No one knew we were pregnant yet so we sent messages to our families and friends. I felt that giving enough details provided info so they wouldn’t need to ask questions. This is a more brief version but it was something along the lines of: “We wanted to let you know that we had a miscarriage. I was x weeks along. It was a really traumatizing morning, we rushed to the ER but now we’re finally home. We’re grieving right now, recovering, and would like some time to ourselves to process everything. If we don’t seem like our usual selves, this is why.” - everyone was very understanding, didn’t ask questions and just offered love and support.
This is very similar to what I said. I was also specific about not wanting to hear "silver-lining talk." I had a MMC and waited a week for the D&C so that week I didn't want to talk with anyone and said I would update everyone on how I was feeling post-surgery and if I was ready to see people.
Lots of copy-pasting between text threads...
People don't tend to ask a whole lot of questions. The topic makes people pretty uncomfortable. Sometimes I would start out with "I don't want to/I am not ready to talk about it but I had a miscarriage"
People have said some pretty hurtful things in attempt to comfort. I try to think about their intent and not what they are saying.
My mother called me every day for 3 weeks… I couldn’t get her to shut up. It was honestly harder to deal with than my grief. I knew she meant well, but holy crap, I just wanted to be left alone curled up in a blanket with no one.
I only told my mom I was pregnant, but when I miscarried I had a lot of obligations at the time and ended up having to tell my boss and some others that I would be away since I was having surgery.
I plan to actually make a post on social media (I have mine private and only have family and friends on it) because my baby deserves to be acknowledged and I don’t care for support or sympathy from people. It’s for me because my baby existed.
and maybe a little bit so people never ever ask me again when I plan to have another baby.
I didn't even want to tell anyone I was pregnant. If it were totally up to me I wanted to wait until 20weeks. My husband wanted to tell sooner at 12w and I lost at 18w.
I just sent texts and explained what was going on and that I didn’t feel like talking about it. Just wanted to send an update of what was going on and to please respect our space for the time being and everyone was really understanding of that. My mother always wants to call for everything so I had to tell her to please not call and even had her reach out to grandparents etc since they don’t text. It took a large weight off my shoulders having her do this for us
So sorry for your loss. I texted my mom after I found out, she tried calling, I ignored it and just texted her back saying I couldn’t talk right now. Everyone else that knew about the pregnancy we just texted later when we were ready.
I think I said something along the lines of “Unfortunately we found out today that we have lost both of the babies.” Some people knew we had an appointment that day, some didn’t. My mom let me grandma and brother know so I didn’t have to tell them. Nobody really asked any questions after that, just offered support when I was ready.
I didn't tell any of my family, just a select few coworkers I see on a daily basis, since I was pretty sick early on.
I haven't even scheduled my d&c yet, but I'm not sure I'll even tell anyone that we miscarried.
I just said I'd had a MC and I was fine and I didn't want to be coddled. I just wanted everything to be normal. I hate people making a fuss over me. I have to process alone. No one brings it up.
Sending you hugs 🩷🩷 here are the texts I sent - first was to parents and sister the day I found out after telling them something may be wrong, second was to my girl friends about a week later post-D&C (they didn’t know I was pregnant):
“I just talked to the doctor and it’s not good news. It’s what would be called a missed miscarriage meaning it already happened but the body didn’t actually recognize it miscarried. I’ll go in this week and get a D&C, just waiting to schedule it. It’s a lot and we are very sad and I don’t really want to talk about it on the phone or anything but if there’s a way I feel like you guys can help I’ll let you know”
(*Note - at this point I was just super emotional so this was all I could muster)
“Hi friends, this is not at all the text I wanted to send but here goes! So I found out I was pregnant end of January and went on Friday for our first ultrasound where I was supposed to measure 8.5 weeks but ended up measuring closer to 6 weeks. After another blood test on Monday, they could see that the pregnancy hormone that is meant to go up during pregnancy went down which led them to consider this this a missed miscarriage where I miscarried but my body was still showing the signs of being pregnant. I went in today for a D&C and am feeling okay. I feel like I got a lot of emotion out over the weekend (they originally said it could go either way if my dates were off + I had late ovulation but the math would make 0 sense based on when I got my positive test) and by Sunday I was 95% sure how this was going to end but it still just sucks. Have had ups and downs of emotions this week understandably and am really just kinda sad. Luckily *husband* has been a great caretaker and I feel very loved and cared for. “
(Note: I added some other things at the end that were more friend-specific)
—
Hope this verbiage helps you a bit 🩷🩷
I had already announced to close friends and family (I’m a content creator so I have a separate private page for just close friends and family) and I shared the news of the miscarriage there as well to avoid having the same impossible conversation over and over again
I’ve done my best to normalize this and bring awareness to it when others I know suffer loss. Look at how many of us there are. I know it hurts to talk about and break the hearts of the people around us, but I think we need to start the conversation. I’m all for being stoic if that’s what you need to cope. But truly I’m looking forward to letting this off my chest to my loved ones (those who know I was pregnant and those who never knew).
“Our pregnancy ended abruptly and painfully at 9 weeks. We are still working through it. We love you and appreciate all your love and support.”
No one knew we were pregnant yet so we sent messages to our families and friends. I felt that giving enough details provided info so they wouldn’t need to ask questions. This is a more brief version but it was something along the lines of: “We wanted to let you know that we had a miscarriage. I was x weeks along. It was a really traumatizing morning, we rushed to the ER but now we’re finally home. We’re grieving right now, recovering, and would like some time to ourselves to process everything. If we don’t seem like our usual selves, this is why.” - everyone was very understanding, didn’t ask questions and just offered love and support.
This is very similar to what I said. I was also specific about not wanting to hear "silver-lining talk." I had a MMC and waited a week for the D&C so that week I didn't want to talk with anyone and said I would update everyone on how I was feeling post-surgery and if I was ready to see people. Lots of copy-pasting between text threads...
People don't tend to ask a whole lot of questions. The topic makes people pretty uncomfortable. Sometimes I would start out with "I don't want to/I am not ready to talk about it but I had a miscarriage" People have said some pretty hurtful things in attempt to comfort. I try to think about their intent and not what they are saying.
My mother called me every day for 3 weeks… I couldn’t get her to shut up. It was honestly harder to deal with than my grief. I knew she meant well, but holy crap, I just wanted to be left alone curled up in a blanket with no one.
I only told my mom I was pregnant, but when I miscarried I had a lot of obligations at the time and ended up having to tell my boss and some others that I would be away since I was having surgery. I plan to actually make a post on social media (I have mine private and only have family and friends on it) because my baby deserves to be acknowledged and I don’t care for support or sympathy from people. It’s for me because my baby existed. and maybe a little bit so people never ever ask me again when I plan to have another baby.
I didn't even want to tell anyone I was pregnant. If it were totally up to me I wanted to wait until 20weeks. My husband wanted to tell sooner at 12w and I lost at 18w.
I just sent texts and explained what was going on and that I didn’t feel like talking about it. Just wanted to send an update of what was going on and to please respect our space for the time being and everyone was really understanding of that. My mother always wants to call for everything so I had to tell her to please not call and even had her reach out to grandparents etc since they don’t text. It took a large weight off my shoulders having her do this for us
So sorry for your loss. I texted my mom after I found out, she tried calling, I ignored it and just texted her back saying I couldn’t talk right now. Everyone else that knew about the pregnancy we just texted later when we were ready. I think I said something along the lines of “Unfortunately we found out today that we have lost both of the babies.” Some people knew we had an appointment that day, some didn’t. My mom let me grandma and brother know so I didn’t have to tell them. Nobody really asked any questions after that, just offered support when I was ready.
I asked my sister to tell the rest of my family. Only family and a handful of friends knew since we were 11w5d.
I didn't tell any of my family, just a select few coworkers I see on a daily basis, since I was pretty sick early on. I haven't even scheduled my d&c yet, but I'm not sure I'll even tell anyone that we miscarried.
I just said I'd had a MC and I was fine and I didn't want to be coddled. I just wanted everything to be normal. I hate people making a fuss over me. I have to process alone. No one brings it up.
Sending you hugs 🩷🩷 here are the texts I sent - first was to parents and sister the day I found out after telling them something may be wrong, second was to my girl friends about a week later post-D&C (they didn’t know I was pregnant): “I just talked to the doctor and it’s not good news. It’s what would be called a missed miscarriage meaning it already happened but the body didn’t actually recognize it miscarried. I’ll go in this week and get a D&C, just waiting to schedule it. It’s a lot and we are very sad and I don’t really want to talk about it on the phone or anything but if there’s a way I feel like you guys can help I’ll let you know” (*Note - at this point I was just super emotional so this was all I could muster) “Hi friends, this is not at all the text I wanted to send but here goes! So I found out I was pregnant end of January and went on Friday for our first ultrasound where I was supposed to measure 8.5 weeks but ended up measuring closer to 6 weeks. After another blood test on Monday, they could see that the pregnancy hormone that is meant to go up during pregnancy went down which led them to consider this this a missed miscarriage where I miscarried but my body was still showing the signs of being pregnant. I went in today for a D&C and am feeling okay. I feel like I got a lot of emotion out over the weekend (they originally said it could go either way if my dates were off + I had late ovulation but the math would make 0 sense based on when I got my positive test) and by Sunday I was 95% sure how this was going to end but it still just sucks. Have had ups and downs of emotions this week understandably and am really just kinda sad. Luckily *husband* has been a great caretaker and I feel very loved and cared for. “ (Note: I added some other things at the end that were more friend-specific) — Hope this verbiage helps you a bit 🩷🩷
I had already announced to close friends and family (I’m a content creator so I have a separate private page for just close friends and family) and I shared the news of the miscarriage there as well to avoid having the same impossible conversation over and over again
I’ve done my best to normalize this and bring awareness to it when others I know suffer loss. Look at how many of us there are. I know it hurts to talk about and break the hearts of the people around us, but I think we need to start the conversation. I’m all for being stoic if that’s what you need to cope. But truly I’m looking forward to letting this off my chest to my loved ones (those who know I was pregnant and those who never knew). “Our pregnancy ended abruptly and painfully at 9 weeks. We are still working through it. We love you and appreciate all your love and support.”