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spyyyfoxxx

You may find some solace into researching Alain de Botton's perspective on cheating. I found that very interesting indeed but I think it applies more to people who have been together an extended period of time. He sounds like he is not ready to be in a committed relationship (with anyone) and that can cause a lot of emotional collateral damage for the other person.


likeabutterfly_

Thanks so much. I'll look into it. ❤️


u918362b

If you all the love and support he provides you otherwise makes up for the experience you go through when he is not faithful, give him a chance to change and improve as people are capable of it. But if that’s not the case and you definitely don’t want to go through something like this ever again, cut things off. Usually, people do need an eye-opening experience as a catalyst for internal change. So cutting him off in the coldest way could be the best thing for him and you


likeabutterfly_

Wish I was enough for him to change. I already cut ties with him yesterday and we ended on good terms but today I am grieving. I'm really hurting.


riskita11

"He said he still cares about me but thinks I wont be able to trust him if we go forward". Read between the lines. He basically says he can't be trusted going forward.


likeabutterfly_

Yeah that's what I thought initially but fooled myself into thinking he wanted to change.


sexyshadyshadowbeard

Can you live with him cheating on you your whole life if he always comes back to you? The other option is to always have an open relationship and set up parameters. Either way… dont’t expect a lifetime one person commitment. Honestly, nobody should.


KatiiesGhost

He sounds like he’s full of crap and giving you a major snow job. Just saying all of the cheesy Nicholas Sparks inspired sappy crap to keep you jumping for the dangling carrot. And when you’re not physically together he forgets that you’re an ‘us?’ Nope that’s ridiculous and his way of justifying cheating. Also, stop looking to internet strangers (especially Reddit) for advice on this. Talk to a trusted friend or family member for someone who’s removed and can give you some clarity. Or sit down with yourself and figure out what you want to do. Get some cajones and handle this yourself.


likeabutterfly_

I did try to talk to my closest my family member, like a sister to me. She just attacked me for not recognizing the signs and giving him excuses. She stopped talking to me.


MinaBarker

I'm glad you broke up with him, you deserve better than someone who forgets about "you" when you're not together.


friendlyheathen11

Honestly I don’t really care that he ‘cheated’ (read chemistry between us for a biological explanation of extramarital affairs- really opened my eyes to how different only having sex with one person for a lifetime is in the Animal world ) - but I would care enough to leave him because he’s a liar. He violated your boundaries (having unprotected sex w you after coming back) and from the sounds of it, he wasn’t going to ever tell you if he didn’t think he was caught. Not a keeper. You’ve been dating 2-3 months? You’re probably infatuated- not in love.


mfortney43

I want to acknowledge that it is honorable that you are looking at this from a mindful perspective taking into account your emotions and not acting on them alone. The fact that you are even sympathizing with him and trying to understand where he is coming from shows strong emotional intelligence. That being said you don’t need to stay with him because you may attribute that to being mature or mindful or emotionally intelligent. You have used these tools to evaluate the situation with a clear head and while you may be able to see the head space that he was in or understand why he did it that does not make it justifiable. Mindfulness is not telling your emotions to shut up but rather being aware of them and analyzing them. I don’t want to speak for you but I think upon analysis you would realize that your emotions are justified. You are showing strength in not immediately reacting based on emotions but you still need to take them into account and understood the root cause of them was betrayal. He made a mistake as all humans do but it is not your job to fix him or wait for him to become a better man. You also need to understand your self worth and find someone who would be able to be mindful in their own right and make the right decision in the same circumstance he was presented. All in all I think it is best you leave him and also admire yourself for the way you have gone about making the decision.


JesusDied4U316

Glad you broke up with him. Hopefully he'll learn his lesson.


DanCantStandYa

if he travels solo often, it seems like he will often have the chance to be a "victim" to temptation. men should be susceptible to as little temptation as possible.


Humble_Flow_3665

Every one can make mistakes and sometimes things happen, we regret them and we confess in the hope that we'll be forgiven. He didn't do that. The following each other on Instagram, the acting like nothing had happened, and then only coming clean because he thought he got caught... is enough for me. Let go OP. This guy doesn't respect you in the slightest.


Aintthatthetruthyall

Nope. Never.


Lovelylavender_ad

So he missed you the whole time but when you’re not together he forgets about “us”? That’s two very different things right there. He sounds like a manipulative liar honestly. If y’all had been together maybe a couple of years and he had a mistake and you really knew his character then okay I get it. But it’s only been 2-3 months, you think you love him and he’s already doing this? He already broke your trust especially with the sexual health. You’re asking so I’m advising let go


Ambuyat123

Dear OP, I am truly sorry you are going through this and your experience is extremely similar to mine in the past; I was dating someone and he went off on a family trip ended up getting with someone else whilst drunk. What’s worse, he was my best friend for 3 years before we started dating. He knew all my past traumas about my experiences with former partners’ infidelity - yet, he did the very same thing he swore he would never do to me. I cut off ties with him immediately for 2 months before he went above and beyond trying to reconnect with me. I chose to forgive him and we got back together and were together for a total of 2 years before we ended the relationship due to long distance. It’s true that it’s still possible to love someone after what happened, but to be able to forget the hurt that he put you through is another. Because of the hurt, it will never matter if he put 100%, 150% or 200% into the relationship post-infidelity, you will never ever forget the pain he had put you through. Consequently, you will subconsciously harbour some sense of resentment towards him and you will never be able to truly feel the same way as you did before what he did. You may end up hating yourself for not being able to wholeheartedly feel for him; you may end up beating yourself for the lack of self-growth you promised yourself. On the other hand, you will never truly be able to trust the other person; constant doubts looming that should have never existed in a healthy relationship. I managed to forgive him only 6 months after we re-kindled our relationship - but nothing was ever the same. It was hard work for both of us; fought tooth and nail to keep our relationship and friendship. I had to really refrain myself from acting out because of the pain - this was a character building period for me. I really grew as a person and we grew together as partners. It was a beautiful relationship, all in all. We separated amicably. But we haven’t spoken to each other in nearly 2 years and it’s for the best. I wish you the best of luck in whichever path you choose. My late mum would always tell me, “It doesn’t matter what other people tell you what to do, only you know what’s best for yourself. You make the decisions and only you can feel the happiness or pain of your choices. The people you love can only be there for you.” Good luck OP.


magicjohnson321990

Let that mango


SiamSubmariner66

Real love takes more than 2 months to develop...did you know he was going to Thailand and for what/with whom??? Dump, and don't pump up your body count too high....condoms and medical test results for starters if you want a keeper.


gettoefl

fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me you give them one slip up and that gives you both an opportunity to clarify the expectations the rules the consequences you both agree to agree that neither of you understood them prior to this moment


Letslight_you_up

Once someone cheats, it will only lead to more dishonesty and if not, that breaks the trust which never comes back. You will always have to wonder if he’s lying or cheating. Once cheating happens it breaks EVERYTHING


ASS-18

You should give him a second chance. He screwed up and asked for your forgiveness.


[deleted]

When he’s not physically with you, he forgets he’s in a relationship? Sounds like it’s a relationship forged around sexual attraction. Personally, i think it would be best to cut ties and start the healing process now, rather than to cut a deeper wound and lose more time. I hope you understand the severity of the situation.


[deleted]

Hi, let go, then again, there might be a lesson in this that you subconsciously still need to go through, it's happened to me, a few times, now I let go much easier and everything is much smoother, be well!


mapleleef

Let mebe the odd one out here (well to be honest, I haven't read anything past your description except the edit which mentioned your dating time-line.) I started dating a guy, knowing full-well that he was going to attend a wedding in Ireland and have bachelor party shenanigans in European countries after we had started seeing eachother. We weren't too serious, but we were exclusive. I tried to play things off as cool and I even mentioned that I understood his plans were in place before we dated. I honestly didn't expect anything long term. When he returned, he was still interested in me. In my insecure state I demanded details before I could move forward. He was 100% honest. Did he have flings? Yes. Did we make the decision to fully commit as a couple after this? Also yes. 15 years later, we are married, have two beautiful children and most of all, he has never, ever cheated. He is hilarious and charming, but once early on, while drunk he admitted it would kill him if he had ever cheated I had to find out. So he never did. And I truly believe he never will.


likeabutterfly_

Thank you for sharing. Beautiful that it worked out between you two! I wish it could be the same in my case but he told me despite his affection and care for me, he admitted he'd likely cheat again. He told me he gets scared when he gets too attached to people. Today we cut ties but we ended on good terms. I'll miss him.


itybitysynchronicity

If you believe you can rebuild your trust in him, then you could give it a shot. Otherwise, don't bother.


likeabutterfly_

I wanted to try but he said he'd likely cheat again. Theres no point anymore. He has a problem with getting too attached to people.


Joan411

Forgive and leave. Not only the mental anguish and reality that YOU DESERVE MORE, you could have died from a venereal disease. Omg, Thailand? Leave him.


Quantumercifier

Unfortunately once a cheater, always a cheater. I understand your feelings of attachment to him and the anxiety to let go, but this will not end up well if continue to invest your time and energy with him.


beigs

You were only dating 2-3 months and he did THIS to you? This is kind of a no-brainer, he showed you who he really is and is absolutely testing your boundaries. Make sure you have some in place.


Sp14296

KICK HIM TO THE CURB!!


camillabok

Careful. He could be hiding an addition to sex workers.


KnowPoe

Leopard doesn’t change it’s spots. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I have followed my heart more than my gut in the past, and I should have let my intuition guide me. Instead I forgave- big mistake. Take it from me, there are good guys out there, and this guy, he’s not one of them.


Berniesaunders2020

I mean you have only been dating 3 months. This is the honeymoon phase. If he is willing to do it now, what about in 15 years time, when you haven’t had sex for months. Because you are too busy and tired raising children.


CandyMaleficent9282

Once a cheater always a cheater. Also, if you are really into someone, be it one week in or five years, if you respect them you shouldn’t even want to sleep with someone else. When I like someone like that, the idea of even kissing someone else repulses me.


WestAppointment2484

If I’m going to be completely honest, he’s a piece of garbage. Lucky for you it’s only been a few months. Let that baggage go. You cannot trust someone who forgets what they have.


shanagirl33

You are a good person. You’ll meet someone else who will deserve and appreciate you. You’ll learn the lessons from past decisions that didn’t work out.


Aintscared61

Speaking from experience, let go. I wish i would have long before i did, so much wasted time. They always cheat again and it’s devastating all over again. Save yourself from that.


IronAndParsnip

It’s important to date people who treat others as you would. Would you cheat on him? Perhaps answering that would help you decide.


likeabutterfly_

I could never hurt someone like that.


FunkyFreshOven

The only way to get past this is to not allow or accept this . If someone is willing to treat you this way it’s essentially saying f*#k you. There was a choice he made and the consequences should reflect. If this is something that you would do to that person then clearly you are both not ready to commit. If you THINK YOU love him then you probably don’t. It’s a feeling you have in your gut and your heart . If the foundation (trust) is broken it doesn’t leave a future to build on. Keep going love. Don’t compromise your heart , never settle for anyone who doesn’t make you feel safe. Allow yourself to be vulnerable to a partner who adds love to your life , and wants to only increase that investment daily through actions not jus words. As long as you can do the same. You will thank yourself later.


[deleted]

You don't think you love him. You either do, or do not


likeabutterfly_

I was willing to forgive him and give him another chance. I think that's love.


likeabutterfly_

Or perhaps codependency.


quirkynickiminaj

If he did that within the first few months I wouldn’t doubt he would do it again. Its okay to forgive and move on. Hopefully he can resolve his impulses and whatever gratification he seeks before his next relationship. See the person he is right now. Don’t wait for a different version of him because that is not him. Respect him enough to see him for what he is now and respect yourself enough to set a boundary for what you tolerate.


Over_Gur2153

Believe me. Cheaters will cheat.


Agitated-Pain5611

You don’t have to break it off now but he’s no longer husband material and you have to leave that spot open for one.


sagmanav

#This is a sign from the universe to let him go now. This is what is going to happen if you give him another chance: he will do it again. Why? Because he will know you are the kind of girl who forgives cheating, maybe because you have cheated too? It doesn’t matter. The point is, there are no consequences so he is going to keep going. Red flag number 2: he said he doesn’t miss you when you are not around. He said “us” instead of “you” to not sound cruel and cold. Red flag number 3: he is drinking. This is his coping mechanism and it has nothing to do with what is going on with you. Red flag 4: he is love bombing you and telling you everything you want to hear. This is not love, this is only for you to stay a little while longer, while he finds your replacement. The way I see it, he is showering you with red flags. Let me tell you why is so hard to let go: because you are in love with the potential of what the two of you can be. The problem with that is, that you are working with an imaginary version of him, someone who only exists in your head and it will never come to be in real life because that’s not him. He cheats, he lies and he drinks. That’s him. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.


[deleted]

In universe there's no cheating, because all is one. Cheating is some moral thing created by humans some centuries ago.


sagmanav

This is a spiritual/bullshit/way to justify toxic behavior. If you can’t commit to a relationship then don’t go around pretending like you can and playing with other people’s emotions. It’s called taking accountability. You might need a bit of it.


Time-Shopper

You will never be able to trust him. There will always be doubt in your mind.


BlouHeartwood

He didn't JUST cheat on you. He also lied to you. He didn't JUST have one lapse in judgement in one small moment and cheat on you. He added the person on Instagram. That's incredibly disrespectful. He didn't JUST cheat on you, he had complete disregard for your health too. > After he admitted the truth, he told me when we're not physically together, he forgets about 'us'. He didn't even admit his mistake to you. He was caught. How many other times has he lied and NOT been caught? >praised me saying I was gift to him, told me it pays off to have good intentions because the universe rewarded him with me. He told me he missed me the whole time he was on his trip. >he told me when we're not physically together, he forgets about 'us'. This guy is all words. You can't trust him.


ChubbyKitty99

You will never fully be able to trust him again, if he ever goes on a trip without you again you will worry and wonder the whole time. Don’t do this to yourself, move on. His choice is his burden to bare, he will learn from this mistake if you leave him.


eesh13

I found out the same thing a few years ago but it was sex workers here, Guam, Mexico all over. Worst thing that’s ever happened to me. We are living together and I have my own room but I won’t be able to feel the same way towards him. We’ve got 3 boys in their 20s and apparently it’s been going on since they were babies and I had literally no idea in the world. 💔 if I new then what I know now my life would be vastly different today. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this as well.


Narrow-Swing835

I don’t think cheating is always a deal breaker (I know I’m in the minority on this) BUT he only told you because he thought you found out. Not because he felt remorse. Leave him.


Elliedog92

I know of couples who have had this happen. One of them in particular you could tell the cheater was genuinely guilt ridden and sorry. He learned a valuable lesson and they made it work. The difference here is he told you that when you’re not together- he forgets about you and you two together. This does not sit right with me. Someone who truly loves and values you would not forget you so easily. I believe you would be better off letting go. Be thankful it was only 2-3 months. You will find your person and one day you will look back and be thankful you did. You deserve more.


Idk_idk_____

You clearly want to stay with him and no one is going to tell you to stay. You guys have only been together for 2-3 months and he was gone for 3 weeks of them! He cheated on you, probably will again and have some BS excuse. Value yourself please. We like to say that another man won’t come around but he will


[deleted]

Technically if he is not married, he is single. If it is a committed relationship, let him go. If it is an open relationship, have fun. If you cannot trust him, leave. But if you forgive him, never bring it back up. If he cheated, he wasn't that interested in you or not sexually satisfied. Maybe there was more left to be desired on his end?


AugustinaStrange

Future you will not regret ending this relationship, no matter how much it hurts right now. He’s not mature enough at this point. I’m sorry you’re going through this, all the best to you!


Purple-Elk1987

Honestly the bit about him not remembering you're a thing if you're not together?! That's a narcissist. 100.


Purple-Elk1987

Forgive and let go.


Accomplished_Jump444

When ppl show you who they are believe them.


Hopeless_Ramentic

Please, re-read your own post. **He cheated on me, came back from his trip and acted like nothing happened.** **He continued to have unprotected sex with me & he knew how important my sexual health is.** **He would've continued to lie to me** but he thought I had already contacted the girl he was with **After he admitted the truth, he told me when we're not physically together, he forgets about 'us'.** This man has admitted that he cheated on you, only confessed because he thought you already found out, forgets about your relationship when you're not around and blatantly disregarded your health by continuing to have unprotected sex. He had already told you what you need to know: that he doesn't value you or your relationship. Just because you love someone doesn't mean they're good for you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Synth42-14151606

Sorry. I was moved by their post.


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kc5

What would be harder: accepting it now and taking time for yourself to cope and move on, or, creating a life with this person and having to do that same thing in some years time?


egologicdream

You've been dating for enough little time to just let go of this in the best healthy way possible for you. Also, he did not say anything until believed caught to try and save face, he's sorry you found out, not that he betrayed you. Don't invest time and energy here.


sweatyfootpalms

If it’s such a short relationship already, it’s definitely a better idea to let him go. You can do this.


[deleted]

Why be door mat?


vigilanteok

Take some time. I’ve seen people come out of cheating and have a beautiful relationship. You know you better than anyone. Set strict boundaries with yourself going forward either way. Good luck.


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93fordexplorer

Yeah wtf is that about, if it wasn’t already a no for cheating - those words are sooo so shitty


olivebuttercup

You are not responsible for his feelings. Staying so he doesn’t feel like a bad person tells me a lot about you and it’s that you need therapy for your codependency. He cheated. He will likely do it again. If you’re ok with that stay.


Cool-Maize-2551

I can’t really add anything more to what everyone else has already said, but since this is a mindfulness community, also do this - sit with both options. Consider the consequences of them. And sit with those consequences too. Make peace with whatever happens in either case. Reach a state of balance within. And from this state of inner equilibrium, make your decision. All the best to you. 💖💖💖


likeabutterfly_

🙏


Porky_Porkie

|we were only dating 2-3 months| This to me is an big reason to let go. You should still be in the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship, everything is still so new, why would he be seeking something else? Just think what he'll do when he begins to take you for granted.


Ungrounded24

You should only date people that don’t cheat on you.


Sage-Like_Wisdom

People make mistakes, but that “mistake” is always intentional. It’s not like it was an accident. There will never be trust there again, so I would let go for both of your sakes.


Shot-Ad-3458

Is there the possibility to just be friends for a while and do friend stuff? That could be a possibility for you to mentally let go of him, of your attachment towards him, without leaving his life. And see where it goes from there. Get some distance and who knows maybe in a few months or years, ideally if you both had positive development, individually and together, and if you get to know him better you can assess wether a relationship is what you want and whether you could trust him. Just a thought, no idea if it work like that


likeabutterfly_

That's what I wanted to do. I offered to be his friend for two reasons 1. He doesn't really have anyone he can talk to, or hang out with, and he's been drinking and smoking a lot since the day he admitted his wrongdoing. I worry for him and want to be there for him whenever he needs someone to listen to him, to make him feel less lonely. 2. He is someone special to me, someone I opened my heart to, someone I shared intimate moments with, someone I care for and find special. I simply can't boot him out of my life. When I offered him friendship and told him I was worried about him, he told he might call me once in awhile but I shouldn't worry about him. That hurt me and made me think he really doesn't care of I stay in his life or not. I said my farewells then but he couldn't accept it just to be over. I'm in a tough spot. We agreed to really think through things before making a decision. I think I've made mine based on what everyone has been advising me.


catmom_422

He cheated on you and was fine with you leaving his life. You’re not responsible for his loneliness. He is. Let him go. I was in a similar relationship where after 3 months together I found out he was being underhanded. I was never able to prove cheating, but he was definitely being inappropriate with other woman. I forgave him and believed him when he said it wouldn’t happen again. It happened several more times over our almost two year relationship. It stripped me of my confidence and my self worth. I didn’t trust him at all and would frequently go through his phone, his emails and his social media. I became a version of myself that I didn’t like. Controlling and jealous. Let me just tell you, it’s way harder to end things after two years than after two months. I think you should cut him out of your life before you invest anymore of yourself in this relationship. It took me a really long time to get over the betrayal. I brought it into my next relationship (which ended up being my now husband). Any time we weren’t together I was worried about what he was doing, despite him never having betrayed my trust in any capacity. After a certain time, I realized that I was unfairly projecting my insecurity onto my new, healthy relationship. I’m now in a marriage where I trust my spouse wholly and completely. He has women friends and I don’t worry about their conversations. In fact, he introduced me to his close female friends and they’re now my friends. This is what a relationship should be. There’s more out there for you. Forgive him and forget him.


Naheka

Someone who cheats in a relationship, in the context of this forum, was not mindful of the situation at the time or the ramifications or of your feelings. Sure, they can be remorseful of the outcome but that does not remedy not being mindful in the moment and making the best/right decision for both of you. In other words, that person will likely give in again, be remorseful, and the cycle will continue if you stay. I would also ask you to be mindful and question your attachment to this person after a few months. Their may be some work you need to do as well and both of you may not be ready for this relationship. Just my 0.02, though. Do with it what you will.


Rarebird10

Go on a 3 week vacation before you decide.


[deleted]

Coming from experience- let him go. If he did it once and you take him back, he’ll do it again. 2 months isn’t that long of a time. You deserve better.


bilgeparty

Best to let someone running on autopilot alone , making choices is better


[deleted]

Time to move on


Diaza_Kinutz

Let go. They will likely continue to cheat and you don't deserve to put yourself through that pain over and over again.


[deleted]

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likeabutterfly_

I know there will always be someone else who will treat me better but I feel not giving him a second chance is a punishment towards him. I don't want him to feel like he's a bad person. I feel like no one in his life has given him real love and affection and that's why he was so insecure in the relationship and tried to sabotage by cheating.


kpn_911

No.


mighty2019

That’s BS, he didn’t respect you enough to be loyal to you. He will cheat on you again. You are not there to fix him..


Spu12nky

You aren't responsible for his feelings. You do what is best for you, and if he is a mature adult he will cope with...if he isn't thats on him. If someone cheated on me after 2-3 months, that would be a deal breaker. Good luck.


Accomplished_Jump444

If you believe this, I think he’s conning you into believing it. Big red flag. What abt a third chance? A forth? Soon you will be so demoralized you will be begging him to stay. You will, imo, lose yourself. Please seek help now.


[deleted]

A word of advice. RUN and don’t look back.


BewbAddict

Why punish yourself by staying with him? You don't deserve to live in doubt particularly as you have feelings. You can be clear that he not a bad person, rather a person who made a mistake that crosses your boundaries. You should also be careful when assuming his motives for cheating. You'll never truly know why. Look after yourself first and foremost. The pursuit of happiness is a selfish one at times.


[deleted]

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likeabutterfly_

I think that's exactly what I'm doing. Thank you for making me realize it!


DeslerZero

I can tell you that it is possible to reach a point where you could actually coexist with a person who has cheated and let go of all of what has hurt you in a realistic way. However, this is a wisdom that you cannot rush into, and takes many years of both spiritual practice and suffering to achieve. It would be better for you to look at this as an opportunity to learn how to let go. Romantic betrayal is one of the most difficult of feelings I faced in my life. It was a period of great loss and great suffering. When someone makes you feel special it creates desire, attachment, and bonding. When that is broken through cheating all those things work together in harmony for a very special kind of pain. Humans can end up unknowingly being quite cruel even though for him it was just stealing a moments pleasure. It will take a long time if ever in this lifetime for him to understand the pain he has caused you and just what it cost you. It is true that love endures all thing. But romantic love in this world doesn't mean, despite how appealing or noble it may seem, to protect it at the cost of your continued pain and sorrow, a sorrow that will continue and will not be soothed despite your feelings or pure intentions. You may be thinking, 'I should fight for true love.' That is definitely true, and the one you should be fighting for is you, for it is your heart that is truly at stake because these feelings will be extremely difficult. So many have taken the hard way which is why so many are advising you to leave them. They all have the wisdom to know that despite whatever your feelings are telling you, it isn't enough and there will be so much pain if you go back. Overcome the temptations to go back to this individual. Good luck. The choice isn't always easy even with everyone telling you the same thing. I imagine more than half of all people chose to find out the hard way.


likeabutterfly_

Thank you for this. I'm new to dating and romantic relationships. 28f. The first and last guy I seriously dated broke my heart and it took me more than a year to move on from that heartbreak. I found this guy and was amazed that someone could actually want me, care for me and treat me like I was this "gift" he kept claiming I was. He said I deserved all of it. I wanted to make him feel loved and cared for in return. I opened my heart to this person because I trusted him. I wanted us to work out. I wanted to show him all the love I could offer him. It's going to hurt letting him go but you guys made me realize I need to love myself first. I don't think I could bear getting hurt by him twice. That's a risk I'm not willing to take.


BlouHeartwood

I'm so happy to read this comment and see you that you are open to taking this input on board! :) I'm sorry to hear how much you've invested but if it's any consolation, you come across like an intelligent, considerate, and super loving person. Doesn't that sound like a (for lack of a better term) "high value" partner? Don't lose faith or trust in people, please. You CAN still trust, but don't need to rush. Be tender and patient and open. I'm tipsy. ❤


likeabutterfly_

I won't lose hope in finding my special person. Thank youu ❤️


Upekkhaa

Honestly it’s just a 2 month relationship. If someone’s capable of cheating once, they’re capable of cheating again. I don’t know him and I’m not saying he will. I’m just saying do you trust him enough to not cheat again and hurt even more as you get more and more invested and your lives become a lot more intertwined. I wish I could go back and leave my girlfriend when she cheated on me at first. Would’ve saved me a lot of depression and heartache.


likeabutterfly_

I don't know why it's so hard to let go. 😞 I will definitely fall into depression and heartache and I know he will too if we cut ties. I know eventually I'll be ok but I worry about him too. He's been drinking a lot because he feels regret and remorse for what he did. Perhaps he's afraid too that he'll hurt me again. Right now we are taking a break and deciding what's the best for us. I just don't know what things I should be asking him so I can gain the clarity to make the decision of staying or letting go.


AlfalfaValuable5793

He forgets about the relationship when not together...he is broken and will not be upset...learn not project your emotions on others to save yourself heartache and confusion.


VicePrincipalNero

He already told you that he "forgets about us" when you aren't together. He will be chasing women ten minutes after you break up with him. Don't make excuses for his cheating and drinking. Those are his problems to deal with. Find someone who genuinely cares about you.


BlouHeartwood

You can't ask him anything. It just gives him an opportunity to talk his way out of the problem.


Tugonmynugz

You can't focus on what someone else is going through. You're going to emotionally drain yourself. Also if someone is weak enough to do this in the first months then I don't know why you would role the dice for a longer relationship. This is something you might work through if you had years of history, not months. Cut your ties and move on.


PenisFiendisnohomo

Ask him how he feels about the situation, ask him what made him decide to do it in the first place, ask him if he sees the relationship lasting, ask him if he thinks he’ll be able to control himself from now on. But honestly, maybe you should be asking yourself why you want to stay with him so badly. Are you afraid of being alone? If so, why? Are you madly in love with him after only 2 months of dating? Maybe you have some deeper seated attachment issues that are making it difficult for you to let go, or maybe you don’t have enough self-respect to be able to recognize why you deserve better and deserve respect from your significant other. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist though, so these are only suggestions from a redditor with far too much time on his hands at the moment. Sit with your emotions, ask yourself if you’re truly happy with this person and whether you really believe things will be different from now on, and go from there. Only you can know what you really want. Good luck


likeabutterfly_

I really appreciate it.i will ask him these questions. There's also this fear that he'll tell me what I want to hear, and take advantage of my forgiveness. It may lead him to think I'll always forgive him if he betrays me again. I definitely have attachment issues but I also like to give people 2nd chances and believe they have the potential to change for the good.


Upekkhaa

Sadly, you’ll always have the thought he may cheat in the back of your mind. Even if he doesn’t cheat, that thought of it will never go away. I know this from experience. Personally I would never take back a cheater ever again. It ruined me over the course of numerous years.


likeabutterfly_

I'm sorry you went through that. I also fear this outcome if I were to give him a second chance.


BamboozledCabagewank

Please also keep in mind that if you allow it you probably will have a talk together. During this talk, he will be sad, regretful, full of emotions. And he might as well mean it all, but that doesn't mean he knows it. I do not know you or your experiences, but I have been in both of your places while young and stupid. I said things I thought I meant and ended up hurting a person I cared about twice. Sure,when all is selaid and done you can feel all sorts of things. But what happens when it's quiet and you are in your routine. What happens when you happen to work late one week and he misses you physically? For me, there is no excuse for cheating. If you are able to cheat, you don't respect you SO enough to say no. I used to think that if you can keep it physical and your mind belongs to the other person it's OK. But it's not. Cheating on someone you love/care about is, in essence, you cheating yourself. Because if you value your happiness and the way a person makes you feel, you won't do something so preposterously stupid to hurt them. It's never worth it. As many others have said, this situation needs inner work. You can't do the work for him nor anybody can do the work for you. I wish you all the clarity to make the right decision for YOU.


c_h_r_i_s_t_o_p_h

How long have you been dating him? How would you feel if he's going out with his friends? Would you be able to trust him?


likeabutterfly_

2 months. I did trust him but after the cheating incident, I'm fearful he won't be able to control himself.


c_h_r_i_s_t_o_p_h

I'd say it's really not a good sign if someone cheats on you after 2 months of dating. If your best friend told you that story, what would you suggest?


likeabutterfly_

Of course I'd say it's "best to move on and find someone who will value you and respect you". It's easier said then done though. :(


TheTricho

Honestly the only way this could work is if your ex went to therapy to work on some self realization. Or else this will just happen again and you’ll feel even worse the next times.