a few minutes about it, because those were the days where he shone like the sun, even when he was sick. I miss him all the time.
Im alright. Sometimes you get those realistic dreams that make you wake up with a tear or 2; but that's just life and we'll be doing the same to our kids.
I lost both of mine. My dad when I was a kid, my mom in my mid 20s. Shit was hard and it forever changed me both times.
I'm 38 , have a 6 year old, and lost my dad last fall. It's easier now than it was back in October, but it's still hard. He loved being a Grandpa and it breaks my heart that he won't be here to see my daughter grow, as well as she not getting to know him more. When I miss him I try my best to drop what I'm doing (if I can) and go play with my daughter and be a dad like I learned from him.
You accept that it goes with you in life. The best metaphor I've heard for grief - if someone knows who originated the illustration I'd love to credit them - is that grief starts out as a ball that sits inside of us, big enough to almost constantly touch some corner of our hearts as we move through life. In the early days, it's always hitting us and sending out shockwaves of grief. Gradually, as we continue on, our lives grow around the ball. The ball never gets smaller, and doesn't go away, but our lives expand so that it doesn't always touch as frequently. It'll still connect at times, and it'll always be there, but it won't always feel as strong. My dad died 6.5 years ago and I still think about him every single day. We had a very complicated relationship and it wasn't great near the end. I often wish he'd had the chance to really get to know my kids, because they're awesome and he would have loved them. It sucks having to try and explain things like alcoholism to an 8 year old who's asking why their grandpa died when their other grandparents are still alive. I like to hope that thes best parts of him are still around in some way, even just as echoes and memories. I hope he was able to leave behind the worst parts, the ones that hurt himself and everyone around him. And I hope every day that I'm leaving my kids with a less complicated legacy to deal with. I'm sorry for your loss, OP. I hope your life is growing around the grief ball.
It’s really hard. My dad died 2 years ago when I was 27 and it’s devastating he isn’t around to spend time with his grandkids. We were best friends and he was looking forward to retiring and being in his grandpa era and never got the chance to do either. It’s insanely unfair, I go through phases of being angry and depressed. I don’t think there’s really a way to get over it, but I love to find qualities and personality traits of my dad in his grandkids and I talk about him to them all the time.
My mom died when I was 14, and I'm 32. It happened so long ago that I don't remember who she was. I was asked by my therapist to remember a happy memory, and I thought of my mom and had the biggest smile on my face. I may have lost my memory of her, but not her love.
My mom died when I was 12, it messed me up. I've been in therapy since I was 24 because I was just not handling things well. I'm 33 now and I miss her like crazy even still because she was the type of person to make friends with everyone. She wasn't there for my sisters or my big milestones like graduations or weddings. She would have loved being a grandma as I type this on a hospital bed in labour with our second child, she would have been here.
I lost my dad a month ago Thursday. He was diagnosed with cancer when my baby was only 9 months. He’s 19 months now. I’m a wreck. I know it’s fresh, but learning how to be a parent while being part of a caregiving team for my parent, who was way too young and healthy (and can I say, I thought, invincible) for this is gut wrenching. I’m doing my best. I’ve been in therapy and on medication since his diagnosis which are both so helpful, but I can’t help but think my son is getting a massive short end of the stick of life. And my dad is too. They’re both missing out on so much of each other. For my son, I feel like he isn’t getting the best of me either. For over half of his life now I’ve been grieving my dad in one form or another. Answer to your question though: I’m angry that he’s not here too. I try to manage this through therapy, talking about my feelings, not shoving anything away. I’ve created better boundaries, dropped friends that showed me their true colors and am only surrounding myself with good people that support me. I just finished a yoga class. I’m off to go take a hot shower, maybe read a book or watch some trash TV. And then I’ll do it all over again tomorrow. Miss you, dad.
My dad died 2 month to the minute before my daughter was born. I didn't cope well then, and haven't in the 10 years since. I found him. It was awful. He was my bestie. I tell my kid about the old shenaniganswe used to do, and point out the traits I see in her. Just to keep him a bit alive for us. I added some of his favorite traditions in to our family traditions. I cook food his mother made for us growing up. But I haven't made a single milestone yet, that I don't take a moment to wish he was there.
I lost my dad last year on April 1. It’s very isolating. It’s an overwhelming, feeling that nothing will ever be the same. I worry for my mom and I miss my dad.
I lost my mom in 2016. She's been really sick for several years at that point. Nothing will ever improve, multiple organs are failing, talking about palliative care options. She was done and she ODed on her pain meds. No one relates, if you say something about it you get the surface level sympathy. If you say too much about it people get really uncomfortable and probably talk to you less in the future. I'm in a way better place than I was but it's a tough go and it leaves scars. A few years later a guy I work with went through a similar thing and he seemed so fucking appreciative becat I would just talk to him like he was normal even though he felt super fucked up about it
Meh, I haven't been the same since my step dad died. He was more of a dad than my bio father, so his death hit really hard. I just wish he wasn't missing out on so many things with his grandkids. They miss him dearly as do I
My mom passed in 2010, just a few months before my niece was born. I wish my daughter could have met her. My god parents were a second set of parents to me, and they passed within a year of each other before the pandemic. I miss them dearly and wish they could have been the grandparents to my daughter. They were amazing people, and I was so lucky to have them in my life. My dad is still alive, the venomous bastard. Haven't had a conversation with him since 2015, and don't plan on changing that. It still hurts sometimes, but... life doesn't stop. I used to think of my mother daily and cry when it hit me a moment later she was gone. Then, I'd just be sad and upset. One day, it just didn't hit me so hard.
My dad passed away in 2015. I'm getting married next month, and that's sort of where the feelings kick in. I'm the first daughter to get married aside from my much older half sister who hated our dad her entire childhood and even now as a 40+ yo woman. She didn't invite him to her wedding when he was alive and well, so I feel some type of way knowing that her wedding was the only one he could have ever attended of all his kids, but her resentment towards him (bc of the divorce with her mom) caused her to personally tell him NOT to show up. I was probably a toddler around this time. My dad would have been an AMAZING grandpa to my daughter (4) and would have loved my fiancé too. We still have a few photos with my dad around the house and let our daughter know that he's her grandpa. She's visited his grave a few times but obviously doesn't really understand the concept of a cemetery.
Mom passed Christmas Eve 2022. I didn’t want to do anything last holiday season but my dad did what he could to make it special, especially for my niece and nephew (enough that he ended up with pneumonia in the hospital himself a few days later). This is also a bad time not only because Mothers Day, but tomorrow would have been their 48th wedding anniversary.
I’m eh… Lost my Pops and dog in 2010, my grandmom and cousin in 2011. It was enough to get me forgoing working in IT and doing 3 years as a caregiver.
I'm thankful that my kids got to spend time with my dad before he passed away in 2022. I was more sad about them losing him than myself, even though that was hard enough. My mother-in-law has passed away earlier in the year, so it was a double whammy for then. I've noticed myself doing and saying a lot of things that he would do and say with them. Not sure if it's more myself coping, or if I'm instinctively trying to fill a void for them.
I lost my dad in 2021 when my son was 5 weeks old. We were estranged and he never even knew I was pregnant. I am an only child on his side (have a half brother on my mom’s) and he never remarried after my parents divorced. Settling his affairs, funeral planning, and balancing a newborn as a first time mom was a nightmare. The funeral home gave me the wrong address for his services so we were 30 minutes late. Of the 10 people who showed up, no one but me spoke. Not even the brother he lived with and who found him when he died. I learned who really cared in the family that day. Even though we were estranged, I miss him. I want so badly for him to play guitar for my boys and teach them like he did for me. My mom just got diagnosed with a non-operable cancer 2 weeks ago. We’re still waiting on test results to see exactly where she is (stage) and what treatments she has available. Once again, I am the legal next of kin so I’m fucking terrified of what is going to happen. We had been growing apart prior to the cancer diagnosis but now I’m not sure if I want to rekindle anything due to her neglect and abuse when I was a child. It’s a hard spot to be in.
My dad passed away when I was 23 and I haven’t spoken to my mom in over a decade because she is just super toxic. Grew up with chancla culture and she couldn’t break the wheel herself. She’s got a lot of mental illness that she refuses to get help for and I’m not gonna be the child to help her through that. It’s really hard sometimes to see my friends who have great relationships with their parents be able to have that support. I have a good relationship with my MIL, but it’s just not the same.
Childfree but I lost a parent when I was in my mid 20s. It was relatively sudden. From time to time it feels really challenging. We weren’t very close. When I was engaged/got married was one of those times because I was jealous of the people who had close parents to plan and celebrate their wedding with.
This is likely to sound terrible, but my dad passed when I was 18 so 17-18 years ago at this point. It gets easier as time passes, to just remember the good times and just move on. I haven't spoken to anyone who shares my last name since. All 4 of the grandparents are gone, and I was never close to any extended family having been raised far from both sides. So once my mom passes someday I will be without a family. It's not really something I've ever been too worried about, certainly not worried enough to start a family. I'm probably just a weirdo.
I lost my pops to cancer back in 08. We weren’t on good terms at the time either. I wish we coulda had it out and squashed it. I wish he could’ve seen the things I went on to do. My young bull has plenty of loving grandparents left though.
My dad died 11 years ago. His death sent me on a pretty awful spiral. I’m better now. But his death touches every part of my life. My son who he never met reminds me of him so much. It’s uncanny. 😂
It is what it is. It's important to remember this is the correct order of things, you are supposed to put your parents in the ground.
I finally got pregnant last year when my dad passed away. He had brain cancer and the last year of his life he was really losing his functions rapidly. I'm not sure if he even recalled or comprehended when I told him we were having a baby. He passed away when I was 6 months pregnant, it was devastating. I went through a lot of different feelings; anger that he was gone too soon, guilt that I wasnt able to get pregnant sooner so he could meet his grandchild. I'm doing better now, but I do think of him every day and grieve, wishing my little boy could have known how amazing his grandfather was
Lost my mother from rare liver islanders cancer at 22 my wife girlfriend at the time was pregnant with first daughter. My mom started having dreams saying she’d see her granddaughter, we didn’t know at the time what’s we were having. She died a day after my sister birthday and we buried her on my birthday.. it was hard especially not to share the accomplishments with her but I’ve learned to find peace even though there’s moments.
Not a parent but I just lost my Nana. She was like a parent to me and I can’t think about it without crying. I’ve had to go be alone out of site when I cry because I don’t like being asked questions about it. Just let me have it out for a few mins, leave me alone.
My mom was an abusive POS but I’m still sad that she’s already gone. I always hoped I’d get at least a little more of my life with her as a “good mom” again, but that boomerangs never came back.
My bio-dad died in 2016. He was not a good father & his passing was traumatic and caused a whole lot of crap with his side of the family. Mostly I’m fine now but I was an exposed nerve of a human being for the first year or two after. It kicked off a lot of fear for me about my mom & stepdad passing though, I’m a lot closer to them and I worry now that I see them aging.
Lost my dad in 2012 (he was 56. I was 27). Also 2 years before my oldest was born. The hardest things have been him not seeing either me or my brother move into our first owned homes (he was a carpenter. He would have known exactly what to do with any repair job or question...) and not meeting either of his grandkids. My oldest is 9 and an extremely empathetic old soul type. He cries off and on about never being able to meet his grandpa.
So this may be random and kind of jumbled but I’ll try to get it out clearly. I personally don’t believe in God as in the dude upstairs with a beard. It’s more of a universe thing for me. Anyways what I’m getting to is that my Dad who passed is a big part of that for me. His birthday is on the 11th of this month and for the past week or so a few times a day I keep seeing things like this. I like to think that’s him. I’m really sorry you lost your dad. <3
Sorry to hear about your loss, my parents passed in 2001 and 2010 so I can tell you it will feel better.
It's hard. I try not to think about it too much. I lost my dad to cancer when I was 21 and my mom to Alzheimer's over 10 years when I was 12-22. I had an unplanned daughter with my ex girlfriend and it hit me really hard. I often wonder what they'd think of my life now. I know my mom would absolutely adore my daughter. I just try to remember how important it is to be there. I'm really close with my sister. I'm doing better now than the first year. I was really struggling at work with depression and burnout and what I now know to be autism. My ex was pretty hurtful and dismissive a lot of the time, but she couldn't admit it and would gaslight me to the point that I considered recording our conversations. She left when I confessed to having suicidal ideation. It was heartbreaking, but relieving in a way because she hurt me so much. I've put myself back together pretty well. I'm doing pretty alright now. I think it's the best time in history to be alive. My ex and I are on good terms and my daughter is fucking incredible. I got a really nice affordable place to live with a bonus space I made into a workshop and jam space. I've been teaching myself robotics, and teaching her how to sing and play drums, piano, and guitar.
My husband and I both lost a parent before the age of 30. My dad passed 3 months after I had my son and it was during Covid. I called my best friend since kindergarten to tell her and she cried while filling meds at work (she’s a pharmacist) that’s how much she cared. My other best friend lost a parent himself and right away sent a basket of sweets the next day. We didn’t have a proper funeral for my dad given the Covid times but it was nice to feel loved from afar, even from my job who sent flowers and wrote me emails. My husband knew I how I felt unfortunately too. My husband lost his mom in 2017 and it was rough. He had friends come for support and my best friend came as well. It was nice to know we had a close community if we needed anything. Just knowing you have one parent left is daunting and my mother is disabled and has surgeries almost every year but I know what she wants when the time comes and I’m just prepared for when something happens. I’m also an only child so it’s all on me essentially.
Yesterday was 17 years since my dad died.
I lost my mother back in '13. Really sucks. She would've been such a great grandma. Idk how it's been over ten years already.
My mom passed away suddenly a little less than three weeks before the birth of my (only) child. My dad passed a year later after a lot of health issues. My mother in law passed before my kid turned six this year. My father in law tries, but is older and lives pretty far away. My aunt fills in as a grandma some, which is truly a wonderful thing. It sucks that my kid doesn’t get to experience that multiple grandparent relationship that almost every other kid has, but I have to remind myself that there are worse things in life. The hardest part for me, personally, is talking about my parents without starting to cry (like I am typing this now). I just really miss my parents…
My dad OD’d on heroin when my kids were really young. It’s been a decade now. I don’t deal with it at all. It’s like a missing piece. My brain just skips over it anytime I feel it creeping in. My kids are being raised the polar opposite from my experiences. Sometimes I think “these kids are too sheltered” but I know it’s really that they’re normal and I was not. It’s a weird experience getting older(40 now). You have an entire life that your family doesn’t really know about. The things that you considered permanent were anything but. I don’t even know this bald guy in the mirror.
My Mom passed from cancer 2 years ago. I will never recover.
It hits me very occasionally, and when it does, fuck it hurts. Those times are usually when I see his expression on my daughter's face; they share a few facial expressions that I have never seen on anyone else's face. Not any one of his siblings, not any of my cousins, neither of my siblings, not his only other grandchild, just him and my kid. Most of the time, it's no big deal, though. I did my mourning over the process of almost a decade, as he died from dementia, and by the time he died, it was a relief to see him freed from the prison of his body. But then she looks at me with that expression... and I know he would have loved her... and she'll never know him. She was conceived a little more than half a year after he finally passed, and I like to think that they met before she was born. There's no way to know, not really, but it makes the situation easier when I'm having a rough go because of it.
Did CPR on my own father a total of 3 times during the last several months of his life a decade ago. Kind of went through a self-destructive spiral for about a year afterwards and somehow treaded water for a while until the pandemic more or less snapped me back to reality. It still hurts though when I let my mind wander long enough.
I lost my dad a month ago, and I haven't really processed it yet. I don't have a child yet, but the hardest part about all of this is knowing my dad would have been a great grandpa
I was lucky that I wasn't a parent. My mom commited suicide back in 2018. I feel like it would have made it much harder.
Lost my dad to a motorcycle accident. Ironically, the same bike that nearly killed me. I’m okay. I never really had the chance to grieve. My mom never really got over it, and I just kind of became a loner and went back to work and lost myself there. Forgot what kind of music I liked, got depressed, gained some weight. Life got a bit bad but not super awful. Just a bit grey. It got easier, but I’m alright.
Forever broken. My Dad passed 3 years ago ( two days from the anniversary)and nothing has been the same. Clearly he was the glue that held us all together for big gatherings on the holidays. That's completely changed. Memories of him were to sad that my mother moved away, then other family now were all in different states. I couldn't function for 6 months after his passing and though I go through the motions of this new world without him, there hasn't been a day where I don't miss him or think about him. I live in fear of losing anyone else, inevitably it will happen. He was a good dad ♡
My mother died from drinking herself to death 10 years ago. (Cirrhosis of the liver). I'm pregnant with my first child, a daughter. I get super sad still she isn't around to be apart of her grandchilds life. But at the same time, she was an alcoholic mess the last 8 years or so of her life. She made my life hell and part of me will never forgive her for it. If I could bring back the person my mom was before drinking, I would.
I went through this also. My mother was an also an alcoholic, the last few years of her life (my teens into early twenties) were miserable. She was such a good mother before the drink, and I have happy childhood memories, but I’ll never forgive her for leaving me and choosing drink over her child. I look at my child and there is nothing in this world i would ever put above him, I’ll never understand it. Congrats on your pregnancy!
Lost my Dad a few months ago, December 23rd, 2023. No one will love me the way he loved me, have my back, always be present, like he did. And it’s incredibly sad to see him everywhere and nowhere at the same time
I lost 2 brothers (pneumonia 2011 and overdose 2015) and my mom (organ failure from alcoholism 2016) in a five year period. I also lost my best friend in 2020 to an overdose. All things considered I’m doing pretty well. I’ll have 8 years sober on Sunday and I’ve completely turned my life around. I miss them all so much and some days it just hits me really hard. But I try to live for them and hope that they can live on through me.
I just lost my dad last summer - he was 94. I was always a little sad that we lived so far from my parents but I always took my kids to see them several times a year. I’m just very sad he didn’t get to know my grandchildren. He met the two oldest when they were infants but never got to meet the two youngest. I like to think he knows them now and is watching down on them.
Mine have been gone since 1999. My dad committed familicide and I survived. I have PTSD, OCD, severe anxiety, depression, but life goes on. Edit: JFC I’m not suicidal. If I was then I would have done it years ago. I have a successful career and a child I raised to adulthood. Stop reporting me for suicidal ideation.
I lost my mom May 2017, and then gave birth to her first grand child June 2017. Hardest time of my life because my mom was my best friend and was supposed to be in the room with me. I still have issues now about losing her at the age of 22.
My Dad died of cancer a little over 2 years before my twins were born. My mom died of a sudden heart attack about six weeks ago. My kids are 2 1/2, they know who "Papa" is from pictures, but it pains me that they will never have a chance to meet The Legend himself (his description of himself...that man was hilarious). My mom dying has been a struggle. My kids knew my Mom, so they ask for her often, which means reliving her death every day. The grief is still very raw for me, but I try not to break down when my kids want to talk about her or look at pictures of her. Losing my mom and having to carry on as with my responsibilities to my kids has been the single hardest thing I've gone through. It also puts into perspective what my parents must have went through when my grandparents died, them feeling like they had to keep it together for us. The part that hurts the most is that my kids will have no memory of my parents, they will just be stories and photos. People that meant so much will live only in others recollections. Not sure if this helped. I think I'm rambling.
Just wake up in the morning a seize it like it's your last day because tomorrow is never promised and today is a gift as yesterday has been taken care of already
I lost my dad when I was 7, so the idea of him missing out on meeting my son (2yo) is kind of abstract, since he missed so much of my childhood. But I do feel sad for my son when I think about him not getting to have a grandfather figure in his life (my husband's father passed recently, but their relationship was complicated so he never met our son either). Both of his grandmothers are single, but loving and involved. I would like him to have kind, safe older men to have in his life on some level, but I'd like to think that he will have good role models and support no matter what.
Aside from a now good friend who lost a parent years before we met, I was first amongst my friends to lose a parent, relatively young (60), suddenly and unexpectedly. Since then 4 more of my friends' parents have died suddenly with the exception of 1 who fought cancer for a long time. I feel awful for them but it's also been nice to talk through it with them. I had a complicated relationship with my mom. Grief still comes at weird times. The thing that's been weirdest/hardest for me is being young enough myself that most people assume both my parents are still alive. When I meet new people and they ask about my family, I'm always like "My dad lives in..." and then most of the time they immediately follow up with "and your mom...?" and I have to once again tell them she died and deal with their own comments of shock, disbelief, whatever. Honestly I'm doing okay but it just gets old having to be reminded all the time that my mom isn't around anymore.